#I want to do something like many other content creators with the thing written big that is a link to the post where you find the stuff

[viky2318]

It is I, the usual trash seller! here to sell you my trash after WAY TOO MUCH TIME. Enjoy this third to last chapter (I think).

Whatever was going on, it was becoming all but what Sam imagined. They planned that game for months, making sure everything was in place. They thought about every possibility they could imagine, every action, every sentence, making sure that no matter what they would get to that one ending they choose. And yet… there they were. Grillby was out of the way after becoming an important member of the group, but Sam couldn't expect him either to be important for them as well and to die, especially in such a dramatic way; Maddy wanted them dead, but she also had the old man and Flowey by her side; Raehel was probably going to show up; Muffet was at the super cool important choice, but the stake was way higher than what Sam previously thought; Template died too soon in the story, and the human had to cut a whole part with other out-codes because of it and also because of the "meeting" Muffet had with the old man; Sam knew a lot of new things about themselves and their abilities; Fresh got in the way twice and made the trust-to-hate process, as they liked to call it, more quick. Sam had no idea of where this was going and, they had to admit it, it was exciting. It felt like playing directly with the creator, being at its same level, making it scared of their actions and in need to actually intervene. A stupid thought since the creator itself was the one to make them act, but they didn’t give too much weight to that detail. The human closed the editor screen of the little monster soul they were messing around with, then placed the latter back in the glass cylinder next to the other. Sam wanted Muffet (now alone in an isolated part of the Void they were in before) to make the choice they wanted, no matter what. They didn’t have another option. Grillby’s soul shattered when he died (something they didn’t expect even if they should have), so he had no way to bring the Grillby they knew back. They could only take the Grillby from that timeline out a half second before it disappears, and then bring him back to his timeline so that it would be as if they “brought him back and erased his memories”. Of course that new Grillby would be a little different from the original one because the two had two different lives, so with time it would become obvious that it wasn’t the truth, but our human didn’t care. 

“Soooooo… still messing around? Dontcha think you got enough reasons to just let them be for a little bit?”.

Of course, the guy had to show up again. The human gave Fresh an irked glare, before replying: “I know what I’m doing. I know the consequences of my actions, their effect on the multiverse, and most importantly, I know you shouldn’t be here”. The skeleton shrugged, his glasses switching to “IK&IDC”. “Ya should know by now I really don’t follow the rules. I tho don’t kill a buncha fellows just to feel cool”, he commented. Sam didn’t speak for a couple more seconds, before huffing in annoyance. “Get to the point and then go away. I’m not in the mood to deal with you”. Fresh took a few steps closer, his chilled smile not leaving his skeletal face. “I think I got to the point more than a few times, pal. What you’re doing is real unrad, and you should stop trying to be what you aren’t. Chill out! No one’s gonna judge ya if you aren’t some sorta godlike being, you know?”. The human raised a brow. “Who wants to be a god? Gods as we know them are as weak as us mortals compared to the creators. I want to have my little story, my small contribution to this wide multiverse. Once I finish, you’ll never hear about me again. Maybe a few times for something silly, but nothing as nice as this”. The skeleton just shrugged. “Eh, I doubt it. Yer mess is an itty bitty too big to just pass without consequences, yanno? After all, you killed around a half hundred fellas and still you got nowhere. The good old G wouldn’t really be happy to see what you did and-”. “Do you think I care about the opinion of an old man like him?” Sam cut him. “Did I end the lives of hundreds? Yeah. Did I lie, make others suffer, destroy families just to have fun? More or less, yes. Do I look like I care? Creators do it every time with us, everyday, every single time they write down our destiny, or paint it, or code it, or whatever they do to please their hunger of pain. I have no idea of what goes through their mind, but surely I am having enough fun creating my own story in the same way they do”. Fresh tilted their head a little, his glasses changing to “CHILL BRO”. “Yeah, got it. You’re just constantly slamming your head onto a wall. The thing’s always the same. Ya can’t keep doing that. It won’t end well for you if ya keep up this “game”, yanno? I think people are kinda getting tired of this messy thingie yer doing”. The human silently nodded, but they actually didn’t give too much weight to the skeleton’s words. “... so you’re planning to actually do something about it or just give me a scold and leave?” they quietly asked while thinking about a way to make him go away. Fresh shortly replied: “But I already did, my lil’ brotato chip. I already did. I’m just having fun hanging around for another little while”. Alright, that definitely meant there was no way to make him leave. And Sam had to wait for another while before Maddy and Muffet’s arrival. They decided to try to ignore the skeleton, and opened a small portal to take a look at how things were going.

Muffet took a deep breath as she sat down on the black floor of the Void, more thoughtful than she had ever been. She was in a truly bad position. She hated making big choices. She always did. Big choices often meant big changes, big limits, consequences damaging either her or others and a lot of possibilities getting cut off. She had enough of all that stuff when she was head of her clan. She either assured her friends a hopefully happy life and ended the ones of others, or… or what? That stupid human never specified what happened if she refused, as if they were sure it wasn’t a possibility. So she either accepted or had no idea of what could happen, and Muffet didn’t trust Sam enough to let them do anything. In all this she was closed in what seemed like an invisible cage in the middle of the void.

How. Wonderful.

She had to find a solution. A third option out of this mess. She couldn’t let things happen around her. Grillby was the one who usually did that and, apparently, he died. Muffet wasn’t planning to let herself or anyone she cared for die. She already tried teleporting or breaking the “walls” restraining her more than once, but to no avail. She could try tricking Sam somehow… no. That would have been too dangerous. Flowey commented something about Sam knowing that they did…

A sudden whistle, a sound similar to a portal opening, made the spider suddenly jump up, raising her gaze to the source of the noise. And the last thing she expected to see was Maddy getting out of an unknown portal followed by Flowey, wrapped around the arm of a tall smiling man. “Maddy?! What are you doing here?!” the spider exclaimed, both relieved and concerned to see the cat. Maddy extended a hand to Muffet, but the invisible wall blocked her. “What do you think I’m doing? We have a dumbass to kill”. She tried to punch the wall, only resulting with a bunch of glitches appearing all of the sudden, flickering quietly for a couple seconds before fading away. That thing didn't happen when Muffet tried to break the wall down. "... that stuff is all codes, almost nothing physical. Just a hitbox and some air. That dumbass didn't even try to make a nice work", Flowey commented as he slid down the stranger's arm and got close to Maddy. "Of course", the man started. "Their goal wasn't to keep her from escaping. They just needed her to stay here until our arrival". Muffet noticed how the man had a really familiar voice, but she couldn't figure out where she heard it. Maddy rolled her eyes at the man's words, debating a few things. "Yeah, whatever. It's not like it makes any difference at the moment", she commented quietly. The cat then raised her other hand and laid it on the invisible wall, then pressed hard on it. The flickering glitches came back, more and more loud, before stopping all of the sudden with the noise of something cracking. The wall disappeared, and Maddy smiled widely at the result. "Woah. This thing practically melts codes! I could almost feel them evaporating under my hand. You really must be one of a magician" she said, turning to the smiling man. He simply nodded in response, his smile getting a little wider. "And you never saw my greatest works", he replied with a slight pride. The cat then turned to Muffet, her grin turning more resolute. "Ok girl, we're going to kill our dear human idiot. You ready?" she asked. "Wait- killing Sam? … is that even possible? They always sounded awfully powerful with all those code things they can do'', Muffet asked in response, frowning a little in skepticism. "Yeah- well, I think so. I tried by myself and it didn't work too well, but this time I have you, a soulless flower and what could probably be a royal scientist, so I think we can do this". The man stepped closer to the others, smiling quietly as he glanced in an unspecified direction. "Now that we got everyone, I think we should get going".

Sam quickly closed the portal as they met the old man's gaze, a cold shiver going up their spine. They didn't like that quiet smile he had, that shine in his eyes that clearly showed Sam the man was furious. "So you do mind their opinion!" Fresh exclaimed, their glasses switching to "AWWW". "You better shut your mouth and get out of here. Now", the human replied, not willing to repeat themselves many more times. "Ok ok, chill out! I'll go away, but just because it's you. Cya!". With that said, the colorful skeleton disappeared in a colorful cloud of smoke. After a few seconds, Sam sighed quietly, then looked at the tall portal opening in front of them. “... let’s finish this silly little project”.

START PREVIOUS NEXT

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 29 (2024)

By Aj, Dion, Briar, Jen and Peter

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

Small Talk... is back!

As you might have read in our last Issue, the Small Talk... section is back due to our amazing interviewers! Continue reading and check out their short debut interview with Leia Talon!

If there’s someone else you’d like to see them interview, don’t hesitate to let us know!

We want some feedback!

As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form.

We hope you enjoy this new issue!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ ENDED ~

The 7th edition of inkJam is over and you can check out the result here.

You can now check out all 58 entries for the Monstrous Desires 2024 Visual Novel Jam.

The October Bitsy Jam has also ended. There were only two entries, so be sure to show them some love.

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 has officially started! To vote and participate as a jury, you must do so by giving between 1 to 5 stars on each entry page of the jam. The voting period ends on November 30.

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message.

Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted March 3rd 2025.

Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.

The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.

~ OTHER ~

Jams are a great way to find new games! Don’t be afraid to check out submissions from previous years as well. There might be some gems hiding between them!

~ SMALL TALK… ~

> WITH LEIA TALON @leiatalon

Joining us today is a fantasy romance writer Leia Talon! ~ Author of the newly released “Ink and Intrigue”, “Their majesties’ Pleasure” and and The World Tree Chronicles book series.

⟶ Hello, Leia! Welcome to Small Talk. We are absolutely thrilled to have you here with us!

Thanks for giving me a chance to chat with you!

⟶ Before we begin, would you mind sharing with us a bit about yourself and how you got into IF writing?

A few years ago I was looking for writing opportunities that were outside the box, so to speak. I’ve gone the self-publishing route and tried my hand at getting a traditional publishing deal as a novelist, and was hoping there were other avenues to earn a bit of money doing what I love, which is writing fantasy romance.

At that time I’d written a dozen novel manuscripts and dabbled in screenwriting, then stumbled upon Choice of Games and Heart’s Choice, which piqued my interest in a big way! I thought I’d try my hand at interactive fiction. Many of my manuscripts aren’t published, so I thought I’d be able to pull source material from stories I’d already created. What actually happened is I made up a completely new world for Their Majesties’ Pleasure, my first game with Heart’s Choice, then built on that and pulled from one of my unpublished stories for Ink and Intrigue.

