#I think we all need to have more appreciation for how often damon serves in photos

[feraltwinkseb]

May 14, 1995 - Spain Source: Paul-Henri Cahier/Getty Images

[austennerdita2533]

ooh can you do those same top three questions but for suits and tvd :)

Sure can, nonnie! xx

*Just as a general disclaimer for anyone else who happens to read this: my ship preferences are what they are. I’m simply stating my opinion/preference and am in no way encouraging hate or fights. Discussion is always welcome, of course, but happy vibes here only!

*2020 sucks enough as it is without bringing ship drama into it, you know?

TVD

Top 3 seasons:

-1, 2, and 3 without an ounce of hesitation. This was when the show was at its peak in storytelling, characterization, ship development, magic/mythology etc.

Top 3 romantic ships:

-Klaroline. One of my highest echelon ships for reasons I do not need to enumerate; however, I will say what I love about them most is they challenge as well as complement each other in beautifully rich, convoluted ways. Their back and forth is ridiculously entertaining, too!

-Kalijah. They have spice, and angst, and forbidden love, and 500+ years of cat-and-mouse chasing and I will be over here bitter about them for eternity! 

-Forwood. *excuse me while I cry over “until we find a way” for a few hours* These two went through so much to be together! Their progressive arc in s2-s3 is still one of my favorites.

*I’m Swiss neutral when it comes to Stelena and Delena, I vacillate between both ships at different times so they’re not included in my top 3. I’m an anomalous TVD shipper, a true outlier, what can I say?

Top 3 platonic ships:

-Klelijah. Klaus and Elijah have an incredibly dense, fraught brotherly dynamic. Something about their ancient ties and 1,000-year bond is gripping. There’s so much spoken and unspoken subtext between them. So many unresolved “somethings.” Plus, it’s no secret that I adore the Originals and all they add to the TVD-verse.

-Klebekah. Klaus and Rebekah sparkle, they sizzle, any time they’re on-screen together. Just the sheer depth of feeling and betrayal and angst they emanate is so entertaining to watch. Don’t get me started on the whole “I loved you more than anyone and you didn’t even care” scene because I get emotional.

-Defan. Stefan and Damon are another complex sibling relationship on the show. Throw into the mix that they find themselves in love with same woman, not once, but twice, and whew! I love the flashbacks we get of them throughout history as well.

*Gotta give shoutouts to my other favorite, though moderately less well-developed, brotps here: Carenzo, Katholine, Rebekoline, and Baroline. *chef’s kiss*

Top 3 characters:

-Caroline Forbes

-Klaus Mikaelson

-Katherine Pierce

Top 3 plotlines you’d change/erase if you could:

-THE BABY PLOTS ! ! ! BOTH OF THEM!!!!!!!!! (I’m talking Klaus/Haley and their tribrid baby and Caroline’s surrogacy/pregnancy with the Gemini twins.) I apologize for my overemphasized caps + exclamation points here, but I loathe these storylines with every fiber of my being. I can’t help it. More often than not, I like to pretend they don’t exist lololol.

-How they handled the beginning of Stefan and Caroline’s romantic relationship was...icky. Like, while Liz was dying? Really? Then she turns off her humanity because he “rejects” her. Again, REALLY? I have major issues with the overall portrayal of them as a couple - particularly with the relationship imbalances as well as the insecurities they heightened instead of tamped out in each other - but the inception of it all is what kills me. Especially because I am a huge proponent of friends-to-lovers ships...and the writers really dropped the ball with them, imo. I’m a multishipper at heart so the disappointment I harbor is PALATABLE. 

-The Cure storyline and the Travelers storyline. Didn’t like either of them. They have equal “could’ve been loads better” billing.

Top 3 episodes you’d take to a deserted island:

-3x14, Dangerous Liaisons. LISTEN. This is my favorite episode of the entire series. There’s a ball, there’s blood-tinged champagne, there’s duplicity and romance and drama. All the Mikaelsons are under the same roof, for crying out loud! It’s gold!

-2x07, Masquerade. This one because of my girl, Katherine Pierce, the biggest, baddest bitch of all. She’s a saucy little minx the entire masquerade only to end up locked in the tomb. I just...love it.

-The Klaroliner in me is screaming 4x23, Graduation because being on a deserted island without having access to Klaus’s iconic “however long it takes” declaration would be insupportable. However, a case could be made for either 3x20, Do Not Go Gentle because I am trash for the decade dances, and that one’s my favorite, OR 3x22, The Departed because that is one hell of a season finale!

