#I think that's my cue to go to bed
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i'm making myself laugh thinking about this but I wholeheartedly believe madame morrible absolutely HATES the thought of glinda and elphaba being together like the mere mention of gelphie would probably send her into immediate cardiac arrest and it's not even because she's homophobic or anything I just fully believe she dislikes glinda so so much she's just like this is absolutely NOT happening in my house.
glinda and elphaba are having their gay ass moment and she's like "I sense a disturbance in the force; the wind is telling me those fucking lesbians are at it again."
like IK this woman hates to see glinda's fruity ass coming for several reasons but first and foremost I believe it's because she's so fucking ANNOYED by how much elphaba loves and cares for her, like this pink bitch is throwing a wrench in her plans just by EXISTING and being herself.
and she can't even really do anything to glinda because it'll make elphaba upset and she really can't have that so she just has to sit there and be like
#wicked#wicked 2024#shitpost#my hand slipped oh no#madame morrible#glinda upland#elphaba thropp#gelphie#imagine being her for a second yk#like that scene just before the ballroom scene where elphaba comes to her#asks her to include glinda in their classes#and threatens to QUIT if she doesn't do it right that instant#and you're there like girl wtf???#i thought we hated her why are you up in her ass rn???#do you think she saw whatever sort of horrible homoerotic tension they had going on during loathing#and she was like yk what this is fine i can deal with this im sure this won't lead to anything#and cue elphaba banging on her door at 2am#i would've taken a bottle of aspirin and gone to bed like BYE#can't deal with these damn lesbians again#i just KNOW she was cursing glinda out#also again madame morrible's plan hinged on elphaba being so starved for love and approval she'd do whatever she and the wizard wanted#BUT WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SHE GETS LOVE AND VALIDATION FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE#LIKE THIS WAS NOT ACCORDING TO PLAN#WHERE DID THE PINK LESBIAN COME FROM???
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What it means to be the Strongest (j/jk)
Again writen with s/atos/ugu in mind, but unestablished, though definitely in love.
Summary: So my previous fic, if i remember correctly, had a line like:
["S/atoru, you've been too strong for too long. Let me take over, even if just for a little while."]
and then i realised i have something like that in my drafts, so why not i just develop the thought a little?
Notes: the timeline for this would be set before my previous fic [here] but reading it it isn't required to understand this one.
possibly written in the context of pre-RCT g/ojo? because i didn't want him to have the ability to replenish himself in any way. cue "Domain Amplification": Exhaustion.
there's also a point in the fic i used single inverted commas, like this: '[text]'. js to clarify, those are not actual dialogue but just g/eto's thoughts. uh.. it will make more sense when you reach that part..
And finally, to cope with the month of wait before Shibuya, I present to you..
3.4k words
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"Satoru, you've been specially requested."
"..Specially requested."
"..Specially resquested."
Geto watches as Gojo visibly deflates, before he shakes his head, expression changing as he stands up with that same bravo as ever.
"Right!! I'll prepare to leave immediately!"
The quiver in his legs don't go unnoticed by Geto.
This has been been happening for the past month. Don't they have other sorcerers that they can send?
The answer to that was obvious.
Of course there was. But who in the right mind would call on someone who was below 'the best option'?
Mission after mission, Geto finds himself missing the company of his friend. Normally, they would go on them together, but the recent spike in cases had left him with barely any space to breathe either, though he was relatively sure they were easier on him compared to Gojo.
He swears the other hadn't slept in weeks. Geto would return to their dorms, and the bed would still made the way he left it in the morning.
The few times he had tried to look under Gojo's sunglasses for eyebags, his hand had been swatted away, either physically or stopped with Infinity.
"Suguruu- I'm fine, don't worry about me."
"..Then look me in the eyes and say that again."
Gojo would laugh in response, waving his wrist dismissively in Geto's direction. "Of course I'm fine, we're the strongest, remember? It won't be fair I claimed to be tired now would it? Not that I am, of course."
Yes it would be, it would be fair. You need breaks too, Geto wanted to say, was going to say, if not for another interruption, this time from Gojo's phone.
It lit up in his lap, before the screen was raised to eye level. Geto watched as Gojo's eyebrows furrowed, shoulders slumping almost unnoticeably in disappointment.