⟶ Now, onto the questions! Would you ever try different mediums when it comes to IF? (i.e Ren'Py, Twine)

I’m not opposed to it, but I’m a storyteller more than a gamer, so it would really depend on how well I could use each medium to tell a story.

⟶ What are the similarities and differences between writing a “simple” novel and an interactive fiction one?

So many! How about some bullet points?

Similarities:

Both need strong characters,

A strong plot,

Vivid worldbuilding,

And plenty of motivation and conflict for characters.

Differences:

Outlining is a must! You can write a novel on vibes and figure out the plot as you go. You can’t do that with IF, at least I don’t think it can be done well, or at least it would prove extremely difficult for the author to pull off. Having a plan helps figure out pacing, scope-creep, and gives you a definite outcome (or outcomes, as the case may be) to work towards. Planning is helpful for novels, too, but essential for IF.

With novel writing there’s the phrase “K!ll your darlings,” meaning you cut any scenes, sentences, or words that don’t advance the plot or add something vital to the story. In IF, all your darlings can come out to play! If someone isn’t interested, they can skip that choice, or if they are interested, they can enjoy the side-quest or conversation or glimmer of information that would otherwise be omitted in a novel.

Writing IF adds coding, obviously, and a lot more details and complications to a story, keeping all the variables in play and making sure to wrap up all threads at the end. You have to do a certain extent of wrapping up plotlines with novels, but nowhere near the extent required by an IF.

A novel is typically 90,000 words or so, whereas an IF can be far longer (or shorter, if the author prefers). I’m honestly still blown away that Ink and Intrigue ended up being over 300,000 words! A playthrough obviously isn’t that long, but that’s like writing three novels.

I’m sure I could keep going with other similarities and differences, but these are some big ones.

⟶ What made you come up with this idea for an IF?

Ink and Intrigue is based on one of my unpublished manuscripts, though it’s vastly different in myriad ways. I took some of the worldbuilding from that story and meshed it with the world in Their Majesties’ Pleasure, and then made up an entirely new cast of characters.

⟶ What is your biggest source of inspiration? A lot of people say music, but we are interested to know what yours is.

Fantasy books, nature, and the characters who come to life in my head.

⟶ It's normal for creators of all kinds to encounter writer's block. What do you do when this formidable foe appears between you and your will to write?

I stick to my outline and keep writing, or take a break if that’s what I need. Going for a walk works wonders.

⟶ Tattoos have power in this IF; could you describe what that feeling is like? Is it like a burning sensation across your skin or more akin to releasing a breath you didn’t know you held?

The actual tattooing process is painful in this story as the dragon ink is painted on, but after the tattoos heal there’s no pain involved. It’s more like a rush of power or a tingling of awareness, depending on the strength needed. I think different mages would feel it in different ways, depending on how long they’ve been using dragon runes. The sensations might be strange to an initiate, but second nature to a master.

⟶ Tell us about your favorite ROs and why you feel drawn to them. When you were writing this character were you including traits you find ideal in partners?

I love all the ROs, but Kai is special. Partially because he’s the only character I brought over from my manuscript, and also because he’s this delicious blend of stoic, funny, driven, kind, and constantly working to better himself. I think those are ideal traits in partners. He also has other traits I enjoy in fictional characters, like a dark past and a dash of vengeance.

⟶ What’s the most important thing you consider when designing ROs?

I aim to write distinct characters who are genuinely good people, even if some are also morally gray. Otherwise, the characters basically form in my head and tell me who they are as I’m writing. I do a basic sketch when I outline, just a short description of each character, then see how they develop as the story progresses.

The characters are in charge. I’m just along for the ride.

⟶ Which RO do you think is the hardest to write and which one is the easiest?

I don’t think any were harder or easier. I had previous material for Kai, so that helped, but each character was fun and offered up plenty of dialogue and personality as I got into the story. Rae is feisty, Thea is quiet but playful, Teo is a compassionate artist, and Kai is humble and at the same time he’s one the most powerful mages on the island.

⟶ Which characters from your previous IF would get along with the cast of Ink and Intrigue?

All the main characters would get along, though there would definitely be some sparring on the training field to see who was the best fighter and blow off steam. It would be a wild party if you brought the cast from Their Majesties Pleasure together with the characters in Ink and Intrigue. That would be fun!

⟶ Could you give us an idea of the future your choices hold for Kitherin?

I don’t know how to answer this without spoilers. lol! Suffice it to say you can help the Kitherin in many different ways, including protecting from otherworldly threats and traitors within.

⟶ How do you manage the branching in your story?

The outline helps, but it still gets out of control. I write notes in future chapters as I go about how I’m going to pull each thread through to be sure I don’t drop any branching plots along the way. Editing and getting feedback is key. Beta testers to the rescue!

⟶ Was a scene exceptionally challenging to write?

It’s not like a single scene jumps out at me, but there are always places in the story where I just don’t want to write what needs to be written because I want to go on to something else that I’m excited about. There’s definitely a degree of discipline required.

⟶ Some people find it difficult to write spicy scenes. Do you have a certain mindset when writing these?

Honestly, spicy scenes are some of the hardest to write. My mindset is I’m trying to write something that has heart to it, as well as physical tension—where you can get to know the characters in a more intimate way. It can be hard to balance the art I want to bring into it with the choices and variables, as coding all those can complicate a scene that I really want to flow well. I also work hard to ensure there’s a range of spice, sweetness, and options that don’t involve physical intimacy at all, but that still feel fulfilling and special.

⟶ Would you like to give some advice to people who want to get into IF writing?

OUTLINE! Seriously. Know where you’re going and what endings you’re aiming for. Things will change, but at least you’ll have a road map. Otherwise, keep at it. Consistent practice really does pay off. Just keep going and have fun with it!

⟶ Thank you for sitting with us here today! It was lovely to have you, Leia.

My pleasure! If any of your readers are into magic tattoos and legendary love, you can play the demo of Ink and Intrigue for free!

> ONCE AGAIN HUGE THANKS TO LEIA TALON FOR SITTING WITH US AND ANSWERING OUR QUESTIONS!

~ NEW RELEASE ~

Sacred Veins is an 18+ game collective with a classic art aesthetic, creating games with focuses on narrative. They just released their first game collection: Righteous. Check out Apistis Sophia, Disiecta Membra, Heaven For A Heathen and Svipul. @sacredveinscollective

Werewolves 3: Evolution’s End (CScript) is the third installment of Jeffrey Dean’s acclaimed “Claw, Shadow, and Sage” series. After years of conspiracies, secrets, and escalation, the fight has finally come out into the open.

A (self-proclaimed) heartwarming visual novel about spending the days with your dog. Mugi-chan was abandoned at the shrine; now it's time to take him home! You can now play the un-official English release of I Can't Be Human (TyranoScript).

Légumes de saison (Decker) is a compilation of two games - 1 Duck, 2 Ducks and 33 // Apocalypse : Le Banquet.

You wake up in an unknown room with no memories of your past. With nothing, you must research, find and choose to find the way out from here in Silent Perception (Ren’Py).

Protect Mina from haters and find the recipe for the most delicious secret dish in Mina’s Cooking.

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

Kassja is ill, and being too weak her village throws her into the forest. Yet, as she is dying under the scorching sun that trespasses the greenery, the spirit patron hears her hateful prayer of death for those who used to be her folk. Check out The Rerooting of an Asphodel (Ren’Py)! @thebreezyslothstudios

In The Chronicles of Salt and Iron (CScript) you’re trapped on an Iron prisoner ship after incurring the Triad’s wrath. Your future seems bleak, until a freak disaster grants you a new chance at freedom…and a glimpse of a deadly secret that could topple the entire regime.

In Fortune Forsaken (CScript) ancient shackles bind you to the mortal realm, a soul severed from a home lost to the sands of time. A curse on you, a blessing for those who take command; Who wouldn't like to own a God? @fortuneforsaken-if

The Lost Bride (CScript) is a reimagining of Bram Stoker’s iconic novel, Dracula. Play as Mina and shape her fate as she visits her childhood friend Lucy, who’s seeking her company and counsel with an urgent matter concerning her very own future.

King Arthur: Living Again (CScript) - After being badly injured by Mordred, King Arthur finds himself as his 15-year-old, inexperienced self.

As you learn the ways of the criminal underground you reconnect with people you never met. Reforge bonds that you've never made. And recall memories you've never had. You were a god once upon a time, can you become one again in God Syndicate (CScript)? @god-syndicate-if

~ UPDATES ~

Blackwood Manor (CScript) released Chapter 2 Part 1. @ang3lwithapen

The Sunhold Coven (CScript) released Chapter 3. @the-sunhold-coven

Vanguard (Twine) updated Chapter 1. @vanguard-if

A Shriek of Ash and Fire (CScript) released update no. 5. @krogpile

Haunted (Twine) updated a final part of a rewrite.

Honor Amongst Thieves (CScript) added extra content to their Patreon demo. @leoneliterary

Hubris (Twine) updated Chapter Two- Luminary Fever. @hubris-the-if-game

Reincarnation Of The Archdemon (CScript) released Chapter 2.

Sanguine Sky (CScript) added new content to their Patreon demo. @sanguinesky-if

The In-Between (CScript) released Chapter 11 for early access. @dalekowrites

Thicker Than (CScript) released their monthly update. @barbwritesstuff

Viatica (Twine) released Chapter 11. @fir-fireweed

Universal Constants (Twine) released Episode 3.

Keeper of Life and Death (CScript) updated their demo. @keeperofthesunandmoon

Fallen Hero: Revelations (CScript) updated their demo.

Weeping Gods (CScript) added new content to Chapter 2. @jcollinswrites

Tri City Monsters (Ren’Py) released Amir Chapter 3. @tricitymonsters

~ OTHER ~

A collection of high resolution artworks from the game Chronicles of Taldun: The Remainder is here.

The VNture podcast is back with episode #124.

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~

We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...

Shoot us an email!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

Dominion of Darkness by Adeptus7 (Twine)

"Dominion of Darkness” is a strategy text game in which the player takes on the role of a Sauron-style Lord of Darkness with the goal of conquering the world.

