#I think my pain meds might be starting to kick in y'all

[what-about-yogurt-night]

Pim finally turns green guys😔😔

Charlie's speech bubble was too big to add Glep and I have a migraine so I just wanted to finish the drawing asap so just imagine Glep is angrily scuttling around behind Charlie lol

I unintentionally made Glep's potion thing look almost the exact same as the potion Mip gave Charlie that one time for his headache help

If it weren't for the side effects I would totally go for some of Mip's headache potion right about now💀💀

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Hi! Could you write hcs for poly bakusquad with a quirkless reader who has a serious independent streak but has recently been a target for villain attacks and got injured, but refuses to rely on anyone and tries to ignore their pain and take care of everyone else, please?

This is gonna be a little angsty

• First- it annoyed bakugou that you, someone /quirkless/ made it into the hero class

• On pure fucking spite and anger alone

• You didn't even particularly want to get in to UA

• It was just something you chose to prove someone wrong about

• and it fucking aggravated him- more than aggravated him

• Inspired Deku though, he hated that even more

• and he isn't surebhow- but he ended up talking to you and suddenly you're part of his friend group and he's /okay/ with that

• that irks him too.

• and a lot of things are uncovered when y'all are friendly w eachother

• and they learn pretty fucking fast about your independent streak

• and when you all started dating (crazy how they managed that) they thought it might go away- only it didn't.

• You never asked for help, regardless of what it was- you'd handle it on your own.

• You got hurt during training? Don't worry about it, I'm fine.

• Failed a test? You'd disappear for a few days to study and retake it.

• Didn't know what you were doing in a particular subject? You'd teach it to yourself.

• Aizawa had heard the words 'help' ONCE and he was limited to the help you'd allow him to give you .

• You trained your ass off everyday, you worked hard in school, you took no shit- it was obvious you felt like you had something to prove.

• Bakugou felt like he was a partial reason for that and it made him feel like shit.

• He wasn't exactly the kindest to you when classes started in first year.

• But he was concerned.

• They were all concerned.

• recently, you'd been stressed out. They could tell, even if you weren't giving them signs.

• On top of that, you'd become a big target for villains and no one knew why.

• it seemed like both you and midoryia were a magnet for assholes in masks

• And they tried talking to you about it, they do.

• Denki brings it up, he's holding your hand, Kirishima is threading his fingers through your hair and Seros behind you, holding your waist. Mina is in between your legs, resting her head on your chest and bakugou is at the end of the bed.

• And Denki asks if you need help- whether its coping with it- or dealing with it while its happening- or trying to figure out /why/ they're attacking you

• and you blow him off "it doesn't matter, i'll deal with it if it happens again."

"It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when." Bakugou glares.

"Okay, then when it happens again, I'll deal with it."

"That's fucking stupid," he growls.

Kami squeezes your hand gently. "Maybe we should have a plan-" he glares at Bakugou.

"I was fine last time. Don't do this."

"Do what? Offer fucking help?" Bakugou snaps and Mina cringes. She grips your shirt. She knows what's going to happen, she knows you're going to stomp off to think- it could be a few hours or it could be days. Sometimes, if she held something on you, you'd stay. She hoped this was the case.

"Your fucking pity." You seeth. "I don't need it. I can take care of myself."

"Baby we didn't-" kiri starts but you're already sliding off the bed.

"Babe," Sero looks at you. "please come talk about it,"

You say nothing, and let the door close behind you.

"Fuck." Mina sighs

• Its 2 days.

• 2 days before you resurface, calm and collected, like nothing happened.

• but you're busy- you're training harder. Much harder, you're pushing yourself past your limits and its obvious

• they were already impressed. Theg already knew you could take care of yourself. Why couldn't you see that?

• you push and push and push

• and they don't see as much of you

• when they do see you at the end of the night, you always look exhausted

• and you put on the same fucking front each time

• you smile and laugh and kiss them goodnight but they can see you're in pain

• they don't even get a chance to talk about it with you

• because the next thing they know

• theyre in another attack and youre in the center of it

• You're fighting and you're holding him off but you aren't going to last much longer

• You were tired from the day before- you hadn't gotten proper sleep- and he was strong

• It's all kind of a blur, really, you're thrown a lot, youre bleeding

• he had you by the neck at the end, you were clawing at his hands and he was laughing

• your mates weren't exactly in the best shape either- after all, the attack had happened in the middle of the night

• A strong kick to the center of his nose seemed to do the trick. There was a sickening crack and his hand loosened and he fell back.

• When you regained youre senses you froze- he wasn't breathing.

• you /killed/ him.

• Your stomach churned and suddenly all the pain you felt increased ten fold.

• You scrambled to stand up, Mina was the first one you saw and you fell to your knees in front of her, cupping her cheeks. "Baby? Baby you okay?"

"M fine, but you're not, that's a lot of blood." She looked up at you her eyes wide. "Baby that's a lot-"

"I'm okay, I promise."

• She wanted to yell and scream and you, she wanted to hit you and telling to just accept help but you'd already stood up, moving to look around for the others.

• Denki was next, you met him with a hug and a short but desperate kiss. "You okay?" You whisper, brushing your thumb over his bruised cheek. Mina was behind you now, gently brushing her fingers through the blondes hair, but she stepped away when she saw Kiri and Bakugou.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he smiked softly.

"Eiji? Katsu?" You mumbled.

"They're okay, they're fine. You don't look so good though."

"M- M okay.." you mutter. Youre tired now. Standing here is nice. You're dizzy- Ashido was right. That was a lot of blood.

Your eyes close and your weight falls.

"Hey- Hey- Jesus! Guys! Katsuki! I don't- I can't tell if she's breathing-"

• You wake up in the hospital 2 days later.

• Mina's in the bed with you, hand thrown gently over your thighs. Sero and Denki are on the left side, heads down, eye's closed and arms over your shin.

• Kiris got your left hand in his, another hand in Minas hip.

• Bakugous on the right side, arms crossed and head down.

• and youre confused because why the fuck are you here?

• what happened?

• you miss Katsukis voice next to you when it all comes back

• and you can't help but scramble to sit up and suddenly you can't breathe

• youre not sure how long you zoned out, but when you finally get back, there's two nurses

• ones replacing and IV bag

• and the other is checking your tempature, you think.

• theres another needle stick in your arm but you can't pay mind to it right now.

• the warmth around you was gone and you desperately wanted it back.

• they weren't in the room anymore

• and when the nurses cleared the room, the tears spilled over.

• your brought your hands to cover your face and your head fell back.

• five minutes? 10 minures? Later there was a gentle tap on your shoulder

• it was ashido

• your arms were around in her seconds

• "You okay?" She whispered as the others took their spots around the bed.

"No," you shook your head. "I killed him- and and I could've gotten you guys hurt because I didn't listen," your breathing had started to get faster again.

"Hey, it's okay. Just breathe," she soothes, thumbs stroking your cheeks.

"I can't- I- fuck /help me/-" you gasp out

• It takes awhile, but they managed to calm you down.

• Ashido just holds you, she lets you cry, and Kiri reminds you that you're okay

• they do most of the comforting usually

• when you're breath has finally started to even out, and you can feel the pain again, you know you'll be asleep soon from the pain meds.

"How bad was it?" You whisper, hands still gripling Minas shirt.

"Bad." Katsuki spoke. "You stopped breathing when we got you here."

Sero rubbed his face. "You needed a blood transfusion. They weren't entirely sure how it was going to end."

"You were...you were just standing in my arms and then you weren't moving. And then you weren't answering-" denki breathed. "There was blood everywhere."

"What about you guys?"

