#I think I have the opposite problem w portraits

[archbudzar]

outfit sketch

[piercethevenn]

Seek Comfort Where I'm Not: The Black Brothers

Regulus winced at the roaring of his mother downstairs, from the bits and pieces of "WHERE HAVE YOU GONE OFF TO?!" and "YOUR ACTIONS HAVE BEEN NOTHING MORE BUT DISGRACEFUL! YOUR BROTHER—" interrupted by his brother's equally loud screaming "GET OUT OF MY FACE!", it could almost break down his bedroom door.

The younger Black massaged his earlobe with his fingers. He was used to it, really. But it didn't mean that it wasn't any more irritating to him.

He heard his brother's footsteps, obviously as he was stomping loudly like a loose troll. His heart raced as the sounds came closer, soon enough revealing a shadow underneath the door. Regulus stopped breathing completely, but his thought of Sirius breaking down the door and screaming like a beast disintegrated when the shadow remained still.

Sirius was panting like a dog. His blood was still boiling, sweat dribbled down his face onto his leather jacket. It was all because of that wretched woman.

 And only because of her.

 Whatever words she'd throw his way, she can go at it. Even if it's constantly comparing him to his younger brother.

He isn't mad at Regulus. No, never at him. Maybe his mother had some truth to say, maybe he should be ashamed that he isn't displaying a good figure as the older brother.

 Tujours pur

 Yeah, he's not gonna be teaching his brother how to fucking kill muggleborns.

Sirius waited for a second, not wanting to lash out on Regulus for no reason. He decided he would sit by the door for now.

Nevermind. As soon as he turned his head, he saw the face of his mother by the staircase. His face returned loathsome.

Regulus's frown deepened at the growing silence just right outside his door. After a while of fearing the looming dread on the other side, it finally swung open, though unpleasantly deafening.

The figure of his brother marched angrily towards the opposite bed, and hastily buried himself beneath the sheets.

Regulus absentmindedly folded his knees against his chest, quietly staring at the mount on Sirius's bed.

They didn't originally share a room. But their dear old mother of course forced Sirius to share with Regulus. Apparently to 'get him to stop neglecting his brother all the time and learn from him although shamefully'. Her sneer was still engraved in Sirius's mind.

"Siri?" his voice was hoarse as he'd been silent for a while. He continued to watch the lump toss around for about a minute or two before it stopped again.

"What?" muttered Sirius. His tone was irritated yet a tinge of concern was hung in the air.

"You know, she's only concerned about you, Mum." he voice was so small, anticipating Sirius to erupt yet again.

"If you're going to defend her, you might as well stop talking completely, Reg." Sirius snarled at him. They were prone to fighting, of course, like any other sibling would. But it was always about one thing.

"I'm sorry she thinks you're incapable." It was meant to be an apology, really. Unfortunately, the tone that emitted from Regulus sounded as though he was mocking his older brother—and this made Sirius snap.

"I'm sorry you think I'm incapable." Sirius's voice was even louder now, his fists crumpling the bedsheets as he sat up with a scowl. Regulus had only registered the outcome of his words.

Stammering, he raised his hands in defense

“That wasn't what I—”

“OF COURSE IT WAS! That's what you all think, ain't it?”

"Why won't you just listen—" But Regulus got caught in his throat the moment his older brother leapt out of bed in a rage.

"Putain c’est chiant." he heard him spat right before the door slammed shut against the doorframe via spell.

Regulus no longer felt apologetic.

His eyebrows furrowed in fury. This was always the problem with Sirius, he never wanted to hear what he had to say whenever he's angry. His impulsiveness always led to their fights becoming a straight up duel; Regulus continuously on the defensive while Sirius almost tried to blow him up to bits.

A portrait on the wall was suddenly pulled mid air, before crashing into the door where Sirius had just gone. The glass shattered leaving shards on the treshold. And it was Regulus who had done it.

He felt as if he only blinked and the sun was already taunting him through the closed drapes. Regulus groaned when he forced himself to sit up. The groggy fog in his eyes was only starting to dissipate when he recalled the events from last night.

His eyes trailed from his dark sheets to the doorframe. The mess, the painting, it was all gone.

Kreacher must have cleaned it up and stored it somewhere, he thought.

Then his mind went back to Sirius. He wondered if he had ever gone back that night, maybe ran away to hide at the Potters' for a bit. Of course, Sirius doesn't know he knows . But he never told, never saw what he could gain from it anyway.

Regulus expected an insufferable breakfast without his brother at the table. And although it wasn't like their mother kept her mouth shut at Sirius when he was present, he felt comfortable seeing him fill the empty seat.

Of course, he wasn't wrong. A minute in that dining chair and his appetite already left for the day.

Excusing himself, Regulus decided to hike up the attic, in the hopes of finding Kreacher and ask him about the portrait.

As he was drawing nearer, he heard a shuffling from inside the attic. His hopes soared. He gently opened the attic trapdoor and pulled himself up.

To his surprise, it was not their house-elf Kreacher, but a dog. A black dog, its fur was unkept and ears perking all the way up. Regulus must have startled it frozen, because the shuffling already stopped.

Both him and the dog didn't dare make a move.

Regulus wasn't afraid of dogs, just this one who, he did not know how, managed to get into their house.

The dog's nose twitched, it slowly moved its legs towards Regulus, who cautiously watched in curiosity. It inched closer to his shoulders, making him lean back and almost stumble back. Suddenly, it started sniffing on his robes, and started opening its mouth. Regulus's eyes widened, but he couldn't move due to shock. He watched, thinking if Sirius was here, he would've jumped at the dog immediately and drag him back into their bedroom where it was safe. Oh well, at least the last person he saw was his brother-

The dog gave a low, loud, sneeze. Regulus blinked and realize his body was still intact. The big black dog stagged as it raised both of its paws at him, frightening Regulus even further that he was completely sat down on his bottom.

He soon realized the dog was trying to paw off the dust on his clothes?

Once the dog retrieved its steps and sat in front of him, Regulus had finally landed back to earth.

"Thanks." was all he could say. His fingers fidgeted with the hem of his sleeves, awkwardly observing the dog from ear to paw.

"How did you get in my house? Are you an Animagus?"

The dog tilts its head, he swore it was playing dumb.

"My brother's told me all about them. He said you'd have to be registered, but also that there are more unregistered Animagi who turned themselves just for fun. I think I'd want to be one. Is it fun being a dog?" Somehow, he already felt at ease with this dog. Even though he was certain it wanted to eat him.

"If Sirius had been the one to find you, you'd be hanging up your tail by now." Regulus chuckled, but it soon faded when he once again recalls what had occured last night.

The dog was now sat straight, as if it was intently listening. Its tail was wagging side to side rather fast.

"Speaking of, I haven't found him yet. Do you reckon he'd be back for me?" He hugged his knees, resting his chin in between. His eyes averted from the dog to the small attic window in front.

"We had a fight last night, again. I wanted to say sorry, I really did. I just didn't know what came of me, you know? Mum's been awful, I can't really blame him can I? I feel so trapped."

His gaze lowered to his feet, then back to the dog in front of him. It didn't budge, but it was still staring at Regulus.

“Must be nice to be you. Just barking around and hoarding about, aren't you, you lucky dog? It baffles me that you chose this place to break into, there's nothing for you here, Snuffles.”

He snorted. He had no idea why he felt as though they were having a real conversation. But it felt refreshing to Regulus. Finally, a listener who won't blow up on you or constantly tell you you're better off being the heir of the family.

Just then, the dog leapt out of its spot and onto him. Regulus's soul almost flew out of his body. Its head lowered and rested against his feet, familiar eyes looking up at him and down on the wooden floors.

He didn't hesitate to pet it, a smile miraculously found its way on his lips. He may have found himself a new friend.

Their time was cut short by a noise from below—Walburga was calling for Regulus downstairs. He immediately warned Snuffles about Kreacher, looked around for any sign of the portrait (but to no avail), and finally climbed down the attic (he gave Snuffles one last pet).

Dawn had arrived when Regulus made his way back to his bedroom after a long interrogation about his brother's whereabouts.

The creaking door slowly opened, and the moonlit figure of Sirius sitting on his bed startled him for the third time that day.

His older brother looked at him, his expression unreadable. But it was evident he was waiting for Regulus to speak first. Meekly, he only nodded. A huff escaped from Sirius's chest and the younger one cleared his throat.

 "Where were you?" he eyed his brother skeptically.

"Out." he cocked his head, motioning to the window.

“How? It's pretty high from here.”

“Broom.”

“Mum chained yours to a wall.”

 Sirius groaned, admitting to his defeat silently.

And then it became awkward. Sirius started to play with the ring on his finger, catching Regulus's eye. He noticed his brother's fingers contained fresh, small cuts.

As if reading his mind, Sirius bent down from the edge of the bed and pulled the overflowing sheets up, grabbing for something underneath.

Regulus almost lost his very few thoughts, when Sirius took out a large frame from under his bed and presented it to Regulus.

It was the portrait of both of them—once hanging on the wall of the bedroom before being thrown to pieces. The glass shards had been spellotaped, it looked real messy. But Regulus felt nothing but relief, and somehow joy. His heart forgave Sirius, they both would, to each other, over and over again. Yet he wondered how many more it would take for them to be a normal family like what his dreams would show him.

───〃★

INSPIRATIONS & CREDITS Art Credits, Plot Inspiration: @ sophithill https://x.com/sophithil/status/1825239670294495368/photo/1 https://x.com/sophithil/status/1825239676422394289/photo/1 Prompt Credits & Inspiration: @ strgaeze https://x.com/strgaeze/status/1913275931734716741

[norththelemon]

dude. your painting skills are so insane. 🙏😫 my question is: do you have any tips as far as mixing colors for skin tones? That's my biggest problem when it comes to painting w/ actual paint. Is it one of those "paint what you see, not what you 'think' you see" kind of things?

Dude Thank you So much!! What media are you using?

I have kind of a lot of answers to this question😅 I’ll try to make it make sense. But to start, yes it is kind of one of those ‘paint what you see’ things. So I’d recommend mixing your colors on a neutral gray pallet rather than a white one if you’re struggling with getting the right shade on the pallet.

Another thing I’d say really helps is just practice with your chosen media a lot. Once you’re really comfortable with your pigments you’ll get to where you just know what mixes in what ways. For example I’m using gouache and I just happen to know that the orange and vermillion mixed with white lightens to these creams that seem to work with warm toned skin really well. And I just learned that from a lot of practice and trial and error. Don’t be afraid of color, even if you think you seen just a hint something in your reference, put it on your palette. Think you spot just a little purple in the shadows? Go for it see what happens. You can always paint over.

With paint, make sure you’re desaturating your colors with their opposite on the color wheel. This makes for more natural looking colors. Orange + a tad of blue + white will lighten to a skin tone. Red + green makes really natural browns. Another good shade for skin is yellow ochre, it mixes with white to a cream. You can warm it up with red+orange and you’ll have a skin tone. Skin is very nuanced so you’ll have Lots of different variations of color all over it, those are just starting points.

The last thing I wanna say is I don’t like to blend much in my paintings. Dunno why. So my portraits are just lots of color built up, and I’ll splash a really saturated yellow in, and layer more natural colors in, and do lots of layers on the darkest areas, and so on. So my final tip is if you don’t have the right tones right away, don’t worry! Just keep trying and keep building it up. You won’t overwork it as quickly as you might think.

[consistentsquash]

Fic Meta Friday

But like budget/mediocre meta. Not deep and probably pretty wrong.

Thinking about three Snape centric shortfics which flip/subvert gender roles and “birth” by using magic in super creative ways I found really interesting.

Birth in quotes because it’s definitely not the biological concept but more like creating life with magic.

Like a tree giving birth to a lamb!!!

Anyway I saw this pattern of magically creating life w/o biology in three fics by eldritcher over the last year. The concepts and how that affects the gender roles are super interesting! For me ofc. YMMV.

Idk why this is super interesting for me. Pregnancy fics are a squick for me but I really love how the process of creating life is deconstructed/changed. It just feels like a really cool/novel exploration of what magic can do, but also why this is taboo/forbidden.

Also really love the ethics/morality/consent implications. I actually feel creation/resurrection of another life is more interesting in magic fics compared to immortality like the Philosopher’s stone which doesn’t really have the same type of ethics/morality/consent problems. Of course Voldemort is a different case because his immortality happens by killing folks.

Trope - Creating life from Clay

Golem

TL;DR - Snape creates McGonagall.

Snape creates a McGonagall golem and brings it to life. With the power of love. Also with the power of some really creepy dark magic. He creates a golem with clay from a marsh which contains bones/remains of dead people/animals + sleeps with it which makes the golem come alive. But not just that! He uses Polyjuice with her hair and becomes “her” when making/making out with the golem. A statue coming alive is the obvious trope. But I found it super cool how the creation needs this more feminine magic from the creator to “birth” life in the golem.

Trope - Death pays for life

The Lone and the Leveled

TL;DR - Snape tries to birth Lily.

I mean birth in a super vague sense. Because it’s definitely not the biological concept. Snape sacrifices himself with some ritual to “birth” Lily based on how a tree births the lamb in the Lamb of Tartary myth. Of course this backfires. Which is something I really like. Because magic of this type should come with serious consequences. Also never forgetting Snape as The Lamb of Tartary stuck on a tree!!!!

Also check out this really cool art about The Lamb of Tartary myth by McGill/Hannah Comb.

Trope - soul birth

Soul birth? Spirit? I don't actually know what this trope is called. Sorry.

Womb

TL;DR - Portrait!Phineas births Snape.

Super Slytherin Phineas cares about his legacy going on. He tries to resurrect Sirius from the Veil and it doesn’t work. Maybe this is about how blood legacy isn’t the most important thing? Next attempt is him resurrecting Snape and it kind of works. Because they are the last Slytherin headmasters and they both have that as a big part of their identity. The process is really interesting. Like one portrait having this umbilical connection to another portrait and then feeding it magic to the point where it can become “life”.

Anyway. Love it when fics gets so creative especially about using magic to subvert biological things like pregnancy.

I don't think this type of magic is actually in character for the magic in the HP series. But maybe? Like the resurrection stone concept in the Hallows? I actually like this type of sneaky take on gender which is kind of feminist and totally opposite to exclusionary takes. Idk. The gender expression feels really not about the labels but also really not a thing you notice in text because it feels pretty organic? Idk if I am explaining this right.

!!!ALSO!!! I am definitely 100% interpreting this wrong so don't quote me on this stuff. I got most of this from comments + author notes + Google.

Other cool concepts which get subverted in fics with magic!

Also feel like there is a whole another category of really creative, brilliant fics where it’s about giving someone between life and death the choice. Like the Harry and Dumbledore conversation in canon but ofc it gets 100x more interesting when it’s somebody who didn’t have a lot of good stuff in their life… like Snape. Snape being given the choice to live/die is super interesting. Maybe when I get better at analysis I can think about analyzing some of the fics which are more about the life/death dynamic... like literally every single Perverse Idyll fic.

mediocre meta fridays :D

but check out this really cool Lamb of Tartary myth art by zooophagous.

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi! Could I get HC from the guys? 👀 How they would always react to catching the reader seeing them "badly", in addition to the fact that he usually avoids them, but with his brothers it is incredible and they feel bad because they think they do not like him.  But she actually likes them and she looks at them like that because she "studies" them to draw them and she is too clumsy and shy to talk to them, that's why she ends up avoiding them. Until finally he catches her drawing them with lots of hearts or maybe they'll find her notebook with lots of portraits of them.

It's kind of funny because when I study people to draw them, they think that I look at them with hatred xd maybe I should increase my glasses prescription

God, glasses are such a pain in the ass but I have to wear them. If I don't anyone within my near vicinity doesn't have a face. But why they gotta get dirty so easily???? Makes me wanna explode or something

TMNT Headcanons

The boys w/ a quiet reader who is fine with his brothers but acts cold around him and stares a lot

Michaelangelo

mikey couldn't describe his disappointment upon realizing that you didn't want to be friends with him

well, you never actually said that to him

but he was pretty sure it was the case

you'd never made an effort to be friends with him

stared at him an awful lot though, but there was always something off about your gaze when you looked at him

like you were sizing him up, scrutinizing him, like he was an opponent

it kinda worried him

to add to that, you didn't even attempt to look embarrassed when he caught you staring

you'd just stare harder

on your end it was quite the opposite

you always found the brothers fascinating and you LOVED studying their anatomy, you'd confessed this to Donnie early on and he happily indulged in your questions

and you loved how easily you got along with the boys

well, except for Mikey

but it wasn't for a lack of trying

whenever the orange sporting turtle came around your normally flamboyant personality crept back into its little corner and hid

any words of excitement that had previously been with you died in your throat

for the longest time you didn't understand it

and you hated not understanding things, so you turned to your only outlet

that's how you ended up with an entire sketchbook full of the youngest brother in vastly different styles and poses

you had a separate book for the others, none of them as detailed as this

and when you stared to analyze you'd fallen into a habit of not looking away when caught

by your logic, if you stared back hard enough he'd look away first or just assume you'd zoned out

he didn't

and on one hectic day you'd left your sketchbook open on the kitchen table in your rush to get to work

you hadn't even noticed the slip up until Leo texted you to let you know during your shift

instant panic

in truth, Mikey was the one who discovered the book upon waking up from his nap and he'd spent the next three hours analyzing every drawing

when you finally dropped in after work to grab your book the turtle was waiting for you with it in hand

he'd asked you if you hated him

you told him no and accepted your sketchbook from him

he was relieved and screaming excitedly, just in his head

"Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime?"

You sighed in relief and nodded

"If you're cool with it- you don't think I'm weird do you?"

