#I swear it's people like you that gives me life

[alwaysmoncheri]

can I request something for spencer?? I know you haven’t written for him in a while but I love him sm🥺

I literally forgot decaf coffee existed when writing this. thank you for requesting, muah! <3

cw: fem!reader, pregnant!reader, slight lack of self-care, fluff, 1k

<3

Derek watches you walk through the office doors—if you could even call it that—you shuffle through the doors, hand resting on the bump of your growing stomach. The other clutches a stack of files to your chest. There’s a frown upon your lips, you look exhausted. Hair slightly disheveled, and blouse partially untucked, you’re clearly in need of some time off, but you’re trying your best. 

On a normal day, Spencer would be right by your side. Brushing the hair from your face, leaving a lingering kiss to your temple. He would take the files and gently guide you to your desk. You’d beg for a small coffee, and he’d remind you that, “Drinking more than 200 mg of caffeine per day during pregnancy has been linked to an increased risk of pregnancy complications, such as low birth weight and miscarriage.” You’d shut up after that. Not that Spencer meant to scare you—but you always are. 

You’re scared about those things, the what-ifs. At the beginning people are happy for you, always wishing you congrats and sending smiles your way. It’s supposed to be that way, it’s exciting, you’re carrying the result of yours and Spencer’s love—another life. But the whispers always find their way to you. You’ve heard the talk about the chances of miscarriages—that no pain could ever compare to carrying a baby for months only to lose it during childbirth. 

On a normal day, Spencer would be there to silence your worries. But, today he’s in a meeting. A stupid meeting. It makes you want to cry. 

Derek notices your eyes tearing up and stands from his desk. Blocking the path to yours. He grimaces when you almost collide into his chest. You blink a couple of times, like you hadn’t even known he stood up. Now, you’re exhausted, sad and embarrassed—not a good combo. 

 “How’s our girl doing?” Derek hums with a careful smile, offering a hand to guide you to your desk. You grumble something incoherent, shooting him a quick look. A second later he’s out of your path, allowing you a straight shot to the coffee machine.

You clutch a mug, the heat against your hands comforting. A sigh leaves your body, and your shoulders relax. You’re about to take a sip of your coffee before it’s snatched away from you. You pratically moan at it’s absense, before narrowing your eyes at the traitor in front of you. 

“You can’t be having this,” Emily says simply before taking a sip of your coffee. Your blood boils. 

“Give it back,” you demand, placing your hands on your hips to look as threatening as possible. You can’t imagine how effective it is, though, given your current state—but you’re determined.

“Nuh, uh,” she tuts, pulling the mug away from you. You watch her step back and dump the hot liquid into the sink. God, you’re too tired for this. 

“I can just make another.” you shrug, reaching for the other mug resting on the counter. When Emily snatches that one from you too, your head lulls back, and you groan in annoyance. 

“Nope,” she shakes her head with an amused smile tugging at her lips. You swear, this has to be her deah wish, “Spencer will kill me if I let you do that.”

“He wouldn’t.” You argue, but it’s really a desperate plea. 

Emily raises her eyebrows at you, “Yes. He would.” she says, emphasizing each word. You roll your eyes but give in—you know she’s right. 

“Fine,” you mumble, throwing a final glare in her direction before turning to hobble over to your desk.

The rest of the day is long. Your co-workers watch the way you wince when Hotch calls someone into his office, voice booming across the room. They watch as you slump at your desk, your head propped up by your hand, trying—unsuccessfully—to keep your eyes open enough to focus on the documents in front of you. After a while, Penelope approaches, her smile wide, and a glass of water in hand. Her cheerfulness only makes your head throb harder. You gently brush her off, taking the water with a quiet sigh. You wish you didn’t feel this way—but your sour mood only worsens by the hour. 

Then, finally, your savior arrives. 

Almost the entire office visibly relaxes when Spencer emerges from the meeting room. He looks panicked, like he’s more worried about being without you than you without him—the truth is the latter. His eyes sift through the office before finding you at your desk, slumped and half asleep. His eyes soften and his shoulders drop. You’re still breathtaking—though when he tells you that, you only protest. Long strides bring him to you, and just like on a normal day, he’s by your side. 

A gentle hand in between your shoulder blades brings his presence to your attention. You tilt your head up while his other hand brushes your hair out of your face. Then, he presses his lips to your temple, like he always does—it makes you smile. 

You wrap your arms around his waist, and Spencer’s bent at an especially awkward angle, but it doesn’t bother him. 

“Spencer,” you sigh, the weight of every negative emotion from earlier lifting off your shoulders. Pressing your face into his chest, you breathe in the comfort of his warmth.

“Hi, honey.” he returns, rubbing small circles on the small of your back. You say something into his chest that doesn’t quite reach his ears. 

“Hm?” he hums, asking you to repeat yourself. Nearby, Derek’s mouth hangs agape when you do without protest. 

“I missed you.”

Spencer presses a kiss into your hair, “I missed you too.”

You’re both silent for a moment, wrapped up in each other’s embrace. But eventually, Spencer shifts, wincing as his back aches, and gently pulls away. In turn, he kneels in front of you, hands resting on your thighs. 

“Have you had anything to drink today?” He asks simply—out of habit. Your smile again, he’s always trying to take care of you. 

“A little.”

There’s no hesitation before he’s on his feet, “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

“No, no, wait.” you protest, catching his hand, “Just stay for a minute.”

Spencer can’t bring himself to say no. 

So, he pulls up a chair, and the two of you settle in, working side by side at your desk until the end of the day. Hotch, watching from his office, would normally call out the inappropriate behavior—but today, he decides to let it slide. Just this once.

<3

masterlist . spencer reid masterlist

thank you for reading, my darling! remember to like! reblog! and comment! i’ll give you a smooch if you do, ily! send requests to my inbox!

alwaysmoncheri © ─ all rights reserved. please do not repost/translate/copy any of my work.

[itaipava]

— little hints f1 boys would give that they have a crush on you.

˒ ⌕ LANDO NORRIS

he is interested in all your passions and hobbies: even if it is something he knows little about, he’ll ask you about your passions or things you like to do to have more to talk about with you and to get to know you even better. he also likes to research on the internet and send you videos that he finds about your favorite topics and, when you least expect it, he will start conversations about it, leaving you surprised but happy to know that he puts a lot of effort into connecting with your world.

˒ ⌕ GEORSE RUSSELL

he always includes you in his plans: whenever he travels, he talks as if you’re going too, without even inviting you directly. when you ask him about it, he usually says, “well, you’re going with me, aren’t you?” and when you can’t go because of work, he gets really frustrated, but he makes sure to keep you updated. he’s also always saying “we should check out that new place together… when are you free?” or “wouldn’t it be fun if you go with me for the next race?” he loves planting the idea of ​​future moments with you, and he loves it when they actually come true.

˒ ⌕ SEBASTIAN VETTEL

he loves teasing you: he always looks for a way to tease you, but always with a touch of flirting, which leaves you wondering if it's really just a joke or if he means something with it. he also hates it when someone else does this and he doesn’t hide his anger, and it’s at this moment that you also don't miss the opportunity to tease him; and the look in his eyes tells you that in fact, he doesn’t tease you just for fun.

˒ ⌕ CARLOS SAINZ

he always offers to help you with whatever you need: no matter what you need, he will do whatever it takes for you and to make your life easier. he will get you a coffee (and a sweet treat) in minutes when you say you want it. he will buy you something you said you needed but couldn't because you were too busy. he will come to your house to fix that broken drawer. he will always be there for you, even when you don't ask him directly, he will be there.

˒ ⌕ CHARLES LECLERC

he always remembers little details about you: sometimes he'll casually mention something small that you've said in the past, like your favorite snack or a specific memory. and sometimes you're delightfully surprised by how accurately he tells you these things because you could swear he'd forgotten or didn't really care, but he's always paying extra attention to you and everything you say is important to him.

˒ ⌕ LEWIS HAMILTON

he always compliments you a lot: but they’re not generic compliments that you always hear, he focuses on unique characteristics of yours that he really admires, like “you always have a way of making everything more fun and cool” or “you always seem to know the right things to say”, he’s always complimenting you, and he always means it.

˒ ⌕ OSCAR PIASTRI

he always looks for reasons to text you: he likes to send you news about your favorite singers, bands, authors or something he knows you’ll like. it’s things like “you popped into my head when i saw this, and i had to share” or “doesn’t this remind you of that joke you made?” and he always tries to keep the conversation going, no matter what.

˒ ⌕ LIAM LAWSON

he is always your biggest fan: whatever you do, he gives you all the support and help in the world. he is always the first one to show up when you need encouragement, whether it’s to wish you good luck at an event or send you a bouquet of flowers with a little note, or a brief message saying that he believes in you, and that he knows everything will turn out fine. he also loves talking about you to people like “did you see what y/n did? she’s amazing, right?” he is your biggest fan, and he doesn’t hide it from anyone.

˒ ⌕ MAX VERSTAPPEN

he looks at you a lot: when you two make eye contact, you have to look at something else first because he can’t get enough of you - and he loves it when you get embarrassed about it. he also loves to admire you when you’re distracted and don’t realize he’s looking at you; he loves looking at you and learning your mannerisms. to him, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen, and even though sometimes you catch him staring at you and ask him with a smile what he’s looking at, he doesn’t stop or give you a serious answer, which creates a spark of curiosity in you.

[antimonyandthyme]

carcar 28 if you are still doing prompts :)

carcar pt 1; curse of obedience/can’t disobey a direct order

“So,” Oscar says, “if I were to say—”

“Don’t,” Carlos says, all urgent, eyes wider than Oscar’s ever seen them. “Oscar!”

He’ll remember this moment after. Go back to it every so often, when his brain sees fit to carve out versions of himself to dissect. Savage, impulsive. Vindictive even. Couldn’t even have picked something non-life threatening, like Drink this drip coffee, which I know you’d rather die than put on your tongue. Had to go for this.

“—run out into traffic, without looking—”

Carlos stands up so fast the chair clatters behind him. Bit of a shock. Oscar looks around, waits for the crowd to laugh along, for him to be allowed in on the prank. The café’s busy, people rippling past them to get to where they need to be. Carlos turns toward the door.

“Carlos,” Oscar says. The vacant look on Carlos’s face scrapes against Oscar’s bare skin like a grater. “What are you doing?”

Carlos gives no response, eyes trained only on the door. Dimly, Oscar wonders if this is how he looks under the helmet.

No, no. Even while racing, Carlos wouldn’t look like this. Surely, his jaw would run askew, his teeth would find his lower lip, his eyes dance bright and hungry.

“Carlos,” Oscar says again. He barely registers his pulse spiking.

Two steps are all it takes for Carlos to get up to full speed, as if he’s got a rabid dog on his heels. He’s a bullet shot out the door, a blur of red.

Oscar’s supposed to have reflexes made from lightning. Fastest in the world, isn’t he? But he stares, uncomprehending, and stares some more through the endless bay windows, as Carlos, uncaring that the crosswalk’s sign is still red, dashes onto the road. He runs, cutting through the continuous stream of metal as if his body were made of something divine.

A car swerves violently, a honk sounds. The ignition Oscar needs to snap out of his daze. Combustion, power. He propels forward, mouth already formed around syllables.

“Carlos,” he screams. “Carlos, stop! Come back!”

He must not be able to hear me. That must be the only reason Carlos keeps running, narrowly avoiding a speeding motorcycle. What did he say, when Oscar was dismissing his confession as a joke? He said—he’s being made to listen, right? To listen and obey. Oscar just has to reach him, so Carlos can listen.

Carlos is too far ahead, outstripping Oscar with an unrecognizable single-mindedness. Oscar’s yelling himself hoarse, but it’s too loud all around them, tires screeching, tearing at his ears. Chaos around them, Oscar unable to reign it in. Even in the rainiest conditions, he’d been able to find more grip than this.

The crosswalk melts onto the sidewalk, and for a blessed second, Oscar thinks it’s over, that Carlos has done all he’s needed to do, carried out the cruel task Oscar’s laid out for him like the gods before Heracles.

Then Carlos turns the corner, still running.

“Carlos!” Oscar’s face is wet, for some reason. A flickering image of Carlos meeting a car sears itself into the back of his eyelids, spills more liquid out. “Come back, please!  Please, god. Come back.”

Clarity, even in panic. If he’s braved speeds most people can’t comprehend, forces that could bend and even break a neck, then what is running blind into traffic?

He doesn’t look as he steps off the curb this time. Adjusts his focus to match Carlos’s. Speeds up in a way that is second nature. A driver swearing at him, a blinding flash from a headlight too close for comfort, but Oscar keeps running. Slowly but surely gaining on his target, overtaking within his reach.

“Stop,” he begs. “Carlos, you can stop now.”

Carlos’s feet ground to a halt.

Momentum carries him to a collision. Oscar flings his arms around Carlos, drags him out of the way just as a truck blares past their intended path.

--

“Asshole, you fucking asshole.” Big, gulping, uneven inhales. “Why did I, why did I go to you, I’m such an idiot, why did I even think you would, ah, fuck. Fuck.” His voice cracks into tiny pieces. “Stupid, stupid. Such a fucking idiot.”