"Can you just stop?" Katsuki groaned. "Can you just let us worry about /you/? Let us help. Don't ask about us. You almost /died/ and your only fucking thought is us. Why?" He was crying, head down, hands gripping his pants.

"He's got a point. It's okay to ask for help," kirishima whispers. "So why don't you?"

• you're quiet for a few moments.

• do you go into detail.

• or do you dodge the question.

• ultimately, the fear of losing them outweighed any shame you would have felt

• "its hard not having a quirk." You mumble, eyes down. "Quirks are practically currency. And power is highly valued. I don't have that. I don't have any of that. I'm in a constant risk of being replaced and if I ask for help, they know I'm weak. I can't ask for help."

• And they all feel their hearts shatter a little bit.

• Bakugou had poked fun at you for quite some time in first year for not having a quirk.

• and Denki wasn't much better- neither was Sero. They'd make jokes about how fast you'd drop out.

• Bakugou would break a little bit, reminding you that you weren't weak. You still being alive was proof of that.

• and slowly

• slowly you get accustomed to ask for help.

• its not necessarily with words- sometimes they ask and you just nod

• or you ask in your own way.

• youre independent streak remains- but its not as bad.

[nanamis-bigtie]

So... Not so great news, I think?

First of all - I apologize, if my post came out whiny and pitiful. It wasn't my intention, but my social energy is so low I scrape the bottom of last reserves, so I have no idea what kind of emotional message I am sending. Please, excuse me that.

Lately, I've been more and more self-conscious about my writing. I have no idea if it's a result of generally... bad family situation, health problems and getting used to meds, a massive burn out, or just painful realisation how much I lack when it comes to life experience. But I feel like I am lying to you all the time. After all, how a person who has never experienced the feeling of being loved and/or desired can write about being loved and/or desired? All I can do is coping what others write and tell, presenting a mere imitation, puking out empty cliches and dry descriptions.

I feel pathetic, gross, fake. And honestly, if I didn't have paid commissions, I would simply delete this blog. I don't think it deserves to exist, that such compilation of pitiful lies should be immediately erased.

I know you probably - hopefully - don't think this way and you don't care, if I experienced what I'm writing about or not. But I do think this way and it's a huge problem, affecting my work. I never had confidence in what I created, always struggled with impostor syndrome, since this blog started gaining popularity everything I was doing was an attempt to repay for a kindness and attention I received. Now add to that my newest depressive fixation.

Anyway, now what it's the most interesting for y'all:

What about your commission?

Yes, I am painfully slow with them, and I'm aware of it. It shouldn't have taken place, considering you paid me for it. I'll do everything in my power to get them done within next 2-3 weeks. If you want a refund due to long wait, I'll be able to do it in the beginning of June and - if more people than I can afford will decide to do it - past 15th June.

Please let me know: @animequeen122 @sir-crocodile-smile @opopnomi @doctorgerth @quirky-and-kind @yunohawkeye @mysticaltigersorceress @your-local-trainwreck @quartermera @bravevesperia01 @pirate-shrimp @mintyshanowo - are you okay with waiting a little bit more or do you want to be paid back?

If you aren't on the list above and you paid me for a commission, please contact me immediately. It means I lost commissions notes somehow.

What about the requests in the queue?

I have 12 mini drabbles left (hopefully, I'll get them out tomorrow/monday) and half of Pride event done. So those two will definitely get out. As well as few headcanons I did somehow meanwhile.

I also want to write three scenarios I have promised as prizes and the collaboration event. So plenty of my writing would still appear, even in the worst scenario.

What about the rest? I'm not sure. I'll see how my mental state will look after I get through them and paid work. I might get through them slowly, I might abbandon them together with the blog, I might just delete them and start anew. Time will show.

What about the challenge?

Nothing really changes. If the worst aka inifite hiatus happens, the works will be still reblogged and still two of participants will be chosen. Just the prize will be delivered on priv.

That's... All, I think? If I haven't mentioned something that concerns you, feel free to kick me. I apologize for disappointing and worrying you all. Please, take care of yourselves in those hard times.

[whumpingthroughlife]

Hi can you please do the CPR prompt from the bad things happen bingo. Could it please be Klance?

Hey, sorry I waited so long to do this request. I had been putting off writing for personal reasons. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

This is my Bad Things Happen Bingo card! @badthingshappenbingo Fandom: Voltron (Klance)Author: WhumpingthroughlifeBingo spot: CPRRating: GWords: 1,616If y'all don’t mind, I’m tagging @superwhumper06, @rikersgirl22, @whumpalicious, @poor-sickies

Summary: Keith almost drowns in the pool. Lance saves him and gives him CPR.

“Come on, Keith! Last one in’s a rotten egg!” shouted his boyfriend, Lance, teasingly. Despite his fears, Keith bolted from the changing room, following an excited Lance to the indoor pool of the castle. Keith didn’t know how to swim very well, but he was going to keep that bit of information to himself. He’d never live it down if Lance found out. Once he entered the pool area, he saw Lance make a splash as he dove in head first. He watched him swim through the water and grasp onto the edge. “It’s a little cold, but do-able. Get in!” Lance called him forward with a hand. Nervously, he slowly walked over to the other end (the shallow end) and put his feet in hesitatingly. The water was lukewarm and felt nice on his skin. He lowered himself in as he went down the steps, grabbing onto the side of the pool. “You could’ve jumped in, you know,” Lance said as he swam expertly toward him, swimming laps around him in circles. Keith glared at him but kept his mouth shut. “I don’t know why you like swimming so much.”Lance shrugged. “What’s not to like about it? It’s fun, it’s exercise, and it’s almost like flying.”Keith couldn’t deny that any of that was true. Lance had a point. The problem was that he’d never taught himself how to swim. He could barely dog paddle. Keith stayed put, letting his arms sway freely in the water as he watched Lance swim crazily about. Lance was a great swimmer and had learned at a very young age. Keith couldn’t help but be a little jealous. Keith scanned the waters but couldn’t see Lance anymore. Maybe he was in the far deep end? As his eyes searched the water from a distance, a large object sprang up in front of him, scaring him half to death. “Lance!”

Lance grabbed Keith’s wrist and pulled him through the water toward the deep end. Keith’s pulse quickened at the thought of leaving the safe, shallow water against his will. “Lance, no! Stop!” he cried desperately. He thrashed his arms and feet around, kicking furiously in a failed attempt to get Lance to stop and to keep himself afloat. His face was dragged under and he spat out some water.

Lance was laughing as he stopped in the middle of the pool, turning to look at Keith, who wasn’t smiling. “What’s the matter, Keith? You never want to have fun.”

Keith’s eyes narrowed, his mouth in a hard frown as he held onto Lance’s arm in a death grip.

“Ow, that hurts,” Lance said. He could feel Keith’s nails digging into his skin. He was about to pry Keith’s hand away when Keith pulled and clasped tighter. “Hey, what gives? I was only trying to have some fun.”

“Fun? Dragging me through the water unexpectedly is fun?” Keith spat.

Lance could tell Keith was really angry with him, so he thought he should tone it down a little and give him some space. “Ok, fine. Geesh, I’ll back off. Sorry.” Lance turned and swam away in the opposite direction.

Without Lance’s hand gripping his, he had nothing to hold onto, and Keith was left floating in the middle of the pool, alone. Suddenly panicked, Keith began to sink. He kicked his legs back and forth, trying desperately to tread water, but it was no use. He was sinking, his chin now just above water. “Lance!” he screamed, but Lance was under water. He couldn’t hear him.

