#I totally understand where you are coming from anon. so please don't view this reply as me saying fuck you to what I said

[dogearedheart]

Hey! I say this with love but I feel like you might be spiraling? Please don't forget to take care of your basic needs and go on a nice walk if you can. And re the romantic love thing, I've been there and felt hopeless too but at some point I started dividing my attention more and found more kinds of love in different places and now I feel fulfilled with friendships and community, and perhaps romantic love later down the line but I don't feel that "burden" and pressure anymore. And I believe you can get there too. I really do. And because I feel like you might now deny that or say something self-deprecating, I will probably not come back to your inbox but know that I have faith and I promise things do change, you just need to shift your mindset slowly over time, be gentle with yourself but also give yourself a kick in the butt if you feel like giving up or going back to behavior or thought patterns that are unhelpful. Wishing you the best ❤️

hey, anon!

sorry, if you got the feeling that I am spiraling, but I am actually feeling very stable at the moment. I am not sure if my last ask made you come here and leave this ask, but I wasn't just talking about romantic love. I was talking about all those different kinds of love. you can love your friend just as deeply as your partner. and all the people I've met (which have almost all been friendships and very rarely something more) have made me the person I am today. I meant that in a very thankful kinda way, if that makes sense? I never felt these feelings were a burden or a pressure. sure, I would usually try to deny whatever is said about me (especially in a nice context, I guess), but I honestly don't think anything you said is like... something I was trying to say. I do think that we all have the capacity to find our own people. romantic and platonic love have always been linked to me anyway. I am being as gentle and kind with myself as I can be. I am good with who I am, and too tired to try and be anyone else anyway.

I know that this is probably an asks with kind intentions, but I am not sure what to make of the first part if I am being completely honest.

[holllandtrash]

woah woah woah. i am the anon that sent that message and i have a bone to pick with you. first you completely ignore my apology after i have explained how you misinterpreted my words. then you go on to reply to others and spread false info?? FYI- i wasn’t referring to your tiktok, i’ve never even viewed your page bc it’s probably boring af. i was referring to the hundreds of posts on your tumblr. who do you think you are to talk to me like this? get over yourself you’re not a celebrity 💀

if you had come off anon and reached out to me privately or sent me a message, i would have loved to have a conversation with you and clear the air, but because you want to continue to hide behind the secrecy of a screen, i am going to respond to this publicly and i am going to break down my response so no one gets their feelings hurt.

"i am the anon that sent that message and i have a bone to pick with you." this is not how you start a conversation with anyone, and if you are looking for respect here, you're not getting it by starting off like that.

"first you completely ignore my apology after i have explained how you misinterpreted my words." if you had looked at my recent post, you would have seen I put out a general thank you to those who did send kind words. i did not respond to every single one, or any of them for that matter (except 1) because as mentioned, i was taking a short little break from tumblr and did not want to read my inbox. by the time i did go to look at what people had sent me, i skimmed the inbox and realised that a lot of them had some not so nice things to say about you and your message and the last thing i wanted was more negativity on my page, regardless of who it was directed at. for your benefit, i kept those messages in the inbox. i put out one general thank you because this situation was something i wanted to move on from.

also this was your apology:

no where in that message is a proper explanation as to what you were referring to when you said "u need to write more fanfics instead of giving your opinions."

also what if i didn't accept your apology? i don't owe it to you to respond if i don't want to.

"then you go on to reply to others" i replied to one person because the first sentence in their message caught my eye. that user is from italy, more specifically the region that is affected by the flooding and i wanted to share with them they were in my thoughts and i hoped they were safe.

"and spread false info??" FYI- i wasn’t referring to your tiktok, i was referring to the hundreds of posts on your tumblr. what false info? yes, i admit, maybe i did jump to assume you were referring to my podcast/tik tok and what i had said about imola, but in my defence, why would someone come on my blog and tell me to not post on my blog? that doesn't make any sense at all, and again, it's just rude. maybe you meant it as a joke, (you didn't, we know that now) but you need to understand that you cannot go into someone's inbox and say things like that. people are allowed to post what they want on their blogs. if you just wanted to read their work, there's a good chance they have a masterlist you can scroll through to avoid the rest of their posts.

