#I think I’m just frustrated that I’ve done all this work aaaaand. I can’t post it yet

[corellianhounds]

To give you some perspective on how frustrating/satisfying it is to be writing this Mayday story and to be making progress on it the way I am, the Toro Lives AU outline and unposted scenes/progress was started in Dec of 2023 and has about 46k words, not counting the chapters posted (which are about 21k words in total). The rest is outline + notes + scenes and progress.

The roughly four movie outline for the Role Swap AU I started last August has ~34k words

There are more things I’ve written/written down for other projects here and there this whole time, but this adventure/romance fic has amassed 70k words IN THE LAST 5 WEEKS

Where is this writing juice when I try to figure out chapter 5 of the Toro story 😭 Or the last 5% of this first half of the role swap 😭

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #392

“l.a. is where stars come to die”

Do you think there’s anything you did better when you were younger? I think I was a better writer, honestly. Like I've developed in some areas, like being less over-dramatic, but I just think my creativity in wording and such has dulled down. Who was the craziest teacher you’ve ever had? I've never had a "crazy" teacher, honestly. What’s the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else? How should I know? Ask either Jason or Sara. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? I THINK my sister? Teddy had seizures in his old age, too. What’s your favorite car? I don't have one, really. Do you know any HTML or CSS? If yes, how much? I know veeeeery little basics. LIke, I can change the color of shit and that's about it lmao. Do you tend to care about the lives of celebrities? Why or why not? Only celebrities I really really care about, like Mark. What do you think of the scene style? #aesthetic and I will ALWAYS be envious of the hair. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I remember one. What is the highest you have been up, other than in an airplane? On a certain faire ride, I wanna say. Is there any hope of you ever seeing your favorite band in concert? Ozzy does want to do another tour at some point, but he's fighting Parkinson's currently, so it's not guaranteed it will happen. Mom and I planned on going to his last one that was scheduled, but the diagnosis cancelled it. :( What is your favorite non-green vegetable? Uhhhhh I guess potatoes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? I don't think I've even had a non-traditional fruit. Just basic stuff. Have you ever had Swedish Fish? Yeah, I'm not a fan. What is your favorite origami shape? Birds, I guess. Do you usually take the stairs or the elevator? I pretty much always take an elevator if one's available because my legs can barely handle stairs at all. It's agonizing for me. Do you need a key card to get into the building you live in? No. What was the last takeout food you had? I had a burger from McDonald's a few days ago. Do you take the pickle off your burgers? No, I love pickles on burgers. Do you share a bed with anyone? Just my cat. If you’ve read or watched Harry Potter, which book/movie is your favorite? I haven't. What’s the last app you downloaded on your phone? I re-installed DragonVale. What do you know the most about? Meerkats, Markiplier, and Silent Hill, probably. What TV shows can you not stand? What's that stupid show on Adult Swim, Rooster Teeth or something like that? That shit was so dumb. Have you ever tasted your own tears? I mean not intentionally. Sometimes tears just fall down a spot where it happens. Are your legs hairy? I can almost guarantee to you that I probably have the hairiest legs of any woman you've ever met. Do you like Cheese-Itz? I love them! We don't really buy them though because both Mom and I can destroy a box of them. Have you ever built a sandcastle? I have. Did you ever watch Barney as a child? Yeah, I loved Barney, but not as much as my older sister. She literally "married" him, haha. Have you ever had a pet rabbit? No, but my older sis did as a kid. That poor thing died and Ashley didn't know for THREE DAYS. Mom took it out earlier and I guess she wanted to see how long it took Ash to notice? She didn't take great care of it, so. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? Yes, my friendship ring with Sara. To you, what is especially distracting? Tapping noises. When was the last time you did some major cleaning? MAJOR cleaning? Good question. How do you feel about people who neglect their pets? It sickens me. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Nope. When are you likely to lie? Probably when I don't want to seriously hurt someone. What is a personality type that you do not like? I hate people who think they know everything, are unwilling to acknowledge their flaws and work on them, feel they're better than others, are closed-minded, sexist, bigoted, racist... What is a personality type that you DO like? I am drawn to people who are empathetic and try to understand and consider more than just themselves, are caring and genuine, philosophical and think deeply, are calm, friendly, good listeners, and have a light sense of humor. Which of your friends is the least like you? In what way? I actually don't know. MAYBE Mini with her being extremely conservative to a frustrating degree and overwhelmingly religious. We diverge pretty strongly in beliefs that are important to me. How about the most like you? In what way? Sara! We have incredibly similar interests and morals, and we both are wild over animals. When was the last time you felt under-appreciated? I'm gonna be completely transparent here, even though it's uncomfortable to admit. I was very unhappy with the literally two interactions a poem I was really proud of got on dA. Like it was one I was trying to get published prior to just posting it there, so it was really disappointing to feel so overlooked when you worked hard on something you felt came out great. Does anyone take advantage of you or take you for granted? No. Are you taking anyone for granted? I sure as hell hope no one feels like I do. I definitely try to appreciate those I have to the utmost. What is one selfish thing that you do? I prioritize my alone time probably too much. How about something selfless? I'm pretty much always willing to listen to people's hardships and comfort them even if my own mental health is in poor condition. What do you like to do on your favorite holiday? Just be with family and really focus on how lucky I am to have them. What helps you fall asleep? I guess really paying attention to slowing my breathing, but that doesn't always work. It takes me at LEAST half an hour to fall asleep, so I struggle no matter what. Is there anyone you wish you were still friends with now? Megan. I really, really miss her. What is a fear you want to overcome? SOCIAL ANXIETY. UGH. What is something you do not like about yourself, with good reason? I'm lazy. What do you usually cry about? PTSD. Do you like pizza better on the second day? No. What do you like on your pancakes? Butter and normal syrup. Have you ever made up your own emoticon? I don't think so. How do you generally meet people? Online in one way or another. Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York? No. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, "God Hates Your Outfit" by Jeffree Star lmao. Look, it's catchy. Can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar? No. Have you ever wished to be an internet celebrity? How about a ‘real’ one? No. Like I've actually *loosely* considered trying to be a let's player with my love of games, but I don't even want to *risk* popularity; not that I think I'd get to that point, but still, I don't like the chance. Have you ever been kayaking? No. Do you still live with your parents? Yes. Do you believe you will never get over someone? I think Jason will always occupy at the very least a small corner of my mind. I just deal with loss so poorly in general, but that... that breakup was something. What do you order at Burger King? I don't like BK. Have you ever lived by yourself? No. Pretty sure I never could with my depression. What brand cell phone do you have? It's just a Tracfone, lol. Did you ever have a ‘security blanket’ when you were younger? Yes, my stuffed moose. What is your lucky charm? I don’t have one. Have you ever been in a wedding? Yeah, I was a bridesmaid in my sister's. Do you believe in yourself? ehhhhhh What time does your dad usually wake up in the morning? I don't live with him, so I can't say for sure. He's a mailman though, so he gets up early, I know. Who was the last person/people you were in a car with? Mom. What movie do you plan on watching next? I've been meaning to watch Jacob's Ladder for like... over a year, lmao. It served as an inspirational work for Silent Hill, and I know its reputation is brilliant, so I really want to see it. I just... don't really watch movies unless I'm in the theater. When something really scares you, what’s your immediate reaction? Gasp or go "what the fuck" or something along those lines. I can almost promise a curse word is coming out of my mouth, lol. Using song lyrics, say something to your most recent ex: I don't wanna get emotional digging through the songs that remind me of her, so pass, lol. You can only watch 4 TV shows for the rest of your life. What are they? Meerkat Manor, That '70s Show, maybe Pokemon even if I don't watch it anymore (it could be like a comfort show if I'm limited to four), aaaaand I think Ginga Densetsu Weed. Do you think it’s possible for a rap song to make you cry? ... Yes??? There are a couple that have for me. Does the idea of having a baby at your age scare you? I'm not having kids, sooo I don't have to worry about this. What band has the power to make you cry by splitting up? None. I'd be really upset if some did, but I wouldn't cry. Who is your favourite famous person who isn’t a singer, actor, or athlete? Well, I WOULD say Mark, but considering he's officially an actor now... guess not, haha. Uhhhh. Put him aside and I guess maybe Bindi Irwin. I'm not sure.