He has seen this play out a thousand times before. As much as Geto wanted to reach out to drag Gojo back down next to him, his hand was frozen to his side.
"Another special request.. ahhh- I guess I better go get ready."
Geto watched silently as Gojo sauntered away, as if he was about to leave for a party, not a possibly life-threatening mission. Seriously.. he was forever taking things too lightly.
Geto wanted to do something, anything. Maybe file a request to give Satoru some space to breathe? Possibly even an argument that allowed him to join in the missions as backup?
Anything.
But there was always the possibility that Gojo would turn down rest, no matter how desperately he needed it. He was wearing himself dangerously thin, like a thread about to snap. All he needed was a little tug to break.
Break.
___
Days later:
"Satoru- want to go get a drink? I just saw the workers leaving, I think they got the machines refilled."
When met with no reply, Geto turned back, only to see Gojo spacing out a distance away.
"Sa-to-ru. Satoru- are you there?"
He walks up to the other, waving an open palm in front of the bowed head.
Behind the sunglasses, Geto sees Gojo's eyelashes flutter open before a finger came up to push them back into position, covering his eyes from view.
"Ah- yeah I'm here. Sorry, what were you saying?"
There he went again, dozing off at every chance he got. Geto noticed that had started happening two days ago. In class, during training, while queuing for food, while standing. And now, even while walking.
"..hH'!! ..hAH'sHHiew!! hh'..heH'tchH!!"
And there was that too. Something was definitely wrong.
"Satoru- when's the last time you slept?"
"I was just sleeping, hahaha-! Didn't you see?"
"That's not-"
"Suguru, if you're going to chew me out for not resting again, I assure you, I'm perfhH'.. perfectly.. fhH'.. fine-"
Geto shot him a look that screamed "Really??", and Gojo would have seen it, if not for the fact he snapped to the side violently, bending over as his breath hitched desperately.
"..hh'-hIH-tcHH'iew!! ..hAH'zZchHiw!!"
"Sa-"
"Dhh'..Don't worry abou'uhH'- hhH'!! hiH'zZchh!! ..hAH'DzZsh'w!! ..a-about me."
With the way he was swaying at the moment, Geto was sure a light breeze could knock him over.
What more, with the way he was standing, slouched over, a passerby would never be able to tell that Gojo was the taller of the two.
Hence, while Geto wouldn't consider himself to be one who actively sought after physical contact with Gojo (that's a lie though), he couldn't help but inch closer to the other, putting a comforting arm around Gojo's waist.
Geto then stared at the top of Gojo's head. Did his hair always look this messy? Surely not. Satoru wasn't one who paid too much attention to appearances, but this was taking it to an extreme.
"You look like you're going to collapse. Seriously. Tell me what's wrong."
"..Maybe- maybe.." Gojo mumbled as a response to Geto's earlier statement. "..Maybe I'm not feeling as well I thought.. haha-"
Geto sighs. "Took you damn near long enough. Come on, let's head back to our dorm. The drinks can wait."
Gojo whined something incomprehensible before he reached out a shaky hand to grab the arm supporting him from behind. He tilted his head up at an angle to shoot Geto a playful yet tired smirk. "Wait.. ahhh- Suguru.. s-sorry- I think.. I think I'm gonna to pass out right now."
Of course. Of course he could still find the energy to fool around in such circumstances. It was one of Gojo's character traits that Geto never understood.
He had half a mind to ask the other to snap out of it. But upon further inspection, Geto watched as Gojo's pupil glazed over with a hazy, faraway look, before it shrunk, eyelids sliding shut as Gojo went slack in his arms.
Seriously. Jokes like these should really be saved for less dire situations.
"..Satoru.. come on, let's go back."
No response.
"..Oi- Satoru.. you can't be serious. Quit fucking with me.."
No response. It's fine. Gojo liked messing with him after all.
"..S-Satoru.. oi Satoru!"
"..Fuck."
"..Fuck Fuck FUCK-! You can't be serious-"
He wasn't joking.
Forgetting that he could always manipulate his curses to handle Gojo's weight, Geto slipped his free hand under Gojo's knees, hauling him into his arms, bridal style.
"..Asshole! You're such an asshole."