"i’ve never even viewed your page bc it’s probably boring af." please see exhibit a: you saying you love my page and my podcast (which is the exact same as my tik tok). so you're being dishonest in one of those messages. also, i can assure you it's not boring. if it were boring, i wouldn't have been invited to texas or toronto to work with other creators, but i totally understand if my content is not something you want to watch or listen to. it's not for everyone, but it's also certainly not boring.

"who do you think you are to talk to me like this?" this is what i said:

you are quite literally the one who sent me a message with the underlying tone that said "talk less, write more" and you are not the first person to send me a message like that, your message was simply the one that pushed me over the edge and i had to say something. you are the one who came to my page and said "u need to write more fanfics instead of giving your opinions." so let me ask you, who do you think you are, talking to me like that? those paragraphs i put out were, yes, for you but also for the dozens of other people who think its fair to tell people to write more. if you saw that and got personally offended because you thought it was a message that resonated with you and what you had said, that's on you.

"get over yourself you’re not a celebrity" never said i was babes, i'm just a human being. i will stand up for myself and share my opinions and i believe you have been extremely disrespectful. i've done nothing wrong. my inbox is still open, as are my messages, if you would like to come off anon and have a real conversation. but until you understand that there is a way to talk to people and how spoke to me is not it, i fear you may not get the respect you desire.

as per your most recent message:

i don't believe you're sorry for the outburst, but i do believe it was sent in frustration and haste. again, if you had reached out to me privately and off anon, this whole thing could have been avoided. thank you for liking my writing, i am not apologising for anything i said or for my personality as you seem to be the only one who has a problem with it. if you would like to unfollow me, i understand, but please, don't leave any more messages for any more writers that implies 'talk less, write more'.

thank you

[rpbetter]

I'm so tired of roleplaying with people who don't put half the commitment I do into our threads and muses. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a weirdo or like I don't belong for that. Any other hobby and people wouldn't care if I took it seriously. Why is roleplaying different? How can I keep going like this if I'm getting rudeness from all sides? I can't even go outside my already tiny bubble and find more partners, because I always see people putting roleplayers like me down and it's exhausting.

"Why is roleplaying different?"

Well, Anon, I know that was a rhetorical question, but I have some thoughts on that. To the surprise of no one!

I strongly believe that this is an issue with how fandom has come to dominate roleplaying. As I've said before, it really wasn't always like that. Of course, you always had canon characters and almost all RPers were invested in a fandom or two. The difference was that online RP was once viewed much more like tabletop RPGs are.

When the RPC became a near-total offshoot of Fandom, a lot of shit changed and very rapidly...and within Fandom, a lot of shit was changing very rapidly as well at that time.

RP has always been something looked down on (though, at least no one ever accused written RP online of being literally demonic like they did DnD, or made correlations to murder sprees like they did LARPing, so there's that) as strange, not the good, understandable sort of dorky.

Part of that is almost certainly because of the difference in the way society views writing vs the way it views hobbies like gaming - writing is seen as an intellectual pursuit and a job, gaming, even at its most negative points of view in wider society, has been seen traditionally as a downtime activity only.

But. RP was not looked down upon from within Fandom or in roleplay communities themselves like it is now.

When the whole experience of fandoms themselves became extremely mainstream and open, it welcomed in a ton of shit ideas and behaviors that were not previously prevalent. It changed RP, too, along many of those same lines.

When your hobby is considered objectionably weird by people within the fandoms you love and RP in and that makes you a sort of lowest-tier fan, the viewpoint of RP to RPers becomes something lesser than a valid hobby. When RPers are the same people who engage with Fandom monetarily, anything not monetized is passively consumable content, including RP. And RPers are trying to both deflect shame and struggling with wider society's mixed messages, that now hit them everywhere online as well. Shit like, "you don't have to monetize your hobby, it's okay to just make really good cross stitches of memes for yourself" and "if you're not paying me, you have no control over me."