[gewoon-ellianna]

Let’s talk about JTV...

Yes, you read this correctly: I have returned from my Tumblr slumber to submit my review about the final season of a show I have loved and enjoyed for many seasons: Jane The Virgin.

***OBVIOUSLY THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS POST SO MAKE SURE YOU’RE READY TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES***

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend season 4 was all that either, but at least it still make some sense to me and didn’t anger me to the core. Honestly my face the entire season:

Ever since I’ve watched it - which is almost around a year ago - I still can’t shake off the anger this show has brought me to. While I was watching the series I’ve made a lot of frustrated selfies and notes I later shared with @fmrcheerios​ and I will now share with you all. So let’s begin...

1. When Michael returned we didn’t even got to see a great reunion between him and Rogelio. I mean WHAT?! They used to be the Best Buddies, but even when Michael got his memories back the showmakers didn’t even include a scene like that. Their friendship was one of the cutest in the show and now we’re just going to pretend that never really happened? OKAY.

2. After Michael came back in Jane’s life and she OBVIOUSLY had to figure things out and take her time, Rafael immediately fell back into his old habits. Good way of showing you had like what? 0% character development? Now I know I’m a little bias here since I used to be a huuuuge Team Michael fan, but even since Michael died and Jane and Rafael slowly fell in love again, I could definitely see them being happy and getting married. HOWEVER... after this set back and shocking life event, Rafael reminded me why I was never a member of his team: his absolute horrible behavior. Well done mate, up top!

3. Was Mateo even in this season...? I felt like Jane and Rafael only ever bothered about Mateo when he got in trouble/things were not doing so well. I understand that you have to make choices which scenes you are going to show, but in the last couple seasons Mateo was a very important character. Where he at??? Something I also didn’t get was all the drama about his diagnose? Maybe it’s because I’m not a mother, but I wouldn’t actually cry over such a thing I believe...

4. Alba and Jorge... I mean.........

5. A very important note that I thought I would never say: Michael should have stayed away. His character is not only ruined now that he returned to the show - honestly, I truly dislike his character now - but the only reason they brought Michael back was to tear open old wounds and create a poorly attempt at the old love triangle business seasons 1-3 was based upon. Back then it was a good storyline, but now it just felt stupid, unnecessary and mostly painful. Michael used to be my favorite character in the show, but after the final season I’m not even sure if I would ever want to rewatch JTV again.

