#I think he would become normal if you introduced age regression to him

[madnesscombatagere]

I trip and fall over and these spill out my pockets and try to frantically put them back but I keep on failing and then break down crying

Age Regressor - Little Brother Regressor - Nonhuman Regressor - Autistic Regressor - Trauma Regressor - Pet Regressor - Puppy Regressor - Fox Regressor

[chronicbeans]

Can i get Derek and Maya information? I wouldn't mind if you went a little bit into how they interact:)

YIPPEE! I love getting asks about my characters. OwO

Derek and Maya Info/Interactions:

TW: Small mention of Age Regression and Stereotyping

🍓Derek follows Aluminum around like a little lost puppy. It isn't because he is too shy to really talk to other people, mind you, it is because Aluminum is too scared to do so. While Derek can go up to people, get their attention, explain how his mutism makes him have to write down his words, then start a random conversation... Aluminum just can't really do that. So, Derek stands by, as one of the few people Aluminum is comfortable with, in case Aluminum wants to talk to someone. Plus, Aluminum is just an interesting fellow to Derek. He is so emotional, willing to snap at people and such without thinking, but unlike most snippy and snappy people, he will very quickly apologize for his words once he realizes he is wrong.

🦈Maya is very quiet and still, at first, but once she gets to know someone, she will turn into an energetic goofball. She will also play the most random of games, such as "slinky hunting", where she makes a slinky go down the stairs, before pouncing on it at random. Not many people like to play games with her, so she learned to play alone. Johnny likes playing her odd games, but tends to forget the rules.

🍓 Derek would probably meet Maya when Aluminum goes to the Playplace. The doctors try to keep the pediatric (child) patients separate from the adults, but the Playplace is open to everyone. Mainly kids go there, but Aluminum does visit from time to time when he age regresses, with Derek keeping a close eye so he doesn't hurt himself. Since Maya likes to play games, she often visits to calm down after doctor's appointments.

🦈 Maya would most likely be in awe of Derek, because she has never seen anyone so tall before. She had heard of the cow people, after her Mama mentioned one falling out of the sky, but never seen one. With her being a bit more comfortable in the hospital, as well as her watching Derek care for Aluminum, she would most likely end up climbing him like a tree.

🍓 That is, apparently, how friendships are made. Within the day, Derek has become a sort of big brother figure to Maya. She would say Father figure, but Baxter has already taken that role, so she said he would have to settle for brother. One of the main things that occur is Derek protecting Maya from people who are rude or causing her stress. Since many see Landsharks as "bloodthirsty, like any normal shark", people tend to make fun of her. Now, although Derek doesn't have horns, the sight of an 8 foot tall, hulking figure of a cow man is bound to at least cause aggressors to hesitate.

🦈 Maya is a bit more perceptive of small things about Derek, mostly how he seems uncomfortable with people drinking strawberry milk. So, although she likes strawberry milk, if she and Derek are eating lunch together, she'd end up choosing chocolate milk. She'd also end up introducing him and Aluminum to her uncle, Baxter, and Johnny the moth boy. Baxter would probably end up "adopting" him, much like he did Johnny and Maya.

🍓 Due to Derek being 8 feet tall and a little on the heavier side, he doesn't fit into any of the patient gown s that the hospital has. There are a few other patients in the same situation. So, because he doesn't fit into any gowns, they gave him scrubs to wear, instead. There is talk that the reason they don't have big enough gowns, even though they have scrubs that fit, is because the hospital assumes that every sick patient will, naturally, be skinnier. Either way, due to Maya's trauma regarding healthcare workers, it was a large part of why she had to observe Derek before greeting him. She thought, due to his scrubs and him following around a patient (Aluminum), that he was a nurse, doctor, or another type of worker at the hospital. Once she realized he was a patient, she gave him a little, handmade strawberry pin to wear so she doesn't lose him in crowds of workers.

🦈 Maya is so tiny that Derek sometimes picks her up when they get in a crowd. He thinks that, if he doesn't, she'll get crushed. There was one time where Baxter lost Maya in a crowd at the lunchroom, causing him to scream "Where's my baby?!" In response, Derek stood up, put Maya on his head, and had Aluminum shout "There she is!" Due to him being the tallest in the room, Baxter quickly saw her and calmed down.

[mishasminions]

Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

[nekrotiize]

About Bert’s Homicidal Tendencies...

Hey gang! Let’s get analyzing! 

The perception/reception of Bert as a character has changed a lot this past season, with us in the main Chipspeech fandom/Sovereign Station slowly unpacking and realizing the monumental amount of mental health issues he actually faces and has been facing since even before Season 1. So, I’ve decided to start dissecting certain things and topics we find, with proof provided, just to show that Bert is so much more than the comic relief character that we all thought he was in the past.

Today, we will be covering the topic of Bert’s Homicidal Ideation/Tendencies.

Bert is, despite how he presents himself, possibly one of the more violent characters in Chipspeech. He’s had many displays of both violent thoughts (even if played off comedically) and full on violent action- like the nearly attempted blind-rage assault/murder of a child. We will not be covering the violence he displays towards himself in this. That will be covered at a later date.

>Possible Origins of Homicidal Ideation

It is very important to note that dealing with homicidal ideation does not make you a monster. It is also important to note that it’s pretty similar to suicidal ideation/tendencies, but instead of directed to yourself, it is directed towards others in some form. Be it a specific person, or just... The concept of people in general. Bert is a very mentally ill character with a notably heavy amount of trauma, and it is incredibly likely that his homicidal ideation stems from that. My personal theory is that it is mainly rooted in his PTSD.

Bert came from a strained home with his creator, Mr. Gotrax, who we know well tried to “fix” him into his idea of a perfect son. The situation got strained enough that Bert eventually ran away, and at some point met Dandy 704 and Otto Mozer. This is not necessarily a good thing. It is important to mention here, while it won’t be covered too heavily in this post, that Bert was abused by Dandy, and that appears to be a huge point of trauma for him. Due to this, a lot of Bert’s violence tends to be either directed to or somehow involving Dandy.

>Ideation Alone

There’s a very big difference between homicidal ideation and the concept of homicidal tendencies. Ideation is, obviously, just the thought of it. Oftentimes, when people refer to “homicidal tendencies,” it’s given the same meaning as suicidal tendencies- which is being known to make attempts. Let’s dissect just his ideation first. 

This much has been played off for laughs. Not necessarily in a bad way or anything, but things are disturbing in hindsight. Let me bring up one example here in particular.

You ever notice how, during Season 2, Bert booted up The Sims with the express purpose of creating Cider and Dandy and then killing them? The first time, back in Season 1, was more... Lighthearted. The deaths were more of a consequence of a bug. Uncoincidentally, this was also before things were more serious and before Bert’s relationship with Dandy got more outwardly, noticeably traumatic (though it still was to a degree,) and before Bert gained a sudden fear of Cider.

SPOILER ALERT! This is not the last time we will see Bert smile at the prospect of harming Dandy in some way, fictional or not. 

Well someone has issues. Fun fact! Drowning is one of the hardest types of homicides to prove. Evidence gets washed away.  It also takes quite a while. It’s like strangulation in that aspect.

