#I think the closest I've said was my grade level

[star--anon]

I’m old today

[notbecauseofvictories]

Halloween Week of Horror (Games)

It’s that most horrible time of year, and I've decided to explore the spooky world of text-based games. My list of games is cribbed from this post and this post.

GAMEIFY HORROR // DAY 1 // DAY 2

DAY 3: singing from the far side of the hill, leave house, contrition, familiar, jagged bone

singing from the far side of the hill

about a trans woman, homeless after a bad breakup, who rents a stranger’s spare room. it’s a decision she comes to regret.

Yet another game with no images, just red-and-white text, that nevertheless managed to be hyper-realized---I could practically see the slightly shabby, nevertheless neatly kept house, the old-fashioned door, the disconnected telephone, the medicine cabinet stuffed with empty pill bottles. I loved that it ended with the protagonist running from the law who won’t understand, something she can’t even properly explain.

Also, (spoilers!) the image of Kathleen deepthroating the doorknob---which is perhaps the closest she can get to abusing her beleaguered daughter, who did not want to be a son---will stay with me a long, long time.

SPOOKY LEVEL: 5/10, it trips into the bizarre and surreal and horrific, but isn't particularly frightening

OVERALL GRADE: B+

leave house

leave house

Unfortunately, I had to give up on this one. A very cool concept—you enter an empty, abandoned house, poke around----but after 5 minutes stuck on the stairs with no clear route forward, I gave up. In theory I approve? A haunted house you are literally trapped in, running up and down stairs, trying to escape the loop, is a cool concept. In actuality, it felt frustrating and sudden and somehow still muted.

SPOOKY LEVEL: 0/10

OVERALL GRADE: C

contrition

As a priest, it’s your job to listen to your parishioners’ darkest secrets and absolve their guilt. But when a sinister stranger comes to the confessional one Halloween night, you realize it’s your soul on the line.

I'm sure everyone reading this will be shocked to learn that nothing gets me where I live quite like the nexus of Catholicism and horror---and this game exploited that mercilessly. Is the stranger who turns up in the confessional an infernal agent? Is he the devil himself? Or is he just a malicious sort of manipulator, quintessentially human, hiding behind the confessional screen?

(Are you saved? Are you damned? Will you ever know?)

Since I'm the target audience for this kind of story, it landed beautifully. I do think that nature of the sin shared was something of a misstep---though the way the priest reacts, how he covers up the sin once discovered and the harm he does to protect himself, was much more compelling. Also, I liked the ambient noises, and thought they were well-utilized.

SPOOKY LEVEL: 3/10, uncanny but not horrific

OVERALL GRADE: A-

familiar

You are a familiar. Your mistress has some requests for you. Help her complete her ritual, or pay the price of failure.

This game is simple, even straightforward: fetch what your witch-mistress asks of you, even if it requires violence. It's an interesting premise, with lots of room to sprawl out, and the places/people you encounter---the sleeping town, the lovers in the restless woods, the old woman on the mountain---are lovely to imagine.

That said, it felt underdeveloped. An intriguing concept and a couple different paths, but largely static; not as immersive as I wanted the game to be. I did like that, if you refuse to bring the witch what she asks for, the story ends with you ripping her heart, and gaining your freedom. A little touch of righteous violence.

SPOOKY LEVEL: 2/10, exclusively for the violence

OVERALL GRADE: B-

jagged bone

A branching choose-your-own-adventure horror game about transformation and perspective. 

I found this one a little difficult to immerse myself in; I made the mistake of choosing the wrong "path" from the outset, and so was on my back foot when it came to understanding what was going on. That said, I did genuinely like it—a mix of inexplicable horror, family, and house-as-locus that worked for me. I played through a couple different narratives (the game made it easy for that end) and all of them were horrible and effective, if not quite as incisive as I wanted.

(Though the monster at the heart of the story is deliciously imagined---say whatever you like, but I'm always weak for a fucked up deer.)

A very respectable effort, even if I wanted more from it.

SPOOKY LEVEL: 3/10, and then mostly for the scenes where you have to fight the monster you encounter

OVERALL GRADE: B

[heartsbind]

sae's wip jjk verse:

hehe ok since sae’s jjk verse is cooking more and more i’m gonna infodump some general lore here which i’ll either link to my carrd eventually or make a full page for him and will just keep updating as i solidify things. it got a little long because i wanted to give a little bit of context for people unfamiliar with blue lock so i've put it all under a cut:

but first, background: sae doesn't have a full info page (yet) so the primary thing i'm looking to model his verse after is the fact that in bllk he is considered the best soccer player in japan. initially his dream is to be the best striker and his younger brother rin would follow him as the second best, and it's a dream that he and rin share. he goes away for a few years to play for a youth team in spain, and when he returns he's fully given up on being the best striker; instead, he wants to be the world's best midfielder.

this is more or less the gist of what the story has told us so far, and i'd love to expand on it and speculate sae's introspection and thought process during this, since the fallout between him and rin that ensues is mostly experienced from rin's point of view, but that'll be another post if people are interested!

that all said: so sae and rin i suppose “awakened” to their techniques at a younger age and had plans to stand side by side as sorcerers together etc etc — they both attended the school in kyoto.

after experiencing a near death experience (could be the night parade of 100 demons) sae fears for his ability to protect his brother and — admittedly with arrogance — feels that he will get stronger if he moves to tokyo to work for the school there. he announces to rin his intentions to transfer to tokyo.

the thing to understand about sae is he’s really dry, arrogant, blunt, really does not emote much at all, and can be pretty harsh. so, of course, he doesn’t really know HOW to explain his feelings to rin, and yet rin is also the closest person sae has, and they’ve always been alike in many ways, so he thinks maybe rin will understand. sae kind of just tells him that he’s bored, that everyone there is lukewarm and the curses aren’t strong enough and he wants to go someplace where he can “be among the best.”

rin doesn’t understand, because he’s not a mind reader, and it devolves into an argument that ends with sae saying hurtful things (understatement) and leaving.

by the start of the events of jjk sae is a grade 1 sorcerer working for the school. he has absolutely no respect for the higher ups and also has no respect for anyone whose ability he considers weak or boring. he winds up accompanying students and sorcerers working toward becoming grade 1 on missions often and he has high expectations.

i haven’t really worked out the logistics of his CT yet but i think it’s something that can both enable him to unleash stronger attacks and also enable others to do so - basically like another buff or support CT. he’s fully capable of exorcising curses on his own, but wants to work with sorcerers who really make the most of his technique.

as someone who is more analytical/data-focused when assessing opponents (slash soccer players) - or, essentially, almost mathematical, the concept i'm running with is that his technique processes energy output as levels or units of measurement; his technique will work only on sorcerers whose output is greater than or equal to his own.

[attackonwakeup]

This is a piece of nightmare prose I wrote for Pride. It encapsulates all of my fears that stem from who I am, how I've perceived myself, and the general queer hellscape of never properly being seen.

