#I think the first three are trauma responses and the last one is the OG Martine Janata

[highladyluck]

The more I think about Setalle Anan the more I think her motivations are as follows:

protect Aes Sedai from non-Aes Sedai

protect non-Aes Sedai from Aes Sedai

protect young people who are in over their heads

“I have to understand what the fuck is happening here”

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

I genuinely wonder who would win a "who is the worst brother for Senju" poll between Sanzu and Takeomi.

On one side, Takeomi neglected his siblings, favorised Senju over Sanzu and it has created bitrerness from Sanzu toward her, and kinda abandonned them, come back to use her for being famous again, but apologized toward her and stayed with her when even both Benkei and Wakasa have left her (even if he was 100% useless he was here). I know that he was young, and that it was not his role to fill the "father" role, and that he wasn't as kind and good with kids than Shinichiro (who was a real mother-hen let's be honest) In the OG!Timeline, he cut bound with Sanzu after his little brother got in the reform school and likely not let Senju speak with him. But again Sanzu slashed people with a katana and it could be seen as a murder attempt. Maybe that's why he wanted to keep Sanzu away of Senju :/ In the Reset timeline, he seems to enjoy his siblings celebrity but both Senju and Haruchiyo seems be fine with him.

On the other side Sanzu. He has raised Senju and it was not his role. Especially that he did have the memories of the OG + the trauma of the day where Mikey had his accident who is also the day where he got his scars (+ witnessing Mikey's and Shin's deaths). We know that he's the one who gave his scar to Takeomi. But it is his relation with Senju who matters here. We don't know how was their relation in the OG!Timeline. But in the next ones, he abandonned her like Takeomi before him. He got until deny her existence ("i'm a only child), probably ignored her for her birthdays and stuff like that. And in Bonten Timeline, she probably died, killed by South or his men, while trying to reach both Mikey and him. We don't know if her death has had a impact on Sanzu. But in Kento Timeline, he hurted her with a pipe, knocked her down and run a train on the location where she was lying unconscious. It's likely she would have died if he had succeeded. In the Reset timeline, they got along, Senju is Haruchiyo's vice captain in Toman and they become celebrity together. They always showed together so they must have a good relationship.

Yeah for that, we should ignore the happy reset timeline XD

Ahhh this is such a tough one! Cause they were both bad brothers but in different ways. I feel like this argument mainly comes down to how responsible people hold Sanzu for his actions though. Because you could argue that everything technically happened because of the divide Takeomi created between the siblings (though you could also track this back to saying it's their father's fault for leaving Takeomi in charge in the first place). But then you have to say that Sanzu hitting Senju over the head and potentially being responsible for her death in one timeline are his own actions, he did that not Takeomi. So I really feel like this is one of those questions where there is no right or wrong it just purely comes down to personal opinion and how we all think. Anyway at least they all seemingly got along together in the last timeline. But I'll ask anyway

Btw I'm still salty this is the only nice image we have of the three of them

[ffsg0jo]

HOLD AWNNN, THE ENDING OF AOT WAS GOOD THO (said with love)

LMAOOOO i love the (said with love) bit thanks bestie. im replying with a long response, but i promise i too am saying this with love !! 🥰💖

im gonna be completely honest when the manga ending first came out. i was defending isayama with my life. i didn't really like the ending, but that was my og, so i sucked it all up and tried to like it. but ive matured, and ive accepted that it wasn't the best ending in terms of actual writing.

reading the manga, it was actually so so good right up until the last chapter. all the chapters before the last one was honestly 10/10 in my opinion. would've been one of the best mangas ive read. i remember waiting months for the final chapter, and when it came out, my heart sank. i wanted to cry for all the wrong reasons.

ill list all the reasons why i didn't think it was a good ending under the cut and you can read them if you want but i just wanna say i am absolutely NOT shitting on anyone that enjoys the ending or isayama or anything. im actually really glad you like it, and it's all personal opinions/ preferences anyway.

plus he's apparently releasing chapter 140?? so we'll see what isayama does with that.

I don't hate it because Eren died or because Mikasa was the one to kill him. I actually quite liked this aspect, and it feels very fitting. The same goes with Armin and Eren's talk. I love that we got to see more of their differing views and opinions on freedom. But there's a lot of other things I disliked.

Eren for some reason, turned into a whiny baby, not wanting mikasa to move on. Like we all knew that he loved her since the very beginning and its so so obvious. But instead of showing that in a meaningful way, he's like, NOOO SHE CAN'T MOVE ON !!!!!! like bro cmon now you're grown

Reiner's character regressed last minute, and it completely ruined his development. Like, I know it's been three years, but why is he thirsting over historia and sniffing the letter she wrote. We literally saw him shove a gun in his mouth, wanting to kill himself and suffer from extreme PSTD. It feels like isayama wanted it to end on a lighter note even though his protagonist was killed. And he did it at the expense of other characters. All the love I had for reiner lowkey went away when I saw him do that.

Jean and Mikasa getting together. It's heavily implied that she never got over him and is even buried in the scarf he wrapped around her. And it doesn't sit well with me that she got with Jean, knowing he's second to a dead guy. I wouldn't have minded them being together if the circumstances were different. Mikasa healed and moved on, or her and Jean got closer and bonded over their trauma and everything they lost. But she clearly didn't move on from Eren, and I personally think Jean deserved better than that.

Annie basically getting off scot-free, and her getting with Armin. I'm not gonna explain this one too much, but out of all the traitors, she's the only one that had no/little remorse. And the fact that she got with Armin just rubs me the wrong way. I respect the hustle, but I wanted her dad to die or something she needed to suffer a little more.

Historia ends up with a man (like bffr now cmon). This one's pretty self-explanatory, but you're telling me she seriously got pregnant and settled down with a man? I read fan theories/predictions at the time that were 100000× better than what isayama did to her.

Everyone's characters just went back to their season 1 version, and I hate it. They suffered so so much went through such tragedy but came out relatively mentally unscathed? I feel like the only person who's truly suffering the effects of it, mentally and physically, was Levi. I did really like Levi's ending, though. It was tragic but fitting. And the fact that he's with Gabi as well I really liked that.

anyways like i said people have different opinions and it's totally fine if you don't agree with me !! hope you're having a wonderful day nonny and thanks for popping in <33

It wasn't a bad ending, but it wasn't a good ending either. I liked about 40% of it, but that's about it. It's been nearly 3 years since I've seen the ending, though, and this is just from memory, and I've tried to be as brief as possible.

