#I straight up scheduled two lunch dates tomorrow without realizing that Tuesday is the same day as Tuesday

[neverendingford]

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[blurry-fics]

Prove It

Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader

Warnings: Accusations of infidelity, manipulative behavior, profanity, angst

Word Count: 3055

Request: At the end to avoid spoilers!

Author’s Note: Lots of angst, I know and I’m sorry! I’ll try to write something nicer for next week :) Also, I tried out a new paragraph break inspired by @ohprettyweeper-fics​! It always bothers me that the asterisks aren’t centered so hopefully this will be a nice fic, feel free to let me know what you think :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one! (picture credit)

Josh: Late night at the studio, will be home as soon as possible. Love you

Your heart sunk as soon as you read the message from Josh. Between recording sessions, design meetings, and late night calls with Tyler about tiny album details, Josh’s schedule had left hardly any time for the two of you to be together lately. Most of your evenings were spent curled up on the couch with Jim and waiting for Josh to get home so you could have actually have dinner together.

Y/N: no worries, drum your little heart out, dun. i love you too :)

You closed your messages and switched over to Instagram to see what your friends back home were up to tonight. There wasn’t anything super exciting - mostly due to the fact that it was Tuesday - but a couple of them had shared photos of their dogs. You decided to join in on the trend and post a cute picture of Jim for your friends to see, as well as the other thousands of followers you had amassed from being known as “Josh’s partner”.

By the time you finished posting the picture with a caption about spending the night in, minus the part about Josh not being there, Tyler had also taken the opportunity to post to his Instagram story. Eager to see what him and Josh were up to, you clicked on it. Your heart dropped as you realized it wasn’t him and Josh at the studio, but a video of Mark standing in front of a mural with Tyler’s voice clearly behind the camera. Josh was nowhere in sight.

That didn’t bode well.

You didn’t even take a moment to consider if you were acting irrationally before you dialed Tyler’s number. Your feet tapped quickly against the edge of the coffee table as you waited for him to pick up. It only took a couple rings before Tyler’s voice was carrying through the phone.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, hi.”

“Is everything ok?”

“I’m not sure,” you said, chewing on the edge of your thumb. “Is Josh with you?”

“No, I haven’t seen him since we left the studio.”

“Did he say where he was going?”

“Is everything ok?”

“I don’t know, Tyler,” you huffed. “Can you please just answer the question?”

“He said he was heading home. Will you please tell me what’s going on?” Tyler snapped.

“I just- Josh said that you guys were staying late at the studio, but that obviously wasn’t the case because you and Mark are downtown.”

“You think he’s lying to you?” His tone had switched entirely. Sometimes it was easy to forget Tyler had been your friend long before you dated Josh.

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s hard not to assume the worst.”

“Do you need to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t want to make a huge deal out of something that could just be a miscommunication. I’ll talk to him when he gets home, whenever that is.”

“Ok. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“This isn’t your fault, Ty. Go enjoy your night.”

“Will you keep me updated?”

You sighed. Although Tyler was your friend, you didn’t really feel like you should drag him into the middle of your relationship drama.

“We’ll see what happens. Like I said, I really don’t want to make this a big deal if it’s nothing.”

“Ok, but you know I’m here for you, right?”

“Always,” you smiled. “I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

“Don’t forget about lunch on Wednesday!”

“I never could.”

“Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye.”

You set your phone down on your lap and rubbed at your temples. Josh hadn’t given you any sort of estimate about when he would be home and it was already nearing 9 p.m.

It seemed you would just have to play the waiting game.

You finally heard Josh pull into the driveway around 10:30. Jim’s head perked up at first, but it wasn’t until Josh’s keys were in the door that he finally hopped down and ran to greet him. You took your time getting off the couch and wrapping a blanket around your shoulders for comfort, not to mention that the rest of the house felt cold after you had been nestled up on the couch with Jim for a couple of hours.

“Hi, love!” you called, feeling a bad taste enter your mouth as you said it.

“Y/N!” Josh said, appearing around the corner with a smile on his face. “I missed you.”

You did a quick scan of Josh’s appearance to see if it would give you any clues about where he might have been. His hair was a bit messy, but that was always the case, there weren’t any hickeys on his neck or on the bit of collarbone peeking out from under his shirt, and he was wearing the same outfit as when he had left.

“How was the studio?” you asked as he gave you a quick kiss. One of his hands was hidden behind his back.

“It was good, we got a lot of work done.”

So he was upholding the lie.

“You know, I was talking to Tyler on the phone not long after you texted me,” you started. Hopefully Josh wouldn’t be able to hear your voice shaking. “It didn’t sound like he was at the studio.”

After giving you a kiss, Josh had walked straight into the kitchen, meaning you couldn’t see the current look on his face. You were almost glad to have a wall in between the two of you right now. It made the confrontation easier.