This isn’t exactly... Normal behavior, is it? It’s a little weird. I’m not calling him crazy or saying this isn’t justified, but it’s just. Off-putting. Especially compared with his trademark Season 2 incoherence that was literally the result of brain damage and trauma-induced age regression.

This is probably coping.

Jesus. 

Dark humor and the concept of it is not lost on me. It’s context that matters here. If the context of Bert, his mental health, and his relationships with these characters weren’t there, I honestly wouldn’t think twice about it. And I didn’t really think to hard about this when this happened. Hindsight is a powerful tool.

One thing I find interesting is... One of his methods of trying to kill Dandy in-game lines up perfectly with a way he is physically violent with Dandy outside of the game. 

A stab to the chest.

>Homicidal Tendencies / Actual Violence

Bert is a mess. He is a violent, destructive, self destructive little mess. But again, we aren’t covering his self destruction in this. We’ll get there, though. It’s important to note that Bert... Is definitely funny! He’s one of the more “comedic” characters. But his comic relief status has come at a detriment to him, and it has led to a lot of... Issues. He wasn’t taken seriously. So whenever he lashed out... It wasn’t even noticed as an extreme behavior.

Remember that time he nearly assaulted Pedro?

This was how they first met. VODER almost killed Dandy. Which, you know what, fine. Drama! Intrigue! But there’s something we need to keep in mind. Bert, despite basically having his mental state entirely tanked by Dandy, has a severe attachment to him. Which is... Very reminiscent of actual abuse victims, but that’s besides the point.

So what does Bert do upon learning that this 13 year old child hurt Dandy?

THIS IS CONCERNING! This is a very concerning response!! This is not how you respond to that! Oh no! 

Fun note! Whenever he starts typing in a way that’s really messed up, he is having a breakdown!

Okay. Taking a step back here. Bert, upon given the information that someone could have hurt Dandy- with the information that he is FINE- goes into a blind rage directed at that person and nearly commits assault, but then snaps out of it when the person he’s targeting, who is a child, begs for him to stop and covers their face. It’s implied that Dandy has physically abused Bert before.

His immediate breakdown was probably the realization that he was becoming just like him. 

... Anyways, side note! Pedro saying that they have seen a cat make that exact same face at them before it attacked them? Yeah, that’s an interesting statement! Have you seen a cat about to strike?

Bert looked pissed! Great first impression! Nearly attempted crimes of passion are a great way to introduce yourself to a child. Somehow, they’re like siblings now. Trauma bonding!

Speaking of Bert being pissed and violent...

Remember that time he literally stabbed Dandy?

A wonderful start to the chaos.

Let’s dissect this! Because this sure is an interaction!

The way this is framed is interesting. “I have a knife” “Where did it go?” implies that Bert walked up to Dandy announcing this, all while hiding the knife in some way. Then... There’s Bert stabbing Dandy in the chest with a smile on his face. There’s a couple things to keep in mind with that. One of them is that you don’t just randomly stab people.

Stabbing is a very personal way to kill someone. Very personal. There’s this inherent implication in it that you want that person to hurt, and you want them to hurt by your hands. It’s up close and personal. It’s messy. It’s heated. And in this circumstance, this is beyond a crime of passion.  This seems... premeditated.

And this does not at all seem to be the first time Bert has done this.

The calm reaction. Just... Keeping the knife. This is a response that basically chalks up to “[heavy sigh] not this shit again.” This just implies that this has happened enough times for Dandy to not even be phased by Bert literally stabbing him in the chest. I’m not even going OVER the maneuvering needed for Bert to stab him in the first place, with Dandy being 7′04″ and Bert being 5′03″.

Like, this is their height difference! Bert either had to, off-screen, yank him down by the shirt, knock him down by the legs, or literally swing upwards, which is a really weird motion (I tried it, you know, for science,) and the body really doesn’t like doing it! And that’s not even taking into account the FORCE that’s needed to stab a blade through DANDY! He’s an automaton! THERE IS A LOT GOING ON HERE! And we do NOT have time to unpack all that! 

-----

That’s my essay! Again, it’s not going into other aspects of his violence, which... Honestly, I feel would enhance the argument, but we’d be here ALL DAY and I’m not about to lengthen the post any further by going into Bert’s self destructive habits! 

[charliejrogers]

I’m Thinking of Ending Things (Or, What Many Will Think About Midway Through This Movie)

You may be expecting a long review for this movie. I mean, let’s be honest, I dissected the shit out of Birds of Prey, to the point that it was almost inappropriate for the kind of movie it was. But this movie? The arthouse classic-to-be from the much-revered Charlie Kaufman (both writer and director here), I’m Thinking of Ending Things? A movie filled to the brim with symbolism and which refuses to commut itself to any one point of view or plane or reality? This guy’s gonna write about it for fucking eternity.

Well, no. It won’t be the case. Why? Because I don’t think I really got it. Sure, I could try to wax poetic about my thoughts on aging, time, whether there’s meaning in relationships, meaning to our lives (all themes the film raises and which serve as its central core) But it would just kinda sound bullshit coming from me.

So, yeah, this isn’t much of a plot movie. It starts with a young woman (Jessie Buckley) waiting in the street of a snowy quiet country town’s downtown for her boyfriend, Jake, (Jesse Plemons) of one month (or longer?) so that the two can join Jake’s parents for dinner. Despite taking this proverbial big step in her relationship, she’s wondering (evoking the film’s title) whether she should end things. Or is that really what the title is about. Like everything in this movie, every piece of dialogue every character, every suggestion of a chronology, things are laden with a second meaning. Part of your enjoyment from the film will derive from whether or not you enjoy being strung along for 135 minutes without ever really understanding what’s going on, what’s really being said, who these characters really are, or when/where the hell are we in the world?

Despite those tantalizing and exciting questions, I’m here to warn you now, nothing big or exciting happens in this film, at least by conventional movie standards. We watch the couple drive to the Jake’s parents’ house and that takes about 25 minutes of film time. We’re in the house with his parents for probably about 45 minutes. Then the drive home takes another 20-25 minutes. The scenes about driving are just that: two people in a car talking to one another without much event. It’s like the car ride scenes from your favorite buddy/road trip movie but with all the fun adventures taken out. Instead what we get are long, confusing conversations more akin to Matthew McConaughey’s time spent in a car on True Detective.

But one thing becomes exceedingly clear when we finally get to Jake’s parents’ house: the film’s banal settings (a country road, a farmhouse, a rural high school) belie a truth about the film. It is not set in our reality. Jake and the woman’s conversation on the car ride is full of reflections on the nature of time, aging, depression, and life. Jake is a slightly insufferable intellectual. He’s the kind of guy who says he doesn’t know a whole lot about musical theater and then proceed to list 15-20 musicals of various fame and obscurity. The whole scene feels as quirky and just-shy of overwritten, i.e. par for the course of a pretentious art house film such as this. But the mannerisms of Jake’s parents are more than can be attributed to a quirky film. His mother is a jealous, possessive neurotic played by Toni Collette in a way only she could and a twitchy, and his father is a lecherous rival obsessed with his girlfriend played by David Thewlis (a favorite actor of mine). And throughout the meal, the confident, know-it-all we knew from the drive regresses into the behavior of a weak, embarrassed child. These are caricatures taken word from word from a textbook on Freudian psychology more than they are believable humans. The film admits and confirms the Freudian aping rather explicitly.