If I revisited it, there could be more things that I like/dislike. idkk. I also haven't watched past half of season 4 part 1 of the anime, so if anything changed in the anime ending, I'm not too sure about that. i'm speaking purely from the manga ending.

[aresianrepose]

Got tagged by @forcesofnatureunleashed for a game to get to know people better and I don’t usually do these but I’m trying to be more social in my little internet sphere so here goes!! Also, omg thanks for thinking of me. _______________________________________________________

three ships:

JayDick, Hannigram (I know), and JMart. If you sense a theme here, no you don’t. 

first ship:

Well, pre-internet childhood/young adolescent ship would be Logan and Nightcrawler from the OG X-Men movies, I’m not sure what that ship name is. But actual like proper internet using, teenage ship would’ve been Spirk and MattxMello. I actually met my internet bestie through MxM 9 years ago on this god forsaken app and we’re still going strong. (also Kingdom Hearts slash ships, literally just all of them in a big pile).

last song:

Skeleton by Fewjar, my current Jason song. The ending is not my fave but the lyrics still fuck in that part.

last movie:

Oh god, I don’t know. Probably some random horror film. I did watch Glass Onion recently.

currently reading:

I just finished House of Leaves. I haven’t had a lot of time for fiction reading. It was deeply enjoyable. I went into it completely blind and the horror/interactive decoding was really thrilling. I will say that it did fuck with my mental health a little bit so reader beware.

But for non-fiction I’m reading through... Lists 10 different books on therapy (not CBT gags, mostly somatic), multiculturalism, trauma, social justice, community work, and intersectional identities. If anyone wants good recs for trauma stewardship/work/healing, practical leftist theory (not just wank that doesn’t actually help anyone), advocacy, and the diversity of human experience through the lens of social issues lmk and I’ll send my recs. (I also have most of these in pdf form so I can send them to anyone interested, if you want).

My number one rec that I am currently reading (again) is: We Do This ‘Til We Free Us. It is an abolition and transformative justice book but it also touches on the myth of perfect victims and community organizing.

OH! I’m also reading through Hellenistic Astrology: The Study of Fate and Fortune by Chris Brennan. I’m super intro traditional astrology (not so much modern)

currently watching:

Critical Role campaign 3 and Puppet History (just watched the season finale).

currently consuming:

I’m actually unsure if this means food or media lol. I mean, I am a known Animal Crossing consumer (Pocket Camp and New Horizons). I don’t know how to like things without consuming them. I’m currently bingeing through Hollow Knight and just got done with a 20-25ish hour Celeste playthrough in the span of like 5 days. I know this makes it seem like I really enjoy platformers, but I don’t actually lol.

currently craving:

I relate strongly to force’s response to this. Umm, I’m craving a normal sleep schedule before the Spring grad semester suplexes me into ridiculous deadlines.

__________________________________________________________

Tagging the bestie to force them to also be social @othilaodal and everyone else was already tagged so yeah!! All of the pressure to do this Othila. 

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Well, I think it’s time to create my own list of thoughts and wishes for season 3 of Titans

(I am well aware that some of these points are merely a wishful thinking but a girl can dream, right?)

First of all, the official stuff we found out so far:

- Redhood - I know Jason was treated poorly (to say the least) in s2 and that is a legit reason to be angry at the team but please let this transition make sense. Curran is putting a lot of work into it and I am sure his performance will be amazing, but storywise I really hope it’s not gonna end up being done in a “bratty kid throwing a tantrum” kind of way.

- Barbara Gordon - I don’t want to hear anything about a love triangle, got it? She’s being introduced as Dick’s ex for a reason. There might be some little things thrown in here and there like we had with Dawn in s1 but a full blown drama? We don’t need that shit! And besides, it’s been said she won’t be very happy to see Dick, neither she’ll be thrilled about Nightwing and Company running around her city.

Unless they turn it all into a comedy where instead of Kory being jealous - it’s the kids! Gar and Rachel going completely feral whenever Barbara gets close to Dick, giving off you’re not our mom so get out vibe and Kory lets them because she finds it hilarious (this season is supposed be *lighter* and *more fun* as I’ve heard, right?)

- Scarecrow - I am VERY intrigued to see that character. He’s supposed be locked up and working with GCPD but I do hope we’ll get to see him in action. I’m not really into comics world, I had to do my research on him, but from what I’ve found… Damn, fear toxin torture that show their biggest fears and nightmares would be awesome for my angst crave

- Blackfire - personally I don’t find a reason to panic. I know that the treatment of both Anna and her character, especially in s2 was unacceptable, I 100% agree with that. And it does give a reason to worry for s3. BUT why am I not worried?

1. Damaris Lewis has been promoted to a series regular a long time ago

2. Even with all the stuff happening in Gotham, Blackfire is still set to be the main villain - we had the same situation in s2. Cadmus was brought up to introduce Conner, even though Deathstroke was the main villian. So whatever is happening in Gotham, it’s for the introduction of Red Hood while Blackfire remains main villain.

3. Look at what Anna has been saying and the vibe she’s giving off! Would she be this happy if Kory wasn’t getting more screentime? Would she be getting calls from the showrunner about creating Kory’s background and having a chance to pitch him ideas like incorporating her native culture in building the world of Tamaran? WOULD SHE SAY WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE THAT THIS IS THEIR BEST SEASON YET?

So don’t worry too much about our girl. I’m sure she’s getting her time to shine. Even if it ends up being not as much as we would want, it’s still progress from last season.

