#I think he would become normal if you introduced age regression to him

[madnesscombatagere]

I trip and fall over and these spill out my pockets and try to frantically put them back but I keep on failing and then break down crying

Age Regressor - Little Brother Regressor - Nonhuman Regressor - Autistic Regressor - Trauma Regressor - Pet Regressor - Puppy Regressor - Fox Regressor

[chronicbeans]

Can i get Derek and Maya information? I wouldn't mind if you went a little bit into how they interact:)

YIPPEE! I love getting asks about my characters. OwO

Derek and Maya Info/Interactions:

TW: Small mention of Age Regression and Stereotyping

🍓Derek follows Aluminum around like a little lost puppy. It isn't because he is too shy to really talk to other people, mind you, it is because Aluminum is too scared to do so. While Derek can go up to people, get their attention, explain how his mutism makes him have to write down his words, then start a random conversation... Aluminum just can't really do that. So, Derek stands by, as one of the few people Aluminum is comfortable with, in case Aluminum wants to talk to someone. Plus, Aluminum is just an interesting fellow to Derek. He is so emotional, willing to snap at people and such without thinking, but unlike most snippy and snappy people, he will very quickly apologize for his words once he realizes he is wrong.

🦈Maya is very quiet and still, at first, but once she gets to know someone, she will turn into an energetic goofball. She will also play the most random of games, such as "slinky hunting", where she makes a slinky go down the stairs, before pouncing on it at random. Not many people like to play games with her, so she learned to play alone. Johnny likes playing her odd games, but tends to forget the rules.

🍓 Derek would probably meet Maya when Aluminum goes to the Playplace. The doctors try to keep the pediatric (child) patients separate from the adults, but the Playplace is open to everyone. Mainly kids go there, but Aluminum does visit from time to time when he age regresses, with Derek keeping a close eye so he doesn't hurt himself. Since Maya likes to play games, she often visits to calm down after doctor's appointments.

🦈 Maya would most likely be in awe of Derek, because she has never seen anyone so tall before. She had heard of the cow people, after her Mama mentioned one falling out of the sky, but never seen one. With her being a bit more comfortable in the hospital, as well as her watching Derek care for Aluminum, she would most likely end up climbing him like a tree.

🍓 That is, apparently, how friendships are made. Within the day, Derek has become a sort of big brother figure to Maya. She would say Father figure, but Baxter has already taken that role, so she said he would have to settle for brother. One of the main things that occur is Derek protecting Maya from people who are rude or causing her stress. Since many see Landsharks as "bloodthirsty, like any normal shark", people tend to make fun of her. Now, although Derek doesn't have horns, the sight of an 8 foot tall, hulking figure of a cow man is bound to at least cause aggressors to hesitate.

🦈 Maya is a bit more perceptive of small things about Derek, mostly how he seems uncomfortable with people drinking strawberry milk. So, although she likes strawberry milk, if she and Derek are eating lunch together, she'd end up choosing chocolate milk. She'd also end up introducing him and Aluminum to her uncle, Baxter, and Johnny the moth boy. Baxter would probably end up "adopting" him, much like he did Johnny and Maya.

🍓 Due to Derek being 8 feet tall and a little on the heavier side, he doesn't fit into any of the patient gown s that the hospital has. There are a few other patients in the same situation. So, because he doesn't fit into any gowns, they gave him scrubs to wear, instead. There is talk that the reason they don't have big enough gowns, even though they have scrubs that fit, is because the hospital assumes that every sick patient will, naturally, be skinnier. Either way, due to Maya's trauma regarding healthcare workers, it was a large part of why she had to observe Derek before greeting him. She thought, due to his scrubs and him following around a patient (Aluminum), that he was a nurse, doctor, or another type of worker at the hospital. Once she realized he was a patient, she gave him a little, handmade strawberry pin to wear so she doesn't lose him in crowds of workers.

🦈 Maya is so tiny that Derek sometimes picks her up when they get in a crowd. He thinks that, if he doesn't, she'll get crushed. There was one time where Baxter lost Maya in a crowd at the lunchroom, causing him to scream "Where's my baby?!" In response, Derek stood up, put Maya on his head, and had Aluminum shout "There she is!" Due to him being the tallest in the room, Baxter quickly saw her and calmed down.