Oscar tightens his hold around Carlos. Dead man’s grip, he’s not letting go. Even though they’re both shaking so hard each breath feels like a bruise. Carlos’s shoulder knocks into Oscar’s teeth, hard enough to cut his lip. Doesn’t matter, he’s not letting go. Oscar tugs Carlos, still trembling, over to the wall of the deserted street they’ve found themselves in. He sinks to the ground, back against the wall, pulling Carlos down with him.

“Breathe,” he says, a little hysterically. “Carlos, come on. Breathe.”

Deep, deep breaths, swelling through both their bodies. Fuck, fuck. Was that also a command? Could he tell Carlos to stop breathing and would Carlos just stop—

“Breathe!” Oscar nearly shouts, to force all other thoughts out of his head. “Carlos, listen to me, you’re alright.”

“—hate you,” Carlos is saying furiously. Oscar squeezes his eyes shut against the pain that lances through him. Nothing like the sting of his bleeding lip; this settles far deeper. “I can’t believe I, you. You.” More air, sucked through rattling lungs. “I shouldn’t have come to you.”

“Why did you?” Oscar says brokenly. He squeezes Carlos to him, then even though he shouldn’t, shouldn’t be allowed to, buries his forehead in the dip between Carlos’s shoulder blades. Selfishly uses Carlos to buttress himself. “Tell me.”

Another command, he realizes too late. Can he not even be in Carlos’s vicinity without being such a dickhead, fuck.

“I thought you wouldn’t.” Carlos’s chest heaves, his throat forcing out words against his will. “Of all people. You wouldn’t use it against me.”

“I wouldn’t,” Oscar whispers, like the greatest hypocrite in all the earth.

Oscar’s never heard Carlos laugh like that, derisive, painfully disparaging. All those times before, when Carlos had teased him, even after a race mistake, he’s done so maybe a little mockingly, but gently all the same. Prodding at Oscar with his bared teeth, but carefully enough he never broke skin. And now he sounds like he would be happy to be wiped clean of Oscar entirely.

Oscar cringes, tries to hide by burrowing further into Carlos’s back. This must be what being flayed alive feels like.

“You wouldn’t!” Carlos says, voice raising high and thready. “After you tried to kill me. After you made me, made me run like a dog huh? Was that fun for you? You like that, huh?”

Carlos’s shoulders pull uncomfortably taut. His shaking slows, the drug of adrenaline siphoning away. The rhythm of his breath changes, stutters, then quickens. His throat releases something wounded. The arm Oscar has braced against Carlos’s chest catches stray droplets, running off Carlos’s chin.

Oscar’s never going to be able to forget the way Carlos sounds broken down. Can’t do anything. Can’t even say something like, Don’t cry, for fear of stuffing all of Carlos’s tears back into him like a botched surgery.

He holds Carlos closer. Lips on the back of Carlos’s neck like he’s allowed, like he can impart I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m so fucking stupid it will never happen again I promise. I promise.

“Breathe,” he says.

“Leave me alone,” Carlos says weakly.

 Nope, no. Never. “Breathe.”

“Just, leave me alone Oscar.” Carlos struggles in Oscar’s grip, a fish caught in a trap. He doesn’t have the leverage to break free, winded as he is, with one arm tucked under his own shirt, fingers pinching his side so hard the flesh’s turned white.

“You’re hurting yourself,” Oscar says softly. “Please let go, Carlos.”

Carlos’s fingers unclench. He lets out a low, hurt whine, frustration, anger at his own helplessness, at having to listen to Oscar. Of all people. “Fuck you,” Carlos says.

By the third time Oscar repeats it, his mind’s made up. “Breathe,” he orders. “Carlos. I’m going to fix this.”

(put that guy in a situation prompts)

[stardustedreams222]

Communicating with Your Ancestors

Something they’ve been trying to tell you but you’ve been ignoring

Samhain Edition

This is a collective reading, meaning there won’t be as much detail as if it’s a personal reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t 🩷 If you’d like a personal reading on this, you can purchase a reading on my Ko-Fi Shop {You’ll need to be a Moon Member for $5 a month in order to purchase it 🩷}

Samhain is the perfect time to reach out and hear what your Ancestors have to say, with the veil between worlds being so thin. Today, the dead walk among the living. I wanted to do a Pick a Pile for everyone who wasn’t able to do the divination themselves during Samhain this year.

Close your eyes, Take a deep breath, and Pick the Pile{s} you’re most drawn to, to hear what your Ancestors want to tell you.

Pick a Pile

1 ➸ 2 ➸ 3

Content Warning: These are hard-to-hear messages and your Ancestors aren't holding anything back in this! Expect swear words and brief mentions of their time in slavery.

{I don’t know how but every pile has Ancestors from the East coast or South in the USA 🙈 and I feel a bit rude cos I didn’t expect this reading to just be for Americans but I think that’s just who wanted to come out in this reading. However they do wanna clarify that even though these are the places they’re showing me, there are people in this collective who are outside of the USA! But these are just the states with most relevance to the collective piles 🩷}

𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂

𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑂𝑛𝑒 ~ 𝐶𝑜𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑒

Your Cards: Empress. Page of Wands, King of Wands, Ace of Swords, The Magician, 4 of Cups, 10 of Wands, Lovers Reversed, Ace of Wands, Death

About Your Ancestors:

They have a southern U.S. accent, {Louisiana, Georgia, Alabama} and the one Ancestor that’s most prominent in this reading is of Creole ancestry, others are Black and Hispanic and a small few, {one or two} are white.

Your Message:

You have something inside you that you’ve been wanting to create and some of you’ve been putting in the work to create it but it’s still in the planning process.

This is an opportunity of some kind either an entrepreneurship or a non profit organization. It’s something so close to your heart that you feel so deeply connected to it.

It’s your baby, you can see it being your life’s work, but there’s been some issues in this. Things feeling too complicated, like there's too much on your plate to fully enjoy this. Lately, you’ve been feeling like “Is this even worth all this?” while you work on it.

You've been dragging your feet, not wanting to get out of bed. Feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, depressed or just indifferent to the work now. But there will be a breakthrough soon, where you’ll feel free again. Happy and excited again for this.

This breakthrough is something that will remind you why you started this in the first place. It’ll ignite that spark in your heart again. And it’ll wash away all the burdened, overwhelming apathy and hatred that’s been growing towards this. It’ll be the push and the change in your mindset that’s needed in order to help you fully create this in all its glory. 

The Channeled message as I heard it:

“It’s worth it. I know you can’t see that right now and you havent been able to for a while now, but child it’s worth it. Change is coming, breakthrough is coming. Don’t throw in the towel just yet. Give it some more time.

In the meantime, while you wait for the breakthrough, the ‘Aha’ moment, I want you to rest, relax. Act like you’re 7 months pregnant and your back is aching, your feet are swollen and your belly is rumbling.

Get a massage, take a bubble bath, put up your feet, take that nap, eat more and fuel up. Get your mind off this as much as you can.

You clock out of work, stop thinking about it. You’re home— act like it.

In this rest and relaxation you’ll come back to yourself. And at the end of it you’ll remember why you started this in the first place. You started to help people. You started to help yourself. So why are you forgetting to take care of yourself right now?

Because you don’t think you deserve it?

Bullshit!

The very reason for why you’re doing this makes you worthy of taking a break every now and again and I’m not talking a 5 minute break or a ‘30 second alarm on your phone’ break where you reward yourself with chocolate and a happy jazz hands dance and then get back to work. I’m talking about a real vacation kind of break.

A weekend, a week, a couple of weeks. You deserve time off to rest your body and especially your mind.

Now, I know this sounds harsh, I don’t mean it to come across that way, Child, I just want what's best for you, and working yourself into the ground like you are now, is not that. So do us all a favor and take a break. Drink your water too and start listening to us. We know you can hear us, it just pisses us off more when you act like you don’t or can’t. Yeah, we see you… and we know you see us too."

That was all they wanted to say... They do love you they just really feel like calling you out right now 🙈 So I’ma ask them for a nice message now cos I don’t like ending readings on a sour note 🩷

New Cards: World Reversed, 7 of Pentacles, High Priestess, Hermit, Sun, 3 of Pentacles, Empress

They didn’t wanna give this lol, and it took a while for any cards to come out.

Their Comforting Message:

“Fiine… Here. We know life hasn’t been easy.

The world wasn’t handed to you as a child, you’ve had to work for everything you have including the respect of other people. You know this, I don’t know why you need me to say it. But you’re also highly aware of what’s going on beneath the surface.

Call it the years of isolation, dark night of the souls, all the shadow work you’ve been doing. You’ve been doing good. Working up to your happiness and that’s where you are now: Working to make this dream come true.

We are proud of you… we’d just like some recognition for all we’ve done to help you through this shit hole too. A cookie would be nice, you know. Or some water at the least. All I feel is like we’re yapping up a storm, drying our mouths, and all you hear is the charlie brown teachers spewing nonsense ‘cause you don’t wanna hear us!

{I asked them to redirect and actually give comforting messages lol}

We’re proud of you for all the hard work you’ve put in. Digging up the weeds and breaking the foundations of concrete just to plant some pretty flowers isn’t easy to do. God knows I know that… You’re intuitive, child, you know you don’t have to keep doubting whether you heard correctly or not… or saw correctly. We admire how far you’ve developed your clairs and psychic abilities in such a short life.

It didn’t come easy and we know that.

We saw all the work you put in, we saw the isolation periods and we’re proud of you for sticking with it and getting through it. I’m sorry we’re a bit bitter… but a cookie or an offering would go a long way I’m just sayin’… {They held their hands up in innocence, lol}

Know that our hands are on this project of yours too, we’re looking out for it, just like we’re looking out for you too. But we are serious about you needing to rest.

Even we needed to rest when we were out in the fields. {She means when they were enslaved, working the fields. Others are talking about being immigrants and working on farms with horrible pay "slaving away."}

So you gotta rest too, even moreso because what you’re making is gonna help a lot of people, which means this is just the beginning of the hard work.

You gotta find the balance between working hard and fully shutting off your work brain. You gotta find that balance now, before things take off and you end up dropping the ball down the road when you get burnt out from running around like a headless chicken.

We love you, We’re proud of you. Now get some rest, there’s nothing you have to prove by working so damn hard.”

All right 🩷 Well, you definitely have some vocal and stubborn ancestors 😂 They seem sweet though, even through the harsh message and cussing, I could tell they really love you, they just feel ignored and neglected.

Some of them also really want a cookie!

I heard “A raisin cookie tell ‘em I want raisin!” 😂🙈 Yall have some really adorable ancestors! Overall, their message is to take a break.

You’ve deserved a nice long break for a while now. I know it can be tough setting your work down for a day or two… or even 15 minutes. I struggle with the same thing but rest is essential. Rest is necessary. And your ancestors see it as beneficial for you and your business / project.

I think if it’s really hard to let go of your “work mode” maybe do it in increments. It doesn't have to be a hard clean break from today to tomorrow where you take two weeks off. You can start small, take an hour off. Turn your phone on dnd, grab a face mask, hot tea {or hot cocoa with the colder months here now!} just do what you can with what you have right now.

Try to see it as a meditative practice, as time goes by it’ll get easier to add more time to your breaks 🩷

Also… they’re really adamant about that cookie 🙈 Maybe look into doing some homemade cookie recipes, taking the time to make them could count as your break from work 🩷 {And they really like the idea of a homemade offering.}

That's all for this pile, thank you for sticking around and hearing your ancestors out! They really appreciate you wanting to hear them out right now 🩷🫂

If you’d like a personal reading on this, to elaborate or ask them more questions, you can purchase a reading on my Ko-Fi Shop {You’ll need to be a Moon Member for $5 a month in order to purchase it 🩷 The reading itself is One Call Away for $8 or Family Meeting for $15}

Happy Samhain! 🎃

𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂

𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑇𝑤𝑜 ~ 𝐶𝑙𝑜𝑐𝑘

Pile two is interesting because two sets of messages and Ancestors came out with the same cards 🙈 While they’re both essentially the same message they have enough of a nuance to them that I wanted to split them into groups to fully allow each set of Ancestors to be heard. So Pile 2 you’ve been split into Group A and Group B

please pick an emoji for your reading 🩷

🍯 Group A 🍯 🐝 Group B 🐝

Thank you 🩷 Please proceed accordingly 🥰

🍯 Group A 🍯

Your Cards: 4 of Swords, King of Pentacles Reversed, Page of Swords, Knight of Wands, 6 of Pentacles

About Your Ancestors:

They were really eager to talk. Their ethnicities are kinda hazy, I think this might be because it’s a collective reading and yall don’t share the same ancestry as the other members in this pile. Some are from New Jersey, may have moved to or from New York. Italian is prominent, but so is German.

Then some are venturing into Connecticut, Vermont, Maryland, Illinois, and Virginia. Michigan too but that's a small few.