But just when you think you understand what the film’s up to, it switches course. After dinner, the woman starts to explore their house and starts a journey through time (but, again, with none of the excitement that sentence would normally imply.) It’s my second favorite sequence in the film (the first being an interpretive dance that occurs towards the film’s end… yes, it’s THAT kind of film). It’s filmed and framed in the trappings of a horror movie, but there’s no jump scares or horrible truth to be found. It’s how I imagine someone would adapt the tone of the superb video game Gone Home (yes, I’m one of THOSE people). But yeah, there’s no horrible truth… except if you consider the inevitability of human decay and disease to be a terrible truth. Every room the woman stumbles upon finds Jake’s parents appear to be a different age and health than when she first got to the house, ranging from a mother decked out in 50s/60s apparel to old, feeble gentleman. From there the movie continues to refuse to stay in one place and becomes odder and odder. It’s then I realized to think of this movie of a totally abstract piece of art, like the dream sequences of The Sopranos or Buffy.

So what do I think is going on? Obviously spoilers for here on out. Despite getting the majority of the screen time, this is NOT a movie about the young woman. At the very beginning of the film we are introduced, briefly, to an older, portly gentleman in his late 70s, looking out a window. The film cuts back to that exact same room and window 30 seconds later, but in the old man’s place is Jesse Plemons’ Jake. From that I take it to mean the two are the same person, with Plemons representing the older Jake younger self (or imagined younger self). Alongside the main plot, we occasionally get images and short scenes of the older Jake, a janitor at a rural high school who lives alone. The intellect (or perhaps false sense of intellect) of his younger self is clearly not meeting its potential. He is mocked by students for his age and fragility. What I think we’re watching is this older Jake trying to make sense of what it means to be old and who is currently on the verge of suicide unable to see its meaning. Although I compared the film to a dream sequence, I don’t think it’s fair to reduce the whole thing to Jake’s dream. More I feel like we are seeing a manifestation of Jake’s subconscious thoughts on screen play out.

Who is the young woman then? I’m not sure. I doubt she represents any actual woman – she’s given a variety of names. She almost plays the part of our (and his) guide into Jake’s subconscious like Virgil to Dante, but she’s more than a void. I think she represents what Jake would want in a woman in his life, a confident woman who can see through Jake’s faults (but notably sees them and sees them clearly). She’s not overtly sexual like the women at the ice cream who clearly make Jake uncomfortable. But yet, it’s telling that even in his deepest, most private thoughts that I think we’re seeing, he cannot imagine that even his ideal woman would want to be with him.

We get lots of reasons for why Jake thinks things are like this. Clearly he holds resentment for his parents, even if he feels like it’s cliché to do so. But time is his true nemesis. For me the most telling scenes for my understanding of the movie comes at the end with the interpretive dance, which shows Jake and the young woman (or, at least, stand-ins for those two) engage in a beautiful display of courtship, love, and marriage, only for the young Jake stand-in to be violently by a representation of the older janitor Jake. Clearly Jake thinks of his current self as something wholly distinct from his younger self, and that the creature he is now, a creature created by time, has destroyed who he once was. Like many of us (or as many of us think), he peaked in high school, the last place where people gave him awards for being who he is. This detail adds a sadness to the fact that he works as a janitor at one now. And it is notable that the film’s journey ends there, at a high school, where inexplicably he is being awarded a lifetime achievement award. Achievement in what? It’s unclear. What is clear that the person receiving the award is not the janitor Jake, but the younger Jake (Jesse Plemons) with old-age make-up on. With his dying breath he is able to see the self he loves, his younger self, grow up and live the life he wanted. There’s no sense at all of his present circumstances or person. Then we cut to a shot of janitor Jake’s truck buried in snow, presumably (on my interpretation) with janitor Jake frozen inside, dead.

So ultimately whether or not you like this movie depends on your tolerance for head-up-its-butt dialogue about the grand questions of life combined with its purposefully obtuse presentation. As one of the biggest douchebags I know, I liked it, but didn’t fall head over heels for it. The only other associated Kaufmann production I’ve seen is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but from what I understand, this movie is Kaufmann at its Kaufmann-iest. I have a great respect for the planning and thought behind every second of the film and I can honestly say I was never not entertained. I loved the film’s mood and atmosphere and that I was always on my toes. It’s a movie that truly has gotten better as I’ve continued to think about it over the last three days. But still, I don’t think I always understood what was going on and it’s a little too obtuse/abstract for it to be an all-time classic. I respect that for some people this may be their favorite movie of all time, and for others it may be a crock of shit. I’m somewhere in the middle, and cautiously recommend this film to those of you who are open to some abstract art in film. If you are, definitely try it out, you won’t forget it. If you are not open to it, skip it; you will have no qualms about endings things early.

***1/4 (Three and one-fourth stars out of four)

[idesofrevolution]

For @justcheckingthingsoutbigley

Judge H. Quinlan Tubbs. The name strikes fear into any poor unfortunate soul walking into the Honolulu District Court, and for good reason. Since Judge Tubbs was appointed, 154 young adults were thrown into jail for any matter from minor drug possession to burglary, and no matter what the defense was in any case, without fail he always sided with the state. His sentences were notoriously harsh, often times exceeding the expectations of the District Attorney, who routinely would request leniency only to be met with an excessive and cruel punishment for an often times minor offense.

From inside his chambers, Judge Tubbs grimaced at the picture of Makoa and Kai Keohokaii. This was their third time in the District Court for criminal trespass. As much as Tubbs loathed what he saw as millennial insubordination, he loved the pretrial frightfest he forced on these young kids. It was tradition for Judge Tubbs to meet with the defendants just after arraignment, and in an attempt to expedite the process would subject them to a cavalcade of obscenities, screaming, and threats. The goal: to terrify each and every individual entering his courtroom. He thrived on it, more than any adjudicator ever should. For him, the Keohokaii boys were just another pair of delinquents to be thrown into detention. Tossing back his cognac, the Judge prepared himself for his pontificating. 

“Miss Talbot, send them in.” Judge Tubbs directed his secretary much as he directed his defendants- with a malicious sneer and a crass sense of moral superiority. He hung up the phone and stared out the window at the bustling city below. To him, each person walking by needed reprimand. Each individual was guilty of something and it was his responsibility as a moral, upstanding man to give a punishment, be it just or not. Hearing the door creak open and close, Tubbs didn’t so much as turn around before beginning his tirade.

“Do you two know how long I have been on the bench?” The silence spoke volumes to him. “Thirty Seven years. From Kansas to Arizona, I’ve been elected time and time again to adjudicate cases of miscreants like you. Do you know why?” Silence. “It’s because what I do works. It’s because I cleanse the streets of human waste like yourselves. I have...” Before the judge could continue, he was interrupted by the snickering behind him. He whipped around, casting a menacing glare at the source. Kai Keohokaii, the younger of the two, smirked with a defiant grin at his would-be intimidator.