And if the writers follow a similar schematic as for previous seasons, I see it going like this:

Blackfire = Deathstroke = Trigon (Main Villian)

Gotham stuff/Redhood = CADMUS/Conner = The Organization/Nuclear Family/Angela (side villian/introduction)

Scarecrow and Barbara = Doctor Light = Amy Rohrbach and Nic Zucco (plot device, appearance in 1-3 eps at most)

I might be wrong though, so don’t hold me on that. Because there’s also another storyline that needs to fit in between all of this

- Rachel on Themyscira - I am sure they won’t show as much of the island as they were originally planning for the same reason they moved the team from San Francisco to Gotham - weather conditions in this time of year resulting in lower temperatures, shorter and less sunny days. All of that wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for filming being pushed back due to Covid. I also had a feeling from the beginning that Rachel won’t come back victorious, or at least she will come back alone, with Donna showing up on her own later or at the end of the season. Now, with an information of the possible use of Lazarus Pit, it all makes even more sense. All my knowledge about those pits comes from Arrowverse so correct me if I’m wrong, but is Donna going to struggle with Blood Lust because of that? It is possible imo.

- Roy Harper and Tim Drake - I don’t have much to say about them, really. I’m excited to see Roy but the only valid reason for him to show up is to grieve Donna and maybe share his condolences to Dick or something like that. We don’t need more OG Titans drama. And Tim… well, new Robin in town will catch Jason’s attention and definitely spark some jealousy, evolving into a feeling of being ditched and abandoned, further confirming his belief of being a “reject”. All of this will only push him further to Red Hood.

Now, for the things I personally want to happen…

- Dickkory getting together - even if it happens in the finale, we need to see the progress! I don’t want this to happen off screen during the possible time jump. I want to see them supporting each other and being there for each other. I want to see Kory being his right-hand (wo)man and them leading the team together. And most importantly for me - the one thing that really brought them together in s1 - a continuation of their co-parenting of the younger Titans.

- Gar’s trauma being adressed - and I’m talking BOTH SEASONS. He really struggled with killing that guy in s1 and what CADMUS did to him made it all worse. He needs to talk about this with someone (and I hope that someone is Dick). And I really want to know if what happened to him is gonna have any lasting consequences.

- Donna and Dick need to talk things out - the worst thing about her death for me is the fact that these two didn’t get the chance to talk about what happened. Donna wasn’t a saint either and I find her behavior in the second half of s2 very hypocritical. It almost felt like this Donna and s1 Donna are two different people! She and Dick have a very strong bond and a lot of history. I’m sure they’ve had their fair share of fights in the past. I really hope they will sort this thing out and get back to being this amazing duo I fell in love with in s1.

- Rose and Jericho - I really want to see how this relationship will work and progress with them not really knowing each other but sharing one body.

- Growth and progress in Kory, Rachel and Gar’s powers - I think I don’t need to elaborate on that. I want to see Kory and Rachel fly, Rachel using more of her powers and discovering stuff like teleportation and telekinesis, Gar turning into other animals (lets pray HBO MAX will provide a decent budget for all of that). And obviously, following that…

- Supersuits for those three! - do I need to add more? I don’t think so.

- And can we get rid of Hank and Dawn? - I liked them in s1, tolerated them at the beginning of s2 and by the end I just wanted them gone. They are completely useless. Honestly? If I were to pick one… Hank can stay, we can still do something with him. But Dawn can go and don’t come back for all I care. I only need her for one more thing I’d like to see but more about that later.

And now the two most important things for me…

- MORE CORE FOUR FAMILY MOMENTS - this was the magic of season 1 that we only got some crumbs of in 2x01 and then it disappeared completely. I am in desperate need of Dick and Kory co-parenting their two superpowered teenage kids. And can someone FINALLY call Dick a DAD?! I would pay fortune to see that happen.

- Relationship progress between the Core Four - all the possible variants, but especially with the kids. It’s already been pretty much established that Rachel is Daddy’s Girl while Gar is Mama’s Boy. And it was nice to see Dick and Gar growing closer during season 2 while Rachel poured her heart out to Kory. But I was VERY MUCH with Gar and Kory when they both asked Rachel “Have you talked to Dick?” because girl YOU AND YOUR FATHER NEED TO TALK! A lot has happened, okay? (Not just because I am an absolute sucker for this dynamic and they are my favorites, but… get ready for a rant) I really want to go back to the way things were in s1 where they had at least one scene together every episode, where they talked and bonded a lot, where we actually could see the progress of this relationship. We’ve been stripped of that in s2. A little bit at the beginning, something at the end (I’m still mad Rachel didn’t get any closure for that nightmare that scared the hell out of her and yet had no influence on further events). I want to see Dick really embracing that role of a father, stepping up to responsibilities he kinda forgot about in s2. It would be nice to see a callback to his conversation with Dawn in 1x02 about how he’s “not taking her in” because “he can’t do family”. I’d love for Dawn to throw one big “I told you so!” in his face (and Dick agreeing she was right all along). I want to see Rachel leaning on him for support and encouragement while also growing independent in her own way. I also need to see more physical affection. Hugs are great and we always want more of them, but a touch of hand on the arm or cheek, or a forehead kiss would kill me. And I dream about a verbal “I love you” everyday…

Well, I think it’s all for now. Nothing else comes to mind atm. I might update this list as time goes on and we get more details…

[iaintyourbro]

Even as a CT fan i still stand by what i say that Tifa deserves someone better than Cloud she’s too good for him in AC i hated how he treated her the girl was so vulnerable she needed someone to be there for her ,she’s a selfless person who thinks about other before herself ,yes as a CT i still think he was insensitive toward her esp after everything she’s gone through just to save him i still cringe the moment he become sonic just to save A but he was meh toward saving T if it wasn’t for A (1)

Sorry if i seemed like an anti C but for a girl he liked and known since childhood he sure put A before her many time a girl he knew for short period of time in the OG and a bit of the remake, sorry about that i just try to accept him but I can’t he still didn’t prove he deserves Tifa i want to see more care from him ,enough with LTD SE give is a good story this time i want to see more of Tifa, a heroine like A is so outdated she so 90s people want to see more badass heroines like T(2)

Hey anon.

I had to take a bit to think about this one last night. For one, there’s been a lot of discourse over on Twitter, and I’ve seen this rhetoric thrown around that Cloud was casting Tifa aside in favor of Aerith. It seems to upset Cloti fans and they start to question everything. 

There’s going to be links to other posts in here as well, I’ll put them as subjects come up.