We seriously do not view RP as a proper hobby anymore, that's why. There are many factors to that, those are just few, but that's the ultimate answer. It's not seen that way because it's not valued in the same way.

I think much of the problem with muns losing their entire shit over anyone else approaching the hobby differently, dare I say...more seriously, is related to a lot of complex psychology about self-esteem, control, and anxiety. So many people here struggle with serious self-worth and confidence issues, and I think to many of them, whether they realize it or not, when they see serious RPers, they feel like that's an inherent judgment and a danger to their own enjoyment. Because RP, as writing, is a skilled hobby - the more you practice it, the more skilled you become with it. Meaning that someone who approaches the writing seriously is going to be at a higher skill level.

Enter the way we're training to think about writing again - when they see someone who is very practiced, skilled, and confident with their writing, the learned idea is that they're somehow superior in a nasty, personal way.

I most certainly do not think that makes it alright, it isn't, and I'm not very tolerant of it.

It's absolutely alright to engage with RP in any way you see fit. If that's extremely casual, it's a minor hobby for you, that's great! I'm so happy you're enjoying yourself, and I mean that in no facetious way. But not when that is the only form of it respected and accepted. It's just as alright to have RP as your primary, serious hobby!

The only way we can all enjoy a hobby with such great variance within it is by respecting each other's variables, not by vilifying them. It's recognizing that, no matter how much you enjoy the mun and/or muse, they're not engaging with the hobby in the way you are, it's not a good fit to write together. (Please, begging y'all to be friends with those who are different, not enemies, shit's sake. You've not got to write together to be friends!) Instead of labeling them and being hateful. Different =/= a threat.

And, to go off a bit lol y'all demonizing serious RPers really don't get that there are some intense tones of ableism and more going on in that narrative of yours, huh?

Not that anyone requires a reason to be serious about any hobby, but when people pick a hobby like RP as their primary one...you should probably have the maturity to consider why that is. Could it be that they focus on a hobby they can do from their homes and that requires low physical involvement, and has a degree of separation from direct socializing, for a reason?

Serious RPers tend to be limited in their ability to pursue other hobbies. Mental and physical health, region, finances, and ability to spend time outside of the home are all very common limits for those who "take RP too seriously/are addicted to RP."

Maybe take five seconds away from your own issues to consider that the person you're shitting on for something so minor as a difference of importance of a hobby might be the full-time caretaker of a special needs child, having to remain home and on a very small income. They might be chronically ill or suffer from agoraphobia. They might live in an area with no hobbies of interest, affordability, or at all...or they might live somewhere that is incredibly dangerous for them.

I honestly do not know where these people have been that they've been aggressed at by serious RPers, but that's usually the excuse. (I'm not saying it has never happened or does not happen, before anyone goes there.) The idea that serious RPers are extreme elitists who are demanding that other muns do what they do, how they do it. That they expect other muns to be online and RPing all the time, that they be "available for entertainment at all times" at the cost of real-life matters. Having the expectation that threads not be dropped constantly or that a writing partner not leave for months with no contact is neither of those things.

In over two decades of RPing across almost every platform type that has existed, I have literally never seen that be either a singular RPer-type problem or one that serious RPers are even more likely to deal in. I've seen the opposite, actually. Which is not a condemnation or a statement that all casual RPers do this, just what my experience has been. And one that actually stands to reason based on the way they view and engage with RP - quick replies, quick entertainment, and very low commitment to threads, muses, or other muns. Of course, it's annoying to them when a more serious RPer is unwilling to do rapid-fire style quick, short threads from an ask with them, but is writing the lengthy replies they already owed instead.

That's probably a factor as well, in here among a plethora of misunderstanding/unawareness of differences - for many serious RPers, it's not easier and more fun to write short, quick threads. So, what a casual RPer is seeing is that they're willing to put all this extraordinary effort into a massive reply to someone else while their easy, fun, quickly done thread is waiting in line.

Misunderstandings and unawareness breed hostility, period. And there is a hell of a lot of those things in the RPC.