“You think you’re gonna scare us, old man?” Makoa Keohokaii spoke with a comparable fervor; not intending to intimidate Tubbs, but rather to accentuate his own strength of will. “You have no idea who you’re talking to, and I’d reconsider trying to strong arm any sort of grovelling. Let’s get right to it.” Tubbs stood livid, infuriated at the gall of the insolent surfer boys. 

“Yes, lets. You’re both charged with Simple Trespass. I guess you stayed past close at one of the beaches. You’re clearly not going to adhere to the rules as stated in the statute, so I’m prepared to have both of you remanded and thrown into jail. It shows here, you’ve never been incarcerated before. Mostly misdemeanors and the like. And yet, it would be such a joy to see you both locked up in that jail, and to see the looks on your faces when you realize just who sent you there.” Tubbs grabbed the cigar on the edge of his desk, placing it to his lips and taking the inaugural puff. As he let out his first breath, he scowled at the taste. This was different from the Mayan Sicar he’d bought months ago. It had a spice, or an earthy timbre to it that he’d never experienced before.

“That’s an interesting take, Quinn. But I think I have a better idea.” Judge Tubbs took another puff from the bizarre cigar, before realizing just what it was he was inhaling. “Is that... Weed you’re smoking, sir? I don’t think good people of Honolulu would like to hear that their ‘crusader of justice’ was caught smoking the devil’s plant in his chambers, now do you?”

In the back of his mind, Judge Tubbs knew inherently he should toss the fat blunt into the faces of these two buffoons and yet, each puff of it relaxed and calmed him in a way he’d never experienced before. H. Quinlan Tubbs had been cursed from a young age to be brilliant. While to most it seems a pathetic complaint, Tubbs felt constantly surrounded by lesser people. No one ever understood who he was, for no one was on his intellectual level. His entire life, he’d have people roll their eyes at him, scoffing in frustration at his every correction and lecture. This relentless, incessant need to be right had driven away friends, family, and even colleagues. However, for the first time in his life, a puff of smoke helped to quiet his screaming mind. It helped to dull the anxiety. It helped to embrace relaxation. For these reasons, he took another puff. 

“Ahh. Seems like Quinn likes it! Makes him feel young again, I bet.” Kai chuckled earnestly. For the brothers, it was a joy to indoctrinate; especially when it came to figures of authority. They loved introducing them to ‘the lifestyle.’ Judge Tubbs would be one of the biggest success stories yet, and they were excited to see how he would turn out. “C’mon. Take another puff, Quinn.” 

The Judge absentmindedly obliged, inhaling the smoke for a fourth time. He could feel the smoke travelling through his throat, into his sinuses, and seemingly into his brain itself. The fat old man began to feel weightless, as if his body was becoming lighter and lighter with every ounce of smoke entering his lungs. To him, it was only a sensation. To the two boys watching, it seemed to any wayward eyes that Judge Tubbs was deflating. His bulbous body shrank to less than half his former 400 pounds. The sagging skin hung from his now limber body like cloth. Tubbs jovially continued to puff on his blunt, completely unaware of his sudden physical loss.

“Whoa! Look at that man! It’s so saggy!” The two brothers began to fiddle with the excess skin hanging from Tubbs’ frame, joking and laughing the entire time. Tubbs began to laugh at the absurdity of the situation himself, going so far as to fall into a hiccup spell. Each hiccup lightened and heightened his voice, as if helium had snuck its way into his lungs. What used to be a tired, raspy old leather boot of a voice became youthful and jovial- a permeating aire of slow-wittedness flowed freely from the brash new vocal cords.

“Haha yeah man. Look at it jiggle!” Tubbs wiggled his arm, watching the skin sway from side to side before slurping it’s way back into tightness. Within moments, he was lean, fit and donned an unblemished, youthful glow. The Keohokaii boys stood by, thrilled at the regression and simultaneously eager for the next phase. Tubbs took yet another puff of the blunt, and his normally dull brown hair began to lengthen and wisp downward past his shoulders, all the while lightening to a sunkissed golden blonde. 

“Huuhh huhh huhh, bruh love the luscious locks.” Tubbs flipped his hair back in an uncharacteristically cocky and lackadaisical manner. His brows furrowed, his lips plumped, and within seconds Tubbs was unrecognizable. This face was the face of a nearly braindead surfer dope; strikingly handsome though he was, it was evident very little was going on upstairs. All the while, downstairs, he felt his endowment grow from the euphoria of the experience. Inch by inch the member grew to an impressive length and girth before tearing through the confinements of his pinstripe suit. 

The boys wasted no time in getting on their knees to help expedite the process. Taking turns rotating from balls to cock, they worshipped, sucked, sniffed, and licked every surface of Tubbs’ growing groin. The former judge sighed in contentment, leaning back in his chair and smoking his blunt as his feet burst through his wingtip shoes. Physically, even genetically, this was no longer Judge Tubbs. This was Quinn, just as the two had predicted. 

The tattered remains of Tubbs’ suit were tossed aside, as Quinn pulled Kai into a passionate, albeit sloppy kiss while Makoa continued on his engorged cock. Thrusting his sensitive branch deep into his bro’s throat, he knew the end was close. A rapid frenzy of moans, cries, and gulps followed the tsunami of cum which rushed out of Quinn’s cockhead; with it, went the very last remnants of H. Quinlan Tubbs. The judge’s reign of terror had ended in the best way possible.

“Whoa, fuck man. You sure do know how to suck a cock don’t ya.” The two brothers tossed him a duffel bag filled with their hand-me-down clothes, perfectly sized for a surfer bro of their stature. After a quick change in the bathroom, three dumb, dopey surfer bros walked out of the Honolulu Courthouse toward the beach; all of which were finally free.

If you liked this smut, please support me on my PATREON to make sure this keeps going. 

[tomeandflickcorner]

Umbrella Academy Rewatch 1x01

With the second season of Umbrella Academy approaching, I figured I should have a rewatch of the first season again.

Of course, we start at the beginning, with us being told that on October 1st, 1989, 43 completely unrelated women around the world miraculously gave birth at the same time.  This event was particularly unusual since none of these women had been pregnant when they’d woken up that morning.  We’re also told that Reginald Hargreeves, an eccentric billionaire and adventurer had attempted to adopt as many of these miracle babies as possible, even going so far as to approach the mothers directly and paying them to allow him to take their baby. away.  In the end, he managed to obtain seven of these unusual babies and brought them to his estate.  As it turned out, each of these seven babies had seemingly been born with a unique superhuman ability.  Luther (AKA Number 1) possessed super strength.  Diego (AKA Number 2) could control the trajectory of any object he throws, with his preference being knives.  Allison (AKA Number 3)  can manipulate people’s actions simply by saying the words ‘I heard a rumor.’  Whatever she says after those words will actually happen.  Klaus (AKA Number 4) is basically the kid from The Sixth Sense.  Number 5 (who never received an actual name for reasons that I’ll explain a little later, can teleport/time jump.  Ben (AKA Number 6) can essentially summon Lovecraftian horrors from his body.  And finally, there’s Vanya (AKA Number 7).  She allegedly doesn’t have any special abilities, so she was always left out when Reginald meticulously trained the others to be some sort of elite superhero team in the vein of X-Men, with the building they all lived in being treated like a school called The Umbrella Academy.