I think a lot of people think Tifa deserves better. She is selfless and definitely puts others before herself constantly. The thing is, we may feel that way, but Tifa doesn’t. Tifa loves Cloud. 

What sucks about this is how much trauma both of them have been through. Cloud is just a mess. He’s seen his village burned down, his mother killed, he thought Tifa was killed, then he’s stuck in a tank and experimented on for four years, they get out, he sees his best friend die in front of him, and he mentally completely collapses and creates his false persona. Then while that’s going on, when he meets up with Tifa and fully assembles this new Cloud personality, we go on the adventure.

Then Aerith pops in. You’re with her for a very short time and she’s killed in front of him. Cloud also attempted to kill her twice before this. Add this to the already compounding shit that’s happened to him. 

Cloud ultimately was Aerith’s bodyguard. Cloud historically takes these types of responsibilities very seriously. He did in BC with somebody he barely knew. He knew Aerith, so that makes it even worse. He couldn’t protect her.

I also think that CoT does Cloud some justice. AC is where things get hairy and he got that Emo Cloud reputation that seemed to never leave him. Remake is clearing that up. The devs keep saying Cloud is an awkward dude. He’s not emo. 

Case of Tifa and The Kids are Alright

Tifa and Cloud deal with their guilt differently. Tifa pretends everything is fine. Even then, Cloud picks up on the issues in CoT and tells her that he’ll remind her to be strong. This scene takes place before the downward spiral starts with him. 

I feel like with AC they’ve released a lot of information to clarify that Cloud’s issue with Aerith was guilt related not pining. In these discussions, Zack is also forgotten, and I’d say Zack had an even bigger impact on Cloud due to their relationship and the amount of time he knew the guy. 

Why Zack is Important to Cloud

I have my thoughts on why they did what they did with AC. They also changed AC and rereleased it which in itself says they realized they may have made a few mistakes and/or just wanted to clarify the story. 

In terms of Cloud putting Aerith as a higher priority,  I need examples. Many of the ones I’ve been presented with over the last week are pieces of scenes to justify a point. The whole scene isn’t taken into account.

For example, the Train Graveyard (full of fun scenes, honestly), before Eligon when Cloud saves Aerith, this moment is regarded as so romantic. Fact is, he gets her out of the way, gets up, doesn’t even check on her and walks away. Tifa takes the baton and deals with Aerith’s well being. 

One of the funnier ones to me that they will blatantly ignore is when the train falls. He clearly diverts to his left to cover Tifa. The screenshots and analysis for that scene are below. There are also things to look at on the cargo container fall and the triple arm grab. (Part 4 of this series was more of a parody)

Train Graveyard Part 1 Falling in the cargo container Triple Arm Grab

Train Graveyard Part 2   Triple Arm Grab

Train Graveyard Part 3  Part 1 of the RUN scene

Train Graveyard Part 3.5 Part 2 of the RUN scene

Train Graveyard Part 5 Cloud and Tifa nope the fuck out

We’ve got Chapter 17 with the Whisper Tornado that Aerith gets stuck in. Tifa is the one who saves her from it. Cloud is standing right next to her and does nothing. 

The Shinra building rescue is often brought up as well. They claim Tifa didn’t care about saving Aerith, but it’s so far from the truth it hurts. Tifa and Barret both know the situation with Elmyra the first time they talk to her about this is escalating. Remember, Cloud is mentally 16. He thinks he can keep pushing and get his way. Ultimately the team calms him down and they go back to Sector 7. 

Cloud was very concerned about Tifa during Chapter 13. He didn’t seem to be in a rush at all to get back to Elmyra’s house. He was happy they found Wedge. 

So we go through the night, you get one of three resolutions. The next morning, Tifa and Barret back Cloud up in going to the Shinra building. They make it up there and Tifa gets discouraged because there is a very large security presence. Some say SEE SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GO, CLOUD HAD TO TELL HER.

Except it’s BARRET that says that. Tifa thinks it may be a lost cause. Barret says some lost causes are worth fighting for. Cloud then says “Let’s just think this through.” He wasn’t disagreeing with Tifa. Then Tifa is the one who points out the truck to get them in. Seems like she’s helping.

Once there, you have a few times when Cloud has to remind Barret to stay the course. There’s one time he reminds Tifa and that’s if you take the elevator. She’s also going down a bad path. Their goal is to rescue Aerith. He’s trying to keep her on track. 

Don Corneo’s basement is another one brought up. Cloud helps Aerith up. Why wouldn’t he? Girl just got knocked out with gas. He doesn’t blow Tifa off.

We can talk about how he blows Tifa off in Chapter 9 as soon as he sees the Chocobo Wagon too. Except once Aerith is up and goes over to see Aerith. 

Chocobo Cart: Cloud in Screenshots

Cloud and Chocobo Sam

I’m not really sure why they’re so hellbent on making people think that he only cares about one person. Cloud cares about EVERYBODY he meets. They show it with Avalanche, they show it even with Barret and Red. He’s not a douchebag.

In terms of Cloud deserving Tifa, I am really torn on it. Yes, she deserves the best. I then look at Cloud and think of how much has happened to him (and to Tifa) and if he really does make Tifa happy, then my opinion doesn’t matter much.

I think once we get through Remake, we’ll have a better idea of how Cloud will be. He’s already pretty affectionate towards Tifa, so I’m not sure. 

I am curious about specific examples though to the second part of your question about him caring more about Aerith. 

This post has other links to other users’ blogs in it to go over the LTD discourse. 

The Future of the LTD

[halorocks1214]

the law of attraction

AO3 Link

Word Count: 5464

Summary:  The Law of Attraction demonstrates how we create the things, events, and people that come into our lives. Our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions produce energies which, in turn, attract like energies. Negative energies attract negative energies and positive energies attract positive energies

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | You are here!

holy shit i need to stop telling myself to keep my fics short cuz thats what always makes them three times longer than i originally planned. anYWAYS, i know the point of fabfivefeb is kinda to focus on one bro a week specifically, buuuut my brain grabbed my face, yelled an idea into it and now this is going to be a full series i guess. i hope this still counts! also, just as a warning, the first few fics are going to be chronologically out of order-- gordons pov fic, aka this one, comes like, almost last in the line of fics i have planned-- but im hoping that just adds to the aesthetic im giving this series

thanks again to @gumnut-logic​ for the wonderful prompt ideas. i used “How did you do that?” and iridescent

--------

If you asked just-turned-10-years-old Gordon what he thought of his kid brother, you would probably be horrified at the things he could and did say.

