#I think he's very abnormal about shar also I think throughout act 2/before the bhaal reveal he's like. oh I'm a shar boy now:)

[asharaks]

the thing abt raz is he desperately wants out of his shitty fucked up body and this essentially supercedes any other priority for him.

he is fascinated by shadowheart, in part bc of her shar worship (goddess of absence goddess of loss goddess of pain, a beacon for a man with no memories and no anchor but the pain in his body and the ways he finds to relieve it) and in part bc of the parallels between them - chronic pain and absent memories, a punishmentblessing from a god who sees you as a useful tool, an extension of their will (not that he knows this is his position, yet), and so he pushes her towards shar more and more because if shadowheart can be rewarded for her faith - if she can overcome her doubts and ultimately her pain, her punishment, then maybe he can too, and maybe it'll all start to make sense.

and for a while, it does! he gets the slayer form he gets a way out of his pain and his body he gets the rewardhigh from the killing and slowly he starts to tip over from -the pain is worth bearing for the larger goal- to -why shouldn't I be free of this- and he gets less and less concerned about it, and the relief starts to outweigh the guilt, and if he's being honest with himself he never felt that guilty anyway-

because raz is, when it comes down to it, a deeply selfish, intensely self important person, and the way his body is forces him to think about himself more than anything else (his pain, his loss, his absent memories) and that starts to consume him. and he does love shadowheart, but not enough to save her, and he does love his friends, but not enough to see past the things they tell him they want (ascending astarion, letting karlach die) because ultimately, everything else pales in comparison to him and his own desires.