[charliejrogers]

I’m Thinking of Ending Things (Or, What Many Will Think About Midway Through This Movie)

You may be expecting a long review for this movie. I mean, let’s be honest, I dissected the shit out of Birds of Prey, to the point that it was almost inappropriate for the kind of movie it was. But this movie? The arthouse classic-to-be from the much-revered Charlie Kaufman (both writer and director here), I’m Thinking of Ending Things? A movie filled to the brim with symbolism and which refuses to commut itself to any one point of view or plane or reality? This guy’s gonna write about it for fucking eternity.

Well, no. It won’t be the case. Why? Because I don’t think I really got it. Sure, I could try to wax poetic about my thoughts on aging, time, whether there’s meaning in relationships, meaning to our lives (all themes the film raises and which serve as its central core) But it would just kinda sound bullshit coming from me.

So, yeah, this isn’t much of a plot movie. It starts with a young woman (Jessie Buckley) waiting in the street of a snowy quiet country town’s downtown for her boyfriend, Jake, (Jesse Plemons) of one month (or longer?) so that the two can join Jake’s parents for dinner. Despite taking this proverbial big step in her relationship, she’s wondering (evoking the film’s title) whether she should end things. Or is that really what the title is about. Like everything in this movie, every piece of dialogue every character, every suggestion of a chronology, things are laden with a second meaning. Part of your enjoyment from the film will derive from whether or not you enjoy being strung along for 135 minutes without ever really understanding what’s going on, what’s really being said, who these characters really are, or when/where the hell are we in the world?

Despite those tantalizing and exciting questions, I’m here to warn you now, nothing big or exciting happens in this film, at least by conventional movie standards. We watch the couple drive to the Jake’s parents’ house and that takes about 25 minutes of film time. We’re in the house with his parents for probably about 45 minutes. Then the drive home takes another 20-25 minutes. The scenes about driving are just that: two people in a car talking to one another without much event. It’s like the car ride scenes from your favorite buddy/road trip movie but with all the fun adventures taken out. Instead what we get are long, confusing conversations more akin to Matthew McConaughey’s time spent in a car on True Detective.

But one thing becomes exceedingly clear when we finally get to Jake’s parents’ house: the film’s banal settings (a country road, a farmhouse, a rural high school) belie a truth about the film. It is not set in our reality. Jake and the woman’s conversation on the car ride is full of reflections on the nature of time, aging, depression, and life. Jake is a slightly insufferable intellectual. He’s the kind of guy who says he doesn’t know a whole lot about musical theater and then proceed to list 15-20 musicals of various fame and obscurity. The whole scene feels as quirky and just-shy of overwritten, i.e. par for the course of a pretentious art house film such as this. But the mannerisms of Jake’s parents are more than can be attributed to a quirky film. His mother is a jealous, possessive neurotic played by Toni Collette in a way only she could and a twitchy, and his father is a lecherous rival obsessed with his girlfriend played by David Thewlis (a favorite actor of mine). And throughout the meal, the confident, know-it-all we knew from the drive regresses into the behavior of a weak, embarrassed child. These are caricatures taken word from word from a textbook on Freudian psychology more than they are believable humans. The film admits and confirms the Freudian aping rather explicitly.

But just when you think you understand what the film’s up to, it switches course. After dinner, the woman starts to explore their house and starts a journey through time (but, again, with none of the excitement that sentence would normally imply.) It’s my second favorite sequence in the film (the first being an interpretive dance that occurs towards the film’s end… yes, it’s THAT kind of film). It’s filmed and framed in the trappings of a horror movie, but there’s no jump scares or horrible truth to be found. It’s how I imagine someone would adapt the tone of the superb video game Gone Home (yes, I’m one of THOSE people). But yeah, there’s no horrible truth… except if you consider the inevitability of human decay and disease to be a terrible truth. Every room the woman stumbles upon finds Jake’s parents appear to be a different age and health than when she first got to the house, ranging from a mother decked out in 50s/60s apparel to old, feeble gentleman. From there the movie continues to refuse to stay in one place and becomes odder and odder. It’s then I realized to think of this movie of a totally abstract piece of art, like the dream sequences of The Sopranos or Buffy.

