#I think chemistry is s’cute
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raybeetle · 1 year ago
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rotiation benzatropine..... ❤ oneirogen
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hismercytomyjustice · 6 months ago
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I once again find myself yelling at the tv today.
This is what happens when my husband is traveling for work.
…and also when he is at home.
Bridgerton and Helluva Boss spoilers below the cut!
This post is also basically borderline gibberish, so 🤷
BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 SPOILERS AHOY!
THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN THAT MAN PICKED UP LADY BRIDGERTON’S…handkerchief? I don’t actually know
BUT OH MY GOD
LET HER FIND LOVE AGAIN GODDAMMIT
Tho ngl part of me kind of shipped her and Lady Danbury but that would be a little weird what with the events of the Queen Charlotte series… STILL. I’m glad they’re at least besties.
BUT OMGGGGGG. I am so excited for her to get another chance at love!!! 😭 God the scenes in the Queen Charlotte series and the 2nd season with her broke my heart.
I also have such a soft spot for multiple great loves in one’s lifetime idk I am a sap like that. I’ve seen it in my own family and my in-laws and I just find it so sweet and bittersweet.
AUGH I AM JUST SO HAPPY AND I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MORE WITH THIS MAN
It’s possible they actually do introduce him but I paused the episode like right after so lol I am as yet in the dark
Also I LOVE seeing Colin realize he caught feelings. Especially after Pen has pined after him for so long.
WELL WELL WELL HOW THE TURNTABLES
But omg her having to write about herself HURT MY HEART
I was wondering how they were going to mend fences somewhat with her and her struggles with Colin and Eloise and DAMN she went straight for her own jugular
THAT’S NOT SELF-COMPASSION PEN!
Ugh there is so much sweetness this season so far that I’m gonna get cavities T_T
I love getting to see the characters get to play more and be unabashedly themselves
I am a season 2 super fan lol. It’s been so nice getting to see more of the fucking phenomenal chemistry between Kate and Anthony
I love them so much T_T
I love Lady Danbury too. And that we’re getting more of her friendship with the Queen because MY HEART THE FUCKING PREQUEL OH MY GOD IT WAS SO GOOD
T_T her love with George gives me life and also SO MUCH SADNESS
Lol it’s also a little weird watching this because I live in Charlotte, NC which consists of Mecklenburg County both of which are named after the queen lol
We are ~the Queen City~ literally. That is Charlotte’s literal nickname.
HELLUVA BOSS SPOILERS AHOY!
I pretty much watched the entire two seasons over the past two days
I wasn’t sure how I was gonna feel about it after Hazbin but I loved it in a different way
love Stolas so much T_T he is such a sad little bird man and CAN HE AND BLITZO JUST BE BOYFRIENDS AND GIRL DADS OKAY?!
also as soon as his dad showed up I was just like “wait one goddamn second, JAFAR?”
And it was! But I recognized him from the Broadway and then I fucking found out he had basically been Jafar since goddamn 1992???? I had no idea it was the OG Jafar in the Broadway Original Cast recording
I also really love the portrayal of Lust and his relationship with Fizz (I am too lazy to look up the spelling of his name). Just s’cute! And god the panic attack he had…ouch. Lol I really felt him on the thought spirals too. WELCOME TO THE CLUB!