What serious RPers are expressing are either boundaries/expectations or frustration. Not a demand that you be around all the time, but an expectation that you leave them alone if you're not also a serious RPer who will be committed to threads and muses. Not hostility and elitism, the frustration that it's already difficult to find muns who will work out before you add in the majority rule of casual RPers.

It's incredibly disheartening, frustrating, and honestly, a bit anxiety-inducing to constantly be the weird one, always have few choices, and to be at risk of being Problematic purely because you take the hobby seriously. You can't vent without someone jumping on your ass to remind you (even if you said numerous times that "real life comes first" and "people can do what they want") that omg, people have lives, people can do what makes them happy, it's just RP.

It's so upsetting when you think you might have found a good writing partner, then, you see a PSA they've reblogged about how it's a "hobby, not a jobby," and "no one owes anyone anything, ever." Excuse me, as that last one is a direct quote, let me redo it so it is verbatim: "no one owes anyone here anything - EVER !!!"

I said I wasn't very tolerant :)

But seriously, exactly what you've expressed is why I'm not...it's another form of controlling others instead of trying your best to control your own experience, and it's often extremely hateful. I'm not tolerant of anything like that, it's no longer supporting preferences at that point. When your preference is the only one that will be tolerated in the community, it's not a preference anymore.

It's something that makes others feel isolated, afraid of harassment, and depressed. It is a hobby and it isn't supposed to make you feel like that!

And, no, absolutely the fuck not lol the "answer" to this isn't that you're taking it too seriously and need to take a break. I'm so tired of seeing that shit tacked onto RPH responses and vents and PSAs. You're not saying that RP is making you feel this way, "just take a break and come back when you agree with everyone else" isn't a solution.

Of course, if you do feel like your time here has become so upsetting? Yeah, obviously, you should try to find some other things to supplement your downtime that make you feel happier again. Engage in some other forms of writing just meant for yourself, or that can be published as fics. Spend some more time on a game you enjoy for a while, or get invested in a new one. Learn to shape bonsai or make no-knead rolls. Whatever would make you happy as a hobby when you're not here.

Other than that, however, well...we're not going to be implying on this blog that you're too serious and need to take a hiatus until you have no emotional investment in your hobby. That's insane. I'd not say it about hiking, martial arts, dog obedience competitions, hobby farming, or painting either.

I wish I could think of some solutions as to where you could look that wasn't like this, but it's definitely the majority of the RPC. It doesn't help that, due to this, serious RPers have a tendency to quietly stick together and not venture out into the RPC. They're just not incredibly easy to find.

I will say that they tend to be:

novella - if you're not here for serious RP and sticking around for a while, you're not going to invest the time and energy into particularly lengthy writing

older RPers - I would say that twenty-five is probably the youngest, with early thirties to late forties being the majority

in fandoms with a large adult base of fans - even if it's a franchise friendly to, or even meant for, younger fans, if it has a particularly active adult fanbase, it's a better chance of finding serious RPers in it

as above, old fandoms - fandoms that have been around for a long time tend to have more serious RPers in them

fandomless OCs - tend to have a higher chance of being written by serious RPers than canons or heavily fandom-involved OCs

RPers who do not do a ton of advertising for their muse(s), but when they do, they don't advertise them based on activism points or trends

slightly more likely to not have an emphasis on highly aesthetic blogs, graphics, icons etc. - they use a modified basic tumblr theme, low on graphics, their aesthetics are not on-trend, for example

anti-content policing/"write what you want" style muns

muns with more extensive rules pages - they plan to be here for a while, they take writing, RP, and their muse(s) seriously, so, it's a bit more important to them to head off problems before they start

those with older characters/FCs - be that literally in age or the character being one that has existed for a long time

"stay in your lane" style muns - if they're opining on fandom or the RPC, they must really be angry about something

those with numerous and detailed headcanons - for example, their response to a HC meme ask like, "what's your muse's favorite ice cream flavor?" is going to be treated seriously, not simply answered with "mint chocolate chip because my bby is gross"

As usual, not a complete or perfect list. I don't fit some of the things on there! It could give you some things to look for when trying to find other serious RPers, though. It's based on observances from someone who was never a casual RPer, even as a minor (me, obviously), and maybe it could at least keep you from continuously running into hostility about your approach to RP.