Suits

Top 3 seasons:

-Season 2. Mike’s secret out of the bag? Them all working together to fight against the merger? Donna shredding evidence to protect Harvey? Daniel fucking Hardman? *thumbs up*

-Season 5. FIREWORKS. Donna’s working for Louis, Harvey’s in therapy, Mike gets arrested/goes on trial, Zane family drama. Exquisite stuff

-Season 3 or Season 1. Don’t make me choose between them, please. 🙏🏻

Top 3 romantic ships:

-Darvey. I mean, OBVIOUSLY. These two idiots had me from the pilot. I knew the moment Donna said “I also took care of that. we’ve been married for the last 7 years” that I was on the precipice of falling into another long, beautiful, up-to-their-chins-in-pining, slow sloooooow burn ships. Granted, I didn’t think it’d take 8 seasons for them to get together lololol but I don’t regret a damn thing!

-Mike and Rachel. They’re adorable together, they truly love each other. Also, can we talk about how they’re a steady couple for most-ish of the show?  They have drama, sure, but they work through most of it together. As a unit. THAT’S A BIG DEAL. It’s like going through the canon drive thru and actually getting (most) of what you ordered.

-Louis and Sheila. This is a couple who makes me laugh uproariously AND feel all the emotions. I mean, will I ever forget Louis dropping to one knee in the hospital with his ass cheeks hanging out? NO. Will I ever get over Shelia’s pregnant feet being too fat to fit into her Cinderella glass slippers? NOT ON YOUR LIFE. Will I blubber like an emo sap whenever they finally reconcile/get their happy ending? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

Top 3 platonic ships:

-Mike and Harvey. They have a connection from the beginning but I love seeing how much they rub off on one another, how much deeper their bond grows over the course of the show. Their movie references are always a delight, too. *cries: it’s so beautiful*

-Donna and Louis. Their relationship is so important to me. Like?!?!?!? They have so many fantastic one-on-one moments together - some that make your sides ache with laughter, others that prick your eyes with emotion and tears. Even though it kills me when Donna leaves Harvey to work for Louis, I can’t help but love it too because he fanboys all over her. GIVE DONNA ALL THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION SHE DESERVES. 

-Harvey and Louis because they have a formative and/or impactful dynamic. They mostly respect each other but there’s a lot of animosity between them. Makes for such good TV!

Top 3 characters:

-Donna Paulsen aka Fashion Goddess of NYC (can I have all of her outfits? for real) and the Reigning Queen of Sass (who also happens to be the reigning queen of my heart as well). The entire firm would have fallen into collapse without her, FULL STOP.

-Harvey Specter. I have a penchant for stoic, inscrutable, emotionally constipated, on-the-borderline-of-asshole characters and boy did I hit the jackpot with this one! 

-This one was hard, but I’m going to go with Louis Litt because his character evolution is amazing! He’s so unlikable at times, what with his competitive streak and anger/jealousy issues, but then there’s this whole other side to him that’s sensitive and vulnerable and sweet. You can’t help but root for him, you know? (Even when you want to punch him right in the nose lol.)

Top 3 plotlines you’d change/erase if you could:

-Harvey giving Paula the credit for why he reconciled with his mother, when it was actually because of Donna. They retcon/fix this in the narrative in s9 but it still bugs me in the moment. I can’t let it go. So sue me.

-Pearson Hardman’s “Harvard Only” hiring law. Not only is it ridiculous and discriminatory but no way in hell would you even be able to implement such a thing in today’s world. Nor should you be able to do so. Diversity is important!

-I wasn’t crazy about the Mike prison storyline but, at the same time, he had to serve out penance for the whole fraud business??? So yeah.

Top 3 episodes you’d take to a deserted island:

-2x07, Sucker Punch. THE MOCK TRIAL, AHHHHHHH. Louis grills Donna about Harvey within an inch of her life. I can hear his inflection during his stream of “do you love Harvey Specter, do you love Harvey Specter” in my head. It is so effing tense in that conference room, I DIE. 

3x06, The Other Time. I am all about this flashback episode, okay? It opens Pandora’s box on all things past!Darvey and also shows us how Mike gets thrown out of school.

-8x16, Harvey. If you think I’d willingly retreat to a deserted island without having access to that Darvey love epiphany/love actualization scene then you are kidding yourself! I still blast “Love is Mystical” on full volume just to daydream about that swooping-through-the-apartment-door smooch sometimes. *fans self*

[thatfanficstuff]

Sweet as Pie - Elijah

Pairing: Elijah x Reader

Warning: nope. It’s fluffy. Feel the fluff.

A/N: This was not on the list. Blame heythereelejah on wattpad. Elijah could not be tamed. That makes this sound dirty. It’s not. Maybe it should be.

