#I tried playing the Kaidan ashes of his past just to get everything I can out of the character before I switch to the Kaidan workshop ver

[wellthebardsdead]

Vivienne: *heavy bags under his eyes with worry and anxiety for Kaidan following a dremora who knew his name* k-Kaidan?… can we talk?

Kaidan: no. If it’s about the dremora, my thoughts, or last night. No.

Vivienne: b-but you were screaming in your sleep-

Kaidan: WILL YOU JUST FUCKING DROP IT?! Always with the fucking poking and prodding into me! I don’t follow you around every morning asking what’s going through your head!

Taliesin: Kaidan!! He’s just trying to help! We’re worried about you! This is the third night you’ve woken up screaming! We’re not even sharing a bed anymore because of it! What is going on!?

Kaidan: It’s nothing either of you need to concern yourselves with and I’m fucking sick of you both not listening to me!

Vivienne: k-Kaidan please calm down, please- you’re waking up screaming, you’re drinking from morning until you pass out- *touches his shoulder*

Kaidan: *spins around and grabs his wrist* IVE GOT ENOUGH BLOOD ON MY HANDS! DONT MAKE ME WEAR YOUR-

*CRASH!!!*

Taliesin: KAIDAN!

Kaidan: *coughs and lifts his head to find himself pinned to the remnants of a shelf as a familiar gold and blue mer with sharp features and blue flames to frame them, holds him there with the pole of his spear* v-vivec- I-

Vivec: Your past does not define you. I can forgive your outbursts for they come from fear and a grief many could not live with… but I will not tolerate you putting your hands on my child as you openly threaten him. *presses the spear against his neck threatening to crush his wind pipe* This is your only. Warning. *disappears and is suddenly replaced with a very dazed vivienne*

Vivienne: *tears streaming down his face, and wrist already bruising* k-Kaidan… *falls back into taliesins arms as he passes out*

Taliesin: Vivi… *lifts him up before looking at Kaidan with heartache in his eyes* …

Kaidan: *sitting there mortified at himself and at Vivec’s words* I… I have to g- *freezes as a lance slams into the wall behind him, and the heavy foot falls of nerevar and ryn fill the room*

Nerevar: You don’t get to run away from this, boy, either you tell us what’s going on or we’ll find out ourselves. *rips his lance from the wall* Start. Talking.

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love: Chapter 4

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

Chapter 4: Drunken Heroes

After all her damned talk of avoiding booze forever, here she was, taking her whole crew to get wasted at a bar.

To give herself credit, this was 100% about letting her friends blow off steam before they headed to Virmire, not about her. She didn't even have any plans to drink, just play babysitter and have some fun with them. After all they'd done for the mission, they deserved some shore leave.

Anya almost wished she could be as hyped as Ash was. The soldier kept talking about how she was itching for a good Citadel blue cocktail mixed with classic Russian Vodka. Kept on saying she'd call it "The Shepard".

She stuck back, watching Ash drag Tali, Ash, Joker, Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus to the bartender. The only one left was her favorite cranky Krogan, an old man among youths. But he already knew that without her pointing that out. He chuckled low next to her, "You look like a mother Varren with her pups."

"What, do I look like I'm gonna eat them?"

Wrex grumbled with distaste, but Anya felt pretty satisfied, annoying him. "Varren are dedicated to their young. And so are you, Mother Shepard."

Anya nearly gagged at the thought. Her, a mom? Hardly. She was just a pathetic lonely soldier who had friends for the first time in a long time. A hard mission does that to people; it bonds them. "I'd prefer you never call me that again."

"No promises."

"What do you even do at a bar?"

While Wrex barely reacted, she knew his was peering at her with confusion. "I drink, just like everyone else."

"I can't picture it."

"Well if you need a picture, I'll be over there, drinking ryncol. I'll tell the waitress you're buying." Wrex patted her back and walked off without any confirmation.

Under her breath, Anya grumbled, "I mean, I am buying, but you could've asked..." She just shook her head and accepted the inordinate amount of credits she was about to lose on that tab. But at least, when she turned to look back at the bar, her entire crew seemed to be enjoying themselves. Ash was being the leader of the pack. Liara was sticking closing, admiring the entertainment, and Tali looked like she was roped into being her wingman.

