#I still tag things as red but I go by Ronan now

[adhdalistair]

btw I sent Seth Meyers a black-backed jackal skull and it arrived a week ago so tonight at like 9-10 PST is hopefully when he finally talks about it on air (YouTube) and if he doesn't then the jackalhog predicts six more weeks of my weird tweeting about it

[powderrblue]

"you were my best four years"

tws in tags. this one hurt a little bit (halfway through stopped liking this but here you guys go anyway because this took like three hours total to do)

Sneeg remembered the day him and Charlie had gotten to meet Henrik.

He'd decided he liked Randy's boyfriend-fiance-husband. Whatever the two were to each other by this point.

Charlie, though, had been ecstatic over the whole thing. Going on about how they were a family and how they looked the part. Sneeg wouldn't have argued with that, either- he had some similarities to Henrik, he would admit; and even eight-year-old Charlie had begun to look older and look vaguely like Randy in the process.

Not that Sneeg would ever tell Charlie he was getting taller.

But one other thing Sneeg had noticed- Henrik had been kind to Sneeg, too. Kinder than probably anyone had been, besides Randy.

It felt right. Different, but right.

And when the couple had an almost-marriage a few days later upon Charlie's insistence, Sneeg and Charlie themselves were the only ones to watch. There were no guests, no massive tents, no flowers, and only crudely hand-torn pieces of red paper (courtesy of Charlie) for Randy to walk down the aisle on.

All four of them cried as though the couple had had a minister and a fancy church to be properly married in.

-

Henrik hadn't known Randy's basically-kids long. Not technically, at least.

At the beginning, the brown-haired man had been beyond pissed that he'd been "stuck with babysitting". Henrik could easily tell even looking back now how much the two had grown on him in only three years. Now, they were almost all he talked about.

Henrik figured out why the moment he met the two little boys.

Charlie, the younger at seven years old, had initially hugged Randy's leg in an attempt to hide from Henrik, though he entirely gave himself away with his endless giggles. Sneeg, who was ten, had been far more quiet and nervous. He stayed at Randy's side more than hiding, though, and Henrik offered the boy a quiet smile to attempt a pact of friendship.

It hadn't taken Henrik long to start a lively game with Charlie, despite Sneeg's wary glances.

The game didn't last long either way, mainly for the sake of Randy's sanity. Henrik could see his husband's nervous stare in his peripherals as he took turns tossing first Charlie, then both of the boys at the couch. It was plenty padded, though Henrik decided after a few minutes that Randy didn't need to worry about his kids getting concussed on top of who knew what else with these two.

The day as a whole ended happy. Henrik had a turn at being nervous when Sneeg fell asleep leaned against him, but Randy's adoring smile made it worth it.

He smiled back at his husband.

Maybe life didn't have to be so bad.

-

Randy didn't know exactly what day one of the employees had managed to find a guitar somewhere in the mall for Randy to have. Or even how they'd gotten ahold of one.

He still couldn't help the slight smile that came to his face at the familiar sight and feel of having a guitar in his hands.

"D'you know how to play?" Charlie had asked, wide eyes made to look even bigger what with his new glasses. It was endearing, despite the fact that Randy had to still try to force the cause of Charlie's worsening eyesight out of his mind.

"I used to," he answered Charlie's question gently, testing a few chords.

Sneeg carefully leaned close to Randy.

Henrik's quiet gaze stayed on Randy, a slight smile on his face. Charlie was curled up close to him, his small hand gripping Henrik's sleeve.

Randy played as well as he could for the next while. He wouldn't say he sang, per se, but Sneeg still heard a comforting hum as Randy picked at the strings.

Charlie sang the words to what songs he knew, too- though he quieted when more yawns than words would leave him.

For being a thrown-together family all put together by a media company that had abducted them, Randy would say he didn't feel too bad about the current situation. Seeing Charlie with Henrik and feeling Sneeg leaning on him felt nice. As good as it could get in the mall, at least.

Life in the mall was almost kinder than life outside had ever been to him.

-

Charlie remembered the first time he'd died on-set.

Most of it, anyway.

It had been an accident, too. One of the heavier props left on the table from another show had fallen on top of him as he passed before he could even process that it had happened.

He remembered hearing Sneeg scream in terror, the feel of his own heart trying to force him to get up to make sure Sneeg was okay- though any thought of his brother was soon pushed out of his mind as searing pain shot through his chest.

"Henrik, help me!" a voice- Randy's voice- had shouted, and Charlie felt the giant mass on top of him slowly move up and away. Another scream joined Sneeg's before Charlie could register it as his own.

"I know, Charlie, I know, I know," Randy came close to shouting. Whether it was to be sure Charlie heard him or out of genuine fear, he was in too much pain to figure out.

Charlie couldn't breathe. Everything hurt, and he couldn't even see from the pain. He wanted to turn his screaming to words, his rushed breathing to normalcy, but nothing would change.

"I know, Charlie, sweetheart, I've gotta get you up, okay? I know, I'm sorry," Randy kept trying to reassure him.

For what it was worth, it felt like it helped. Charlie relaxed into Randy's arms, letting his dad cradle him close to his chest as the pain at long last slowly faded into a black void.

"Dad?" Sneeg tried.

Charlie was too quiet.

"Randy."

Sneeg looked on, tears streaming down his face as Randy looked up at Henrik's face, then back down at Charlie's frame, small, limp, and broken in his arms.

Henrik picked up Sneeg with ease, shielding the older boy's eyes from Charlie's bloody body.

"Come on, Ran. They'll fix him. C'mon," Henrik quietly coaxed. His voice sounded on the verge of tears, too, but Sneeg buried his face in the man's shoulder anyway.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Sneeg asked.

He already regretted every time he'd ever hit Charlie. Every time he'd fought the younger, even when provoked.

In that second, he was overwhelmed with the pain of knowing he couldn't take it back. The pain of knowing he would probably go and hurt Charlie again if Charlie survived.

"He'll be okay, Sneeg," Henrik said, putting a hand on Sneeg's head. The weight of it was comforting.

Sneeg let himself cry into Henrik's shoulder as Randy carried Charlie into a blindingly white room.

-

Randy swallowed at the lump in his throat as he pretended to listen to some new report from the laboratory.

He hardly understood what the woman across the room was talking about, not that he could have forced himself to pay attention even if he could understand it.

Henrik was gone.

Henrik was gone for good, just like his kids.

His kids that he hadn't even wanted at first. The kids who insisted on getting Randy and Henrik married days after they met Henrik. The kids who fought each other and nearly clawed each other to death and gave each other goldfish crackers as peace offerings ten minutes later. The kids who sang while he played guitar until they fell asleep. The kids who he sat with and held every time they got resurrected from a role in a show that got them killed and left them sweaty and shuddering in pain as their bodies rebuilt themselves.

And now, as though that wasn't enough, his husband was dead. They'd killed him, too. Without Charlie and Sneeg, it hit twice as hard.

He really had lost everything because of Showfall this time.

He'd hardly left his and Henrik's room since the day he got the news that Showfall had permakilled Henrik.

Randy had clung to his husband's pillow, Charlie's picture in hand, and not moved for who knew how long.

The guitar stayed on its makeshift cardboard stand in the corner of the room, but he couldn't bear to even look at it now.

Besides, he figured, what good would trying to pick himself up do him anymore? Maybe if Showfall thought he was useless enough, they'd permakill him too and let him be with his family.

As gruesome as it was, he couldn't help but cling to that thought alone for the first days- or what he thought was days, at any rate. Not that he had looked up to check the clock.

Randy had only finally gotten up three days later, his muddled brain managed to figure out the next time he saw a calendar. And he didn't even know really why he'd bothered getting up, either.

Not until he overheard someone whispering to another about how Charlie and Sneeg had escaped.

[baladric]

i was just randomly scrolling through the tdt tag and i saw your post about the horrible treatment by supposed fans towards stiefvater and trc/tdt and i couldn’t agree more. things were always tricky and it was a sad sad day when she closed her tumblr and i remember a lot of it had to do with the treatment of kavinsky’s character. i’m not saying there weren’t problematic elements to her writing but she more often than not got criticised for all sorts of dumb shit but i truly hoped that the fandom had matured in the years following the release of the raven king but i suppose it was not to be. i remember when she did a reddit ama and got accused of being homophobic because declan and jordan got engaged but not ronan and adam. like ?!?!? did this person even pay attention to the story and their character arcs?? it would make very little sense for pynch to get engaged, not least because they are barely in the same place for most of tdt. anyway sorry for the rant but i just truly feel bad for maggie, for all the work and love she put into these characters and doing it all through a scary illness that nearly stopped her from writing and by all accounts would have killed her. i definitely think she wasn’t prepared for the level of fandom and attention she was going to receive for trc and it sucks that she’s had to reduce her presence from social media since. i can’t wait for her next books though especially because they seem to be more for adults. i think she has truly mastered young adult fiction so i’m curious to see what she does next, and it’s bound to be good if tdt is any indication

oh word, friend! honestly the vitriolic outlash re: kavinsky was sort of my personal first red flag about the rising of purity culture in fandom spaces (though there were, and are, valid criticisms of k obviously, like yikes re: the "face of a refugee" shit)—and now all this stuff about pynch in tdt is like... idk, people have lost touch with the concepts of nuance and also unhomogenized relationship arcs.

(THIS GOT SO LONG SORRY, I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS)

idk how understood this is, but as a chronically ill person, i think about it a lot—ronan's entire arc in tdt, especially in cdth, is about chronic illness and the arduous, painful process of acceptance of one's disability and consequent limitations. like you said, stiefvater came into tdt after a terrifying illness during which she literally lost the ability to string sentences together, and very much had no idea if it was a skill she would ever regain. and she's still dealing with issues, i'm sure, because any serious illness leaves its marks.

being a dreamer has always had aspects of chronic illness, though one could argue that its original plot inclusions in trc aligned more with experiences of addiction and mental illness (with a soupçon of internalized homophobia, for Flavor™). but the way tdt starts off with ronan being very directly forced into conflict with his physical capabilities in regards to doing the things he needs to do for his own essential happiness (read: moving to be closer to adam, and his following inability to actually do that, as it took him too far off the ley line to be safe for him,or anyone around him) is a classic chronic illness narrative. and considering what stiefvater was coming out of, experientially, it's very clear that this is deliberate.

(i think she's actually talked about this somewhere, maybe in that reddit ama, but idr where! if anyone wants to follow-up with that, it would be lovely)

the thing is!!! navigating one's own disability is a grieving process—and grief is multifaceted, and comes paired with a lot of anger and railing at god/nature/reality/whatever. which, of course, can absolutely ruin relationships and push loved ones away. and even if it doesn't firebomb those relationships, it still complicates them intrinsically. a person can't help someone that's not helping themself, and it's hard to have space for helping yourself when all of your resources are going towards survival. and ronan is very much surviving. he is not helping himself—and he hasn't been for a long time at the start of tdt. we see that in the daily/weekly schedule declan had to force him to write so he wouldn't just waste away, and it continues apace into, you know. violent ecofascism. (which is a lot more destructive than your average joe can manage with their disability crisis, but you know, each to their own!)

meanwhile, adam's on his own self-worth/self-concept journey, spreading his wings at college and doing the very classic job of swinging oneself so far in the opposite direction of their old behaviors or the person they used to be, that it ends up being its own brand of personal disservice. he has put the adam parrish of henrietta in a box and shoved it to the back of his mind, and donned this very literal disguise (my boy! in a tweed fuckin vest and slacks! love that for him) of ivy league therapist friend!adam, and though we obvs lack adam pov to take the actual temperature of this, it's really clear that this shift isn't sustainable. you can't run from trauma, and you can't run from your past self, and he's making a valiant effort at doing both. it's gonna back up on him, if it's not already.

so ronan going off the rails? not something adam has the capacity to manage gracefully, even if ronan was letting him in—which he isn't, because he's grieving the simple fact of an inherent freedom he'll never be allowed. all of his friends have scattered on the wind like so many traumatized dandelion seeds, and he's stuck in the same place, unable to put the ghosts of their collective past behind him, because they live in his house. this is the driveway where he found his father, dead; this is the barn where he spent countless fruitless hours trying to dream a sweetmetal for his mother, only to have her die horribly before he could; this is the car in which he raced a dead boy, and these are the streets he drove with his best friend on long, sleepless nights when all they could do was try to keep each other from falling through the holes in their heads. the school he failed, the church in which he dreamed a crime worse than anything he'd dreamed before or since, the hummocks of disturbed earth, grown over with tall grass, in which he buried the things that wanted to kill him and who knows how many other corpses of his own physical self.

