#I think people will be disappointed solely bc it’s not going to be the buck and Eddie show ever

[liesoverthec]

So kind of the opposite of your question but I do ship buddie and wouldn’t stop watching the show if they cannon obvs, however theres always been a part of me that feels like the writers wouldn’t know how to write them as a romantic pairing because they weren’t really developed to be that at first imo. I just think that it runs the risk of their connection becoming, idk, corny? If you’ve ever seen shameless, kind of like ian and mickey. Its like for them the writers just didnt know how to write for them after s4 and especially s5 and then their connection just felt super fake. I would hate to see that happen to buddie, and I feel like I would grow to dislike them if it happened. its one of the main reasons I lowkey never want to see them canon unless its in a series finale scenario (plus sometimes slowburns are simply just better canoning in finales, see: anne with an e, hannibal kinda, andi mack, new girl if it ended in s6, etc)

Anon idk what show you’re watching but it does not seem to be OG 911!

I understand the risk that any ship becoming canon will be disappointing but I mean cmon! Are Bobby and Athena “corny” for being together? Do Maddie and Chim seem less interesting or have any less chemistry now bc they’re together? I’d argue that both couples actually had MORE chemistry once they were established.

I think for me - my biggest concern would be them having trouble writing a gay couple, specifically JUST bc I see so much of that in fanfic for this show. I really feel like people write so much fic for characters who aren’t Buck and Eddie and they don’t actually understand Buck and Eddie’s dynamic at all and just turn it into some caricature of a straight relationship, by making one or both of them much, much more feminine than they are. (Which - it is not a bad thing for a man to be feminine! But neither Buck or Eddie particularly are, and it says not great things that people can only write gay relationships if one of the couple is more obviously feminine and the other is more obviously masculine.)

But here’s the thing - that’s my biggest concern and it’s not ACTUALLY a concern for me. Bc Hen and Karen have a connection and a deep relationship that isn’t a model off a straight one, and it’s not just a stereotype of a lesbian relationship, and it’s not just for diversity. David and Michael were vulnerable with each other, and expressed love and concern for one another without it changing who they are at all. (Granted we didn’t know David before but that was still the Michael we knew, 100%.) Homophobes love the question - well which one of you is the man/woman in the relationship? But out of Hen and Karen, and Michael and David, there’s no obvious answer to that, so it gives me great reassurance that this show knows how to write gay couples without sacrificing who they are, and without having to make them into stereotypes/molds of het people to make a successful ship.

So idk, if you can’t look at the wonderful way this show has treated its relationships and the characters in, with a specific example of a past mlm relationship done really fucking well and not trust that they’ll be able to write deep, interesting stories for Buddie, then good for you I guess??? But I can’t and won’t ever support/share that view.

So much care has gone into Buck and Eddie’s relationship and its development at this point that imo it’d be a gigantic fucking waste to leave it for the finale and not show the audience (the general audience in particular!) just what a smart and fulfilling relationship it is.

I’ll never doubt that they’ll do a good job w Buddie.

[gaylittleeddie]

S6 BUDDIE THOUGHTS

I’m doing my yearly rewatch and I really refuse to believe that buddie wasn’t written the way they were intentionally. I’ve talked about the way they introduced buddie before. there were a lot of hints of early romance undertones. for example, the fact that abbys character got split into two separate ones. maddie and eddie. there were certain scenes where it seemed implied at a little peak into what they had in mind for their relationship. for example, buck just having to mention he loves kids when eddie said he has one, “we may end up real close”, “you two have an adorable son.” but that’s besides the point I’m trying to make. we’ve heard time and time again from tim minear and the crew that they write the story the way they want to and don’t give into fan service. but let’s face it, if you’ve been in this fandom long enough you know Tim’s been accused of stealing ideas from fanfics and posts on twt. which that is in fact fan service. (There’s nothing wrong with giving ur fans what they want tim. genuinely fan service isn’t bad unless you completely lose ur own originality and you haven’t like its still 911.) for example, we’ve been asking for less stressful storylines and now they’re delivering. also henren begins is happening solely bc fans have been begging for it. and one of the main things people have been asking for since I joined this fandom two almost 3 years ago is buddie slowburn. I genuinely am a strong believer that this is going to be the season it all comes to it. They threw buck and eddie into these relationships not because they were gonna be endgame. They were too hastily written for that and we know 911 can write good relationships. It was just to keep the slowburn going a bit longer. And you know what? If im right and this really is the season where we finally get it, then it’s been a beautiful love story. definitely would be #1 on my list and stydia has held that title in my heart for a literal decade at this point. Like they’re not dumb and I feel like this has all been intentional. I don’t see these writers as the type to disappoint their fans like that. I truly believe that Buck and Eddie were always meant to be together, or at least it’s been a heavy consideration for a very long time. With all of the ryan and oliver promotions and Oliver following Ryan again along with him liking buddie posts again. I’m very confident that the wait is over. And I can’t see it tilting out of our favor this season. usually I just ship it for fun and have moments where I know it’s not going to happen but I just feel so confident in this season buddie wise. If I’m wrong then we were played but I don’t think I am.