Garrus, of course, was the one in some sort of arm wrestle with Kaidan while Joker egged them on. Who knew what the hell that was about.

Shepard just nabbed a glass of water and joined Liara in watching Ash try to flirt with guys and/or flirt with them for Tali, who seemed far less interested. She noticed T'Soni stiffened up a little the second she sat down, but she tried to ignore it. "Everyone looks like they're having a good time, huh?"

"Absolutely. I've never seen Gunnery Chief Willaims so loud. Not outside of a firefight, at least."

Though she didn't mean to, every time she sat down next to her crew, she turned full Commander mode. And Liara's somber mood was a prime target. "I know you said you were doing better, but how are you really holding up?"

Staring down at her glass, Liara kept on looking at the liquid in it like it would say something profound to her. Anya remembered that look; probably a little too well. "Worse than I expected. Benezia and I weren't close for a long time. I knew losing her would be hard but not like... this. I feel like a fundamental part of me is now being washed away a little more every day and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

Anya normally wasn't one for opening up deep, old wounds, but she couldn't just let Liara sit there, haunted and alone, on their last night of peace before the storm. She was very deliberate in putting her palm gently on Liara's shoulder and not her hand. "After Akuze, I used to have a drinking problem. Or lack of drinking problem. I'd used to come here, buy the drink my squad used to always get, and stared down into it until the bar was empty and I was kicked out. It was like I was trying to find meaning to fill that empty space in me. But nothing really fills it. You just find other things that give you meaning and eventually they motivate you more than the emptiness does."

Before Shepard could react, Liara put her own hand on hers and was giving her this sweet smile. "Thank you, Shepard."

Anya pulled her hand away and scooted an inch or two back, trying to diffuse any cute moment Liara might've thought they were having. "I'm here to help anytime. That's what friends do."

After she said that, Anya didn't want to look up and cringe at the disappointment painted on Liara's face. It already fucked her up inside. But when she did finally look up, she felt a lot more weird feelings than she meant to.

Sure, there was Liara's conflicted face, but past her ear Anya could see the boy band of Joker, Garrus, and Kaidan sitting around a table and laughing. Well, they were, but then a female turian walked up and looked at Garrus like he was a snack.

Not that she fully disagreed but that wasn't the damn point.

While she didn't mean to go comatose, and she was pretty sure Liara might've said something, she felt like everything blacked out except him. And he was doing that awkward smiling thing, and she could tell he was flustered, and she could tell the turian was hitting on him. And where the bro in her was happy for him, that fucked up part of her that woke itself up on a Noveria bar had its eyes wide open and was screaming.

Before she could make any expressions that made her make a fool of herself, and so she didn't have to look at it anymore, Anya went to staring down into the glass of water in front of her.

"By the goddess, how did I not notice?"

Shepard shook her head and gave Liara her best clueless look. Oh boy, how she didn't want her to be noticing what she thought she might have noticed. ANya asked, "Notice what?"

Even though there was this sadness in her eyes, there was also clarity. Liara said it so plainly that it hurt, "You have feelings for Garrus."

Anya covered Liara's mouth with her hand and closed her eyes, like if she wished it hard enough she'd wake up and this nightmare would be over and no one would know her dumb, dirty little secret. "No, nope, I don't. You saw nothing."

"And your cheeks are even getting red. I never-"

Giving up, because clearly her cover-up skills were piss poor, Shepard just held her hands and tried not to look too desperate. It was embarrassing enough. "Please don't talk about it. He doesn't feel the same way and it doesn't matter. You're all my friends and we're on a mission and that's what we need to focus on."

Liara frowned, but didn't seem too keen to pry. "I won't make you talk more, mostly because I feel embarrassed for chasing after you now, but if you need to talk, I'm here."

If Anya was in peak Commander mode, she'd stay shut up, let it end at that, but after so much time keeping it to herself and feeling so frustrated, and now seeing him get looked at like that by some attractive turian... Well, maybe she'd be better off not keeping it inside. "He's my best friend, Liara. It complicates everything."

