#I waited for over a year to be able to add it to Rook's playlist at a point where it felt fitting in the campaign and story to do so.

[memento-morri-writes]

@writeouswriter you ask, and I deliver! Putting this under the cut because it got really long.

Clinging to the broken wheel. Rook is desperately trying to cling to any shred of happiness or normalcy that he has left, but his entire life has already been ripped to shreds. The wheel in this case could be Zara, the guiding force for 6 years of his life. She's changed, he's changed, and their relationship isn't the same as it was when they last saw each other 3 years ago. But she's familiar, and the only important figure in his life who hasn't betrayed him, let him down, or died. (Or all of the above...) She's still flawed, but she is a good person at heart.

The indentation in the cork that his shoulder fits in so perfectly. It was made by him over the hundreds or thousands of other times he's repeated this loop. It's a direct reference to the wall of crystal or diamond that the Doctor has to break through with his bare hands in the DW episode that inspired a large portion of this dream. (It takes the Doctor 4.something BILLION years to get out.)

The hole in the bottom. Rook realizes that there must be another opening, another place for water to come in. This is in direct reference to the lyric "Water's leaking through holes in the bottom" in the song that inspired this dream. (I also didn't share this part, but at the beginning of the dream Rook is completely alone on the deck of the Tide Breaker in the middle of a storm, also in reference to a lyric from ship in a bottle. And just prior to where I picked up this snippet, the masts of the ship snap and the ship rises, which is what brings him so close to the glass. This is another reference to the song's lyrics.)

The shapes rising out of the water. Inspired by a post that talked about how fucking freaky it must have been to be the crew that found the Titanic and to see the shape rising out of the darkness. (If you haven't seen the footage or pictures, it truly is eerie.) The Titanic was my special interest for years when I was a kid, so it has a special place in my heart.

The heaps of wrecks, as far as the eye can see. Inspired by the same DW episode, where at one point the Doctor falls into the water, and sees mountains of skulls. It's later revealed that they are all his. Obviously ships are bigger than skulls, so the ships are the more prominent thing here, but for every ship there is a copy of Rook's body.

The corpses smiling/laughing. It's become something of an unintentional theme in some of Rook's darkest moments to hear laughter, or otherwise be mocked or made fun of. (He heard laughter while on the Sea Snake, Sigmar and Warren's corpses mocked him in a hallucination, in the very first curse-nightmare he ever had Wolf and two of the party members laughed at him as he was thrown into her hold.) I've never fully explored the reasoning for this, but it's likely a combo of the fact that Rook places very little value on his own life (ie, he is a joke), as well as the fact that he was Wolf's entertainment while on her ship, and she found his misery amusing. (Not to mention that the man who physically enacted a lot of the torture (though Wolf did plenty herself) was a literal sadist who did actually laugh in response to Rook's misery.) Also, if his father ever did so much as look at him, it was usually to make him the butt of a joke or otherwise insult him.

Asphyxiation. Rook has claustrophobia, and so while he loves the ocean and is a very strong swimmer (as we see in parts of this dream), having no air / running out of breath is a terrifying concept for him. In his first curse-nightmare, he was choked to death by Olvar, the goliath boatswain who enacted much of his torture during his first stretch on the Sea Snake. Earlier that same day, he had a panic attack triggered by seeing Wolf again for the first time. He essentially sprinted over a mile, and due to his panic wasn't able to regain his breath for a while even once he stopped, which only made him more upset.

Sinking/Drowning. In addition to being both an obvious solution to a sea-based nightmare, as well as reference to more lyrics of the song ship in a bottle, the sinking/drowning also represents the way Rook feels emotionally overwhelmed and far out of his depth. He's only just now beginning to have the time to process the horrible things that happened prior to his capture by Wolf (Sigmar's betrayal and Warren's death), and his emotions threaten to overwhelm him. Also, he's been given the title of captain, a title he doesn't feel he deserves, and that he has no real experience with, aside from watching Zara. He feels more than a little bit out of his depth since he's now tasked with not only keeping his family (the party) safe, but also a whole ship's crew.