Nowadays the 22-year-old felt bad about it-- like, exponentially so-- but back then he couldn’t help it. It was a Tracy rite-of-passage to not want a younger sibling when they came-- yes, even Scott, who Gordon secretly believed it was his fault for John being so nerdy. You should have wanted a nice pair of tennis shoes in his place, Scotty, not a chemistry kit.

Gordon, for all intents purposes, managed to be the worst-case out of four. Virgil wondered if his fiery temper rubbed off on Alan growing up, and the more Gordon caught wind of how Alan could be when angry, the more Gordon thought his immediate older brother was right.

Regardless, everyone in the family managed to at least get the OG Tracy baby to play nice when Alan was born. Gordon’s involvement could be described as nothing: he never did anything to actively harm Alan (he was raised better than that, c’mon), but whenever Gordon could get away from the tiny tot, he did. A couple of years went by, the world adjusted to five Tracy sons, and so did the Tracy family. Even Gordon was starting to see the merit in being an older brother.

Then, tragedy struck.

The avalanche that ripped apart their entire world came crashing down in more ways than one. Hoo boy, the tabloids had a field day with it. They always wanted to know every little detail, and when the family refused to give them anything, they came up with their own stories. The only details they got were from cheating, as a nosy reporter managed to grab a picture of 3-year-old Alan fighting for his life in the hospital, and the internet ran with it.

It was very quickly found out that their mother had died in the disaster as well, and along with the little snake’s photo of Alan, accusations were thrown around as if they were nothing more than plush baseballs, not full-blown knives digging into the Tracy men’s skin. Where was Jeff Tracy? Did he leave his wife and youngest to perish without a thought? The man did have four older sons, maybe he considered them to be more valuable? The last child wasn’t a planned addition in the first place, so it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch to assume so!

What they would never know, Gordon thought bitterly and spitefully, was how Alan wasn’t the only Tracy kid that played in the snow that day. Alan easily got sick as a child for undetermined reasons, and lo and behold, the tiny blonde started running a low-grade fever during their vacation. Lucy offered to stay with Alan at the cabin while Jeff went to find an on-sight doctor. Virgil, who was starting to get into that kind of stuff, went with him.

John saw… something in the gift shop he wanted to grab (none of the brothers could really tell you that much about that day anymore), and since it was relatively close to where Jeff needed to ask for a doctor, the parents felt it would be okay for the red-head to explore the shop by himself, especially since John was easily the most well-behaved out of the children. Gordon was going to go with them to-- what did you expect-- get away from Alan. That’s when smother-hen-in-the-making Scott suggested Gordon stay back with Alan so he could get to know the baby of the family more.

The only reason Gordon agreed to stay was that Scott was staying as well. Gordon hadn’t had that much time recently to hang out with his oldest bro, so he thought it was worth dealing with the little tyke in the room as well. Besides, mom was there too. She could watch him.

Gordon couldn’t for the life of him remember who was where when the literal tons of snow came to say hi. They all got knocked out relatively quick, but from Dad’s recollection of Scott’s eye-witness account, Scott and mom woke up at some point. Scott then went on to carry his youngest siblings out and away from the danger zone, only to re-pass out a good distance away from the buried cabin.

There were many details left out by Scott, and even more were left out by their father, who wanted to give his eldest some sense of security despite all the chaos. Gordon would only learn a little bit more (and by golly was it enough) when he was 16 and grounded by Scott himself. We know Dad is gone! Stop trying to replace him! Gordon shamefully admits that he was purposefully trying back then to be as difficult as possible. Sure, it was due to grief over losing their last living parent, but that didn’t mean he had to take out his rage like he was less than half his age.

People always credited Alan as being the angry baby, but Gordon could be a right bastard when he wanted.

Virgil shut up him right up with a tiny admission that Gordon would never let Scott know he knew. It was the least the swimmer could do after everything their oldest brother gave up.

“You know he promised her, right?”

Teenaged Gordon hissed as Virgil readjusted his piggyback, jostling Gordon’s broken leg in the process. Sneaking out didn’t really seem all that thrilling anymore. He still managed to squeak out through gritted teeth, “W-What?”

Virgil kept his face straight, a weird kind of stoic covering all of his emotions burning within, “Scott promised mom he would keep you two safe. It was the only thing he could do for her.”

That gut-punch didn’t help Gordon’s bruised ribs, and Virgil should have just broken his leg more next. Would have been a nicer follow up than the metaphorical groin kick Gordon received.

“Dad wondered if she was even aware-- or maybe even alive-- enough to hear him.”

Gordon had a lot of time in the hospital to think about those words, even more so when he watched his brunette brother sleep by his bedside. 22-year-old Scott should have been furious, should have ripped him a new one for being such a prick, but the only thing Gordon witnessed him do that night was run into the room as soon as he got the news that Gordon was okay and gently collapse onto his younger brother to collect the blonde into his arms while he tried desperately not to break down-- tried to be strong. Gordon was so caught off guard that he could only wrap his arms back around Scott in a weak attempt to reassure the new head of the Tracy Clan.

Later in the week when Gordon wasn’t so dead on his feet, Scott finally found the reprimand he wanted to give and tore into Gordon. Of course, Gordon snapped back too. They had the typical ‘What were you thinking?!’ ‘I wanted to have fun!’ kind of argument, but it was… softer, in a way, especially on Gordon’s part.

During that same night, after the argument, Gordon would hear 10-year-old Alan sneak into his room with a box full of familiar lights, abruptly reminding Gordon of a feeling he felt a long time ago, back during the ‘recovery’ part of the aftermath of the avalanche. One he couldn’t entirely explain until right then, thanks to Scott’s reactions throughout that entire week.

See, Scott’s plan of Gordon getting along with Alan backfired pretty horribly as Gordon, in all of his trauma and denial, managed to loop his tiny mind around into thinking Alan was at least partially responsible. If he wasn’t sick… if he wasn’t there… if he hadn’t been born--

Yeah, he was 8 at the time, but Gordon still feels sick for even coming up with that thought way back when.