Some of you are POC, Black and Asian being the most common after Italians and Germans. Some of you are really proud {as you should be 🩷} to have made it this far in an unfair world, not only for the discrimination against you but also because some of you have grown up on stories of what it was like in slavery. And a super small amount of you are born from a Freed Slave in the 1840's-1860’s who had a really rough time. I think they moved from the southern states to New York, and that’s where you grew up but now that you’re well established you moved down to the state they’re from in a way to prove your worth to everyone there. They’re really proud of you for that 🩷🫂 as am I ‘cause I don’t think I’d have the courage to do that especially with the Election coming up 🙈 

Your Message:

You’ve been searching for happiness when it comes to your wealth. You’re actually really wealthy this could be from your hard work or things have just gone really easy for you or a mix of both. For most of you, this is your hard work. 

Even though you’re rich and you can buy things that make you really happy you haven’t felt fulfilled. So you keep buying more and more in hopes it’ll satisfy that feeling, and it does for a little while but then that feeling fades again.

Your Ancestors are saying you have to start letting down your walls. You’ve been guarding your wealth as it grew {which is really wise!} but now that it’s fully grown and sustainable, you need to start leaving behind that mindset that this is only *your* money to spend. It’s not just yours, because your ancestors helped you reach this height of your wealth, they’ve been cultivating it too and the reason why is because they want to soften your heart towards the less fortunate. I know this is really hard for you to hear but you should look for places— credible organizations, shelters, charities— to donate to. Your ancestors are saying once you do you’ll find that satisfaction you’ve been looking for with your wealth.

However, there’s more. You should really do your research, go in person, and talk to the community and organization leaders to really understand their story and the cause you’re donating to before you donate because in this meet and greet you’ll actually learn the lesson your ancestors want you to.

Otherwise, you’ll just be giving money to different organizations still feeling unfulfilled and still searching for happiness and purpose.

Your Channeled Message:

“Let me- Lemme speak first! I can speak for all of us when I say: We know the hard work that went into you getting your bank account where it is now. It was hard work we won’t diminish that! But you gotta stop thinking that everyone everywhere can get where you are now by just putting in the hours and hard work. Some people can, but others just really can’t and they need a helping hand. And I know you wanna roll your eyes and huff but you didn’t do this alone either.

We all helped you. You put in the hard work, but we supplied the opportunities, sprinkling the good luck— {another ancestor interrupted} Dumped! We Dumped the good luck!! Don’t *sugarcoat* it.— That money isn’t just yours and I know, I know you hate this but you know deep down it’s true.

That’s why you’re not happy because you’re *meant* to be sharing that money with people. Spreading the joy and the serenity that that money can bring. We blessed you so you could bless others. But this will only work if you do this out of compassion, being truly moved by the causes you’re giving to. So you gotta go out there get your hands dirty and look into the organizations yourself, don’t get someone else to do it for you ‘cause that won’t work for you.

You’ll still be bitter and feeling lonely in that big house {They showed a mansion with a stone driveway and a cute cultivated garden with columnar shrubs, square bushes and a sculpted bush} with that fancy car {They showed a Porsche and a BMW and they said Lincoln too} because you need human connections and a real purpose to back yourself up in your happiness.

We know how you feel about sharing your money… but you have to let go of thinking ‘I worked hard for this life, for this money! Why should I have to share it with people who can’t even balance their checkbook!?’

You also gotta give people a chance to surprise you, not every poor person with a sob story is just out for a good con. Not all of them are.

You did good, making good on the opportunities we sent you and— I know that struck a nerve but calm down. We sent them so give us some credit.— working hard to get where you are now. And you don’t have to listen to us, but we’re just telling you what will make you happy and fill that hole in your heart and life. You can take our advice or not, it’s up to you. When you’re ready, though, we’ll help you find the right places to send money.”

They care about you, they definitely have a hand in your life even though that seems to upset you but they don’t mean for it to be an insult, instead a testament to how much they care and look after you. I think they’re really sweet for not wanting to push you to do things their way, some Ancestors I’ve met before have been really stubborn and persistent so I think yours are really level headed and kind for this.

I also get the sense that they were business folks when they were on Earth too, in law firms, stock brokerages, and corporations, {whether that job went anywhere or not for them is unclear.} because of how well they worked around the business side of things to help you land deals, get promotions, and i also saw they helped you get your first big job interview.

They also know the lingo for businesses but they have a somewhat informal way of talking to you, {or to me to talk to you.}

Overall, it was a hard pill to swallow but they just wanted to say they’re proud of you but if you wanna stop searching for happiness, this is a surefire way to do that and they’re highly encouraging it. Of course, the decision is yours to make.

That's all for this pile, thank you for sticking around and hearing your ancestors out! I know it wasn’t easy 🩷🫂

If you’d like a personal reading on this, to elaborate or ask them more questions, you can purchase a reading on my Ko-Fi Shop {You’ll need to be a Moon Member for $5 a month in order to purchase it 🩷 The reading itself is One Call Away for $8 or Family Meeting for $15}

🐝 Group B 🐝

Your Cards: 9 of Wands Reversed, 8 of Cups, Queen of Cups, Knight of Pentacles

About Your Ancestors:

I smelled the ocean and then a chlorine pool. I think you or some of your ancestors may have been avid swimmers, swimming competitions seem relevant but also summers and holidays at a lake or beach. 

Indiana and Kentucky are prominent along with West Virginia. You may be from there or live there now, or your ancestors are from there/lived most of their lives there. You have some red haired ancestors, fair skin that burns easily. Blue eyes are common but there’s one Ancestor with Green eyes that’s really important here. Like piercing green emerald eyes.

It feels like you were born into wealth but that you also take your work seriously or enjoy working hard, to maintain that wealth, but that money also isn't "everything" to you.

Your Message:

They see that you want to be charitable but that you’re not sure who or what to give your money to. They suggest talking to more people and taking an active part in looking for causes or people in need. Researching charities online, going in person to local shelters and children’s organizations, you’ll find a place/cause/person to donate to really soon after doing this. Being in person will help you gauge the intentions of the organization and bring clarity on where you should share your money 🩷

Your Channeled Message:

“We know you’re bored, and looking for something fun to do. We’ve talked it over and we agree that donating to a good cause will benefit you. That being hands-on will be what you need to feel alive and excited and fill that need to be involved in something worth a damn.

There’s a few good ones but you’ll need to do your research, call them up, email them, set up a meeting with the campaign organizers and really ask them why they do this and how they use the money.

You’ll be able to gauge— we’ll help you to know— who is right for you and who is shoveling bullshit into your ears. There’ll be some that excite you and they look perfect from the outside but once you sit down and talk to them you’ll see they aren’t what they appear to be.

Be prepared to get your hopes crushed with the ones you think are good. It’ll be one of the places you didnt think twice about that will actually be the right fit for you. So just be prepared to be disappointed a lot before you find that one that lights your soul up.

Also be smart when you do find them, don’t write them a big check right away, do smaller donations first.

{I asked them why.}

Because you’ll be the first {or one of the first} to believe in them and their cause and a large donation will inflate their egos making them veer off course.

You gotta be subtle with your support— and ask to be part of the overseeing committe to track how they use the money. It sounds harsh but they’ll need you to keep them honest and on track. It’s not that they’re a bad organization, it's just that they live in the real world. Where bills and unexpected expenses pop up and they are just starting out so they kinda have their thoughts all over the place. They’re focus is on 20-50 years from now when it should be on this month, next month, this year.

With a large donation they’ll get ahead of themselves and start working on projects that shouldn’t and can’t be supported right now. Just stick to the plan and help them stick to it too. Small donations, regularly sent until we tell you to go bigger.

We love your heart. How much you want to give money away and share it with the world. We wish we were more like you when we were there {on Earth.}

We’re proud that you abandoned our thick skulled ideas and we’re proud to call you our grandson/granddaughter. {Most of you are male but a few are female so they said both 🩷}

We’re sorry we weren’t more supportive of you before, but we see the truth now and we’re here to support you in whatever you need now. And excuse our language some of us are still learning to behave more politely.

We love you. Ask for our help, we’ll do it. We really want you to talk to us more, and we wanna talk to you more. Bridge this gap that’s here ‘cause of me. {some mean from being in the Otherworld and some mean from their “bitter stubborn pig-headedness” —their words lol— while they were here on Earth.} I hope that we can make some kind of arrangement for that. Maybe go out for some tea or something.”

Overall you’re very pure hearted when it comes to your wealth. You don’t take it for granted and you love helping people but your Ancestors are concerned about you giving money to the wrong people. Almost like naivety but it’s just optimism and they understand that 🩷

They aren’t concerned because they think you can’t handle money on your own they just know that if you give money to people who misuse it and you find out down the road you’ll be heartbroken and it could lead to you putting your guard up when it comes to donating later, and they don’t want that.

To protect you, they’re recommending that you become mentally and physically invested in the organizations you support financially.

And they do have deep regrets for how they behaved here with you in the past. Some of you have ancestors that you knew here before they ascended, others only know stories— especially from the people in your hometown, they hold “grudges” towards your Ancestors because of how they behaved. So this could also be a small town thing 🩷

That's all for this pile, thank you for sticking around and hearing your ancestors out! 🩷🫂

If you’d like a personal reading on this, to elaborate or ask them more questions, you can purchase a reading on my Ko-Fi Shop {You’ll need to be a Moon Member for $5 a month in order to purchase it 🩷 The reading itself is One Call Away for $8 or Family Meeting for $15}

Happy Samhain! 🎃✨

𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂

𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑇ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒 ~ 𝑇𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑝ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑒

Your Cards: Hanged man Reversed, Queen of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, Heirophant, Emperor, 9 of Cups, Strength, Justice Reversed, Death Reversed, 10 of Wands Reversed, 4 of Cups Reversed, 2 of Cups, 6 of Wands, Knight of Wands, King of Swords Reversed, 7 of Cups Reversed

About Your Ancestors:

Your Ancestors couldn’t wait to speak! The cards just started flying out so they definitely feel passionate about this.

Delaware is prominent. Appalachian is also important. Then it’s Missouri, Iowa, Ohio, North Dakota, Arkansas.

The Ancestor that was most prominent was an older lady, she was sitting in a dining hall or an old tea house {where they serve tea and cucumber sandwiches and the ladies dress up in vintage attire and hats.} She is white but the other Ancestors here are not. She was just the one that felt more confident speaking. She isn’t someone you’ve met in this life, she’s either an Ancestor from centuries ago or she ascended while you were too young to remember her. There are Hispanics here, Indians as well, a few Blacks, a handful of Natives from both America and Canada. 🩷

Your Message:

You’re avoiding an opportunity here because you’re afraid of the responsibility that will come from it and you’re afraid of being seen in a public way. Some of you feel like imposters and like if you become famous you’ll end up in lawsuits because you’ve seen it happen to people you adored and your role models ended up being problematic later on and you’re afraid of that happening to you.

{Can I just say Ditto!! 🙋🏻‍♀️ So I totally understand where you’re coming from!}

However, your Ancestors are saying that will never happen to you! You are the embodiment of pure love, kindness and compassion, even if you do have anger and hate towards some things or some people, you are still pure at heart and this is your reward.

This is your prize for being an amazing and beautifully kind person. It’s time for you to stop being afraid of being seen and being famous. It’s time for you to see yourself as you are and not who you’ve been telling yourself you are all these years.

This opportunity for you is something you will use to influence necessary change in this world. Laying down foundations and tearing up outdated ideas to build a more stable, respectful and focused world. This is something you’ll be partnering up with the Divine to create. It’s an incredible thing and they don’t want you to be afraid of it.

You’re worried you’ll lead in a cruel and ruthless, judgmental way but you won’t. You’ll lead with a vision for a better future for everyone, and people will see that 🩷

As for feeling overwhelmed and like there will be too much to carry, you’ll have help. From the Divine and in people, you’ll have the ability to share the load with others so even though you are the “face” of this and the leader, you won’t be leading alone 🩷🫂

Channeled Messages as I heard it:

“Child, you’re wonderful. Incredible, beautiful and kind. Why are you so worried about this turning out badly for yourself? You’re your own worst enemy, you know that, right?

Overthinking and worrying about what people will think of you, worrying about how you’ll mess something up unintentionally. Stop that! {She smacked your hand away from your mouth as you went to bite your nails lol}

Grab some tea {others said water} and pull yourself together. We didn’t raise you to be like this, worried and insecure about your self.

So look in the proverbial mirror and fix your hair and makeup {this is still a genderless reading but this Ancestor is prominent right now and speaking to a makeup wearer 🩷} Stand up straighter, keep your chin up and know who you are. You’re {They said some names lol like actually first middle and last names of people so for privacy reasons I won’t be sharing those.} for christ’s sake!

You are kind, compassionate, intelligent and meant to be seen as a leader in this world!

Don’t shy away from it because of other people’s missteps. I don’t care who your role model was, and quite frankly I do nOt care what they did to screw up my child’s view of themselves but you do not get to shy away from what this world has to offer you, what *I am* offering you, just because of someone else’s dirty laundry getting waved around in town square! {She huffs and straightens herself out as she pulls on the hem of her fitted blouse as she reins in her frustration.}

Now… I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m sick and tired of saying this to you and me not being heard. So pardon my lashing out but this had to be said because you my dear, are wonderful and you deserve every good thing this life has to offer you and I will make damn sure that you get it!

So get off your damn tush and start putting yourself out there because not only is it good for the world but it’s good for you and your happiness. And after all the hell you’ve been through, you deserve a bit of happiness in your life. So take it. ‘Cause it’s right there for the taking.”