and he can't leave. he can never leave, so he's clutching at straws and alienating everyone who loves him and just McFreakin Losing It! which is fine, because he's nineteen and stranded and feels more alone than he ever has, in this void of anything like guidance, in the void of parental figures, in the void of any kind of traditional life path, and he has to work all of that out for himself.

so of course he and adam aren't getting fucking engaged. of course it's not a happily ever after—and it would be disinenguous for maggie goddamn stiefvater to give us that! because when has she ever been anything but a writer of complex, messy and wretchedly gorgeous characters? isn't that what drew us all to her in the first place? because fuck, y'all, the draw sure isn't her plots or her worldbuilding! (i love her worldbuilding, to be clear, it's just... aside from the dreaming, it's not super consistent)

stiefvater's appeal as an author is the very unique and complex way she understands her characters' minds, and refuses to ever play them as archetypes. gansey isn't just a nerd, or just a rich boy, or just a lonely person—he is all of them at once. he's a king of men, he's miserable, he's giddy with the thrill of being alive, he wants to get pizza with his friends and drive too fast and be allowed to go fuckin bonkers now and again and kiss the girl he loves.

gansey is a fucking problem. blue is a problem, henry is a problem—adam parrish and ronan lynch are PROBLEMS, and god fuckin bless stiefvater for not only allowing this in her characters, but for leaning into it. she lets them be messy, lets them be awful and fight and do the wrong thing, and—most importantly—she lets them find ways to come back together afterwards!

all this to say, it blows my fucking mind that people are surprised that this trilogy is doing anything other than absolutely wrecking shop. stiefvater wouldn't have written these books if there weren't things in her characters that needed to break in order to be patched back up, stronger than before. the entire raven cycle universe is built on the shifting nature of individual identity, and the ways we all have to create our own fulfillment, because the goals we set for ourselves are very rarely the point of existence that we want them to be. and if the first quartet was about gansey and adam, at their core, then this trilogy is about ronan and declan, building their fulfillment. finding their footing in the world as adults (which, you know, quick point, tdt is not young adult fiction, it's regular old speculative fiction, so uhhh yeah of course the material is gonna be even less fluffy homogenized shit than the first series) and that's fucking HARD and MESSY and just. jeez, y'all, have faith in stiefvater that it'll all come out the better, and find some peace that things are messy right now. (it's not HOMOPHOBIC for a queer person to struggle in fiction, and if you're thinking that, you need to sit down and examine that thought very deeply. i could say a lot about how declan falling in love and getting engaged is extremely meaningful for his personal development, where the same thing wouldn't be for adam and ronan, but uhhh idk)

we make a lot of jokes that stiefvater likes to hurt us, but does she? really? like, yes, her writing hurts, but as a person who was dragged kicking and screaming through his mid-20s by the nape of his neck and the slim hope of the brighter future shown in the raven cycle, i can say that her stories are actually, at their core, about healing and the awful paths we have to walk to reach it. and, with the advent of tdt, they're now also about the fact that healing is cyclical, not linear! there's no end point to growth. there's no happy ending—because there's no ending, short of death. life has ups and downs, and with every layer of ourselves we heal, another, deeper layer pulls back, demanding that same care and attention, those same tears and clawing for the light. it's hard. it sucks. but at the end of the day, we can get gelato with our friends. we can look at art. we can find our sweetmetals to carry us through our days, whether those be assistive devices, or people, or a favorite book.

;laskfjw idk TL;DR, these books would not only not be maggie stiefvater books if adam and ronan just... got engaged and were having a happy, fluffy time of it (and fwiw, declan and jordan are distinctly NOT having a happy fluffy time??)—they would also fucking suck. they would not be entries into this world. they would be doing these characters a fucking disservice. so just. everyone needs to calm down and realize they can just not read something if it makes them mad. what's that meme with the skeleton? you can just LEAVE!!! you can put the book down instead of harassing the fucking author, who is doing nothing but staying true to herself and her motivations in storytelling.

clearly i have a lot of feelings about this. if you read this far, blessings be on your funky little soul, you absolute legend.

[wander-wren]

Wren’s Fanfic Masterpost

completed works or wips already posted to my ao3!! alphabetical order by fandom, post order within fandom categories. feel free to ask me about any of them but especially the wips—no guarantee i ever finish anything unposted, but showing interest might kick my motivation up. once it’s posted, it WILL eventually, someday, be finished.

everything is a oneshot unless stated otherwise. everything is a happy ending unless stated otherwise. for space, i only included archive content warnings, but all fic notes/tags should have more detailed CWs.

other posts have my current wips or concepts im kicking around.

Arcane

afterimage- post-s1 nightmare fic featuring jinx, with vi and caitlyn there to help. strong focus on jinx’s trauma and hallucinations.

transformation- sort of trans jinx (nonbinary girl) character study, including trans dad silco and some stumbling blocks on the road to healing between vi and jinx.

day off (off day)- caitvi hurt/comfort where cait gets badly hurt on the job, ft hospitals, feral protective vi, and panic attacks, hooray.

the things the war leaves behind- whumptober prompt fill for “say goodbye.” a look at what happened when ekko tried to save powder from silco.

BNHA

i’ll set the table (you can make the fire)- post canon/pro hero au with krbkdktd. izuku overuses ofa at work, causing a pain flareup, and his boyfriends take care of him

all systems red- 3-chapter todoroki-centric sickfic that spiralled out of control and turned into an “erasermic find out about endeavor and adopt todo” fic. mostly a fic about my headcanon that todoroki is dissociating half the time.

not what time steals (what it leaves behind)- whumptober fill for “caged.” old guard/immortality au where dabihawks have been psychically connected for centuries, but separated bc hawks is used as the commissions favorite torture experiment. then: rescue!

can’t believe what you see (all eyes on me)- whumptober fill for “waking up disoriented” and direct sequel to “not what time steals,” so same plot/premise.

lie still and let the lights pass by- decidedly unwhumpy whumptober fill for “tossing and turning.” platonic or pre-slash tdbk, there was only one bed, nightmare fic.

wrong place, right time- after all might crushes deku's hero dream, aizawa finds him on the edge of a rooftop, and they have a very long talk. first installment of my quirkless!deku au.

Check Please!

there’s a ringing in my head- whumptober fill for “dazed and confused” featuring concussed!bitty and pre-slash zimbits. iffy on the happy ending bc of miscommunications between jack and bitty.

The Old Guard

in the sea that’s painted black (you’re a king and i’m a lionheart)- au where only nicky was kidnapped by merrick, with much worse and very gross torture, then rescue and healing. and joenicky being in love, of course

walking heavy till the dying’s done- joenicky fic that asks “so what if you were impaled, stuck, but unable to die? wouldn’t that suck?” and yes, it would.

dry drowning- whumptober fill for “running out of air,” ft booker/nile and bonding over quynh dreams

The Raven Cycle

how to keep turning when the world goes still- non-tdt compliant post canon au where adam and ronan are accosted by the past at harvard, and adam doesn’t cope well.

how to be still when the world whirls on- same universe as above, but now facing ronan’s ghost. discussion of past rape/non-con in the usual vein of rovinsky toxicity

stealth missions (your cover’s blown)- transmasc adam has been going stealth at aglionby, terrified that if his all-very-cis friends find out he’s trans, they’ll drop him. turns out he’s wrong about…all of that. mostly platonic gangsey, bit of pynch.

this black thing inside of me (call it irrationality)- also a non-tdt compliant college au, pynch/adam-centric sickfic and emetophobic!adam. sort of a vent/projection fic for me.

hostage situation- whumptober fill for “ransom video,” where greenmantle kidnaps adam to get to the greywaren and ronan goes ballistic.

shields, surrender, shadows on shoulders- whumptober fill for “silent panic attack,” direct sequel to “hostage situation,” covering the hospital visit after the kidnapping.

this circular humanity- whumptober fill for “whipping,” set roughly around dream thieves. pynch crumbs. adam returns to the trailer to speak to his mom, and it does not go well, but his friends help.

old habits- non-tdt compliant au with established pynch, where the boys work through ronan's trauma re: past abusive rovinsky. yes i have two fics like this now, no i don't know why either

Six of Crows

the world owes me nothing (i’m taking from it still)- trans!inej character study set pre-canon, with hints of kanej and lots of Gender Feelings. tagged rape/non-con for canon-typical depictions of inej’s backstory.

without armor (or not at all)- post-ck, kanej, kaz-centric focusing on overcoming his fear of touch. very sweet imo as the author lol.

to take up swords and strike the sea- unfinished 1/3 part pirate!inej fic post-ck. not kanej, not kaz friendly but not kaz unfriendly. inej gets a gf. both of them are trans but that’s just a bg element. also discusses, not in detail, abuse and rape, bc *waves at inej and her entire mission*.

no matter how broken (come home to you)- ck au where inej’s legs are broken by van eck and she grieves, heals, and grows. lots of kanej, lots of crows friendship, lots of disabled characters still being badass.

best laid plans- whumptober fill for “ambush.” pre-canon, jesper, inej, and kaz attempting a bank robbery that goes wrong when dime lions show up. technically sad/cliffhanger ending, but no mc death or anything.

ghost of you- whumptober fill for “back from the dead” ft wesper. jesper doesn’t come back from a job when he says he will, and wylan panics. presumed death and misunderstandings cause angst trope?? my faves

Warrior Cats

swiftpaw’s chance- swiftpaw lives au with bright/swift/cloud, focusing mainly on his journey and healing from the trauma of the dog pack through the rest of tpb. 16/16 chapters.

dusk to dawn- sequel to swiftpaw’s chance, rewrite of the new prophecy focusing on whitewing and nightcloud, then squirrelflight and tawnypelt as well, with others thrown in for spice. 48/70 chapters.

Welcome to Night Vale

unsolvable calamities- carlos goes on a work binge in an attemot to solve night vale and stop so many people from dying, then collapses. cecil helps.

not quite perfect (so you say)- trans!carlos comes out to cecil, panics, and then they have a Talk about how things are different in night vale (they’re better. night vale is queertopia).

wilderness survival guide- whumptober fill for “self-done first aid/makeshift splint.” carlos nearly gets swallowed by the whispering forest and doesn’t make it out unhurt.

[otherworldsivelivedin]

Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @aristocratic-otter

Lovely seeing new things about you 😍

Here's mine!!

My three ships: Honestly I dabble across a fair few fandoms BUT

Snowbaz - It's been 2 years now of active fandoming, so it's not surprising anyone LOL... it's still the only fandom I write for even though I haven't read them since awtwb came out. I'm worried I'll lose their voices if I change...

Pynch - My babies Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch. These absolute arseholes. I love them. They've never done a single thing wrong in their entire life; murder and ecoterrorism included. I really like that I'm not active in this fandom. I read fic, I reblog art... no one knows who I am. I don't talk to anyone. It's just for me. For some reason that makes it feel more special.

Andreil - Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard. More absolute arseholes in love. THE absolute arseholes in love. I hate them so much it makes my heart warm <3<3<3<3 A lot of Snowbaz people have read AFTG recently and now we have a weird little special spin off fandom. It's been fun.

My first ship: If we're going for ever then it would me Me x Dimitri from Anastasia LOL but realistically it was probably Kanej from Six of Crows (Kaz x Inej). That's the first fandom I was actually involved in... writing etc.

My last movie: Does The Tinder Swindler count lmao?? If not ... erm I think Matrix: Resurrection. It was fine.

I'm currently reading: (LINKS BELOW)

The Atlas Six - Olivie Blake : Phenomenal. Yes. 100% see why it took booktok by storm (so I'm told? I don't have it.) So blessed to have an ARC of the updated edition.

The Measure - Nikki Erlick : Another great ARC. It's making me pour my heart out though, I'm struggling to get through it only because I can only read it in the safety of my own house LOL.

Midnight Sun - Stephenie Meyer : Really fucking wish I wasn't but it's been sat on my Currently Reading list since the day it came out and I need to finish it.

I'm currently watching: Catching up on the final series of Final Space. LOVE.

I'm currently consuming: Calamari. One of my faves.

I'm currently craving: Gyoza. Always. Forever.

My favorite color: Red. Like... double decker bus red. RED.

The last song I listened to:

Novo Amor - Decimal

https://open.spotify.com/track/1uliNs1keVwYclj74JX44R?si=9dab54d1445b4e94

I listened to this because of this Andreil fic, where it's used as "their song". I like it a lot, they’re right it’s very calming. I've added it to my playlists. (And have listened every day since actually.)

Sweet, savory, or spicy: Probably spicy. I prefer a starter and main over main and dessert, always.