Vendetta by @vendetta-if (CScript)

*drum rolls* for the game highlight!!!!! Vendetta by @ vendetta-if !!! THIS IF IS FANTASTIC! DESERVES SO MUCH MORE LOVE 💖👏

//submitted by anon//

Apistis Sophia by @sacredveinscollective (???)

Whew, this one is an experience and I loved everything about it!

A big thank you to the anon who brought our attention to Sacred Veins and their work!

//recommended by Dion [Team]//

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

our awesome anon!

For sending us their game Highlight!

As always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on the last issue!

What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us!

Thank you for cheering us on this journey

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Would you like to know more about the Team? Check out our new Meet the Team post!

And see you again next week!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 29

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

I got to be so real I kind of have mixed feelings about this post, and I'm not as mad rereading it as I was the first time I read it.

On one hand, I kind of agree that doing fucked up things to a fictional character doesn't necessarily mean that you're bad.

If I write a story in which a child is put to death, I'm not suddenly in favor of children dying. The person who wrote "the lottery" isn't in favor of people being stoned to death just because they wrote about it. I write stories all the time where characters are subject to homophobia or racism or general bigotry and I'm obviously not in favor of those things. However, there's a reason some stories that deal with the same subject matter are better received than others. There's a reason that even though "Avatar: the last Airbender" was written by two white men it's not called racist like some other works by white creators that handle POC.

I feel like the idea that how you approach fiction and fictional characters says absolutely nothing about you is insane.

If you watch a piece of media and then you go to write fanfiction about the media and you give all the white characters a good, happy ending but give all of the black characters sad ones where they're beaten to death, I absolutely think that says something about you! If you read/watch media with a fictional child and immediately want to write a story in which that child is raped by one of their parents, I absolutely think that says something about you and your character! The characters might be fictional, but you are not. Your choices do not exist in a vacuum. Why do you want to produce and see media where people of color end up unhappy and/or dead? Why do you want to write a lot of non-con? why do you want to see two siblings fuck?

Even though you didn't do anything to anybody in real life, I have to side eye why you're obsessed with seeing and writing that type of content. If you're writing a rape scene just because you like it (you don't comment on it or anything. In fact, it hardly ever comes up again) then yea, I do think you're probably a bit fucked up.

A white woman who writes all of her black male characters as "big" and "manly" and "dangerous" and "dominant" is absolutely revealing something about herself through her fiction! Maybe the fake black guy isn't being objectified since he's not real, but you can't seriously tell me that the white woman who wrote him has not revealed anything about how she views black men lmao. You can't tell me you'd seriously believe her when she says she's not racist.

I mean this site in particular talks all the time about the way certain groups are portrayed by certain authors. This site will be the first to cancel authors who write marginalized people in an unsavory light. If you think the fiction you consume doesn't matter, then you can never say anything about representation mattering ever again. A black child who only ever sees white characters cannot be influenced by that because fiction doesn't matter, right? You can't cancel an author for being racist. So what if all of their characters of color are portrayed as violent and evil? If what you write doesn't say anything about you, then that author is not racist at all!

I mean, seriously. How many authors have been canceled because they wrote black characters in a way that left the viewers with a bad taste in their mouths? How you choose to treat fictional characters absolutely says something about you!

I understand that fiction is how a lot of people deal with stuff. If something bad happened to you when you were a kid, you might want to see your favorite character go through that and overcome it, but the thing is: I feel like there's a line. I feel like too many of you use past trauma to justify what has honestly just become a paraphilia. Some of you don't read media about SA because you were SA'd and are trying to deal with it; you read it because you have a 'kink' for it. Too many of you hide under "healing" when you genuinely just get off on seeing fucked up things happen to characters. It's no secret that people who have experienced trauma sometimes go on to become abusive and perverse themselves.

The things that you enjoy and dedicate time to absolutely say something about you! Whether you think it says something good or bad doesn't matter, but the idea that it just exists in a vacuum and says absolutely nothing about your character and who you are as a person is quite frankly insane!

Even if you're writing it because you're trying to deal with trauma that happened to you or you're trying to create a safe space for people who have been through fucked up stuff, that says something about your character and who you are as a person. The stories you dedicate your time to reading and writing absolutely reveal who you are. We talk endlessly about the misogyny of male writers in the past and present. If posts like the one linked were true, then it wouldn't matter if a man spent all day writing stories where every single female character of his is treated like shit and assaulted. Media would be entirely unable to be criticized because the fictional characters aren't real and thus how you treat them says nothing. If a man with three daughters wrote a story where a fictional father SA'd all three of his children, that wouldn't be cause for concern at all? It'd say absolutely nothing about him? You wouldn't side eye him? You wouldn't be concerned if a primary school teacher spent all day writing stories where children are molested? You would send your child to a school with a teacher like that and be completely and utterly okay because "the fiction you write and consume says nothing"?

Of course there is nuance, but I don't like the way this post seems to absolve anyone into fucked up fictional stuff of guilt. No, reading and writing fucked up stuff does not *automatically* make you bad, but if you're doing it uncritically and because you get off on it, I'm not gonna pretend that's irrelevant to who you are as a person.

[imagine-a-sanctuary-like-this]

My (cautious) thoughts about the Good Omens/NG happenings

I've not been in the Good Omens fandom for a couple years. Season 2 briefly re-ignited my interest, but after watching it, I basically lost interest for good. A mix of things drove me away, I think mostly that (1) I thought Season 2 quite poorly-written, and, more relevant to this post, (2) I'd grown a little tired of the Neil Gaiman idolizing that I'd seen in the online fandom spaces.

So that said, I care little about the S3 90-minute-feature situation (though I'm glad the remaining fans will get some closure). And, of course, I do not know if Gaiman actually did all what he's being accused of - that doesn't really matter to what I'm about to discuss. More interestingly, this puts me in mind of something that's been bothering me about many fandom spaces, and I wanted to pen (digital pen?) my thoughts.

To me, what seems to be going on right now's a good demonstration of why over-attaching yourself to a fandom and idolizing creators, especially those that you see as your 'political ally', is probably not a great idea. From what I've seen, GOmens fans aren't just upset but rather deeply personally betrayed. This reminds me (distantly) of the Joss Whedon craze when BTVS fans basically elevated him to 'writing god'/genius status, and all but worshipped him (as seen in many notes to fanfics written in the early 2000s).

In my view, a similar but much more personal 'idolization' happened with Gaiman. (more under the line thingie)

A lot of fandom discourse (that I've seen) doesn't seem to get that creators, no matter how politically aligned with one's own views, aren't fictional characters, they aren't one's friends, nor are they 'comfort people'. I mean, I guess they could be insofar as you make them into your 'comfort people', but it's through no action of theirs. Nothing wrong (of course) in taking comfort in an author's work, but clearly for many it's a far more personal thing that just that.

Another thing: interacting with the creator's work and social media presence, one is NOT interacting with them, nor really getting to know them. Sometimes fandoms seem to forget this and kind of just perpetuate this made-up version of the author that shares very little with the actual human being that exists somewhere out there in the world, has flaws (small or... not so small), and probably occasionally acts dishonest, petty, judgmental, selfish, etc. in the best of cases. That it doesn't happen publicly doesn't mean it never happens at all. Attaching oneself to a made-up, idealized version of an author (making it 'YOUR Neil Gailman', 'YOUR comfort author') probably feels nice, but it kind of distorts reality. Makes you feel like the author's a lot personally closer to you than they actually are, like you know them better than you actually do.

It makes sense why this happens: no one likes to feel that the creator of something they love's not a great person. At least, it's hard to come to terms with this suddenly. I had a similar (though much less intense) experience with this one creator, S, whose content on medieval armor/weaponry I enjoyed very much. Later, S turned out to be... not such a great person. And yeah, it felt unpleasant, precisely because I liked the guy's content AND I liked his public persona, and ended up disappointed in both. Because I liked both in connection to each other, not independently. In this case, it didn't take long to separate the artist from the content, but in cases like GOmens emotional investment runs much more intense.

But so I think this is a big part of what's happening here with the NG situation: quite a few GO fans have let it get to that stage where they've identified so strongly with a creator through his works, political support and public persona that they felt like they actually deeply knew them. All the info going against that seems to come as not just a disappointment because NG did something immoral (which, if the allegations are true, he obviously did!) but rather a very personal betrayal. The sentiment I'm seeing seems to be less 'oh, this guy I liked isn't really who I thought he was, this sucks', and more 'I have been betrayed/hurt/deceived', as in 'me, personally'.

On the same note, I feel like this relates, too, to the 'x is so precious', 'x needs to be protected at all costs', 'x can do no wrong' kind of mentality about favourite authors, which seemed pervasive in the GO community (at least when I used to run in those fandom circles a couple years back).

So in my mind, we're seeing (and, in some cases, feeling) the natural conclusion to undue author idolization. It never really pays to forget that authors, like all public figures, only show a small part of themselves, and letting your imagination get away from you with just that part... well. Maybe not a great idea?

