#I survived walking alone to my aunt’s in the dark | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

boldlyvoid · 8 months ago

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Melantha (Dark Flower)

Elain x Azriel

Summary: after 3 years of adoptions falling through, what are the chances of a baby needing a home the night they decide to take a new road on the journey to parenthood.

Warnings: discussions of surrogacy, adoption and Elains fears of conceiving a winged baby, slight smut mentions, made up lore about Emerie's family and Flowers that grow on Ramiel, mentions of maternal death, descriptions of blood, mostly fluff

word count: 5080

Elain was always welcome at the river house. She didn’t need to knock, she could simply just walk in and hope for the best. With how many people visited and how many important conversations just sprung up out of seemingly nowhere, Feyre and Rhysand were a lot less prone to be in a compromising position when Elain walked in. Even less likely when the sun is up, and thus, their son is too.

She finds Feyre in the study with Nyx and a tutor, he’s sitting at his little table, going through his alphabet. He’s 6 now, he’s grown so much, he’s so adorable and smart. He has Feyre’s attitude, that 'don’t fuck with me' energy that comes along with the courage to always try something new, alongside Rhysand’s charm and undying need to do things for others.

“Elain!” Feyre rushes to the door, “how are you?”

“I’m good,” she smiles with a slight blush, “how are you? How’s my lovely nephew.”

He smiles over at her and gives her a little wave before returning to his work. He was dedicated. As the heir, he had a lot to learn between school and training and he loved every second of it. He took it so seriously, loving his court as much as the rest of their family.

“He’s doing great… Kasha, I’m going to step out to talk with my sister, are you okay alone?”

The woman nods, “Of course, my lady.”

They share a smile and then Feyre directs her out into the hall. “You look nervous?”

Elain just nods, taking a deep breath. “I need to ask you a very serious question… it’s not going to be easy for me to say aloud.”

“Oh?” Feyre’s face drops. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I want to get pregnant,” she whispers. “But I don’t have the anatomy you and Nesta were blessed with…”

Feyre’s face softens, and her shoulders drop. “Come with me, this conversation demands a strong tea.”

They settle in the family room, completely alone. Even Nuala and Cerridwen are busy today. The house is so quiet, it’s so unusual.

“You’re still cauldron-made,” Feyre reminds her. “So there is a chance you can survive having an Illyrian baby… however, Az is fully Illyrian, unlike Rhys. There is a very high chance that your babe will have wings… which scares me for you.”

She nods, “I know, that’s why I wanted to ask a favour, which might be a little awkward for you.”

“Okay…”

“Tamlin was able to turn his sentinel into a wolf to send across the wall to be killed by you… You have part of his power, which you used when conceiving Nyx… Would you be able to turn Az into a wingless fae so that we can procreate without any winged genes passing through?”

Feyre thinks it over for a moment, “I haven’t focused my powers on transforming someone else yet, I haven’t needed to, but we can try. That’s not awkward for me. I know my sisters are having sex, using my powers on your husband while you have sex isn’t going to be that strange.”

“It’ll just be weird if it takes a while,” Elain says, her lips curling at the edges. “How long were you trying?”

“From the solstice right after the war until we sent Nesta to the house of wind.” She explains. “I wanted her to get better by the time the babe arrived. She deserved to be better when she became an aunt…”

“And what a wonderful aunt she is,” Elain smiles, thinking about all the times she’s seen them play fighting out in the garden or the times she’s seen Nesta read him to sleep during the nights the sisters babysat so Feyre could have a night out. “I can’t wait to see her with my own children.”

“They’re going to be so beautiful,” Feyre swoons, reaching out to grip her hand. “I’ll do anything to help you. Even if I have to carry the babe for you.”

Elain looks at her like she grew a second head, “what? How would you do that?”

“I’ve talked to Madja about this before, she’s continued looking into safe ways to deliver half and quarter Illyrian babes for when this happened. She’s suggested that she could take Azriel’s… seed? Sorry, that’s so weird to say, and she could insert it in me. The babe would still have our family genes, I would stay inside the months I’d be showing so that there’s minimal gossip and then hand the babe to you when the day comes, if you don’t want people knowing… however, the child would be entirely yours, to keep and love forever. I would do that for you.”

She gets up and pulls Feyre into a big hug. “Thank you,” she whispers, holding her close. Her baby sister has always been willing to do anything to keep her safe. Her heart was too big for her own good. “I think I want to try on my own first, though. I want to know what it’s like to feel them grow and move and kick. I want to go through the pain of having them, I want to experience it all if I can.”

“I understand,” she smiles. “We can have dinner here in a few days, we can attempt the transformation and you two can go home and try.”

“I am scheduled to take the contraceptive tea again in 3 days, so it’s wearing off. Can we try in a fortnight?”

Feyre nods, “Just be careful until then.”

“Of course,” Elain nods, “as sad as I am that he might not get to teach his own child how to fly, I know he’s going to be a wonderful father to any child that comes into our lives… did you know, we actually have some feelers out in Illyria, keeping an eye out for any babe that might be abandoned or orphaned? Nothing has worked out so far, there’s always someone inside the babes birth family to take them in. But for the last 2 years, we’ve thought about adopting a child in need.”

“You can still do that,” Feyre assures. “Look at Rhys’s mom, she took in 2 more boys, well before she had her daughter. She would’ve kept taking in children who needed homes if she had the space.”

Elain nods, “I’ve heard all the stories. She was a wonderful addition to Az’s life. I wish I could thank her every day.”

Feyre takes in a deep breath, “Me too.”

—

Two weeks go by at an achingly slow rate.

Both because she’s so excited to start trying and because while she’s not on the contraceptive tea and while Az is still in his natural form, they can’t have sex. Real, deep, penetrative sex that they both love so much.

It’s felt like 2 years, not 2 weeks.

Sure, they’ve done things. They’ve fooled around and gotten off side by side, teased the other until they came undone and said the most disgustingly sexy things to each other in regards to what is going to happen the moment he can slip back inside of her. She’s been craving him so bad, it hasn’t felt like this since the first time they stumbled into her bed… Oh, she’s missed it so much, the mere passing thought of him fucking her was enough to drench her, leave her panting and needy enough to track him down in their house and rut against his thigh while she kisses the life out of him.

Back in bed, cuddled into him after a couple rounds of ‘who can make the other come faster’, they lay there naked in the summer heat. She runs her fingers over his chest while staring off into the distance, relaxed, exhausted, but overly excited for tomorrow. She can’t sleep. From the pattern of his breathing, he can’t either.

“I hope this works,” she whispers. “I just feel awful.”

“Why?” He asks, cupping her face and drawing her attention up to his eyes. “Do you not want to be—

“I do. Believe me, I’ve always thought about being a mom. It was the one good thing that would come out of being handed off to a man I barely knew… having a baby to raise and love and cherish that was half me yet entirely mine,” she recalled the days when her mom was actively trying to sell her off. “But, I feel bad for you. What I’m taking from you because I can’t birth a baby with wings.”

“You’re not taking anything from me?” He looks at her with so much more concern now. “I would lose my wings forever if it meant that I could be with you that long.”

Her heart swells, she smiles softly, “really?”

“Absolutely,” he nods.

“You, Rhys and Cass had so much fun teaching Nyx to fly, I hate the thought of you not getting that moment with your own children.”

“Teaching them to walk, teaching them to speak, how to wield a weapon, protect themselves and others. Bestowing your kindness upon them, teaching them how to fight with words, to stand up for their beliefs… there are an endless number of things I get to teach them. Something I can’t stomach, however, is teaching them anything if you’re not beside me while I do it. I would much rather have you and no kids of my own. We can still wait, we can adopt… or we could take up Feyre’s offer.”

They talked about it. They’ve talked about every single possibility. Including Az not being the father, he suggested they invite someone into their bed for the purpose of getting her pregnant, but she turned it down faster than he could get all the words out, stating, “I only want to be pregnant with your children. If I can’t, then I will never get pregnant. And I’ll be okay with that.”

“We could…” she agrees, however, she doesn’t want that. He knows that. “What if… okay,” she sits up, getting a bit more serious, covering her boobs with the sheets so he doesn’t get distracted, she takes a deep breath. “What if we take up Feyre’s offer for the first babe, let her perfect transforming you into a regular fae and then our second child can be wingless? I think if we have a wingless babe first and then take up Feyre’s offer, then the first child would be envious, they would feel left out or like we regret them? Like we replaced them with a perfect child… But if it’s the second child, like I was, then you admire your older sibling without being jealous of the person they are. You look up totem, you love them, and even if you envy how they’re able to do different things than you, you go out there and you learn your own skills so you can still be better at something than they are.”

He nods along, “I like that plan… you’d want two children?”

“Or more,” she shrugs. “I would fill the world with your children if I could.”

He pulls her in close, kissing her passionately with his arms wrapped around her tightly. She straddles him, sheets falling away, naked chest to naked chest as the kiss turns heated. She can feel how hard he is under her as if what they got up to earlier was just a warm-up. She moans into his mouth as his hands trail down to grip her ass, she knows this could go too far. This could end badly. So she pulls back, breath heaving, “we can’t. I need to go back on the tea first.”

He sighs, she rests her forehead against his, breathing heavily together as they push the want away. “Tomorrow,” he whispers, “take the tea in the morning, I need you when we get home.”

She smiles, “Take the next day off, keep me up all night.”

“Parents should prepare for sleepless nights,” he teases.

She couldn’t wait for it.

—

That morning, he’s supposed to train with the Valkyries. He slips out of bed as quietly as possible, he dresses and tries to leave when Elain whispers his name.

“Come here?” She asks, tired and barely awake.

He walks over to her side of the bed, brushes her hair back off her face and hums, “Yes, my love?”

“Slipping out without kissing me goodbye?” She looks up at him, squinting in the early morning light that slips through the curtains.

He leans down with a smile on his face and presses kisses to her lips, cheeks, eyelids and forehead. Making sure not a single spot feels left out, “I love you. I’ll be back later.”

“Remember, I’m going to be at the river house all day.”

He kisses her one last time, “I know, I’ll be there for lunch.”

With that, he heads off. Winnowing out of the city the second he’s outside their bedroom door, headed to Illyria to pick up Emerie for their training session. She’s normally waiting for him outside, gear on and a big smile, but today she isn’t.

Today the door is ajar, and the lights are all on… she’s nowhere to be seen. “Em?” He calls through the door. The smell of blood hits him the moment he pushes it open another inch. He’s been here before. Panic sets in for just a moment while his shadows go inside first.

It’s not her blood.

There’s a beating heart upstairs.

Two, beating hearts. 3 bodies.

He heads inside, hand on truth teller as he makes his way through the store and towards the back staircase that leads to her apartment. The stairs creek, no matter how quiet he tries to be. He knows Emerie is strong, knows she can handle anything thrown at her… but this is her house. Her safe place. She shouldn’t have to worry about being attacked here.

She’s okay.

“Tell the twins to send Rhys here immediately,” he orders the shadows, watching them scatter away.

“Em?” He calls up the stairs. “Emerie?”

“Az?” Her voice calls back, her tone terrified and teary.

He rushes up the stairs, bursting through her bedroom door, the first thing he notices is the body in her bed. The sheet pulled up and over it, blood between the legs, a big belly protruding under the sheets. Emerie is in the corner, sitting in a chair, crying. He looks down at her arms where she’s cradling a tiny, winged babe, lightly wrapped in a small blanket.

“What happened?” He asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

“My… my cousin,” he cries, hands shaking, startling the babe.

Az reaches out, “Here, let me,” he takes the babe into his arms and checks it out. It’s a girl, a beautiful little girl with thick dark hair and big, brown eyes taking in the new world she’s been thrown into. She’s nice and pink, breathing well. With a finger to her pulse point, her heart is beating at a beautiful rhythm. Her umbilical cord was cut and clamped… from what he’s heard from Emerie, she studied how to deliver a baby after witnessing her mom lose so many as a result of being abused. Em wanted to be a midwife for a time before the shop became her life. As if she knew she’d need the knowledge for a moment like this.

“She— Mel was raped. My uncle kicked her out because she wasn’t pure enough to marry off. She also has—had, clipped wings. She spent the last few months walking here for me to help… she… she had another few weeks, she thought, but she fell a few kilometres before she arrived, then her contractions started and she was bleeding and—and then—”

He could put the rest together. “Okay. Okay.”

“I don’t— I can’t,” she shakes her head, sobbing now. “I can’t keep her. I never wanted to be a mother.”

“That’s okay, that’s fine,” Azriel assures, kneeling before her, still cradling the baby. “Elain and I will take her. we’ll raise her. We’ll love her and cherish her and when the time is right, we will tell her who her birth mother is. We can bury your cousin near Elain’s father so that one day she can go there and visit her, bring her flowers… Cassian said he always wished he knew where his mom was resting so he could visit her. So he could update her on his life.”

She nods along, calming down slightly, “Thank you. Thank you.”

“Rhys is coming, I sent the shadows out to get him. He’ll bring you to the House of Wind, I’m sure Nesta and Gwen will take good care of you. I’ll leave the baby with Elain, then I’ll clean this up, I’ll bring the wraiths to help. I’ll make sure you can return here… if you want to?”

She nods, “This is my home.”

“Okay,” he smiles at her. “It’ll be okay… did your cousin have a name for her?”

She shakes her head, “she was so scared. She didn’t know how to do this alone, she had nothing for the baby, nothing planned, all she knew was that she needed to find me. She needed help.”

He nods along, “Elain and I have been looking into everything in order to have a child without hurting her in the process.”

“Nesta suspected,” she shares.

“Feyre suggested that we get the healer to help us, she was going to carry a child fathered by me so that it would still have Elain's features… we also asked her to possibly use her shape-shifting abilities on me so I would be wingless when we conceived, all because we had been looking into adopting an Illyrian babe but there was always someone in the birth family who wanted to keep it. We made a decision, we were going to take up Feyre’s offer tonight… of all nights.”

“The Mother knows what she’s doing,” Em finds it in herself to smile before looking over at her cousin. “It would’ve been so hard for her to do this alone. I don’t have the room for them to live here and who would take in an Illyrian woman with a bastard child? It’s… I hate to say it, but it’s almost better this way. I was her only family left. She had been through so much.”