He screamed out again for help, but the words were garbled as his mouth and nose dipped under the surface. His pulse was racing and he could feel his heartbeat pounding through his ears. The rest of his body went under despite his thrashing around. He kept trying to break the surface, but nothing happened except for sinking.

A few minutes later after Lance resurfaced, he noticed Keith was missing. “Keith, where’d you go?” He wondered if he had left the pool because he was mad at him. “Keith?” He kept searching until he spotted a dark spot at the bottom of the pool. No, it couldn’t be.

Lance dove under the water towards the object and when he realized what it was, he swam faster. He reached out and pulled Keith’s heavy body from the bottom of the pool and swam with him in his arms towards the surface.

Using the sudden adrenaline, he lifted him out of the pool and stretched him onto the concrete. “Keith, wake up!” Keith’s body remained still and limp. Lance placed his cheek to Keith’s nose but couldn’t feel any breathing. He also felt no pulse in his neck.

“Darn you, Keith! Wake up!” He didn’t wish to have to do this, but he knew he needed to start CPR. If Keith didn’t make it out alive, this was all his fault. He interlocked his fingers and put his hands over Keith’s chest, pressing down quickly as he counted. “1,2,3,4…”

Once he got to 30, he placed his lips over Keith’s mouth, giving him rescue breaths. He had always wanted to kiss him, but this was definitely not the way he had planned. He checked his pulse, but there was nothing. “Shiro, Coran, somebody help!” he screamed, a combination of water and sweat trickling down his forehead.

His voice echoed in the room, but no one came. There was no time to run for help. He began the compressions again, pressing harder and faster than before. He was getting tired. He wasn’t sure how much more of these he could do.

Suddenly, Keith made a gargling noise. Lance stopped immediately, eyes wide. Keith began coughing and throwing up, both vomit and water. Lance quickly turned him to his side until the coughing slowed.

Lance rubbed his back. “Keith, are you okay?”

Keith coughed again several times, wiping his mouth. His eyes creased like he was in pain, and he placed a hand to his chest. He cleared his throat, breathing rapidly.

“Are you hurt?” Lance asked, placing a hand on Keith’s knee. “You had me so worried.” He felt his own heart slowing down a pace as the realization hit that he was going to be okay.

Keith winced. “My-“ he started to say, but another coughing fit hit him. “My chest hurts.”

Lance looked down at Keith’s hand which was holding his chest protectively. “Might have been from the CPR.” Keith looked at him like he had three heads. “I think we need to get you to Coran, have you get checked out. I’m so glad you’re okay!” he said, and he almost knocked Keith down as he went in for a hug, mindful of Keith’s sore chest.

Lance helped Keith walk with his arm around his waist as they went to see Coran. After a quick chastising from the older man, he turned his attention to Keith, who was still struggling with breathing and coughing.

They placed him on a bed in the infirmary and placed a cannula in his nose to give him some oxygen. After a bit, his breathing turned to normal and he started to relax a little, but Coran didn’t miss the look of pain in his eyes every now and then.

“Keith,” Coran said. “You look like something’s hurting. What’s wrong?”

“My chest hurts,” he admitted. It burned just about every time he breathed.

“Aw,” Coran said knowingly. “We need to check your ribs for damage. CPR is quite hard on the body.” He retrieved his bone scanner and hovered it over Keith’s chest. “It appears your sternum is fractured as well as three ribs.”

Lance frowned, knowing it was him who had caused it.

Keith tried sitting up to get more comfortable, but it put a strain on his broken ribs and he groaned.

“Stay down, honey,” Lance said, gently pushing against Keith’s shoulder. “You’ll only hurt yourself more.”

“That’s right,” Coran agreed. “You’ll need to stay in bed and rest for the next few weeks until they heal. Now, let’s get them wrapped so you can rest.”

“Well, can’t we just get him in a pod?” Lance said, asking the obvious.

“I’m afraid not, Lance. They’re being worked on. We’ve been having some technical difficulties and they all need some maintenance. They won’t be ready for some time,” Coran said.

After wrapping Keith’s chest, Coran left the two of them alone.

“How do you feel, Keith?” his boyfriend asked.

“I’m okay,” Keith said, but his look of pain said otherwise.

“No, be honest with me. Are you in a lot of pain?” Lance asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Honestly? My chest is on fire and it hurts to breathe,” Keith answered.

“I’m sorry, Keith. It’s all my fault this happened. I shouldn’t have put you out in the middle of the pool.” Lance looked sullen and looked like he was on the brink of crying. “Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t swim?”

“It’s not your fault,” Keith said. “I should’ve told you.”

“But still-“

“Babe, listen to me,” Keith interrupted. “What happened, happened. We can’t change the past. I’m gonna be okay.” He put a hand to his chest and flinched, forgetting for a moment about his busted-up sternum.

Lance scowled in sympathy for the poor boy. It was obvious he was in a lot of pain even with the pain meds Coran had given him. “I think you should get some rest.”

Rest sounded really good. “Okay,” Keith said, feeling his eyes getting heavy.

Lance put the covers over Keith’s chest before resting in the chair beside him. “Good night, love.”

“’Night.”

[thedistantstorm]

A Shipwright Worth Her Salt Chapter 08

In which: Everyone has to deal with their choices.

“Do I even want to know why you're here? Where is Zavala?” Ikora can't help the sharpness of her tone.

Cayde sidles up next to her and laughs. “Listen, there was a slight hiccup in a mission, Zavala came to clean up, and now we're here to help you out while he ties up some loose ends in the field. Nothing crazy.”

Ikora arches an eyebrow. “You do know I have an entire network of operatives who can find out just about anything about anyone, yes?” Her voice is low and predatory, and Andal puts a firm hand on the other Hunter's shoulder. They're friends, but Ikora is married to her work and has been since long before she became the Warlock Vanguard officially.

“Don't worry about Zavala, Ikora. Cayde has been kind enough to take on my tasks, and I will manage Zavala's.” The hand on Cayde's shoulder becomes crippling when he looks back at Andal with that ‘I didn't sign up for this’ look of his.

Ikora sits back in her chair at the Vanguard table, looking for all the world a queen. “So, what makes you two so generous all of a sudden?” Andal thinks that the picture would look more complete if she had a glass of wine in her hands. She looks away from them with a certain smugness about her. “Certainly it doesn't have anything to do with the little girl in med-bay alpha.” Looking back at dual-guilt stricken faces, she sighs, gesturing that it's time to get everything out in the open. “I'll have the details now.”

The Hunters fold. Nothing gets past Ikora.

She motions for them to sit and sends a message on her tablet. Sloane appears immediately afterward, like she's been waiting in the wings this whole time. “Ma'am?”

“Sit. These two were just about to explain why you've been doing all of Zavala's work for the last two days. I figured you would want to listen in.”

Cayde fidgets and Andal scoffs. “I'll not have this made known through the Tower, Ikora. The man is entitled to due privacy, just like you are. Traveler knows I look the other way enough for you. I realize you are his second, Sloane, but-”

“Anything you say will be kept private,” Sloane says, sitting rigidly in a seat beside Ikora. “The Commander was not himself when he left. I'm… concerned.”

Would wonders never cease, two Titans with the warm and fuzzies in as many days. Andal and Cayde exchanged looks. Things kept getting weirder and weirder around here.

Ikora nods. “We cannot help unless you tell us what is going on.” The predatory gaze wanes, and she takes on a more motherly demeanor. “Start at the beginning.”

Andal grins. “Been hearing that a lot lately.”

-/

It's late when Sloane dips into the room. Aashimah is hovering quietly between Guardian and child. The girl is hooked up to several monitors and has a machine breathing for her.

