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justagalwhowrites · 11 months ago

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Yearling - Ch. 27: Found

You try to figure out what you want. Joel and Ellie go on patrol.A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-26 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. CLEARLY. It's me. Homophobia. Smut-adjacent. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 11.3k (THIS IS GETTING TO BE A PROBLEM I'M SO SORRY)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Late August, 2027

“You’re making this hard on purpose,” Ellie’s nose scrunched as she held her guitar.

You laughed.

“Promise, Kiddo, I’m not.”

“Sometimes I really don’t like you, you know,” she grumbled. You snorted. “I’m serious! Swear you make me do shit the hard way because you fucking enjoy watching me struggle…”

“You learn better when you do it yourself and do it the hard way,” you shrugged, leaning back against a post of your porch. You stretched a leg out onto the step below and picked a little at your guitar. “You’ll never learn if I just give you all the answers.”

“Yeah yeah,” she muttered, leaning to the side to add more of her disorganized scrawl to her notebook. “Swear you didn’t have to work this hard at shit…”

“I started a lot younger than you,” you replied, picking up the pace on your guitar and adding slaps and pops, no real rhyme or reason to it, just what your fingers felt like doing. “Everything is easier when you start young. And hey, you’ve got a leg up on any asshole who tries to learn when they’re my age.”

“Because you’re a dinosaur?” She looked up at you from her notebook, a small smirk on her face.

“Nah,” you replied. “They’d been dead like three years when I was born, I’m not THAT old.”

She laughed and went back to her notes as you kept playing, looking out down the path from your yard to the road beyond.

It was sweltering hot and you’d never been more thankful for a breeze or the fact that it was your day off from the stables. The hair that had pulled loose from your braids stuck to your skin and you’d been sweating all day, waking up with your sheets balled up at the foot of your bed and your tank top damp even with the ceiling fan on. You hadn’t even put on jeans that day, throwing on one of the few dresses that had made their way into your closet in the almost two years you’d been in Jackson. The first you’d taken when Maria mentioned seeing one she thought would fit you, not long before things fell apart with Joel. You’d intended to wear it to the Tipsy Bison on a night there was dancing once it was warmer, opening the door to Joel when you were dressed like what your mother would call “a proper lady.” You’d pictured dancing with him, his hand sliding up the inside of your thigh when you sat down to have a drink until you couldn’t take it anymore and you practically dragged him home, riding him with the skirt bunched up around your waist the second you were in the door.

That had never happened. That dress stayed tucked safely away at the back of your closet, not able to bring yourself to part with it and the image of that night with him.

The other dress was perfect for days like today, long and loose and thin cotton that made the oppressive heat of late summer tolerable. Even if Ellie had looked at you like you had two heads when she saw you in the damn thing.

You didn’t mind, though. You were just glad that you had gotten to the point that you liked spending time with Ellie again. That you’d started feeling much of anything at all.

The first month you got back was hazy. You didn’t really leave your house at first, not able to contribute much at the stable and not seeing a reason to move otherwise.

You weren’t entirely sure how many days passed before there was the first knock at your door.

It wasn’t an Ellie knock. The sound didn’t carry her chaotic energy or almost audacious nature. Instead, it was hesitant but sturdy and firm without being forceful or insistent. You stayed flat on your back, staring up at the ceiling of the closet for a minute to see if the knock would come again. It didn’t. You stared at the ceiling a while longer but, eventually, you had to pee. You forced yourself to move and, on your way back from the bathroom, passed your front door. You hesitated for a moment before you went and opened it, to see if whoever knocked had left a note.

On your porch was a box filled with crackers and jerky and fruit and carrots and celery. All things you could eat without needing to cook or, really, do anything at all. You knew it was from Joel, even though it hadn’t sounded like his knock, either. There was no one else who would have brought it because no one else knew why you were locked inside your home. But he was no where to be seen. He didn’t leave a note.

A few days later, you forced yourself to go to the stable to check on the horses. The fillies and the colt weren’t making much progress without you - you’d have to probably start nearly from scratch with them once your arm healed - but you were able to feel somewhat useful, brushing horses down, checking on their hooves to see when they’d need to be shoed, just giving them some love and attention. That helped you feel a little more like yourself.

Ellie started coming by again a few days after that. She showed up one afternoon with a CD and a sandwich from the mess hall, marching into your living room like nothing had happened, complaining about another kid in town and how Joel wasn’t going to let her patrol with anyone but him for a while.

“I could get partnered with Dina but no,” she drew the last word out, sprawled on your couch, rolling her eyes as she did. “The old man is convinced I’m going to drop dead if he’s not looking out for me for five minutes…”

“I’m sure he’ll ease up once he sees how capable you are,” you said, sitting on the loveseat and picking up the CD case she’d brought with her. The Clash this time. “Mick Jones and Joe Strummer, nice choice. Why do you want to go out with Dina, anyway? I thought not everything was about girls…”

“Shut up.”

“Nah.”

You were’t sure if you were really doing better or if you’d just found a way to push the hurt down inside yourself again. You weren’t sure there was a way to recover from this, from the idea that you’d probably never see your child again. Clinging to the possibility felt so necessary but so foolish. You weren’t sure if it was reason or denial but it didn’t really matter. You weren’t sure you could live without that possibility dulling the jagged edges of your grief and pain.

The boxes of food made regular appearances on your porch. You never saw Joel.

When you were close to getting your cast off, Ellie came by your house but didn’t shove her way inside the way she usually did. Instead, she hovered on your porch.

“OK don’t be mad,” she said, a serious look on her face.

“Off to a great start,” you replied.

She glared at you for a second before pressing on.

“Joel sent me with a message,” she said. “He wanted me to tell you that the movie tonight was something called Ever After and that he thought you would like it and that he wasn’t going to be there so you should go. And to not be mad. I think you shouldn’t be mad, too, by the way.”

“Not mad,” you smiled a little. “I just… I don’t know…”

“Come on, Bambi,” Ellie said, dropping some of her pretense now. “Dina’s going with Jesse and I’ve never seen it and I really don’t want to be stuck sitting by them while they suck face.”

You sighed, looking back over your shoulder in the direction of Joel’s house. You found yourself looking that way a lot.

“Alright,” you said after a moment, looking back at Ellie. “I’ll go. But only to save you from your crush…”

“I’m going to ignore that last part and just be happy you’re going,” she said, a little smug. “Even though you’re annoying about it.”

“So annoying,” you agreed, stepping into your boots, turning on the lamp and following her out the door.

It was strangely easy to adjust to being around the people of Jackson again. Ellie gave you something to focus on, busy trying to distract her from the Dina and Jesse acting exactly like you remembered some of your friends in high school acted with their boyfriends.

“What’s this movie about, anyway?” Ellie asked as the two of you settled in toward the back of the room.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it,” you said. “But I think it was like Cinderella.”

Ellie looked at you and made a face.

“Like the fairy tale.”

“Yup,” you replied. She stared at you and you laughed a little. “What?”

“I’m just trying to picture you liking a fucking fairy tale.”

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms as best you could with one in a cast.

“What?” She teased. “Don’t tell me you like some stupid story where love solves everyone’s problems…”

“What’s wrong with that?” Julie, the woman you’d seen a few times at the Tipsy Bison and when she went out on patrol, appeared alongside Ellie, a large bowl of popcorn in her hands.

“It’s bullshit,” Ellie said. “There’s a reason they’re stories for little kids.”

“Maybe you just haven’t loved that way yet,” she smiled a little before nodding to the chair on the other side of you. “Seat taken?”

You hoped you didn’t just stare at her for too long. People didn’t just talk to you in Jackson, not without a reason, let alone try to sit by you. You weren’t entirely sure what to do with it.

“All yours,” you said, tugging your legs in close so she could pass you and sit down. She settled in beside you and smiled, holding out the bowl.

“Thanks,” she said. “Popcorn?”

“Sure,” you said after a moment, taking some with your good hand. “Thank you.”

“Course,” she smiled a little bigger in a lopsided, almost cocky way. “What’s the point of popcorn if you don’t share it?”

The movie was good. You’d only seen it once or twice before the outbreak but you’d liked it then, too. Cinderella was smart and capable, the prince was handsome and kind and you liked to imagine the way life was in that period of time.

“OK so that wasn’t terrible,” Ellie said as you headed out with her and Julie.

“Told you,” you teased a little.

“No one told me that sometimes the girls in fairy tales got to be badasses,” she replied. “I might have liked the stories more then!”

“The girls are always badasses,” Julie said. “They just try to hide it, scares the men otherwise.”

Ellie snorted.

“Sounds right.”

You reached Joel’s. There was a light on in his living room and you felt the familiar tug in you to go inside and join him. Just let yourself in the front door and settle in like it was yours.

“I’m gonna go tell the old man that his taste in movies isn’t totally awful,” Ellie said, heading up the front walk. “Still want help tomorrow at the stable?”

“Stalls ain’t gonna muck themselves,” you replied and held up your still healing arm. “And this isn’t much help.”

“Ugh,” she groaned good naturedly. “Night!”

You watched until she made it to the front door - not that the precaution was really necessary here but it made you feel better - and you turned to Julie, your good hand stuffed in your pocket.

“I’m that way and to the left,” you said. “So…”

“Mind if I join you?” She asked. “Nice night, figure I’ll take the scenic route.”

You looked at her for a moment.

“Sure,” you shrugged. “Not much to see though.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” she smiled one of those lopsided smiles and fell into step beside you, walking a little slower than you and you slowed down to match her pace. You looked ahead. “So, how’ve you been doing? Don’t see you at the Bison much anymore.”

“Fine,” you shrugged. “Just haven’t felt like going out.” You looked over at her and had the passing thought that she was pretty. Young, with long, dark hair and bright eyes and full lips.“How about you?”

“Oh you know,” she waved you off. “Same old, same old. The berries are coming into season though, have you been to check out the orchards and stuff?”

“I’ve ridden past them,” you said. “Haven’t exactly spent time there, though.”

“You should!” She brightened at that, even more than she already was. The two of you came to a stop at your front walk. “Think you’d like it. You should come with me sometime, it’d be fun.”

“Yeah, maybe,” you smiled a little tightly. “This is me, so…”

“Nice place,” she smiled back, looking more genuine than yours felt. “Well, whenever you want to check it out, let me know. Hope to see you around.”

“You too,” you said, standing there awkwardly for a moment before turning and heading up the walk and into your house.

You went to the mess hall the next morning for breakfast. Dinner, too. And soon, your cast was off and you were going there for most meals, even if it was just to grab something to bring home or go to the stables. The food boxes stopped showing up on your porch.

Instead, you’d come back from the stables and find new guitar strings waiting for you there or a CD that you didn’t have or a copy of Titanic on VHS, the one that took two tapes and you had to get up halfway through to change it.

You’d told Joel he should move on. You weren’t sure if you really wanted him to - you doubted you’d be able to stomach seeing him with someone else - but you didn’t want him to be alone, either. You didn’t want to drag him down with you just because you couldn’t separate his past from your own.

“OK so I think I have it,” Ellie said, pulling you out of your head and making your fingers still. “Can you look?”

She shoved the notebook your way and you leaned over your guitar to look at it, fingering the chords but not playing them.

“Yeah,” you said after a minute. “I think that’s probably closer to what you’re looking for, give it a go.”

You pushed the notebook back towards her and she set her guitar on her lap, adjusting it for a second before playing it. You nodded along, watching as she scrunched her face, getting more and more frustrated before she groaned.

“That’s not right either,” she leaned her head back on the post at her back. “Song writing shouldn’t be this hard. This is bullshit.”

“The shit that’s worth doing is hard, kid,” you shrugged. “Why don’t you try thinking about it again for a minute. Do you want it to feel urgent or slow and confident? Both are strong but they’re going to have different vibes.”

She sighed and closed her eyes.

“I don’t know.”

“Well,” you shrugged, settling back with your guitar. “Figure out how you’re feeling and what you want the song to say about it. It’ll come to you.”

You went back to playing as Ellie picked her notebook back up, gnawing on the end of her pen.

“I didn’t know you played!”

You stopped and your head shot up from its place on the post to see Julie standing at the end of your walk, her hands in the pockets of her shorts, her thick hair piled on top of her head, her arms looking sculpted and strong in her tank top.

“Sorry,” she laughed. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Can I come up?”

“Um…”

“Sure!” Ellie said before you had a chance to really think about it. Julie reached over the short fence and unlatched the gate before opening it and coming up to your porch, sitting on the bottom step so she was looking up at you and Ellie.

“Didn’t know there was a guitar club in town,” she said, folding one leg into her chest and looping her arms around her shin. “Don’t stop on my account! What song was that?”

“Oh, that wasn’t anything,” you said, running your fingers up and down the neck of the guitar. “Just… fidgeting, really.”

“Yeah, Bambi is fucking awesome,” Ellie said. “Best guitar player in town, easy.”

“Ellie,” you gave her a look but she ignored you.

“Seriously, you name it and she can probably play it,” she said. “She knows so much about music it’s insane.”

“Not really,” you cut her off. “I just like music so I learned about what I liked, that’s all…”

“Oh bullshit,” Ellie rolled her eyes. “She’s a human juke box, try her.”

“Do you mind?” Julie asked, looking at you with her brows raised. Her eyes were bright green and almost sharp.

“As long as you’re prepared to be disappointed,” you shrugged. “I can try.”

Ellie scoffed and Julie ignored her.

“I remember this song from when I was a kid, just before the outbreak,” she said. “It actually took me a while to track down the name of it after and you might think it’s silly but… I’m With You? Know that one?”

You smiled a little.

“I know that one,” you said, settling the guitar on your lap. “Haven’t tried to play it before, though. Avril’s not really my wheelhouse, so… go easy on me.”

You couldn’t remember exactly how the song started but you remembered the chorus and you remembered a verse from there. The music just trailed off at the end, not really remembering how the song ended either, and you awkwardly drummed your fingers on the body of the guitar when you stopped playing, Ellie and Julie both watching you.

“Right, well,” you said. “Like I said, not really my wheelhouse and…”

“That was fantastic!” Julie cut you off, her broad smile making the freckles on her cheeks rise.

“Told you,” Ellie said. “She’s the best.”

“Well I figured that much,” Julie rolled her eyes a little dramatically but smiled that cocky smile as she did before looking back to you again. “Thanks for letting me put you on the spot.”

“Any time,” you said before you really had a chance to think about it. She smiled a little bigger.

“Hey, so, I hadn’t meant to break up the jam session,” she said. “I was actually coming by to see if you wanted to come with me tomorrow afternoon, I was going to head out to the orchards for a bit. You’re welcome to join, get outside for a bit. It’s nice, promise.”

“Um,” you said for what felt like the millionth time that day, trying to picture the stable schedule. “I think that would work, I have some patrols leaving that morning but should be able to step away for a bit in the afternoon…”

“Perfect,” she said, getting up. “I need to get down to the Bison but I’ll meet you at the stables tomorrow?”

“That’s where I’ll be,” you smiled in a way you hoped was genuine. “Looking forward to it.”

“It’ll be fun,” she said. “I’ll see you then. Bye, Ellie!”

“Bye Julie,” she dragged her name out and gave you a look. You seriously considered kicking her. Julie laughed and started down your walk, only making it halfway to the gate before turning around and walking backwards, looking back at you with her hands in her back pockets.

“Nice dress, by the way,” she said. “It works for you. See you tomorrow!”

You went back to messing with your guitar as you tried to not watch her walk up the lane. Ellie was far less delicate, craning her neck until Julie turned the corner.

She spun to face you and swatted your leg.

“Oh my GOD,” she half whispered, half yelled at you.

“What?” You asked, fingers stilling on the strings.

“That!” She said. “All that fucking flirting!”

“Ellie…”

“Oh come ON,” she cut you off. “You may as well have fucked right on your porch, Jesus Christ…”

“OK I will say this again,” you said, setting your guitar down beside you. “Who is and isn’t between my legs? Not your business.”

“Well that’s just not true,” she rolled her eyes. “You’re the one who fucked Joel and made it my business.” You sighed and went to reply but she held up a hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather you two work your shit out and get back together. But if you’re not going to figure it out then you shouldn’t just be miserable and lonely forever and Julie is hot as fuck.”

“Ellie!” You hissed.

“What!” She replied, her brows raised. “She is!”

“Jesus…”

“Just saying!” She said, her hands up in mock surrender. “Julie’s cool. And hot. I think you’d have fun. And you should at least try to have some fun sometimes instead of just being miserable all the time.”

“What if I like being miserable.”

“Just don’t chicken out,” Ellie said, ignoring you and picking up her guitar before getting to her feet. “But I’m getting hungry. Think I’ll go see what the old man is doing for dinner. You’re welcome to come along if you’d rather not be miserable with us…”

“Ellie.”

“Right, right,” she rolled her eyes. “I mean it, fucking go tomorrow. You big chicken.”

“Go home, you little brat,” you replied. She cheerfully flipped you off before heading back toward Joel’s.

You sat on your porch for a while longer, absently playing and watching as the color of the sky slowly shifted from blue to pink to deep, inky black. The darkness seemed to swallow everything, like there wasn’t anything beyond what was right in front of you. But you knew that if you walked far enough, followed the light of the north star, you’d find things beyond what consumed here and now.

It was late when you finally went inside, scrounging in your kitchen for the last of some of what Joel had brought you even though you weren’t particularly hungry. You turned on the stereo and just let whatever CD you’d put in last play, not really paying attention

You found yourself thinking about Julie. About what Ellie said about Julie.

It had been a long time since you’d had a woman flirt with you. You’d been with your fair share of women since the outbreak but flirting hadn’t really been part of it. Marisa was the first woman you’d slept with and, after Savvy came along, you stopped seeking out that kind of connection with men and kept it to strictly women. It just seemed safer. After Marisa, it had always been casual - you didn’t think you could bear another heartbreak like that - and it had always been fairly blunt. You could generally tell if they were interested in letting off some physical steam and, if they were, you had fun for a few days before they moved on.

But things with Julie reminded you of one of your first crushes, a girl who did trick riding on the same circuit as you when you were a girl. You’d first noticed Courtney when you were both 13. She was so beautiful you couldn’t help but stare at her. At first, you’d almost resented her. She was good, damn good, and she was full of charismatic smiles and she dusted glitter across her collarbones that peeked out from the top of her costume. She was exactly who your mother wished you were and, as much as you loved bronc and bull and roping, part of you wanted to be who your mother wanted you to be. You wanted to be satisfied with what she wanted for you and you wanted to be happy being who Courtney was so effortlessly. Life would be simpler and happier if you were content with that and Courtney was proof that life existed. And you wanted it.

You settled for beating her, for a while. Narrowing your eyes at her when you passed her between rounds at competitions, looking her way when you saw your scores narrowly eclipse hers on the board. You loved it. The only thing you wanted more than beating her was her.

Hell if you knew what to do with that.

In hindsight, you weren’t sure she knew, either.

The first time she’d said more than two words to you was when you’d smirked at her as you held the first place trophy. You went to the locker room after the awards ceremony and you had the place almost to yourself, most of the other girls already cleaned out. The third place winner - a girl who’s name you didn’t remember - left and it was just a few seconds later that you heard the door slam into the wall. You looked up to see Courtney stalking over to you. You could see the glitter on her collarbones and her cheeks, her eyes hot and her lips full.

“Want to tell me what the hell your problem is?” She demanded, getting so close to you that you could smell her body spray. It was almost sickly sweet and floral but on her it smelled good. “What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me so much!”

“I don’t hate you…” you said.

“Could’ve fooled me!” She cut you off.

“Why do you care?” You snapped. “We compete, we’re not friends, who cares if I hate you?”

“I care!” She snapped back.

“Why!”

“Because I like you!” She yelled, breathless. You just blinked at her for a moment as she caught her breath, her eyes drifting to your lips. “I like you and sometimes…”

She didn’t get a chance to finish. Instead, you kissed her.

It was clumsy and deeply uncertain. You’d never kissed anyone before and you had no idea what you were doing, your hands locked tight at your sides as though touching her anywhere at all was against the rules but you were risking it, anyway. Her mouth was warm and soft and it seemed oddly wet even though that made sense when you thought about it.

After a moment you pulled back from her slightly, your eyes wide, not really believing what you’d just done.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your turn to be breathless now. “I… I don’t know…”

“Shut up,” she kissed you that time, pressing you back against the lockers, stretching up to better reach your lips, her body hot on your own. You kissed her back, trying to focus and take in everything. How she tasted, how she smelled, how her costume hugged the slight curve of her waist.

“Courtney!” Her mother’s shrill voice from the hall made her jump away from you and wipe her mouth on the back of her hand. “You about ready honey?”

“One minute!” She called back before turning to you. “Do you have a some paper?”

You just nodded and fumbled in your bag for a notebook. She turned to a random page that happened to have some history notes on it and wrote her name and number at the top. Her handwriting was soft and curved and feminine and you envied that, too. She drew a little heart next to it.

“Call me,” she said, pressing the notebook into your chest. “OK?”

“Yeah,” you said, staring at her. You couldn’t help but stare at her. “Yeah, I will.”

“Good,” she smiled. “See you next time, superstar. Maybe I’ll finish on top then.”

“Courtney!”

“Coming!” She grabbed her bag out of a nearby locker and gave you an almost sly smile before she ran out to meet her mother.

From then on, most of your time with her was flirting. In between rounds at competitions or on the phone when you were far apart, carefully crafting your words so you’d have plausible deniability with your parents but know what the other meant. You wrote each other letters when you were apart, counted the days until you got to see each other again. When you found an empty spot when you were in the same place, you ended up tangled up together, kissing and fumbling against each other, figuring out what seemed to stoke the fires deep inside yourselves in the small moments you could find for just the two of you.

That continued for just over a year when Courtney came to a tournament with a somber expression on her face. You frowned but she gave you a subtle shake of her head as she passed you and you kept quiet. It took a few hours before you were able to get her alone and she told you the truth of it. That her mom had found your letters to her - thankfully not signed so she had no idea who had written them but still obviously from another girl - and had told her daughter that she, unequivocally, would end it.

“But…” you protested, trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice thick. “But… she threatened to send me to one of those camps if I don’t and… I can’t go to that, OK? I can’t, I don’t think I could make it and…”

You held onto her as she cried, her tears making little rivers in the glitter on her skin.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I really… I think I…”

You kissed her before she said it.

“Me too,” you said quietly when you pulled away.

She sniffed and smiled a small smile.

“Maybe in another life, right?”

“Right,” you smiled a little back.

She dried her eyes as best she could and you watched from the stands as she gave the best performance you’d ever seen. You did the opposite. Your routine ended with a full Stroud Layout but your top foot slipped when you were getting into position and you fell off your horse, tumbling over and over yourself in the sand of the arena, the feel of it gritty in your mouth as your head spun when your body finally came to a stop.

You didn’t make the podium and your mother didn’t push you to compete again for a while. You never saw Courtney again.

You weren’t sure how to navigate things with Julie. You weren’t sure what you wanted to navigate with Julie. She was beautiful, yes. And she seemed kind and funny and smart. She seemed like someone you could have fun with and could care about.

But she wasn’t Joel. You weren’t sure you could feel like you felt for him for anyone else. It seemed silly to even try. And if you couldn’t feel like that, what was the point?

You tried to sleep but gave up eventually. After a while, you found the moose carving you’d started when you were out with Joel, looking for Savvy. It was getting closer to being done, though it was still a rough hewn thing. You weren’t sure anyone who didn’t know what it was supposed to be would realize what it was without help. But still, it felt good to make something. You let yourself be absorbed by carving it for a bit, until it felt like you’d shut your mind down enough to sleep. You set the moose down on the nightstand, arranging him so it was like he was watching you sleep, the red splotch from your blood still staining his chest.

You brought him with you to the stables the next day for something to work on when you needed the distraction. Just sitting there with your thoughts when you had downtime seemed like a bad idea.

“You’re gonna tell me all about it, right?” Ellie asked as you gave Shimmer and Ares a final once over that morning.

“I don’t need to tell you every time I hang out with someone,” you replied.

“Whatever,” she said. “Just don’t chicken out. Actually go, you need a social life…”

“What, getting sick of keeping me company all the time?” You teased, handing her the reins.

“Yeah, you’re pretty fucking boring,” she smirked a little. You snorted. “I’m serious though. Promise you’ll go.”