'Your asshole though, right?' Geto could hear Gojo's teasing voice in his head as he made his way quickly through the hallway, his pace bordering a sprint.
That's right. My asshole.
Geto placed Gojo gently on the freshly made bed. It was probably the first time in weeks he had laid there. A soft groan escaped Gojo's lips as his head made contact with the soft pillow.
Good. He wasn't dead yet.
However, a quick touch to his cheek made Geto question his previous thought. With a fever like that, how was he not dead?
Quickly grabbing a small towel, Geto soaked it with water from his bottle, wringing it onto the floor before he brought it to the other's forehead. The mess of water puddles could wait. He had more important things to tend to.
Geto carefully folded and set Gojo's sunglasses aside, gently brushing away the strands of hair covering his face. The wet cloth was then put on his forehead.
It's not much, but it should help.
Knowing Gojo, he probably didn't take any medicine since this started. Speaking of which, Geto made a mental note to ask when it did. Gojo had been busy with a mission for the past few days, so it probably meant he was working through whatever this was.
Probably a cold.
The sneezing earlier should have been an obvious indication, but the fever he was currently running sealed the deal.
Geto knew exhaustion would eventually catch up to him. To be completely honest, he had thought Gojo would give in earlier. He must have been holding out way pass his limits.
It was alright to be weak at times, even for the 'Strongest', a concept that Gojo never seemed to understand. Either that or he did, but chose to ignore it in place of his ego and the fact that he didn't want anyone else to get hurt in his place if the curses turned out to the stronger than reported.
Geto suspected the reason leaned more towards the latter. Gojo had always cared about others in his own way, whether he considered them weak or not. Although.. with the way he openly made fun of people around him, it would cause others to beg otherwise.
Geto knew him better than that.
A soft whine drew him back into the present. Geto turned to focus his attention on Gojo. Even in the dimly lit room, his brilliant blue eyes were hard to miss, hard to look away from, no matter how dulled they were from the haze of the fever.
"Suguru.. Suguru-"
"Shh. Rest. I'm here."
"..You carried me here?"
"Mm."
Gojo let out a laugh that looked like it took all his effort. "You're stronger than you look then."
"You're just lighter than you look."
The small exchange put Geto slightly more at ease. If Satoru could still make any conversation into a joke, he was fine. Well, it at least meant his brain wasn't fried yet.
A sharp, feathery inhale dragged Geto's attention back to the bed.
"..hih'tchh!! hh'..hah'tchiw!!"
"Bless you." God. Even his sneezes sounded tired, a complete difference from his normal, over exaggerated ones.
"snff'- ..thanks."
Gojo looked seconds away from passing out again, his fist closing around the soft blanket. Sighing, Geto stood up.
"Alright, that's enough of being awake for you. Go back to sleep, okay? Let yourself rest for once."
"Hah.. so reluctant to talk to me?"
Quite the opposite, actually, Geto wanted to say. Instead, he reached over to straighten the cloth. It had fallen over to cover one of Gojo's eyes, making him look a lot more endearing than Geto would ever care to admit.
"Of course not. I just have something I have to get done, so I'll be leaving for a bit."
Geto turned away right as Gojo's frame sunk into the mattress in disappointment. If he had seen it, there was no way Geto would have left his side for another good year.
"Mm, okay."
Geto was careful not to open the door too wide. It was early in the evening, and he wanted to let in as little light as possible. Satoru had always been sensitive after all.
Behind the closed door, Gojo turned to the side, snatching Geto's pillow into his chest, pulling it into a tight embrace. He was sure the other wouldn't mind.
__
Getting pissed won't help anybody, Geto knew that, he really did. But with Gojo practically forced into bed-rest for at least half a week, he needed to raise some of his concerns to his teachers, at least.
He pulls the classroom door open.
"Sensei-"
"Ah, Suguru. Right on time. I've got a new mission file for you."
"Right. That's exactly what I've come to talk to you ab-"
"Satoru has been specially requested."
"..See that's-"
"But I've written in to specially request you to follow him."
"-exactly what I've been.. huh? What?"
The teacher gave him a knowing smile before sliding a file over the table. Of course. Always doing things in a roundabout way. He's seen that before.
"..Thank you."