"I mean- you are talking to a turtle..."

you lightly shoved his chest and smiled, although it faded within a second

"Oh hush, 10 o'clock tomorrow? I'll bring snacks."

he was so stunned he could only shoot you finger guns in approval

Donatello

Donnie genuinely couldn't understand your unease around him

he'd followed all the proper expectations of holding a conversation

he was polite and engaging

so why wouldn't you talk to him?

this boy has read so many social blogs to try and figure out what he was doing wrong and he just couldn't put his finger on it

you were fine with the rest of his brothers, you'd stay up for hours laughing and gaming with them

you'd even sat still long enough to listen to Leo explain some old Japanese myth that he'd read about in a book

but with him it was always a quick, cordial greetings and farewells with bland small talk in between

Donnie had picked up pretty quickly that you weren't interested in any sort of interaction with him

and he convinced himself that that was okay

but that didn't explain the staring

he'd caught you in the act several times, eyes narrowed and locked on him

especially when you were alone with him in a room or just in the lair

the poor turtle just couldn't put his finger on it

then he caught you drawing, he noticed early on that you always carried a small sketchbook on your person but he didn't think much of it

and it wasn't so much that he caught you drawing, in fact, he wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't snapped at him while he was trying to do a sudoku puzzle

"Damn it Donnie! Stop moving! If I fuck this arm up one more time I'm gonna decompose!"

he'd quickly moved back into the position he was in prior

"sorry?"

but you'd gone silent again, occasionally glancing up from your work and running your eyes along his frame before looking down again

nearly twenty minutes later Donnie had finished the puzzle and it seemed as though you had finished your drawing

"Uh- can I ask what are you-"

"I'm drawing you but you kept moving your arm and making me mess up. You always do that when I draw you so every damn picture I have of you stays a sketch because you always come out looking like a fucking octopus."

He just stared

"Sorry, I uh- I didn't mean to explode on you like that. I'm just- I'm really bad at talking to you okay? It's so easy with everyone else but you've just gotta be so damn smart all the time and I worry that you'll think I'm boring so I just... don't talk to you?"

Donnie is stunned™

You refuse to show him the drawing until you can complete the line art and color it

But at least he knows that you don't hate him

Leonardo

To be completely honest Leo didn't mind that you were distant from him

You created an aura of calm when you were around and you always managed to distract his brothers while you were present

And he enjoyed the alone time

But after a few months that calm acceptance turned into jealousy

Not that he would ever admit it

He would just push it off and ignore it, that usually seemed to work

So why wasn't it?

And your obvious staring problem didn't help at all

Leo didn't spend much time considering his appearance but something about your gaze made him self conscious

And he hated that with a passion

Why was it that you could hold entire debates with his siblings? Even his dad for gods sake. You'd have hour long conversations on almost everything but whenever he tried to say hello you'd make up some lame ass excuse and scamper away

He just wanted an explanation

It appeared that the answer resided in your sketchbook

You'd left it open on the couch when Raph had called you away to spar with him

Leo very delicately flipped through the pages, careful not to disturb some of the polaroid pictures of his brothers

He was admittedly surprised to find pictures of himself among the pages

One of him in a handstand, another of him meditating, there was even one of him mid sneeze that you'd recreated with pencil and paper

The image of his eyes was the most startling, but the book held no polaroid of his eyes

You drew them from memory

And he was shocked when you returned to the room and didn't immediately panic

But that might have been because he didn't try to withhold your book from you

"It took me three months to color them, your eyes. I could never get the shade of blue just right."

"I'm gonna be honest with you y/n, I really thought you didn't like me."

You had the nerve to roll your eyes and follow it with a laugh

"I don't. I mean- I do but no, you just remind me a lot of myself and I haven't exactly figured out why yet. I thought that maybe if I drew you it'd be easier to figure you out..."

"Well did it help?"

You grinned

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

Raphael

If there was one thing Raph hated it was not understanding something that was right in front of him

which is ironic, as a much younger version of himself probably couldn't care less

and a part of him wishes he didn't care about it so much

he wishes that your blatant avoidance of him didn't upset him

but shit, it got under his skin better than any needle ever could

was it too much to ask for you to just tell him what he said or did wrong?

was he asking too much of you?

but on the same scale you'd never shown obvious dislike towards him, you were never rude and you sure as hell didn't talk shit about him to his brothers

you got along great with them

in fact it was getting more difficult to remember a time before you became a part of his family

he'd become so used to your presence that it no longer put him off when he found you hanging around the lair

but in another sense he was certain that you hadn't spoken more than three sentences to him in your time knowing him or his family

so what was the reason

several months in he finally caught onto the staring, your narrow, glassy gaze locked onto his body and refusing to look away

he stared right back at you

this annoyed you for several reasons

because within five seconds your very peaceful drawing session had turned into a staring contest and your eyes were getting VERY dry

then you exhaled in a half-sigh and looked back down at your paper

"Huh, I guess your head is more of an oblong shape..."

he took offense to this

"What tha' hell is that supposed t'mean?"

now your eyes held more of an amused silent judgement, you begrudgingly held up your sketchbook

"I'm drawing you, you fucking walnut."

"Oh..."

now you rolled you eyes and tossed the book to him, he nearly dropped it and fumbled with the pages

your annoyance was quickly growing

"Careful with that."

He flipped through the pages at a snails pace, assumingly because he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing

you had some real talent

when he looked back up at you he was wearing that crooked smile

"and here I was thinkin' that my eyes were just green."

Hope I was able to get this down pretty well! I really enjoyed writing this one! Thanks for the patience!

-Mars 🌠

[ybangtannies]

Hi, good luck with your blog! I've just discovered it and I can't wait for your content. As for request... I would like to read about artist Tae where MC is dared to pose nude and Tae fall in love with her, or MC having a bf so she pose nude as a present for him but Tae (obssesed) blackmail her whereas he will show her picture to the public if she don't leave her bf...

Hello! Thank you so much for your request and sorry for taking long to answer, I had a lot of ideas of what to write so it took me a little to actually get to write it but here it is! I changed it a little, I hope that’s okay and you like it.

Masterlist

Word count: 3.3k

Taehyung has been an artist for several years, he started up by taking photos of landscapes he thought were pretty and painting simple things until he got where he is now: one of the most claimed painters of the country; he still likes photography and keeps painting nature sceneries but the reason why he is so famous and well-known is because of his portraits, his nude portraits. He doesn’t just paint whoever is willing to pay him, though, he just accepts if he finds the person to be worth it of both his time and his eyes, at the end of the day, who would like to look at an ugly naked body, having to memorize it and then paint it as if it was something beautiful? People call him arrogant, a snob, frivolous…and well, maybe he is but look at where that got him so he’s not complaining nor he’s about to change it. He’s an artist so who can be better than him to judge what is art and what is not?

It’s been a rough week, not even one out of all the people that has been going to his studio was worth his time and he’s worried that maybe somehow, he has already painted all the beautiful people in the whole country. That worrisome dispels one evening when he is about to leave his studio and call it a day and you appear at his door; you with a shy smile and so much light in your eyes, you dressed in a casual outfit but still showing that you put effort into looking good (not that you really needed to put much effort though), you that speaks in such an angelic voice and calls his name in the sweetest tone he has ever heard before.

“Hello, is this Vante’s studio?”

“Yeah, it’s- that’s me, yes”. He finds himself at a loss of words, something that never ever happened to him, normally it would be the opposite and he would be the one making people not be able to speak even a simple phrase when in his presence. He swallows and thinks about how his hyungs would mock him if they saw him like this.

“Uhm, can I come in? I would like to talk to you about a possible job?” You are looking at him expectantly and he gets lost momentarily in your eyes once again until he is finally able to get a hold of himself and move to the side you could come in.

You smile brightly and move inside his studio while he closes the door and takes a deep breath in hopes of clearing his mind enough to be able to attend your request how you deserve.

“So, what is it that I can do for you, beautiful?”

You stop looking at the numerous paintings and sculptures that occupy his studio and turn to look at him with a light blush adorning your cheeks.

“I would like for you to paint a portrait of me…naked”, you say the last word in a whisper, so low he wouldn’t have been able to hear it if it wasn’t for the place being totally silent.

Taehyung looks at you from head to toe, out of reflex, with curiosity and maybe already imagining you naked, totally exposed for his eyes only. When he finally moves his eyes to your face, he takes pride in seeing the blush in your cheeks is now more noticeable than before.

“Of course, love, it would be pleasure. For when do you want it?”

“Oh, really? That’s a relief, I heard you were quite…refined when choosing your clients… so I was a little hesitant if you would accept my offer, I’ve been a fan of your work for some years now, I really love the way you portray the beauty of the people you paint and don’t even get me started with you sculptures, sometimes it feels like they’re actual people looking at you with how rough their emotions are- oh God! I’m sorry I’m rambling, I’m just pretty nervous and excited about finally meeting you and- I’m doing it again, am I not? I’m so…”

“No, please, stop apologizing. It’s okay, it’s really cute, you can keep praising me”. Taehyung smirks at you, he looks amused at your spur of compliments and your opinion on his art. He really wasn’t one for hearing people praise his works or him for they more than not did it with the purpose of getting in his pants but there’s something about the way you talked…it drives him crazy, he wants to keep listening to you talk for hours on end. “And yes, you’re right about the part of me being refined when I decide who I want to paint and that’s exactly why I accepted your offer, you’re exquisite yourself, I would be a fool to reject you, love.” He can’t stop himself, it’s like he doesn’t have any filter and just says everything that comes to his mind, or almost everything.

“Thank you then, Vante.”

“Taehyung, please, that’s my actual name.”

“Okay, Taehyung,” you smile once again and he feels his heart skip a beat, “and answering your question: I’d need to portrait for the end of the month? That’s when my boyfriend’s birthday is, and I want it to be a gift for him.”

Boyfriend.

A fucking boyfriend.

Taehyung’s posture becomes stiff and the smile on his face falls a little, not enough for you to notice, though, but he can feel rage starting to form on his body. So, you’re not for his only it seems, but a lot of things can change in three weeks, right?

“That’s completely okay, we’ll have to meet quite a lot, though, for me to be able to have it on time. I hope that’s not a problem?”

“Not at all. But I thought I would only need to come for a couple of sessions and then you would finish the portrait on your own?”

“I like having the model in front of me from the beginning until the end of the process, so I can fully portray their emotions when posing and their bodies just the way they are.”

Lies.

All lies.

He’s actually very quick with his works, needing only two weeks on top to have them done and obviously he doesn’t need the model to be there the whole time. It’s all bullshit but you don’t need to know that.

“Ah, I understand. I like that, you’re so dedicated with your work. So when can we start, then?”

“That I am, love. Tomorrow works for you? The sooner, the better. I’ll probably need you to come thrice a week.”

“Sure, that works for me, sounds perfect. So tomorrow in the morning, at eleven o’clock?” You look so cute, so beautiful, so eager to start working on it and Taehyung finds himself with a bittersweet taste in his mouth at the thought, of course he is dying to see you naked but he doesn’t want to paint you for your boyfriend. “Oh, and what about the prize?”

“Sounds good. And don’t worry about the prize now, we’ll get to that when I have your portrait completely done.”

You nod your head, smiling kindly at him and start walking towards the door. Taehyung follows you, once again checking you out and damning your boyfriend in his mind for being able to call you his when the fucker is sure not worth even of your time. He’d like to make any excuse to keep you for a longer time there with him, just talking about your lives and getting to know each other but he has three weeks to do that and right now he needs to make an urgent call.

Right before you’re about to leave, he asks for your phone number in case something comes up and any of you have troubles making it to one of the appointments. Bullshit once again but now he has a way to contact you.

Taehyung closes the door and presses his forehead against it, breathing deeply and already tracing a plan in his mind to make you his, as you should be. You’re ethereal, a goddess and you truthfully belong by his side. With that thought in mind, he takes his phone and dials a number. The person at the other end of the call answers almost instantly.

“Yeah, Tae? What is it?”

Taehyung smiles hearing the voice of his friend.

“Hey, Jimin. I need you.”

The next days are a complete blur for both of you and Taehyung and before you notice it’s already been three weeks and the birthday of your boyfriend is upon you.

As Taehyung said, he asked you to visit him thrice a week and made you stay with him from morning until almost night; the first times it was a little awkward for you: getting there, disposing all your clothes and just posing for hours on end naked in front of Taehyung with barely any words shared in between you both. Taehyung made a huge effort in being as slow as he could when painting you, paying an excruciating attention to every curve of your body, touching you here and there (maybe more than he really needed to, but who can blame him? You’re precious) and obsessing over you to limits he didn’t think was possible. Taehyung finally got you to open to him, to start talking about your life, your job, your stupid boyfriend, your passions. Everything, he made you talk about every single aspect of your life and by now he probably knew you better than your own mother. You eventually started eating with him at his studio and surprised yourself spending more time than you should with clothes than without them.

Finally, the last day arrived, Taehyung had finished your portrait and needless to say, it was absolutely perfect. You could recognize yourself, of course, but were still astonished at how pretty he made you look, all your curves were so soft, you never knew someone would look at you and see that. But Taehyung did, he was more than proud of his work for it was by far the best of his large collection; he doesn’t think he was able to truly make you justice, you were way too stunning to actually portray that in a simple painting but it was pretty close to the real thing.

And so, your paths separated. You gave your boyfriend the portrait and he loved it, everything was fine in your life and you were happy, sometimes you got messages from Taehyung asking about your day and the opinion of your boyfriend on the painting but that’s it.

On the other hand, Taehyung was miserable. He misses you terribly. As he suspected, he hasn’t been able to accept any requests for more portraits, too captivated with the memories of you and your body still fresh in his head. But he had a plan to make you come back to him again, he just needed to be patient, just a little more.

And it’s been almost two weeks when, in the middle of the night, he receives a phone call with your name and the first thing he hears when answering is your sobbing and incoherent words. Taehyung smirks, fully awake now, sitting in his bed. He tries to calm you, acting worried and asking what is that has you in such distress. He’s able to make out the words ‘boyfriend’, ‘fight’, ‘photos’ and you asking if you can go to his house. Taehyung accepts almost immediately, getting out of bed so he can get dressed and go pick you up. You reject his offer, explaining that you need time to clear your head and the walk will help you; he doesn’t have any option that agrees even if the idea of you walking alone at three in the morning doesn’t appeal to him at all.

Twenty minutes later, Taehyung is in his kitchen making some tea when he hears a soft knock on his door and smiling cheerfully goes to open you. His smile, though, disappears the moment he sees you: you’re no longer crying but your eyes are red and puffy, and your hair is a complete mess. He is quick to hug you and puts you as close to his body as he can, trying to comfort you at the best of his abilities.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, everything will be fine.” You just stand there in his arms, letting him hug you, with your eyes closed and hearing the softness in his voice, helping you calm your nerves just a little. “Do you want some tea while you tell me what happened?”

You just nod your head and follow him through his apartment, not really paying much attention to your surroundings. Your mind is racing and your hands clutching an envelope against your chest with such strength that your knuckles have turned white.

“Here you go, love”, says Taehyung while offering you a cup of tea. You whisper a simple ‘thank you’ before taking a sip, still grabbing the envelope with one hand. “Do you want to talk now?”

Taehyung sees you struggling, he can almost hear the gears in your head moving and how you are trying to find the words to speak so he stays quiet, giving you all the time of the world until you’re ready to start talking. After what seems like hours for you, you are able to raise your eyes from the table and search for his eyes though you can maintain the look for more than three seconds before your eyes are fixed again on the table.

“I… I’m sorry I’m breaking into your house at this hour, but I didn’t know where else to go or who to call but you...”You look at Taehyung again and see him already looking at you intently, making you swallow and taking another sip of your tea. “My boyfriend received this envelope this morning, he confronted me when I got home from work in the evening and started calling me names and saying not so nice things to me. He- he broke up with me, didn’t even let me explain anything and just started throwing things and he broke the portrait and kept screaming at me, not giving me any chance to talk and then he… he kicked me out of our apartment.”

At this point you were already crying again, and Taehyung can feel his heart shattering into million pieces by seeing you so sad and broken. He cursed your boyfriend, now ex, in his mind and with a worried frown got next to you in order to be able to hold you in his arms again. He was already addicted to the feeling of your body pressed to his, feeling the warmth radiate from you and realizing just how perfect you fit against his figure. He can’t let you go. Never.

“Sh, deep breaths, baby, okay? Breath slowly for me, calm down.” He rubbed your back, feeling you grabbing his t-shirt like your life depended on it and Taehyung absolutely loved that idea.

Some minutes pass by, you trying to calm your sobbing, and Taehyung whispering sweet nothings against your head.

“Can you tell me what the argument was about? What is in that envelope that made your boyfriend so mad?” Taehyung finally asks after you managed to stop crying, he puts some distance between your bodies, enough to see your face and still keeps his arms around your waist.

“It’s… there are photos inside…of us. Of me, naked in front of you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Taehyung, I don’t know how this happened. I can’t comprehend how someone managed to take those disgusting pictures and made it seem as if I was going to sleep with you. And now my boyfriend thinks I’m a whore that cheated on him and he blocked my number and won’t open the door to the apartment, and I don’t know what to do.”

Taehyung keeps silent, thinking about what you just said and turning his gaze to the envelope that now remains on the table. He looks back at you as if asking if he can take a look himself and you just nod softly, not being able to look at him while Taehyung takes it and proceeds to see the photos.

Indeed, they led you to think that something was about to happen in between them, there are plenty of photos of you taking your clothes, smiling at him while naked, moving around his studio in just a shirt, and so on. All of them were taken from the street, from outside and all of them have a clear purpose: destroy both his and your lives.

“Has anyone seen them apart from you and your boyfriend? Are there more copies?”

“No, not that I know at least.”

“I really hope you’re right. We can’t let anyone see these, okay? We have to destroy them.”

Taehyung is serious when talking, looking a little distressed himself and you feel even worse about dragging him with you in this mess.

“I know… I’m really sorry this is happening, Taehyung. I never thought someone would follow me and take those photos, and I’m sorry this is involving you too.”

Taehyung frowned a little at your words, you thought someone could have followed you? For him, it would make more sense to be the other way around: a person he rejected or one of the multiple girls he fucked and never called again trying to mess with him now, trying to ruin his career by making it seems as if he wasn’t professional enough and couldn’t help but getting in the pants of his clients. It could potentially ruin him, no one would ever trust him enough to paint another portrait if those photos see the light of the day.

“It’s not your fault, sweetheart, please stop apologizing. I’m sorry if I was a little harsh, I wasn’t expecting this to happen at all, I’m sorry. We’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Thank you so much, Tae. I truly cannot go to anyone else; all my friends are my boyfriend’s friends as well and I don’t think they’ll take my side on this.” The look on your face, so lost and troubled make him feel almost guilty about the whole situation.

“I understand, love. You can count on me, okay? You can stay with me here in my apartment if you want to, I have enough space.”