“I’m going,” you said, giving her a gentle shove toward the door. “Get out of here. Be safe on patrol, see you back tonight.”

“Not if you’re at Julie’s you won’t,” she waggled her eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes as you watched her lead her and Joel’s horses out of the stables.

Time dragged until that afternoon and you found yourself feeling oddly nervous, waiting for Julie to come by. You weren’t sure what time she was supposed to get there and, you realized, you didn’t know what to actually expect with any of this.

Yeah, it had felt like flirting. And Ellie seemed sure that it was. But Ellie was a kid and your recent experience in that department was so limited you really knew fuck all about it. What if you’d read the situation completely wrong? What if Julie was just a nice woman who wanted to be friends?

“Hey you,” Julie’s voice surprised you enough that it made you jump, water sloshing over the side of the bucket you were carrying to top off one of the horses. “Shit, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you…”

“You’re fine,” you said quickly, refilling a waterer and setting the bucket down.

“Now still good?” She asked. “Because I’m not in a rush, today is my day off…”

“Now’s good,” you said quickly, trying not to think too hard about what she was wearing. Her long, lush hair was softly braided and hung over her shoulder, loose strands framing her face. Her shorts were short and her legs were long and sculpted and she wore a few long necklaces that settled into the curve between her breasts. She smiled.

“Great!” She held up a bag you hadn’t noticed before. “Brought snacks. Not that we’ll need much, it’s peak berry season out there. We could eat ourselves sick and not make a dent.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you smiled a little.

“Oh, I intend to,” she smiled back.

Julie led the way out of town, smiling and chatting with the guards at the gate for a moment before heading toward the orchards just east of town.

“So why are you heading out here on your day off?” You asked, looking over at her.

“Well as I think you know, one of my main contributions to the good people of Jackson is tending bar at the Bison,” she smiled. “But that’s because I just really like drinks. I found this old cocktail book when I was a teenager and I just kind of became obsessed, I guess? There was that and these books and magazines that showed what it was like before and I wanted to do that. Have the experience of going to a bar when life was different, you know? And yeah, we make some pretty decent booze here in town - or I think we do, anyway, didn’t really get to try any before - but that’s not all it takes to make a good cocktail. I can’t make a Coke or anything but I can make the syrups and infusions and things. I like to experiment in my spare time so I come out here, pick the supplies I need, and give things a try at home before I bring my ideas into the Bison.”

“Do I get to know what you’re working on?” You asked, brows raised.

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” she smirked. “But I will need a guinea pig before too long if you’re game…”

“Far be it from me to turn down a free drink,” you replied and she smiled bigger.

The orchards were, indeed, beautiful. You followed her to a particularly dense spot and she pulled a blanket out of the bag, spreading it on the ground in the shade of an apple tree.

“I won’t lie,” she said, sitting back on her hands and closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. “This is probably my favorite spot.”

“I can see why,” you nodded, drawing your knees into your chest and looking around. “It’s gorgeous here.”

“It’s quiet here,” she laughed a little. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Jackson. Way better than the QZ we were in when I was a kid. It’s a good place with good people. I love the people, truly, I do. But everyone knows everyone and knows everything about everyone and it’s so hard to have anything for yourself, you know?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “It’s a great place but… it’s definitely a lot.”

You talked a little about your pasts. You told her - vaguely, lightly - about your time before Mitchum. She told you about her time in the Denver QZ and you almost fainted when she said she was only 31 years old.

“How old were you when the world ended?” You gaped at her. “Do you even remember?”

“I was seven,” she laughed. “I remember a bit. How old were you?”

“Older than that,” you replied. “Jesus…”

“Not that old, clearly,” she said, picking a blackberry off a bush and holding it out to you. “This is a good one, you should have it.”

“Old enough,” you replied. “And if it’s good, you should have it.”

“I have them all the time,” she said, stepping close to you. You were suddenly acutely aware of the fact that you were wearing the same clothes you’d been wearing when working with the horses all day and you hoped you didn’t smell. She pressed the berry to your lips. “Try it.”

You obeyed, taking the fruit into your mouth and biting into it, the juice bursting on your tongue.

“See?” She smiled. “Told you.”

The two of you ended up back on the blanket and you stretched out on it, looking up at the clouds drifting lazily past overhead, arms bare - too hot to wear anything more than a tank top - but not feeling overly exposed. Julie lay next to you, her arm brushing your own.

“Is it weird that I sometimes don’t feel like I missed out?” She asked. You felt her adjust next to you and you glanced her way to see her lying on her side, facing you. “I mean I know there was a lot before that we don’t have now but… I dunno, I guess I still wanted to be a ballerina when the world ended. It doesn’t feel like I really gave up all that much, you know?”

“Think that has as much to do with Jackson as anything else,” you replied, adjusting so that you were facing her. “But I get that, in a way. If I’d found Jackson when I was younger, I think I’d feel the same. Shit, what I’m doing now is exactly what I grew up wanting to do. If it wasn’t for all the time in between, the end of the world would have just turned into me getting just what I wanted. Besides all the death anyway.”

“Think you’re right about the Jackson thing,” she smiled a little. “It’s a special place with good people. Like a few better than the others, though.”

“Yeah?”

She reached out and brushed some of the hair that had fallen from your braid back from your face and trailed her fingers down your cheek and your chin.

“Yup.”

She leaned in then, moving slow and holding your gaze, giving you all the time in the world to stop her if you wanted.

You didn’t.

Her kiss was soft and gentle, her lips smooth on yours. She tasted and smelled sweet and her hand went to your hip, tugging you against her.

Julie’s body was softer than you expected as she pressed against you and, in so many ways, she felt safe and comfortable there. But she felt foreign, too. You’d become accustomed to a different form on yours, one that was larger and broader and firmer.

You tried not to think about him as her kiss deepened, as your hand went to her waist and trailed over her side but stopped short of cupping her breast.

She nudged you onto your back and she settled on top of you, her chest pressed tight to yours, her hips starting to rock gently against you. You ran your hands over her back to the top of her ass but didn’t go lower, not able to shake the subtle wrongness of kissing someone and feeling someone who wasn’t Joel.

After a minute, she pulled away from you.

“I get the feeling you’re not as into this as I am,” she said, panting a little. You opened your mouth to argue but she silenced you with a look. “If I misread things, I’m really sorry. But you should know that you don’t have to fuck me just because I’m trying to fuck you.”

“You didn’t misread anything,” you said quickly.

“Good,” she smiled a little. “But… It doesn’t seem like you’re feeling this.”

You winced.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” you said. “But… I don’t think I’m feeling what you are.”

“Well shit,” she laughed a little and rolled off you, lying flat on her back beside you. “I really am sorry if I came on too strong or did something you didn’t want…”

You laughed a little.

“Definitely not that,” you said. “Just have… other things on my mind. And you deserve someone’s full attention.”

She turned her head to look at you and you turned yours, too.

“It’s Joel, isn’t it?” She asked. You winced a little. “Sorry, I’m not trying to dig into anything that’s not my business, it just… seemed like you guys split up a while ago so I thought it would be OK. I’m sorry.”

“No, it probably should be,” you said. “It’s got nothing to do with you, trust me.”

“Well,” she said. “At the risk of this being the most awkward hang out ever… want to help me get some raspberries?”

“Sure,” you laughed a little. “I’d like that.”

She smiled.

“Good. Me too.”

It was awkward for a bit, but by the time the two of you started back to Jackson, it was lighter. Easier. Like you’d never kissed at all.

Julie walked with you back to the stables, not too long before you were expecting patrols that weren’t out overnight to return.

“Even with everything today, I hope we can be friends,” she said. “I do actually like you. Not just because I’d like to fuck you.”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah, I’d like that, too,” you said. “I’m sorry I’m not… in the same place on the fucking front…”

“I’d rather pretend we never found that out,” she laughed a little. “Maintain some of the mystery. But, you know. If anything changes, it’s a small town. You know where to find me.”

“That I do,” you said.

She turned to leave but seemed to think better of it and turned back.

“If he’s it for you?” She said. “I think you should figure out a way to make it work. No point in wanting something and acting like you can’t have it when it’s right there, you know? And yeah, it’s not really my business and yeah, I don’t know you all that well but… something tells me you’re not going to be feeling any different anytime soon. And I don’t think he is either. Just… my two cents.”

She smiled and leaned in, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Thanks, Julie,” you said quietly. She gave your arm a squeeze.

“See you around, Bambi.”

You watched the door she left through for a few minutes after she was gone before you went back to work.

The patrols all made it back without incident, Ellie returning her and Joel’s horses. She asked how things went but you just waved her off and she deflated a bit.

“I keep trying to get some excitement around here,” she said. “You are no fucking help, you know that?”

“I am so sorry my romantic life isn’t more entertaining,” you said wryly. “I’ll work on that. Entirely for your benefit, of course.”

“Well you’re clearly not going to do it for your own.”

You just rolled your eyes as she headed back home. You stayed late at the stables. Not for any real reason, you just didn’t want to be at home alone and going to the mess hall didn’t sound like what you wanted, either. You worked on the moose carving, pleasantly surprised at the progress you’d made on him.

You ended up working on him until, almost suddenly, you realized he was done. Fully formed - or as close to it as you could get him - with four legs and jagged shapes for the antlers. But he looked like a moose, broad and steady and strong. You turned him over in your hand a few times, running your finger over the arch of his back and the curve of his neck.

“What am I going to do with you?” You said quietly, holding it up in front of you, looking where his eyes would be if he had them. The bloodstain was still crimson on his chest.

After a few minutes, you got up off the floor of the stable and did your final check for the evening before locking up behind you and heading home.

You took the long way.

It was dark but not so late that the Tipsy Bison had closed for the night, a warm glow coming from the windows. With the sun down, you were a little cold with bare arms but you didn’t mind. You walked slowly, watching the stars as you went.

You stopped at the end of Joel’s walk. The lights were out. You thought he probably went to bed early - he got tired after a patrol - but he could be at the Bison, too. Either way…

You all but crept up his walk, holding the moose tightly in your fingers. You stopped at the base of his stairs and held the rough-hewn animal in front of your face again.

“Keep an eye on him for me?” You said quietly to the wood. It didn’t say anything back. You stepped as lightly as you could up the stairs but the same step as always squeaked below you. You set the moose on Joel’s doormat before turning to go, making the step squeak again. You made it almost all the way back up the walk when the lights inside turned on and you picked up the pace.

It didn’t matter. You heard the front door open just as you turned onto the street and your eyes darted over toward him before you could help it.

“Bambi?” He called, not too loud. He was in his blue cotton plaid sleep pants and a black t-shirt that hugged his body just right, tight across his shoulders and upper arms, highlighting the soft curve of his stomach. You stopped for a moment and just gave him a tight smile before continuing on home.

When you went to bed, you found yourself looking at the spot on your nightstand where the moose had been before, part of you wishing he was still beside you.

***

“Hey. Hey Joel.”

Joel smiled a little to himself. He recognized Ellie’s tone.

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Wanna hear a joke about pizza?”

He sighed, trying to sound annoyed. He wasn’t sure if it worked.

“Get the feeling you’re gonna tell me either way.”

“Eh, never mind,” Ellie said, sounding a little put out. Joel looked back at her, frowning slightly. And then she smirked. “It’s too cheesy.”

Joel groaned.

“That one’s bad, baby girl.”

“No it’s not!” She rode up alongside him even though the trail wasn’t really wide enough for that. “That was a good one!”

“Nope,” he shook his head. “It was terrible, three out of 10.”

“Bullshit!”

“What would you give it?” He asked, brows raised. “Because I’m questioning your judgement here…”

“At least a six.”

“No.”

“Yes!” She laughed. “You’ve just got shitty taste, old man.”

“Uh huh,” he laughed. “And what’s that say about you then, hm?”

“Broken clock is right twice a day,” she replied. “You were bound to accidentally do OK every now and then. Will Livingston, however, is right every time.”

“You got that entire book memorized?” He teased lightly. “If not, you gotta be close…”

“I’m getting there,” she said. “Saving the best for last.”

Joel just shook his head a little.

He loved patrolling with Ellie. Even more than he thought he would. It was so much like when he’d first come to know her and care for her. It was a time, he realized now, that made him understand that he could still love. That he had it within himself to care for another person, that he could cope with the fear of loss that came with attachment because Ellie was worth it. He liked spending the time just the two of them and getting to know her better as the young woman she was becoming instead of the little girl he’d come to know years earlier. She’d grown so much, come into her own in a way that was only possible in a place like Jackson. She had friends and hobbies and had become part of the community there. Every day with her was reassurance that he’d done the right thing. That every life he’d taken that day in the hospital was a worthy price to pay.

Joel had left Jackson with Ellie plenty before patrolling with her, back when she was still speaking to him. Before she found out the truth of everything. He’d loved it then, too. But this was different. She was still his baby girl but they were out here as partners, working together to protect the community they both loved. It was a glimpse of the future they had, one where their lives moved along side by side and he got to watch her find her place and fall in love and have a family of her own and just be happy as herself.

They were only a day out from Jackson now, heading in from a three day long patrol. It was Ellie’s first overnight patrol and she’d been so excited for it, even as she tried to pretend like she wasn’t. The days before they left town, Ellie was over at his house every night, going over the list of what she should bring and looking over the map. She’d lit up when he said they could bring a guitar, something else that made Joel smile.

It had been more than a month since she’d gotten him back into playing, showing up at his house with a guitar and saying she wanted his opinion on something. She played American Girl, one of his favorites, and set the guitar down when she was done.

“That was amazing, baby girl,” he’d said, more than a little in awe of her. “Where did you learn that?”

“Bambi,” she replied. “But do you think it’d sound better with two? I feel like it would. But you’re the musician so…”

It was an obvious ploy but it made him smile a little. The idea that Ellie would do that much to make him play again. That you’d help her.

“It might,” he said, getting up to get his instrument. “Let’s give it a try.”

Joel tried to not think of you too much. He usually failed. But he was getting better at not drowning in the memories of you, of not letting the loss of you consume him.

It helped that he’d found a way to care for you while respecting the distance you wanted. He couldn’t bring himself to just abandon you, not when he had a sense of how much you were hurting. So he brought you food. Selfishly, it served two purposes. It meant you were, hopefully, eating something. But it also meant he knew that you were still alive. That he could leave a box on your porch, walk by a few hours later, and see that it was gone. He could check on you without forcing you to talk to him and that eased the steady drumbeat of worry inside him.

When he heard you were back at the stables, he shifted from things you needed to things you would want. He brought you the things he found that made him think of you, things he’d have given you when he came home to you in another life.

It also helped that he knew you thought of him, too. At least occasionally, enough that you’d left the carving you’d made on his porch a few weeks before. He thought he was hearing things when the first squeak woke him up from his place on the couch, but then the step squeaked a second time and he was sure he heard it. He’d thought it might be Ellie, needing something but not necessarily wanting to say it. He hadn’t expected to see you heading down the street, the first glimpse of you he’d had in so long. Your arm was out of the cast and you looked good. A bit thinner than you’d been the last time he’d seen you but still good. Still beautiful, still soft with sharp edges. Still what he wanted to sink into and wrap himself up in every chance he got. He picked the moose up and brought it inside, tracing the outline of its frame for a moment. You’d finished it. It was rough, you were clearly a beginner, but you’d finished it and given it to him. His thumb brushed the wound on its heart, where you’d bled. Before he really thought better of it, he brought the figure to his lips and kissed it gently before setting it on the side table and turning out the lights.

The two of you were set to leave Jackson again in just a week, another gap in the patrol schedule that you could leverage to search for Savvy now that you were healed. He hoped this search led somewhere. He couldn’t imagine what it was like, living like that, not knowing what happened to your child. The closest he’d come was the torturous time that Ellie was with the monsters who’d taken her in Silver Lake. He was so frantic, so terrified of what he’d find but even more terrified of never finding it to begin with. He needed to save her, protect her. But if he couldn’t do that, he needed to know what happened to her. He needed to know who to destroy before he destroyed himself for letting it happen. Living in that for years would be unbearable.

“Hey Joel?”

He could hear the frown in her voice.

“Yeah Baby Girl?” He looked over his shoulder, Ellie and Shimmer falling behind him again now that the trail had narrowed further. She stopped and so did he.

“That’s something we should be watching for, right?” She nodded toward something off the trail, a small frown on her face. Joel followed where she was looking and he froze in his saddle.

It took an eagle eye to spot it, just brush amongst brush, but it shocked him when he saw it. The gentle arch of a sapling, stretching down toward the ground, held there with rope.

“Yeah,” he said. “It is. Stay with the horses.”

“But…”

“Just one second,” he said, dismounting and going for the trap, trying desperately not to get his hopes up but his heart was racing. It was a common set up for a trap. It could be anyone’s.

This trap was far fresher than the one he’d found with you, the dirt where the pin and been put in the ground still disturbed. The trap itself was still baited and the pins were smooth, almost artistically carved. It hadn’t been here long. He looked around quickly, looking for some indication of where the person who set this trap might have gone. It took some doing - whoever it was covered their tracks well - but he found it, the edge of a boot print.

He went back to his horse and mounted up.

“Ellie,” he said, voice serious. “Need you to listen to me, OK?”

“OK,” she frowned. “Joel, you’re acting weird…”

“We’re gonna track someone,” he said. “But when we find them, need you to not shoot them until we talk to them, OK? And… and if its a teenaged girl, need you to not shoot them even if she pulls a gun on me, OK?”

“A teenaged… Joel, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Just trust me,” he said. “Please.”

He started with the boot print and found little hints of someone moving through the brush from there. Disturbed leaves, a splotch of dirt that looked misplaced, a small branch that had snagged on another when something about human height passed below it.

“Joel,” Ellie said after they’d been tracking for about 20 minutes.

“Still looking,” he said gently. “It’s OK…”

He heard something rustle down low up ahead and he adjusted Ares’ path to check on it. He didn’t need to go far, the source of the sound only about 100 feet away and next to a large rock. Standing there, beside to a large horse and a large dog, was a girl. She was a little taller than Ellie, with gangly arms and legs, a rifle held high in her hands.

“Stop right there!” She said, her voice sharp with a familiar southern twang. The dog moved in front of her, getting down low and bearing its teeth. “Don’t wanna shoot you but I will. You can move right along, this spot’s taken.”

Joel lifted his hands and caught a glimpse of Ellie raising a gun next to him.

“Ellie!” He said sharply. She looked at him, eyes wide. “Gun down. Now.”

“But…”

“Now.”

She huffed but lowered the gun slowly, her eyes back on the girl in front of her.

“Won’t shoot you in the back,” the girl said. “Just turn around and go.”

Joel fought to focus. The girl in front of him… she looked like Sarah, so so much like Sarah. The same shock of curly hair, same brown skin, same bright eyes. If he didn’t know better, he’d think they were sisters. He fought to stay here, in the forest with Ellie, not getting swallowed by his own memories. He’d found her. He was all but certain of that now, he’d found her and he was going to bring her back to you.

“You out here on your own?” He asked gently, his hands said up.

“Don’t see how that’s any business of yours,” she said sharply. “All that matters to you is that I will kill you, don’t try me.”

“I understand,” he said. “Not going to hurt you…”

“Bullshit.”

“We’re not,” Ellie snapped.

“Ellie.”

“What!” She said. “Joel, I swear, if she shoots you…”

“Remember what I said,” he replied.

“But…”

“I mean it,” he cut her off. “Don’t, OK?”

He turned back to the girl.

“Not going to hurt you,” he said again. “Just… just hear me out for just a second, OK? We’re from a settlement, about a day’s ride from here…”

“Good for you,” she said. “Better head that way then.”

“It’s a good place,” he said, ignoring her. “With good people. Including… including your mama, I think.”

Her eyes went a little wide and she lowered the gun ever so slightly. He caught a glimpse of Ellie’s head whipping around to look at him but he kept his eyes on the girl.

“Your name’s Savannah, right?” He pressed on. “Your mom, she calls you Savvy, right?”

She raised the gun again.

“How’d you know that,” snapped. “You one of the assholes that took her? That it? What, you kill her? Get her to tell you about me first? That what happened?”

“No honey,” Joel said, his throat tight. He’d found her, he’d found your daughter. “No, she… she escaped them, few years back. She got hurt real bad doin’ it, we brought her in, got her fixed up and she stayed. She’s been looking for you but she’s still there…”

“Why should I trust you?” She snapped. “Why should I believe a damn thing you say?”

“Because I know her,” he said. “Been helping her look for you. She’s… I know her. She trains horses, guessin’ she trained the one you’ve got? She trained the one I’m on, too. She runs our stable for us, she…”

“Bambi?” Ellie gaped at him. “Bambi’s her mom? Bambi has…”

“Ellie,” Joel said again, cutting her off and looking back at Savvy.

“She’s there,” he said. “She misses you, she misses you so much. Told me how you liked to read to the horses when you were little. How the dogs liked you better than her. How you’re real good at carving… Recognized your trap, found another one of yours a few months back. She told me how your pins are always smooth and even… Let us take you back with us. Won’t take your guns, just… just come back with us. Please. She misses you so much, she’s been so worried…”

“We’re not people to be afraid of,” Ellie said and Joel glanced her way. She was looking at Savvy now, her face serious. “Well, as long as you’re not an asshole. I know Joel seems scary but he’s not. Promise. He’s safe.”

She lowered the gun slowly, looking between the two of them before looking down at the dog.

“Gattling,” she said. “Heel.”

The dog dropped its defensive stance and went alongside her, looking up and waiting for a command. She looked back at Joel and Ellie.

“You really know my mom?” She asked quietly. “She’s… she’s really alive?”

“She is,” Joel nodded, lowering his hands to the saddle horn. There was a knot in his throat. “And we can take you to her. Please.”

She hesitated for a moment.

“She teaches me stuff about music,” Ellie said quickly. “How to play some stuff on guitar, too, but more about music in general. She’s cool. Really. I’m… I’m sure she wants to see you again. And Jackson’s nice. And so are we. Just come along, OK?”

She took a deep breath, looking down at the dog for a moment, adjusting her grip on the rifle.

“OK.”

***

“She’s in rare fucking form this week,” Olivia said, watching as you steadied Persephone, one of the fillies you were working with.

“She’s just got an independent streak,” you said, the horse’s feet stomping impatiently in the dirt. “That’s OK. I get that. So do the best of us, right?”

She huffed and jerked her large head. You smiled a little.

“You’re sure she’s not gonna throw you?” Olivia asked, sounding a little worried.

“No,” you shrugged. “But I’ve gotten thrown off horses before, nothin’ new. Only way to break her is to break her, no point in stalling. You in a good spot?”

“Think so,” she said, stepping a little further back from the horse as you got ready to mount her.

“Then let’s go,” you said, all but jumping onto Persephone’s back. You barely got your foot in the stirrups before she started really bucking, Olivia moving even further away. You clutched the reins in one hand and let your hips go loose, digging your heels down toward the earth to stay seated. You let your body move with her as she hurled herself through the air, desperate to dislodge you. But you weren’t going anywhere. She gave you a good shake that made you grab the back of the saddle but otherwise, she didn’t get anywhere close to throwing you. After a while, she started to calm, her movements still sharp and harsh but closer to the earth, her hooves staying on the ground more often than not. Eventually, she mostly stilled, just tossing her head and huffing indignantly.

“See?” You said soothingly, reaching forward to pat her neck. “That’s my good girl, you did so well…”

“Bambi,” Olivia said, catching your eye. She nodded toward the gate to the paddock and you frowned a little before you followed her gaze.

Standing there was Joel and Ellie, their reins in their hands. But between them was a girl. She was young, a teenager, with springy curls and brown skin and wide, soft eyes.

You knew those eyes. You knew those eyes and that hair and that skin. For a moment, the world shrank to a small point centered on her and you wondered if, maybe, you’d finally lost your mind. If something had finally broken so thoroughly that you were seeing things.

But you weren’t. She was here. Your daughter was alive and she was here, in Jackson.

“Savvy,” you breathed and Persephone bucked below you. You weren’t paying attention to the horse and you flew off her back and into the dirt, landing with a brain rattling thud. You didn’t care.

You scrambled to your feet, throwing a glance back at Olivia to make sure she had Persephone so Savvy wouldn’t get hurt, and ran for her.