“You did?”

“Where were you, Josh?” you said, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t want to feed into his games.

“Getting you these.”

You opened your eyes and blinked, clearing the blur away. Josh was standing a few feet away from you, holding a vase full of red roses. There was a shy smile on his face as he held the vase towards you.

“For an hour?” you asked, taking it from him. It was a serious question posed as a joke.

“Well, my plan was to just pick up the flowers, but one of my friends called because his car broke down and needed a jump start and I just so happened to be in the neighborhood because I was leaving the studio. Then we ended up talking for half an hour before we actually got the car started, you know how we are.”

“I appreciate the flowers, Josh. Thank you,” you said, giving him another kiss. It seemed all of your concerns had been unnecessary.

“How were things here?” Josh asked, once again walking back into the kitchen. This time you had the confidence to follow him and take a seat at the counter while he made himself a drink. Jim curled up next to your chair.

“Same as always. Jim and I watched some TV together, talked to a few friends from back home, made a microwave pizza for dinner and slipped a couple pieces of ham to Jim.”

“I’m sure he enjoyed that,” Josh smiled.

“He did. Hey, do you want to go watch something in the living room?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

You shuffled back towards the living room while Josh finished putting his things away and taking off his shoes. While you waited for him, you sent Tyler a quick text.

Y/N: turns out there was nothing to worry about. it was a miscommunication like i thought

You and Jim had already made yourselves comfortable by the time Josh finally made his way into the living room. He had swapped out his jacket and jeans for a pair of sweats and a tight t-shirt. It was hard not to stare as he got closer and sat down on the couch.

“Enjoying the view?” he laughed as he sat down next to you.

“Just a little.”

“Me too.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer into his side. “What do you want to watch?”

“Whatever you want to is fine, I already caught up on everything I’m watching.”

“Alright.”

Josh leaned forward to grab the remote off the coffee table, which is when you noticed the tiny smudge of red just below his ear. Your heart sunk at the sight of it; you couldn’t even remember the last time you had worn red lipstick.

“You have a little something,” you said once he sunk back into the cushions. “Don’t move.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Not sure, but… there, it’s gone.”

“Thank you.” Josh smiled and puckered his lips, prompting you to give him another kiss.

Once Josh was busy looking for a show for the two of you to watch, you pulled your phone back out of your pocket and opened up your recent messages.

Y/N: just kidding

“I don’t know what’s going on, Tyler,” you sighed, using the hand that wasn’t clutching your phone to pinch the bridge of your nose. “I don’t know why he keeps lying to me.”

“I wish I had answers for you.”

“It’s ok. I never meant to drag you into this in the first place.”

“I think we both knew from the start that I was going to get involved in this one way or another.” Tyler tried to laugh, but it didn’t come out quite right.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do when you and Mark go back to Ohio tomorrow. I guess I’ll just have to figure out his lies on my own.”

“My offer is still open if you end up going through with it.”

“We’ll see,” you said, wiping a tear off your cheek. “We’ll see.”

“Ok, Mark is waving at me which means I need to get back in there. I’ll talk to you once we’re done with this session, ok?”

“Ok. Good luck.”

“Thanks. Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye.”

You closed your eyes and flopped back onto the bed. It had been a week since you first discovered Josh was lying to you and the evidence had only been growing since then. He was always on his phone when you were together, always texting someone and smiling but never telling you who it was. Then there was the fact that he always had his phone within a few inches of him and never face up. You had heard enough of your friends’ stories to have an idea about what that meant.

On top of that, he had told you multiple times that he had to stay late again, only for you to confirm with Tyler that he had made some excuse about going across town before heading home. Even when Tyler pressed him for information, he wouldn’t say anything other than he was seeing a friend. Still, without any solid evidence, you hesitated to confront him in case you were entirely misreading the situation, despite your instinct telling you that it was exactly what you thought it was.

Josh got home nearly two hours after you got a text from Tyler confirming that they were done at the studio. That was another piece of evidence that you had gathered: Josh was always gone for an extra hour or two after a text from Tyler. Never more. Never less. The mere thought of it made you uneasy.

“Hey,” Josh said, stepping into the living room. His hair was messy again today and he had opted to wear a shirt with a higher neckline than he was usually partial to. “I didn’t realize you were here, you were so quiet.”

“Sorry, lost in thought.”

Josh sat down in the chair across from you and started to untie his shoes. You quickly scanned his neck, looking for any leftover lipstick smears or hickeys that you were sure you hadn’t left yourself. As far as you could tell, he was still doing a good job of hiding them.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now.”

“Let me know if you change your mind,” Josh said, looking up at you with a smile.

“I will.”

“Alright, well I’m going to run upstairs and get changed before we start making dinner.”

Perfect.