She’s definitely passionate about this and I think her swearing is adorable, it made me laugh a lot during the channel 🩷

Although she was the most prominent Ancestor to come through, the others all agreed with her. It felt like when I asked for them to speak they all looked at her and she knew she got appointed with the job to speak for everyone.

I think she also might be the oldest of the group of Ancestors to come through but as I typed that they corrected me 🙈 There are older ones in the group, they appointed her because she has been around long enough to feel their frustration and hope for all of you to “get your act together and put on the best show of your lives” {their words} so they let her speak for all of them.

Plus they knew I’d enjoy her company and energy 😂🩷 They’re all so adorable. This is definitely my favorite pile for this reading because of her!

As for her message, I think it’s definitely something I relate to so I can understand the fear and holding yourself back to protect yourself but the cards and the Ancestors were very clear and adamant that you will not fail.

Something that might help is knowing that: your Ancestors and the Divine will not give you something amazing and push you to do it if it led to your humiliation or detriment when they know it’s something you’re genuinely terrified of.

I know it can be scary, I dealt with it when my spirit team told me to start doing readings online, I’ll prolly share my story later but it was really tough to push through that fear.

I recommend learning about and healing your solar plexus, heart, root, and crown centers {also inappropriately called Chakras} because that’ll help you open up to the possibility of entering the public eye and help nurture and solidify your perspective of yourself.

It might not be an easy road to heal these but if you need help, my asks and DMs are always open!! 🩷 And your Ancestors are also very willing to help you themselves so if you feel comfortable talking to them and asking them directly for help I definitely see that as a great option for you in your journey! 🩷✨

That’s all for this reading 🩷

I really enjoyed doing this!! It did take a lot longer to do this pick a pile because of all the different Ancestors in each pile but it was genuinely so much fun!

If you’d like a personal reading on this, to elaborate or ask them more questions, you can purchase a reading on my Ko-Fi Shop {You’ll need to be a Moon Member for $5 a month in order to purchase it 🩷 The reading itself is One Call Away for $8 or Family Meeting for $15}

𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂 𐐪𐑂

If you have any questions or want me to elaborate on something in this post please reach out, either with my “Pigeon Messenger 🕊️”, comments or DMs. 🩷

𐐪𐑂 My Etsy Divination Shop | My Ko-Fi Shop

𐐪𐑂 Follow my Personal Tumblr @withloveastrid

𐐪𐑂 Follow @starlingschool for divination tips

𐐪𐑂 Support me on Ko-Fi for $3 a Month and get Exclusive Readings 🫖

With Love, Astrid 🩷✨

[justanothersanjilover]

So I got this idea about a Zosan Soulmate AU and just had to write a little bit about it. I don't know how fast I can update this, but its a start and I’m going to keep writing it 😊

My Name on your tongue

Part 1

Paring: Zosan (maybe Sanzo, too)

Soulmate AU

Triggers: Child abuse, swear words, death

Six years old

“In our world, you get something very special when you turn 18. You get to summon a familiar - an animal, mythical or natural - that will be your companion throughout your whole life. The animal you summon is based on what you need in life and what fits you. No one knows who’s assigning the animal to you, but it always fits.

Now, if you are very passionate and loving toward your familiar and it returns that feeling, there is a chance that it will turn into a human and become your soulmate. But this only happens when there exists such a strong bond that both of you would endure the greatest pain imaginable for the other. The bond has to be so strong that you’d die for each other.

Most people don't put in the effort because why go to that length for an animal? Also, there is no greater need to be with your soulmate unless your familiar turns into it. You can perfectly live without ever getting your soulmate.”

“Is father your soulmate?” Sanji wanted to know, looking up at his mum.

Sora shook her head, her expression somewhat painful, but her son didn't pick up on that fact.

“But…you don't have a familiar around.”

“I know,” Sora swallowed drily. “She…she died. She wanted to protect me and got badly injured. I couldn't help her.”

Sanji looked shocked at her.

“I’m sorry…”

He snuggled against his mother to comfort her. She smiled sadly and brushed a hand through his blond hair.

“When you get your familiar, make sure to protect them. It’s a really bad feeling to lose them forever.”

“I promise. And I will love them so much! I can't wait to meet them!”

Sanji was so different from his siblings, and Sora was thankful for that, but she knew that he would have it worse than them. While pregnant with him and his three brothers, her husband genetically modified them - against Sora’s will. He made them stronger, more durable - as he called it - faster and better in anything. He got rid of their emotions and made sure they would become his best soldiers. In doing this, he also hoped to influence the familiar they’d get. He wanted them to have big, brutal animals - monsters to make their enemies shake in fear. Sora had watched him silently get rid of the emotions and feelings of their oldest child, their daughter Rejiu. He somehow managed to manipulate her into an obedient, emotionless kid, strong and fast, and an expert in poisons despite her young age. She was his first perfect soldier.

But Sora wasn't standing by as he tried to corrupt her other children! So, after learning about Judges doing, Sora took a poison to destroy the modifications. Unfortunately, it only worked on Sanji. On the one hand, she was happy for him; on the other, she was sad and devastated. Sanji would never have any worth for his father; he’d always be the failure, and she was the reason why.

Although Sanji always smiled when he came to visit, she saw the bruises and cuts. She saw the pain behind his young eyes. She knew what his siblings and father were doing to him, and she could do nothing to stop them. So she always tried to give him the best times when he came to visit her. Unfortunately, the poison she took destroyed her body and made her bedbound.

Hugging Sanji tightly, she did her best not to start to cry. She knew that her days were counted…and it would be the end of the night when she would leave Sanji behind to deal with everything all by himself. The only ray of light was that at least on his eighteenth birthday, he would get a familiar that surely would protect him. That was why she told him all about familiars! She wanted him to know as much as possible, as much as humanity found out about them. Sanji sucked everything up like a sponge!

The only thing she wasn't allowed to tell him was how to summon his familiar. Because if a familiar was summoned before the eighteenth birthday, there were terrible side effects. Sometimes, the familiar wasn't fully developed….like the child. Other times, the child couldn't hold the image of the familiar (which was important), and it would turn out deformed. And then there were times when the familiar was an adult and got really protective and possessive of the child - sometimes so much it had to be put down because no one could touch the child without getting attacked, even when the kid was hurt, starving or anything else putting its life in danger. So she wouldn't tell Sanji - even if a protective familiar wouldn't be the worst…she wanted them to have a chance at getting real friends, and Sora hoped Sanji would be allowed to find his soulmate. She hoped he could experience this purest kind of love in the world.

“You need to go,” Sora mumbled into Sanji’s hair. “It’s past visiting time.”

“I don't want to…”

“I know, love. I know. But your father will get mad if you stay, and you know that.”

Sanji nodded, suppressing sobs, as he pulled away from his mother. He lifted his head and smiled at her.

“I’ll come again tomorrow.”

“Yeah, do that. I can't wait to see you again, my little angel.”

Sora hugged him tight and placed a kiss on top of his head. Why should she tell him that she wouldn't be there in the morning? It would only upset him and make him sad and guilty. She felt her spirits leave her body slowly but surely. At the end of the night, she’d be dead, and Sanji would be alone. Before she let him go, she brushed a hand through his hair and made him look up into her eyes.

“Remember that I will always love you, my little sunshine. Regardless of what will happen in your future. I’ll love you every day of your life and after it.”

Sanji looked a bit confused, but as soon as Sora smiled, he smiled back, placed a quick, wet kiss on her cheek and ran out - so his father wouldn't punish him.

~

“Useless!”

“I’m trying…” Sanji sobbed, holding the side of his face - it pulsed with pain, and he was sure his lip was bleeding.

“That's the point!” His father yelled. “You are trying! You shouldn't have to try! You should be able just to do it!”

“But I…” another blow, and Sanji flew backward against a pillar of the training room - he groaned in pain when he hit the stone with full force.

“You are weak! A false experiment! A fucking failure! I should just get rid of you!”

Judge was towering over his son like death himself. And Sanji couldn't do anything different than feel fear and hurt and disgust at his own body. The poison from his father's lips seeped into his mind and planted a dangerous seed. He cried when Judge grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and held him up to his face.

“And that's why you don't have a familiar. You will never get one! Never! I took that ability from you because it would be as weak as you are, and I don't have use for two failures in my kingdom!”

Sanji sobbed uncontrollably. Ever since he asked his father about his own familiar - which was a big, dragon-like creature always lurking behind his throne - he left no chance unused to point out that Sanji would never have one. Sanji didn't understand why he would rip this opportunity from him, why he was such a mistake in his father's eyes. Just because he wasn't as strong as his siblings? Because his skin started to bleed when cut or punched hard enough? Because he cried when he got hurt?

“Get out of my sight before I start losing my temper,” Judge growled and tossed him aside like a back of garbage.

Sanji scrambled to his feet and ran from the training room, hoping his brothers wouldn't wait outside like they did most of the time. His hopes crashed when he closed the door, and laughter sounded behind him.

“Look at that,” Yonji said.

“The weakling is back out,” Ichiji grinned.

“Seems like he still can't handle a punch,” Niji snickered.

His brothers gathered around him, laughing and pointing at him. Sanji felt tears in his eyes but tried to swallow them. He hated to cry in front of his brothers, just as much as he hated to do so in front of his father. His eyes searched for pink hair, and surely, he found his sister, standing in the background but grinning as evil as the rest of them.

“Leave me alone,” he sobbed - knowing very well it would turn in the opposite of what he wanted…but he couldn’t stop himself from saying it.

“What?”

“We couldn’t hear you over all your whining.”

“I think he said we should show him how to fight.”

And a blink of an eye later, he crashed against the wall and slid down to the floor. Lying there, he curled up into a ball to at least try and shield his stomach and face from the kicks and blows that rained down on him like a hailstorm.

In the end, he was beaten bloody, and they left him where he was lying. His eyes stared into nothingness while his tears mixed with the blood and formed little puddles on the floor.

Hours later, he was able to drag himself to his bedroom. Curling up in his bed, Sanji felt tears in his eyes again.

“Why?” He cried into his pillow. “Why am I not like them? Why do I have to be this way?”

He knew why, his mother had told him, but still…There were moments when he hated his emotions, and he would give them up just to see the same smile on his father's face, pointed at him like he was giving his siblings.

He was worthless, and that's also why he would never have a familiar, which made him cry even more. Since his mother died two months ago, he always comforted himself with the knowledge that he’d get a chance to meet his soulmate. But because he was weak, because of his emotions, Judge took this ability, this gift from him. The first time he mentioned it to Sanji, his whole world was shattered. He didn't even feel the hits his father was dealing. He was numb…almost lifeless. The only thing he was looking forward to - the only thing that made his little heart and mind strong enough to survive and not give up - was the reassuring thought of meeting his familiar.

After his breakdown, he thought maybe, if he got better, if he could prove to his father that he was worth keeping around…maybe he would give him the ability to get his familiar back.

“I have to…get stronger…” Sanji sobbed while drifting to sleep.

All he wanted was to be loved and be part of this family…

[brotherwtf]

Having thoughts about age gap au Gale hiding an injury/illness from John because his dad always made him feel like a burden and that hurt was deserved 💔 and John losing his mind but trying not to show it as he takes care of Gale, or maybe he doesn't get to because Gale has to go to the hospital and John gets the call while he's at work </3 these boys can fit so much whump and trauma and comfort

ughhhh yes putting Gale into the whump blender again :(( I want to traumatize this boy forever that is my lot in life

----

Gale knew to never show weakness. It's what he was taught from an incredibly young age, weakness meant you could be picked from the crowd, weakness meant that you weren't good enough.

There was a lot of things Gale's father viewed as a weakness. Being sick, scraping your knees, getting hurt and you better not think about crying because at that point you'd be better off dead anyway. Gale learned to hide it whenever he got sick, to lick his wounds in solitude, and to never, ever, ask for help or pity.

So Gale didn't even flinch when he woke up with a 102 degree fever. He's lived through worse, no need to be a baby about it. He got ready for his classes like normal, kissed John goodbye, and waved off his looks of concern when John pressed his cheek to Gales forehead, fretted about him running hot. Gale was fine, he didn't need John's help.

He was able to get through his first class without many problems, he felt waves of nausea periodically and some bouts of lightheadedness, but Gale wasn't going to let that take him down. His second class was a little worse, his hands quivered when he tried to write and the nausea stayed, no longer ebbing in and out in waves.

Gale passes out around lunchtime, Marge by his side and all he can really hear is her anxious fretting, calls of his name and yelling at someone to phone the hospital. He remembers weakly trying to push her off, says he's fine, but Marge tells him to shut the fuck up, he's going to the damn hospital. He doesn't remember much after that.

He wakes up to the soft beeping of a heart monitor, the bright fluorescent lights of a hospital room and he groans. Gale shouldn't be here. He's taking up the space that someone else needs more, he doesn't deserve the time or energy that people are wasting on him. He doesn't get to dwell too much before John is quickly at his side, taking his hand and pushing his hair back. His lips press into a thin line, palm pressing against the sure heat that Gale gives off.

"Baby? Are you okay? God Marge told me you collapsed and I left work immediately. Fuck Gale you should have told me you weren't feeling good," John frets and Gale just shakes his head weakly.