So what do I think is going on? Obviously spoilers for here on out. Despite getting the majority of the screen time, this is NOT a movie about the young woman. At the very beginning of the film we are introduced, briefly, to an older, portly gentleman in his late 70s, looking out a window. The film cuts back to that exact same room and window 30 seconds later, but in the old man’s place is Jesse Plemons’ Jake. From that I take it to mean the two are the same person, with Plemons representing the older Jake younger self (or imagined younger self). Alongside the main plot, we occasionally get images and short scenes of the older Jake, a janitor at a rural high school who lives alone. The intellect (or perhaps false sense of intellect) of his younger self is clearly not meeting its potential. He is mocked by students for his age and fragility. What I think we’re watching is this older Jake trying to make sense of what it means to be old and who is currently on the verge of suicide unable to see its meaning. Although I compared the film to a dream sequence, I don’t think it’s fair to reduce the whole thing to Jake’s dream. More I feel like we are seeing a manifestation of Jake’s subconscious thoughts on screen play out.

Who is the young woman then? I’m not sure. I doubt she represents any actual woman – she’s given a variety of names. She almost plays the part of our (and his) guide into Jake’s subconscious like Virgil to Dante, but she’s more than a void. I think she represents what Jake would want in a woman in his life, a confident woman who can see through Jake’s faults (but notably sees them and sees them clearly). She’s not overtly sexual like the women at the ice cream who clearly make Jake uncomfortable. But yet, it’s telling that even in his deepest, most private thoughts that I think we’re seeing, he cannot imagine that even his ideal woman would want to be with him.

We get lots of reasons for why Jake thinks things are like this. Clearly he holds resentment for his parents, even if he feels like it’s cliché to do so. But time is his true nemesis. For me the most telling scenes for my understanding of the movie comes at the end with the interpretive dance, which shows Jake and the young woman (or, at least, stand-ins for those two) engage in a beautiful display of courtship, love, and marriage, only for the young Jake stand-in to be violently by a representation of the older janitor Jake. Clearly Jake thinks of his current self as something wholly distinct from his younger self, and that the creature he is now, a creature created by time, has destroyed who he once was. Like many of us (or as many of us think), he peaked in high school, the last place where people gave him awards for being who he is. This detail adds a sadness to the fact that he works as a janitor at one now. And it is notable that the film’s journey ends there, at a high school, where inexplicably he is being awarded a lifetime achievement award. Achievement in what? It’s unclear. What is clear that the person receiving the award is not the janitor Jake, but the younger Jake (Jesse Plemons) with old-age make-up on. With his dying breath he is able to see the self he loves, his younger self, grow up and live the life he wanted. There’s no sense at all of his present circumstances or person. Then we cut to a shot of janitor Jake’s truck buried in snow, presumably (on my interpretation) with janitor Jake frozen inside, dead.

So ultimately whether or not you like this movie depends on your tolerance for head-up-its-butt dialogue about the grand questions of life combined with its purposefully obtuse presentation. As one of the biggest douchebags I know, I liked it, but didn’t fall head over heels for it. The only other associated Kaufmann production I’ve seen is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but from what I understand, this movie is Kaufmann at its Kaufmann-iest. I have a great respect for the planning and thought behind every second of the film and I can honestly say I was never not entertained. I loved the film’s mood and atmosphere and that I was always on my toes. It’s a movie that truly has gotten better as I’ve continued to think about it over the last three days. But still, I don’t think I always understood what was going on and it’s a little too obtuse/abstract for it to be an all-time classic. I respect that for some people this may be their favorite movie of all time, and for others it may be a crock of shit. I’m somewhere in the middle, and cautiously recommend this film to those of you who are open to some abstract art in film. If you are, definitely try it out, you won’t forget it. If you are not open to it, skip it; you will have no qualms about endings things early.