***

Just one normal day, that was all you wanted. Not even a whole day. You just wanted one meal. One dinner with the people you considered family. No interruptions, no drama, no distractions.

You texted or emailed the invitations and one by one the responses came in. For once, everyone could get together on the same day. You spent weeks planning the menu and two days preparing what you could ahead.

It was five hours before dinner was to be served when you received the first call. Kol and Davina had something else come up. “Another time though, darling,” the Mikaelson had said and hung up before you could even respond.

You were a little disappointed but two less people would hardly put a dent in your numbers. You took their place settings from the table and put everything away. But as the afternoon went on, the guestlist whittled away and the table grew emptier. Eventually, you took the extension out and made the table smaller. 

When Damon texted to tell you that he and Elena had taken an unexpected trip out of town, that left only three plates on the table. You wiped a tear away that threatened to spill over and sighed. Damn it. You should have known better.

Truth be told, you’d been prepared for something to come up, but you’d been thinking trouble of the supernatural variety. This just seemed like everyone decided they had other things they’d rather be doing then spending time with you. Maybe you should have told them it was your birthday. As soon as you had the thought you brushed it aside. There was a reason you hadn’t mentioned it. While you wanted to spend the evening with your friends, you didn’t want them to make a big deal out of it.

Your phone rang. You bit your lip as you frowned at it. At this point you were afraid to answer. A glance at the screen told you that Elijah was calling and you sighed. The one person you wanted to spend the day with more than anyone else and even he was calling to cancel. You swiped the tears away from your eyes and answered. “Hello, Elijah.”

“Ah, Y/N. I am terribly sorry to give such late notice—”

“It’s fine,” you cut him off, not really wanting to hear what he found a more appealing option than you. “Things happen. I appreciate you calling to let me know that you can’t make it.” You needed to get off the phone so you could curl up on your bed and have a proper cry.

“On the contrary. Niklaus and I both plan to be in attendance. However, we may be running a bit late. There is a rather delicate matter we must see to first.”

Relief flooded through you. “That’s fine, Elijah. I’ll keep your food warm.”

“Thank you, Y/N. We’ll see you soon.”

When the call disconnected you gave into your childish desire to celebrate by bouncing and giving a little squeal of happiness. Elijah and Klaus were still coming. Perhaps, the evening could be salvaged after all.

***

Dinner had been scheduled for six. Since everyone else had cancelled, you planned for it to be done at seven, figuring the Mikaelsons would arrive soon after. Or not.

Your gaze shot up to the grandfather clock that stood in the corner of the room for what was undoubtedly the hundredth time in the last hour. You rested your chin in one hand and used the other to twirl your wine glass. Nine o’clock.

You huffed a laugh at your stupidity. Why had you even thought this might work? You weren’t the planner, you were the tagalong. Maybe no one had wanted to come in the first place and just didn’t know how to say no. You downed the last of the wine in your glass and pushed yourself to your feet.

You kicked off the heels you’d bought to go with your new dress. Well, you thought you’d looked pretty, even if no one was around to see it. As you walked into the kitchen, you removed the pins from your hair and fluffed it a bit with your fingers. The food was easy enough to put away. It was well cooled so you simply covered everything and made space in the fridge. As you did so the pie on the top shelf caught your eye.

Two chocolate cream pies with whipped cream. Your favorite. You stared at them for a moment before grabbing one and pulling it out. Taking the cover off you tossed it aside and got yourself a spoon from the drawer. If no one was going to join you for dinner, you didn’t have to share your pie. You leaned against the counter and dug your spoon right into the center of the pan. After making certain your bite contained a bit of everything, you placed it in your mouth. Your eyes closed as the rich flavor coated your tongue. That was some damn good pie even if you did say so yourself.

Somewhere around your third bite you were interrupted by a knock on the door. You took your time strolling to the door, pie still in hand as you opened it. Elijah stood on your porch with one hand in his pocket and the other wrapped around a bottle of wine. One side of his mouth kicked up in a grin as he took you in from your now disheveled hair to your bare feet. “Hello, Y/N.” His voice had a teasing lilt to it and there was a mischievous spark in his eye.

“Hello, Elijah,” you greeted before turning and walking away.

After a moment, you heard him step into the house and close the door. “I realize that I am unforgivably late, but I had rather hoped at least a few of your other guests would still be in attendance.”

You laughed around the spoon in your mouth as you dug in your silverware drawer for another one. Turning, you found Elijah leaning in your doorway, wine still in hand. You gestured for him to move and took a seat at the dining table before passing him the spoon you’d gotten for him. You sat the pie between the two of you. “Dig in, Elijah.”

He looked between the rather ravaged pie and you with his lips twitching.