"I'm fine, John. I'm good, you didn't need to leave work just for me. When are they gonna let me out?" Gale asks and his voice is hoarse.

John's brow furrows and his expression grows stern.

"Gale, no, you're not fine. You have a 103 degree fever and you're shaking like a damn leaf. I'm not gonna stay at work when I know you're sick," John says and Gale can feel another wave of nausea that isn't caused by the sickness.

Gale turns his head against the pillow, avoiding John's gaze and he can feel his eyes well up. No, no, he can't cry. Crying is the worst thing he could do right now. But the tears come anyway, streaming down his face steadily and John rushes down to wipe them away, fretting all over again.

"Hey, hey, baby, Gale, come on don't cry. It's okay, I'm not mad I swear. You should have just told me you weren't feeling well, I could have helped, then maybe you wouldn't have fainted," John says, a firm thumb brushing away the tears that stream down his face and Gale shakes his head.

"Don't... don't wanna be a burden," Gale manages to choke and John shushes him and forces Gale's head to turn towards him.

John's face is both soft and firm, his eyes filled with emotion that's both frustration and affection. Gale hates how worried he looks, just because Gale's a little bit sick.

"Gale, you will never be a burden to me. I promised your mama I would protect you, and I promised you the same. I love you, Gale, and if it takes me dropping everything for you to understand how much you mean to me, I'll do it in a heartbeat," John says, cupping Gale's face with both of his hands.

Gale squeezes his eyes shut because he knows if he looks at John anymore he'll just ugly sob, grabs John's wrist and nuzzles his soaked face into it, gasps and chokes as he continues to sob, John shushing him and bringing him in closer until their foreheads are pressed together, breathing heavily against his face.

"I swear, Gale, you are not a burden. You are my everything, doll, my everything," John whispers, and Gale can only nod, finally allowing himself to melt into the sheets, letting himself feel fatigued and exhausted and sick because John is letting him, allowing him to let go.

[fishii-writes]

alibi - reo mikage

paring: reo x gn!reader

cw: not proofread, intended lowercase, probably ooc reo (SORRY.), murder, mentions of blood (nothing graphic!), reo is a tiny bit possessive, a bit of swearing ("bastard", "assed"), lwk shitty ending. lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: i wrote this in like maybe 30 minutes... writers block kicked my ass but hey i wrote for once 🤯🤯 hope you enjoy, requests are open and i'm open to interactions as usual! forgive me this is shitty.

word count: 1111

based off the song alibi

it’s a common saying, red is the colour of love. who should deny it, love hearts, roses and everything nice are red! including the liquid staining your hands, clothes and skin. only a few specks of it flicked onto your white shirt, but your hands and face say otherwise.

another day, another night of killing under cover. you feel your shoulders loosen tiredly, watching the last desperate breaths escape the crimson liquid source. one last breath, their fingers that were curling in the air in futile attempt to cling onto, maybe life you think, fall to the floor. you flop down a safe distance away from the body, sighing out.

you hear clapping behind you, a short round of applause that anyone could guess are sarcastic. but not anyone could guess who the audience is. no one would even guess.

“my, my, [name]. you’ve outdone yourself once more~” a flirty voice, one you didn’t expect to hear, calls out. you don’t need to turn around to know what sick bastard was flirting with you, even after he watched you murder a person. a living being. well, now not living.

“mikage.” a name, or rather, last name, you hate having to leave your lips. you don’t turn around still, but you know he’s doing that — oh so cute — thing where he tilts his head slightly and pouts those pretty pink lips.

“how many times have i said, just call me reo? what, you’re tryna practice my last name before you take it?” he teases, walking closer. you can hear it, he wasn’t discreet about it either. he stops right behind you, looking down and smiling. a drop dead gorgeous smile, one that was sure to charm anyone who sees it.

you throw your head back, propped up on your arms as you lean back a bit, looking up at the — undeniably gorgeous — purple haired man.

“hmmm~?” he hums, teasing smirk on his lips. you roll your eyes.

“no. i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again. i don’t want to associate with you.” your eyebrows furrow at his sickeningly sweet smile. his smile doesn’t falter as he talks, its almost scary.

“might you remind me why?” his lips morph into a borderline fear-inducing grin, or maybe its his eyes. they do say, “its in the eyes.” yeah. maybe it is the eyes.

those ethereal lavender eyes, ones that glare holes into the backs of people who talk to you, people who touch you, your victims that speak back — basically everyone who isn’t him.

“because we are nothing. you give me orders to kill, i do. you’re not even a-” you get cut off by his smile suddenly fading, and his eyebrows furrowing so harshly they change the shape of his eyes.

“[name]. get up.” his tone changes, from flirty and sweet to as ordering as he is when giving you missions.

you look at him, a confused and weirded out look. he repeats his order, his voice laced with urgency and concern. you refuse again, so he — as gently as he can, but unfortunately, the haste made it rough — grabs your arm, dragging you to stand up and points to a large pillar.

“hide behind it, when they come in, run.” he whisper-shouts, gently rubbing the spot he grabbed your arm.

“mikage- what’s going on?!” without realising it, you also whisper-shout. he shakes his head, as if to say he won’t tell you.

“mikage!” you raise your voice, causing him to give you a dirty glare. a look he’s never looked at you with, let alone a glare.

scoffing in defeat, you drag yourself with a half-assed sense of urgency, to hide behind the pillar reo instructed. you peak over the edge, confused. it doesn’t make sense, not at all. but on the other hand, he’s a man of his word. he wouldn’t lie, roughly handle you and glare at you for no reason.

just as you’re about to question, he cuts you off.

“say, [name]. what were you going to say? what am i “not even”?” he asks, in a semi-bitter tone. but his eyes give him away. they look at you with a hint of guilt, of sadness and somehow love.

ew! reo mikage, the reo mikage! in love? with you? how scandalous!

if him being the head of an agency that hires people such as yourself to kill, yeah, that’s right. if that isn’t scandalous enough already.

“i was… i was gonna say, you’re not even an accomplice…” you mutter, and he somehow hears you from the distance he stands. he smiles, almost a little sadly. before shrugging.

“i don’t know, maybe i like another word better.” you watch as his smile almost screams cockiness.

but that’s when you notice. whenever he usually comes in after you finish, he stands beside you. never in direct view of the door, or any windows. so are you looking too far into this when you realise he’s walking backwards, slowly but surely, towards the door?

“mikage…” you mumble under your breath, hands sweaty from clinging onto the corner of the pillar.

“[name].” his eyes are serene, loving, even.

“mikage!” you yell out. he shrugs, eyes almost animated as his lashes touch his upper eyelids. oh.

“mikage don’t you dare do it-” you yell out again, pushing yourself off the pillar and running towards him. he simply winks, blowing you a kiss.

“have fun, and remember two things. one, call me reo.” he giggles, it’s terrifying.

“what do you mean?! are you serious?!” you freeze in place, as he shoos you away in a playful manner. but his now open eyes betray his feigned innocence.

“and two. i’m your alibi~” he blows you another kiss, before you hear loud sirens. red and blue lights seep through the small crack in the entrance doors, one of two exits in this abandoned warehouse.

“go, now. don’t want my love to go to waste. well, i guess we could both rot in jail together. ah! how romantic~” he does that — stupidly charming, even in this situation — thing again, he tilts his head and pokes the tip of his index finger into his plush cheek.

“reo!!” you yell out, watching him point to the exit once more. he mouths the words “go now”, and you do as he says. just in time, as well. the sirens blare even louder when you’re outside, they’ll turn off when he’s inside.

taglist: @your-local-reblogging-kazoo , @nareldata , @seungsuki +

open (send an ask if you'd like to be added! :D)

likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!! <3

© fishii-writes 2024

[austinslounge]

I honestly tried to like Kaia, I truly did, but I can’t stand this shit anymore. Her desperate attempts to be popular, seem interesting and ”deep” are driving me insane at this point. I know it’s probably not her fault, but her parents’, they made her this cringy attention-seeker after all. I can’t understand what Austin sees in her other than her family’s connections or just a plain PR agreement. She has no personality, she always tries to gain popularity by copying her mother(or people she’s dating). It’s funny how she doesn’t even look that much like Cindy, sure, she’s beautiful, but Presley literally stole Cindy’s face. Her attempts to seem intelligent are also miserable. I’ve never seen any of her book club readings, because for me, most of her book recommendations are just airplane reads, but I’ve seen many people say that even when she’s talking about books, it seems scripted and staged. Like someone just gave her a summary and she retells what happened in the book, that’s it. I mean, what intelligence? She never even bothered to take basic acting classes. Her comments about nepotism speak volumes too. During the pandemic she bragged about having dinner reservations and partying with her friends. Her merch is awful. With all her money and resources, she could have made some really good stuff, but why would she?Her small insane fan base will pay 50$ for an ugly white shirt with a caption either way. She’s desperately clinging to anyone who can give her even the smallest amount of fame, her following people and then unfollowing them if they don’t follow back. The way she was clinging to Austin hardcore in July, dragging him away from his fans, when he wanted to interact with them. Her stupid cake for his birthday. Don’t even get me started on how she makes out with her female friends constantly or throws herself on her male costars or short SNL guys. I don’t know why I feel so annoyed and disgusted by her all the time. I swear, this girl spoils my excitement for Austin and his work every fucking time. Nepotism is not always a bad thing, there are talented nepo babies, but she’s like the epitome of everything I hate about nepotism. I don’t know how she can rub shoulders with people who actually have talent, get invited to all these awards and red carpets. Kaia had plenty of time to prove that she’s worth something, she’s been in the industry since she was a child, but no. Why would she prove anything? Her mother is Cindy Crawford, her father is a millionaire worth 400 million, her boyfriend is Austin Butler. I just wish she will go away finally. No matter how hard I try, I can’t warm up to her. Sadly, looking at the state she is now, you can clearly tell that the girl has issues, but sadly,having no brain,she can’t understand that she’s a tragedy about to happen.

💯

Girl! I wish I could give you an award for this post. You basically hit the nail squarely on the head with the many various reasons why a lot of us in Austin's fandom don't like this girl! I'd be saying the exact same thing if Austin were dating another woman just like this. I'm actually verrry surprised that people haven't called Kaia out on her very obvious clout-chasing by now.

I'll be honest, I never really cared for her even when she was dating Elordi. I don't hate her, she's just meh to me. Always has been. So my thoughts and feelings about her are not about Austin. It's more so about what I've observed about her over the years.

Her dating Austin just makes things even more unbearable though -- especially when you know that he could do so much better. 😩 But hey, it's his life, not mine!

When I realized they were dating however, I really did try to like her too, or at least give her a chance. I saw that Austin was with her, so I was trying to be a "good fan"and see what he may see in her. But last year, I started seeing more and more negative things that I just didn't like about her.

I really don't have much to add to this wonderful post, because you basically touched on the many various reasons why a lot of AB fans don't really care for her. I also think she makes Austin look cheap with her weird behavior and interests. 👀 She really cheapens his brand imo. But that's a topic for another day lol.

[glossdebut]

PRICE OF FAME | MYG ★ PLAYLIST

hello!!! music is going to play a very important part in the price of fame series, so i wanted to post this playlist i’ve been working on since september when i originally had the idea for the story! i have been listening to this playlist nonstop while writing and i'm pretty proud of it tbh

there is a spotify link for the playlist, but i have also linked every song below on youtube if you don’t have spotify! + i’ve included the lyrics from each song that are most relevant to yoongi & MC

anyway!!! ahhhhh chapter one is being posted tomorrow! are we excited??? i know i am! if you listen to this playlist, please let me know what you think! any thoughts/feedback/THEORIES are 100% welcome (:

『 spotify link ★ series masterlist 』

01. price of fame | brent faiyaz

『 all of the things they want / and don't know why they want it (i know, look) / they don't wanna give you time to heal / they just wanna bleed you dry, for real / and if you're comfortable, don't let no one know / they'll fuck it up (i know) 』

02. perhaps vampires is a bit strong but… | arctic monkeys

『 well, i ain't got no dollar signs in my eyes / that might be a surprise but it's true / said, "i'm not like you and i don't want your advice / or your praise or to move in the ways you do and i never will" / 'cause all you people are vampires / and all your stories are stale / and though you pretend to stand by us / i know you're certain we'll fail 』

03. celebrity skin | hole

『 when i wake up in my makeup / have you ever felt so used up as this? / it's all so sugarless, hooker, waitress / model, actress, oh, just go nameless / honeysuckle, she's full of poison / she obliterated everything she kissed / now she's fading somewhere in hollywood / i'm glad i came here with your pound of flesh 』

04. evil twin | arctic monkeys

『 it's more a hunger than a thirst / she'll break your heart the second time / before you know about the first / looks well equipped to leave you in the lurch / but you'd let her do her worst / and it's not hard to tell / it's obvious the other angels' faces fell / when she told him that she had to go / swapped her wings and overcoat for something colorful 』

05. ignorance | paramore

『 if i'm a bad person, you don't like me / well, i guess i'll make my own way / it's a circle, a mean cycle / i can't excite you anymore / where's your gavel? your jury? / what's my offense this time? / you're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me / oh, sentence me to another life / don't wanna hear your sad songs, i don't wanna feel your pain / when you swear it's all my fault 'cause you know we're not the same 』