(I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this! Leave a comment if you disagree, think I've missed an important or interesting detail, or just to express your take on this)

[snailstrees]

some v5/site spoilers. just my general thoughts LOL

holy shit the new site absolutely FUCKS it feels so. Alive. also the new volume so far kicks butt i love that uni actually got her gamer speech back 🫡 🫡 not to mention the art in the epilogue like. Got damn ! that shading makes my brain itch. AND A NEW CHARACTER HELLO????? actuslly holy ahit thinking of it i think that's like. reboot bonez. like barry's original love interest

i saw the site on mobile and honestly its SO much more accessible now and refreshing. i will probably check it out on pc later though

im so glad we got pretty much Every Single Character in the cast page now even the minor ones because I've been ao curious about them and we knew jack shit of them unless you check tumblr every fucking day. so thats one hell of a good change. the animations and icons also help bring the characters more to life and DOES kc animate well. seriously I can't emphasize enough how much i loved the cast pages they were so fun to read and skim through !!!!

im also glad kc explained the backstory of hemera and barry so the fandom doesn't shit on them for no reason. in this economy we live in we get barely any characters who react to trauma in ways that are considered bad or harmful/through anger 💔

the content warning thingamajigs and saturation bar is also rly handy so i dont get a content warning every 2 seconds

OK gushing over let me talk about some neutral/negative things imo. these are not just related to the relaunch but just. the comic in general

alright so this is basically just nitpicking but there are So Many Fucking Lesbians. nothing wrong with being lesbian i am one myself LOL but literally more than half of the frmale-aligned cast is a lesbian which kinda sucks a bit because. yknow. wheres the representation for other identities

also yeah. all the other crit blogs u were right unis definitely getting really fucking babified. girl has no fuckin flaws or anger or anything of the sort shes just an innocent uwu cinammon roll . head in hands

and my biggest nitpick of all. Cuddles. yeah he's the big bad villain but. he's so cartoonishly evil man. like in his bio it basically states every single bad thing a human (anthry?) person can do and it's just so hard to take it seriously im sorry. like it blatsntly states something along the lines of "there's no trauma or anything of the sort that led to him being like this" and im like. girlypop. thats not how people work. people just don't wake up one day and go "o fuck yea im gonna start hurting animals and torturing people and driving them to suicide and feel good doing it because i want to!!!!!!!!!!" like. No. Not At All. It's just not how shit works yknow. someone HAS to have reason to do shit like this and enjoy it, and not because they're big villain of the narrative and/or because the creator said so. hell BOWSER has more depth than cuddles. bowser is a hopeless romant. he's power hungry and constsntly soing risky, dangerous, or just over the top shit because he wants peach to love him and because he wants to earn respect amongst his people. and he also has a soft a side, being a father and even sometimes helping his arch nemesis whenever someone stronger than him appears and he doesn't want to lose respect, and evn though he does this to feed his ego, he ends up accidentally helping others in the process

.......okay sorry i did not mean to go into that bowser rant i just really like him Oksy. but my point is that just bowser is a character from fucking nintendo and is really cartoonish and yet has more depth and reasoning than the main villain from a webcomic about medical malpractice and trauma. the way cuddles is written overall just gives off vibes of a kid who doesn't actually know how to write stories and assumes the villain has to be the Big Bad for no rhyme or reason

but. overall. i can tell kc and the z//cp staff worked their asses off to get this volume and site done and did they hit the nail right in the head. excited for whats to come

thank u for listening to my thoughts gamers

ps. sTOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THAT SHIT EATING GRIN DORITO HEAD

[admirxation]

˗ˏˋ admirxation's weekly fic recs ´ˎ˗

!! dark content ahead, please read the warnings the authors have provided, and then continue at your own discretion !!

5th may '24: here are some fics i've collected this week, obviously this is not every single fic but i wanted to give some more spotlight on the ones that literally had me bouncing off the walls lmao. if anyone wants to see more recommendations i have a 'admirxation fic recs' tag if you're ever wanting to read something, and i want to try and do this every Sunday to give some love to creators. i will try to limit this to 10-20, and some weeks might be shorter cuz i don't always have to time. thank you to these creators making these fics and please give them some love

resident evil fics

“If I gotta sin to see her again then I’m gonna lie.” [NSFW] {dad’s boss!Jack Krauser x fem!reader} ~ The reader ends up on their knees for the stranger allowed in their house; starting a fling with her fathers boss.

this was written by @mrswint3rs now i read this a bit ago but i just can’t forget about it. i love krauser content so much like there needs to be more content for this man, i love my pookie leon a feral amount but pookie bear needs to share some spotlight for the other RE guys. i am not embarrassed to admit that i keep rereading this fic, it does something to the brain chemistry. honestly the moment this girl posts more krauser fics im leaping like it’s my last meal cuz AHHHHHHH. the forceful but seductive characterisation that is written within krauser is so memorable and had me blushing and kicking my feet, and to expose myself further the secrecy tropes always get the meter going they are my guilty pleasure.

playing house [NSFW] {stepdad!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ the readers mother had passed away, leaving Leon and the reader to get closer.

this was written by @miss-oranje-disco-dancer now i always thought i wasn’t into the whole ddlg scene, before anyone things im hating i never gave hate to the concept i was just never apart of the craze if u get me, however, this fic has made me rlly rlly crave ddlg content to the point i’m wondering if the writer laced their words with crack cuz IM SO HOOKED. the gradual progression of the reader and leon is so hot, especially *spoilers for the rest of the fic* when they start sharing a bed dude the tingles i felt, and then the breeding when the reader acts so nonchalant about being bred by leon like YESSIR I NEED THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING.

Playground Love {older!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ age gap love between reader and Leon.

this was written by @j3llyd0nut . i might have a problem which how much older men fanfics i consume, like gurl its becoming a big problem… that i dont wanna fix oop- this fic doesn’t go into smut (ik what a shocker for me to be recommending something that is straight up porn lmao) but it does deal with age gaps, and i felt the way the writer portrayed it was so well written, especially with the readers’ mothers feelings to it. dating someone older comes with a mix of feelings, the envy was well encapsulated as well as the worry where it is often people try to warn. also the ending quote was such a killer (as an oscar wilde fan hehe… im an english student i love a reference).

Nerd Leon [NSFW] {nerdy!Leon Kennedy x nerdy!fem!reader} ~ Leon and the reader are both virgins who have had a crush on one another.

this was written by @nvoirs (it won’t let me tag them but you have the link to go show them some love). i love lil nerdy leon, he's so cute, especially with the pictures above the fic hehe. honestly the reader is so relatable, the idea of someone asking you out as a joke hahah ive been there too many times, no one can force me back into high school i will claw them. i quite liked the dynamic of them learning together, hehehe it's so so hot and cute at the same time and it deserves so much more love in my humble and very correct opinion.

the last of us fics

older Joel Miller [NSFW] {older!Joel Miller x afab!reader} ~ ft nervous Joel who hasn’t dated in a while and nervous to be with the reader who reassures she wants to be with him.

this was written by @pedroshotwifey and omfg i’m like the biggest simp for joel to the point it’s honestly embarrassing lmao, i feel like they wrote joel quite well and i would imagine if he was to become involved with someone again he would be nervous and be in his head about it; i found the writing of the transition back into sharing physical intimacy really well written and enjoyable, it’s not easy to do that but the author did it so well. my fav joel oneshot.

jujutsu kaisen fics

A proper send off [NSFW] {stepdad!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ Toji puts his claim on the reader before she goes to college

this was written by @bratbby333. i feel like i died, like the author put the words on the screen and it make me curl up in a ball and squirming cuz i need toji biblically, and then i died, and then the words brought be back to heaven and then i was bonked and put into horny jail. i’m actually feral for this man. i’m feral for too many fictional men but toji is ughhhhh AHFJFKDKSKSKDDKEKSKW. i loved the descriptions of the reader almost being made for him, or more accurately, Toji making the reader made for him; the description of *SPOILERS* him moulding her pussy for his dick was YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM, i was salivating like fucking homer simpson I NEED IT.

Daddy Issues [NSFW] {stepdad!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ reader is a brat whose stopped by her step father Toji

this was written by @nexysworld and my oh my does this girl cook, I AM THE BIGGEST NEXY FAN EVER HEHEHEHEHE. i am a new recruit to the toji fan club and boy oh boy was this the most exciting oneshot to first read after finding my love for this beautiful man. I gotta say the way nexy writes toji is honestly a game changer. like he’s such a jerk that u wanna slap, but i also am enticed by how much of a jerk he is… and perhaps wanna be slapped by him- WHO SAID THAT 👀 damn.

“well, we should probably fuck. Right?” [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ reader and gojo are trapped in the prison realm with nothing else to do.

this was written by @kingkonoha. now as we have all learnt about me liking something normally isn’t in my vocabulary; if i like a piece of media best believe im putting my whole soul into it. jjk is a new edition to my fandom endeavours and heheh gojo is my first love, im such a gojo girlie IF ANYONE COMES TO DETROY MY PEACE F OFF LMAO (gojo and toji girlie fr i am). okay if you’re a gojo girlie, kingkonoha’s writing is top tier. i loved the way they encapsulated gojo’s personality, he’s so cocky in this oneshot and ugh i just can’t help but see it so on brand for gojo; also the dirty talk in this fic is like toe curling afhdisosfheisidfhwowjwf I NEED HIM IN A WAY THAT IS CONCERNING TO FEMINISM.

The fanboy guide [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ gojo is the readers number one fan and manages to finally meet them in a meet and greet.

this was written by @kingkonoha . i love obsessing over fictional men BUT OH THIS FIC RLLY HAD THE TURNED TABLES. look i dont need anyone judging my likes, i like the idea of someone, especially gojo, obsessing over me and telling me he loves me while i ride him. girlhood = hearing i love you while riding gojo lmao. i love this creator to the point they’re probably fed up on me constantly liking their stuff haha. some bits i wanna point out, the dirty talk was like A* and the way he’s obsessed and basically babbles i love u like AFHFJSWISODODOWKWNEJ this has a chokehold on me and is like feral spray for the gojo girlies to get going lmao.

Tease [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ reader teases her sensei over text, and he later shows up at the readers door.

this was written by @dark-and-kawaii . oh look more gojo fics, are we surprised, no rlly cuz he's so hot and ugh i need him so much. i love dirty talk especially sexting it's so hot, but the fact he literally shows up at the door? i was shook but like in a horny way lmao. honestly the jealousy he feels it’s like kinda embarrassing how much i love to imagine someone all jealous over me like hehe tell me how much im in ur mind rent free HAHA. honestly i love this blog, i followed for the bg3 content and stayed for like the absolute talent in every one of their works, so much love <3

i will possess your heart [NSFW] {yandere!satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ satoru thinks the reader belongs to him and will go any length to make that happen.

this was written by @bratbby333 . okay on this account we love a yandere, the idea of someone being so obsessed that it’s a danger to the lover, themselves and everyone around, A MUST!!!! honestly, it’s kinda baddddd how much i love these yandere oneshots but oh well it’s not like im gonna stop eating this up when everyone fr cooks. i honestly have to say this is the best yandere fic ive seen, like i was fangirling over the author over every word and punctuation they strung together, like huhhhhh it had me on a chokehold throughout it all. the journey of obsession and how far gojo went and his pathway to that was so well written, and the scene with the ex boyfriend and the heart ?!?!?!?! i was literally wide eyed like an owl going “WHAT OMFG”.

to be ex husband [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ ex bf gojo comes back in readers life and asks for a hand in marriage.

this was written by @arminsumi . lmao this fic made me have so many emotions. first of all, SHOKO MY BELOVED IS MY BESTIE I LOVE SHOKO. but the idea of gojo being an ex cuz he was a play boy i was like hmmm f u man, breaking my heart (like bruh i was so offended like i actually was the reader to the point i was like bruh i have to calm down) and then after when he’s getting all giggly with suguru im like hehehehe let the fucking commence i need me some gojo action. honestly this fic has an amazing balance of oooo this is sexy, to feelings of being a lil mad, but also comedic moments. it honestly encaptures gojo’s character so well, i was rlly impressed. also i didn’t know how much i needed someone to ask for marriage while fucking ahe

[who-is-page]

Digital Bloodsports and Inked Paws: What I Love About the Alterhuman Communities

This is an essay from my website that I wrote in 2021 for my alterhuman NaNoWriMo project, about the things I appreciate and adore in the alterhuman community. I wanted to post the edited, finalized version on here, too. It's a little over 1,600 words long and about an 8-minute read.