“What was her name?” He asks, looking down at the babe, thinking about how they could honour the loss within her name.

“Melantha… it means Dark Flower. They used to grow all around Ramiel, they’ve been extinct for hundreds of years now. Turns out that bloodshed in spring isn’t a good environment to grow in.”

“Melantha,” he whispers. “That’s her name.”

Emerie manages to smile again, “it’s fitting for a shadow singer and the night courts gardener.”

Before he can respond, Rhysand’s claw scrapes the barrier of his mind. Az lets him in, as always, to hear his panicked, yet sleepy voice.

“Are you okay? What’s happening in Illyria?”

Staring down at the beautiful babe, he explains everything to Rhys in his mind. Emerie, as if she could also read minds, knows he’s busy either talking to Rhys or deep in thought. She doesn’t say anything, she simply stands and starts to pack a bag, knowing she’s leaving here soon. Knowing the babe is safe with her father.

“Feyre will get Madja and some supplies at meet you at your house,” Rhys replies. “Are you… are you okay?”

“Absolutely perfect.”

“I’ll get her buried and the place cleaned, you focus on being a father. I’ll see you soon.”

He’s her father.

She’s his daughter.

Something snaps inside of him like his heart splits in half, and a portion is given to his daughter. He vows in that moment to love her for the rest of time, to care for her, protect her with his life. His baby girl.

He clears his throat, trying not to cry in front of her. “Rhys is just waking up, he’ll be here soon. We should go wait downstairs… has she been quiet this whole time?”

Emerie shakes her head, gathering her bags in her hands, “No, she screamed for the first 20 minutes, she only calmed just before you arrived. Like she knew you were coming.”

“We need to get her clothed and fed,” Az all but whispers, his voice so quiet as he looks down at her again. “Feyre is going to gather some things from the shops and meet me at our house. Rhys is going to drop you at the river house and he said he’ll bring the Wraiths back with him to clean up… he said I should stay with the babe.”

“You should, she likes you,” Em smiles at the baby in his arms. “It’ll be nice to get to watch her grow up…”

“You can be Aunt Emerie if you want? I’m sure with how often I’m with you, Nesta and the other Valkyries, she’ll grow up around you… I’ll want her to train as a Valkyrie, if she so chooses,” he shares. It’s safer than the Illyrian camps are and honestly, from all the women he’s worked with, it seems more rewarding for mind, body and soul. She will be 3 times as powerful as any Illyrian male, raised with poise and compassion and love.

Back downstairs, he realizes he left the door open, too, so the shop is freezing. He better wraps Melantha and keeps her close to his body for extra warmth. She fusses, and he simply starts to bounce the way he’s seen Rhys and Feyre do with Nyx in the past, shushing her lightly while he’s at it. She is calm, but her eyes flutter and she looks tired. She’s only been alive a short time and she’s going to sleep for the majority of the first year of her life, so he watches her close her eyes and leans forward to kiss her little forehead, wishing her a peaceful slumber.

—

Elain is sitting at her vanity, hair wet against her silky robe as she looks at herself in the mirror. She catches him in the reflection, turning in shock, hand to her chest, “Az you scared— what is that?” She notices the baby and her eyes wide and her jaw drops as she stands up.

“This… is Melantha,” he smiles, meeting her halfway.

“Oh?”

“Our daughter,” he adds, eyes tearing up.

She covers her mouth in shock as her eyes well with tears, staring down at the beautiful being in her husband's arms. “What?”

“Her mother… her birth mother, she— she was Emerie’s cousin, she passed early this morning,” he explains.

Elain’s heart breaks for her, hand over her chest again, her shoulders slump as she looks up at him for a moment, conveying the sadness in her eyes. They always knew it would come to this. The most beautiful day of their lives, the day they were handed a babe, would be the end of someone else’s.

Elain looks back down at the baby then, mesmerized, she whispers, “She’s so tiny?”

He nods, “She’s possibly a few weeks premature, I didn’t ask many questions but Emerie said her cousin was… she was attacked. The exact due date was unknown to her, Emerie just helped her deliver the babe.”

Elain shakes her head, “that’s awful.”

He nods in agreement, “Feyre is bringing supplies, and Madja, she needs to do an assessment. Cassian is digging the grave beside your father, Rhys will bring the body soon. Nuala and Cerridwen are cleaning Emerie's store and apartment while she is staying at the House of Wind. All plans for today have been rewritten.”

“Can I?” She puts out her arms, dying to hold their daughter.

Azriel carefully transfers her over, thinking about that day nearly 7 years ago when she handed Nyx to him. They were the last two to hold the boy, but only the second and third to hold their own daughter. Even Rhys wasn’t the first to hold his son, nor Feyre. First was Madja, then Mor… he felt blessed to be second but even more blessed to watch his wife, his beautiful and amazing wife, hold their daughter.

To watch as she became a mother.

Her face fills with absolute Awe, her eyes well with tears as she shakes her head in disbelief. Cradling her like the small, breakable gift she is, Elain leans in and kisses her forehead, breathing in her scent, she didn’t have one when Azriel first held her… as if she didn’t know who she belonged to yet.

“Cedar and jasmine,” she looks up with a smile. “But how?”

He shrugs, “It happens. It’s not like a bond, but her soul knows she is where she’s meant to be.”

“And you said her name is… Melantha?”

He nods again, “It’s a flower that—

“It used to grow around Ramiel,” she finishes for him, staring down at Melantha again. “Around 750 years ago they stopped growing. They were known for being beautiful purple-ish-black flowers, almost as if a rose and an iris were merged, and it only bloomed at night, when the moon was out.”

“Emerie joked that the bloodshed in early spring made Ramiel uninhabitable,” he smirks.

She manages to laugh, “That would do it… your mom told me she was a little girl when they disappeared.”

“I forgot all about that.”

“She saw some of the last Melantha’s, now her first grandchild is the return of such beauty,” Elain muses. “My beautiful little dark flower.”

Feyre knocks on the bedroom door mere moments later, standing in the hall with a few bags of things, Madja right behind her. “Are you ready for company?”

They beam at her, nodding before Elain speaks. “She’s out cold but ready.”

They lay her on the bed, and she gets dressed in a cloth diaper and a onesie made for an Illyrian with special slots in the back for her wings. Which according to Madja, are measuring slightly smaller for a newborn, even a premature baby. Other than her wings, she’s very healthy. Weighing 6 pounds even, 19 inches long, she is their’s for the rest of time now.

Feyre gets to hold her for a moment, smiling down at her niece, “Oh this is glorious… this love, this feeling is so different yet so similar.”

Elain nods, “Loving the child of your sibling is a feeling unlike any other.”

“Is there anything you need me to do for you today?” Feyre asks, “I can go order some baby furniture, and buy more formula? Maybe search for a milkmaid?”

“We don’t need a bassinet,” Azriel shares, clearly shocking them both as they turn to him with confused looks. He simply waves his hand, bringing a large (well, big enough for Illyrian Wings) hand-woven bassinet from that little pocket in the middle of nowhere where he keeps his secrets.

“She didn’t?” Elain gasps, moving over to take a look at it.

“Who?” Feyre asks, even more confused as she brings the babe over to lay her down inside it.

“My mother,” Azriel explains. “She is a maker, a carpenter of sorts. She’s very creative… she made this the day I told her I wanted to ask Elain to marry me. I’ve been keeping it safe in the pocket for years… I need to tell her.”

Elain meets his eyes, softer than ever before. “Go, I’ll feed her and by the time you return she’ll be awake and ready for Grandma snuggles.”

“And can you get Nest—

Before she can say the rest of the sentence, their front door bursts open so hard they hear it echo through the house. Azriel’s Shadows are up and out of the room faster than Elain has ever seen them move while she throws herself in front of Feyre, blocking her and the baby.

Feet run up the stairs, towards their bedroom, “I’m here!! It’s just me!” Nesta calls, bracing herself against the doorframe, chest heaving, sweat covering her body, “I really— holy fuck— really need to learn how to winnow.”

They all stand down, laughing at how dishevelled she is. “Did you run down the stairs?”

“Mhm,” she nods, still catching her breath.

“Why didn’t Rhys—

Nesta just stares her down, “he dropped Em off on the training mat, gripped Cass by the arm and was gone in seconds, you really think he would offer to bring me here out of the goodness of his own heart?”

Feyre just smirks, “I think he does this to get yelled at, I think he likes it when I’m mad at him.”

“He does,” Azriel smirks. “I would’ve come and got you in a minute, I’m going to get my mother in a moment.”

“It’s okay,” she waves him off, walking into the room more. “It’s been a few months since I did all the steps again. I needed that… now let me see my niece.”

Feyre presents the baby while Elain steps out of the way. Barely asleep still, she’s starting to fuss from all the noise. Feyre bounces her slightly, “Isn’t she beautiful?”

“Oh my,” Nesta covers her mouth with awe, leaning over her to get a better look. “Look at those eyelashes! She could take flight with them alone.”

Elain can’t stop smiling, so overjoyed with her sisters there, meeting her baby. Her Baby. She turns to look at Az, to see his eyes still glossy and his face still full of awe, “Go tell your mother that she’s a grandmother. we’re good here, honey.”

He simply walks forward, kisses her on the cheek and reaches out for Melantha, he brushes his index finger over her cheek, “I’ll be back shortly, my loves.”

He pulls away, takes a step back and then he’s gone.

“Can you believe this?” Elain asks, shaking her head. “We decided, literally last night, that we would take up your offer… we have waited 3 long years to adopt an Illyrian baby and the day we decided to make our own, she shows up?”

Nesta takes the baby into her arms, “you were always meant to have her.”

Elain can’t stop shaking her head, in such disbelief. “This is the best day of my life.”

Feyre wraps an arm around her and pulls her in closer, resting her head against Elain’s, “oh honey, it’s just going to get better and better.”

She couldn’t wait.

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moonlightazriel · 2 years ago

Text

Love is on the radio /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: He was deeply in love with her, and he was ready to take their relationship to the next level.

Warnings: None, just fluff.

Word Count: 2K

Notes: I keep forgetting this song exists, but i love it so much.

Song week

Main Masterlist

I was alone and my stomach Was twisted But I can get up now The dark clouds have lifted

She giggled, the sound reaching his ears, she was hidden behind a chair while Nyx aimed at her with his little bow, the toy a gift from his aunt Elain, she purposefully got up, saying out loud how she would walk freely since Nyx wasn’t there to shoot her, the toddler got up, his bow in hands as he stretched the line, the arrow flying across the room and landing on her forehead, she gasped loudly, falling dramatically on her knees and laying flat on the floor, she let her head fall limply on the ground, her pink tongue poking from her mouth while she played dead.

Nyx ran to her, his little fingers touching her cheek, distracted as he studied her “dead” body, she lifted one of her hands, grabbing him from behind, she quickly got up, bringing Nyx with her, she spun him around and the baby laughed, his happy screeches making everyone look at the scene, Azriel’s eyes were already glued to his girlfriend, watching the two playing closely as he made conversation.

Azriel craved love, ever since he could remember, he kept searching for it until he didn’t have the strength to keep going, that’s when the Mother and the Cauldron, on an act of kindness, made Y/N for him, she wasn’t his mate, at least he didn’t had the confirmation yet, but no one was perfect for him like she was. She was his opposite and his equal in every aspect, whether he was darkness, she was the most brilliant light he has ever seen, whether he was quiet and introvert, she did all the talking for them, she would also sit in silence with him for hours if that’s what he wanted, just because she enjoyed spending time with him.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve someone like her, sometimes he would think that he was unworthy of her, but he tried to push theses thoughts aside, he wouldn’t allow himself to destroy such a beautiful thing he had with her, she understood him, she didn’t judge him by his past, she would say to him that sometimes “Good people have to do bad things to survive.” and that she didn’t loved him any less because of his past.

It was like a weight was lifted from his shoulders the moment their eyes met for the first time, she worked as a blacksmith, one of the bests in Velaris and one of the very few women that worked on this profession, he needed a new blade when her shop caught his attention, he didn’t expected to see a beautiful female hammering a sword in the back of the shop, he watched her until she felt his presence, removing her glasses and landing her pretty eyes on him, he never felt his heart beating so fast and it was in that moment he knew he was doomed to follow this woman until the end of times.

Back in the old life Before you existed I couldn't see right My windows were misted

“Y/N is so good with kids.” Feyre said, as she watched her son having the time of his life while the female played with him, the inner circle was immediately welcoming to her, she was such a great person, so respectful with everything that it was impossible not liking her, and the fact that she made the shadowsinger smile so easily? The inner circle was thrilled to have her around.

“Yeah, soooo good. I bet she would be a really good mother.” Rhysand said, looking at Azriel and Feyre rolled her eyes at her mate, whispering to him to leave Az alone.

“Who would be a good mother?” Her soft voice sounded behind Rhys, he looked behind, stepping to the side, allowing her to reach Azriel.

“You.” Rhysand simply said, like he was commenting on the weather, and Azriel frowned, annoyed with his brother, they talked about having kids in one of their late night conversations, but they have been together for only two years, they wanted to travel, experience things, do things before they settled down and started to build their family. Azriel wanted to marry her, he dreamed about seeing her in a white dress, walking down the aisle and becoming his forever. He didn’t wanted her to feel pressured by his family into having kids.

“Oh, that’s obvious, the kids absolutely love me, I haven’t met a kid that doesn’t like me.” She bragged and Azriel breathed relieved, of course she would have something to say and shut Rhysand’s big mouth, he burst out laughing saying that he liked her really much and how funny she was.

“Don’t mind my brother, please.” He said, and she turned to him, looking at him in the eyes, her eyes held so much love and adoration for him, he always looked at them, finding all the comfort he needed after a bad day.

“I like him, and we will only have kids once we are ready, no one can force this on us.” She reassured him and he nodded, giving her a quick kiss. “I love you Azriel.”

“I love you too, so much, and I’ll never get tired of saying this to you.” She smiled and her cheeks immediately got tainted red, Azriel held her closer, she was so beautiful. She was easy to talk to, to be around, she was everything to him.