TW: S/H, Dysphoria, Body Horror

Skin

It started with my skin.

The flesh sheet over the rest of my fuckup organic machine that has never ceased to come up with new ways to fail. Medical issues are something I'm intimately familiar with. My brain, lungs, blood, and eyes don't work properly. But my SKIN? That was new. Around the 9th grade, I would stare at myself to try and figure out what exactly was wrong, but nothing would catch my eye. It wasn't anything physically wrong with it, at least I didn't think so at first.

The only real way I can describe it, even now, is a primal need to rip it all off. It didn't belong to me anymore. I was wearing some other THING over the body I was familiar with. That was the intial thought.

"What is happening and how do I make it go away?"

It seeped deeper. That unfamiliarity no longer resided on the surface level, but penetrated more layers until I had to start taking physical action. Precision cuts to isolate the spread. It made it feel like I was delaying the infection to anything important. It was just skin, right? It would scab and scar and I could reclaim it as mine.

I have yet to do that reclaiming. The skin was the first thing I felt be taken, and I truly think it'll be the last thing I can feel like is mine again.

The mystery ailment that I couldn't detect with sight but could FEEL ruining my life? The plague that I still want to flay my body to get rid of?

That was my first encounter with Dysphoria.

"FUCK. I'm not a guy."

I mentally contained the feeling through those cuts. Buying myself more time until I was out of an environment that would kill me if I brought it up.

I got to college, where I lived alone and could explore.

Intense dread and panic were now my new roommates. The constant morphing of plans to mitigate this worst case scenario where any of my family found out that the son they loved has died, and was replaced with some unfathomable monster that doesn't have a name.

This is when I remember it hitting my

Brain.

It was undeniable now. I wasn't a cis man. I met people that taught me new words that could use to help identify the monster.

I learned it wasn't a monster, it was a large part of me and who I am.

"I'll still think of it as a monster for a few years, don't worry."

The term nonbinary was something I deeply resonated with. Not belonging on either side of the switch. Something extra, a way to sort my actual identity from all of the trauma that came from the actual discovery of said identity and whatever bled into the middle. We're the sum of all of our parts is something that was beat into me, so it is what I applied to my own gender science.

That middle part would eventually become the most important, but we'll get there.

My nonbinary experience can largely be summed up at first as mentally toying with the idea of androgyny, but never feeling confident enough to explore it through more than hypothetical what ifs in my head. I didn't OWE anyone androgyny but myself, and I didn't want to play into this notion that my identity could be boiled down to what the nonbinary representation I found online looked like.

It got muddier than that as time went on. My nonbinary became this weird struggle with things like facial hair, but wanting to maintain this aura of not quite something that's thought of as traditional masculinity but YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING IT maybe???

someone who was standing next to a person at a punk show with a battle jacket on

That's the best way to describe my nonbinary.

The people closest to me knew I wasn't a man, and that was a really really good feeling until it was no longer enough. I felt that same creeping that washed over my skin and my brain return. It yearned for more, I thought. I couldn't recognize this force as something benevolent yet. It demanded more of that I had thought of "me" as tribute.

It took my

Name.

I do not like my family. There's exactly 3 people I care about that share the same blood as me. The rest can go to hell, honestly. My birth name was this identifier that, as I experimented with genderfuckery, transmuted into a boulder.

Trans.

A term I never used because I didn't know it could go hand in hand with something like nonbinary. My newly they/them ass could not FATHOM that you can have multiple labels and flags and all of that cool stuff if you really wanted.

I thought about my favorite characters in media, and my grandparents during this time. The sexual trauma I experienced at a very young age started to come out from the murk, as well.

I wanted something different than the new gender I fought so hard for and the very notion of that was scary. I had gotten very good about keeping that infection in my skin at bay and not hurting myself anymore.

"... Am I a girl maybe?"

I NEEDED to have womanhood. I NEEDED to claw my way up a new sheer cliff to maybe finally fucking stop paying tribute to the deity in my head known as Dysphoria.

I thought about a new name for a very long time, and landed on Eileen.

From the cute mole from Regular Show, because her and Rigby's relationship is something that brought me great joy through a lot of failed ones of my own.

But most importantly, from Eileen the Crow from Bloodborne. A sad old woman, who could no longer dream but still kept fighting people who were lost to the horrors. A Hunter of Hunters.

Eileen the Crow is the most I've felt myself in a character, even though she has like eight lines total.

I'm an incredibly depressed nonbinary transfemme, and that's mostly how I got to where I'm at. I'm still finding new ways to live.

Still waiting for Dysphoria's return, wondering what they will demand as tribute next.

I think I caught a glimpse of that God when I had to come off of HRT, beckoning me back to another place of horror.

But they do it because it is the only way I'll ever be the real me. The collection of all of these trials will be the only way I can even try to feel whole. To feel like an actual person.

And so, I sometimes catch myself praying to Dysphoria. A sort of religious figure in my eyes to keep pushing my boulder and strive for the perfect me.

Thanks for stealing my skin, I guess.

Happy Pride.

[loudlooks]

Day 10 - Pumpkins pumpkins pumpkins

A/N: early season three musketeers at a pumpkin patch, I'm European, the closest I've ever been to a pumpkin patch is that one (1) tiny butternut pumpkin growing in my backyard (I don't think it's gonna make it, but then, I don't know where it came from either...)

Tag for blocking/following: 30 days of fall

Prompt: Pumpkins pumpkins pumpkins

Word count: 526

 

As they exited the Dodge Charger, they were greeted by a seemingly infinite sea of bright orange pumpkins. They grabbed their bags from the trunk and walked from the parking lot down the gravel road, straight through the pumpkin patch.

Ziva slowed down, eyeing the pumpkin pyramid on their left. "What are they doing?" She pointed at the couple in front of the pyramid.

Tony and McGee stopped and turned to look. "Oh, pumpkin patches are really popular for photo shoots," McGee said.

Ziva narrowed her eyes, focusing on what the couple was so excited about. "Is that a...dog?"

"Oh yeah," McGee said smiling as he spotted the little dog. "It's a pug dressed up in a pumpkin costume."

Ziva tilted her head. "Why?"

"It's cute," Tony said, then shrugged, "you wouldn't understand."

She made a face at him, and they resumed their walk.

"A pug pumpkin," McGee said with a chuckle. "A pugkin? A pumpug!" He looked at his coworkers hoping for a positive reaction, but Tony solemnly shook his head, and Ziva had gotten distracted by rows and rows of meticulously carved pumpkins.

Tony pointed at a small barn on their right. "There's the haunted house where they found the body "

"Did the 'haunted house' banner tip you off?" McGee said sarcastically.

Tony looked at him with mock excitement. "Timmy, you can finally read at a first grade level!"

McGee's glare did nothing to dissuade Tony from taunting him further.

"Hey Ziva, guess what, McGee can..." He turned to look at her and found her staring at a catapult.

