#I want this masterpiece to stay online forever. I want us to forever be able to look and admire this adorable clown and her squishiness

[spirit-of-a-kiger]

You know that Pomni test animation that Kevin Temmer made, posted, and for some reason deleted? Somebody posted it on Reddit, and I want everyone to see it.

It's very important, I decided.

I mean, just look at her! She's so squishy! <3 :3 I want to grab her cheeks and just start messing with them.

[matchsumu]

candlelight

description: existential nights with tooru :) 

pairing: oikawa tooru x f!reader

genre: fluff (so disgustingly sweet, blame those damn ear edits not me)

warnings: existentialism

wc: 1.3k

a/n: let’s just pretend that light pollution doesn’t exist

“I leave you alone for twenty minutes and you’re planning to sacrifice me?” you tease while observing the current state of you and your boyfriends shared bedroom. 

“GAH! Y/n-chan, you scared me!” Tooru exclaims, jolting upright from his squatting position and swiftly tossing the lighter he was gripping to the side. 

The room was littered with a dozen glowing candles ranging from size, shape, and pungent scents that you swore you were smelling while in the shower.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I was just trying to set the mood~,” he said in a sing-song voice while sauntering over to you. 

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the corner of your mouth from quirking up a bit, “the only thing being set is our apartment, on fire.”

He pouted at your remark and pulled you into a warm embrace. “Forgive me?”

You swatted at his chest before tucking your chin into the crook of his neck. He always had quite the flair for dramatics. 

“I suppose.”

---

The candles didn’t actually bother you; they flickered prettily from your view on the bed. You thought the gesture was sweet and maybe even a little romantic, as everything in the room glowed warm. Each candle smoldering like a miniature sun, all in charge of lighting up their own little domains.

“You’ve created a nice little set up, Tooru,” you murmured into his hair.  

He perked up slightly at the praise, shifting around the blankets so that he could hold you tighter. 

“I know that you’ve been stressed lately; and I know that I haven’t really been there for you as much as I should be with volleyball and all, so I just wanted to help. I read online that candles are good for relaxation, but I still wanted to be able to see your face, because I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, so I got a bunch of them to make sure it would be bright enough and-”

“It’s perfect,” you interrupted, “Thank you. It means a lot.”

It really was perfect. He was perfect. He meant a lot. 

Oikawa hummed in response and you felt him smile into your figure. 

His sudden shyness made your heart swell with fondness, and you pulled back from his embrace so that you could see him. 

All of his features glowed warm. Brown hair showed caramel, and his eyes melted into pools of amber and bronze, swirling with every flicker of the flames. He was your sun. The fuel that made the light in your heart glow.

“Like what you see?” he teased but was unable to hide his own breathlessness. 

“Always,” you weren’t sure if the heat on your face was from the fire or him. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“Always,” he echoed, “it’s all for you.”

You both knew he wasn’t just talking about the candles. 

The two of you settled back into your resting position before you took a deep breath and broke the silence.

“Can I ask you for some advice?”

He cocked his head towards you but nodded nonetheless. 

“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you could go back in time and change the past?”

He stayed silent, waiting for you to finish your thought.

“Like sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I picked a different college major, or if I hadn’t transferred to Seijoh, or even if I put extra creamer in my coffee this morning. There must be so many different universes of me living completely different lives to the one I’m living right now. It just makes me wonder if the life I’m currently living is the right one,” you rambled softly.

“Yeah, I think I know what you mean,” he said, prompting you to continue. 

“I’m just scared that I’m wasting my time worrying about stuff that’s meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I want to be able to live in the moment more,” you added.

You were glad that the dim lighting was enough to conceal your expression for the most part. Sometimes talking was easier when you didn’t have to focus on anything else. 

“Get up.”

You met his serious gaze with a confused expression. 

“Grab a blanket too, it’s cold out,” he added while climbing out of bed and throwing a shirt on. 

“Why?” It was the middle of the night. 

“We’re going to go live in the moment,” he smiled from the bedroom doorway, eyes sparkling. 

---

The view from your balcony was a masterpiece. The stars had put on a brilliant show, as if you and Tooru were the only people left on the earth to watch it. 

It was a cold night - cold enough that your breath came out in puffs of miniature clouds, before disappearing into the void. 

But as cold as the air was, you felt warm from the tip of your nose to your sock feet. You were wrapped up in a blanket with Oikawa, pressing so close that you weren’t sure where your skin ended and his began. 

You sat in the silence, basking in his warmth. It was almost as if he brought the heat of the candles with him, embedded into his skin just to share with you. 

“The stars look nice,” he stated.

“They do.” 

You were silent again, basking in the starlight as the sleepless city clamored on in the foreground.

“Love?”

You turned towards him, as his favorite pet name for you left his lips.

“I know what you mean, by the way. About wondering if things were different. I used to think about that a lot.”

You remembered. Those weren’t very fond memories for you. You hated seeing him so sad; he probably felt the same towards you. “What about now?”

“Now?” He hummed in thought, “Now, I’m happy, I look back and everything was all worth it.”

“I’m glad,” you smiled warmly.

“And,” he continued, “I’m happy that you’re with me in this universe. I hope we’re together in every universe.”

A world where you and Oikawa were strangers, did not exist; there was no doubt in your mind. He had set up a camp in your heart, at first only a log and a spark. But along with your growing fondness for each other, the flame in your heart erupted into a combustion of exuberance. How could he not be a part of your world when he was your sun, burning brightly at the center of it all.

“I have a feeling that you managed to worm your way into all of my lives. I hope that the other ‘me’s’ have the strength to deal with your shittyness,” you sighed.

“Mean!” He gasped and jammed a finger into your side and you laughed at his outburst.

“I pour my heart out to you, and this is how I’m treated?” Oikawa whined, “careful, love, you’re going to turn into iwa-chan if you keep this up.”

“Aw, now we can’t have that,” you cooed and he reveled in the attention. 

Maybe you should be concerned at how intertwined your lives have become. But there was really no avoiding it, after all. He was your sun. He kept you warm to the core on the coldest days and swept rays of light throughout your world, transforming it into a shining palace, where you hoped to spend the rest of your days. 

The question was not, Would you be together? rather How could you not?

How could you not, when you couldn’t even imagine a world without him?

“I love you,” you mumbled softly into his skin. The words didn’t feel like enough. There was no way you could pack all of your emotions into three syllables, but as always he understood.

“I know, I love you too,” Oikawa responded quickly, on autopilot. You had gotten to the point where those words didn’t need to be contemplated before being said. 

The night sky was beautiful but even so, it could never outshine the stars in Oikawa’s eyes. As you curled into him, you knew that you could not be as content as you were now in any other universe.

[bucksbisexual]

well, well, well. it’s the end of 2020.

kinda weird, isn’t it? the year has flown by and it’s already the end of the last month. it’s been..... strange to say the least, but this year i’ve found a place, and most specifically, people who have made this year a little bit better and brighter with either their presence or their content, and for that, i want to send some love to all of you who have made an impact on me this year with our interactions or your content on my dashboard 💖💖

i feel like i should start with everyone who has added me in their follow forevers (i still can’t believe i was even part of a single one??? i- 🥺) so let me do just that hehe

@yihwas​ soph!! we haven’t interacted much but every time we did u have been nothing but the sweetest and kindest person ever and that made such a great impact on me, thank u for being so amazing 🥰💛

@planthusbands​ cass!!! even though our age gap is 10 whole years you have been nothing but welcoming and lovely to me and u truly feel like an older sister to me 🥺💚 the cover u did for our secret santa hugs me tightly whenever i feel down 💖

@petekaos​ rahul!!!! (or should i say rhaul kjsjfhsfj my fingers h*te u for no reason i swear) u are such a lovely person and i’m so glad to be able to have gotten to know u better this year. you’re so amazing and u already know from before we even interacted that i Love ur fics so please never let anything stop u from writing!! 💙

@wjmild​ kylie!!! we have been talking more lately because of both of us (well, now only me) watching guardian and it’s so much fun!! i love hearing ur thoughts and opinions on things even if they differ from mine because i find u really interesting!!! also u’ve probably heard this from everyone from the gc but i love ur voice jhfkjsf love u lotsss 🧡

@toptaps​ zey!! we haven’t interacted much and have barely spoken on dms but u’re so lovely and kind 💛 ur love for things makes me want to love them as well (see: guardian) and i would love to get to know u better this year that’s just around the corner 🥰

okay and now.. to everyone else!!

@brightwin​ jelly!!! i miss u tons :-( but thank u for being so lovely whenever we interacted, you’re so nice to everyone and so so so talented when it comes to giffing, you’re pretty much the person who made me want to start giffing so thank u for creating such masterpieces 💛

@gunatps​ vee!!! are u feeling better love? i hope you’re recovering well <3 i loved getting to know u this year and loved all the weird conversations in the gc when it was alexa, u and me or sometimes just u and me, i miss bicis but hopefully bicis can come back as soon as u recover. ur korn apologist agenda was strong but u ended up being right... truly The Monarch skjfhsj love u lots 🧡 (i will join ur next chanonpom breakdown on vc okay? just tell me when and i’ll be there <3)

@kimmonv​ violet!!! we haven’t talked much but u seem like such an interesting and funny person, i would love to talk more with u this next year 🥰 i loved being ur secret santa (even if i sucked at it) and i felt rlly happy when u said u liked it!! i hope 2021 treats u well 💚

@lee-thanat​ ke!!! i loved getting to know u a little this year and i definitely loved trying to read ur nonsensical messages that were supposed to mean something KHSFJSHF i also loved playing with u on among us that one time even if i killed u once (sorry about that btw... ily), i hope everything’s going well and that we can talk more next year 💜

@soulmatelines​ jo!!! my twin sjkfjksfh i loooved getting to know u this year!! you’re so funny and so smart even if ur artistic skills are... Not The Best skfjhjfhks (neither are mine so it’s okay, no need to feel bad) i loved being on vc with u and just talking with u on discord whenever u were online, i hope we can continue doing that next year!!! love u lots 💛

@pvrrish​ eleni!! we’ve talked so little this year that i can barely remember if there was any conversation at all :-(( but i would love to get to know u better this next year!! u seem like such an interesting person and u and angel are friends so i’m sure u’re amazing!! hope 2021 treats u well 💚

@class2clown​ angel!!! it’s been such a pleasure to get to know u this year and i can’t believe that it’s already been months since we first spoke :’)) all of ur creations are soooo good and i love all of them!!! i hope nothing ever stops u from creating more because they’re all so amazing!!! 🧡

