#I then tried to relocate my kneecap since I was already on the floor and I did it? like successfully? it’s fine now
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#tonight was weird. I had like five simultaneous mental breakdowns and then went into the lounge and just sorta hung out with some friends#first it was a breakdown about me being too disabled to perform/do tech#that turned into I’m getting worse what if I become too disabled to attend this college which turned into if I’m actually getting forearm#crutches what does that mean for me (and also how the fuck do I hide that from my parents)#then it was adding on the layer of I’m miserable and my roommate is asleep but I want a hug and by then I was crying pretty hard#so I had the brilliant idea to look up whether it’s possible to cry so hard you throw up/make yourself sick because that’s what we’d been#told as kids to get us to stop crying or something. and that’s just not how it works! stress can make you nauseous but crying can’t make you#sick/throw up. which then sent me into a spiral of ‘my parents aren’t dumb why the fuck did they say this. it’s fucked me up so badly’#I then got a tissue and then threw it away and went to walk away from the garbage can and just fell. completely randomly. a knee didn’t even#give out my legs just collapsed. which triggered an I’m useless (because I’m disabled) spiral while crying on the floor#I then tried to relocate my kneecap since I was already on the floor and I did it? like successfully? it’s fine now#I then decided to do my homework but that I wanted to do it in the lounge because I was in flight mode so the lounge was somewhere less#enclosed and did my homework there then talked to my friends about starkid#I’m so tired and overwhelmed
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