#I suffered enough through my 1D phase

[felineincognito]

Just A Tentative Theory

So I'm new to the Larry and 1D fandoms -brought in by Harry and Loui's solo careers- and I've just binged so many proof videos in literally the two months I've been a part of this thing. Along with all of those I've seen a fair few proof vides of other ships within the fandom, some really biased and others that almost make sense.

Not hating on or discrediting other ships!! This is all just based off my own observations and what I’ve been able to piece together from all of the content I’ve gone through. And I'm sorry it's so rutting long and rambley at bits, I am running on so little sleep I wanna cry and caffeine fumes.

So... this is my babyfan theory and feel free to comment or run with it just remember I'm new to all this and had to get this idea out?

So what if in the beginning, when Louis and Harry met on X-Factor, you have these 2 sweet young boys who like each other but don't really have a lot of hope of anything working out because they're both contestants shooting for the same prize so they harbor these innocent little acquaintance crushes like you'd get on someone you sit down the row from in class in highschool or something right? But then they get made into a group and all of a sudden they're all up in each other's space and they're bunking together and they realize they really do like each other but neither have much experience in relationships yet or more intense emotions so they keep it fairly quiet. They figure that with the press they're getting with the show and the stress of wanting to do well and everyone feeling each other out as a group they really would rather their little romance be just theirs for a little while longer. And of course people in charge of publicity encourage this mindset, telling them that if they come out as a new/forming couple or let it be known they like each other (or just boys in general) that way there would be more attention on that (not all of it good either) than their actual talents or performance(s) and the other boys would be pushed to the sidelines in favor of them and that's just not fair to the other 3 now is it?

Then they don't win X-Factor and they think that's it until they get brought in to make a boyband even though they didn't win because they're just that f-ing popular. But this thing between them is still new and fragile and they haven't had time to work out just what it is or if it's something that's going to last and the label swoops in with a legal gag dressed up as a temporary fix. They don't tell anyone about them, don't do anything overt in public, maybe be seen/paired off with a girl or 2 as a red herring for the press, giving them time to just figure this all out and see if they really will work. And they take it because they're young and this is the chance they've always wanted and there are 3 other lads who will suffer if the two of them turn this down. So they sign and they try to follow the scripts and listen to what their handlers and managers tell them but they're cheeky kids in puppy love and it's almost like a game to see how far they can push it and just what counts as too much when all of the boys are so tactile and affectionate with each other.

And they really do fall in love. In the whirlwind that is the first couple of years, the song writing, the tours, the hours put in at the recording studio and every single press conference and public appearance in between, they fall in love. And it's great and it's good and somewhere along the way they think this might be it for them and they're ready to come out but then the label hits them with the gag they signed and they realize just what it means. They realize that they basically signed away their rights to talk about it or show their love or share it with their fans because it might hurt their image, affect their popularity and hurt their profits. But that's okay, because they have each other and they're in love and the girl Louis is 'dating' isn't so bad and she's cool about the whole thing.

But then it gets hard. The press is making Harry out to be this womanizing sex symbol and pushing for Louis and the girl he's with to start getting serious because supposedly they'd been together while Louis was on the show and really it's about time isn't it? And during all of that the Larry Stylinson fandom has been born and they're putting the pieces together and the lads are cheeky things who are hurting because they can't tell the world they're in love and while Niall supports/ships them (at least from how he acts in proof videos I've seen) Liam agrees with management about not being open about it while Zayn is an odd mix of the 2. So they push it and they let things slip and they give the fans enough to put it together without violating their contracts and yeah management pushes back and takes measures so they don’t seem as close and to hopefully quiet the rumours but overall it's okay again for a while.

Then Harry starts figuring parts of himself out. And he wants to start wearing pretty shirts, bright colours and flashy patterns and painting his nails but they tell him he can't because those are girl shirts and it's too femme to paint his nails and wear bright colours and pastels and it hurts because he just can't be himself. And he wants out. He's tired of being scared he's going to mess up on stage or people won't like their songs enough for the label's liking and he just wants to be able to love Louis without worrying about what everyone else thinks and their little codes and touches just aren't always enough anymore.