Now that I've found you My heart's beating faster We could be happy Forever and after

They were by her shop today, at this point, the costumers were used to seeing the spymaster siting behind the counter, a book in hands while they talked. He watched her, how she walked around interacting with everyone around them, she always had a opinion to voice or a kind word to share, he liked to watch her work, how she dealt with costumers and how she would put so much effort into her forging.

She was leaned on the counter, a pencil hanging in between her fingers while she talked to a client, she drew something quickly, a sketch, and showed it to the male in front of her, he smiled saying that this was exactly what he had imagined and giving her the thumbs up to start working on the weapon.

“How do you do it?” Azriel asked as the man left and she searched through her materials for the right steel to make the blade.

“Do what honey?”

“Turn these twisted steel into a beautiful sword? You’re so talented.” She turned her sweaty head to him, a smile on her lips as she blushed with his praising, he would always randomly compliment her, leaving her a blushing mess and shyly smiling at him.

“Put this book down and come here.” She said, grabbing the appliances for him to protect himself from the heat, he did as she told, and she grabbed another piece of steel, handing to him. “Now just do what I do.” She held her piece in the fire, until it was a bright red color, she moved to another station, starting to hammer the steel until it was flat enough. Azriel tried to do the same, but the missed the hammer a couple of times, hitting his thumb in the process. By the end of the day, she had a beautiful obsidian blade, sharp enough to cut air, Azriel’s one was rough, it was too thick and barely cut a piece of bread.

“Not bad Az, the first blade I ever did, I held the steel in the flames for so long that it melted.” Azriel giggled, he was covered in sweat, and his arms felt heavy from the strength it took to be hammering all day, he admired her genuinely, she was so strong, it was awesome.

“I would be the worst blacksmith ever.” He pontited and she turned to him, the round shape of the glasses marking her face.

“As I would be a terrible spy, could never be as quiet as you.” She walked to him, her arms pulling him closer.

“Yeah, we both know that you just can’t stop talking.” Azriel teased and she opened her mouth, faking being offended, hitting his shoulder playfully and kissing him. When they pulled apart, his chest was so filled with love that he thought it was going to explode, he couldn’t never let this woman go, he knew what he had to do.

We could be married Like Mrs. and Mr. We'll have a son And we'll give him a sister

He rubbed the red velvet box again, soothing the anxiety that rushed thru his body, she was a little bit late, but he knew she was probably caught up with so much work, he drank his wine and tapped his fingers on the table. His shadows sneaked up his arm, pooling at his hand, he rose an eyebrow at their odd behavior.

“Az I’m so sorry!” Her voice sounded from behind him, and he turned around, she looked stunning, a black dress hugging her body and little no makeup on her pretty face, he got up, shoving the box in his pocket discreetly, pulling her in for a kiss. “A client came on closing time and didn’t stop talking, I apologize for being late honey.”

“Don’t worry about that, we have the whole night to enjoy.” He squeezed her hand reassuring her and she smiled.

They talked, for hours and hours, about their day, about life, about everything and nothing, he felt lighter with her, he would always feel like he shouldn’t interact so he wouldn’t scare people away, but with her, he couldn’t keep his mouth from spilling words after words, and it was such a good feeling that he was able to speak his mind freely with someone.

He knew he didn’t want to do something big, and she didn’t want that either, so at some point in the night, his right hand reached for hers and his left one reached for his pocket, pulling the box out, he held it against his thigh for a while, slowly sliding it through the table as she was distracted talking.

The rambling stopped, and her hand fell on his, and when he looked at her, she had tears falling down her face, her mouth was open and her hand was covering her shock, she looked at the ring, a silver ring with a giant cobalt stone, adorned with smaller diamond ones, matching his siphons.

“Yes.” She whispered and he grabbed her hand, removing the ring from the box and gently placing it on her finger, the ring fit her perfectly like it was always meant to be there, and Azriel felt like the happiest male alive.

Just one thing holding us together A four letter word and it lasts forever

“Calm down Az, you’re sweating.” Cassian said, patting on his brother’s shoulder as Azriel fixed his tie one again, he went completely still as the soft music and Gwyn’s voice filled the open field, the melody making the atmosphere more magical, Nyx appeared in a little suit, throwing flowers around, she stepped behind him, wearing a beautiful floor length dress, it wasn’t the classical white color but it complimented her skin the same way, she looked like an angel.

Azriel couldn’t keep his eyes away from her, she was the most beautiful female that has ever walked this earth and he was the lucky fool to have her as his, his now to be wife. He was shaking and she shyly kept looking at him while she walked towards him. He grabbed her hand and help her stand in front of the priestess that was going to make the ceremony official.

“You still can run away.” He joked and she looked at him dead in the eye.

“I would never run away from you. I love you.” She was glowing, an ethereal light covering her whole body like a halo, no one ever saw the Shadowsinger smiling so much, they listened and followed the priestess orders and as he was sliding her ring into the right hand, she glowed brighter, and Azriel felt a pull in his chest, the guests went quiet and it was like they were the only ones there. His shadows started chanting the word “mate!” over and over.

“Do you accept Azriel as your husband?” The priestess asked.

“I do, my mate!”

#Spotify #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel x reader #sarahjmaas #shadowsinger #night court #azriel x y/n #velaris #fluff #moonlightazriel #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #moonlightazriel song week

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blue-eyed-banshee · 5 months ago

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I'm going to talk about something very serious...

It's okay to be not be okay mentally.

I've been struggling with it for many years but there is a light at the end of that darkened tunnel that seemingly goes on forever. You just need to find a lantern or any light source and walk through that tunnel. Past all the inner demons that may be lurking within the shadows and spitting tormenting words at you every step of the way. But, that lantern or whatever light source you can find... that's hope. It stays with you until you reach the end of that tunnel.

I've been where some of you may be right now. If you're struggling with self worth and depression as I have for years, know that I care for you. I'm walking with you every step of the way towards the end of that endless tunnel. I know there are some people who would rather lie than say "I'm not okay" or "You're a person not just someone who's behind a screen". Now a little about myself: I'd prefer you call me Bue or banshee as I will not give out my name. I've been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old. 9 years old! I was going through a lot of pain in my life back then but I was going through something no child around my age should EVER go through: Cancer. I held onto hop that I would survived and I did! I'm now 27 years old and still cancer free. But, I still dealt with depression... it ate up at me little by little until one christmas, I left my aunt's house early and told them "I'm just tired." But it was far from that. Truth is: I was overwhelmingly depressed. And I won't say what happened next. I will just say, it ended up with in the bathroom with a large wound in my arm. I called up my best friend and I told him what happened. "My demons won, Pete..." He was studying in college around that but you know what he did? He excused himself from class and stayed on the phone with me until my mom left my aunt's and came home.

Now, I've been ridiculed all my life for being different; I'm somewhat on the spectrum, have ADHD, and severe trust issues. I'm still not used to people showing me compassion and kindness on ANY level. And whenever someone does, I take it to heart. More than you all know.

After three trips to rehab, I still find myself struggling with my demons... every. single. day.

My coping mechanism was uh... let's just say, I was doing it on myself... my other.. is alcohol. Now, I'm Rusian and don't know my birth parents but I think I may have alcoholism from them. In rehab, I met wonderful people. As I have stated, I even met someone who would go on to become my best friend! I know rehab is scary and intimidating and you hear all the bad stuff that goes on within those walls. Sometimes it's a shot in the dark until you find the perfect one. I will always be in your corner and helping you down that never ending darkness in that tunnel even if you may not to know me. I have truly been where you are. And it's torture every day all the time.

Especially with clinical depression.

If any of you need an ear, I'm here. Even if you may not know who I am in real life,

I still care about you. Even if you may feel alone.

#about mental health #clinical depression #personal darkness #positivity #motivation #You don't have to endure this alone anymore #TW: suicide attempt #tw: drinking #tw: self harm

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artemiscellaniousart · 5 months ago

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So I’ve been wanting to make a game with my ocs for a while, and I’ve got a small synopsis of what I want it to be. Suggestions are very welcome, and here it is without further ado.

In the prologue Lucy will be in her parents home, her relationship with her aunt is prominently displayed. Her parents aren’t great to her and her aunt is her rock. Shows both of their appreciation for books, mainly as an escape from reality.

Lucy’s aunt gets murdered by a supernatural being, witnessed by Lucy. A tome is left by the being, unexplained thus far. Nobody believes her about the perpetrator being supernatural, but the damage is too great to her aunts body for her to have been a suspect. Nobody has any explanation besides her, closed case with no leads.

Open on Lucy running from home into the streets. She takes a drunk strangers meal without them noticing using her telekinesis, alluding to her near future of stealing to survive (and sometimes for fun). She then takes a bus to a town she doesn’t know, ducking into an abandoned bookstore for the night.

Flash forward, Lucy has cleaned up the place a bit. It’s clearly been a couple years and she has made the bookstore into her home. Hints that she has been repressing thoughts of finding the culprit of her aunts murder. She has met a couple people in town, namely Amanita the botany shop owner and Dr Sage, the “quack” doctor (he’s a bird wearing a Groucho nose to hide his beak, other than that a decent doctor). She has seen her neighbors boy Toby and waved at him before but they’ve never spoken. Lucy has been using the books in her bookstore to escape from the reality of her aunts murder. You get a day to walk around alone and take in the environmental storytelling, seeing the daily interactions between Lucy and the folk around her. At the end of it she gets home and talks to Toby for the first time. He is incredibly talkative introducing himself with inconsistent eye contact and Lucy is trying to inch away visibly when he’s not looking at her, think red light green light.

He asks why she lives alone when she’s close to her bookshops window and it reminds her of her aunt, she snaps at Toby and rushes inside. Lucy spends that night unable to get it out of her head, she doesn’t sleep much.

The next morning, Toby sees you and rushes over. He says how what happened before was weird and figured you could use someone to talk to. You tell him you don’t want to talk about it, and he decides that y’all are best friends and he wants to hang out with you doing whatever you do. You slightly push back, as you find him incredibly verbally honest and that disturbs you. However you do really need a friend, and he seems harmless enough.

Throughout the day you decide that you’re going to stop ignoring it and investigate what happened to your aunt. You pull the tome from the hiding space between four bookshelves you created, and read the first few pages for the first time.

It is an invitation to insanity, to knowing more than you should ever have known and changing for the worst for it. Of course, it says none of that. It simply speaks of the psychic power that one could wield with the information contained within, what would become incredibly useful for finding this awful driving force behind her aunts demise. She decides to perform the first spell in the book, a “psychic primer” if you will. Helps get the ball really rolling with her telekinesis.

An identical her is placed into another reality by her first spell that you switch between as the player but have no connection with as the character. Working towards the same goal but in entirely separate ways. Neither one has any knowledge of the existence of the other, but they help each other out in many ways throughout the story.

The main theme of the game is how people are shaped by their environment. Dark Lucy is forced somewhere where morals are a luxury she can’t afford to have, and Planet Lucy is forming a friendship with Toby/her community and is able to hold onto a lot more of her scruples in her investigation. Her journey is is still tough but it is nowhere near as gruesome as the other, with the visuals reminiscent of her aunt being confined to the Evil World Lucy.

You may have to pick a side near the end, they can see into each others minds when they meet for the first time. Planet Lucy sees the other as evil for the things she has done to get here and leaps to action immediately, while Lucy of the Netherworld knows due to her time in Hell that it’s either attack first or die and she needs what she did to be worthwhile so she can pursue her aunts killer, as she knows she’s the only one that can.

Planet Lucy doesn’t have the tools to, and will eventually move on with her life. Her community is able to vouch for her, and she gets off on self defense. (The “good ending”)

Hell Lucy will defeat her aunts murderer but will have none of the community that Planet Lucy built. She will either run forever or die by the hands of the community. (The “bad ending”)

#my ocs #oc #writing #writing advice

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emyn-arnens · 1 year ago

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Tell us about and dark things silent crept beneath and Shadows of Madness and Despair?

Thanks for the ask! (from this ask game)

And dark things silent crept beneath is a oneshot about the Woodmen of Mirkwood, set just before the main events of LOTR. Its inspiration comes from this quote in FOTR about Gollum's activities in Mirkwood: “The wood was full of the rumour of him, dreadful tales even among beasts and birds. The Woodmen said that there was some new terror abroad, a ghost that drank blood. It climbed trees to find nests; it crept into holes to find the young; it slipped through windows to find cradles.”

Here's a snippet of it:

Do not venture into the forest alone. Keep to the Old Forest Road and do not stray from the path, no matter what catches your eye. Do not look into the eyes of any creature that watches you from the gloom. And never, ever wander past the eaves of the forest after nightfall. You will not return. These were the rules of the Woodmen, and so were the children of the forest taught from the time they bounced upon their parents’ knees. The rules kept the Woodmen safe, for as long as they minded the forest, the forest minded them. It was an uneasy partnership, but it had held for many generations (barring the troublesome youths who sought to prove that they had no need for the safety of the rules, and who had soon learned otherwise). It had held until the first of the young livestock had been killed, dragged away in a trail of blood in the dead of night. It had held until the killings continued, and the malevolence of the forest—or of some creature within it—could not be denied.

The fic has been stuck in development hell for some months now because it requires creating a full cast of OCs, and that requires figuring out plausible naming customs for the Woodmen, and that requires figuring out what language they speak. I read somewhere that canon suggests that they speak Adunaic, but I'm not sure if that would still be the case at the end of the Third Age, and if their language wouldn't have been influenced by the Mirkwood Elves, who they canonically have dealings with, or the Men of Lake-town or Dale, who they could plausibly have dealings with. (This is a plea for help btw. I'm in over my head.)

Shadows of Madness and Despair is a oneshot of Emeldir leading the women of Dorthonion through Nan Dungortheb, after fleeing from Dorthonion when Morgoth's forces overtook it during the Dagor Bragollach. The oneshot plays with the horror elements of Nan Dungortheb and the women's efforts to survive their journey through it. Here's a snippet:

It was a fell, foul place, full of horrors beyond the minds of Men. Those who entered did so only because desperate need drove them into its dark embrace—and few found their way out. There were tales of those whose hearts were clutched by fear and who had been unable to draw their gazes from the eyes in the shadows until they became transfixed and immovable, their faces blank masks that held no light of life or recognition of their fellows. Other tales told of those who had strayed from the path, beckoned by the illusion of light, and had become forever lost in the shifting shadows. And still other rumors told of those who had disappeared in the night, taken without a cry.