“Really? Could I?” Your facial expression changed to be one of relief that makes Taehyung heart jump in his chest and smile at you lovingly while caressing your cheek.

“Of course, love. You can stay here for as long as you want, nothing would make me happier than that. Come, you’ll have to sleep in my bed tonight, though, tomorrow I’ll tidy the room that would be yours.”

You nod in his direction, letting a yawn escape your mouth that almost makes Taehyung coo at you. He guides you to his bedroom, and searches for some clothes he can give you for you to change into. The thought of you dressed in his clothes, in his bed causes him to have problems keeping his breathing stable. While you are in the bathroom, Taehyung takes his phone to write a quick message.

Thank you so much, Jimin. It worked perfectly.

Right when he presses the send button, you enter his room again looking shyly in his direction with a sleepy expression. Taehyung locks his phone and smiles at you, guiding you both to his bed.

You reach out to him, asking for permission to hug him since you’re used to cuddle with something when sleeping and he doesn’t need to think twice until having his arms around you, your head pressed to his chest. He looks at the ceiling, feeling totally content with how things developed, sighing slightly when looking down and seeing you fast asleep already. The screen of his phone lights up but he pays it no mind, closing his eyes and falling asleep with you.

Anytime, Tae. Enjoy your prize ;).

[yelenasdog]

my girlfriend is a witch (spencer reid x witchy! fem reader)

INSPIRED BY THE SONG “My Girlfriend Is a Witch” BY October Country

genre: fluff w like maybe two seconds of angst

summary: he could feel she was hiding something, but she didn’t mean for him to find out like this.

words: 2.6k 

warnings: i cannot think of any for the life of me other than crying. also, disclaimer at the end of fic.

a/n: pls listen to “my girlfriend is a witch” by october country and “john barleycorn (must die)” by traffic, while u read. i’ve been meaning to get this fic out for ages, so i hope this is good! enjoy lovies!

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

It was hot, humid, and sticky under the Malibu sun.

Rubber soles from both boots and sandals alike, most likely the cheap ones you can buy at any tourist-targeted shops surrounding the vacationer heavy area, stuck to the asphalt streets, leaving a sticky tar in its wake.

SSA Y/n Y/l/n was not a fan, to put it lightly.

Her arm hung limp against her forehead as she leaned back against the black leather seats of the car she resided in, the material burning her bare arms. Literally.

And even if she were to be exaggerating, she still strongly felt that welts would be left where she had placed her limb for far too long.

She long ago had abandoned her blazer in the backseat of her vehicle due to the excruciating heat, the cotton material feeling heavy on her arms, so she turned up the AC with one hand, while slicking back the baby hairs that had managed to fall onto her forehead with the other. It was graced with beads of sickly sweat, not unlike the rest of her body.

Some repetitive song played on the stereo that she couldn’t quite figure out how to operate in the outdated FBI issued vehicle she was using, adding to her annoyance of what seemed to be to no end. 

The unfortunate ride was the result of her normal vehicle being in the shop, and rather than pay for a rental, she took whatever was left in the garage, however horrible it may be.

After sitting in hours of tiresome traffic, enduring the aforementioned reptititive song, and the entire John Barleycorn Must Die album later, (hey, it was in the glovebox, and it beat whatever had been on the radio) she finally had arrived at her destination.

She stepped out of the car, huffing at the sight in front of her. She took her black RayBans off, sliding them into her pocket of her slacks before slamming the silver door. Y/n then winced at the cracking sound that rang out. She walked forward, not wanting to look at the damage she had caused.

“That’s coming out of my paycheck.” She muttered, chewing on her chapped bottom lip, feeling the sting shoot through her nerves.

The door to the PD office she had been approaching swung open by a very frustrated officer. He breezed past her and she leaned back, placing a hand onto the warm concrete of the establishment behind her. She barely was missed by him in all his rage.

Y/l/n squinted her eyes, the rays of light clouding her vision. She began to regret taking her glasses off earlier, but disregarded the thought and continued into brick building.

The first person that she saw when she entered was the local sheriff. He was medium build, bald, and there was a bright grin that covered his face, far too bright for the current atmosphere, in her humble opinion.

“Ah, Agent, It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

She reached forward offering a self-manicured hand, still slightly sweaty from the car ride.

“Pleasure’s all mine. So,” she began, walking over to where the rest of the team was examining what seemed to be a yellowed piece of parchment.

“What are we looking at?” She questioned, doing her best to get a look at whatever it was at the center of attention.

Almost like clockwork, or perhaps like a dog who was able to sense their favorite person arriving home, Spencer appeared from the back of the precinct, coffees in hand. 

He passed the one is his right hand to his girlfriend, leaning forward for a kiss on the cheek that Y/n had almost ignored. She rolled her eyes at the needy man, muttering “thank you, Spencer” In a sarcastic tone, placing a quick peck on his cheek. He pouted, and she rolled her eyes once more.

As she walked forward and took a sip of the hot drink, the rest of the BAU parted, allowing her to observe the sheet. After looking at it for a few moments, she spoke up, her words overlapping with Hotch’s.

“We have no idea what it is, Penelope did a search and couldn’t find anything of use, it doesn’t translate to anything-“

“These are runes and glyphs. Horribly written, not by someone who’s an expert in the craft. The corner of the page looks like there’s-“ she paused, leaning forward. Her eyes slimmed, scanning over the page, the necklace around her neck dangled, catching Spencer’s eye.

“Yeah, this looks like a sigil. If you give me some time I could try to work out what it was for.”

She looked up, meeting the confused glancing of everyone, including her boyfriend. Prentiss was the next to speak, albeit very cautiously.

“Alright, well, do you have any ideas about what the other symbols mean?”

“Off of the top of my head?” She turned towards the paper once more, “To reiterate, this person mixed multiple different kinds of glyphs, so it might be difficult to collectively translate them, but so far I’m getting life, death-“

“Very original of them.” Morgan joked, resulting in a smile and the signature eye roll of Y/n.

“Power, fear, balance. That’s the first line.”

“Reid, are you writing that down?” Aaron questioned. Spencer nodded, not even looking up from his clipboard where he was writing the info. “Y/n, continue.”

She bobbed her head once, bringing her attention back to the 2nd line. She was silent for a bit, at one point grabbing around for a sticky note and pen. When she didn’t find what she was looking for, she was carefully handed one by a reluctant Spence. 

Everyone watched in amazement, amusement, and a little bit of confusion, as she wrote on the paper, scribbling what looked like nonsense next to some dates. After what seemed like hours (but was really just minutes) she pulled away, looking towards her significant other.

“When were all the victims killed?”

“September 29th, November 6th, November 9th, and that’s it.”

“And how did each of the victims thus far die?”

Hotch cut in, his arms crossed and his glance careful. “How are you certain there will be more killings?”

She ignored him, turning to Reid.

“Reid, how did they die?”

“First victim, stab wound, 2nd victim drowned, 3rd victim-“

“Burned alive?”

As this was the first time she had been made aware of the case (she had been attending to other business back in Quantico and had to fly commercial with no wifi, meaning no access to Penny to catch her up), her knowledge bewildered them greatly.

Seeing their concern spread on their faces, she picked up the photocopy, bringing it to where they were huddled. She stood in the center, pinky pointing and following along with what she was speaking of.

“This symbol here,” she pointed, making sure she held everyone’s attention”, is a rune for “New Moon”.  She then went on to describe how each of the days correspond with the Moon phases, as well as the matching rune and glyphs left on the page.

“I still don’t understand how that explains more killings?” Spencer spoke, his usual high IQ seemingly not working, a problem he had whenever he was around his beloved.

She walked over to him and smiled, shaking her head. She then explained the rest of the runes in detail, how they each had a meaning that applied to the way they were killed, and how there was still one more moon phase left and one more element as well.

The pair was separated once more as Spencer nodded in understanding, his mouth left agape. She admired him for a brief moment, the way his eyes were like large stones of sparkling tiger eye, his lips the color of a rose. 

Interrupting her, Hotch pulled her into a meeting room where Morgan was already waiting. Spencer stared, following her movements.

“Spence? Let’s go work on the geographical profile?” Emily asked, already on her way. He nodded, slanting his eyes briefly through the blinds of the glass. He blinked a few times, feeling like grains of sand had sunk to his waterline. He shook his head like a wet dog, ridding blooming thoughts from his mind, then continuing on from where he stood, doing his best to turn his focus elsewhere completely.

Meanwhile, Hotch was questioning her, Y/n’s knowledge about how the runes and glyphs themselves were written coming in handy for what that meant about the unsub, as well as building a profile. She was surprisingly educated on the subject, which the unit chief had decided to ignore all together, staying focused on the case. 

By the end of the work day, the profile was ready to be delivered, she had figured out the presumably intended use of the sigil, and the geographic profile was nearly finished. 

Satisfied with the day's work, she happily bid her goodbyes and exited the horribly boring meeting room, finding Spencer waiting by the door, coffee still in hand. He looked around the area, his eyes wandering over the portraits that hung on the walls of former officers.

“Spence, you ready?” She quipped, taking the coffee out of his hand and taking a sip. Spencer huffed, taking it back from her and throwing it away, no longer craving the warm beverage once it had touched her lips.

Spencer nodded, wrapping a hand around her waist and starting the long walk to the SUV from the building. They were quiet for most of the miniature journey, listening to the chirps of the cicadas, and the hot summer wind blowing in the branches of the palm trees. Y/n hummed quietly, finding herself in a peaceful state as she walked along with Spencer.

Spencer, on the other hand, was quite the opposite. His mind was running, trying to process the day’s happenings. 

As maybe it was the obsidian that hung around her neck on a sterling silver chain, or perhaps the selenite she kept on her desk and the amethyst she made Penny keep in her batcave, claiming they were “just very pretty!”

It could have been the way she was seemingly always busy on full moons, or even the peculiar deck of “playing cards” that she keeps in her 2nd drawer of her desk, pushed far to the left.

Not to mention the jars of seemingly normal water that he wasn’t allowed to drink from or empty, and the odd combinations of what seemed to be shapes and letters that she had stitched on the inside of Spencer’s satchel (it took quite the convincing, but to her it was seemingly important, so he allowed it reluctantly).

Possibly most convincing of all was the events of the day, her enlightenment on the subjects at hand leaving an uneasiness in the genius’ stomach.

Spencer wasn’t sure how he couldn’t have figured it out sooner.

His girlfriend was a witch.

The realization made him stop suddenly in his tracks, causing her to briefly trip over her own feet. She gave him a conflicted look, concern also present within the glance.

“Spencer? What’s wrong, are you alright?”

He opened his mouth and then shut it again, whatever he had to say not completely ready to be put out in the world. He simply made a line with his lips before continuing on, leaving her where she stood. She cocked her head, confused noises leaving her throat. 

She jogged to catch up with the man, his long legs making him walk awfully fast. Usually, Spencer would slow down so she could walk beside him in harmony, occasionally holding hands. But as of now, she was struggling to stay in pace with him, and she was beginning to feel fairly annoyed.

“Spencer Walter Reid! What is going on!?”

He looked behind his shoulder, only slowing his pace rather than coming to a complete stop. She managed to fall back into step with him, her gaze never leaving his form.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She bit her tongue, then ran it over her front teeth unaware of what he was referring to. “Tell you what, Reid?”

He shook his head, once more allowing his lips to turn into a straight line, slightly puffing up at his cupid's bow. “You know, about being a witch, or whatever.” He was much quieter when saying the second part of the sentence, his voice quite low.

The statement had shocked Y/n to some degree, but she kept walking, still trying to stay in step with the doctor. She wasn’t quite sure how to go about this, if she should lie and tell him he was being silly, if she should come clean about her “hobbies”. She simply didn’t know.

She decided to just not speak until much later. 

It was after the car ride with the rest of the team (which was quite awkward, considering they could tell something was off between the two lovers), and after they both had eaten and showered before getting ready for bed. Y/n was sitting on one twin sized bed, while Spencer was sitting on the other, reading something from his laptop, which was very unlike him.

Y/n on the other hand couldn’t keep her mind off of the question he had asked earlier. I mean, she had an answer, that much was true. But if she wanted to give it to him, she could not bear to decide. She was staring at the cheesy hotel art on the beige wall, heat still radiating in from the open window that was cracked in the first place to combat the lack of AC.

Her gaze never faltered from the painting of the vase of flowers, the colors seemingly muted. She began to speak, slowly, cautiously.

“I didn’t tell you, because I honestly didn’t think you would care. I mean, maybe you would, but I thought that your whole science thing would make you think I was nuts…” She shook her head, looking to the ceiling. She could feel her boyfriend burning holes into the side of her head, staring.

“Although there’s plenty of science to back it up, and even if there wasn’t, science accepts or rejects ideas based on the evidence; it doesn’t-”

“-Prove or disprove them.”

She looked over and met Spencer’s sad hazel eyes, suddenly feeling very, very guilty.

His voice was quiet as a mouse, he was unable to keep eye contact for long, feeling the need to turn away.

“Metaphysics is an interesting form of philosophy that i’ve done a fair amount of research on, and the CIA has done extensive research on astral projection among other things widely considered to be nonsense phenomena, discarded by most otherwise.”

Her heart sunk and sang all at once, an inexplicable emotion rising like the tide, all the way up to her eyes, a tear slipping out and rolling down her cheek.

“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. I would have listened, Y/n. I still will, if you care to tell me about it.” 

She looked up from the beige comforters of the motel room bed, feeling an almost magnetic pull tugging her towards Spencer. So she stood and he opened his arms, allowing her to find comfort in his embrace.

“I’m sorry Spence.”

“It’s alright, I just want you to know how much you mean to me, Y/n/n. I will respect and handle anything and everything you throw my way, okay? Nothing could change how much I love you.”

She nodded, a muffled “okay” leaving her lips. He chuckled, pulling her closer. They stayed in that position for some time, savouring each other’s warmth. After she collected herself, feeling rejuvenated, she pulled away, a bright grin creeping its way onto her features.

“So,” she smirked, Spencer raised an unruly brow. 

“Where do you wanna start?”

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

kinda hate it ngl. but i hope someone out there enjoyed it. for sure not my best writing and it’s a bit confusing but whatever.

DISCLAIMER: my mother and i both regularly participate in metaphysical practices, such as tarot, oracle, the usage of incense and crystals, sigils, spirit guide communication, etc. as well as several practices drawn from hinduism but regularly (and wrongly) culturally appropriated by the west, (chakras, manifestation) while also identifying with and following the methodist faith. i understand and appreciate the origins of it within hinduism, and this is in no way meant to offend anyone whatsoever and is simply for entertainment purposes. no closed practices should be participated in unless invited or born into said practice, and none have been, nor will be. (:

(also ty to roo for educating me on hinduism and how it’s been morphed and appropriated by the west, mwah ur the best)

 love u, xx hj

[atinyrabbit]

love/hate songs

Since 8tracks is messed up and playmoss is gonna disappear and Spotify doesn't have many songs, I’m posting some of my playlists here. This is a list of songs about love/hate relationships for pairings. Enemies to lovers, tsundere personalities, hero/villain couplings, opposites attract, loving someone you know you shouldn't. This list is several years old so the songs are older and kinda ‘scene.’

Major trigger warnings for the lyrics of these songs. Some songs have violent lyrics. This playlist romanticizes conflict.

Song list under read more:

Love to Hate You - Erasure Nicotine - Panic! at the Disco Don't Let It Go To Your Head - Fefe Dobson Your Love Will Kill Me - Daniel Lavoie Bruises and Bitemarks (Remix) - Good With Grenades October & April - The Rasmus feat. Anette Olzon Violator - Son of Rust Sick Amore - El Creepo Disgusting - Ke$ha Dangerous - Depeche Mode Oleander - Mother Mother Fear & Delight - The Correspondents Love is a Suicide - Natalia Kills Sex as a Weapon - Pat Benatar I'd Love To Kill You - Katie Melua Before I Ever Met You - Banks Rent - Pet Shop Boys Helpless When She Smiles - Backstreet Boys Holy - Zolita Strangelove - Depeche Mode I Won't Say (I'm In Love) - Susan Egan Can't Feel My Face - The Weeknd Only You - Ellie Goulding Devil Devil - Milck Livin' In A World Without You - The Rasmus  