She glanced at him, then tilted her head as if to get a better look at the wooden contraption. "Why?"

"To launch pumpkins."

Her face brightened, and she turned to him excitedly.

As soon as her lips parted, he held up his hand, and firmly said, "No!"

"Why not?"

The almost pout surprised and distracted him for a moment. "Because there's a dead petty officer in that barn."

"Oh," she said quietly, "I forgot."

"You forgot?" Tony said in disbelief.

"I got distracted with all the..." She gestured around her.

"First time at a pumpkin patch, huh?" McGee asked after greeting the police officer standing guard outside the barn.

"Enjoy the sights and sounds of this fine example of American culture, Officer David." Tony said, jutting out his chin.

Ziva looked at him dubiously. "You said that about Metrorail two weeks ago, and basketball a month ago."

He raised an eyebrow. "Yes, but a pumpkin patch smells better, the fresh air, the hay bales, pumpkins and apples." He sniffed audibly, then looked at the small stall down the road. "Pumpkin pie and apple cider," he added with a smile.

Ziva sniffed the air as well. "Decaying body."

He glared at her, and led them into the barn quietly. In the back, next to a large haystack, stood what looked like scarecrow. As they approached it, they noticed the blue Navy service dress uniform, and a ghastly carved pumpkin covering the petty officer's head.

Tony sighed, and dropped his backpack on the dirt floor. "Don't know about you guys, but I've had enough of pumpkins."

---

tagging @hopeless-nostalgiac, @mrsmungus

[liskantope]

Here are a few scattered thoughts about the R word, which I'm inspired to get in writing after listening to it discussed on Arielle Isaac Norman's latest podcast episode (from December 19th; honestly as is often the case with Norman, the conversation is kind of all over the place so I'm not sure I came away with many ideas from the episode directly, this is kind of just my own completely separate thoughts on the issue).

There are few if any epithets in the English language that I find as offensive, on a purely feelings-based gut level, as the noun version of the R word that's stressed on the first syllable. Most other uses of variants of it aren't far behind either, e.g. calling something "r*tarded" just to mean "bad" (which is almost as bad as using "gay" to mean "bad") or calling someone "r*tarded" just to mean they're acting kind of dumb. For years I vaguely wished people would just stop using the word this way, and I was glad when (in just the last few years) I saw that it was becoming taboo and coming to be called "the R word".

There are other pejorative words now considered hateful enough to be taboo -- the N word is the most obvious one that comes to mind -- which I've learned to hate mainly on an abstract level (recognizing the objective fact that it's harmful) without feeling the same kind of visceral disgust. I think the reason for this is clear: I've never witnessed firsthand most of these terms (including the N word) being used in a malicious way. (I've heard the N word bandied about in a number of contexts, and have even as a white guy have at least twice been addressed with it, but I've never once even once heard it used by a non-black person against a black person with racial malice.) I'm having trouble remembering if I've even heard the F slur actually used in as a hateful invective against a gay man, although I remember homophobia being rampant throughout middle and high school and even afterwards which I think contributes to feeling a stronger gut reaction to it than I have to the N word. Whereas making fun of mental disabilities was constant within the peer culture I grew up in, something I must have witnessed hundreds and hundreds of times, whether through some variant of the R word or through gestures, imitations, or some other kind of joke. And as I knew a few people growing up with severe mental disabilities, this created a subtle discomfort inside of me that became less subtle and more pronounced by around when I was college age.

(Nowadays even saying "duh" mildly bothers me; it was used on a daily basis when I was growing up, including by me, I still hear it very occasionally even among progressive types, and I'm not sure I know of any conscious campaign against using it.)

(I'm pretty sure use of the noun form of the R word started around me when I was in second grade or so, because it couldn't have been long after I started learning classical piano which was in the first grade, and at first I found it very confusing because the closest thing in my vocabulary was the musical direction ritard which, I'm not sure I knew until much later, was an abbreviation for the Italian word ritrardando "slowing down". For whatever reason I've only heard ritard pronounced with the stress on the second syllable, which there seems to be no particular reason for in Italian phonology, but nowadays I suspect this abbreviated form isn't used in spoken conversation at all -- I participated in an orchestra recently and I noticed it wasn't used.)

All that said, I'm kind of taken aback by the implication in a lot of R-word discourse that calling an actually mentally disabled person r*tarded should also be taboo on account of being just another use of the R word carrying a similar level of offensiveness to the other uses I've mentioned. I would have thought there would be nothing particularly wrong with saying "so-and-so person is r*tarded" in a compassionate non-derisive tone: it's just naming a psychiatric diagnosis after all. Over the past decade or so, I've instinctively tended towards inserting the word "mentally" beforehand to make it sound more diagnosis-ish: "so-and-so is mentally r*tarded", or maybe (if I'm okay with sounding more stilted) "so-and-so has mental retardation". I guess I can understand the notion that other hateful uses of the various inflections of word have poisoned the word in all the rest of the contexts (maybe even in the more medical-sounding retardation form) and am all right with abiding by whatever the most relevant community seems to prefer, as long as I'm given a reasonably succinct and specific alternative which doesn't lump this particular condition in with a bunch of other things ("mentally disabled", for instance, is way too huge of an umbrella).

One last thought: it was mentioned on Norman's podcast episode (although I don't remember what if any conclusions were drawn from this) that other words such as "idiot" and "moron" were once psychiatric diagnoses and nowadays we've all kind of forgotten that and have no inhibitions about using words like that to deride people and ideas we don't like. It seems to me that if it's now deemed offensive even to refer to an actually mentally r*tarded person as "mentally r*tarded", we must be moving away from this being a formal diagnostic term, and that maybe a couple of decades from now that would nullify a lot of our justifications for the concept of "the R word", and honestly if it weren't the name for an actual condition used in my memory I might never have been bothered by it. But I suppose the real criterion is whether or not it would still be used as a casual epithet aimed at disabled people that is generally experienced as a hateful insult.

[intolerancecare]

Employee Grade

Grading is company based right? Employment and appointment are greatly affected by preference. What I don't like is for my capability to be equated or to be deemed less than their preferences. That's why I am nagging them of their incapabilities and laziness. Lack of initiative. See... who would respect me? I make mistake that's true, because I was obliged to do so many different things. It was difficult to revert.

We were all still banking at the student level of capacity when we worked, meaning most of us are new in the field. My reference of capability would be closest to student achievements. Supervisor? really?

Mine would be validated by Carissa. If Tim yap's, theory my family and my barkada (group of friends). And my colleagues from my first job.

They left me because the only thing that I know is right? Right, they don't understand the leftist trainer. At least I'm a trainer the others are neither right nor left.