“Mom,” she said, her voice thick as you reached her and pulled her into yourself. You clutched her to your chest until you thought you could feel her heartbeat alongside yours, clinging to her too close to even kiss her or look at her but you needed to feel the life in her first, soak up the vitality of her before someone took it away.

“You’re alive,” you managed, voice thick. You buried your nose and mouth in her hair, breathing her in. “You’re alive, you’re here, you’re OK, you’re…”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said wetly and you pulled back from her just enough to look at her. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she sniffed as you took her face in your hands. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, I thought you were gone, I…”

“I’m so sorry baby,” you kissed her forehead before pulling her against you again and clinging to her. “I’m so sorry I let you go, I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s OK Mom,” she said, her hands holding your elbows. “I’m OK, it’s OK, I promise…”

You just held on to her, trying to memorize everything about her that you could. That she was taller now, that her shape had changed, that it seemed like she hadn’t had a chance to really grow into her limbs yet.

You looked up at Joel who was still there, his eyes wet, watching you hold your daughter.

“You found her,” you said softly.

He just nodded.

“Found her,” he said. “Couldn’t have without you, though. With everything you told me about her, was able to find her.”

You just nodded, running your hand down the back of her head as you held her.

“Thank you, Joel,” you whispered, holding her so tight that you were worried you might hurt her but too afraid that she’d slip away to stop. “Thank you.”

Next Chapter

A/N: AHHHH SAVVY'S HERE!!!!

And Joel found her. I'm so happy that Bambi has her baby back, for real. Things are getting there. I promise.

Thanks so much for reading and sticking with this story! Don't forget that you can get updates on my updates blog here.

Love you!!

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#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc

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m4rs-ex3 · 4 months ago

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so i finally finished the book 1 novelization. after owning it for 3 years. .............................................i've been busy. anyway, let the thoughts commence!

also i only started marking sections at like ep 5 don't ask why

even CLAUDIA could tell that rayla was a cinnamon roll

stop she's incredible

a) he's a dork b) i think they should kiss

"this freckle-faced goof [gren] was going to be the easiest prisoner he'd ever encountered." is he right? yes. am i still taking offense to this? yes

"'i didn't kill anyone,' Rayla said. it surprised her that she was so proud of this fact." YAS YOU GO GIRL

these additional details are incredibly necessary thank you so much Book

"Viren blinked twice, amazed at the folly of his own offspring." i know that it's incredibly sad but goddamn that is so funny

STOPPPPPPPP I CANT 😭 the use of the word "adored" no one fucking talk to me

them

"Rayla and Callum didn't know how easy they had it, what with their long legs and no heavy dragon egg on their backs."

the way that even back then ez was already thinking like a king, even when the subject was so "not of a king's concern," for lack of a better term (why am i rhyming)

what can i even say about this oh my god

"'no, not really, dummy.' sometimes, Rayla could barely believe the denseness she had to put up with."

god i love him god i love him i l obe him i love him i love hiom oi love hiojm and everybody clapped

sometimes these slight dialogue changes mean the world to me

his autistic ass 😭

"he turned and spoke only to her." i am dying

"i've always been different. it's hard for me to make friends with other kids. i just feel like i don't fit in." -> "i've always been different. i don't really 'get' other kids, and it's... so hard for me to fit in." this is AUTISTIC CODING he has AUTISM that is IT we have autistic claudia try and tell me that this child does have the tism and that they don't fucking know that

LMAO LITERALLY KICKING ROCKS HE'S SUCH A PISSBABY I LOVE IT

this is Everything to me. i. a moment of all time. behead me

i think they should kiss pt 2

STOP THEY CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS TO ME THE SIBLINGS OF ALL TIME ISTG

"Callum lingered" "for some reason, she wanted to share what she had seen with Callum, even is she didn't tell anyone else" i. think. they. should. kiss.

"Callum glared at his brother. there was a ginormous spider in their way. many things about this situation weren't right."

SHUT UP WHAT DO I EVEN SAY ABOUT THIS. OH YOURE TELLING ME THAT RAYLA IS IN A WHOLE NOTHER CLASS FROM ELLIS AND AVA?? THAT SHE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A "FRIEND"??? BOTH IS THE SENSE THAT HE IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER AND THAT HE JUST GENERALLY MEANS MORE TO HIM????? IM THEOWING U _P (hey guys i think they should kiss)

shut the fuck up. buddy. i am gagged

oh Him

damn girl's always had a problem with Layla 💀

dear christ. the matter of fact "no, this is not your fault" (4x06 "Rayla. don't."), "he couldn't let Rayla carry that burden alone" (5x04, anybody?) also i am 100% reading way too far into this but it's still callum's pov so he is the one who described her "violet eyes" and i just would like to state this for the record

and oh yeah i think they should kiss

#ur not allowed to make fun of my picture taking #everyone who's already read the books like “yes and”#book one #book one novelization #s1 novelization #book one moon #tdp s1 #rayllum #tdp #the dragon prince #continuethesaga #giveusthesaga

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phantomram-b00 · 9 months ago

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Been wanting to do this for sometime so here are some of my headcanon for Autistic Aziraphale.

Please note that Autism is a spectrum and that everyone’s have a different experience because some of these are hc are based on experiences I have as an autistic person or maybe other might’ve too. So please be mindful, but hope you guys enjoy and feel free to ask any questions. (I love this gif)

Headcanon 1:

Aziraphale isn’t comfortable with crowds or at the very least crowds that might be noisy or isn’t his usually spaces or familiar with (I.e his bookshop, Give me coffee or give me death, etc) so he usually just wouldn’t want to go or if he does try it, he’ll bring his yellow Walkman Crowley got him so he can listen to music since music calm him down.

Headcanon 2:

He’s the type to want to listen to any other songs to not get out the comfort zone so if he does, he would have to listen to them twice or three times in order to decide if he like the song or not. (Idk if this one odd let me explain, it something I do since I don’t like to listen to different songs that isn’t in my comfort zone let alone song that aren’t my usual so if I did listen to it I would have to listen to them fully two or three times to see if I like the lyric, rhyme and beat. Just to make sure it not too loud, repetitive, or fits in my comfort zone for me. But also the lyric the factor since I like interpreting songs, probably why I like The Crane’s wives for example or even Laufey sm.)

Headcanon 3:

Hardcover > Paperback because he likes the feeling of the hardcover then he does with paperbacks. But also he feels the texture is better. Hence why most of the books in his bookshop are hardcovers.

Headcanon 4:

He does have specific food textures he doesn’t typically like. Like bananas, if the bread is too flakey, rice is too hard, some sandwiches or eggs. So he stays away from it and stick to his safe foods like sushi, pears, cakes.

Headcanon 5:

Crowley love it when Aziraphale hyperfixates and talk about his favorite book he reading because it fill him with love to see that Aziraphale find something he loves. It actually took Aziraphale some time since heaven would often interrupts, ignore or blatantly brush him off to cut it out leaving Aziraphale to feel insecure about his special interest. Ofc it also toke meeting mortals like him to get him to open up so when Crowley first heard him hyperfixate it made him happy. Because that how Aziraphale in a sense show trust in him and himself to open up.

Headcanon 6:

Aziraphale likes to stim! I think I kinda dip my toes in it in some post from before but I do believe that he stims. Whether he hums a tone, wiggles or etc. he also started doing this after time passed because again heaven and also some mortal look down on this. But with the comfort of his bookshop, Crowley and also meeting understanding mortal he start to feel more comfortable. Granted he still try to hide it due to masking and to this day still mask but once he with Crowley or in the comfort of his home he stims.

And that really about it for hc today

Me rambling in 3…..2…….1 (tw: ableism)

And that’s pretty much concludes it, I might do this again as it fun. Headcanon is my favorite thing as well as when it comes to autistic headcanon. Autistic rep has been… not the best, granted I haven’t watch much tv shows other than ofmd, good omens, and more so I’m not sure if they got better, I don’t know if I’ll talk about that aspect of negative reps but all say, they have harmful impact as I have a family member that will joke “when will I see numbers” which…sure it a joke but…. I can’t help but feel bad. So doing this and seeing positive rep or seeing autistic/adhd coded characters make me happy!

This is fun in so many ways, mostly because as shown in my past post I relate to aziraphale. Still don’t know how I feel about that but regardless I love his character, his flaws, everything! And I see how he autistic coded in my eyes so it makes me almost relate to him even more. And I’ve been wanting to show my personal headcanon for a while just I thought now would be the best day. Especially as this Good Omens brainrot is alive and well among my other brainrot. I do hope you guys enjoy this let me know if you wanna hear more or if you have your own personal hc that you want to share. And hope you guys are having a good day with how bizarre 2024 is and hope you’re also having fun ghostly pals.

Here a Aziracrow/ineffable husbands/spouse/wives gif:

#autistic aziraphale #good omens #autistic headcanon #aziraphale #aziraphale good omens #good omens aziraphale #I do believe Crowley also autistic or adhd or both #good omens headcanon #good omens rambles #phantomramble #phantom rambles #tw: ableism #good omens is my permanent roommate #good omens fandom

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recoveringdreamer · 5 months ago

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TIMING: current LOCATION: mini golf course (probably not haunted?) PARTIES: @debauchfairy & @recoveringdreamer SUMMARY: felix and kieran embark on a minigolf date. the whole 'cursed to speak in rhymes' things threatens to make it go... less than great. CONTENT WARNINGS: none!

When they were a kid, before their father moved them into the woods and the whole world had changed, Felix got it into their head that they wanted to learn how to juggle. They’d gathered all the oranges from the kitchen — their sister wouldn’t let them use her softballs — and began tossing them up into the air, confident that this would be easy for them. And when every single orange dropped to the ground and rolled away, bruised and dirty, they’d realized that ‘catlike reflexes’ might have been just a little overstated.

They’d never gotten much better at juggling. It wasn’t just oranges they struggled with, either; it was kind of everything. Literal juggling, like with the oranges, but metaphorical juggling, too. They struggled to maintain a personal life alongside their ‘career,’ had a hard time remembering to do simple things like respond to messages and make plans. And they were starting to get better at it, they really were… but then they got cursed. With rhymes.

Classic.

Still, they were determined not to break the plans they’d made with Kieran, because they liked Kieran. He was cool and fun and confident, and sometimes hanging out with him made Felix feel cool and fun and confident, too. They just had to hope he wouldn’t notice the whole rhyming thing. Maybe it wasn’t as noticeable as they thought it was! Maybe they could keep it on the DL. Maybe.

“Hey, Kieran,” they greeted with a smile as he approached. “How have you been, man?”

—

Mini golf was a first. Kieran didn’t mind - for someone who had already blown through a lot of different firsts, it was always a nice change. Sure, maybe not the thrilling environment he was used to but the weather wasn’t too shabby and there was a general sense of enjoyment at this place. Pure and innocent, sure, but invigorating all the same. And turning down Felix’s idea while trying to build a rapport was definitely the wrong way to go. Why exactly that was his mission, to get to know someone who held back on their whims (well, mostly) and had the self-esteem of an orange, Kieran wasn’t quite sure. There was something there, buried deeper, maybe.

And besides, why did anyone do anything? For the hell of it felt like a good enough reason.

He’d dressed down for today, as much as he could anyway, well aware that the tight black pants flattered him. Plus, it was sunny out so no one could blame him for leaving a few buttons open on the soft lemon striped shirt. With the watch and shoes that could probably pay this place’s entire salary for a week, Kieran didn’t exactly fit in but that was never the intention. Standing out was so much better.

Felix trotted inside, already looking much less nervous than last time, and Kieran returned the smile - even if a quirked eyebrow accompanied it at the greeting. “Hey yourself… dude,” he replied, a slight chuckle in his voice. Not exactly a greeting fit for someone who had done the things Kieran had done to Felix last time, but he digressed. “Fair warning, I have never done this before and if I don’t instantly excel at it, I might get a bit moody.”

—

Kieran looked nice, and Felix was beginning to get the impression that he just kind of always did. Felix felt underdressed by comparison, their rumpled button-up and black jeans having felt appropriate when they’d dressed in the corner of the boiler room but a little less than what they probably should have gone with. They almost apologized, but they stopped themself. Kieran, they thought, didn’t want that from them. That was part of what they liked about Kieran. He just wanted them to be comfortable.

Which… Felix rarely was, these days. Or any days, really, but especially these ones. Between the boiler room and the whole rhyme curse hanging over his head, comfort was pretty far in the rear view mirror. This seemed proven when Kieran responded to their greeting with a similarly strange one, and Felix shifted their weight.

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to make things weird,” they said, smiling and rubbing awkwardly at the back of their neck. “I just started talking, and all my thoughts kind of… disappeared. That happens a lot. Smooth, I am not.” Aaaand now they were talking like Yoda! This definitely proved the ‘not smooth’ point. They didn’t even think they could blame it on the curse — Felix was just like this. Awkward. Uncomfortable. Bad at conversation.

But, hey, things moved forward. Kieran had never played mini golf and Felix had, and maybe that meant they’d be on something resembling equal footing here. “I could teach you how to play,” they offered. “I mean, you probably know, but — god, I have no idea what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry, I guess we both know I’m not great at… this. The whole thing’s kind of hit or miss.”

—

Compared to their last meeting, Felix instantly seemed more vocal. A sign of decreased tension, sure, except… Kieran’s head was cocked, an expression of mixed amusement and confusion on his face. There hadn’t been that much rhyming last time, that much he was sure of. Shit, not any rhyming once you discounted the singing. If this was a way to stave off nerves which honestly, who got more nervous after they’d been intimate - it was indeed a weird one. In their defense, the faun was a force to be reckoned with and stranger behavior had occurred. Kieran didn’t mind oddballs, at least they were interesting but he did wonder how long it would take for the rhyming to get old. Maybe they’d simmer down once the initial nerves wore off. One way to find out.

“I can be smooth enough for the both of us,” Kieran decided, slinging an arm around Felix’s waist to lead them inside. At least he wasn’t bored. Yet. This was an… interesting place for a second date, Kieran thought as a depressed looking teenager handed over some clubs and very colorful golf balls, seeming about as confused about their presence here as the faun was. Holding out the golf balls for Felix to pick a color, Kieran swung the flimsy club lazily as they walked towards the first hole pointed out to them. A child holding an ice cream currently fighting for its life, half of it spread over the child’s fingers and face, approached at record speed and he made sure to avoid contact and then some. That was not the kind of sticky he went for.

“Alright, show me how it’s done,” he encouraged with a lazy smile, letting Felix take charge on the first hole, amidst the fake grass and slightly worn down wooden decorations.

—

Kieran didn’t call out the strange verbal tick, and Felix was glad for it. They were nervous enough without having to explain the stupidity with which they’d gotten themself cursed by buying an ugly orange egg. They didn’t think Kieran would laugh in their face or anything — they liked to think he’d proven himself to be too kind for something like that — but they were a little worried he might think they were stupid. Not loudly, not in a cruel way, but in the privacy of his own mind. It wouldn’t be a terrible thing to think, Felix thought. It was mostly true, anyway.

They smiled, a little of that relief shining through, as Kieran announced that he’d handle the ‘smooth’ part of the evening. “Well, that’s a relief,” Felix chuckled, some of the tension falling out of their shoulders. “Otherwise, this would probably be brief.” They collected the clubs from the bored employee, flashing a small, grateful smile. As Kieran held out the balls, Felix picked the blue one and made their way towards the first hole.

They’d read online that mini golf was a good ‘activity date.’ According to the internet, ‘activity dates’ were the best kind for two people only just beginning to get to know one another. Dinner could be filled with too many awkward silences, while movies had the opposite problem of limited communication. Activity dates, according to the article Felix pored over at two in the morning half-panicked, allowed you to both avoid awkward silences and still carry on a conversation.

Felix had not been cursed with rhymes when they’d decided that carrying on a conversation was important. Maybe if they had been, they’d have gone with the movie.

“Okay!” Felix came to a stop at the tee-off point, holding their club a little too tightly. “Let’s play! So, um, you want to hold your club just like this.” He demonstrated, loosening the grip a little and standing carefully. It should be noted, perhaps, that while Felix had played mini golf before, it had been a while. They weren’t really an expert, even if they knew more than Kieran did. Still, they’d watched a dozen YouTube videos in the hours leading up to the agreed upon time to meet Kieran, so they thought they would be fine. “And it’s okay if you miss! You might not hit it every time, and that’s totally fine.” They reared back carefully, then moved their club forward to hit the ball and send it rolling in a straight line towards the hole. It circled the hole, but didn’t go in. Felix was a little disappointed. They liked to think Kieran would have been impressed with a hole-in-one.

“So, that’s how you start,” they announced. “And I… don’t really have any more wisdom to impart. So, um, it’s your turn! I guess… you can show me how well you learn.” The small smile that accompanied the poor attempt at flirting might have been more charming, Felix thought, without the rhyming curse.

Ah, well. So it went.

—

They really were precious. The thought was somewhere between genuinely appreciative and a bit patronizing, the smile on his face mirroring that. Kieran couldn’t imagine going through life with the confidence of a dirty rug but there was something interesting about simply… observing it. Curiosity had brought him back, too - part of him wanted to understand why Felix was that way, not to mention if it had anything to do with the scars his fingers had traced along last time. All of that was irrespective of the feeding. Felix was an easy feed but then again, so were a lot of other people. Whatever, he didn’t care to look much deeper into it, much too focused on Felix explaining the concept of golf to him like he was a small child. Again, precious. And a solid distraction from the rhyming still taking place.

“I’m usually more of a teacher,” Kieran replied without missing a beat, smile much brighter than Felix’s and accompanied with a wink. He took his position, glancing over at Felix with an expression of ‘I’m honestly not sure why I’m here but I guess I’m amused by it’, before taking his shot. The ball veered, bonking straight into one of the wooden blocks successfully acting as a barrier, and rolled back to about a single foot from where it had started. He cocked an eyebrow, turning back to his date with a look of bemused offense. “Think I need some more hands-on tutoring.”

—

This was actually going really, really well, Felix thought. Kieran hadn’t mentioned the rhyming curse at all. It was like he didn’t even notice! The relief was just a little overwhelming, to the point that it almost certainly showed in the balam’s bright grin. But, they thought, Kieran probably wouldn’t care much about that, either. Kieran was laid back and cool, two things which Felix was decidedly not. It added a certain layer of comfort to the whole exchange, made it a little easier for Felix to relax.

They let out a little laugh at Kieran’s wink, ears burning just a little. But, whereas that feeling usually came with the mocking jeers of the handlers at the Grit Pit, today’s variety was more of a pleasant thing. Felix didn’t mind it much. Watching Kieran’s ball go wide, Felix tried not to laugh. “Okay, so maybe it’s a little harder than it looks,” they allowed. “But, hey, as far as first tries go, I think that’s one for the books! I could… give you a little more help, if that’s okay? Uh, you know, stand behind you and guide your arms like… a total cliche.”

—

Felix was enjoying themselves, obviously, Kieran was a delight but… the faun wasn’t hating this, either. Sure, this was much more toned down than his usual scene and filled with rhyming and he was definitely wondering if this place was too family friendly to serve some cocktails. But it wasn’t the worst. Felix was cute and happy and would provide for a decent snack later on but for now, Kieran would be damned if he was going to suck at something as simple as mini golf.

“I don’t mind a cliche if it comes with physical contact,” Kieran hummed with a grin, reaching down to reset the colorful ball before gesturing for Felix to make good on their suggestion. “You know,” he started as the other got into position, letting them rearrange his grip on the comically small golf club. “I am going to have to ask about the rhyming at some point. Much too curious not to.” It felt safer to ask while there was no eye contact, while Felix wasn’t being scrutinized by what some people had described as an intimidating gaze. Kieran couldn’t help that he had gorgeous yet intense eyes.

—

Sliding up behind Kieran, Felix tried to pretend that they were… smooth and unflappable instead of themself. But Kieran had made it clear that he didn’t mind Felix being themself, and they tried to remind themself of as much as they wrapped their arms around him and placed their hands on top of his. Was this okay, or was it awkward? What was Kieran thinking now? Part of Felix wished they knew, another part was too afraid to ask.

They concentrated on the club, shifting Kieran’s hands into position and gently pulling his arms back to prepare a put. And then, Kieran mentioned the rhyming, and Felix fumbled. They accidentally swung their hands — and Kieran’s by extension — forward a little too hard, sending the ball flying up and out, over the barrier. “I was… kind of hoping you hadn’t noticed it,” they admitted, almost sheepishly. “That was probably kind of stupid on my part, I’ll admit. Um, would you believe me if I said I was cursed? I’m still trying to figure out how to get it reversed.”

—

The ball bounced away pathetically, slowing to a stopway outside of the course. So maybe distracting the supposed teacher was not the way to go if Kieran wanted the stupid ball to go where it was supposed to. “If there’s one thing I do, dear Felix, it’s notice things,” he explained calmly, slipping his hands out from under Felix’s to turn and face them, palms resting on their hips as he cocked his head. A curse? Had some fae with a twisted sense of humor and penchant for literal word games gotten to Felix? Maybe it wasn’t surprising that they would be easily snatched into a bind - Kieran could have wrapped the other up in promise after promise with all the thank yous and less than careful wording. Kieran didn’t because he was nice. Mostly.

“I believe you,” Kieran replied without hesitation, both because it was believable and also since Felix had no reason to lie. He wasn’t even sure they could lie properly and if they could, why lie about this? One hand moved to gently tilt Felix’s chin up, to make that sheepish gaze meet his own. “Do you know how? Or who?” he pushed, wondering if there was someone out there that needed to be told to back off. At least while Kieran was still interested. “It’s impressive, don’t get me wrong, but I definitely liked you better without the rhymes.”

—

Of course Kieran had noticed. It wasn’t as if the rhyming was a subtle thing, though part of Felix wondered if they could have made it more subtle if they were a little smarter. Maybe if they knew more words, if they were more creative, if they weren’t as stupid as they were… Of course, if they weren’t as stupid as they were, they probably wouldn’t have been cursed to begin with, would they? This was the sort of thing that didn’t happen to people with more… awareness. Sure, a few others had been caught up in it, but only because Felix had taken too long to figure out what was causing it, or because Felix hadn’t been able to get a warning out in time to keep them from cursing themselves, too.

At least Kieran didn’t think they were lying about the cause. Relief flooded through them, and they offered him a small, grateful smile. “Thanks,” they murmured, looking him in the eye as he tilted their head up. “I was worried you might think it was a prank.” That wasn’t something they’d do to Kieran, or to anyone, really. Pranks, to Felix, often felt cruel, even when they weren’t intended to be so. “I think it’s less of a who and more of a what. I mean, I guess there could be someone behind it, but…” They trailed off with a shrug. “I bought an… egg thing at a thrift store. Um, I just moved into a new space, and I was trying to brighten it up a little more. But I knew the woman who was running the thrift store, and I guess I panicked? So I grabbed the first thing I saw, paid for it, and vanished. But I guess anyone who touches this egg gets the curse. And, like, it could definitely be worse! Mostly, it’s just annoying. But it’s not like it’s sending me out to do destroying?” That one wasn’t even grammatically correct, was it? Felix winced a little, offering Kieran a smile that, this time, was almost apologetic. “I like me better without the rhyming, too. But I’m glad it doesn’t… bother you.”

—

Felix looked a bit pained at having been caught out, or maybe just to be cursed in the first place, and it really was impossible not to feel some empathy for them. Normally, people made their own messes and Kieran was more than happy to scoff and imagine the situation could have been avoided with some smarter decision making - hypocritical beyond belief, Kieran was not known for his sensible choices. Somehow, Felix managed to inspire just that bit of pity and it was only mildly patronizing. Partly, the faun was curious about this mystery ex who was presumably responsible for all this damage and he wondered how much of it could be undone with the right kind of attention. Humans were mostly disposable, sure, but Kieran couldn’t imagine going out of his way to break one down into the nervous wreck that was Felix. What the hell was there to gain from that?

“I find it very hard to imagine you pulling a prank,” Kieran mused, making a mental note to have a chat with Felix about the endless thank-yous at a later time. Even though it seemed their current predicament had nothing to do with a fae bind. Kieran’s eyebrows raised at the description of this cursed egg, unable to resist an amused smile. As far as curses went, it definitely could have been worse. “Yes, suppose we should all be grateful that you’re not out doing destroying,” he teased, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous notion that something as trivial as this would be enough to knock Kieran off kilter.