Ngl Blitzo annoyed tf out of me at first but he really grew on me and PLEASE LET THEM BE BOYFRIENDS AND GIRL DADS OKAY
the episode of them as kids omfggggggg so goddamn CUTE
I also love Millie and Moxxie or however you spell it
Of course I was gonna that’s literally Invader Zim right there but omfg they’re so cute and I love how stupid in love they are
just nauseatingly so and in such a good way
I literally watched Hazbin for the first time like…2 or 3 weeks ago? And have been obsessed since. Alastor is my fave but Stolas from Helluva is right up there with him
I am BASIC OKAY
I actually only watched Hazbin because Spotify played some of the music for it on my daylist and I got hooked and now I’ve been listening to electro swing and I didn’t even think I liked jazz but then I realized I like a lot of jazz vocals from other stuff so it fit really well
~It’s all gibberish from here folks!~
I love…idk how to word it…like unique instrumentals? Which duh jazz, but I’ve never been a huge brass/band type instruments person
I played violin, strings are my fave
Except for the organ and the harpsichord omfggggg god I love me some fucking organ and harpsichord music
I am a SUPER COOL AND FUN AND EXCITING PERSON OKAY
lmaooooo
Ngl growing up going to church the organ music and hymns were my fave part
I don’t really go to church anymore, but damn if I don’t miss the music. Lord of the Dance is my fave hymn of all time and I used to get SO HYPE when we’d sing it
Communion was always the best too because we just got to sing hymns the whole time lol
If I’d stuck with church I’d def be in the choir now because I LOVED IT
One of my fave church memories was when I was a teen and they had a session where everyone got together and just sang favorite hymns
But I mostly stopped going to church because of how fucking toxic the folks at my church were (in addition to all the problematic shit about gender/sex and the rampant Christian hypocrisy etc) but it’s hard to escape church in the south
I drive 5min down one road and pass like 10 churches which is not much of an exaggeration because there is literally like one on every corner down here
Also found out the other day that the denomination I’m part of JUST removed the ban on lgbt preachers??? Didn’t realize we still had one, so that was a bummer, but hey at least they got there in the year of our lord 2024…..
Continuing on the church tangent I’ll never forget the time we had Baptists come to our door when I was in high school to try to share the good word and I told them I was Methodist and they just looked at me in borderline disgust before leaving 💀
Or the time the MORMONS CHASED ME when I was trying to go pick up food for my dog 💀💀💀
I saw them a few stores down and started power walking and they started hustling and I was just like “am I genuinely being chased by Mormons right now???” and I was!
To each their own, but I am not interested in being converted kthnx
I’ve got a lot of complicated stuff already with Methodism so I’m good on the religion front! Still consider myself Christian but don’t feel the need to harass other people about it! Or to evangelize! Or to actually go to church! But again, I live in the south so church in general is still very much present in the lives of my loved ones and nigh inescapable
Lmaooo no one is gonna read this monstrosity of a post but goddamn can you tell I didn’t take my adhd meds today and that my body has refused to sleep for like two weeks now!
So of course I’ve been having ocd spirals of “this is it, we’re an insomniac now, we’re never gonna sleep again, we’re gonna die from never sleeping again, it finally fucking happened” 🥰
Yaaaaay I need to go to bed
And HOPEFULLY SLEEP FOR ONCE
shut UP ocd 🖕
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createdtogetbored · 6 years ago
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Riverdale 3 × 09
Thank you if you read the whole thing ☺️
Archie (finally some alone time)
I love Archie’s self exile thing going on as Jughead said it’s very Luke Skywalker and i always thought he reminds me of him.
Okay call me crazy but i’m enjoying Archie’s escape arc more than others and Kj is doing a great job like i was suprised he plays him so good
I love his psychological fight, the fact that he still strugles with blackhood and that he plays the game. Everything about Archie this episode i loved. I think he has the most evolved one of the cour fore.
Well he looks dead ummmm but we know he is not right??? Right?
Choni
“Stealing from the rich to give to us” well that’s kinda of ironic BUT Toni does need money. And i just love their scene it’s so sweet.
Okay Choni, babies i love you, this whole steeling from the rich is a fun little foreplay for you yes but i hope you’re giving that to the other Serpent as well thank you
Jeronica (finally)
I love the fact Jughead calling Veronica’s underground save house for fun and music beautiful it was a nice touch. It’s so old fashioned in a good way. Josie killed it as always.
I wanna start with their positioning, Veronica standing, Jughead sitting idk i just love that
“Besides aren’t you her ‘king’” 😂
THE IDEA OF SERPENTS WORKING WITH VERONICA WILL SAVE EVERYONE JERONICA SAVES THE DAY IT’S OVER FOR YOU BITCHES Jughead finally you did something right
And those little smiles 😩 literal heart eyes
“Well done, Torombolo” how cuteeeee, writers are playing with us.
Yes i’m a little upset that Reggie was there with them at Pop’s but we were fed well indeed.