Hate Love - Adelitas Way Suddenly - Peter Heppner Sick and Twisted Affair - My Darkest Days Radioactive Mirrors - Amazinglyjon Dangerous - Cascada Violence (Club Mix) - Grimes & i_o This Is Love - Air Traffic Controller Make Hate To Me - Citizen Soldier Gently Break It - Beck Pete Portrait of a Female - Cruel Youth This Could Be Love - Alkaline Trio Lie, Lie, Lie - Myra You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi I Only Wanna Be With You - Volbeat Maybe You're Not the Worst Thing Ever - Cast of Galavant I've Got You Under My Skin - Seether Human - Oh Land Le Bien Qui Fait Mal - Mozart, L'Opera Rock Can't Help Falling In Love [Light x Dark Remix] - feat. Brooke Tommee Profitt Fell For You - Green Day Stupid Grin - Dragonette Broken - Lauren Hoffman Take Me to Church - Hozier Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis Whip - Mr.Kitty   Get You Off - Fefe Dobson Crazy Girl - Ke$ha Vice - POP ETC Cannibal - Silversun Pickups Rest in Peace - Original Cast of Buffy The Vampire Slayer Hem of Your Garment - Cake Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge Truth Or Dare - Marianas Trench We Sink - CHVRCHES Gingerbread Man - Melanie Martinez You Stupid Girl - Framing Hanley   Die For You - Red F*cking Boyfriend - The Bird & The Bee Mean - Nicole Dollanganger Must Be Crazy for Me - Melissa Etheridge That Girl - Alexz Johnson FMLYHM - Seether Bad Romance - Halestorm Aquarius - Within Temptation Flirt (With Me) - Zeromancer I'm With Stupid - Pet Shop Boys Stop This Song (Love Sick Melody) - Paramore Trying Not To Love You - Nickelback Kill for You - Zolita A Love Like War - All Time Low You Need Me - SWANS Hatef--k - The Bravery Bottled Affection - Cold War Kids True Love - ThouShaltNot Terrible Thing - Ag I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters Exit Wounds - The Romanovs Gun - Chvrches Every Breath You Take - Chase Holfelder Whole Lotta Love - Smash Mouth Bloodsport - Sneaker Pimps XXX - Imran-C Bitter Rivals - Sleigh Bells Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer Love Me Dead - Ludo Paralyzed - The Used River - Bishop Briggs Neon - VERSA Sucker For Pain - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand Beautiful Monster - Ne-Yo I Own You - Birgit Let Me Be Your Armor - ASSEMBLAGE 23 Perfect Enemy - t.A.T.u. Straight for the Knife - Sia One More Night - Maroon 5 I Hate You (Don't Leave Me) - Ke$ha The Moth - Aimee Mann Mad Love - The Veronicas Toxic (Acoustic Britney Spears Cover) - Johnny Goth Bad Intentions - Digital Daggers Shut Up - Nick Lachey Soldier - Bitter Ruin First Bad Habit - Vanessa Hudgens In The Darkness - Dead By Sunrise Tearin' Up My Heart - *NSYNC You'll Be Back - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton & Jonathan Groff Crazy In A Good Way - VERIDIA Combat Baby - Metric In Bluebeard's Castle - Unwoman When Doves Cry - Prince State of Seduction - Digital Daggers Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert Broken Inside - Broken Iris Murder (feat. Minx, Chilled) - Boyinaband Why Do You Love Me - Charlotte Lawrence Follow You Home - Nickelback Love To See You Cry - Enrique Iglesias Impressed - Natalie Imbruglia Die For You - Megan McCauley Your Kind (Speak to Me) - Danger Radio Tyrant - The Bravery Violent Games - Polica Toxicated Love - NEO Nemeses (feat. John Roderick) - Jonathan Coulton Miserable - Lit Running From My Shadow - The Velvet Teaparty Barricade - Stars Trouble (Stripped) - Halsey Brutal Hearts - Bedouin Soundclash Desire - Meg Myers Sticks And Stones - The Pierces Just the Girl - The Click Five Himerus and Eros - The Spill Canvas Blood - In This Moment I'm Insane - Myah Marie Fiction (Dreams In Digital) - Orgy Whore - In This Moment Monster - Ryan Adames Foundations - Kate Nash Only When I Lose Myself - Depeche Mode Hatchet - Archive The Beginning of the Twist - The Futureheads Change - Deftones Trust Me - Marc Senter Love Me Hate Kiss Me Kill Me (Scndl Remix) - Fukkk Offf Big Bad Handsome Man - Imelda May The Mighty Fall - Fall Out Boy My Obsession - Cinema Bizarre Stitches - Orgy Miss Kiss Kiss Bang - Alex Swings Oscar Sings! Sweet Dreams - Beyonce Fuel To The Fire - The Maine Closer (Nine Inch Nails Cover) - Niki Barr Band Clueless - Orla Gartland Devil Woman - Cliff Richard Hatefuck - Motionless In White I Love You But I Don’t Like You - Molly Moore Overpower Thee - AUF dER MAUR Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me - All Time Low Post Blue - Placebo Genghis Khan - Miike Snow Poison - Alice Cooper I Know I'm A Wolf - Young Heretics Little Toy Gun - honeyhoney I Miss the Misery - Halestorm Dirty Sticky Floors (radio mix) - Dave Gahan Clarity - Zedd I Get A Kick Out Of You - Frank Sinatra I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts Die for You - Otherwise Labyrinth - Oomph! Black Black Heart - David Usher I Want to Destroy Something Beautiful - Josh Woodward I'm a Priest - Daniel Lavoie You Need Me - SWANS Afraid of the Dark - Phildel Virus - Ryan Adames I Wanna Be Your Dog (remix) - Emilie Simon Hello Goodbye - The Beatles Sarcasm (Album Version) - Get Scared Use Me - Hinder Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars Pretty When You Cry - VAST Tainted Love - Soft Cell Scream - Avenged Sevenfold Think About It - Danger Radio Gallery Piece - Of Montreal Bang Bang Bang Bang - Sohodolls Little Girls - Say Anything I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace Love Runs Out - OneRepublic Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins Hit Me Like a Man - The Pretty Reckless Bang Bang (feat. Adam Levine) - K'naan Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp Addicted - Kelly Clarkson Whiplash - FEMM Paralyzer - Finger Eleven Crime - Temposhark Misery Loves Company - Emilie Autumn It Was Good for You Too - Marian Call Price Of Company - The White Tie Affair Burn! - Kobra And The Lotus I Love My Lawyer - Ofelia K I Want Blood - empires (I Always Kill) The Things I Love (ft. The Real Tuesday Weld) - Claudia Brucken Misery (Cutmore Radio) - Maroon 5 Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar I Lust You - Neon Neon Pistol Whipped - Marilyn Manson Bitches Brew - Crosses A Formidable Marinade - Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen Control - Puddle of Mudd Scary Love - Skye Sweetnam Loveyouhateyou - Sad Robot Untangle Me - Snow Ghosts A Little Taste - Skyler Stonestreet E.V.O.L - Marina and the Diamonds   (You're the) Devil in Disguise - Elvis Presley Shut Up & Kiss - Me Orianthi Cool for Chaos - Nostalghia Oyeme - Enrique Iglesias I Hate You - Sick Puppies GirlShapedLoveDrug - Gomez You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You're Drunk - Pet Shop Boys Need You Like A Drug - Zeromancer Werewolf - Cat Power Bathwater - No Doubt Bad Dog - Neon Hitch Guns And Horses - Ellie Goulding Rev 22-20 - Puscifer Won't You Please Be Nice - Nellie McKay The Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails Until The Day I Die - Story of the Year Womanizer - Britney Spears Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations I Think I Love You David Cassidy Stalkers - Mindless Self Indulgence   Kill Me Every Time - Blue Stahli Preface - FKA twigs Every You Every Me - Placebo Want - Disturbed Spit It Out - IAMX Destroy Me - Mr Kitty My Sweet Prince - Placebo Psycho - Imelda May Monster - Meg Myers Figured You Out - Nickelback Suffocated Love - Tricky Satisfy Me One More Time - Frank Sinatra This Love - Maroon 5 Miss Jackson (feat. Lolo) - Panic! At The Disco Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar Every Other Time Lyte - Funky Ones How Do You Love Someone - Ashley Tisdale Poison - Gin Wigmore Bitter and Sick - One Two The Outsider - Marina & the Diamonds True Love (feat Lily Rose Cooper) - Pink Bad Boy - Cascada Irresistible - Temposhark Painkiller - The Queenstons Born to Die / Russian Roulette - Amazinglyjon Like Sugar - Matchbox Twenty Mad About You - Hooverphonic Stupify - Disturbed Problems - Mother Mother What Is Love - Haddaway Animal - The Cab Marionette - Antonia I Hate You But I Love You - Russian Red Carve A Name - Mother Mother Criminal - Britney Spears Danger - Hilary Duff Fell in Love w/an Android - Simon Curtis Demon Lover - Róisín Murphy Always - Saliva Too Close - Alex Clare Little of Your Time - Maroon 5 Sex and Violence - Scissor Sisters Electric Storm - Delta Goodrem Black widow - Susanne Sundfør Dangerous Kind - Rasmus You've Really Got a Hold on Me - The Miracles Over and Over - Three Days Grace Devour - Marilyn Manson Nature of Inviting - IAMX The Odd Couple - Weezer Hurt Me Harder - Zolita Terrible Love - The National Mad Love - Jojo Boomerang - Reliant K Bad News - Sleeper Agent I Was An Island (EP Version) - Allison Weiss Rock Bottom - Hailee Steinfeld You’re the One That I Want - Lo Fang Poison - Rita Ora Kill For You - Skylar Grey ft Eminem Wouldn't Be Love - Ritual Hate Me - Nico Collins Irresistible - Fall Out Boy I Love You... I'll Kill You - Enigma

[afy2018]

My First Love Ch. 1

“I mean, they say that after a while you just forget stuff,” Laura shrugged pulling on her flannel pyjamas, “Do you remember everything, or how does it work with being a vampire?”

Carmilla glanced at Laura and slid under the covers. “I guess whatever I’ve forgotten I just can’t think of.”

Laura nodded and climbed in next to her, cuddling into her wife after turning off her bedside lamp.

Time passed by slowly, but Carmilla just couldn’t sleep. Looking at Laura, she decided to think back on her life, wondering how she even got here, alive no longer under her mother’s thumb. She wondered how true Laura’s theory was. Carmilla didn’t know, nor understand why memories had to fade away. She truly didn’t want to forget anything, but maybe somethings were gone. Carmilla slowly sat up and slipped out of bed, walking to Laura’s basket of old tattered journals and took the least used one, a light brown faux leather book with a metal clasp.

She walked to the kitchen, turning on a light and grabbed a cheap pen from a cup and began to write:

“I don’t want to forget anything, so I think I should start to recount my life before it’s too late. Maybe you’re right, Laura, maybe I’ll forget important things and dates, but I’ll find out while pleasing you adorable curiosity.” She began before explaining her memory.

(1697 Versailles, France)

My first memory was of a Christmas party I went to at the Château de Versailles. It was so large. There were people everywhere and food up and down the tables. Servants were dressed in pure white garments like angels. My parents were already talking with other royals. We were representing Austro-Holy Roman Empire. I felt lost in the hall of mirrors. The crystal chandeliers, that hanged low in the room, glittered and sparkled across the ground as the sun set in the windows and reflected in the tall mirrors painting orange, pink, and red as their temporary wallpaper. I walked around the room, taking time to look at all of the golden statues and mural on the ceiling.

Distracted, I ran into someone.

“I am sorry.” I fervently apologized.

I came face to face with this beautiful woman with grey-blue eyes. She had a strong and fierce look in her eyes. Her hair was pulled tight and had velvet yellow and purple flowers tucked in the back to match the golden and royal purple dress she was wearing. Though even with her impenetrable aura, she looked like she was holding something back.

“There is no reason to look so afraid, madam.” She smiled. “I take no offence.” She took a sip from her glass and glanced around the room. “This must be your first party.”

“It is. Well, my first one outside of Austria.”

“Oh, so you are a representative from the Holy Roman Empire?”

“One of them, my parents are somewhere else.”

“So you are a lost puppy?”

I blushed a deep scarlet and shrugged. “I guess so.”

“My name is Anne Princess of Denmark.”

“Mircalla Gräfin Karnstein of Styria.”

“Now you have met your first friend.”

“I guess I do.”

“I can introduce you to others, play a bit of politics while we are here right?”

“I do not think I should. My parents should be in control of that.”

“Being royal is all about politics.”

“I know, but I still need to learn more.”

“Alright, then I shall help you.” She smiled, walking to a wall. I followed her to and rested against one of the mirror's frames. She pointed to a group of people near the table. “See the royal with brown hair in the red? He is a Duke of Beja from Portugal talking with a Lord of Biscay from Spain. Over by the drinks is almost all of the French Court cornering a Boyar from Russia. Oh my, watch, a Prince from Latvia is making his way to them.”

“How do you think this will...?” I began forgetting the English word.

“Work out? I do not know. We will have to watch.”

“What is their history?”

“Well being on opposite sides of Europe, the biggest problem they have with one another is trading rights, but Latvia and Russia, well, that is something else.”

“Do you think they will make an argument?”

“No, but what happens after tonight is something else.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, why create gossip in front of everyone and seem… juvenile, when one could simply have a professional fight behind closed doors?”

“You are very wise in royal conduct.”

“Thank you. I have had to be savvy in what I do and say for years now.”

“You speak perfect English, yet you are the Princess of Denmark?”

“I am from England, but married to Prince George of Denmark.” She explained, turning to me with a polite smile, “Your English, it is good but more practice and it will be perfect.”

“Conversational is difficult for me.”

She finished her drink and gave me a quick wink. “If you want some lessons, I could give you a few quick lessons.”

My words were caught in my throat, and I found my head nodding even though I didn’t tell it to do so. She just smiled and took my arm, walking briskly out of the room, taking the wall and slipping past the maids. Down the hall, we walked until we made our way to her chambers. She closed the door behind me and pointed to the chair.

“I will actually help you despite your eyes being the size of the moon and your cheeks red flush as the Duke of Biscay’s clothes.”

“I… I”

“It is okay Mircalla. I am told I have an effect of the Sappho kind.”

“Sappho?”

“She was a Greek poet, popular among the ladies.”

“I have never heard of her.”

“Lost to time and to men.” Anne sighed walking closer, reaching out for me.“But history is for another day. Today is English lessons.”

“What can I practice?”

“You said you have trouble with conversations, we shall practice.”

“Oké.”

“How has your day been?”

“I am good, und you?”

“And.”

“And, the words… they are very close.”

“I am well.” She answered. “How is your land?”

“Great. My people are well… we ehh… our farmers are successful.” I tried.

“Your crops are doing great. Great. Your ‘W’s need the most work.” She shrugged. “Let’s try it.”

“Okay.” I nodded, trying it.

“Don’t bite your lip.”

“Okay.” I tried again.

“Closer.” She sighed. “Here, this might help.” Anne placed her hand on my jaw and pulled my lip down as I made the sound again. “Better, try again.”

“I feel stupid.”

“I know you do. Now try again.”

I nodded and made the same sound earning a nod. Glancing at her distance, I stepped closer and tried a word starting with ‘W’.

“Wonderful.”

“Good.”

“Worry,” I said stepping closer.

“Understandable.”

“Whimsical.” I tried standing centimetres away.

“Better.”

“Well?” I whispered.

“Bolder.” She commanded.

I quickly stood on my toes and kissed her, getting pulled in tight. Anne placed her hand on the back of my neck and turned her head to the side. I moaned into her mouth, never having felt this way with any of my betrothed men, but with the future Queen of Britain.

~~~~~~~~~~

(1698 Vienna, Holy Roman Empire)

I remember a lot from that night. The first moment that comes to mind was getting tied into a satin blue dress with dark indigo velvet accents. There were pearls sewn into the collar by a French seamstress. My father couldn’t come, so my mother and I left for Vienna. It was a long and silent ride. I can’t remember why, but my mother chose not to say a word through the four-hour ride.

There is an ingrained memory I have of getting out of the coach and going to the foyer where I found my old friend, Anne. I remember her name being announced by the herald at the top of a staircase.

“Her Royal Highness The Princess Anne of Denmark.” He proclaimed.

I turned around, leaving my mother in the dust to watch her descend from the staircase. I seemed like no one when compared to her. She was a vision in red and magenta silks imported from all over the world. She was married and we’d known each other for years, though that never stopped us. As soon as she escaped the crowd, I pulled her aside.

“Mircalla!” She quietly exclaimed, “I did not know you would attend! If I had I would have worn something else.”

I shook my head with a grin and pulled her into a kiss. She grabbed my hands and pulled them around the back of her neck. I sighed, pulling away and tucked my head into her shoulder.

“I missed you so much.” She chuckled, holding me close. “I have been practicing my German. George thinks I am doing so for talks I may have with William.”

“How is it?” I asked with my strained English accent.

“I do not know, it is a bit embarrassing.”

“I will try not to laugh.”

“Okay. Du bist so hübsch. Sobald wir uns versteckt haben, werde ich deine kleidung abreißen.”

“Just meine dress?”

Anne smirked and placed her lips next to my ear, whispering, “Then you will have a kiss avec la petite mort.”

I felt a searing chill shudder through my body as she finished her sentence, making me chuckle, “Does not really translate, but I still understand.”

Anne pushed me against the wall and began to bunch up my dress, pressing brazen kisses against my pale skin. She wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and held me close. Anne pulled at my collar, pressing warm kisses against my flush flesh, unbuttoning the front and letting it drop to the ground.

“Was ist, wenn uns jemand erwischt?” I gasped out.

“What if someone what?” She asked between kisses.

“Finds us?”

Anne shook her head, biting lightly on my breast. I let out a low groan, the pain cutting through my voice.

She swirled her rough wet tongue around my soft and sensitive-

“Princess Anne? Princess Anne of Denmark?”

“For God’s sake!” She hissed.

“Scheisse!” I seethed having Anne help me tighten everything again.

“Coming!” She called back, kissing my cheek.

“Good day, Anne.”

“Auf wiedersehen, Mircalla.” She whispered leaving with a final kiss.

I watched her escape to the party as I righted myself, tightening the front of my gown before heading back to the party. It was dark already, so I just stuck close to the wall, looking across the hall to the portraits of past occupants. The silence was broken only by the clicks of my shoes and the slight drag of my dress. I found my way to the room with my family name on it. Opening the door, I spotted a figure on the bed.

“Mircalla?” The thin voice asked.

“Ja?”

“I thought you would come by during the party.” They explained. I kept my distance, waiting for them to turn around. “Nothing to say?”

“I know not much English,” I responded. “Who are you?”

They stood up and turned around, a stalking tall woman somehow completely hidden in the dark.

“A shadowy gift.” She purred.

I turned around, but I then felt a rough hand wrap around my arm and tug my close. I was shocked as everything flew by fast. In moments, I was forced up against the bed, looking into the veiled face. She purred into my ear, her mouth a breath away from my neck. She smelled of iron or rust with a strong musk of the forest. I struggled against her grasp, getting slammed back on the bed. She grazed her teeth against my neck, her tongue searching, drawing up and down over one point. I felt my pulse quicken as the assault continued.

Suddenly and violently, she sank her teeth into my neck. My scream quickly dampened as I tasted blood flood into my mouth. Everything spun and faded to black in mere seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~

I opened my eyes to a low lit room. I noticed a dark figure in the corner. I was mistaken in thinking they were the same being that took my life. She neared me, her beautiful dark skin reflecting rays of the sun from the small room. She walked closer, staring down at me.

“Welcome Countess Mircalla.” She greeted. I jutted up, getting held back by her. “My name is Matska.”

“Was stimmt mit mir nicht? My head spins.” I muttered.

“It will be like that for a while.”

“Warum?”

“First, you need to learn English, Mircalla. It’s the language of the future.”

“I only speak some.”

“I will help you.”

“What happened?”

“It is complicated, you were attacked and now you are in hiding.”

“Does my mother know?”

“She believes you are dead, it is for the better.”

“How long was I sleeping?”

“7 months, longer than usual.”

“Was zum teufel?”

Matska sat down next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “I am sorry, they succeed in your assassination.”

“My what?”

“You are no longer human.”

“What?”

“You are a vampire, like me.”

“Ich bin tot?” I asked in disbelief.

“I am sorry. I…”

I pulled away and hid my head in the pillow.

“I will be back.” She whispered.

Once the door closed, I got up and looked at the room. There was a closet and a mirror, nothing else. I walked to the mirror, glaring at the reflection. I was even paler, gaunt, my hair was sleek though, my eyes were a brilliant red. I looked terrifying. The door opened.

“I thought vampires had no...ähm…”

“Reflection, couldn’t be seen in mirrors?”

“Ja.”

“Just myth. I brought some food, here.” Matska gave me a goblet of blood, my first feeding. “You’ll feel better.”

Once I took a sip, a primal hunger took over me and I just engorged on my bloody feast. I licked the cup clean, wiping the blood from my mouth. I glanced at her and handed back the cup.

“When will my eyes turn… back?”

“After your first kill.”

“I… I do not want to kill.”

She nodded and kissed my forehead, leaving the room. “You are not locked in here.”

“Thank you, madam Matska.”

“Mati.” She corrected

~~~~~~~~~~

I had no control at first. She taught me how to change. She taught me my true form and I got to see her in her form as well. She just ran by my side, her dark coat only a shadow of mine. I caught the scent of someone, in it I followed until I saw my first victim. He was short and full of blood. Ripe and unknowing. I pounced on him, sinking my teeth into his back. Mati watched me feast, partaking after I backed away.