“I can put up with it until you find a way to break the curse,” he assured Felix. “And if it does start to bother me, there are ways to pass the time that don’t involve as much speaking.” With a grin, Kieran ducked his head for a kiss, pulling Felix closer and allowing himself a bit of feeding - like a reward for all the nice and reassuring things he’d blabbered out in the last few minutes. And it was sure to reset Felix’s nerves, too. Aware of a few disapproving stares from frigid parents on other parts of the course, Kieran finally pulled away, grin still firmly in place. “Now, are you going to help me get that ridiculously colorful ball where it belongs?”

—

“If I wanted to, I could definitely pull off a prank,” Felix protested, feeling a little lighter now. It took some time for them to feel secure around a person, but Kieran had done a pretty good job in lowering their defenses. It was easier to be more themself with someone who reassured them that themself wasn’t a bad thing to be. “I bet, if I really wanted to, I could rob a bank. Not that I would. But, you know, I think I could.” They thought of the pixies they’d encountered, the ones that had… attempted to rob the bank with Felix and Van as their witnesses. If nothing else, Felix thought he’d be a lot more successful than they were, even if that wasn’t really saying much.

Of course, they had a few… extras that Kieran was unaware of. If some curse had implored them towards destruction instead of rhyming, Felix knew they were capable of a lot more than it might outwardly seem. The jaguar had proven more than once that he could be a dangerous thing, and control was already harder to manage than Felix would like for it to be. If something took away that control entirely, made it dependent on some outside force… They were lucky, really, that the curse they’d been saddled with was such a silly one. A lot of people were lucky for that.

Their smile softened a little as Kieran reassured them again, claiming that he could handle the rhyming. “If it gets to be too much, I wouldn’t blame you for taking a break,” they said, not wanting him to feel obligated to stick to something they might not really want. “I mean, I know there’s probably only so much a person can take. I thought it was fun at first. But… I’m definitely ready to have it reversed.” They flushed a little at the mention of other things they could be doing, Kieran’s lips pressing quickly against theirs the only thing that prevented another bout of awkward, rhyming rambling. When he pulled away, they grinned, letting out a breathless laugh. “Um, yes!” They agreed. “I think we need to hit it… a little less?” They fetched the ball, bringing it back over and setting it down once more. With a little more confidence than before, they wrapped their arms around Kieran to guide him into a more controlled put.

—

The insistence that they could pull off a prank had Kieran smiling which escalated into a chuckle when prank became bank robbery. “Definitely call me if you decide to rob a bank, then. I would love to see that.” Of course, bank robberies necessitated scaring people, making them uncomfortable and frightened on purpose and that was probably what would hold Felix back more than the whole ‘being illegal’ part of a bank robbery ever would. Kieran couldn’t help but wonder how time consuming it was to go through life constantly wondering how everyone else was feeling. And not even for a less than selfless reason like how Kieran was currently making sure his companion had a nice time.

Which, for anyone wondering, was clearly working if Felix’s flushed face and unguarded grin were anything to go off. Like an eager puppy, Felix bounced off to retrieve the ball, which did seem fair seeing as they had been the one to whack it out of the course. With the whole rhyming debacle put to rest for now, Felix immediately seemed less tense, even managing to guide Kieran into putting the ball to just a few inches away from the hole.

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Kieran cheered, the feeling of accomplishment more prominent than he’d expected since said accomplishment was rolling colorful balls into holes. Yes, he liked to make it known that he could make any situation fun but as Kieran watched Felix make their way down towards the hole to finish their shot, he found that a surprisingly low amount of effort was needed to make this… pleasant. Probably had more to do with the promise of less mundane things later on. Surely. “We still haven’t discussed possible rewards for the winner,” Kieran mused as he joined Felix by the first hole, gently nudging his own ball down it. “I’m feeling like I might have some beginner’s luck after all.”

#debauchfairy #kieran: one faun two faun red faun blue faun #wickedswriting

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onyxandemerald · 6 days ago

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Lunar Energetic Reset 🌑♏ days 1-3

I have good new; the first day is so fucking easy. First, here's the spell. You can do it once, you can do it every day if you want, altering your materials and name to fit your lunar phase and intention. Don't laugh at me for liking rhymes, they're easier to remember that way.

Dark moon in Scorpio, destroy my illusions. Steep me in mystery, erase my confusion. My attachments succumb to your cold, hard depths. Cleanse me now of my fear, escort me through this death. All beginnings must have ends, I rise from this darkness, to begin again.

I'm not usually in the business of telling other people what their spells should or shouldn't look like, but how mine might look will be below. I usually try to keep mine streamlined and to the point. Follow your intention to suit your circumstance. A newer practitioner might be terrified of working with moldavite but if you feel your life needs a good hard shake, by all means full send.

I like a circle for big spells and rituals such as this. I think it helps me keep focus, and it feels like a layer of protection? To me, casting a circle is the opening of the gates, if that makes sense. You are telling the universe, "Look at me! Pay attention! I'm giving you instructions, so listen up!"

I do a lot of cleansing for this one too. That's the whole point of the ritual! To get rid of old, stagnant energy doesn't serve you. Sometimes these things can be stuck on there good, like old habits.

A single black or purple candle would do perfectly, nothing wrong with a white one either. Another candle option is four points around you, white or black, symbolizing the four cardinal directions and your elemental powers.

Herbs and oils with banishing, cleansing, or protection properties such as olive oil, rosemary, oregano, vervain, mugwort, frankincense, or you could also tilt a little baneful and go foxglove, wormwood, rust ash, charcoal powder, or even graveyard dirt if there's something really icky clinging to you.

I believe I remember bringing in a hematite and a rainbow obsidian to meditate with during this part, too. Selenite, clear or smoky quartz, moldavite, onyx, black tourmaline or kyanite would be powerful helpers also.

Write the spell out, and everything you are releasing and banishing on the back. Submerge it in a bowl or cup of storm or rain blessed water to charge it. Bury the paper in the yard to charge it with earth.

The best time to do this spell might be at dusk or at night.

Since the goal of this rite is to totally clean and reset your energy, its going to have ripple effects in your life where your energy is concerned (hint: that's everywhere). I like to combine my magic with physical or "mundane," actions to get the most out of my handiwork and minimize aftershocks. Obviously these actions are optional, and will not be accessible to everyone. Your main intention is to meditate on what you are releasing and seeing that it's fully released.

Day one makes me so happy because it is literally cleaning your house but a little chaotic. We're getting rid of the freeloaders. I am giving you permission to make a mess. Obviously this gets trickier with roommates or family, but then you can just rope them in to helping. Pull things off of shelves, out of cabinets and dust as you go. Don't overwhelm yourself too fast, so work maybe on one corner of a room at a time, but don't be afraid to get dirty.

Organize things into keep, donate, and throw away groups. If a pile of ??? grows, that's okay. Leave it for now; you get to address them later. You kind of want to have to be making eye contact with your masterpiece. Put obvious keep things back where they belong as you move through the space, but keep the undecided pile in your periphery.

The second part of stage one is that when you get tired? Just stop. Leave all your crap there if you're able to. Of course, communicate with your housemates and again, you are making an oath to return to it in due time. Stop what you're doing and rest. Attend to your needs. Eat when you're hungry and sit if you get stressed or emotional and take a moment to feel your feelings as they arise. Even contemplating parting with certain treasures is enough to cause waterworks in me. This is also a practice in listening to your body and becoming attuned to your own spirit nature. It will tell you everything it needs if you listen closely enough.

The end goal is to have a clean house with a pile of leftovers you might want to get rid of but idk I really like them and I've already had it for so long. I can't just throw it away! We're not making hard decisions yet. You'll know when you're ready to move to the next phase, or you can ask the moon. You're doing amazing.

Home | Next -> 🌘♐

#advwitchblr #witchcraft #moldavite #witch blog #witch rite #spirit rite

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humanmorph · 1 year ago

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PALISADE 28.crazy good this week etc

New radio person for the intro...! This comes at a good moment. I still miss Baldwin Home like. That very first PALISADE intro is genuinely so hard to beat... but this feels good. I'm once again thinking about Austin writing these... The style used for Black Screens intros obviously shines through (she's his protégé) but she does have her own voice already (way more rhyming? I mean, I'd have to doublecheck HIS intros, it's literally just a feeling). Just the tone used and intonation already does a lot. Austin is so good at this fr. I'm still curious how he even approaches that. Also the "watch me unloose 80 Ls on these next lines" I knewwww that's 80 Ls for real as soon as Parti said illogical. I wonder if he wrote that bit first trying to see how many Ls he could fit in there & then finetuned it to get to a good number? I guess that's just how I would do it.

(who knows if we'll ever get a description for Parti. we never did for Black. maybe if she shows up in a conflict turn somehow? so im just fuckin around for now... i haven't sold myself on the clothes. i'm just not a fashion guy. but i do like the braids)

Oh & new guy alert part 2!!! New Keith character! And he has a funny hat. Not even funny as in goofy it just makes me laugh a bit because my dad and maybe every 5th 70+ y/o man I see has a hat like that. Love the sequin poncho.

(btw I am almost certain Keith has posted a picture of that teapot on Cohost before... He posts about tea sometimes so there's at least a chance. I mean the description of the coloring he gives is actually pretty good IMO, you can work with that, but I as an artist I like to have a visual reference. EDIT: someone just asked him. thank you keith and also rosecrest)

I have the. I got Armor Astir & a lot of the playbooks other people made in a bundle a while back and I'm real torn if I should just look at the Investigator because I'm really curious. But. I also love to be surprised. So I probably won't, but it's good to know I COULD, if I wanted to. Anyways, I was pretty sure it'd be another B-Plot character too, just because it makes sense. Brnine COULD go alone on a B-Plot, I guess, but it's more fun with 2 groups to jump between, surely. Though this means the Eclectic-Brnine dynamic is crucial! I hope they can meet up soon... But yeah I just really am gonna miss Phrygian backing them up and cheering and clapping and asking questions. They were so fun together... A great team :' (

ok so I wrote everything else about Eclectic down yesterday & then noted down "vibes?" as break between paragraphs because all I had at that point was the description & I wanted to get back to this. And ooohhh my god the vibes are fucking immaculate right off the bat I'm having a hard time to not Already be obsessed with this guy he's SO funny conceptually and it KEPT getting better... Truly delighted with this new type of guy (& Keith is doing a voice!). And I fucking love the hooks. Truly so great to me. The thought of these getting loosened OR deepened is already really really good. "Leap says"..... oh it's SO funny I keep laughing to myself

And I'm VERY excited it's a delegate like genuinely so happy. I was mourning the loss of a branched onscreen (okay.I still am) but this does make it worth it. Ever since they got introduced basically I so badly wanted to know anything more about them, but especially what Austin mentioned in the episode itself: the delegates relationships to the divines they are made from & of course the divines themselves (who are alive!!! Apparently that was already written in a dossier way back when, but I rarely read those). That has me sooo excited.

Oh and the like... I only thought about this just now but the connection there to Thisbe's new project is. That's gotta be something! "The divine who's being held captive somewhere on this planet, and has been tortured for millennia" hearing a message of... That this can end & rest is possible and it's SO CLOSE? But does that just make it worse... Ohhhhh. Yeah this rules. What a great idea.

That project generally is really... god, I love Thisbe so much. I love how Janine talks about her and what she thinks and why she does what she does. Thisbe's relationship to work and being a tool and of use is so interesting to put here, with the divines wanting to rest. (And Janine saying something like... Thisbe thinks of herself in relation to divines how Mow is to her? Kind of?) And saying it seems so solitary a project... every divine should know about it. Every divine deserves the right to rest. But it's also a call to action of sorts when she talks about like... "shouldn't you want to protect this?" I think her "Fighting is not my purpose, but there is nowhere else for me until the fighting is over." hook could be in conservation here too... Also I'm just looking forward for Thisbe to Broadcast again. It was like, one of her things in PARTIZAN. I really liked her & Cori working on this together with the. Experience they just had behind them. Sylvi & Janine reading the hooks for each others characters kind of sheepishly was soooo funny "I forgot how bitchy this was!". That's good stuff to me. (as an aside: god, Thisbe has always had good as hell hooks/beliefs/whatever else. Remember "Operant Broun lies to me because they believe I am a person."? Banger. ) I also love that she thought of this/about this at the rib(?) of Barricade. Barricade as an axiom who had this close (& good, protective) relationship with another axiom...

btw now that Leap is NOT coming back I do miss him a bit. Mostly out of principle like I am So happy we have Eclectic but Leap is my guy.... shoutout to him... being a bitch bastard pirate out there in space... + shoutout to Figure A too always : ) (speaking of, on the Gathering Information Extra bit from today he talked about if he had played Leap, picking a class that also had like, a crew, and I'm mostly just really curious who that would've been. I would love for Keith to make up some funny guys for Leap to order around. I wonder if Eclectic or an Eclectic type would've been on that?)

(Also Leap investigating Motion. Ok. To ME it's at least partly bc this was so important to Millie. And he has reason to be concerned generally he fought Motion too but. That's MILLIE'S rival! And it doesn't even have to be at the front of his mind when he does this. Maybe it isn't. But it's real & it's something to remember her by through actual action. Because he's not the sentimental type.Do you get me.?)

Brnine talk show. This was sooo good. After they joked about it in PAL25 too. I recognized the hosts name, but wasn't quite sure from where until I read the dossier - of course he's that guy from the podcast. God. I have got to relisten to that sometime... I remember Ali on one of the recent Gathering Information ep (the one w/ Austin on, I think) mentioning a conversation that was like. stressful to do. and then also to listen to? (since she has to for production/editing) and I figured it would be another Gucci-type talk but ooohh my god. This was sooo. EDIT: ACTUALLY what if it wasn't even. What if it's about to be this talk with Rye edit: GALLICA i cant believe noone called me on this. mixing my elects up. rye is the one gur killed (mvp). Austin was sounding a bit ominous about it at the end of this episode! HUGE shoutouts to Ali again she is just absolutely killing it this season for real... And I honestly feel like overall Brnine was, considering the situation, doing very well. Genuinely. You're feverish and hollowblooded and have this fucking. Guy needling you & asking the stupidest questions... & like. "You made Kalmeria. They'd never let you rot in jail." of courseeee they want Brnine working for them. They're so GOOD at what they do. They messed with the parts of A Fucking Divine. . I just had a scary thought and it involved Mustard Red. But. Surely not. Nooo. I'm shaking my head. However Arbitrage? An Arbitrage deal (like they tried to make them take before) would work just perfectly for this, wouldn't it...

some other stuff:

When Austin mentioned Grand Mag in that vision Cori had I thought something like 'man. sucks to be him : (' but like. In a genuine way. "I can't stop it from hurting people a little"........... Hah oh wow I just thought of this but I am so excited for people who haven't listened to TM to meet him now. He's not even my favourite he just makes me crazy in a way almost no other character does? Like there's something so WRONG with him. And there's things wrong with a lot of FatT characters but it's like... Well. Grand Magnificent.

I love the thought of them watching Brnines interview at the next movie night (POOR BRNINE.) but I also want to know what Eclectic would pick for movie night. Oh and Partial too. Though he may not be staying I would still really love to know. Partial coming on board for the mission has me intrigued generally.

Oh and Gur talking! Even if just a little. I still feel so bad for them. "I believe in whispers in ears"... and they have reason to now. Figure is a person trying their best to do good & make changes, which is what Gur wants. I just wish they weren't a specter haunting someone elses body & what even happens when Figure rolls a 10+. Is Gur still there and Figure just stops seeing him? oohh it hurts a bit.you can't do this to him you can't (related: I extremely forgot about the other specters and ghosts and ghouls and whatnot that Figure can also see. It's not just my friend Gur Sevraq. Looking forward to hear more about that & how it affects Figure so much as to roll with disadvantage!)

Love to learn just a little more about devotion. I really need to just relisten to that again & think about it a bit harder.

At one point Austin says "Still flanked by guards, you are" and it caught me off guard & made me wheeze. He didn't even do that on purpose . I get him I do this way too often(realize I forgot to say part of a sentence and pack it at the end)

#from yesterday and also today.#palisadeposting #palisade spoilers

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fanfiction-artist-prototype · 2 years ago

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I just... decided it was fair game so here-

Jack was always honest with Mads about the shit he'd done growing up, had always been honest about the fact that he'd only gotten into university from the grace of a Wayne Scholarship that the Wayne heir (a year or two younger than he was) had been kind enough to leave open after his parents passing.

He'd been just as honest with Vlad before things went a bit sideways between the two of them, that Jack knew what it was like to take a life; as reluctantly as he had done so and, he'd told his best friend, the only reason he agreed to Maddie's ideas about ghost *guns* was because he didn't know how to tell her that they still made him shaky sometimes and all he could see was his uncle - standing over his old man, some stupid fucking mob bosses symbol burnt into his face because uncle Vinnie never knew when enough was enough and now Pa had to fuckin' deal with the consequences, and Jack? He's thirteen, his Ma's at work of job 3 of the day and they don't have the money to move, they don't have the money to *bury* Pa and he's got his Pa's shotgun in hand and it's Uncle Vinnie or Pa and Jack's already made his decision- and sometimes he swears those ghostly figments they get through sound just like him.

But Jack likes to think he's moved forward with his life. He has a lovely wife and two wonderful kids, he lives in a inner city neighbourhood still, but he has enough to own a house with a BASEMENT. He has enough from his published papers to finance his ghostly research and all he has to do is occasionally update the microbial studies board at the Wisconsin university on his findings. (The living fridge food gave amazing and surprisingly replicable results!) Life's so different from the first eighteen years of his life, but he's not all that different not really.

He's still a bit too quiet for his size, still a bit too much. He's worked hard to switch his accent to fit Maddie's better, to fit in more, but if he stops trying the Gothamite comes out and if he stops paying full attention he's been told he sounds like a mix between a Metropolis cat being strangled and a new jersey lads lad. Sometimes he still does rounds around the house and half the anti-ecto tech in the house are just slightly fancier traps than the ones he'd watched his Pa set up back home in crime alley.

Reluctantly he'd also admit he still had a few favours he can cash in, a few favours he owes, a few prison sentences he's waiting to end so he can tell his kids about their aunts and uncles and not have to force them into a prison visitors room every couple months when his friends decide to behave enough to be allowed to interact with the public. Some of them don't ever really learn their lessons, Jack can't blame them though. Sometimes Gotham loses more of it's screws and puts bastards like the Riddler in standard max and then everyone has to be wary of getting killed in the next escape attempt. Nigma never seems to bother solitary on his attempts.

The Court of Owls stills lives in the back of his head, he tells Jazz and Danny their tales, sang them the nursery rhymes as little kids. With Phantom and the portal and everything else he hopes they know the Court is real, he hopes they don't think it's just an odd coincidence because there's the stench of death that follows his family is so thick he worries going back they'd be visited at least once.

Jazz and Danny are too old to be taken, too old to be talons. That's the only saving grace. Jack still sometimes wakes up in a cold sweat, and has to check on his kids to make sure they're in their beds, too terrified of seeing a little owl in their place, beds done up neatly never to be seen again.

(That first time Danny had snuck out when he'd had one of those nightmares he'd woken Jazz up, apologising as he was doing it, asking her to phone Sam and Tucker, practically begging his daughter to get him in contact with the two people Jack knew Danny would sneak out for.

His son had answered, sounding as frazzled as he felt, a shaky "Dad?! Dad what's wrong, Tuck said you were hyperventilating- is it Mom? Jazz?!"

Jack had almost burst into tears.

"Dan-o, sweet bat on a tricycle, if you sneak out you gotta leave a note! I thought you were GONE!"

It hadn't been that long after the accident with the portal and Jack could still only see his little boy in that hospital bed because he hadn't woken up for hours. His Danny so. so small and so pale and Jack could have sworn at the time he was watching his son flicker in and out of existence-

He'd been so angry, so scared that it seemed to have shaken his son just enough that when he'd gotten home - not half an hour later, and Jack had been sat at the dining table with two cups of his Pa's favourite tea waiting for him- he'd hugged him tight and promised that if he ever met up late at night with Sam and Tucker he'd leave a note.

Danny had never broken that promise.)

All of that was important sure, but none of it was important in the face of the fucking GIW coming to HIS house and threatening HIS family.

He and Maddie had been distraught enough learning that Danny and Phantom were the same person, disturbed enough that they'd misunderstood everything from the biological makeup to the damn sentience of the species they'd been studying for longer than their children had been CONCIEVED, that when the quote un quote government agency turned up demanding they turn their son over everything had simply fallen off the deep end.

Danny had told them that Vlad was a ghost, his son had also tried to explain that Vlad actually wanted to kill Jack but he'd brushed it off - Jack knew if Vladdie actually wanted to kill him he could- and so Maddie had started burning their research, not a single regret at nearly thirty years of research burnt to hell, and Jack had phoned his best friend as he went about grabbing the go-bags his family probably hadn't realised he'd had ready for years.

"Vlad, friend, Dan-o told us about the ghost thing, those GIW bastards have come knocking," his old friend made a strangled noise but Jack kept talking. He knew if he let him talk Vlad would reject his next few words, "I'm getting the family out, might go see my uncle Vinnie. Want to go on a family roadtrip?"

Vlad would know what that meant. Would know it meant he was going home, somewhere Jack really hadn't ever thought he would return to. And he was just throwing another of Danny's favourite star maps into the spare space in his son's go bag when his old friend finally responded.

"Young Daniel has informed you of my repeated murder attempts correct? Of my.... obsession?"

"You could have killed me at any point Vladdie!" the other man made an affronted noise on the other end, and Jack squinted between the navy NASA hoodie and the black NASA hoodie, "And as for that obsession with Mads well, nothing a bit of therapy and a good long talk with Mads about boundaries and how we can do all this together won't fix. Besides if you were that obsessed you'd have crossed more lines than you have."

"..."

Finally deciding on the black hoodie he set about grabbing his sons old school bag and throwing in items he knew Danny would be devastated to leave behind, ones that couldn't be replaced.

"I'll get in contact with Danielle, who I presume you know about?"

"Of course." It was a shock to know he now had a second daughter, but he'd love the girl all the same, "It'll make this co-parenting thing all the easier! Meet here after the kids finish school?"

Before he could get a response he'd ended the call.

-*-

Within the week they were back in Gotham, in Crime Alley and as Jack breathed in the shitty air and smell of chemical sludge, rain and unidentifiable but most likely blood he felt home for the first time in a good long while.

Mads, Vlad and the Kids had had... various stages of grief throughout the initial few moments of climbing out of the RV and looking at the dilapidated apartment building. They had enough in funds to buy two units that were side by side so space wouldn't be an issue, and Jack was still in discussions with the land lord (a lovely young man under the alias Red Hood) about whether structurally it'd be safer to knock down the separating wall in the living room or put in an archway.

"Jackie?"

Turning towards the call Jack was sure he made quite the sight!

He'd grown into his Pa's height (but more so his Ma's build because he was a brickhouse but his Ma had been putting that Haly's circus trope to shame) and currently had Ellie sitting on his shoulder half asleep, with his hazmat zipped up to his waist and the rest tied showing off his ratty wife-beater and that one tattoo of the Gotham Knights badge he'd gotten at sixteen on a dare.

"Jackie it is you!" when he finally saw who was calling him he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

"Bill! Bud, how's it goin?"

"Me?" His friend's smile got a bit wonky and Jack noticed his nose had definitely been broken more since the last time he'd seen his childhood friend, "Oh no, I'm doin' great but you! What's this three kids and two misses' and misters? When'd you get married! When'd you have kids?!"

Jack Fenton is From Gotham, a Headcannon

CstSo, Jack Fenton, Big, caring, Dad Shaped Individual who cares about Family and his Profession and would more than likely choose family if things went Funky. The Guy who has ran through multiple walls and is capable of fighting Ecto beings BARE FISTED and winning. This guy, who just looks at the mayhem around him and goes “Ah, a peaceful day.” while Maddie is losing her entire god damned mind. You can only really get that sort of attitude about chaos in a few places, and I think Jack was born and raised in Gotham, and furthermore, I think his parents generation of Fentons lived in Crime Alley.

