#I think we need to overcome this tbh. Intrinsically connected to the whole trouble with *vulnerability* and trust stuff probably
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Sometimes I want to be open about (probably (still)) being a system to ppl I know
But then I know I always go back on it fearing I'm wrong, and what might come out of it.
Is it really denial? Or is it just being covert, being afraid, and hiding because of it?
(I mean I think the point of denial is kinda to hide from *yourself* anyways so it's still hiding but YK-)
#sepiasys.txt#a thought#Honestly every time I have TRIED to be in denial anymore; it gets hardcore rejected. Like my brain retaliates so fast to denial#Which in and of itself kinda makes me wanna deny it ironically bc like. is denying the denial a sign it's faking? like I'm so convinced?#I don't think so. idk; denial passes by real fast bc of the denying denial and then not caring anymore#not currently happening btw just remembering it is a thing that happens when I do deny it#Anyways the point of this is worrying that mayhaps my friend has been erm looking at my stuff and yeah mild paranoia that im ignoring :3#Times thinking of admitting to that same friend about it and being too afraid to.#Too afraid to give our current SP (they gave us theirs so we have an old one we used to friend em)#I think we need to overcome this tbh. Intrinsically connected to the whole trouble with *vulnerability* and trust stuff probably#Idk. Baby steps though; please. It might be really really stressful if we go guns blazing w/it =w=;;;#queued post bc its meh.
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