"Clearly people think that complication is worth it. And here I was, hoping it was me."

"I'm sorry, Liara."

"It matters more to me that you stay my friend."

Of all the stupid things tonight, that made her smile. Even under all the "getting caught looking at Garrus" embarrassment. "That's what matters to me, too. And not just with you, with him."

"I can understand that."

Anya winced and kept her eyes down, not wanting to look at Garrus, knowing he probably was flirting back. He had every right and... And, well, it wasn't like he owed her anything. They said it didn't happen, she was just a squishy human, and they'd just stay friends, right? "So, I'd just prefer we talk about other things to distact me from saying anything dumb about Garrus Vakarian-"

"Somebody saying my name?"

Startled, Anya jumped in her chair and almost fell off. Liara started giggling like the funniest shit just happened, but hearing him pop up behind he was so unfair. More unfair was the fact she noticed his hand was holding her chair straight. Anya just sunk down into it, real low, and tried to hope that Saren would take her down with him. At least it was an honorable death.

Lucky for Shepard, Liara winked at her and saved her ass. "We were wondering who won the arm wrestling, you or Lieutenant Alenko. The Commander was betting on you, even though I said Kaidan would win."

"You wound me, Liara."

Trying to act casual, Anya raised an eyebrow. "So who won, then?"

Garrus scratched the back of his neck and admitted, "Okay, fine, Alenko won. But only because he's a dirty cheat and used biotics."

She didn't know what it was about his wounded pride, but it helped unwind all the knots she'd put herself in. Anya patted his shoulder, saying, "Don't worry, you're still my number one turian."

"He's not a turian and I'm your only turian. That statement means nothing, but sure, thanks, Shep."

Watching him scowl at her, like nothing was weird or wrong, it made her laugh in a way that vibrated throughout her entire body. But maybe she also didn't want to admit how much it warmed her up, knowing he turned the flirting turian down and came over here to her.

After she got out her nerves and laughed like that, the rest of the night was a fun blur. The crew started sharing embarrassing stories of first kisses and first posts, and they all danced and Tali made fun of her for being terrible. Garrus was the only one who gave her a wink during that, because he knew her actual skills. Not like she was going to tondue at a club, though. And then later they even got Wrex to join in on an argument on who had the wildest battle scars. No surprise, the Krogan won. But Joker's surgery scars almost gave him a run for his money.

That night, she was the one helping carry Ash back to the Normandy while everyone else was walking or stumbling in front of them. Everyone enjoyed themselves, but Ash was definitely the one that hit the booze the hardest.

But Anya didn't mind too much. She saw how Ash made everyone smile and brought them together. The spitfire would be a great leader someday, once she got more experience under her belt.

Leaning into her shoulder, the Gunnery Chief started to mumble. "We're going to save the galaxy, Shep. I'll get to be a hero. The Williams name is gonna go down in history for great reasons this time."

Anya held onto Ash's side, tight, and said, "You're going to be a great hero, Ash. Probably a better one than me. You don't have the baggage weighing you down."

When Ash laughed, it bubbled through her body and almost shoved them too close to the railing. Garrus gave her a look, like asking if she wanted help, but Anya shook her head. She and captain realism didn't need to burst Ash's hopefulness here. It was honestly kind of nice to hear someone talk about the future like this. Ash wasn't thinking about dying; just about the good she'd do.

How could Anya not admire that?

"I'm gonna have a tough time beating you, Shep, but I'll do my best."

"You better. Second human Spectre, Ashely Williams, Sounds good, right?"

Ash was still so wobbly. Anya wasn't quite sure she'd remember any of this in the morning. That only made it so much easier to compliment her. "Don't get crazy, Commander." She rolled her eyes in a very exaggerated way, but then hiccuped so hard some of her hair fell out of her bun. "But yeah, it kinda does sound good."