Emeldir looked warily around the enclosing cliffs that hemmed them in darkness. Would that they could have taken another path, any path but this. “Do not drink of any water here, and do not look into any eyes that peer from the shadows,” Emeldir instructed, turning to the women who followed behind her. “Do not stray from your fellows, for if you do, you may never return. These paths are twisted and treacherous and seek ever to lead those who walk upon them astray.” She held the women’s gazes as she spoke. The women stood together in a tight knot, holding the hands of their sisters, aunts, neighbors, and friends. Children and babes clung to their mothers, too frightened even to cry, and their mothers’ faces were pale and strained as they listened to her. “We will camp as we always do: children and aged in the center, and healthy and hale guarding the perimeter," Emeldir continued. "But we will double our watch in the evenings: Eight women must stand guard—two facing north, two south, two east, and two west. We cannot afford to be taken unawares in this place.”

#asks #grey-gazania #my fic #.txt

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rosetintedgunman · 1 year ago

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DOSSIER CHEAT SHEET

LEGAL NAME: Colonel William Jackson Barnum

NICKNAME[S]: Colonel, Will, Young Barnum, Private, Balai (‘Broom’ in French)

DATE OF BIRTH: June 14th, 1897 (implied to be 28 by time of W.KM)

GENDER: Male

PLACE OF BIRTH: Unspecified. Implied to be in the state of California.

CURRENTLY LIVING: A small cottage near the edge of the city, but in walking distance (by William's standards) to both the Manor and the barracks.

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: English (also REALLY bad French. Do not believe him if he says he's fluent)

EDUCATION: Academically, he dropped out of high school at 16 and apprenticed as a handyman under his father. He is a fully trained soldier.

HAIR COLOR: Dark brown/black

EYE COLOR: Brown

HEIGHT: 6 foot 3 inches

WEIGHT: I have no idea. I've never looked this up, and I'm not going to look into it now. I'm going to guess somewhere between 190 - 200 lbs.

FAMILY INFORMATION

Reminder: This is not taking into account the scenario of Mark and William being genetically related that blogs may have for their own lore. This will all be disregarded in those cases and I will adjust if needed.

SIBLING[S]: He was the youngest of six. He has three older brothers - Johnny, Ernest, and Harvey - and two older sisters - Lizzie and Annie.

PARENT[S]: Frank and Minnie Barnum

RELATIVE[S]: Due to the large age gap between him (twelve years between him and the second youngest), all his older siblings had married by the time he was in high school. Because of this, he was in the strange position of having at least nine nieces or nephews older than him, and three younger than him. And that's not mentioning his aunts and uncles. There's too many to list, but I should remind you that he was named after his uncle due to the miracle of surviving the odds at birth. Also, if one of his parents took a shine to you, you became an honorary Barnum.

CHILDREN: None. While he did have a reputation, back in the day, he was always careful. He could barely look after himself, let alone a whole other person.

PET[S]: None, for the same reason as above.

RELATIONSHIP INFORMATION

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual, though depending on the setting it's not something he actively explores.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single in pretty much every setting. My boy continues my notorious bad luck with ships. But he's also a homewrecker so he doesn't deserve happiness :D

tagged by: @pinkxtrauma

tagging: I'll be honest, I'm not in the headspace to start trying to think of tagging people. So go for it, if you want.

#(why yes I'm using this solely to remind people of the seventeen page bio I wrote for just Will)#(it's in the title :3c )#colonelheadcanon #(I might do this with other muses eventually; but not yet. Wilf will obviously be exempt)#(and in general... I need to write Will more.)#(and true to form; I jinxed myself and now have niece for rest of the evening)

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lovelywingsart · 2 years ago

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'Bite', 'Hammer', 'Drink' for the fanfiction WIP ask game?

I had to dig through over 70+ WIPs to find these my dude- And one of them is from a smut story. Actually all 3 would be smut, but I'll keep those other ones to myself for now. So fair warning on that.\! I do have other ideas I haven't gotten a chance to write down that would definitely include these, but for now, this is what I have so far!

And yes, I'll do all three!

And no, I don't know when these will be finished.

Have fun!

*Under cut because LONG*

Word: Hammer

Takes place about a year or so after the Miranda fight in the Survival AU-

"You would think they would freeze up there near the water..." she commented, looking up as Heisenberg walked by and bumped her shoulder, nearly tossing the hammer to the side.

"Did we HAVE to leave him with her?" He grumbled, instantly making his way to the door that lead to the workshop. She followed.

"Hey, you said yourself Donna wasn't that bad..." she chuckled, returning the shoulder bump. He rolled his eyes, casually holding the door for her to follow through.

"It's not Donna, it's those... goddamn DOLLS..." he said. "Creepy pieces of... What if he has nightmares??"

Emelia rolled her eye.

"Karl, do you recall what he assisted with only a year ago? I promise you dolls aren't worse than those bloody Soldats." She replied, turning to face him once they entered the workshop and the door was closed. She nearly laughed at the disbelieving expression on his face. "He will be fine, Heisenberg. She offered, and he was excited to see 'Aunt Donna'. You should be happy we're alone for the first time in years."

Word: Drink

A random placement in the normal timeline, for a smut story that MIGHT break a few people for a very specific reason other than them being drunk off their asses... Twitter knows. uwu -

He only paused for a moment, suddenly leaning over to grab one of the bottles. She watched his muscles trembled slightly as he stared at the bottle for a moment, his other hand mindlessly rubbing her thigh. She couldn't help but squirm in a drunken, aroused haze, only to reach out for the bottle, herself. He hummed slightly before handing it to her, leaning down and kissing along her chest as she propped herself up with one wavering elbow. He let out a low chuckle as she drank from the bottle itself, taking a few gulps before falling back once more with a cough.

Despite the lightheadedness, she could still feel the warmth of the whiskey flood through her chest, the feeling bringing more redness to her cheeks as Heisenberg took the bottle from her. He started to drink, downing the rest of the dark liquid quickly before slumping forward slightly, letting the bottle fall to the floor with a clatter as it was pushed over the edge.

Neither reacted to the sound, instead focusing on each other with wavering vision as he leaned forward fully into her arms that had since reached for him. His lips met hers instantly, the residual taste of the alcohol still fresh between the both of them.

Word: Bite

Another Survival AU one, which... Well, you'll see!~

"Ethan told me what you all did." He started, nodding back to the window where she could see the man glance at her as he was patched up. "I only need to know if you're just as fucking insane as she was, or if you're trustworthy enough to stay here."

"You mean if we're 'docile' enough for you to let us live." She corrected with a frown. She watched the corner of his mouth twitch, lifting her chin again. "If we weren't 'docile', I assure you we would have attacked your little 'party' here by now... I assume you're aware of our... 'abilities'. Especially Heisenberg."

"I'm well aware."

"Then you know he could crush that loud rubbish heap with the jerk of an arm." She was proud as she spoke, watching his face change just slightly as he glanced at Adalwulf.

"And him?"

She froze. Her taw tightened as the boy hid behind her more, but she managed to calm herself, forcing herself to bite her own tongue as to not put them in any more danger than they were already in just talking to him.

"He shares his fathers powers, if not more." She replied quietly. "He's as proficient with them as Karl, and they're far more potent. He was taught well."

#ask answered #answered ask #ask game #WIP ask game #fanfiction WIP #I'm not joking when I said 70+#the number is still growing #I have a REALLY bad habit of starting a chapter and then falling off if I can't think of anything

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thasdorah · 2 years ago

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did alleria ever expect to return to azeroth? how did she feel when she realized she could finally go home, even if things had drastically changed? were there things she missed a lot, like, not just places, but little things, like food or music? is she happy being back home?

meta asks ♡

— @shxwmaster

tw for suicidal ideation mention

when alleria rejoined the alliance and chose to be part of the expedition to outland, she didn't expect to return, or survive — which is part of why she chose to go in the first place. during the second war, quel'thalas was hit hardest in its forests, where her family lived. beyond the dark portal is outdated, but it mentions "Alleria had personally lost no fewer than eighteen kin of various degrees of closeness — cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews." and while 'nephews' does not apply, really, i hold that most of the windrunners died then, including of course her parents and younger brother. herself, sylvanas and vereesa were almost the only ones left.

that degree of loss, when she knew the horde was going to attack her homeland but was forbidden from leaving alone to try and reach quel'thalas without the alliance to get there before the horde and at the very least warn them and try to save some, marked her deeply. alleria felt tremendous survivor's guilt, and as the eldest sister she also felt she couldn't break down. all of that ended up leaving her not only deeply depressed but eager to die. she devoted herself to vengeance, lost herself in the killing, and when the opportunity came to leave and likely die fighting the monsters she blamed for all the loss, she took it hoping she wouldn't come back.

i won't get into detail about how this changes, but it does (in great part thanks to khadgar). even if she doesn't forgive herself, she's willing to live. and then, by the time xe'ra tries to recruit her into the army of the light, alleria hesitates to say yes because she wants to go back because of arator. she only accepts to go fight the legion because that is posed to her as a necessity, but she feels certain she will go back to azeroth and see her son again.

"I would do anything to protect Arator, to protect my people and my world. If there are enemies bent on destroying it, then I will not rest. I will give my life if necessary. But I know I will see my son again."

this never changes, even as centuries pass and she sees the flaws in the army of light and the path xe'ra leads them towards, even as she comes into contact with the void and chooses to pursue it, the certainty remains and is reinforced when, in contact with both forces, she gets a glimpse of what is to come and can see her return to fight the legion, as she tells xe'ra:

"We walk different paths, but we are not enemies. I have seen it. I will join the Army of the Light in the final battle against the Legion, and together we will bring the demons down."

so i don't think it was ever as much a realization as a certainty she held on to, that this would happen, that she would see her family again. i don't think alleria realized how much things would be changed by the time she got back. i don't think she had a way of even guessing — time passed differently in the nether and in the void, if there was time in the latter at all.

so i'll skip over part of the question briefly to discuss the last bit: is she happy being back home?

i don't think she ever considered she may not be, before she managed to return. which is why it hits all the hardest when so much of what she loved has perished or changed beyond recognition. i don't think going back home is ever as satisfactory as she hoped — i think she still doesn't feel at home, in many ways, and that she never will because her home doesn't exist anymore, the people who made it home are not the same anymore, there's nothing left of it to go back to. ultimately, alleria remains displaced. stormwind may have accepted her, but it will never be home, and she hasn't found her place since returning to azeroth.

she sticks with the echoes of what is known: the alliance, the sister she can establish a closer relationship with again, to an extent even turalyon, for a time. but it aches. she tries to fit in a way she doesn't anymore, and i think she'll only really be happy when she lets go of all the stuff she's holding on to because she thinks there's nothing left and she needs the reasons to keep moving.

so no, i don't think she's happy to be home. she's happy when she gets to reconnect with vereesa or arator, she's happy when she gets to indulge in all the things she's missed. there are so many. she missed hearing and speaking thalassian so much while away from anyone who shared her mother tongue for so long. she missed music dearly, any type of music that was familiar and from azeroth, eventually any type of music at all. music is something the windrunners all seemed to love, and share as an expression of love; lirath was a musicist, sylvanas sings, their memories frequently have the three sisters dancing together. she missed it so much, especially music from quel'thalas.

food, of course, she missed too. there's just something about how different food is in different cultures, and, again, she hasn't been around anyone thalassian in ages. she missed it greatly. alleria is not a picky eater; she's not squeamish in any way, and she'd easily survive on whatever is available, but it doesn't change she'd miss food from her homeland. a lot of what she misses is tied to quel'thalas, ultimately. in how things taste, the sound of music but also the simple sounds of eversong; she spent so much time in those woods, because she loved them even more than because it was her job as a ranger. the scents of it, too; leaves and flowers and earth. i think at some point even azeroth's weather was something she missed. the sound of gentle rain upon the earth, the loudness of a thunderstorm, the gentle feeling of sunlight upon skin and grass beneath you.

in many ways, despite coming from a people deeply tied to magic, alleria is portrayed as a very traditional 'wood elf' type of character. she has strong ties to nature, suffers when eversong is defiled, finds relief in what is left of a forest in outland when the alliance expedition reaches it (the place where her friends establish the allerian stronghold in her honor, which i'm just mentioning because it makes me weep a bit). so i think she misses everything associated with the forests of her home, be it flora or fauna. one gets tired of finding demonic beings to kill amidst desolate worlds instead of getting a glimpse of familiar creatures between golden leaves. she misses hawkstriders and dragonhawks. she misses sunflowers.

there's a million little things she misses, beyond people and places. alleria genuinely loves her world, and being away from it for so long was never easy. in those little things is where she finds the most relief, i think. even if everything is changed and there is no place for her in azeroth anymore, even if she doesn't have a home, she can still enjoy walking barefoot in grass and smelling the perfume of flowers and feeling sun and rain upon her skin and watching the starry sky from azeroth with its two moons because it was never as pretty anywhere else she's been. it doesn't set things right. she's still not happy, necessarily. but it's enough.

#» out of character — ⌜number one elf apologist.⌟#» character study — ⌜a sun no longer.⌟#this got SO long because i had too much to say....#thanks so much for the questions mimi ♥️♥️♥️♥️#i loved them 🤧

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yeniasworld · 2 months ago

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Let me take you on a journey through my life, woven with threads of love, self-discovery, and resilience. It’s a narrative filled with the vibrant experiences that have shaped me and revealed the strength I’ve found in navigating the complexities of relationships.

From the age of twelve, I was thrust into a world where my body matured faster than I could understand. Older men, often a decade or more my senior, began to take notice of me, and their heavy gazes often left me feeling uneasy. It was a confusing time, grappling with my identity while trying to comprehend the dynamics of attraction. I had to learn to navigate this unwanted attention and set boundaries early on.

By fifteen, I had become adept at managing fear. Walking home from school, especially at night, was a challenge. But I wasn’t alone. My friends were always a phone call away, providing comfort as I traversed those dark streets. My aunt, a beacon of strength, would stay on the line during those treacherous walks, offering the love and support I desperately needed after losing my father. Her presence grounded me and taught me the importance of families.