So they start to fight. Louis is too scared to leave because he doesn't think he's good enough without the band and they're both still so young and have only been in this world for a few years how can they be sure they'd make it? How do they know that they won't just crash and burn and that will be the end of it? So they fight and they hurt each other and they're already living apart and barely seeing each other outside of work related or group functions because of management and Louis kind of lets himself fall into the illusion of the relationship he's being made to partake in and Harry finds himself growing closer to the other lads and pushing his limits with his wardrobe and public persona.

Now the next bits are where my theory starts to get a little more wobbly because like I said I'm new and my info digging skills are not as good as others in the fandom. A lot of it is based off of videos by freddieismyqueen (before she took them down), larrystylinson 28, Larry Stylinson's Utopia, s e p t e m b e r 2 8 and FireproofLarry.

So in the midst of the fighting and the hurting and both being so scared for so many different reasons they kind of fall apart. To Harry, Louis has chosen his career over their relationship and Louis is hurt and upset that Harry can't/won't see where he's coming from on all of this. And this is where Zarry comes in.

Throughout the Larry jealousy videos one of the things that stuck out to me was that there were a lot of Zarry moments and they seemed closer to the end of the 1D timeline. Before that most of them were just the references to Harry with girls, him being 'flirty' with interviewers or fans or just general cheeky sort of passively possessive moments probably played up to irk management and give the fans more to go off of. But then we get to the points where Harry and Zayn interact more on stage and Louis starts to look right pi**ed and just watches without doing any sort of possessive holding or touches or cheeky little looks and whispers like we're used to. No, Harry and Zayn start flirting on stage or being closer during interviews and Louis is angry and passive aggressive. And in the background Niall looks like he has no idea what the heck to do about all of this and Liam is just done with their cr*p.

So Louis gets his head out of the dirt and tries to make it up to Harry. And it works because this lad is head over heels for Louis and Zayn is left behind. But maybe Harry doesn’t realize that things were a little more on Zayn’s end. Maybe it hurt a little more than expected when the two lads finally figure themselves out. Or maybe Harry and Zayn really were just friends and the ‘Zarry’ moments just ruined his friendship with Louis and he felt it ruined his friendship with Harry too because Louis sees Zayn as a threat now so there’s bloody tension and such all over the place. (personally I’m leaning towards the last and that Louis’ jealous streak probably came out and he had a few a**shole moments because come on guys, he’s only human and they went through a lot as performers in the public eye and if you listen to a lot of his interviews there’s a lot of insecurity issues he’s dealt with over the years)

Then that blessed September 28th happened and it helps their relationship because honeymoon phase yo. But that’s 2013. Life goes on and it gets hard again and they’re pushing it again and life happens. Zayn leaves and it hurts the band because they’re in the middle of a tour and from what I’ve gathered he kind of just shut them out of his life. And so Harry is hurting because losing a friend is hard and Louis is upset that the band is falling apart and the media is having a heyday with the story and they’re in the middle of a blasted tour and that good old jealous streak comes out with Harry being so upset over Zayn leaving. So he’s scared and hurting, and mistakes are made.

Now we know that Liam confessed to a drinking problem at one point and there have been references of Louis having his moments as well. And Louis and Harry still have to ‘date’ girls and Louis is always the long-term one so it would stand to reason that he would have a decent rapport with the girls he’s seen with, that these would be people he learns to be comfortable with. And overindulgence in the presence of someone you trust or are familiar with when you’re hurting can lead to lapses in judgement. Which is probably how we got little Freddie. (And that is all being said of him because we don’t need to drag a child into all this drama people)

Louis being unfaithful, even if it wasn’t intentional, right after Zayn left would put a strain on their relationship and would cause another off period. But they’re still fools in love and married at this point so they try to make it work and they kind of come together again and they figure out how to move forward. But Louis is going to be a dad and their contracts are almost up and Harry still wants out.

So the band splits and Louis is so scared of what comes next and he’s trying to make it all work and the songs he’s released get good responses but not as much as he’d hoped and X-Factor doesn’t pan out and the other 4 are off living their lives. Zayn’s music career is a success and Niall waits awhile but his music is popular fairly right off the bat as well and Liam at least is still in the public eye and Harry is making waves. He’s wearing clothes he couldn’t before and he’s wearing all of the bright prints and flashy colours and those pearls happen and he’s in a movie ya’ll and he’s good at it.