[milkypompon]

𝕊𝕦𝕓𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕖 | Sokka x Azula

𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖 | Azula is slowly healed from the past thanks to therapy and the Gaang, well a special Water Tribe warrior from the team, Sokka.

𝔸𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣'𝕤 ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖 | I wanted to create a little back story first, just so you can feel the connection with these two!

𝔼ℕ𝕁𝕆𝕐

【𝕊𝕝𝕠𝕨 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖】

The newly crowned Fire Lord knocked at a door he recognized all too well. If this situation were on different circumstances, Zuko would be shivering down to his feet, but times have changed and people did as well.

“Azula?” Zuko whispered into the door, “It’s me, Zuzu… Can I come in?”

“Can you?” He could imagine his sister smiling teasingly.

Zuko rolled his eyes and twisted the door handle, “Yes, I may.”

He was met with Azula’s back. Her face was contorted in disgust, as she failed at another attempt of styling her hair into a bun. 

Zuko walked up to her, careful not to disrupt her, but after hearing many of her disappointed grunts, he reassured, “You don’t have to look your best for them, just feel your best.”

Azula finally turned to him and she nodded. She set down the ribbon and comb in hand. “Well then, is it time?” Her voice was low and unsteady, already overflowing with anxiety. 

He simply nodded. Zuko offered her his arm and Azula looped hers in. She sighed into his shoulder.

Together the siblings walked down the hallway.

“Brother, where are we going?” Azula tried to catch his eye.

Zuko just smiled, quietly relaying a message of, “Just trust me.” 

Azula stopped in her tracks, unintentionally gripping onto Zuko’s arms tight. The siblings arrived at the courtyard. There were sudden memories of Azula’s childhood that plagued her. 

There was too much. 

Too much that was said and done.

Her brother noticed the tears there were threatening to slip down her face, “We can turn around now if you want, Azula…”

She shook her head, deep down she knew this was the only way to release her from her past.

The siblings slowly approached a group who had relaxed features, unbeknownst of the two approaching. Aang and Katara’s backs were stretched out on the green grass. They pointed at the clouds, occasionally whispering what the fluff of white resembled. Ty Lee taught Sokka and a frustrated Mai how to weave a flower crown out of dandelions. While Toph and Suki quietly sat near a pond and fed the turtle ducks crumbs of bread.

Sokka was the first one who heard the approaching footsteps, he craned his neck up. A sudden wave of heat washed over him. “Oh, no…”

【𝕀𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤】

The Gaang welcomed Azula with open arms, with many tears that spilled from each person, of course

Every weekend they’d visit different Nations to help villages and towns to recover from the war, just simple civil duties! 

One weekend, the Gaang flew to Ba Sing Se and they decided to form into groups of two to quickly finish their tasks, so they could check out the zoo Aang created by accident afterwards. They promised that they’d meet at the palace at sunset.

Of course, Azula and Sokka were stuck together

𝔸𝕕𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝔹𝕒 𝕊𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕊𝕖

It was quiet at first, bluntly said, just AwKWArd

Sokka decided to TRY and break the ice, “So, uh… what is it like being in the palace?”

Azula smirked and rolled their eyes, “You’ve been in the palace, dummy.”

He thought, “This is gonna be a long day.”

Their task was to find Bosco who seemed to leave the palace

“HOW DOES A BEAR LEAVE UNNOTICED??” Sokka smacked his forehead as the pair traversed the streets of the market.

Azula giggled, much to Sokka’s surprise.

【𝕀𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤】

Azula liked to be around Sokka, she felt normal, like she missed out on all of this during her years of being an enraged Princess.

Sokka liked to make Azula laugh.

That’s how simple it was.

They have such differing personalities and upbringings that it kept their blooming friendship interesting

“So you’re telling me that you’ve NEVER dipped fried potato sticks into a cacao shake???” Sokka’s eyes widened in utter surprise.

“uhM… That sounds kinda gross, Sokka.” Azula remarked.

“Can’t be an hater unless you’ve tried it, babe,”

Azula was caught off guard by the nickname and Sokka was too. They just stared at each other for a bit.

Sokka blurted, “S-Sorry! That just came out-”

She looked to the side and said under her breath, “I- uh, don’t mind.” Her cheeks flushed just enough for Sokka to take notice.

TRAINING SESSIONS ARE INTENSE

Sokka teaches Azula how to fight without firebending.

“Ugh,” Sokka groaned as he felt the stone pavement hit his back. 

Azula rested her knees on either side of his thighs and leaned in. “Y’know I've been kicking ass since I was a child,” she breathed on Sokka’s lips. 