***1/4 (Three and one-fourth stars out of four)

[idesofrevolution]

For @justcheckingthingsoutbigley

Judge H. Quinlan Tubbs. The name strikes fear into any poor unfortunate soul walking into the Honolulu District Court, and for good reason. Since Judge Tubbs was appointed, 154 young adults were thrown into jail for any matter from minor drug possession to burglary, and no matter what the defense was in any case, without fail he always sided with the state. His sentences were notoriously harsh, often times exceeding the expectations of the District Attorney, who routinely would request leniency only to be met with an excessive and cruel punishment for an often times minor offense.

From inside his chambers, Judge Tubbs grimaced at the picture of Makoa and Kai Keohokaii. This was their third time in the District Court for criminal trespass. As much as Tubbs loathed what he saw as millennial insubordination, he loved the pretrial frightfest he forced on these young kids. It was tradition for Judge Tubbs to meet with the defendants just after arraignment, and in an attempt to expedite the process would subject them to a cavalcade of obscenities, screaming, and threats. The goal: to terrify each and every individual entering his courtroom. He thrived on it, more than any adjudicator ever should. For him, the Keohokaii boys were just another pair of delinquents to be thrown into detention. Tossing back his cognac, the Judge prepared himself for his pontificating. 

“Miss Talbot, send them in.” Judge Tubbs directed his secretary much as he directed his defendants- with a malicious sneer and a crass sense of moral superiority. He hung up the phone and stared out the window at the bustling city below. To him, each person walking by needed reprimand. Each individual was guilty of something and it was his responsibility as a moral, upstanding man to give a punishment, be it just or not. Hearing the door creak open and close, Tubbs didn’t so much as turn around before beginning his tirade.

“Do you two know how long I have been on the bench?” The silence spoke volumes to him. “Thirty Seven years. From Kansas to Arizona, I’ve been elected time and time again to adjudicate cases of miscreants like you. Do you know why?” Silence. “It’s because what I do works. It’s because I cleanse the streets of human waste like yourselves. I have...” Before the judge could continue, he was interrupted by the snickering behind him. He whipped around, casting a menacing glare at the source. Kai Keohokaii, the younger of the two, smirked with a defiant grin at his would-be intimidator.

“You think you’re gonna scare us, old man?” Makoa Keohokaii spoke with a comparable fervor; not intending to intimidate Tubbs, but rather to accentuate his own strength of will. “You have no idea who you’re talking to, and I’d reconsider trying to strong arm any sort of grovelling. Let’s get right to it.” Tubbs stood livid, infuriated at the gall of the insolent surfer boys. 

“Yes, lets. You’re both charged with Simple Trespass. I guess you stayed past close at one of the beaches. You’re clearly not going to adhere to the rules as stated in the statute, so I’m prepared to have both of you remanded and thrown into jail. It shows here, you’ve never been incarcerated before. Mostly misdemeanors and the like. And yet, it would be such a joy to see you both locked up in that jail, and to see the looks on your faces when you realize just who sent you there.” Tubbs grabbed the cigar on the edge of his desk, placing it to his lips and taking the inaugural puff. As he let out his first breath, he scowled at the taste. This was different from the Mayan Sicar he’d bought months ago. It had a spice, or an earthy timbre to it that he’d never experienced before.

“That’s an interesting take, Quinn. But I think I have a better idea.” Judge Tubbs took another puff from the bizarre cigar, before realizing just what it was he was inhaling. “Is that... Weed you’re smoking, sir? I don’t think good people of Honolulu would like to hear that their ‘crusader of justice’ was caught smoking the devil’s plant in his chambers, now do you?”

In the back of his mind, Judge Tubbs knew inherently he should toss the fat blunt into the faces of these two buffoons and yet, each puff of it relaxed and calmed him in a way he’d never experienced before. H. Quinlan Tubbs had been cursed from a young age to be brilliant. While to most it seems a pathetic complaint, Tubbs felt constantly surrounded by lesser people. No one ever understood who he was, for no one was on his intellectual level. His entire life, he’d have people roll their eyes at him, scoffing in frustration at his every correction and lecture. This relentless, incessant need to be right had driven away friends, family, and even colleagues. However, for the first time in his life, a puff of smoke helped to quiet his screaming mind. It helped to dull the anxiety. It helped to embrace relaxation. For these reasons, he took another puff. 