He takes the file, quickly leaving the classroom afterwards, his legs taking him subconsciously back to where the dorms where as his hands occupied themselves with flipping through the documents.
Halfway through the mission file, Geto feels something slip out from between the pages. He leans forward to pick it up, a knowing smile flashing across his face.
A small packet of fever medicine.
Seems his teacher had the same idea, that Gojo would never go out of his way to get supplies, if at all, when he fell sick. Well, that saved him half the trouble.
And here came the other half.
When Geto returned to their dorm, he noticed the aura of Gojo's technique surrounding himself. It shocked him at first, but Geto figures that in his vulnerable state, Gojo's mind subconsciously casts infinity to keep him safe.
Though.. it could also have been a side effect from all the dangerous missions that they had put him through for the past month, such that his body was on heightened alert even during rest.
Well that's a first.
He hadn't really been around Gojo while he was sick before, especially not to the extent of passing out like that.
Surely this continuous usage of Infinity counted as over-exertion, evident from Gojo's slightly furrowed eyebrows despite him being asleep. His breathing was also choppier than usual, either due to the congestion or disturbed rest.
Surprisingly, Geto noticed that Infinity seemed to thin out as he approached the bed.
He remembers Gojo telling him, "Suguru- you know, I can totally tell apart your cursed energy from others!"
Was Satoru's body really recognising him and relaxing because of it? Guess that whole 'telling apart' thing wasn't a lie after all.
Geto reaches out a palm and presses it against Gojo's forehead. His hand easily passes through the barrier, making contact with the other. The damp cloth lay uselessly by the side of the pillow, having fulfilled its purpose.
Still warm, but cooler than before.
Gojo whines against the touch as he slowly stirs. "Suguruu- you're backk.."
"Mm." Geto hummed in reply, sitting himself by the edge of the bed. "Did you sleep well?"
"Ah.. not really."
The raw honesty catches Geto off-guard, especially compared to the previous few days, where Gojo would wave him off for being too worried, right up till the point he collapsed.
He supposes that upon admitting "I'm not feeling well", Gojo's walls simply crumbled, leaving him in Geto's care.
The mattress shifted as Gojo turned to the side, a wrist coming up to rub at his nose.
"S-Sorry.. I- hh' have t'hH-!! hih'tchh!! haH'zzchh!!"
He sniffles against his wrist, watching with teary eyes as Geto pulls out a small pack of travel tissues from the drawer before handing it to him.
"Th'hH-!! ..thank y-you.. hH'hihchH'iw!! hah'zzdchH!!"
He pulls out a piece, pressing it softly against his nose. Outside, the sun had barely start setting.
"..snff'.. Suguru- why are you here anyway? Don't you have better things to do?"
Better things to do than look after you? Unlikely. And your Infinity will just go up again once I leave. But of course Geto doesn't say that.
Instead, he raises the file in his hand. "Background information on a mission. I'll have to read it eventually anyway, I can do it here, I've got time."
"..A mission?"
"Yes. For the two of us, actually."
"Really?? I get to go with you this time?" Happiness seeped into his words, bringing an unconscious smile to Geto's face.
"Mm, but I doubt they'd let you go in this state."
Without even looking over, Geto swore he could hear the pout in Gojo's voice.
"Aw.. b-but I wna go with you."
"..Then get better. Quickly." Because I don't want to leave without you either. I'm never leaving you alone again if I can help it.
"Sigh- alright, alright.. I'll get some rest."
"Before that.." Geto suddenly remembered, rising to his feet to retrieve a mug. He should probably get Satoru to take the medicine as soon as possib-
Geto hears a crash behind him.
"SAtoru!"
On the floor, Gojo laughs softly at himself, hanging half off the bed.
"S-Sorry-"
"What were you doing?"
Gojo looked almost embarrassed. "Ah.. nothing, honestly.. I just.. I guess I just.. panicked when I saw you get up.. that's all. I thought you were going to leave again.."
Again? ..Oh, right. He had left for the classrooms earlier. Why didn't Satoru just say something before he did? Forget that. Why didn't he notice?
Geto quickly grabbed a mug, filling it with water before he returned to the bedside.
"I'm sorry."
"Hm? Ahh- it's okay, it's okay.. I was just saying silly things."