“Ok,” you said, puckering your lips. Josh walked over and gave you a gentle kiss before heading upstairs.

You waited an acceptable amount of time before following Josh, already thinking up whatever excuse you would give him as to why you had come upstairs. If you timed things right, you would be able to walk in right as he was changing his shirt and get a good look at his chest. Josh usually took any opportunity he could get to walk around shirtless, but over the last week you hadn’t seen him shirtless once. He had to be hiding something from you.

You peeked your head just inside the door before making your presence known. He was still wearing the shirt from earlier in the day, having only changed into sweatpants so far. Before changing his shirt, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text. Your heart started to pound in your chest as you realized what you were about to do. In all your investigation, you hadn’t once stopped to think about what it meant for you and Josh.

If you were right, this was the end.

Before you had too much of a chance to get caught up in your thoughts, Josh started to pull off his shirt. You rolled your shoulders and then walked into the room, acting as if you had just come up the stairs.

“Hey, Josh?”

“Woah, hey, Y/N.”

Josh turned to you, his eyebrows raised in surprise. He was still clutching the shirt he had been wearing earlier in the day to his chest, but it wasn’t enough to cover the numerous hickeys across his chest and collarbones.

Hickeys that you knew for a fact hadn’t come from you.

“What are those?” you asked, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“Nothing,” he said, reaching into the closet to grab a clean shirt. He pulled it over his head without another word.

“Nothing? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I’m some sort of idiot, Josh?”

“I just got in an accident when I was skateboarding the other day. It’s not a big deal.”

“God, stop lying to me!” you said, pressing your fingers to your temples.

“How do you know I’m lying?”

“You’ve lied to me about staying late at the studio multiple times in the last week! And you’ve lied to me about who you’re texting. And you’re lying to me right now.”

“How do you know?” Josh said, carefully enunciating each word.

You looked up towards the ceiling, shaking your head. You said you wouldn’t drag him into this.

“Tell me, Y/N. You’re just making yourself look like an idiot right now.”

“I talked to Tyler, alright? And he confirmed what I already thought I knew.”

Josh shook his head, “I can’t believe you, going behind my back to get information from my best friend. You could have talked to me.”

“You’re mad I went behind your back because it means that your manipulation tactics don’t work on me. And in case you forgot, he was my best friend before he even knew you existed.”

Josh grabbed at his hair and turned away from you, walking the length of the room. You stood frozen just inside the doorway, your arms still crossed tightly in front of your chest.

“Just admit it, Josh,” you said softly. “You’re cheating on me.”

“You’re crazy, Y/N. I would never do that to you.”

“Then tell me where you’ve been, Josh. Show me evidence that you were actually doing the things that you said you were.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you!” he said, suddenly raising his voice. His anger was all the evidence you needed.

“I’m not asking for anything groundbreaking.”

“You really think that I would do that to you?” he asked, pointing a finger in your direction. “That I would sleep with someone else when I could just come home to you every night? I didn’t know what love was until I met you, Y/N, and you’re accusing me of throwing that all away just so I could sleep with somebody else? Is that really what you think of me?”

“Just stop. I’m not going to fall for this again.”

“There’s nothing to fall for! I’m telling you how I feel!”

“I’ve only asked you for one thing, Josh. I just need proof that you’re not cheating, but you can’t even give me that.”

“I’m not cheating on you!”

“Prove. It.”

Josh was silent as he continued to pace the room. You waited for him to say something - anything - but he couldn’t. It was the exact response that you had expected.

“It’s settled then. Tyler got me a seat on their flight back to Ohio tomorrow. I'm going with them.”

“So you’re just going to give up on us like that? Three years of a relationship down the drain?”

You shook your head, “I’m not the one that gave up on us.”

“Please, Y/N, we can make this work. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’ll cut things off with her immediately. I love you. Please.”

Josh started to reach for your arms, but you pushed him away.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch me. What you did was unforgivable, Josh.”

“She could never compare to you-”

“Stop. It’s over, Josh. I’m packing my things and going to Tyler’s tonight. By tomorrow, I’ll be back in Ohio so you never have to think of me again.”

“There won’t be a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.”

“Good.”

You turned and walked back downstairs before Josh had a chance to say another word to you. There was still the matter of avoiding him while you packed up all your belongings, but you would find ways to avoid talking to him. All of the things you needed to say had been said, now you just had to make peace with the situation. Being back in Ohio close to your friends and family would be a good way to start that journey.

You only wished that you could take Jim with you.

Request: yay!! i’ve had this request in the back of my mind for a while...i was thinking of Josh x reader and they’re dating but the reader finds out Josh is ALSO dating someone else 👀 -@faceofcontvsions​

[lovelylunarwriting]

Gryffindor!Jae x Slytherin!Reader

It had been some years since you’ve seen that cheesy grin.