6. Something I found quite strange was the absence of Xo and Alba trying to help Jane make her decision between Michael of Rafael. I’m sorry, but didn’t these two legends helped you get through every struggle in life? Guess they were as done with this crap as I was...

7. Around episode 8 it became quite clear how important Michael’s return was: surprise, it wasn’t. They could’ve started the season from this point and no one would have bat an eye about the stupid Michael return plot. It seriously broke my heart to see them not choosing each other this time around and Michael walking away...

8. GOOGLE PRODUCT PLACEMENT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! In episode 9 suddenly all the new Google Phones weren’t here to stay after all? HMKAY...

9. As much as I love LGBTQIA+ representation, I didn’t care a single bit about Petra and JR. It felt like a cheap move to make Petra’s character a little bit more interesting - which wow I didn’t know you could USE LGBTQIA+ to boost up someone’s personality??? I didn’t like it, I didn’t care about them, ROISA FOREVER BABY!!!

10. Talking about Roisa: I was so freaking done seeing Luisa being used like this again... She was finally happy, away from the drama, living her life and she only got used by the other characters to get to Rose... 

11. I love musicals. I really do. IF IT’S MEANT TO BE A MUSICAL SERIES/FILM. Can the CW honestly STOP making these awkward stupid episodes in non-musical series?! Gossip Girl, Once Upon A Time, Riverdale, Sabrina... YOU. HAVE. DONE. ENOUGH.

12. Something I found hilarious was the fact that the car crash scene wasn’t even filmed like ehm isn’t the whole purpose of a series that you like... I don’t know... SHOW IT? I guess the product placement money didn’t come through...

13. Something I mostly don’t enjoy about Jane x Rafael is the constant restrictions and fear she seems to have around him. Everything SHE does is wrong, SHE should apologize, SHE is the problem meanwhile Rafael is supposed to be the perfect man? Sis what? Call me old fashioned, but to keep a healthy relationship both parties are required to WORK for it. Right now, Jane and Rafael almost seem to become the next Jorge and Alba... No thanks honey.

14. Around episodes 12-13 you could feel the RUSH in the plot. I haven’t really took the time to investigate the reasons behind this, but rushing a show towards the final ending seems to be the story of our lives these days... I get that you have to make certain choices, but the first episode with the return of Michael were so insignificant that I believe it would’ve been better to only keep around 2-3 episode in about that stupid hassle and leave it at that. Period.

15. I cried so hard of laughing about Rose her escape scene. Even though I get the idea and it was really cool, the way they filmed it was probably one of the most messy scenes I have ever seen in TV history. On top of that: wasn’t Jane like terrified of Rose and now that she escaped I don’t see her hiding/scared/staying inside? Guess she grew over her fears, good for her!

16. Aaaaand there’s Michael again. And he’s with Charlie. And she’s pregnant. And Rafael suddenly doesn’t think Michael is competition anymore. Wow. Great. What a story people...

17. Besides the wedding being an ABSOLUTE MESS, something I found especially funny was the fact that Rafael didn’t even give a speech because “he had to cry so intensely”. Sure, let’s not pretend you were in a hurry, didn’t get the time to write at least a decent script, had no idea what Rafael would write to Jane and how to top MICHAEL’S speech at Jane’s and Michael wedding because that was freaking perfect... Writers, I’m looking at you! 

OKAY, I had many more complaints to make but this post is already way too long for any regular JTV fan to read I think hahaha. Besides: it’s been quite a while since I’ve watched the show and I’m not ready to watch it any time soon again... If you did make it all the way to the end of this post: please let me know what you thought of the final season. I’m currently a Team NOBODY because both Michael and Rafael were dicks in the last season and Jane was just trying to get through this while obviously being very emotional. Let me know if you would be interested in how I would’ve wanted the show to end and I might post about this in my next Tumblr Talk. 

Thanks for reading, talk to you later. xxx

[elysiumwaits]

Last Line(s) Challenge

So I was tagged by @thepeacering and I’m kinda cheating a little cause I have uuuuh five different fics open and I’m bouncing between them. So here’s five different “last lines.” 

If ever a day comes that I actually stick to the rules of one of these memes, please alert the authorities and search for the pod that took me.

1. Dust to Dust - a complicated during-and-post-Endgame Clint/Darcy fic that deals with grief and mourning and promises made and promises that can’t be kept and all the ones that can. (It’s been sitting for awhile in my brain, but it’s kinda difficult and deals with difficult things).

Clint doesn’t intend to talk to her. This isn’t some kind of reunion, after all. He glances at her, though, just to check that she’s unharmed, and it’s a mistake. Darcy’s eyes are on him, and she’s got blood on her chin where her lip is split. She’s holding a small handgun, a 9mm, the kind built for delicate hands to conceal and carry in purses. Her hands don’t shake as she flips the safety back on after a moment of studying Clint, apparently deeming him not a threat.

God, the world’s changed. 

“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world,” she says, still halfway out of breath. 

2. God, I Like Your Style - Clint/Darcy pwp that is stupidly kinky and features drummer Clint because I have a dumb thing for drummers.