I told this to a zup before, she asked me if my work is fun. I said I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. Just thinking Go figure. I had a different team, when they started leaving, I searched for the Job description again. Just imagine my yes, extreme anger after knowing that there is a JD in my files. I don't remember receiving and I know that it wasn't the JD that I knew. I tried to stay at the training department a few times. The answer is always no. Only when they summon. But the officer does not have a system. No ICT. A proof that he has created a training plan. Materials, tools. He only had a programme for tours. Applicable for visitors only. Not customized for new joiners. Quality? Where? delivering the ICT sent by the brand? I was a participant. Who had it next? 10 folds of staff can join that training maybe I'm wrong, if it's for the supervisor level, two batches maybe. Why once only? Same as the company? The trainings there are not brand base. They are assessment, CS, Selling, training, supervisory and managerial training. Participants can be chosen randomly. And most of them are repeated right? Quality? better than us in the till? I saw his performance rating 100. How many times did he try? not sure if once or twice. Yes, the doubtful me will say twice. You know what's the issue? He jumped off at us. the trainers and the Amb. With lack of experience the quality lies on his talent. Output would be for the experienced. The position that he got is for experienced trainer. If not, he is just our secretary. Who is his boss? just Imagine my alarm whenever I see a new part timer on the floor. Not oriented or maybe they did but what was told to them? Anything impromptu is informal. How to formalize? Visual aids. Without that we are just like ordinary employees asked to passed info to their colleagues. They don't want to validate us? I am also not satisfied with my performance. But what to do yani? I was busy working on the floor then he'll call me to meet a trainee. How can you change character in split seconds? Because this is a routine? of who? The CS? The Zup? The SA? The Trainer? The Training officer? The Internal Customer? Even the labor management task has been part of my job. I am a nuisance? Can you compare my performance on my first 6 months or 1 year to your preferences? First 3 months can be too. I am very particular with my performance. My skepticism arises from the fact that I really have a high standard. Something that at times hard for me to do. What to do? I've been with smart people. Kindly remove my trainees.

I failed during my first hosting stint at the brand's first promotional campaign? I was waiting for a programme. What comes next after introducing the roles? Someone can take over the stage if it was plainly my stupidity. Mina delivered it better? He spoke in their language. He probably talked 5 minutes longer than I did. That's it. What happened next? Nothing. Did they forget that my audience were kids with special needs? How can there be interaction when a song was not even prepared to be played, so some can sing along and the mascots can dance. I took the bullet. Sorry, you might know this, but this is my most infamous mistake if you'll remove what happened after I left.

You've seen what happened when I organized a program right? I hosted. I briefed Kuya Antonio and he briefed Amiedel. I think we even write it down. The script was easy because it was a parody of a popular show. The plan was executed. I had a small glitch with the content, but I think it's permissible or to simply describe, It happens.

You didn't watch right? You should have seen the reaction of the devil. Such insensitivity. He is effing skill less compared to me. That reaction was claiming territory, right? to what? Anything that is not his. Not even belittling me, he has no right.

Choosing templates and slides, sound effects, animation, programme...

First 3 months, my mileages if I need to be compared. H&M really? ates and kuyas?

I was wrong for not directly asking for a certificate.

Only one per family? So, I am really bound to be a dependent? Do you know that Philippines is greatly influenced by America? Worse, poverty line here is bigger. We don't have inheritance.

BTW did somebody gave away paperless copy of scripts? One of my delusions.

[missmorosis]

sick manager :)

-> feat. sugawara and kuroo

part 1 with bokuto, oikawa, and tsukishima here!

genre: fluff!

synopsis: y/n, the manager of her school’s volleyball team, finds herself sick after days of hard  work, yet she still goes to school to support her team~ 

warnings: the reader is sick, and she passes out in kuroo’s scenario :))

pairings: sugawara x reader, kuroo x reader (separate!!)

total word count: 1.5k

a/n: OKAY SO HAHHSLKDFJ RIGHT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS CHAPTER I GOT SICK W/ A FEVER- I THINK I JINXED MYSELF OMG

i tried to make the scenario KINDA different, but with the same idea hehe

anYWAYS i’m so sorry if this makes like zero sense AHSLDKF- i wrote a lot while i was sick SO ill blame it on fever delusion if it flops 😌

OH AND THIS IS FOR @haikyuuheartsclub ty for reading the first one and asking for a part 2 hehe <33

You getting sick was inevitable.

You knew that you were bound to get sick with all of the work you had been doing and all of the late nights you spent preparing volleyball strategies, planning practice tournaments for your team, or studying until your eyesight blurred.

Being your school's volleyball team manager was not only hard, but it was ridiculously time consuming. Not to mention that you were bombarded with schoolwork, and you had exams coming up. Your stress levels had never been higher, and you were practically living off of caffeine with the amount of sleep you were always lacking.

So when you woke up with a sick feeling and the worst headache, you weren't completely surprised. Annoyed would have been a better word.

You knew that your team was getting ready for an important tournament, so you would have to stay extra long for practice. Groaning as you got ready, you weren't sure you could make it through the day.

You sluggishly pulled on a hoodie and brushed your teeth, taking note of how warm you felt as you washed your face. Grabbing a thermometer, you quickly measured your temperature.

100.4 Fahrenheit. Not too bad... just a low-grade fever. You tried to shrug it off and ignored how disgusting your body felt. You slung a backpack over your shoulder and walked out the door, heading to school.

You waited at the bus stop, shaking your head to try and make the sickness go away. When the bus arrived a while later, you plopped down onto the closest seat and you couldn’t stop your eyes from closing. You were just so... tired...

You drifted off to sleep, the soft sound of the bus driving across the road comforting you.

...

“Uh, Y/N?” Someone was shaking your side, and you immediately lifted your head from the bus window you were leaning on. It seemed like you just closed your eyes a second ago... where were you now?

"Mm?" you hummed sleepily, blinking slowly. You rubbed your eyes as the sunlight filtered through the window, and it made you feel warmer than you already felt.

"Hey, sorry to wake you, but we’re already at school." You looked outside, and he was right; you saw Karasuno in the near distance. 

Your brain processed the fact that Sugawara, a third year from Karasuno’s volleyball team, was sitting next to you. You saw his blurred figure lean next to you, and he brushed some hair out of your face. His fingers grazed against your forehead, but he quickly froze. 

"Y/N- Y/N! Why is your forehead so hot?" He studied your face with concerned eyes, noticing how tired you looked.

"Hm? No, it’s not. It wasn’t that high when I checked... probably the sunlight..." you mumbled, leaning on the back of your bus seat behind you. You put a hand on your forehead, and it confirmed that you were indeed burning up; it was considerably warmer than earlier in the morning. You groaned and got up.

"You don’t look too good, don't you think you should go home-" Sugawara started, but you interrupted him.

"No, you need your manager today, you guys have a game soon," you said, your tone tired but strict. Sugawara eyed you anxiously, but you waved him off. "I'll be fine," you reassured him. Grabbing your backpack, you got up from your seat, heading for the bus’ exit.

Woah.

You knew you were sick, but you didn't think you would be this dizzy. Everything seemed to sway to one side, and you put one arm on the seat of the bus, leaning on it for support. You rested your head on your arm, and you felt Sugawara’s arm wrapping around you for support.