“Would you like me to get the other one out so you don’t have to worry about my germs?”

“I am a vampire. I have nothing to fear from germs.”

That was a good point. You nodded and pointed at the pie with your silverware. “Eat then. If you want dinner, it’s in the fridge.”

He took a bite of the dessert and hummed in appreciation. “That is very good. Did you make it?”

“Of course.”

You were both silent as you ate a bit more.

“The wine is from Niklaus. He regrets not coming tonight, but he was rather messy when we were handling our problem. It will take him a bit to get set to rights. He asked that I inform you he will call on you tomorrow to take you for a birthday drink.”

Your head jerked up at that. “Birthday?”

Elijah’s brow furrowed. “It is your birthday today, is it not?”

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, I just can’t believe you remembered. Or he did. Whatever.”

The scowl didn’t leave his face. “I assumed that was the reason you chose tonight for your dinner.”

You shook your head and took another bite of your pie. “You never cease to surprise me, Elijah Mikaelson.”

He tossed his spoon on the table and leaned back in the chair. Crossing his arms over his chest he tilted his head and studied you with a narrowed gaze. “It is not often that I feel at a loss, but when I do it always seems to be when I am with you, Y/N. There is something I am missing about tonight.”

“Actually, you didn’t miss anything, including the dinner party. You are the only guest. So, this is the party.” You made a circle with your spoon to indicate the two of you as well as the table.

He lowered his arms and straightened in the chair. “You can’t be serious.”

You shrugged. “It’s fine, Elijah. I had a very nice bottle of wine. I am eating a lovely chocolate pie and I have the pleasure of your company. It could be much worse, all things considered.”

“It could also be a hell of a lot better. I cannot believe everyone cancelled on your birthday. And then I was abysmally late. I am so sorry, Y/N.”

“To be fair, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one that actually remembered it was my birthday.”

“Surprisingly, my brother actually did remember on his own. You are permanently in his calendar it seems.”

That warmed your heart a little. At least someone cared. “Do you suppose that wine goes with pie?”

Elijah arched a brow. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. Everything goes with pie.”

You grinned. “I knew there was a reason I liked you, Mikaelson.” You placed the two unused wineglasses on the table in front of him while he opened the bottle. He poured you both a generous portion.

“I would hope my questionable taste in wine pairings is not the only reason you like me.”

You sipped the wine and hummed in appreciation. It was rich and sweet, just the way you liked it. Your gaze shifted from the glass in your hand to the Original sitting in front of you. “Are you fishing for compliments, Elijah?”

He gave a half-smile at that. “I guess that is what it sounds like, isn’t it?” His gaze became unfocused and you stayed silent as you watched him. He was contemplating something and it was best to leave him to it. Finally, he produced a box from his pocket and sat it on the table. He pushed it toward you with one finger. “Perhaps it will be easier to just give you your birthday present.”

You reached for the box with a trembling hand, excited and terrified to see what he’d gotten you. The top of the box snapped open and you sucked in a breath as the light reflected off the stone within.

A necklace with a heart shaped pendant cut from a brilliant red ruby rested atop black velvet. Encasing the stone were three bands of diamonds. If it had come from anyone else you would have assumed the gems were fake. You reached out to touch the beautiful piece of jewelry but quickly snatched your hand back before you smudged the shine. “Elijah. It’s beautiful, but I couldn’t possibly accept it.”

“See that’s unfortunate, Y/N,” he said as he stood. He lifted the necklace from the box and moved behind you. He continued to speak as he fastened the chain around your neck. “Because this heart belongs to you whether you want it or not. Much like my own, I’m afraid.”

What? He couldn’t possibly have just said what you thought he had. You tried to turn to face him, but he held you in place with his hands on your shoulders. “They’re yours, sweet Y/N.” He leaned down as he spoke, his breath tickling along your neck. “The bands signify our past, present and future.”

He released you then, allowing you to turn. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and he dropped to his knees in front of you. Both of his hands clasped one of yours. “I have lived a thousand years. I have seen nations rise and fall as their heroes faded into obscurity. I have known love and hate and desperation.” His tongue darted out to moisten his lips. “I could fill libraries with the tales of my past. And a hundred more with my hopes for the future. But it wasn’t until I met you that I realized my purpose in this life.”

Your chest was tight and your heart raced. You’d dreamed of him telling you that he loved you, but none of it could possibly compare to this moment.

He kissed the back of your hand. “Y/N, my heart has belonged to you since the day we met. Please say you’ll at least give me a chance to earn yours in return.”