And it takes Louis awhile but he finds his sound and he starts to make music he’s happy with and proud of and he’s finding himself. But he’s still with that old label and the same management.

So here’s where it gets closer to the present. Harry has a thing with Kendall but they part on good terms and I’m guessing it has to do with he tried for appearances sake and she gets it and probably low-key ships them but understands being discreet and giving them time to work it out.

So Louis wants Harry. Harry wants Louis. Louis is probably bound by another form of that dratted legal gag. So Harry waits. Because Harry isn’t scared anymore and he’s figured himself out and he’s happy with himself and he’s in a place where he can be himself and can encourage others to do the same. He gets it now that he’s older and seen more of the industry outside of their 1D bubble and he’s had to handle stuff on his own and he’s killing it.

Louis writes songs about them and being young fools and how love hurts and you have to be either young and dumb or just f-ing brave to go through with it. Harry writes songs about the stages a relationship (specifically theirs) goes through and they have their little rendezvous and Harry fosters this community of love and acceptance of others and Louis talks about finding yourself and being happy with yourself. And Harry has found himself, is happy with himself and Louis is almost there and he’s got that pesky legal gag anyway.

So Harry waits and he’s okay with that because in the end they love each other and he knows where Louis’ heart is and no matter what they have each other, He’s waited this long he can wait a bit more to tell the world just how much he loves this stupid wonderful man.

[allthelovehannahblog-blog]

finding a love for fashion

“While I tore away from the pattern of sweatshirts and leggings, it was like watching a baby giraffe learn how to walk when I began figuring out how to piece together outfits with the shoes and accessories to match.”

      Something went seriously wrong in my brain when I was a young teenager, I think I missed the part where we were supposed to learn about good taste in clothing. I mean it really just went right over my head and out the door. Hell, I still don’t know if I’ve grasped the concept and it’s been six years since I began my journey to finding my niche in fashion. But I do know one thing – I understand it a hell of a lot more now that I’ve had experience experimenting with styling.

      Let me explain this a lot less dramatically – every day in the eighth grade I wore a sweatshirt and leggings. Now, I’m sure if any of my former classmates are reading this they might remember the weekly cycle of hoodies, or maybe they don’t, I just know that it haunts me daily. This seems harmless, right? No one really cares what you wear in the eighth grade, so why am I making such a big deal about it? These seemingly pointless sweatshirts have ended up playing a far larger role in my life than I would have thought at the time. My sweatshirt inventory consisted of a University of Cincinnati sweatshirt I stole from my father (sorry dad, I know you loved that sweatshirt), some old hoodies from previous club soccer seasons thrown in the mix, and finally my beloved One Direction sweatshirt (may they rest in peace).  The 1D hoodie was short-lived, thanks to the boy who made fun of me in Spanish class (I’m not mad about it or anything). Every morning for that year of my life, I would roll out of bed and throw on one of these select sweatshirts, pair it with some leggings and maybe brush my hair.

      Diving deeper into this specific era of my life, there are many reasons that I could blame this lack of style on; being lazy, not having anything else to wear, not knowing how to style myself or my body type, anything really. But looking back from where I am now, I now know the true culprit of this phase – my lack of confidence. Obviously, I know thirteen-year-olds aren’t the most confident species, but I really (…and I mean really) suffered from low self-esteem. I figured if I could hide behind these pieces of clothing, they would draw the least amount of attention to me – therefore encouraging me to become the girl no one noticed.

      My parents always pushed me to change the way I carried myself, probably because they were sick of me looking the exact same every single day, but I couldn’t get past the little voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough to dress the same way as other girls. For years I just pushed the memories of my sweatshirt stage aside, wanting to block out how embarrassing I was in junior high. Well, how extra embarrassing I was in junior high.        