“Alright, now you have no choice. You’re taking a break, whether you like it or not, clearly something’s not okay,” he told you, and you were too lightheaded to argue. You just nodded along and he helped you back into your seat. 

You clutched your head as you tried to make everything go away. Sugawara went to talk to the bus driver in the background, and miraculously, the driver made an exception for you.

“We’re ahead of schedule anyways,” the bus driver reasoned. He turned the bus around, heading back towards your house.

“Okay, now that that’s done, you can sleep if you want to. You could probably use the rest, I can only imagine how tired you are...” Sugawara said softly, and you gave a small nod. You scooted further down into the seats, making enough space for the boy to sit next to you. He gladly obliged, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you drifting off to sleep. Your head subconsciously drifted onto his shoulder, but he didn’t mind.

“Hey, Koushi?” you mumbled, your voice coated with sleepiness.

“Yeah? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing... I just wanted to thank you.” Your eyes remained closed, and Sugawara couldn’t tell if the blush on your face was from your fever... or something else? 

“You need to take breaks, you know. You work really hard, it’s a wonder you haven’t dropped dead yet,” he said, half jokingly. “Thank you.” You smiled, and finally fell asleep.

Kuroo found you in the classrooms; your head was down, and your headache was terrible. You were almost asleep; you were trying your best to stay awake, and you weren't sure how long you could keep it up.

He was walking down the halls, casually glancing into your classroom to see if you were finished, and he softly smiled at the sight of you.

"Tired, Y/N?" Kuroo asked, smirking as he tapped your shoulder.

"Hm?" You lifted your head up, surprised at the unexpected touch. "Oh- Kuroo, shut up," you replied, rolling your eyes as you stretched. He laughed and grabbed your backpack for you, slinging it over his own shoulder.

“Ready for practice?” he asked, looking down at you. You nodded, and the two of you walked to the gym.

Your head was killing you with every step you took, but you had no choice but to ignore it. You looked to the distance, trying to ease your headache. Kuroo’s voice was slowly melting into background noise. 

Suddenly you froze and stopped walking, earning a curious glance from Kuroo. You were forgetting something...

“Wait- where’s my... backpack?” You spotted it on the boy next to you, and you shook your head. “Sorry, forgot that you had it,” you said, with a sheepish laugh.

“Something wrong?” he frowned. “You’re acting distracted... more distracted than usual, anyways.” You shook your head, deciding to keep your sickness to yourself.

“I’m good, just tired,” you assured him. He nodded slowly, and walked into the gym, you following close behind.

Only you, Kuroo, and the coaches were in the gym; you were early. You flashed a quick smile as you waved hello.

"Great, you guys are early. I have a couple strategies to discuss," the coach said, gesturing to a whiteboard in front of him. The two of you nodded, and he began to explain.

"Alright... if we're going to win this next match..." he started, but you couldn't make yourself pay attention. The only thing on your mind was how your head wouldn't stop hurting, everything seemed to echo, and just overall how sick you felt.

"What do you think, Y/N?" Kuroo asked, quirking an eyebrow in your direction. You snapped out of your sleepy state at the sound of your name.

“Wha-” You blinked, looking around at all of the eyes on you. You tried to remember what the others were talking about... oh. Strategies. Right. "I just think we... we need to..." You looked at thr whiteboard, but you couldn't focus. You swayed to one side, blinking hard. The world really seemed like it was tilting to one side... "Woah, sorry-" you tried to say.

"Y/N?" You saw Kuroo reach out towards you as you slowly lowered down into a fetal position, resting your head on your knees. "Hey, Y/N? You okay?" You swallowed.

"Yea- yeah. Just... give me a second," you breathed. You felt Kuroo kneel down next to you, and you were right; someone's arm wrapped around you for support, and you knew it was Kuroo's. You knew you were safe as you lost consciousness, falling further into his arms.

...

You awoke, and the first thought was how bright the gym lights were... they weren't this bright before...

"Oh- Y/N! You're awake," Kuroo said, rushing over to you. He put the back of his hand on your forehead. "You're still burning..." he said with a frown.

"Sorry," you muttered. "I don't know, I've been sick all day and I guess I couldn’t handle it..."

"Why didn't you tell me you weren’t feeling well?" he asked, concern clear in his voice. You smiled softly.

"It wasn't important... besides I have manager duties to take care of," you said with a sigh.

"Not if I can help it." He picked you up in one swift motion bridal-style, smirking as you struggled to get down. "I'm not letting you down; I'm taking you home and getting you some proper medicine for this fever of yours. Health is more important than volleyball." You huffed and flopped into his arms in defeat.

"Fine." You leaned closer into Kuroo's chest, and he smiled, satisfied with your surrender.

"That's my girl." You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't help but smile.

A/N: THESE WERE NOT THE BEST- I ADMIT BDHDDJNDJEW

hopefully these weren't too bad though-

haikyuu taglist: (send an ask to get added hehe) @floralkawa <3

MWAHH THANK YOU FOR READING!!

[midnightstar-90]

Hidden~ Eddie Diaz x Nash! Reader

A/N: I wanted to add some action, so I moved up when Shannon decided to divorce Eddie. Eddie is too good to make him into a cheater. I'm not really good at describing intimate-type stuff either.

Lose Some, Win Some

Y/N's POV

I am finally home. I'm home with my son, and the school gave me a couple of days to rest. I sat on my couch, watching the news. "Today, police suspect LAFD's 118 for robbing $300,000 worth of cash from a local bank. Police say that the LAFD was there to help the bank manager and a delivery man with a seizure or a possible nerve agent. Police also say that they found the cash inside one of their firetrucks. More information coming up, soon."

After hearing that, I remember the number on one of the firetrucks at the crash. The 118 saved me, and if they saved me, that means that Eddie and my dad are being questioned for a robbery. I haven't known Eddie long, but I know that Eddie, nor my father, would rob a bank.

Zachary walks into the room. "Mommy, I'm ready for bed," my little man says. I turn to him and say, "Ok, I'll be in there in a bit." He runs back to his room.

I hear a knock at the door. It is almost 9:30 pm. Who could be at my door? I go to the door and look through the peephole. Eddie and Christopher stand at the door with a to-go bag.

I open the door, and I say, "Eddie? Chris? what are you doing here?" "I bet you have heard about what is going on. The police have ransacked our house, and I was wondering if you could watch Chris until this blows over?" Eddie asked me desperately.

I smile at the two boys. "Sure. Chris, Zach is in his room getting ready for bed. You can go hang out with him until I get you a bed ready. His room is down the hall, the First door on the left," I tell the little boy, and then turn to Eddie.

He hands me Chris' night bag, and I joke and say, "There better not be any evidence in here." He chuckles, saying, "Nope, no evidence, just clothes, and a toothbrush."