You were childhood besties with Jae up until you got your letter to attend Hogwarts.

Coming from a muggle family and not knowing any other people with magic other than yourself, you figured you shouldn’t tell Jae, even if he was your best friend.

After spending an entire afternoon brainstorming some excuse to tell him for why you’d be suddenly absent from his life for the next several years, he beat you to the punch and confessed that he’d be moving at the end of summer.

You: “Alaska?”

Jae: “...yep. Good ol’ Alaska”

You: “But why?”

Jae: “Uhh my parents said something about a new job opportunity, but all I know is that we’re moving. Sorry”

You: “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway because my parents are sending me to boarding school”

Jae: “Boarding school? With your grades?”

You: “Hey!”

Jae: “Don’t worry, I’m just playing. Everyone knows you’re a try hard”

But it didn’t matter how hard you tried when it came to Jae, because instead of enjoying the last summer you two might ever have together, he spent the whole time avoiding you.

He used the “I asked my mom and she said no” excuse more times that you could count.

After a few weeks of trying to go play outside with him as you guys did every summer and getting shot down every time, you gave in and accept that he just didn’t want to be friends anymore.

“Guess it works out that I’m going to Hogwarts, then. I’ll find a new best friend”, you told yourself, but it didn’t help mend the Jae-sized hole in your young heart.

With everything that happened with Jae, the last thing you expected to see today is Jae in distinctly red Gryffindor robes laughing with your best friend, Young K.

They’re walking down the hall, going the opposite way of you, and neither see you since you duck behind some Hufflepuff kids.

But then you realize “I’m gonna have to face this now or later, might as well do it now”

“HEY, JAE!”, you yell across the hall, and he stops dead in his tracks, still staring straight ahead.

Young K turns are like “???” but then realizes that it’s just you, and calls you over to the two of them.

Young K: “Hey, Y/N! I didn’t think you knew Jae?”

You: “I didn’t know that he’s a wizard but I sure do know that he lied to me”, you snap, the hurt apparent in your voice.

And with that sharp comment, Jae winces and breaks his staring contest with the wall, shifting his gaze carefully down to you.

Jae: “I didn’t want to lie, but I really didn’t know what to tell you. And you lied, too! Boarding school, my ass”

You: “This is?? A boarding school”

Jae: “Yeah but it’s a magic boarding school- how convenient of you to leave that part out”

You: “Just because I didn’t tell you the full truth doesn’t mean that I lied”

Meanwhile, Young K just looks back between the two of you, somewhat horrified but mostly very confused.

Young K: “...Do you guys want to go talk this out over lunch since that’s where we were heading anyway?”

You and Jae reluctantly mumble your agreement and trudge behind Young K all the way to the long Slytherin table.

You elegantly slide yourself onto the bench while Jae less gracefully plops himself down next to you.

Young K eyes the both of you like you're a ticking time bomb and cautiously takes the seat across from you.

Young K: “So you two know each other?”

You: “We were childhood friends”

Jae: “We are childhood best friends”, he corrects.

You: “Sorry, didn't you have somewhere to be?? Like oh I don't know- Alaska?”

Jae: “Bro, are you ever going to let that go?”

You: “Well it doesn’t help that I just found out now. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t spot you, a literal tree, before today. Plus- I’ll let go of that when you let go of the pool incident”

Mention of this particular event has Young K tilting his head, clearly lost, and Jae cackling way more than any normal person would.

You: “It’s not that funny!”

Jae: “Check your facts again, it’s actually very funny”

Young K: “What are you talking about?”

Jae: “Well what happened was-”

You: “NO SIR. If anyone’s telling this story, it’s me. I’m the victim here”

Jae: “Victim my ass, but alright. Go ahead”, he says, doing a grand gesture with his arms signalling you to continue.

You then go on to tell the story of one of you and Jae’s childhood summer escapades, where you happened to go to the pool.

Y’all weren’t there to swim, though. The volleyball courts were right outside of the pool.

Jae had thought that playing volleyball- or at least attempting to- would be a fun way to spend the day.

And that’s exactly what you did, whack a volleyball back and forth all day under the hot sun.

Towards the middle of the day, when the sun was at its peak, you mentioned offhand that it was getting too blazing hot to be outside any longer.

To which lil Jae was like “I’ve got the perfect idea!” and THREW YOU INTO THE POOL.

T-Shirt, shorts, tennis shoes and all. Drenched.

You never swam faster in your life than you did in that moment to get out of the pool and kiLL jaE.

Instead of continuing your volleyball streak, you spent the rest of that day chasing around Jae and threatening to tell his mom what he’d done.

After a few minutes though, it morphed into a lighthearted game of chase.