With this deal WE ARE GOING TO GET MORE JERONICA SCENES just wait, and Cami also shoots with Galdys as well sooooo 😉
“She is still a Lodge, boy, don’t you ever forget it” loooove that don’t why
“VERONICA LODGE IS NOW UNDER THE PROTECTION OF THE SERPENTS” put this on my headstone thank you
Bughead/ Betty
And i will say this about bughead when they will have passion and chemistry? They act like boring ass married couple? It’s like watching my parents? 🤢
“As your Griffin Queen” omg IT’S TIME TO STAP”
I am really not into this new Alice help, she creeps me out.
Well i’m happy that Betty pulled that plan off with the Sisters, oh wait fuck i-
Now what???
Southside Serpents
JUGHEAD honey if you don’t want any crime on your gang (which is ridiculous) check some facts?? Because your people are not in good conditions they need help from you and you just give them rules instead of help. Seriously they don’t live in the best conditions and no one provides for them but at the meantime “immunity there is strength” right guys??
Do i even have to say Fangs sell those drugs only to protect his mom wtf kinda of king are you Jug?
“The punishment for breaking this code is immediate exhale” bitch ass where does it say that? It’s obviously a tolerable situation.
Okay what Choni did was not the best thing but it’s to Hiram Lodge? Biggest asshole. It’s not smart yes but again they are in a gang. Like sure give them a notice, tell them don’t do it again but don’t exile them. I don’t really care about Cheryl at this matter even though i like her, but Toni IS A TRUE SERPENT, just don’t forget that.
Sweet Pea protecting his bro is s’cute.
“Some leader you are” indeed.
And i’m sorry but Cheryl was being annoying about the whole thing
FANG DOESN’T NEED REDEMPTION WTF
Joing the Gergoyle Gang yea well what if he dies what then?
Overall Jughead still fails to be a good king but he is trying for sure but i still think it’s ooc for him and for Choni what they did was stupid but they are in a gang and Toni needed money so it was fun to watch.
Veggie
Look Riverdale i love Reggie so much why does he keeps getting beat up omg
“Has anyone ever told you you’re a badass?” I see you Reggie you ain’t slick
Yes folks Veronica STILL calls her dad DADDY after all that happened.
Veronic looked UNREAL while singing wow
That kiss was better than every kiss of Varchie 🥰
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shannonwrote · 2 years ago
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First and foremost.. this fic is LEGIT perfection!
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Now. Onto all my thoughts and feels.
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Why are Lucian and Y/N s’cute?! And the ease of their relationship? The fact they laugh so easily with each other, admit hidden secrets (I know faerie wine was involved, but I also know you don’t admit dark secrets to someone you don’t trust.. even when under the influence), and have undeniably sexual chemistry?! I AM HERE FOR IT.
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And as much as my heart belongs to Azriel, I am LIVID he interrupted their moment. They deserved that moment. They deserved each other. There was no bullshit hanging over Lucien and Y/N. They should’ve been allowed to lose themselves in the enjoyment and comfort they clearly find in one another. BUT NOOOO! Azriel’s beautiful self has to swoop in and f-it all up.
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Az and his concern over Lucien being Elain’s mate is so extra. He clearly doesn’t care that Elain is Lucien’s mate. Considering he was making googly-eyes at Elain a few chapters ago. And even if he hasn’t “sunk his cock into Elain,” some part of him clearly wants to. The whole IC has noted how they look and interact when around each other. Idk if he thinks he’s being noble, because she has a mate, but he’s a lying liar that lies if he really wants us and Y/N to believe sleeping with her hasn’t crossed his mind.
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I kind of want to punch Azriel in the face. The way he’s toying with Y/N’s emotions. It’s unfair. I mean, it’s also clear he doesn’t understand his own feelings (*coughmatevibescough*), but the way he’s treating her is uncalled for. He claims they can’t do this because she’s “Rhys’ sister,” but I’m pretty sure Rhys would be more livid with the way Azriel is messing with his sisters heart. Kissing and fucking are one thing. This emotional roller-coaster is something different (and worse).
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I can’t wait to see what happens next! I truly hope Y/N tells Azriel to suck it and goes about her life pretending to be indifferent to him (at least for a little while, because, even with all this bullshit drama, I ship them).