“Yeah? You think you can, huh,” he goes on, low and rough. “Darcy, baby, I play drums for three and half, maybe four hours. Maybe a couple ten or fifteen minute breaks in there. I’m not the ‘quickie to take the edge off and again in the backseat’ guy. I’m the guy who takes your personal best record as a challenge, the guy who isn’t done until you’re delirious with it, until the only words you can say are ‘Clint,’ ‘god,’ and ‘please.’”

“You’re so fucking cocky,” Darcy breathes. One of her hands has curled in his t-shirt, and she’s only now noticing. 

“Ain’t bragging if you can back it up, sweetheart,” Clint says, pulls back to look at her. “Let me take you home, Darcy.”

3. What My Hands and My Body Done - a Stiles/Jackson fic that bit me in the ass and won’t let go, but I’m not sure if I’m gonna keep working on it or let it go. It’s super angsty but in that cathartic way where the healing is messy.

“I’m not going back,” Stiles finally says when he’s halfway through what he thinks might be his third drink. Possibly fourth. The days run together lately. 

“Alright,” Jackson says, evenly.

“You can’t make me,” Stiles adds without looking at him.

Jackson breathes out a sigh, frustrated. “I’m not going to make you, Stiles.”

“I’m just saying,” Stiles goes on. “You’re wasting your time.” The ice in his glass clinks as he lifts it to drink, glancing over at Jackson.

Jackson nods. “Yeah, well,” he says. “I needed a vacation anyway.”

“Whatever,” Stiles mumbles into the glass.

4. The Unnamed Fake Dating Oh My God They Were Roommates Fic - Stiles/Derek, I posted a bit of it not too long ago, and I’ve added a couple hundred words since?

“How do you accidentally lie to your family about dating your roommate?” Stiles demands. He’s not angry, exactly, more just wildly confused and half-convinced that he’s still asleep and this is an insane dream. “Here’s a better question - why, out of everyone that you know, would you lie to your family about dating me?”

Derek shrugs while reaching up to run his hand through his hair, turning in place to look at the kitchen like he can convince it to clean itself. “Mom was going on and on about how worried she was that I was never going to find anyone I trusted after-” He stops, glances at Stiles, who very carefully does not say anything and doesn’t let his expression change. After a moment, Derek pushes on. “So I just said, ‘Well, I have Stiles,’ without really thinking about it, and she… took that to mean that we were dating. I just never corrected her.”

“When was this?” Stiles is officially in damage-control mode, trying to figure out what to do here. Derek winces a little, and Stiles groans. “Oh my God, Derek, how long have we been quote-unquote ‘dating’? When did you have this conversation?”

5. The Coffee Shop/University AU - Stiles/Derek, I have no idea where it’s going past this meet-cute and Derek’s coffee snobbery

“Can I tell you,” the customer says, with a grin Derek can only describe appropriately as ‘wicked.’ “Can I tell you that I was pretty ticked off about my roommate breaking my Keurig until this exact moment? Because now I’m thinking I should give him a gift basket of some kind. One of those fancy chocolate towers or something.”

“I only serve coffee, not looks,” Derek says in a deadpan, and tries very, very hard not to let his mouth quirk into a grin of its own. His own once-over is hopefully much more subtle - jeans, brown hair, moles, flannel tied around his waist, graphic t-shirt of a cat sitting in a taco shell (how the hell does someone even look attractive in that monstrosity), a few years older than Derek’s usual customers. 

The customer snorts and steps forward to lean on the counter opposite Derek, mirroring Derek’s position of arms folded and leaning in. “I beg to differ,” he says, and jerks his head at the glass case. “You also serve muffins.”

Oh god, okay, I’m tagging uuuuh @novemberhush @jmeelee @evanesdust @nightwideopen aaaaand anyone else who wants to do it, I need sleep desperately and I don’t remember who else I wanted to tag.

[sachi-pon]

free! dive to the future episode 8 liveblog/review thing

the new episode is finally here!!!! i waited a week to see this haru/ikuya race. ;___; but i also want to see ikuya and hiyori make up. <3 idk if that'll actually happen in this episode. ^__^U

[note after writing this whole post: i wrote a whole lot this time!!! this is a loooooong post. this is like episode 6, where i also wrote a lot. wow, i am so talkative when it comes to these episodes, haha. if you are willing to read this entire post... THANK YOU!!!!!!! =) ]

my previous liveblogs: (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5) (episode 6) (episode 7)

watch this episode on crunchyroll!! http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-8-metamorphosis-of-the-soul-775639

***

okay, here's hiyori now...

wait why is mako there???

omg, look what just happened. hiyori instantly went into "pretend to be happy" mode. but that's so sad.

sweetie makoto trying to give helpful advice ^__^

mako is watching hiyori start to have a breakdown and he's like "uuuuhhhhhhh this is getting weird"

um, idk if hiyori is interested in hearing more about how great haru is. that'll probably make him mad. ^__^

mako was smart enough to end that convo quickly!!!

let's go haru!!!!!!! you have to win!!!!! ^___^ why am i nervous to watch a swimming race between fictional characters??

haru has magical powers. when he swims, beautiful music starts playing. XD

"can someone really be this free?" YES, IT'S THE TITLE OF THE SHOW.