As I grew older, I recognized a critical truth: underage hearts should never be treated as playthings. Love is a profound lesson, not a game. I began to understand that youth is powerful and deserves respect. In cultures where young girls are married off too soon, I vowed to carve my own path and not let societal norms dictate my worth.

Then came a bright-eyed boy (Bradley), seventeen and full of youthful energy. He slipped into my DMs, charming me with his playful banter. While it was easy to get swept up in the excitement, I held onto my principles, knowing the importance of boundaries. Our budding friendship was innocent, filled with laughter and dreams shared under starlit skies. I committed to waiting until he turned eighteen before crossing any physical lines, savoring the anticipation and the beauty of our connection.

Amid these experiences, I connected with Levi, a friends-with-benefits situation that added another layer to my journey. Levi, known as Phoenix on social media, was thirty at the time—closer to my age than the others. He was a talented stretch artist and writer, and our chemistry was undeniable. He was the only man I’d ever had intercourse with, and it was a significant moment for me. Our encounters were casual, but they enriched my understanding of intimacy and friendship.

(He was the only man I had ever had intercourse with since 2015 (deciding to become celibate), which was a significant moment for me. It was a unique experience, as he knew I identified as a bottom (he topped himself with me), and our connection was playful yet respectful.)

After returning from my travels with Alexx in late November, I longed for companionship. Levi and I enjoyed our time together, often sharing laughs and getting high. He introduced me to new experiences, and our relationship, while undefined, felt like a safe space where I could explore my desires.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the universe was preparing me for my next serious relationship. In September 2023, I met Alexx, a photographer sixty-one years old—over thirty years my senior. Initially, I didn’t see anything happening between us, but we kept in touch after our arranged photoshoot in Milan. Following Milan, I headed to Paris for Fashion Week, where our tentative connection deepened.

Despite being penniless and jobless, surviving on benefits, I made the bold decision to join Alexx in his van to travel across Europe. I felt a sense of adventure coursing through me, ready to embrace this new chapter in my life. As we journeyed together, I discovered that a form of relationship was expected between us. We agreed to go with the flow, and he anticipated that I would chip in for food once my payments came through.

The travels were enriching; I learned so much from him. We did numerous photoshoots together, and by the time I returned, my modeling skills and portfolio had grown immensely. Alexx taught me valuable lessons about the transactional nature of the industry, and I fed off his wisdom to master my craft.

Throughout this experience, I remained centered and self-aware, practicing yoga and meditation. I had spent my life cultivating self-love, but I often struggled to share that love with others for extended periods. My time with Alexx was different; he emphasized patience and healing, and I found comfort in the flow of our connection. We never had intercourse due to his age and personal challenges, but I cherished the moments we shared and the bond we were building.

As I reflect on these relationships, I understand how important it is to honor my journey while recognizing the complexities of attraction. Many people are drawn to older or younger partners for various reasons, whether it be knowledge, experience, or youthful energy. This dynamic has existed for centuries, and while society is beginning to address these age differences more openly, it’s crucial to foster healthy, respectful relationships.

Moving forward, I commit to dating men closer to my age. I want relationships built on mutual respect, understanding, and shared experiences. I’m ready to open my heart while holding onto the lessons I’ve learned. It’s time to embrace the beauty of connections that allow for growth and exploration without the complications of significant age disparities.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let’s continue to open our hearts and minds as we navigate the complexities of love together.

#yeniasworld

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eelec-knife-fish-kwami · 1 year ago

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Vincent Malloy is seven years old He’s always polite and does what he’s told For a boy his age, he’s considerate and nice But he wants to be just like Vincent Price He doesn’tmind living with his sister, dog and cats Though he’d rather share a home with spiders and bats There he could reflect on the horrors he’s invented And wander dark hallways, alone and tormented Vincent is nice when his aunt comes to see him But imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum He likes to experiment on his dog Abercrombie In the hopes of creating a horrible zombie So he and his horrible zombie dog Could go searching for victims in the London fog His thoughts, though, aren’t only of ghoulish crimes He likes to paint and read to pass some of the times While other kids read books like Go, Jane, Go! Vincent’s favourite author is Edgar Allen Poe One night, while reading a gruesome tale He read a passage that made him turn pale Such horrible news he could not survive For his beautiful wife had been buried alive! He dug out her grave to make sure she was dead Unaware that her grave was his mother’s flower bed His mother sent Vincent off to his room He knew he’d been banished to the tower of doom Where he was sentenced to spend the rest of his life Alone with the portrait of his beautiful wife While alone and insane encased in his tomb Vincent’s mother burst suddenly into the room She said: “If you want to, you can go out and play It’s sunny outside, and a beautiful day” Vincent tried to talk, but he just couldn’t speak The years of isolation had made him quite weak So he took out some paper and scrawled with a pen: “I am possessed by this house, and can never leave it again” His mother said: “You’re not possessed, and you’re not almost dead These games that you play are all in your head You’re not Vincent Price, you’re Vincent Malloy You’re not tormented or insane, you’re just a young boy You’re seven years old and you are my son I want you to get outside and have some real fun.” Her anger now spent, she walked out through the hall And while Vincent backed slowly against the wall The room started to swell, to shiver and creak His horrid insanity had reached its peak He saw Abercrombie, his zombie slave And heard his wife call from beyond the grave She spoke from her coffin and made ghoulish demands While, through cracking walls, reached skeleton hands Every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams Swept his mad laughter to terrified screams! To escape the madness, he reached for the door But fell limp and lifeless down on the floor His voice was soft and very slow As he quoted The Raven from Edgar Allen Poe: “and my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted? Nevermore…”

I didn’t understand any of that and I’m not sure I want to.

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jojofox · 1 year ago

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Ok, new story dump. This one's not a fanfic this time, so get ready for some new characters :)

just setting the mood rq

"Questing and adventuring is hard, long, and quite tiring, so why not take a break from it all?! Ride on down to the Drag Inn hotel! Rest you and your party’s head for however long you need to! With inclusive accommodations from our tallest giants to the smallest fae, there’s always a room for you!"

This story, Drag Inn, is about the staff that helps run the hotel and their stories. It a bit more of a slice-of-life piece so far. Usually, my stories are linear and action-packed, so this one is a nice change of pace for me.

The world that this story operates in is pretty meta, with whole towns, cities, and districts centering around story genres, like a Drama city or a Fantasy town. One of the big events is something called a Prophetical Counsel will come up with a prophecy every six months for a chosen one to go and slay some evil. There are a couple councils in every district. They have to tell the other councils when a chosen one has been selected so there aren’t any overlaps. Sometimes, mistakes happen. Chosen ones usually become pretty popular and wealthy after their adventure, if they survive.

Oh wait, you wanna see drawings of it, don't you? Well, I don't have many (oddly enough), but I do have a ref sheet that includes the entire staff (*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)/

Oooo and they have descriptions too (*^‿^*)

this is about to get very long ( 〃．．)

TL;DR Po is the owner/manager, Telady is co-owner/receptionist, Raven and Lucki are baristas, Jade and Edith are housekeepers, Donovan is a lifeguard, Veris and Axel are security with Pix being unofficial security, Dave is a bartender, Ash is a therapist, and Dyna and Derrin are cooks

Po Eider: Po is a retired chosen one from the Action Adventure genre who slew the Dark Dragon of ‘08. They had learned frost magic in order to do so and are in possession of a frost suit of armor and sword. Unfortunately, while fighting the Dragon, it touched their heart and cursed them. This curse is known as the Dragon’s Touch, and it severely limits the magical abilities of the victim to the point where they could die if they use too much magic. They have no home outside of the hotel as they blew all of their money on purchasing it and lost the lease on their apartment. They tend to act quite arrogant. Po is the owner and manager of Drag Inn.

Telady Pinsnap: Telady is a retired spy from the Spy thriller genre, as well as Po's aunt. She took down many organizations with her old partner. Telady had learned to not be scared of anything, otherwise, it could cost her her entire mission. She tends not to hesitate and is very sure of her decisions. Having retired from spying, but not about to let her nephew run a business alone, she works the receptionist position and is co-owner of Drag Inn.

Raven Macintosh: Raven is an out-of-work superhero from the Action genre. She has the power of electricity and her hero name was Fritz. The town she was in lost its villain as he was arrested and taken out of the country. Raven had always wanted to be a writer, but she could almost never find any good inspiration or conflict. She loves slice-of-life tales, so she thought working as a barista would give her the inspiration she needed, while also keeping her busy.

Jade: Jade is a bird-human hybrid from the Dark Fantasy genre. He used to live in a hollow tree in a misty forest, right around an area where people would walk in and instantly go missing. Jade liked to try to protect the smaller, younger people who came through from the darkness inside, but sometimes, he couldn’t help but indulge in the darkness himself. Always has a spooky story to tell or fact to share. Loves to try to keep the plants alive as there weren’t very many where he used to live. At least, not many that were harmless.

Edith Farley: Edith is an actor from the Fairytale genre who tried to be a Disney Princess. However, standards to being cast as one is much different there than it is here and she didn't make the cut. She is great at singing and can hardly stand a mess. Loves to meet new people. She was hired as housekeeper alongside Jade.

Donovan Clarke: Donovan is a survivor from the Horror genre. He used to be the generic jock stereotype, but for some reason, he managed to survive instead of the final girl surviving. The incident drove him to be a more caring and selfless person. Despite the incident taking place near a lake, Donovan still loves to swim and finds his comfort from bad days in the pool. He can sometimes be seen talking to something in the water. He takes full advantage of the free employee therapy. Donovan was hired as a lifeguard.

Pix: Pix is a fae that used to reside in the Dark Fantasy forest, but when she was hired to sabotage the hotel, she claimed a room to stay in. Overtime, she warms up to the staff and instead becomes an unofficial part of their team. Pix is a vessel for chaos and a master of trickery.

David Theodore Maridale II: Dave was killed in a duel where the hotel was built. He haunted the land and continued haunting even when the hotel was up and running, sort of. Dave worked as a bartender before he died. He loved to talk with his patrons and had the ability to summon multiple familiars to help him. His ability carried over into his afterlife, where he is now able to summon what he calls “ghostlings”. He comes from an older version of the Action Adventure genre and is a ghost bartender for the hotel. He is the oldest of the staff.

Ashtaroth Blackwell: Ash is the child of a demon and a human from the Supernatural genre. They spent their entire childhood being taught their father’s ways. When Ash turned 18, they moved away, not wanting to be associated with their father. They faced stigma wherever they went, due to their familial ties. Ash did manage to find a place in the Urban Fantasy district and study psychology. They became a therapist for people who struggled with family and sudden chosen status. Ash eventually got a job at the hotel to reach a broader category.

Dyna Harris: Dyna is a mechanical engineer and gamer from the Sci-fi genre. She is a shapeshifter who loves to cook. She uses her shapeshifting ability to get the intricate details of her mechanical builds. She had lost half of her right arm from a trap in the woods while she was shifted as an animal. She managed to rebuild that arm out of mechanical parts, but it can never come back, despite her shapeshifting ability. Inspired by the incident, she put aside building and took up her passion for cooking as her main career. She has been hired as the head chef at the hotel.

Veris Urgfim: Veris is an orc bard from a DnD town in the Action Adventure genre. Veris looks big and intimidating, but he is really a big sweetheart. He likes to make people feel safe, and has no time for assholes. His party had left him to die in a cave, but he managed to make it out and survive. He loves to joke and was hired as security for the hotel.

Lucki Caldwell: Lucki is an elf from the Urban Fantasy genre. He is the youngest of the staff. Lucki is very eager and naive. He was quite sheltered, so a job as a barista in a hotel that has all sorts of people coming and going every day is quite new for him. He doesn’t know much about how the other genres operate, so he is usually found getting into trouble. Raven tends to act like a mother towards him since they work together a lot. Lucki has some of the best energy in the hotel, so if someone is having a bad day, then they could count on Lucki to make things a bit better.

Derrin Torres: Derrin comes from a completely different dimension from the others. He came here after following what looked like ghosts of himself until one led him to a reflective, red pool that pulled him into this world. Derrin is usually the one to have a clever solution to something without the use of magic. Derrin had absorbed the magic that the portal used when he was transported, gaining illusionary abilities.

Axel Lavon: Axel is a former actor from a medieval reenactment group. He was usually performing as a knight, but took the role very seriously, even going as far as to learn how to fight with various blades and melee weapons. He was fired from his job for fighting with and injuring a customer. Axel is rarely seen without a weapon of his by his side, his favorite being his sword. Despite his fascination with fantasy things, Axel is from the Comedy district. He was hired as security.

Heheh, yeah. I like this story (*^‿^*) kinda debating whether I host the story on Tumblr or on Webtoon. Maybe I'll do both. One things for sure, I will definitely try to post anything random I draw about this on here.

That's all for now. Stay determined<3

#digital art #writing #original story #original character #Drag Inn #my art

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011tm · 1 year ago

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PORTRAYAL NOTES.

#1: my portrayal of jane/el is canon divergent as of s4 in that she and mike are no longer together romantically, and decided to take a break from their relationship after she moved with the byers to california. mike can still visit el during spring break of 1986 as per the canon s4 timeline, but without the pressure of them being in a long distance relationship.

#2: to follow on from the first point, i am not particularly interested in exploring romantic pairings for jane/el. i am much more interested in her platonic & familial dynamics, and these will be the main focus of my portrayal.

#3: due to the nature of her character and the fact that i write her on a selective basis, i hugely prefer plotting when it comes to interaction.

#4: headcanon tag / meta tag

BASICS.

NAME: jane hopper

NICKNAMES / ALIASES: el ( by close friends ), eleven, jane ives ( birth name ) AGE: 12-15 BIRTHDATE: june 14th, 1971 NATIONALITY: american GENDER & SEX: female SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual SPOKEN LANGUAGES: english OCCUPATION: high school student / part time superhero HOMETOWN: hawkins, indiana CURRENT LOCATION: lenora, california

PHYSICAL TRAITS.