ship in a bottle

Excuse the shitty 3am first draft, but I wrote another fucked-up nightmare for Rook... (continued under the cut. tw for death/drowning/corpses)

The water is rising even faster now, and within seconds the deck is awash with sea water.  It reaches his ankles, then his knees. He clings desperately to the broken wheel, but it will not save him. Nothing will save him. As the water reaches his neck he sucks in a breath. The water closes over his head. As it continues to rise, he begins to swim, searching for whatever is trapping him. A few strong strokes, and his outstretched hand meets something smooth. Glass.  He swims forwards, following the curve of the glass, searching for a way out. It slopes downwards, and he dives, following it into a narrow tunnel. At the end is a cork. There’s an indentation in it, as if something heavy has slammed against it. He pushes against it with all his might. His shoulder fits perfectly into the groove, but it will not budge. Exhausted he pauses, floating in the water. He should have needed to breathe by now. Should have drowned by now. But he hasn’t. The thought gives him hope. There must be a way out. Another thought crosses his mind. The rain alone was not enough to fill the bottle at this speed. There must be another opening. With renewed desperation, he swims back down the neck of the bottle and dives deeper, towards the bottom.  A dark shadow passes through the corner of his vision. He looks and sees the Tide Breaker sinking, having finally succumbed to the waves. As it falls past him, fading from his vision, he swims after it.

After several minutes of swimming, he begins to see shapes below him, coming closer. Dark silhouettes rise out of the murky water. As he grows closer, a sinking feeling sets into his stomach. The shapes are not natural rocks or stony ruins. They are wrecks, so densely packed that he can’t see the sand beneath them. Hundreds upon hundreds of ships lie at the bottom of the bottle, stretching as far as he can see in every direction.   No. Not hundreds of ships. One ship. Piled up on the ocean floor are countless copies of the Tide Breaker, in various states of disrepair. Some remain almost completely intact, while others have been ripped apart by the waves. Some are covered in seaweed, swaying gently in the waves. Others look recent, hulls clean and firm. For the first time since the water closed over his head, Rook’s lungs begin to strain. His heart is pounding in his chest. He kicks harder, swimming not upwards, but downwards, closer to the wrecks. Something white catches his attention, and he swims towards it. At first it looks like some kind of large shell, balanced on the broken wheel of one of the wrecks. But as he gets closer, its grisly shape reveals itself. A skull, bleached white and picked clean of flesh, is perched jauntily on the helm. Its naked grin seems to be taunting him. More white catches his eyes and he sees bones scattered across the deck.  Movement draws his attention from a nearby wreck, and he glances over. His vision is going dark at the edges from lack of air, and it takes him several seconds to process what he’s seeing. Tangled in the rigging of a nearby wreck is a corpse. His corpse. It twists slowly in the current, spinning around to face him. The eyes are gone and the flesh on his face has begun to fall off. Bite marks are visible where some deep-sea creature has been feeding from him. A scream is building in his throat, his lungs are sending shooting warnings through his body. He needs air. Against his will, his mouth opens, and water rushes in, salty and cold. As his vision fades, the last thing he sees is his own rotting corpse, drifting in the water. It seems to be laughing at him.

[lukatheselkie]

HMC- Music is the language of feelings

@hetaliamondaychallenge

Here’s my other one for today! This completely got out of hand, I had no intentions of it being this long, but here we are. This one follows the prompt a bit more loosely, but it’s still there if you squint!

Pairings: Triangle poly pairings this time! FinGerPan, and mentioned DenPruCan

Warnings: Alcohol mentioned briefly, a makeout session, lots of sexual stuff, but no actual sex. I can’t believe my ace self made something this risky 😂

(Kiku’s accent is PRECIOUS. Though I don’t feel like I did him justice 😭)

    Tino flushes slightly when Kiku places a hand on his thigh. He sends a half hearted glare at him, glancing around the meeting room to make sure no one else knows what’s happening. Once he’s certain the action has gone unnoticed, he lays his head on Kiku’s shoulder to quietly scold him. “What do you think you’re doing? You know we’re both going to be incredibly embarrassed if anyone sees your hand there.” There’s a gentle squeeze from Kiku.