It’s easy to talk about what I find aggravating or difficult to deal with in the alterhuman communities—complaints are a dime a dozen, especially since I’m rapidly approaching my ten-year anniversary of activity (is that the barest hint of salt-and-pepper I spy in my muzzle?) But even with all my criticisms, there’s a lot I love about the various parts of the alterhuman communities. There are more wonderful quirks in these groups than I think we ever realize or genuinely acknowledge.

And if there’s one thing that I don’t think the alterhuman communities are given enough credit and love for, it’s our collective ability to never shut the fuck up.

In these spaces, people are always doing, or saying, or creating something. In some ways it reminds me of college, with something always happening somewhere, no matter the weather, time, or day. Whether dead of night or coldest winter day, you’d always be able to find a party, or a study group, or a sportsball match—and in the same way, wherever you are in the alterhuman communities, there’s always something going on: a debate or discussion, a convention (big or small), a newbie asking for help with their identity, a bunch of older alterhumans shooting the shit, a new term being banged out, art and games and comics being created and commented on, collaborative projects or surveys or groups being advertised. The list goes on and on—someone, somewhere, is always dipping their paws in ink, it seems.

Our community thrives off our interactions with one another, and that’s fundamentally shaped both the subcultural elements—such as the way we so highly value content creators and writers, and people who have been in the community for long periods of time and can share stories and experiences that we might otherwise have no knowledge of—and the bizarre forms of (n)etiquette and discourse that we constantly see evolving and changing. It’s a beautiful thing to witness in real-time, watching the customs and terminology and language we have change and shift over the years, and watching the wheels of discourse turn their spokes into previously uncharted waters, a new subject to be written and examined by an invested collective.

It’s a testament to the diversity and fluidity in alterhuman experiences and identity, the fact that so many people with so many different experiences and different explanations can come together time and time again; space and space again; all to hash out their ideas and their thoughts and their differences and their similarities. All to share in the beauty of being other with one another. It’s a sight to behold, like an ocean of a thousand different blues all forming wave after wave of colors, and I get to be a lucky painter who’s too stunned to even figure out where to look first.

Our community’s perchance for debate (or, more accurately, for digital bloodsports) is also something I absolutely adore. Maybe I’m just a young hooligan who’s ready to fistfight the first person who comes through my door at any given moment, with my Ye Olde Discourse days still singing through my veins, but I love the willingness of so many people and groups in this community to throw down over what they believe and their opinions. It’s an admirable fighting spirit that I see in so many alterhumans and, whatever the reason for it, it’s something I feel a deep kinship regarding.

People in these communities care with their whole chest. It gets us in trouble often, but I don’t think these groups and subcultures and identities would be the same without it: we’re loud. We’re stubborn. We inevitably butt heads, but it’s what makes us, us. But it’s more than just our tenacity that I’m talking about here. Being alterhuman, at least in the spaces that I personally find myself in, is about being unabashedly yourself, in whatever wacky, interesting, bizarre, wild, feral way that might translate to.

It’s reminiscent of the queer spaces I’ve been in previously, both in how it harnesses a sense of aggressive pride sometimes, with attitudes of “Yeah, I’m not human—if that’s a problem for you, get lost!” and in how it just purely makes me feel unafraid and unashamed to be nonhuman. This is something I’ve experienced especially at Howls and other in-person group meet-ups.

When I spend time in-person with other alterhumans, it’d be silly to say there’s outright some sort of spark on connection or feeling of family—but there is a feeling of recognition. Of not an “us vs. the world” spark, but of an “we can all be ourselves here,” understanding. It’s so much less dramatic than some accounts I’ve heard, but it’s still a powerful, comfortable, enjoyable feeling. It’s knowing that you can go chasing after a squirrel with reckless abandon without getting judged, or can stop to roll in a pile of especially crunchy leaves just for the sensation of it, and isn’t that its own form of freedom?

And then there’s the beauty of individual identity. One of my favorite parts about my archival work is getting to learn and hear about identities that I’ve never seen before, especially if someone’s written a lot about the “how”s and “why”s. I love getting to not only see how other people experience things differently than I, myself, do, but I love getting to watch the gears in their brain turn as they explain how they got to one conclusion, or other possibilities they’ve considered, or any number of detail-oriented information. Getting to hear about shifts, especially shifts from identities we don’t often see like species-specific fictionkin, conceptkin, machinekin, and phyanthropes, is always such a treat. Hearing how it feels to experience phantom shifts as Southern Live Oak tree, or getting to read about mental shifts from an Alolan Marowak, or any other number of things I’ve been lucky enough to learn about in these communities, is sincerely, genuinely just the absolute coolest. Group experiences and concepts are amazing, but individual experiences are just as, if not more, spectacular.

And speaking on individuals…as a young, teenage nonhuman, I probably would have included a section about how much I admire or value the efforts and works of older alterhumans who are still in the community, and how much I especially enjoy getting to see their content in the communities. How they’re such “inspirations” for me and other such cheesy words. But that feeling has grown and changed a lot as I’ve gotten older: while I still appreciate all the greymuzzles and oldfruits in the community (shoutout to all you grey-furred and grey-scaled rapscallions out there), I feel like the individual age group I particularly appreciate is a lot of the younger folks and ‘new blood’ I’ve seen pop up in the communities.

It’s such a strange feeling to look at someone and go, “Oh man, you’re going to be an absolute force to be reckoned with when you’re older!” but that’s something I’ve definitely experienced. It’s a strange mixture of wistfulness, thinking about my own budding years in the alterhuman communities with probably rose-glassed fondness, and of before-the-fact pride, watching how passionate people are and already being proud of them: for achievements they haven’t yet made, and goals they haven’t yet realized, and selves they’re just now discovering.  It’s genuinely great to see the new, uncharted directions that a lot of the older teenagers are starting to pull and shove the communities in, bringing up old ideas in new ways or just throwing out new perspectives entirely. It makes me feel excited, filled with anticipation for what the future holds and how everything will look like in ten, twenty years.

It also does make me feel a little left behind and out of the times, admittedly, but that’s not a wholly bad thing: times change. Communities change. Our communities are based almost entirely on evolution, where they either continuously change, or they stagnate and die out. The fact that I’m feeling a little out-of-place more and more these days just means I’m settling into the aspects of my identity and the language that I grew up with for describing it is falling more out of use—it just means that I’m getting older and taking on a different niche than I inhabited when I was younger. When I was still a teenager in the community, I was the teeth-bloodied, hot-headed discourser who was willing to shout down and fight anything with a pulse, who was always in the thick of it no matter what “it” was. Now, I think I’m a lot closer to a scholar; jokingly a warrior-scholar, like my patron, if you had to reference the way I came into these communities, but overall, I’m a lot more content to sit it out on the sidelines these days and focus more on my own research and creation.

I wouldn’t stick around these community spaces if I truly didn’t want to be in them, but there’s so much I love wrapped in them that I don’t want to go, anyways. For every physical shifter that drives me up the wall, there’s a million more things that make me want to keep interacting with other nonhumans and alterhumans and that makes me want to keep being a part of specific alterhuman spaces. I love getting to be here, getting to watch how these communities evolve, getting to hear everyone’s stories; I’m glad I get to be a piece of it all, and I count myself lucky for any positive changes I can help affect just by being here. I would do better to remind myself of that more often.

[bunnylovesani]

I know you said that you want to move on from this, but I have to tell you my thoughts because I can’t stop thinking about all of this.

I am a content creator as well, and I write for Anakin. I have been writing for various characters from various shows for years on here, and nothing - nothing - is more toxic than this fandom right now.

From everything I’ve witnessed, I can only attribute it to one person. Indy.

Unfortunately he cannot be helped because of how vain he is, which aren’t even my words. They are his. And it would be fine, if he just left other people alone.

But indy is a bully. A big bully. He polices this whole fandom like he’s got nothing better to do at all. And I’m so sick of it. It makes me and other creators feel like we have to walk on eggshells when we post on here (thus why I am anon. Because god forbid indy sees this, and his little squad of bitter rejects try to ‘cancel’ me too - which, don’t even get me started on cancel culture).

Indy has been called out for creating things before that other people don’t like. His advice? “Just block, don’t read, keep scrolling.” How fucking hard is it to practice what you preach, rather than dragging a new person through the mud each week?

Not to mention, that shit indy was spewing a few weeks back about “not liking how other creators are writing about Anakin because it’s not correct” ? “Be careful with my toy?” “I’m taking him back until you can learn how to handle him correctly?” What kind of entitlement let’s him believe Anakin is HIS to write for only. Anakin is not his idea. He is not his toy. He is George Lucas’s idea that EVERYONE can enjoy, and play with.

And his opinion is not the only correct one out there. I don’t care how much “character studying” he’s done, he can be wrong. Other people can “character study” and come up with completely different conclusions about Anakin. And he can also just let people write what they want to write. Don’t like it? Block, don’t read, keep scrolling. Stop fucking posting about it and laying claim to something that was never his to begin with.

I tried to support indy, because again, he is a phenomenal writer. but he’s way too problematic. It makes me sick seeing his name pop up on my feed, cause that blog literally emits toxic energy.

I am sorry he sunk his claws into you.

Anyways, this isn’t about indy. He was told it was a private matter so he had no reason to butt his big head in anyway. This is about you and Ava.

While Ava may have written an Anakin stalker au, she DOES NOT own it. Nobody own that. Cause nobody owns the ideas of stalkers, and nobody owns the idea of Anakin except GL and Disney. Your work does not resemble hers even slightly. And whose to say someone else hasn’t already written that au in the past? Maybe it’s buried somewhere in tumblr’s vaults. Do they own that idea? Should you dig through years of posts and credit them somehow?