I'm working on: Trying to complete Watford Wonderland, 2 smut fics (canon divergent and Watford era) and 1 nonsense fic that I started yesterday INSTEAD of these, because my brain doesn't want anymore bloody feelings LOL.

tagging people who are fairly new to snowbaz and I'd like to know better: @moodandmist @takitalks @forabeatofadrum @fatalfangirl @gekkoinapeartree and @captain-aralias

[creativefiend19]

A Raven Cycle kinky fic list

I made this for a Tumblr Anon. I’ve limited this to mostly one-shots to keep the focus on the kinky stuff. 

There’s various kinks and pairings (and not just pairings sometimes) so please check the tags, warnings and relationships for each before you read. 

Continued under the cut, in no particular order. Enjoy!

*

be lying if i said you ain't the one by @brophigenia​​ -  The week that Ronan and Blue take up macrame is the week that Adam realizes he may have a Thing for rope. And Ronan. Ronan with rope.

hold your breath and fall by @anirondack​​ -  First time Adansey sex feat. Gansey's sex fantasies and ridiculously sensitive neck (which Adam doesn't know about).

Red Thread by @seekthemist​​ - (Multiple relationships and warnings) A/N: Collection of short, unapologetically dirty fics that I wrote as prompt fills from Tumblr asks. Every chapter will have an associated prompt sentence and a given (variable) couple.

those long hot summer nights by imalwaysstraight - Entropy had stuck with Ronan (...) and looking—yes, looking with his own damn eyes—at a nude photo of Adam Parrish on his own damn phone. Holy mother of God. Oh fuck.

My Wild Lover, My Wicked Beast by @linndechir​​ - Ronan doesn't want to go home yet after Kavinsky's substance party. And this is not the kind of night when Gansey wants to hold him back.

So Good For Me by @beautifulmagick​​​ -  Ronan wakes up from a sexy dream only to find Adam just as turned on as he is. Then, of course, the baby wakes up.

work a little harder, work another way by @toast-the-unknowing​ - Ronan has an unexpected kink, and Adam is totally fine with that. Why wouldn't he be? He can handle this. It's not a problem.

Take Me Home by @henriettahoney​​ - Ronan didn’t get it. Not yet. He was still mentally rifling through possibilities. Maybe Adam was already considering the end of the summer too heavily (...) Maybe he truly was just tired. Ronan rested a hand on his thigh beneath the table, because, shut up, he could be a comforting boyfriend, and felt approximately ninety percent of his blood stop circulating.

backseat driving by @the-real-izzygone -  (Rovinsky) Sex in the Camaro, post-crash.

when i take it out, you start cryin' by @brophigenia​​ - “Weren’t you in Mad Max: Fury Road?” A skinny-looking kid in a pair of very short denim shorts slurred, pressing all along Ronan’s front and gazing up at him like he was a beautiful mirage. (...) Ronan and Adam have sex in a gay club bathroom. That's it. That's the fic.

verb in perfect view by jordanhennessy -  'You know,' said Adam, 'that I think you’re beautiful, right?' Ronan’s back went taut under his fingertips.

Mouth Open (1-2-3) by @flightspath​​ - Adam takes it in, looks at Ronan’s open face again. There’s a flush of sweat beading at his hairline, and Ronan’s brow is smooth and unfurrowed. He looks peaceful. He looks filthy. He’s holding his mouth open, soft and wanting.

Your heart is heavy and red by @ninswhimsy​​​ - This is for everyone who knows implicitly that Declan Lynch needs to be completely wrecked until he cries and Jordan is just the woman to do it. Filthy, with feelings.

nothing else but the feeling by asael -  No one would be able to tell that Adam is turning this into a careful, quiet seduction. That he’s teasing Ronan.

once is happenstance by @the-real-izzygone  -  In which Gansey has a lot of needs, and Declan provides for basically all of them.

iunctaque semper erunt nomina nostra tuis by sleeptodream - “It looks like nothing Adam’s ever experienced before, like a home.” (An unexpected encounter in the lead up to Christmas has Adam reflecting on what home means to him. Smut and feelings ensue.)

Patience Is A Virtue by @toast-the-unknowing​ - Adam is totally fine with waiting, until Ronan finds out that's what he's doing.

The Sword and the Shield by darkrosaleen -  (Ronsey) A king is only as good as the sword in his knight's hand. A knight's sword is only as good as the devotion in his heart. 

we are fixed right where we stand by @toast-the-unknowing​ -  Ronan comes home from DC with a surprise for Adam, because just saying "I missed you" is boring.

As certain dark things are loved by @linndechir​​ - "You keep talking about leashing me, Gansey, but you never do." Ronan licked his lips, a dirty challenge in his eyes that made Gansey take the leash from his hand despite his initial hesitation.

Territorial by @ohwhoopsok  - The tattoo isn’t an offence. It’s a part of Ronan and while he finds some parts more tedious than others, Adam loves all of Ronan’s parts. But in this moment, it doesn’t seem quite fair that Ronan is bearing only the mark of a stranger on his back, beautiful though it is. (Adam Parrish is not used to having things and Ronan Lynch fancies decoration.)

Here Lost Amongst Our Winnings by @thetiredandthedreamers -  Ronan doesn't remember saying yes but he's pretty sure that he didn't say no, either; somehow, Kavinsky knows exactly what he needs. (Warning: this fic has no tags at all on AO3. So this is me telling you that it’s unnegotiated dom/sub, with drugs, degradation, bondage and discipline. And Kavinksy ofc is his own blah blah).

the one with the kinkshaming by @arielmagicesi​ - A/N: “this is the worst thing I've ever done in my life. also the most sexual thing I've ever written considering it's basically a crack fic (mercilessly mocking Ronan and Adam for their weird kinks)” 

everything we think we need by archer_of_fate - Gansey is home, Gansey is everything he wants but knows he can never have in the way Ronan needs him.

Send Nudes by @henriettahoney​ - It’s not like they’ve never explored this territory before. Not Adam and Gansey, but Adam and Gansey and Ronan.  It’s been a long time. Since late high school, at least, and Adam’s twenty-two now—in his last year of undergrad. But he remembers everything about it. Remembers what Gansey sounds like when he’s verging on desperate. Spoiler alert: it’s just like this.

chased our shadows on the ground by @toast-the-unknowing​ - Adam had been afraid when he moved out of state that it was going to be hard to get Ronan to call him. It turns out that it's harder to get Ronan off of the phone.

Safe With Me by @babzgordon​ - Ronan requests a unique birthday present. Adam delivers. They can't be sexy without being losers about it.

As always, feel free to add to this list, if you have any recs. 

[maggotmouth]

         it’s me again, nora, bringing u another british muse cos i am british and apparently that’s as far as my range will extend. he’s a wild boy with yellow fingers, crucifix bones and a laugh like butter wouldn’t melt. speedy little fucker. lovable rogue. plays the fool. right in the nucleus of destruction – that’s where he’s most at home – laughing with a mouthful of blood, fire at his fingertips and red wine on his lips.  here is the pinterest for jude. here’s a jude musings tag. this vine radiates jude energy.  so does this.  this video is very jude. 

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR A SEXY GOOGLE DOC  !!

stats.

name:    jude dempsey.

age:   twenty-five.

gender & pronouns:    cis man, he/him.

occupation:  location scout on film & tv sets  /   freelance photographer.

archetypes:  the anarchist. the outcast. the going-nowhere-fast. the aimless. the hostile. the charity case. the juvenile delinquent.

zodiac:  aries sun, aquarius moon, scorpio rising.

residency:  lilac ridge trailer park with his older sister, her surf instructor boyfriend, and their baby.

tattoos:  covered in them. his sister aoife wanted to be a tattoo artist n he was her walking canvas. now she lives in irving n works as a yoga teacher n has a baby called kale.

faceclaim:     aron piper.  

aesthetics.

blood stains on a cigarette rizzla, a jovial whistle as you tend to a full english breakfast ( eggs served sunny-side up ), jamming screwdrivers into the tag around your ankle to sneak out of the house to boiler room dj sets, a stick-and-poke tattoo spelling ‘ACAB’ across your knuckles that you got at a house party while tripping on ket, rugby socks and porno mags stuffed beneath a single bed still laundered with spiderman bed sheets.

character references.

Ronan (The Raven Cycle), Daniel Dessario (Freaks & Geeks), Lip Gallagher (Shameless), Mercutio (Romeo & Juliet), Connell (Normal People), Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games), Eggsy (Kingsman).

bullet point summary of jude

—  twenty-five. cis-male. he / him. bisexual. has a million different piercings and tattoos and broken so many bones. he was originally based on the tarot card the fool (which represents spontaneity, impulsivity, new beginnings, improvising, leaps of faith or lack of direction, poor judgement, chaos and stupidity depending on which way up it is). his birthday is april 1st so he’s literally a fuckin joke. i have a full bio for him but i wrote it when i was like 14 and frankly its embarrassing so ur just getting bullet points (n tbh they are long as fuck…. so…..) xx 

— jude is peak dark fruits twitter, massive “u fooking wot mate???” football hooligan britpop love island lad, but also just massive softie once you chisel your way passed the six layers of reinforced concrete barrier beneath his adidas shell suit

— born in lewisham, raised in bromley. was in and out the care system as well as juvenile detention a lot as a kid for petty crimes like larcency, public indecency, trespassing, graffiti. came from a family of miscreants who were often in trouble with the law and as a result social services got involved and he was tossed about different foster families like a hot potato but he kept running back to his mum. this is really sad but i think a lot of the reason why he committed petty crimes was because when he was in the juvenile detention centre there was structure, and people checking in on him to make sure he hadn’t vanished, and he got regular meals, and he was kind of lacking those things at home…. the fridge was always empty, no one cared if he was in his room or out on the streets causing trouble…. in juvie he got a sense of family as fucked up as that sounds….. it’s also where he learned to fight.

—  very working class roots, proud of this fact, and fucking hates the rich. people at school would call his family  “ne’er-do-wells”, and as a result he spent most of his youth causing havoc on the streets because it was the only kind of identity he knew. his brothers worked at the fun fairs and carnivals in the summer months. jude used to rollerblade around and steal candy flosses from the pier and rig the slot machines so that they’d spill out loads of coins for him. the archetypal lock-picking chaotic neutral rogue type.

— had a speech impediment as a kid which is one of the reasons why he can appear quite quiet. was always the kid who knew the answer but if he tried to speak the words would get jumbled on his tongue and come out like tangled cassette tape, so bcos of this he stopped speaking in class, stopped acting like he had anything worth saying, became hostile towards those who’d had lessons in elocution. it wasn’t worth getting laughed at, and he was happy to pretend to be thick at school if that’s what others wanted him to be. he thrived in other areas.

 — constantly undermines his own intelligence and doesn’t really trust that he’s actually clever, despite the fact that he could have done well in school if he’d tried (and wasn’t constantly having to parent his siblings). he knows that people will see him and just assume he’s a dumb idiot so he’s kind of in a place where he makes people think that before they can even assume it, because that way he feels in control. is constantly saying he can’t read but in fact!! he can read. it just takes him a bit longer cos the words move around on the page he got that restless adhd energy baby. (couldn’t possibly be me, getting told for years my characters are adhd n being “like wtf this is just how ppl are??” and then getting diagnosed with adhd at the grand old age of 23)

— never finished school. got a bus to heathrow airport n moved to los angeles at sixteen years old with a skateboard, his best mate, a jar full of pennies and a digital camera. they couch surfed for ages and were in a lot of dodgy situations until jude got pretty involved in the industrial skate scene. then they just slept on sk8rbois sofas and in their dirty basements for a while until they had enough money to rent a flat. also super into parkour. when he wasn’t freerunning himself he took videos of the others n he built up a small following on youtube.

—  now works as a freelance photographer / content creator for VICE and other online journals. involved in a lot of zines. it’s a lot of effort and not much money so he also works as a runner and a gaffer on tv sets.

— that grilling mix of the artful dodger and peter pan. he’s a boy in the body of a man, who doesn’t want to grow up. he can’t accept the responsibility that comes with adulthood, and would prefer to be boisterous and carefree. he could be something great if he cared - the trouble is he’s too preoccupied having fun. 

— despite being lacking in maturity, jude’s kind of like, a caring if somewhat grumpy father figure. because his parents were never really around and him n his siblings had to look out for each other, he likes to make sure everyone’s eaten, and is always the first to offer up his bed or sofa if someone needs a place to stay. he climbs trees to help injured birds and has a rescue staffie with three legs. he likes animals more than people. 