"No. Don't say that. It's okay to want company, to need company. That's why I'm here, right?"
"Mm, yeah."
"..Why do you sound so reluctant to admit it?"
Gojo shifted again, this time tilting his head away from Geto.
"..Suguru. Am I'm strong?"
"Mm, why the sudden question?"
"..Am I still considered strong if.. if something as simple as a cold can.. can.. hH'..hih'DzchH!! haH'tchHew!! ..snff'.. fuck. I can't even control those."
"I'd honestly be more surprised if you could." Geto replied, bringing the mug up to Gojo's lips. His voice sounded harsh, and the constant sneezes were not helping. "C'mon, look over here, you should drink something."
Gojo sighed, shifting the tissue away to drink from his mouth.
"Take these too."
"..Medicine? Where did you get those from?"
"Sensei."
"Ahh- damn. He really knows everything doesn't he?"
"Anyone on the outside could tell that you were wearing yourself thin, not just him. Shoko had her fair share of worries for you as well."
Gojo remained silent upon hearing that, seemingly very interested in the cup he was drinking from.
Geto felt his heart skip a beat. Had he said something wrong? Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that fact it was obvious.
The silence lasted for a few moments, before Gojo inhaled sharply, turning to the side.
"..hH'-aH'zZchH!! hah-hH'tcHHiw!! hiH'dzZch'w!! hH'!!-..snff- hehh'tchhiw!"
Geto startled at the fit, though he quickly collected himself, eyes focusing on what appeared to be an extremely sorry Gojo.
In his hand was the empty mug, its contents having been spilled all over the blanket from the violent jerks, a side effect of the sneezing.
"..I'm s-orry.."
Geto paused in his actions of retrieving a cloth for the mess. Something was wrong. Satoru had a voice break? No matter how cute it was (god forbid he admit that), he had never heard the other say anything with such a broken tone before.
Forgetting the cloth, Geto quickly returned to Gojo's side, wrapping his arms around the shivering frame of Gojo's body, head resting above his.
Gojo froze in place, shocked at the sudden but welcomed contact. The mug in his hand slowly slipped off his fingers, falling onto the covers. A small whine escaped his lips yet again as Gojo's fingers repurposed themselves with grabbing gently at Geto's arm.
He found himself leaning into the warm embarce, turning his head slightly such that his cheek could rest against Geto's chest.
Gojo had longed for this for days. Days. Days. He could feel tears starting to form at the corner of his eyes. From the cold or from his overflowing emotions? He had no idea.
"Suguru. Come lie down with me, please?"
He didn't need to be asked twice.
Within seconds, Geto had climbed onto the bed, getting comfortable under the covers as he extended a hand to Gojo.
"Come. Leave that side. It's wet." An excuse to get Gojo into his arms.
Gojo crawled over to where Geto was waiting, instantly latching onto the other the moment he got close enough to do so.
As Geto's arms close around him once again, Gojo realised that he had never felt so.. so safe, so.. comforted, before. It was a new feeling, one he was afraid of yet welcomed.
He had only known Suguru for a year, but damn was the guy making him question his own feelings left right and center.
A hand found itself on the back of Gojo's head as he snuggled closer into Geto's chest, burying his nose into the folds of Geto's shirt.
Drowsiness slowly started to take over as Gojo felt like this was the first time in forever he was truly allowed to relax. Was it from the medicine? Or was it from Geto's steady heartbeat that was lulling him to sleep? In all honesty, it didn't matter.
Geto felt Gojo relax in his embrace. Once the stuffy soft snores started to slip into a rhythm, he tilted his head downwards, whispering in a low, soothing voice.
"Satoru, you've been too strong for too long. Let me take over, even if just for a little while."
That was the last thing said for the night, as Geto himself started to drift off into sleep, the sun setting behind him
Unknown to the other, Gojo's lips curled into a smile.
Really.. the things Suguru says when he thinks no one is listening. It was going to be the death of him one day.