If she did not know the man in the chair, his back to her, she'd assume it to be the girl's parent.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat quietly. “Sir?”

He jolted, obviously woken by the address. His Ghost turned her optic toward Sloane, irritation plainly visible.

“I have been trying to get him to sleep for hours now, Deputy Commander,” She snarls as Zavala puts a hand atop her shell.

“It’s alright,” He cautions her, blinking back the sleepiness from his eyes. “Sloane. What are you doing here?”

She toes at a scuff on the floor, clearly not sure what to say.

“Better yet, how did you know where to find me?” The whoosh-click of a ventilator is the only sound in the room. It almost sounds like hydraulics if she doesn’t look at the body in the bed.

“Ikora pressed on Andal and Cayde.” His eyes narrowed at the confession. “They didn’t give specifics, but Ikora put it all together.”

“So you saw fit to come down here to investigate yourself.”

“Actually,” She bristled at the accusation in his tone, “I came to see if you needed anything.” After a pause, she added, “Sir.”

After a momentary staring contest, he motioned for the other Titan to sit. “Sit-rep?” He asked, after she dropped a folding chair beside his own and lowered herself into it.

“Everything is fine. Nothing new, unless you count the increased number of Fallen in the Outskirts.”

Despite lowering her voice, a pair of hands come up toward the tube going into the girl's mouth while Sloane gives her account of recent events. Zavala moved quickly, hands taking hers gently.

“Don't touch,” He soothes, as green eyes open and track his luminescent ones in the low light. There’s a soft gurgle, the ding of a machine, and what seems like a silent conversation. He puts a palm on her forehead. “Easy now. They’ll take it out soon enough. Rest.” Her eyes close for a moment, and then open again. She’s no longer fighting the ventilator to breathe, though her eyes water from being awake with it down her throat. She blinks and looks to the newcomer in the room and then back, the question in her eyes.

“Sloane,” Zavala’s ghost chimes, her voice almost melodic in the silence. “She's a friend, Little One.” Optic settling upon the off-duty Guardian, she continues. “Come over and say hello.”

Sloane stands rigid, surprised to be addressed by the Commander’s normally silent partner in such a conversational manner after irritating her. She approaches the other side of the girl’s bed so that she’s in decent view. Zavala withdraws the hand from her forehead and Amanda blinks over at Slone with curious, tired eyes.

“I know we’ve worked together before,” She hums in her alto voice, “But it’s nice to meet you in person. The name’s Sloane.”

Zavala looks over at his second in command with a scrutinizing glance. The girl raises her right hand toward the Deputy Commander. Sloane smiles and grabs it with her own. The girl’s handshake is firm. When they release each others’ hands, she puts hers back to her side and allows her eyes to drift closed again, accepting of the newcomer.

Both Titans return to their seats as she falls back asleep - evidenced by the decrease in heart rate and blood pressure on the monitor above her bed.

“Cayde mentioned an ambush,” She ventures, quieter than before. “But he said it was a building collapse that injured her. Is her prognosis-”

Zavala sighs at that. “She’s going to live,” He says softly. “But she is rarely alert for more than a few moments at a time, or wakes confused and combative, hallucinating. The physician says that it is a part of the infection, from the field amputation. Most injuries like this have the propensity to be fatal, but they believe she received treatment in time.”

She looks over at the girl, noticing the wide, large bandage that distinguishes her right leg ending significantly short of the other. “They didn’t say anything about that.”

He gives her a sharp glance, and she puts her hands up. “I suppose not. Cayde and Andal,” He breathes, taking a moment to compose himself. He supposes he should speak on the subject, as it will likely be common knowledge soon. “Were attempting to rescue her from a Pike Gang. She was attempting to raid their vehicles. A ruddy salvage mission with pisspoor intel.”

“Alone?”

He allows himself an irritated grunt of affirmation. Composing himself, he says, “We assume it was one of the Servitors that collapsed the building she was in. Her leg was… crushed. Andal and Cayde did what they could to allow us to extract her. The cost...”

She puts a hand on his shoulder. “If I may, Sir,” She says, sure to meet his eyes. “You don’t need two legs to fly.”

He shakes his head. “I suppose not. But none of this would have happened if I-”

The dinging resumes, drowning out the sound of a gag. Both of them look up. The blonde’s sitting up straight in bed, shaking her head despite the tubes connected to her. She’s trying to tell him no, it’s not his fault, and her general inability to communicate - and the fact that she’s choking herself trying to do so - is only getting her more worked up.

“Should I go get someone?” Sloane asks tentatively.

“No. Leave us,” He says, turning back to the girl. “She’ll calm.”

She nods, and sees herself out. Immediately, the girl flops back against the pillows and holds both hands out to him, seeking to comfort him. She only relaxes when he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and she’s turned on her side, bad leg kicked out behind her so that it rests on a pillow, the rest of her curled around him, and her hands holding his atop his knee.

He can’t understand it. If he had made a different choice that day, had tried to take on both his obligation to the city as well as the one he refused to acknowledge he had to her…

None of this would have happened.

-/

Amanda has her good leg pulled up so that her chin rests on her kneecap, her stump kicked out in front of her. She's trying to lift it, but her muscles throb and burn with the cramping pain of a limb that's no longer there. She grunts and feels her body shake before she overtaxes herself and flops back against the couple pillows behind her back, limply.

She absolutely should not be moving this much, but she’s so tired of being stuck in this stupid bed. It hurts beyond measure when she finally scoots back down under the covers, pulling them up to her armpits and reaching for the tablet left for her on the side table.

“You know,” Comes a smooth tenor voice from the doorway, “It might not hurt so much if you actually took the meds they gave you.” Cayde sashays into the room and plunks down next to the bed in a folding chair that he turns around and straddles. “How ya doing, kid?”

She scoffs. “Up until this happened, y'all treated me like an adult. What gives?”

“You're kidding, right?” He gestures to her leg. “You nearly died. That first night - ah, okay. Not going there.” Awkward head scratch. “You discuss this with Zavala at all? You seemed pretty okay with him treating you like a kid.”

She flushes hotly at that. “I was outta my mi-”

“Is it because I'm an Exo? Just because I'm silicone and metal doesn't mean I don't have feelings, Amanda,” He mock pouts.

That earns him a giggle. “I know you gotta heart in that shiny body a'yours, Cayde. And I haven't seen Zavala since…”

Cayde shrugs. “...Since you were having fever dreams and had to be heavily medicated?” She looks away, embarrassed. “Aw, c'mon. Don't be upset, he'd never hold it against you. Besides, I think he liked that he was the only person you'd let comfort you. Made him feel special, not that I appreciated it very much. I thought I was your favorite.”

“Cayde-6, you are not making me feel better.” Her cheeks are rosy - more embarrassment related than from her lingering fever - and she refuses to look at him, still.

“Deal with it, kiddo. You know who'll be back sometime tomorrow and you know he's going to come check on you - heaven forbid we acknowledge personal matters on the comms, Vanguard matters only, yadda yadda, I'm sure he's beside himself. Anywho... it's kinda good that he won't be back ‘til then. Gives us some time to...” She sneaks a glance at him. He's got that look on his face, and his hands make a vague gesture. His ‘mano-a-mano’ discussion face.

“What is it?” She shifts uncomfortably to get her stump in a less painful position, but ends up lifting her leg with her hands to move it where she wants. Everything is sore from falling several stories, and most of her backside has bloomed into shades of black, blue, and a curious greenish-purple.

Cayde gets up and shuts the door to her room.

She blinks. Must be serious.

“What do you remember about all this?”