The IDEAS this gives me, like in a reveal gone sideways with the GIW finding out Jack takes Danny and hides out in his childhood romping grounds and the people just go “Oh Hey, Jack’s back.” and they just melt into the underbelly of Gotham, no one really the wiser and the GIW constantly losing vehicles and Agents to the meatgrinder that is Crime Alley.

Give Me Jack Fenton who has SEEN SOME SHIT, Give me Jack Fenton who has DONE SOME SHIT. This man knows how to do a lot of things and the legality therein can get very Sketchy. Then give us the glory and horror of Gothamites slowly emigrating too/immigrating from Amity Park and it’s just like, That Explains A LOT.

I ran away with this, I shall now tag folks who I think would like this.

@stealingyourbones

@captain-krow-drozdov

#i don't have anymore of this #but #like #i knew i had to include pandaredd's bill from the goonion #jack is from gotham au #danny phantom x dc

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theassthatquits · 4 years ago

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Blupjeans Week Day Four: Ship

@blupjeansweek2021

Lup sipped her drink slowly, taking in the scene around her. There were definitely a lot more men here than women, which meant that more attention would be placed on her. She could work with that. She thumbed through the many name tags she swiped and started writing a different name on each one and hid them under her leg when she was done. Speed dating was one of her favorite activities to do when she was Taako’s guest on a cruise.

At first it started out as a way to hook up with someone that she would never see again. Pretty easy when it was the last day and everyone came from different places. Very quickly she realized that this was the perfect opportunity to spread chaos. She now had four rules:

No one gets to know her real name

No one gets to know any true facts about her, actually.

On the off chance she did like someone here, no spending the night with anyone.

Definitely no off the ship contact

The bell signaling the start of the night sounded and she pulled herself together, slapping on a name tag reading “Ryn” as her first victim, smirking and a little gross looking, sat down across from her.

“Lucky me, first round with the hottest girl in the room.”

Lup would be lying if she said she had never heard that one before.

“Oh god, I only hope that this will be over soon.”

His face dropped. “A little rude, aren’t we Ryn?” He leaned in close. “Playing hard to get?”

“How can I play hard to get when we’ve only just met?”

He paused, thinking. “Are you...rhyming with me?”

“Whatever do you mean? I’m afraid this I cannot see.”

“Okay, I see what’s going on here.”

“I do not understand, could you explain to a fellow peer?” Lup tried really hard to pull it off but she was grinning ear to ear.

The man rolled his eyes. “I think we’re done here.”

“Hey look who’s rhyming now!” His glare towards her was punctuated with the bell, signaling a partner change and hers couldn’t get away fast enough, done with her antics. She swapped out her name tag for one that read “Liza”.

Her next match was objectively the hottest man in the room and she’d be lying if she had said she hadn’t thought about breaking the rules. He sat down with some finger foods in his hand and took a bite. His face contorted and he spat the bite out in a napkin. “Oh, Gods. I think this is the worst food I’ve ever tasted on a cruise.”

Yeah, she wasn’t going home with this guy. How dare anyone spit out Taako’s food! She smiled sweetly, “Do you go on many of these?”

“Oh yeah, I cruise several times a year. I need something to do with all of the money I make.” He was really laying it on thick and it took everything she had not to roll her eyes.

“Sounds lonely.” She reached out and stroked his arm flirtatiously.

“It can be, sometimes.”

“Do you think I could help with that?”

He smirked. “Yeah, I think you could, babydoll.”

Gross. She almost gagged but smiled instead. She took out her pen and wrote a random room number on his arm. “This is my room. I’ll be back there in 15 minutes. Meet me there.”

His eyes lit up, “oh, yes. Sounds good. I’ll see you soon.” He stood up, winking at her and then he breezed out of the room as the bell rang.

“Ugh, so gross.” Lup made a gagging face trying to get the thought of him out.

“Hello - oh, are you okay?” She looked up to see a man in his thirties wearing glasses, a button up shirt, and blue jeans. He stood out in the room where every other man was wearing slacks and a tie. Lup paused for a second and then realized she had yet to speak and his face was getting more and more concerned for her.

“Uh, yes. Just swallowed down the wrong way, you know how it is.”

“Oh, yes I do,” He nodded solemnly. “Shit!” He yelled under his breath as he spilled half of his drink on himself while sitting down. Lup took this opportunity to switch out her name tag to “Eve”. After she was done he was still trying to clean himself up. His - Barry, she could tell from the tag - face was a deep red. Her heart pinged slightly at that, this poor man was so out of his element and it was kind of endearing.

“Here, let me help.” Lup handed over some napkins and leaned over the table, purposefully giving him a good view down her dress but he was so focused on cleaning up he didn’t even look. Lup didn’t know why she almost felt disappointed about that.

“Uh, thank you. I’m Barry.”

Double-checking her name tag she responded, “Eve.”

“Eve. That’s very pretty.”

“Thank you, Barold.”

He nearly coughed up his drink at that before collapsing into giggles. “Barold? I like it.”

“I think it’s fitting, Mr. Barold Bluejeans.”

“It’s actually Hallwinter -“

“Not in those jeans it’s not.”

He giggled again and damn if that didn’t do something to her. “Got me there. I’m not sure what people wear to cruises, I only packed swim trunks and blue jeans and I was not about to wear my trunks to a singles only event.”

“Oh, is this your first cruise?”

“Yeah, I won a contest at my university. I teach theoretical physics and I guess I had the most positive reviews or something from the students. I didn’t really know the contest was going on until I had won it.”

“Ooooh Professor Barold Bluejeans.” Something about that made her insides ache. “How are you enjoying your first cruise?”

“It’s nice. I haven’t taken a vacation since undergrad, so it’s been pretty great to just relax by the poolside and catch up on paperwork.”

“Did you seriously bring work to your vacation?”

Barry cocked his head, confused. “Yeah, is that a big deal?”

“Barold!! It’s a vacation! You don’t bring any work!” She was getting worked up and heads began to turn towards them. “You: drink a lot of alcohol, swim a lot, read a book by the beach, eat a lot of food, watch the weird as fuck shows they bring onboard, and hook up with a hottie you will never see again.” She listed these off on her fingers.

“Well I’ve done most of those things!”

“Yeah? Hook up with a hottie?” She winked at him and his face got a deep deep red.

“No, not that one. I read and swim and eat and drink. The food here is absolutely incredible, I’ve never had anything like it.”

“Yes! One point for Barold!” She high-fived him. “My brother is the head chef, everything he makes is exquisite.” Lup froze. She’s never revealed anything of herself at these before but with Barry it just felt natural. Maybe the rules didn’t need to be so strict after all. “What shows have you seen?”

“Well, uh, I haven’t seen any. I pretty much only swim, read, and eat.”

“So you haven’t explored the boat??”

“Not really.”

“Oh my gods, Barold. You are squandering this vacation. Cancel your plans tonight, we’re going exploring.”

He raised an eyebrow, amused. “Yeah?”

It was her turn to blush. Damn him. “If you want to, I mean. We haven’t exactly finish speed dating.”

“Hmm true, and I could find someone that loves doing paperwork poolside…”

She swatted at him playfully and he laughed. “I’m kidding! Yes, please, Eve. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Lup froze, at first upset that he misremembered her name before she realized that she had given him a fake one. It was too late to go back now, she figured. She could be Eve for the rest of the night. It’s not like she was ever going to see this man again.

“You okay?”

God, he was so observant. It was like he saw right through her. She smiled and grabbed his hand. “I’m perfect. Now come on, Bluejeans. We have a whole weekend of mischief to catch up on.”

#blupjeansweek2021 #blupjeans #barry bluejeans #lup #taz balance

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slythergirlimagines · 4 years ago

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Well Why Don’t You?- Zuko x Reader

Summary: You and Zuko constantly dance around each other, and Sokka and Toph have had enough. Fluff, with a tiny bit of angst!! Masterlist

(GIF isn’t mine!) Words: 3,398 Request: yes

**** let me know if I you all want a masterlist!

Well Why Don’t You?

The first party Zuko hosts is a year after the war. It is a “welcome to Fire Nation” party, to honor the new members of one of Zuko’s outreach programs.

One year after the war, and everything is slowly starting to feel normal. Your parents had died before the war began, and having no where else to go, you ended up sticking close to Zuko, your best friend.

Zuko had brought up the idea first, claiming that he had no one left either, and it had really worked out quite well for the both of you. You gave Zuko advice and opinions with an honesty no one else would. Zuko offered you a place of belonging and a deep friendship.

Though you missed your parents and your friends, you had never felt quite so happy as you did with Zuko. You knew a lot of that happiness had to do with your feelings for him.

Zuko had joined your side and won you over first. You believed him before anyone else did, and as time progressed, you slowly started opening up to each other. You often teamed up in battle and just naturally gravitated towards each other. Toph and Sokka had teased you about it relentlessly. You had realized you loved him when Azula struck him with lightning, when you had almost lost him.

Then Zuko had healed and had become Firelord, and you hadn’t said a word to him about your feelings. Now you are really starting to regret it as you watch him dance with Mai. They had broken up a long time ago, but that didn’t make you feel better as you watch him pull her tighter to him and whisper in her ear. Angrily, you slam your finished drink on the table.

“Another.” You demand, and Sokka looks at you with troubled eyes.

“Y/n, you’ve been drinking a lot more than usual, are you sure you can handle another?” He asks you, brows furrowed. You must be really obvious if Sokka was noticing something wrong.

“Obviously it has everything to do with Lover Boy and Mai.” Toph says, inclining her head in the direction of the dance floor. For a blind girl, Toph really does see everything.

“No it doesn’t.” You hiss.

“Ooh you hit a nerve.” Sokka giggles, tipping his drink back. You aim a hard kick to his shin. Sokka chokes on his drink, and you take a little pleasure in his sputtering. Toph pats him a few times on the back, but she’s laughing too hard to really help.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry. I won’t say anything else about your all encompassing love.” Sokka says.

“All encompassing love for who?” Zuko asks, head cocked to the side like a puppy. Mai is there, arm wound tightly through his. She smiles at you, but the expression looks forced on her usually bored face.

“For wine.” You cover smoothly. “I was just about to get another drink and Sokka was teasing me for being an alcoholic. I showed him though.”

You nod at Sokka, who now sits rubbing his shin.

“That’s my girl.” Zuko smiles. “Guys, you all remember Mai?”

Everyone at the table nods, and exchanges pleasantries. Zuko pulls out a chair at the table and seats Mai, and then takes the chair in between you both.

The wine is catching up with you, and your head is fuzzy, even fuzzier with Zuko so close. You want to kiss him, to hold his hand, to be with him. All of that is impossible with Mai next to him. Of course Mai is beautiful, and of course that’s who Zuko would go for. Mai is a badass and she’s controlled. She’d be the perfect match for Zuko and his mood swings.

You stand up too quickly suddenly desperate to get away, and knock over your empty wine glass. You wobble in place before regaining your balance.

“Y/n?” Zuko asks, concern etching his face. “Are you alright?”

“Fine!” You say in a voice that tells everyone you are absolutely not fine. “I’m just off to get some wine! Haha that rhymes.”

Your awkwardness combined with the alcohol has just made a painfully embarrassing moment that you’ll never expunge from your brain.

Sokka bursts into drunken laughter like a child, and Toph rolls her eyes. You barley manage to get yourself out of the party before you start crying.

————————————————-

The next party Zuko hosts, you are prepared to make a move. Toph has taken to giving you weekly pep talks, and she’s bolstered your confidence a lot.

You had picked out the perfect dress, a black gown with a plunging back. The bodice was tight against your figure, and emphasized your curves. You spent all day creating a dramatic makeup look and pinning up your hair. You knew you looked good, hopefully Zuko would see it too.

You take up your usual spot at the table with Toph and Sokka. Katara and Aang were hardly ever at these things, too busy running their academy or fixing the world. Toph and Sokka are a bit more like you, with no where to go.

Toph and Sokka are starting a drinking game, and you’re too zoned out to really listen to the rules. You’re eager to see Zuko, and even more eager to have him see you.

“With the rate she’s going, we’re going to die of alcohol poisoning.” You hear Toph say.

“What?” You ask. Toph smiles sheepishly, and looks to Sokka to say something.

“Well...” Sokka says, and his face says that he is absolutely trying every way to get out of this.

“Are you playing a drinking game about me?!” You demand. Their smiles give it all away, and suddenly you feel rather affronted.

“What are the rules??” You smack your hand down on the table.

“Obviously it has something to do with being the most beautiful girl in the room.” Zuko says, smiling at you. He places a kiss to your cheek, and then sits down. You could literally explode on the spot, but even in your high you don’t miss Sokka and Toph taking a synchronized drink.

So it was about you and Zuko then.

“Thank you.” You tell Zuko, and you can’t help the warmth that colors your tone. Who gave him the right to be so charming? You knew this was his normal diplomatic persona, the one he used to flatter his subjects. You could pretend it was real for a night.

Sokka and Toph drink again, and this time is not subtle at all. Zuko notices, and quirks his eyebrows at them.

“So what are the rules?” He asks, truly perplexed.

“Don’t have any.” Toph says. Zuko rolls his eyes, but leaves them to their own game.

You’re about to ask Zuko to dance, when an advisor comes up to him.

“Lord Zuko, I have someone who would really love to meet you.” The old man says. The person who wants to meet Zuko is clearly the beautiful young woman trying her best to pretend she isn’t watching the exchange.

Zuko notices this too, and smiles at his advisor.

“Of course, give me just a moment.” He says. You’re torn between two feelings. On one hand, you love Zuko’s devotion to his people, but on the other, jealousy is eating at you.

Zuko smiles at you softly.

“You really do look lovely.” He says. “Don’t go anywhere guys, I’ll be right back.”

You watch him walk away, with a heavy heart. It seemed like nothing would truly be enough to capture his attention.

“Drink!” Sokka calls, indicating your wistful glances at Zuko. You drink until your glass is empty.

————————————————

You don’t go to the third party. Every inch of your body hurts, and your head is pounding. You think you might have a fever, but you don’t want to call anyone in to check. You absolutely despise being sick, and sometimes you like to just wallow in your sorrows.

Toph comes in to check on you before the party. She’s dressed in a lovely green gown, and a gold headpiece.

“Toph, you’re gorgeous.” You croak. “Stay away from me though, I’ll get you sick.”

Toph gives you a pitying look.

“You sound awful.” She says.

“I feel it.”

“Do you want me to send somebody in to check on you? No offense, y/n, but you actually look like you could be dying.”

“Thank you Toph, I really wanted to hear that.” You mutter into your pillow.

There is silence for a few seconds as Toph debates what to do.

“Seriously Toph, I’m ok. Go have fun.” Then sitting up, you tease her. “Tell me all about Sokka’s reaction when he sees you in that dress.”

Toph blushes, and hurries away like you expected her too. Content at your privacy, you fall back on your bed to get some sleep.

You had only just fallen into a fitful sleep, when you are awoken by someone stroking your face.

Zuko sits in your bed in his party robes, looking more concerned than you’d ever seen him.

“Zuko?” You croak. Maybe this is a fever dream or a hallucination. There’s no way that Zuko left his party to come sit with you.

“Hey.” He says softly. “Toph told me you were sick. I sent for a healer a few minutes ago.”

He brushes a few sweaty strands of hair out of your face and you groan internally. How could he ever want to be with you after seeing you like this?

“Get away from me, you’re going to get sick!” You protest when you realize that he’s sitting too close.

Zuko rolls his eyes, and moves closer just to spite you.

“I don’t care about any of that, y/n.” He says. He leaves his hand on the side of your face, and his thumb strokes your cheek bone. “You’re really hot.” He says.

You know he doesn’t mean it the way it sounds, but in your feverish state his words are funny.

“No you’re the hot one.” You say, giggling. Zuko smiles, but he also looks more concerned than before.

“You’re delirious.” He says. The healer knocks on the door, and Zuko hurries to let him in.

The healer makes him stand away from you, as he gets to work. Zuko paces, watching everything with his amber eyes.

You’ve never really noticed how beautiful his scar is, before right now.

“Thank you, y/n.” He says, and you blush.

You definitely hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“My lord, I think she’ll be ok after some rest. We just need to break the fever.” Zuko winces, and you think that he must be remembering the time he was sick in Ba Sing Se. He had told you about it long ago, about how painful it was.

“Alright.” Zuko says, “Thank you for seeing her. I’ll stay with her.”

“My lord, I am perfectly happy to stay...” the healer trails off at Zuko’s face.

“I’m not leaving her.” Zuko says, tone final. The healer bows his head, and starts instructing Zuko.

“Keep the cloth cold, and keep her under the blankets. I’ll come by to check every few hours. The best thing for her to do is sweat it out.”

You hear the door close, and then Zuko sits beside you on the bed again. You hadn’t realized that you had closed your eyes.

Zuko’s hands replace the healers, and he starts pressing the cold cloth against your forehead.

“What about your party?” You croak.

“More important things for me to be doing.” Zuko says. You are ill, quite possibly delirious, but you could swear you hear some deeper meaning in his words.

——————————————————

The fourth party Sokka and Toph are armwrestling, and you are keeping score. You all are by far the loudest table, and you know that if it wasn’t for your status as war heroes, you would have been kicked out long ago.

Zuko has been floating around tables all night, shaking hands and kissing babies. The people love him, and they see him for the great ruler he is. You’re happy for him, and you’re proud. But you also miss him.

Zuko finds his way over to you all during round 8. Sokka is only up by one point, and the narrow margin has really been a blow to his pride. You’ve decided to call a winner at round 9, so this victory really determines the outcome. You hate how into their stupid game you are.

Toph is just edging out Sokka when Zuko’s hand touches your back. He lets it trail slowly upwards and cup the back of your neck, thumb rubbing in slow circles.

“Who’s winning?” He asks lowly, to not disturb the serious concentration. You’ve never been more turned on in your whole life.

“It’s a toss up right now.” You say, obviously flustered. “If Sokka wins this round, he’s the winner, but if Toph wins we go into sudden death.”

“Mmm.” Zuko says close to your ear. Goosebumps explode down your body, and you fight a shiver. You glance over at him, and you lock eyes.

Is he looking at your lips? Is he leaning closer? Am I?

“Victory!” Toph cries, slamming Sokka’s arm into the table.

Your moment with Zuko is broken as you turn to them.

“That’s a tie. Round 9.” You say. You turn back to Zuko with a smile, and find one mirrored on his face. He looks happy, you think. More content than he has in a long while.

“Y/n?” A cocky voice asks you. You turn to find one of Zuko’s youngest advisors standing there. He is around your age and rather handsome. One of the types that knows it too.

“Dance with me?” He smirks, holding out a hand.

“Sorry.” Zuko says, with faux politeness. He drops his arm around your shoulders and curls you into his side. “We just can’t spare her. She’s our scorekeeper.”

His arm is holding you tight against him, possessively. Your whole body is fuzzy again as you smile at Zuko.

You turn back to his advisor and shrug.

“No one else can do it.” You say by way of explanation.

Zuko doesn’t move his arm the rest of the night, and neither do you.

————————————————-

Sokka and Toph are done with the games. You and Zuko had been dancing around each other for years now and it was really starting to get annoying. They couldn’t even enjoy getting drunk at parties anymore without one of you looking longingly at the other all night.

That’s why they were currently holed up in an unused advising room discussing plans.

“We’ve got to do something, Sokka. It’s not even fun to drink anymore.” Toph cries, slamming a fist on the table.

“Tell me about.” Sokka says. “All they do is drool over each other.”

“You’re the master strategy guy, let’s come up with a plan. There’s got to be something we can do.” Toph taps her foot rapidly against the ground.

Sokka sits in deep thought for a minute, hand rubbing his jaw. His blue eyes are far away as he considers several options.

“Well, jealousy didn’t work either time they were around other people. Zuko was still too chicken when y/n got all dolled up, and aside from locking them up together I just don’t know what will break their stubborn minds.” Sokka groans.

Suddenly, he and Toph both jump up.

“That’s it!” Toph says. “New mission, find a door that locks from the outside and lock those idiots up.”

————————————————

The fifth party Zuko hosts, you rewear the black gown. You liked it, and Zuko had called you beautiful when you wore it. Maybe tonight it could be your lucky charm.

It’s Zuko’s birthday, and you had managed to get Aang and Katara here as a surprise, and they were going to stay the entire weekend. Iroh was also going to come stay, and you had planned a smaller private party for tomorrow. You knew Zuko would be thrilled to spend some seeing his friends, and actually getting to spend some time with them.

You were just finishing spraying yourself with perfume, when Toph comes barreling into your room.

“Y/n, quick it’s Zuko!” You are in instant worry mode as you follow her out.

“What’s happened Toph? Is he alright?” You question.

Toph leads you through the winding corridors, and into a back part of the palace.

“Toph!” You demand as you come to a stop in front of a door you’ve never seen.

Sokka stands there, dressed in his finest blue party outfit. Toph is in her usual green.

“You guys? What’s going on. Where’s Zuko? Is he alright?” You question.

“He will be.” Toph says from behind you. Sokka opens up the door, and before you can ask anything else, Toph shoves you inside and the door slams shut.

Instead of falling onto the ground, something warm and hard catches you. Arms wrap around you to steady you, and you can instantly tell it’s Zuko.

“Zuko? What’s going on?” You ask him. “Are you ok? Toph said-”

“They did the same to me.” He chuckles. Your eyes are adjusting to the darkness, and you can just make out his smile. “I think we’re being set up.”

“Oh.” You say, as calmly as possible.

“Yep! And you’re not coming out until you talk about your feelings.” Toph says. “Gonna be weird to have a birthday party with no birthday boy. So you better make it quick.”

Zuko still has his arms around you, and you find that you haven’t moved yours either. You’re so close that you can feel his body heat.

“Zuko.” You whisper, softly. “I’m sorry they’re ruining your birthday.”

You can’t say that you feel that badly about having some alone time with Zuko, but you feel the need to share it all the same.

“Don’t be.” He whispers back, head lowering. “This is exactly where I want to be anyways.”

Your face breaks out into a grin as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Yeah?” You ask.

“Yeah.” His lips are on yours immediately after, and there’s no more time for talking.

Zuko pulls you as close as he can, pressing hot kisses down your neck and to your collarbone.

“This is my favorite dress.” He says, running a hand over it appreciatively. “I always thought about how I’d tear it off of you.” He growls and then brings his lips back to yours.

In between passionate kisses you manage to respond.

“Then why don’t you?”

The invitation seems to be all he needs, because his hands are suddenly everywhere. They leave warm tingling trails wherever they touch, and you think you might be in heaven. Zuko’s hands deftly find the zipper, and he’s got it halfway down when the door is thrown open.

You and Zuko blink guiltily into the bright light of the hallway, and you can just make out the horror on Toph and Sokka’s faces.

“I did not think it would work this well.” Toph says, thoughtfully.

Sokka simply looks disgusted at the whole thing, and shudders.

“This room is occupied.” Zuko says, winking at you. He closes the door with a well aimed kick and you all are alone again.

“Hi.” You whisper, smile too wide for your face.

“Hi.” Zuko says. He leans down and kisses you again, a little less hungry than before. He takes his time, really exploring your mouth with his tongue.

You’ve never loved him as much as you do right now, in this tiny closet.

“Zuko.” You say, pulling back from the kiss. “I love you.”

Zuko pulls your face up to look into his eyes.

“I love you too. So much.” He says, and then he kisses you again and again.

“We better go.” You say, almost sadly. “People are going to start missing you.”

“I don’t care.” He growls, nipping at your lips.

“I have a suggestion.” You say, coyly. You stand on your tip toes to whisper in his ear. “Why don’t we make an appearance, and if you’re really good, we’ll sneak away and finish what we started.”

Maybe Zuko hugs his friends and promises to see them tomorrow. Maybe you stay at the party for all of ten minutes. Maybe Zuko all but carries you away. And maybe, for years to come, you and Zuko find yourselves in the habit of getting stuck in tight spaces.

A/n: Wow two in one night! I hope you enjoyed reading this story! I’m going to try to get through as many requests as I can this weekend, so keep an eye out. If you want to request something, please do! My asks and inbox are always open! I hope I tagged everyone who asked, but if I didn’t, please let me know and I’ll add you! As always you can find my work under the tag slythergirlimagines!

