#I think I added to much Thenamesh… | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eternalowl · 2 years ago

Text

Incorrect Eternals quotes part 3

Ikaris gets d e s t r o y e d in this because it’s funny

Thena, while entering a store: Why do they have door sensors outside of the exit door if you’re not even supposed to enter through there?

Gilgamesh: Probably because there’s the occasional idiot that walks through the wrong door.

Thena, dead fucking serious: Then just take the sensor away and let them run into the damn door.

Kingo: *is recording Druig struggling to husk a corn cob*

Druig: I swear I will throw this fuckin corn at your face if you don’t put your damn phone away.

Thena and Ikaris: *are about to beat the living shit out of each other in the kitchen*

Druig, running into the kitchen like a damn track star: WAIT!

Thena and Ikaris: *pause*

Druig: *quickly makes a bowl of popcorn and heads over to the couch to watch*

Druig: Okay, you may continue.

Ikaris: Today, two families will become one.

Druig, in an ominous voice: Two families enter, one leaves.

Sprite: Accurate yet terrifying.

Ajak: …The Wedding Games…

Sersi: May the bouquet toss be ever in your favor.

Phastos: I hate all of you!

Thena: Please don’t turn Gil and I’s wedding into the Hunger Games.

Ajak: BEAT HIS ASS RAINBOW DASH!

Kingo: I can’t believe you just said that…

Phastos: I don’t even want to know.

Sersi:, texting the others: There’s just this bird…

Sersi: In the Chicago airport…

Sersi: I’m going to name it Ravioli.

Thena: Is it on fire? No? Can it be solved with a fire? Also no? Does it have anything to do with cooking? Yes? Then leave me alone, I’ll just make it worse.

Gilgamesh: Hey, I’m heading to Australia-

Druig: Get me a kangaroo.

Gilgamesh: Why?

Druig: B e c a u s e.

Gilgamesh: No get your own damn kangaroo.

Kingo, running away from Ikaris for who knows why: Lemme tell you something, lemme tell you something-

Ikaris: *grabs a frying pan*

Kingo, screaming: Let mE TELL YOU SOMETHING-

Phastos: So, T, what’s your New Year’s resolution-

Thena: To start a revolution.

Sprite: Don’t you dare kill me! I have a family!

Murderer: And you think I care?

Sprite: That wasn’t a plea for mercy, that was a warning.

*sounds of cosmic energy, several explosions, screams of agony, and car alarms are heard in the distance*

Sprite: And it sounds like they’re almost here.

Thena: What happens if you press the gas and the break down at the same time?

Gilgamesh: The car takes a screenshot.

Phastos, who was just about to leave the Walmart parking lot: Get out of my car. Both of you.

Phastos: Please, Thena, don’t do anything overly violent.

Thena: You could sooner divert a river from its course than deny me my nature.

Sersi, deeply inhaling: Okay, let’s try this again. Mary had a little lamb-

Druig: Its heart as black as coal.

Thena: It crept into her room one night-

Druig: -and ate her fuckin soul.

Sersi: …

Kingo: Roses are red…

Kingo: Violets are blue…

Thena, threateningly holding a paint brush: Interrupt my painting again and I’ll fucking bite you.

Sersi: I stay in bed, I am warm. I get in the shower, I am warm. The distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

Kingo: So, if you die, how do you think it would happen?

Thena: Eh, probably old age.

Kingo: But- We don’t even age?

Thena: That’s my point.

Druig: *laughing manically after Ikaris makes a stupid mistake*

Druig: It’s funny how dumb you are.

Makkari: I always wear red to funerals. It’s my way of saying, “Hello, Death. Kiss my ass.”

Random person in an elevator: Your purse looks delicious.

Ajak: …

Ajak, ready to wack them with her purse: WHY DON’T YOU JUST EAT IT THEN???

Druig: Hey, wait-

Kingo: Sorry dude, there’s no space left in here.

Thena: We could throw Ikaris onto the roof.

Ikaris: How about we throw you on the damn roof.

Druig: I agree with Thena, now get onto the roof.

Ikaris: How about we put Gil on the roof?

Thena: *throws Ikaris out of the car and pulls Druig in*

Ajak: *closes the elevator*

Kingo, Sprite, Phastos, Druig, and Makkari: *waiting outside the elevator since they won’t fit*

Kingo, as soon as the door closes: *opens it and waves*

Ajak: *shuts the door again because she just wants to leave*

Kingo: *opens the door again and waves*

Ajak: *closes the door again*

Kingo: *opens the door AGAIN* You shall not leave.

Ajak:: *closes the door AGAIN*

Kingo: *proceeds to open it yet again*

Ikaris: Just let us fuckin leave!