Sokka leaned in and cradled her jaw, pulling her in until their noses touched, “Can I-”

“AZULA! IT’S DINNERTIME-” Zuko calls and was taken aback from the sight (although not surprised). He smirked, “Looks like you’re already eating good,” Zuko smirked and simply walked away. 

𝔸𝕕𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕟 𝕎𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕓𝕖

Sokka is coronated as the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe

Azula is sure as hell there ! 

And they accidentally revealed their relationship when Chief Sokka bounced up to Princess Azula like a little dog and gave her a massive hug. They both froze when they realized that the whole Gaang was watching.

Katara looked at them confused, but soon smiled supportively, “Can Princess Katara get a hug too, Chief Sokka?”

(Azula gets so damn cold easily somehow in the Southern Water Tribe?? So there's a lot of warm hugs and tea pouring from Iroh!)

【𝔾𝕒𝕒𝕟𝕘'𝕤 ℙ𝕆𝕍】

EVERYONE is surprisingly supportive

Bets between the Gaang 

Aang begrudgingly hands over some gold coins to Toph when she won the bet of who kissed who first, it was Azula that initiated.

Zuko looks at Aang and Toph, “Did you too really have a bet about those two?”

They nodded.

“I want in on the next one.”

(Eventually, Katara joins.

Thing is, she’s best friends with Mai and Ty Lee, so she’s filled in with all the deets 

She’s won big bucks, but she’s too nice so Katara treats the Gaang for some food.)

【𝕊𝕠𝕜𝕜𝕒 & 𝔸𝕫𝕦𝕝𝕒'𝕤 ℙ𝕆𝕍】

Honestly, the whole relationship is just like between a cat (aka Azula) being teased and loved by a hyper pup (aka Sokka)

Sokka and Azula’s relationship is usually a relaxed one, not as easy going as with Suki, but they still poke fun!

Their’s is filled with much more deeper and emotional feelings. With what they’ve both been through, it’s given

They’re there for each other when someone needs to be comforted during nightmare filled nights 

It ranged from what the Nations would look like if Ozai became the Phoenix King to Ursa returning to Azula, then her mother neglecting her. While Sokka was solely based on one of his friends or family suffering due to him

They’re understanding of each other

Sometimes, Azula still has her outbursts, but Sokka is very understanding and allows to give her time until she wants to talk it out 

Sokka seems to always carry the weight of others and his own, so Azula teaches him from personal experience that it’s okay to rely on friends and family for help + love 

【ℝ𝔼ℚ𝕌𝔼𝕊𝕋𝕊 𝔽𝕆ℝ 𝔸𝕋𝕃𝔸 𝔸ℝ𝔼 𝕆ℙ𝔼ℕ】

𝔼𝕟𝕕𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖 | I’m so thankful for this request! I had a difficult time connecting these two characters, but as I wrote more, I learned more about the characters true intentions as to why they'd choose that S/O. I was able to allow these characters to grow from off screen!

(a lil annoyed bc I double tabbed for some parts of the bullet points, but for some reason Tumblr is all screwy and didn't capture it.)

Let me know what you think about these two love birds !!

[sulkybbarnes]

Ok so I watched endgame on friday and basically I was so disappointed with what they did to bucky/steve and how they literally had one (1) second together onscreen and it was like they were saying goodbye for an hour not that buck knew steve was leaving forever??? also idk if I believe that he'd abandon his best friend to go back and marry peggy because she already had a family? Basically I'm just upset they didn't do justice to bucky/steve...but I'm curious - what did you think of the film??

ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD (AND IN THE ASK, so don’t read it either)

Hey anon! I stared at this for a good ten minutes before deciding how to answer it, and settled on keeping my answer under a read more so here we go:

Let me start by saying that I haven’t seen a Marvel movie since Captain America: Civil War (with the exception of Black Panther) and I haven’t been to see Endgame myself nor am I going to. But I got a play by play of the movie from close friends, read multiple articles, and heard every opinion before reaching the conclusion that I was very right in deciding not to watch the movie bc I hate what they did with it, and I would have fumed even more if I had to sit through it in a cinema. Let’s break down what I think about it and clarify some things first though.

The whole time travel plotline with Steve was shitty writing that left a lot of people confused, but basically there are supposed to be two versions of Steve by the end because he created a new branch in time. Basically, one Steve did go into the ice and live out his life until the moment he went back in time and created the second Steve that lived out life with Peggy in the new branch of time. This supposedly means that Peggy’s family wasn’t erased (even tho I personally still don’t get it lol) but I have read like five different accounts on whether or not this makes sense, and to me that means that the movie failed spectacularly. If you need article after article and essay length explanations for your audience to understand what you did post-movie then you didn’t do your job right. Here are two articles on the time travel and you can decide which one you agree with: article 1, article 2.