Telling this story to Young K brings up something inside of you that had been gone for quite a while. A sort of happiness that only the too-tall-for-his-own-good boy, Jae, could make you feel.

From there on out, it’s like you and Jae were never apart to begin with. One of you is always with the other.

Even though you don’t have any classes together, you’ve got each others schedules memorized so you can walk by their classes and make faces at one another through the windows when the professor isn’t looking.

This time around, Jae’s making faces at you from outside your classroom and the professor happens to turn around and face the window the exact moment Jae makes the cringiest duck face imaginable and you just,,,, lose it.

So does the rest of the class, who are used to the two of you doing this kind of thing by now.

Once the laughter dies down, your professor makes a comment that hits close to home for whatever reason.

“Y/N, please tell your boyfriend not to disrupt my classes with his… antics”

Everyone else is like “yeah Y/N, get your boyfriend in check, smh” and you’re sitting there like “Boy??? Friend?? Boy that is my friend? Or b o y f r i e n d”

The rest of the day you have the internal fight with yourself of “Is Jae my boyfriend?? When did that happen?? Do I even want him to be my boyfriend??”

When you lay in bed at the end of the day though, you stop trying to deny how you truly feel.

You really like Jae and would die of happiness if he wanted to be with you but… does he feel the same way?

He’s been your best friend for as long as you can remember and you don’t want to ruin it by saying anything weird.

At the same time though, now that you’re laying in bed, ya know,,,, reflecting on your whole life, as one does.

Has Jae been flirting with you recently?

Ever since reconnecting with him at Hogwarts, he’s been glued to your side. It’s not that that makes you think he might think the two of you are something more, though.

He’s always holding open doors for you, throwing an arm around your shoulders like it’s the most natural thing to do, and complimenting you about practically everything.

And on top of that, he always makes a point to take you out at least once a week but you thought that's just what best friends do??

It's not exactly like you can say “hey when we went to Hogsmeade last Tuesday was that a date or nah”

“I’ll confront him about it tomorrow”, you tell yourself, dismissing the whole situation for the time being and getting some rest.

The next morning at breakfast, Jae slides into his usual seat right next to you but you can’t bring yourself to look at him.

And of course, being your best friend, he immediately picks up on it.

Jae: “Hey, what’s up with you today?”

You: “I... well I don’t know how to ask this without seeming like an idiot”

Jae: “I’m friends with Wonpil- I’m used to stupid questions. Shoot”

You: “Okay then I’m just gonna go right out and say it so- um... arewedating?”

Jae: “I'm sorry, what did you say?”

You: “See?? It was stupid, I'm just gonna go-”

Jae: “No, like I literally couldn't understand what you were saying because you said it so fast”

You: “I uhhhhhhhh asked if we are,,,,,,, dating”

Mentally preparing yourself for the anguish that comes with losing a friend as close to your heart as Jae is, ironically you find yourself completely unprepared to respond to what he asks next.

Jae: “Do you want to be?”

You: “Do I want to be what? An astronaut?”, accidentally blurting out sarcasm even in this relatively serious situation.

Jae: “No- dating. Do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

You: “!! Well uhh that depends, do you want that?”

Jae: “Of course I do, I've liked you for like forever”

You: “you w h a t”

Jae: “I've liked you since we were kids. Some things never change, I guess”

You: “I… like you too, ya know”

Jae: “Oh I would hope so, otherwise that would make this really awkward”, he says and leans in.

Cupping your face with one hand, he gently presses his lips to yours, making your heart rate increase faster than you'd like to admit was possible by kissing your best friend.

You: “...that's the cheesiest, most cliche thing you've ever done”

Jae: “Totally, but it was worth it”

You: “Okay- whatever you say, loser”

Jae: “Yes, but now I'm your loser~”

Neither of you remember to tell Young K that you're now a couple but he finds out in,,,, another way.

Aka the two of you are making out in the library, you pressed against a bookshelf by Jae’s lean body, when Young K happens to glance down that particular aisle.

He immediately shrieks and runs out of the library to go complain to Sungjin about it.

Jae just shrugs and continues carefully placing kisses down your neck.

After the initial trauma of seeing his two best friends getting steamy in the library, Young K is on board with the relationship, regardless of how many jokes he makes about Jae.

Not you, really. Just Jae.

One day, Jae brings up a question that you don't know how to answer.

Jae: “Why do you call him that?”

You: “Call who what??”

Jae: “You call Brian “Young K”. It’s doing too much for his ego- you gotta call him Brian and knock him down a peg”

You: “Will it make you happy if I do?”

Jae: “Absolutely. A hundred percent”

You: “Consider it done”

The next time you see Young K, it's in passing on your way out of class.

You tried to sit together at the beginning of the semester but got separated by the teacher for “teaming up and bullying the Hufflepuff students”

Pretty much, there was one time where you both shoved Wonpil in the closet in the back of the classroom, put a chair under the door, and cast a noise-cancelling spell on the door so no one would notice.

