#I support zag/meg as much as the next guy but the awkward exes angle is so much funnier

[chthonic-kelpie]

Every time Zagreus dies, he leaves behind a body. Someone has to clean up behind him. For a small fee, of course.

I’m posting two ficlets on this premise every week until Halloween. The rest are on Ao3 (link above) and posted here with the tag “charon’s disposal service.” Happy spooky month!

2. A Silent Death

Rating: T

Wordcount: 945

Summary: Zagreus learns how to be quiet.

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Megaera lunged towards Zagreus with a yell, slashing the air with her whip. Missed. Zagreus was right behind her, somehow, and she spun out of the way as his sword grazed her arm. Barely a scratch. She flicked her whip towards him, raking the barbed tip across his back as he tried to dash away.

He was getting tired. He’d lasted longer than Megaera had expected, but this would be over soon.

“Got me that time,” said Zagreus, somehow still grinning that inane grin even as he spewed blood all over the floor. If he didn’t die of blood loss soon, he’d slip in one of the puddles and crack his skull. “Brings back memories, doesn’t it, Meg?”

Megaera didn’t answer. Her next volley of energy shots hit Zagreus one, two, three times, and he fell to the ground. And that was it. Megaera stepped over to Zagreus as the burning glow faded from his feet. “We’re done here.”

Zagreus’s face was blank. For once, he didn’t have anything stupid to say.

Cracking her neck, Megaera coiled her whip up. Thank Hades that was over with. Now she could go back to never seeing Zagreus again, just like she’d planned before Lord Hades asked her to hunt down his foolish son. His words, not hers. She’d have used a worse word than “foolish.”

Your son? she hadn’t said in front of Lord Hades. You mean my ex-lover who fucked up the best relationship he’s ever had? The one I haven’t spoken to since our catastrophic breakup? You want me to fight that son?

It was a coin toss whether Hades even remembered that she and Zagreus had dated. Not that it mattered right now. A job was a job. A fight was a fight.

She’d never been in a fight before where her opponent’s body stuck around after she’d killed them. Grimacing, she nudged Zagreus with the toe of her shoe. It came away spotted with red. Ugh. Hopefully Dusa knew a good way to get the stain out.

“You know, you’re not terrible company when you keep your mouth shut,” she told Zagreus. “Too bad you’re incapable of that that while you’re alive.”

Zagreus still didn’t say anything. Megaera had thought this would feel satisfying, but it just felt…wrong. The way his body just lay there, still and silent, with none of his usual energy or snark—It was the opposite of Zagreus. He didn’t know the meaning of the phrase “shut up.” That was why he and Megaera ended up where they were now.

What was she doing? She should get back to the house and inform Lord Hades of her success. Then she could get back to her regularly scheduled work, like not fighting her old ex to the death. Not that it mattered—It was just another job. She and Zagreus were ancient history. The only feelings she had for him were…

Unease, mostly, because his corpse was still lying there doing nothing and somehow staring at here even though the eyes were pointed in a different direction. Nobody had told her Zagreus would leave a body. What she was supposed to do with it? Leave it here?

So she had to see it lying there, unnaturally still and silent, next time she came through? Not likely.

Squatting down, she tied the end of her whip around Zagreus’s now-cold ankles. As she tightened the knot, she made the mistake of glancing at Zagreus’s face. Brings back memories, doesn’t it?

“Shut up,” she growled at the corpse, which hadn’t said anything. Straightening up, she slung the handle of the whip over her shoulder so she wouldn’t have to look at what she was dragging, and hauled the body to the door. Zagreus wasn’t heavy, at least, so it was easy work.

In the next chamber, Charon was just packing up his moving shop. He looked up as the door opened, carrying a large crate under one arm. “Hrrnnnnghhh?”

“Charon,” said Megaera, by way of a greeting, and motioned behind herself without looking. “Did you know about this?”

“Uuuuuaaaghhhh.” Charon set down the crate, which thudded to the floor with a heaviness that did not match how easily Charon had been carrying it. Straightening with interest, he stepped over to Zagreus’s body. “Hhhhhh.”

“Yeah, it’s weird,” said Megaera. “What should I do with it, do you think? Toss it in the river?”

“Ghhheeaaahhh.” Charon waved as if shoeing her away, then pointed at his own chest.

Oh, thank Hades, he would take care of it. “I’d appreciate that a lot. Thank you.” Megaera knelt and untied her whip from Zagreus’s ankles, then turned to leave.

“Hhuaagh.”

Megaera looked back. Charon was looking at her expectantly. “What? Are you waiting for a tip, or something?”

Charon shuffled his feet and shrugged. “…Ghhhnnnggghhhh.”

Of course Charon would charge her for the service of rolling a corpse twenty feet into the river. She could do that herself for free.

She glanced down at Zagreus’s body. On second thought, maybe it was worth the fee if she didn’t have to spend another second in the presence of this weird, quiet, lifeless shell of Zagreus. “Fine.” She dug a handful of obol out of her pocket and handed it to Charon. “That enough?”

Charon counted it out—of course he did, right in front of her—and nodded. “Rrraughh.” With the tip of his oar, he started rolling the body towards the Styx.

Megaera didn’t stick around to watch. She had other work to do, work that did not involve Zagreus. Not that it would have mattered. A job was a job, and this one was done.