Now let’s leave the technicalities of it behind and focus on characters. Steve Rogers has meant the world to me for a long time and I adored his character. He and Bucky got me through a tough time in my undergrad uni so they mean a lot to me, yes, but I want to point out that my opinion isn’t solely formed bc I shipped them together but because I truly believe the ending Steve was given ruined his character. Like listen I am bitter that they threw away the only love story that made sense to me in MCU (Steve and Bucky) but this isn’t about that. The fact of it is that the same writers who made Steve kiss Peggy’s niece at her funeral in Civil War and said it doesn’t matter because Peggy was a one month thing to Steve are the ones who wrote endgame and decided that Steve’s love for his friends who are a found family, his best friend, this new world and new life he has, and everything he built basically didn’t matter just bc he didn’t have a romantic love interest and that.. really grates on my nerves with the message it sends. 

This message is also reiterated with them killing off Nat. The fact that they killed of Nat bc she can’t have children and doesn’t have a family sends the same message. Once again Marvel says that unless you follow certain heteronormative criteria then life isn’t worth living or having. They sent Steve back to be stuck in his past and walk away from his family and future, and they killed Nat off in the spirit of the same underlying message of unless you have Het Love and a family then whatever else you have doesn’t really matter. And I truly despise that. This post  explains it well I think.

As for the Steve/Bucky part, which yeah kills me too.. we all know that had one of Steve or Bucky been a woman then they’d be played up to be Marvel’s greatest love story ever written. I never hoped they’d let them be together bc I knew better but still… sending him to be with Peggy (who I love, this isn’t anything against her I swear) when he knew her for so little and they had no more than a fling, and making him walk away from everything else he has is the epitome of them doing one last hurrah to prove he’s in heterosexual love with someone. I just find it so insulting bc they mocked his and Peggy’s relationship before to justify him kissing Sharon and it’s adding insult to injury. 

I wanted Sam to get the shield (only good thing that happened) and I wanted Steve to walk away and have a life… hell, fine what fucking ever give him a new blonde girl as a love interest but. Not this quick-fix poorly thought out ending that negates everything Steve stood for. Him walking away from the best friend he fought the entire world for, and the other best friend who fought the world with him and became a brother for someone he knew for a month in the 40s… who moved on and had her own life and children (and deserved way more than being an afterthought fix-it in this stupid movie) makes me really angry and sad to think about.

My last point is their well known queerbaiting which they did once again here. They queerbaited saying there’ll be a gay character you’d never expect in Endgame, and it turned out to be a nameless background character who’s in the scene for like 10 seconds. That lgbt representation! Side note: I will forever be bitter that marvel queerbaited the shit out of Stucky. Remember when they released an entire alternate universe comic promising Steve and Bucky will be together by the end of it then killed Bucky off at the very end? Yeah lol I will never forgive them that one.

I also heard they put Thor in a fat suit and made a bunch of jokes about it???? Which is seriously disgusting, I don’t even have words for it. 

Anyway, in conclusion: Fuck Marvel.

[drewbarymore]

the moment

Summary: bucky is faced with a question he can’t seem to find the answer to. Pairing: bucky x reader Word Count: 4.7k+ bc i dont know how to shut tf up Warning(s): hella pet names, a lil angst, sad bucky

a/n: happy birthday bucky!!

“You want to what who?”

Peter stiffens at the question, raising his arms up in a defensive stance. “Okay, hear me out—“

“No, no. It’s not an I-can’t-believe-what-just-came-out-of-your-mouth type of question,” Tony interrupts, raising a hand. “I just dissociated for a bit is all. Go on.”

You watch in amusement as Peter takes a huge relieved breath, nodding at Tony who takes a sip of his fourth (is it the fifth?) cup of coffee for today.

“Okay. I-I wanted to interview you for a project for my Marketing class. W-We have to start a business of some sort and advertise it. It just happens that we had to draw from a box what we drew was wedding planning. So you know, I thought it would be a great idea to interview couples. And then I thought of you. And by you, I mean all the couples in this tower.” Peter releases another deep breath after his explanation, bouncing both in excitement and anxiety with a gleam in his eyes, trying and failing to hide his excitement

You can’t help but smile, endeared by his eagerness, only for that smile to dim a little when you feel Bucky stiffen beside you. You squeeze his hand discreetly but reassuringly, keeping your eyes on Peter whose face was far too excited and adorably expectant to be able to say no to.

You were in the middle of doing laundry with Bucky when FRIDAY called you to the common room as per Tony’s request, not really specifying why. When you arrived along with everyone else, you’re greeted by the sight of Peter Parker standing awkwardly behind the couch with an incredibly tired-looking Tony leaning against a wall. Honestly, it amazes you how he still manages to hold himself up when he looks like he’s about ready to pass out any minute.

Silence beats around the room for a few moments, and each minute that passes, you can practically see Peter’s excitement fade and get replaced by shame.