I invite him into my apartment. He walks in and says, "Nice apartment. Is that a skylight?" He points up, at the skylight, in my living room.

(Y/N's Living room /w a skylight)

"Yeah, when Levi died, I would tell Zach that his father was watching him from the stars. So, I decided that anytime we missed Levi, we would watch the stars," I said, trying not to tear up.

Eddie reaches in his pocket and pulls out a picture. "I'm guessing this is Levi?" Eddie asks, handing me the picture. I look at the picture and lose my cool. Eddie sits me on the couch and just hugs me.

This is the closest I've ever been to a man since Levi. It felt good. I felt protected. I don't need protection because I was in the navy, but this man made me feel loved.

We sat on the couch, with me crying into his shirt. "Mommy, aren't you gonna put me to bed?" "Yeah." I get up, heading into my child's room.

Eddie follows me into the room, and what he sees shocks him.

(Zachary's bed)

Christopher is sitting on the bottom bunk of a firehouse bed. The whole room was dedicated to firefighters. When we got in that crash, and he met his grandfather, Zach decided that when he gets older, he would become a firefighter.

Christopher looks at his dad and says, "Dad, Zach said he wants to be like you and uncle Buck when he gets older."

Eddie continues to look around. He walks towards the cubby. Inside the cubby is some of Zach's favorite toys, some pictures of Levi and I, and some pictures of Zach and I. What really caught Eddie's eye, was the picture of Zach on my shoulders, at the El Paso Zoo.

I am tucking the boys in, when I hear, "You were in El Paso?" I look back and say, "Yeah, that was Zach's 2nd birthday. Levi was born in Austin, but he grew up in El Paso." Eddie just nods and goes back to looking around.

As I'm tucking Christopher in he says, "Dad and I are from El Paso. It would have been cool if we met before LA." I smile at the boy, before walking out and turning off the lights.

"We have a lot in common, you know?" Eddie tells me. I look at him and he looks back. "Oh, really?" I ask. Eddie and I move closer to each other. I continue to look at the man and I ask, "Like what?" "Well, for starters, we were both fought for our country." Imagining this man in a military uniform made the moment even hotter. I moved closer. "Ok, and?" "And, we both had a son at a young age."

At this point, he was towering over me. I quickly pulled the man into a kiss. He kisses back. I move my hands from my side to his chest, and he grabs my hips. He deepens the kiss as I move my hands from his chest to his neck. I feel strong hands go under my shirt.

We keep making out for a couple of minutes until I pull back. "I'm so sorry. I forgot you married," I say frantically. "She told me she wasn't ready. She filed for divorce. I also didn't feel like our relationship was working. She left us when Chris was little. I kinda like this hot teacher, who was in the Navy and has a son. Also, she knows about being a firefighter." Eddie tells me, holding my hands.

I kiss Eddie again. Eddie and I head to my room, without breaking the kiss. That night was the best night in forever. Everyone got a sleepover.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The robbery thing has been put behind us, but a new problem has arrived. My father didn't tell the LAFD everything about why he transferred, therefore leaving him suspended. He hasn't told me either, but I think it is best to let him come to me about it.

I started work again today, except I feel like I'm looking after 3 kids. My dad insisted that we hang out, you know since he wasn't there for most of my life.

I wake up at 5 am to a large banging noise. I look to see who it is, and surprise surprise, it is my father with tons of groceries. "Dad, what are you doing here. Zach is still asleep, and I don't have to be up till 7 am." I tell my dad, letting him in.

He heads to my kitchen and sits down the food. "I was thinking that I could make you and Zach breakfast, and then I could take you to work."

I gave my father a loving look. I feel bad that his past came back to haunt him, but maybe something good will come out of it. Besides, I missed the father/daughter bonding we had. Eddie told me his food is at grade A chef level, so why not let him cook for me.

"Well I love what you're doing, but I'm missing sleep. If it's fine with you, could I go back to sleep?" I ask, and receive a nod back. I walk to my room, but I turn back to check upon him. I know he's sad, but at this moment he looks happy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up at 7 am to a heavenly smell. I walk into the kitchen, after remembering my dad was making breakfast. As leave the hallway to see my son and father talking about firefighting. I smile, and my dad turns to face me.

"Ah, you're awake! I woke up Zach and got him dressed for you." my dad says taking a bite of the french toast. I go into the kitchen and make myself some food. I see french toast, fresh fruit, bacon, eggs, and freshly squeezed orange juice. I look amazed as I take some of everything.

My dad works up the courage to ask me a question, "I was wondering if you wanted to stop by the firehouse, like old times. I have some people I would like you to meet." With my mouth full, I say, "Yeah, I missed those days" "Oh man, mommy is breaking a rule. She is talking with her mouth full," Zach says to the man next to him.

Dad laughs. "Well I ate, but I have to get dressed." I head to my room to get dressed.

(Y/N's outfit to work)

I walk back into the living room and we get ready to head out. We make it to the school, and I say goodbye to my father. I take Zach to class. I get to the office and I see Eddie and Chris. "Hey, I was just hanging with your fire captain." "Well, can you tell him we want him back because his replacement is terrible?" I laugh.

"So, are you coming to the firehouse?" Eddie asked me like he knew my dad would ask me. I give the firefighter a suspicious look and then say, "Yeah, my dad asked me this morning. Would you like me to bring Chris?" He gives me a "yeah, sure", and then we say goodbye.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christopher and I had so much fun. We were in math, and I helped teach him fractions with mini Kit-Kats. Then, in English, we acted out storytime with his class. The day ended in science, where we build and erupted our own volcanos.

It is the end of the day, some and of the boys waited outside for my father. When he arrived, we got in and started heading towards the fire station, which was only a 5-minute drive.

We walk into the 118's fire station, and Zach went off. A scream could be heard throughout the whole building. All the firefighters and paramedics stopped to see what was going on. My dad walked up to me and said, "Just like his mother."

Eddie and another man walked down the stairs to see what was happening. I smile at the majestic man walking towards me. We go into a hug before I hear a cough.

"Eddie, aren't you gonna introduce me to the pretty lady," the man asked Eddie. I smile at the man, but Eddie and my dad roll their eyes. My dad jumps into the conversation, "Buck, this is my daughter, Y/N, and her son, Zach. Y/N, this is Buck."

Buck and I shake hands. "My name is actually Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck. You are somewhat of what Eddie has told me. Your pretty, but I expected a younger Bobby, with boobs." Eddie smacks Buck's chest.

I'm laughing and I head upstairs with the others. "Mommy! Mommy! Can I go down the fire pole," Zach asks, tugging on my pant leg? I nod my head yes.

Another man and woman walk over and sit with us in the lounge. "Why is there a little boy running around? Did someone drop him off, because I think your only supposed to do that with babies, not children," the man said, sitting right next to me. "That's my son. I'm Y/N." I hold out my hand waiting for the man to shake it. "I'm Howie, but everyone calls me Chimney. This is Hen," The man says, and the woman waves.