Of course, the main story actually begins years later, when the Hargreeves Siblings have all grown up.  And grown apart as well, as each of the siblings have, for the most part, put their old lives behind them and have therefore become estranged from one another.  In an opening montage, we’re introduced to the now-adult Hargreeves Siblings.  Luther, for reasons that are revealed later on in the show, has spent the past four years on the moon.  Diego has become a vigilante.  Allison is now a big movie star with a legion of fans. Klaus is a drug addict, and is pretty much in and out of rehab.  And Vanya is a violinist who hopes to make it into a major orchestra.  As you might have noticed, there are two of the Hargreeves Siblings that haven’t been accounted for.  As the episode explains as it progresses, Number 5 mysteriously disappeared 17 years prior, and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.  And Ben has died for reasons that are as of yet unknown.

As the opening montage wraps up, Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus and Vanya all learn that Reginald Hargreeves has suddenly passed away.  So they all return to his old estate to attend his funeral.  Though, upon arriving, it’s made very clear that Diego is not the least bit pleased to see Vanya.  It turns out that, at some point, Vanya wrote an autobiography about her life growing up as the odd one out among the others.  And she apparently revealed some of the Hargreeves family’s deepest, darkest secrets within her autobiography.  So this has pretty much further ostracized Vanya from hier siblings, particularly Diego.  Though Allison seems to be willing to look past that in light of the current situation.

Anyway, the next few minutes of the episode allows us to get to know our main characters, and how they interact with one another.  Diego, as we’ve established, isn’t very pleased to see Vanya, which does’t help with how she already felt like an outsider amongst her siblings.  And Luther also seems mistrustful of Klaus, though this wasn’t entirely undeserved, as he stopped Klaus from trying to pocket some of Reginad’s old trinkets.  Off hand, only Allison seems somewhat normal, as she responds with reasonable softness to each of her long-lost siblings.  However, it seems even she has some sort of baggage, as she admits her husband filed for divorce 8 months ago, and her now-ex-husband has full custody of their daughter, something that clearly upsets her a great deal.  During this whole sequence of events, we also meet Grace. who was, for all intents and purposes, the Hargreeves Siblings’ mother, and Pogo, the family butler who is, to put it bluntly, an anthropomorphic chimpanzee.  (Just roll with it.)

As the episode progresses, Luther makes it clear that, despite the autopsy report stating Reginald died of a heart attack, he suspects foul play was involved somehow.  He points out that Reginald’s signature monocle was missing, and he and suspects that somebody took it.  And if somebody took the monocle, it meant that Reginald hadn’t been alone when he died.  Of course, Luther’s attempts at sharing this theory with his brothers and sisters goes poorly when he clumsily makes it sound as if he suspects one of them might have murdered Reginald.

In spite of the tangible rift between them, we do get a small indication that there’s still a deep-rooted bond between the siblings when Luther plays a vinyl recording of Tommy James and the Shondells’ I Think We’re Alone Now.  Even though the five siblings are all in different rooms, they all are shown dancing to the same song.  It’s a particularly enjoyable scene, particularly when the camera pans out to what I call ‘the dollhouse shot.’

However, the dance party is interrupted by a sudden disturbance out in the courtyard.  When the five siblings run outside to investigate, Luther surmises it’s some sort of temporal anomaly.  (Lucky guess!)  As they watch in confusion and bemusement, a figure emerges from the time portal.  To everyone’s amazement, the figure is revealed to be Number 5, who hasn’t seemed to age a day since the morning he vanished 17 years ago.

The Hargreeves Siblings convene down to the kitchen, where Number 5 fixes himself a snack.  As he proceeds to make himself a sandwich (peanut butter and marshmallow), Number 5 explains his prolonged absence happened because he went against Reginald’s instructions and attempted to travel through time, resulting in him getting stuck in the future.  And, while it’s been 17 years since his disappearance for the other Hargrees Siblings, it’s been 45 years for him.  But he managed to finally find a way to return to the present day through some technobabble explanation.  But for whatever reason, while his consciousness remains that of a 58 year old man, his body has regressed to that of his 13-year-old self.  Although, he doesn’t really explain anymore than that and simply walks off, leaving his brothers and sisters to take it all in.

Of course, it then cuts to the funeral service, with everyone gathered out in the courtyard to pay their last respects to Reginald.  But of course, drama erupts when Diego begins an emotional rant about how Reginald was a horrible man and father.  Which wasn’t entirely off the mark, as we see through flashbacks that he might have also conducted experiments on the Hargraves Siblings.  Here, it’s also revealed that Reginald never gave any of them their names and had simply referred to them by their individual numbers.  It was their mother, Grace, who had given them their actually names.  (Which does explain why Number 5 doesn’t have a real name like the others.  He must have vanished to the future before Grace began issuing names)  This ultimately leads to a fist fight breaking out between Diego and Luther. In the ensuing fight, the statue that had been erected in the late Ben’s memory is broken, and Diego ends up throwing one of his knives at Luther, leaving a bleeding gash in his arm.

So, things are clearly still strained between the Hargraves Siblings, who all soon part.  Vanya is the first to leave, with only Pogo seeing her off.   Diego heads off soon afterwards (with Klaus tagging along).  Number 5, however, retreats to a local doughnut shop called Griddy's Donuts, hoping to get a decent cup of coffee.  But before he can begin his drink, he notices a group of men armed with guns entering the shop.  Number 5 doesn’t seem to be the least bit surprised by this, simply remarking he thought it would take them longer to find him.  The leader of the armed men instructs Number 5 to come with them.  But Number 5 chooses to not cooperate.  And he proceeds to utilize his teleportation skills to meticulously kill every single one of the gunmen, as Istanbul (not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants plays over the scene.  Once all the men are dead, he calmly cuts into his arm with a discarded knife, putting out what appears to be a tracking chip.  With the tracking chip removed, he calmly walks out of Griddy’s Donuts, as the poor waitress (whose name will be revealed to be Agnes in later episodes) peers over the counter at the remaining mess and dead bodies, completely shell shocked.

As the first episode wraps up, we see Diego has Reginald's missing monocle, though it’s not clear at this point how or why he has it.  We also get our first glimpse of Ben, the deceased member of the Hargraves Siblings.  Even though he is dead, he is present in the show as a ghost.  Though only Klaus can see and hear him on account of his ‘superpower.’  As for Vanya, she returns to her apartment, where she is shocked to find Number 5 has broken in.  Vanya is quick to spot he’s bleeding (on account of his self-inlicted cut), but Number 5 virtually waves away her concern.  He tells her that he’s decided to share some vital information with her, since he feels she’s the only one he can trust.  Throughout the episode, it was implied that Vanya and Number 5 had been rather close as kids.  For instance, after Number 5 had vanished, Vanya had made a habit of leaving out peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches for him every night, because she didn’t want him to go hungry if he ever returned.  As such, Number 5 tells Vanya that, when he jumped ahead in time, he learned that something catastrophic will happen in the future that will effectively wipe out the entire human race.  While he wasn’t sure what exactly caused the apocalypse to happen, he was able to determine the date it occurred- exactly eight days from the present date.   Vanya takes this bombshell surprisingly well.