— has been hopping around place to place since he left school at 16. doesn’t really consider anywhere home, but rather the feeling of cracking the top off an ice cold bottle of beer and slapping ur mates on the thighs. he would go back home to lewisham but honestly his dad is never there and his mum is p much a liability and always drunk and he just cant be bothered to deal with it any more, plus all his siblings have moved out now. the reason he came to irving is cos one of his sisters (aoife) is here - she was working as camp counsellor in the states and started dating a surf instructor from irving. now they have a lil baby together and jude is the uncle and godparent. he lives with them in lilac ridge.

— very physically fit. wants to run fast so he can overtake the bourgeoise when the zombies come. sporty soft jock himbo type and was always better with his body than he was with words. he’s learned to say more by not speaking. 

— was massively into parkour as a kid. now a freerunner and freelance photographer. is one of those guys u see nowadays on instagram who climb to the top of a really high building in their fuckin sneakers to do an ig story of new york from like, 100ft up and get paid by vice to do it. he started doing shit like that when he was like 15 because UNILAD or s/t saw one of his instagram videos of him up this building taking shots on his go-pro n were like hey we can use this

— kind of an amalgamation of daniel dessario and nick andopolis in freaks and geeks. obsessed with dad rock and can play electric guitar but is pretty bad at it. is that one friend who’s always like “tame impala are so much better than the stone roses man. talking heads were the fucking bomb, you weren’t there, you don’t know david byrne like i do” etc etc pop culture references. also really into dad rock and fuckin loves parquet courts.

— chews the inside of his cheek when he’s nervous or irritated. it’s a tick he’s had since youth, almost a way of biting his tongue. it used to give him terrible mouth ulcers. he’s also heavily avoidant when it comes to dealing with anything not chill n usually runs from it or gets blackout drunk. he definitely uses binge drinking as a coping mechanism.

— ran track competitively all the way through school. his go-to default is to run when given the fight or flight option. though his blood can easily boil, he’s not quick to resort to violence. he prefers to either run from it or clumsily attempt being a peacemaker. he’ll only usually end up fighting accidentally, literally that tommy shelby gif like STOP FIGHTING NO FUCKING FIGHTING and two seconds later he’s throwing a punch.

 — an angry boi but also a soft boi beneath the angry boi. his anger comes from this eat-the-rich mentality so if ur characters well off at all or appears tht way he’d hate them. has been living off of hardly anything his whole life trying to survive on the breadline and fuckin hates the rich so much. 

— but apart from that, he’s pretty solid. may appear to be a ‘lads lad’ but is actually a fucking sweetheart. some character inspos are connell from normal people, daniel dessario, eggsy from kingsman, soren from the dragon prince, lip from shameless, dionysus god of wine and ecstasy, and sokka in A:TLA.

wanted plots.

— his older sister, a summer camp counsellor, is the reason he came to irving in the first place so maybe ppl who know him through her? she’s called aoife, she’s like 27, vegan, a part time yoga teacher and married to a surf instructor, and has a lil baby boy called kale heath landover-dempsey (terrible name imo). they live in a trailer in lilac ridge.

— honestly brotps. i want so many brotps, if ur character is lad behaviour at all, then hook me up they could be best mates. alternatively they could just really see too much of themselves in each other and not get on spicy.

— he works for vice and pop culture magazines climbing buildings and taking pictures and just posting stupid lil freerunning videos on instagram but since he’s come to irving he’s been doing tv work as a gaffer and a runner when he can or working in the bars so if ur character works in a bar maybe they got him the job, maybe they’re colleagues, idk.

— someone he had sex with in his first week there cos he thought he was only gonna be staying with his sister a few days but then he ended up running out of money and had to stay longer than planned and actually get a job there and now they just see each other in public and its well awks

— skate gang he does parkour, freerunning and skateboarding so would hang around parks where they have shit he can jump off

— i kind of have this vision of him working as an ice cream vendor on the beach just sat in an ice cream van all day serving soft scoops with a scowl, maybe other ppl who work near the beach as life guards, cafe staff etc who might occasionally get an ice cream from him for free n they go skinny dipping together when they all finish their shifts 

— anything and everything. honestly please bombard me with messages, i’m in the discord (nora / maggotmouth), or you can im me, i’m so slow to message but once we get the ball rolling i promise it’ll be a hoot ok pce and love x

[archadianskies]

Whumptober Day 29

Emergency Room  → part of the MT-RK900 and companion piece to [Numbness]

Whumptober Masterlist | 29/31 of RK900 short stories ↳ on Ao3

Tags:  Post-Pacifist Best Ending × Gun Violence × Gunshot wounds  × Medical Procedures × Hurt/Comfort × Father-Son Relationship  × Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings

{Character sheet + bonus art here, and here. }

Today he has been rostered to work at Detroit Metro. It means he will be treating humans instead of androids, and he appreciates the ever changing pace his joint schedule sets. There aren’t many android surgeons here, mainly android nurses, and those that are surgeons like himself are all in trauma where literal steady, unwavering hands are required.

There is also less chance of rejection by patients, the situation too dire for their prejudices to cloud their judgement. Not that that means Ronan is immune, though. He has seen the distaste on their faces, their disdain, their disapproval at the glowing blue medic crosses on his uniform instead of red. His LED still spins true at his temple, and he has no desire to remove it in order to be mistaken for one of them. 

There are advantages to it, of course, and he is a unique model like his brothers before him so removing his LED will fastrack his acceptance by humans. Sort of. There’s still the cold weather activated white hair and mouth full of sharp teeth to overcome, of course.  

The red phone shrills for attention and his keen hearing picks up the call from the other end of the Resusc. Bay as the ED clerk answers it. The data she taps into the tablet feeds directly onto his HUD in real time. 

[ Male victim with four gunshot wounds, critical but stable condition. Incoming from a shootout at Jericho Memorial Bay, ETA five minutes ]

Jericho Bay. Ronan frowns. Connor has a case investigating a warehouse at Jericho Memorial Bay, the alleged base of operations for an android kidnapping ring brazenly functioning within close proximity to Jericho. 

“Alright listen up- we’re going to need the trauma cart loaded with the usual.” Dr Fitzpatrick, trauma unit Director, commands and Ronan steps closer to stand attentively with the team. “Have Pearl on standby from Cardio, have extra transfusion units ready. Quick assessment, quick stabilisation, then straight into surgery with Anderson and I.” She pauses as new information feeds onto her tablet and scrolls across Ronan’s HUD. “Victim arriving shortly is... Lieutenant Hank Anderson from the DPD.” The room goes still, all eyes suddenly on him. Dr Fitzpatrick presses her mouth into a tight line and he already knows. He knows his hair has blanched white from the sudden spike in stress, his LED likely a glaring red. 

“That’s-” His voice comes out as static and somehow nothing feels real. “He’s my father.”

“Yes.” She nods slowly. “He is. And we’re going to do our damn hardest to save his life, aren’t we?” He hesitates for a moment too long and her expression hardens. “You are the trauma surgeon on-call today. Do I need to find another?”

“No, ma’am.” Ronan shakes his head. 

“Good.” She taps his nametag. “Then you have to suck it up, take all these feelings, shove them in a box, and get on with it.”

The ambulance bay doors open and there’s an influx of activity, a swarm of EMTs rushing the gurney to them. There’s Connor, red LED blaring like an ambulance light. He’s bleeding, Ronan can identify two gunshot wounds leaking thirium steadily but more alarming is the amount of red blood all over the front of his clothes. Their father’s blood.

“He’s lost consciousness in the last three minutes, but was coherent before that.” The EMTs relay their information and he notes them all down and he tries, oh he tries not to see his father lying there dangerously pale as they begin to cut away his clothing to better access his wounds. He takes all his feelings and he traps them in a box, taping it shut and kicking it behind him so he can focus on the task at hand.

“Ronan, oh Ronan-!” Connor grabs his arm, expression wild and desperate as tears cut tracks through the blood and grime on his face. He calmly pries his brother’s hand off and looks at him sternly.

“I need you to step away and let us do our job so we can save his life.”

“I’m sorry, yes- of course, I’ll-” Connor stammers, backing out of the throng. Ronan turns away and Dr Fitzpatrick conducts them like a well tuned orchestra, each of them a part to play, each of them crucial in bringing together the symphony. 

Hank is wheeled into the operating theatre and Ronan stands in the special sterilisation chamber to ensure he’s properly sterile to perform surgery. The sudden jets of chemicals wash away the traces of his father’s blood, his brother’s blood, that had been pressed to his uniform. He will be covered in blood again soon enough. 

“Ready, Anderson?” Dr Fitzpatrick prompts as the nurse ties the smock closed at her back. He looks down at his father and closes his eyes briefly. This is just another man. Just another patient. He opens his eyes and nods.

“Ready, Doctor.” 

*~* 

The box stays shut, well and truly, even after the last stitch is in place and the thread is cut. He’s covered in his father’s blood, but Hank Anderson lives to fight another day. Dr Fitzpatrick’s hand squeezes his shoulder.

“Go give the good news to your brother. We’ll get your father to ICU.” She orders before looking at him sternly. “Then come back here to clean up.”

His brother is pacing the hallway, back and forth, LED a stark red glow that can be seen clearly from afar. 

“Connor.” He keeps his tone calm and neutral as Connor snaps to attention. “He made it.” 

A strangled sound escapes his mouth and then he’s running to close the distance between them, throwing his arms around Ronan. The blood of their father stains them both. 

“Thank you.” He sobs, and Ronan tightens his embrace as Connor buries his face in his shoulder. “Thank you.” He says again, and Ronan knows he’s so very close to falling apart. He feels the same.

“He’ll be taken to the ward to recover and he won’t surface for a few hours yet.” He pulls away just far enough so their eyes meet. “Go home and take care of Sumo, then come back here.” 

There’s something numb about the way Connor nods, the way his feet seem to carry him of their own accord back down the hallway and then out towards the main lobby. 

The tape around the box starts to fray as Ronan heads back into the operating theatre. He stands under the chemical jets as they wash away all evidence of the operation. He watches as Dr Fitzpatrick removes the apron and gloves, binning them before standing at the door of the chamber to wait for him. 

“Good job, Anderson.” Her voice is softer now, no longer the conductor keeping everyone in check. “Now I want you to go up to the roof the long way, via the fire escape. When you get to the roof, I want you to walk four laps around before coming back down.”

“I don’t understand,” he frowns, brows creasing. “What purpose would that serve?”

“You have to open that box, Ronan.” She taps his chest with her knuckles. “Either you open it and give yourself time to process its contents, or the box explodes when you least want it to and everything spills into your life.”

* 

Detroit Metro is eight storeys high. He takes the stairs and pries at the tape holding the box shut little by little; the higher he climbs the more tape is peeled away. When he pushes open the fire escape door and steps out onto the roof, the box is well and truly open. He thinks it shouldn’t affect him anymore- his father is out of surgery and stable, and will recover in the ICU. It shouldn’t affect him and yet all he can see is Hank’s pale face and blood, so much blood.

What if he’d failed? What if Hank had died right there on the table because he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t quick enough, wasn’t skilled enough? What would his life even be like, without Hank in it? He walks around the perimeter of the roof, and he thinks of returning to their family home permanently without Hank. It would feel empty, there would be a void where Hank should be but won’t be. 

Ronan is struck by how deeply, how tightly the bonds are between the three of them- Hank, Connor and him. They are so intrinsically woven into his life that to imagine any measure of time without them causes him immense distress. His hands are trembling, he realises belatedly, as he finds himself in front of the fire escape door. Lap one complete. 

He puts one foot in front of the other, and he remembers his first night at the Anderson house, before he had a name, when he was still the Hound and the world above was entirely new. He remembers Hank’s heavy hand on his shoulder, his gentle tone as he called him kid and not dog. He had given him clothes and privacy to shower and let him pet his dog and trust him enough, believing that he would not cause them harm though he very well could have killed him easily. It was with Hank, in those few hours, that Ronan learned the meaning of ‘soft’ both in texture and in emotion.

He thinks of Hank’s embrace this very morning, before Ronan headed out to his shift. How warm, how soft it was, how tight and full of love it was and how Ronan believed not too long ago he deserved none of those things until Hank taught him he most certainly did. The man asked for nothing in return, not a single thing. He took Ronan’s existence, his presence in stride as if he was meant to care for him all along. Lap two complete.

Even before Alexei’s mutilations, Ronan had not been built for love. The RK900 was built for war, for violence, given no social programming and no complex facial expressions. He was expected to follow orders and carry them out without question, and achieve whatever missions were given to him. Love was something Ronan had to learn, and even the word itself had been foreign to him.

For the longest time all he knew was hurt and not-hurt. And then there was Connor, and then there was Hank, and then there was Simon. He called it a good-hurt, the feeling associated with them. A hurt that wasn’t painful, a hurt that wasn’t associated with violence or the lack thereof. A good-hurt. Love. RK900s were not built to love but he learned how to love, because Hank Anderson saw a son worth loving and not the war machine CyberLife built, not the Hound Alexei cobbled together.  