@floralbfs​ augs!!!! god it’s been a while since we started talking but u’ve always been so lovely and have always been there to share ur ideas for the thousand unwritten/posted pangwave and khaithird fics on our dms... i’m so glad that u rbed one of my tgg posts asking for the drama’s name because otherwise i wouldn’t have gotten to know someone as amazing as u 🥰 i hope 2021 is easier for u, sending u lots of love 💛

@vihokratanas​ mel!!! we haven’t spoken much but i’ve noticed that we share our love for a few dramas so i’d love to get to know u better this next year!!! u and violet’s almost daily spam on the bops channel is dearly missed but i know u guys are busy so hopefully this 2021 will be a bit more relaxed 🧡

@doctorbahnjit​ alexa my love!!!!! what can i even tell u.... you’ve been nothing but kind since day 1 that we started talking on the gc and to get to know u this 2020 was such a delight. thank u for being who u are and thank u for watching dramas with me on vc even if u can’t (or i can’t) hear shit, i appreciate it sososososo much and i just love spending hours upon hours (well, until ur grandma ass has to go to sleep) chatting and watching debatably good dramas with u and dawn <3 i hope 2021 treats u better and that u still stay being as awesome as u are 🥰💖

@pangwave​ dawnnie my baby!!!!! hi bb how’s everything going?? i hope u’re okay, i miss u a lot :-(( getting to know u this year has been one of the best things that have come out of this hellhole of a year. thank u for making most of my nights so entertaining with both ur thoughts and ur dumb fights with alexa, they’ve been the highlight of my days from these past 2 months :’) the endless vc calls with u and alexa (and ur shitty internet cutting every single one of ur sentences)  have made my year so much better and i can’t thank u enough for that. u and ur crabsticks and ur opinions and ur incredibly good gifsets are truly some of the best things that have come out of this year. thank u sosososo much for being how u are, i love u so much dawnnie 🥰💖

here’s some other people who have been on my dash for a while and that i appreciate their content as well: @scoupslipgloss (i mostly rb u with my sideblog but i love ur acc!!!) @vocalunits @chaoticbiwuxian @drwcn @bimingjue​ (i wouldn’t be a gifmaker if it wasn’t for u sending me the ps download link so i owe u my Life) @aanau (i rb a lot of what u post and i’m sorry if i have ever spammed u skjfhjsf i just love ur blog even if we don’t really share any fandoms aaaa) @emisfritish @leoyunxi @1akorn @gunsatthaphan @asianmelodrama @fushiguroo @khaotungthanawat @mymycorrhizae @jaehwany​ and @coldties amongst the many blogs that i’ve seen all year on my dash!!!! everyone’s content and posts have gotten me through 2020 so thank u all so much for staying on tumblr 💗

i feel like i’ve forgotten people but please know that if u are not in this but we’ve interacted in any way then you’ve most definitely made some kind of impact to me!! these are just the people i talk with the most 💖

thank u all for being soooo amazing and i hope 2021 is good to everyone here and to everyone who reads this. happy holidays and happy new year to everyone 🥰💖✨

[lifesuite]

LifeSuite Review 2021 — ⚠️SCAM EXPOSED⚠️

LIFESUITE WHAT IS IT

LifeSuite Is The ONLY All-In-One Powerpact Digital Solution You’ll Ever Need To Provide  The Most Demanded Services On The Internet For LIFE – at an unbeatable one-time price.

==> Special Discount: Order Today With Best Price And Special Offers

Sure, we all know we have to adapt to the digital world if we want to stay afloat, feed our families and afford a decent lifestyle. ​But what comes next? Struggling To Adapt? Then just like me, I’m sure many of you figured out that you need to get so many things right to be able to sell online. The most important tasks to successfully go digital are: Storing your files safely… god forbid you lose all your important data; Hosting your website, it can’t be slow & unattractive after all it is your virtual identity; Reaching out to your audience fast enough, you don’t want to lose the opportunity to convert a client; Creating stunning graphics to make your audience stop & stare at your business; Hosting your own webinars to tap into the new age live-selling market; Creating funnels to successfully sell your product & count your profits.

==> Read More Here: Don’t Miss Out Today’s Special Offer <==

Don’t know about the next door genius. Hopelessly Searching For A Better Tomorrow? For all those who reached this stage of realization kudos to you. But you already know, knowing about what all you need barely solves the issue. It is actually the beginning of great suffering. Tried Everything Possible? Did you just like me get hoaxed into trying everything you possibly could? Wasting all your precious money on stuff like: Digital marketing books & podcasts, Marketing gurus, File storage facilities like DropBox, Graphic designing tools like Photoshop, Funnel builders like ClickFunnels, Autoresponders like Aweber, Webinar hosting platforms like Zoom, Hosting platforms like HostGator. And Still Failed?

>> Visit The Official Website Here to Place Your Order!

And to top it all. Did you still have to try and learn your way around these software, Hire a huge team of experts to work on each software separately, Pay more & more with each passing day, etc. Introducing The One Solution To All Your Problems, The One Trick For All Your Goal Manifestations Is Here. It’s called LifeSuite.

Everything Is Ready-To-Publish In 3 Quick Steps:

STEP 1: Get Access to the easiest all-in-one digital solution

STEP 2: Pick the service you need… cloud hosting, file storage, webinar hosting, auto responding, funnel building or graphic designing

STEP 3: Witness the magic of hot-selling digital services in skyrocketing sales & profits.

The Bottom Line: LifeSuite is designed for anyone who likes to be in full control of their business, but at the same time HATES complicated software. It’s for you if you simply don’t want to pay extra for storing extra data, bandwidth and designs want to build something uncomplicated which grows and makes you more and more as it does. It’s for you if you’re sick and tired of paying monthly subscriptions to storage, hosting, funnels, autoresponder & design platforms in return for mediocre support and massive downtimes.

HURRY UP GET EXCLUSIVE 50% DISCOUNT OFFER ON OFFICIAL WEBSITE.

At the moment – LifeSuite is available for MASSIVELY discounted ONT-TIME price but of course, this special offer CANNOT continue forever. Once this special launch ends – LifeSuite will then turn into a monthly subscription model. So – don’t miss this MASSIVE opportunity and get access right now.

WHAT LIFESUITE CAN DO FOR YOU

EXPERIENCE Ultimate Cloud Hosting: Host limitless websites on rock-solid cloud based servers; Create Ultra-fast loading sites with no downtime; Enjoy absolute peace of mind & security courtesy of End-To-End Encryption; Personalize unlimited email accounts & experience unprecedented bandwidth; Automated creation with maximum ease & sophistication for new-age marketers; End your struggles with one-click installer for WordPress & 100+ apps; Sleep better & live stress-free because your sites are malware protected.

EXPERIENCE Reliable Data Storage: Add, manage & delete your precious files from even the remotest island; Share files & collaborate with your team or family in just one-click; Avoid data snooping & third-party sharing by making the safe shift; Keep cherished memories and all your files secure throughout eternity with the backup feature; Save precious time thanks to quick-view enabled documents, images & videos; Download & upload files instantly using the lightning speed servers without a moment’s delay

With LifeSuite,you can experience Hot-Selling Webinar Creation: Understand the pulse of the buyer by hosting popular pre-recorded or live webinars within minutes; Increase engagement like never before by scheduling meetings, chatting & sharing your screen, audio & live video; Access ready-made webinars & products so that you don’t have to lift a finger to make huge sales; Connect regularly over video call with loved ones, business partners & teams during WFH era

EXPERIENCE Fastest AutoResponding: Access the fastest and most automated email marketing system to rule the charts; Live a life of absolute power with no cap on subscribers, lists or emails; Build your list on the go or simply import your contacts without additional verification; Maintain a harmonious work-life balance by scheduling your emails; Send instant broadcasts to your lists for quick amplification using free SMTP integration; Hit send to beautifully crafted email templates without any hassles

EXPERIENCE High-Converting Funnel Building: Simply drag & drop a few elements to create successful funnels; Pick the template of your choice & publish instantly; Pull high volumes of traffic with the help of social media syndication module; DFY affiliate products to sell the complete package with bonuses and reviews; Level up the pages & OTOs to make more money using the same products

EXPERIENCE Attractive Graphic Designing: Create visually appealing graphic designs without any prior knowledge in just a few clicks; Select from unique & stunning templates to customize and publish in just a few minutes; Skip additional softwares & experts…edit, create, share & embed from within the dashboard; Don’t spend another penny on optimization, all the graphics are already created to rank high across search engines

LIFESUITE FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Is LifeSuite a cloud-based software? A. It is 100% hosted on the cloud. You can access it from any device of your choice at any time & get all 8 digital solutions from one dashboard!

What do users have to say about LifeSuite? A. Users are loving LifeSuite & can’t stop raving about how it has changed their lives. You can read the reviews on this page.

What are the restrictions? A. It is 100% hosted on the cloud. You can access it from any device of your choice at any time & get all 8 digital solutions from one dashboard!

What is the monthly cost of LifeSuite? A. During this exclusive special period offer, LifeSuite is being offered (for the first & last time) at a tiny one-time cost. No monthly subscription fee.

I am a beginner, can I use LifeSuite? A. It is incredibly easy to use for anyone. The interface requires you to simply drag-n-drop a few things to create a masterpiece. Don’t worry about anything when you get this incredible technology that does everything for you.

Is training & support included? A. Absolutely. They provide step-by-step training to all their users to get them quick-started on their journey to success. Their team of representatives are also available round-the-clock for any assistance that you may need.

(ACT NOW AND SAVE) Click Here To Get at a Discounted Price!

Special Bonuses for the Dope Review Audience: You’ll get all the bonuses listed on the Salespage, but I’m going to give you guys a SPECIAL bonus as well. If you Download LifeSuite through any link on this page you’ll also get my bonus package over $2400 Value. Believe me, my bonus package will save you time, money and make your life a little easier !