"Well, let's get back on the Normandy and make you a hero, Ash." When she finished carrying Ash onto the ship, she kept on seeing the drunk cadet she used to be, laughing with her friends anytime they got shore leave, all swapping stories on how they'd become heroes. None of them would've ever guessed Anya'd get it because they all died. She'd gained honor in an awful, horrible way. But she hoped Ash could become someone great by her side, instead.

That was one of the few things she'd enjoy seeing, at the end of all this.

///

Author's Note:

Thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support my work, please go check out my patreon: patreon.com/gracejordan

I also write original stories and am trying to build a community of fandom lovers on writing sites, in Discord, and (in the future) on Twitch :) any help is appreciated

[brandyxlynn91]

Galaxies Together pt. 9

Garrus was thinking about the events at Virmire when Joker came on his comm.

“Hey, Garrus. Can you go check on the commander? She just told me she didn’t want to be disturbed and a crewmember said they saw her heading to her room with a whole bottle of Asari brandy.”

“But I thought you said she didn’t want to be disturbed?” Garrus asked him.

“I know what I said. Look I know you care about her and I don’t think being alone is what she needs.” He replied.

“What are you-" Garrus started.

“Me and Wrex like to gossip. But that’s not the point. Just please go check on her. Ashley's- it’s really tearing her up and I’m worried.”

“Alright. I’ll go.” Garrus told him. He still didn’t know what to say to comfort her but he knew he had to try.

“Thanks, Garrus. You’re not bad, for a turian.”

Garrus grabbed some of his whiskey and headed towards Jane’s room. Before he got there, Kaidan stopped him.

“Where are you going?” He asked him.

“I’m going to go check up on Jane.” Garrus replied.

“But we were told that she didn’t want to be disturbed. And why are you taking alcohol with you?” Kaidan sounded angry.

“Look Joker asked me to go check on her.” He told him.

“He what? You never answered me about the alcohol. Look you better not touch or take advantage-" Kaidan started.

“I’m going there as a friend cause that’s what she needs. And the whiskey is because Ash's death has taken a hit on me, too. She became friendly with me and Wrex. You would’ve noticed if you thought about anyone but you and decided to pull your head out of your ass once in awhile!” Garrus interrupted him. He was usually calm but he wasn’t in the mood for Kaidan’s accusations and jealousy. Kaidan stood there in silence as Garrus continued to Jane’s room.

He knocked and when she answered, he could see her eyes were red and her cheeks were wet. He wanted to take away her sadness, but didn’t know how. He still thought her eyes reminded him of emeralds and her spots made him think of stars in the galaxy. She told him she wanted to be left alone. He lifted up his bottle and convinced her that she needed a friend and he did too. She reluctantly agreed then sat on the bed and started drinking. She asked him if she did the right thing and he told her neither choice was right or wrong but it was what needed to be done. He also told her that she was the most compassionate and considerate person he knew. He reminded her not to let this bring her down but to use it and make Saren pay. He still wanted to tell her about his feelings but he thought this wasn’t the time or place for that. He sat down next to her and she thanked him then made a toast to Ashley and her sacrifice. He raised his bottle back and toasted to good friends lost too soon. They sat there drinking and sharing memories about Ashley then he felt something on his shoulder. Jane had fallen asleep on him. He looked at her looking peaceful then touched the top of her head.

“Don’t shoulder the galaxy’s problems on yourself, Jane. Share your burdens with me, with all of us once in awhile. You don’t need to be so tough on yourself. I’m always here for you." He whispered softly. “You really are an amazing woman, but even you can’t do everything by yourself.”

He kissed her cheek then laid her down and covered her up before leaving. He and Wrex spent the rest of the night drinking and talking about Ashley. The next morning when they went to the mess hall, they saw Jane and Kaidan.

��Ugh. Do I have to deal with the council today?” Jane asked with her head on the table. Garrus assumed she was nursing a hangover.

“How much did you drink, Shepard?” Kaidan asked, eyeing Garrus.

“I don’t know. I passed out. How much was it, Vakarian?” She looked up at Garrus. She was still in her pajamas and her hair was a mess.

“Well, you finished your whole bottle of brandy then you tried to drink my whiskey. I had to put it up where you couldn’t reach it because you wouldn’t listen when I told you it would kill you.”