-end-
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Finishing notes:
this fic actually stemmed from the phrase "what if Gojo's Infinity came up by itself when he's sick?" then it.. became.. this.. somehow..
decided to change their roles here ahhh- caretaker Getoo-
maybe i wrote Gojo a little out of character with the amount of clinging he did to Geto (also the whole DON'T LEAVE ME panic of a sick person in bed), but hey. i'm a strong advocate for clingy sick Gojo, sue me.
i also wanted to keep up the soft Gojo writing, soo i tried the whole "strong character falls weak to a cold" trope thing
BUT i also know for a FACT that i was NOT going to be satisfied if i just let Gojo go out like that, so i tried making his collapse scene exclusively *him*
by that i mean i tried making it slightly humorous. ahh well if it ended up not coming out like that.. it's still fine
also wanted to write a whole "Gojo pretending he's alright when he's not" fic, and was trying to capture the whole "once he admits he's not okay, everything comes crumbling down and he's a mess" thing
i feel like a lot more could have been written in this fic.. but the problem was i didn't know how to.. shshhdhshds im getting better i swear (abit more of this in the tags)
i hope the final scene read as soft as i was hoping it would. just picture Gojo sinking into Geto's hug, smooshing his face against Geto's chest, whining a whole bunch, breathing in his scent
..or maybe scratch the scent part, since Gojo's nose is a little congested//
anyway, hope it was a nice read and thankyou for stopping by!!
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#j/jk#g/ojo s/atoru#g/eto s/uguru#s/atos/ugu#mywritting#again its more caretaking than snz but ig thats normally how my fics go#soft g/ojo does crazy things to me so once again this was super enjoyable to write 100% would do it again#though i admit i struggled ALOT with much of the dialogue in order to keep it in character#THE BRIDAL CARRY PART OMG I WAS SMILING MYSELF SILLY WHEN I WROTE IT#just imagining g/eto running through the school hallways with his husband in arms#screaming MAKE WAY MAKE WAY#about what i could have added to the spilling the water all over the bed scene:#i had initially planned to make g/eto refill the cup with something sweet like applejuice for g/ojo#but ended up scrapping that entirely and making him just go in for the hug#about the eating the medicine scene:#i had initially planned a whole scene where g/ojo was being shy about not being able to swallow pills whole#a shy “i.. normally take the liquid ones..”#cue g/eto getting applejuice to help him take a crushed pill (lessen the bitterness)#sjsjjsdsh don't ask me what kinda title is that I WAS STRUGGLING SO MUCH TO THINK OF SMTH THAT FITS#titling is the hardest part of fic writing istg.#mythoughts
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It’s not even 8 pm and I’m dozing off trying to study
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i know i shouldn't expect much depth or nuance to come out of a place like tiktok but someone saying they hate bruce wayne because he's a billionaire and they don't care if he's not real and that he is the reason gotham is impoverished threw me for a fucking loop
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i wonder how alone wesker felt after he actually died for the first time
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Polynesian Moon: Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Just realized I answered this without actually replying to the question
Answered below, (A thousand pardons Anon)
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the constant and dull thrumming of loneliness may be overwhelming but at least we have gay porn visual novels 👍
#this is about a particular vn btw. i'm kinda obsessed with it the art is so good. also the characters are great and sometimes kinda bonkers#anyways i think this is my cue to go to bed now#original#hornyposting
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sick and twisted that organizing my desk space (and organizing the clutter in my room in general) does, in fact, make me feel a lot happier and a lot better about my life . . . sick and twisted
#caroline talks#guys i got this desk organizer . . . it's got my nail polishes and my sticky notes and pens and pencils in one place#and it makes me. very happy.#i did spend. the last hour and a half cleaning my room and just. mopping. dusting. unpacking. re-organizing my closet.#i need to wait for my washing machine + dryer to finish up so i can finally finish changing my sheets#and i also need to clean my bathroom. and then. and then i'm going to go to a meeting.#i really do like. living away from my parents for the most part. i love them but i also. think i just feel more motivated when i'm not#living with them. cue: decorating my room for the first time in forever. organizing things. cleaning more. telling myself that despite my#desire to crawl into bed and not get back up. i need to buy milk.#(WHICH. DEEP SIGH. I DON'T WANT TO BUY MILK)#(but tomorrow me will be SO thankful. i know this. i know this too well.)#(but the grocery store feels so far . . . .. . ... )#(lunch. i need to eat lunch. that's what's going on here tbh)
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if you saw me post a BC + new year's resolutions post and delete it immediately no you didn't lol
#IT WAS A DRAFT but apparently i accidentally published it 🤦♀️#well fine i guess i'm NOT gonna have the post sit in my drafts for over a week lol#it's a miracle i haven't accidentally posted any of the advent calendar stories before i meant to 💀#i think this is my cue to go to bed lol i don't trust myself with buttons anymore
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I've had a strange dream tonight..