06. escapism. | raye ft. 070 shake

『 last night really was the cherry on the cake / been some dark days lately and i'm findin' it cripplin' / excuse my state, i'm as high as your hopes / that you'll make it to my bed, get me hot and sizzlin' / if i take a step back to see the glass half-full / at least it's the prada two-piece that i'm trippin' in / and i'm already actin' like a dick, know what i mean? / so you might as well stick it in 』

07. still take you home | arctic monkeys

『 well, it's ever so funny / 'cause i don't think you're special, i don't think you're cool / you're just probably alright / but under these lights you look beautiful / and i'm struggling, i can't see through your fake tan / yeah, and you know it for a fact that everybody's eating out of your hands / but what do you know? / oh, you know nothing / yeah, but i'll still take you home 』

08. the doll people | sofia isella

『 the doll people are not men / they are made of ass and glass / our skin is clay and painted blue / our head can detach / we are statues with a pulse / we are art you can fuck / the doll people are quiet / what is there to say? / art does not interpret itself / there are men with a day to save / we are paintings with legs / we are art you can fuck 』

09. supervixen | garbage

『 a hit is hard to resist, and i never miss / i can take you out with just a flick of my wrist / make a whole new religion / a fallin' star that you cannot live without / and i'll feed your obsessions / there is nothin' but this thing that you'll never doubt / this thing you'll never doubt 』

10. popular | the weeknd & madonna ft. playboi carti

『 beggin' on her knees to be popular / that's her dream, to be popular / kill anyone to be popular / sell her soul to be popular / just to be popular / everybody scream 'cause she popular / she mainstream 'cause she popular / never be free 'cause she popular 』

11. teddy picker | arctic monkeys

『 and it's the thousandth time that it's even bolder / don't be surprised when you get bent over / they told you, but you were dying for it / she saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn't what it seemed / the kids all dream of making it, whatever that means 』

12. she’s my collar | gorillaz ft. kali uchis

『 she's the serpentine, she's my collar / i send a message, never call her / and now i wanna taste another / and it's safe in a persona, she's my collar / nothing to be justified in / she the first i'm running with / she the one that get my collar / she the one i'm running with 』

13. petals | hole

『 they will make you so / so cynical / the fire burns the flesh / destroys the best that made our souls / she's the grace of this world / she's too pure / for the likes of this world / this world is a whore / tear the petals off of you / and make you tell the truth 』

14. reptilia | the strokes

『 now every time that i look at myself / i thought i told you, this world is not for you / the room is on fire and she's fixing her hair / you sound so angry, just calm down, you found me / i said please don't slow me down if i'm going too fast / you're in a strange part of our town 』

15. the summoning | sleep token

『 oh, and my love / did i mistake you for a sign from god / or are you really here to cast me off? / or maybe just to turn me on / 'cause these days / i would be lying if i told you that / i didn't wish that i could be your man / or maybe make a good girl bad 』

16. guns + ammunition | july talk

『 guns and ammunition / make bullets out of you / you speak dynamic diction / and i see right through that too / when i think about you / my whole world falls through 』

17. false alarm | the weeknd

『 bathroom stalls for the powder nose (she loves) / high heel shoes with the open toes (she loves) / she's got a good time wrapped in gold / for you, for you / all red dress with the devil eyes (she loves) / so obsessed with the camera lights (she loves) / you love her, but you can't deny / the truth, the truth 』

18. image | magdalena bay

『 what's the best you've got? / i forgot all my common sense / i need all the common sense / time to start the clock, from the top / i need confidence / confidence in medicine / but oh, my god / twenty-two more minutes / oh, so hot / meet your brand new image 』

19. when the night is over | lord huron

『 now the trail has gone cold / i don't know where else to go / and my time, i fear, is nearly over / when the ocean drinks the sky / and the city winks its eye / when the night is done, you'll vanish in the sun / will i hold you when the night is over? 』

20. self explained | cherry glazerr

『 i started reeking of the people i was with / i have no secret, i was freaking out a bit / i took a chopper 'cause i grew up with a lot of changes / i am alone a lot, i see this as my weakness / i am embarrassed of my solo, i don't know why / i don't want people to know how much time i spend alone / time i spend alone, time i spend alone, time i spend alone / when i take you on, i try / when i take you on, i try 』

21. bad guy | billie eilish

『 i'm only good at bein' bad, bad / i like when you get mad / i guess i'm pretty glad that you're alone / you said she's scared of me? / i mean, i don't see what she sees / but maybe it's 'cause i'm wearing your cologne 』

22. cinnamon girl | lana del rey

『 there's things i wanna say to you / but i'll just let you live / like if you hold me without hurting me / you'll be the first who ever did / there's things i wanna talk about / but better not to give / but if you hold me without hurting me / you'll be the first who ever did 』

23. fake happy | paramore

『 oh, please, don't ask me how i've been / don't make me play pretend, oh, no / oh, what's the use? / oh, please, i bet everybody here is fake happy too / and if i go out tonight, dress up my fears / you think i look alright with these mascara tears? / see, i'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth / and if the lights are low, they'll never see me frown 』

24. distressor | cherry glazerr

『 dip it in my makeup / take a place away from the main stage / better than a traitor / push up on the fader / i just wanna drown in my own noise / i just wanna drown in my own noise / beneath time, the only faces i can see / are the faces i pushed away from me / so i can just be 』

25. billions | caroline polachek

『 psycho, priceless / good in a crisis / working the angles / oh, billions / sexting sonnets / under the tables / tangled in cables / oh, billions / salty (ah), flavor (ah) / lies like a sailor / but he loves like a painter 』

✧ TAGLIST: @jajabro @pitchblack0309 @sugar-snap @ot72025 @ktownshizzle

@futuristicenemychaos @tea4sykes @sugainmybowl @namjoonsbuspass @wobblewobble822

[evocatiio]

if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently

[crackwhorism]

you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears

I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!

The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.

More:

Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.

Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)

Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.

Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.

Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.

The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.

They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.

And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.

I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.

[call-sign-shark]

*scream and smash my head against my phone* I CANT ARTHUR IS JUST SO SWEET IM GOING TO DIE FROM A HEART ATTACK IN THE MIDST OF THE GYM. Erm. Sorry. So what was I saying? Ah yes. This was such an outstanding chapter, Daisy. The plot twist, the violent introduction to David, the whole tension… I am a slut for this story. I am currently on my gym’s treadmills and, at first, I just wanted to skim and wait til I’m home to read but… I’ve been so hooked on the first lines that I read the whole thing in one row while jogging. My apologies if this comment is messy but I’m training at the same and I’ll prolly write between my sets.

First of all this first scene with Arthur and John was so sweet I could not help but giggle. I can perfectly understand poor Y/N and how miserable she just felt, trapped between the four walls of her small house with nothing to do. Even if Thomas is nice and gives her money, it’s the worst for our poor Y/N’s sanity. Especially since she seems to be such a troubled little soul. I find it super endearing how they both visit her without Tommy’s orders because they deeply care of her. The sisterly bond they share got me feeling all fuzzy. Arthur asking for whisky while John asks for tea is so canon — I don’t know why but I loved this small detail. The moment between this sweet trio felt like a real breather both for readers and for Y/N. I’m trying not too expand to much on Arthur but gooshhh he’s so sweet with Y/N!! A real gentleman with the way he holds the door open of her and tries to cheer her up despite her being obviously anxious of meeting Tommy. 🥹 Also the hilarious scene of Arthur and Y/N talking about how she almost shot him the day the brothers tried to teach her how to use a gun 🤣🤣 Poor Aunt Polly, I can perfectly imagine how brutal the scolding was and how the four idiots’ faces must have looked so scared and sorry. I must admit that ALL the interaction between Y/N and the two other Shelby are formidable. (AND ARTHUR. I MEAN. BABY. I swear I wanted to smash David’s henchman with a baseball bat. Sorry? You don’t threaten my kitten?)

NOW. What was that steamy kiss with Tommy? I’ve been waiting for this since the beginning of this series and here we goooo! At first I was sure they were going to fight again — after all, harsh words have been exchanged in the last chapter. Yet, I could almost applaud when Y/N told him “you’re the ghost of who you used to be” BANG! Give him a taste of his own medicine, girl. But then they kiss and the magic happens: I knew they were still mad in love with each other but I didn't expect their feelings to be that strong. In truth, the way you've described their embrace has left me speechless. You have such a talent with words, I was completely taken aback and ended up all dreamy when thinking about how they kissed. What a powerful and sensual scene -- also the temperature rising between the two of them felt so natural and not forced at all. I must say that it's also something I particularly enjoy.

It won't come as a surprise but I hate David. As everyone from now lmao, but what a fucking asshole. I already hated him knowing he was abusive with our poor Y/N but now that we've been properly introduced to him I just want to --

I swear this is me with David. The lad is just plain crazy, with his sadistic plans and his agency on poor Y/N. I think what he asked her to do is as awful as the beating. Poor woman, she's forced to take down the people she loves and she has known since childhood because of this bastard... I keep my fingers crossed and hope for Y/N to tell everything to Tommy. I am pretty sure he would understand, even more considering how he's still in love. 🥹 You got me hooked with this series babe, I need more. Really.

New Endings - Part 4

A/N: SORRY THAT THIS TOOK ME SO LONG. But I made this chapter a bit longer, so hope that compensates somewhat. On the other hand I got carried away and there was no way to make it shorter so here's a win-win for us all 😜

Warnings: Swearing, insulting, threatening, physical violence/abuse, manipulation, mentions of a gun, a little bit alluding to smut? (not the real deal though)

Word count: 6.7k

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS PART

Particles of dust scattered all over the place as (Y/N) kept herself busy cleaning the house. After spending days inside with not much to occupy herself with, she started to get bored. The family house she stayed at remained basically untouched, so one and one made two.

Her cheeks were reddened from the warmth of the fire and the physical work she was putting into tidying the place. It felt satisfying to make herself useful while also getting time to think. Tommy’s harsh words lingered in her mind. He was right, she knew he was right but at the same time it felt so wrong. He was the last one to judge her, considering his own actions. The worst thing was that she hadn’t seen him anymore after their argument. The only person who’d stop by was Polly and although she appreciated her help, it didn’t feel right. Just as her mind took her further into a spiral of thoughts, she heard the front door open. She turned to see who it was, standing eye to eye with two men in long coats, both wearing peaked caps.

“Ello, love.” Arthur’s gruffy voice spoke up, a genuine smile on his face. John grinned at her as he stood beside his older brother. A smile started to break on her face and her eyes lit up as she took in the sight of the two brothers. “That's been a while."

“Nah, I spoke to you a few weeks ago.” John joked as he took his cap off. “How have you been holdin’ up ‘n here?” (Y/N) put the rag she was using, down. "I'm doing fine." She smiled at him. "How have you two been?"

"We're well." Arthur answered as he took his cap off. "We thought you'd might like some company." He slid the coat off his shoulders and hung it up on the rack. "Oh, well... I do actually." She chuckled. "Would you like some tea?"

"Nah, love. Tom said you got him some good whiskey. I'd like some of that." Arthur smiled. The mention of Arthur's nickname for Tommy made her think. He had talked about her, or probably at least about their evening. It made her wonder what else he had told them. "Did he send you to come see me?" She asked the oldest brother, questioning the sincerity of their visit. "No, like I said we thought you'd might like some company." He started as she watched him sit down on one of the chairs. "We're not here because of him."

She nodded, shifting her attention to John who just got rid of his cap and coat and had returned to the table. "Whiskey for you as well?" He shook his head as he rolled his toothpick to the other corner of his mouth. "Some tea for me." She chuckled softly, amused that the tough stance didn't say everything about him. " Alright, I'll be right back." John sat down and grinned. "Is that funny to you?"

"A little." She jokingly confessed. "I barely made it inside and she's making fun of me already." John complained to Arthur, his grin never leaving his face. "And you wonder why?" Arthur joked while leaning back in his chair.

"I'm having tea as well, you won't be the only odd one out here." (Y/N) teased as she made her way to the small kitchen. "Yeah, go on, make that tea. It's taking you long enough. It could've been done in the time you took to mock me." John called out, continuing his banter. He could hear her laugh coming from the kitchen which made him chuckle.

Once she returned with the drinks, she sat down with the two brothers. "I must say that I'm happy that you're here." She smiled at them. "It's pretty quiet sometimes."

"Can imagine. Don't you get out of the house?" Arthur wondered as he took a sip of his whiskey. She shook her head. "No. I... I'm too afraid, honestly." She softly confessed. Both brothers looked at her, not expecting the answer from her. "Afraid?" John repeated. "He's really been that bad to you, hm?"

"I guess so, yes." She uncomfortably moved in her seat. "We can go with you." Arthur kindly offered. "No need to be scared then." (Y/N) looked up at him, touched by his offer but unsure of accepting it. "I appreciate it but I don't want to bother you."

"It's no bother. What about this afternoon?" He suggested as he watched her nervously fumbling with her fingers. "Well, okay then." It would be good to get out of the house for a while and she finally could buy some things for herself, instead of asking Polly. This could be a first step back to the independence she had missed. "I'll pick you up at 2 then, yeah?"