EYE COLOR: brown HAIR COLOR: brown HEIGHT: 5'4" FACE CLAIM: millie bobby brown

RELATIONSHIPS.

PARENTS: terry ives ( birth mother ), jim hopper ( adopted father ), joyce byers ( adopted mother ) SIBLINGS: jonathan byers ( adopted brother ), will byers ( adopted brother ) SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): n/a CHILDREN: n/a EXTENDED FAMILY: becky ives ( maternal aunt ), kali prasad ( adopted sister ) FRIENDS: mike wheeler, max mayfield, lucas sinclair, dustin henderson, argyle, nancy wheeler, steve harrington, robin buckley, erica sinclair, sam owens ENEMIES / ANIMOSITIES: dr martin brenner, henry creel, the mindflayer, billy hargrove ( sort of )

PERSONALITY TRAITS.

STRENGTHS: brave, determined, curious, kind, confident in her own abilities, protective of her friends, empathetic WEAKNESSES: moody, socially inhibited due to her upbringing LIKES: eggos, watching tv, hanging out with her friends, living an ordinary life DISLIKES: mouth-breathers, liars, not being in control FEARS: losing the people she loves, rejection SKILLS: psychokinetic abilities that allow her to move objects with her mind and "dream walk" into others subconscious and memories by entering the void, psychically projecting her consciousness to another location, opening and closing portals to other dimensions, morse code, survival skills ALIGNMENT: neutral good

TROPES: badass adorable, death glare, girliness upgrade, mystical waif, no social skills, the power of love, psychic nosebleed, the quiet one

D&D CLASS: sorcerer

BIOGRAPHY.

For the first twelve years of her life, she knew herself only as Eleven, called as such due to the tattoo on her wrist given by her papa, Martin Brenner, Director of Operations at Hawkins National Laboratory. She did not know that she had a mother, Terry Ives, who she was taken from shortly after birth — and who suffered greatly for trying to uncover the truth about her lost daughter. She did not even know that she had not been alone at Hawkins Lab, not for the entire twelve years. She had grown up around Brenner's other test subjects, and his pride and joy, test subject 001. All she could recall when she escaped the lab on the 6th November 1983 was that she had been raised to become a weapon, and that she had to escape.

It was when she bumped into Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson and Lucas Sinclair, kids looking for their missing friend Will, in the woods a couple of nights later that her entire life changed. She found belonging for the first time and, with their help, managed to apply her telekinetic powers to something good. Knowing that, under Brenner's instruction, she had opened a gateway to another, dark and twisted dimension, she used that knowhow to help Will's friends and mom reunite with him, as well as inadvertently exposing the sinister cover up by the US Department of Energy.

After a showdown with the monster she'd unleashed into Hawkins, El managed to escape into the woods, where she remained until she was found by Jim Hopper. He took her in, sheltering her in a cabin in order to keep her hidden from the outside world while trying to give her as normal a life as possible. It was a struggle: El was forbidden from seeing any of the friends she'd helped and grown to care about a year before, and what began as a few small acts of rebellion soon led to her running away. First to find her birth mother, Terry Ives, before she followed leads to one of the other test subjects involved in Brenner's experimentation. Upon reaching Chicago, she met her adopted sister, Kali Prasad — known in the lab as 008. El found a new sense of belonging with her group, but their quickness to right the wrongs of their past with violence, as well as signs from Hawkins that the Upside Down was once again resurfacing, led El to leave them and return to her friends. There, she reunited with Mike, Dustin, Lucas and Will, and helped close the gate in Hawkins Lab once and for all.

Or so they all thought. Arrangements were made by Dr Sam Owens, who had taken over the position of Brenner and was committed to understanding and fighting the evil posed by the Upside Down, for El to become Hopper's adopted daughter officially. She was given a birth certificate, an identity, and so long as she did not attend the local school or draw too much attention to herself, she could finally live like an ordinary teenager.

She did for the next year, until the Upside Down once again returned, resurfacing due to Russian interference in the newly built Starcourt Mall. Fighting that evil came at a greater cost this time: Hopper died at Starcourt Mall fighting the Russians, and her powers vanished after her own fight with the Mind Flayer. After suffering one tragedy too many, Joyce Byers and her family decided to move away from Hawkins entirely. El was adopted by the family and went with them to Lenora, California, where she assumed the identity of Jane Hopper truly, properly, for the first time. Here, she was a normal teenager, powerless, ordinary, and was enrolled at the local high school.

It was a struggle to adjust; without her powers, something was missing, and trying to fit in at school after such a different upbringing was almost too much of a challenge. Following an altercation with her school bully at the local roller rink, El was arrested — with charges only dropped after Sam Owens intervened. He had ominous news to impart: that the Upside Down was back again, and this time stronger than any of them had anticipated. Owens told El of a way to regain her powers, but it involved a top secret project in Nevada and coming face to face with her papa again — something she did not find out until she arrived.

El persisted, and in engaging with the Nina Project she uncovered memories long repressed: she realised that she had not been alone at Hawkins Lab, that something awful had happened to all of the other test subjects back in 1979, and that it was not she to blame for murdering them, but the fault of Brenner's first test subject, One, also known as Henry Creel. She had trusted him, and in helping him overcome his own restraints on his powers, Henry had unleashed his vengeance on the rest of the lab. El's only option was to defeat him — and in doing so, she had opened a gateway to the Upside Down and banished him there. He had become Vecna, the harbinger who now led the attack on her friends.

Stuck in California, hundreds of miles away from her friends preparing to fight Vecna in Hawkins, El did what she could to help them — entering Max's mind when Vecna did and trying to defeat him from inside of her consciousness. But it wasn't enough. Max became Vecna's fourth and final victim, allowing the Upside Down to finally break through into the real world. Only through willpower alone did El prevent Max from succumbing completely, but Vecna left her comatose, not just unresponsive but empty of her very essence.

Upon arriving back in Hawkins, any attempts El might have made to stall Vecna's progress was for naught. The Upside Down was descending into Hawkins, and it would be up to all of them to try to stop it once and for all...

VERSES.

season 1 timeline

After making contact with a strange creature through a gateway to another dimension, Jane takes advantage of the resulting chaos to escape the laboratory that had been her home for her entire life. She eventually encounters three boys, Mike, Dustin and Lucas, looking for their missing friend Will — and, while still on the run from government officials looking to recapture her, Jane becomes the key to his rescue.

season 2 timeline

Unbeknownst to the party, Jane survived her brush with a demogorgan, and is found in the woods by Hawkins police chief Jim Hopper. He takes her in, keeping her safe from the outside world in his cabin — but also isolated from it, too. Restless and anxious to learn more about the life she had been denied by Dr Martin Brenner and Hawkins Laboratory, Jane ends up on a path to her birth mother, and another escaped test subject, Kali.

season 3 timeline

After closing the gate to the Upside Down, and the closure of Hawkins lab, Jane continues to live with Hopper as his adopted daughter, now able to socialise with Mike and the rest of her friends. But in the shadow of the new Starcourt Mall, an army of servants to the Mindflayer are growing, with her new best friend Max's brother Billy at the centre of it.

season 4 timeline

After losing her powers in her fight against the Mindflayer, and losing Hopper, Jane is relocated to Lenora, California along with the Byers family to start a new life. She tries to be normal for the first time in her life, but bullies are the least of her worries; a familiar evil is returning to Hawkins, and she must confront her own past in order to become strong enough to fight it.

season 5 timeline

Follows the ( upcoming ) timeline of season 5.

#*el

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mytraumastories · 2 years ago

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At 13 yrs old I was SA'd for the first time. My step-dad decided he was going to put his mouth on my body in ways I found quite unsavory. I was so afraid of my mom believing I seduced him, that I didn't tell her and I tried to forget about it. I moved back with my dad for a bit afterwards. When I had to go back with them he would pick me up and pin me against the wall to kiss me. One time my sister walked in on him holding me in his arms like that, just after he had done it. I was afraid. And ashamed. I didn't know what to say or how to say it.

When I started acting out s3xually with my first partner in middle school, I was forced to go back.

His advances became more progressive, picking me up and smothering my mouth with his any time we were alone. We played hide and seek in the dark once, and he shoved his hand in my pants and made me touch his c0ck.

I never was quite sure what to do. I was scared. I knew he could k!ll me if he wanted to.

I told my ex whom I was forcibly separated from bc of the s3xual texts we shared. They told me to tell my mother.

When I finally had the guts to tell her, she confronted him. He told her I was lying. She continuously said, "I want to believe you, but I don't at the same time." She called my aunt and spoke to her a bit. She believed I was lying to get back to my dad. She told my aunt this and my aunt offered to take me in.

I didn't want to live in the state my aunt lived in, I declined. My mother continued to tell me she wanted to believe me and him.

I felt sick to my stomach often, and was diving into a deep pit of depression.

He began physically assaulting me. Beating me and calling me names. At this point I was 14. Just trying to survive in a house filled to the brim with people and constantly feeling as though I was suff0cating.

I never knew what to do or say, who to go to. Every adult would just write me off, a stupid kid trying to do something they weren't supposed to.

I started becoming more defiant, running away, trying to leave the situation because I felt unwanted and disgusting.

Nobody ever saw it as a cry for help.

My mother told me, she would be happy if I said I lied, if I stayed and she could have him too.

She was never happy.

I did what I did because I thought maybe if I forgot about it, it would go away. If I tried to "make it right", it would go away.

I had even attempted suicide only to be met with a sneer and, "I know what you did." No help to be gotten for me.

I'm now 24 years old and just now seeing a therapist.

My name is [REDACTED] and I'm here to share my story. To tell you you're not alone. And to allow you to anonymously share your stories as well.

#tw trauma #tw sa vent #vent blog #trauma blog #share stories #s-a #tw #trauma #assault #childhood trauma #tw child molestation #tw child abuse #tw neglect

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adorerdraco · 4 years ago

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Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Summary: PART 5 ! of Draco accidentally falling in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP) and figuring out how to survive his new life while finding out a way to keep you in it.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, torture, blood, death eater stuff - the usual !

Words: 7.8K

A/N: FINDING WAYS TO PROLONG THIS SERIES !!!! 😼 AND SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES ITS VERY LATE AND I NEVER CATCH THEM 😔 but omg my little week long hiatus I took was against my will but i’m back and healthy again and can finally think out sentences again lmao !!! also i DO own gif

Draco stared at the vast, dark marble ceiling as he lied awake. His black silk sheets were strewn across his king bed in a lofty heap from when he had woken up. There was a sheen layer of sweat across his skin, but his room held no warmth and the draft that was coming in from his open windows was nothing less than freezing.

There wasn’t a moment where he had enough peace to sleep, but when he ultimately did; he always regretted ever drifting off when he felt the hot, ravenous feeling that ran through his body when he would jolt awake from a nightmare with his heart thundering against him and the inability to differentiate reality from a subconscious image. He would lie back down, breathing unevenly, and fixate on a random crack in the ceiling and let his now very tortured conscience remind him, “it all happened, you can't escape it!”

And that little malicious voice in his head was right. The horrible images in his mind weren’t made up or conjured by his brain - they were very real and he had lived through them.

He remembered the agonizing decision he had to make when he left the love of his life, jinxed and in hysterics in an abandoned classroom. He remembered his Headmaster, who he had cornered and disarmed who still offered him genuine help and guidance despite the wand pointed in his face. He remembered his once-favorite Professor, kill his Headmaster who he thought for maybe a second would be able to help him. He remembered bounding down the steps of the astronomy tower, wanting to topple over and vomit while he followed closely behind a billowing cape and several sniggering and smug Death Eaters into the halls of the unsuspecting school. He remembered his aunt wreaking havoc on the Great Hall with pure joy as he could only watch in horror while she shattered the windows in her celebration. He remembered walking through a maze of trees in a dazed stupor towards Hagrid’s hut, Bellatrix giggling maniacally beside him as she skipped past him. He remembered seeing Harry run towards them, hurling any hexes and curses he could think of towards Snape while he scurried off. He remembered meeting his mother at the momentarily failing barrier, her hand wrapping tightly around his arm before she apparated them home. He remembered the cold wooden floors underneath him and the way the Manor’s structure seemed to be crashing down onto him as he tried to catch his breath and collect his thoughts.

When he would finish going over every mistake he had made that night, and every choice he could have made instead, he would turn over in his bed and stare out the large window in his room where he could see the cloudy night sky and the nature swinging around in the wind like it was in a constant state of what seemed like an approaching tornado. He would wonder about you, and what you were doing and what you thought of him. He wondered if you meant what you said - if you would truly never forgive him for leaving you there. He wondered if you thought it was him who killed Dumbledore and how you probably saw him as a killer now. He was in ceaseless disarray of wonder, a painful wonder that he couldn’t escape.

He didn’t dare try to owl you, especially with Bellatrix around the house as a very vigilant guard dog that noticed anything and everything. There were barely any opportunities in which he could leave the Manor, not by foot, by broom, or apparate. He was a prisoner in his own home, just as much as he was in his mind. The increasing amount of Death Eaters that came and went every day made him feel more unsettled than ever, all of them giving him intimidating and sneering looks as if he was a joke while they forcefully turned the Manor into their place of 'work'.

The day Lucius was released from Azkaban, Draco felt a slight hope that things would improve, that his father could somehow find a way to fix things for them as he always had and the young boy could finally step down from the responsibility he felt for his family. But what he saw in the foyer of his home wasn’t Lucius Malfoy; influential, formidable and feared by many - he saw a shell of a man who had lost all sense of who he was and had paid greatly for his failures. He recalled how his father had embraced him in a weak and shuddering hug, clinging onto him as a spew of desperate words incessantly flew from his mouth without making much sense.

He knew immediately then that his father couldn’t swoop in and fix all his problems, and his mother couldn’t be left alone in all this. He was stuck, whether he liked it or not, and he had to follow through on anything and everything the Dark Lord expected from him or wanted out of his family.