"all along, i was afraid of ending up alone again. i thought everyone would end up leaving me." awwwwww my heart hurts.

ikuya is having this amazing epiphany just by swimming next to haru XD

"HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH" ikuya's battle cry??

wow!! asahi noticed immediately!!!! o__o

mako and asahi cheering for both of them is so nice and wonderful. they want ikuya and haru to be friends, and that's more important than either one of them winning. (but i still hope haru wins lol)

AWWW HARU KINDA SMILED A BIT!!

haru didn't win??? ;__; but asahi is happy. lol, haru should dramatically pop his head out of the water and say "I LOST!!!!!" like mako did last season.

i just want to say that this whole scene with the race and ikuya's epiphany was done beautifully!!!!! it looked beautiful, it sounded beautiful, it was written beautifully. (rei would approved)

haru finally kept his promise! he really does care. what a sweetheart <3333

NO STOP I CAN'T HANDLE IKUYA CRYING. noooo don't cry don't cry... okay he's crying.

OMG THEY ARE HUGGING. THEY ARE ACTUALLY HUGGING RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES. I CANNOT WATCH THIS, I WILL DIE, this is just too heartwarming. (i have this weird thing about guys hugging each other. it's just too cute)

haru's surprised face when ikuya hugged him hahahaha

so if everything's cool now between haru and ikuya, well isn't that this season's whole plot? hmm oh yeah, there's hiyori. is he happy that ikuya and haru are friends now? because logically, he should feel happy that ikuya is finally feeling better. but i'm sure he's frustrated because... haru.

just seeing ikuya finally smiling and being cute and happy is so precious to me <3333

"it was---" *interruption happens* what was it??????? ugh

i love how haru just immediately answers makoto's question like it's no big deal, lol.

ikuya's embarrassed face is priceless. XD

he wants to become like haru??? let me guess: haru is going to say that ikuya should be himself.

haru is so confused hahahaha

"you might be someone's hero already, ikuya." hmmmmm, who could it be???????

haru didn't say what i guessed he would say. oops lol

as soon as i saw asahi's line appear in the subtitles, i immediately paused and thought, "there, that's going to be the picture for this post." XD i love that line!!

once again, the music is really nice!!! ^__^

haru, of course you're ikuya's hero. you not only literally saved him (when he almost drowned), but you just helped him have his magical swimming epiphany.

awww makoto you are the best <3333 somehow makoto always knows the right thing to say.

hiyori turned around so slowly and dramatically.

hiyori is doing the "pretending to be happy" thing again, which isn't a good sign.

hiyori's like "you love nanase and not meeeeeee *sob* *cry* *wail* "

i love how ikuya's like "i want to swim relays" and then the captain comes up to him and says "hey guess what, i'm giving you a chance to swim in a relay." why can't my life be like that?

see hiyori, ikuya loves you =) <33333

the subtitles said "swim with me, hiyori," but i think that was a mistranslation and the proper translation is "marry me, hiyori."

omg i missed you iwatobi people ;__;

lol, rei and nagisa are stunned because haru (supposedly) only swims free!!!! they cannot comprehend the concept of haru swimming other things. actually, i can't comprehend it either, even though it just happened. XD

gou is like a mother thinking "how did i get stuck with these two crazy twins..."

chappy-senpai???????????????????????????? lol

let's show 100 screenshots of the audience before starting this race.

bazooka? that's the toughest, most intimidating-sounding name you could come up with???

ikuya teasing asahi like they are longtime friends who have never had any trouble in their friendship. awww.

"i don't need you to tell me. i do trust him." awww again. it was kind of a snarky line, but it was still so sweet.

swimming with haru? it's epiphany time!!!

"HIYORRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

hiyori looks cute without glasses. (well actually, he also looks cute with glasses)

yay!!! i was going to be so upset if haru didn't win that. XD

an ominous shadow appears...

WHAAAAAT. WHY ARE THEY DOING THE MAKOHARU THING. don't they know that makoharu has trademarked that?!?!?! XDDDD lol no really, that is too cute.

ikuya remembering the friendship moment from the past is so important! it's a reminder to him of how much friendship he has with hiyori.

haru looks at makoharu copycats hiyori and ikuya and nods in approval. lol

this is such a happy episode so far!!! =) =) =) it must be the end... oh... no, there's still some more left. but, but, i don't want anything bad to happen!!! can we just have a happy episode for the rest of the episode?? and the rest of the season???? no more drama!!! (yeah, like that's gonna happen.)

ugggghhh that moment where hiyori and ikuya both smiled shyly at the same time. please just stab me in the heart. it would hurt less. (i need a gif of this moment immediately!!)

"we'll just have to look forward to seeing what [haru] transforms into." if you've read my previous liveblogs, you know that i'm about to make a joke about haru transforming into a merman. so here you go: haru is going to transform into a merman. hahahahaha

ikuya telling hiyori how beautiful his smile was. this show is trying to totally destroy me.

hiyori telling ikuya that ikuya's smile was his salvation. this show is trying to totally destroy me AND IT'S WORKING.

see, ikuya???? you are a hero <333

oh yeah, the brothers haven't reunited yet!! finally, it happens.

shoutout to whomever it was who painted that cloud in the background. you're a great artist! ^____^

okay seriously. why is this episode so happy??!?!?! i am getting suspicious!! this is a season finale level of happiness. and it's not the season finale. something strange is going on.

natsuya is crying?? once again... i am saying "awwwww."