Amanda frowns, crosses her arms. “About this?” She gestures down at her leg. Cayde nods, but stays silent. Patient.

Too patient.

“I r’member you guys findin’ me, but it's all a little foggy. I say somethin’ stupid to get you in trouble?”

“No! No. Not really. I mean, you didn't. It's more of something Z - er, we told him to do, and you kind of - I mean, you didn't really handle it well, and-”

“Just spit it out, Cayde.”

The words come out in a hurry. “We didn't know how else to keep you from moving, and I totally didn't you'd relive that or I never would have had him hold you down like that and I'm just, I'm sorry. I never even thought about it, I just wanted the most efficient way to...” He rambles.

Her fists twist in the blankets. “By reliving ‘that,’” She air quotes, “You mean-”

“Yeah.” Cayde bows his head.

Breathing gets heavier. She grounds out, “I don't remember it.”

“It's probably for the best. I can, y'know, handle it for you and we can just-”

She's furious and ashamed, and it's rolling off of her in waves when she interrupts. “Who held me down, who did I think was… was-” Her voice cracks and she can't force the rest of it out.

“Amanda, I'm-”

“Just fuckin’ tell me! If it was you we wouldn't be-”

“Zavala. It was Zavala, okay? I've been avoiding him like the plague since, er, all this, but he wants answers and I don't know what you want me to tell him!” His voice escalates as he keeps rambling and she keeps drawing further in on herself as he does. “He's going to come back here and sooner or later I'm going to have to-”

“Get out.”

“What? Amanda, don't be-”

She's shrieking now, inconsolable. “Get OUT!”

“Kid, please, I'm sorry.” He reaches his hand out and she flinches hard. “I never meant for-”

“I, know,” The words come, forced. She's staring at the wall, body pitched away from him. “Leave me alone. I can't,” She pants through panic, “be ‘round anybody right now.”

He dips out without a word, but she hears the slamming and banging out in the hall. He's upset, too. It isn't his fault she couldn't control herself. She pulls her good knee up to her chest and tries to stop breathing weirdly.

When Sloane enters her room later, Amanda's got her breathing mostly under control, though she hasn't moved from her spot mostly crowded against the head of the bed.

“Is there a reason Cayde-6 is sitting on the floor outside your room looking like a kicked puppy?”

The blonde startles, meeting dark eyes. “He's,” She breathes, forces herself to speak calmly, “still outside?”

The Deputy Commander nods.

“Cayde?” Amanda says louder. “It's been a really long time.”

Shuffling and two treads of warn boots later, Cayde lingers in the doorway. “Is it okay if I come in?”

Sloane looks temporarily mortified. “Was it okay that I came in?”

Amanda pats the expanse of empty bed by her stump for Cayde to come and sit. He complies, moving slowly. Sloane watches intently, analyzing as her question goes unanswered. It isn't a refusal, and the girl had acknowledged her when she came in so Sloane stays where she is.

“I'm not mad at you,” She drawls quietly, green eyes focused on her hands folded in her lap now that she's set her good leg straight. “I just can't believe that I did that.”

“Did what?” Cayde shakes his head at Sloane, but Amanda puts her hand on his gloved one and squeezes.

“Just a panic attack,” She says slowly. Convincing enough. “Guess this whole leg business was a bit more traumatic than I thought.”

Her hand is shaky, but Cayde flips his palm over and rubs his thumb over her knuckles. It's not Sloane's business why this actually came on. No one speaks for a bit, and her hand gets heavier as she starts to fall asleep even though though she's trying to fight it. “You should try to rest. Those always tire you out,” The scout intones at a volume just above a whisper. He doesn't look at her, just keeps smoothing his thumb over pale skin. Sloane's deep eyes smolder as she regards them both.

“'M sore,” She whispers back. “Can't get comfortable.”

Sloane rises. “I'll get someone to give you something.” Amanda nods.

“She's been reporting to Zavala,” Cayde says softly. “I hacked her tablet.” Amanda giggles - it pulls on pseudo-heartstrings in his mechanical chest, how young she sounds(how young she is). “It's all super rigid Titan-speak, but he's been checking in at least twice a day.”

She hums. “He'll be back in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, should be. Want me to stick around until then? With the,” Vague gesture, “y'know. You might, uh, not sleep great, even with meds.”

She pulls their joined hands toward her with surprising force for a young girl. “You're a good friend,” She says, embracing him with lanky arms. “I don't deserve you.”

The Exo's vocal process clicks - going off and back online. It's the only indication that her words have made him emotional. He doesn't move to hug her back, even if he wants to. It's a bad day. He won't make it worse. “You deserve so much more than this, kid.”

When the Titan returns with an orderly and pain medication, the girl finally sleeps. Sloane and Cayde do not. Never friends and rarely colleagues, the Deputy Commander shakes her head at the thought of her commanding officer throwing down with the most rambunctious of Hunters.

Cyan optics flicker. “What?” His voice is a low rumble. Between them, Amanda shifts but does not wake.

“This girl has more than half the Vanguard - and you - eating out of the palm of her hand. She's a cute kid and a decent pilot, but it's not adding up.”

Cayde chuckles. “She's special. Makes Golden Age tech sing. You break it, she's got it working in seconds.” He releases her hand when it twitches in his grasp. “And that heart a’hers is so big, even when this world's done nothing but try to break it.”

“People - humanity face adversity, Cayde. Plenty of the refugees face similar things.”

“They do,” he agrees.

Sloane holds her hand out in a gesture that says his point makes no sense.

“So, why her?” He taps his metal chin thoughtfully as he asks himself the question. “I dunno. Maybe it ain't supposed to make sense. She's just some girl, right? And we're just dead people reincarnated to fight - to protect her and everybody else. She's a metaphor for what we're fighting for. One who's been dealt a shit hand but makes the best of it.” He puts a hand on the back of his head and stretches his synthetic spine with a groan. “Anyway, you'll probably like whatever Zavala's answer is better. I'm sure it's more eloquent.”

Another waving gesture. She hummed thoughtfully after a time, “Yours was eloquent enough. I'll take your word for it.”

-/

[black-coffee-cutie-blog]

how to handle upset stomach after a binge and when restricting or fasting.

[TW: eating disorders, laxatives, restricting, fasting, binging, emetophobia]

as someone with 3 digestive conditions, a relapse always manages to screw up my digestion and overall comfort. I'm sure that there are others who feel that sentiment strongly, so I'm gonna share some of what works for me.

general upper digestive system issues (heartburn, acid reflux, nausea, etc.): antacids are my go-to medicine. however, they come in a lot more forms than you might realize! if your symptoms are minor, regular tums will work just fine.

i also like to use alka-seltzer tablets mixed with water, mostly because the fizziness combined with the medicine really helps settle my stomach. (hint: if the taste of regular alka-seltzer is too gross for you to handle, put some lemon juice in there. lemon is a natural anti-nausea agent. even smelling a lemon takes my symptoms away sometimes.)

if you're terribly nauseous and don't want to vomit, the scent of rubbing alcohol helps, as does peppermint oil. if you're in public, it's nearly impossible to gag while humming or clenching your left thumb tightly in your fist.

if you have nausea associated with acid reflux, skip the ginger. ginger tends to make that a lot worse **when ingested**. However, smelling or topically applying ginger oil does help considerably.

for acid reflux, sleeping with your head elevated is a good idea. during the day, there are a bunch of OTC medicines that help. There are some purple capsules called Prilosec OTC, and the active ingredient is Omeprazole. They work like a charm and are usually inexpensive. I would always suggest capsules over tablets for acid reflux because tablets tend to make the back of your throat feel like it's on fire the second they hit the acid that's already there. 10/10 would not recommend. also, if you're gonna get non-gummy chewable antacids, please drink a bit of water before you take them. acid reflux can make your mouth feel dry and antacids combined with a dry mouth feels disgusting.