Well, what’s done is done, and for the majority of the first two years, after their wonderful mom left the Earth, Gordon could only describe it like a daze of sorts. Dad was drowning himself in his work, Scott had seen horrors not even adults should’ve had to have seen, Gordon was stuck in the nice world of childhood depression, Virgil and John were caught in the middle like they always were and sometimes still are, and Alan? They really weren’t sure what he was going through due to one simple problem.

Because that was the joke of the day, the ironic twist so to speak. Believe it or not, Alan tended to be a quiet kid.

Many who knew their family would retort with yeah, anyone is quiet standing next to you, Gordon! or they would at least point out the constant babbling that tended to come from the youngest Tracy in the first place. First, Gordon would snort and admit, okay, that’s fair, and then explain how Alan was quiet when it really mattered.

And how it sucked.

The kid could go on and on about what video game he played recently or how stupid his homework was, but when you got down to it you couldn’t get Alan to talk enough.

Back when Alan still did school on the mainland, his older brothers didn’t even know he was being bullied until the bruises started showing up on parts that weren’t covered by clothes (the ones that were, though, damn). It didn’t even occur to the older brothers that Alan was getting more and more quiet each day. After getting the perpetrators expelled and rightfully ripped a new one, Scott and John asked Alan why on earth he didn’t tell them. He just shrugged his tiny kid shoulders and said, “It didn’t seem like that big of a deal.”

Virgil’s 18th birthday was a night to remember, not just because it was a blast, but because they spent half the night in the waiting room at the hospital. They were hanging out in the cities, which was probably already a bad idea. In the first half of the day, the five of them had to cross a crosswalk. Simple enough, right? However, with the torrent of adults much larger than him, 12-year-old Alan lost his grip on John’s hand and toppled over with his arm out in front of him, leaving the limb out on a silver platter to be squashed by a rather large boot.

The man that did it felt really bad, actually, which was a breath of fresh air. He insisted that he would pay for any medical bills that came from the accident. The only reason they never went to any medical facility (immediately, at least) was that, after calming down, Alan insisted his arm felt fine. His reaction time in his fingers was still okay as well, so they left it alone. The four of them probably should have questioned why Alan was so quiet for the rest of the party, but they were too into the euphoria of Virgil’s big day to realize so. A little bit more into the celebration and Alan went missing. It was a miracle that they got Scott to not run off to the nearest police officer immediately. In hindsight, they probably should have, but panic makes the mind go woo woo.

After an hour of searching, they found Alan silently crying his eyes out in a corner. Gordon suspected Virgil never really got over the guilt. None of them have, probably. They really should have insisted they got it checked out right away. Sure, the reason they mainly assumed it was okay was that they’ve been hit with worse and only walked away with bruises-- John walked home from school one day with dirt and mud in his hair, scrapes littering his arms, and when asked what happened the ginger silently commented, “I got hit by a car,” as if it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Not only did Jeff feel the number of years dwindle until his inevitable heart attack, but he also got to watch his eldest gain his first grey hairs with many more to come.

While getting a piggyback from yours truly, John calmly asked Alan why he didn’t say anything (again). The youngest just shrugged and buried his face into Gordon’s neck, “I didn’t want to be a problem. It’s Virge’s day…”

It would be a reoccurring problem for Alan to be hush-hush about physical and emotional strains put on him for years to come. It wasn’t a big problem out on the field (yet), but they were always extra sure to drill into the freckled boy if it seemed like he wasn’t talking as much as he usually did. They were pretty sure it came from the fact that Alan was originally, well, not planned, as all those wonderful journalists pointed out.

They never actively kept it a secret. The age gaps, as well as the press, made it real hard to do so in the first place. Plus, keeping things like that a secret did more damage than not. But the idea was there, and the idea of being a ‘burden’ on anyone was a damaging thought that always seemed to ring in the back of Alan’s subconscious, so he made sure to only speak when he felt he absolutely could or if it wasn’t too much of a task he was asking of them (which they all hated, Scott especially).

The rest of them hoped to pick up what Lucy left behind, which was her efforts to make her newest son feel wanted and loved despite not being apart of the original quota. Gordon worried his older brothers felt a little too guilty about not being able to fully wash it away. It was part of the reason they let him act a little bit childishly on missions: if he feels comfortable enough to do so, then they can’t take it away from him out of fear that they’ll never get it back. It was also why he was just so excited to go on a mission: he could prove himself to be just as good as his older brothers.

Speaking of their mother (man, Gordon loved to ramble tonight, didn’t he), the whole reason any of this was a thing in the first place was Alan’s reaction to the avalanche. That’s when his whole ‘silent act’ issue became apparent. Because the kid became quiet. Period. He stopped talking for two years. Young Gordon wouldn’t even realize this until Virgil started to teach him ASL in their free time. Alan was still an energetic kid, he just… could not get his voice box to work.

The doctors insisted there was no physical damage, either, so they just had to wait and learn ways around it.

Gordon just could not wrap his young, tiny mind around why his loud and obnoxious and annoying younger bro just shut up. Intrigued at the idea of Alan actually being quiet, Gordon started to hang out with him more, especially since Gordon craved the general sense of peace during that time in his life. Yep, crazy, energy-lover Gordon needed the space to just sit and think, and where better than to rant about how crappy life was then at your great-listener-because-he-didn’t-want-to-talk brother.

As time went on in the second half of those two years, the youngest two grew close. Closer than any of the older brothers thought possible. Scott thinks they created their own hand language just for themselves during that time. Gordon was slowly becoming more and more himself, and Alan, well, still didn’t talk, but his energetic-ness was getting bigger and bigger each passing day. Unfortunately, so did their eagerness to be the biggest piece of shits in the world.

Baby Alan stumbled across a can of whip cream that the family forgot to put away. Toddling over to Gordon, the little one shook the can around as a way to say, ‘What could we do with this?’

Gordon’s first idea was to put a huge, glopping pile right on Scott’s pillow where his head directly laid. The sputtering and anger Scott responded with, as well as Virgil’s and John’s snickers at the whole thing, filled Gordon’s head with a million ways to continue his meticulous schemes. Alan got roped in the second the general idea of being able to make his family happy came to fruition.