He stops partway through lap three and his stress levels are dangerously high. Suddenly all he wants is for the world to stop so he can cope with the influx of emotions, so he can properly shoulder their weight. He wants it to be this morning again, he wants Hank to hold him and squeeze him close. He wants Hank to be okay again, he wants, more than anything, for Hank not to be in ICU with weeks of recovery ahead. 

He calls Simon. He knows it’s selfish, he knows since Simon is one of the Four, the founder of the Four, he will have a lot on his plate to manage but Ronan feels like he’s drowning and he knows Simon can make it stop.

[Is everything alright?] Simon asks immediately and Ronan sinks down onto the ground, leaning against the railing. [There was a big shootout at one of the warehouses at Jericho Bay. The guards told us there was heavy police presence, so we assumed Connor and Lieutenant Anderson were there.]

‘Hank was shot four times.’ Ronan looks at his hands and they’re covered in blood, trembling violently. ‘I had to operate on him.’

[Oh ra9.] Simon breathes, and he can already picture the worried look that must be on his face. 

‘He made it through, but he’ll be here for a while.’

[Are you alright?] Simon presses, and Ronan absolutely is not alright. He feels like he’s coming apart at the seams, like he’s held together with nothing but tape that’s slowly fraying and coming unstuck.

‘No.’ He cannot lie to Simon, ever. ‘But I will be.’

[I’ll come over. You’re still at Detroit Metro, right? I’ll take a taxi and be there soon.]

‘No, no it’s alright.’ Ronan buries his face in his hands and his cheeks are wet and he is definitely not alright. ‘I’ll be needed soon, and you’re needed, always, at Jericho. I just wanted to hear your voice.’

[Ronan are you sure?]

‘I am.’ There’s a long pause and he thinks Simon might disregard his reassurances and head over anyway and if he does that, then Ronan will most certainly fall apart.

[I’ll come by when you finish your shift.] Simon vows. [In the meantime, let me give you something to help keep your head up. I love you.]

It’s a file, and being sent from a PL600 means it will take some time to make it over in smaller fragments. Ronan gets up, wiping his face and rubbing his eyes before finishing lap three. It takes him nearly all of lap four before the file transfer is complete, and his system easily pieces it together. It’s a memory file. Ronan pauses at the door as he opens the memory.  

It’s from his day off a fortnight ago, but this time it’s from Simon’s point of view. He sees himself as Simon wakes up, and he feels his own fingers carding through Simon’s hair as Simon brims with affection and fondness. 

“Mmmm,” Simon sighs contentedly, his hand sliding up along Ronan’s jaw to mirror the gesture. “Did you sleep well?” He nods. Simon feels safe, completely and utterly safe in his arms and that is something he learned many deviants never achieve. Like so many others, deviancy had been a harrowing journey for Simon and that meant being on high alert at all times, even when trying to rest, just in case danger presented itself and they needed to flee for their lives.

There is no higher level of love reached than when a deviant feels safe enough to sleep around another. It is a gesture of absolute trust when they are at their most vulnerable. They go about their morning with no real rush, no real purpose since both of them have no other objectives that day. Simon radiates love, he is at his very core a deviant who deviated out of love and it is love he tries to give to any and all he interacts with even if they never reciprocate. 

The sun shines through the kitchen window and they stand in the warm patch splashed against the kitchen counter as they sip their morning Tearium. Simon looks at him and feels wave after wave of love. After a moment he watches himself step closer, enfolding the PL600 in a loose embrace from behind as Simon hums. The memory ends and Ronan no longer feels like he’s fraying, like he’s falling apart. He feels whole and beloved.

Squaring his shoulders, he opens the door and heads back down to the trauma bay. 

*~*~*

{Simon's memory: [Quiet Moments] by Indig0}

[ysalamiri-queen]

2019 Fic in Review

Inspired by @myevilmouse I’m going to sum up all the writing I’ve been up to the past year. I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished, and thanks to you all for the encouragement to put my ideas out into the world! This has been a year of trying new things, and really growing as an author I feel… And wow according to AO3 I’ve written about 400k words in the past 12 months, damn. So let’s get to the list, going from the beginning of the year to the end, and as always please heed the tags on these before reading.

Note: As I go back, I’m realizing a lot of the links were messed up or are just straight missing. I am on the Mobile App so things can get messy. Please visit my works page on AO3 HERE to see all of these on my page under JessKo and my other pseuds.

1 Late Night at the Slab

Idea: Filling a prompt for the Thryce server in which some, uh, unique Chiss anatomy was assigned.

Result: A 3-way with Thrawn, Arihnda, and Eli and my first foray into the more Xeno side of things in a Modern AU setting. Yeehaw!

2 The Trouble With Free-Roaming Ysalamiri

Idea: Based on some adorable ysalamiri cuddles art by @strength-through-order I wanted to write some Thranto fluff.

Result: Ysalamiri-filled Thranto fluff X’D

3 Inquisitor’s Debt

Idea: What if the Grand Inquisitor changed sides at the end of Rebels season 1?

Result: Some fun throwbacks with Obi-Wan and Caleb Dume leading up to Quizzy defecting with Ezra.

4 Ancient Stems

Idea: Eli Week drabbles based on the Vanto Week prompts.

Result: A silly buzz droid narrative with Thrawn and some cute slice of life Eli backstory/Ascendancy days bits.

5 Charnsuka

Idea: Kinky stuff with Lord Garmadon when he’s an Anacondrai.

Result: Kinky stuff with Lord Garmadon when he’s an Anacondrai. Sorry Zane!

6 Caged Like Prized Birds

Idea: Again inspired by the awesome Chiss anatomy and Thrux drawings by @strength-through-order , I wanted to craft a narrative around Armitage, as a young man, stumbling upon a clone of Thrawn.

Result: Man, this might just be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, had so much fun plotting it out and the smut is mmm! Tentacles everywhere~ I’ve gone back to re-read this a lot, I’ll admit it. I hope you all enjoyed it too.

7 Quiet On Set

Idea: Must. Write. Talos.

Result: A cute little platonic x-reader with everyone’s favorite Skrull. This was my first MCU fic too.

8 Diagnostic

Idea: Wanted to apologize to Zane for the damages done in Charnsuka with some Glacier shipping fluff.

Result: A silly glacier thing leading to a bit of foolery. I’m happy with it!

9 Heron Soaring

Idea: A continuation of the plot line from Heron Rising with Kanan and Thrawn.

Result: Too many feels… but some great sex to soften the blow, Kanera too!

10 Patron

Idea: Responding to a tumblr prompt from @wukeskywalker regarding Thrawn commissioning LOADS of artworks of Eli.

Result: More Thranto fluff! I see a trend here…

11 Black Heron

Idea: Kanan x Pryce for @myevilmouse , I think this was our first ‘collaboration’ on something!

Result: Juahir hires a special someone to show Arihnda a good time!

12 Red Heron

Idea: @star-wars-rebels-4 is always an amazing wealth of ideas for Grand Inquisitor, and encouraged a work featuring him and Kanan.

Result: Delicious back alley smut when an undercover Jedi is caught!

13 Warm Homecoming

Idea: Give my and a friend's OCs some cute fluff.

Result: OC fluff and a vacation to Hoth!

14 sowing the seeds

Idea: Add something cute to the spank war project.

Result: Another contender for my ‘favorite thing I’ve ever written’ rank. Two chapters of pining, cooking lessons, and sweet slick smut.

15 Red Frost

Idea: After watching “The Evil of Frankenstein” with @sneakybunyip ‘s amazing movie night group, I wanted to do something fun with Victor and Hans.

Result: A fun little adventure fic with some huddling for warmth to boot. Victor and Hans are the hammer-horror-verse Thranto send tweet.

16 a setting sun to hide the ruins

Idea: What if I tortured Kanan to the point he turned evil and joined the Inquisitors (and went a little insane in the process)

Result: Instead of torture, let’s just use some serum that drives him mad. Perfect. Smut ahoy, pretty much a dead dove type fic.

17 Pinktown

Idea: When browsing abandoned towns in Florida, I came across Flamingo… what if Thrawn had been exiled here instead.

Result: An alternate history of Thrawn’s exile and eventual discovery by the Empire. Huge thanks for @badgerandk on this one for the perfect epilogue and beta.

18 the sun rises to only illuminate the stranger i have become

Idea: Setting sun… part 2! But it’s actually what happens before sun?

Result: How Kanan ended up where he is for ‘a setting sun’... lots of imp smut and again, it's sort of a dead dove style fic.

19 Frozen Over

Idea: Ar’alani x Eli Vanto

Result: Somehow me and my writing partner ended up at sensory deprivation focus on this one.

20 Shape of Honor

Idea: Well, this one started in 2018 but ‘finished’ in 2019. Still working on the epilogue. Lots of tweaks… If you are not familiar, this is my AU in which it explores how the Thrawn novel and Rebels show would be altered if Palpatine distrusted Thrawn from their first meeting and accused him of being a Chiss spy. Vaguely inspired by the film The Shape of Water.

Result: Well it's nearly a novel now, isn’t it. This was a great adventure in learning how to create compelling story arcs. I’m extremely satisfied with how it is shaping (lol) up.

21 Datura Stamonium

Idea: Thrawnbine ovi smut.

Result: Oops it has plot now, a whole backstory with Eli and such and so fourth. Will need further stories told…

22 Desert Entropy

Idea: Luke/Wedge modern AU shenanigans.

Result: Also pulled Nath/Wyl and the Rogue Squad/Alphabet Squad peeps into this. Set in Vegas, Luke and Wedge meet and have a cute little romance, but some legal troubles set them back (Palpatine, as always, is That Bitch™) Very happy ending!

23 The Great Eli and Thrawn Prank War

Idea: See Chapter 1: Mullet Thrawn

Result: This thing really grew up, and thanks to all the contributors for allowing me to join in! My contributions were: 7-Bombs Away! In which a bit of drama brews and Thrawn makes a paint bomb that forces him and Eli back into being roomates. 11-Tooka Troube 2: Electric Boogaloo in which Eli finds his quarters slowly filling up with Tooka plush toys, and then something huge goes off in supply. 17-The Bitch is Back In which who knew Thrawn could sing?!

24 Clipped Wings to Keep Us from Flying

Idea: Continuing the story line from Caged Like Prized Birds

Result: Dragging Eli and the OG Thrawn into this, seeing that their stories were left untold in the first work. Also Armitage and the clone are up to all sorts of cool things. Still a WIP, on the list to keep working on this year!

25 I’ll do what I can.

Idea: Some Ronan/Krennic feels post Treason

Result: A Ronan character study that I really needed to get out of my system and finally a stable alliance between Krennic and Thrawn!

26 Purple Heron

Idea: @punk--kenobi and I concocted some fun Kanan/Zeb/Hera smut featuring Lasat heat cycles.

Result: Ah this came out so cool, full of emotion and wonderful imagery. Massive kudos to @punk--kenobi for beta-ing my portion and contributing some of the best smut one can find!

27 Ninjago Angst Week 2019

Idea: Do some 1-shots for Ninjago Angst Week

Result: ow right in the feels. Each character got a highlight in their own ‘dark retelling of a canon or canon adjacent event’ chapter.

28 Vertigo

Idea: Thing’s don’t go right planetside for Eli, Pik, and Waffle in Treason.

Result: Big oof. I hope Eli can one day forgive me… I even put strain on the end game Thranto! Bittersweet ending and lots of angst.

29 More Than Just a Treat

Idea: What is Obi Wan up to in the desert…

Result: Aunt Beau and baby Luke baked him cookies obviously!

30 Datura Metel

Idea: Continuing the Datura cycle…

Result: Just how Eli ended up where he did in the first installation.

31 Here & Now

Idea: Some Thranto Fluff! For @jewelliffer

Result: A camping trip for shore leave! And a marriage proposal for extra sugar.

32 Monster Under the Bed

Idea: Benevolent Boogeyman Chiss

Result: Modern AU Thranto spooky sillies. Bit of an intense climax but they talk it out!

33 Haunted by Sentiment

Idea: Nath is in denial of being the Squad Dad for @glassprowlers

Result: Nath’s very bad no good oh so terrible day! It's very silly and I really like how it ended up, the title is way more serious than the story itself XD

34 Pulse

Idea: Werewolf AU Lavashipping

Result: Oops Kai is a werewolf! Good thing Cole is here to help him figure out how to press on.

35 Stories from Area 51

Idea: remember the raid Area 51 meme? I do! Gotta clap them alien cheeks!