His dark eyes studied you and you couldn’t help but laugh. Your free hand covered your mouth, not that it did any good. He could clearly see your grin behind the hand. You gave a little shrug. “It’s always been yours, Elijah. Even before I knew you, it was yours.”

His gaze searched you again. When he saw the truth in your words, a breathtaking smile covered his face. He surged forward and his hands cradled your face as he pressed his lips to yours. His tongue traced your bottom lip and you gasped, granting him the entrance he wanted. As his tongue swept inside, your chest heaved and your heart raced.

He pulled back and pressed his forehead to yours. “Sweet as pie,” he teased and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.  

“I love you, Elijah Mikaelson.” Your voice was little more than a whisper.

“And I love you, Y/N Y/L/N.”

Best. Birthday. Ever.

[supposed2bfunny]

Effigy-a 2D drabble

Not really a full-fledged fic, but this was another gift I wrote around the holidays for the SUPER TALENTED @stupotato! Wanted to give 2D some appreciation! Please check out their blog if you’re in the mood for some good 2D content! <3 <3 <3

Stuart sat on the back porch of the Spirit House, smoking. One last afternoon like this, to enjoy this quiet little suburb, and then it was back to London, back to Damon’s demanding schedule, Jamie’s intrusive photoshoots, and Murdoc’s insufferable…Murdocness.

He sighed wistfully. Detroit had been pretty good to him. He’d never dreamed it possible that he could produce an album almost singlehandedly, and yet here he stood, glowing with the success of The Now Now. It had been overwhelming at times, and he couldn’t lie: there was some relief to having Murdoc back, to having the band resume its old dynamic and feel the thrill of the unexpected future coming on and coming on. Anyway, autumn was coming in fast, and he liked being able to wander through SoHo in this kind of weather, smoking, people-watching. It would be good to get back to England, to get some decent curry and to behold the absolute grayness of the Thames once more.

Now if he could just finish packing up, they could start planning their last meal in the States before catching their morning flight.

Ashing the end of his cigarette, Stu straightened up from where he’d been bent over the rickety porch banister, looking out at the quiet backyard, the backyards of the other peaceful little houses. It had been a good run, really it had.

“I think he’s out here,” Noodle’s voice carried over from the door, and he turned to find her heading out, her signature fluffy blue jacket draped over her shoulders. “Yeah! 2D’s out back, you guys!”

“Hey, Noods, what’s up?”

“Something came in the mail, something that we want you to see,” she replied with a mischievous grin.

“What is it?”

“Hey man,” Russel came outside, pulling a leather jacket on and easing down into one of the creaky Adirondack chairs that they had brought out not long after moving in. “Saying goodbye to Spirit House?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Bittersweet, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I’m always sorry to leave the States.”

“Oi, Dents!” One last, loud voice, instantly grating on his nerves, bounced down the stairs. There was the sound of heeled boots clicking their way along tired wooden steps, and then Murdoc was practically falling out onto the porch, his hands behind his back, face split in half from the wide smile he wore.

“Right,” Stu sighed wearily. “What’ve you done then, Muds?”

“Placed a little order a while back,” Murdoc replied. “Best investment I ever made. Got my package today, in fact. Actually, anyone who placed the order should be getting it within the week, I’d imagine.”

“What’d you order then?” he raised a brow. “Another upside down rubber cross? That why you’re so giddy, tosser?”

“Oh funny Stu, very good. Vulgarity suits you.” Murdoc’s dark eyes flashed playfully, and despite the barbs they hurled at each other, they were both trying not to laugh.

As much as Stu and Murdoc loved to hate each other, an antagonistic friendship, a deep, often flirtatious, utterly mental bond had formed years ago, and since being reunited after Murdoc’s stint in prison, Stu had to admit that they spent less time fighting in earnest, and more time fighting to outdo the other in lewd comments. Middle age had turned their rivalry more companionable, and the bassist, though he would never say it aloud, had clearly been impressed by what Stu had accomplished in their months apart. Stu bore the bassist’s respect with a cocky pride: it was something he’d longed for since the band had first formed.

Murdoc sauntered towards him, and Stu stood up on his tip-toes, trying to see what he was holding behind his back. He couldn’t quite make it out though.

“Well then? Gonna show me?”

“It’s you,” Murdoc giggled, utterly manic.

“What?”

“Its you!” He said again, now whipping the hidden item out from behind his back and startling Stu so much that he nearly careened backwards over the railing. In his hands was an absurdly lifelike figurine of—him—in the outfit he’d worn during the shooting of the “Tranz” music video, down to the microphone clutched in his hands. And, just like in the video (curtesy of special effects), the figurine’s eyes were glowing bright white.

“What the fuck?!” Recovering his balance, Stu stumbled forward to reach out and touch the figurine. “You have this specially made?”