But anyway, you happen to pass him on your way out the door, and say as casually as you can, “See you tomorrow, Brian!”

He drops his books, that he'd been trying to put in his bag, all over the floor and looks at you with shock, disbelief, and betrayal.

Young K: “I knew Jae would get to you one day, but I never thought it would be so soon”

You: “Tragicm really. Gotta go, adiós BRYAN!”

Being around Jae so much has you picking up phrases that he says, and him saying a lot of your common phrases.

Like one time you said “Let’s get it!” without even thinking about it and it made Jae so happy he almost cried.

Spending so much time with Jae is honestly the best thing. He’s just such a fun person to be around, that even if you're just doing homework, the little comments he makes on random things make even the most boring of tasks enjoyable.

Going from best friend to boyfriend, Jae ends up being just the thing you didn’t realize you needed until he became yours.

[bestselfawareness-blog]

19 Steps to Having the Best Day Ever

Have you ever gotten to the end of your day and thought to yourself…

What the hell happened today? I don’t know where the day went.

Is your typical response to the proverbial question, how was your day, one of these…

Busy. The usual. Nothing special. Same shit, different day.

If you are anything like me, you are guilty in both cases. Most of our days are spent rapidly completing mindless task after another, never stopping to be in the present moment. I have often gotten to the end of the week and not been able to remember a single significant event that occurred.

My focus was solely on getting to the weekends. Deferring happiness and enjoyment for a later date, when I could finally enjoy myself and let loose.

The problem with this way of living is that you miss out on all of the incredible happiness and beauty that we can find on the average Tuesday. In fact, the most memorable moments typically occur when you least expect them, in the spaces and silence of ordinary life.

But so often with your ever increasing demands and longing for the future, you miss the present, which in turn leads to you missing the days, weeks, and years of your life.

If you cannot learn to be more mindful in the mundane, we will spend our whole life on autopilot, waiting to land somewhere in the future that is better than what we have now.

However, the future that you so long for will rarely arrive and if it does it will feel empty. Then you arrive at the end of your life and wonder where all of the time went.

That is why it is so vital to become aware of the present by developing a more mindful approach to living. Mindfulness is not about meditation, although that is an excellent way to practice, it is about becoming aware of what is happening here and now, and being okay with it.

But, just as you may be feeling, I had many excuses as to why mindfulness would not work for me.

But I work 40–60+ hours a week, how am I supposed to find a chance to be mindful?

But I do not have the time to stop my whole life to find a yoga or meditation studio! Be more practical.

I am not a ‘spiritual’ person.

However, the deeper I went into mindfulness, I realized that it was less about meditation and more about bringing a sense of awareness into the things I was already doing. It is about building a new base. A new operating system for the apps of life.

Putting It Into Action

The purpose of this post is to give you 19 mindfulness strategies that you can implement today to develop a deeper sense of awareness, without finding a meditation studio or chanting kumbaya in the bathroom.

Think of this list as a buffet. Pick and choose the practices that make the most sense for your routine and test them out.

For any of these to be effective, you need to commit to waking up. Waking up to your work. Waking up to your moments. Waking up to your life

I don’t know about you, but I no longer want to get to the end of my weeks, months, years, and realize that I have been running on autopilot the whole time, missing out on my life in an endless pursuit of what is next. That is my hope for you as well.

19 Incredibly Easy Ways to Use Mindfulness In Your Workday

1. When you wake up, take a few quiet moments to affirm that you are choosing to go to work today. If you can, briefly review what you think you will be doing and remind yourself that it may or may not happen that way. Marcus Aurelius got himself out of bed every morning by saying:

At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’

2. Take 5–10 minutes before starting your day to meditate, journal, pray or stretch. By doing these tasks first, you are sending a message to your brain that you are in control of your day. Also, since our Cortisol levels are the highest in the morning, doing any one of these practices will help calm your mind and lower your stress response.

3. When you are showering or brushing your teeth, stay with the activity at hand. Try not to plan your day or think about all of the things you have to do. They will be there when you are done.

4. Don’t say good-bye mechanically to the people (or animals) you live with. Try to make eye contact, ask them what they are most excited about doing today, and really listen. If you live by yourself, try out this practice with the barista making your coffee or someone you are standing by on the train. A profound human connection is massively helpful for calming stress and will bring you into the moment.

5.On your commute,

If you walk to public transportation or work, attempt to be aware of your body walking, standing and waiting, riding, and getting off. Walk into work mindfully. Breathe. Smile.

If you drive to work, take a moment or two to come to your breathing before you start the car. Just drive and be with yourself. Feel your hands on the steering wheel. Notice each turn before you make it. See the cars around you and try to read the license plate number of the car in front of you. This practice will help you stay aware of the road and what is around you.