"i'm sorry for leaving you to look after ikuya." YES!!!! i am so glad that he acknowledged that!!! i mean, i know that he was sincerely trying to help ikuya, but he unintentially put pressure on hiyori, and that added additional strain on hiyori and ikuya's relationship.

aaaaand the scene ends. i am so scared right now. i kinda just want to stop watching the episode right here. it's a good stopping point!! but *sigh* i must continue...

a wild very realistic waterbottle appears.

hiyori makes a new friend ^__^

and here's a scene with haru, mako, and the others. i am sitting here trying to predict what bad thing is about to happen, but i can't think of anything.

haru smiles a bit!! i remember way back when haru used to be that character who never smiles. (mostly back in season 1) so i like that he is smiling more these days.

oh wait... that's the end? i thought there was a bit more time left in this episode. i guess i just estimated the time wrong.

interval. interval. interval. interval.

so that was the preview. wait... there seems like too much time left for just the ending song. *skips to the end of the song* THERE'S ANOTHER SCENE AFTERWARD. i didn't estimate the time wrong after all!!

who is this mystery person with the hat over his eyes? just kidding, i know it's rin.

soooo is rin the bad thing i've been dreading?? XD uhhh well, i don't know what bad thing he would do though. but he will certainly make things interesting. can't wait for next week!!!

ummmm well i just feel kinda tired after that episode. that was a lot to write and a lot to think about!!!! it's just hard to explain how much this show emotionally destroys me. they really did it this time. ouch!!! >__<U yes, i am saying "ouch" even though i'm happy!!! it's just so overwhelming and heartwarming!! <3333 i expected haru and ikuya to get over their conflict in this episode, but i didn't expect ikuya and hiyori to get over THEIR conflict within this same episode! i thought it would be like one or two episodes after this. but no, all the happiness and wonderfulness was stuffed into this one episode. =) i love these writers. they really know what they're doing. since it's the third season of free!, they have become used to the consistent writing style of free!, and by that, i mean that the writers show that swimming means so much more to these characters than just the physical act of moving through the water. it's a symbol of friendship. we (the viewers) know this because we're used to watching free!, and the writers are used to writing free! and they are used to writing about how swimming is a symbol of friendship. haru really does have superpowers!!! he makes everyone have epiphanies just by swimming next to him!! i am so proud of my lovely angel, haru!!!! but... does he have room to "improve?" i wonder what that meant.? ..idk.

i said in one of my previous liveblogs that i kinda wanted to ship hiyori and ikuya, but something was off about their relationship. i had been hoping that they would be able to solve that problem, and then i would be able to ship them. well, it happened. their relationship is no longer "off." now, they're on the same page. they're on the same wavelength. they're literally in the same swimming lane. ^__^ the point is, i saw how closely they connected in this episode, and it was like the connection they had a long time ago. it was so great to see this connection, and now... i ship them!!!!! =D seriously, i do. they are super, super cute. now i want to see fanart, fanfics, comics, you know. i loved the part when ikuya asked for hiyori to be included in the relay, right at the exact moment that hiyori was thinking that ikuya had completely chosen haru over him. hiyori was really, really touched by the fact that ikuya specifically cared about HIM!!! ^__^ but the part that absolutely killed me was their romantic conversation overlooking the pool. they were talking about how much each other's smiles meant to them ever since that long time ago... and clearly, those smiles still have the same importance today... it was just... i don't know what to say. ;___; i don't know what to say about that part except that it was one of the highlights of this entire series (all three seasons) for me.

the next four episodes are going to be a bit strange since it seems like this episode was a good stopping point that wrapped up some major plotlines. it's exciting to see what'll happen in the next four episodes. i don't really know. except... there's sousuke and his injury, so that plotline hasn't ended. and rin's going to do... something. and the iwatobi people are going to do their thing. and of course, haru is going to keep swimming, makoto will keep being perfect, asahi will keep being funny, and hiyori and ikuya will keep being in love. it's going to be a fun rest of the season! =)

[lysspizza]

RWBY Spoilers 12/09/17

Hey there! I messed up and missed last week’s FIRST Member episode, so I’m making up for that by doing two separate posts about each episode today (orrrrr right now and then in 7 hours after I’ve had a good night’s rest lol). This one is currently up on YouTube as of 12/10/17, so there are no FIRST Member spoilers. However, there are major spoilers for the episode if you haven’t watched it, so yeah.

Review under the cut.

For me, the RWBY crew have done a pretty good job of predicting everything I wanted or anticipated emotionally from the RWBY girls. I wanted more about Ruby and got it; I wanted some better individual development from Yang and Weiss and I got that, too. And in this episode, I finally saw some follow-up on how Yang feels after Blake ditched them.

Does it feel frustrating to see Weiss take over for comforting Yang even though Ruby obviously seemed worried about her, too? Yeah, but I’m kinda starting to see a pattern. The same thing happened when Blake was upset in season 2. Ruby was the one who was the most overtly worried about Blake, yet Yang was the one who came over to comfort her. Same thing happened here with Yang; Yang assumes Ruby is coming to comfort her, but in fact it’s Weiss. And later, Ruby finds out later that Yang is okay now and seems relieved, perhaps because she knows that she is not the best at talking about feelings sometimes. She can handle people feeling bad about themselves because she always sees the best in people, but she can’t handle anything more...complicated than that. So yes, that was frustrating to see, but I am starting to trust the writers a little more to address that at a later point. Maybe someday Ruby will actually express some frustration over not being able to make someone feel better--over the fact that all she can do, sometimes, is just hope for the best.