Get For a Special Discounted Price Today (In Stock)

[dizzidoom]

So, I’ve been a little obsessed with animal crossing lately. Who hasn’t, lol. But it got me thinking on how the bey characters would play the game. So here’s a stupid list I made. Enjoy~

Takao/Tyson is time skipping so he can get Drago. He’s also arguing with other bladers who do have him and refusing to give him up. Inviting everyone to his island constantly. He abuses the emote wheel. Max hordes the ugly villagers because he loves them and feels bad that people throw them away. His island is very brightly coloured and full of flowers. Rei/Ray’s island is a perfect zen garden. He traded a cat with Kai for Bianca and spoils her. He just needs to find Rolf and he’ll be perfectly happy. Kai’s island is just cats. He may or may not have actually paid real money to get Raymond. He won’t confirm or deny this rumour. Kenny has it all optimised. He has spreadsheets, island maps, the whole lot. He researched well before the game came out and has barely put it down. He’s even made a website to track turnip prices and such. Daichi is slow with the game. Taking his time, enjoying the relaxing nature of it... for like 15 minutes. Then he gets bored and does something else. He also has a Drago, much to Takao’s utter annoyance (and no. He won’t give the villager up) Hiromi/Hilary’s island is almost perfect. Just a little more landscaping by here, little more flowers there. Wait, no. Flowers would be best over here, that house should be down there. No. No, perhaps over here... Hitoshi/Hiro has no idea what the hype is all about but gets excited when he finds fossils. The owl is his favourite character and when he’s invited to people’s islands he goes to their museum first to see what they have. Yuriy/Tala with his village of wolves. Pristine island where everything has its place. Do not question his choices. Boris/Bryan has a messy island and weird blood splatters all over the place. His animals are barely talked too. He only opens his game up when Yuriy tells him to check his turnip prices for him lol Ivan/Ian likes to ruin other people’s island. He’s been banned from Yuriy’s after the axe incident. Sergei/Spencer doesn’t understand what’s going on but the music is nice and relaxing. He still has only one room in his house but he’s getting there slowly.

Rai/Lee gets a little frustrated with the whole ‘take it slow’ aspect of the game. It’s a little too slow at times for him (no-ones told him about time skipping yet). He also doesn’t like any of the lion villagers and wishes they looked as cool as the tiger ones lol Kiki/Kevin. Monkey island basically. He managed to horde as many monkeys and apes as he could because he has a brand he needs to keep up with. Sometimes joins Ivan in trashing people’s island. Stopped when he received a death threat from Yuriy. Mao/Mariah has the other cat island but there are a tiger or lion in the mix. She’s trying to make it look like her home village too. Getting close. Gao/Gary barely plays it. Mostly only when Mao prompts him to visit her island, or if Kiki makes him play. Micheal is a tarantula/scorpion hunting pro. He gears no hissing bug scuttling after him and has yet to be bitten. He also won’t admit it but the duck villagers are his favourite. (And yes, he has apollo. How could he not?) Emily helps Kenny out with his turnip database website. She also loves the alligator villagers and takes any people don’t want. And yes, she refuses to give up Drago to Takao and refuses to listen to the argument that Drago is a dragon, not an alligator. He’s classed as one online and that's good enough for her. Eddy has several scorpion statues around his island. He’s also tried to make the tallest island but found he can only build so high... So it’s a little difficult to get around his island for newcomers. Steve as you can guess, he’s got quite a few bull villagers. He also loves any jock villagers because they remind him of friends from his football team. And also, maybe a little like the All-Stars at times. Rick doesn’t care but it’s the easiest way to get in touch with Max right now. He refuses to let people visit his island coz it’s a mess, yet is too lazy to actually play the game and make it presentable. Ralf/Robert’s village is incredibly tidy. Like, a little too tidy. Trees are all in order. Flowers cornered off behind fences. The villager houses are all in neat rows. Untrustworthy friends are not allowed to visit lest they ruin his work. Johnny doesn’t give a shit but he really, really loves the bug lizard. So he only plays at night to hunt the tarantulas and scorpions so when Flick visits he can make the lizard super happy. He admits this to no-one. Oliver’s Island is a rose paradise. His little villager is dressed up like a chef most of the time. He also really enjoys the design feature. He finds the limitations a little exciting so can spend hours crafting masterpieces in-game. Giancarlo/Enrique likes to show off for his girlfriends and gift them too many bells and nookmile tickets. He does this to Oliver too, of course. He runs around with the mini crown on his head and loves to emote too much in Johnny’s face. Mariam wants shark villagers but understands it can’t happen. A girl can hope though. Instead, she just has them in tanks around her island and refuses to sell any she fishes up. Ozuma doesn’t care too much for the game. He likes the relaxing nature of it but the way the villager's talk can get on his nerves after an hour. Joseph’s villager has big creepy eyes and he likes to try and sneak on other peoples islands when they least expect it and stalk them. Dunga has an island full of ugly apes and he loves it. He traded for them fairly easily, obviously. Reluctantly gave Kai a cat villager for one too. Salima is really into making her house perfect. Each room has a theme and she’s been on twitter for hours chatting to others and visiting them to share DIY recipes or buy from their shop. Kane is oddly lucky at travelling to the rare mystery islands. Most of his bells are from the bell island if he’s honest. Jim charges a lot of bells or nookmile tickets to visit his island and sell turnips. He’s made more money doing that than actually selling his own turnips. Goki is a little too generous at times and always likes to help out other people. As a result, he’s not really managed to upgrade much on his island yet, but he’s getting there. Zeo doesn’t want to talk about Ribbot and Sprocket, and no you can’t have them, they like his island very much thank you. Queen and King cheat together. They go to people’s islands and scam them. Offering items for bells but quickly taking both when the items are dropped. Many of the other bladers now refuse to let them visit. Raul likes the horse villagers best but has only got one. He’s forever on the lookout for them. He is also afraid of the tarantula’s and is constantly being bitten by them. Julia is far more interested in making interesting clothes. She’s made nearly everything she’s owns so her in-game villager can match her all the time.  Mathilda is constantly catching the butterflies. She can’t get the hang of fishing but her insectopedia thingie is full for all the bugs she can get. She adores the Able sisters. Claude spends all his money buying stupid clothes for his villagers to wear. After seeing Giancarlo’s crown though he plans to buy one for each villager. If only he had the savings... Miguel’s island is like a beach resort. He also takes a lot of in-game selfies or stupid screencaps and posts them on twitter. Aaron loves fishing a lot. Like, a lot a lot. He has a room full of each fish he can get so Mathilda can take them one day to fill up her museum since she’s so crap at fishing.  Garland doesn’t care too much about the game. He plays a little each day, does the daily chores he needs to do and then stops. He does love to visit people and interact though. Will spend hours island hopping. Went to Yuriy’s island once and spent ten minutes getting smacked in the face with a net. He never went back. He hopes it was therapeutic for the Russian though. Ming-Ming owns nearly all the clothes. She has her team send screenshots every day of what is in their clothes shops so she can buy anything she doesn’t own yet. She may, or may not be a little obsessed with the animals singing too. Brooklyn refuses to weed and refuses to cut trees. He’ll hit them for wood, but if a tree grows it stays there forever. As you can imagine, it’s like a forest and hard to navigate. Except for Brooklyn. He knows his way. Mystel’s island is full of fruit. Like, it’s just fruit trees because he wants to always have some to give to visitors. There are also many rivers because who doesn’t like using the pole all the time? Moses/Crusher plays with his sister. He’s also currently being guilt-tripped by Takao to give up a Drago. But Drago really likes his island so how can he send the alligator away?

[fearlessafterglow13]

I don’t normally ever write long posts or any posts at all really but I just want you to know how much you mean to me and I love you unconditionally, you bring so much happiness into my life and I just need you to know, so here goes…

My name is Paige, I am 23 years old and I have been a fan since forever! I can remember the very night I was introduced to you, back in the days of Bebo I had an online friend who told me I should give you a listen, so I did, and that was the night things changed. I went onto youtube and searched for Taylor Swift, now I can’t remember which one I picked first, but I know I definitely watched the video for Picture To Burn and Our Song as I have those videos burned in the back of my mind, I was hooked.

Fast forward to 2008 when Fearless was released, I was so excited for this album, I have vivid memories of being on vacation in Disney World, Orlando and on the first night we went to Downtown Disney (or Disney Springs as it is now) and I dragged my parents to the Virgin Music store that used to be there, and I searched high and low for the album, eventually my dad called me over and there in his hand was the masterpiece! We spent the rest of our 3 week vacation with Fearless on repeat! I can remember being in the hotel room listening to Radio Disney and they played White Horse and I got off the bed and stood in front of the TV just belting the words out, but the best part was the fact that my mom and dad were singing along too!!

2009 was the beginning of an incredible journey. My dad came home one night from work, and told me he’d managed to get tickets to see you in London, I was so excited!! May 6th 2009, Shepherds Bush Empire in London, there was me, my dad, my mom and my childhood friend, we had seats literally at the back on level 3, I was a little disappointed but that didn’t stop me from having the time of my life! I said this was the beginning of an incredible journey because 6 months later in November, I saw you again at Wembley Arena, this time my friend and I had floor seats, and my mom and dad had seats further back. I can remember being in awe, there is nothing like being at a Taylor Swift concert.

2010 was the release of Speak Now and I had that damn album on repeat for weeks! I drove my friends and family crazy!! So Speak Now World Tour tickets went on sale and I wasn’t sure whether I was going to go, as much as I love concerts and seeing you perform I just couldn’t decide whether to go or not, even though you were coming to Birmingham, UK which is the closest city to me. About a month before the concert, I was with a group of friends and we all agreed that we wanted to go, so that night we booked tickets. The show was incredible as always and my friends gave me the funniest looks when I was the only one singing along to anything from before Speak Now!!

2012 was a rough year for me, I’d started Sixth Form in Septemeber 2011, after being at the same school for about 13 years with the same people, it was time for the big move. I hated every minute of it! However I can remember the release of RED and how exciting it was. I had it playing every morning on the bus to college and on the bus home. Now 2013 when tickets for the UK leg of the RED tour went on sale… I was there ready and waiting at presale but no luck, I was gutted, but I gave it another go during general sale, but again no luck. Then you added extra dates… which meant I had another chance, and I did manage to get 2 tickets on the floor, I was over the moon! I had originally planned to go with my boyfriend at the time, but unfortunately we broke up in the January, so I ended up taking my dad, which was a bonus because he’s incredible and he loved your music! So February 10th 2014, me and my dad made our way down to London, to the O2. We got to our seats and I was so so happy, they were so close! I remember seeing Andrea walk past but people were swarming her for photos so I stayed in my seat. During 22 when you got carried by your dancers, you went right next to me and I touched your hand and I think I died in that moment!

Now lets fast forward to the release of 1989, I was at a completely different stage of my life at this point. I’d left education, had a completely new group of friends and I actually socialised. So anyway I fell in love both with the album and with a boy. In fact I took him to Dublin with me to see you, and he actually enjoyed it more than he wanted to! 

But before that I saw you in Manchester with one of my best friends, who would have no idea who you are if it weren’t for me, not that I’m taking all the credit! Honestly it was one of the best nights ever, we just had the time of our lives and I will cherish that night forever because it was so nice to share it with someone so special. Just like Dublin. December 2014, you performed at the O2 again for Capital FM’s Jingle Bell Ball, I was there, and you were amazing, even though you were sick!

I saw you again 3 years later, at the Jingle Bell Ball in 2017, I travelled all the way down to London even in the horrendous snow, which my mom was not happy about, she was so worried! But it was so worth it!!