Ajak: *closes the door, starting to get agitated*

Kingo: *opeNS THE FUCKING DOOR AGAIN*

Ajak, Ikaris, Sersi, Thena, and Gilgamesh: LET THE FUCKING DOOR CLOSE!

Ajak: *closes the door, ready to beat the shit out of Kingo*

Kingo: *finally lets them go*

Thena: I am fluent in many ways of kicking your ass.

Ikaris: GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKIN TWINKIES!

Druig: NO!

Phastos, to Sersi: Are they drunk-

Ikaris and Druig: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!

Kingo, watching a potato that’s attached to his ceiling fan: A potato flew around my room before you came-

Kingo, Ikaris, Sersi, Sprite, Druig, Phastos, Gilgamesh, Thena, Makkari, and Ajak, less than ten minutes later: *chaotic, bloody murder, unholy screeching*

Kingo: If you’ve knocked on a door, you’ve technically punched a house before.

Phastos: No-

Kingo: honk :D

Druig: WHAT

Kingo: HONK >:(

Druig: WHAT THE FUCK DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT???

Makkari, pointing to a strange creature: WHAT IS THAT???

Phastos: I don’t know! I remember reading something about it, but I forgot the name!

Makkari: NEVERMIND. I DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS, JUST HIT IT!

Sersi: IKARIS, GET THAT THING OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Ikaris: What? You’ve told me about how much you’ve been wanting a cat, then I found this guy! It’s fate, Sersi, FATE!

Sersi: IKARIS.

Sersi: THAT IS A RACCOON.

Sersi: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

Kingo: Eyy, homie!

Makkari: But then there's cootie...

Thena: Die.

Ajak: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Thena: Spear.

Ajak: BLOCKED.

Ajak: I CHOOSE TO CALL IT MY KNIFE STICK.

Druig: I woke up today smiling because I saw Makkari and then I remembered that I’m still better than Ikaris.

Druig: Ajak, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Ikaris, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Makkari: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-

Phastos: CAN’T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE???

Thena: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Thena: *turns around and helps Sprite through it* Breaking and entering is wrong, Sprite.

Sprite: Okay.

Ajak: Is he stupid?

Thena, Druig, and Phastos, in unison: Yes, but he prefers to be called Ikaris.

Makkari: No thanks.

Makkari: I'm god.

Sersi, tearing up nearly every room in the Domo: WHERE ARE THEY???

Sersi, opening every cupboard after interrogating Druig: WHO MOVED THEM? WHO MOVED MY CHILDREN???

Sersi: SOMEONE MOVED MY M&Ms AND NOW I’M GOING TO START KILLING.

Ikaris, during the Emergence: What has this planet done for you? Why would you want to save it?

Sersi, Phastos, Makkari, Druig, and Thena, in unison: BECAUSE I’M ONE OF THE IDIOTS THAT LIVES ON IT!

Druig: Where are you going?

Ajak: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Thena, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

Eros: What happened to Ajak?

Thena: She died.

Eros: She what?

Thena: She died, but she’s okay now.

Eros: …Can you please clarify?

Ajak the Almighty: Clarification is for the weak.

Druig, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

Druig: Why are you burning our marriage certificate?

Makkari: Good luck returning me without the receipt.

Phastos: Ikaris, I don't like you.

Ikaris: What did you say?

Phastos: You heard me!

Ikaris, internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

Ajak: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

Makkari: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Ajak: How so?

Makkari: It makes holes.

Ikaris: I feel so burnt out.

Thena: Don’t worry, it'll be over soon.

Ikaris: Are you gonna... assassinate me?

Thena: Well not if you’re expecting it.

Ajak, about to jump over a canyon with the others in the back: Total lack of drivers training DON’T FAIL ME NOW!

Gilgamesh: I love you.

Thena: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Gilgamesh and Thena kiss passionately*

Phastos, to Kingo: You owe me 20 dollars.

Ajak: What? I'm not aggressive!

Druig: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of sandals and stole my chocolate chips?

Ajak: Survival of the fittest, bitch!

Gilgamesh: Wow, Thena, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Thena: We literally slept together yesterday and we’ve managed to convince everyone else that we’ve been married for the past few thousand years.

Gilgamesh: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Kingo, after being buried in sand: I am the sand guardian, Guardian of the Sand.

Sprite, who is the one who buried him: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM!

Kingo, a few minutes later, screaming at a wave: FUCK OFF!

#eternals #eternals incorrect quotes #eternals thena #eternals gilgamesh #thenamesh #eternals druig #eternals ikaris #eternals ajak #eternals sprite #eternals phastos #eternals kingo #eternals sersi #eternals makkari #Drukkari #I think I added to much Thenamesh…#nah #there’s no such thing as too much Thenamesh #I’m running out of quotes

99 notes · View notes