“Of course he didn’t!” Noodle laughed. “2D, don’t you remember a few months ago when we asked you to sign off on that copyright paperwork? For merchandising?”

“I thought it was gonna be for shirts or mugs or sommat. Not…we’ve done figurines before, haven’t we?” As he spoke, he reached out, wanting to touch it but also a little alarmed. The figurines they’d sold in the past, those had been much less realistic. This 2D showed his age from the lines on his forehead to the stiffness in his shoulders. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“We definitely clarified it to you,” Russel disagreed. “You just weren’t paying any attention.”

“Isn’t it hilarious? The eyes are what get me!” Murdoc said, delighted, allowing Stu to take the figurine from his hands and look it over.

“Why’d you order one?”

“Needed an effigy, didn’t I?”

He glared at the bassist. Fuck Murdoc and his tendency to latch onto lyrics. “Gonna stick pins in this then, set it on fire?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” Murdoc replied casually, reaching into his back pocket and producing a cigarette. “Got a light?”

“Not for you.”

“Maybe if I hold it to the glowing eyeballs, they’ll warm up the butt and it’ll spark: y’think?”

He rolled his eyes, handed over his lighter without further complaint. “So, where’s the Noodle and Russel one? And did they make one for you in your prison garb, or did Ace get a figurine for covering a single album? That would be his luck, wouldn’t it?”

“Nah, there’s no figures of us. Only you, Dee,” Russel answered.

“Huh? Why?”

“This was your album, you’re the face of it,” Noodle said, taking a seat on the bottom of the porch steps, reaching out to touch the dying leaves of tomato plants she had cultivated during the summer months in large pots. They were withered away now, having served their purpose, ready to be abandoned as the band moved on.

“Really?” Stu looked at the figure more closely. The glowing eyes, he had to admit, were pretty cool. “Just me?”

“Frankly, I deserved one more’n you since our poor fans missed me something dreadful while I was gone. But then, you always were the pretty boy. And the media favors a pretty boy to someone more ruggedly handsome, unfortunately,” Murdoc spoke between pulls.

“Well, I think this will satisfy fans just fine,” Stu said, deciding that however strange this toy was, he quite liked it.

“You’re saying that because you haven’t seen the best part yet,” Russel said, and something in his smile unnerved the singer.

“What do you mean?”

“Try switching the eyes off,” Noodle suggested.

“The eyes? Oh, you can turn them off?” He turned the figure around in his hands, looking for an On/Off switch, a button, anything like that. He touched the eyes gently with the tips of his fingers, wondering if they were touch-screen, like his smart phone. Nothing. “Uh, turn off?” He suggested to the figurine’s face.

The rest of the band erupted in laughter, and Stu pouted, indignant. “Well then, you lot’ve had your laugh. Anyone gonna do this for me?”

“With pleasure,” Murdoc said, heading over to him and reaching out for the mini-2D.

“Wait, you’re not gonna break it, are you?”

Murdoc gave him a look. “D’you really think I’m that much of a wanker?”

“D’you really need to ask me that?” He countered.

The bassist shook his head, and then he reached forward, grabbing the figurine by the hair and pulling upwards—only to remove the entire hairpiece, as though the figurine was wearing a wig.

Stu yelped, almost dropping the plastic in his shock.

Again, the rest of the band lost it for a moment, laughing at his expense. Murdoc seemed the most delighted as Stu beheld a bald version of himself, though he had to admit that now he could see the On/Off switch, which had been hidden beneath the removable hair.

“What kind of design is this?” He asked. “Whoever came up with this ought to be fired!”

“I think it’s great,” Noodle admitted. “People are going to have a great time with their 2Ds when they get them shipped. We’ll have to follow on Instagram and Twitter!”

“Look, Dents. It’s what you’re going to look like in another ten or so years!”

“Oh piss off, Muds! You’re older’n me! You’ll definitely be losing your hair first!”

“Tell that to the receding hairline, old man,” he cackled, poking the singer’s forehead, still laughing as his hand was swatted away. “Okay, okay, we’re done, we’re done! We had our laugh. Don’t be such a priss, mate.”

“Give me back my hair!” He demanded, and Murdoc gave him a silly, wide-eyed face as he delicately returned the plastic bunch of hair to the singer’s large hand so he could press it back down onto his poor, defaced effigy. “Poor Mini 2D,” he cooed. But then he was smiling too. “Can’t lie; it’s pretty excellent craftsmanship, innit?”

“We’re glad you like it, it’s yours,” Russel said.

“Really? I get to keep it?”

