#I think I continue to realize how much more I enjoy dressing masc than fem

[angelofbloodlust]

today I discovered I absolutely rock the open button-up over white tank + chains look, so this will be all I wear anymore 😁✨

[grinning-ghost]

I went to Pride in St Pete as fem. It’s the first time I’ve ever publicly presented as female, save for Halloween. It was an interesting experience. I shaved my legs, and I dressed a little thotty, but it was Pride. If ever there was a time, it was then.

I went to Pride in St Pete as fem. It’s the first time I’ve ever publicly presented as female, save for Halloween. It was an interesting experience. I shaved my legs, and I dressed a little thotty, but it was Pride. If ever there was a time, it was then.

During Pride, in and around the event, it was as if I was dressed normally. I got complimented on my hair, but that happens even when I’m masc. Other than that it was completely normal, no stares, it was lovely.

My friend and I went downtown after and got food and drinks. The greetings of “Ladies”, was tickling. It took me a while to realize just how femme I looked.

We were trying to get into what would be our second bar of the night. It was very crowded, it was Saturday night and Pride, so the bar scene was packed. We get in the door and it’s almost wall to wall people. It looks pretty difficult to get to the bar, so I’m already kind of turning around to leave, and my friend is doing the same. I paused to kind of assess and confirm that we were leaving, when I realized that someone was grabbing my ass. And I look down and there’s a guy reaching from behind my friend to grab my ass. And it took me a few seconds to process even what was happening, and I looked him in the eye and I realized, and all I could do in the moment was push him away.

My friend started towards him, as he walked away from us and further into the crowded bar, but it wasn’t worth the effort. They had also been grabbed. Disgusted, we both left the bar, and continued.

This was not the first time for my friend, but it was for me. They were angry, and I was getting angry too. I wish I had done something. Why couldn’t I have done more than push him? I should have punched him. I’m 6′4″ and he was no taller than 5′5″. I’ll remember what he looks like forever, though his face is twisted in my mind into something more sinister than the true memory.

We went over what we should have done. We were fired up, and at this point, we were ready for it to happen again. We were both ready to unleash the fury on someone bold enough to try and grab us again.

He walked past us. I didn’t realize it was him until they were 6 paces ahead. That little shit. He had two guys with him. The guys were both 6 feet at least. My friend heard something I didn’t. They were laughing about it.

I had wanted to do something, in retrospect I just kept trying to come up with ways I should have dealt with it. I should have punched him in the bar. His friends probably would have rushed in though, and maybe instinctively protected their friend. I wanted to say something to his friends and call him out publicly, before I learned they laughed about it. Every avenue was a dead end, and nothing would have helped. It felt so powerless. I really did have no control and I’m still thinking about it.

It made the rest of the night certainly more nervy. I was now suddenly much more aware of the men around me. It didn’t ruin the night. I was still able to go out and have fun. But it really made me see first hand how terrifying men can be.

I never realized how mindful you have to be. If you laugh at something your friend says, and you accidentally make eye contact with a guy, he’ll read it as a sign to try and talk to you.

The first guy that came up said “Hey” tried to offer his hand to my back. I turned, and said in what is my normal, deep speaking voice, “Uhh, what?” He looked at my face. He looked at my friend, who had red contact lenses in. He was shook to his core. Something short circuited in that boy. He could not get out another word, and he bumbled away.

I certainly learned things from first hand experience that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. I mean just seeing it first hand, men are scary. I’m fortunate in that I’m bigger than most women. I’m taller than most men. I have a better chance of defending myself. But the fact is, being attacked never felt like such a likely occurrence.

One might daydream about getting into a fight at a bar, or what would happen if you were mugged, or robbed. But it never felt real. It always felt like some purely hypothetical. But in this case, it feels like something that could realistically happen.

That was certainly one of the most perspective challenging things I’ve ever experienced. I definitely enjoyed it though.