“You drank the whole bottle? Jesus, Shepard. That asari stuff is strong.” Kaidan said.

“Ugh! Can we just tell the council to fuck off? They don’t believe me anyways.” She put her head back on the table.

“We’ll be at the citadel in 20 minutes.” Joker said over the comm. “You might want to look like you didn’t get drunk off your ass last night, commander.”

“Here. The doctor gave me this to give to you. It’ll get rid of your hangover.” Kaidan gave Jane some medicine.

“Why didn’t you give this to me earlier?” She snapped.

“Well, you told me my voice was too loud and my walking and my breathing.” Kaidan laughed.

“Come on, Shepard. Let’s go get you dressed.” Tali said, grabbing her arm.

“Ugh. Stupid council. That turian hates me you know.” She groaned, getting up.

“Nah. He hates all humans, not just you.” Garrus teased.

“Not helping. And you still owe me a drink!” She yelled from down the corridor. At that moment, Kaidan looked at Garrus.

“She uh won a bet.” Garrus told him.

“Yep. Kicked his ass in a shooting contest.” Wrex laughed, as he walked away. “Just let me know if you need me to headbutt that turian.”

“Hey, about last night…” Kaidan turned to Garrus.

“Kaidan.” He sighed. “Look. Nothing happened. We talked about Ashley then we drank until Jane passed out then I left. I went there as a friend like I told you I was.”

“No, I didn’t- I mean. You were right.” He stammered out.

“What?” Garrus looked at him in surprise.

“I wasn’t thinking about Shep or her feelings. I was just focused on myself. Then Ashley died and I blamed Shepard for saving me. I didn’t even stop to think how it was affecting her. I’m going to start putting her first.” He told him.

“Oh. Good for you.” Garrus said as he walked away. Sure he could’ve told him about his own feelings towards her but he didn’t even know how she felt and he didn’t want to start any trouble for Jane. She had enough on her plate the way it was. He decided he would just tell her how he felt after the meeting with the council.

Jane, Kaidan, and Garrus made their way to the council chambers. Once there, the council announced they were preparing their fleet to protect the citadel. Jane begged them to let her go to Ilos to stop Saren. They told her they didn’t want to incite a war with the Terminus system. Jane told them she could be discreet and the turian councilor reminded her that she blew up a building on Virmire. She adamantly told them that’s where Saren was going and he was going to the conduit to help the reapers. They told her that Saren was playing mind games and making up reapers to put them in chaos and attack the citadel. Then Udina told her he was grounding the Normandy and he’d assist the council. Jane called him a traitorous bastard and pleaded with the council more but they told her that they made their decision and went on their way.

After returning to the docked Normandy, Garrus decided to look for Jane. He wanted to try to talk to her about what happened and tried to steel his nerves to tell her about his feelings.

“Hey Tali. Have you seen Jane?” He asked as he walked by her.

“Sure. I think I saw her walking towards the locker room. Why?” She replied.

“Oh, uh, I just wanted to talk to her.” He told her and made his way towards the lockers. He had reached the door and could see Jane through the crack in the door. He saw her punch her locker then put her back to it and slowly slump down to the floor, looking defeated. He was about to go in when he saw Kaidan go over to her. Damn, he thought. He’d have to talk to her another time. He didn’t know what he was feeling but he didn’t like the thought of Kaidan being the one to console her. He stood there with his back to the wall for a few minutes trying to put his thoughts together. He wasn’t sure why but he wanted nothing more than for her to be happy and he wanted to be the one to make her feel that way. He wanted to fight beside her and protect her at the same time. He wanted to see her face everyday, the same face that reminded him of the stars in the galaxy. He wanted her to be his galaxy. It was then he realized he didn’t really want to go back to C-sec, he wanted to stay on the Normandy with Jane. His thoughts were interrupted when Jane came flying out of the locker room with Kaidan behind her.

“C’mon, Garrus. We’re going to Flux.” She said as she ran past him. “Anderson wants to talk and if I know him, he’s got a plan.”

“Are you kidding? I’m right behind you.” He replied as he ran after her.