if it isn't reflux, ginger comes in many different forms. I find that anything that allows me to taste and smell the ginger as I ingest it helps a lot. ginger drops are good, but usually don't give long-lasting relief. ginger tea is better because it allows for you to sip with each wave of nausea and settles your stomach. ginger capsules are good if you're okay with waiting 30 minutes for them to kick in.

upper digestive issues after a binge: for me, the worst thing i felt when i habitually binged was the nausea. usually, the reflux got better when I binged and worse when I went back to restricting.

for nausea after a binge, Nauzene tablets are a lifesaver. they look DISGUSTING. they taste DISGUSTING. they work within 4 minutes. they're worth it.

emetrol is a liquid version of Nauzene, essentially, and it is NOT WORTH IT. it works within 15 minutes and wears off almost as fast. and it tastes like absolute horseshit. thats a hard pass for me.

i wouldn't suggest antacid tablets after a binge because you need to drink water with them, and drinking water after a binge makes you feel bloated, in my experience. gummy antacids, however, are a lifesaver. I would not recommend gummy antacids with a hard shell on the outside. they taste and feel chalky.

upper digestive issues during restriction or fasting: tea is a life-saver for heartburn and nausea while restricting and fasting. if calories concern you, drink with an ASPARTAME-FREE 0 calorie sweetener. I recommend Stevia. chamomile, peppermint, and lemon lavender are my personal upper GI go-to teas. just about any tea will work, though I would suggest avoiding citrus or cinnamon.

if it's night-time and your symptoms are severe, boy do i have a reccomendation for you: alka seltzer brand mixed-berry flavored gummy antacids with melatonin. these bitches will have you heartburn and nausea free within 10 minutes, and if they don't? that's okay, your ass will be KNOCKED OUT before you can even complain. these are especially helpful for getting through a fast, because sometimes, the best thing you can do for comfort is sleep it off. plus, they're sweet, and they have an added benefit of helping with low blood sugar and dizziness from fasting and restricting.

for lower body digestive system issues (bloating, diarrhea, constipation, pain) in general: when you're bloated, anything minty will usually help. peppermint or spearmint leaves (just chew them), a LOW DOSE (1 or 2 drops) of peppermint oil mixed into tea, etc.

for diarrhea, my best reccomendation would be to NOT TAKE AN ANTI-DIARRHEAL. unless you want to not shit for 4 days while feeling like you need to every few minutes, that's a nope from me, dog. nah, instead, I would suggest eating mild food. the BRAT diet is always my go to: Banana, Rice, Apples, Toast. A bonus is that those are all generally "safe" foods. they tend to be bland and easy to digest, which makes the loose stool stop sooner. also, make sure you're drinking enough water, because dehydration is the main reason why loose stools have killed people in the past. don't drink a ton of water at once, though. space it out throughout the day.

also, normal Pepto Bismol liquid is my favorite for bringing diarrhea to a stop without causing constipation. I would suggest keeping a big bottle of it in the fridge if you're prone to loose stools. I personally find Pepto Bismol tablets to be ineffective in handling symptoms as quickly as the liquid. the liquid coats your esophagus and stomach, which helps with upper GI symptoms too. DO NOT USE CHERRY FLAVORED PEPTO BISMOL unless it is literally your last option, because it tastes HORRID and you will never forget the taste. it will enter your nightmares and pervade your senses when least expected. you think I'm being dramatic, but I promise you, you would regret it.

for constipation, do not take a ton of laxatives. the last thing you need on top of all this mess is an accidental laxative addiction. laxatives don't do shit for weight loss, and they get your body dependent on outside help for digestion. don't even start it.

one stool softening pill is fine. if it doesn't work, don't try and jumpstart the process. instead, take the RECCOMENDED AMOUNT of a fiber powder, or eat some foods high in fiber (these tend to be low-calorie). a quick google search should bring up a list of high-fiber foods.

for abdominal pain, I recommend heat in some form. a hot bath, a heating pad, a hot water bottle. if you're out in public, there are these portable heat patches that you can buy in a four-pack. they're used more often for joint pain, but they help a lot if your stick 'em on your tummy too. if you are a person who gets periods, these help with cramps too, just as a side note. DO NOT USE HEAT PATCHES WITH CAPSAICIN IN THEM. THEY WILL BURN YOU. I don't just mean you'll feel a burning sensation, I mean that I left one of those on my stomach for maybe 10 minutes and sustained a first degree burn from it. nothing makes stomach pain worse like adding another layer of pain to contend with.

If you're restricting at any level, DON'T TAKE PAIN MEDICINE FOR ABDOMINAL PAIN OR ANY PAIN PLEASE I BEG OF YOU it'll make you so nauseous and it's honestly the quickest way to get an ulcer.

kaopectate is great for lower digestive issues but for the love of all things good keep it in the fridge and don't get the vanilla kind. the taste of warm vanilla kaopectate is beyond horrid. not as bad as cherry Pepto, but close.

Imodium pills are usually pretty helpful too. Kaopectate works better for me, but I'd try both to see which one is most helpful for you personally. In terms of overall effectiveness, they're equal, but Kaopectate works faster.

Final notes:

1. I am not encouraging anyone to develop an ED in these tips. I'm just trying to help people feel better. having an ED doesn't mean you don't deserve basic comfort and symptom relief.

2. if you have dogs or kids running around, do NOT let them get ahold of any minty essential oils. peppermint, eucalyptus, spearmint, etc. will all cause children and pets severe breathing problems. kids have died from smelling peppermint oil. don't use essential oil diffusers at all with kids in the general vicinity.

3. I am not a doctor. I'm a sick person with way too much time on my hands and a severe illness phobia. please don't take my word as law. if a certain medicine works better for you, cool! I'm just giving my personal experiences and trying to help y'all avoid the medicine mistakes I've made. also, if you're on prescription meds, ask your doctor before taking other OTC meds.

4. eating disorders suck. these symptoms that we have to deal with because of them suck. if you are in the initial stages of an ED and you're reading this, get help. if you're in the late stages, get help. it is never too early or too late to get help. no good therapist or doctor will ever tell you to come back when your symptoms are worse, and if they do, they need to have their license revoked. the mere presence of eating disordered ideation or intent is enough to merit treatment. if you think it's too late, it's never too late until you're dead. don't let it get that far, please. you can be happy. you can be healthy. you deserve to be happy and healthy and alive. you deserve to thrive. you deserve to be okay.

i love you all. if you ever need ANYTHING, I'm one message away. i hope y'all feel better soon. 💞

[ranthrewrising]