This now brings us to reputation, again, I am in a completely different stage of my life, I have been through so much, and one day I hope to be able to relate to “I’m doing better than I ever was” I definitely believe I’m on the right track. So I have a different group of friends in my life now, I wouldn’t even call it a group. I have a handful of friends, but I prefer it this way. Over the years I have been to many concerts and over time I started going on my own, which brings me to the rep tour, I travelled to Swansea to see you at Radio 1′s Biggest Weekend! I then travelled to Manchester to see you both nights on my own, however I did meet some incredible people! I then saw you at Wembley night one, and honestly I died when you sang So it goes, it is my favourite off the album! Now remember when I said that seeing you in London in 2009 was the start of an incredible journey? well here’s why, Today is July 31st, which means in two weeks you’ll be performing in Tampa, FL and I will be there! I’m travelling on my own all the way to see you! I’m honestly so excited!! And the best part is that I’ll be doing it all over again in Nashville! I’m literally flying in the day before the concerts and flying home the day after, some people may think I’m crazy, but honestly nothing makes me happier than watching you perform, and being able to do that in two of my favourite places is just going to be incredible!!

So I guess I’ll be seeing you soon!

TAMPA - Sec K row 32 seat 1

NASHVILLE - Sec P row 32 seat 13!

P.S. Tampa will be my 13th show!!

@taylorswift

@taylornation

[hypn0tic-unic0rn]

Fresh Flowers vs Dry vs Artificial

What will it be fresh flowers, dry, or synthetic ones? Now here is a situation many many individuals have when it comes to finding the right bouquet for an event or just for a house design. The decision is easier for making if you consider a few aspects such as cost management or personal flavor. But from consider your experience, you should definitely go with fresh plant bouquets especially if you want to use them as an image of your character and elegance.

1. Artificial plant arrangements

The majority of individuals who select synthetic flowers do it because they want no servicing. All you have to do is put the flower agreement it in most, forget about it and go about www.flowerdeliveryuk.org.uk your business, because you won't be concerned about any water leaks or having to modify the ground or even trim the simply leaves. So you can simply consider it a part of the fixed decorations of your house. Artificial flowers might need a little cleaning every once in a while, but don't fear too much about it: all you have to do is clean them with a wet fabric.

Another advantage of getting synthetic flowers would be the cost. Most of the times the cost of synthetic flowers is lower than the cost of organic flowers, however, remember that the top quality often suits the cost of the synthetic plant product.

Now if you are thinking about providing a present of synthetic flowers to someone beloved, think twice before you go shopping. Sure, synthetic flowers might last longer, but fresh plant bouquets are truly an image of regard. Would you really want to provide a nasty bouquet to your spouse, mom, or sweetheart? It might be very durable, but the storage of that amazing, fresh bouquet will last permanently, just as really like remains in ones spirit rather than in things.

Why would individuals want to use synthetic plant bouquets instead of using organic, fresh, flowers? Well, I can tell you a couple of explanations. By all means, buy synthetic flowers if you are sensitive to actual ones or if the individual to whom you want to provide a present of flowers to is.

Another valid reason to select synthetic flowers instead of fresh ones would be place. Yes, the place because if, let's say, you want fresh flowers as an example for your marriage and you live in an online area, it could be pretty expensive to transfer them for the marriage. Just keep with some top quality soft silk flowers instead and use the provide something else. On the other side, think about a marriage on a hot summer year day; fresh flowers may wilt because of summer time year warm, but synthetic ones won't, but if you are planning everything properly, you can easily adjust to get a great organic flowers for your marriage. (Find regional types of flowers in distant areas and be sure you have fridge for the flowers in summer year.) It's up to you to select whether you want synthetic flowers or fresh ones for any event.

2. Dry plant arrangements

If you are looking for strength when buying a flower agreement, dried flowers are the nearest option to organic flowers. This is because dried flowers are still genuine maintained in a way that partly preserves the features of organic flowers. A wide range of organic flowers are dried through several methods, such as: freeze-drying, air-drying, using the microwave or by putting them in it gel. What's great about dried flowers is that you can create them yourself, rather that buying them.

In most cases, individuals create a decision on the kind of flowers they want by considering the care aspect. Want to keep them forever? You have two options:

Buy synthetic flowers, as their look will never change;

Depending on the kind of fresh flowers you select, you can dry them or protect them either way,they might not look the same in couple of decades.

From my perspective, trying to protect flowers permanently is like trying to stay young permanently. They are excellent and various while they are fresh, but no matter how much we try to keep them in existence, there comes a moment when we have to let them go and agree to that flowers were intended to bring us elegance and beautiful remembrances, even if for a few months frame. Why should we go for the synthetic flowers when we can savor the true masterpiece of design, with living shades, amazing perfumes and the magic of nature?

3. The best option - fresh plant arrangements

Choosing fresh flowers for your residence or for exclusive events is always a option of fashion and character. Characteristics provides us so many amazing flowers, and luckily, finding the flowers that emphasize your character and flavor has become a simple process. Whether you select to shop for them from a nearby flower shop, organize them online, or expand your own, you will see that fresh flowers are always the best option.

Natural flowers have so many things to discuss, from odors, forms and colours, they all have something to say - 'This is a particular occasion'. If you like fresh flowers but you don't want to spend lots of cash on them, just buy flowers that are in year regionally. This way, you will be able to have fun with the quality and the great odors at any time you want.

[folklore-musings]

When The Curtain Falls

Summary:  AU. Jughead wins a scholarship to one of the most prestigious arts schools in the country. His dream is to be an award winning director, but to get there he must first try his hand at acting. He wins the lead role in the senior showcase alongside Betty Cooper, daughter of the infamous actress Alice Cooper. Will Betty and Jughead crumble under the pressure, or defeat the odds set against them? Bughead slow burn leading to eventual smut.

A/N: This was my original description of this story - maybe it sounds a little more appealing now? It’s an AU world where Riverdale meets La La Land meets Step Up. Very subtle hints of ED (won’t happen until later chapters) and some drug abuse. After all “We’re all just prisoners here, of our own device.” - I shit you not that line was what inspired this whole story.

Read on AO3 here

Prologue: The Golden Ticket

Forsythe (Jughead) Jones,

We are happy to announce that we have selected you as the winner of the Presidential Scholarship Award. You will receive a one year's full tuition to New York Academy of the Arts acting and directing program. Classes start at 8 a.m. Tuesday September 5tth, 2017. Please be sure to create an account at www.NYAoA.edu. There you can register for classes, browse extracurricular activities and create friends in a safe, online environment.

Welcome Week begins the week before classes. All new students are invited to join in on the fun and get well acquainted with the campus. We hope to see you there.

If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact us:

Email: studentservices@NYAoA.edu or

Phone: 918-555-1267

Sincerely,

Sierra McCoy

Headmistress

New York Academy of the Arts

Jughead can recite the whole acceptance letter by heart he’s read it so many times. It’s 3 a.m. and he’s on a bus to Queens. The knuckles on his right hand are covered in dried blood and beginning to bruise. He winces as he attempts to open and close his fist, ultimately giving up, the pain too much to bear.

Jughead wasn’t supposed to leave school until the day after next, but like always, something had to go wrong in the Jones family.

His dad had come home from the bar that night reeking of Tennessee whiskey an old ashtray. Jughead lay awake and bed, listening to the disgruntled voices of his parents arguing in the kitchen. “Not again,” he murmured, glancing at the clock on his night stand. It was midnight and his dad, FP Jones was annihilated.

Jughead turned off the video games he had been playing and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. Walking down the hall he stopped in his tracks at the sight that welcomed him in the kitchen. FP had his mom up against the wall with a thick hand wrapped around her neck. She was struggling against him, but too weak to fight him off.

“Get the fuck off her!” Jughead yelled, making his presence known.

FP whirls around, giving his mom a chance to escape. “Go to bed Jughead, this doesn’t concern you.”

His words were slurred to the point Jughead could barely comprehend what he said. He shook his head, his lips tightening, curling his right hand into itself. “Don’t fucking touch her again.”

“Are you threatening me? My own son threatening me? I can’t fucking believe this.” FP slams his fist on the countertop, causing the silverware drawer to clatter. “I said go to bed.”

“No.”

FP came for him, a mess of heavy limbs. His reaction time was reduced due to his blood alcohol level, giving Jughead just enough time to react. He swung his fist, knocking his dad to the ground out cold.

Jughead’s mom ran to him, tears streaming down her face. “You need to leave Juggie.” She blubbered through her crying. “Before he wakes up.” Jughead wrapped his arms around his mom and kissed her on the forehead, terrified of what would happen once he left.

“I love you mom,” he whispered into her hair.

Quickly, he grabbed his duffle bag, already pre-packed for the trip to school. Before departing, he tip toed into his little sister’s room and hugged her goodbye. “Stay safe JB. I love you.” He wished he could’ve brought her along to school, to protect her from a life she didn’t deserve.

He fled into the night, taking his bike to the bus station in town. He bought a one way ticket from Jersey to Queens, the road in front of him much brighter than the darkness behind.

Jughead relives the memory over and over on the four hour trip into the city. When the driver signals that they’re nearing the end, he finally allows himself to be excited. His knee doesn’t stop bouncing and he clutches the letter tighter in his good hand. He is one step closer to achieving his dreams.

For as long as Jughead could he remember he wanted to produce and direct movies, like Steven Spielberg or Quentin Tarantino. To create a cinematic masterpiece that would test the ages of time. He started crafting scripts when he was 8 and for his 13th birthday his family scrounged up all money they had to purchase him his very own video camera. Every class project he was able to convince his teachers to allow him to turn in homemade videos instead of papers, and when he did write papers he wrote them as playwrights.

His mind was whirl wind of concepts, constantly thinking up new plots. Whether they are thrilling and chilling or dramatic and romantic, he wrote them down. He had notebooks full of old napkins, receipts and ticket stubs for brainstorming new ideas. No matter when inspiration struck he always made sure to write it down and save it for later, never knowing when one may strike gold.

That’s how he landed himself here, on this bus. Jughead had gotten word of New York’s most prestigious art school offering up a scholarship to one lucky winner. He was in his junior year of high school and figured what the hell, why not? He flipped through his notebooks, searching for a story. Something with the perfect hook that would grab the school’s attention, slap it in the face and say, “We need Jughead Jones.” Little did he know his life was about to change forever.

The bus comes to a whining stop and Jughead grabs his duffle bag, eager to stretch his legs and explore the new opportunities New York had in store for him.