The whole idea is ridiculous. You credit people for their original ideas if you are inspired by them and have permission to use it. You do not need to ask permission or credit something that belongs to everyone.

I could start writing about, I don’t know, firefighter!anakin right now - do I then OWN that au?

Fuck no!

We are all here for the same reason. To write fake scenarios about fake people. Of course, don’t blatantly steal peoples words and ORIGINAL ideas, but the fact that people are spouting all this bullshit about OWNING these common au-ideas now is crazy. Unless you’ve done some kind of world-building or OC-creating, that shit is not original. It’s been done before and it will be done again. Cry about it.

Now let’s bring the linecook Anakin au into consideration. How is it fair that Tilly can write about it, not credit anyone, and get away scotch free? Why didn’t she get called out like you did?

Granted she took it down, but I still think it’s horseshit. Nobody owns that idea. I’ve seen it used for so many different characters on various platforms. She did not have to take it down for some bullshit law indy place on this fandom.

I really am saddened that so many people got dragged into this. Ava left; an amazing content creator. Tilly deleted her work; also an amazing creator. And indy continues to show his true colors; an entitled asshole who can’t let anyone breathe on here.

I want to go back to when this shit was enjoyable. Now all I see on my feed is people throwing each other around because no one can play nice anymore.

Don’t steal peoples ideas. But don’t claim ideas as your own if they are NOT original.

I am on your side bunny. I think you’ve made some very good points, and I commend you for keeping your work up and for standing up for yourself.

At the end of the day, you are a victim of circumstance. I truly just think people need to stop dick riding indy. And I know if he ever sees this, he’ll try to make some witty comeback that only halfway makes sense. he always sounds so defensive when he tries too hard to make it seem like he doesn’t care. He probably cries himself to sleep over these things. I think he needs that.

DAMN ANON. Wish I knew who you were so I could kiss you.

I second everything you’ve said. Blocking me without giving me the chance to respond or explain to a public post made about me was very high and mighty as well as cowardly of him.

I don’t have much more to add since I said I was done talking but I’m gonna post this masterpiece so others can read it.

Seriously thank you for taking the time to write this out and share your valuable thoughts, much love ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

[suga-kookiemonster]

Don't worry, there are still people who want amazingly written stories and complex characters!! I much prefer stories that aren't pwp because I love being able to feel for the characters 🥰 Whether the stories are fluffy, funny, angsty... it doesn't matter. Everything you write is pure ✨️gold✨️ You can take all the time you need, I'll still be waiting patiently for your next fics~~

that is truly so great to hear that 🥹💜 i've been super busy with life this summer (and year, for that matter), and so i haven't been logging on as frequently. but i've also been finding that i don't necessarily miss it? like, every time i log on, i'm just reminded at how the bts fanfic space on this site has taken a turn i don't particularly like. i've been on this site for a looooooooong time (and in multiple fandoms), and the thing i've always loved about tumblr is that it always felt like you were part of a community. people would actually interact with each other and share each other's content and fangirl together and it really felt like you were part of something, and not just a content creator-consumer relationship, like on all other sites. once that tiktok mentality of liking but never sharing hit over here, and once people only bothered to give attention to poorly-written big dick jk fics, it's kinda like...what's the point of putting in all the effort if i don't get the sense of community that i've been doing this for? and i'm clearly not the only writer who has felt this shift, as you can see how many long-standing writers in our fandom have finally decided to move on during the bts hiatus. the fandom over here has started to feel like it feels on twitter--mean, immature, and doing everything for clout and popularity instead of purely for the love of enjoying the company of others who share your interest.

as of now, i'm still mulling over how much more i want to put into this blog. i have so much i still want to share, and i know there are wonderful people like you still hanging in there and keeping up the sense of community that i so love! 💜💜 i've also been considering finally starting to work on some original fiction, so i think i'll do that this year. but i definitely have some ideas that i want to exist in the world that i can only see as bts fanfiction, so i guess a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do 🤣💪🏾

anyways, sorry for rambling, but thank you so much again for always being so supportive and for making this hellsite a fun place to be!!! you really lifted my spirits today and motivated me to get some writing done. so hopefully i'll have something to share with you soon! 💜 hope you've been well~

[yallemagne]

This year, I'm not doing Dr*cula D*ily

Or any other substack but DD is the biggest. I have numerous reasons for this decision that none of y'all are gonna particularly care for, but ya know, just so we got our expectations in order: I'm not gonna participate in DD this year (maybe never again), I'm probably not gonna reblog many posts related to it (doing so would be counterintuitive), but I am holding myself to finishing Orice (at LEAST the base fic).

Now, why?

TL;DR: Mental health crisis brought on by internet harassment and overprioritizing social media. It's not fun anymore, folks.

DD just... it completely ruined the novel for me.

It was a nice phenomenon, but it took a wrecking ball to my mental health and self-worth. Now, I'm not saying DD's creator personally did something to spite me (or maybe I am, he knows what he did /j), but this whole thing? It wasn't good for me. It was never good. It was sometimes fun, but most of the time it made me want to end it because of thumblr notes.

That's fucking stupid. My life is not worth internet validation. My art is not worthless just because my numbers are not as big as the biggest big shots in the fandom. I'm not a horrible person when other people handle personal disagreements regarding headcanon with defaming rumours and impersonation. But hell! My view of reality was horribly skewed.

A while back, I unfollowed all the gothlit tags I previously followed because 1) Some people (active and popular members of the fandom, mind you, not bots or trolls) were posting honest-to-god name-dropping harassment in the tag because "it's a popular tag so more people will see my callout post" and 2) I reached a point where seeing anything related to the novel on my dash just set me off. It didn't even need to be drama-related anymore. Mentions of the characters, mentions of popular AUs, just the very content of this book became triggering to me, and I really didn't miss the content when it was gone, as sad as that is.

And the kicker? I've come to realize that I probably dislike more things about the novel than I actually like about it. Not only is it tied to some of my darkest moments in recent memory, but it's also just... a book with many flaws that I could go on and on and on about. Sometimes, it straight-up made me furious, like seething mad, and I think I'd rather just be happy. But even when I would try to channel that energy into being happy, I always felt I had to over-clarify or else I’d get bombarded with anonymous messages. If you’ve seen any of my posts from during that time… chances are there is a passive aggressive “btw people can have opposing opinions from you about an old book and it doesn’t give you leave to stone them” or several tags of “#this is a joke #a jooooooke #for the love of god #if y’all don’t stop”. I bet it was as annoying for y’all as it was for me.

P.S. Mutuals/friends, do not worry. Y'all keep doing y'all. I can and will block tags if seeing your posts triggers me. So, I suppose my only request is to properly tag, but I've been saying that from the very start.

I just want to move on to other things.

I took a break for Lent. I needed it terribly. And... not gonna lie? I almost didn't want to return. I never got an itching to just log on and "check in". I very successfully avoided tumb altogether. I came back because "I gotta come back eventually" and also like, this is my main hub where I update when I've written a fic, and ya know... I'm not gonna let toxic fandom bs rule my shit.

During my break, I got back into gaming. More specifically, I started playing Hades again. And listening to Epic the Musical. Aaaand boyyy did that bring me back to my Greek mythology phase. I have a Greek mythos/Hades sideblog btw: @areopagusimp. It's cringe, if you can't tell by the blog name.

Back when I was into Hades game and general Greek mythos, my expectations were so much smaller, but yet, my goals and will to create seemed so much bigger. I made art that no one gave a single solitary shit about (except for my friend), but I was happy. Maybe I'm wearing rose-tinted glasses, but... even if I wasn't as happy then as I remember being... haha at least I wasn't receiving threats and insults in my inbox back then :))). That was the most fun thing about the gothlit fandom. I hope every single chickenhearted angry anon is proud of their behaviour.

But yeah, whatever I end up doing, I’m striving to not let it run me into the ground.

But... What do I do now?

I have so many WIPs (art and writing) for the novel, and it's very disappointing that I didn't get to finish them before it all turned sour. Hopefully, I can still finish them, it just won't be with the same distress I worked with before. Hopefully, I can post that stuff and fully manage my expectations, not crash and burn when only a few people like it. Because hell! A few people liking my stuff? That's amazing, really. I shouldn't take that for granted. At the same time, I'm setting a boundary for myself. Placing my self-worth into the hands of people who I don't know, who don't know me, and who aren't even paying for the art? I need to stop that. Who the hell is that gonna serve? Absolutely no one.

My number one goal is to finish Orice. It is somehow untouched by my aversion to the novel; it is my safe space. I want to honour it and honour the longtime readers who have stuck with me. It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it for me.

This feels attention-seeking, and it kinda is. I'm not tagging the main subject and I'm not allowing reblogs because I want this to stay isolated (and hopefully prevent backlash/misunderstandings), but ya know, no matter how much I try to keep this small, I'm still posting it online. But I just feel like I needed to get this off my chest. I don't really owe everyone an explanation, but I want there to be one for my own sake... also it's much easier to generalize and make a post than contact each of my friends/mutuals on here and unload stuff onto them that I'm not sure is too personal or not.

For those of you who are reading: I love y'all. I love the good people I've met through all this mess. I want to keep the good apples, not throw out the whole harvest, alright? Dunno how much you'll care for my art when the subject is different, but... eh. If y'all are willing to try?

[nyasialiveshere]

I feel like a big huge GIGANTIC maybe even GINORMOUS reason for the eventual and inevitable decline of the average kpop fandom, i.e the exo fandom is the absolute refusal and denial to have serious conversations. When I look at other fandoms some way older, others not even half as profitable as your average boy brand, the only difference that I see with the exo brand vs say a nsync or micheal jackson fandom or maybe even a gravity falls fandom, is conversation. See, whenever you silence the majority of people who actually have something interesting to say, don't be surprised when those that are simply following the wave, just move on to whatever is new and shiny. Supernatural is an old as hell fandom and they still have kept up a large support system, and it's not because they come out with new music every five minutes. It's because the writers, creators and actors listen. The fans communicate, they talk about serious things. Whether it's about the story, plot, an actor just having a baby and them sending well wishes. The average failed fandom is hostile, both inside and out. S.m is hostile towards the artist, the artist are distant towards the fans and the fans are hostile towards one another. You cannot have a different opinion than what the company is directing you to have, you can't disagree with the majority opinion. There's no talking anything out, there's no theorizing, there's no creativity, there's no point to anything. So how can you be surprised kpop fandoms die so completely after about 5-7 years, maybe a few after that. Even me saying will insult people and cause them to be negative. When this is just constructive criticism. Yet, nobody wants any of that in the kpop fandom. This is why once the companies stops promoting or giving major bucks to a group the fandoms die completely. It's not self sustaining. A lot of these fans have a lack of actual passion towards the group. Because what passion can you have for a manufactured product? Fans even insult a hypothetical groups of fans. Getting angry and cursing and throwing out toxicity more than they will say commentary on an album, or give an opinion on a video.