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Although. I do kind of want more Lucien and Y/N. #secretlyshipthemtoo
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Can’t wait for the next chapter! #SOINVESTED #SOHOOKED
Coming Home (Part 6)
Azriel x Reader
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five
Warnings: Lil bit of spice in this part, lads 🌶️🌶️
If I’ve accidentally missed you off the tag list, please let me know so I can add you! ❤️
You couldn’t remember the last time you’d danced so much. The last time you’d laughed like this, beautiful and unguarded. 
Lucien was…a riot. Exactly your kind of person, with his wicked humour forming witty remarks in your ear as he’d spun you round the dance floor, guiding you from one dance to the next. You knew you’d gained some attention for the simple fact that you hadn’t changed dance partners since you and Lucien had joined hands. You couldn’t bring yourself to care.
You’d forgotten what they were like — these parties. Lavish events that went on from dusk until dawn and sometimes beyond, the food and drinks constantly replenishing, the dancing feet of people never seeming to tire. You appreciated the lengths that Rhysand had gone to in celebrating your return; all the streamers and banners and decorations, the pure extravagance of the event that was held purely in your honour.
But at some point, some time in the early hours of the morning when the music continued unfaltered, the marvelling stares and whispers had begun to get a bit too much. Lucien had noticed the dip in your mood, your enthusiasm, straight away.
And that was what had led to the two of you sneaking out of the party together, bottles of faerie wine clutched in your hands as you left the packed throne room behind and wandered together around the Hewn City, the sheer size of it offering you at least a little bit more privacy. No one seemed to have noticed your exits.
Talking with Lucien as you strolled around was easy. You’d laughed, dipping into hidden alleys together whenever people’s gazes strayed to you, pressing yourselves against the walls and trying not to let your fit of laughter echo out as you hid. You felt like two naughty children sneaking off into forbidden places, and it was great. Light and airy and free.
“You know,” You hummed as you strolled beside the redhead, taking a long draw from the bottle in your hand. “I don’t think your mate likes me very much.”
Lucien snorted, prising the bottle from your palm and taking his own sip. “I don’t think she likes me very much, either.”
The two of you were most definitely, gloriously drunk, and perhaps that was why it was so easy to talk about things that usually clenched your heart so tightly. Through your short time alone, you’d both discussed the complex history of your families — him detailing the fraught relationship he had with his brothers, his father, and you dipping into some of the very deep, very hidden truths about your own father. About how you’d always suspected he hated you. How he’d seemed to see your lack of wings — lack of the Illyrian traits that Rhys had inherited from your mother — as a massive disappointment. It wasn’t something you liked to delve into if you could help it; Lucien seemed to make it as easy as breathing.
You hadn’t talked about Azriel, though. Yet.
“There’s truly no hope for you and Elain?” You asked softly; you couldn’t see what it was about Lucien that the middle Archeron sister could possibly have an issue with.
Stopping, Lucien leaned against the wall of a granite-hewn building and took another gulp of wine. “She can barely stand to be in the same room as me.” He swallowed. “And yet, the Shadowsinger merely breathes in her direction and it’s like he hung the moon for her. She comes alive.”
Such sad, biting bitterness in his voice. It was clear, even beneath all the wit and laughter and charm, the love he felt for his mate was a persistent wound that would never heal. You could understand that kind of pain, even if you didn’t have a mate yourself — understand the aching, gnawing feeling that rotted you from the inside while you watched the person you loved fall for somebody else.
You sucked in a deep breath, taking the bottle from him, and let your head fall back against the wall. “I get it. I’ve spent my life watching him pine for females. Firstly Mor — now Elain.” You swallowed a great gulp of the tangy wine you’d stopped tasting hours ago. “But me? Never me.”
Lucien’s gaze was a heavy weight as he turned to you, his intoxication becoming evident in the way his body slumped forward slightly, his shoulder brushing yours. “The Shadowsinger?”
“Mhm.”
“You love him?”
“Wildly.” You grimaced as the last dregs of the bottle disappeared. “Unfortunately.”
“Well.” The redhead blinked. “Fuck.”