Hello Children

So over the year, I have been collecting quotes and sayings so I could pick one for my senior quote. Now that my senior year is near, I thought I would share. Enjoy mother fuckers "Oh good, peaches at a strip bar" "There are so many churches in this town because there are so many sinners" "I'd love to see Jesus, but I'm so hungry" "I got the picture, now let's go before we get shot" "I had a crush on a guy once, then another guy went and shot up his house. Good times" "The struggle is real bitches" "This is not a clothing optional class" - Mr.Buttner "don't let me school you on trap music." "Girl, I got more guns than Jesus" "yaaaasssss" - Mr.Buttner "I'm gonna unlike Mary though" Mr.Buttner "I can't even do dumbass chemistry" Grandeddy "Wait. You actually do work in this class?" "You can't put your problems In a tiny backpack" “You’re gonna die anyway, so just set your house on fire and drink snake venom. "Pay attention to John green" "Cow boys have always been in use, I know because I've used them" "God I love madonna" "From the womb to the tomb" "Put down im strong as a mofo". "Guess what, you have a father" "WABAM" -Buttner "*drops baby*"- Cathleen "Old age is for sissys" "375 bitches" "Why not sexy elbows" "The best part is when the black chick starts singing" "Brittney spears is my jam, toxic is my anthem" "Beer pong is an art" "So, there was a little caesers pizza on the side walk" "It's like nanny McPhee but with drinking" "He's driving through sheets getting cheese curds, he's so full of shit" "It takes two to procreate" "I am a snan if you will" "Screw the patriarchy" "Speaking of spicy, do you guys have any water" "Living with regret is a bitch" "I could do keg stands in a minute" "Those kids couldn't do shit. I drove my mustang off the dock of lochmere" "Settle down my toasted wheat thins" "Oh no ive been inconvinced" "I must call my family! *bird noise* " "If I get a concussion. I will find out where Greg lives and send him the bill" "Let's go sit on the apron *giddy laughter*" "If you don't give me this god damn candy corn, I will eat your hand" "Everyone had lumps and bumps" "Cool beans, beans of cool" -You are a fishmonger -Well, here is my leg -Take you me for a sponge, my lord? -Do you see yonder cloud that’s almost in the shape of a camel? -Eat my leek "Attack? More like give candy aggressively" "Oh yeah? I told you not to do something and you did it anyway? Go fuck your self" "There will be no furries in my household" "Shooty shoot shoot" LMM "Oh god there are things that are happening" "Well the thing is...I don't know" "Look lady, I was on pain meds. I don't even know what happened yesterday" "Are you just being a dick on purpose now ?" "For a second, I forgot what a leaf was" "I'm gonna punch her right in the tits" "This is some catastrophe shit" "Could y'all do me a favor and make a lot of noise to drive her crazy?" -Could you stand in front of my bus so I can run you over?" "I loved Spanish, of course I had a hot teacher. God she was smokin. Damn shame she married the gym teacher" "Pumpkin pie and jack Daniels, never again" "Of course this is a fashion show, everywhere I go is a fashion show" "Well that's just you showin that you're a racist bitch" "I had mace in highschool" "Imagine this, a hot room with sweaty contorsanists" "Hell run his smart ass mouth, and when he turns around,I'll stab him" "I....I don't even know" "And Jesus was like, boi, give this man a break" "They've been gone a long ass time my guy" "Those Scottish men are very angry" "The website said I was sexually frustrated, I am going to die a virgin, so I guess it's right" “What an ass am I!”
—Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2 “I am not a slut,”
—As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 3
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) “Hell is empty and all the devils are here,”
—The Tempest, Act 1, Scene 2 “Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways,”
—Henry IV Part 2, Act 4, Scene 5 “This is the excellent foppery of the world,” –King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2 “Making the beast with two backs,”
—mOthello, Act 1, Scene 1 “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,”
—As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1 “To tell thee plain, I aim to lie with thee,”
—Henry VI Part 3, Act 3, Scene 2
(Works great for courting hot widows.) “I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me,”
—Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene 1 “I wasted time, and now doth time waste me,”
—Richard II, Act 5, Scene 5 “Marry, sir, in her buttocks.”
—A Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 5
(No judgement here.) “My horse is my mistress,”
—Henry V, Act 3, Scene 7
(Uh, there might be something wrong with that.) “Thou dost infect my eyes,”
—Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2 “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit,”
—Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5
(“Wit” is Shakespearean slang for penis.) “[Wine] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,”
—Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3 “I had rather live with cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, than feed on cates and have him talk to me in any summer-house in Christendom,”
—Henry IV Part 2, Act 4 Scene 1 “Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
—King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2 “Villain, I have done thy mother!”
—Titus Andronicus, Act 4, Scene 2
(This means exactly what you think it does.) “And thou unfit for any place but hell,”
—Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2 “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”
—Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2 “Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.”
—Othello, Act 4, Scene 2 “Out, dunghill!”
—King John, Act 4, Scene 3 “This is too long.”
—Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2 "That's the same guy, he's just on a different corner. *like a hooker* he's selling bonsai, not bushes" "Team thucc for the win" "no hoochie mamas on the field" "God can't help you now" "Jesus used the vostros" "Don't bring a gun to a knife fight" “Suck my dick Confucius, because you have been declined bitch.” "He's 18 years old, that's illegal" "What's a vise? Oh the clampy thing" "You can go to a website called suck it.com" "I'm throwing fire and grabbing titties" "He kept coming like an asshole" "Us being the white people in there" "I am not a smart man" "frank sinatra is a cryptid and he gave me a blow job behind an applebees" "Which one is the salad fork and which one is the one I kill myself with" "Sometimes, I have an urge to stab people who pass the ball right to the goalies stick" "Shooting high to high makes me want to kick puppies" "I stabbed a kid in the neck with a pencil when I was 11, so I'm not afraid to stab you when you shoot high to high" "Smoke god, pray to weed, and respect women, Solomon 4:20" "I'm Mary fricken poppins!" "That happened 31 years ago, you need to let it go" "The oldest wasn't any help, she would sneak out at 2 in the morning to go horse riding" "He never called me by my name, it was either slick or the n word" "Mothman is real and he offered me cocaine in a dimly lit jc penny’s" "Aw no honey, you need to try all types of flavors"-my mother on dating "Who said just said daddy, get out" "If you ain't eat at a hooters, then you ain't shit" "I want it all" -cobra command "Luckily, im a messy bitch who loves drama"- Shea coulee "Let's change shit up!" Sasha Valour "Change the motherfucking world" Sasha Valour "Oh my god, he's gonna shit his pants" "Impress them with your lovemaking, then impress them with your lawmaking" "I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds" "-you blew it -super hard -complete buffoonery" "...tampons, what the hell is that? A wad of dry fucking cotton stuffed up there?" "Benedict Cumberbatch, who the fuck is that?"

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I still have a lot of pain but Jazmine is all in a panic... All in,my bones

But it's quiet...

They were all freaking out scared

They eradicate poison they make still evil go away

They're the attackers. But nothing attacks them

They go in a lab and then they magic from there

Its all controlled environment

So i told them "show them how you can kill them with a poison they can never use or know what is"

And things like that So next thing I know GI JANE is swinging on a vine to kick the thing in the head.

All they had to do was take a super scarey environment and control It.

They know what safe environment is.

They know how to kill something evil with good

So take their secret and keep it secret and say its a forever secret -- because that's what we deserve because we are innocent.

I been shooting down enemy Earth Chinook all week. Hearin them and avoiding them on purpose. But the Chinook was using microwave or magnet. Which is bad So i shot them down with magic

So one kept pausing between her curse and she said is that okay?

I said yes because in your pause they think they can control you but they will die because you continued and they interrupted.

So 1 they're tricked. 2. The magic still works to defend

So over all it makes life easier.

Because they never learn to attack proper. Although they can't full attack because we're innocent and good.

So we are a fortress.

We want to know how the world is in danger so I'll feel pain and torture so i know what might happen to someoje else.

So to realize when you're being attacked and fighting back the best way They know how is the same as learning from Mark how to eradicate a poison/virus

Except it's not a Petri dish. Its a big scary thing with huge teeth.

"Oh my god its got huge teeth!!" So scared soo so scared

"Kill it"

"Oh. That's easy"

Fear. The grab it has. An unknown creature trying to kidnap you.

A monster. A nightmare.

Ain't no different than taking a cold pill or antibiotic

Just kill it.