“Do you think we’d want it?” Noodle giggled. “Really, 2D, it’s a gift from all of us. A thank you. For a job well done.”

“I don’t follow.”

“The album, dullard!”

“The Now Now,” Russel clarified. “We proposed having this made to kind of…immortalize you, I guess. For your accomplishment. It was no easy feat, what you did over the past year, man.”

“I…” he cleared is throat. “I don’t know what to say. I thought you lot were angry with me; I know I was a real prick at times during production and recording.”

“Oh, you were,” Noodle agreed readily. “But your appreciation for what we are as a band was always there. You took Gorillaz in a slightly new direction, sometimes making us worry about you a little bit with how you acted—”

“You made us worry a lot, actually,” Russel interjected.

“But overall, you worked your butt off. And it was an honor to be there with you. 2D…Stu, congratulations on what you did from the time we left Spirt House to travel to the time we got back here.”

“Yeah, man. You did a great job. You really proved yourself as a musician. Can’t wait to see what we create as a band next.”

Stu’s grip tightened on the figurine then, and for just a moment, he feared he might cry in front of them like a baby.

Then, Murdoc’s hand shot out, touched his wrist. The singer met his gaze, saw the trepidation there.

“I really missed a lot,” he admitted, his voice just a little gruffer than usual. “Think you can stand to write an album again…with me around this time?”

He swallowed down the lump in his throat, knocked his wrist softly against the bassist’s hand. “Of course,” he answered, embarrassed to find his own voice was rather gruff at the moment too. “We’ve only just begun, old man. Hope you can keep up.”

“Good answer, because I would’ve flown back to England to start writing with or without you,” he said, smirking.

“Like hell you would,” he chuckled, cleared his throat. “You need my pretty face to make the magic happen, don’t you?”

“Well that’s why we got him!” Murdoc exclaimed, pointing to the figurine.

“Ha, ha,” Stu reached out, took the cigarette from Murdoc’s hand, the one he’d lit and then let go mostly to waste smoldering. He took a long drag, exhaled the smoke into the bassist’s face. Even a year ago, the move might have been seen as aggressive, a display of power or ill will. Now, Murdoc only grinned as though he sincerely couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. “Let’s get a move-on then. We have to figure out where we want to go for dinner, right?”

He held the plastic version of himself in front of the bassist’s face and gave it a high-pitched voice: “I’m hungry, Muds!”

Murdoc’s face again split into a wide, genuine smile. It was a new thing, being able to make him look like that so easily. The singer found that he quite liked this new ability he’d gained.

“Can’t have our littlest member wasting away then, can we?” He asked, throwing an arm around Stu’s shoulders and guiding him back towards the house. “Let’s let the toy decide on where we’re eating!”

Stu cradled the figurine to his chest and let his gaze drift from Noodle to Russel to Murdoc. After their tumultuous run, he still had his family here with him. He couldn’t wait to get back to England.

They had serious business to get down to.

[northshorehealthandfitness]

Stuff That Works But People Think Doesn’t But It Does: Submaximal Training Edition

The movie The Bourne Identity, based off the novel of the same name written by Robert Ludlum, was released in the summer of 2002 and starred one Matt Damon.

Up until that point Damon wasn’t a no-name actor. He was most recognized for his roles in Good Will Hunting, Rounders, The Rainmaker, and Ocean’s 11, to name a few.

I, like many others upon hearing the news Matt Damon was going to be playing Jason Bourne – an iconic, bonafide, badass – had this reaction:

“The fuck?”

Matt Damon?

Matt Damon the same guy who was in The Talented Mr. Ripley and All the Pretty Horses? That Matt Damon?

“Pfffft, no way it’ll work,” I thought. “A piece of french toast comes across as more badass than Matt Damon.”

Clearly I, and everyone else, didn’t know what the hell we were talking about.

15 years and four installments later (five if you count The Bourne Legacy) it’s hard to think of anyone else playing Bourne.

Damon was/is a legit boss.

  Needless to say it worked.

People didn’t think it would, but it did.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, I notice the same parallel in the strength & conditioning world.

People think something won’t or doesn’t work, but it does.

Take for instance sub-maximal training.

Sub-Maximal Say What Now?

Loosely described, maximal (or max-effort) training is a load – usually a one, three, or five rep max – that can’t be completed for an additional rep.

For example if you squat 275 lbs for three reps, but attempted a fourth and know you’ll perform the world’s fastest face plant, that’s your 3-rep max.

I.e., you’re unable to complete an additional rep.

Alternatively, sub-maximal training is best described by strength coach Todd Bumgardner:

“Submaximal effort training is simply work done with heavy loads that don’t require maximal effort. The weights exist in the range between seventy-five and ninety percent of one rep maximum and each set finishes with a few reps left in the tank.”