There was a small round pound and a lot of fish were roaming in it in circles! Fish, and one squid-like creature that also had some eldrich glow emitted from itself. I kept trying to catch a fish all the time, with something like a bug net for some reason and not a fishing road, but they ALWAYS slipped away from me! And at last I've caught one fish but someone near me pointed out that it was dead, in a very grumpy "told you so" manner.. So I looked at that fish, and true, it didn't move. And also strangely had two heads, second head instead of tail, even though in the water it looked normal..
It made me despair and I let it slip back into the pond, and finally decided to abandon the fish and give that eldrich squid a chance. Not only it was way easier to catch than fish, but it even seemed to like me, wrapping tentacles around my arms, then I woke up. Strangely, before alarm clock, too
#dreams#personal#I wonder about the meaning of this but I have a guess......#it is about my fandom life before summer isn't it.#trying to catch fish and constantly failing = my futile attempts to make friends back then#finally catching a fish but it's dead a literally two faced = making a bond but then-#-finding out people were two-faced (figurally of course) and would not be there for me#especially I think a certain someone that made me feel the safest and warmest Ive felt in a long time#only to block me without a single word and then work against me for not taking it well#and the squid... well... of course it was him#he definitely was an eldrich creature.#the last time I checked he finally became happy and stable (and promptly ditched me as-#-he didn't need me anymore in a happier and fixed life. it happens.)#but yes feels like it. I figured I could not find friends in 'mere ordinary fish'. it was all futile.#because of my negative charisma and apparently social cues I don't get#I also think relevant considering what I posted before going to bed...#damn my brain has interesting ways to illustrate my past or present.
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Will Graham unplugged the empty mini fridge that was running with nothing in it, pet it and said it did good before reassuring it that he would turn it back on and crying over turning it off.
#in his defense#we are very tired#it’s been an incredibly long day#did/osdd#Will Graham alter#manor system#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative identities#system#he felt like he was leaving a sick animal to die#which I think is my personal cue to go to bed.
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#The hyperfixation begins#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland#heartslabyul#savanaclaw#octavinelle#scarabia#pomfiore#ignihyde#diasomnia#ramshackle#this also marks the first one of my own polls I'm voting in#cue me posting this and immediately going to bed because I think this is cringe as all hell#and somebody else has probably already done this
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i've been trying to lucid dream because i'm already aware that i'm dreaming like 50% of the time and i already remember my dreams pretty well. or i did until i tried to actively lucid dream in them - partial success the first night at the cost of waking up every time i entered rem except for the last time, and then literally radio silence after that, literally barely able to recall dreaming at all much less be lucid during them. more than a little fucking annoyed about it. i wouldn't be annoyed if nothing changed but neutering my ability to even try grinds my gears. the other weird simultaneous change is they just suddenly stopped being nightmares about being murdered and they're now just really long, unpleasant dreams that don't escalate enough to wake me up or compel me to question the reality of the situation. don't even know how to feel about that part. do not tell me to WBTB or i will slay you in a single blow
#do you know how often i wake up every night#do you think i haven't tried to wake up and go back to bed#even if i'm lucky enough for the insomnia to not curbstomp me for trying it it doesn't work at all#currently i'm writing down the dreams but i'll be honest: even waking up enough from one of these sleep interruptions#to write down these dreams which are apparently quite long and detailed#is like playing with fire#i am a person who is very well known for not being receptive to sleep drive cues and staying awake if i'm woken up#unwillingly of course. i'd love to go back to bed#it's not always waking up to my own nightmares half the time it's my fucking subconscious mind#hearing a pin drop across the house and deciding it might be a threat to my life that i need to investigate right away
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💚🧡 when i say chaotic i moreso mean insane about wxs. specifically rui. but it's great keep it up
ASSIGNED WXS INSANE FUNNY GUY BY MARLO THE BELOVED
#answers#which mutual am i ask game#it is the cusp of 1 am as i answer this which i think is my cue to go to bed courtesy of the 'bestie take a break'
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wait, Derin how did your leaving make the hospital shut down?