“Ahh. Seems like Quinn likes it! Makes him feel young again, I bet.” Kai chuckled earnestly. For the brothers, it was a joy to indoctrinate; especially when it came to figures of authority. They loved introducing them to ‘the lifestyle.’ Judge Tubbs would be one of the biggest success stories yet, and they were excited to see how he would turn out. “C’mon. Take another puff, Quinn.” 

The Judge absentmindedly obliged, inhaling the smoke for a fourth time. He could feel the smoke travelling through his throat, into his sinuses, and seemingly into his brain itself. The fat old man began to feel weightless, as if his body was becoming lighter and lighter with every ounce of smoke entering his lungs. To him, it was only a sensation. To the two boys watching, it seemed to any wayward eyes that Judge Tubbs was deflating. His bulbous body shrank to less than half his former 400 pounds. The sagging skin hung from his now limber body like cloth. Tubbs jovially continued to puff on his blunt, completely unaware of his sudden physical loss.

“Whoa! Look at that man! It’s so saggy!” The two brothers began to fiddle with the excess skin hanging from Tubbs’ frame, joking and laughing the entire time. Tubbs began to laugh at the absurdity of the situation himself, going so far as to fall into a hiccup spell. Each hiccup lightened and heightened his voice, as if helium had snuck its way into his lungs. What used to be a tired, raspy old leather boot of a voice became youthful and jovial- a permeating aire of slow-wittedness flowed freely from the brash new vocal cords.

“Haha yeah man. Look at it jiggle!” Tubbs wiggled his arm, watching the skin sway from side to side before slurping it’s way back into tightness. Within moments, he was lean, fit and donned an unblemished, youthful glow. The Keohokaii boys stood by, thrilled at the regression and simultaneously eager for the next phase. Tubbs took yet another puff of the blunt, and his normally dull brown hair began to lengthen and wisp downward past his shoulders, all the while lightening to a sunkissed golden blonde. 

“Huuhh huhh huhh, bruh love the luscious locks.” Tubbs flipped his hair back in an uncharacteristically cocky and lackadaisical manner. His brows furrowed, his lips plumped, and within seconds Tubbs was unrecognizable. This face was the face of a nearly braindead surfer dope; strikingly handsome though he was, it was evident very little was going on upstairs. All the while, downstairs, he felt his endowment grow from the euphoria of the experience. Inch by inch the member grew to an impressive length and girth before tearing through the confinements of his pinstripe suit. 

The boys wasted no time in getting on their knees to help expedite the process. Taking turns rotating from balls to cock, they worshipped, sucked, sniffed, and licked every surface of Tubbs’ growing groin. The former judge sighed in contentment, leaning back in his chair and smoking his blunt as his feet burst through his wingtip shoes. Physically, even genetically, this was no longer Judge Tubbs. This was Quinn, just as the two had predicted. 

The tattered remains of Tubbs’ suit were tossed aside, as Quinn pulled Kai into a passionate, albeit sloppy kiss while Makoa continued on his engorged cock. Thrusting his sensitive branch deep into his bro’s throat, he knew the end was close. A rapid frenzy of moans, cries, and gulps followed the tsunami of cum which rushed out of Quinn’s cockhead; with it, went the very last remnants of H. Quinlan Tubbs. The judge’s reign of terror had ended in the best way possible.

“Whoa, fuck man. You sure do know how to suck a cock don’t ya.” The two brothers tossed him a duffel bag filled with their hand-me-down clothes, perfectly sized for a surfer bro of their stature. After a quick change in the bathroom, three dumb, dopey surfer bros walked out of the Honolulu Courthouse toward the beach; all of which were finally free.

If you liked this smut, please support me on my PATREON to make sure this keeps going. 

[tomeandflickcorner]

Umbrella Academy Rewatch 1x01

With the second season of Umbrella Academy approaching, I figured I should have a rewatch of the first season again.