Anyway, that aside, the moment between Weiss and Yang was sweet. We got more insight into Weiss’s background, we got some insight into how Yang’s upbringing affected her relationships with others and with herself, we managed to tie it into how Blake feels about all of it, and then we cut to Blake herself.

The juxtaposition between the RWY girls talking about Blake and Blake herself having her own problems felt...interesting. It ultimately feels like Blake doesn’t want to see those girls again, not for a long time, which is a bit sad because the girls feel her absence keenly. I understand why she doesn’t have time to think about these things, but it felt really cold to go from a scene where the girls are talking about Blake and then Blake just...not thinking much about them right now.

Aaaaand then we have Ilia. Ho boy. Where to begin.

When one of my friends asked me for my initial impression of this episode, I brought up Ilia. They mentioned that they understand why people would feel upset about the misrepresentation of lesbian characters, but to be honest, it’s not even that. I don’t care all that much about Ilia’s politics; personally, I can understand why Ilia would feel cornered into working for the White Fang. I’m not gonna get too much into it, but I think Ilia is supposed to be sympathetic. I do not see her as a one-dimensional “extremist psycho.” 

But I think people are getting this impression because of the very line that confirmed her as a girl who likes girls. People feel creeped out by her behavior because she acts as if Blake owes her somehow, or that Blake deserves this treatment because she rejected Ilia. I can get behind the idea of Ilia being in love with Blake, but did it really have to be revealed in such a fucked up possessive way? Did she really have to act like Blake owes her attention? Or that it’s Blake’s fault that Ilia became this way? The vengeful way that she says “But we can’t always get what we want” makes it seem like she is angry about it, which in turn makes the whole situation feel like Ilia is doing this partly out of spite. And that’s pretty messed up.

It feels a bit like the writers were simply careless when choosing the way they worded this reveal, which sucks because LGBT RWBY fans have been waiting on that long-promised canon LGBT character for a while. It could’ve been fixed easily; maybe instead it could go something like--

BLAKE: I thought we were friends! I thought you cared about me--

ILIA: Of course I cared about you, Blake! I-I cared about you more than anyone... I even... [cue chameleon blush] Even cared about you as more than a friend... But this is who I am. This is what I want. Etc. etc. something like that

I dunno; it feels really obvious to me as a viewer that the way they worded it in the show was pretty bad, but of course it’s easier said than done. We can always wonder if they would’ve caught it if they had consulted some actual WLW, but who knows? Maybe they did? And even if they did, maybe the shock of the reveal would’ve trumped any actual criticism the consultant would have.

Anyway, it’s 3:25 AM and I’m reserving all final judgments for the end, so I’m gonna end this review here. Seeya.

[adhd-ahamilton]

Lams, either canon era or modern AU, 1, 2, 3, 12, 14, 17, 22, 24, 28, 29, 30 (I'm so sorry, feel free to pick and choose from these haha!)

*cracks knuckles*(These are gonna be historical verse, in the context of my ficlets,unless I commit otherwise!) (Also sorry for the wait!! I actually had almost all of this done one the day I said it’d be done, it was just the last 10% that got me lol.)

1. Who is the mostaffectionate?

Alex. For obviousreasons, he’s usually the one to initiate things. (In fact Johnjust kind of straight up basically never initiates through the earlystages of their relationship, because while letting gay things happenis bad, willingly choosing and encouraging gay things is worse to hisconscience. This, uh, isn’t particularly viable of a relationshipin the long term, though.) But Alex is also just the more physicaland touchy of the two of them in general, and is the one more nervousof rejection and needing reassurance. John needs those things too,but not as much as Alex.

2. Big spoon/Littlespoon?

They both do iteither way pretty evenly! They both probably would have a sliiightpreference for being big spoon under normal circumstances, but it’sreally not a big deal and they’re mainly just happy to be close(and warm).

3. Most commonargument?

Heh, I’ve beenthinking about this kind of thing lately but I haven’t quitesettled on much? They definitely seem to be pretty similar people whounderstood each other really well so I feel like they’d be on thesame wavelength a lot. And from the letters they seemed to be prettygood at dealing with each others’ emotions, particularly Ham withLaurens’ depression. But, they both did seem to have various issuesgoing on with their emotions in general, and they were both verypassionate and hot-tempered people with a penchant for being blunterthan they really should. (Also, like, I always imagined Ham being theone to immediately go for the jugular in arguments, but Laurens isthe one who responded to a very mild and possibly imaginary farewell from a good friend by just fucking going off at him about every reason whyhis political views are terrible, so... IDK man.)

So I’m not toosure. Clearly, the situation they’re in as a couple is not an easyone - any people would have to work hard to keep it a positive thingunder those circumstances. Add in that there’s a war going on, andthey’re working day and night and regularly risking their lives,and everything else about the time period... there’s a whollle lotthat would make people frustrated and argumentative.

Though I do thinkthat they probably had at least a few heated discussions aboutpolitics, which may or may not have involved them actually agreeing,but not realising until half an hour in, because they both just takesuch staunch and antagonistic stances.

12. Who initiateskisses?

Alex, for thereasons above~ (Some of the happiest moments for him are the fewtimes John initiates one!)