You snorted — it was all you could do. Because if you didn’t laugh, you’d cry, and scream, and shout and—
Lucien’s laughter joined yours, an easy, drunken chortle that rumbled deep in his chest and spread infectiously. Within seconds, the reason behind your hysterics was lost. The two of you were laughing because you could, and as Lucien steadied himself against the wall, a lazy grin pulled at his lips. He leaned closer to you — close enough that your faces were inches from each other.
“We’re the rejects, aren’t we?” The breath that fanned your face as he spoke smelled of the wine’s berries, and an impulsive part of you wanted to lean forward and taste it, lick it. Lick him.
“Uhuh. Rejects.” You murmured back, leaning in. You could just feel the whisper of his lips brushing yours, begging you to close that tiny little gap. His eyes roved yours inquisitively, like he was sizing up if you had the nerve.
You did. Or, at least, you would have — would have kissed him with wild, reckless, drunken abandon — had the approaching footsteps not stopped you in your tracks. 
It was a cool clipping of boots against the cobblestoned street, and the whisper of wings, that announced your interruption. The tall, dark figure rounded the corner, and Azriel stilled before you and Lucien.
“Hello.” You chirped casually.
Azriel’s eyes slid to Lucien, flicking over his stance, the close proximity between the two of you. You could have sworn a muscle in his jaw ticked. 
“The party is over.” His voice was short, clipped. “Rhys sent me to find you.”
“Well.” You pushed off the wall. “Here I am.”
Azriel glanced at Lucien again. “I’d get going, if I were you. Keir has been well behaved tonight, but I doubt that courtesy will last much longer.”
For a beat, Lucien said nothing, merely staring back at the Shadowsinger like he was weighing up a snarky response. After a tense moment, he, too, pushed off the wall, and he turned to you, that gorgeous half-smirk back on his lips. 
“Lady.” He addressed you with a swift, flourishing bow at the waist. “I thank you for your company this evening. Welcome back to the court.”
His exit was nothing more than a chilled autumn breeze as he disappeared before your very eyes, leaving just you and Azriel in the dark, quiet street. You weren’t even sure how far you’d wandered from the party.
“Come.” Azriel murmured, turning on his feet. 
You followed.
None of you returned to your homes immediately. 
With the sun beginning to rise as you landed in Velaris, it was Mor who made an executive decision to take you all for an early breakfast in one of the cafes along the Sidra. 
The mood surrounding your group as you occupied a table at the back was one of calm contentment. Undoubtedly, you were all still feeling the effects of the alcohol — probably you more than anyone — but as you chatted over steaming cups of tea and warm pastries, that ever-present weight on your shoulders felt somewhat lighter than usual.
Azriel was the only one who didn’t engage. 
If his presence wasn’t already so noticeable, you may have forgotten he was there, from the way he sat quietly and stared forward, barely touching his tea. You didn’t dare to stare at him for too long, lest you catch that cold, brooding gaze.
With Velaris waking around you, the members of your group began to break off. Amren was the first to go, announcing she planned to sleep for at least an entire day. Cassian practically swept Nesta off her feet and shot into the skies with barely a goodbye. Feyre and Rhys stood soon after that, and not particularly wanting to be one of the last left behind, you accepted your brother’s offer to see you home before he and the High Lady turned in themselves. 
Back at your house, the silence enveloped you. You’d not long moved in, and the smell of fresh paint, of brand new furniture, had a very clinical feel about them that didn’t exactly warm you as you stood in your bedroom, peeling out of your dress. Your only saving grace was the exhaustion beginning to drag you down, hopefully enough to pull you into sleep before your loneliness crept in. Your bed was huge, the unoccupied side of it noticeably empty and cold. 
After barely managing to remove your makeup and change into your nightgown, you fell between the sheets and allowed your eyes to flutter shut, memories of the evening, of your dancing and smiling and genuine laughter, comforting you enough for your breathing to slow, your eyes growing heavy. 
You were just drifting off when you heard it — the dull thud outside of the glass doors that led from your bedroom, out onto the balcony. 
You sat up, suddenly aware of the room darkening — of a huge figure blocking the daylight that had been streaming through in hues of pinks and buttery yellows. 
Azriel stood on your balcony, his eyes meeting yours through the glass. You threw the quilt off your body, not even caring about your flimsy little nightgown as you stalked over to the doors and yanked them open. 