We continue to talk until the emergency bell rings. Everyone heads downstairs, but I pull Eddie back. I give him a long kiss, with my arms around his neck and his around my waist.

I pull back and say, "I had fun the other night. Maybe, I could see if my dad could watch the boys, and you and I could maybe have dinner at my house." Eddie groans and says, "Oh, how I would love that. We could also watch a movie."

This man will be the death of me. "Yeah, but you need to go." Eddie runs off to an emergency, I head to the store with my dad, Christopher, and Zachary.

"You know, you don't have to hide Eddie from me," He tells me. I look at him shocked. "I see the way you guys look at each other, and I saw you guys kiss today," he says calmly.

"Well, since you know could you help me make a meal for him and I tonight, and can you watch the boys?" I practically beg. He nods, and then he moves towards the isles, picking out ingredients.

"I don't want to intrude, so I will give you a recipe card. But yes, I will take the boys, just use protection. I don't want to see another grandchild for a while," he says, earning a smack on the chest from me. "There are children around," I whisper.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dad gave me a recipe for Ravioli, served with garlic bread and bacon-wrapped asparagus. I am almost finished cooking when I hear a knock.

(Y/N's Date Outfit)

I open the door to see a devastated Eddie. I go in to hug him, and Eddie says, "She's dead. Shannon died in the emergency room. That call we left for, that was for her. What am I gonna tell Christopher."

I welcome the man in, and I sit him on the couch. "Do you want to eat?" I ask, hoping that I could get him to relax and eat. "No" is all I hear, before he shoves his face into my shoulder, and lets it all out. I rub his back and say, "Everything will be fine."

We sit there, on the couch, just cuddling. I smell something burning. My eyes widen and I yell, "My bread!"

Eddie's mind comes back to earth and he heads towards the kitchen. Not only is the bread burnt, but there was also a slight fire. Eddie quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

I was so scared. Eddie saved me from a fire. At the moment, I forgot all about the food, Eddie's emotions, and everything else. I kissed Eddie out of thankfulness. We kissed for about a minute before he pulled away.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that, with everything going on. I was scared. I could've just stood there and let the fire grow, but no, you saved me. You are m-" Eddie cut me off with a kiss.

Eddie picked me up and took me to my room. He laid me on my bed, and next thing you know, our clothes are off.

Taglist: @notanordinaryprincess95 @jjpogueprincess @wiypt-writes

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

[heavensenthearty]

12, 21 and 40 for the ask game?

Thanks for the ask, A! 😄 And sorry for the late reply, I got caught up at work and my eyes have been burning for hours after staring at my laptop's screen all day 😳

12. What’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard?

Oh! That's a tough one because there are the gossips that I've heard of and the ones I've been part of 😅. Relax, I haven't involved myself in anything crazy. (Or not too crazy.) But there's this story that went around all over my college's campus about a classmate of mine, and he told it to me personally so it's not so much of a gossip but a real story.

See, he was friends with a group I shared lots of classes with and with whom I used to hang out as well. There was this other girl in our group who always flirted with him and he flirted back every time, everybody knew they had a crush on each other. One day the two of them and another couple from one of our classes were partying in an empty classroom but there was an accident and the other girl tripped and fell on top of my classmate's almost-girlfriend, hitting her in the stomach with her elbow. At first she said she was fine and she went to the restroom to check if she had any bruises, but when she started to take too long he went to check on her. She didn't answer when he knocked on the door, he had to tear it down and he found her collapsed on the floor. He carried her in his arms all through the campus and had to ask a random woman for a ride to the medicine faculty — which was the closest thing to a hospital or infirmary that we had in the campus.

Once they arrived there, the professors used the equipment to perform her some exams and he stayed with her all along. She eventually regained consciousness and was asked if she wanted to stay for more testing and, since it was already late, she was asked if she wanted any of the ones with her (my classmate and the other couple who were also her friends) to accompany her through it. She said she only wanted the other girl — her friend — to stay.

She was absent from class for a couple of days because she did suffer some kind of damage, and during that time my classmate got worried sick because he didn't receive news from her. No texts, no nothing. He started telling everyone how he had finally realized he had fallen in love with her and was going to ask her out formally.

The next day she came back to school and she ditched him.

She no longer spoke to him at all and whenever he came around she just turned away and left. Nobody knew why and she didn't give him explanations only that she was sorry. When he asked sorry about what, she said "just sorry" and after that they were never seen together again.

...

Whoa. Straight out from a telenovela, huh? 🙁

21. What’s a conspiracy you believe in?

I don't know, man. I consider myself a very down-to-earth person, so I don't really believe much without solid evidence. And granted, I don't believe in coincidences either, but I do believe in the power of suggestion and I always see it when my mom watches her conspiracy theories about aliens at the center of earth and using natural phenomenon to justify that belief.

I guess the only conspiracy I'm somewhat certain of is whatever was going on at the Avatar: The Last Airbender writing room that caused Bryke to give such unfathomable excuses about the finale and Book 4 and be caught lying so many times 🤷🏽‍♀️🧐

40. Answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation 

I think the most iconic one was this catchphrase that my high school class had:

"1, 2, 3; that's some level!"

...

Don't analyze it too much 😅

Unusual asks time!

[hiriajuu-suffering]

Best Friend(s)

Weird story time

17 years ago I randomly thought of what today meant to me. It used to be my best friend's birthday. My best friend who got released from the hospital for her birthday after brain surgery because she had a tumor, and none of her other friends even believed that's why she wouldn't be in school until mid-September.

She was the one person at the time who didn't distance herself from me when I had my first battle with depression. She was the first friend I ever visited in the hospital. She was the one person that was happy to see me when I transferred schools. She was the first person to trust me to teach her, work with her, then carry her. She became a big reason I became more kind and caring, as well as huge part of my debate career and how I learned to cooperate with others collaboratively. She was one the few that felt a shred of guilt when we started drifting apart.

Now, we're strangers. Don't even know how her life is going. I still care so much about her and is someone I will be fiercely and eternally loyal to. But who knows if I will ever sit down and catch up with her again. God only knows if I'll be invited to any of her major life milestones: marriage, children, all that. A part of me will always miss her, but maybe her empathy for me was finite, like so many others.

The other day I tried to figure out who the best man would be at my wedding since I've been one at 4 already, and...I legitimately drew a blank. Over the past 24 years, I've had 13 different male best friends. The first was my elder cousin I looked up to and adored, but he slowly became a more cold and distant person and I had to come to terms with never having a real older brother. The second was a more distant cousin of mine but always treated me as an option rather than someone worthy of his attention independently, there were times when he was supportive but more-often-than-not he was completed self-guided/motivated. The third, was actually my only best friend over multiple years, and...he hasn't said a word to me in fifteen years; he got married and is starting a family now without ever bothering to wonder how I'm doing. The fourth, another relative around my age, also kinda toxic to me. I get to 2008 and I couldn't even think of a best friend. Ever since, it's been a different person every year. Makes me feel like I'm the problem.