Well, that’s quite an opening episode.  We got a group of siblings with a strained relationship, a suitable mystery on our hands and a fast-approaching end of the world. Not to mention the whole weirdness the show just expects us to accept with no actual explanation.  All in all, this episode does effectively rope you in, leaving you with a bunch of questions that you want to see answered.

Additional things of note:

Grace is revealed to be a robot.  Which explains how she sometimes seems to be out of it at certain points in the episode

Vanya is taking what appears to be a prescription medication 

The exploits of the Hargraves Siblings as a superhero team led to them having a certain level of fame.  There were even comic books made about them in the show’s reality.

Even though Luther made him drop Reginald’s trinkets, Klaus still managed to make off with an ornate box with currently unknown contents

[tfhub]

Men's Best Son

I am Max and my master is Nick Hardwood, yes that Nick Hardwood Australia's richest man and most successful cattle master who at the age of 72 years still do not have a successor for his legacy. I just love him and everything about him, his muscles his body that he had maintained for years with constant effort and hard work. His choice of clothing so classy and casual at the same time fitting on his body perfectly and not to mention the tattoos on his arms with a cool earring on right ear only enhance his badass aura. Even the hair on him r will groomed and still in prime condition, I bet it's from hard word he do every day which drenches his whole body and hairs in sweet responsible for healthy hair. Without a second thought he is the perfect human and I am his only love. Master is very busy during the day so he only plays with me in night and I try to make the fun time last long hours.

Last night he told me "My dear Max, you are the only one in the whole wide world who understands me. Every day those bitches try to hook me up with themselves, i would have liked if they quitely fuck them selves and get out of my site for good. [In Anger] Those bitches with their filthy eyes on me and my legacy keep coming up with new ideas to trap me and now going as far as to hold you my beloved Max on there filthy lap, how dare they take advantage of your kind and peaceful nature towards human". I showed an expression of concern with no idea how to comfort him but, now I think about it I can almost laugh even if I do have words I can't even explain them to him, he won't understand my language, from as early as I can remember I was raised my master alone it's been 6 years and I am a full grownup.

{ Hm.... What's that you you don't understand where Iam coming from, well isn't it obvious human don't understand dog tongue. Oh... Right I haven't introduced my self properly }

I am Max also known as Man's best friend, and yes I am a dog more like the Alpha dog at farmhouse than again it can't be helped afterall iam so adorable with my blonde hair and muscline body.

But I have always wished to become a human that way I can help master with all the heavyweight stuff at the farm, currently he handles that on his own. Than again it's the secret to his health.

Now another day passed with those bitches lurking around my master.

Currently I am with master in his office which is not normal since those bitches try to use me against master in the main building, Last night master told me

"Max tomorrow I will change this daily routine, you must continue my legacy".

I wonder what he meant by that. As far as I know today some special guests are arriving from Egypt for some important business which I don't know.

Suddenly from the speaker,

" This is reception, Sir the aristocrats from Egypt have arrived "

Max replies after pressing the switch of mic. "Send them in with no further delay ... "

After a while

Charm...charm..( door opens )

An mysterious voice came in " It's been a while Mr.Hardwood , long time no see. I thought u had forgotten about us in you luxury".

Muster replied " Certainly not Mr. Anubis your contribution to this farm will never be forgotten"

I look at them with an expression of confusion.

The man called Anubis replied " I see little Max has now become a fine adult, u have raised him well Mr. Hardwood. "

I am now in even more confusion do I know him? Little Max? What is he talking about.

" Little Max don't be confused you will understand everything soon."

I don't understand how did he know what was I thinking

" Mr. Hardwood now the time has come to fulfill my promise to you for release me from my imprisonment

....

You asked me for a son loyal and trustworthy, in return I gave u the cub which u raised as your own, time is right and stars have aligned." He looked at me and muttered " rise".

I looked at master with concern but master looked excitedly at me with his comforting eyes and said " it's been 6 years now...."

Unable to understand , I suddenly felt an warm feeling inside my chest followed by intense pain. I leaned on the floor and started struggling as the pain advances further into the body spreading from chest to other limbs before long my body started to change shape, first my chest expended followed by my limbs pain was intense enough to make me moan as I tramble on floor

" Ahhoooo....

Aooooo...ooooooooo....ahh....oooo...Ahhho

Haff....haff... Ahh.....Ahhh........."

Before I notice my moans were more human like my nose has regressed to my face and my hair fallen on the ground.

In shock I rised from the ground and noticed I was looking at master at his eye level or maybe even higher. Unconsciously I spoke

"Master !!"

Master replied " Is that what u have called me all this time"?

I can't believe I was in an actual conservation with him the fact that I was not able to speak in human tongue did not even cross my mind.

" Max you are to call me Dad from now on. And come here give your daddy a big hug now Son!"

I lifted my hands and started observing them followed by my legs and started moving slowly towards Dad before long he rushed and grabbed me and than squeezed me as if years of love that he stored for a son was given to me.

I felt a new sensation which I had never experienced before I looked down and noticed my pipi had grown in a papa no lesser then 7 inches.

He chuckled and said "You are a Man afterall,Hmm..... no less expected from my son, a total dominator!"

Still naked I gave a confused expression unable to understand.

" Son I must teach you what a father should teach and what a Man should know. Come to the farm."

We used a secret passage which connects directly to the farm because dad said we need to get clothes for me but I still don't understand what is it with humans and clothing. As for the mysterious man I don't recall seeing him again.

Both me and dad stayed at the farm for the weekend where he told me everything I need to be a human but for some reason I had acquired knowledge which was never given to me but it doesn't matter. With new me on the lose I get to help my Dad at farmhouse with the best of my abilities. I still don't like put on clothes but Dad told me to at least put pants on at all times.

After a week Dad announced his successor which is me and I got an personal office from Dad, his own office is right next to me this way we get to be close. Today is my first day at work but all I want is to fulfill my Dad's wishes.

I entered my office, one of the slutty bitches from the office was already present in the room.

" Young Master, greetings on joining the office today I look forward to be working with you." She said in a sexy pose

" If you ever feel lonely don't hesitate to call me iam always available for you service."

I can't believe she is already trying to make a move on me. They make it so easy to fulfill my father's wish.

I walked closer closer to her until she had nowhere to move to, I closed in the distance even further untill her ass touched the table than I squeezed my crouch on to her body and then grabbed her abdomen with my hand and leaned towards her face and growled " Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........".

She blushed and the placed her hand on my neck and slides it to my chest. With my other hand I pressed the button to the secret room that Dad attached specially to my office. She watched the secret passage open in suprise and before she react I lifted her and entered the secret room.

The room was lighted by dim lights with a bed and few other stuff here and there.

I threw her on the bed and jumped on the bed stopping close to her face. Breathing heavily she touched my chest gently and started unbuttoning my shirt (I don't like whereing it any way). I followed the flow but my animal instincts mad it harder to control myself so I ended up tearing her clothes off with my mouth but it seemed to please her for some reason. She moved forward and kissed me with out any warning but little she did know kissing me will result in her consciousness being restricted now she will be an obedient bitch following every command me and my dad give her.