There’s been a shift in recent years of people always training to failure and always utilizing maximal loads, because, you know, #peoplearefuckingstupid.

While I can appreciate one’s desire to want to train hard and at maximal effort, for many, most of time, it’s a less than optimal approach to take (long-term).

For starters, maximal training beats up the body. Now, before some snooty internet warrior chimes in with something like “but Tony, isn’t that the point of lifting weights? To challenge the body and force it to adapt?” let me explain.

Yes, I’d agree with that comment. Most people could benefit from training a little more savagely. Often, when someone says he or she isn’t getting results there’s a convenient correlation to how “hard” they’re working in the gym.

I.e., they’re not.

However, if you’re someone who’s routinely training at “max-effort” and/or training to failure and missing reps all the time I’d garner a guess you’re routinely compromising your ability to recover.

Ergo, unless your name is Wolverine or you’re *cough, cough* taking supplements, sustained max-effort training isn’t a smart choice.

Utilizing loads in the 75-90% range tends to be spot-on for the bulk of trainees. It serves as an obvious option for adding volume, which is an important component to adding muscle.

Moreover, sub-maximal training, when implemented intelligently, won’t brutalize your joints and it’ll allow you to train more frequently.

It’s a win-win.

NOTE: All this is not to insinuate maximal-effort training should be avoided at all costs. Don’t be cray-cray. If that’s how you’re interpreting things please take your face and throw it against a wall.

Training with sub-maximal loads isn’t only great for adding mass, but it’s also a great way to get strong.

Think of it this way: If you make your 3 rep-max your 5-rep max, it’ll also likely result in your 1-rep max seeing a boost too.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a real-world example.

Two months ago I started working with a female client, a coach herself, who walked in on day one with a 300 lb (straight bar) deadlift.

She was already very strong.

She wanted to work with me to help “audit” her deadlift and to help prep for her first barbell competition – not a powerlifting meet.

Some Brief Context: she’s actually a co-owner of a gym here in Boston that specializes in kettlebell training and is StrongFirst certified herself. The name alludes me at the moment (sleep deprivation sucks), but she and a few of her colleagues/co-workers are competing in a StrongFirst “event” that includes some barbell lifts, with the deadlift as the main course.1

Like I said, she walked in on day one with an already impressive pull of 300 lbs. Nevertheless, I was up for the challenge and wanted to see how much progress we could make in two months.

For eight weeks, we never pulled anything heavier than 250 lbs. In fact, I had her perform all sets based off 90% of her 1-rep max.

This allowed us to utilize a bit more volume (she deadlifted 2x per week: one “heavy” day and one “light” day), albeit under the premise technique was going be at a premium (honing in on attaining a lifter’s wedge) while also ensuring reps stayed snappy.

For deadlifting success (and for a spine that won’t hate you) this is mucho important. Top video = zero lifter’s wedge. You’ll notice when I initiate the pull my armpits are way in front of the bar and subsequently shear loading on spine is significantly higher. Bottom Video = what the lifter’s wedge should look like (a term popularized by @backfitpro). I use the barbell as a counterbalance to pull my chest up (upper back extends) in addition to getting my weight back and armpits above the bar. Likewise I push my feet into the ground to generate more stability and force. Resultantly my back is placed into a much more biomechanically sound position (less shear) and I’m pretty sure this guarantees I’ll be nominated for People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Pffffft, who needs pecs that can cut diamonds and an 8-figure bank account. Overrated if you ask me. NOTE: load used in both videos was 390 lbs. You should notice a much smoother & faster bar path with the latter video.

A post shared by Tony Gentilcore (@tonygentilcore) on Oct 6, 2017 at 11:24am PDT

The Result?

This past Monday marked the “ten days out” point from her competition and I wanted to test the waters.

Jessica ended up hitting a pretty damn clean 330 lbs (with more in the tank). We’re hoping she’ll match that number (if not add another 15-20 lbs) when it’s go time.

Remember: she hadn’t touched anything heavier than 250 lbs for eight weeks.

I know some of you reading will clamor for the meat and potatoes of her programming. That’s NOT the point of this post.2

The point is that you don’t have to shit a spleen and hoist max effort loads every time you walk into the gym. More often than not you should focus on quality reps (but strain sometimes), end each session kinda-sorta refreshed, and wanting more.

Sub-maximal training is a thing.

And it works.

The post Stuff That Works But People Think Doesn’t But It Does: Submaximal Training Edition appeared first on Tony Gentilcore.

from North Shore Outlet - Health and Fitness http://ift.tt/2ySnlxI via IFTTT