    “No one wirr notice. Rudwig won’t ret them.” TIno laughs softly. He doesn’t want to know what Kiku knows about Ludwig to be able to blackmail him like that,—it’s definitely blackmail, there’s a gleam in his eyes—but he’s thankful for it.

    “If you’re sure,” he hums out, straightening himself back into a sitting position. He places a hand on top of Kiku’s, and focuses his attention back on the meeting. Most everyone looks bored, as it’s been going for a few hours, but it’s close to the end. A few of them even come out of their imagined worlds to stare at the clock. Gilbert looks the most excited. Tino isn’t quite sure why he comes to the meetings anymore, but figures it’s to help him feel included.

    “Dismissed,” Ludwig finally says, causing most everyone to jump up.

    “Vait guys! Everyone ist invited to a party at mine und Ludvig’s house!” The younger German sighs, but doesn’t complain. They must have talked it over already. Good to know Gilbert doesn’t always do without thinking first. Tino was starting to wonder.

    “Yeah! Party!” Mathias tosses an arm over Gilbert’s shoulder. Tino rolls his eyes slightly, smiling at his antics. He looks over at Kiku apologetically.

    “Mathias is likely going to drag Lukas, Emil, Berwald, and I to the party. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I don’t think I have much of a choice.” Kiku smiles sweetly at him, and brushes a strand of hair behind his ear.

    “I don’t mind coming with. We can sneak off to be arone together.” Tino’s face lights up. That sounds wonderful. Suddenly, he’s excited for this party.

~

    Kiku takes Tino’s hand and leads him to a quiet room a decent distance away from the blaring music. They can still hear it, but it’s more of a background noise now. Kiku spins around Tino, laughing, and they launch into a dance that doesn’t match the upbeat music from a few rooms away. But they don’t care. They’re with each other, and that’s all that matters at the moment. Except… They both feel like something is missing. Tino is the first to voice it. Well, this time. It’s a conversation they’ve had in the past. The context changes depending on the situation they’re in, but the main point never differs. “I wish we had a third person to dance with.” Kiku smiles sadly at him, and leans in to kiss his cheek.

    “I do too.” He presses their foreheads together, sorrow flitting around in his chest. He knows Tino feels it as well, judging by his stiffness. He always goes stiff when he’s thinking about this. “We wirr find someone.” He gives him a reassuring smile. Tino smiles back at him, but it’s not as confident as his boyfriend’s. “Maybe we can find someone here.”

    “You really think so?” He perks up, smile brightening a bit. They’ve both wanted to add a third for so long. He furrows his brows slightly. “But who?” Kiku presses his lips to Tino’s lovingly, trying to stop him from overthinking.

    “We don’t have to worry about that right now,” he whispers when he pulls away. “Ret’s just dance together. I have a srow dance song prayrist on my phone. I made it just for us.” Tino’s chest warms with happiness. He grabs Kiku’s hand and squeezes it.

    “That sounds absolutely amazing, Hani muru (Honey crumb).” The shorter man blushes, and hurries to pull out his phone. He places it on the floor nearby, and starts the playlist. They’re all slow love songs, and they both love every second of dancing together to them. Even if neither is very confident in his dancing abilities. Each and every lyric is special to them.

    When the playlist ends, they’ve gone from elaborate dancing to slight rocking while staring deeply into each other’s eyes. At least an hour has passed, if not two, but the sudden lack of their music reminds them of the party happening beyond their personal bubble. The music is still going, though it’s much more relaxed than it was when they started the songs that drowned it out. Kiku picks up his phone, frowning a bit at his battery percentage, and pockets it. Tino wraps an arm around his waist and kisses the top of his head. “That was wonderful. Thank you for tonight. I’ll never forget it.”

    “I wirr cherish it forever.” Tino smirks, a thought coming to mind. “What’s that rook for?”