      It took some time, four years kind of time, to finally figure out how to break out of my shell and express myself appropriately; high school was a whole new world of self-discovery for me – I slowly gained that bit of confidence I had been missing. While I tore away from the pattern of sweatshirts and leggings, it was like watching a baby giraffe learn how to walk when I began figuring out how to piece together outfits with the shoes and accessories to match. Nothing ever went too terribly wrong, but I can promise you that some of these outfits weren’t always fit to be displayed in a fashion magazine (a bright red pleated skirt and a striped t-shirt is definitely a no, sorry). For a while I fell back into the pattern of outfit repeating every week, I still go through those phases every now and again, sometimes it can all come down to where I am mentally.

      This past year has really done wonders for me, I truly began to pinpoint the exact style I want to be known for; I think being away from high school has really helped with that. When you’re stuck in the same place every day for four years you tend to get sucked into the habit of not really caring how you look. I’ve discovered that my personality can be shown through what I’m wearing. It took some experimenting to really pinpoint what it meant to understand fashion – and my god am I beyond happy to have made that realization.

 all the love,

hannah

[flavorednarry]

who do you think the album is about then ? his ex secret girlfriend ? 😂

well…. tbh, i’ve never really spared much thought on “which mysterious girl” must’ve influenced those lyrics cuz, i kinda find them relatable to my own breakup.. so for me, it has always been like- hmm.. yeah.. i get it Niall.. thank you for sharing.. hope you get to move on asap cuz you deserve so much better than this.. love you. i guess i personally dont wanna give any importance to the ‘ex’.. what’s more important is the lessons you learn from your experience and how you turn them into your strengths..

but since you’ve followed up with this ask in my inbox, i pondered over it quiet a lot.. and here’s how it went *bear with me*:

to begin with, lets rewind back to when nolo was being concieved.. niall was 22, free from the hectic 1D schedule for the first time in 5 years.. aka the first time he got a real opportunity to reflect back upon his life since that xfactor audition kicked off..

try to place yourself in his shoes and think.. you’re most likely to relish in your achievements for the first few weeks.. then you come down from your high and the reality of a normal life routine hits you.. you try to cope with it for few weeks but get extremely bored.. so you plan a long getaway trip with your friends.. you get to look at the world from a different perspective.. you enjoy it.. maybe you spot honeymooners among fellow tourists.. and wonder.. these locations are indeed so scenic.. wish i too had someone to romance with :) but, YOU DON’T have anyone! oh the woes of being single! anyways.. so here you are having a personal moment, feeling inspired and so you pen down some lyrical notes in your leather-bound book..

you try to look back into your past and think about the time when you had an active lovelife.. NOW, if i think about the known bits of his love-life, only Holly and Celine come to my mind.. sure, there were others who were rumored to be his girlfriends at various points of his 1D (aka mostly teenage) life.. but, hear me out-

CELINE is certainly not the inspiration for Flicker cuz she arrived in June 2016 and Niall started writing songs in March 2016 viz. soon after he came home from his south-east-asia trip.. and according to Niall, he was in a good song-writing phase at that time.. he wrote This Town, Flicker, Too Much To Ask during this phase..

so, let’s think about these lyrics.. he says This Town is obviously inspired by his hometown Mullingar.. and the lyrics have a duality in a sense that you can relate them to the literal town itself or to your ex/first-love.. in Niall’s case, it could easily be Holly.. their relationship was out in the open, all over the internet when they were 16 and he had just hit enormous popularity on txf as a contestant.. if you look further, you’ll find Niall himself stating on television that they mutually broke-up because they didnt wanna endure the pain that came with the long-distance relationship on account of his success at txf..

CUT TO 2016! he’s gone through and lived his popstar life for six years and is now back home, being the same down-to-earth local irish lad but without Holly this time.. the reason they decided to break-up doesnt exist anymore.. and yet, he cant have her back cuz, she’s moved on.. and graciously! he is genuinely happy for her.. they are still in touch with each other through mutual school friends, he spots her every now an then whenever he’s in Mullingar or Dublin.. and why wont he? after all, they used to hangout in the same pubs with same friends back in the day.. and there are- what? 26 pubs within one mile radius in Mullingar? *gasp* you dont say!

so yeah.. imagine him longing for that selfless-innocent love-life.. its only natural for Niall to cookup an au where he can have the same Holly back as his gf..