6. At work, take a moment from time to time to check in with your body. Do you feel any tension in your shoulders, face, hands, or back? Are you slouching or sitting straight up? Roll your shoulders back. Stretch your arms over your head. Maybe stand up and then intentionally sit back down in your chair, trying to maintain a firm, upright posture.

7. When you find yourself walking at work, be aware of your pace. No one will give you a raise for being the fastest walker in the office. Don’t rush unless you have to. If you have to, know that you are rushing.

8. Take real breaks. Instead of mindlessly browsing Buzzfeed or Bleacher Report, try going outside or at least to the window and look around. Give your brain a rest from consumption.

9. Spend your lunch with people you actually like. Stop eating and spending your precious time with those that bring you down. And try to go outside for lunch at least once a week If you are up to it, make one lunch a mindful meal. Focusing on each bite. Placing your fork down until you have swallowed the bite in your mouth. Mindful eating is easier when done alone.

10. If you can, try to exercise during the work day. By getting a sweat in during the day you will break up the monotony, clear your mind, and start your afternoon refreshed and energized.

11. Take a 2–3 Innovation Breaks throughout the day. Short bursts that allow you to recharge before going on to the next task. I try to take one every hour for 3–5 minutes. I either focus on my breath or take a short walk. Resilience is how you recharge. Not how you mindlessly produce.

12. Use everyday cues as a wake up call to be present. The phone ringing, a drink of water, waiting for someone to get back to you. Instead of ‘killing time,’ use it to gain more clarity and focus.

13. Be mindful of your interactions at work. Are they mostly irritating chats? Are some enjoyable? Think about what you could do to improve them. Are you deeply listening to the other person? Or do you just want to get your point across?

14. At the end of the day, take 5–10 minutes to review the day. What did you accomplish? What were the wins? What were the losses? And set your MITs for tomorrow before leaving work.

15. As you are leaving work, bring awareness to how you feel. Are you tired? Annoyed? Exhilarated? Make sure to take note of how you feel and try to eliminate bringing negative emotions home with you.

16. On your commute home, focus on shutting your systems down. Be mindful of your breath. Try to concentrate on being present, not on all you have to do tomorrow. I

17. As I approach my door, I always turn off any music and say to myself: I am home. I am alive. I am grateful for these things.

18. If you live with someone, ask them: what was the best part about your day? Instead of the normal, how was your day, which typically leads to complaining or passive responses like, it was fine.

19. If you can, put all work related things out of sight and change into a new set of clothes. Changing your clothes will tell your brain that work is over. If you meditate, this would be a superb time to do a quick 5–10 minute sitting meditation before you carry on with your night.

By no means should you try to accomplish all of these things in a single day. However, if you do, watch out, you might actually have a beautiful Monday! Pick a few and give them a try.

I understand that we all work different schedules and in different environments, but no matter who you are or what your situation is, you can always be more mindful. It will help you achieve more in your day, and more importantly, it will help you enjoy it more!

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[divinelydivorced]

Bumble and Booze

It’s time.  Time to get back into the dating world.  After my recent breakup, a few months ago, I decided to give myself until June 1st to start dating again.  Sure, there was Javier…but, I mean, come on.  My reasoning behind the June 1st deadline was two-fold. One, I needed a few months to clear my head before actively pursuing something serious and, two, schedule-wise it was smarter.  May was consumed with college classes wrapping up, some weekend getaways, and my birthday.  If I’ve learned anything over the last few years, it is to NEVER start a new relationship around my birthday.  Inevitably it gets quite awkward.  The guy feels they need to do something, I never know if I should invite him out when I’m celebrating, etc.  It’s just weird and either leaves me disappointed or both of us confused.

June 1st came and went.  I recruited the help of some friends, whom I let know I was going to start actively dating again and needed some advice before heading back out there.  Essentially, I wanted to know the type of person they thought would best suite me, types of people I needed to avoid based on previous failed attempts, and any other general warnings.  Careful what you ask for-because you may just get it.

My friend who is often most insightful and has strong instinct laid it all out for me.  She pointed out my ping pong dating style, bouncing between stable men and exciting men.  She warned me to stop dating extremes and instead determine which characteristics were appealing AND good for me.  She was also careful to stop me from writing certain attributes off.  When I’d mention my Argentinian lover as a “fling,” she quickly pointed out how I happy I was when with him.  Yes, she agreed it wasn’t the right fit but noted his passion and his ability to express himself so fully was something she’d noticed brought out a different-positive side of me.  In her exact words, she said, “You felt loved, desired, cared for.  I think you’ve forgotten how important that is to you.” She is right.  So, we added that to the list of what to look for.