"Thank you." She smiled before taking a sip of her tea. John took the warm cup between his hands. "I can't come, gotta do somethin' for Tom but I'm sure you two will be okay."

"Oh please don't worry about it." She tapped her fingers on her cup before putting it down. "I was actually wondering..." She looked at the two brothers in front of her as her heart started beating faster. "So I have been thinking a lot since I'm here and I..." She didn't understand why the words were so hard to get off her lips. "I was wondering if you maybe needed a hand at the betting shop? I mean Tommy gave me some money for food and clothes but he can't give me money forever. Besides that it just feels... weird."

John and Arthur looked at each other as silence followed after her question, both seeming to think about her question. "I mean no worries if you don't need anyone else. I-I just can't sit here and wait, you know? I'd rather work for it." She started rambling as her nerves and the uneasiness of the silence got the best of her.

John picked up on her uncomfortable state and smiled kindly at her. "First of all, calm down. It's just us." He chuckled. "But that's not something we decide about, although I think we could use a hand."

"Yeah, Tom and Pol are the ones concerning this." Arthur added, taking another sip of his whiskey. "Oh.. well, I haven't seen Tommy in days so I'll ask Polly when she's here again."

"I can ask them for you." John offered before Arthur interrupted him. "Or we could go see Tommy later this afternoon." His words made her palms feel sweaty, she didn't know if it was a great plan to go see him in his house unannounced. That, and she wasn't sure if she actually wanted to go there. "I don't know if that's a good idea." She retorted, her fingers playing with the fabric of her dress. "I think he's pretty busy." Arthur snorted as he shook his head. "He always is."

"We'll ask him first if it's okay, yeah? Think that makes her feel better." John interfered, knowing that there was something he couldn't quite put his finger on. She looked up at him, a small smile tugging on her lips. "It does."

"You can just tell us, love. We don't judge." Arthur's gruffy voice spoke up as he patted her shoulder gently. She shifted her gaze to him and chuckled softly. "I should've remembered."

After John and Arthur had left, she went back to doing her chores. While she hung her dresses to dry on the laundry rack, she thought about their visit. She enjoyed their company and it felt good to have a laugh with both of them. It reminded her of simpler times and how carefree she felt, although she probably wasn't the only one. She noticed how Arthur's face showed many signs of the stress he was enduring and despite John acting like he was alright, she could see he was suffering from it too. But what else could she expect from living a life like theirs. It was their choice and they had to deal with the consequences, however, she couldn't deny the fact that she'd rather had seen them in another state.

The honk of a horn brought her back to reality. She looked up at the clock to check the time and realized that Arthur was already back to pick her up. She quickly checked herself in the mirror, got her coat and purse and made her way outside. The chilly wind blew across her face, making her shiver before she took a deep breath of fresh air. Or, as fresh it could get in Small Heath. She took in her surroundings before she looked up at Arthur who was holding the car door open for her, like a real gentleman. She giggled as she approached him. "What do I owe this to?"

"I'm just treating the way you should be treated." He answered, a proud grin on his face. "Well, thank you sir. I appreciate it." She chuckled as she got in the car. Arthur shut the door and got in next to her, starting the car. "Tommy said he had time for you now." She turned her head to look at him, his words caught her by surprise. "Now?" She repeated, Arthur nodded in response. "Yeah, now. He was supposed to be at the betting shop but something came up or something." He shrugged while driving off. "I don't know but doesn't matter. We're meeting him at his house now."

"Right." It was the only word that she was able to say. An uneasy feeling made her stomach turn. She anxiously twisted the ring around her finger, trying to ease herself. During the ride she elaborated on some of the things she and Arthur spoke about that morning while he told a bit more about his current life. It helped her to get grip on the restless feeling and compose herself.

It wasn't until he pulled up to the driveway that led to Arrow House, her nerves came back while she was stunned by the huge mansion that was in front of her. "This is Tommy's house?" Her mouth was slightly agape as she stared at it in awe, not comprehending what she was looking at. "It is." Arthur chuckled. "Pretty big, eh?"

"Yeah... pretty big." She repeated as Arthur drove trough the gates. He parked the car in front of the enormous wooden doors. "My god." She muttered under her breath as she heard Arthur chuckle. "You should see inside, you can get lost in there." He told her before getting out. She opened the door herself and followed Arthur to the doors where he'd just knocked on. Not much later an older woman opened. "Ah, Mr. Shelby. Come in, your brother is waiting for you in his office." She kindly greeted him as she stepped aside. "Thank you, Frances." Arthur smiled at her as he walked in. "This is (Y/N), an old friend of ours." He introduced her to the maid.

"Nice to meet you." (Y/N) smiled at the older woman who kindly smiled back. "Nice to meet you too. Can I take your coat for you?" Frances questioned. "I- Yes, sure." She answered, she took her coat off and handed it to Frances. "Alright, come on. Tom is in 'ere." Arthur spoke up. She shot another smile at Frances before following the oldest brother.

She felt her heart racing as the uneasy feeling grew. She had to reassure herself it was just Tommy but that was the whole problem. It was Tommy. She didn't know what she could expect. Before she had the chance to think about it, Arthur had opened the office door already. "We're 'ere." He announced as he walked in, getting Tommy's attention. He looked up from the papers he was reading and let his eyes wander over her frame once she had entered. "Hi." Her voice was soft, her hands folded in front of her body. She took a quick glance at his office. The dark furniture stood out against the green walls while a few paintings of horses accompanied them.

"You can sit." His low voice filled the room as he gestured with his hand to the sofa in front of his desk. She looked at Arthur before she made her way to the sofa and sat down, putting her purse next to her. She leant her back against one of the soft cushions and rested her hands in her lap before looking up at him. "I didn't know you had glasses." She noticed, trying to break the tension. "Arthur, if you don't mind." He nodded his head towards the door. "Yeah, okay." A low mumble fell from his lips as he followed his younger brother's order.

His eyes focused back on the woman in front of him. She glanced right back at him, not wanting to show him how uncomfortable she felt. "I've had an injury." He explained it in his own way. "What?" She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "The glasses. I need them because of the injury." He simply stated. "Oh, I didn't know." She awkwardly mumbled.

"You came here because you needed something?" He swiftly changed the subject, not wanting to waste any time. "I was wondering if you might need a hand in the betting shop. It would be a great way to work for my money." She explained as her fingers played with the fabric of her dress. Tommy leaned back in his chair, his hands resting on his abdomen. "I mean, I can't just live of your money forever, can I?" She added, slightly nervous.

"You can but the question is if we both want that." His tone was emotionless as usual. She felt herself getting annoyed at his comment but decided to let it slide, the sooner she got out of there, the better. "Well I certainly don't want to."

"Then I'm sure you could help us out." He sighed. "You remember how to take bets?" He asked, leaning forward to get his glass of whiskey. She nodded. "I do."

"Tomorrow, 8 AM then." He took his glasses off and put them on top of his papers. Despite the weird tension between the two of them, she felt relieved. "I'll be there." She was about to get up when he spoke up again. "How are you?" His eyes curiously scanned her face. She unsurely leant back against the sofa again. "I'm doing okay. You?"

He nodded slowly as he got up, walking over to the front of his desk, making the gap between them closer. He leant against the edge of the wooden desk and crossed his arms. "Me too. I heard Arthur offered to go out with you?" She kept his gaze a little longer before breaking it, letting her eyes wander over the floor. "He did." Tommy grabbed his cigarette case and took one from it. "That's a great step forward for you." He wetted it between his lips before lighting it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She couldn't hide the irritation in her voice. Tommy sighed before taking a drag of his cigarette. "I'm just saying that it's a good thing. Nothing more, nothing less." He put the whiskey that was in his hand on his desk while she moved to the edge of the sofa and grabbed her purse. "Whatever." A soft mumble left her lips as she got up. "Thank you for the job opportunity, I'll be there tomorrow morning." She didn't want to wait for his answer and decided to made her way to the door.

"(Y/N)." He stopped her by grabbing her upper arm. She turned her head to face him. "Yes?" Her annoyed tone indispensable as she watched the smoke ascend from his lips. "What's wrong?" His question was supposed to sound genuine, like he actually cared about what she thought but instead she was looking at a face that showed nothing and listened to a voice that matched it perfectly. "I don't know, Tommy. You tell me."

"Is it about what I said that night?" His hand still rested on her arm, the warmth of it confused her. "That and the fact you just disappeared for days." He turned to put his cigarette on the edge of the ashtray before turning back to her. "I wanted you to see what has happened to you."

She rolled her eyes as she shook her arm out of his grip. "And you thought that was the way to do it?" Her voice remained calm while she felt her body tense up. "Let's be honest, you wouldn't listen to it in any other way."

"Let's be honest and reverse it, shall we? Have you ever looked at yourself? Because you're a ghost of the person you once was as well and you're only becoming worse." She returned the questioned he asked her a few nights ago. Perhaps it was unfair, she knew exactly what he meant and his harsh words were supposed to be a wake up call but it still didn't sat right with her. Tommy stared intensely at her as she came closer. "And don't you dare to tell me that I don't understand what you've been trough. Because I was fucking there." Her calm voice seemed to break while her nails were digging into her purse.

"I said it because you deserve better." He specified while standing up straight. "Because I know how much it hurts you and because I don't want to stand at your fucking grave, regretting that I didn't say anything." She scoffed at his words, they were almost the same. He was just repeating them again. "Oh fuck off." She shook her head. "And with deserving better you mean yourself, don't you?"

He kept quiet for a moment while he looked into her eyes. "Tell me you didn't feel the same things as I did." He dared her. She felt his breath on her face, realising how close they were. "I don't know what you mean."

"You do. Now, tell me right now you didn't feel the same." She took a deep breath and looked down. "I didn't." The touch of his fingers on her chin alerted her, he tipped it up so she had no other choice than to look at him. "Look in me eyes and tell me again." He encouraged her, her eyes finding his as words got stuck in her throat. She did feel it, all of it but it must've been a moment of weakness. She couldn't have those feelings for him after years and if she did, she didn't only lie to herself but also to the man she promised to marry.

She leant into his touch, their faces only mere inches away from each other. "Say it." His voice was soft but demanding, her lips parted slightly but no words came out. Tommy closed the gap and captured her lips in a gentle kiss. She had been waiting for this since they exchanged knowing gazes the night of their dinner.

She dropped her purse before she let her hands rest against his chest, feeling the warmth of his body and a heartbeat that matched her own. Her lips discovered his. The soft feeling of them against hers, mixed with the intoxicating taste of cigarettes and whiskey, was one she had missed for so long. His hand moved from her chin to her cheek while the other found its way to her waist, pulling her closer. Her tongue carefully grazed his lips, almost begging him for more. While he granted her access, their tongues explored each other curiously. A soft moan left her mouth while her arms wrapped around his neck.

Tommy deepened the kiss, his arms sneaking around her waist, holding her tightly against his body. Her fingers ran trough the longer strands of his hair, softly tugging on it until she felt his lips leaving hers. Her eyes fluttered open to look at him, finding him looking back at her, his lips slightly apart and swollen from their intense contact. It took her a few seconds to realize that she needed more. More intimacy, more of him and only him.

She placed her hands on his cheeks, pulling him back in for another kiss. Lips crashed together, gentleness made place for neediness, both ready to devour each other right in that moment. His hand fumbled with her dress while hers slid under his suit jacket. His mouth moved from her lips to her neck, kissing her skin exactly the way he knew she loved it. Moans that came from her mouth only proving that he was doing the right thing.

As soon as she was able to get rid of his suit jacket and it hit the floor, her hands ran trough his hair, nails raking over the back of his neck as he softly sucked on her skin. She was lost in the moment until realisation struck her. "Tommy..." It sounded more like a moan than she intended to. He continued to kiss up to her jaw, his fingers struggling with the opening of her dress. "Tommy...wait." Her voice came out as a stammer, lost of any stability.

She felt his breath against her cheek as he had stopped kissing her. "What's wrong?" His low, hoarse voice gave her goosebumps. "I-I think we should stop here." Her eyes scanned his face, noticing his flushed face. "Alright." He pressed a soft kiss on her neck before his warm hands left her body. She took a deep breath and adjusted her dress while Tommy picked up his jacket and put it back on. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to give off the wrong signals." She apologized, picking her purse up from the floor.

"You didn't. I think you've told me enough with this." He responded, a knowing look in his eyes. A blush crept onto her face, turning her cheeks a rosy color. "Right." She mumbled as she took in the man in front of her once more. "You might want to get your hair a bit decent before Arthur comes in." She suggested, looking at the mess she made of his dark hair.

He ran his fingers a few times trough his hair to fix it. "I think he has seen worse things than that." Tommy deadpanned. "I don't want him to think that something happened." She confessed, her fingers nervously sliding over the straps of her purse. "Let him think." She nodded, unsure of what to do next. She glanced around the office before breaking the silence. "Well, I'll be at the betting shop at 8 then." She watched as Tommy lit a new cigarette and nodded. "Great."