New York Academy of the Arts is centered in the heart of the city. Jughead is taken aback by the sprawling green lawns and towering buildings. The sight leaves him breathless. He arrives just in time to see the sun rise on the horizon. He checks the time on his watch, both cursing and thanking himself for arriving so early.

Nothing is open so he finds a bench to sit on near the library. Jughead pulls out one of his many notebooks and begins to write, losing himself when he brings his pen to the paper.

More than an hour passes and Jughead is pulled from the new worlds he’s created by the sound of an enchanting voice. He looks up and a pretty blonde girl is descending the steps of the library, singing from sheet music clutched her in delicate hands. He recognizes the song but he doesn’t know where from. Realizing he’s staring he quickly diverts his attention back to his most recent work of genius, before the girl has a chance to call him out.

Once she passes Jughead checks the time on his phone. He’d been writing for longer than he thought. He shoves his notebook back in his bag and studies the campus map provided to him with his invitation letter. Zeroing in on the Admission’s Office he jumps to his feet, ready to collect the keys to the dorm and his new home.

[the-diaries-of-a-nerd]

Dear Happy

(A/n) Hi, this is Charlie here! This is the first fanfic I’m ever upploading online, I hope it doesn’t go too badly. This is an idea that came to me a while ago but I just got around to writing it. I know that things concerning Prinxiety are complicated right now and it was a little hard for me to write this since Prinxiety hasn’t been my main TS ship for a while now. But this is mainly a look into what I feel when I listen to Dear Happy and that pairing just worked best in my opinion. I hope you enjoy!

Summary: What happens when Roman and Anxiety have to work together in favor of helping Thomas get in the right mindset to sing?

Warnings: None. It’s sad I guess, if that counts. Not really Angst tho

Pairings: Neautral/Prinxiety

Read on AO3

“I missed you dearly…”

.

“Oh my God, I just can’t do it, I’m so sorry” Thomas exclaimed, never one to miss the opportunity to be dramatic.

Acting was one of the few things he took pride in. Getting into a character’s head had proven to bring an unexplainable sort of comfort to him. His own troubles blurred when he was focusing on those of someone who was a figment of imagination. He couldn’t explain why but feelings were much easier to take in and understand when they weren’t his. It was like analyzing a picture somebody else had taken a long time ago. He might not have been there when the photograph came to be but the artist’s intentions had woven into his work for the rest of eternity to try and decipher. After all, wasn’t that all that art was supposed to be, a look into the soul? There were so many possibilities. A significant flaw that made this whole concept perfect was exactly the fact that the only way humans were capable of gazing at someone else’s soul was by looking at their own. In a way, the artwork became as much the admirer’s as the creator’s the moment it could be seen by whoever stumbled upon it.

Dodie was exactly that, an artist. Her voice and her writing had a way of sneaking up to an unexpecting passerby from behind and leaving a mark on their heart that was sure to stay there a while. Thomas knew this first hand. Then why wasn’t he able to tune into the right emotions to portray? Wasn’t he an artist, too?

.

“Oh, the shame!” Roman, the embodiment of Thomas’ dramatics, whined, his shaking hands covering the pained expression that had settled on his face. His entire being was radiating distress. The mindpalace was filled with tension and confusion. What was going on?

Patton was getting more and more concerned by the minute. On the one hand, he was worried about his host failing at the thing he was usually so good at. On the other, Roman’s antics were starting to scare him. He wasn’t used to the usually energetic and boastful trait to be so, how should he put it, anxious. His paternal instincts were telling him to comfort the nervous man but the pressing issue needed to be fixed first, as Logan put it.

“Calm down there, Roman, those feelings will not get us anywhere. Try to focus on establishing the reason behind your apparent lack of inspiration. What exactly is happening inside your brain when you start singing?” Logan was yet again trying to reason his way out of a bad situation.

“I..I don’t know! Sweet mother of Zeus, what is wrong with me?” At that point it looked like the royal was on the verge of tears.

“I wonder” the deep and melancholic voice made everyone immediately turn to the entrance, momentarily disrupting their thinking process.

“Anxiety, please, we’re trying to work out how to help Thomas, we don’t have time for your negative input right now.” Logic did not even try to conceal the annoyance laced through his voice. A problem had to be solved and he’s be darned if he didn’t do his job because sarcasm was getting in the way.

“Well hello to you, too, Logan, I’m grateful for the warm welcome, you don’t need to put such an effort!” The last thing Anxiety was going to allow was for any of the others to find out that their words could get to him. He’d be as good as dead if he let his witty façade down. One would think that they would have already caught up with this and left him alone but when was life ever that simple? “What is going on here anyways?”

“Our buddy over here is having trouble performing Dodie and Thomas’ new song” Patton explained, purposefully ignoring the darker trait’s snarkiness.

“Well, I’m not surprised. Sir Sing-A-Lot is too full of himself to channel something as realistic as sadness” the smirk that appeared on Anxiety’s face was one of satisfaction. Insulting the other always brought a strange sense of joy to him. It made the other’s infuriating, well, everything, almost bearable.

“Wait! That’s it! Roman represents the fanciful side of Thomas. It is only logical that manifesting a feeling as negative as sadness would be rather hard for him.” The others could almost hear the gears running inside Logan’s head as he thought of a way to solve the newly defined problem.

“Well Anxiety does have a way with negativity, doesn’t he? Why doesn’t he try to help Roman?” Excitement had started to bubble up inside Patton once again as he sent a hopeful look towards the younger man.

“Yes, that may actually work” A strange sense of pride took over Logic as he smiled at the other. Seeing the others use logical thinking was the closest he would ever get to understanding how Patton felt so often.

“No way. I refuse to deal with that moron!” Anxiety almost shrieked, his expression one of disgust.

“I second that. How am I supposed to do my job if this emo nightmare is constantly spewing verbal abuse at me?!” That was the first thing the prince had said in a while and it certainly was no less over exaggerated than expected.

“Like you’re one to talk! You’re the one who never misses the opportunity to insult me whenever I say something!” A full-fledged war was about to erupt if no one said anything to stop it anytime soon.

“Now, now, we don’t have any time for your usual bickering, Thomas is growing more embarrassed by the minute. Despite your usual arguments, you two are capable of working together to create something good. As different aspects of Thomas’ personality, when combined we turn into entirely different people. Creativity and negativity have often times succeeded in creating masterpieces everybody has heard of.” The logical side was desperately trying to explain himself without getting too frustrated with the two, always choosing to be as “extra” as possible.

“No” both Anxiety and Prince shook their heads, almost in sync.

“Come on now kiddos, do you really want Thomas to go through all of this when you could be helping our little guy?” Patton’s scolding voice contrasted with his ever-present smile.

“When you put it that way…” Roman sighed and looked at his feet in defeat.

“Fine. But if and when it doesn’t work out, it will be your guys’ fault” Anxiety looked like he was about to hiss at anyone who dared say anything that didn’t resemble agreement.

“Okay, fine. We’ll leave you at it” Logan agreed and nodded at Patton to follow him out of the common room.

“So, what do we do?” Roman asked, receiving a glare from the other.

“What will have me interacting as little as possible with you?” Anxiety questioned, the hope that he could still make a run for it and leave the pain in the neck to deal with his own problems still present.

“Well, we can try singing together?” Roman knew he was reaching the other’s limits but it wasn’t like he was in the best of positions either.

“Okay, whatever. Let’s get this over with”

.

“Do you want to try again?” the sweet smile never left Dodie’s face. It did wonders to encourage Thomas.

“Alright, let’s do this”

.

“How are we going to go about it?” For some reason, after being left alone with the regal one, Anxiety felt the energy to argue slowly leaving him. He felt almost melancholy.

“Well, since I am Thomas’ creativity I should sing his part and you should sing Dodie’s?” Why was Roman considering the other’s opinion all of a sudden?

“Sure, whatever.” There was no point in getting into another fight over something so insignificant.

“Well then, go ahead” Some of the royal’s smugness was just now returning after his previous near breakdown.

All of a sudden Anxiety felt rather nervous. As the literal embodiment of anxiety, the idea of singing in front of someone else, especially a song like that, was rather terrifying. But the only more terrifying thing was their host making a fool out of himself in front of one of his friends, so he had no other choice but to get over himself.

I missed you dearly

Thought I was nearly

There forever, at last together

Something not even Logan would be able to explain was happening in his head. It felt like he was fighting to breathe while underwater. And yet, it felt nothing like drowning.

Is our time fleeting?

His gaze was glued to the floor, too afraid that if he moved he would break something invisible.

Is even meeting

A healthy idea, or am I getting too near?

Somehow, despite his whole being fighting against it, he couldn’t stop himself from looking up. It was almost like something was calling him.

And so he did. He looked up. And the first thing his eyes found were Roman’s.

And all of a sudden he didn’t want to fight for his breath anymore. He let himself go.

Don't try to fight it

I'm here for tonight

Roman felt his lungs fill with water as started singing along. He couldn’t remember what breathing felt like anymore.

And I'll be waiting for you

Until we meet again

Sadness was one of the most common emotions humans experience. There were so many different versions of it, each one more clear than the other. And yet, no one could put it into words. Definitions were at a loss when it came to the burning sensation behind one’s eyes what went hand in hand with a sort of numb pain in the chest. What a concept numbness and pain together was. So contradictory, and yet, working together in harmony. When overcome by it, the whole body responds to it. But, the thing is, didn’t happiness do the same? The lines between the two seemed so blurry. How were they so different then? They were polar opposites while being one in the same. And everyone was supposed to figure out which one was in charge on their own.

When he looked in Anxiety’s eyes, which he felt seemed comfortingly unimportant.

I know it's scary

But don't be wary

If we don't have that long

Let's not waste it feeling wrong

With Anxiety’s voice leaving him, he felt quite lonely. Like he had lost a loved one.

How could he feel so alone when the other’s eyes were still on him? Was it possible to feel lonely alongside with somebody else?

A heavy weight had settled in both of their chests. They were lost despite finding each other. They wanted to reach out, feel something, but they stood frozen, seemingly at their own will. And that is what scared them the most. Loneliness had become safer than love.

This isn't the end

I'm your lifelong friend

Sure it's been a while

But I'll be here when you smile

Feeling trapped in their own bodies and not wanting to free themselves felt like a worse prison than an actual cage. Only that way they could feel so alone when freedom was right in front of them.

So don't try to fight it

I'm here for tonight

And I'll be waiting for you

Until we meet again

Their voices molded together perfectly, forming what both of them recognized as hope. Hope that they will find a way to reach out. Hope that sadness will be able to work alongside happiness again.

With hope came heartbreak. They felt their hearts shatter into million pieces, mixing up together until they were one mutual disaster. For them, hope meant being stuck together. Hope meant losing against what seemed to be their reality. Hope was impossible. But still, it was there and it was trying to stick their hearts together again.