She shifted back to her human form and began laughing.

“Now you have had a taste of fun. We should go out more.” She chuckled.

“Is there a catch to you?”

“Not me, but Mother does, yes. Every twenty years we have to sacrifice someone to appease the gods and survive.”

“Is it… worth it?”

“Yes, immortality for a life.”

I don’t know why, but I nodded and went back to feast on my prey. Though if I knew then what I know now, I would have wanted to escape from their grasp and run as far away as I could. Mother turned out to be a depraved woman I should have avoided from the beginning. The century turned and to the world, Countess Mircalla Karnstein had long since passed and now a new ever-changing vampire was rising through society. Her light brown hair was stained and dyed black, her eyes were no longer a joyous brown but a desolate black. I honestly don’t know if I would now recognize my original self. I thought life was easy, hunting and partying, feasting and playing every night. A new gala with new girls, but I was disheartened when 1714 can to be. Mati Mother and I went to Silas where we stayed in a palace surrounded by other creatures. We brought along a young girl, a virgin to sacrifice.

I remember going to the building’s foyer, it was crowded in the basement and outside. I didn’t know where anyone was. I was alone, despite being surrounded by other mythical creatures. Everyone was barely dressed, some people were dancing and drinking, doing hedonistic things to each other and themselves.

“What is such a cute creampuff as yourself doing here, alone, on such a glorious night?” A soothing voice asked in the noise.

I looked up to see this beautiful woman with her stomach bare and very little covering her legs. She had these brilliant green eyes and thin gaunt features almost like death. Her hair was bright blonde and her skin was almost pearlescent. She had such a sinister, but inviting, smile I couldn’t resist.

“I have never been here before… I guess… I guess I just don’t know what to do?”

She held her hand out and smiled down at me. “Then let me show you.”

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Nanaya.”

“I’m-”

“Mircalla, I know. I know everyone, sweetie.”

I took her hand and she lead me outside where a large bonfire was. Drums and instruments played strong simple beats which created an air of ecstasy that took over my emotions as soon as I joined the pit of dancers. Nanaya placed her hands on my hips and danced. I put my hands on her shoulders. She pulled my hips against her leg, slipping between my thighs.

I felt beads of sweat begin to form on my forehead. The bonfire’s heat and our intimate contact made the world close in on me in a hot blanket that collapsed against my skin.

Nanaya ground my hips down against her leg, bringing her face closer to mine. She looked into my eyes, a grin appearing on her thin lips like a snake about to attack her prey, but I couldn’t pull away. I was completely entranced by her eyes, the music, and the feeling of her hands' firm grip on my hips.

Her grin turned into a malicious smirk and took hold of my skirt, tearing it off and tossing it into the fire, leaving me in my pair of short tight pants.

I don’t remember much of the night, only her eyes. They were just so green. They almost seemed to melt into blue as the night progressed then to a vibrant magenta when the day ended. The moment memories come back is when Mati tore me away from her.

“It was fun while it lasted, buttercup.” She smiled, kissing my hand and let me walked away with Mati.

“Don’t trust the creatures who come here. I usually just hunt. You get this new found energy.”

“What is she?”

“One of the main runners of this, like mother, only worse.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15667245/chapters/36394935

[roominthecastle]

Thank you for taking the time and typing up your reply, @alma37.

Now I get where you were coming from. You are def much more attached to Zoe than I am. You don’t need to produce any other arguments and “I like it better this way” is a perfectly acceptable answer. And while I don’t believe Agatha’s return is completely at Zoe’s expense -- given that she would have died anyway --, I understand the pain of watching a favorite character used as fodder for another one’s story.

You’ve also raised some interesting points and the exact questions I’ve been pondering myself, so I’m gonna take this opportunity to just unload my thoughts here. Please don’t take this as me trying to talk you out of your opinion or preferences bc I don’t wanna do that.

This is mostly just me trying to explain my preferences to myself.

"after Blood Vessel, as much as Dracula liked her, I could not see him and Agatha together”

oh yes, theirs is an infinitely fucked up dynamic, there is no debating that. they are enemies, so murder attempts come w/ the territory, which is not every shipper’s cup of tea and that’s understandable. However, every relationship involving Dracula is fucked up this way by default since he automatically brings his "inclinations” into it. I guess one could write him already “tamed” and w/ less issues but then it wouldn’t really be him. This is a major thing I love about this show, how they are not afraid to portray him as a full-fledged monster who just keeps coming at you w/ a razor smile -- partly bc he literally can’t help himself. He is a predator who -- to once again quote the commentary -- operates w/ a “torturous sense of fairness” that, to me, echoes the amorality you can observe in the animal kingdom: there is no reasoning with a hungry lion once it’s spotted a zebra; it’s in its nature to hunt prey in order to survive. Empathy or morals don’t factor into this basic conduct.

Dracula has this hard-wired primal drive, too. And Agatha points it out early on when she calls him a beast who doesn’t understand the rules governing its behavior but simply follows them. Of course, he has a point, as well, when he claims he’s more than that. He is. Otherwise, he would just be absolved of all the killing he does, which would feel cheap and unjust and would rob his character of all the fun complexities. Underneath the veneer of a sophisticated nobleman there is a beast, and underneath that grotesque (protective) display are human remains and loads of festering mental health issues. But the only person who bothers to look at these layers and how they inform each other is Agatha. Her equally unyielding drive for knowledge & understanding is the power that allows her to counter him, exert control over him, and tap into his deformed human core in a way nobody else has ever been able to. She does this to save others from him but also to satisfy her own dark fascination, and in the process I think she also comes to feel for him. They reach a level of intimacy that makes this outcome inevitable, imo.

This, in my eyes, makes her pretty much the only person who has any chance at having a more meaningful relationship w/ him that lasts longer than his feeding time. This is also what comes across in Dracula’s indirect advice to Zoe: if she hopes to match him, she will need to conjure Agatha from his blood. He essentially gives her the key to his own destruction (which is also his way out), then retreats and waits. This has the same self-regulating vibe as him convincing himself that his immense supernatural power has ordinary loopholes like needing an invitation to enter or the sunlight. Shame is a control tactic and self-shaming is a form of self-control, albeit a very problematic one. He puts in checks and balances which you wouldn’t do unless deep down you knew you needed to be “checked and balanced” by someone who’s willing to take on the thankless task. He cannot do it, he can’t face himself (he literally smashes mirrors and turns from every reflective surface), but Agatha is willing and able to drag him back into the light.

This is why the parallel to Petruvio & his wife works so well. The design to Dracula’s mind (and therefore the way out) is scattered across time and many myths. Agatha collects these and uses them to lead him out of the prison he’s made for himself, which has its visual parallel in the maps being hidden inside the wife’s portrait.

In other words, I cannot see Dracula with anyone else long term since he sees everyone else as a toy and/or a prey -- a means to an end. That’s how he sees Agatha at first, too, and it takes some time for him to realize that he made a mistake. This delayed realization can also be attributed to his bestial drive that has subdued the rest of him for so long, he really cannot cut through its wiring on his own; he came to exist to continue his existence, and the pointless circularity of this is the biggest trap: despite leaving loopholes, he’s still a prisoner of his own hunger & shame. Feeling for others would make it infinitely more painful but shedding empathy only provides a temporary release. Still, life lived solely for oneself is never fulfilling no matter how long it stretches forward, and the insatiable hunger Dracula feels gels nicely w/ this.

It’s Agatha who breaks the circle when she makes him confront the human origin of all this mess. Once she gets through to him, once she makes him remember, we can witness what Mofftiss call the “beginning of morality” and empathy seeping back into Dracula, and his existence takes on meaning when he chooses to sacrifice his immortality to take away her mortal pain. To me this feels like a direct call-back to the scene where he asks her if she is willing to die to save that terrified child and she tells him she would die to save any terrified child bc “there is a nobler purpose to my life than simply prolonging it.” But Dracula only comes to feel this nobler purpose where Agatha is concerned (baby steps :). He still doesn’t care about anyone else but that could be a juicy problem to tackle next season if there is one. *crosses fingers*

“they needed Agatha to stay human until the end of TDC - but, in that case, why bring her so late in the episode?”

I’m afraid only the writers can answer this one. But my best guess is that there are other characters from the novel -- Lucy especially -- they wanted to play with a little. Since I like them, too, and like how they planted them into this modern setting, I have no problem w/ Agatha taking her sweet time resurrecting. This was also a nice way to show just how bored & lost Dracula is in her absence (side note: him using Tinder as a takeout menu + complaining that he has to exercise now that everything is delivered and doesn’t have to be hunted down will never not be hilarious AF). I have seen a few fans complain about the pacing of ep 3 but I think it provides a nice, strategic contrast to the more dynamic previous episode, again highlighting why Agatha’s presence in his life was so invigorating and how her absence is the opposite -- he is a 500-year old warlord yet his life is now somehow... banal bc he has no worthy match.

“If he really want Agatha so badly, and since Zoe doesn’t come after him (she has other things in mind, understandably), why does he not? To see if his little ply worked? If his dear Agatha is back? The only time Renfield talks about Zoe, Dracula doesn’t seem remotely interested.”

I think he is interested (his suggestion to use bats as surveillance cracks me up every time) and he is waiting. He keeps tabs on the Harker Foundation from a safe distance and, to me, looks rather crestfallen when Renfield tells him that his lady friend (aka Van Helsing aka his “Agatha incubator”) left and seems to have lost all interest in Dracula. I think he expected a different outcome. It’s speculation but I think he expected Zoe to drink his blood (bc it doesn’t come as a surprise later when he notices the changes in her) and expected it to have an effect sooner and time is running out since Zoe is dying. Zoe was supposed to act similarly to the bed of his own native soil (she is a “bed” of Agatha’s DNA) and regenerate Agatha even if it’s temporary. So he is both staying away (survival is still key) and wants her to come after him again -- a delicious contradiction he can’t untangle by himself.

Lack of (threatening) interest, however, is a clear sign that Agatha is not back. If she were, he def wouldn’t have to go and check. She would waste no time seeking him (and indeed she wants to go after him the second she manifests and, as Zoe remarks, Dracula isn’t surprised to find her at his doorstep -- another parallel to ep 1 where it’s Agatha who anticipated him coming for his bride). I think he was waiting for her return just like Agatha was waiting for his in ep 2 (another parallel). It’s Renfield‘s remarks that drive this point home for me as he has a front row seat to what Dracula is like during these 3 months: “I wonder what it is you actually want,” and “What are you doing with your time?” I think it’s no coincidence that both of these questions get answered only w/ Agatha’s return. Dracula basically idles in the meantime. And the fact that it takes Agatha 3 months to properly manifest, when Zoe is the weakest, is def a testament to Zoe’s strength of character. She is a Van Helsing, after all. And they vanquish the monster in the smartest, most elegant way: by making him feel something other than blinding hunger for the first time in centuries.

[szopenhauer]

What are you wearing right now? bluzę Lucy, tunikę z napisem Can’t touch this na tyłku, dresy...

Who was the last person you hugged? dad

Do you write down your dreams when you wake up? often

When was the last time you cried? Why? not sure

Do you still have most of your childhood toys? a lot of them

Do you get leg cramps often? recently I started to get them as I never did before :o

What is your religion? Christianity

Do you make wishes on your eyelashes? I blow at them to check who’s thinking about me

Have you ever met someone online then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on?: yes, Dorota, tumblr

What was the last thing you threw in the trash?: strzykawkę

How many orange clothing items do you own?: just a few

Are you procrastinating at the moment?: kinda

Is there someone you really wish would talk to you?: maybe

Is Halloween simply the greatest holiday ever?: nah (Lisa is offended)

When were you last frustrated?: now

When was the last time you wanted to tell someone something, but couldn’t?: today

How many true friends do you know you’ll always have?: I worry that I will end up without my gf and dad :(

What color car would you definitely not want to own?: pink 

Do you look more for “cuteness” or “hotness” in the opposite sex?: cuteness 

How old is the nearest framed photograph to you?: it’s my dad’s black and white portrait so older than me probably

Are you picky when it comes to music?: dunno

What is something new you realized today? sigh...

Do you pick out your outfits at night or in the morning?: morning

What is the longest period of time you’ve chewed a single piece of gum?: not long

Have you ever seen the movie “Chicken Little”?: nope

What is the closest green object to you?: scissors

When was the last time you got your hair cut?: this month

Do you ever wear long socks?: not anymore

Polka dots or stripes?: stripes

Do you like the smell of hand sanitizer?: noooo

If your friend just died, what would be the first thing you would do?: omg...

Do you like the colors of your room?: they’re fine

Would you rather it be snowing or bright and sunny?: bright and sunny

When was the last time you went to the dentist?: almost week ago

Do you believe in reincarnation?: hmm...

What do you think of when I say PURPLE?: asexuality and Prince :D

What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I’m watching Mean girls reunion now How long do you think you could go without listening to music? dunno How long could you go without chocolate? years

How about without your Cell phone? depends Which do you prefer: computer or television? computer, I don’t watch TV Who do you get along with best in your family? my father obviously How often do you go to the movie theater? I don’t How late did you stay up last night? 1 am at least When did you wake up? late Are you ready for children? hell no Do you prefer to text your friends or call them on the phone? text Do you have a nice yard? meh When you’re bored in class, do you write on the back of your hand? used to at times Do you think that you see the world differently from others? kinda Do you watch the late night news? no news, I avoid them all as much as possible Do you have any odd obsessive habits? not obsessive? Do you prefer sour or sweet? sweet Are you currently in your house? I am indeed Do people ever compliment your eyes? M. complimented my eyes Do they compliment your hair? wonder why  Do you laugh at extremely corny jokes? oh well... Do you prefer ketchup or mustard? preffered ketchup Garlic fries or curly fries? garlic fries? eww! Are you one of the top 5 smartest in your class? been in elementary and partially middle school too Do you own any crazy socks? wouldn’t say so

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera.: Nat took pics of cats 

Have you got any half or step siblings?: I have not

When was the last time you were disappointed?: constantly?...

What cars do your siblings drive, if they do drive?: she doesn’t

What about your parents?: neither

Do you like kid’s movies?: plenty

When was the last time you had to take someone home? Who was it, and where did you take them home from?: odprowadzaliśmy Gosie jakiś czas temu ze wspólnie spędzonego dnia w parku

Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say?: parent, forgot

How many siblings do your parents have?: mom has a brother, dad has a sister and two brothers

What colour is your wallet?: I own several coin purses instead

Are you wearing any jewellery right now?: am not

What can you smell right now?: luckily nothing

Who last held your hand?: family member

Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies?: not Hobbit 

What is something you can’t seem to stop doing (or start)? uh oh 

When was the last time you comforted someone who was upset? hours ago When was the last time you yelled at someone? same What types of things typically cause you to cry? everything?... What is one thing that would make your life a lot better? better health - too late for that  How would you describe your overall aesthetic? complicated What is one of your most positive characteristics? What about one of your most negative? matter of perspective

Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? first option Are you always late or always on time? early

Do you face your problems head on or do you run away from them? run What do you think of dreadlocks? cool Who do you know without a doubt cares about you? I doubt everyone, sorry Have you ever caught yourself talking in your sleep? mom caught me once or twice when I was a child Do you catch lizards? I photograph them

What is your favorite lyric in the song you are listening to? I like it whole - Tame Impala - Feels like we only go backwards Has anything seriously made you mad today? whoops

What brand of chapstick do you use? none, gross Is it cold in your house? not now Where you live, has it snowed yet? thx God it didn’t :o Are you the type of person who says you like something just to be cool? been there, done that, regret it What is the title of the last story you wrote? personal Paper clips or staples? staples Is swearing really necessary? helps :x Have you ever stuck your tongue to a frozen pole? I’m not stupid  Do you take screen shots often? shitload Is there an album that you can listen to without skipping over any songs? when in the mood Do you use Mozilla Firefox? only to listen to the mass on Sunday  Cinnamon: Yes or no? rarely What would your initials be if you married the person you are crushing on? who said I’m gonna change my surname? What year was your dad born in? not your business Do you have any beauty marks? moles? mhm Lyrics to end this survey, aye? :] Baby, I'm dying for another taste

hows your life at the moment? “rollerclaster” or worse do watch funny tvshows like family guy and south park? prefer Simpsons

have you let someone down recently? nothing new quick lyrics from the last song you heard.. Hi my little kitten who have you talked to on the phone today? - make a wish. right now. anything. miracles won’t happen to me... if you had to live at one of your bestfriend’s houses, where would u live? I already live with one lmfao how are you on this fine day? not the worst yet? are there any stressful situations in your life? ha ha ha... can you love and hate someone? I felt that  do your parents annoy you? my mother is a pro at this what’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? 911 lately any last words? better stay quiet...