As she turned to make her way to the door, Tommy spoke up again. "If everything goes well, I need you here tomorrow evening at 7." She turned back to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Dinner." He simply stated. Her lips turned into a small smile, which she tried to hide. "I'll keep my schedule empty."

She walked up to the door, giving Tommy a last, quick glance before leaving his office. Once she closed the door, she still wore the smile he managed to give her. She looked around the large hallway, trying to find a glimpse of Arthur. Besides the amount of portraits she hadn't noticed before, there was no sign of the oldest Shelby. That was, until she heard a low grumble coming from the dining room, followed by a few curse words.

"Fuckin' 'ell." (Y/N) entered the dining room, stunned by the longest table she had seen accompanied by many dark, wooden chairs. Above the head of the table she found another portrait of Tommy and a horse. "What happened?" She asked as she walked over to Arthur, who she found on his knees on the floor. "Dropped the fuckin' cup." He was holding the shards in his hands as he got up. "I don't get why they give me these smoll cups." She couldn't help but chuckle. "I hope they weren't too expensive." She joked, earning a smile from Arthur. "Ah well, Tommy can afford some new cups. Anyway," He put the shards on top of the table. "Got the job?" He questioned, hopefully looking at her. "I did." She smiled. "I can start tomorrow."

"Isn't that great news!" He exclaimed while he pulled her into a hug. "Welcome back, sister."

The car ride from Arrow House to the market felt much more relaxed, the tension was gone and after some banter with Arthur, she felt the best she had felt in months. While Arthur reminisced about the past and how his life in Small Heath used to be, she couldn't help but think about the kiss she had shared with Tommy. It was something she didn't knew she needed so badly. She never found the exact feeling he gave her with someone else and although David came close, it wasn't the same.

"Do you remember?" Arthur turned his head to look at (Y/N), getting her attention. "I- Yes of course I do." She lied, no clue what he was talking about. "You almost killed me." He laughed as he focused his eyes back on the road. "I hope you're better with guns now because I don't want to experience such a thing ever again."

She finally grasped what he was talking about, the memories of the brothers teaching her how to use a gun was pretty much an event itself. "Yeah, I'm still sorry about that. I panicked." She chuckled. "Me too." Arthur laughed. "It was only a few centimeters between life and death."

"I remember Polly wasn't too happy when she saw all of our scared faces when we came in and you made it even worse with your awful lie." (Y/N) giggled at the thought of the disappointed look on their aunts face. "Well Finn, could've fired the gun, ya know."

"Finn was with her the whole time." She countered. Arthur gave her quick glance as he thought about it. "Ah yeah, that was it." His answer made (Y/N) laugh. "Good ol' times." He chuckled as he parked his car on the sidewalk. She looked at the street in front of her, many market stalls stood on each side of it and a crowd of people were curiously looking at them. She just had to do it, after that it would become much easier. She took a deep breath and got out of the car, Arthur did the same and waited for her in front of it.

"Have you been here before?" She asked while she walked up to him. "I'm not the type of man that likes to go shopping." He chuckled. "I see." A smile formed on her face. "What about your wife?"

"Sometimes, although she prefers the smaller one, closer to home." He answered. She wanted to ask him another question when a young man approached him from behind. "Mr. Shelby? You have a flat tyre." He pointed at one of the tyres of the car. "For fucks sake." Arthur grumbled as he walked over to the back of the car, inspecting the tyre. "Fuck."

"Everything alright?" She wondered as she came up to the side of the car. "I have to fix this, love. It might take a bit of time." He replied as he looked up at her, she could see the guilt in his eyes. "It's fine." She looked at the crowded market over her shoulder before looking back at him. "I can go by myself."

"Are you sure?" He wondered, getting a nod from her in response. "If you stay here, I think I'll be alright." She gave him a nervous smile. "I won't but also can't go anywhere." He joked, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I can help." The young man offered. "Might be even quicker then."

She looked at him and nodded before switching her attention back to Arthur. "I'll meet you back here." It sounded more like a question. "Yes ma'am." He gave her a reassuring wink. She answered his gesture with a small smile before making her way to the market. The grip on her purse tightened when she went up in the crowd of people, making sure to avoid any eye contact with anyone, only looking at the products vendors tried to sell.

While she passed the various stalls, the sun appeared from behind the clouds. Warm sunrays caressed her face, natures way to give her a needed embrace of comfort. A sigh escaped her mouth as she felt the tension on her shoulders lessen, a kind of lost confidence within her growing at the same time. It was the first time in weeks that it felt like everything would be okay.

She continued her walk past the stalls, buying flowers, food and even treated herself on a new dress. While having a brief conversation with the kind lady who stood behind the stall, she quickly glanced over to the spot where Arthur had parked his car. Although she could barely see him due to the people who blocked her view, it seemed he was still busy with the flattened tyre. After she finished her conversation she decided to go see one more stall before returning back to the car. She felt proud of herself that despite the fear of going out, she did it on her own. Just like she used to do.

While she turned around, her heart dropped and a cold feeling filled her senses. She turned back, her eyes frantically looking for Arthur as she pushed past a few people. A sickening wave of terror welled up from her stomach. She quickened her pace until someone blocked her path, a hand kept her from moving by holding her arm firmly. "There you are. I've been looking for you."

Her widened eyes looked in disbelief at the man in front of her. "David..." She tried to look past him, hoping that Arthur would've seen them and was on his way to come help her but he wasn't. "Why don't we go talk, hm?" He gently stroked his knuckles over her cheek while she tried not to flinch. "No, let me go." Her voice came out softer than she had hoped, all the confidence she had felt moments ago had left her body within seconds.

"Listen, we can play this the easy way or the hard way." His voice sounded kind but his eyes told her otherwise. She fought herself out of his grip and quickly ran past him, hoping to reach Arthur as fast as she could. She didn't came far as she had hoped when she got yanked back by her wrist, his other hand grabbed her neck harshly. They earned some questionable looks from a few people but nobody dared to speak up. She could feel his breath against her ear as he forced her to look at the car in the distance. "Hard way then." His grip tightened even more. "You see that guy who's helping that Shelby scum?" He growled in her ear, she nodded quickly in response.

"One order from me and he makes sure that changing a flattened tyre is the last thing Arthur Shelby will do. Understood?" The threatening words and immense fear brought tears to her eyes. "I said understood?" He shook her harshly. "Y-yes." She croaked out, her lip trembling. "Great, lets go somewhere quiet." He pushed her towards an alley, away from all the people who were her only chance for help. Once they were out of sight, he turned her around and pressed her back hard against the brick wall behind her, making her drop some of her groceries. A soft whimper left her lips as she felt a stinging pain in her back.

He trapped her with his body and grabbed her cheeks harshly between his fingers. "What a fucking surprise to find you here." His eyes were dark, spewing the anger that was raging inside him into her frightened ones. "You really think you'd be safe with Thomas fuckin' Shelby, didn't you? Is this why you met up with the bastard?"

She tried to shake her head but he restrained her from doing so. "Fucking speak!" He barked at her. "N-no, we just-" She panicked as she watched his face come closer. "You what?" He spat at her. "We just talked. It's true, everything I've told you, i-is true. It really is." She blurted out, afraid of what his next step could be. The morning when he forced to tell her what she had done the night she met with Tommy, playing in her head.

A humorless laugh fell off his lips. "You're going to tell me you just talked to someone we are trying to get rid of, then you run away from me and now you're living in his fucking house. Is that what it is? Because that’s exactly what it sounds like to me!" He narrowed his eyes, the grip on her face tightening. "What have you told those god damn gypsies?! Or were you working for them all along?! Like the fucking whore you are!" Her body trembled while he screamed at her, her hands pulling onto his, in hopes that he would let go of her face.

"I didn’t say anything. I just couldn't take it anymore." Her voice trembled with fear. "Couldn't take what anymore." He hissed. "The beating. It was too much." A few tears ran down her cheeks when he let go of her face and took ahold of her wrist. "But darling, you did that to yourself." He wiped away her tears with his thumb while she tried to turn her face away from him. He firmly grabbed her jaw. "See, you're doing it again. You never listen."

"Stop, David." She begged. "I don't want this anymore. Please. I don't want to marry you." A small smile appeared on his face as he shook his head. "Oh, don't say stupid things now." He lifted her hand, his fingers tapping the shiny ring on her finger. "Why are you still wearing this then?" Her eyes fell on the ring while she gulped harshly. "Because I didn't know. I-I didn't know what to do."

"Exactly. You know damn well that you want to go trough with this, you still love me. If you really wanted to end this all you would've got rid of it the moment you got in that fuckers car." He let go of her hand and took a step back while her eyes followed him. "You know I should take you home now, teach you a lesson about running away like a fucking child." He paused his sentence as he looked at her with the most vile look she had ever seen. "But since you wanted to play it the hard way, you'll get it the hard way."

He opened his coat, the holster of his gun appearing underneath it. Her heart starting beating faster and her lips began to tremble, she wanted to run but she stood frozen in the same spot. He took another gun out of his coat and held it up while he inspected it just a second too long. "David, please. I-I'll just come home, okay? I’m so sorry." He looked up at her and chuckled. "Oh, this one is not to kill you, love." He tapped on the gun holster underneath his coat. "However this one might."

He stepped closer to her, grabbing her hand while forcing her to take the gun from him. “You’ll show me how sorry you are.” The cold metal touched the skin of her trembling hands, her glossy eyes still focused on his face. “What do you mean?” Her voice was barely a whisper, scared of whatever he wanted from her. “You’re going to take those Shelby’s out. One by one.”

"No...No no, I won't. I refuse to do it." Tears streamed down her face. "I'll come home and I'll do whatever you want, I promise. I'm sorry David, I really am. I don't want to get involved in your business." She tried to hand him the gun back but he pushed her back into the wall behind her, a soft groan left her lips from the sudden impact, the other belongings in her hand dropping on the cobblestones. He shook his head. "Look at you, I can't believe you think that tinker's lifer is worth more than yours." He clenched his jaw while he wrapped his hand around her throat, making it hard for her to breath. "You have no choice. It's a fucking order. You brought this upon yourself, once again. Now deal with the fucking consequences."

She tried to tear his hand away from her throat but it only resulted of him tightening his grip and cutting of her air supply while she was scratching his arm in panic. "You don't want to be the reason each of your family members will end up with a bullet in their head, do you?" He stroked her cheek gently with his other hand until he released his other hand from her throat. She gasped desperately for air while more tears streamed down her face. "I'll give you 3 weeks." A sick, twisted smile grew on his face as he watched her regain her breath slowly.

"Look at the mess you made." He pointed at the stuff she bought, scattered all over the cobblestones. "Pick it up." He demanded as he watched her try to gather everything together, all while still trying to catch her breath. He let his hand rest on her back, making it seem as a nice gesture before giving her a firm push which caused her to fall hard. Her knees scraped over the stones, leaving a tear in her dress. A soft sob left her mouth before she looked up at him. He towered over her, looking at her like she was just a piece of garbage, unworthy to be even treated like a normal human being. "Midland next Thursday, 9AM. You can tell me about the progress then."

She watched as he walked away, leaving her alone in the quiet alley. He had humiliated her, like he had done so many times before but this time it wasn’t even the worst thing. He forced her to get involved into his problems or rather forced to solve his problems and there was no way for her to win. More tears fell down her cheeks while her trembling hands picked up her belongings. Her eyes fell on the gun David had forced upon her, she wanted to leave it there, far away from her, from everyone but the fear of him finding out was too big to ignore. She grabbed it and stuffed quickly into the side of her bra, safely under her dress so that Arthur wouldn't see it.

Arthur. Fuck. He was probably looking for her. She got up and took a deep breath. While she adjusted her dress she noticed that the tear in her dress stood out too much to hide. She had to think of something to tell him, just a quick believable lie. She made sure her coat covered her dress while she wiped away her tears. Her hands gripped tightly on her belongings before she left the alley and returned to the market.

While she walked back, she saw Arthur coming her way with a worried look on his face. "There you are. I was looking for ya." She smiled kindly at him while she tried not the break down the moment she heard his voice. He noticed her teary eyes and her ripped dress. "Are ya alright? What happened?" She looked down at her dress before looking back to him, a sigh left her lips. "I fell."

"I've walked back and forth over this damn market and hadn't seen a sign of you once. Where did you fell?" He asked, his suspicion raising. "I was trying to find a favorite spot of mine." She lied. "I came there often when I was little." Arthur looked at her. "You came here often?" He asked again. "With my grandma, yes. But I tripped and fell on those fucking cobblestones. Let me tell you, it still hurts as bad as when we're little." She joked while a soft chuckle escaped her mouth.

Arthur thought back at the painful childhood memory. It made sense, the ripped dress, the teary eyes. She must've fallen. He put his hand on her shoulder, his way of showing comfort. "Are you alright?" He sincerely wondered. "I'm alright."

Taglist: @cyphah @kissforvoid @liter4ti @raincoffeeandfandoms @casa-boiardi

[spookyteeth]

if i get another skibidi toilet ask i think i might explode

[windydrawallday]

Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.

Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha

Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".

Almost...

I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.

This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.

So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.

But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.

You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.

It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!

Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.

And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.

I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.

Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.

"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."

[zephyrins]

save me Raphael

Raphael save me

please don't leave me in the same camp with her