I've honestly considered making a list of some sort expressly for RPers who are on the more serious end of the spectrum, but...in a RPC back when things were dominated by serious RPers, I did that sort of thing with a RPH I had, and it still got labeled as being a list for and by Elitists. I don't know that anyone would want to put themselves out there for potential harassment on tumblr, you know? It was a joke then, just having a group of RPers label you as an Elitist. Here, you get told to kill yourself, and none of us need more of that shit, right?

Try to hang in there, Anon, I know it's upsetting, and I'm so sorry that something fun has gotten to be like this.

Try to understand that these people are coming from a place of irrational defensiveness, often in response to bullying themselves at some point or feeling bad about themselves. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it easier to not take to heart.

And keep at it! In my experience here, once you find a group of people you fit into, it really is...A Group. Especially among RPers who are ostracized, they stick together, they promote each other, and they're very happy for their mutuals to become your mutuals. Once you find them, it unlocks so many opportunities for the interactions and type of RP you've been missing!

[ranposlittle]

Hi! I don't know if you've ever answered this but I'm really curious to know as to why you've chosen Ranpo? I mean why do you like him in particular? Oh and what do you think about Mori? And who are your top 3 characters from BSD (like Dada material characters)? I've got so many questions🖤🖤🖤

Haha it's absolutely fine, anon~ I would love to answer all the questions that you have for me (●ˊᵕˋ●)

Warning: I'll be taking about some sensitive or possibly triggering topics on my answer about Mori (on item number 2). Please skip it and prioritize your mental health first 🤗

I've actually talked more in depth about this in the Q & A, but what I like about dada in particular is that he's not an ability user. I find it extremely attractive (and super hot) to see a "normal" man keeping up with the finest ability users out there. I also like the complexity of his character. I'd love to expound on this so if you'd like, I can make a whole post for it haha bcos really I have so much to say. As to why he's my "dada", basically, I just can see him as a dom haha in my own opinion of him, I think he likes to be the one who have the say on things. Of course, not to the point of being overly controlling, but more of liking the feeling of being "the man" haha. I mean, even Fukuzawa- the only person he have so much respect for- can't even order him around sometimes. He doesn't like to be looked down upon on or to be treated like he's an ignorant child, he's just lazy about the things he deemed unimportant. He likes to be praised and be viewed in high regards, so I think he'll appreciate someone who is a sub bcos subs do just that with their doms. I also think that he acts all childish but when with someone who is a bit more childish or innocent than him (for example, Kenji and Kyoka), he is very willing to act more responsibly. He doesn't mind explaining to Kenji the details of something he doesn't understand, or to instruct Kyoka how you eat a certain candy– even if he ended up eating it himself haha like, imagine this. Me, a sub, telling him: "Can you pls teach me how to open a ramune?" He will smile proudly and reply, "Of course, I can! I'm the best there is. You can't do anything without my help, don't you? Come here, I'll show you." — that'll be very dom of him haha he's very capable of being in charge if he wants to and idk I just don't think he's more into submitting. I think maybe bcos of his underlying insecurity, he would like to have that constant affirmation that he's the best and he's at the top of everything. Combine that with his playfulness, you get the best kind of a daddy– dominating but still fun. So yeah hehe I hope I made any sense 😅