Its hard but if you focus on shit you know. That's why i went straight to poison. They done millions

The cancer in drinks. Eradicated. By them.

So use your skill.

Pray if you can't think you have one. Scream for help.

I was trying to fight this one i know won't go away. Im too curious.

And im wondering what the Hell is going on with thebaby and i feel the magnetic pull. Like it was trying to force me down

Fuck that was scary because my heart is unstable but I been taking meds.

I don't know what to stop or fix first, but im not gonna lwt them take me down. Because Alex would freak the fuck out... If they could magnetic pull my body. Slam me into a wall. Then i already lost. If my heart fails i lost worse.

What's easy is not letting the baby be ripped out of my stomach.

So i switch back to That. I don't even have to do anything.

It simply will,not be ripped out. I don't give a fuck id they already started shit 3 days ago making different parts of my body bleed for no reason.

They aren't smart enough to do it

They're too greedy and it's been prevented no,matter what.

Its still fucking hurts

But i can break their shit

No fear. Easy.

Retrain your focus to your skill

Its not simply keeping a child in my body --- it's protecting children.

I can't help me. Help the children.

Literally 4 seconds before the house walls and roof started shaking my heart was way out of rhythm. Really bad.

Didn't know if we could fix it. Easy.

Then they started attacking for the babies. I felt great. Strong calm rhythm.

Quite simply I will stand in the way.

Like a brick wall.

Focus on your skill.

I didn't know they were going for the babies. My body did.

284 people fucked up 4 towns of thousands. 6 of us took down 284 people and freed 4 towns

One of us could barely stay alive. 4 serious heart attacks. I took out at least one other person if I got too stressed.

We still killed 284 people and beat 2 full force alien attacks.

So for all y'all.

You can do it. I watched 5 normal people take out 284 people by themselves while I rode around in a Lincoln half dead.

I told them how to beat the aliens. So.

[gem-marie-blog1]

And So it Begins...

7:45am

Ok.... Today is Monday and the beginning of my intense regimen to try and kill as much lyme as possible.  I was unable to drag myself out of bed at 5:00 this morning as I had hoped.  Got up at 6:00 instead.  UGH... I will have to keep working on the early rising.

I started out by drinking 16oz of warm water with a half a lemon squeezed in.  This is to help get my system alkaline and to get my digestive tract moving toward detoxification.  I just finished my EmergenC for an extra vitamin boost and am drinking my morning juice.  This juice consists of 3 carrots, 2 apples, 2 oranges, 1/2 lemon and 1 inch of ginger.  It's pretty darned good!  

I also went ahead and juiced my lunchtime juice to bring down to the basement with me in case I get stuck down there.  It is 2 apples, 2 cucumbers, 3 kale leaves, a whole bunch of spinach (really not sure), and 1/2 cup of parsley.   It was supposed to have 8 kale leaves and no spinach.  But I only had 3.  So I supplemented with the spinach.  Not sure if I will love the taste of this one or not.  Will let you know.

Now to get the dishwasher started and gather my stuff for my trip to the basement.  LOL!  Seems awfully weird to be "packing a bag" for the basement. But... we do what we must, right? (The reason for this was explained in a previous post)

9:58am Just finished my workout and seriously feel like I am dying.  I only fell down once and only cried through half of it.  This, along with cost concerns, is the reason that I will not be taking this little circus to a gym anytime soon.  Trust me though, it's mostly this.  HAHA!  Who wants to work out next to the crying/falling down chick?  Um... NOBODY, that's who.   How awkward would that be?! I did make it to the end, though!  So, I will call it a win! I am now chilling (literally) in the basement floor trying to recover so that I can make it upstairs into the shower.  I just took one of my herx remedies.  For any lymie friends who may be reading, it is alkaseltzer gold with lemon in the water for alkalization and 6 glutathione capsules.  Supposedly this has a 70% rate of effectiveness in relief of herx symptoms.  Another thing that helps is benadryl.  I have taken one of those as well.  Now I am just pounding water and waiting to recover enough to ascend the stairs. The chills have already started unfortunately.  I fear this herx will be a killer.  It might seem counter intuitive that I am now putting an ice pack on me as I am shivering with the chills.  However, the cold helps lower my body temp faster so that maybe I can keep this herx from being too bad.  It is not pleasant.  Let me tell ya.  The cold shower I will take in a few minutes will be even worse.  It is about the most uncomfortable thing I can think of right now.  But, I will suck it up and do it. I want to be well more than I want to be comfortable. 11:04am Made it upstairs!  Woo-hoo!  Wasn't stuck down there nearly as long as I had imagined.  It was very difficult to bring everything back upstairs with me though.  I am going to need to come up with a better plan.  I know somedays I will not recover as quickly as today.  If the paralysis happens I have to be prepared to hang in the basement as long as necessary.  Will have to think about solutions. Now for my cold shower!   UGH!!!  Not looking forward to this at all. 11:20am Cold showers SUCK!   That is all. 12:35pm Well, Mr. Herxheimer is in full effect.  Seriously just want to curl up in a little ball and sleep.  I am freezing, my legs don't work right and the electric pain... Oh man.. Don't even get me started on that.  I think I will take a nap. Late Afternoon? My nap lasted about 45 min to an hour.  I got up and drank my lunchtime, green juice.  It was not my favorite.  But it wasn't horrible.  Took some more benadryl.  Read for a little while but my focus is not great.  One of the symptoms of my Lyme, that is exacerbated by the herx,  is something we, in the chronic illness community,  call brain fog.  It is basically just an impaired cognitive function.   This brain fog makes my recall almost non-existent.  So I read something and immediately cannot remember what I just read.  Half an hour of rereading the same three pages is not a very productive way to spend one's time.  So, I gave up after a while.  Will try again tomorrow. I hobbled out to the car with my stupid cane around 2:45pm to pick up the kids from school.  Got home and started sending kids to piano lessons at our neighbor's house one at a time.  Then they settled into homework.  By about 4:30 I had a raging headache which made me feel as if my eyes would pop right out of my head.  Took a little medicine for that.  Drank some green juice and went to the bathroom for the 200th time today.  My afternoon basically consisted of that.  Trying to snuggle under a blanket to get the chills to subside, taking meds, drinking juice and water and going to the bathroom.  LOL!   Really interesting stuff here, right? 8:08 pm Just sent the kids to bed finally.  I've been having terrible chills for the past hour.  I am getting in a detox bath asap.  Just waiting for the water to heat back up after the kids' showers.  I took some more benadryl a little while ago.  Sure hoping that will kick in and help soon. I was hoping that I would be able to only juice today.  My theory is that if I could do a juice fast for a couple days it will help flush toxins faster.   But my hunger got the best of me this evening and frankly, I cannot tolerate being this miserable and starving too. I am pretty strong, but not that strong. 8:56 pm Bath is running.  I feel terrible.  Should be going to bed.  But I can't do it without this detox bath. I want to be killing lyme even while I sleep.  So, I shall stay up as long as I need to in order to be certain that happens. 9:02p pm Ha ha!!  Oh for crying out loud!  Remember that brain fog thing I was telling y'all about? Yeah.. well just went to check on the awesome ginger detox bath I am running, expecting to open the bathroom door to a sauna.  Nope... I apparently had turned on the COLD water full blast rather than the hot.  So now I have a full bathtub of ice cold water.  Geez... what a pain in tha ..... ! LOL!  Seriously...  sometimes all you can do is laugh at this thing and move on. Now let me go put some actual HOT water in this tub.  I will talk to y'all again tomorrow. Thanks for reading! Leave me a comment if you want.  I would love to hear from you. Goodnight!