You were about to speak up and just say yes after seeing him look down in disappointment but Tony beat you to it.

“‘Course, kid,” he takes a few steps closer to him and pats his shoulder, “you didn’t have to be so nervous. Sounds good to me. Sounds good, right?” He looks around the room, getting a collective nod from Sam, Nat, Steve, and you.

You beam with delight once you see Peter’s excitement come back. You turn to Bucky who only sported a faraway look, making your expression fall instantly. He sees your smile from his peripherals, and when he feels your gaze on him, he turns to look at you only to find the smile he was expecting to see now replaced by a look of worry. He tries to muster up a smile, but it does nothing to ease the expression on your face.

“Are you good with this, Buck? I mean, Peter has enough people, I think. We can pass up for this one—“

“Not if you want to. And I can tell you want to.” He smiles, leaning closer to you.

“I want to help, yes. But if it would make you uncomfortable, it’s a straight up no, and you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” he says, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, “and I want to.”

He’s lying through his teeth, but he manages to force out a pretty convincing smile that made the tension in your shoulders drop, and he thinks it’s worth it. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s holding you back from the things you want to do. He wants you to feel free with him. Always. He wants to prove to you—or maybe more to himself— that he can do this. It’s just an interview. Couple of questions and it’s done. Besides, he knows Peter. He’s a good kid, and he would never put anyone in a position that would make them uncomfortable, or at least intentionally anyway.

You smile at him before pressing your lips on his forehead, and he tells himself again, yeah, this is worth it.

“We can still back out, you know.” you say as you adjust the sleeves of his button down shirt that’s folded up to his elbows, eyes flitting over to his face as you hear him release another sigh. It was the day of the interview, and you could tell he’s getting antsy again, more so than he had been the past few days.

“No.” he says, voice certain, but his eyes, not so much.

It’s your turn to let out a sigh, cupping his cheek in one hand to get him to look at you and running your thumb on his cheek comfortingly.

A small smile threatens to make its way up your lips when he meets your eyes. A familiar warmth explodes in your chest as he smiles at you, the blue of his eyes getting lighter. You bite your lip when you realize that you just forgot what you meant to tell him as soon as he looked at you, so you press your lips to his nose instead.

“You’re beautiful.” you whisper.

He chuckles, pink tinting his cheeks. “Stop it.”

“What? It’s true.” You press kisses to his face again, saying one sweet thing after each one, making him burst into giggles.

He retaliates by pressing his fingers onto your sides and wiggling them, making you laugh out loud. You try to push him away from you but he only tightens his hold, pressing light little kisses all over your neck.

“I love you,” he murmurs into your skin, and you melt instantly.

“I love you too.” You wrap your arms around him tightly, heart and soul at peace.

“Buck? Y/N?” A series of knocks sound through the door. You make a move to step out of the hug to open the door and see what Steve wants, but Bucky doesn’t let you go.

“Hmm?” he hums in reply to Steve, face still buried in your neck.

“You two ready?” Steve asks, swinging the door open.

You throw a quick greeting to Steve, hoping he heard you as you try your best to look at him with Bucky’s head in between your neck and shoulder and your back to the door. He only chuckles at the sight before him, still patiently awaiting a reply.

“Are we, baby?” you gently ask. He nods in response, stepping around a little so now your sides are facing the door.

“I need your words, angel.” you coax.

His heartbeat picks up at the nickname, a dopey smile appearing on his face as he lifts his head to look at you. “Yes.”

“Oh, my god.” Steve mutters in mock exasperation from the doorway, making Bucky throws him a dirty look, mind flashing back to all of the teasing he had to endure by him about you turning him into a sap.

“Shut up. Go away.” he snaps, making Steve raise his hands in surrender as he slowly backs away, smug smile still on his face.

He waits for the sound of his best friend’s steps to fade completely before letting his hold around you loosen up a bit.

“Let’s go?” you ask, taking his hands from behind you and holding them tightly.

“Yeah,” He squeezes them and takes the first step out of the room, keeping in mind that as long as you’re with him, he can do anything.

Except that he couldn’t. He really, really couldn’t.

Missions, espionage, murder, anything really, he can endure. HYDRA made damn sure he’d be good at that. Just not cameras. Or talking about personal things. Especially not both at the same time. It goes against his instincts of hiding under the shadows and keeping as much information to himself as he possibly can, not really having anyone to trust for such a long time.

He shifts uncomfortably under the scrutiny of the lens as Peter writes something down on a paper behind it. Through his peripherals, he can see everyone else who went before them looking through the windows, much like the two of you did a few moments ago when waiting for your turn. One of the rooms in the tower was redesigned to look warmer, more comforting and homey with cream-colored couches, brown pillows, and plants. They made sure the interview took place in the middle of the day, with the sun out and its light illuminating the room.