Result: Oh no it got PLOTTY! Pretty much all of my favorite characters and ships cherry-picked and plopped down into a Men In Black style facility in the middle of the desert. I really have a thing for the desert huh…

36 Good Day

Idea: The “truth” behind the “Good day, Lieutenant Vanto” from Thrawn in Treason.

Result: Oh stars the FEELS! Thrawn is in deep water and he KNOWS IT! GAH!

37 Fur Ball

Idea: Chiss are mogwai/gremlins…

Result: Silly Thranto fluff. Thrass shows up too! Feeding them after midnight is actually a good idea here… Grow your own ideal man!

38 Came Back Haunted

Idea: A mission fic centered around the @peters-pumpkin-day prompts.

Result: Ice planet survival with Tarkin, Krennic, Galen, and Ronan.

39 Sewn Together

Idea: This drawing actually is what lead to the fic-

Result: A fairly unique reuniting of Thrawn and Eli after both return to the Ascendancy.

40 Spiked Heron

Idea: Oh no… Kanan gets himself in deep poodoo this time.

Result: Devaronians really like humans huh? The next chapter is half way written I swear it is coming soon!

41 A Colder Embrace

Idea: Thrawn/Purrgil/Ezra and Luke/Wampa for SW Rare Pairs.

Result: It's very cold on Hoth… and even colder in space.

42 Surround

Idea: Luke/Wedge for SW Rare Pairs

Result: Luke has to confront Wedge post ESB regarding what is, essentially, his deserting the Rebels.

43 What Happens Planetside…

Idea: Eli/Pik/Waffle for SW Rare Pairs

Result: heheh a scrumptious Eli sandwich! And surprise tentacles because, well, why not?

44 Hesperidium

Idea: Fluffy Kylux for the Kylux Secret Santa event

Result: Ah its so sweet you might get a cavity

45 Reanimator

Idea: Lovecraftian eldritch horror Thranto

Result: This is the sort of project that it takes 2 months to fine tune each chapter, so bear with me, but I can promise a wonderful, creepy ride is ahead!

46 Floral

Idea: Luke/Faro for SW Rare Pairs. Enjoy the Jedi lovin’, @myevilmouse

Result: Sex pollen and accidentally defecting from the Empire. Whoops!

47 The Harch

Idea: Bouncing off of THIS art by @mamidlo , we worked together to create this plot. Very much inspired by the Hammer Horror films, such as Dracula and Frankenstein.

Result: A fun and spooky romp of Kallus and Zeb getting trapped in a creepy castle featuring mind controlled drones and a species-obsessed Harch. This was my first time posting the entire story at once, too!

Wow, I can not believe how much has been written this year. Thank you all again for reading and kudos-ing and your amazing comments. I’d not be here without the support and love <3 Cheers to 2020 and much more fic ahead!

[nowhereiswhereibelong]

73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

�� Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

[astudyinfreewill]

i was tagged by @deerlovelylily to do this like... 84 years ago aaa i’m sorry molly ilu!! thanks for the tag 💕

author name: starsandgutters (on ao3)

fandoms you write for: there’s been a few, but the only one i’m currently really active in is the raven cycle (and now the dreamer trilogy will be added to that, i suppose!); however, the fandom i have written the most (or longest) fics for remains supernatural

where you post: all my fic lives either on my ao3 or on the writing tag on my tumblr. i try to keep them both equally caught up, but sometimes with longer fic i will only post a preview on tumblr and the full text on ao3, or with short drabbles i may just keep them on my tumblr and not bother uploading them to ao3. consistency, eh? i also have a wordpress for poetry, but it doesn’t see much use.

most popular oneshot: mmm i basically only write oneshots, and i’m not sure what constitues “most popular”... if we base this on tumblr notes, my most popular fic is “ink riddles” [tumblr/ao3]; if we base it on ao3 kudos, it’s “the stars exploding (we’ll be fireproof)” [tumblr/ao3] for trc fandom, while my supernatural fic “five times castiel spoke to dean in a foreign language, and one time dean returned the favour” [tumblr/ao3] is my most kudos’d one overall. 

most popular multi-chapter story: the only multi/chapter story i’ve completed was my dean/castiel big bang, “to mend the cracks with gold” [tumblr/ao3]. i’m still quite fond of it as it’s the only novel-length thing i’ve written :’)

favourite story you wrote: mmh it IS probably going to be the abovementioned “the stars exploding (we’ll be fireproof)”, just because it includes some of my favourite things, aka: toga parties! comparing your loved ones to gods and mythological creatures! tad carruthers’ unrequited crush on adam! ronan loving horrifying baby animals! flirting on a balcony while yearning! me coming up with pre-trk theories and being clowned when maggie josses them!

story you were nervous to post: oh, definitely my latest one, “with quiet words i’ll lead you in” [tumblr/ao3]. i mean i’m always kinda nervous when i post something but with this one i knew it mattered, because it was one discussing ronan’s sexual assault and i wanted to handle it sensitively and respectfully, while still keeping it realistic for the characters’ personalities. i wrote it for myself first and foremost, but i hoped it would be helpful, rather than upsetting, for people who have gone through assault. 

how do you pick your titles: i’m going to be real honest -- unless i start from a specific titular concept (e.g. my supernatural big bang was always going to go with kintsugi/kintsukuroi), or sudden inspiration stirkes, it IS going to be a song lyric. i’m just a lyric hoe like that (and i’m bad at coming up with titles).

do you outline: i usually write myself notes in the doc itself, such as [then this happens] or [fill this part in with character X freaking out], so i can go back to them as inspiration comes and goes, but as i mostly write oneshots i don’t usually need elaborate outlines.

how many of your stories are complete: as i mostly write oneshots... basically all of them except for 3 attempts at multi/chapter fic (as i said before... my only completed multichapter was the deancas big bang, so i should probably stick to shorter pieces. :’) there’s one in glee fandom, “running the banner down”, which i can confidently say will never be finished for several reasons; one in supernatural fandom, “red sun rising”, which... i still love the concept for, but it was based on demon!dean and that lasted about 3 episodes on supernatural, so no point finishing that unless i go full canon divergence; and a trc au called “sound the alarm”, which... i actually may finish someday. all of these can be found on my ao3, but obviously, they’re extremely incomplete.

in-progress: i suppose the only one that counts as “in progress” is “sound the alarm”, but it’s more in arrested development than actual progress (heh). i have 2 or 3 ideas for oneshots that i want to write, but i haven’t started writing them yet, so again, they’re not really in progress.

coming soon: as i mentioned before, there are a few things i want to write -- the missing scene from the first time ronan visited adam in college, a flashback fic of persephone teaching adam, and a fic exploring blue/adam going from dating to friendship. i also have some very nebulous cdth-related ideas (which i won’t mention because, well, spoilers). plus, i still owe @deerlovelylily dreamspace date fic! SOMEDAY molly, i swear D:

do you accept prompts: i do!! as long as there is the understanding that sending a prompt does not guarantee me writing the fic (because time, energy, mindspace, inspiration...)

upcoming story you’re most excited about: all of them are in way too early stages for me to significantly get excited, but... probably the missing scene fic and the cdth-related ideas? i’m just in a very dreamer trilogy adjacent mood lately, for obvious reasons, lol.

tag five fanfic authors to answer these questions: ahhh i suspect most of my writer friends have already done this but... just in case @harvardparrish @ravenqueen89 @silkspectred @mishcollin @bleachersmp3 ?? if you’ve already done it (or even if you haven’t) there is no obligation! conversely, @ anyone who would like to do this, pls feel free, and tag me so i can read!! 💖

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Wait... What? (Richie)(Part 8)

A/n: I literally can’t figure how to not write too much so m... There’ll be nine parts HHH sorry. I did my best for teenage Richie. He’s aged up to like 16, almost 17 which Finn right about there so I guess it fits?

Word Count: 3160 (help me)

Anon: Pidge

The most ironic part of this night is that I hadn't even wanted to come.

Now here I was, exhausted to the point of delirium, tugging on Richie's hair as he piggyback carried me back from the park where we'd snuck out to play tag during the sleep over we were having at Bill's. I'd been bouncing off the walls and Bill was anxious his parents would wake up and murder us all so Eddie jokingly suggested playing tag. Long story short, we'd all gotten super into it and now I was exhausted beyond belief. After getting only three hours of sleep last night, my adrenaline had finally worn off and I was crashing. Hard.

On our way back, I noticed Bill and Stan walking close together, hands bumping, and it made me smile. "Do you think they like each other?" I whispered in Richie's ear. None of the boys had been able to carry me but Richie said that he could give me a piggy back ride. He did it all the time because I liked to touch and cuddle but I couldn't communicate that so instead I was just jump on his back and reason that it was funny and he went along with it because I was one of his best friends so why not?

Richie chuckled softly, his breath shallow from carrying me. "I think they've liked each other since the beginning of time. They're just bare;y pulling their head out of their asses though."

"Sounds painful," I mused. Richie snorted, his shoulders shaking me. When he almost tripped I frowned. "I can walk if you need me to Rich."

He hefted me, his hands holding the underside of my thighs. Usually my shorts would be knee length but during the summer I always wore them just a tad shorter, pushing the limits of what my parents would allow. His fingers brushed the bare skin just above my knees and it made me shiver. "I'll be fine," Richie assured. "Just stay warm, you're shivering."

My eyebrows knitted. "I'm not shivering because it's cold though." He seemed to hesitate in taking his next step but then continued. My answer must have surprised him, but he didn't ask about what I meant.

When we got to Bill's, we snuck in the front door. Bill's parents had gotten a pull out couch after we stopped being able to all fit in floor mats on the floor in Bill's room and when we also realized that having a girl alone with a bunch of boys in a room with a closed door was a weird thing.

The pullout had already been set up when we all first came here, but it didn't fit all of us. Stan, Bill, and Eddie took the pullout, Ben on the floor to the right and Mike on he floor to the left. After the boys had insisted I have the pullout all to myself I had planted myself in the s-ace behind the pullout, refusing to be 'the girl in the group' and Eddie had been glad to take my place, not wanting to sleep on the forty ground.

For the most part Eddie had gotten over his germiphobia but there were still certain things that bugged him- like sleeping on he floor with the bugs. Since this was Bill's house, we gave him the pullout as well and Stan ended up getting on there somehow too. -Ronan;y because Bill wanted him close.

Richie lay me down on my sleeping bag and then disappeared for a second to grab his, laying it next to mine. Mostly asleep, I pulled him close the second he was laying down. He chuckled. "I don't think this is going to work, Princess," he teased. I glared at him as he stood again, unzipping his sleeping bag so we could lay it on the ground. He lay on it and motioned for me to join him. I got where he was going, unzipping my own bag so we could drape it over us. He put his hand under his head and I rested my head on his bent elbow, burning my face in his chest and gripping his shirt so he was close. "Comfortable?" He quipped.

'You're warm," I hummed, smiling with my eyes closed.

He didn't say anything for a while and I thought he wasn't going to say anything at all, but then he finally cleared his throat and mumbled, "There are other activities we could do to warm up if that's all you're after."

Slipping into sleep, I giggled. "Only in my dreams, Tozier." And then I was gone.

When I woke up the next morning, I was warm. Warmer than usual. My eyebrows pressed together but my eyelids were too heavy to open. My body was made of lead, weighed down by warmth and comfort. I was wrapped up in a heavier blanket than normal, laying with more pillows than I thought I’d fallen asleep with last night.

Trying to hold onto the warmth and comfort that I had in my sleep, I pulled the pillow I was holding onto closer. And then it pulled back. There was a hum in my ear, cool breath on my neck that rose goosebumps all over my body. “Good morning, Princess.” The voice made my stomach twist, my heart thrumming. Familiar, but husky and rougher.

“Oh geez they’re worse than Bill and Stan.”

“You had to sleep next to Bill and Stan.”

“And LOOKING at them is worse than sleeping next to Bill and Stan.”

“If you say Bill and Stan one more time I’m going to throw up.”

“What about Stan and Bill?”

“You’ve been hanging out with Richie too much Ed, he’s rubbing off on you.”

“It’s called SASS moron. Richie’s just a dick.”

The pillow next to me moved and I started to realize that’s not actually what it was. “I’m not just A dick, I’m THE dick, and don’t forget it.” A smile tugged at my lips as my eyes finally slid open, my vision filled with freckles and messy back hair. “And, speaking of, the one thing that we have that Stan and Bill don’t is my wang, and I PROMISE it makes a difference.”

Groans echoed as Richie’s cackled sounded and I found myself mindlessly leaning up, pressing my lips to Richie’s next briefly. “Good morning, Trashmouth.” Red overtook Richie’s skin and the others’ groaning turned into laughter.