I'm always searching for deeper meaning in relationships because I had friendships in grade school that reached so much deeper of an understanding than adulthood ever offered me. You never could've convinced me N.L., M.Z.A., M.B., R.V., A.H., Y.P., R.C., C.B. could've drifted apart from me but talking to any of them feels like such a rarity. One of them at her wedding had the nerve to introduce me as my father's son rather than, idk, the closest thing she has to an older brother, the first guy she ever had a crush on, the one who stayed by her side even when she stabbed him the back, the one that was always there for her when none of her friends would bother to really listen, the only person she could rely on to share her burdens when her family issues were at their peak.

I'm reminded of this because of how much I meant to an old friend of mine I caught up with this past weekend because he happened to turn up to the convention I was at. The man is so much more accomplished than I am and still calls me his debate coach even though I'm not even 2 years older than him. The type of respect he offers me I'm not sure I'm worthy of, but the respect I want from everyone I grew to care about on a deep enough level. Even with that level of respect, no one ever seems to get the initiative to rekindle old friendships the way I do. Another factor contributing is my youngest 1st cousin is going off to college, to the same city I started adulthood in myself and my second home in my home state.

I don't know what it will take, at the cusp of 30 years on this blue ball of dirt, for me to have a best friend that will actually stick. Even my own godsister actively avoids catching up with me because I'm probably not worthy of her attention or some shit, favoring any sort of conversation with my abusive older sister over me. I'm alone. I've always been alone in too many ways. I'm not sure that ever changes, even if by some stroke of brilliant luck I do get married eventually. All of these tattered relationships have worn me down, shaken my resolve towards engaging with humanity and has made me more transcendental in its plight rather than be in the weeds of it.

I will forever be tainted by what pours myself out to be in the presence of others. I have lots of emotional and mental scars to show for it, my metaphorical back at this point is just stab wounds. Can't say I don't miss those friendships, but evidently I'm that useless nowadays.

Let's pretend we never happened. Y'know, the way most people interact with one another see as the human way, the more erasure of valuable connection one has to tether manually now, the worse it'll be.

Would be nice to have someone to go to, even then.

[an-asuryampasya]

thing about getting to meet my closest friend in person for the first time in six years!!! putting a cut because i occasionally remember my manners about not clogging up people's dashes

i met my closest friend yesterday for the first time in six years. six years!! we've known each other since we were what. eight years old I think? I absolutely hated his guts back. i cannot stress enough how much i despised her with all the fury and hatred my tiny self could muster. it went on for YEARS. oh, the depths of playground politics i delved into and strings i pulled. i am, to date, mildly in awe at the power I managed to wield and how i did it. i don't think i've ever experienced that level of commitment to anything in my life ever since, really. i would have cackled evilly if i knew basic media tropes back then. the entire foundation of my approach rested on the other side, said friend and her friend, being power-hungry despots who cared little for others' choices on the playground while I, on the other hand, was a benevolent (non-)leader (because this was a democracy unlike them, excuse you) and we went by popular vote (yes i am aware the concept of leaders exist in democracies but my third-grade self got it a little mixed up, shush). it was magnificent and it worked. I had regular victories and I reveled in them. i was winning at life.

anyway turns out it was entirely one-sided and said friend barely registered a blip on their and figured I just liked playing different games askddhsfs learning (only last year, in fact) that I inadvertently played the role of that bumbling villain who does little more than cause minor annoyances and doesn't even count as an enemy was humbling xD

I kinda held this friend responsible for my then-bestie and i drifting apart and that hadn't helped, really. but man how times have changed. I don't even know where then-bestie is today, while my sworn enemy from then is someone i'd help bury a body for today.

i'm really glad i have this person in my life. :)

and the six years thing? yeah so here's the deal. we've lived in the same city for the better part of those six years. my city isn't even that huge and they live only about 10-15 minutes away from me. six years of living in the same city and not once did we meet skdfhs. tbh i'd even go so far as to say that while the current iteration of our relationship started off with us bonding over fandoms in ninth/tenth back in school, I think it was during those six years of being exclusively online that we got this close. this friend is a huge part of my life and i'm literally texting them about something dumb as i type this too. i've learnt so much from them, ya know? even how to be a good friend. i take the lessons i've learnt from her behaviour and directly apply it to other friends and they response by considering me such an understanding and nice fr- no you don't get it, i'm literally just hitting copy+paste on behaviour. i suck at being a good friend naturally, and that reflects when i encounter brand new situations and completely drop the ball. i just happen to have a good teacher for the other situations like 3 AM breakdowns because this friend has handled enough of my own 3 AM breakdowns. anyway i digress.

the point of this whole thing is that anxiety fucking sucks. so much. i'm meeting my bestie for the first time in ages and all i can think of is that i suck in-person. here's the thing. i am not very fun offline. i certainly think i can sometimes be fun online, but overall i firmly believe online-me >>> offline-me. (now pointedly ignoring the implications of online-me also being not-great-company based on how i act on the tumble because i cannot handle that tangent rn. fwiw, tumblr-me is experimental and fairly different from how i act over text i think. or at least, i'd like to think?idk anyway MOVING ON before i spiral-) plus like. said friend looks very cool. i... do not. i am still figuring out how i'd like to look etc (yeah if you've seen that ongoing thing about experimenting with my hair throughout May, it's a direct result of this insecurity. i'm pleasantly surprised that i've stuck to it till now and am still going strong! I might attempt a regency-based one soon too :D okay back to the point. i am very bad at staying on topic, sorry.) and i've changed a great deal physically since i last saw this friend. so amongst all of these insecurities bubbling up and stuff, i kinda didn't want to meet her at all? and that sucks because why!!! why would i not want to meet my closest friend!! this also holds for other friendships. if i don't meet in person very often, i don't want to. i did the exact same thing, except more intensely for another friend back on campus too and kept looking for excuses to put off meeting him. eventually i met him because i ran out of excuses and i was so freaked out, i had to get like five different people at various points to push me. and i ended up having a blast! i liked meeting that friend and had a great time and stuff. brain gremlins just suck. anyway so back to this friend. apologies if i'm getting confusing, i lost the thread of whatever this post was supposed to be ages ago. i'm glad I met this friend yesterday but i also now i'll freak out the next they propose meeting too

aaaaaah no, not ending this on a sour note. this friend means too much to me.

heh so we never met in six years despite living in the same city? thing is, we only met now because said friend is leaving the country soon. and i am!!! so happy for them!!! they got into a wonderful program in canada and heck, they deserve it! they're brilliant and have achieved SO MANY cool things in their undergrad and honestly, i am often struck by wonder that they're my friend. just. my friend is very cool and you, reader who doesn't know who i nor this friend are, should know that. and i finally got to meet them in person after so long :)

(and the odds are i won't be meeting them ever again asdshkff because they have no reason to return and i have no reason to head to canada)