Of course, we start at the beginning, with us being told that on October 1st, 1989, 43 completely unrelated women around the world miraculously gave birth at the same time.  This event was particularly unusual since none of these women had been pregnant when they’d woken up that morning.  We’re also told that Reginald Hargreeves, an eccentric billionaire and adventurer had attempted to adopt as many of these miracle babies as possible, even going so far as to approach the mothers directly and paying them to allow him to take their baby. away.  In the end, he managed to obtain seven of these unusual babies and brought them to his estate.  As it turned out, each of these seven babies had seemingly been born with a unique superhuman ability.  Luther (AKA Number 1) possessed super strength.  Diego (AKA Number 2) could control the trajectory of any object he throws, with his preference being knives.  Allison (AKA Number 3)  can manipulate people’s actions simply by saying the words ‘I heard a rumor.’  Whatever she says after those words will actually happen.  Klaus (AKA Number 4) is basically the kid from The Sixth Sense.  Number 5 (who never received an actual name for reasons that I’ll explain a little later, can teleport/time jump.  Ben (AKA Number 6) can essentially summon Lovecraftian horrors from his body.  And finally, there’s Vanya (AKA Number 7).  She allegedly doesn’t have any special abilities, so she was always left out when Reginald meticulously trained the others to be some sort of elite superhero team in the vein of X-Men, with the building they all lived in being treated like a school called The Umbrella Academy.

Of course, the main story actually begins years later, when the Hargreeves Siblings have all grown up.  And grown apart as well, as each of the siblings have, for the most part, put their old lives behind them and have therefore become estranged from one another.  In an opening montage, we’re introduced to the now-adult Hargreeves Siblings.  Luther, for reasons that are revealed later on in the show, has spent the past four years on the moon.  Diego has become a vigilante.  Allison is now a big movie star with a legion of fans. Klaus is a drug addict, and is pretty much in and out of rehab.  And Vanya is a violinist who hopes to make it into a major orchestra.  As you might have noticed, there are two of the Hargreeves Siblings that haven’t been accounted for.  As the episode explains as it progresses, Number 5 mysteriously disappeared 17 years prior, and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.  And Ben has died for reasons that are as of yet unknown.

As the opening montage wraps up, Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus and Vanya all learn that Reginald Hargreeves has suddenly passed away.  So they all return to his old estate to attend his funeral.  Though, upon arriving, it’s made very clear that Diego is not the least bit pleased to see Vanya.  It turns out that, at some point, Vanya wrote an autobiography about her life growing up as the odd one out among the others.  And she apparently revealed some of the Hargreeves family’s deepest, darkest secrets within her autobiography.  So this has pretty much further ostracized Vanya from hier siblings, particularly Diego.  Though Allison seems to be willing to look past that in light of the current situation.

Anyway, the next few minutes of the episode allows us to get to know our main characters, and how they interact with one another.  Diego, as we’ve established, isn’t very pleased to see Vanya, which does’t help with how she already felt like an outsider amongst her siblings.  And Luther also seems mistrustful of Klaus, though this wasn’t entirely undeserved, as he stopped Klaus from trying to pocket some of Reginad’s old trinkets.  Off hand, only Allison seems somewhat normal, as she responds with reasonable softness to each of her long-lost siblings.  However, it seems even she has some sort of baggage, as she admits her husband filed for divorce 8 months ago, and her now-ex-husband has full custody of their daughter, something that clearly upsets her a great deal.  During this whole sequence of events, we also meet Grace. who was, for all intents and purposes, the Hargreeves Siblings’ mother, and Pogo, the family butler who is, to put it bluntly, an anthropomorphic chimpanzee.  (Just roll with it.)

As the episode progresses, Luther makes it clear that, despite the autopsy report stating Reginald died of a heart attack, he suspects foul play was involved somehow.  He points out that Reginald’s signature monocle was missing, and he and suspects that somebody took it.  And if somebody took the monocle, it meant that Reginald hadn’t been alone when he died.  Of course, Luther’s attempts at sharing this theory with his brothers and sisters goes poorly when he clumsily makes it sound as if he suspects one of them might have murdered Reginald.

In spite of the tangible rift between them, we do get a small indication that there’s still a deep-rooted bond between the siblings when Luther plays a vinyl recording of Tommy James and the Shondells’ I Think We’re Alone Now.  Even though the five siblings are all in different rooms, they all are shown dancing to the same song.  It’s a particularly enjoyable scene, particularly when the camera pans out to what I call ‘the dollhouse shot.’