He hated the way his home was defiled with death and wickedness. He hated the way there were lifeless bodies littered around the living room sometimes. He hated the echoing cries and pleas of those who were locked up in the dungeon below. He hated seeing Voldermort use his home as his headquarters, pacing the room in a self-given majesty and humiliating his father every chance he could get. The only reason the Malfoys weren’t killed off yet was, in Draco’s opinion, to be used as an example of what happens when you fail the Dark Lord, to be used as malicious entertainment, and to see just how far someone could be tortured from the inside. Draco did mend the cabinet, but he didn’t kill Dumbledore or die trying as his master had desired. He was always visibly apprehensive of everything he had to do and every order he was given. He wasn’t willingly cruel or vile and hated the idea of actually hurting anyone. His father had failed every mission he was given, and his mother wasn’t a Death Eater, to begin with. They were just there, as pawns and as sadistic pleasure.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It was subsequently, a rare day that the Manor was empty. No one was walking through the halls or running their mucky shoes on the expensive upholstery of the furniture as they relaxed into it. Even his father was out, along with Bellatrix, which left only him and his mother at home.

Narcissa Malfoy was just as arrogant as her husband, valued the pro-pure-blood ideals she grew up with, and always appeared to be very cold and haughty. Yet there was one thing that she valued above most; her family. She was entirely devoted to her son and husband and loved them profoundly. It was for Draco she worried for the most and would do anything for. It was for Draco she would risk everything for and go against the Dark Lord for.

So on the night she brought her son back home, and he was breaking down in her arms with cries about a girl she had never heard of - it piqued her curiosity more than she wanted to admit. She had asked Draco who you were a handful of times since that night, but he always refused to answer. She even went as far as asking Snape, pulling him aside one night behind a dark pillar in her home as everyone was leaving and whispered secretly to him.

“Severus, I know I’ve asked too much of you already but I need to know this,” she rushed to say in a very hushed and imperceptible tone but she knew he had heard her. He raised an eyebrow, looking at her quizzically.

“What might that be?”

“On the night Draco came home, he was calling out for someone,” she began, “do you know if he was involved with anyone by the name of Y/N?”

She could have sworn she saw a twinge of muscles move in his cheek, but he only shook his head shortly from side to side.

“I apologize, Narcissa, but I know no student by that name,” he sighed. “Draco spent most of his time mending the vanishing cabinet, I doubt he had time to be venturing out in his love life.”

She wanted to believe him. But she couldn’t brush off the intuition that was beating against her gut, nearly screaming at her that she was being lied to and there was more to the story. It’s not like she wanted the information to hurt you or to judge, she simply wanted to know who had broken through to her son during the year he was the most closed off. Who had impacted him so greatly, that now that it was seemingly over left him in shambles and withdrawn almost completely. If anything, she wanted to help. And if there was a possibility where she could, she would help Draco take it if it meant it would make his life easier. There was nothing more she wanted for him, free of pain and filled with hope, and if a certain individual would help her get him there - she would be willing to see it through.

With the opportunity of everyone gone, Narcissa trailed up to Draco’s room, letting her knuckles fall softly against the wooden double doors three times.

“Draco, dear, would you like to join me on a walk?”

She heard a shuffling from behind the door and a sharp sniffle, taking in a deep breath to prepare herself to see his poorly hidden tears that she knew she would be met with.

As she predicted, the doors opened and the blond stepped out of his room, lowering his red-rimmed eyes to the ground so he wouldn’t have to meet her worried gaze. He looked well-groomed as always, but she took notice that his skin seemed gray and dull. His eye bags were deep and nearly black from all his crying and lack of sleep. When she linked her arm through his, she felt the slight weight he had unwillingly lost in the past month that he’s been home. Her mind was spinning with concern, promising herself there that she was ready to do whatever she could for him, anything she could.

She led them out of their cold and darkened home, stepping out into the gardens that sat behind the Manor in a large vastness of gorgeous flower arrangements of whites, greens, and reds. There was a large marble fountain placed in the middle of the garden, spewing water smoothly from a small bowl that spilled into a larger one beneath it. It was boxed in with stone and surrounded with red amaryllis flowers, giving anyone enough space to sit around it without being splattered by droplets of water.

It was a gloomy day, but a warm afternoon sun had peaked through the clouds and cast a glowy light around the house that she hadn’t seen in ages. It made her feel hopeful as she walked her and Draco through the garden, thinking of ways on how to approach him. She knew he had shot her down and changed the subject every time she brought up your name, even if it was in privacy, and she pleaded to the stars that this would ultimately be the chance she would get to find out.

When they reached the fountain, she sat them down and watched as Draco slouched, silent and staring distantly at his shoes.

“Dear, I know you hate for me to bring this up,” she started slowly, shaking her head as she spoke, “but I want to know who she is. I want to be able to help you, and maybe even her. I know you’re in love, I see it in your eyes and I see it now that you’re apart. I know everything else certainly applies to how you’re feeling, but there’s a look for heartbreak, and you have it.”

Draco looked up at her, finally peering into her worried eyes as he contemplated what she said and what she offered. The last time he told someone about you, he was reprimanded and denied any sort of help, only suggestions for abandonment were given. He wanted to tell his mother all about you, but he wished it was under happier circumstances, however.

He wished it would be him coming home during the summer, no Voldermort or Death Eaters in his life or his family’s, and arriving with you by his side after sending an owl to his parents about the new love in his life he wanted them to meet. He would boast about you and your smarts, care, ambitions, and beauty. He would make sure his parents understood just how important you were to him and just how amazing you truly were. He imagined their inevitable surrender and allowing him to invite you on one of their luxurious trips to somewhere beautiful and expensive. He pictured a yacht ride in Italy, your skin glowing and your smile bright as you gazed at him in delight under a warm summer sun. Or a grandeur trip to France, walking around the Parisian streets with you as he spoiled you with gifts and delicious gourmet food while ending the night under the Eiffel Tower. He wanted to see you leave on shopping trips with his mother, the two of you coming back with heavy bags and new memories while his mother would walk by him and secretly whisper, “I love her!” to him. He wanted to flaunt you, and boast and gloat all about you - but the circumstances now were dreadful, and to talk about how he had failed you made him want to cry all over again.

His mother waited patiently for his reply, clasping her hands together in her lap as he stayed quiet while he decided. He was so used to sulking and torturing himself on his own in the past month, that seeing a genuine look of concern and desire to help pushed him into making his final resolve.

“I met her around the beginning of last year,” he breathed out finally, “her name is Y/N Y/L/N, we had a Potions class together but I met her in one of the corridors where we accidentally bumped into each other. I sprained a finger trying to catch myself and she healed it without a second thought. She wants to be a Healer at St. Mungo’s after Hogwarts, and she’s very skilled with her wand. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and the kindest. She always listened to me, and helped me, and encouraged me. She always reassured me when I needed it, and if it weren’t for her I don’t think I would have mended the cabinet or even had the energy to wake up every day. She stayed with me even when I told her the truth about everything. I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way she does, I can’t explain it, she makes me feel-”

“Alive?” His mother softly finished for him. “She makes you feel alive.”

“Yes,” he nods fervently, “I love her and I failed her. I don’t think there’s anything I can do now and neither can you.”

“I beg to differ,” she briskly interjects. “It’s never too late for anything, Draco. There’s always an opportunity to make things right, as long as you try. She at least deserves an explanation and an apology, and it will be up to her to decide what she wants to do. She sounds wonderful, and I’m glad you met someone who brings out your best.”

Draco agreed wordlessly, his tears sitting at the brink of his eyelids begging to be released as he mulled over everything that was said. He knew where you lived, having learned the fact somewhere in your relationship when you were talking about your childhood and where you were from. He knew the place you called home and the address that came with it that you constantly reminded him of in hopeful jokes that he would visit you over the summer.

“There’s no one here, no one would know you’re gone,” Narcissa encourages swiftly as if she knew what he was thinking about. “It’ll be a few hours before anyone returns. Go to her.”

“But if I become involved with her again, he’ll find out, won’t he?” He insinuates in distress. “The reason I left her was to keep her safe from him, I don’t want her anywhere near this.”

“He won’t find out,” she promised, “I’ll make sure of it. Go.”

There was a hopeful and elating sensation that ran through his veins as he stood up, turning back to look at his mother as she nodded at him optimistically. He suddenly lunged towards her, giving her a tight hug and muttering thank you’s to her like a broken record before running out of the garden towards the front gate of the Manor.

As soon as he reached his exit, he used his newfound Death Eater ability to half-apparate himself into a thick black cloud of smoke that allowed him to fly over to where you were - not giving a care in the world if he were seen by muggles as he recklessly took every shortcut he knew towards your hometown.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

There was a slight breeze in the cloudy air that brought you comfort. It was cold, but refreshing - a sharp contrast against the burning feeling that never seemed to leave your body. You were back home now, in your small little town in England that held little to no wizards.

You spent a lot of your time wandering around the local stores and cafes nearby, mingling with strangers as you told them fake life stories for fun. There was also the small forest behind your house you regularly enjoyed, and all the small hidden creatures that you encountered along the way. You always brought along your family cat, the chunky orange tabby always finding his way for you outside of the forest when you got too far in, or if he sensed there was nearby danger and would warn you. Sometimes you would talk to him, complain to him about everything that was bothering you and he would respond to you now and then with broken meows and chirps that made you feel like he understood, even though he didn’t. It made you feel less alone.

Of course, you had your family that worried over your changed behaviors. They weren’t oblivious. They noticed the puffy eyes, the sniffles, and the quiet sobs that escaped under the space of your bedroom door when they would pass by in the middle of the night to get a glass of water from the kitchen. They noticed your sudden quietness, and your lack of interest in everything and hardly found you in the house. You were always out and about, trying to find anything and anyone to distract yourself from what was going on in your mind.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to your family, even though they had incessantly offered their support, you just knew they wouldn’t understand. They would want to know about Draco, his family, and their beliefs. They would eventually figure out of his involvement with the Dark Lord and the looming second Wizarding war. They wouldn’t approve, and you didn’t want to hear the scolding you would get for ever giving him the time of day. You were bitter enough as it was, and the last thing you wanted to hear was how bad Draco was and how you were better off without him.

But even if you were supposed to be better off without him, a life where he wasn’t in it didn’t feel good at all. It felt empty and lost. You were used to his presence always being around you and how he was always a few minutes away from you. He was always available to you for anything and willingly; for company, affection, comfort, reassurance, love, everything. You hated the fact that you let yourself get attached, especially when you knew deep down the direction the relationship was going in.

There were days when you would wake up okay. Days where your mind blocked out your feelings entirely, including Draco and all the memories that came with him. There were days when you felt like you had finally forced yourself to move on, but always finding it to wear off when you’d clamber into bed at night and your brain started illustrating everything you didn’t want to remember. The silver band bracelet he had gifted you was in constant movement from your wrist and jewelry box, hidden on the days you wanted to forget him or sitting pretty on your skin on the days you missed him the most. As much as it hurt to think about him and remember him, you couldn’t stop the way your whole being drifted towards him.

You were currently stepping over a big fallen tree trunk covered in thick green moss, your cat following closely by your leg as he pranced and jumped over all his obstacles. You walked mindlessly around the greenery, not taking notice in the shape of the leaves of the fern you were placing your hand upon to move out of your way. It wasn’t until you felt the sharpened ends of the leaves dig deep into your skin that made you recoil your hand back in pain, a slight hiss leaving your mouth as a small gash began to form with blood flowing quickly upwards out of the new cut. Your hand was held in the air as you frantically looked around for anything that would stop the bleeding that was now dripping sleekly down your arm.

“Stupid ministry and underage magic,” you mutter under your breath. Your wand was in your pocket, begging to be used, but the idea of being sent a letter from the ministry that was now under the Voldermort's control quickly dispersed any desire you had to use it. “Come on, kitty. Let’s go back home, please.”

'Home' was a word the cat did understand. He bumped your leg with his head before meowing loudly at you as he began trotting off to your right side towards the exit of the forest. He moved stealthily, dodging in and out of everything that was in his path as you attempted to follow in his cleared steps. Every time you would trip or rest briefly, he would stop ahead of you and wait until you would walk towards him again before he started back on the journey.

When you finally saw your house in the distance, you sighed in relief at the thought of your first aid kit waiting patiently for you in the bathroom cupboard. And belatedly, your feet hit the stone path that led home, skipping slightly with your hand in the air before nearly toppling over your cat as he stopped abruptly in your path. You moved out of the way, last minute, and very clumsily before eyeing him suspiciously.

He was looking up at the sky, his ears pulled back and the fur on his back straightening up as his eyes frantically searched around the clouds above him. He wasn’t hissing like he normally did when he felt something dangerous coming, he looked more confused and alert than anything. You searched the sky with him for a minute before concluding he was being too wary so you bent down and pick him up with your uninjured hand, nearly scooping him into your arms until he carefully swiped at your arm.

“You’re being dramatic, there’s nothing there,” you exclaim at him irritably. You were stumped, on one hand, literally, you were still bleeding though it had significantly slowed down and was now just coagulated blood, and on the other hand, you couldn’t leave the cat outside because of the number of dead critters he left in his past outdoor ventures around the yard and his sometimes week-long disappearances that left everyone in the house worried.

In just a few seconds of your thinking, he had sprung forward and rushed towards the large open field that was a few feet away from your house. Although it was summer, it had been rainy and allowed the grassy field to flourish in tall and wild greenery. This did not help as you watched the fluff of orange disappear into the small jungle that lied ahead and you began to sprint after him, spotting his bushy tail in your vision every time he jumped over something. If you could use magic, this little ordeal would have gone much more different - but you couldn’t.

You chased him until the very near end of the field, spotting him sitting calmly as he looked back at you as if he was expecting you. Rolling your eyes, you reached towards him again to pick him up, if he wanted to go back to the house scratching and biting then so be it. You trained your gaze on him, trying your best to grab him as carefully and as slyly as you could. But as soon as your hand landed on the silky fur of his back, you heard a soft whooshing sound a few feet away in front of you and a very audible shuffle of dead grass crunching underneath someone's shoes as they moved slowly.

You didn’t look up, all of a sudden feeling scared at who could have magically appeared in front of you, and instead, you waited for your cat to hiss and attack, but he sat himself down in a loaf as if he were in the most comfortable place in existence. This is when you looked up, and the sight before you was like an invisible force that knocked you onto your bottom as you jumped back in surprise.

“What are you doing here?”

What was supposed to sound like a concerned question, came out a little ruder than you had intended, almost seething at the boy that was fearfully staring down at you.