Even when it's something meant to garner talk fans ignore it and would rather get angry at something hypothetic, 'like yeah if anyone says anything negative about this I'll do xyz, screw them, or comment about allegedly seeing something negative written somewhere'

It's exhausting and immature. Nobody wants to be apart of something so negative. I get people want attention and comments, but honestly I don't blame fans for rescinding. Many fans must go to secretive forums to have conversations that would get them mass reported. And guess what? Some fans are still trying to get those forums shut down. You can't give an opinion, you can't talk about the obvious, you can't be happy if someone wants to leave a group and live their own life. You have to stay in this middle school mindset forever or you will get attacked. But then people wonder why people just lurk and don't say anything, or support the group. Nobody wants to support a bunch of lunatics.

People like to talk freely, laugh, make funny videos, people do not want to deal with being judged or mocked for making a joke. So many creators have been bullied into deleting all their work and now the same people who helped get rid of those people are wondering why their work isn't popular like theirs. I remember days when genuinely talented people would make content and it was great, but if they said something TRUE they were bullied.

It's honestly really sad, but I don't really feel bad. This has happened to loads of fandoms. Stop bullying people off the internet for speaking freely.

I'll leave this here as a food for thought.

There's only two exo creators I can name that made a real positive cultural impact with spreading the group to a global audience. Exosexo and madeline. Both were bullied out the kpop fandom spere. Nobody feels any shame for doing so. Despite the fact that many people constantly cry about idol's mental health, but had no cares for if these girls would of hurt themselves due to all the bullying.

I wasn't in the fandom when the two of them were bullied but I'm sure I would of thought the people doing so were pathetic just like I do now.

Once I found out the reason for them bullying exosexo and knowing that now she is doing a great job promoting her new fandom anime, and is really successful at it, it's clear kpop fans lost out.

Her grave sin was saying that all of exo had plastic surgery, to which millions of people called her racist and a liar....

I could insult but what would be the point of that. Stupid wouldn't even be the word. Most have said outwardly or implied that they've gotten it; or maybe the fact that you can see some of their surgery scars might be enough, but when you worship another human as a grown adult of course your brain has to be for decoration.

Even if she was dead wrong, how is that racist? It's not people just use whatever they can to make others shut up. Even trying to get journalists fired if they don't butter up whatever kpop idol they are talking about. As long as you act like a petulant child of course your average listener is going to dip and ignore and block any kpop content they see. In the end that poor behavior will only hurt the industry you are trying to support.

[snarkythewoecrow]

Truth or Dare Tag Game

Okay, I am totally avoiding all my wips right now, so doing this instead, thanks @underwaterninja13

Which friends/mutuals would you call to hide a body?

@buckybeardreams I feel they would help without too many questions, and probably those would only be where and when, and if I needed a shovel

How many user subscriptions do you have on Ao3?

eh, more than some, less than others, but it's in the 4 digits

Do you have a crush on someone? OR If you're with someone, tell us one thing you love about them.

my hubby cuz he's ride or die, and didn't get all cranky yesterday when informed him in had spilt an ice coffee on the spare clip to my gun, and then kinda forgot to tell him for two days, and it had like caramel in it, and yeah, it was sticky and gross, but he cleaned it all for me, and still loved me after, and my bestie denim cuz they know all the right things to say when shit is extra shitty

What does the last DM/text you sent say?

(we were discussing tommy/buck lol)

totally, like all his other relationships were shit shows waiting to crash and burn, and like it showed, hence needing to talk to bobby every time about them, but like, yeah, with tommy it's different, it's a whole different vibe, mature and safe, for once his relationship isn't chaos and built on some weird and unhealthy foundation, like what he has with Tommy is just so different because if you think about it, he is the first person that doesn't want Buck to be something he's not, doesn't want anything from him other than to be part of his company, Tommy is patient and just wants him, wants Evan, and like there is no drama attached to it, they are equals and meeting with mutual understanding of careers, like they can just be and Buck doesn't need to struggle against what he'd faced in the past, partners only seeing him as a hero or a slut or as an object of death to study, like he really can just be himself with tommy

List the three friends/mutuals with the best takes.

@kittyneedsbetterhobbies @buckybeardreams

Share one of your favorite fics of all time.

yeah, I just went and stared at my bookmarks and then closed the tab cuz got overwhelmed, seriously, it's so all mood related for me, but there are some that are memorial for me, for sure, so maybe a few randoms that i recall enjoying but might be lesser known:

Jar of Hearts by Cupcakemolotov -- Caroline/Klaus (Vampire Diaries)

Of Old Soldiers and Missing Wars by NonchalantxFish -- Steve Rogers & Tom Riddle (MCU and HP)

of stitches and first meetings by buckaroos -- Buck/Eddie (911 but kinda crossed with supernatural)

List three of your favorite content creators.

wrinkling my nose at "content creators" being used as a term here, but anyway, definitely @voxofthevoid and um, pretty sure I don't have any others that stick out

Write one thing you love about yourself.

that i'm getting much better at being myself, no matter how weird that may be to some

Which fandom of yours (past or present) has the best fics?

idk, depends what you want to read, some fandoms are smaller, some focus more on wholesome shit, some are more big enough to include a wide variety of fuckery, so best depends on what's best to you at the time, but the bigger and older the fandom, the more likely the writers have life experience and actually had anal before which, my god, unless you like a finger in your ass for foreplay, my god, what is with the one-two-three fingers, you're all stretched, now let's go, shit? like every time??? anyway, continuing on......

Which creation of your own are you the most proud of?

Came back to edit and scratch that answer out, I really like and maybe not the most proud of, but definitely up there:

a little dented (but definitely not broken) by snarkymuch --this was important to me for many reasons, but proud of how it turned it, and of the emotion it captured

uh... not me forgetting everything i've ever written rn, um, i like a lot of the self harm ones, with buck/eddie, the emotion was nice to write, the build and tension, tbh, i'm blanking--i mean, the pikachu one was cute, also can't remember what it's called rn though, something like, I choose you pikachu (and other ways two idiots say i love you) <--could be way off on title there

Have you ever read RPF?

not really, though kinda suppose that's what I do with my friend by accident all the time when talking fic ideas

Tag the mutual(s)/friend(s) most likely to get away with murder.

probably myself, or like me and @buckybeardreams

Tag the mutual(s)/friend(s) who know(s) the most about you.

@buckybeardreams and weirdly, pretty sure @plotbunnypettingzoo has picked up so many random facts from reading my posts and talking to me

Now tag some friends to play!

@plotbunnypettingzoo @buckybeardreams @kittyneedsbetterhobbies and anyone else interested

[rae-gar-targaryen]

I have a question about reblogging fics that I would love your opinion on as a writer… I admittedly rarely reblog fics, artwork or photos from the TGM fandom because it’s a side interest for me, and really doesn’t match the content on my blog. I hear you and many other fandom creators on this site talk about the importance of reblogging original content and I want to help by changing my behaviour. I’ve thought about creating a new blog to specifically support the TGM creators I love by reblogging their content, but worry that that isn’t a very helpful solution because the reblogs would probably go to a “dead end” and not be further shared past my blog. Does that seem like a reasonable solution to you, or is there a more helpful way I can take action? Thanks in advance for your guidance - I love your Mickey pieces and would hate to see you stop sharing your writing due to a perceived lack of interest!!

Hi, my darling! Thank you for this question, and for taking the time to write about this! I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you -- I've been thinking about how I want to answer and what I could suggest. I am by no means the premiere authority on this sort of thing, so I welcome my other writer friends to chime in. But here I go --

Firstly, thank you so much for your love of my content and wanting to help promote it/other writer's works. I also appreciate you being willing to step out of your comfort zone in order to benefit writers and creators on Tumblr. That's so kind and so important.

To some extent, I understand being known for certain content on your blog, and not wanting to disrupt your own content for your followers. I know some blogs are really fandom and aesthetically oriented. So I get that.

That said, one big point of reblogging is getting the material in front of new eyes, so if your OG blog has the numbers to help writers get seen, I can't express enough what that would mean to me, and to other writers to be shared to that forum.

It's no secret that one frustration I have with my own writing is that it never seems to "break through." I am fortunate to receive the positive feedback that I do, and one of the things I regularly hear is "this is so well-written!" And "why doesn't this have more notes?" I wish I knew -- the answer is that it could, if things didn't sit in the likes tab. And it sort of breaks my heart to read what is intended as a compliment that serves to remind me that my content is only reaching the eyes of whomever happens to be browsing the tag that day and few others.

That said, to your suggestion about creating a side blog/library blog and the concern that it would be a "dead end," you're right in that reblogging content into a dead blog or one that doesn't have many followers does not remediate the issue. So, my counter-question to you is -- are you willing to disrupt the flow/aesthetic of your main to either share fics, or to promote your side blog and encourage your followers to check it out/follow the writers you share to there? The latter may be more effort than you're willing to put in to the endeavor (and I certainly would never ask or expect anyone to bend over backward). And the former may not be what you're willing to do for the sake of what you're already sharing to your blog.

So -- if there's an answer, I'm not sure I have a clear one. I appreciate your willingness to share. And if you one day do, I know it would make that writer's day! It would certainly make mine.

And I'm not trying to guilt anything, but I can't tell you the number of times I've felt that looming cloud of discouragement because I look at the metrics and think, "well, that flopped." Because if people are silently reading and not saying anything, it may not be the case that my fics are flopping in that sense, but if that's true, I have no way of knowing. For me, an ask (I keep anon on for a reason), a comment reblog, tags, a comment, something that lets me know what someone enjoyed about my story?? Makes my entire day! I put so much thought into exactly how I want a sentence to sound. What I want the flow of a story to be. The vibe I want to convey. It's all intentional. And it can be heartbreaking when you feel like it resonated with no one.