However, the dance party is interrupted by a sudden disturbance out in the courtyard.  When the five siblings run outside to investigate, Luther surmises it’s some sort of temporal anomaly.  (Lucky guess!)  As they watch in confusion and bemusement, a figure emerges from the time portal.  To everyone’s amazement, the figure is revealed to be Number 5, who hasn’t seemed to age a day since the morning he vanished 17 years ago.

The Hargreeves Siblings convene down to the kitchen, where Number 5 fixes himself a snack.  As he proceeds to make himself a sandwich (peanut butter and marshmallow), Number 5 explains his prolonged absence happened because he went against Reginald’s instructions and attempted to travel through time, resulting in him getting stuck in the future.  And, while it’s been 17 years since his disappearance for the other Hargrees Siblings, it’s been 45 years for him.  But he managed to finally find a way to return to the present day through some technobabble explanation.  But for whatever reason, while his consciousness remains that of a 58 year old man, his body has regressed to that of his 13-year-old self.  Although, he doesn’t really explain anymore than that and simply walks off, leaving his brothers and sisters to take it all in.

Of course, it then cuts to the funeral service, with everyone gathered out in the courtyard to pay their last respects to Reginald.  But of course, drama erupts when Diego begins an emotional rant about how Reginald was a horrible man and father.  Which wasn’t entirely off the mark, as we see through flashbacks that he might have also conducted experiments on the Hargraves Siblings.  Here, it’s also revealed that Reginald never gave any of them their names and had simply referred to them by their individual numbers.  It was their mother, Grace, who had given them their actually names.  (Which does explain why Number 5 doesn’t have a real name like the others.  He must have vanished to the future before Grace began issuing names)  This ultimately leads to a fist fight breaking out between Diego and Luther. In the ensuing fight, the statue that had been erected in the late Ben’s memory is broken, and Diego ends up throwing one of his knives at Luther, leaving a bleeding gash in his arm.

So, things are clearly still strained between the Hargraves Siblings, who all soon part.  Vanya is the first to leave, with only Pogo seeing her off.   Diego heads off soon afterwards (with Klaus tagging along).  Number 5, however, retreats to a local doughnut shop called Griddy's Donuts, hoping to get a decent cup of coffee.  But before he can begin his drink, he notices a group of men armed with guns entering the shop.  Number 5 doesn’t seem to be the least bit surprised by this, simply remarking he thought it would take them longer to find him.  The leader of the armed men instructs Number 5 to come with them.  But Number 5 chooses to not cooperate.  And he proceeds to utilize his teleportation skills to meticulously kill every single one of the gunmen, as Istanbul (not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants plays over the scene.  Once all the men are dead, he calmly cuts into his arm with a discarded knife, putting out what appears to be a tracking chip.  With the tracking chip removed, he calmly walks out of Griddy’s Donuts, as the poor waitress (whose name will be revealed to be Agnes in later episodes) peers over the counter at the remaining mess and dead bodies, completely shell shocked.

As the first episode wraps up, we see Diego has Reginald's missing monocle, though it’s not clear at this point how or why he has it.  We also get our first glimpse of Ben, the deceased member of the Hargraves Siblings.  Even though he is dead, he is present in the show as a ghost.  Though only Klaus can see and hear him on account of his ‘superpower.’  As for Vanya, she returns to her apartment, where she is shocked to find Number 5 has broken in.  Vanya is quick to spot he’s bleeding (on account of his self-inlicted cut), but Number 5 virtually waves away her concern.  He tells her that he’s decided to share some vital information with her, since he feels she’s the only one he can trust.  Throughout the episode, it was implied that Vanya and Number 5 had been rather close as kids.  For instance, after Number 5 had vanished, Vanya had made a habit of leaving out peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches for him every night, because she didn’t want him to go hungry if he ever returned.  As such, Number 5 tells Vanya that, when he jumped ahead in time, he learned that something catastrophic will happen in the future that will effectively wipe out the entire human race.  While he wasn’t sure what exactly caused the apocalypse to happen, he was able to determine the date it occurred- exactly eight days from the present date.   Vanya takes this bombshell surprisingly well.