Taglist: @galacticamidala @a-random-queer-kid @taeeemin @realimbo @samsmultifandomblogs

@fire1ordzuzu @shortmexicangirl

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dollsome-does-tumblr · 3 years ago

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i finished season three of sex education! some thoughts--

i really liked almost everything about this season. i don’t really mind the abundance of teen relationship strife and breakups, because i feel like that’s in the spirit of the show’s core, which is being at a time in your life when you’re trying to figure all that stuff out. typically most people are just not in the position to be making a lifelong commitment to someone in high school! i feel like what i value more for this particular show is just getting to see the kids be okay and be in a good place figuring themselves out.

i do wish we’d gotten some more definitive emotional resolution with ruby somehow, it felt really weird to have her kinda vanish in the second half of the season. i hope she’s around a lot in season four and maybe gets a new arc! i loved the ruby/otis era A LOT A LOT.

i liked the whole storyline with jackson + viv + cal, i thought it was really emotionally involving and interesting and i liked that viv had a bit of a percy weasley arc but was able to break out of it really easily when she recognized the truth about hope. i also liked, re: cal, how the only time american accents ever sound cool for me is when one person has one on a british show, hahaha.

i was SO SHOCKED when hannah waddingham showed up, i thought for sure she was too busy rebecca weltoning to be able to come back!

i REALLY liked maeve and isaac and was pretty upset they split up, i can’t lie. :’( i know that this is contradicting my first point, but still.

i’m not very into otis and maeve, but i guess they’re a thing, so okay!

ADAM’S DOG SHOW AND HIS MOM AND MS. SANDS BEING SO EXCITED, AAAAAAH. everything about adam is just devastating and wonderful. also, i just realized that “adam” rhymes with “madam” and now i’m extra delighted. the most endearing human + dog team on tv, maybe!

(side note: i love maureen, she’s so lovely! and that maureen + aimee teamup was glorious)

i was really disappointed that adam’s dad didn’t show up for him at all, and it surprised me that they never interacted all season; i guess that’s something to potentially explore next season. alternately, sometimes parents are never in the position where they’re good enough to show up for their kids, which is terrible. :’( i’ve never rewatched this show but i remember him being horribly abusive to adam, and i get the idea of just never being able to get past that, although part of me really hopes they can break the generational cycle of abuse. i am OBSESSED with how uncanny the similarity is between mr. groff and adam, what a fascinating and almost eerie bit of casting.

i really like adam and rahim’s dynamic and i would not necessarily be against them becoming an item, although i also just like them forming an unexpected friendship.

def felt sad about eric and adam splitting up, although technically i do think their relationship has always seemed like one that would not go the distance due to them just wanting different things and being different -- so basically exactly what played out!

i reeeeeeeeeeally don’t want jakob to not be joy’s father; no, please!!!!!! :( haven’t we suffered enough in this department? what if ... that letter ... said something else somehow ............

i was surprised that people seemed upset about maeve leaving for maeve/otis reasons -- i just feel so happy that she’s finally getting to do something she wants to and pursue her academic passions! it felt so great to get to see her leave!

i feel like such a jerk for thinking lily looks so pretty with her normal hair. i want to believe in the space barrettes, and yet!!!!!!!! i definitely found her storyline very relatable as a lifelong nerd who could never quite turn it off to fit in, even though i definitely never went as hard as her, hahaha. i mostly just tortured my friend group by talking nonstop about television shows.

ms. sands and mr. pat from ghosts chaperoning the france trip was a definite season highlight for me, bwahahaha. the CHAOS!

obviously the realism of some of the stuff hope got up to felt kinda shaky (i hope; no pun intended), but i did find the emotional current of that entire storyline really involving. a GREAT antagonist performance.

i do feel like all the kids had to do was go home and tell their parents and their parents would hopefully rain hell down on the school immediately though, right??

i love how openly affectionate eric and otis are with each other, that always gets me in the feels!

lastly, thank you to this season for keeping me absolutely riveted the entire time. there were SO many storylines being juggled and i was hooked on all of them. so excited we’re going to have another season!

#dollsome's deep thoughts #sex education #sex education spoilers

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hawksugarbaby · 4 years ago

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Fatgum x reader- Atlas

Fluff + Greek mythology AU.

You were nothing more than a simple human, roaming the built up world to find something new and interesting, something no one could see but you, a secret for you and the universe to hold together. You needed to find something special is what you thought, taking a break at the atlas mountains in the scorching Morroccon sun. sweat bead down your forehead and your skin was hot to the touch but the adventure and experience, the trials to find something undiscovered was worth the peeling skin on your shoulders being soothed by aloe over and over.

Your persistence to find the unknown secret may have started genuinely, you wanted to find what the universe wanted you too, but eventually it gave you a reason to travel the world. You've travelled to 28 countries in 4 years, beginning at 18 and now you're 22, you skipped uni and college, you made money from ad revenue on youtube since your vlogs became popular, and you were incredible when it came to saving money.

Of course, you were still searching, but now you felt like you had even bigger reasons. Exploring the world, drinking in fountains of culture and knowledge, that was perfection enough. But the secret was missing.

You stood up rolling your neck and started your walk up rocky paths of mud and stone to the sandy houses forming a village and your senses lead you to a vendor, golden couscous with colourful, roasted vegetables mixed through smelled amazing and glasses of fresh mint tea lined up for you to drink while eating couscous at the vendors stall. You requested a glass of the tea, sat down, and drank it too quickly, burning your tongue from the hot water. You sucked in sharply and hummed in pain. "Thank you!" you said paying for the drink and continuing to the mountains past the beige buildings with terracotta tile roofs.

You felt like if you walked between the fingers of the mountain grabbing the earth with their hands you would find something unknown. You walked around the spurs peering into the joining point of each interlocked section but none tugged you in, pulled you towards them with mystery.

Apart from one. The sun was on the opposite side so technically there should have been no light, but it seemed perfectly visible to you? Was it a trick of the light? Possibly an illusion? Either way your heart longed to investigate and so you did. You trudged forward kicking a stone out your way and looked at the joining line. "You have to be something right?" you muttered and put your hand between the drack. You drew a triangle, mimicking the shape the spurs made and as quickly as you could blink, the mountain began to shake, not violently, but it trembled like being coerced into sharing it's deepest secrets.

"Okay... mountains don't usually do that" you say with wide eye's as the seam rips apart and balls of moss and rock tumble into a pile on the floor. Was it a doorway for you? Who knew, you didn;t care, whatever it was you were finding out one way or another.

You stepped into the cavern, dripping stalagmites made your head turn in the direction of every 'plop' into the puddle and your hands brushed against the side of the wall for stability and a sense of surrounding. "These feel like bricks?" you whisper in a questioning tone as your eye's begin to adjust to the dark and you found that you were going aimlessly through a long, triangular corridor. The bricks were a muted clay colour with green moss and algae blanketing them, the grout in the walls was black and viridian unidentifiable as something anyone had ever known of.

The terracotta sparsely began to cut into black white and grey granite eventually forming a whole wall as if the bricks had never been there to begin with. The marble was just as unkempt and ruined as the bricks but the walls got wider, further and further away from each other until they opened into a wide, white cavern, glowing and inhumanely clean. In the middle was a statue of a hulking man, holding the sky. He wore no shirt and had a pair of orange shorts on and black sandals, sandals that looked real and hyper-realistic looking shorts that flowed with the draft and skin you could see the detail of every pore in. hold on... fabric made of marble should not flow in the wind and should not be such an even orange no matter how much paint.

You slowly looked up, the chest rising and falling with a huffing breath it had to take, the hands trembled and the lips quivered. The hairs on his leg and arm stuck up with the chill of the wind and his elbows dropped slightly making the sky move. Finally, you dared look at the eye's of the giant, who was looking back at you confused as a bee trying to escape through a shut window. Mustard yellow eye's with sunken bag's looked right back at you and you backed up letting out a girlish scream.

"Hey hey wait!!" he shouted, wishing he could reach out and shake your hand or reach after you to emphasise that he wanted you to stay. "Please! Please don't go. I don't have anyone to talk to, I promise I won't hurt you!" he begged, glancing at your figure backing up and starfishing against a wall like it would absorb you and push you out the other side. "Y-you you're talking! And moving! But you, you're a statue?" you shook your hands in front of you and he laughed lightly. "I'm not a statue, I'm a titan. I'm just a big God to be honest, big God doing his job" he nodded his head at his rhyming ability and you slid down the wall grazing your burnt back. "Don't do that you'll hurt yourself" he said.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself then blew out, another deep breath and blew out, another deep breath then blew out. "Okay. so... what you're like atlas or something? He was... he was a titan right and he just held up the universe forever and that looks like something important like the universe" you pointed at the sphere on his back constantly shifting and changing colours and he made a whiney voice at the back of his throat. "Sorta? I'm Taishiro, nice to meet you" he greeted with a nod and you nodded back glancing again at the exit.

Could you trust him?

One look from him and it wasn't hard to tell he was overjoyed to finally talk to someone so you stood in front of him with your hands on your hips so he could see you while he was looking down. "Should I know who taishiro is, not to sound rude but everyone's heard of atlas, who is taishiro?" you asked biting a nail and the titan nodded understandably, fair enough, you would ask valid questions.

"so like, zeus wanted to do something cool and like "oh look i'm redeemable" se he basically said hey all the titans weren't so bad and just did what dad told them to so they all got freed or whatever but someone still has to hold the sky so they gave me the job" he said in one breath which was impressive to you but he wasn't finished. "which is okay, I don't mind it here but it's boring and lonely and my arms have cramp and God I miss food. And like they just made me a titan, they just chose me off the street after work and were like yo we need a new titan and I thought, hey y'know what i'm a hero, i'd be doing good for the world but i'm bored and hungry" he finished his ramble and you giggled.

You opened a packet of pistachios and a muffin and looked at him. "Can I climb you?" you asked gripping the pistachios in your teeth and pulling the muffin in a travel cup that clipped to your belt. "Sure! Not like you're very heavy to me" he joked and you laughed quietly grabbing the threads of his sandals and pulling yourself up like a climbing wall. "Oh you're so small. It tickles" he laughed. Resisting the urge to twitch and jerk you off his leg. You climbed quickly like the ropes in gym class then when you got to the shorts you pulled yourself up until you rested on his knee, flat as a table.

"Uhh, I think this should be good" you nod and balance cautiously to sit down pulling out the muffin and tapping his knee. "Hey open your mouth" you ask and he does so without question. You throw the muffin like a shot put and he grins, savouring the sweet, chocolatey taste "sorry their human sized" you sigh and shuck the pistachios for yourself, chewing on the green nuts with hundreds of questions buzzing in your head.

"So you were a hero?" you question flicking the pistachio shell into the bowl below you where taishiro's feet stood rooted to the ground. "Mhm. BMI hero: fat gum. I was like 46th, the world thinks I retired, that's what I told them but to me i'm still being a hero" he explained and you hummed agreeingly. "It's pretty hero like to give up everything to hold the weight of the world" you smile up at him and he blushes lightly. "Aw, you sound like one of my old interns. I miss it sometimes though, and I miss talking to people so much, it gets lonely here" a breeze flew past you and he shivered, but didn't lose an ounce of balance on the sphere, it was firmly rooted above him, it could have been suspended for all you knew. "Yeah, I bet, especially since being a hero is a pretty team focused job right?"

He smiled sadly and looked up at the tiny exit. He couldn't fit through doors like that anymore, he was the height of the eiffel tower and with one step he'd crack open the crust of the earth. "Yeah. you sound like you know what your talking about" you smiled tucking your hair behind your ear and shrugged "I do. I went to shiketsu to be a hero but when I left I was like... nah, that ain't my purpose. I wanted to like, find a secret the universe had that no one else knew about so i've been travelling for 4 years and I guess you were the secret right?" you thearised and he agreed happily. "It's cool knowing the universe wanted you to find me!" "heck yeah it is!"

You stayed with taishiro for a few days before having to leave and you had never felt so sad before. It was finally over, you didn't have a reason to travel anymore, you found the secret and had solidified a friendship with him but now you were leaving? Despite the snacks and drinks and stories shared about what you'd seen. You felt guilty leaving him again but he looked overjoyed. "I'll visit soon okay!" you shouted and he nodded "I'll see ya around. Say hey to little red riot for me, and suneater!" he instructed and you saluted exiting the cavern back into the dank corridor.

You kept your eyes trained on the ground until you left the mountain. A shimmering rainbow was directly in front of you and you swiped your hand through it like a cloud of smoke you tried re-directing.

The rainbow fizzled and formed into a human with long white hair and pasty skin, a long sundress with rainbow accents and black eye's. "Hi, (y/n) (y/ln) am I right? Oh I know i'm right don't worry, i'm iris Goddess of the rainbow and a messenger for the Gods of sorts. See I'm here to offer you a fast pass from wherever you are to right here in Morocco, next to our dear friend Tai whenever you please" she said with a smile, arm around your shoulder and walking away from the entrance like a car salesman.

You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow interested but cautious. "What will it cost me?" you ask bluntly and she laughed, slapping your back lightly. "Your hilarious kid. No it costs you nothing more than a prayer or 2 to me and my dear friend Hermes, see he's the God of travel, he's my partner in this see, and what we'll do is just zip you over here faster than you can think!" she exclaimed. You nodded and thought. A free service from 2 Gods? Were they typically that kind? No not really so...

"Oh I see. Zeus wants a fuck doesn't he" you jeered and the sky's went pale grey, like the colour your skin would go if you;d seen a ghost. Iris choked and looked up. "Um... the God of the sky does take an interest in you, yes." you rolled your eyes and stuck your tongue out at the sky. "Keep it in your pants buddy! I want the fast pass for free or I tell yo wife!!" you bargained, though it was hardly a haggle as the king God, terrified of his wifes wrath, told irish to just give you it for free.

"Thank you! I'll be sure to think of you when I see rainbows from now on, maybe we can have a chat! Oh oh or come see me and Tai some time, he says he gets lonely, you should visit him!" you grinned with a wave and said your address, being transported immediately like cargo from morocco to your home.

You crashed into your bed and huffed grabbing your limbs to make sure you were completely there. "DOES THIS WORK WITH OTHER COUNTRIES!" you shouted to no one in particular, your voice cracking while you spoke and then collapsed into bed, falling into a deep slumber.

A/n: Not gonna lie I really dont like thos chapter. It feels rushed and boring, I think I'll revisit it at somepoint. If you have any feedback feel free to comment!

#bnha #mha fanfiction #my hero academia #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #wattpad #mha #boku no hero fanfic #fatgum x reader #fatgum #taishiro x reader #taishiro toyomitsu

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perspectivestarters · 3 years ago

Text

Perspective's Sentence Starters; Red (Taylor's Version) (Part II)

"It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters and make fun of our exes."

"It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight."

"We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time."

"It's miserable and magical."

"Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines."

"I don't know about you, but I'm feelin' twenty-two."

"Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you."

"You don't know about me, but I'll bet you want to."

"Everything will bе alright if we just keep dancin' like we'rе twenty-two."

"It seems like one of those nights."

"Who's (name) anyway? Ew."

"Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks."

"It feels like one of those nights we won't be sleepin'."

"You look like bad news."

"I gotta have you."

I ALMOST DO

"I bet this time of night, you're still up."

"I bet you're tired from a long hard week."

"I bet you're sittin' in your chair by the window looking out at the city."

"I bet sometimes you wonder 'bout me."

"It takes everything in me not to call you."

"I wish I could run to you."

"Every time I don't, I almost do."

"I bet you think I either moved on or hate you."

"Each time you reach out, there's no reply."

"I bet it never, ever occurred to you."

"I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye."

"We made quite a mess, babe."

"It's probably better off this way."

"In my dreams, you're touching my face."

"I wanna try again with you."

"I almost do."

"I hope sometimes you wonder 'bout me."

WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER

"I remember when we broke up the first time."

"This is it, I've had enough."

"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me."

"Remember how that lasted for a day?"

"We called it off again last night."

"We are never, ever, ever getting back together."

"You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me."

"I'm really gonna miss you picking fights."

"You would hide away and find your peace of mind."

"Some indie record that's much cooler than mine."

"(Name) called me up again tonight."

"I used to think that we were forever."

"Ugh, so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you"."

"I just, I mean, this is exhausting, you know?"

STAY STAY STAY

"I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night."

"But you stayed."

"We should talk about it."

"I read you should never leave a fight unresolved."

"Stay, stay, stay."

"I've been loving you for quite some time."

"You think that it's funny when I'm mad."

"I think that it's best if we both stay."

"Before you, I'd only dated self-indulgent takers who took all of their problems out on me."

"You have given me no choice but to stay."

"You took the time to memorize me."

"I just like hanging out with you, all the time."

"I'd like to hang out with you, for my whole life."

"Stay, and I'll be loving you for quite some time."

"No one else is gonna love me when I get mad."

"That's so fun!"

THE LAST TIME

"I’m not sure how I got there."

"All roads they lead me here."

"You open your eyes into mine, and everything feels better."

"Right before your eyes, I'm breaking."

"Just you and me."

"This is the last time I'm asking you this."

"Put my name at the top of your list."

"This is the last time I'm asking you why."

"I was there to watch you leave."

"All the times I let you in, just for you to go again."

"Everything is better."

"Nowhere to hide."

"This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong."

"It's been you all along."

"This is the last time I let you in my door."

"I won't hurt you anymore."

HOLY GROUND

"I was reminiscing just the other day."

"You fit my poems like a perfect rhyme."

"You skip the conversation when you already know."

"I left a note on the door with a joke we'd made."

"That was the first day."

"Darling, it was good."

"Right there where we stood was holy ground."

"I need you."

"For thе first time I had something to lose."

"I guess we fell apart in the usual way."

"The story's got dust on every page."

"Sometimes I wonder how you think about it now."

"I see your face in every crowd."

"Tonight, I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through."

"I don't want to dance if I'm not dancing with you."

SAD BEAUTIFUL TRAGIC

"Long handwritten notes, deep in your pocket."

"You're a little too late."

"I stood right by the tracks, your face in a locket."

"We had a beautiful magic love there."

"What a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair."

"In dreams, I meet you in warm conversation."

"We both wake in lonely beds, different cities."

"Time is taking its sweet time erasing you."

"You've got your demons and darling, they all look like me."

"Kiss me, try to fix it."

"Could you just try to listen?"

"For the life of us we can't get back."

#rp sentence starters #rp sentence meme #rp sentence prompts #sentence starters #sentence meme #sentence prompts #lyric sentence starters #lyric starters #music starters #rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #*mystarters #*red

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sasa-gay-yo · 4 years ago

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Just Us (Chapter Twelve: Sleep)

←Chapter Eleven

“You know, you don’t always have to come down here. You can stay upstairs.” I set the refilled teacup of the table looking down at the book he’d taken from my bookcase upstairs. It was a fairytale book Mr. Flynn had bought me when I was fourteen, so it couldn’t have been interesting enough for him to reread. He just flipped the page and picked up the teacup in the way he always does and I sat down in the chair next to him, prolonging the closing cleaning process.

A cold rain washed over Trost today and that made it easy for customers to drag in tons of mud. I’d taken time to clean it at noon, because Levi told me too, but now it was raining again and the last of the customers didn’t stop to wipe their feet on the entry rug. It would take me forever to scrub the dried mud off the floors; probably until after my regularly scheduled dinner time.

“If I don’t come, you won’t ever clean.” I rolled my eyes at him and reached down to take a sip of his tea. Today, I added a little less honey.

“I do clean, just apparently not to your standard. I receive full marks on inspection days.” He took the cup directly from my hand and had another sip. The first day he was here, he told me that the backroom was infested with the plague because he saw a single fly and always made me go back and get something while he worked on kneading tomorrow’s fresh bread.

I stood up and grabbed a wash rag, aiming to get all the tables and chairs done in a swift thirty minutes before dragging the mop out of the back room. Levi grabbed my hand lightly when I turned away and I looked back over my shoulder. He had put down the book and his cup, going to stand up.

“I’ll help you. To make it faster.” He took the wash rag from my hand and turned right away to wash the table he’d been sitting at. I smiled at him leaning against another table to watch him. He fit well with the café. It made me think about the future. It was embarrassing to even think about a future in this world, but when I did, it was always Levi behind the counter helping me serve pastries and coffee, no titans or Scouts in sight. Those thoughts had increased over the past three days he’d been here, helping me knead and portion dough every morning after he’d wake me up. It was a slice of domestic bliss combined with us trying to get at each other with words, me, or a body, him.

Over the last few days with him, I realized what might be his issue. While saying and expressing emotion was hard for him, being too personal and intimate, he didn’t have a problem expressing his physical self. Most of the time, physical meant teasing me with his body or a way he held me. Still, every time I would say something suggestive or comment on how cute he looked with a white bandana holding back his hair, he would become a stuttering mess.

I didn’t want him to confirm it, but it had to be because of what happened in the Underground. He could never be intimate with anyone, never showing his true emotions, but he probably and easily had gotten into physical relationships with others. If that was true, he was more accustomed to using his body to arouse reactions from others then telling them what he was actually thinking or feeling. I’d have to ask him some time, but every time he would do something physical towards me, brush the small of my back when he went behind the counter or come out of the bathroom shirtless, I was too flustered to do anything. Then when it came to actually kissing me (which he hadn’t done yet), being emotionally open, or sleeping in my bed (again, hasn’t done yet), he would shy away because of how intimate it was. It scared him to be open, even with me. I’d have to help him.

“Levi, what do you think about running the shop with me? In the future when there’s no more titans.” He stopped cleaning the tables, freezing up. I should’ve known better than asking him something like this again.

Just staring down at his hands he answered, his voice tough, “Don’t talk about the future right now.” I was taken aback by his tone, but decided not to push him. Perhaps that was another thing that scared him to talk about. I’d have to romanticize myself.

Late in the night, when he was reading another one of my books and I was counting out expenses, I was bold enough to ask again.

“Why can’t we talk about the future?” I saw the same reaction. He froze up, looking at me over the book with a harsh gaze. It also made me shrug away from him.

“I’ll hate myself when it doesn’t happen.” Again, short and terse. This happened a day or two ago too. I asked him about the plans the Scouts had made for next year, thinking if I could plan out when I’d see him next or not. He froze then too, telling me that he didn’t know and there ended that conversation. It made me question what was going on with the Scouts or within Levi. If it was some form of emotional turmoil, if I wasn’t the one getting him to talk, it would just be left up in the air.

“Do you want to sleep with me tonight?” Again he glanced over the book, but you could see that he was back to his flustered self.

“Maybe word it better, Eva?” You smirked at him, leaning back on the couch. The tense aura of a few seconds ago faded away. That’s why you weren’t that worried about it currently. He would snap once or twice throughout the day, but everything else was normal.

“Why? We’ve been dating for almost a year. We could do both.” Again, it was so easy for me to say stuff like this, but my heart was still racing. Every time I asked, I was just waiting for the day he said yes.

“I haven’t seen you in six months.” I laid down on the couch, looking over at him and he pushed the book up all the way so I couldn’t see his face. I huffed and rolled to look at the ceiling.

“Shouldn’t that be more reason to?” He just shrugged and I closed my eyes, trying to think of something else to talk about. I made him explain everything in our letters and about the work that Erwin had him doing. Besides the obvious confidential stuff, he was just training new cadets and attending meetings about January’s big expedition. When I pushed him about why it was so big, he wouldn’t tell me. It had to involve something important if Levi, Erwin, and Hange all mentioned it.

“Levi, let’s take a walk.” He grunted ‘no’ from behind the book and I turned to look at him again. How long could he just read books and sit here? How many books has he read since he’s been here? It seems like the only thing he wanted to do was finish my bookshelf and terrorize me with his abs for thirty minutes out of the day.

“Why noooooooot?” I sat up again on the couch so that you could see his face over the book. Only his eyes shifted to look at me, a neutral expression painting his face. He didn’t see a need for a walk, so he wasn’t going to go on one. I was going to force him.

“It’s cold.”

“But you can wear a coat! I can lend you a sweater, we’re the same size. Please? It’s something to do,” I begged, putting my hands together so he saw how much I wanted to go on a walk. I stayed in that position for a minute, hoping he would agree because I looked ridiculous like that. When he sighed and put the book down, I smiled, knowing that I won. He saw my smile too, pulling an annoyed face.