“I’m sorry,” Draco ran his hands over his pallid face in distress, “I shouldn’t have come.”

There was an awkwardness that hung in the air. The two of you were finally where you had wanted to be, together, but now that you were face-to-face it couldn’t have been more perplexing. He didn’t know how to begin, and you weren’t sure if you should even listen to him. It was like a weird staring competition, he was taking in everything about you as you were doing the same to him. It was obvious you were both a wreck, and the damage was apparent on him the most as he was dealing with his Death Eater status now more than ever.

“Your hand is bleeding,” he stated suddenly. You didn’t have time to answer before he had cautiously walked over to you and sat down beside you in a flattened patch of grass. “Let me see it.”

Like magnets, your hand instantly fell into his cold grasp without you thinking about it. You eyed him carefully and quietly, observing him as he turned your injured hand over in his and inspected your gash like you had done many times in the past for him. You didn’t stop him when he took his wand out of his pocket and waved it over your wound, murmuring a familiar spell that closed the cut with ease, a small pink scar left in its place.

“I didn’t know you knew how to do that,” you say lightly. “Thank you.”

“I learned from the best,” he smiles faintly.

Neither of you moved from your sitting spots, and neither of you said anything. He would meet your eyes now and then and search them with such a pained expression that it took everything in you not to just throw yourself into his arms and cry in relief that he was there.

“I know it was Snape who killed Dumbledore and not you,” you break the silence apprehensively. “Harry told me.”

“Potter told you?” He grimaced, but he let out a breath of relief. “I would’ve thought the git would have loved to throw me under the bus. I didn’t even know he was there, then I see him chasing us down-”

“Draco, why are you here?” You asked him again, gingerly this time and cutting him off from his rambling in hopes that he would just cut to the chase on his unannounced appearance. He sighed, looking down at his now muddy, once expensive dress shoes.

“I needed to see you,” he answers honestly. “And I wanted to apologize for how I left things.”

You peered up at him with a raised eyebrow, bringing your knees up to your chest so you could rest your head against them as you faced him. “Let’s hear it.”

“I’m serious,” he frowned. “I’m sorry I used my wand against you. I’m sorry I shut you out. I’m sorry I left without giving you much of an explanation. I’m sorry I abandoned you and disappeared off the face of the Earth. I’m sorry I broke my promise that I would never leave you again.”

“Draco-”

“No, wait, I need you to understand that I thought leaving you was the only thing that would keep you safe. I would have never forgiven myself if I let you die for trying to help me, even if you say you’re ready to accept whatever fate is in store for you, I’m not. But I don’t want to run anymore, I don’t want to be away from you, I can’t do it and I always think I can let you go for your safety, but I can’t.”

There was a brief period of stillness as you contemplated his apology. Your head moved to fall in between your knees as your hands began to fiddle with the long strands of grass beneath you. You were stripping it and pulling at it, hoping that there would be a hidden message underneath the earth that would give you an answer on what to say or what to do, but it wasn’t possible. The only thing you found was the loose pitiful tears slipping down your face that seeped into spots of dry soil. Draco stayed wordless beside you, the only sound coming from him was uneven breaths as he stressed over your reaction.

You were caught in between wanting to give in, wanting to forgive him, and hug him and kiss him to make up for all the tortuous time lost, but there was also a part of you that was now afraid to trust. You wanted to, so badly, but everything felt so unpredictable. You weren’t sure whether you could handle him leaving again if he had to. And if he were to die at the end of all of this? There was no way you’d be able to recover from a loss like that. He was on an unforeseeable path that held no clear outcome.

“I’m scared, Dray,” you sniffle, closing your eyes tightly as you began to answer him. “We’re not kids anymore fooling around at school. Everything is getting more real by the day. How am I supposed to be comfortable with the idea that you might-”

You stopped yourself from finishing, a soft sob escaping your throat at the near mention of his possible death. You felt him scoot closer to you, stopping about a few inches away from your shuddering body as he placed a reassuring hand on your lower back.

“You say you can’t accept the decision I made when I said I’m ready for whatever fate lies ahead of me,” you mumble miserably. “Well, I can’t accept yours either.”

“I won’t make any more promises I can’t keep,” he starts warily, “but I can promise you that as long as I’m around, I won’t let anyone hurt you, ever. And as far as my future goes, I promise that I’ll do everything and anything I can to survive this.”

You had unhooked your arms from around your legs, bringing them underneath you as you sat yourself up to face him better. He was staring at you intently, hopeful gray eyes boring into yours with every emotion under the sun flashing through them. He didn’t show it, but he felt like at any moment he was going to faint. He had never seen such uncertainty on your face and it killed him, but he tried to remain stoic as he spoke and kept a brave face at every concern you had. He couldn’t guarantee you anything that lied ahead, but there was also nothing he wouldn’t do for you now.

“Okay,” you agree, finally giving him the consolation he had been woefully praying for. “I believe you, we can get through this together.”

There wasn’t another second spared before you speedily moved out of your sitting position to pounce him with a tight and suffocating hug. It was desperate and smothering, his arms wrapped tightly around your lower back as he pressed you deeply into his body as if you were going to disappear any second.

You didn’t care that you could barely breathe against his chest or that your knee was digging into the mud below you. It was the most relieving feeling in the world, finally being in his arms again with new hopes and possibilities that always found a way to present themselves. It was one of the many reasons that you knew he was the one for you. Everything with him felt easy, even if the world was crashing down around you. He could melt away all your pain and worries with one look, touch, or words. He felt like home and heaven all in one.

It came to you in the middle of your longing hug, that there was always going to be something looming over the two of you in the current state that the wizarding world was in. There’s no point in wasting time when everything could change overnight, just as it had that unforsaken day at Hogwarts before you were dragged home the next day. There was no reason for trying to stay away from him when it was everything you wanted and you knew then that you needed to take advantage of whatever time you had left with him.

“I'm sorry for saying I would never forgive you that night,” you murmur into the crook of his neck. “And for being stubborn.”

“You had all the right to be angry with me,” he laments.

“But it didn’t make it okay,” you nuzzle yourself deeper in his embrace, frowning to yourself as you recalled the night.

He looked down at you, a pang of guilt hitting him when he saw the corners of your lips pulled down in sadness. He leaned down and carefully placed a kiss on your temple, lingering for a bit before moving away and muttering, “nothing about that night was okay.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

There wasn’t an inkling of an idea how long the two of you were sat outside, holding on tightly to each other as you filled each other in on any news that happened in the last month since you’ve seen each other. The only indication that let the two of you know that time had surely passed was that the sun had begun setting behind the valley in the distance. The moon now had a faint appearance in the purplish evening sky that was for the first time in a while, free of the heavy cloud covers.

You listened attentively as he told you about the Manor and how it was being used as a Death Eater meeting place. He told you about his father being released from Azkaban as a treat for the Malfoy’s since he had fixed the cabinet and disarmed Dumbledore for Snape to finish, unknowing to him that he would. He explained to you how ghostly he felt when he was venturing out of the school that night. He even scarcely described the horror that had gone on in the dead of night, when victims had been brought back to the house for ‘interrogations’ and the way their screams would keep him wide awake for days.

You nearly felt sick to your stomach the longer he went on, empathizing with him delicately when he would sometimes stop talking to take a deep painful shaky breath. The guilt that was eating away at him wasn’t hidden or pushed down, he expressed it very obviously and you couldn’t picture how he managed to hold a straight face in the sea of terrors he had encountered.

“You’re nothing like them,” you whispered tenderly to him when you saw the distant broken look that clouded his eyes. “You are good, Draco. Not once have I ever changed my mind about that.”

He was slipping, far and fast into the depths of his despair. His new life away from school was eating away at him now that he was forced to experience it upfront. He wasn’t cut out for it, nor did he want anything to do with it. It physically pained you that there was nothing you could do except offer him what you’ve always been able to provide; a listening ear and to remind him that he’s not the evil monster he deludes himself to be.

“I don’t want to talk about me anymore,” he mumbled gloomily, taking your hand into his as he turned to look at you. “I want to hear about you and your summer.”

“It wasn’t pleasant or anything, honestly,” you shrug, “I spent most of it in the village nearby and the forest behind my house with my cat, who by the way knew you were coming somehow.”

You both suddenly turned to look for the orange tabby who had seemingly disappeared without either of you noticing sometime throughout the evening.

“Where is the little critter so I can thank him for leading you to me,” he chuckled softly as you rolled your eyes.

“He’s probably back at home now but I’ll pass the message,” you bite back a smirk.

Draco felt the familiar fluttering of pixies in his stomach as he looked at you, a sense of exhilaration and delight shocking his body from its usual anguished state. He was so far gone in you and he never wanted to leave the feelings you left him with and with such little effort. He couldn’t count how many times he had the same thought in his head when he was around you, much like your own, he knew with you was where he was at his calmest and his happiest. It was like a chunk of agony being released from him that made him feel like he could breathe again without feeling like he was going to drown. Even if it was just for a few hours, he was always grateful for moments he shared with you and the comfort you brought him.

“I love you,” he said dazed, eyes locking onto yours intimately. “I hope you know that.”

"I love you,” you repeated, a coy smile making its way onto your features.

“You know,” his thumb began mindlessly running over your knuckles as he spoke, “if it wasn’t for my mother knocking some sense into me earlier, I wouldn’t have had the great idea to show up here.”

He looked over at you when he felt you tense up completely, slightly worried at first before a small amusement quickly replaced his fear when he noticed you were gaping at him with wide wondrous eyes.

“You told her about me?”

“All about you,” he nods, “I accidentally let your name slip a while back and she’s been asking me about you ever since. I didn’t want to say anything in case someone heard, but everyone was gone today and she got it out of me.”

“What did she say about me?” You asked him timidly as if it was the most important thing in the world for you.

He chortled quietly at your nervousness, “she said she thinks you’re wonderful and she’s glad we met. She pushed me to come and make things right with you and she offered to look out for us.”

There was an intense delight that beat against your chest at his answer. The only other person in his life who’s opinion he valued the most above all had made one about you, and it was one that was better than anything you could have ever hoped for. Narcissa Malfoy had vouched for you before she’s even properly met you and it left you feeling astounded and beyond appreciative.

“When you get home, please send her my regards,” you plead heartily, your hands clutching onto the lapels of his suit jacket as he laughed lightly.

“I will, I will,” he smiles, “I have to be home soon, so she’ll hear about it within the next half hour.”

Draco pulled you up with him as he stood up, both of you finally stretching out your limbs with groans and sighs of relief from the tension of sitting for so long.

As you peered up at him, you let your hands slide up into the platinum blond strands that looked brighter than ever under the now bright moonlight. He placed a hand over one of your wrists, a smile growing on his face as he noticed the silver band sitting warmly against your skin. He leaned forward to press his forehead against yours, letting himself stay there for a minute as he tried to revel in the last few moments of peace he was going to try and prolong for the rest of his night.

“I’ll be back soon,” he cupped your cheek with one hand, his thumb grazed delicately over your cheekbone as you leaned into his touch. “Right back with you.”

“I’ll be waiting, Malfoy,” you grin.

For the first time that night, he ducked down and pressed his lips soft against yours. The gentleness quickly dissipated into longing and fervor as he kissed you like it was the last thing he was ever going to do, seeking the closeness and union he missed so desperately. Neither of you made any move to pull apart as you melted into each other, basking completely in the feeling of being so close to one another like this again.

If it wasn’t for you worrying about his timely arrival back home before everyone, you would have allowed him to keep you like that forever. But much to your dismay, you tapped him lightly against his chest that let him know it was really time for him to leave if he wanted to keep his secret trip, secret.

You stood there sadly, watching him as he unwillingly backed away from you and whispered one more goodbye to you before he disappeared into the sky in a ghost of black smoke, the aroma of his cologne still lingering in the air and a swollen feeling against your lips that left you feeling fuzzy.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The Malfoy Manor was staring eerily back at Draco when he finally arrived back in front of the main gate of the home. It was deathly quiet and dark, only a small light could be seen from the living room as he approached further into the property.

He swiftly ran up the steps, hand falling carefully onto the brass doorknob of the front entrance, stopping in his tracks completely when he heard a mixture of hushed angry voices.

“I told you, Bella,” he heard his mother exclaim fiercely. “He only went out to clear his head.”

“Clear his head of what?” his aunt sneered. “He’s falling weak, Cissy. He should be running around in joy that the Dark Lord has him in his inner circle.”

“My son is not weak, don’t you think this can all be a little overwhelming for someone who hasn’t even finished his schooling?” His mother defended him and he could picture the exact sneer on her face as she spoke.

“I want to know where he went,” Bellatrix says hotly, “he’s been gone too long.”

Draco ran through a list of excuses in his head, swallowing back the lump in his throat when he decided on one and put on a straight face as he turned the doorknob, cautiously stepping into the dimly lit living room where both his parents and aunt were waiting for him.

“Ah, there he is,” his father announced as he was the first one to see the boy clambering inside.

“I’m sorry I went off for so long,” Draco spoke up before anyone could ask. “I remember someone mentioning they had spotted Potter around a village nearby so I tried to go look for him.”

“Did you?” Bellatrix chastised. “And nothing?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged with a feigned annoyance.

“And you were alone?” She added with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, all by myself.”

Narcissa gave her sister a pointed look as she walked up to Draco, hand gripping tightly onto his arm before leading him away from the surprise interrogation and towards the foot of the stairs where she stopped him hastily.

“How did it go?” She asked almost inaudibly.

“Y/N sends her regards,” he whispered, “thank you.”

He gave his mother a warm hug good night before he hurriedly bounded up the stairs, looking down towards the living room once more where Bellatrix was eyeing him carefully. He decided on giving her a curt nod before vanishing into his bedroom and letting himself fall against the shut double doors, a large exhale of relief slipping past his lips as he was now safe to freely recall the night with a dazed smile he didn’t want to let go of.

PART 6

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APOLOGIES IF I FORGOT ANYONEEE 🥺 BUT I REALLY HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER EVEN THO IT WASNT TOOO EVENTFUL ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I GOT ACTION FOR THE NEXT PIECES THO JUST WAITTTT

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