My heart is hopingYou’ll walk right in tonightAnd tell me there are things that you regret‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yetThat’s all I’m askingIs it too much to ask?

He also said

Too Much To Ask

is actually what happened after

Flicker

When you lay there and you’re sleepingHear the patterns of your breathingAnd I tell you things you’ve never heard beforeAsking questions to the ceilingNever knowing what you’re thinkingI’m afraid that what we had is goneThen I think of the startAnd it echoes a sparkAnd I remember the magic electricityThen I look in my heartThere’s a light in the darkStill a flicker of hope that you first gave to meThat I wanna keepPlease don’t leavePlease don’t leave

.. so i guess this could be them thinking of breaking up and him secretly being selfish and hoping (back in 2009) for a future reunion (viz. present day 2016).. he couldnt say that out loud cuz they were so young and he probably thought he’d move on and find someone else so, better not to keep Holly hanging, right?

And now, coming to all those rumored girlfriends he’s had during 1D era.. i dont know about about all of them.. but, amy, ellie, barbara, melissa, selena are few of the names that floated around.. each of them latched on to him most likely due to his fame.. if any of them were indeed dating him seriously, none of them could probably keep up with his vivacious personality, his loyalty towards that anglo-irish friend circle, his constant on-the-road life, etc. that ultimately led to insufficient boyfriend time, which obviously none of them were okay with.. neither would you be if you were a teenager.. so none of those supposed 'girlfriends’ hold dear to niall’s ailing heart imo.. certainly not enough for him to write a break-up song about.. plus, he’s good friends with almost all of them even today (his instagram activity checks that out)..

BUT, maybe he reflected back upon these casual relationships too to look for inspiration when he hit that “bad-song-writing” phase he talks about.. maybe it was during this phase that he realised that he was looking back at his teenage love-life from an “adult” Niall Horan’s point-of-view.. maybe it was during this time that he sat along with other songwriters and bounced off ideas.. maybe it was during this phase that he decided to take a back-seat on the lyrics front and focus on writing melodies instead.. maybe it was during this time that they wrote songs like On the Loose and Mirrors. Maybe this was also the time he remembered watching House of Cards on netflix.. maybe that was when he probably flipped the title and wrote down Paper Houses in his notebook.. and then came across the note during these writing sessions and they wrote the song around it? maybe by now he was in “good” song-writing zone again and thus songs like The Tide and On My Own were born? I remember him saying they wrote On My Own in a frustrated drunken state.. there was a lot of shouting of lyrics in the studio.. they were letting out their frustration with their single-lives and lack of good inspiration i guess LOL..

Anyways, going back to speaking of “Niall Horan - the adult’s perspective”.. i guess this version of Niall was also curious to know whether Holly or any of his ex’s suffered heartbreak the way he did.. he probably wanted to include the girl’s point of view as well on his album, especially after all that venting out they did in previous songs, it’s only fair to hear out stuff about heartbreak from the other end, right? He’s a 21st century lover after all.. believes in equal opportunity.. understands that relationships and heartbreaks are a two way thing.. maybe this is when he really looked up to the talent that is Ruth Anne Cunningham.. cuz, i find it hard to believe that Niall or any man would conjure up lyrics that resonate so well with a girl’s point of view without having a female co-writer on board.. so here we are with beautifully written songs such as Seeing Blind, Fire Away, You and Me and Since We’re Alone ! Also, since we are on the topic of Niall being a gentleman, you cant ignore the lyrical play of words in Slow Hands -

“We should take this back to my place”That’s what she said right to my face

can you? Throughout the slow-hands-promo-tour he has been saying, they wanted to twist the song’s sexy vibe and have those words being said from a girl’s point-of-view..

To conclude, Niall has said in his interviews, there was certainly only one girl who he wrote songs about for his album and then there were other songs which are not derived from his personal life but are more inspired by people he is surrounded by in his day-to-day life.. some of them maybe about ex’s of his friends who share the same sentiment of breakup as he does.. we’ll probably never know their names and I personally dont think I need that bit of information.. what am i going to do about it? nothing.

If you read this thoroughly, thank you for your patience! :)