[lgbtqiahistoricalromance]

LGBTQIA Historical Romances with Artists, Poets, Thespians, Musicians, Dancers, and Bohemians - July 2018

Jalendu by Mark Andrew

- Set in the turbulent twilight of the reign of the Mughal Emperor of India, Jalaluddin Akbar, Jalendu tell the story of the socially awkward, but politically important young Prince Adinath and Jali, a handsome, spiritually inclined farm boy who becomes his bodyguard. Their unlikely friendship and love changes the fate of the empire. The small kingdom of Vindhyagarh sits in the Vindhya foothills between Prince Salim, the rebellious son of the emperor and self-declared Sultan of Ilahabad (present day Allahabad) and his powerful Bundela Rajput ally, Maharaja Vir Singh Deo of Orchha. But Salim in truth is no rebel. He is loyal to the power behind the throne, the women of the imperial household. The court nobility, led by the emperor's vizier Abul Fazl, see their power evaporating as the emperor seems powerless to oppose the wishes of the empresses or to act against his disobedient eldest son. They fear that when Salim become emperor, they will be reduced to mere servants. Abul Fazl vows that Salim will never sit on the imperial throne. Rana Jayaram of Vindhyagarh wants peace, but his efforts to ensure it draw his kingdom into a very dangerous political game. His youngest son has rarely left the palace because of illness and spends his time reading ancient Sanskrit texts, drawing and composing poetry. His only friends are his brother's widow and his old tutor. Jayaram sees a chance to extract his kingdom from danger by an alliance with the influential Kachwahas. An alliance by the marriage of Prince Adinath to a Kachwaha princess would not only tie Vindhyagarh to a Rajput house more loyal to the empire but into the imperial family itself.

On Wings of Song by Anne Barwell

- Six years after meeting British soldier Aiden Foster during the Christmas Truce of 1914, Jochen Weber still finds himself thinking about Aiden, their shared conversation about literature, and Aiden’s beautiful singing voice. A visit to London gives Jochen the opportunity to search for Aiden, but he’s shocked at what he finds.The uniform button Jochen gave him is the only thing Aiden has left of the past he’s lost. The war and its aftermath ripped everything away from him, including his family and his music. When Jochen reappears in his life, Aiden enjoys their growing friendship but knows he has nothing to offer. Not anymore.

The Reluctant Berserker by Alex Beecroft Review (Gorgeous writing, and an unusual case of a dominant musician and a submissive warrior.)

- Dark Ages England. Among the Saxons, a warrior is the highest form of human life. He dominates all, he yields to none, and if ever this mastery is taken away, his honour is taken with it. Reluctant berserker, Wulfstan, a noble and fearsome warrior, has spent most of his life trying to hide the fact that he would love to be cherished and taken care of by someone stronger than himself. Slight and beautiful harper, Leofgar, has the opposite problem – how can he keep the trained killers off him long enough to get them to acknowledge he’s as much of a man as any of them? When, in a panic, Wulfstan accidentally kills a friend who is about to blurt out his secret, and Leofgar flees rather than submit to his lord’s lust, they meet on the road to the pilgrims’ shrine at Ely. Pursued by a mother’s curse and Leofgar’s vengeful lord, they must battle guilt, outlaws, and the powers of the underworld with the aid of only music and a female saint. And if they fall in love on the way, there’s still that murderous shame to overcome.

Treading the Boards series by Tess Bowery (author’s Tumblr)

Rite of Summer: Gay men in a disaster!triad. Sex solves a lot of things, but actually talking about problems solves more. Not a poly ending.

She Whom I Love: Bisexual best friends share a very confused (yet grateful) straight man. Disaster is narrowly averted. A very poly ending.*

*Shortlisted twice for the Bisexual Book Awards, 2015 - Best Romance, Best Erotic Fiction.

That Potent Alchemy: Genderqueer ballet dancer hates gender, ballet, and emotional connection. Macbeth helps. No poly in this one at all.

Artemis by Jessica Cale (trans male hero/bisexual heroine)

- Actress Charlotte Halfpenny is in trouble. Pregnant, abandoned by her lover, and out of a job, Charlotte faces eviction two weeks before Christmas. When the reclusive Earl of Somerton makes her an outrageous offer, she has no choice but to accept. Could he be the man of her dreams, or is the nightmare just beginning?

Apollo Somerton has been in love with Charlotte for a decade, seeing each of her plays multiple times, despite being a man that otherwise keeps to himself. After Charlotte finds herself pregnant, she almost resorts to drastic measures, but Somerton rescuers her and makes her an offer she can’t refuse. But, despite his adoration and beauty, Charlotte knows being an actress didn’t prepare her for the role of wife to an Earl, and others will stop at nothing to keep the pair from getting married.

This is a sweet novella, with a frankly adorable leading man. Handsome and devoted, he has a secret, but love with persevere. Some aspects of the novella are a little far-fetched, but the love story makes it totally worthwhile. (Contains mentions of period-typical homophobia and transphobia. Trans male leading man, and bisexual heroine.)

25% proceeds donated to Equality NC, and 25% to the Malala fund

Think of England by KJ Charles Mini Review

- Lie back and think of England... England, 1904. Two years ago, Captain Archie Curtis lost his friends, fingers, and future to a terrible military accident. Alone, purposeless and angry, Curtis is determined to discover if he and his comrades were the victims of fate, or of sabotage. Curtis's search takes him to an isolated, ultra-modern country house, where he meets and instantly clashes with fellow guest Daniel da Silva. Effete, decadent, foreign, and all-too-obviously queer, the sophisticated poet is everything the straightforward British officer fears and distrusts. As events unfold, Curtis realizes that Daniel has his own secret intentions. And there's something else they share-a mounting sexual tension that leaves Curtis reeling. As the house party's elegant facade cracks to reveal treachery, blackmail and murder, Curtis finds himself needing clever, dark-eyed Daniel as he has never needed a man before... Warning: Contains explicit male/male encounters, ghastly historical attitudes, and some extremely stiff upper lips.

The Actor and the Earl by Rebecca Cohen (Three book series, w/Sebastian playing his own twin sister in all three.)

- Elizabethan actor Sebastian Hewel takes his bow at the proscenium only to embark on the role of a lifetime. When his twin sister, Bronwyn, reneges on the arrangement to marry Anthony Redbourn, Earl of Crofton, Sebastian reluctantly takes her place. At nineteen, Sebastian knows his days as a leading lady are numbered, but with this last performance, he hopes to restore his family’s name and pay off his late father’s debts. Never mind the danger of losing his head should he be discovered.He didn’t expect Anthony to be so charming and alluring—not to mention shrewd. While he applauds Sebastian’s plan, Anthony offers a mutually beneficial arrangement instead. Sebastian will need every drop of talent he has to survive with both his head and his heart intact, because this is the best part he’s ever had.

You Must Remember This: A Gay Retelling of Casablanca by John Michael Curlovich

- You Must Remember This is an homage to the classic film Casablanca on the 75th anniversary of the film’s release in America. It is the height of World War II. Frank Chandler is an American GI who has been separated from the army on a “blue discharge.” Along with his musician friend and sometime lover Dan Jackson, he finds himself in Marrakesh (only a short distance away from Casablanca), an international city where every kind of pleasure is easily available. But Marrakesh is also a city of danger. The Nazis are establishing themselves there, and their ominous presence means life is fraught with peril. Then Lilli, a beautiful, mysterious woman from Frank’s past, shows up unexpectedly, and he finds himself confronted with the hardest choice of his life. Lilli’s presence stirs emotions he thought he had buried. Yet there is still the city—and its men—and the thousand pleasures it offers… Should Frank go with Lilli and try to make a “normal” life with her? Or should he follow what he increasingly believes to be his true nature? That is the dramatic conflict at the heart of You Must Remember This.

My Lord, Lady, and Gentleman - Book Three of the Surrey SFS series by Nicola Davidson (m/m/f)

- Welcome to the Surrey Sexual Freedom Society - where unconventional and uninhibited ladies and gentlemen discuss all matters erotic... Estranged from his aristocratic family for choosing art over a third son’s proper path, Mr. Clayton Irving lives in wretched circumstances. His only joys are his friends and an extraordinary talent for sensual portraits, until the perfect opportunity arises: paint ton empress Lady Susanna Fenton. All his financial woes gone…if he can hide his fierce craving for her—and even more forbidden—her husband Lord Joseph Fenton.

In the eyes of the world the Fentons have it all: staggering wealth, position, and a caring union. Yet their smiles hide a marriage broken by secrets and pretense. The wicked portrait is a last effort to save it, and Susanna and Joseph soon discover that sinfully handsome Clayton is key to a passionate and happy new start for them all. But secrets always reveal themselves, and those who break the rules are punished. Can an unconventional ménage truly defy all for love?

The Bohemian and the Banker by Bonnie Dee and Summer Devon

- A night lost in Paris finds two hearts changed forever. Sent to Paris on business, Nigel Warren doesn’t quite understand why his colleagues’ eyes twinkle as they tell him to meet them at a local night spot. When he discovers it’s a drag cabaret and his acquaintances aren’t there, he realizes he’s the butt of a joke. Yet he finds himself quite undone by a singer dressed in an elegant gown, crooning a spellbinding ballad. It’s not unusual for Jay, a former Londoner, to bring a new “friend” home from the cabaret, but he’s never had a guest quite like Nigel, whose straitlaced manner hides an unexpected passionate streak. One romantic night on a rooftop under starry skies, followed by an afternoon enjoying the excitement of the 1901 Paris Exposition, bonds these opposites in a way neither can forget—even after they part. Their spark reignites when Jay comes to London, but he’s not sure he can go back to hiding his true self, not even for the sake of love…unless Nigel is willing to shed his cloak of staid respectability and take a leap of faith.

Robby Riverton: Mail Order Bride by Eli Easton

- Being a fugitive in the old west shouldn’t be this much fun. The year is 1860. Robby Riverton is a rising star on the New York stage. But he witnesses a murder by a famous crime boss and is forced to go on the run--all the way to Santa Fe. When he still hasn't ditched his pursuers, he disguises himself as a mail order bride he meets on the wagon train. Caught between gangsters that want to kill him, and the crazy, uncouth family of his "intended", Robby's only ally is a lazy sheriff who sees exactly who Robby is -- and can't resist him. Trace Crabtree took the job as sheriff of Flat Bottom because there was never a thing going on. And then Robby Riverton showed up. Disguised as a woman. And betrothed to Trace’s brother. If that wasn’t complication enough, Trace had to find the man as appealing as blueberry pie. He urges Robby to stay undercover until the danger has passed. But a few weeks of having Robby-Rowena at the ranch, and the Crabtree family will never be the same again. Damn, what a kerfuffle. If only Trace can get rid of the fugitive while hanging on to his own stupid heart.

A Brush with Darkness by Erastes

- Florence, 1875 After making a grisly discovery one night, I needed proof that there was still goodness in the world. I never dreamt it would come to me during my next commission—with a subject whose very name means light... Yuri was glorious in his otherworldly beauty, surrounded by a bright halo of iridescence, but I detected a fierce darkness lurking underneath the surface. Sketching all night, I could hardly wait to capture his likeness in a painting. For Yuri has stimulated not only my creative urges, but my sexual ones as well. His very presence infuses me with joy and passion, but what will happen if my patron should discover our trysts? Dependent on his good graces, I can't afford to lose his support. But I fear the time will soon come when I must choose between restoring my family's fortunes and obeying the temptation of the muse before me... Previously published as Chiaroscuro, newly revised by author.

The Matinee Idol by Owen Keehnen

- LOVE IN THE SILENT FILM ERA... At the height of the roaring 1920s, Raymond Richmond leaves Iowa and heads for Hollywood with dreams of silent film stardom in his head. In Los Angeles, he meets Brick, the ruggedly handsome cowboy of his dreams. Soon the two are a couple. When Raymond film career takes off, he is pressured to choose between stardom and Brick. Afraid of passing up his dream, Raymond chooses his career. As Raymond’s star ascends, he attempts to fill the void Brick has left in a number of ways. Eventually, his career begins to suffer and shortly after the advent of talkies, Raymond hits rock bottom. Desperate and alone, he is prostituting himself to feed his addiction to alcohol. But fate intervenes and reunites Raymond with Brick. However, Brick carries deep wounds from their past as well. Can the former lovers overcome the demons and betrayal of the past and find happiness once again? Spanning over a decade, Owen Keehnen’s The Matinee Idol is a timeless tale about second chances and the redemptive power of love.

Convincing the Secretary - Book Two of the London Legal series by Ava March (Included due to Edward’s true calling.)

- Business and pleasure is a mix no gentleman should consider. Lord Grayson Holloway goes after what he wants—be it in the law office on his clients’ behalf or in the bedchamber. His new position as partner puts him closer to achieving his goal of becoming the most successful solicitor in London. There’s just one problem—his new secretary. Broad of shoulder yet mild of manner, Edward tempts Gray like no other. Yet the young man barely notices him. Edward Fenton tries to be a good secretary, but being in Lord Grayson’s hard, commanding presence rouses Edward’s most forbidden desires. Wicked, naughty desires no gentleman should consider giving in to, let alone with his new employer. Gray is more than willing to mix business with pleasure. But convincing Edward to take a chance on a future with him? That might be the most challenging case Gray has ever taken on. Warning: Includes buttoned-up gentlemen who become undone, improper use of a desk, spankings, and a big bad lord who has a soft spot for his virgin secretary.

A Wager of Love by Katherine Marlowe (Review pending, but this is included, because Gilbert and Laurence have long conversations about poetry and philosophy, and they do a little acting in pursuit of their goal. This was a delightful book, using the thoughts and concepts of the time period to great effect.

- Laurence Aberforth has never been in love. The first time he meets the impulsive and charming Gilbert Heckwith, he accepts a wager as to whether or not true love exists in the world. Amidst the playful flirtation of their new friendship, they explore the concept of love through philosophy and poetry, and the two of them ultimately find the proof of their wager in each other. Clean romance, no cheating, no cliffhangers, standalone novella.

Such a Dance by Kate McMurray

- New York City, 1927. Eddie Cotton is a talented song-and-dance man with a sassy sidekick, a crowd-pleasing act, and a promising future on Broadway. What he doesn’t have is someone to love. Being gay in an era of prohibition and police raids, Eddie doesn’t have many opportunities to meet men like himself—until he discovers a hot new jazz club for gentlemen of a certain bent...and sets eyes on the most seductive, and dangerous, man he’s ever seen. Lane Carillo is a handsome young Sicilian who looks like Valentino—and works for the Mob. He’s never hidden his sexuality from his boss, which is why he was chosen to run a private night club for men. When Lane spots Eddie at the bar, it’s lust at first sight. Soon, the unlikely pair are falling hard and fast—in love. But when their whirlwind romance starts raising eyebrows all across town, Lane and Eddie have to decide if their relationship is doomed…or something special worth fighting for.

The First Act by Vanessa Mulberry

- April 1594. William Moodie thinks he’s in love with celebrated actor Richard Brasyer. When Brasyer’s playing company, Goldfox’s Men, comes to town, William is only too willing to leave his country life for the opportunities of the theater and a life in London. Determined to become Richard’s apprentice, William seeks to impress his mentor with his acting—and please him in bed.Meanwhile, Richard struggles to escape his past as a spy and disentangle himself from the manipulations of his former master and ex-lover, Bennett Goldfox. Swearing off a relationship with his new apprentice proves difficult for Richard, as William uses all his youthful charms to seduce him. When Bennett’s life is threatened, Richard is lured back into the game for one final mission, and he and William travel to Cambridge to hunt down a list of traitors to the Crown.In the midst of danger and deception, Richard and William come to truly see each other, faults and all, and realize their feelings run deeper than either expected.

Palace Dog by RE Nelson

- In April 1975, as the government in Saigon is falling, Michael Andrews prepares to make his way back to Vietnam to find the love he was forced to leave. But Michael’s journey begins four years earlier. He joins the Air Force to keep out of the Army and out of Vietnam, but his first assignment is teaching English in Saigon to members of the Vietnamese military in an Army program called Palace Dog. As an artist, and a man, before his time in Vietnam, Michael found life lonely and unsatisfying. In the midst of war, Michael searches for direction and meaning. He ultimately finds love and hope with Thao, a young Vietnamese art student, only to have their already uncertain future wrenched from them when he is pulled out of the country. For Michael, his return in 1975 is inevitable and without question, though the outcome he hopes for is anything but assured.

The Viscount and the Artist by Alyson Pearce (The Eccentrics Book 1) (Review pending, but this was a lovely surprise. I expected a slap-dash May/December romance, but these characters were actually worked out, and Jeremy stays true to his convictions in spite of everything working against him. Andrew has a crisis, but they work through it together.)

- Andrew Cardwell is a man driven by duty to his country and to his family. After the death of his uncle, he’s determined to provide security and stability for his family as the new Viscount Cardwell—even if that means marrying and producing an heir. Surprising himself, Andrew decides to sponsor a young artist named Jeremy for the season, to help him find a patron. What he doesn’t anticipate is how well Jeremy fits in his bed…and his life. Jeremy Leighton knows what it’s like to be a disappointment. The only son of a vicar, he’s refused to follow the path his father set for him, choosing his passion for art, instead. He accepts Andrew’s proposal, hoping to prove to his father—and himself—that he can succeed as an artist. After spending time with Andrew in and out of bed, Jeremy struggles not to fall for the damaged viscount, knowing the season will likely end in Andrew’s engagement. Between a meddling cousin, a widow on the hunt for a new husband, and their own doubts about the relationship, how can Andrew and Jeremy shed the expectations of others to find true happiness?

Juliana by Vanda (f/f)

- New York City, 1941. Alice “Al” Huffman and her childhood friends are fresh off the potato farms of Long Island and bound for Broadway. Al’s plans for stage success are abruptly put on hold when she’s told she has no talent. As she gets a job to pay for acting classes, Al settles into a normal life with her friends and a boyfriend. It all changes when she meets Juliana.A singer on the brink of stardom, Juliana is everything Al isn’t: glamorous, talented, and queer. The farm girl is quickly enthralled, experiencing thoughts and feelings she never realized were possible. Al finds herself slipping between two worlds: the gay underground and the “normal” world of her childhood friends. It’s a balancing act she can handle until the two worlds begin to collideIn a city bursting with change, can Alice find what she was looking for all along?Juliana: Volume 1: 1941-1944 is a captivating work of LGBT historical romance. If you like extensively researched settings, spell-binding storytelling, and characters you can’t help but fall for, then you’ll love the first book in award-winning playwright Vanda’s new Juliana series.