Would you mind staying?

Neither of them noticed the tears running down their cheeks. They were too busy fighting for one last shared breath. And, come think of it, people cried both out of sadness and out of joy. So who were they to say that tears weren’t exactly what they needed to break through?

It's getting late, but I will visit you soon

A wave of comfort went over them. They were starting to accept their fate. Forever standing there, desperately trying to breathe together, never seeming to reach freedom. Even if that eternity lasted a single moment, they would still be stuck in it, and that was okay.

So just try to get through

This is when pain washed over them. They understood and now their lungs were burning. It was time to let go.

And don't try to fight it

I'm here for tonight

And I'll be waiting for you

Sometimes the only way to freedom was through forgiveness. They lost. They let their breathing escape them. And that was okay. They were okay, even though they never will be again.

Until we meet again

I'll be waiting for you

It was time to let go.

Until we meet again

And they let themselves breathe again.

.

“I gotta be honest with you, I got really emotional on that take” 

[seven-for-president]

RFA (including Saeran and V) reacting to MC who loves Yaoi? :)

Oh my God I´m just so excited to write this o(^▽^)o

_Yoosung_

° Yoosung was at your house to help you get your things for the sleepover at his parent´s

° he knew you were sort of an otaku, so he wasn´t suprised to find a bookshelf filled with mangas over mangas

° he himself only read some including his favourite LOLOL characters

° (I guess some sort of doujinshii)¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° “Hey MC, can I borrow a manga from your shelf?”

° “Sure go ahead. But don´t make a mess.”

° as every good fujoshi you kept your most precious copys in the very back of said shelf

° it was a habit Yoosung also hold ¯\_ʘᗜʘ_/¯

°  NOT good….

° “Hey MC what is this about?”

° you looked around and to your suprise he was showing you the cover of Ten Count No.5 (it´s the latest one available in my coutry XD)

° your emergency-yaoi-bells rang and you tried to take it away from him

° “Give that back you won´t like it, trust me!”

° but he held it out of your reach when did this brat get so damn tall?

° “Why do you want to hide it that badly MC?”

° “Because of reasons!” (;¬_¬)

° he then did the unavoidable and opend the book

° of course it was not a page with Shirotani and Kurose talking

° and of course it wasn´t one with Kurose in his childhood either

° it was one of those pages

°  if you want to know to what I´m reffering to please check out Ten Count chapter 27/28  o((*^▽^*))o

° with a bam he dropped the book on the grounf, now red as a certain character involved in the manga

° “M-MC, what is that? Don´t tell me all of theese contain such….. acts??”

° he was the definition of embarassment becoming alive at this point

° “No they´re not! You just had to pick one from the back, hadn´t you?”

° if you say it like that it sounds as if he´s at fault here…

° “I´m so sorry I won´t ever take one from the back again.”

° this poor boy is now shocked for live ヽ(＊>∇

° but hey MC can like what she wants anyway XD

° sometimes you have to learn the hard way Yoosung….

_Jaehee_

° Finalyyyy~ your long awaited package arrived~

° you said good bye to the postman and now held a big box full of new Yaoi-Mangas in your hands

° BEST.DAY.EVER!!

° as you opend the box the one copy you´ve waited for forever to be realeased in korea happen to be on top

° so why wait when you can enjoy it now  o(≧∇≦o)

° it was called The right way to write Love

° (personally I really enjoyed reading it)

° after your precious box was carefully put away under the bed of course you settled down on the couch and began reading

° when you finished the first story you were almost crying from all the sweetness    ⊂（♡⌂♡）⊃

° but the following one…. dear god forgive me for I have sinned for reading that

° let´s just say the focus was set on interhuman interactions and by interaction I mean in a physical way

° to summarise: it wasn´t something you would want your parents to see             ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

° unfortunate she´s Mommy-Jaehee

° since it felt quiet alone in the house you turned on the TV to have some noises

° because of these noises you didn´t hear the door opening and Jaehee calling out for you

° your faced away from the door so you didn´t see her entering the living either

° “Hello, what are you reading MC.”

° because you´re a real fujoshi and your entire focus was on reading physical-gay-interaction (if you know what I mean) it was like she´s talking to a wall

° so she decided to just take a look at what captured your attention so much that you didnt notice her

° bad mistake….( ≧Д≦)

° “My gosh MC what are you reading? What are they even doing??!!”

° to say it was the shock of her life was an understatement XD

° you screamed. she screamen. the girl on TV screamed

° as quick as you could you closed the page and hid the book behind you

° blood was running from her nose and it resembled the colour of her cheeks

° “Let´s just not talk about this again. Ever!”

° a nod was all you could manage to do while going to your room and laughing like a mad man  ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

_Zen_

° as always Zen was out off the house to practice his new play

° for you this meant you´ve got some special freetime which you always dedicate to your secret Yaoi-obsession

° this means: singing openings, watching anime, reading manga and fanfiction and of course and liking tons of fanart

° as your anime of the day you selected the masterpiece Junjou Romantica, season one

° while watching (let´s just assume MC is such a big fan she understands japanese) you also read the mangas because why the heck not ? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° you  know how the second episode ends? Misaki quitting Virgin-Cub

° the same Thing happend in the manga, just a BIT more detailed

° you started hearing the intro-song for the 3rd time this day and couldn´t resist singing along

° while singing you kept the page you were currently reading open, to continue anytime

° but while singing and constantly turning the volume up the arrival of a certain actor remained unnoticed

° he always thought it was simply impossible to not notice him, but there you were, singing some catchy tune and reading some book

° his abnormal bid ego just couldn´t bear that….(҂⌣̀_⌣́)

° it was logical to him to pay you back for that

° standing behind you he coverd your eyes and took a look at the page infront of him

° remember what I said about the manga having more detail?

° you tried to struggle free and hide everything but it was to late

° “MC, what is happening there?”

° fuck, he saw

° “Eh…. you know, when two peoplelove each other they do interactions on a physical level..”

° “I know that! But These are dudes MC, dudes!”

° “Do you want me to become gay?”

° “What? No, of course not Zen.”

° is it to much to expect people to accept your likings? Yes? ok then I said nothing

° you had to explain a LOT to him but in the end he kind of accepted you liking this genre?

° still a bit disgusted tho

° but to distract you from this stuff he walks around shirtless a lot more than he did before, and to show you that he looks a dozen times better than those men    ( ° ʖ °)

_Jumin_

° you had to be careful, very careful…

° because every package that arrived was controlled by one of the security members

° that meant you couldn´t just order Yaoi-Merch online like you used to as a single

° the consequence was that you had to buy all of this stuff either at a shop or ask one of your friends to order it for you

° today you went out shopping and to your luck you were able to do that without any guards following you

° this was the perfect opportunity to stock up on mangas o(≧∇≦o)

° you returned to the penthouse with a bag full of precious new babys for your collection

°  back home, Elisabeth joined you on the big couch where all of the copys layed in a big mess

° she just purred like she didn´t care XD

° 1 houre later you already finished the first 2 volumes of Sekaii ichi Hatsokoi and started with the 3rd

° (if you wonder it´s the case of Onodera Ritsu No. 5)

° you looked at the clock and to your relief there was still an hour left till Jumin will come back

° so you cleaned up the mess you created, planning to continue reading after you´ve finished

° unfortunately you left the book on the couch with Elisabeth

° what was even more unfortunate, Jumin´s last meeting was canceled and to suprise you he didn´t send a text to warn you

° as you put the last bok away in the shelf you heard a scream, Jumin´s scream

° “ MC what is this Piece of junk doing here!?”

° no need to say it like that…¯\_(⌣̯̀⌣́)_/¯  

° “Jumin don´t shout like that you´ll scare Elisabeth.”

° rushing to the living room the worst case scenario already has happend

° he was reading the damn book, right on the page where you left of

° Takano forcing himself on Ritsu once again

° “Jumin, give me back my book, please.”

° to your suprise rather than angry or disgusted he looked more confused

° Thank God!

° “MC why would you read something like that? Do I not satisfy you enough?”

° great now he looked hurt.. but still this is way better than angry

° “What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with you Jumin I just enjoy reading it.”

° he looked like a little confused kid and than did the last thing you´ve expected

° “Jumin! What are you doing put me down this instant!!”

° “No.”

° apparently he had to make sure he still satisfied you for the rest of the day

° so it wasn´t even that bad that he foudn out about your no longer secret hobby

_Saeyoung/Seven_

° I saved the most strange one for him XD

° when he did the background-check on you he also took a look at your online orders

° and there he thought he already was the biggest Fujoshi Queen King…           (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

° this being a critical hit on his ego he made up his mind to pay you back one day

° after you moved in with Seven and Saeran you stopped ordering online and bought every book your heart desired in the local bookstore

° because you just knew Seven would tease you nonstop if he found out about that obsession of yours

° little did you know Special-Agent 707 already had his masterplan ready…

° when you came back he wasn´t on his Computer, which was very unusual° instead he sat infront of the TV and it looked like he was waiting for you to return

° “Hey Seven what´re you doing here?”

° “Good you´re back I was waiting for you to come back and watch some anime with me.”

° you didn´t exactly know why but you already had a bad Feeling about this

° “Everytime we watch something it´s either disgusting or disturbing.”

° I´m only dropping the words Euphoria and Corpse Party here

° “But MC~ I know you´ll enjoy it this time.”

° Oh God this sounds so wrong

° you gave your okay to watch whatever it was with him

° but when you heard the first tune of the opening theme, you instantly knew what was going on

° but since you watched every freaking Yaoi, even if it was very strange/disturbing you were prepared

° personally, Ai no Kusabi disturbed me XD

° you somehow had the idea he already knew about you passion, so why not do the worst Thing to a Fujoshi? Spoiler

° “Did you know that they´ll cut Ricky´s dick off?”

° “WHAT??”

° he was shocked, and let me tell you to shock him is an Action worth a nobelprice

° MC used Spoiler, it was super-effective

° as if faced Medusa he was now turned to stone

° this means it was MC´s victuuriory

° he stayed like this until Saeran did the ice-bucket challenge to him XD

_V_

° he´s blind so I thought why not write about Drama CDs

° V had an appointment at the doctors to look after his eyes

° you stayed home because Jumin wanted to accompany him very desperately

° being a goog girlfriend you of course let him do that

° for you it meant that you could listen to your new CD over the sound system and without headphones

° said CD was called Kuroneko Kareshi no Nakasekata ( it means something like black cat´s boyfriend to cry for I think..) 