“Give me a sweater. And we’re not the same size.” I hopped up, running to my room to grab one and pull another one over me. It was incredibly cold outside and I knew that I was going to freeze, but at least I was doing something with Levi. It was better than sitting inside and staring at him all night.

“If you complain that you’re cold, we’re coming back right away.” He wrapped a green scarf around his neck and I wished I had one like that, pulling only my coat’s hood to cover my ears. Yet, I bounced down the stairs, staring up at him from the bottom as he took his normal pace. It made me giddy inside, going on my first night walk with him. This was something that I would do often, even in the Underground. When I’d came to Mr. Flynn, he still couldn’t get me to stop. I would sneak out and walk around Trost at one in the morning, just letting the time pass by. It was near two now.

Jonas used to walk with me sometimes. When he’d stay at my house, I’d force him up for a walk and would have to hold him up as we walked. Now, I guess it was Levi who was entrapped in my tradition. At least he rarely slept. It would wake me up sometimes, not getting used to his presence in the house. A door opening, a candle lit in the bathroom, or the sound of a teapot hitting the metal of the sink would rouse me at four or five, only to realize it was Levi. I wondered how many books of mine he read at night when I was sleeping.

“The streets are so empty now. Normally, there are people coming in and out of bars still.” He just walked next to me, hands in his pockets. I was the leader, taking him down the main road, having no rhyme or reason in your direction. Wherever I would end up, I’d probably been there before and were able to walk back home.

“Do you always walk at this time?” He raised an eyebrow at me, and I smiled knowing why he was asking that question. I knew if I answered, he’d reprimand me for walking alone at night.

“Not always. I haven’t since Wall Maria fell. It’s just a way to clear my mind.”

“I’m sure this cold would freeze anyone’s brain, yes.” He brought his hands up to his mouth, blowing hot air on them. I did the same as my pockets weren’t really helping in keeping the cold away.

“It’s nice in the summertime, but I do prefer colder nights. That’s how it was when I was younger.” We both turned a corner, now at Trost’s city center. The lanterns were on their last bit of oil for the night, so everything was dark except for the moonlight. It was pretty, but it would be better if the courtyard was taken better care of. After Maria, no one cared for pretty things. The titans would eat us, trimmed flower beds or not. One nice thing to look at was Levi and the way the moonlight reflected off of his hair and skin. Funny how he was the brightest at night.

“Hange once told me that people stay awake late at night because they’re unable to control the day. One doesn’t have to worry about others if they’re the only one up, so they stay up to relish in it.”

“Is that why you stay up so late?” He laughed lowly, shoving his hands back in his pockets as we exited the courtyard and went back to only having the light of the oil lamps lining the street. He went back to being dull.

“Perhaps. It’s not the only reason. I’m asking you if that’s why you go on these walks. You’re able to experience the world you live in without all the annoying ramblings of people.” I looked up at the sky, thinking about why I took these walks. It really wasn’t any philosophical reason like he was mocking it up to be. Whenever I took walks in the Underground, I never got to be away from people, so that probably wasn’t why.

“I… I don’t know why I walk. It seems to be relaxing. Maybe since I spend the day inside a room with people coming in and out, it’s better to end the night out here. I can think clearly without someone asking me for a refill. Besides, I don’t stay up late compared to you. After I get home, I’m going to bed. What will you be doing?” I shivered as a cold wind blew down the alleyway and I saw the way he glanced over at me, waiting for me to complain. I made sure to pull my coat tighter around me, but keep my mouth shut. He would turn back just because he wanted to spite me.

Surprisingly, he lifted his scarf off his head, and shoved it over mine, pulling it tight. He mumbled something about not getting sick under his breath, and I smiled, pulling the scarf above my nose. It was warm, and so were my cheeks after that small display of care. Even if he messed up my hair, it was worth it. I was warm and got to smell him as I walked.

“I usually sleep for an hour and then read a book or think out some maneuvers Erwin has suggested. The small chalkboard you have in the one room is quite convenient. You don’t seem to use that room at all, so I put some of my papers in it. I hope you don’t mind.” Something about Levi setting up shop in my study made me feel warm too. He was making a permanent place in my house. That had to mean something right? If he left his papers there, then he would have to keep coming back to get them. If he needed to work away from the HQ, away from the cadet’s or Hange’s interruptions, he had a place here. I wonder if he realized that yet or if he was subconsciously making permanence.

“That was the boy’s old room and Mr. Flynn’s office. The desk and books are all his, but he bought the chalkboard for Ben a long time ago. I only use the desk sometimes when I’m writing letters to a certain someone.” He took his hands out of his pockets to blow on them again, probably hiding the blush my words caused him.

“Imagine someone looking down and seeing Captain Levi of the Survey Corps blushing.” He threw me a glare and lowered his hands to his sides.

“The only reason I agreed to this walk is because it’s late at night. Don’t think I’ll walk with you during the daytime like this.” You pouted up to him, but it seemed to have no affect. You looked down at his hands, hanging by his side. The vow you made instantly popped in your head as you wanted to reach down and hold his hand. If he was being generous now, then maybe he would let me. I mean, this whole week he’s been nothing but physically suggestive, so if he shies away from holding my hand, I could use that to tease him back. He also gave me the scarf, so I could make something up about my hands being cold. Is holding hands too intimate for the Captain? And it wasn’t like holding him either, it was just hands. Why was I obsessing over this, I’ve held many peoples hands before? But he probably hasn’t.

I decided to go for it.

I got closer to his side so our shoulders were brushing. When he didn’t move or react, that pushed me even more to reach down and grab his hand. I entwined our fingers quickly and his grip tightened to an almost, intolerable tightness. He even stopped walking to hold up our entwined hands to eye level.

“W-what are you doing?” Still, he didn’t pull away from me. That was my fuel.

“I’m holding my boyfriend’s hand at night since I can’t do it during the day. Do you not want to?”

“I-I...uh - um.” He dropped our hands down, turning so I had no direct view to his face. My smile widened as his grip loosened and I faced no resistance.

“Come on,” I pulled him a bit and he started walking again, his face still looking everywhere but at mine. His hand was warm, slim with long fingers that almost covered the complete back of my hand. They were rough too. I could feel the callouses from years and years of wielding knives and the ODM gear swords. It was a weird juxtaposition to my hands that were rough only because of physical ailment and making bread almost everyday. They were softer though, Levi having given me another refill of balm from the capital.

Levi cleared his throat, “I think boyfriend is a bit… childish? I’m thirty.” I snickered, thinking back to our time on the meadow inside Wall Rose. It also made me replay the dream I once had, but I pushed that away. I would have that dream probably once a month, or other variations. Levi is eaten by a titan, Levi is taken away by the Royal Government, so on and so forth. I didn’t know why it kept replaying, but I would wake up in a cold sweat and bile rising to my throat. Since Levi was here, however, I haven’t had it yet.

“We’ve talked about this. Once you give me a better alternative, then I’ll agree. Domestic partner is way too formal, and you’re not calling me your Comrade in Arms either. I think ‘my boyfriend’ is just fine. What do you call me with Erwin and Hange?” He just shrugged.

“Your name. What else would you like? Hange likes to talk about you quite a bit, so I’ll have time to use it.” That made me a bit happy. Levi would talk about me during his normal day, or, rather, he’d probably listen to Hange say things and only answer them in his head. At least he would think about me.

“Do I get a special title since I’m dating you now? Co-Captain? Co-Captain Flynn. That has a nice ring.” Levi huffed once, but I sensed it was him trying to hide a laugh. I was bouncing around him like a child, hands still connected. His face seemed amused at least and I could tell once he saw my smile, he softened up more.

“No, you can’t be Co-Captain. What do you know about the military? You’re not even at cadet ranking.”

“Fly on wires, have big knives, hit titan’s neck.” This time he couldn’t hide his smile as he shook his head, looking down again at our hands.

“It takes the average cadet two years to become proficient with their ODM gear. Even more to master it. You make it sound much easier than it is. Do you want to try ODM gear?” I shook my free hand around wildly, making a face.

“I’m fine on the ground.”

“I could take you into the trees. You could just hold onto me while I flew around.” I shook my head this time and he sighed. It seemed at that point he just wanted to show off to me instead of actually teach. It was cute, but I was never going to get off the ground on that death machine, even if it meant I got to latch onto him.

“I heard that the ODM gear is really heavy. You probably won’t be able to lift me and it.” It was his turn to shake his head at me.

“You’re easily lighter than it. Combined it’s about fifty six kilograms.” My eyes probably were probably the size of the moon and it made me stop walking.

“You mean you did all those flips and stuff with that on?!” He smirked at me, nodding, pulling on my hand to keep walking. This made me blush a little, but I followed, realizing I led us on the way back home. It was probably a few more minutes till we reached the bakery.

“That’s why your shoulders are so broad! You have to carry that around all day.” I could hear his breath catch in his throat. So much for being bold and pulling me along with him.

“Complimenting me won’t get me in your bed, Eva.” I mimicked his voice and turned my face away from him.

“Just take the compliment, hm.” I would’ve crossed my arms if my hand wasn’t in his, but I wasn’t going to unclasp them because then he probably wouldn’t let me hold his hand again. We walked for a bit more in silence as I tried to keep up my act, but I was quickly getting annoyed. Levi was fine if I didn’t talk to him, and ignoring him didn’t do anything.

“Why are you so adamant that I sleep in your bed? I don’t even sleep, it would be annoying for you to wake up when I get up. I know you already wake up because of the noise I make.” I was shocked that he asked me that. It sounded like something he would just keep in his head and try to answer it. It made me feel a bit better that he was making an effort to understand. I could tell by the tone of his voice it was a serious question.

“It’s just nice to fall asleep having someone next to you. Sometimes you can cuddle too, but I don’t think you’d do that, and who knows, maybe when you sleep with me you won’t wake up. I have a calming effect on you, remember?” I was referring to all the times he’s laid his head on my lap. While we haven’t had such close contact like the night before he left, he still would lay his head in my lap to read a book or look over some papers. At first, it would shock me when he initiated, but it also made my heart burst. Soon, even if it was only over the last three days, it became common practice. I would sit down on the couch after dinner or coming back from the bakery if I had nothing to attend to and he would come to lay his head down on my lap, and sometimes he would read the book out loud or ask me for my opinion.

“Have you done it with other people?” Oh. His tone changed when he asked that question. Or maybe he was gauging how comfortable it would be for me.

“Yes, I have.”

“Jonas?” Hearing his name out of Levi’s mouth hurt a bit. It hadn’t even been a week since we fought, and I haven’t seen him since. He’d sent another delivery driver and since there was no festival, there was no way to see him. I asked Ben in passing, but he just shrugged. After he came home from the bakery, Jonas was gone. He does not meddle in his kids' lives enough to keep tabs on them. I sighed before answering.

“Yes, with him. It’s just sleeping though.” He grunted and I noticed he gripped my hand a little tighter.

“Did it happen when I was gone?” Was he… jealous? This was new.

“Yes, it did. I had… Well, I have nightmares sometimes. Don’t worry though, after we started dating, I’d kick him out after he calmed me down. Even when we were little, he would sleep next to me so I wouldn’t wake up scared and alone. It just turned into a habit.” I scratched the back of my head, seeing his point of view as well as Jonas’s. That was another thing I should’ve stopped when I found out he liked me, but I was selfish and needed the emotional support sometimes.

“You haven’t had a nightmare since I’ve been here. I would know.” I could see the bakery up ahead of me, the sign blowing in the wind.

“You’re right, I haven’t.” He nodded.

“If I hear you having a nightmare, I’ll sleep with you then.” I hummed in agreement, knowing that even that was a hard decision for him to make. Finally reaching the stairs, I went up one before Levi pulled me to stop. He just stood at the edge of the stairs, staring up at me while holding on to my hand.

“I apologize for not knowing how to do any of this.” My eyes softened down at him and turned to face him straight on.

“Don’t apologize. I know you haven’t ever had feelings like this before. It makes sense that you don’t know how to interpret them or interpret mine.” He shook his head slowly.

“No, it’s not an excuse. I should learn, I just… I just don’t know about certain things.” I put my hand on his cheek, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Thank you for sharing this emotion with me, though. That’s all I ask for. Don’t hide things you don’t need to from me.” He grumbled, shifting down to look at the stairs. There was no blush, but I could tell what I said had an effect. There was something he wanted to tell me, but he was still uncomfortable saying it outloud. I wondered who made him this way in the Underground. I was the same way when Mr. Flynn found me, but he made me find happiness. He let me trust humans again. I would have to do the same to Levi.

“The reason… well, one of the reasons.” He gripped my hand harder, gritting his teeth. It hurt me to see this physically hurt him.

“You don’t need to explain it to me, Levi. If it’s too hard to-” He took one step up on the same stair as me, making sure he was close as he could be. He took my other hand too, closing his eyes and clenching his jaw.

“I owe you an explanation. Even if I feel so weak telling you things like this, I need to tell you. I promised to tell you.” His eyes opened and the emotion was back again. The one when I gave him the tea set and when I held him that night on the couch. My heart sped up as the atmosphere around us morphed into a cloud of that emotion.

“When I slept in other’s beds, it was only to leave before they could wake up. The few that I’ve ever been in, it was only for a fast physical relief. So when you invite me to sleep in your bed, I think only of those moments. I only think of that connotation. When you ask me to sleep with you, I can only picture the end result of a regretful night in the Underground. I don’t want that with you. I respect you more and I actually feel something for you. I can’t just be so casually physical with you, it holds more weight now. Even when saying that, I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to not be casually physical with you when that’s all I know. So I’m cautious. I stop myself from doing certain things because I feel I’ll end up with the same result from not knowing better. I beat myself up inside after I do things like that because I don’t want to do that to you.” Those words almost took my breath away. No man I’ve been with has given me such consideration. Has put such value on me. It was like I had previously thought. The only way he knows how to express is physically, so when the line blurs, he doesn’t know what to do.

“Is that why you haven’t kissed me back yet?” This time he did flush a bit, turning his head to the side. Yet, he kept on being vulnerable which made me want to take him in my arms and thank him. I knew how hard this all was for him, but at the same time, I didn’t. How many years has he gone without meaningful interaction with someone else?

“Yes, it is. I’ve never - it’s never been emotionally charged for me. I’m scared that if I kiss you, it will turn out like the rest. I’ve never been kissed the way you kissed me in the café. What if I can’t do it?” I could see true worry in his eyes. He was like a child in front of me, deflating at each word. He was afraid of failing. Afraid of losing. That’s why he would always ask me before he did something. He was afraid of doing something wrong and resulting in the same harsh end he’s faced over and over again. I gripped his hands, moving my head so I could see his face completely. He wanted to hide from me, but I wasn’t going to let him.

“This isn’t going to be like before, Levi. This isn’t the Underground. You’re here with me, someone who’s stuck with you for almost a whole year. I’m not like the others you’ve been with either. You know that. And you’re - you’re not like them, Levi. You’ve held me. You’ve shown me emotion. You’ve been vulnerable with me. This happened to me too. It took me so long to realize that people up here weren’t going to hurt me like they do down there. People love up here. People want to live up here. People won’t leave you here. I won’t leave you like they have.” He grabbed me into a hug, this time without asking. It was how his body was manifesting whatever emotion I was making him feel. Maybe he did this to make me stop talking, who knows. He buried his face in my neck, one hand in my hair, the other still holding my hand.

“You’re not like them either,” he whispered into my neck, “You’re nothing like them. But one day, I might leave you forever.” I knew what he meant. One day, he might die and I’ll be alone. Still, I stand by what I told Erwin. He isn’t going to die. He’s Levi.

“I told you, don’t care.” He stood up, his hands staying where they were. His eyes were wide still, probably at the tone I gave him. I’ve had to tell him at least ten different times that I didn’t care about the possibility of him dying because I knew he wouldn’t. When I told him then, it was a bit harsh, but it’s what he needed to hear. I don’t care if there’s that possibility, I’m going to choose to live without fear. I tried to make sure he saw that in my eyes.

“The titans might come into Trost, and I’ll die. What then?” He gripped me harder shaking his head.

“No, I’ll save you before then. You’ll be the first one I save if that happens.” I huffed once in laughter, just lightly. I knew he was being serious and speaking the truth. If Trost somehow was breached by titans, he would knock down that door and take me up with him. That thought was at least a little comforting.

“I’ll save you, too. Somehow.” He leaned forward, looking up at my eyes as he did. His grip was still hard on my hand and in my hair so I wouldn’t move away. There was no chance of me moving away from him.

“I’m going to kiss you.” His breath wafted over my lips and I didn’t say anything. I just nodded to him, tilting my head the other way to give him some form of consent. He still couldn’t shake the habit of telling me, but I’d let it go for now.

When his lips locked with mine, finally on their own accord, I melted my body forward with his, trying to get as close as possible. The cold air around us seemed nonexistent as we both heated up in the cold. It started as one kiss, then another, then another. His lips were soft and he still tasted like the mint tea he was sipping on before I forced him to take a walk.

My stomach was twisting, I couldn’t think straight, and I had to stop myself from going on my tiptoes with the amount of passion he had put in the kiss. He was so worried about not being about to put in emotion after years of blanks, but here he was, kissing the life out of me. He was the one who would initiate another kiss and then another, pulling me close to his body feeling every curve. He was trying to show me all the emotion I’d given him. It was mind-numbing to think he was holding back this much. I was trying to follow him, not trying to get caught up and even more out of breath, but with no avail. No one had made me feel this way while their lips were on mine. How did I go through life never having kissed Levi? I didn’t want it to end, and I lifted my other hand up to his cheek, holding him there.

When my tongue glanced over his bottom lip, he lost his balance at that action, falling back and catching both of us with one hand on the stair railing. He pulled back and I was lightheaded, trying to catch my breath. He did the same, now not being able to look me in the eyes while his shoulders moved up and down in time with his deep breaths. They were almost gasps. We both had to catch our breath, the cold air coming back to fill our burning lungs. How badly did I want to reach down and do that again? It was going to be so addicting kissing him. Kissing him. I just kissed him. No, he just kissed me. Maybe nine or ten times. Each with blazing emotion that was still making me unable to speak. Just him kissing me was enough to make me dumb. It was dangerous to think about what he could do that would completely ruin me. I would welcome it so easily after experiencing this. It was just the tip of the iceberg.

“I-” I stopped him from saying anything. Was he going to apologize? Say something more self-degrading. I didn’t know and I didn’t care.

“I know, Levi,” I said, sounding almost breathless. Whatever it was, I seemed to satisfy it and he gripped my hand harder.

“L-let’s go up.”

“Goodnight then, yeah?” I stared at him from my doorway as he put the book down on his stomach to look back at me. This had to be the twentieth book he’d read while he was here. Soon, I’d have to buy him more because he’d have read every single one in my bookshelf.

“It’s so early for you to sleep though. The past week you went to bed always after three.” I rolled my eyes as him. He was the reason for that and he knew it. He was probably upset that I was sleeping this early, but I was tired.

“Well, last week someone learned how to kiss with their tongue and wanted to perfect the technique till three each night,” His face went beat red, and he stuttered again, picking up the book to read it so he didn’t have to respond, “Mhm, that’s what I thought.”

“Go to bed.” I crossed your arms over my chest looking at my empty bed.

“Not going to join me?” He scoffed, always being annoyed that I asked him. I’d always pull away from his lips, leaving him annoyed because he “wasn’t done practicing yet” and ask that question. He was probably tired of hearing it even though he made his intentions clear. Only if I need it because of a nightmare; those were his rules. But, with him here, I knew I would never have a nightmare.

“Dream about something scary and I will.” I pouted, but he refused to look at me, knowing I’d say something to further incriminate his actions over the past week. Once he kissed me, it seemed to open a floodgate of need. We’d do the same routine as before, I’d come back from making tomorrow’s loaves, he’d find a book and lay his head on my lap, but then suddenly he’d be pushing me against the couch, one hand next to my head and the other holding my cheek exploring some new technique I’d told him off hand. It was comically methodic, matching the same energy as practicing titan maneuvers. Maybe that’s how he built the courage for himself to do it, aligning it to a common day occurrence. Hey, practice makes perfect, and he was a perfectionist. I didn’t complain.

Yet, he never did anything but kiss me. He’d pull back once he was done practicing or if he decided it was getting too far, ask for a review, make a game plan for tomorrow, and then see it was pretty much the time I’d go to bed. It would make me laugh every time. Tonight was the night before year-end, so I had orders upon orders to fill and no time for Levi to get in some practice. That’s why he commented on how early it was for me to sleep, but he’d have to deal with it. Imagine if anyone saw him like this, he’d be mortified. It made me smug that he was like this just for me.

I turned around to go to bed, making sure the door was cracked only a little bit.

“Goodnight Eva,” he mumbled behind the door and I smiled before getting into bed. Tomorrow was going to be a very long day, but at least I had a guaranteed stress relieving session after… even if it left me with some pent up energy… and even if he was leaving in another day or two. I closed my eyes not thinking about it, falling asleep to Levi turning the pages of his book every so often.

Yet, my sound sleep was interrupted sometime later. I didn’t know what time it was, but I did know that all the candles and lamps in your house were off. That means Levi wasn’t in the study, nor in the kitchen. Maybe I’d only been asleep for an hour and he had yet to wake up from a nap.

I sat up in my bed, looking around the dark room. Why did I wake up? I shrugged and decided to go get some water or bother Levi if he was awake. Perhaps not having a practice session to wear me out before bed caused this. I threw the covers off of me, feet putting on slippers so I didn’t touch the cold floor.

Then I heard it. A whimper. It was low and came from the other side of the door. My eyes widened and I grabbed the edge of the door to open it quickly. It took time for my eyes to adjust to the moonlight filtering through the two windows, but it shined right on Levi’s sleeping figure.

I first saw how deep his eyebrows were creased, and then saw him fisting his shirt. He was asleep, that was for sure, but he was restless. His head was moving every so often and I saw his jaw grit more than once. Then the whimper came again. It made me stop taking steps into the living room to listen closely. I’d never heard that sound come from him ever.

“N-no.” He grabbed his shirt again, hard, and I saw the fabric twist completely. Then, the noises came. They sounded like noises of struggle, of soft screams at something. He was having a nightmare. My eyes widened and I didn’t know what to do. Do I go and wake him up? I had to. He needed to wake up from whatever he was dreaming of. That was what Jonas did to me. Still, I was worried what would happen if I did. Would he be upset that I saw him like this?

I approached him, his body softly flailing around as those noises still kept coming. I had to wake him up, I couldn’t see him like this. Still, I stood a foot away from him, trying not to get hit.

“Levi..? Levi..? Levi!” It didn’t work. He was still thrashing around, sweat falling down his face. It broke my heart to see him like that. Hours previous he was calm, sitting on the couch and reading a book I’d given him about tea. Now, that book was thrown halfway across the room and he looked helpless under this nightmare’s grasp. I had to go in, no matter if he hit me. I couldn’t stand watching him suffer like this.

I knelt down and grabbed the hand that had his shirt in a death grip. Quickly, it grabbed my wrist, thinking it was some type of invader. Ow, ow, ow, it hurt so much. This was his true strength and my hesitations about waking him up came true.

“Levi!” I tried to wave that hand, hoping the movement would wake him up, but I couldn’t even move under his harsh grasp. I hoped that his other hand was too busy grabbing the life out of the couch to attack me too. I’d probably have to hit him to wake him up, but that might just escalate the situation.

“Levi, wake up!” I was yelling at him now, but with no avail. Tears were springing in the corner of my eyes at the pain of being grabbed like that, and soon enough my other hand was hitting his chest in a last resort.

“Levi,” hit, “wake,” hit, “up! Ow, ow, ow, ow!” Why wasn’t he waking up? Oh my gods. I reached up to his face, having to stretch, and slapped him once. It wasn’t hard, but it had to be enough to wake him up. When I pulled back my hand, I gasped feeling the wetness. He was crying. I had to wake him up now. He was in pain. He was hurting.

“Levi, wake up! Please!” Finally, I used my foot to reach up and kick his side. This made him cough hard, interrupting his whines. I said a polite sorry, but I needed to get my hand out of his grip before he broke my wrist.

“Levi! It’s me! Eva!” I said through my teeth, not being able to take the pain anymore. I let out a loud groan when he finally released me, falling back to the floor, nursing my wrist with my other hand. I could tell there would be bruises around it tomorrow. Great, on the day I needed my hands the most, I decided to try and get Humanity’s Strongest up from a nightmare. That wasn’t smart at all.

