#I think things just stop making sense to me. A kind of transient psychosis.
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I'm in that "boiler about to explode and take the house with it" prodrome.
#Whenever this happens I feel a pressure in my chest like I am underwater.#That sense of constriction or inability to form words it has a very physical presence.#Whenever this happens I start to feel an incredible amount of anger.#Is it towards myself. I don't know.#I start thinking ''It's fine I'm clearly not going to ever kill myself so it doesn't matter''.#I think I feel hatred that I come across this way.#I am certain this kind of thing is the basis of the idea people have when they think ''If I was more mentally ill someone would care''.#It is a bullshit sentiment and one that arises if you cannot communicate adequately.#I feel some relief when I go on surgical tangents like this...#It's not really enough. I feel momentarily better but the larger desire to disappear persists.#I have a pattern of withdrawing socially and then vanishing for two weeks. I don't remember what happens in that time.#It's the one place I lack clarity for.#I think things just stop making sense to me. A kind of transient psychosis.#Does it ever stop... Not really. I have to drag myself into talking because it will never organically alleviate.#I do not ever feel better by giving in and I never will.#That isn't some trite ''human determination'' sentiment. It is just factual statement.
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