Ooh, Mori. I have a lot of thoughts about Mori haha but to put it simply, I feel nothing towards him. I don't like him nor do I hate him. I'm truly indifferent towards him. The only time that I thought about Mori for a long time was when one night, I sat up on my bed thinking if Mori touches Elise (in a you-know-what way) or if he can even touch her at all. I looked it up and found a post explaining that the protagonist in Vita Sexualis expressed how he think he's asexual. This is the post and they also made some good points about Mori so pls check it out. So it made me wonder, if this is where Mori's ability is derived from, does he feels sexual attraction to Elise or just plain attraction? Because if we are going to go with the notion that he feels no need for sexual gratification, then we can say that he's only attracted to Elise. But why? The thought I came up with is maybe his attraction isn't really about age– bcos his attraction is towards Yosano. Well, Yosano's child self at that. It's possible that the first time he felt anything remotely close to admiring or being attracted to someone is when he met Yosano. Perhaps it's because of the beauty he found on her ability, or maybe her strong personality, but the bottom line is: Yosano became the image of his idea of what love or attraction is. This is what I came up with bcos I parallel Mori to the character of Humbert Humbert in the book "Lolita" where he became attracted to minors bcos of his first love when he was 14. Maybe Mori never got out of that moment bcos he might've felt like his "love" for Yosano was cut short or that she was taken away from him, and that's why he kept Elise in that age, bcos that's how old Yosano was when she was "his". At least that's is how I see it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not justifying or moralizing his actions. I just think that maybe Mori isn't gonna be attracted to just any child, I think he will be if they possess certain characteristics, like how H.H. likes "nymphets". I haven't read the manga though and I don't know when Mori manifested Elise, if it's before or after he met Yosano. Or if Elise's appearance has always been of a little girl. So I could be totally wrong with this and if that's the case then, never mind everything I said haha

I got asked a similar question before but it's just my fave characters and not the ones who I think is "dada-material" haha so just to be clear, aside from dada, my top 3 faves would be: Tachihara Michizou, Kenji Miyazawa and Q. So, for the top 3 characters that for me are "dada-material", it would be: Junichiro Tanizaki, Chuuya Nakahara and Oda Sakunosuke~ Bonus: Yukichi Fukuzawa. But only if you're into older men of course hehe

Thank you for your ask, anon! I had fun and I really love answering all of them~ don't be shy to ask more when you get the chance, ok? Bye bye~ ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎

[freckliedan]

I'm sorry, I really disagree with you. I don't think anyone HAS to accept critisicm unless that person is like, their teacher. Anons and others of tumblr are not that. She wrote something that was very deep and very personal, tagged it as such, and posted in on the internet. All things that are allowed. Logging off when you don't want to see hate is totally reasonable- if someone was screaming in your face, walking away is a good response. I don't understand the way people reacted to this.

I guess, she just doesn't have to aplogise because people are telling her to. It was all her choice-posting it, taking it down, etc. It might be sad or make people angry if she doesn't react the way they'd like, but thats part of being on the internet. It goes both ways here. I'm really not trying to come at people all up in arms- I understand there is upset. But that is part of being a bloody human, let alone on the internet. For something like a fic? We don't get to tell her what to do.

I'm like specifically not anon here cos I really don't want to argue or seem hostile. Discussion is good, I'm not here to hate on you or anyone. I hope it didn't come across that way.

hi b! thank you so much for your messages, especially the last one clarifying tone! you weren’t coming across as hostile, especially because of being off anon, but i always tend to doubt myself when reading tone so it meant a lot to have a clear confirmation that i was reading things right 💛 and also thank you because i’m really glad for the chance to have a discussion with someone who has a different point of view from me; i always worry a lot about what will happen if i only talk with/listen to people who think similarly to me and it means the world to me when people who disagree with my thoughts are comfy having conversations with me.

i’m worried that i haven’t been entirely clear expressing my point of view, and that that’s a part of what you don’t agree with? because i agree with a lot of what you’ve said, and that makes me think the disagreement might be because i’m not communicating clearly? (my apologies if this gets quite long, my instinct is always to over-explain things & it comes not from a place of condescension but from a desire to make as much sense as possible)

tl;dr for the contents below the cut:

overall the message that i’m trying to send is not that sarah should apologize/change her behavior or that her leaving tumblr due to the hateful messages she was receiving at the same time as legitimate criticism was wrong. the message i’m trying to send is that due to her pattern of behavior, i don't think she’s willing to hold herself accountable for her actions, and that because of that/because the only person anyone can control is themself it’s up to us as a community to decide whether we’re okay with sarah’s actions and are going to support her by not acting on anything, or if we’re not okay with her actions and if we’re not, what actions we’re going to take about this situation. (this was going to be my final paragraph but i put it here instead).

i’m going to number these just to try to add a little organization in my responses to everything?