I used to work as a live-in nanny for a pediatrician.
Now, the thing about hospitals in my country is that they are massively understaffed and massively underfunded. This is especially true outside the major cities. The staff are worked to the bone and receive little to no help in things like finding accommodation or childcare, making working in rural areas a very uninviting prospect; staff come out here, get lumped with the work of three people (because there's nobody else to do it), burn out under the workload and leave, meaning that those remaining have even more work because that person is gone. It's unsustainable and the medical staff are doing their best to sustain it, because people die if they don't, so to the higher-ups it looks like everything's getting done and therefore everything is fine.
My friend (and boss) worked one week on, one week off, swapping out with another pediatrician. This was necessary because it would not be physically possible for one person to handle the workload for longer periods of time. The one single pediatrician had to hold up the entire pediatrics ward, which was not only the only public hospital pediatrics ward in our town, but also the one that served all the towns around us for a few hours' drive in all directions. I regularly saw her go to work sick, aching, tired, or with a debilitating 'I can barely make words or see' level migraine, because if she took a day off, twenty children didn't get healthcare that day, and some of these kids' appointments were scheduled weeks in advance. She'd work long hours in the day and then be called in a couple of times overnight for an hour or two at a time (she was on-call at night too, because somebody had to be), and then go in the next day. Sometimes she would be forced to take a day off because she physically could not stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time, meaning she couldn't drive to work.
Cue my niece's second birthday coming up in Melbourne. I'd been working for her for about 3 years, and she (and the hospital) had plenty of advance warning that I (and therefore she) needed one (1) Friday off. That's fine, we'll find someone to work that Friday, the hospital said. Right up until the last week where they're like "oh, we can't find a replacement; you can come in, can't you?"
No, she tells them; I don't have anyone to watch my kid that day.
Oh, surely you can hire a babysitter for this one day, they say. Think of the children! We really really need you to work that day. I know we said it'd be fine but we need you now, there's no one else to do it.
There are no other babysitters, she told them. Unless you can find one?
That's not our responsibility, they said.
But I'm not changing my plans, she's got plans by now as well, the hospital knew about this one day weeks in advance, and with absolutely no reserve staff they're forced to reschedule all pediatrics appointments for that Friday. Not a huge deal, it happens on the 'physically too overworked to get out of bed' days too. I go to Melbourne, she goes back to her home in Adelaide for her recovery week, all should be on track.
My niece gives me Covid.
This was way back in the first wave of the pandemic, and there were no Covid vaccines yet. The rules were isolate, mask up, hope. I had Covid in the house, and it would've been madness for my friend and her toddler to come back into the Covid house instead of staying in Adelaide. There was absolutely no way that a pediatrician could live with someone in quarantine due to Covid and go to work in the hospital with sick children every day. And no support existed for finding another babysitter, or temporary accommodation, so the hospital was down a pediatrician.
The other pediatrician wasn't available to do a three-week stint. They were also trapped in Adelaide on their well-earned week off.
Meaning that the only major pediatrics ward within a several-hour radius had no pediatricians. They had to shut down and send all urgent cases to Adelaide for the week. To the complete absence of surprise of any of the doctors or nurses; of course this would happen, this was bound to happen, it presumably keeps happening. But probably to the surprise of the higher-ups. After all, the hospital was doing fine, right? Of course all the staff were complaining of overwork and a lack of resources in every meeting, but they could always be fobbed off with the promise of more help sometime in the future; the work was mostly getting done, so the issue couldn't be too urgent.
It's not like some nanny who doesn't even work for the hospital could go out of town for a weekend for the first time in three years, and get the only public pediatrics ward in the area shut down for a week.
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c.hrom bestie you had one job and it was stay away from women who Aren't o.livia
#I THINK???? i think i can still get them together if i just. don't watch his and s.umia's c support but my god#and ofc i saved after the battle so i can't just replay it and not have them near each other#so i guess we press on and we'll see if it worked in like 4 chapters#and i'll restart if i gotta ig#i think this is my cue to go to bed tbh#christina plays
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