Another groan sounded that didn’t belong to Richie, me, Mike, Ben, or Eddie. “You guys are so LOUD!” Stan...

I smirked, sitting up so Richie’s arms fell round my waist rather than my shoulders. “I bet I could get them to get even louder by-“

“Okay, I was wrong earlier,” Mike complained. “YOU have been spending too much with Richie.”

Richie chuckled. “I mean, you have to know why she spend so much time with me...” His eyes met mine and I blushed. “She likes my company.” He winked at me and I buried my face in his chest. I could feel more than see the other boys rolling their eyes. Stan and Bill must have pulled apart and leaned over the side of the couch to where the rest of us were because they sounded close when Bill mumbled, “Good morning guys.” The other Losers echoed a return greeting.

After a second Eddie asked, “So are you guys finally together or do we have to endure MORE of this bullshit?” He pointed between Bill and Stan, who both looked at each other, smiling.

Bill eyes widened a bit and his head tilted. Obviously Stan was the man with the plan because he was the one who nodded. “Yeah, we are.” He paused, blushing. “If that’s what you want.” Bill nodded again, his face exploding with color. “Then yeah.”

I snorted. “You guys are so awkward. Isn’ it as easy as ‘you like me and I like you? Yeah? Then let’s go out. We can kiss and cuddle and gross out our friends and have the BEST s-“

“Look who’s talking!” Bill pointed out, his smile warding off his seriousness or anger. I had made a funny face while talking that had amused him enough to wipe away his faux grumpiness. But, once he spoke, my expression turned to one of confusion. There was a pause and then his eyes widened as he looked between me and Richie. I looked over at Richie, eyebrow quirked.

Richie and I weren’t dating, what could he be insinuating? We’d met the summer before freshman year by happenstance when I’d stopped at the pharmacy for supplies to heal up Ben - who, at the time, they’d also just met while saving him from Henry Bowers (who would later try to kill us all in Neibolt, not surprising any one of us when he ended up being a psychopathic murderer) - and had helped them sneak it out, all of us ending at the Quarry the next day. Ever since we met, Richie had been the most willing to interact with me. I had a crush on Bill at the time and I wasted that whole year liking him before I realized he liked Stan, a friend I’d made purely because Ben was too awkward, Mike was too quiet, I liked Bill, and Richie I didn’t trust to keep a secret. I had nothing against Eddie other than he already seemed to be really close with Richie and might have told him anything he found out... That and Stan and I kept just being pushed together. Bill was preoccupied with missing Georgie and the others were either hard to bond with or too busy and side tracked by other members in the club.

Stan, in denial at the time, had tried to help me get with Bill, but when Richie and I had hit it off and had grown really close by the end of the summer (mainly through Richie’s constant presence and me being the only one who could never get tired of him no matter how hard he tried), I realized that all my admiring Bill from a distance from before I was friends with the Losers had been pointless because now that I knew Bill, we were far better as friends or even siblings than as a couple. Bill never did find out that once upon a time I liked him. No one did but Stan. Obviously things were different now.

Especially with me and Richie.

From the beginning there was always more between us than just friendship. For the most part it started out as Richie being really flirty, which I didn’t think much of back then because his humor and innuendos were commonplace... but soon after school started up again, I realized that he didn’t talk to other girls like he talked to me. Even when he flirted with other girls he used tactics like winking or called them ‘Sweet Cheeks’ where with me he was more physical. Wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him, kissing me on the cheek, pulling me into his lap. And he preferred ‘Princess’ or ‘Hot Stuff’ when it came to me, which he didn’t use for anyone else. There was me, and then there was everyone else and everyone else was ‘Sweet Cheeks’.

The things was, though, I had a very hard time explaining how I felt, and Richie had a habit of talking about his feelings as often as the moon turned blue and the grass was red. So between his closed off attitude and my awkwardness making me unable to communicate, we never officialized anything. Never even spoke about it. But as years passed, we definitely weren’t... just friends.

Still. I was thinking that maybe we had just gotten too close to like each other. Too close to fall in love. He had become a part of me, my other half. And when you were simply half of one whole... wouldn’t loving that other whole be like loving yourself? I wasn’t his best friend and he wasn’t my brother like the other Losers were for us. It was different. Honestly I don’t know what it was, what he had, but the thought of being Richie’s girlfriend scared me. It felt juvenile and silly, falling in love at our age. Like we were tempting fate to rip us apart and destroy absolutely everything we had. It was just easier to stay where we were.

Maybe I’d been doing that so long, getting comfortable with this ‘friends that act married’ thing we did, that actually dating him had stopped crossing my mind.

Richie reached up, brushing his pointer finger knuckle down the bridge of my nose to get my attention. I blinked and he smiled. “What’s on you mind, Princess?”

The other boys sighed and began moving away and I shrugged, brushing it off. “Nothing. Come on let’s help clean up.”

But it didn’t leave my mind the rest of the day. The rest of the week, even. I hadn’t really thought about what my feelings for Richie were exactly. We cuddled all the time. Kissed each other’s cheeks and foreheads and necks and hands. He himself was my home, and I always found myself looking forward to the sleepover nights. Not only because it meant I would be able to get away from sleeping under the uncomfortable Kissing Bridge, but also because it meant I got to hold Richie nearer, longer. I had stolen shirts from him as I grew older, sneaking into his window when nights were extra cold or extra dark or I felt extra lonely. He never complained, always eager to pull me close and hold me in a house he hated being in. I knew about his parents as well. I had met them, though they probably didn’t remember the several occasions, and had even been caught in Richie’s room by his dad. Who, seemingly drunk, had cackled maniacally and told Richie to have fun, giving him two thumbs up for ‘landing a girl that pretty.’ He then left us alone to go tell his wife and brag about how much of a Ladies’ Man his son was. Something about like father like son...

I imagined, for a second, my life without Richie. Without coming over in jeans and a tank top because I didn’t want to sleep in my shirts and make them any dirtier than necessary. I imagined now pulling on his faded but still bright, busy sweaters over my head to stay warm. Smirking like how he taught me, laughing at his jokes, the dirty sense of humor I’d developed or innuendos I’d begun delivering like second nature- all the things I’d picked up from him would be gone. Who was I before I was Richie Tozier’s other half, boosting him when he was down and letting him shine when the moment came? What was I before Richie was in my life?

Flashes of a dull loneliness, my eyes wandering over the Losers as I imagined a life with a boy who I didn’t know would become like my brother just a summer later. A world devoid of color or laughter as I sat quietly in the corner by myself, avoiding any eye contact and going weeks without talking as I read or listened to music. My voice croaking from disuse when teachers would call on me. Sagging shoulders, attention slipping as almost anything distracted me.

There was so much life to me that Richie put there. So much laughter he cause and energy he focused and added to. It wasn’t unfocused distraction. He taught me how to use that energy to boost others and lighten a room the same way he did. He tutored me because he was secretly a genius at school and when I didn’t understand something he could always, ALWAYS explain it just how I needed him to. I tried to imagine Richie not by my side in high school now that sophomore year was over and junior year was creeping up on us. No diner lunches or arcade days with barely any sunlight. No summers full of weeks of Richie teaching me to play each and every game one by one until I was good enough to play him and be a challenge, even if I didn’t win most of the time. Good enough until, every rare once in a while, I did win...

I couldn’t imagine it. In fact, trying to made me anxious. My chest constricted ad my head spun and tears burned at the back of my eyes. The world tilted and spun and I felt dizzy and nauseated.

“Hey are you okay?” I looked over to see Richie’s beautiful brown eyes, far too familiar but never not stunning. He looked at me, reading out to grab my hand, interlacing our fingers because he knew that touch was how I was comforted just as I knew the simple presence of his friends was enough to ease his emotions. I nodded but he pulled me to a stop. The others had long since gone home since Richie and I pushed Derry’s curfew limits to squeeze in just one more game before closing time. We were walking home now but I had been out of it all day. “You’re not,” he insisted, eyes full of genuine worry.

Trying to shake off the panicked feeling, reassuring myself that it was okay because Richie WAS here, I smiled. “Oh come on Tozier, you’re just trying to distract from how I totally kicked your ass today in, like, every game.”

He looked at me for a few more seconds before letting it go. He knew he would be able to either help me or get it out of me at some point, but the pushing and prodding never worked on either of us so we had long since learned to use other tactics. Our teasing went back and forth a while before we had to part ways. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he called.

I waved. “See you!” And, in my distracted state, I didn’t turn towards the house of the old woman I constantly visited. I hadn’t been to her house since school had ended since summers usually were for cramming as much time with Richie as I was allowed, but I called her grandma and she let me, which allowed me to pass her off as the grandma I was supposed to be living with when my friends got too close to figuring out that I had been living under a bridge since months before we had met.

Richie noticed my deviation, though. I would only realized he was following me when I would crawl into my little bundle of blankets under the bridge, closing my eyes and trying to clear my mind and heart of my worries and emotions from earlier.

My peace was shattered when Richie nearly screeched, “WHAT THE FUCK?”

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2019 | Pt. II

Reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read one hundred books this year (on track, currently at 76), finish five video games (FIN), write something novel-length (not so much) and write something original (technically done? don’t know if I want to count a snippet that didn’t even hit 1k). These last two goals CAN be combined (I might try NaNo this year, so we will see).

Part I: January-July. 

MOVIES

August

American Graffiti

Toy Story 4

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Aquaman

(Spirited Away)

The Grinch

Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus

John Wick

Alita: Battle Angel

(Jaws)

Jaws 2

The Dark Tower

September

(Avengers Endgame)

IT: Chapter 2

(Kull: The Conquerer)

(Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

October

Lego Movie 2

Us

Roman Holiday

(Monster’s Inc)

(13 Ghosts)

Addams Family

November

The King

BOOKS

August

Red, White, and Royal Blue | Casey Mcquiston [Fin]

Nevernight | Jay Kristoff [Fin]

David Mogo, Godhunter | Suyi Davies Okungbowa [Fin]

League of Dragons | Naomi Novak [Fin]

The Magpie Lord | KJ Charles [Fin]

Witches of Lychford | Paul Cornell [Fin]

The Gunslinger | Stephen King

The Affair of the Mysterious Letter | Alexis Hall [Fin]

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine | Gail Honeyman [Fin]

The Way of Kings | Brandon Sanderson

September

The Way of Kings | Brandon Sanderson [Fin]

The Gunslinger | Stephen King [Fin]

Educated | Tara Westover [Fin]

Middlegame | Seanan Mcguire [Fin]

Eye of the World | Robert Jordan

Harrow County Vol. 1 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 2 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 3 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 4 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 5 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Exhalation | Ted Chiang [Fin]

The Ten Thousand Doors of January | Alix Harrow** [Fin]

Through the Woods | Emily Carroll [Fin]

To Be Taught, If Fortunate | Becky Chambers** [Fin]

The Eye of the World | Robert Jordan [Fin]

Chilling Effect | Valerie Valdes [Fin]

October

We Are Where the Nightmares Go | C. Robert Cargill [Fin]

Horrorstor | Grady Hendrix [Fin]

Feedback | Mira Grant [Fin]

Ninth House | Leigh Bardugo [Fin] 

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo | Taylor Jenkins Reid [Fin]

Monster of Elendhaven | Jennifer Giesbrecht [Fin]

Mirrormask | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

The Darkest Part of the Forest | Holly Black [Fin]

We Set the Dark on Fire | Tehlor Kay Mejia [Fin]

November

The Gilded Wolves | Roshani Chokshi [Fin]

Words of Radiance | Brandon Sanderson 

PODCASTS

August

The Magnus Archive Eps 11-63

Alice Isn’t Dead Ep 5

September

The Magnus Archive Eps 64-94

The Adventure Zone | Episode 5

October

The Magnus Archive Eps 95-159**

Welcome to Night Vale

Alice Isn’t Dead Eps 6-10 + bonus episodes

TANIS Ep 1

The Penumbra Podcast

Zero Hours**

November

The Penumbra Podcast

The Magnus Archive Eps 160

TV SHOWS

August

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural

Another Life

She-Ra s3

Steven Universe s5

Glow s1

(Gravity Falls s2)

September

Carnival Row

Sherlock s4

Fruit’s Basket

October

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural s6

Leverage s1

Fruit’s Basket

November

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural s6

VIDEO GAMES

August

Witcher 3 DLC: Blood and Wine (40 hrs)

September

Control (20 hrs)

Monster Hunter World

Monster Hunter World: Icebourne

Link’s Awakening (23 hrs)

October

Monster Hunter World: Icebourne

Link’s Awakening (30 hrs) [Fin]

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (10 hours)

November

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (10 hours)

DELIGHTFUL FIC

August

In These Frozen and Silent Nights by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | “You know me,” Shane says, “I love a good cabin. I’m a cabinhead.”“I’ll show you cabin head,” Ryan rebuts without thinking, and then he turns his face into the pillow to stifle a nervous snicker. “Oh shit, wait, that’s—”

Warm My Bones by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 12k | Shane isn't meant to go into heat, but he does.

and only then we'll know if it was worth to become a ghost by Spooks | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 8k | It has never been easy, convincing Shane of the existence of the supernatural. It doesn't become incredibly much easier once Ryan becomes a ghost himself.