“Eva,” he mumbled, looking at me withering on the floor. He brought a hand to his face, feeling the remains of tears, and then it all clicked. His eyes widened.

“Oh my fuckin-”

“Ice pack please,” I groaned and he shot up from the coach, running to the icebox to make a bag. Honestly, now that I was sitting here for a few, it didn’t hurt as much, but it was still throbbing. I was more worried about him than my wrist at the moment, but he seemed to completely forget that he was having a night terror seconds previous.

When he came back over, he grabbed me off the floor, lifting me up on the couch. I didn’t move against him and he grabbed my wrist lightly, making me wince. His eyes had changed now. There was horror, but for the situation in front of him. What he had just done when he was sleeping weighted heavy on him, no doubt. I had to reassure him.

“Levi, it’s okay. You were-”

“It’s not okay!” He raised his voice, holding the box of frozen butter to my wrist. I winced more at that than the ice and he noticed. This made him try to calm back down for my own sake.

“Levi, you were having a nightmare. I just tried to wake you up. You didn’t know what you were doing, you were asleep.” Still, he put his head in my lap, hand gripping his leg hard. With every apology, he hit his leg harder.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He whispered it over and over again and it made me want to throw up. He was in so much pain and here he was apologizing for it. I wouldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the fact that he wasn’t only apologizing to me, but still trying to get out of his nightmare. He woke up to a nightmare because of me.

“Levi, stop!” It was harsh, but it got him to stop saying it. When he sat up to look at me, his jaw and hand were still clenched. He was trying to calm down, but his eyes were still wild like before. He was eating himself up inside.

“I. Hurt. You.” My eyes softened and I lifted my good hand up to touch his cheek. He shied away from it, which made me frown even more. I didn’t care about my damn wrist.

“What were you dreaming about?” I made sure my voice was softer than before, trying to redirect him. He shook his head.

“Not important. Your wrist-” I grabbed at his cheek, trying to get him to stop talking. It was the cheek I slapped.

“Levi, you were crying!” It made him look down at your hand laying on the block of butter. I knew he knew he was crying. I’d never seen him cry before, so it was concerning. It hurt too. I was seeing him in so much pain, but now he felt that he had to hide it from me. I couldn’t do anything to help him even thought I wanted to. I wanted so bad for him to cry in front of me and release whatever he was feeling, but that probably would never happen. Levi would never cry in front of anyone.

“I… I d-don’t want to talk - talk about it. Please.” It was a plea and it hit me deep down. I stopped pressing him. He needed to be comforted. I knew that much. I could do that much.

“Let me hold you?” He took the butter, now at room temperature, and stood up to get away from the question and to get another cold thing. I wasn’t going to let him run away from this.

“Levi, you said you would lay with me if I had a nightmare. The same applies to you.” He stared at me from the opening in the kitchen, his eyes having no emotion in them anymore. He hid everything deeper and deeper so I couldn’t point anything out.

“No.” You stood up quickly, but Levi was there to make me sit down again with a bag of corn, “No, sit.”

“If I listen to you, you have to listen to me.” He sighed and pushed me back down to nurse my wrist.

“The difference is I’m not going back to sleep.” The dark circles under his eyes became more evident to me after that. How much sleep had he lost to nightmares?

“Are nightmares the reason you don’t sleep much?” I put two fingers under his chin, directing him to look at me again. He didn’t want to, but he wasn’t going to refuse me.

“Most of the time, yes,” he whispered and that made tears well in my eyes again. Sadly, that seemed to make him feel worse, “Hey, stop. Don’t cry for me. It’s not worth it, okay? They usually aren’t this bad, yeah? Eva, it’s okay. I’m okay.” It was funny he was trying to reassure me when he was the one who needed it the most. He was pushing down everything to make me feel okay.

“I don’t care. Rules are rules,” I rubbed the tears away with my hand, “If you have nightmares, you had to sleep with me. What’s the difference between laying on the couch and laying in my bed with me?” He turned my wrist so he could ice the other side.

“There’s a difference to me. I don’t deserve to be in your bed when I hurt you like this.” His thumb ran over the red, splotchy marks on my wrist, and I had to pull him out of his wallowing. Somehow.

“Then here. I’ll lay here with you on the couch.” He shook his head again.

“No, you go sleep in your bed. I’m up now, for good. There’s only a few hours till sunrise.” I ripped my wrist out of his grasp, hissing at the pain it left me. He only seemed to care about the pain I caused myself and he glared at me for doing something stupid like that. Still, I was going to force him for his own good.

“I’m going to sit here until you lay down with me and that’s final, Levi.” He groaned, and I crossed my arms, careful of my wrist, showing him I was serious. If this was any other situation, he would probably have laughed at me, but he just let out a long sigh.

“Fine,” it was a whisper of defeat, and I would usually smile, but this time I laid my head in his chest. He got the cue and wrapped his arms around me, leaning back so that his head was laying on a pillow. My body was on top of his, legs intertwined at the other end of the couch. If this were any other situation, I would be blushing, my heart beating faster, but I was here to calm him. Regardless of who was holding who, I needed to make sure that he was okay. I put my ear to his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. It was still beating fast and I didn’t know if that was because of our position or the adrenaline from earlier. Either way, I reached a hand up to pay with his hair like he liked, trying to get the same reaction out of his that I do when he lays in my lap. He did the same, running his fingers in my still-damp hair from showering. His breath started slowing down too and when I looked up at him, his eyes were closed, so I did the same, matching my breath with his. We laid like this for a few minutes, just taking in the position we had with the other. It was our first time like this, but the pain, physical and mental, overshadowed any type of blushing reserve we would usually have.

“I dreamt about the time my friends were eaten by Titans, but this time you were there too, in that stupid Scout uniform I made you wear.” I opened my eyes at his words. His tone was much calmer, even if he was hiding everything, and I hoped that I was the one who made him feel more at ease. He told me what he dreamt about, and that was all I could ask.

“You said I’d make a good Scout.” He laughed slowly, and I felt the vibrations from his chest. It calmed me down.

“I wanted to say that you looked cute.” It was my turn to blush at his words, so I buried my face into his chest more, taking in his scent. It remained unchanged. Mint, lemon, and cedar

“Do you want me to wear it again?” He grabbed my waist, pulling me up so that our chests’ matched and my face could be buried in his neck. I sat up on my elbows to look his in the eyes, wondering why he pulled me closer.

“No, I think you look fine in what you wear normally.” I rested my head in one of my hands, still looking down at him. Even if he was acting calm, he looked like shit. The tears had dried, but his eyes were still red and the dark circles were now more prominent. The dream hurt him, but he wouldn’t tell me that. He never wanted me to see him broken like that.

“When you come back from your expedition, can you bring me some more of those button ups? They’re really nice quality.” My free hand, the hurt one, traced circles in his cheek. There was still no emotion in his eyes as he looked up at me. That was the number one tell that he wasn’t okay. He was hiding.

“No, I can’t steal military issued clothing for you. Besides, we’re already short.” I pouted and, again, there was no emotion or little annoyed expression. He wasn’t giving me anything to work with, and I was getting too tired to yell at him more. He knew that, that’s why he kept talking about random things.

“What am I going to have when you’re gone for those three months?” He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, resting his hands on my waist.

“Maybe I’ll be nice to you and leave a few of my military issued shirts in your dresser.” I smiled down at him and finally laid down, my head on his shoulder. Laying with him was as amazing as I expected, if only it wasn’t under such circumstances. He was warm and comfortable, and the thumbs drawing circles in my waist made it easy for you to relax into him.

“That would be nice of you, Captain. Maybe I’ll be nice to you and leave a few bags of peppermint tea in your duffle bag before you leave.” He moved his hand up to my hair again, running his fingers through it. I was glad I took the time to brush it before bed.

“That would be nice of you, Co-Captain. Now go to sleep, you have a lot of work to do in the morning.” I hummed, doing just that, on your new, warm, comfortable, muscular bed. How was I ever going to fall asleep on something different now?

Chapter Thirteen→

Chapter Masterlist

xx Sorry for the long wait! I’ve been trying to catch up with my requests and school work!

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x oc #attack on titan levi #aot x reader #aot #aot scenario #levi ackerman scenario #snk levi #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin levi #captain levi #levi heichou #levi x reader #levi x oc

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kitkat1003 · 4 years ago

Text

Tower Tales

4: Turns out, they can get sick of each other

AO3 Link

@asilcorner YEET

Time passes and it’s maddening. Yakko keeps a calendar, but there’s no point in trying to know how long they’ve been trapped in here when they can’t even tell if they’re sleeping at night or day. They don’t know how long an hour is, a minute, month, a week, a day. Not by heart. So, for a while, they have to guess.

Yakko eventually makes a clock, sets a time, makes their day as normal as he can, starting the hour at a random time and suddenly dinnertime is 5:30pm instead of just sometime before bed, even though they can’t tell if it’s even close to 5:30pm outside. It doesn’t matter if it turns out they aren’t following the sun, the sun has never followed them, so fair’s fair. Besides, why stick with the world’s set of rules when those rules act like this is fine, that them being trapped is fine?

And hey, what’s a little madness? Who cares, right?

The tower becomes a lived-in space. The first two floors become living room areas, bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom. They never can be certain on the decor, and it changes daily, weekly, hourly, but that’s fine, because the idea of everything repeating, like the days have no difference between them makes Yakko want to curl into a ball and never straighten out.

The third floor is left mostly barren, because that’s where they practice their toon powers. Wakko has a penchant for bombs and offensive weapons, Yakko finds he can pull a pen out of anywhere and anything, and Dot has an affinity for her mallet, as well as fashion.

She likes to tailor, on occasion, and bribes Wakko to be her model for it by letting him perform songs via burping after dinner—she doesn’t mind the sound, it’s really the smell that makes her hate the whole thing—and Yakko starts being able to pull out random books from his hammerspace. They’re typically books he likes, thank god, but sometimes they’re just confusing. He likes Dr. Dolittle, though it is a bit silly, and the idea of talking animals being strange doesn’t make sense to him, being animal-like himself, but at the least it’s an interesting series with many books to go through. He likes Winnie the Pooh, too, and the Velveteen Rabbit is surprisingly sad, but at least it’s a change of pace in comparison to the happier children’s books he reads.

He ventures to more adult focused books, like The Great Gatsby, which is depressing but also an interesting commentary of the time, and the Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie. He actually reads through that one a couple times, to go back and find the clues Miss Christie left for the reader, and he finds it utterly fascinating. Who knew that someone could write like that? Leaving little pieces that only come together to make something when the last piece is found. It’s like a blank puzzle that turns on when you finish it.

Dot likes to read with him, pulling out a magazine about the daily fashion news or parties. He doesn’t know what Playboy is, but the moment it appears in her hands he rips it away and throws it in the fire. She evidently sees enough just from the cover, because she doesn’t argue.

He occasionally reads to Wakko and Dot. Typically before bed—he regrets ever reading the Velveteen Rabbit to them, because Wakko didn’t sleep for a few days after. He tries to get Wakko to read with him, but Wakko seems to find learning anything in a standardized way quite difficult, and all it took was one semi pointed comment from Dot about it to keep the boy from even trying, shame painting his cheeks the red of their nose. Yakko considers talking to Dot about it, but he doesn’t want to further embarrass Wakko by bringing it up, and it’s hard to be secretive in a small space.

So he lets it go, because they have plenty of time—too much, too much to ever fill, and sometimes all they can do is sit and hope for it to move faster because boredom makes them dull and he hears Dot cry into her pillow some nights because she’s not as quiet as she thinks she is and he sleeps so lightly he can barely call it rest—and continues to play and have fun and learn new things. He gets an atlas, one day, and memorizes the names of all the countries, hums out a melody, learns rhyme schemes.

And when he starts up a tune, they all fall in line. That’s the thing—while he and Dot learn the normal way, Wakko seems to be able to do just about anything when he stays out of his own head. Which is odd, because Wakko doesn’t talk too much, so he must be in his head plenty. Perhaps, then, the line between thinking and doing is so wide that when he tries to both everything gets jumbled. Because when they burst into song, Wakko dances and prances and creates lyrics like a pro, whether they’re singing about nothing at all to complex philosophical concepts, with a plethora of large words that if Wakko tried to read he would trip and stumble as they were slanted stairs. Occasionally, Yakko will ask if Wakko even knows what they’re singing about, only ever curious, and Wakko can talk his ear off about it all. Yet, when Yakko brings him into a classroom setting, Wakko’s face goes blank, and no comprehension of anything Yakko says ever shows.

Clearly he has a grasp on the English language, clearly he’s smart—Yakko could never think his brother stupid, because no stupid person could build a second floor without any plans, could follow jokes and make his own quips on occasion that send him and Dot into laughing fits, could pick the perfect moment for a physical joke in the middle of a conversation; no way that Wakko is anything close to stupid—but the moment it’s a classroom type setting all of that goes out the window. Is it the motivation? Is it the material? Is it him?

Yakko has to figure this out, but at least he doesn’t have to figure it out soon. He has time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They aren’t perfect, despite the look of them, despite how they’re drawn to be. They can’t be expected, forced together 24/7, to not get into petty squabbles. And they are petty. Dot hates sharing the bathroom with ‘gross boys,’ hates it when they play during dinner, Yakko hates it when they’re making too much noise during his reading times, when they complain too much, Wakko grumps about when they eat something he was supposedly saving, or throw something away he thinks he could eat (a.e. a banana peel, a watermelon rind, moldy bread, etc), or when they talk too softly or too fast, as if they don’t want him to be able to listen. It’s never anything too bad, and they get over it within the next few hours, but sometimes it builds.

For instance, Wakko is going stir crazy.

Dot and Yakko can tell. They don’t mind sitting still on occasion, given the right persuasion, but Wakko is a mile a minute of movement, everything twitching and tapping, tail swishing back and forth and wagging when he’s excited.

There’s only so many times one can run around a small space before they get bored. Only so many months one can spend exploring and doing the same things with little variation

“Ugh, there’s nothing to dooooooo,” Wakko whines, flopping onto the armrest of Dot’s chair. She and Yakko are reading the same book, they’re going to discuss it when they’re done. It’s a fun blend of their skills and likes-talking about reading.

“There’s plenty of things to do! Why don’t you read a book with us?” Dot suggests, and maybe it’s a little mean, but it’s more out of ignorance than cruelty. It’s been what feels like a few months since she saw Wakko struggle, how could she have known that he’d written off reading entirely.

“You could read to me,” Wakko actually perks up at his own suggestion, like a lightswitch flipping on. Yakko doesn’t mind it at all, and is about to volunteer when Dot raises a brow.

“Can’t you read yourself?” She shoots back, and Wakko deflates, before he crosses his arms, on the defensive.

“I don’t need to,” He says, and Doll rolls her eyes.

“If that was true, you wouldn’t want someone to read to you,” Like usual, her words are sharper than his, but she makes one mistake. “You can’t just refuse to learn forever. What are you going to do when you get into the real world?”

Dot is trying to hope. She trusts that, someday, they’ll escape. Doesn’t matter how long it takes, they’ll still escape, because she trusts their family, and she trusts their growing abilities.

But Wakko...well, he isn’t quite so positive, at the moment.

“We’re never going to the real world!” He shouts. “I know what forever means, I’m not that dumb, and that’s how long they’re keeping us here,” Dot is taken aback, but Wakko is a roll, frustrated and ashamed and angry, and Yakko is cut off by his next spitting sentence. “And the worst part of it is that I’m stuck here with a stuck-up jerk like you!”

“Wakko Warner!” Yakko stands, and he doesn’t typically raise his voice like this, not angry, but that was uncalled for, and Wakko—

Wakko flinches.

Yakko falters, Dot’s eyes are already teary, and Wakko dashes off, vanishes up to the second floor before anyone can stop him.

Yakko attends to the sibling that is close by, because Dot is upset and angry and hurt, so he soothes her tears.

“Why would he say that?” She asks, confused. “Did he mean it?”

“Of course not—he’s just not handling this as well as you are. You picked reading up way faster than he did. He’s been struggling with it, and with all...this,” he gestures to the tower. Dot sniffles. “You do have a habit of saying things that make you sound high and mighty, your majesty,” He adds, with a grin, and Dot giggles a little, wiping her eyes.

“Sorry,” She says, and he shrugs.

“Not me who needs an apology, sis, but I appreciate it anyway. Let’s give Wakko some time to calm down, kay?” He picks her up and smiles. “I don’t know what chapter you got to, but I have some thoughts on the 5th one.”

She grins back at him.

One down, one to go.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They find Wakko curled up in a ball on the couch upstairs, face hidden from the world and back facing the outside. Dot comes over quietly, soft steps toward the tense coiled spring that is her brother.

“Didn’t mean it,” He sounds very...defeated. “I’m sorry, Dot,” He sniffles, and she still can’t see his face.

“It’s okay,” she responds, because staying mad never helped anyone anyway. “I shouldn’t have been so mean about it. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was so hard.”

“It is,” Wakko finally turns to face her, and his face is stained with tears. “I can’t get it to make sense in my head—and you got it easy. Maybe I am stupid,” He turns to face her, sitting up and curling his knees to his chest, and the last phrase is muffled by his knees.

“You’re not! You’re better at building things than I could ever be! Words can be hard, though. It took me a bit to get it.”

He looks over at her, shyly, as if searching her face for any sign of a joke. She remains resolute, and sincere. “Really?”

“Yeah! Hey, maybe I could try and teach you. Yakko’s a real lazy teacher,” She jokes, and Yakko takes that as his cue to walk over.

“I take offense to that,” He responds without heat, before looking over to Wakko, who shrinks under his gaze. The action makes Yakko want to disappear—how could he make his own brother scared of him?

“Sorry for scaring you, Wakko,” He tells him, hoping Wakko accepts the apology.

“It wasn’t you-it was just,” Wakko is quick to reassure Yakko that he wasn’t scared of him, because he wasn’t, and knows that Yakko would never act in a way that should make Wakko afraid of him, he just was scared because “You’re tall,” He finally finds the words, and Yakko blinks. “The execs who didn’t like us, they were tall, and they shouted a lot, and I was thinking about when we were out and I was already upset and it just happened, but you’re not scary,” He gives Yakko a shaky grin. “How could someone even be scared of you?”

“Hey,” Yakko takes mock offense, but a weight lifts off of his shoulders.

He shuffles over, and takes the hat off of Wakko’s head to ruffle his hair. Wakko reaches for it with sweater paws, standing on the couch to grab his hat back, and the tense air starts to dissipate.

Wakko yawns.

“I’m tired,” he mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. Yakko settles down on the couch, between him and Dot, and lifts Wakko into his lap.

“Guess it’s naptime, then,” He leans back, hands behind his head. “Dot?”

She’s already curling up against him.

Eventually, Yakko manages to get horizontal, Wakko and Dot curled up together on top of him. Slowly, he lets out a sigh of relief and sleeps.

The next day, he finds Dot and Wakko at a new dining room table, both hunched over a piece of paper. Wakko looks very confused, and a little frustrated, but Dot goes over the same letter sounds over and over as if it were the first time, and that type of relentless explanation manages to get through the mental blocks Wakko sometimes has.

“So, the ‘c’ makes a cuh sound, ‘a’ makes an aay sound, so what’s that word?” She points.

“Ca-Catch?” Wakko tries, and Dot cheers, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“You did it!” She says, and Wakko brightens like the sun.

“Faboo!” He responds, and the exclamation is so startling that Dot starts laughing. Wakko joins in, and Yakko is chuckling to himself all the way to the kitchen.

Within two months, Wakko joins their book club. They make matching t-shirts.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yakko loves his sibs, he really does. They’re basically the only reason he stuck around for so long. They need him.

But sometimes, he doesn’t want them.

Little siblings bicker and it gets real grating. He just wants one day, one, where he doesn’t have to deal with a stupid argument! Is that so much to ask

He feels like he never gets this petty over the small stuff. Aren’t there more pressing things to be upset about? He doesn’t expect his siblings to be friendly to each other all the time, but would it kill them to resolve their own issues? Especially when they’re as small as whose mallet is whose(they’re identical) or where a furniture piece should go(when it’s going to be moved within a week anyway, because they’re always changing the format of the tower). If Wakko’s hat is better than Dot’s flower. How the kitchen silverware should be organized, even. Yakko can’t see why it matters

He can’t even get peace now, trying to get through the book they’re in the middle of in their book club. Wakko and Dot had sped ahead one day when Yakko was making dinner, and now he’s trying to catch up, but he can’t because they’re having another shouting match. They’re hunched over a fashion magazine, trying to figure out what? What dress looks cuter? Wakko, apparently, picked the wrong one, and now Dot is upset, and now he’s upset because she’s upset at him, and it’s just so much.

Eventually he snaps.

“Alright, that’s it!” He shouts, and Wakko and Dot look up from their squabble-about what dress looks cuter, off all things. “I’m going upstairs, and you two deal with each other for a few hours, because I can’t.” He runs a hand down his face and sighs, grabbing his book and disappearing to the second floor, not even bothering to see their reaction.

And you see, you’d think he’d like the peace and quiet, but two hours in and his ears keep twitching, aching for the sound of silly conversation and laughter and pattering feet. Sure, they’re annoying, and they squabble over silly things, but Yakko is paranoid at heart because the background sounds of them messing around is somehow relaxing, because then at least he knows that they’re there, that they’re safe. Silence is uncertainty, silence means he’s alone, and he keeps subconsciously searching for their noise, to know that they are, and in turn he is, safe and there. He thinks he might be a little too used to them, because without the ambient noise he can’t focus.

Four hours later, and he comes back down, and is greeted to an armful of new books he definitely didn't make, and they don’t look published. They look more like...picture books?

“We made them for you!” Dot says.

“I did the pictures, and Dot wrote the stories,” Wakko adds.

Yakko’s heart is so full it feels like his ribs are cracking.

“What a couple of authors you are!” he laughs, and they follow him all the way back to his chair. He sets the books in a stack on his lap, picking up the first one and opening his mouth to read aloud as Dot and Wakko sit on the armrests of the couch, eagerly awaiting his narration and reaction.

Yakko thinks he got pretty lucky with his sibs, even with their petty arguments, smiling down at the pages and reading the books through.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dot loves her brothers. She does.

But they’re gross.

Well, not gross, but certainly not clean. They make messes and forget to clean them up. And it’s not that bad, Dot doesn’t mind cleaning. Wakko builds them things, Yakko takes care of the meals, cleaning is just part of her chores in this whole situation.

It reaches a limit, and she hits it when she watches Yakko spill marinara sauce all over the ground and then do nothing about it. Wakko slips in it and the two just laugh it off, but the sauce splatters everywhere, and she has to clean that, and—

“Ugh!” She stomps her foot in frustration, and Yakko and Wakko turn to her, confused. “You two are disgusting! I have to clean this all up later, and-ugh!” She turns on her heel and heads upstairs. She slams the hatch door to the second floor shut, and Wakko and Yakko wince at the sound.

“Is the second floor specifically for upset people now, or is it just a really lazy plot device?” Yakko snarks, and Wakko blinks.

“Should we clean this up?”

“Yeah, probably.”

She comes down an hour later, because she skipped dinner and though she doesn’t have a food issue she’s used to eating with her siblings, and she walks into a sparkling clean kitchen.

“This is a once a year affair,” Yakko says, as she stands there shocked. “Maybe thrice if you pay us.”

“I ate a bar of soap,” Wakko says, and bubbles come out of his mouth.

“You two are ridiculous,” Dot says, and she can’t help the grin on her face.

She hugs them till she hears something crack. Probably Yakko’s back, with how tense her eldest brother is.

It’s halfway to filthy by the end of the week, but she can tell they’re trying, and that’s enough.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So yeah, they get sick of each other. They have petty and not so petty squabbles, but no matter what they end up in the same place.

Curled up near each other, blankets pulled close so that the edges of the bed are barren. Yakko always talks in sleep, Wakko drools and kicks, Dot will shift from time to time and grab at air, or anything in grasping range, but they won’t wake up, because despite those annoyances, together they feel safe.

And that’s what family is for, isn’t it?

#animaniacs 2020 #animaniacs #kitkat1003 #yakko wakko and dot #yakko warner #wakko warner #dot warner

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