“Do you have a particular aversion to knocking on the front door?” You snapped. “You know — like a normal person?”
Azriel stared back at you, his expression unreadable. His gaze dipped down, taking in the column of your throat. The cut of your figure through the silky material. 
“We need to talk.” He said.
“You could have talked to me at breakfast.”
His eyes, suddenly deeper — heated and hungry — flicked from the peak of your breasts through your nightgown, back up to your face. “No, I couldn’t.”
A small, petty part of you, still hurt from his rejection, from the harsh words he’d spoken to you, wanted to turn him away. To slam the glass doors in his face and climb back into bed like your heart wasn’t thudding wildly.
But you didn’t have that sort of resolve. Not where Azriel was concerned. 
With a soft, relenting sigh, you stepped aside, pulling both the doors wide open to accommodate the span of his wings as he entered with a graceful lope. 
You watched — as he strode in, still in his clothes from the party. He stopped in the middle of your bedroom, his eyes roving over the decor, the various trinkets you owned, the painting Feyre had gifted you as a moving-in present. Slowly, with such lethal precision, he turned on his feet to face you.
“Well?” You pushed, shutting the doors behind you. The cool air certainly didn’t help with the hardened peaks of your breasts. You crossed your arms over your chest. 
“Lucien Vanserra is Elain’s mate.” He said. 
You cocked an eyebrow. “I’m aware of that. Thank you.”
He took a step towards you. “So what were you doing with him tonight? Why did you leave the party with him?”
Studying his face, the realisation dawned on you — the direction in which his mind — and most of their minds — had probably taken when you’d wandered off with the redhead in tow. A small slither of satisfaction filled you as you read the ire in Azriel’s eyes.
You barked a laugh. “You think I fucked him?” 
Azriel shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time, from what I’ve heard.”
“No, it wouldn’t.” You acknowledged with a casual shrug. “But if you had visions of me leaving the party and riding him into oblivion in the fucking centre of the Hewn City, you’re very much mistaken, Azriel.”
“Even still.” That same, telling muscle in his jaw moved. “You were being reckless. Drinking and giggling and flirting with him. Everybody knows he’s a mated male. The kind of shame, of humiliation, those actions would put on Elain—“
“So that’s why you’re here?” You cut him off. “To defend Elain’s honour?” The thought of it left you cold and reeling. 
“I’m here,” He took another slow step towards you, “to advise you to stay away from Lucien.”
Folding your arms tighter, you clenched your jaw. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
“He’s Elain’s mate. Elain’s.”
It was then that the fraught tether on your anger snapped. Perhaps it had been building up since your confrontation at the clinic — or perhaps since long before then. Whatever it was, that well deep inside you that you usually kept sealed, full of longing and loneliness, anger and sadness, of pure fucking love that would never be reciprocated — it spilled over. 
“How many times a day do you repeat those very words to yourself, Az?” You laughed coldly. “Is that how you keep hold of your control? What you repeat to yourself over and over to stop you from sinking your cock into Elain?”
Azriel moved so fast, you barely had a chance to register the flash of darkness. You were lifted off your feet, and suddenly you were pressed against the wall, Az’s body warm and solid against yours as he glared down at you, a guttural growl ripping from the depths of his throat. 
“Watch yourself, Y/N.” He bit.
You almost laughed. Because all of this — every bit of it — you found it thrilling. Seeing Azriel lose his signature cool calm, feeling the way his body pressed against yours and anger sparked off of him in little zips of lightning that snaked their way through your veins and lit you up from the inside.
He was close — so close. His heavy breathing fanned your face, and you could almost hear how hard he clenched his teeth.
“Why should I?” You said — tested him. Such a reckless, stupid game to play, and yet you couldn’t stop yourself.
Azriel’s head dipped. For a split second, you thought…you thought maybe he would kiss you. But then his nose brushed the column of your neck, the fine strands of his hair tickling your cheek. 
“If it were Elain I wanted to sink my cock into,” He said, his voice a deep, vicious purr, “I could have done so long ago.”
