#I want someone to reach out to me and fucking proove I'm worth that effort

[palettepainter]

Warning: vent

It's my 22nd birthday July 29th. My family and myself are going away for a small holiday. I don't know what I want to do to celebrate, and if it is my age or seeing my siblings surrounded by such positive groups of friends of which I never had at their age, but it's dawning on me just how alone I really feel outside of my online circle

My sister has many friends, and she's said before how she and her friends all have an autistic older sibling, and she admitted to how sometimes, she's felt like she'd had to parent me. I know it's said in a light-hearted joke, but I look at her and how she has grown - doing far more then I ever did at her age - and I wonder, did I fail? Am I just a quirky joke between you and your friends that makes you closer??

Along with failed attempts at a diagnosis, the possibility of depression being a factor, and the anxiety, it's lead me to wonder if who I am outside of this screen is even someone worth while. What if I am my faults