Every single one who went before you got back quickly. Tony and Pepper were the first, and they told the rest of you that only one question was going to be asked, but they refused to disclose what the question was, claiming that the whole point of it was to catch the ones being interviewed off guard and get the most honest answer out of them— the first thing that came to mind. Bucky’s heart picked up pace at that, but not like how it does because of you. It’s solely because of anxiety. He didn’t want to mess up. But a look from you alone made the voices quiet down.

Right now, though, sitting beside you in said room in front of Peter, he’s so damn sure nothing could calm him down.

It was a simple question, really. So simple that it made the self-loathing inside him grow even more because he couldn’t come up with an answer for it.

“I just wanna know. What was the moment for each of you?” Peter had asked. “As in, what was the moment that made you realize you loved the other person?”

You smiled brightly at him upon hearing it, almost excitedly. And what Tony and Pepper said made so much sense now. It’s supposed to catch you off guard so that moment for you flashes in your mind and you just know. It seemed like it happened for you based on the way you’re smiling at him, and it makes him feel like shit. He couldn’t, for the life of him, think of anything.

He loves you. He lives for you. That’s a given thing. It’s the one thing he’s sure about and holds on to very tightly ever since he got shoved into another world after living a life much like dying under HYDRA. He loves you, and that’s a constant in his life. A sure thing. And he hates himself so much more upon realizing that he didn’t know when or how he did. That he didn’t have a moment, like you do.

After every wrong thing he’s done, he’s so sure that the only thing he’s done right is loving you. And now he’s not so sure anymore. Is he really even loving you right, like how you deserve, if he can’t come up with an answer to a question you so easily can answer?

Your lips are moving, hands flying about animatedly as you talk with that sparkle in your eyes, something that you only have when you’re with him, according to Steve. He sees you talking, but he doesn’t really hear what you’re saying, mind already too busy trying to come up with an answer and screaming self-deprecating thoughts simultaneously.

“What about you, Mr. Barnes?”

He feels like he’s being pulled out of water when he hears his name, except that it has the opposite effect on him. He now feels like he can’t breathe even when he’s already supposedly in land.

“Baby, are you okay?” you ask, and he couldn’t meet your eyes. Not because he’s afraid of seeing disappointment or hatred in them because god, he’d take that any day over what he knows he’ll see.

He tries to breathe properly and calm himself down as discreetly as possible, but it doesn’t work. He just wants to come up with something, anything that would fully express how much he loves you and not just some half-assed bullshit, but he couldn’t and he hates himself so much because he couldn’t even do one goddamn thing right for you and he wishes he wasn’t like this or that he wasn’t here—

The atmosphere in the room completely changed through the course of his silence, he realizes. The light you brought when you were the one talking is now replaced by the burden of his existence, and it breaks him even more.

You rub your thumb on the back of his hand, and he makes the mistake of looking at you, only seeing understanding and adoration, things he definitely did not deserve from anyone, much less from you.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to choke out before standing up and leaving the room. He passes the others by as he makes his way to the elevators, disappointment surely marring their features. What else would they expect from him anyway? From someone who fucks everything up?

The elevator door closes, and he heaves a ragged breath, hands instinctively shooting to his side to clutch on to something, only to realize that there’s nothing, or rather no one beside him. His mouth drops open in horror as it dawns on him that he left you in there. He walked out in the middle of the interview in front of everyone, not giving an answer after he watched you pour your heart into one and he left you to clean up after his goddamn mess. He clutches his hair in exasperation, wanting to just tear the doors of the elevators open and run back to you. But the shame and the fear of what you’re going to say to him makes him shrink back into himself.

So he locks himself into your shared room instead, like the coward that he is.

He opens one of the windows, making the cool breeze get inside as he wipes the tears that fell harshly off his face. He would’ve gone to the rooftop, but the security doors and walls offer is something he needs right now.

(Your arms around him beats that. But he knows he doesn’t really deserve that after the shit he pulled.)

But all of the false sense of peace he tried to build around him shatters when he hears the door open and shut. He doesn’t even have to look to know who it is.

Goddamn FRIDAY. Goddamn this tower’s tech. Goddamn him the most for being a mistake of a human being.

“Hey,” he hears you say softly. So softly understanding and love bleeds through the sound.

He doesn’t respond, clenching his jaws hard in an attempt to keep the new onslaught of tears from falling. He has no right to cry. Not when you should be the one crying and screaming at him for being a piece of shit.

His entire body shakes when he feels your arms wrapping securely around him. The tears fall and he can’t help but release a strangled breath, both from relief upon feeling you and guilt, so much guilt because he knows he doesn’t deserve this yet he can’t let you go.

He shuts his eyes tightly, steeling his heart and prying your hands off of him.

“Buck…?”

He stays silent, hoping you’d get the hint that he wants you to stay away for now. Because he’s no good and won’t ever be any good for you. And you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve someone like him.