Hell — you didn’t doubt his words. You’d seen the way Elain simpered around him, her cheeks a brilliant pink, her eyes vibrant. She liked to play the coy, sweet thing, but you imagined how thoroughly she’d give herself to Azriel if he offered.
So why hadn’t he? Why hadn’t he taken the chance? Simply to keep relations with Lucien civil?
All thoughts, all potential quick-witted responses, had eddied from your mind. He’d beaten you at your own game, rendered you useless with his proximity, his scent. With his nose that continued to brush your neck, the feel of his skin against yours.
You wanted more of it. All of it. To rid yourself of all your clothes and barriers, to feel every intricate inch of him against you.
Azriel caught on to the change in your scent immediately. He stiffened against you as your legs trembled. You wondered if he’d pull away and fly out of the doors without another word — but then his forehead fell against your shoulder, pressed into it, and he emitted a soft, frustrated groan. 
“…Az?” You whispered.
“Don’t move.”
You wanted to listen — really, you did. But you’d never been much good at listening or taking direction. Shaking so hard you thought you may slide out from his grip and down the wall, you shifted your body. 
The tiny change in position told you precisely why he’d said what he had when the long, hard length of him pushed through his trousers, up against your stomach. You sucked in a sharp breath, the exhalation causing you to move against him. 
Azriel struck. 
He ripped his head up, and in one fluid dip, his mouth was on yours, pressing a forbidden, bruising kiss to your lips. 
You didn’t hesitate for a second. You kissed him back — hard, passionate — the kiss you’d hoped for on the balcony on Starfall. The one you’d imagined so long before that, and so many times since.
Azriel’s hands slid to your waist, the warmth of his palms pressing through your flimsy nightgown. He was so big, towering so much over you, that he had to lift you up just to keep your mouths joined. Another gasp had your mouth opening, and he grasped the opportunity while it was there, sliding his tongue in to dance around yours.
Gods — the taste of him, the feel of him — you wished you could bottle every element of that kiss and keep it for yourself. You tangled your hands within the silken strands of his hair, tugging just hard enough for him to grunt into your mouth. 
You breathed heavily against his lips, “I want you.” 
“Mm. No.” He grunted — growled — again. “We can’t.”
The refusal would have stung — if he didn’t follow those two, horrid words with another searing kiss. You let go of your grip on his hair, instead fisting the material of his tunic in your hands as you yanked him closer — harder — against you. You lightly nipped at his bottom lip. 
The gasp he emitted turned into another one of those low, frustrated whines that you swallowed greedily. “Why can’t I stop?”
“I don’t want you to.” You breathed, kissing him again.
He kissed you back — not the heady exchange of passion that it’d been seconds before, but a quick, chaste kiss that he didn’t allow to linger. A peck — but slightly firmer, deeper. He did it a second time, a third, and just as you were about to open up for him again, he pulled away.
You could see the rise and fall of his chest through his black shirt as he stared at you, his bruised and swollen lips slightly parted, his dark hair tousled. 
His eyes swept over you. You could only imagine what he saw — how flushed you probably were all over, how visibly your legs trembled. The peak of your nipples through your nightgown — a reaction provoked solely by him. 
As he stared — and stared and stared and stared — realisation began to dawn in his eyes. He blinked, as though stepping out of a trance. Touched his scarred fingers to his lips and gently pinched them, as though he couldn’t quite believe what they’d just been doing.
You knew that look — the one of regret that was rapidly emerging from the one of desire. He blinked again. Took a step back. 
“Az…” You murmured, daring a single step towards him.
He shook his head. Shook himself out of his thoughts. His face looked truly shell-shocked. “I need to leave.”
The punch to your heart was palpable. “Please don’t skip out on me now.”
“I have to leave.” He said again. In stiff, stunned movements so unlike his usual grace, he stalked back over to the balcony doors. 
What could you do besides watch him? Even with your heart shattering inside you, that painful sting of something being dangled in front of you, just for it to be ripped away, you couldn’t stop him from running off into the morning light. You couldn’t begin to think of how much worse you’d make things if you tried.
Az ripped the doors open once more, and he turned his body just slightly. Just to look at you once more. A frown had darkened his features. 
Without a word, he stepped out, and took a huge leap off the balcony, his wings carrying him off into the distance.
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