    “We could make it even more of a night to remember, you know.” He lightly flicks Kiku’s waistband, causing him to flush crimson. “Only if you want to, of course.” A quick nod is all it takes for him to pick his lover up and press him against the wall, kissing him needily. Kiku wraps his legs around his hips, and tangles his hands in his hair. Tino’s hand finds its way under the fabric of his shirt, and he gasps when he feels fingers brush over his nipples. This gives the taller of the two an opportunity to shove his tongue into his mouth, which he gladly takes.

    The wall they’re on shifts, and they realize too late it’s actually a door. They tumble out into the hall, on top of someone. Kiku squeaks indignantly, blushing even harder at the warm, broad chest now pressed against his back. Tino pulls away from the kiss slightly to see just who interrupted their makeout session, scowling a bit. His expression quickly turns to an apologetic one when he sees Ludwig beneath them. He hurries to scramble off of them, tugging Kiku up with him. “Mr. Germany!” The dark haired man yelps, hiding his face in Tino’s chest. He wraps his arms around him protectively, eyes narrowing.

    “Why aren’t you watching your brother? You wouldn’t want him getting too drunk.”

    “I could say ze same zing about jou vith Mathias!” There’s still shock on his face, but at least he mostly has the blush under control now.

    “Berwald is watching him.” Your move he says with his eyes, clinging tighter to Kiku.

    “Berwald got drunk und passed out an hour ago. I zink Mathias vas driving him mad. Lukas is vatching Arthur, Gilbert, und Mathias now. Vhat are jou two doing, making out in my study?” Is that where they were? Tino hadn’t bothered to look around. He was too enchanted by Kiku. He huffs slightly, shaking his head.

    “We escaped from the party when it first started. It’s nicer here. Berwald passed out? I have to tease him about that later!” Ludwig furrows his brows slightly. He runs a hand through his hair out of habit to fix it, and Kiku notices he looks a bit more disheveled than usual.

    “Zat doesn’t answer my question as to vhy jou vere making out.” Tino’s anger comes back, but he doesn’t let it show. Much.

    “Be glad you came in when you did. A minute later, and you would have seen more.” Kiku whines loudly, embarrassed. He whispers into his love’s ear, as quietly as he can.

    “Don’t terr him that! And don’t ret me think about that. I used to want him to make me scream until I went hoarse.” He raises his brows, glancing up at Ludwig. He’s definitely handsome. And muscular.

    “I can see why,” he whispers back. “Though I would rather make him scream himself hoarse.” The noise that comes out of Kiku is a mix between a giggle and a gasp. Ludwig stares at the two of them, perplexed.

    “Vhat are jou saying to him?” Kiku hums in thought. After a moment, he brings his mouth back up to Tino’s ear.

    “So we’re agreed, then? We try to bring Rudwig into our rerationship?” He nods, laughing a bit when Kiku smiles; it tickles against his ear.

    “Oh, nothing much. Just how it would be nice to make you scream as you make Kiku scream.” Ludwig’s face goes pale, then red, then pale again. It stays there for a few seconds, before deciding red is where it wants to be. “We’re polyam, you see. We’ve been looking for a third person to bring into our relationship.”

    “We won’t pressure you into it, but the option is there if you wourd rike to take it.” Ludwig stares at them for a long moment, running their words over in his mind. Polyam. Gilbert has taught him about that. It’s not something he’s against, but he never would have thought he would be invited into a relationship. He’s had a mild crush on Kiku for years, but didn’t say anything because he’s with Tino. The Finnish man is attractive enough. A bit chubby, but so is Kiku, though maybe not quite as much. Apparently he has a type. But it’s the other thing he said that brings him pause.

    “Vhat do jou mean, make me scream?” Tino’s eyes glint, and he licks his lips.

    “I'm not submissive. Not in the least. I don’t plan on ever being submissive. But you still have an opportunity to be dominant.” Kiku perks up, and smiles brightly at him.

    “I wirr submit to you! Of course, we aren’t going to be strictry sexuar. We both want someone to be with emotinarry too. Though sex is rather nice.” Tino nods his agreement.