° because of V´s eyesight-situation he decided to focus on his other senses a lot more and invested in one of the best sound systems

° this was to your joy once again o(*≧□≦)o

° you didn´t understand much, but it didn´t matter to you since you were reading the translations at the same time

° did I mention it was really loud and you didn´t notice anything else? Good, Keep that in mind for now

°  one of the things that remained unnoticed was V entering the house

° the first thing he heardwas some strange, male moaning

° he thought you would be cheating an was on the edge of tears

° poor V(︶︹︺)

° but then there was another moaning, also from a male person and this seemed very strange to him

° he entered the livingroom, still unnoticed by you

° you then noticed him because he closed the door a LITTLE to loud which caused you to turn around in shock

° as quick as you could you turnd the sound system off to stop those noises

° “Oh, hey V. Is your appointment finished already? I used the System..”

° you were more than just relived that he didn´t bring Jumin with him in the flat

° “Listen, we won´t talk about that but if this is yout hobby than I won´t say anything. Just don´t let me hear it again OK?” 

° you gave your ok and hurried into the kitchen do prepare the dinner

° by this time V´s head and yours were as red as the tomatoes you were currently cutting

_Saeran_

° his brother dragged him away to do some fishing to “deepen their brotherly-bond”¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° that meant you had finally time to play the game you purchased last week

° after getting comfortable on the couch and putting on some headphones for better sound you hit the start button of Dramatical Murder

° you started right away with Noize’s route

° and of course aimed for the best ending possible

° as you played or red to be more precisely, the hours flew by

° I played Amnesia (the otome-game) and it really took some time to finish a route

° so after you played for like 6 hours straight it finally payed off

° that meant the good parts came, and they weren’t the only thing that did

° if you know what I mean

° you already saw some of the CGs online but damn

° unlocking them yourself and hearing the voice actors while seeing it was way more satisfying (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

° so satisfying that you, however that is possible, didn’t hear Seven screaming that they’re back

° when Saeran couldn’t hear an answer from you he immediately thought the worst

° you finaly leaving him because of how fucked up he is  .( ˃﹏˂̵ )

° don’t think that my poor, precious baby I love you ( ≧Д≦)

° so he was more than happy to see you sitting on the Couch with some headphones on

° “So that´s why she didn´t hear us…”

° of course it was unacceptable that you ignored him

° he had to pay you back for that, that was a sure thing

° so he wanted to see what was more important to you than him at the Moment

° as quiet as he could, he walked behind you to take a look at your Screen

° he didn´t like what he saw….

° the next things happend in only a few moments

° he placed your headphones somwhere els and turned off the handheld-consol you were playing on

° after that you remembered laying on your bed with Saeran ontop of you and already pulling at your shirt

° “MC you were a bad Girl for playing These naughty games. So for that you must be punished.”

° and he did. the whole night.

This was so fun writing I had the fun of my life o(*>ωAlthough I lost the document 2 times

I hope you like it and enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing o(^▽^)o

[penup]

[Interview] HOF October 2017 @jiminlee

Q1. @PENUP : Hello, you’ve chosen as our HOF of October. Congratulations? How do you feel? A1. @jiminlee : I can’t believe this. Is it Hall of Fame? I feel like I am in a dream. I can’t believe this magical thing has happened to me. I am really thankful for your liking and caring for my humble paintings.

Q2. @PENUP : Please tell us about your self. A2. @jiminlee : It is nice to meet you. You PENUP guys. I am an ordinary mum of a 5-year-old girl, loving cats. The introduction seems so short.

Q3. @PENUP : This is probably the part that most of our PENUP users will be curious about. Indeed, it’s about cats. Are there reasons why you mainly draw cats? Wonder if you have cats at home. A3. @jiminlee : Yes, it is true. I raise my cats. I used to raise four cats and two of them went to heaven to become stars in sky and now I am having the other two cats. I have drawn lots of cats and maybe because I spend a lot of time together with cats and it seems natural to me to draw cats. Also, I have wanted not to forget the two cats who had left earlier. I want to treasure them with different looks for long. And most importantly, I love cats. : )

Q4. @PENUP : You show different types of cats. Do you have any favorite breed in specific? A4. @jiminlee : In the beginning, I loved my own cats, but over time I fall in love with all kinds of cats since I learn how attractive they are. They are all lovely and have their own appeals. It seems difficult to express. If you have your cats and love them, you will know.

Q5. @PENUP : The hair of the cat is drawn so delicate that it seems I can almost touch it. Your sophisticated description makes it standout. Looking at closely, every hair is drawn with delicate touch. What kind of drawing app do you use, and how can you make such exact description? A5. @jiminlee : I am using a Samsung mobile phone. And I came to know an app called Sketchbook, one of the default applications on the phone, and I am working on every painting by using the app. I haven’t been trained in paintings and I use pencil controlling transparency and draw each and every line. And that is why it takes ages and many paintings can’t be drawn at one time. It may look a bit unclever. However, once I see the completed paintings drawn in every detail, I feel so proud. I feel thrilled as if I am on the top of a deep high mountain.

Q6. @PENUP : Although they are fewer in number, you sometimes draw dogs and rabbits. Do you have any plans to draw other animals aside from cats? A6. @jiminlee : Other than catties together with me, I sometimes draw dogs. While drawing, I have learned other animals have their own attractions. If my drawing skill develops, I would love to draw as many animals as possible. I am particularly attracted to animals at risk of extinction. I like to draw many different looks.

Q7. @PENUP : Children portraits always catch one’s attention. Like an animal, a child shares something common with them as they are fragile, weak and may not be able to speak. Also, they are all innocent. Is there any reason you draw kids? A7. @jiminlee : As I introduced myself, I have a 5-year-old daughter. She has naturally become the theme of my paintings. Kids’ innocence and brightness cannot be compared with anything and of course I take lots of photos of her but still I like to leave the moments in paintings. I prefer to paint because painting has different appeals compared to photos. Q8. @PENUP : How do you choose your theme? They seem to be ordinary children you can see around you in your daily life. But, both the children and animals would be quite difficult to draw in real life since they move all the time. So, we thought you may have drawn from a photograph. How do you recruit these children for portraits, and how do you draw them? A8. @jiminlee : Yes, that is true. I take a photo and draw based on the photo. Kids are easily accessible in the neighborhood, and casting is very easy. They are the friends of my daughter. I love to draw my daughter and sometimes I draw her friends and put the paintings into frame for a special gift. Then I see them very happy when they receive the gift and that makes me feel way happier.

Q9. @PENUP : How you only make the target stand out in the monotonous background makes us remind of portraits. All the cats and children drawings take that portrait form. The most special part about portrait is that the target’s character and originality are expressed individually. That is why your portrait subjects shine with their own originality. Is there any reason you prefer to express with the portrait with monotonous background? A9. @jiminlee : I simply draw this way hoping the main character in the painting can be better seen and better expressed. Maybe it is because my drawing is not good enough. The main character, it has to be the main character. Sometimes other than the main character becomes to be seen as the main, and this is probably why I like being simple. I want simple-ness which does not disturb one’s attention and I like to ask myself if this is well delivered in my paintings.

Q10. @PENUP : Now, we are left with one official question that goes out to all HOFs. Is there anything you want from PENUP? A10. @jiminlee : I am very happy at the moment. It is really exciting and even mysterious to be able to share the paintings drawn by the small mobile device with many other people. I think it is also good to give offline lecture every now and then. There are drawing tips posted online but for someone like me who is not really knowledgeable with paintings, there are difficult parts to understand. If there are offline lectures, I can ask questions and do things on the site, so it will be useful. Also, it can give me chances to see others’ glorious paintings. Once again, I would like to give my thanks to PENUP team members, and users who love my paintings. I hope you continue on your happy paintings.

How did you feel about our interview with @Jiminlee? It was an interview with an artist who studies cats and children with excellent observation and draws with attractiveness. October is already here; this is indeed a time of the year where you start missing people. Have you ever sit down somewhere and try to think about a person’s face in-depth for a long time? If there is an attractive subject that catches your heart, close your eyes and think about his/her looks. If the face that popped up in your heart dims away in an instant moment, then just grab a paper or smartphone device to draw portrait. That attractive being will forever stay as a portrait beside you.

Artwork Sharing Social Network, PEN.UP! http://www.penup.com - The PEN.UP Team

[forceyourway]

Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge

Day Five: “What element of the father archetype might I benefit from taking into consideration?”

(Using Loki’s tarot deck, “The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot”)

Seven of Swords - This card is about strategy and doing what’s best for you. Right now, I’ve been maintaining pretty steady contact with my dad. Every few weeks or so we’ll go out for dinner or something. He’s still horribly problematic, though, and profoundly everything -ist. I’ve been responding to this by shutting him down with hard logic. Recently he was ranting about how Political Correctness means you can’t do anything nowadays, and I said, “It’s not about taking away your “rights,” but about making other people comfortable. Complaining about PC-ness is just a front so you can continue to be an asshole whenever you like.” and that completely shut him down. I wonder if I can keep this going, and if it’s in my best interest to do so.

Father - Guidance, Protection, Discipline

Think about your father (or other persons who served as a father figure). What is your relationship with him like– what was it like growing up? Take note of memories you have of him that stand out. How do you see him? In what ways do those qualities reflect in your life? Do you experience any resistance to your father? Consider the things you don’t like about him, then ask yourself how you might demonstrate those qualities yourself. Consider the things you do like about him and how far you might go to embody those qualities yourself.

My relationship with my father is complicated. He’s done a lot of unquestionably horrible things, but unlike my mother, I have many good memories of him. I believe that he really did think he was doing the best thing for us, even during those really horrible moments. I think he’s so focused on the goal, whatever that may be, that he locks out everything else. And he thinks that everyone thinks the way he does; what he wants for you must be what you want for you. What you need is what he says you need. And when he doesn’t reach his goal, he doesn’t understand why. He’s not very likely to examine his own behaviour and admit that his constant and blatant jerkishness is pushing people away from him. He gets extremely defensive if you suggest he might have done something wrong.

Because I understand this, and because I do have a lot of good memories, every time it seems like he might be coming around, I reach for it. And every time, I’m heartbroken when it’s snatched away. I know I’m going to pretty much turn to dust when he dies, because I have all of this unresolved stuff, and it’s not going to be resolved, not in life, anyway.