Nightingale by Aleksandr Voinov

- In Nazi-occupied Paris, most Frenchmen tread warily, but gay nightclub singer Yves Lacroix puts himself in the spotlight with every performance. As a veteran of France’s doomed defense, a survivor of a prison camp, and a “degenerate,” he knows he’s a target. His comic stage persona disguises a shamed, angry heart and gut-wrenching fear for a sister embedded in the Resistance. Yet Yves ascends the hierarchy of Parisian nightlife to become a star, attracting the attention—and the protection—of the Nazi Oberst Heinrich von Starck. To complicate matters further, young foot soldier Falk Harfner’s naïve adoration of Yves threatens everything he’s worked for. So does Aryan ideologue von Grimmstein, rival to von Starck, who sees something “a bit like a Jew” in Yves. When an ill-chosen quip can mean torture at the hands of the Gestapo, being the acclaimed Nightingale of Paris might cost Yves his music and his life.

Ardent by Heloise West

- In the village of Torrenta, master painter Morello has created a color that mimics the most expensive pigment of all, the crimson red. Master Zeno, from strife-ridden Medici Florence, tells him the color gives him a competitive advantage – but Morello must be careful. Fraud is ever-present in the dye and pigment markets. As they work together in Torrenta, Morello falls hard for Zeno’s assistant, Benedetto Tagliaferro, a young man of uncommon beauty and intelligence. Benedetto is still fixed on his old lover, the master painter Leo Guisculo, and cannot return Morello’s affections. But when Leo dies in a terrible accident, it’s to Morello that Zeno and Benedetto turn for help. And Morello soon finds that in Florence, every surface hides layers of intrigue.

[veryniceaus]

mmmm high school au!woozi ??

omg i am so sorry how late this is but i hope you forgive me<3 i didn’t mean to make it this long;;;; but i hope you like it!

How do I say this: you and Jihoon did not get along - at all. He was quick to anger and so were you, plus you two were always arguing over who was right and wrong almost all the time. Unfortunately, you two shared almost every class together, which made it that much harder to avoid him. At least you two sat on opposite sides of the room.

Which is why you’re suprised one day when the art teacher announces that she’ll be assigning partners instead of letting the students choose, and to you and Jihoon’s luck, you two have been paired together.

Begrudgingly, you went to sit by Jihoon, dragging your feet the entire time. He just looked at you as you sat in front of him. “Why did we have to be paired together?” You muttered.

“I’m not happy about this either, and you better not slack on purpose. I don’t want my grade to go down because of your idiocy.”

You glared at him. “I’m not going to! You better not either.” Then you blinked. “What’s the assignment anyway? I wasn’t listening.”

He sighed heavily. “Of course you weren’t. We have to draw a portrait of each other.”

You watched as he opened his sketch pad, putting his pencil to paper. “You’d better not make me ugly on purpose.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll be sure to capture your average looks in this drawing,” he said, to which you rolled your eyes at.

After class, you and Jihoon decided to meet in the art room on the days when the art club wasn’t meeting to work on the project after school. Today happened to be one of those days, so once the school day was over, you headed to the art room.

Jihoon was already there, sitting in the same spot as earlier. You walked over to him and sat in the stool across from him. “You go ahead and draw me first,” he told you.

“Sure.” Taking out your sketch pad and pencil, you looked up to find him staring at you. “Um, what?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’? I’m supposed to stay still for you to draw me.”

You rolled your eyes. “I know that! I just want to know why you’re just weirdly staring at me.”

“Well what else am I supposed to do?” he asked.

“I don’t know, like do your homework or something. Do you want your portrait to be just you staring straight ahead with those soulless eyes of yours?”

He glared at you, but pulled out a notebook from his backpack anyway. “Fine, suit yourself. Just don’t mess up.”

“I won’t, I won’t.”

Now, the room fell silent, the only sounds being your pencil sliding across the paper and Jihoon’s pen scribbling over his. You studied Jihoon; he wasn’t bad-looking. In fact, he was pretty handsome, and you felt that he would be popular if he wasn’t so prickly all the time. You took in how the warm sunlight fell on his face, making his skin glow and how smooth his hands looked as he wrote, but they were also attractive with how defined his knuckles were.

You didn’t realize how obsorbed you were with staring at him that when his eyes suddenly flickered up to meet yours, your heart skipped. “W-What?” you stuttered.

“Your hand stopped moving.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Is something the matter? Your face is red.”

“I’m fine!” You exclaimed before looking back down at your sketch pad. His portrait was turning out nicely, the only thing left was to make it more detailed and defined.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Well, it is getting kind of late. Let’s end it here.”

You watched as he packed up his bag and walked out the door, giving a small goodbye wave to you on the way out.

Ever since that day, you noticed every thing you never did before about Jihoon. How handsome he is, how nice his voice sounded, how nice he smelled whenever he would lean in a bit while you two talked.

And most of all, how everything about him made your heart race.

As you sat in the art room, waiting for Jihoon, who was having a meeting with the history teacher, you thought about your feelings. How did this happen? Why are you feeling all nervous around him when just a couple weeks before, you couldn’t stand him? The worst thing of all is that you don’t know what he’s thinking. He doesn’t seem to feel any differently, since he always treats you the same as before, although his snarky remarks towards you have decreased. Maybe you were just over-thinking things, maybe these feelings will go away once this project ends!

“Spacing out again?” Jihoon’s voice asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Um, yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he said as he opened his sktech book. “Go ahead and do your thing while I finish up my drawing.”

You two had decided not to show each other the portraits until both were finished. Your portrait of Jihoon was done, and you were worried about what he might think about it. In your drawing, it was him writing in his notebook. You ended up asking him what he was writing one day, finding out that he wrote lyrics.

“Could I read it?” you had asked him.

He narrowed his eyes. “Why? So you could make fun of it?”

“Of course not! I’m just curious. Please, can I read it?”

He sighed as he handed it over to you. The first thing you noticed was his neat handwriting, but what stood out to you was how well-written the lyrics were. They were lyrics that made you feel a little sad, but as you kept reading, you got the message of the song: things may be hard now, but if you keep pushing foward, you’ll eventually get to a place where everything is alright.

“You’ve been quiet for a while,” he said, breaking the silence in the room. “What do you think?”

You looked up at him and smiled. “I really like it. You’re really good! I never knew. Can I read more another day?”

His eyes widened a bit before he looked away, scratching the back of his neck. “Sure, I’ll bring some of my other works with me next time.” You could have sworn you saw a bit of pink dust his cheeks, but you brushed it off. There’s no way Jihoon would be blushing, right?

Now, Jihoon announced that he’s finished with his drawing. “So, let me see how you did with the drawing of me,” he said.

You pulled out your sketch pad and opened it up to the drawing. “Listen, before I show you, I want you to promise you won’t laugh or get angry.”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me you really did mess around with this assignment?”

“No!” you exclaimed. “Gah, never mind! Here!”

You thrust the sketch pad at him and he took it, handing you his own with his other hand. Nervously, you grabbed his sketch pad before slowly looking down at the portrait he had drawn of you.

It was beautiful.

You didn’t even recognize yourself at first; you thought he had handed you a drawing of a competely different person. But, sure enough, it was you. You were staring out the window, your chin resting in the palm of your hand. Jihoon was able to capture even the smallest details of your face. Your eyes sparkled from the sunlight, your expression peaceful.

Looking up, you were about to say something to him, only to stop when you saw the look on his face. He stared down your drawing of him, his expression unreadable. Scared, you hesitantly called his name. “J-Jihoon?” you said.

He seemed to snap out of his thoughts. “What?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing. Just… what do you think?”

Instead of answering you, he abruptly stood up from his seat, the stool’s legs scratching against the floor. Pushing your sketch pad back to you, he grabbed his off the table and shoved it into his bag. “I have to go now. See you.”

“Wait!” you called after him. However, he didn’t turn around and disappeared out the door.

Without thinking, you quickly stood up and chased after him. He hadn’t gotten far, so you quickly caught up to him and grabbed his arm. “I said, wait!” you shouted. “What’s your problem? Why did you just leave?” He kept his head turned away from you, only angering you further. “Listen, if you didn’t like my drawing, you could of at least said it instead of just walking out of the room like that.”

“I didn’t not like it,” he finally said. He turned to face you, and your were surprised to see the soft expression on his face. “I was just surprised. I didn’t know how to react, so I left.”

“What do you mean, ‘surprised’?” you asked. “At how bad it was? I mean, I know I’m not the best artist but-”

“It wasn’t bad,” he cut you off. “It was far from bad. You did a really good job. I was shocked at how good it was.”

“So then why did you just randomly walk off after seeing it?”

“Because… I didn’t want you to see my reaction,” he mumbled. Confused at first, you peered closely at his face. That’s when you noticed the slight blush on his cheeks and how shy his expression is.

In response, your own face turned red. “Oh.”

“Oh?” His eyes narrowed. “I said all that embarrassing stuff and that’s all you have to say?”

“Well, honestly, I don’t know what to say.” You laughed. “I’m just glad you liked it. I was so scared you wouldn’t.”

“Why?” he asked. “I would have liked anything you came up with.”

You heart sped up. “What do you mean?”

He stared at you. “Seriously? Is it not obvious by now?” He sighed when you shook your head. “I like you.”

Now, your heart was beating hard that you were sure he could hear it, and just like that first moment that day, you noticed how beautiful he is. The sun shone through the window again on him, making him seem like some otherworldly creature.

Stepping closer to you, he asked, “Did you like the drawing I made of you?”

“Y-Yes,” you said.

“To be honest, I wasn’t planning on giving it to you. I was going to give you another one that wasn’t as good as that one.”

“Why?”

His cheeks turned red. “It’s embarrassing! My feelings for you became so obvious with how good it came out. I was nervous that you’d figure it out.” He sighed before looking into your eyes. “Well, I suppose it’s too late now.”

You stared at him. “Do you really like me?”

Instead of answering with words, he leaned into you, softly pressing his lips to yours. “From the moment I saw you,” he said seriously. “I just didn’t know how to act around you, but I guess you took that as me not liking you.”

“Sorry,” you said. “But I really thought you hated me!”

He laughed. “Well, you know now.” He stepped away from you, holding out his hand. “Let’s go.”

Smiling, you put your hand in his, and he squeezed your hand slightly as you two made your way home.

[la-sorciere-fleur]

19 "You broke my heart." From the prompt list for Arno Dorian. Reader has been in love with him all while they thought he only had eyes for Elise.

Thanks for the request, Anon! I hope you like it :)PROMPT: “You broke my heart.” 

WARNINGS: none

WORD COUNT: 2508

Your name: submit What is this?document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); });function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; }}function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v;}

You sighed as you sat in the Café Théâtre, your head resting in your hand. Your gaze was following Arno’s every move as he talked with another Assassin. It seemed that no matter how hard you tried, your feelings for him only grew stronger and stronger. You knew it was hopeless - he didn’t love you, he loved another woman who he’d grown up with. Elise de la Serre. She was incredibly beautiful… but she was also a Templar. You didn’t understand it - and perhaps you never would - but it was her that he loved and you couldn’t do anything to change it.

Still, it was painful to see the man you loved be completely enamoured with another.

His gaze suddenly met yours and you felt your cheeks grow hot with the shame of being caught staring at him. He smiled warmly, crossing the room and approaching you. He sat down across from you, his eyes shining with interest as he regarded you. Your heart fluttered in your chest, as you wondered why he’d come over to you.

“Y/N,” he greeted with a smile. “The council has given us a mission together. Can you be ready by tonight?”

In a single moment, your heart sank again. He’d only come over to talk business. Of course.

“Oui,” you agreed, looking away from him. “I’ll make sure I’m prepared. Anything else I should know?”

“Non,” he replied. “We won’t be undercover.”

You nodded, still not looking at him and he frowned. Leaning forward slightly, he took one of your hands in his. Instantly, your eyes shot up, meeting his gaze.

“Are you alright?” He asked, concerned.

“Fine,” you nodded. “I’m perfectly fine.”

He didn’t look convinced, but didn’t push it either. Instead, he released your hand and stood up.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he told you. “Meet me in the courtyard.”

“Oui,” you replied, showing that you understood.

***

The night air had a slight chill to it as you stepped out into the courtyard. Arno was ready and waiting for you, looking as handsome as ever. His brown eyes regarded you warmly as he saw you approaching. You fell into step beside each other, as Arno led the way. He smelt incredible - his aftershave strong, but you could only place a few of the scents. Clove, bay… and want seemed to be rum, mixed with a bit of cinnamon.

“We have two targets,” he explained to you. “We’ll split up and take out one of them each. Sound good?”

You nodded, showing that you agreed. You both arrived at a large, extravagant building that was heavily guarded and Arno turned to face you properly. You startled slightly when he reached out and placed his hands gently upon your shoulders.

“We should split up now,” he told you.

“Oui,” you agreed. “Who is my target?”

“Adalie Moreau,” he replied, handing you a small portrait of the woman, so that you would recognise her. “She’ll most likely be in the west wing.”

“Understood,” you nodded. “I’ll rendezvous with you back here.”

You moved to walk away and begin your mission, but Arno stopped you.

“Y/N?” He called out, causing you to turn back and face him. “Be careful.”

You frowned, but didn’t think too much over his words.

“You too,” you replied, turning and leaving to fulfill your mission.

As you walked away, you were unaware of Arno’s conflicted gaze following your figure.

***

You scaled the walls of the building in a spot where there were fewer guards. Once you’d reached the top, you pulled yourself up onto the roof and quickly assassinated the guard who was patrolling that area. You moved swiftly over the rooftop, assessing whether there were any more guards who might prove to be a nuisance, but saw none close enough to pose a problem. You climbed down the other side of the building, seeking an entry point.

You came across an open window on the upper floor and quickly leapt inside. You surveyed the new area, checking for any potential threats as you moved quietly through the hall. Turning a corner, a guard spotted you and immediately opened his mouth to alert his allies. You sprinted forward, quickly taking him out with a quick slice of your blade to his neck. A nearby alarm bell alerted you that another guard had escaped your notice and was now alerting more of them to your presence.

“Merde!” You cursed to yourself.

You continued onwards, prepared to face your challengers, but the sheer amount of guards who poured into the room left you surprised and off-guard. You were a lesser-ranking Assassin than Arno, which was why you’d gone on this mission with him and not alone. You were severely outnumbered and you didn’t like your chances. A young woman with golden-blonde hair and intelligent blue eyes entered the room and you recognised her as your target - Adalie Moreau.

“An Assassin?” She scoffed, clearly unimpressed. “Kill her.”

All at once, the guards advanced towards you and you put yourself into a defensive stance. You refused to go down without a fight and began attempting to counter their attacks, wondering how long you would be able to continue doing so.

***

Arno quickly moved out of the room he was in, leaving several dead bodies behind him - that of his target and the guards surrounding him. He moved through the hallway quietly and was about to jump out of an open window when he heard an alarm going off at the other side of the building. Arno felt panic flood him, knowing the sound had come from the west wing. He quickly sprung out of the window and climbed up onto the rooftop. He ran quickly above the building, making his way to the opposite side.

As he grew closer, he heard the unmistakable sound of combat. His heart was pounding, because he knew you were alone and there must have been a small army of guards against you. Arno moved as quickly as he could and felt a fleeting surge of relief when he finally reached you. He saw that you were countering several guards, but were tiring at an alarmingly fast rate. Not wasting any time, Arno immediately took action and moved forward to aid you.

Arno was incredibly skilled with blades and it truly showed in that moment. He helped you overcome the guards and before long there were only three left standing to protect Adalie. The blonde woman grew frustrated with her men’s lack of ability and began to retreat.

“Take care of them!” She spat, before leaving the room.

“Y/N!” Arno shouted, nodding to where Adalie had disappeared.

You nodded, moving past the remaining guards and leaving them for Arno to handle. You sprinted through the hall after Adalie, wanting to be sure that she wouldn’t rally up any more guards to get in your way. You managed to close the distance between you both fairly quickly and tackled her to the floor. She resisted, thrashing her body around wildly in an attempt to make you release her. You pinned her arms down onto the ground, forcing her to stay still.

“Go on, then,” she hissed. “Get it over with. Are you an Assassin or not?”

Irked by her words, you raised your arm before sinking your hidden blade into her throat. Her calculating blue eyes peered up at you until the light in them died out. You remained there, straddling her and looking into her dead eyes for several moments.

“Y/N!” Arno called out, running down the hall until he reached your side.

You stood up, moving away from your targets dead body and Arno immediately turned you to face him. His eyes scanned over you worriedly, spotting the different cuts that marred your body. However, he was satisfied to see that you hadn’t been seriously injured.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised. “I shouldn’t have suggested we split up.”

“It’s fine, Arno,” you sighed. “I’m not a novice anymore. I need to learn -“

He cut you off by pulling you into a tight hug. Your eyes widened at his action, feeling overwhelmingly shocked at his display of affection. He kept you in his arms for several moments, seemingly not wanting to let go. Eventually, when he pulled away, it was only slightly and he gazed deeply into your eyes. You went to say something further - planning to question him on his actions - but he stopped you by leaning forward and capturing your lips in a kiss.

You couldn’t help it; you acted instinctually, melting into him and kissing him back passionately. He moved his arms downwards, to wrap around your waist and you felt the hard expanse of his chest pressing against your softer breasts. You cupped his cheek, feeling his stubble scratch against your skin and his soft, smooth lips enticed yours, coaxing them on and on into a sensual rhythm. You could have easily gotten lost in the moment, but your mind was going wild. You thought about all the times you’d wished for this moment and how you’d never thought it possible because of his love for Elise -

Elise!

You stiffened against him and pulled away completely, causing his arms to fall limply to his sides. Arno looked at you in a mixture of shock and confusion.

“Y/N - “

“Arno, what are you doing?” You cut him off.

“What do you mean?” He asked. “I thought -“

“What about Elise?” You pressed.

“What about her?” He countered, still looking confused.

“You’re in love with her,” you exclaimed, feeling exasperated. “Why would you kiss me?”

“I…” Words failed him, as he continued to look lost and confused.

Letting out a sigh of disappointment, you turned to walk away, needing to be on your own for a while so you could clear your head.

“Y/N!” He protested.

He attempted to stop you, but you were too far ahead of him and continued on your way.

***

A sense of melancholy overcame you as you walked through the streets of Paris, heading back to the Café Théâtre. You became alert when you heard loud, quick footsteps approaching you from behind.