April 16th was the day The Terrible Two officially started. Virgil was pretty sure he saw John’s calendar with this day marked specifically as a way to remind him not to come down. Virgil just wished he could ask his immediate older brother to let him up on ‘Five that day too.

Their pranks became more and more intense as they came up with each new one, and on the anniversary of their mother’s passing, they disappeared the entire morning. Due to grief, and the fact none of the remaining three sons wanted to deal with tar and feathers or their coffee mug shocking them again, they didn’t think too much of it. Honestly, after the last prank of filling their pillows with jello, they found the quietness to be a blessing. Then the sun started to set without the two of them home yet and they saw it as less of a blessing and more of a curse.

They couldn’t lose them, not on that day.

The house security cams showed the two of them heading into the woods behind their house with some kind of box, and that was all Scott, John, and Virgil needed to go sprinting out of the house. At this point, Dad was getting better about not drowning in work, but he still needed a little more counseling before he would be fully back. That left the three eldest brothers to go on a wild goose chase.

After searching for what Scott remembered feeling like a thousand years, they stumbled upon the two blondes giggling in an opening in the trees. Bursting through the bushes without a second thought, Scott and Virgil (with John behind them) not only saw their brothers unharmed and having a blast in the middle of the opening, all around them in the trees hung big and bright lights. It was as if they were standing in a pocket of stars. Stars they made from their own will and determination.

It was iridescent enough to make the three older brothers gasp just once before remembering why they were out in the dark and cold woods in the first place. Scott trudged over a little more forcefully than he probably realized. Right as he stood over his two youngest brothers, Alan’s tiny, freckled face looked up into his eyes obliviously and pointed at the set of lights.

“Look! Gordz made it pretty!”

Scott and Virgil wrapped their younger brother in the biggest bear hug ever, anger and fear forgotten. It was quiet, whispered and somewhat broken from two years of non-use, but damn, it was Alan. The light at the end of the tunnel seemed even closer. The two of them might have stained the back of Alan’s shirt with tears. Alan didn’t need to know.

Meanwhile, John, flabbergasted and slowly entering a state of shock due to his adrenaline drop followed by even more adrenaline after hearing Alan again, walked over to where Gordon was and simply asked, “How did you do… that?”

It was a question for more than one thing: how did you get Alan to start talking? How did you hang up the lights with no serious injury? How did the two of you grow up so quickly and closely without us even realizing?

All Gordon did was shrug, bring his hands behind his head with his elbows above it, and cheekily grinned, “There are just some secrets two brothers need to keep!”

When the two blondes shared a room that night, tangled with one another like the cords in the lights, Gordon felt something in his chest. It was something warm and fuzzy, and he would only feel it again for years to come when it was towards his only younger brother.

The 10-year-old didn’t know what it was, but he knew that when he figured it out, he would try to be better at it than Scott ever was. Heh, nowadays, he realized that probably wasn’t possible, but that was also okay.

Alan only needed one Scooter.

Right now, however, he needed his one and only Gordz.

---

Brains and other therapists suggested the reason Alan got quiet after going through a traumatic event was simply that it was easier to block things out if you were quiet.

All the brain energy that went to his mouth could be used to not think about the awful things he heard or witnessed. It was perfect. It left the rest of his brain to still be used for all of the other things he liked to do: he could hang out with his brothers and sister, play video games, and (unfortunately) work on homework without cause of concern.

Alan thought it was simple. His family thought it was torture. After all, he wouldn’t tell them what was wrong, and if he didn’t tell them they couldn’t fix it. It was everything their ‘am big person, protect the small’ inner programming hated and they felt like screaming. It was the avalanche again. It was Alan’s bullies again. It was the broken arm again. It was Dad’s disappearance again. Man, they never thought Alan would come back after that one.

But dammit, Gordon thought, their dad isn’t gone anymore, and it was because their stupid, selfless little brother was willing to go through hell and back to get him for them. The least Gordon could do was show Alan how much it was appreciated. How much he was appreciated.

But at this point, Gordon was on the verge of calling it a night.

It was a simple fucking question: do you remember where those stringed lights were?

Sure, it’s been God knows how many years since anyone has pulled them out, and Grandma did pack away a lot of stuff in rather secluded places that she deemed unimportant or, well, too traumatizing. But they could at least give him a general direction on where to go! Everyone knew the basic details of the layout of their storage compartments, come on!

Gordon was sitting in the kitchen, groaning into his hands when he heard someone clearing their throat from the doorway. Snapping his face away from his palms, he looked up into the eyes of none other than his father. The older man had eye bags for days, and his eyes were a little wearier than Gordon liked, but the small grin made Gordon feel like everything was alright.

Or maybe it was the box with the familiar lights in his arms. Mostly that.

Gordon stood up and blinked, “D-Dad--”

Jeff walked into the kitchen in a way that spoke, ‘let me say this first,’ “Scott mentioned you were driving your family crazy searching for this. I may not know how you boys set up the island after I left, but I do know your grandmother is stubborn as a bull. The only place she would have put this was in the decorations closet, where it wasn’t, which I’m sure you figured out, hence the constant nagging, so that means some kind of outside force moved it to a place least expected.”

Gordon was lost, “Where was it?”

Jeff let out a slight huff of air, “The back of Alan’s closet.”

Damn. Dammit dammit damn. Why wasn’t that obvious?

With a grip gentler than Gordon remembered he had, he took the box from Jeff. As he was examining the contents, he was able to smile at his father, “Thanks, Dad, this is exactly what I wanted.”

Jeff laid a hand on his son’s shoulder, squeezing softly, “I’ve left this family to take care of itself twice in my lifetime, it was the least I could do. May I ask why you need them?”

The least I could do: goddamn was this family a hive mind sometimes. That didn’t stop Gordon from asking his burning question, “How quickly can we make these waterproof?”

It took all of half a second for Jeff to raise his eyebrows in confusion, followed by one of his trademark grins.

Oh yeah, the Tracy family was coming back

---

“Shhh Allie, keep it on.”