This same friend reminded me how a dating trigger for me is being stood up.   My recent ex would always cancel last minute, leaving me dressed and ready to go out now sitting on the couch, spending the night in.  Or he’d simply not show up all together.  She encouraged me to ask the question “what are your dating triggers” when talking to a guy early on.  This, as she pointed out, would let me know anything he didn’t like and would encourage him to find out the same about me.  We were setting ourselves up for success from the start…hopefully.

Another friend reminded me about the logic of dating. She pointed out I was never going to the person who had a stable 9-5 job, so it was likely important to find someone who did.  Not that we needed to be millionaires, but having someone who loved what he did and felt settled in his career, might better balance where I’m at.  She also mentioned thinking long term.  I keep saying I want to move someplace warm, so having someone who has a similar desire or who isn’t tied down to this area, is a good thing to note.  

One other friend reminded me of all my values that I never compromise but also never look for in a soulmate.  I often joke I’m a triple threat…divorced, Christian, and vegan. The first isn’t that much of a faux pas these days-but some find it concerning still.  The other two not only tend to contradict one another but finding someone who is religious and okay with the fact I don’t eat meat sometimes seems like it’s asking a lot.  To which she reminded me, “Good.  You should ask a lot of one another.”  Being supported in these areas is important to me, and someone who is open to both needs to be a priority.

Then came my male friends.  Men give it to you straight.  One told me I needed to remember there are two types of men: pretty ones you simply have fun with and regular guys you can actually see marrying. He told me I tend to try to make the overtly pretty boys into husband material…an impossible feat.  It’s okay to date both-but remember which category they belong in and don’t mix the two.  Another told me to stop letting men walk all over me.  He said, since my divorce, I’ve developed a fear of being angry or asking for what I need.  This has made me put up with behaviors that should be deemed intolerable.    And my gay friend told me to stop wearing yoga pants everywhere.  

All in all, I had some good insight and fair points.  It’s easy to get swept up in the dating madness and start making exceptions.  Or, to overlook red flags because you’re having fun.  No one, myself included, wanted to see me head down that road again.  Wasted time, wasted energy, wasted emotions.

So, there I was, back to bumbling.  I paced myself at first but soon found myself frustrated when guys would not engage in the conversation.  Since the woman has to make the first move on this app, guys seemed to think we are solely responsible for keeping the conversation going.  I’d ask all the questions, they’d answer but never ask any in return.  Some would, as always, even disappear.  One guy canceled last minute-DELETE (see?  I’m learning).  Feeling defeated and frustrated, I went into this weekend a little down.

But then it happened.  On Friday, a guy asked me out for later that evening.  I have a rule about not meeting someone for the first time without at least 24-hour notice.  Trust me-I’ve done it before and it sets a bad precedent.  I politely declined, saying I had plans (which I didn’t mention was eating vegan mac-n-cheese while watching Netflix) but would meet him for lunch the next day.  He agreed.

I started to feel those first date jitters as I approached.  But soon, we were laughing and having a great time.  After a glass of prosecco, I hadn’t felt any effects, so when he ordered a second drink, I did the same.  About halfway into glass two, I was tipsy.  It wasn’t enough that he would have noticed but enough that I had to tell myself to KEEP IT TOGETHER.  As we sat there, it kept hitting a little harder, and I was relieved when the date was over and I could escape before I got too giggly.  

Now less inhibited, however, I hopped back on my phone and did some booze bumbling.  Before I knew it, I was handing out my phone number.  This led to two impromptu phone dates, one potential beach date for the following day, a Tuesday night date, and a Saturday night date.  Plus, at one point, I’d invited two guys to join a friend and me for Blues Fest that evening when I got confused as to who I was speaking to.  Amidst the chaos, my phone buzzed and there it was…a text from Javier, “What are you doing today?”  To which I responded, “Going to Blues Fest-meet me later.”   Luckily the other two invitees couldn’t make it.

In a matter of two hours, I’d set up a whole week of dating events, none of which I’d written down.  Feeling quite overwhelmed, I shut down my Bumble profile and decided to figure out what was going on with these guys before moving forward with new ones. When I texted my girlfriends, who keep in mind 24 hours prior were hearing sob stories about me liking someone who it wasn’t going to work out with and now feeling all alone and stranded in the dating world again, they were shocked to hear the immense difference.  In fact, my never speechless friend simply wrote OMG.  

Later that evening as Javier carried me down the city streets, held me up against a fence, and then we made out on someone’s stoop before realizing we should move before getting arrested, I thought to myself, “Yep.  I’m back.”   I then mentally reminded myself he was in the pretty boy category and that I needed to start focusing more on those in the other group.  As he lifted me off the steps and carried me in his big arms, whispering Spanish in my ear, I thought, “Yes.  Absolutely. I’ll start that first thing tomorrow.”