14. Who kisses thehardest?

John, once he gets abit settled into the relationship. Alex has many reasons to kiss, andkisses in many different ways, but for John, Alex is the first personhe’s kissed who he actually wanted to kiss (with Kinloch it wasessentially handjobs and not much else), and the significance of thatis not lost on him. Kissing, to him, is important.

17. Who says I loveyou first?

Honestly, John isprobably the one who first uses the word in the broader sense ofloving his friend. Alex is definitely the one who uses it first in aromantic sense - aaaaand that’s something that’s gonna happen inan upcoming ficlet, so I shouldn’t say too much more. :P

22. Who cooksmore/who is better at cooking?

I don’t know toomuch about this, but I think that, historical verse, neither of themwould really cook? Like John wouldn’t, obviously, but IDK whetherHam ever really would, either?

So modern AU answer:John doesn’t cook. Has never cooked. Lacked, in fact, the kind ofearly exposure to cooking that teaches you normal common sensethings, like the kind of general temperature range you cook things inan oven at, or to put oil/butter in a pan when frying stuff. He findsthis very embarrassing, but doesn’t really want to practice,because it is very embarrassing and also he doesn’t want anyone toknow. He could give you a decent explanation of the effect ofclassism and the way privilege has allowed him to lack the knowledgeto prepare something he has consumed multiple times a day for hisentire life and needs to survive, though? Which is almost the same asactually knowing how to cook?

Alex DOES know howto cook because, of course, he lacked that privilege. I’m moreshaky on Alex’s background in Joy to the World verse but hedefinitely had extended periods of needing to cook for himself. So hecan mainly cook standard Western individual meals, as well as some traditional PuertoRican stuff he remembers learning from his mum. He’s not, like,super great at it, though? He doesn’t actually enjoy cooking allthat much. It’s just kinda boring to him. And he’s never greatwhen he has to work at someone else’s pace. So he mainly just makessimple stuff. And, y’know, hasn’t always eaten properly, becausea) it’s cheaper, b) he has ADHD and that’s just kind of a thingthat happens when you have that.

24. Who whispersinappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

A L E X. John canbarely bring himself to say normal relationshippy stuff, heh -there’s no way he could bring himself to this. Alex, on the otherhand, would definitely do it. And in fact, given his tendency ofmumbling to himself as he thinks, I feel like he’s the type whowould, if he lets his guard down, just end up muttering streams ofexplicit nonsense during sex.

But I also thinkhe’d do it deliberately? Their experiences with sex are very verydifferent. Alex has had a lot of experience to do it and figure outwhat he enjoys and how to have good sex with another person andexperience pleasure. John...hasn’t. So I feel like Alex would wantto talk a bit, to like, reassure him of the good aspects of it, andhow he’s enjoying it, and to give a lil bit of guidance.

28. What do they dowhen they’re away from each other?

Not very well, bythe sounds of it.;; Which, y’know, again: it’s war. Andcommunication is limited to sending letters back and forth. So it’spretty reasonable.

In general,though... Alexander tends to experience extremes in his emotions, andtends to get very anxious about the people he really cares aboutabandoning him, or not loving him as much, etc. So he tends to obsessa bit when separated from the people he cares about. Definitelycomplains to at least Lafayette and probably just to the peoplearound him in general about the unfairness of it all and how much hemisses him. But at the end of the day, he still has a hell of a lotof work to do, so he does still get on with things.

John, on the otherhand, is pretty much always fighting against rising tides ofdepression in him, and during the war is one of the worst periods forhim. So when things go wrong in general, his brain’s first responseis usually ‘oh. well, I should’ve known. Nothing good ever happensbecause I don’t deserve to be happy and this is just the way theworld is.’ It’s already deliberate work for him to be happy withAlex and in their relationship; when they’re separated it gets alot harder. So he mainly gets sad and distant. But, again, he’salso a very diligent person and he always manages to pull himselfinto working p much as normal, unless the worst of the apathy takesover.

29. one headcanonabout this OTP that breaks your heart

I can never stopwondering what Hamilton must have thought and felt post-Combahee. Wealready know that he was aware that Laurens was tempted by the ideaof suicide. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t have learned of thecircumstances of his death. I wonder what he thought about it. Did hewonder what impact he had on it all? Whether he should have saidmore, or said different things? Or left him alone altogether?

30. one headcanonabout this OTP that mends it

I’m glad that Hamilton didn’t die, then. There’s this strong temptation in all of us to romanticise death, especially in the context of romance - I mean, that’s part of the reason why the Achilles myth still affects people so badly today, right? But death isn’t honorable or glorious or romantic. It’s awful. I’m glad that as sad as he clearly was, he was still able to keep living and being happy and having a whole bunch of children he clearly loved. Even if Hamilton made a lot of mistakes in his life as well, and still died too young, I think Laurens would be really satisfied by how much he did even after his death.

And even before that, they affected one another so much. Who knows how much harder things would’ve been for Laurens if he hadn’t had Hamilton there, reassuring him that he was loved and good and helping him to manage his depression? And it’s so clear how much Hamilton changed by being with him - becoming so much more open to other people. They were so good to one another in their lives. Even if it was cut terribly short, it was still so important. And now, 200 years later, people are still learning about this relationship and being inspired and comforted by it. That’s really wonderful! I mean... in a way, it’s lasted for not just 5 years, but 200, hasn’t it?