    “We want someone to love, more than we want anything else. Think about it. We’ll wait for you, Ludwig.” He winks at him, then gently tugs Kiku elsewhere, so they can finish what they started. The German stares after them, mind racing.

~

    “I zink jou should do it.” Gilbert is upside down on the couch, head on the ground and feet dangling over the back, where his head should be. “It’s really eye opening. Jou don’t realize how closed off ze human views ve follow are until jou defy zem. Zis ist ein I vould recommend defying. Ve’re practically immortal beings, Vest. If most humans can’t go zeir lives loving ein, how are ve supposed to? It’s so freeing to be in a non-monogamous relationship. Look at Mathias, Matthieu, und I! Ve’ve never been happier. Ve love each ozer so very much.” His voice clouds over with emotion. “I’m gonna go call zem. I miss zem.” He somersaults off the couch, and practically runs to his room. Ludwig blinks after him. Well, that’s not the answer he was hoping for, but probably the answer he needed.

    “I can do zis,” he mumbles to himself, walking to the landline. He knows it’s not very practical nowadays, and he doesn’t use it very often, but this feels like a special moment. One that would be enhanced by one of his special occasion habits. He dials the number to Kiku’s house without a second thought, having memorized it long ago. He just hopes that’s where they’re at today. Thankfully, he’s in luck. The line clicks alive, and Kiku’s voice comes through.

    “Herro? Rudwig? Why are you calling the landline?” Ah. He meant to call his cellphone, but that’s not the one he has memorized. “Is something wrong?” He shakes his head quickly.

    “Nein! Nozing is vrong. I just… Is Tino zere vith jou?”

    “Mm, he is.”

    “Can jou put me on speaker?”

    “One moment.” There’s a shuffling, and Ludwig takes a deep breath. This is it. This is his opportunity to back down. “Okay. Say what you wanted to.” Or continue forward.

    “I’ve zought about jour offer. A lot, if I’m being honest.” It’s been a little over a month since that interaction, and he’s barely slept from thinking about it so often. Mostly, he’s been fantasizing what it would be like. At first, he thought they might all link hands as they walked, but GIlbert informed him that leads to bumping into things. More accurately, they would switch who was in the middle every time. And, though he didn’t want to think about it because of his uncertainty in it, he’s thought about how sex might work. Between him and Kiku, him and Tino, and all three of them. He’s certain all three will leave him feeling safe during such a vulnerable act. That’s something he’s always worried about, at the back of his mind. If he’s safe or not when he’s being vulnerable like that.

    “You have?” Tino’s voice asks. It’s a bit further away than Kiku’s, slightly muffled, and his mind immediately goes to the gutter. He’s probably just cuddling a stuffed animal! He doesn’t believe that, but he repeats it to himself mentally.

    “Ja. Und…” He can’t bring himself to say it. He so desperately wants to, but he can’t. What if they’ve changed their minds? What if they do get together, and he messes it up?

    “Rudwig. If you’re worrying, don’t. We wirr teach you anything you want or need to know. And we haven’t changed our mind. If anything, we want you to join us more.” It’s unfair, how Kiku always knows what he’s thinking. But it settles his unease enough for him to say it.

    “I vant to try. Danke for jour vait. I know zat must have been bozersome.”

    “Not at all!” Tino’s closer to the phone now, and his mouth is full, which doesn’t help Ludwig’s dirty thoughts. “It can take a long time to decide if polyamory is worth trying. I’m just glad you are willing to give it a chance.”

    “Hai! I’m happy you want to try! We both are!” He giggles. “We were just about to go on a romantic vacation. Wourd you rike to go with us?” He feels his face heat up. A romantic vacation? He really shouldn’t… He has tons of work to do. But his body tingles warmly at the thought, and he knows there’s no use fighting what he wants.

    “Zat sounds wonderful.” He lets himself smile freely for the first time in a long time. Maybe Gilbert is right. Speaking of Gilbert… He rolls his eyes at the music drifting from his room. It’s an incredibly sappy love song, likely coming from Matthieu’s end of the three-way call, but it makes his heart even lighter. The perfect song for the perfect moment.