If you're still reading this, thank you! Thank you for asking! Thank you for your patience and dedication to reading and hopefully sharing work! You have a few options, and I welcome others' suggestions. All my best to you, my love. And happy reading! I have so many fics planned for the coming months. 💜🌿☀️🌻✨

[coff-in]

you don’t need to apologize! it’s easy to feel burnt out specially with how many requests you get

do things on your own pace! i hope you feel better soon!! (ps: we’ll patiently wait for new i.i.i chapters!!🎉)

— Dungeon Anon

i hope i feel better too! everyone has been really nice towards me so far, i'm just not used to having an audience like this ^^; it's my first time actively participating in a fandom, i'm usually a consumer of content, so when i started making stuff i tried to live or keep up with the expectations i had for creators as a consumer and i'm realizing that the expectations i have are NOT forgiving :(

big vent talk (don't feel like you have to read it all)

i want to post something-- anything really-- to make sure that:

you guys know that i'm still active (my biggest fear is finding wonderful content made by wonderful creators and figuring out that they're inactive or on a undisclosed hiatus-- which is their right to do so, ofc! i don't say this to be intentionally rude or entitled)

to keep your attention (i like reading your asks and requests and they actively help me expand my own thoughts and ideas by introducing me to concepts i wouldn't have thought of before)

however, i think by keeping myself up to this "professional" standard i have in my head, i've sort of been taking the fun out of writing your requests little by little. i don't want to put blame on my audience and i entirely take blame or fault or burden for my feelings and thinking when approaching all this. like, i notice that i answer more conversational asks quicker than i do more formal one (ie i'll answer "hey coff-in! tell me your thoughs..." before i'll tackle "could i request...") it's also my fault for keeping my inbox open all/most of the time. i've gotten so used to the joy and happiness of getting an ask or request that i honestly get worried when i don't see a notification next to my inbox in the morning or before i go to bed.

i have a bad habit of getting really attached to fandoms and projects and then just... not finishing them. now that i have an audience, people who come to me (my blog), i fear about disappointing them when i have nothing to show. i've been working on other little side projects so i don't over-saturate on tcoaal and lose interest (i have new books to read, i'm working on a ren'py visual novel, i have dnd planned with online friends) and they bring me joy, but i'm constantly plagued with the thought that i'm doing something wrong by not working on something tcoaal related. and when i do answer requests or write for indulgence in isolation, i'm afraid that is isn't good enough. i know that it's a silly expectation to have-- i'm not a professional by any means, i'm a 19 year old student who barely goes outside-- but it just HAUNTS me. it makes me scared...

... i try to keep pushing though. i know that my characterizations of andrew and ashley aren't anything close to canon or as good as canon but that's to be expected, no? i'm not nemlei and these aren't my characters so i'm not going to feel as comfortable writing for them as i do my ocs and orginal characters.

i'm mostly just fighting myself these days.

i'm happy that you guys get that though! you guys don't force or demand me to write or answer requests... i just, i'm just so grateful to have you guys here to stumble upon my little blog. i've gone from posting little ficlets i've written in my notebook to nobody to answering requests and writing multi chapter fanfiction and drawing oc art to about 110 people (and those who lurk) in about two months. i have to remind myself that it's reasonable to get stressed and feel overwhelmed and to overwork myself, it's my FIRST TIME doing this!! there's no real study guide to handling fame (and i've never been good at studying anything ^^;)

i'll try to get writing out but it's probably won't be daily anymore (unless it's questions about my ocs, since i'm the most comfortable writing for my own characters) but it'll try to post something everyday. again, i'll also be writing for indulgence in isolation behind the scenes, too. i wanted to have longer chapters (about 3k-5k words) but i struggle producing 1.5k-2k words in about three days, so those updates may be a bit longer... i like writing, i'm just not good at it

i'm sorry for the long vent and all it's messiness. it felt nice typing it all out though. i've always felt like i had to explain my feelings somehow and it's nice to tell it to people instead of my empty bedroom aloud. it gives me a feeling of closure.

thank you all for listening and reading :) and thank you for your continued support

----

coff-in

[eyenaku]

YOU SAID SEND ASKS EVEN IF THEY'RE DUMB SO I'M GONNA SEND ONE.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE DAYCARE ATTENDANT WHEN SAW THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME (IN GAME AND IN FANDOM) AND WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU REALLY, REALLY LIKED THEM?

okokokok so basically i was avoiding fnaf like the plague bc i am terrified of animatronics and horrible with jumpscares in particular! but my best friend is a long time big time fnaf fan and so since like 2017 i was consuming fnaf content passively through them, and even since the game came out i was seeing stuff about it i just never got into it bc it wasn't super appealing

i was really invested in afton family lore n such so i got into fnaf because of that but was avoiding most animatronic content bc weee big fear (a few exceptions of animatronics though i.e. ballora) I could not figure out why i was so scared of them but I FIGURED IT OUT!! more on that later-

so fnaf sb came out n ofc I was watching playthroughs on call w/ my friend (before i played it, i played it soon after) and when sun showed up i was very much,,,, not scared of em?? i could not figure out why?? but i didn't really *focus* on them cuz i wasn't super into fnaf outside of afton family stuff

my friend kept sending me sun and moon fanart bc I did not have an upset reaction to them which was abnormal up until that point, and so i started to actively think they were neat! not super into them to the extent i came to be though- but i did figure out that the reason i have no issue with them and do have an issue with outer animatronics is because of their eyes! even moon who has "pupils" doesnt have the horrible doll-like "realistic" eyes most of the animatronics have- which is what was so unnerving about them to me. absolutely hate dolls and stuffed animals with eyes i have no idea why but one day they were just BAD and as a kidd i threw all the ones i had away and never looked back for the most part,,, but anyways sun and moon's designs were very appealing to me as i've always loved clown/jester type designs, celestial designs, pantomime-esque designs, marionette/bjd type designs (every time i draw them they have ball joints even now), etc. i also love love play structures and i've also always lowkey wanted to work in early education or in a daycare so the very environment was appealing! the designs really hit all of my interests AND were free of what was terrifying about the other animatronics

ANYWAYS i think the turning point (like it was for a lot of people in this fandom) was bamsara's work/solar lunacy! up until that point i had specifically avoided and never touched self insert fics + art, but it's so well written it changed my initial views about the whole category entirely ! because of that i was able to appreciate/consume more of the dca fandom content, which has so many talented creators! aside from that i remember being really really invested in 8um8ble8ee's dca work!

the designs being so appealing to my interests is likely one of the main reasons though aya!! jesters! bells! glow in the dark! stars! sun and moon motif! they remind me of those porcelain pierrots- one of my interests is the history of pantomime/commedia dell arte! i really don't think there's one thing about them or one moment i can remember that i was like YOOOOOOOOO!!!! it kinda just took over my brain hdsjkhsad

anyways i do remember distinctly sometime last year going wait- wtf?? because i'd thought this was a small time interest! something small i'd only taken casual interest in for a month or so, like so many other things, but then realizing i'd been making ART (not just consuming media) of them since at least december of 2021??? which is kinda insane to me!! (/pos ofc) before that time i was going through a really messy and just bad point in my life, and one of the ways I was tracking time was by the way my hair looked- i'd gotten obsessed with mykull afton after all the bad stuff and impulse cut my hair into a mullet and re-dyed it my natural colour after having bleached it brown, but this "first" drawing of sun was BEFORE my hair changed?? which i had not realized at all?? somehow in my head it was bad thing->mykull->dca but it looks like i was consuming and creating dca content through it all

anyways hsjhsjakjas i forgot what i was saying but i think i just really really liked them since i first saw em- i just didn't realize how much they had infiltrated my life until later somehow?? so ~may 2022 was when but really it was more like ~dec 2021? they make me so so happy i have no idea what it is to be honest

so ye in-game wise it was sorta on sight, fandom wise it was bc of solar lunacy + 8um8ble8ee !!

i still think its really funny that i like em so much, considering some of my biggest fears are Animatronics, Jumpscares, and The Dark BAHAHAHA

[dimdiamond]

ok I just read y'all's comments and who says tintin is not popular in america or even tintin is considered unpopular ?girl wth that's not true at all,I can tell you literally more than 50% of tintin fanpages in Instagram is american,you just write his hashtag on insta and you'll see plenty of fanarts or books or videos related to him or even new written comics which have the herge's style about tintin that all are american,in Google says that tintin is literally in top 3 of most famous and successful comics in both 20 and 21 century so it's highly popular in every place of the world,as far as I know there are some tintin paintings in some places in america like museum or smth that's so huge and popular so I just wanted to make this clear buddy love you 🤏🏻

Glad to know that, nonnie! I am happy Americans love Tintin too and yes it's a fact The Adventures Of Tintin is considered a legend in the comic history worldwide, you have so many people writing essays about it and its creator or simply fans.

Our point, that has somehow been misunderstood, is that in America Tintin and other bande designee comics aren't that popular comparing to other comics, like the American ones of course and Japanese ones. Additionally, there has been no new content since Herge died so that would naturally lead to a comic being less famous. Yet, Tintin remains popular so that's a big thing and I'm glad the series keeps gaining more fans because, well, it deserves it and following Tintin other comics of this style and era can get more recognition too.

The Adventures Of Tintin is a unique case because, although, as you're saying, it is famous and has been recognized for its worth, at the same time you don't see people talking about it much or many haven't even heard of it. And if it was big in America, for sure it would rise its popularity all over the world (even though it is famous already in many parts of the world already but that's another issue about how the media and culture are American centric and anyway I'm not an expert to talk about it). Consider I am from a European country and it's hard to find the comics or products, despite the fact we had dubbed the cartoon series and many people grew up watching it.

It could be because of Tintinimaginatio's policy and tactics, it could be because there's no new Tintin content, it could be because of whatever but the fact remains that if you're fan of Tintin you have the feeling that there are a few of you, although there are many people who love Tintin all over the world. Maybe the tendency to treat the series like a museum exhibit or an old artwork has something to do with it. I can't say for sure why this happens.

Anyway I don't doubt there are American fans or that the series is recognized in America, I am just wondering how many people of the general audience there know the series and how much it is talked about when the topic of interest is comics in general.