“Y/N!” Arno called out, quickly catching up with you.

He took hold of your hand, spinning you around to face him.

“Would you just stop for a minute?” He breathed out, confused and frustrated.

You looked him right in the eye and in that moment you weren’t able to hold back. All of the feelings you’d kept pent up inside of you began to spill forth.

“You have no right, Arno!” You told him angrily. “No right! All this time, I loved you in silence, while watching you love another. I accepted it because your happiness was more important to me than my own. But it’s… it’s unfair for you to play with my emotions when you don’t even feel a fraction of the feelings I feel for you!”

Arno was startled and took a slight step back, his grip on your hand loosening.

“Y/N, I…” He faltered. “I didn’t…”

“Didn’t what, Arno? Didn’t think it would bother me?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” He argued. “Just be quiet for a moment and let me speak!”

You obeyed, biting your tongue and looking at him through tear-filled eyes.

“I never knew you had feelings for me,” he told you. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“You didn’t just hurt me, Arno. Every time you were with her… you broke my heart.”

His face crumbled at your words, but he pressed on.

“That was never my intention,” he insisted. “I never, ever wanted you to feel that way. I… I’ve loved you for a long time and knowing you could have been hurt tonight… I couldn’t control myself.”

It was your turn to be startled, as you registered what he was saying. You hadn’t expected that - not in a million years.

“W-what?” You stammered.

“I mean it, Y/N,” he vowed. “I only ever wanted to see you safe and happy… not this.”

You softened at his words, considering the possibility of them being true.

“I… I don’t understand,” you told him. “You love Elise…”

“I just told you I love you,” he pressed. “What is it about that statement you find so hard to believe?”

“I just… I never thought it possible.”

He moved towards you, pulling you into his arms in a secure, loving embrace. You looked up at him and he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. He bent down to press a lingering kiss to your cheek, before moving his lips to your ear.

“Believe it, Y/N,” he whispered. “You’re the one I want.”

He left a trail of kisses along your jawline and your breath hitched. It was hard for you to accept that such an incredibly amazing thing could happen, but you willed your body to relax in his hold. His lips reached yours and he pulled you into a gentle, affectionate kiss. His mouth moved slowly against yours, the kiss deep as he drew it out and let the intense passion build between the two of you. One of his hands cradled your cheek, while the other held onto your hip securely. You placed your hands on his hard chest, tracing soft patterns there as you delighted in how it felt to kiss him.

His stubble tickled your cheeks, but his lips were soft and sensuous against yours. His tongue pressed against yours, teasing it with that curious mix of soft yet firm texture. You moaned into his mouth and he pulled away from the kiss slowly, before nipping at your swollen bottom lip. He trailed his kisses down your neck, his tongue teasing your skin and his teeth leaving marks as he bit you possessively. He moved his hand down from your cheek until both of them rested on your hips, squeezing lightly. Your breath became laboured at his ministrations, feeling overwhelmed with desire as he continued to torture your senses.

“A-Arno,” you breathed out. “We’re in the middle of the street…”

He pulled away reluctantly, letting out an amused chuckle.

“So we are,” he acknowledged. “I’ll take you inside then. You haven’t been in my room yet, have you?”

Your eyes widened at the suggestiveness of his words and his expression softened from a teasing one to an affectionate one.

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” he said tenderly. “We won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

“I’m just… I’m overwhelmed. I never thought this would happen.”

“We’ll take it slow,” he promised. “Until you're ready to accept that I am very much yours.”

You nodded, taking his hand and moving to head back to the Café Théâtre, but he stopped you once again. You turned to face him and he regarded you seriously.

“And you’re mine, Y/N,” he continued. “Don’t forget it.”

You smiled shyly up at him and nodded in agreement. He smirked, satisfied with your words and allowed you to lead the way back.

[artificialqueens]

Why Am I Not One with the Earth and Other Questions to Ask When Finding Yourself (Sashea) -Panic

AN: Hello! A little white ago I wrote a fic called “Is This what if Feels Like to Be Alive and Other Questions to Ask When Falling In Love” and I finally got around to writing it from Sasha’s perspective! I’m not sure which one I like more tbh. Unrelated note: I am working super hard on finishing up the next Chapter of Just Strangers, but I’m really stuck on a transition section, and it’s pretty long for me, so it’ll be a little while longer, but I did post a teaser of it on my Ao3, itwilleatyourbabies and I’m guessing it will be up around the last week of August, maybe a little sooner. Enjoy! -Panic  

When Sasha was a child, she hated painting landscapes, she had never been able to paint the beauty that surrounded her, but she wanted too, she wanted to be one with the earth. Eventually, she realized that would never happen. She was fire, and she didn’t want anybody else to get burned.

She stood at the front of the soon to full gallery, glancing around at her body of work. The walls are filled with her abstract portraits, bright colors are ((assaulting)) her bright eyes. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t absolutely terrified.

This wasn’t Sasha Velour’s first gallery, but this one was different, she hadn’t pulled her inspirations from the outside world this time, she pulled her inspirations from herself, from her mind, from her struggles. A knock shocked her out of her thoughts. She turned on one heel toward the door, where Tiffany stood. Sasha felt her face break out into a bright smile, it’d been a few days since she’d last seen her long term girlfriend. Pushing open the door, Sasha grabbed Tiffany’s hand and pulled her into the gallery, pressing a firm kiss to her lips once she was safely inside.

She didn’t feel Tiffany smile into the kiss. Pulling away, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. “It’s been so long!” Sasha exclaimed, excitement tangling with her earlier feelings of fear, creating a weird sensation inside of her body in the pit of her stomach, not like butterflies, more like a freight train ramming itself around inside of her.

“It’s only been a couple of days, babe.” Tiffany replied, voice cool and calm, the annoyance in her voice *faintly* hidden. Sasha sighed and looked down at the ground, lightly kicking one food against the smooth wood of the gallery. The silence was suffocating.

“I know, I just miss you.” She and Tiffany had always been total opposites. Tiffany was water, cold, but still inviting in the heat of the moment. She kept her emotions under control, under a veil of eyerolls and sarcastic comments. Tiffany was an ocean in the way that she seemed so inviting, so calming and cool, but like the ocean, it wasn’t always true. She could turn controlling, suffocating, in a single instant.

Sasha was fire. She was bright and passionate, filled with heat and determination but unable to understand when she had gotten too hot, when her heat began to drive people away, because even though  she didn’t have great emotional control, she always meant well, but something about her always seemed to be too big, too bright for everybody else.

“What have you been up to the last couple of days.” Tiffany asked as she pulled farther away from Sasha’s embrace, turning her head to glance around at the portraits decorating the walls.

“Mostly working on this, getting final touches, planning what I’m going to say,” Sasha said, also taking a minute to admire her work, “I went to lunch with Shea yesterday.” She mumbled the last part, knowing Tiffany’s disdain for her friend. Tiffany sighed.

“You know I think you should stay a w a y from her.” Tiffany said, meeting Sasha’s eyes for the first time. She nodded, “She isn’t good for you,she has bad intentions Sasha, I can tell.” Now it was time for Sasha to turn away, she hated having this discussion so, fucking much.

Sasha glanced up to the clock and realizing the time, she exclaimed “It starts in ten minutes oh god oh god oh god.” Tiffany rolled her eyes as Sasha leapt to prop the door open.

It wasn’t much later when the area began to fill with people. Sasha greeted as many as she could, friends and family came, but also buyers, and journalists, Sasha was delirious with nerves as she greeted her guests, Tiffany never far behind her. As Sasha stood up to speak, her eyes caught a girl standing to her left, Shea.

If Sasha was fire, Shea was earth. Grounding, safe, a lovely final resting place. Shea was familiarity and comfort and feelings of hot chocolate on cold winter days, Sasha would never admit it to herself but Shea felt like home. Their eyes met and Sasha felt warm, flustered but she shook it off, smiling and Shea and walking towards her, but before she could, Tiffany wrapped her arm around Sasha’s waist, suffocating her. She can feel fingernails  digging into her waist, her eyes drop the floor, but soon enough she’s engulfed in her work again, monologuing about the next piece on the walls. She pretends to ignore the way Tiffany glares at her.  

Shea made Sasha want to paint landscapes.

…

If Sasha’s honest, she never thought they’d break up. Sure, there were problems; plenty of them, but she never thought it would end in a breakup. It was a day after the gallery, as Sasha trudged up the stairs to Tiffany’s apartment she could tell something was off.

She knocked on the door, it was silent for a few suffocating moments before the door opened. Tiffany said nothing, just pushed the door wide enough for Sasha to duck in. Once the door shut behind her, She stood facing Tiffany. For a minute, nobody said anything  they just stared at each other. Brown meeting blue. Water meeting fire.

“There’s not an easy way to say this…” Tiffany started out, not meeting Sasha’s eyes. Sasha nodded, biting down on her lip.

“I’m…. god, I’m so sorry, Sasha, but I’m seeing somebody else.” Sasha looked up meeting Tiffany’s eyes for the first time. She willed herself not to cry, but she could feel the tears welling up her eyes. She jerked away from Tiffany, but she didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry.” Tiffany said again. Taking a deep breath Sasha turned back to Tiffany and finally spoke.

“You were worried about my relationship with Shea, all while you were seeing somebody else?” Sasha was in total disbelief, Tiffany said nothing.

“You were so controlling and overprotective of who I talked too, all while you were cheating on me with somebody else?” Tiffany finally spoke.

“I felt unwanted, what else did you want me to do?” Sasha let out an exasperated sigh.

“Maybe talked to me? There were plenty of times where I felt unwanted but I talked to you every.single.time. It happened.”

“Well, you were always with Shea, what did you want me to do?”

“This isn’t about Shea. This is about us, or rather, this is about you.” She muttered through gritted teeth; but, Sasha couldn’t help but feel a stir in the back of her mind, had she been spending too much time with Shea?

“You’re always spending time with her, ‘hey Tiff, I’m going to lunch with Shea.’ ‘Oh, Shea has a dance recital tomorrow, she’s going to do great.’’

“Listen Tiff, I’m sorry, too.” Sasha started out, but Tiffany stopped her before she could go too far.

“I don’t think you are though.”

“You cheated on me, and I’m the one apologizing so honestly I should probably just go.”

“Go, then.” Sasha didn’t responded, but as she left, she heard Tiffany whisper.

“I never loved you.”

Sasha pretended not to hear anything.

To Shea: Are you free?

To Shea: Please? I need to see you.

To Shea: Shea?

To Sasha: What’s wrong?

To Sasha: Sasha?

To Shea: Meet me at my studio.

To Sasha: See you in ten.

Sasha tried to paint. She really did, she had paint splattered across the canvas but it wasn’t speaking to her, not like it used to. Sasha was used to painting people, abstract entities and goddesses but her mind was only filled with pictures of the earth,

bright buildings and bridges flashed across her mind in

radiant hues,

turned around

flipped upside down,

the pops of color where just too //blinding//

but she couldn’t tell why.

She heard Shea’s footsteps, quietly, she set down her paint brush and walked into Shea’s arms, she felt grounding, sturdy.

The walk to the cafe is quiet, Sasha doesn’t know what to say. Something seems to be off, but she can’t tell what it is. The cafe they’re in is loud, almost deafeningly to the point where she cannot form the words in her mouth, they sit there, like sand, dry and impossible to swallow. Sasha takes a deep breath and sighs into her coffee, looking at Shea and finally saying it.

“Tiffany and I… we broke up, I guess? And I don’t know, I’m…. She… she said some really hurtful shit, so, yeah.’ Shea nodded, taking Sasha’s hand, sending sparks up her arm.

“You did the right thing, Sasha, I know it probably hurts like hell now but I’m sure it’ll all turn out for the best.” Shea’s eyes betrayed her, showed just a little bit of sadness, like a puddle next to a flowing river. The world is too loud of Sasha, she can feel the blood pumping in her ears as she tries maintains eye contact with Shea. She feels like she is on fire, her body is burning with something she does not quite recognize and it hurts.

But, like always, Shea is there to ground her, to shelter her and keep her safe from herself, from the fire that threatens to swallow her up when things aren’t going to great.

Shea breaks the eye contact first, unusual. Sasha does moments after her before whispering.

“What’s

Wrong?”

Shea pulls her hand away from Sasha as she trains her eyes on the busy Brooklyn street through the window.

“I think,” Her voice is quieter than Sasha has ever heard a gentle rumble that shook Sasha’s very core, the warning of thunder before the storm, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Everything is happening too fast, She attempts to process the words that left her friend’s mouth but she just can’t. The words fall on Sasha’s shoulders like raindrops, quick, and all at once. Shea leaves the table, she doesn’t look at Sasha nor does she listen as Sasha calls her name down the street words echoing back to her.

…

Ironically enough, it is raining. Sasha pulls her jacket around her even closer as she walks down the street to the subway station, she can feel the rain twirling inside of her hair, her skin is wet but as she boards the dry subway station she can still feel the raindrops falling on her skin. She isn’t thinking, at least, not as well as she should be and that hurts, a reminder that even the strongest fires can be put out by enough water.

When she was a kid, her parents used to take her camping, and she remembers clearly the feeling of calm that came with lying against the cool earth, the sun beating down on her neck reminding her that she is alive. She loved sleeping in tents, pressing her body against the world below her and now she’s wondering if she’ll ever feel calm like that again. The earth feels like it is moving beneath her feet and it feels like she is floating in space as she walks up to Shea’s apartment building, she is searching for something that will ground her for the first time in years and she knows that she will find it here.

Shea’s drunk, but she let Sasha in without question. Sasha’s heart is pounding in her chest again as she takes Shea’s hands, she wants answers.

Shea tells her that she is every hope that she has ever had, but in human form, the words bury themselves into Sasha’s skin and make their home there; and, even though she cannot find the words, it feels as though Shea understands as they smash their lips together in what feels like the most beautiful storm Sasha’s ever seen.

Being wrapped in Shea’s arms feels like camping as a kid, it feels like Sasha is pressed into the earth again and she just wants them to be one. When she paints the earth she knows it is Shea she is painting but she can’t find the strokes to get Shea’s beauty just right so she paints the world around her, it is bright and stunning and a little backwards, but it feels like home.

[christenpressing]

anywayays i’m bored so imma do this

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?- god yes

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?- there’s a 99.9% chance i’ll never speak to her again

3. Have you taken someones virginity?- virtually

4. Is trust a big issue for you?- i’m either way too trusting or not trusting at all it’s a problem

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?- i guess?

6. What are you excited for?- nationals in july and visiting my gf in august

7. What happened tonight?- it’s 2:30 in the afternoon, but last night i saw wonder woman and almost died on the spot

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?- it’s not desirable but im not gonna judge

9. Is confidence cute?- i don’t associate confidence with cuteness but it’s amazing i love it

10. What is the last beverage you had?- apple juice

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?- two, my dad and @selkatha 

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?- a few

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?- maybe have a sleepover with one of my friends but idk

14. What are you going to spend money on next?- wonder woman comics

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?- ew no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?- actually, yes

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?- @vanillabeanniall or @kellexohara

18. The last time you felt broken?- i have no idea

19. Have you had sex today?- no

20. Are you starting to realize anything?- my mind sucks a lot sometimes

21. Are you in a good mood?- for the most part

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?- if they’re nice ones

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?- indeed

24. What do you want right this second?- my best friend to come back home

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?- i would scream at her and break up with her right then and there

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?- yes, and i love it cause it had natural highlights and i think thats pretty cool

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?- i mean, probably not?

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?- i laugh a lot i dont really know

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?- my best friendddd 

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?- not everyone

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?- it was my dad and i love him dearly

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?- i sure hope so

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?- lmao i only like sprite

34. Listening to?- the sound of my dad watching rogue one in the living room

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?- every now and then, but i really only use pen

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?- maybe at home? who knows nowadays

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?- not really

38. Who did you last call?- my girlfriend

39. Who was the last person you danced with?- my dad

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?- because we were dating and i liked her

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?- at the end of horse camp last weekend

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?- i actually just hugged my dad like thirty minutes ago

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?- i don’t think so?

44. Do you tan in the nude?- i literally only have a farmers tan it’s kinda embarrassing

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?- probably

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?- yesssss :)

47. Who was the last person to call you? my girlfriend

48. Do you sing in the shower? rather loudly

49. Do you dance in the car? depends on the song

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? i did when i went to sleep-away summer camp

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?- if i’m counting vasi it was in march

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? not cheesy, but i dont like them very much

53. Is Christmas stressful?- noooo christmas is such a nice time of year

54. Ever eat a pierogi?- not that i know of

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?- cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?- equine vet, architect, author 

57. Do you believe in ghosts?- maybe? im not completely sure

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?- all the time

59. Take a vitamin daily?- i’m supposed to be taking vitamin d BUT OH WELL

60. Wear slippers?- never

61. Wear a bath robe?- i have one but i rarely use it

62. What do you wear to bed?- a t-shirt and shorts/pants

63. First concert?- train

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?- T A R G E T

65. Nike or Adidas?- nike (sorry @kellexohara )

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?- fritos, unless they’re hot cheetos cause those are mighty fine 

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?- peanuts are nasty

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?- the best day

69. Ever take dance lessons?- nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?- lawyer

71. Can you curl your tongue?- i actually can only make it into a W

72. Ever won a spelling bee?- i never had the chance to be(e) in one

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?- when i won nationals

74. What is your favorite book?- the storyteller by jodi picoult

75. Do you study better with or without music?- with music, but it can’t be songs i know well or else i get distracted

76. Regularly burn incense?- i prefer candles

77. Ever been in love?- yesss

78. Who would you like to see in concert?- my girl sabrina carpenter but she’s coming to my town when im gonna be at nationals im so disappointed

79. What was the last concert you saw?- it was the ariana grande one with vasi but we left after little mix performed

80. Hot tea or cold tea?- hot hot hot

81. Tea or coffee?- tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?- my mom’s chocolate chip ones or oatmeal raisin

83. Can you swim well?- i like to think so

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?- yes

85. Are you patient?- god no it’s really an issue

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?- DJ

87. Ever won a contest?- unfortunately, no

88. Ever have plastic surgery?- i don’t think i ever will

89. Which are better black or green olives?-  neither they’re nasto

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?- go for it

91. Best room for a fireplace?- living room

92. Do you want to get married?- very much so