“I-I’m sorry.” you say. “We shouldn’t have gone, Buck. I’m so sorry.” Your voice breaks and he shatters. He caves in on himself, head in his hands and tugging harshly on his hair. He shakes from the sobs he’s trying to hold back, couldn’t breathe because of it. But he manages not to let a sound out.

You nod even when he can’t see you, wiping a few tears before stepping further away from him.

“I’m going to take another shower, okay?” you tell him just so he knows where to find you. Just so he knows you’re still going to be there, that you understand he needs space.

He doesn’t move until he hears the bathroom door shut and the water turn on. His nails start to dig unconsciously into his scalp, but he barely feels it, mind occupied with dark thoughts and heart filled with so much abhorrence for himself and so, so much more you. You and his love for you.

And he thinks maybe it isn’t enough. Maybe love isn’t enough because he’s a monster and he can’t and won’t ever be able to do anything right in this mistake of a second life he’s trying to build for himself.

But then he thinks of you. You and your never ending patience, your genuine and bright and only for him smiles, your soft eyes and lovely words, your I love yous and the countless different ways in which you tell him everyday. And he thinks maybe it is enough. So much more than enough and so much more than he deserves. God, he never stops wishing he could be better for you, but at the same time he’s selfishly praying you don’t get tired of him.

Before he could make sense of his actions, he’s stepping into the shower with you, shoulders slumped and fully clothed.

You jump when you feel his arms around you, more from the coldness of his metal arm and the fact that you can feel the fabric of the clothes he’s wearing than from his presence.

He pushes his face into the crook of your neck, nuzzling further, and you can only put your other hand on top of his arms around you.

“Baby, your clothes are gonna get wet,” you tell him softly, gulping as you feel his body tremble behind you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles onto your skin, and your heart clenches in your chest.

“Your arm was just cold, is all. Nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart.” you say, knowing full well he’s not not talking about him startling you. It’s so much more than that. But you don’t want to push him about what happened earlier.

He shakes his head. “There’s so much. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”

You turn around and wrap your arms around his neck, caressing his back with one hand and running the other one through his already wet hair as best as you could.

“It wasn’t your fault. We shouldn’t have gone.” you coax, but he’s not having it.

“I wish I was someone better. Someone you deserve.” he chokes out, and you tighten your hold around him. Somehow, you can feel the difference between his tears and the droplets from the shower, and it almost feels like it’s burning your skin. You hate seeing him like this.

“I love you.” was the only thing you could say, your own voice shaking. He lets out a sob, a sound so goddamn broken and helpless it pains you. He slides down on his knees, wrapping his arms around your middle and pressing his face onto your stomach.

“I told myself I’m gonna be better for you. I swear, doll, I tried. But I can’t seem to do a damn thing right. I love you so much, but I can’t seem to do it right.” You can feel the uneven puffs of breath onto your skin and his hot tears, and you want to crouch down to his position but his hold on you is so tight you can barely move.

You try to pry his arms off of you, but as soon as he feels it, his head snaps up, eyes filled with panic.

“No, no, n-no. Baby doll, I’m sorry. I’m trying–“ his voice borders hysteria when you succeed on prying his arms off, but you quickly hush him by sitting down and taking his head in your arms and tucking it under your chin.

“I know, baby. I know you’re trying.” you say, still trying to keep your voice even.

“I’m sorry.” he weeps, hugging you back tightly.

“Shh, no. I love you. Nothing else matters as much as this. As much as you.”

He holds you tight, so close to him, and you tell him it’s okay. You don’t need his words. He’s shown you multiple times through numerous actions that he loves you. One time through literally taking a bullet for you, and you almost killed him for it, but you know that had the roles been reversed, you’d have done the same thing.

He loves you. He makes you feel it, and that’s enough. So much more than enough.

“Where are we going?” Your eyebrows furrow as he leads the way to wherever he’s planning to go, tugging you gently by the hand behind him.

He doesn’t answer, only smiling at you before the earnest look he’s had since breakfast this morning makes a comeback.

It’s been a week since the interview, and things are back to normal. That night though, he didn’t want to be apart from you in any way, making sure that he has your hand in his at all times, and when you fell asleep, he had his arms and legs wrapped around you, almost engulfing you with his stature. You didn’t mind, glad that at least he wasn’t pushing you away like he does sometimes.

The morning after that, everything’s back to the way it was. Nobody spoke of it, only Peter calling to apologize.

“Bucky, are we okay?” you ask again, squeezing his hand as the elevator goes up.

“Yes, doll.” He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your head.

“Then why won’t you—“

Before you can go on with your question, the elevator doors ding open, revealing the hall of a familiar floor.

“Just trust me, okay?” he says, running a thumb along your cheek, making you melt into him.

“Mmkay.” You sigh contently.

But again, your confusion grows when you realize that this is the floor where the room the interview took place in is. You’re walking right up to the room where it took place to be exact.