I ended up hospitalized for suicidal ideation after spending only a week or so with him during my college’s Summer break, and he did all sorts of horrible things then. He showed up to visit me by kicking back on the couch, all stereotypical-like, and unloading all of his feelings of abandonment on me. It was like I was his therapist; really weird given the situation. I don’t remember what triggered it, I must have said something about it being kind of messed up that I was supposed to make him feel better when I was in a freaking mental hospital. He blew up. Screaming about how I’m Ungrateful or something like that. I ended up running to my room and locking him out, while he screamed at the door. He harassed my roommate, trying to get her to make me open the door. I think I had him leave with some implication that he was not to return, but soon after, I saw him Lurking in the cafeteria, like a shark. Of course, they released me to him, because Ableism. He just seems so nice!!1!1

I was afraid of him. He was always screaming and acting very violent, slamming things. He called my mom all sorts of gendered slurs, and then called me them whenever I did something bad. I didn’t feel safe talking to him about anything. When I had to ask him if I could go to college in Canada, I wrote him a letter, and ran before I could see the results.

Some of my earliest memories of him are of me watching him play Final Fantasy, the original, on the NES. His party was named after our family, with himself as a Thief, my mom as a Red Mage, myself as a White Mage, and my sister as a Fighter. I don’t think he picked them based on personality, but that’s kind of what he ended up with, save my mom, who’d be like an NPC or something. Some snotty princess in another kingdom. I’d get upset when he fought the sabertooth tigers, saying “Don’t kill kitty!” Of course, he had to kill them. That’s how the game went. And I watched him play Startropics, too. Pretty much as soon as I was able, I picked the games up myself. I asked for an N64 when I was in elementary school, and he said no, he’d get the new thing that was coming, but that was just an excuse to push off buying a system forever. He didn’t want us playing video games. One day, I was wandering around the local video rental store (back when it still existed), and spotted Final Fantasy X on the shelf. I knew that “X” meant 10, meaning I had missed a ton of Final Fantasy that whole time, and it pretty much blew my mind. I told my dad, and it blew his mind, too. He hadn’t seen the graphics evolution that happened between FF1 and FF10. I think that’s when we got a PS2. I was well old enough to play it, then, so we both played it. It was a major bonding thing, that let to Baldur’s Gate, which we played together. This is the source of my love for Final Fantasy: because it basically is all the good memories of my father, or, at least, the strongest ones. Ever the perfectionist, he played it until everything that could be got was got...literally. Every single point on the sphere grid. Every single sidequest, including defeating every single monster in the monster arena. He clocked in like 600 or 700 hours, or something, and it was his masterpiece. We were used to seeing him play it, when we weren’t. The only thing he missed was one Al Bhed primer that blew up with Home. He’s still pretty sour about that.

Playing “To Zanarkand” is a good way to make me cry.

Disney World is another of my happiest memories, even though my parents were clearly fighting during the time. He asked me if I’ve been back since, and kept talking about how I was trying to ~ruin~ everything. Like that I ~refused~ to go on Space Mountain, when my sister went with him. I told him that it went upside-down at some point, and that scared me. And that I was ~overreacting~ in the Haunted Mansion. I told him I was really young and absolutely terrified, and it didn’t matter that my sister wasn’t. Fear doesn’t work like that. I was okay until the “walls” closed behind us. That was it. And yet, for me, it’s one of my happiest memories. I don’t focus on that stuff like him.

When I was really young, we used to play a game called Sleep. This consisted of him napping on the couch, and my sister and I climbing all over him. He’d pretend to still be asleep, catch us in all kinds of weird positions, and we’d have to wiggle our way free. We thought it was hilarious. I remember I even talked about it in one of my homework assignments, and the teacher “corrected” it, because she didn’t know what Sleep was. She wrote something like “I like to play *and sleep with my dad.”

We had one of those big inflatable pools in the backyard every Summer. He showed us how to make a “whirlpool,” and we played Shark, which I think was just us hanging on his shoulders while he swam around menacingly. As an adult, he was trying to get me to come hang out with him at the casino, because there was a pool. He said we could play shark. I literally cried. I’m literally tearing up right now.

We also did “midnight swim,” which was never at midnight, but it was always us swimming when it was totally dark, close to bedtime. He’d actually go and specifically ask us to swim with him. It was something just for us; my mom wanted nothing to do with it.

And he has a thing for fireworks. I mentioned that in one of my previous posts. He now launches all sorts of fireworks, some of them quite big, whenever he feels like in the Summer. He has this massive box of them in the garage, so they’ll last a while. Sometimes he let us set one off. He gave us sparklers, and, on at least one occasion, giant sparklers, which were pretty much as long as our arms. The thought of him not doing fireworks is making me tear up.

Negative Qualities

Controlling - As mentioned, he pretended to be a therapist online to manipulate my mother into bringing us back home. He demands compliance and will should “Defiance!!!1!!” or accuse me of doing a thing just for spite if I don’t do the thing fast enough. Once he sent a “Go to Bed” error message to my computer when I snuck back on at night, which was terrifying. He’d ask me for money and offer to pay it back with interest, or pay it back double, or whatever, and get mad when I declined. At one point, he owed two? thousand dollars. One day, he showed up at my work, and I was so happy to see him. I just thought he was stopping by and how great would that be, but no. He was there to ask me to give him money when I couldn’t escape him. Years later, he pulled this again, showing up at my former-dream-job. He didn’t want money; this time, it was just because I wasn’t answering his texts fast enough.

Insecure - He gets really defensive if you imply he’s done something wrong, and in general seems to build himself up by tearing everyone else down. & Me - As mentioned, I’m really bad for deflecting and trying to dodge blame.

Aggressive - He was always screaming and slamming things; I was scared of him. One day, he was going to take our family to the river to swim, but I was on my period, so I couldn’t very well do that. I said he and my sister could go and I’d stay home. I tried to explain [periods] to him, but he doesn’t know how periods work. He ended up screaming in my face about how I’m ruining family stuff, and I could see that he was only barely restraining himself from hitting me. I egged him on: “Hit me.” So he did - open palm, of course - and smacked the absolute hell out of me. I still didn’t go to the river. & Me - I have a horrible temper. It’s really hard to upset me, ‘cause I’m all understanding and stuff, but once you do, I go straight into Sekhmet levels of pissed. And I’ll turn this on myself if I don’t meet my own standards.

Arrogant - He knows how smart he is, and thinks he shouldn’t be questioned. This ties in with perfectionism, because no one can do a thing as well as he can. & Me - I’m very rarely arrogant, since I don’t like myself, but I suppose there is an occasional bit of overconfidence. It tends to manifest as impulsiveness; I’m so sure of my ideas that I just sort of rush into everything.

Depressed - Woe is him. He doesn’t understand why my mother left him, or why me and my sister did. He stopped taking care of the house (and himself), so now it’s this horrible manifestation of rot, with trash and mice everywhere. His gambling addiction ties in here. & Me - I’m also prone to self-indulgence. Depression and terrible self-esteem’ll do that to ya.

Obstinate - Really doesn’t like being told he’s wrong. & Me - I can be stubborn if I think I’m right about something, and refuse to move when pushed, but usually I am more determined than obstinate.

Hostile Humor - Likes to make people genuinely upset and laugh about it, such as deliberately giving someone a racist joke. He thinks they should just know he’s kidding, because of course he is, but none of them are “smart enough.” His tone when doing this is the same as when he’s talking normally, so often I have no idea when he’s “joking” or openly serious. When I was in elementary school, he pretended to fall off the roof multiple times, just to see what we’d do. He’d be putting up Xmas lights or something, then position himself above the downstairs window, and slide off so we would see him fall. Of course you need to go “aaah!” when you do this, to make it more convincing.

Positive Qualities

Intellectual - My dad is smart as hell. He’s got multiple degrees, is way too into math, and thinks you better be, too. Since I was the “smart” kid, anything less than straight A’s was obviously because I wasn’t trying hard enough. So I kind of felt like I was never doing enough/like I was a disappointment, y’know? That’s not good, but there is good in here, yet. He was always trying to teach me something. He was trying to teach me what DNA stood for when I was like, 6, or something, and he’d get frustrated when I couldn’t remember it. Figured out that my sister and I couldn’t accurately perceive time, and measured car trips in “Scooby Doo”’s, which was actually pretty clever of him. Kind of interesting that he accepted this, but not the above stuff. & Me - I’m pretty good at school, and excellent in my field of study.

Analytical - He likes thinking about how people work and why things happen. He’ll actually acknowledge this, if I point out something particularly impressive. & Me - Same.

Perfectionist - The branches on our Christmas tree needed to be perfectly arranged so they looked most real; this took a huge amount of time. Sometimes he’d make me do it, because I knew how. I generally hated it, because it took so long. He’s always real worried that the grass is to high, and now that he’s stopped taking care of the house and it’s overgrown, he’ll still complain about it. He’d go all-out with Christmas presents, and was very proud of how he put Christmas lights all around the house. He stripped the dining room table and all the chairs by himself, and resealed them. & Me - I have a “go big or go home” mentality, and will do a thing until it is the most complete instead of complete the fastest.

Family-Oriented - He was actually involved in stuff, like Sleep and playing video games with me. He’ll check up on me every now and then, asking if I’ve gotten an oil change, and stuff like that. He’ll occasionally toss a bit of cash my way, and always pays for me if we go out to eat, despite not having enough to pay his bills. He was big on making sure we had a variety of fun life experiences when we were kids, and we did new things all the time, like canoeing. That was really fun. He has a very traditional mindset in that he believe emotions are the women’s job, and she’s supposed to cook and clean and all that. The fact that she didn’t really engage with us was a huge point of tension for him.

He literally sleeps next to a picture of my sister and I as kids. ;___;

Spontaneous? - Surprise, we’re going to Florida! Right now. Get in the car. Hurry up. “Spontaneous” is not a word I’d usually associate with my father, and yet, this shit happened all the time. I don’t know if he came up with this stuff on the fly, or if it was planned ahead, but executed in a very weird way (this seems more likely). Maybe he thought a “surprise” vacation was gonna be awesome? I wonder if mom was in on it, or if it was a surprise for her, too? Not so much. We missed our flights a lot, which was not fun. I always felt like I was being dragged along somewhere. It was very disruptive, in an already-chaotic environment, and caused me a lot of stress. & Me - I’m actually spontaneous, in that I’ll suggest Fun Things for everyone to do all the time. I’m good at planning to break up monotony, too; I have a solid list of cool stuff to do when everything starts to feel blah. It’s really sad that I’ve never gotten to use it. I’ll give people gifts just because, and I am damn good at giving gifts. But at the same time, “just winging it” makes me uneasy, for the reasons described above. If I’m gonna go hang out with someone, and we might go somewhere, I want to know when, so I can be sort of mentally ready for it. If plans are made but full of question marks (”I’ll show up whenever”), that makes me uneasy. Just plan to do nothing, and we can just hang out. If someone then has a cool idea, great. There is a “plan,” so I can predict, even if the plan is “do nothing.” Works like a charm.