But I feel pretty for her she wanted to lay down with me so much but she fell prey to my incubus power in middle of it , I guess I will fulfill her last wish. With pride "Bitch! Open your legs wide." Unsealing my power I release the monster in my pants which teared through my garments and expended to it full glory, I roared at her face "Rooarr...." and thrusted the monster into her After iam done with you send the others in".

[beckettmoba468-blog]

KRATOM: THE BITING PLANT WHICH MIGHT AID OPIOID ADDICTS-- IN THE EVENT THAT THE DEA DOES NOT BAN IT

The young girl up in East Greenwich, Rhode Island. It is a small community, upscale and charmingly New England. Heroin was very readily available there, and extremely great.

By age 15, Campellone was a everyday user. She stopped going to school, stopped doing much of anything besides scoring drugs, doing drugs, stealing stuff, offering things, scoring more drugs, doing more drugs. "This was the start of the New England heroin epidemic," she says. "Everyone I knew was overdosing, dying, lives breaking down, people contracting illness from sharing needles."

That experience was mirrored around the nation. In 2014, overdoses from heroin or prescription opioids eliminated 30,000 people-- four times as many than in 1999. Today, 3,900 brand-new people start utilizing prescription opioids for non-medical functions every day. Almost 600 start taking heroin. The yearly health and social expenses of the prescription opioid crisis in America? $55 billion.

Campellone kicked her practice at 19-- with rehabilitation, suboxone, and a lot of willpower-- and moved out west, to the San Francisco Bay Area. Her co-workers and managers presented her to a myriad of plant-based items, amongst them a tart-tasting leaf called kratom. It was likewise a decent pain reliever, so she 'd take it when she was harmed, or on her menstrual cycle.

And, on 2 celebrations, she utilized it to help with the withdrawal signs following heroin regressions. "Nothing actually feels excellent when you're withdrawing from heroin, so no matter what you're taking, you're still in pain and it's pretty unbearable," says Campellone. Kratom assisted some.

Campellone never requires a prescription to get kratom. And when she does not take it, she doesn't crave it like she longed for heroin. She was amazed when, on August 30, the DEA revealed that it was pursuing an emergency scheduling of mitragynine and 7-hydroxymitragynine, the active alkaloids in kratom.

The DEA Takes an Exception to Kratom

Biologically, kratom acts enough like an opioid that DEA considers it a risk to public safety. The firm planned to utilize a regulative mechanism called emergency situation scheduling to place it in the same restrictive classification as marijuana, heroin, and lsd . This classification, Schedule I, is scheduled for exactly what the DEA thinks about the most unsafe drugs-- those with no redeeming medical value, and a high capacity for abuse.

Before they settled the scheduling, something surprising happened. An advocacy group called the American Kratom Association (yes, AKA) raised $400,000 from its impassioned membership-- impressive for a not-for-profit that usually raises $80,000 a year-- to pay for lobbyists and legal representatives , who got Congress on their side.

On https://www.wired.com/2016/11/kratom-bitter-plant-help-opioid-addicts-dea-doesnt-ban September 30, representatives both liberal and conservative -- from Orrin Hatch to Bernie Sanders-- penned a letter to the DEA. "Given the long reported history of kratom use, combined with the public's sentiment that it is a safe option to prescription opioids, our company believe utilizing the routine review procedure would provide for a much-needed discussion amongst all stakeholders," they composed.

It worked. The DEA raised the notification of emergency scheduling, and opened a public remark duration till December 1. When was the last time the DEA withdrawed anything? "This is uncommon," says Gantt Galloway, a Bay Area pharmacologist concentrating on treatments for addictive drugs. Galloway might not remember another circumstances when the DEA reacted to public outcry like this.

Since this writing, those remarks number almost 11,000. They are from: individuals who use kratom to ease chronic pain or endometriosis or gout; people who use kratom to deal with depression or wean off opioids or alcohol; individuals who said it conserved their life. "It does not allow you to leave your problems," says Susan Ash, founder of the AKA, who utilized kratom to treat discomfort and leave an dependency to prescription opioids. "It instead has you face them full on because it doesn't numb your brain at all, and it doesn't make you feel stoned like medical cannabis does. But it's efficient on so many things, like discomfort and anxiety and depression."

That promise is part of the issue. Scientists know almost absolutely nothing about kratom-- how its substances operate in performance, exactly what it can actually treat, how addictive it might be, what counts as a safe dose. And certainly not enough to back up all the life-altering claims extolled in public remarks, and by the many kratom users we spoke with. In the absence of good science and the smallest tip of regulation, Ash and potentially millions of other users are winging it. And should the DEA follow through on its pledge to schedule kratom, these individuals will become bad guys overnight.

For Ash, that's totally undesirable. "I want the future to appear like this is your next coffee," she states. "I 'd like it to be offered in Starbucks. I'm not even joking."

An Herb Wades Into an Opioid Crisis

Kratom is not an opioid-- actually, it remains in the coffee family-- however its active particles bind to the very same neuronal receptors as opioids like heroin, codeine, oxycodone, and morphine . Normally, those drugs provide users a feeling of euphoria and dull their discomfort-- that's why David *, a former boarding school instructor, began using prescription opioids to treat his discomfort from ski injuries. He became addicted, and when his prescriptions went out, he changed to heroin. "I ended up being a high functioning user," he says. "My addiction was never ever discovered at my place of work, although I do believe my behavior ended up being more unpredictable."

When David ultimately devoted himself to rehab, his physicians weaned him off heroin utilizing suboxone, a mix of two drugs-- buprenorphine, a partial opioid that quenches the body's chemical thirst, and naltrexone, which obstructs any blissful opioid feelings. But suboxone can give users signs of withdrawal, not to point out a dulled sense of truth. And users like David can still find ways to abuse it. "Dependence on that was various from heroin, and it ended up being easier to take more suboxone to a higher high, or selling it to score heroin again," he states.

Since this writing, though, David has been tidy for 18 months-- success that he attributes to kratom. Given that it binds to the same receptors as opioids, kratom users report comparable blissful and pain-killing impacts, but they're muted. After other 12 action recovering addicts introduced David to the plant, it helped him rebuild his life-- he did ultimately lose that boarding school teaching task-- and handle the physical pain that got him hooked on opioids to begin with.

Because it mirrors opioids in other ways, the issue is that kratom is likewise addictive. David and a number of other users we spoke with said kratom is routine forming, to some degree, though one survey in Southeast Asia found that for people utilizing it to kick an opioid addiction, the dependence is far less most likely to interrupt their lives. "When I take kratom, that addicting part of me kicks in and it becomes regular," says Jeffrey *, another former opioid addict.

There is no doubt, however, that kratom is less hazardous than opioids-- even take-home synthetics like suboxone. "The two primary alkaloids in kratom, 7-hydroxy and mitragynine , appear to have a low ceiling for breathing anxiety," says pharmacologist Jack Henningfield of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who with the consulting company Pinney Associates has actually recommended the AKA on kratom scheduling.

In its preliminary notice of emergency scheduling for kratom, the DEA did link the drug to 15 deaths in between 2014 and 2016. Folks utilizing kratom https://www.drugs.com/illicit/kratom.html to wean themselves off opioids may still be taking those opioids.