“Bucky—“

You’re again interrupted by the door opening, revealing Peter.

“Hey!” he greets, a smile lighting up his face. “It’s all set up. I was just about to go down, see if you changed your mind.” he continues, gaze directed at Bucky.

“No. Not this time.” Bucky says, still not looking at you.

They smile at each other, and you take that as an opportunity to finally talk.

“Okay,” you motion between the two of them, “care to enlighten me about what the hell’s going on?”

Bucky just gets behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and carries you inside the room, making you squeal from being lifted off the ground. Peter lets out a laugh, taking a seat as he watches Bucky waddle over to the couch, setting you down and plopping next to you.

You look around the room as the laughter dies down, apprehension replacing your joy. It looks the same as it did last week—cameras and all— and you’re kind of getting a hunch on what’s about to happen, making worry spring in your chest.

“Buck, are you sure?” you ask him.

He smiles and pecks your lips. “Yes.”

Peter clears his throat, grabbing both you and Bucky’s attention. “Okay, so…Mr. Barnes, what was the moment for you? The moment you realized you love Ms. Y/N?”

You take both of his hands in yours, ready to tell him sincerely that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to answer, that you didn’t have to do this again, but he turns to look at you and speaks first, and it makes your heart beat faster in your chest.

“It-It’s…” he stammers, red rising up his cheeks, “every time I’m with her. Every time I look at her. It’s always that moment.”

Your heart stops, and you feel your chest well up with warmth and so much love for this man sitting next to you.

“Some will say it’s a lazy answer,” he chuckles a bit, and you shake your head, vision already blurry, “but it’s the truth. I’ve spent so much time either frozen or wishing I had my eyes closed instead just so I don’t see what I was doing. There was a time when even closing my eyes isn’t an escape. Everything I did follows me, awake or not. And then there’s you.”

You let the tears fall freely, not wanting to let go of the hand of the love of your life who’s looking at you like you’re one of the goddamn seven wonders of the world or something.

“Every time I see you next to me when the day begins and as it ends, I just know that I love you, and that I’m the luckiest in the world, because I get to be around you. Because somehow, you love me too. I’m not sure I believe in god, or fate, destiny, or some other bullshit, but I thank whatever force it is that brought you to me everyday.”

You let out a sob, and he reaches up to wipe the tears gently from your face. You cup his cheek in yours and tuck a strand of hair away from his face.

“Sometimes I get so angry because I feel cheated. I feel like the world did me wrong, but I look at you, and all of that goes away. I would go through all of that a million times if it means I get to you again one day. You’re the only thing the world has done right to me, sweetheart.” He smiles, his own tears making his eyes glisten.

You couldn’t hold it back. You jump right at him, throwing your arms around his neck and burying your face in his neck, sobs still escaping your lips.

“Hey, hey, shh. I’m here, angel.” he hushes you, running his hand up and down your back, the other one holding you to him. He leans back a little to look at you and take your face in his hands. He wipes your tears again, and you whine.

“Dude, that’s just rude. I can’t be in here crying.” You swat his chest, no force behind it at all. He chuckles at that, pressing kisses on both of your eyelids.

“Now Peter has seen my ugly ass crying face.” You pout slightly, chancing an embarrassed glance to Peter.

“O-Oh, no. No. Just-just pretend I’m not here.” he says, sniffling. Your swollen eyes widen when you see his slightly red nose and red-rimmed eyes as he packs up. You look back at Bucky who just shrugs.

“He doesn’t mind.” He smirks before leaning down to kiss your lips.

Later that night, when the both of you are in bed just waiting to fall asleep, you ask him about why he decided to do it again.

“I mean, I’m not complaining one bit. What you said ripped my heart out in the best way possible.”

He inches closer to you, laying his head down your chest. Your hands instinctively go to his hair, and he sighs in content.

“I wanted to make it up to you.” he whispers so quietly, you almost miss it.

“It’s not— you didn’t even do anything wrong.” you say, heart clenching at his reply. You hate that he thought he did something wrong just because he couldn’t answer the first time. You hate that he beat himself up for it.

“I want to be the best for you. Or at least try to be.” he says, almost bashfully.

“Stop it, Bucky,” you hold him closer and tighter to your chest, “and tell your demons to go meet me at Main Street. I’m gonna beat them up.”

He chuckles at that, looking up at you in adoration, all innocent bright blue eyes and pink lips, making you want to drag to hell everything and everyone who has hurt and still are hurting him.

“You already are. I want no one else.” you say, pressing your lips to his in a lingering kiss.

He leans into it, feeling reassured at the moment. Deep down, there’s still something telling him that this is all so impossible, that the world will still somehow find a way to take this—you— away from him, but fuck if he lets that happen.

He promised himself he would try to deserve you, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do everything in his power to keep that promise this time.