Well, that’s quite an opening episode.  We got a group of siblings with a strained relationship, a suitable mystery on our hands and a fast-approaching end of the world. Not to mention the whole weirdness the show just expects us to accept with no actual explanation.  All in all, this episode does effectively rope you in, leaving you with a bunch of questions that you want to see answered.

Additional things of note:

Grace is revealed to be a robot.  Which explains how she sometimes seems to be out of it at certain points in the episode

Vanya is taking what appears to be a prescription medication 

The exploits of the Hargraves Siblings as a superhero team led to them having a certain level of fame.  There were even comic books made about them in the show’s reality.

Even though Luther made him drop Reginald’s trinkets, Klaus still managed to make off with an ornate box with currently unknown contents

[fabulouslyaverage]

Theodore - Four Months Old

We have officially exited the forth trimester! I wouldn’t say we left it unscathed but doing the whole infant baby thing with a threenager in tow is a feat all on its own. But I digress because its gone and over and now we enter the fun parts like sleep regression and teething! More on that below...

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Routine: So mommy’s been back at work full-time now for a little over a month and our routine is chugging along pretty smoothly! Weirdly enough though, the predictability of our mornings has become my favorite thing. And here I thought it would be a struggle of major proportions.

I try to get my day started by 6:15 a.m. to pump and apply my makeup simultaneously. I portion out Theo’s feeding for the day, prepare my lunch, brush my teeth, get dressed and then get Remy ready (brush teeth, get dressed, comb hair) for the day. By this time Kevin is either just getting in the shower or just getting out. Remy sits and watches an episode of Paw Patrol while dad is getting ready and I’m changing Theo’s diaper and get him dress. Once Kevin is dressed that’s my queue to head into work. In the time before daddy takes the kids to school and daycare, he feeds the kids and that’s our morning!

We’ll actually be starting him at a new in-home daycare at the end of the month. I’m very weary about it but have met the person that will be caring for him and she seems nice. We’re going the in-home daycare route for Mr. Theo in an attempt to save money. Enrolling him at the daycare Remy is at would be an additional $400 we do not have. My thought is that we’ll transition him over once Remy is in kindergarten. 

Napping/Sleeping: I’m pretty sure we’re going through some sort of sleep regression or the little dude is teething. Or both. There was a week though, that he slept through the night and it was a glorious week. But it’s over now. He is waking up at least once a night to nurse and is being more fussy than normal which is making it harder for me to get back to sleep. Also, I haven’t transitioned him into his crib yet but it will be happening within the next month or so.

Eating: Theo is still talking five ounces of breast milk every three hours. We tried upping his intake to six ounces but he wouldn’t finish it all. The stock pile of milk is still growing. Pretty soon there won’t be anymore room in the freezer...

I think we’ll be introducing baby oatmeal next month or two, so that should be fun and messy!

Growth/Health/Development: Little man is in the 30th percentile for weight weighing in at 14 pounds flat. The doctor was a tad bit concerned about his height. While last month he was in the 68th percentile for his age and length this month he dropped to 38th yet he still grew an inch and half coming in at 25 inches flat. Theo’s dome tho is massive coming in at 16.5 inches around putting him in the 55th percentile. 

Homeboy is fitting in to size 2 diapers and is in 3-6 month clothing nicely! A ton of his clothes have been packed away cause he’s grown out of them and I’m looking to add a few more winter pieces to his wardrobe, without going overboard of course. Just gotta wait for the right sale! 

Theo still hasn’t figured out how to roll on his back but he’s getting close. He has however mastered scooting like a worm. It is the cutest thing ever! Will Mister Man crawl sooner than his sister? Maybe. 

Social:

So much drooling (because of the teething), his fists are always in his mouth

He is such a smiley baby, especially in the morning

He likes when you play with his feet and his thighs 

I think he answers to his name! If you call out for him he turns to face you, and even looks for Remy when we call out for her name

If he’s not in his Zen Swaddle (which only happens during day time sleep), he sleeps with his hands over his head

Some of his hair is coming out blonde, I’m not quite sure how I feel about that...

He blows raspberries like a pro

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