And some deaths could be attributed to contamination: Because kratom isn't really strictly managed, bad stars can and do lace the plant with real opioids, like the extremely effective artificial opioid fentanyl. "You can just think of, 'Oh you got pain? Well, we've got a unique kratom product,'" Henningfield says. "Maybe it has fentanyl in it. That's frightening." Clearly, the plant requires some sort of policy. The concern is whether the DEA's scheduling is the best kind.

Regulative Wranglings

The FDA might assist avoid contamination-related deaths by strictly regulating kratom as a supplement, as opposed to the DEA scheduling it as a drug. "FDA has a great deal of authority to in fact help customers know that exactly what they're purchasing is exactly what is identified, and have at least some level of assurance," Henningfield says. "It's not near the drug requirement, but it's far better than something that's illegally marketed."

"The decision to permanently arrange any drug is not a DEA unilateral decision," states Steve Bell, a DEA representative. The FDA approved the drug in 2002, and the Department of Health and Human Services recommended that the DEA put it in Schedule III, which the DEA accepted.

Arrange I, however, is an entirely different rodeo. If the DEA locations kratom here, nobody can touch the things. Present users, ought to they continue to utilize, will be forced to even sketchier sources. And scientists will have a harder time learning how kratom works, and supporting, or refuting, the claims users make with hard data. (Consider cannabis, also a Schedule I drug. Science has a dearth of data on it because getting authorizations to study the drug is an exercise in bureaucratic madness.).

All that research costs loan. Which is kratom's dilemma: The DEA wishes to set up the drug because they believe it may pose a danger to public health, but the only way to verify (or refute) the DEA's worries is with more research study-- which will be beside difficult should the DEA follow through on its promise to schedule.

Among the couple of scientists studying kratom is the University of Florida's Oliver Grundmann, who is finishing up an online study of almost 10,000 users. And the data ( initial, though Grundmann plans to release a paper in the coming months) reveals a various profile of kratom users than you 'd get out of an " illegal" recreational drug.

Not rather the party drug group. And the public comments on the DEA's scheduling notice reflect that population. Numerous of those folks are utilizing kratom to either wean themselves off prescription opioids or use the drug alone to deal with pain.

Still, that's self-medication using a item that might be polluted. "The industry has to come together," states Susan Ash of the AKA. "There's no chance the FDA is going to feel comfy not seeing this as a arranged illegal drug without a dedication from the industry that there will appertain procedures put in location." Better labeling, for example, would be a start.

Grundmann states he comprehends the DEA's inspiration. "They do not wish to have another drug out there that could potentially contribute to the already devastating opioid epidemic that some communities are experiencing," he states. "But on the other side, we also have to think about that the 4 to 5 million estimated users of kratom may face a health crisis of their own if kratom becomes scheduled.".

Anecdotes and Evidence.

Ariana Campellone takes her kratom with coconut milk and protein powder. Then, she blends, watering down with water to take the lumps out of the mix. By itself, the things tastes horrible. Like oversteeped tea, or a mouthful of peat. She believes the contrast to coffee is a bit overstated. "Coffee offers me a noticeable spike and high, and can feel when I'm boiling down," she says.

The DEA's public comment duration closes tomorrow. The agency says it will consider those comments alongside the FDA's medical and clinical evaluation prior to proceeding to schedule. The FDA did not respond in time to comment on this story.

However, if the DEA follows through on its previous intent to schedule, Campellone states she'll still continue to use kratom. "Just like individuals have actually continued to use cannabis where it's not legal," she says. In useful terms, it means getting ahold of kratom would probably get more personally risky and costly . Those costs, those risks-- those inconveniences-- may not deserve it to some kratom users. And after that the not-so-small neighborhood of recovering opioid addicts lose something readily available, and possibly quite excellent.

[fabulouslyaverage]

Theodore - Four Months Old

We have officially exited the forth trimester! I wouldn’t say we left it unscathed but doing the whole infant baby thing with a threenager in tow is a feat all on its own. But I digress because its gone and over and now we enter the fun parts like sleep regression and teething! More on that below...

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Routine: So mommy’s been back at work full-time now for a little over a month and our routine is chugging along pretty smoothly! Weirdly enough though, the predictability of our mornings has become my favorite thing. And here I thought it would be a struggle of major proportions.

I try to get my day started by 6:15 a.m. to pump and apply my makeup simultaneously. I portion out Theo’s feeding for the day, prepare my lunch, brush my teeth, get dressed and then get Remy ready (brush teeth, get dressed, comb hair) for the day. By this time Kevin is either just getting in the shower or just getting out. Remy sits and watches an episode of Paw Patrol while dad is getting ready and I’m changing Theo’s diaper and get him dress. Once Kevin is dressed that’s my queue to head into work. In the time before daddy takes the kids to school and daycare, he feeds the kids and that’s our morning!

We’ll actually be starting him at a new in-home daycare at the end of the month. I’m very weary about it but have met the person that will be caring for him and she seems nice. We’re going the in-home daycare route for Mr. Theo in an attempt to save money. Enrolling him at the daycare Remy is at would be an additional $400 we do not have. My thought is that we’ll transition him over once Remy is in kindergarten. 

Napping/Sleeping: I’m pretty sure we’re going through some sort of sleep regression or the little dude is teething. Or both. There was a week though, that he slept through the night and it was a glorious week. But it’s over now. He is waking up at least once a night to nurse and is being more fussy than normal which is making it harder for me to get back to sleep. Also, I haven’t transitioned him into his crib yet but it will be happening within the next month or so.

Eating: Theo is still talking five ounces of breast milk every three hours. We tried upping his intake to six ounces but he wouldn’t finish it all. The stock pile of milk is still growing. Pretty soon there won’t be anymore room in the freezer...

I think we’ll be introducing baby oatmeal next month or two, so that should be fun and messy!

Growth/Health/Development: Little man is in the 30th percentile for weight weighing in at 14 pounds flat. The doctor was a tad bit concerned about his height. While last month he was in the 68th percentile for his age and length this month he dropped to 38th yet he still grew an inch and half coming in at 25 inches flat. Theo’s dome tho is massive coming in at 16.5 inches around putting him in the 55th percentile. 

Homeboy is fitting in to size 2 diapers and is in 3-6 month clothing nicely! A ton of his clothes have been packed away cause he’s grown out of them and I’m looking to add a few more winter pieces to his wardrobe, without going overboard of course. Just gotta wait for the right sale! 

Theo still hasn’t figured out how to roll on his back but he’s getting close. He has however mastered scooting like a worm. It is the cutest thing ever! Will Mister Man crawl sooner than his sister? Maybe. 

Social:

So much drooling (because of the teething), his fists are always in his mouth

He is such a smiley baby, especially in the morning

He likes when you play with his feet and his thighs 

I think he answers to his name! If you call out for him he turns to face you, and even looks for Remy when we call out for her name

If he’s not in his Zen Swaddle (which only happens during day time sleep), he sleeps with his hands over his head

Some of his hair is coming out blonde, I’m not quite sure how I feel about that...

He blows raspberries like a pro

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