1) you’re right that nobody has to accept criticism from anyone; the only person anyone can control is themself, and i would never push the idea that the best resolution to a conflict situation is changing someone else's behavior/the only way to resolve something is for someone else’s behavior to change. what i am saying is that in society, it is generally accepted that an appropriate response to being told that something you did/said was in the wrong is evaluating whether what you did or said was hurtful, and if it was going on to apologize and change your behavior as best you're able in the future.(the reason i included evaluating whether what you did or said was hurtful is because sometimes abusers tell their victims that they are bad or in the wrong for setting and enforcing healthy boundaries, which isn’t a bad or wrong thing at all, and even though that’s not the topic of this post i don’t want to put the message into the world that literally 100% of the time people must apologize and change their behavior when told they’ve hurt someone. evaluation of the situation is important).and there is no literal law or rule that says you have to apologize and modify your behavior when someone tells you you've done something hurtful and their criticism/call in is an accurate assessment of the situatoin, but in general? refusing to apologize and change when it’s true that you’ve hurt someone is the asshole thing to do.and even though there’s no rule saying someone has to apologize, it's very socially accepted that if you say "hey, this thing you did hurt me/someone i care about and i don't know if you realized, so i'm telling you with the assumption that you don't want to hurt other people again in the future" and the other person says "there's no rule saying i have to accept criticism or apologize to anyone"? that person is kind of an asshole and you can choose not to spend time around them or interact with them in the future.

so like, nobody has to accept criticism from others but refusing to accept any criticism whatsoever often means people probably won’t want to spend time around you because you clearly don’t care about others’ feelings?

i'm not saying sarah has to accept criticism or apologise, i'm saying that if sarah continually shows a disregard for other people's wellbeing by refusing to accept criticism, it's reasonable for people to choose not to interact with her anymore. 

i’ve been blocked by her and her friends since (i believe) january, when i was sending supportive asks to a minor who was recieving violent anon hate for making room on his blog for other minors who were uncomfortable with the teenagers fanfic; i have the people who blocked me blocked in return, because before now i was choosing to deal with this by following my own advice and refusing to interact with individuals who have behaved hurtfully and refused to change but at this point in time feel it necessary to speak out for the reasons i listed in my long reply on a post about the current discourse (link for context, though i think that post may be why i got these asks?)

2) also, i agree with you that disengaging when you’re receiving hateful messages is incredibly valid and honestly the smartest thing for anyone’s mental health when conflict gets out of control on tumblr. i don’t consider the hateful messages sarah was getting to have been constructive criticism of the kind i’ve previously been describing in this post; i’m fully against anyone sending anon hate for any reason. amber answered an ask about this (link) and i agree with everything amber said. for me, it is both true that the anon hate sarah received was horrible and inexcusable and that i cannot continue standing by while she refuses to be held accountable for the impact of her actions, regardless of her intent.

3) i think in response to you not understanding the way people reacted to this, that’s probably connected to the one place where we do have a major difference in the way we’re thinking? specifically the part where you said “She wrote something that was very deep and very personal, tagged it as such, and posted in on the internet. All things that are allowed.”

you’re right that there’s no laws or literal rules preventing what she did, and i think i’ve repeatedly said that i understand and support people writing fic to cope with their own experiences, but that sarah crossed a line when posting this fic specifically. amber covers that really well in her response to an ask, as well (link). please read what amber said; i am in total agreement with them. 

what you said about sarah’s fic-that it was very deep and very personal- is also true about what dan shared with us in basically i’m gay. publishing a fic that uses dan’s trauma in the way that sarah did is incredibly dehumanizing and it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach with horror. dan and phil are human people, and it’s never okay to take ownership over another person’s trauma like that.

does that make sense? i don’t mean to have an aggressive or hostile tone whatsoever either, and i can’t tell whether i’ve succeeded in avoiding that in this reply.