Alan rolled his eyes. Whenever Gordon blindfolded him it always ended poorly. Whether the ultimate bad ending would come to Alan or Gordon completely depended on how previously well-thought-out Gordon planned this to be. Regardless, Alan needed to do something other than chores and college applications since there was none of it left for today. He was getting so good it was kind of bad. In fact, one of the first things he did was drown himself in his work to the point that everything he missed in his captivity was done within the first three days of being back.

And here the public thought Alan and his father had nothing in common.

Alan felt Gordon’s hands on his shoulders the entire time they walked together. Eventually, they paused as Gordon needed to open the door to the outside, which was a great sign, by the way. Alan’s ears were picking up every little noise, including each of the thunks their feet made down the stairs, as well as the whistling of the wind blowing through their hair. Alan didn’t need to take off the blindfold to know it was night. The last thing Alan was looking at before Gordon scared the shit out of him with the blindfold from nowhere was the clock, 10:04 PM.

The thunks suddenly became less hollow, signaling they were on solid ground. It took Alan a couple of seconds longer than he would’ve liked to realize that Gordo was walking them straight towards the pool. Alan, remembering all the times he’d been shoved in it, started to fight back. Only minorly, though, like a baby wolf trying to overtake the Alpha of the pack. In the end, it didn’t matter, as Gordon stopped both of them with a slight push downward on Alan’s shoulders, signaling he didn’t need to walk anymore.

Gordon took his hands away and started speaking when he saw Alan wasn’t going anywhere. He walked around to the front of his brother, “So… this might be a long shot, but you remember those ‘starry lights’ we played with all the time?”

Alan blinked a few times behind the blindfold. Yeah, he did remember them. It was a huge staple between them. The days it got hard, or cold, or when it seemed like nothing would get better, they would pull those lights out and forget everything else. It felt like they were surrounded by a blanket of hope.

Gordon first wanted to do it in some random room at their old house two years after their mother passed, but quiet Alan suggested they go out to the woods. He flapped his tiny hands, and to paraphrase what he said, We’ll have more room! Plus, the real stars will make it even cooler!

From then on, it was just another thing between the two of them. They pulled the lights out when one of them was sad and the other wanted to cheer them up. After their mother’s death, after failing a test at school, after Dad’s disappearance, after Gordon’s hydrofoil crash…

Gordon will forever be grateful for Alan’s ability to be a little piece of shit. He’ll never know how the kid snuck the box into the hospital and he hoped he never found out. The hospital staff wasn’t as thrilled by the lights hung up around the room. Gordon was pretty sure he saw the pic up on ‘Five at one point, though, so at least someone appreciated their talents.

Right, the important matter at hand. Gordon needed to work on his rambling-when-stressed problem, “Well, Allie Allie Allie, guess what I found?”

Before Alan could tilt his head, the blindfold was untied from his head by Gordon. It fell off his face to reveal said older brother standing directly in front of him with a grin on his face that said, ‘you’re not going to believe this.’ Once Gordon saw Alan’s attention was completely on him, he stepped out of the way quickly so Alan’s line of focus could stay on what was in front of him and not just on his brother.

Alan’s breath caught in his throat.

Gordon smirked at his brother’s flabbergasted look, “You know how they say how the ocean isn’t that much different than deep space? Well, I think I found a way to make them even closer.”

Alan held his hand out in front of him only slightly. He was worried if he moved anything that the beautiful sight in front of him would go away. Those wonderful, amazing lights were all submerged in the pool in various spots near the bottom, the refractions making it look like there were twice as many. The pool looked like it had a weird, unique case of the chickenpox. It was breathtaking.

Little puffs of Alan’s breath were condensing into the familiar white clouds in front of his face due to the chill, but he didn’t care. The sight in front of him was much more important. Before he could sign a thank you, or maybe even just cry (which he would hate, thank God for interruptions), Gordon slung an arm around Alan’s shoulders, catching the freckled boy’s attention again.

Gordon waited for those wide, blue eyes to look at him directly before beginning, “I can’t even begin to imagine what happened up there. Part of me wants to be selfish and never come up with thoughts even close to that kind of shit, but… it’s not fair to you.”

Alan blinked and was suddenly turned 90 degrees to be standing front-to-front with Gordon. The older brother continued speaking when he put his hands on Alan’s shoulders, stretching his arms out to their full length, “You don’t… you don’t have to talk about everything, I know that first hand, but… don’t shut us out. You’re not a burden, you’re not a problem, I know that’s a thought of yours that’s been made worse by that bastard but the last thing I want is to--”

Gordon choked off his words due to a mixture of rage and pure sadness bubbling within. Suddenly, he couldn’t look Alan in the eyes anymore, “I just don’t want to fail you any more than I already have.”

Gordon looked down at their feet to watch some of his tears fall to the ground and splish-splash on the concrete. Dammit, he promised a lot of things (mainly himself) that he would be strong for this, but he supposes he was never the best at taking things seriously.

Gordon’s breath hitched at the feeling of two small hands on his cheeks. Those same hands brought his face back up to look at Alan sadly grinning, his own tears starting to form in his blue eyes. Before Gordon could curse himself out for failing this plan so spectacularly, his heart stopped in a good way at a tiny admission, a verbal one.

“Please… don’t make… me cry, too…”

Holy shit. Part of Gordon’s brain thought, ‘sweet, it only took a few weeks, a new record!’ but the other part, the big brother one day I’ll be better than Scott! part leaped a hundred feet in the air out of pure joy. With a laugh, Gordon yanked Alan into his arms and squeezed tight. Alan simply returned the gesture, albeit his arms were around Gordon’s waist, nor was his grip as strong. They did both have tear tracks on their cheeks, however.

Alan was still there. He was still their selfless, annoying, little bro, and he might not be fully back, but it was enough to know that not even the fucking Hood could take him away from them.

It would take a while to get back to normal. Scott would still pass out due to exhaustion from time to time until he fully realized it was all over, John, while not physically up on ‘Five, would take a while to fully come back down to Earth, Virgil was going to be found at that damn piano bench more than in his own room, and God only knew how Kayo or even Dad was going to react as the days went forward.

But they would get there. The Terrible Two were going to make sure of it, one prank at a time.