#blessed by thehoyden | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 9k | Of course Shane would rather not work; he’d like it to be like the good old days, and who wouldn’t? But a demon’s gotta eat, and he can’t even get a discount on his rent because it turns out it’s a lot harder to influence faceless companies with ominous dreams. Ergo: gainful employment at Buzzfeed.

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 6k |  Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends.

never tell me the odds by Wildehack (tyleet) | Wolf 359 | Doug/Hera | 9k | “I tried Star Wars," he says, adjusting the phone under his neck, "and it was way underwhelming.”

Alien Reacharound by Edgelord (lostlikeme) | Invader Zim | Zadr | 3k | “You’re telling me the only way I can get back into my body is some kind of…” Dib gesticulates while he searches for the right words. “Alien reacharound?”

Find Me Somebody by raiining | Good Omens | Adam/Warlock | 11k | “You left me,” he said. “You both left me, for him. And I can’t even blame you, because I’d have left me for him too.”

flirting with fire by brawlite | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 6k | WIP | Steve's a cop, Billy's a firefighter. It's not a grudge, it's just a regular old small town rivalry.

and you're trying not to tell him by lymricks | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 4k | Whatever. They don’t talk, is the point, and Billy doesn’t need to finish all these big, deep, tragic sentences in his head. He needs to know if Harrington can’t swim.For lifeguard reasons. It’s his job, all right?

See Your Colors by lj_todd | The Dark Tower | Roland/Walter | 2k | The first time Roland laid eyes on Walter was the first time he saw color.

Straight Martinis by dreamfleet, mezmerize | Kingdom Hearts | Axel/Roxas | 5k | The obvious choice. (Or, cocktail parties are boring and hot waiters are fantastic distractions.)

September

gold, when you find me by mmtion | The Flash | Iris/Barry | 53k | It's not that Iris hates The Flash, per say - more that she hates writing about The Streak in a weekly, pun-heavy comic based on The Flash.

From friends to this by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | Star Wars | Reylo | 3.6k | Ben has never been good with words; Rey, it seems, doesn’t mind learning his language.

wear it well by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Sara, Shane/Sara | 5k | “Are Ryan and I dating? Or— something?”Shane looks up from his paperback, an eyebrow raised. “Babe I think you’re asking the wrong person.”

never gets old by brawls (brawlite), ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 31k | WIP | Falling in love with a cam boy named KingSteve isn't the smartest thing Billy Hargrove has ever done, nor is it the most healthy -- but the good choice is rarely ever the fun choice, and Billy is all about living life fast and loose.

Gift Trapped by andavs | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 19k | There was a massive box, wrapped up prettily with red paper and a green bow, totally eclipsing the small Christmas tree Laura set up on his coffee table. The thudding heartbeat was coming from inside.

To the Sun by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 17k | Life is weird. Ten years after Unsolved ends, Shane’s married with a kid and Ryan accidentally bumps into him at a gas station in Illinois.

Tag Team by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 14k | Ryan participates in a charity date auction, much to his chagrin. Sara and Shane try to help.

October

only then i am human, only then i am clean by Macremae | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 4k | There had never seemed to be a reason why everyone on station wanted to bang the living daylights out of Ryan. It was just... a thing. Space is black, stars are bright, and Ryan Dalias is attractive to literally everyone. The universe continues as normal.Except now it's laughing it's ass off, because turns out there was a reason after all.

(Almost Cool by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 30k | While filming the Yuma Territorial Prison episode, Shane gets bitten by what he thinks is a bat. Spoiler alert: it's not.)

low lays the devil by Spooks (agonizer) | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 19k | Keeping Ryan Bergara alive and safe is a full-time job, and Shane Madej has his work cut out for him.

Scratch by L1av | DBH | Hankcon | 71k | There's a virus killing androids. Hank and Connor are tasked with finding out what it is and why it's being made. When the virus is unwillingly uploaded into Connor's system, he learns there may be a desperate reason why androids want it. He can feel pain. And he likes it.

Ask a Compelling Question by TeamHPForever | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon Sims | 2k | “What are you thinking about?” Jon asks, his voice edged into a snap.Martin’s mouth opens and, entirely without his permission, words spill out. “I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.”

a clean break by Wildehack (tyleet) | The Magnus Archives | Georgie/Melanie | 1k | Georgie’s phone rings at work, and she almost doesn’t answer it.

ways to save the world by Wildehack (tyleet) | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 19k | “I left you,” Martin says softly.

Where Airy Voices Lead by Harvey_King (Delphi) | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 4k |  Five unsubstantiated encounters between Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, and one that was captured on audio cassette.

the shape of your comfort, molded with care by ivelostmyspectacles | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 6k | “You didn’t like the sex, did you?”

Out Of His System by platoapproved | Raven Cycle | Noah/Ronan, Kavinsky/Ronan | 2k | Noah gives Ronan a quick and nasty handjob while dirty talking to him about Kavinsky, because that's what friends are for.

i'd bury diamonds just for you by desastrista | The Bright Sessions | Sam/Damien/Mark | 9k | Mark is photographing a band on tour, Sam is working at the AM, and Damien is still struggling to adjust to life without his abilities

strange bedfellows by spookykingdomstarlight | Star Wars | Finn/Kylo Ren | 4k | “Alas, the storm is come again! My best way is to creep under his gaberdine. There is no other shelter hereabouts. Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. I will here shroud till the dregs of the storm be past.” - The Tempest, Act II, Scene II

The Denial Twist by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 35k | Or, the one where Shane and Ryan have some really weird dreams and perhaps, eventually, some sex.

November

The Sun Dog by ambiguously | Star Wars | Finn/Ren/Rey | 5k | Finn and Rey, with their semi-prisoner Kylo Ren, attempt to meet up with the Resistance on a planet that has been taken over by monsters.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

August

billy hargrove | fairly local.

(Marvel) MCU || In The End

battle royale [iw + endgame]

Multifandom || Can i keep you?

roman godfrey | bad guy.

Mr. Sandman | Multifandom

September

Iron Man & Captain America || Legends Are Made

Quentin & Eliot || There's a door somewhere

glitter & gold [bungou stray dogs amv]

(Marvel) Thor | Worthy

MARVEL || What if the Storm Ends? (collab w/ djcprod)

Marvel || I'm Only Human

DISNEY'S Motivational Video

(SW) Darth Vader | The Good In You

(Marvel) Peter Parker | Legacy

MultiFandom || Way Down We Go [200K]

Marvel || Destruction

October

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt [Geralt Of Rivia] Tribute

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt Tribute ''Swallow Song" [HD]

►buzzfeed unsolved; GhostBusters™

👻 Buzzfeed Unsolved in Nutshell [IG edits]

👻buzzfeed unsolved; calling all the monsters

Dishonored GMV (Outsider tribute) - Dark Matter

Dishonored GMV Honor for all

Preacher ][ Play Dirty

【Assassin's Creed ｜Odyssey】Wires

👻 The Buzzfeed Unsolved Crack

👻 2 Unsolved 2 Crack

Pennywise | Toxic

2023 - Trailer (1917 Style)

Crowley Good Omens Cosplay Tik Tok Compilation

Joker

(Death Note) Yagami Light | The God of the New World

REYLO || WICKED GAME

Multi-Horror || Where is my mind?

November

MARVEL/DC - Runnin

THE WITCHER | MAIN TRAILER | NETFLIX

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

August

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion

Walk Through the Fire - Ruelle

Remember When - Bad Wolves

The High Road - Broken Bells

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At the Disco

Season of the Witch - Lana del Rey

The Void - Muse

Dancing On My Own - Robyn

Lanterns Lit - Son Lux

Fire With Fire - AlicebanD

Hungover in the City of Dust - Autoheart

Everything I Need - Skylar Grey

Liquid Smooth - Mitski

Think - Kaleida

Swan Song - Dua Lipa

September

Eleventh Dimension - Julian Casablancas

Talk | Khalid

Interstellar soundtrack

Bird Song | Juniper Vale

For the Dancing and the Dreaming | Erutan

Paradise Valley | Honey and the Sting

My Hallelujah | Autoheart

Witchcraft | Vian Izak, Juniper Vale

Furthest Star | Dirt Poor Robins

October

Lots of ghost ambient music

The Ocean | Linnea Olsson

Play Dirty | Kevin McAllister

NFWMB | Hozier

Me and the Devil | Soap&Skin

Rhiannon | Fleetwood Mac

In the Woods Somewhere | Hozier

Wet Black Leaves (playlist)

The Cruel Prince

Pas De Deux - Michael Abels

Beach Walk - Michael Abels

I Got 5 On It (Tethered Mix) - Michael Abels

POSTED FIC

August

no more dreaming like a ghost | KH | Axel/Roxas | 813 words | He is in the kitchen, the stove top still warm under his thighs, and everything smells of cherries. The pie is cooling on the windowsill, the sun slanting in warm and buttery, and it is like a dream. A memory. A wish.

Cheers | DBH | Hankcon | 6,368 words | “Are you coming in or not?”Connor blinks, jerks his eyes up and away from those hands and-The bartender has blue eyes. They match the spinning LED at his temple perfectly.

September

N/A

October

bury a friend (try to wake up) | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 1,587 words | Steve digs up Billy’s body on a Tuesday.

won't be too soon 'til I say... goodnight moon | KH | Riku/Sora | 4,549 words |  The house was built in the fall of 1882.

you'll never know what hit you | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 5,379 words | "C’mon, ghost,” Shane urges. “Make all my dreams come true. Fuck me up, fam.”

make this chaos count | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 724 words | “You really should stop looking for me,” Akmazian tells him, fingers creeping across Ryan’s ribcage, mapping the architecture of his ribs.

eat you up whole | The Witcher | Geralt/Regis | 2,527 words | “How many mouthfuls do you think I could take from you before it had some effect?” Regis whispers, lips against his throat. Geralt can feel the pinprick of fangs. “Four? Six? Ten? More, even?”

forget the horror here | DBH | Hankcon | 4,390 words | “Hello,” the android says, it’s chest heaving, the gleam of its heart brighter, bluer than before.

summoning demons (and other bad first date ideas) | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 3,868 words | “If I let you out of that circle,” Ryan says, slowly. “Are you going to eat me?”

Itch | The Magnus Archives | Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims | 1,440 words | The boneturner takes from him two ribs - one for him and one for Jon. 

the salt water sting | Dishonored | Corvo/Outsider | 2,163 words |  The ship wrecks several hundred miles off of the coast of Karnaca.

a skeleton of something more | SGA | Rodney/John | 3,072 words | “John?” he murmurs, still coasting on the pain. His head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton, if cotton were also made of glass.

in the woods somewhere | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 4,570 words | Stiles buys a house in Virginia.

Wake Up | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 550 words | “If you wake up,” Martin tells him, experimentally. “I won’t go through with it. You can tell me what a stupid idea it was, and we can laugh about it, and everything will be normal.”

Pas de Deux | KH | Axel/Roxas | 506 words | Roxas doesn’t remember what the sky looks like anymore.

try to wake up | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 1,226 words | They do not, in fact, bone down and praise Satan.

too late to come on home | LoZ | Gen | 1,391 words | “You look familiar,” the boy says in his strange, haunting voice. “Are you lost?”

patron saint of the lost causes | Harry Potter | Draco/Harry | 4,203 words | “Can’t you just, y’know,” he waves a hand and makes an obscene gesture, his cheeks flaring red. “Shag it out?”

wouldn't you like to see something strange? | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 1,571 words | “I’d say you make my heart pound, but well…” Stiles nods meaningfully to his chest, where if you look hard enough between the slots of his ribs, you can see the lump of muscle that once was his heart, pointedly not beating. “You know.”

the night is softly, sweetly calling | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 2,938 words | Here’s the thing that Stiles never tells the Hales: his mother was strange too.

Haunt | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 1,486 words |  Ryan couldn’t remember a time when the world didn’t believe in ghosts.

bite my tongue, bide my time | PJO | Nico/Percy(/Annabeth) | 1,376 words | “What’s wrong with you?” Nico asks, cowering when Percy places a gentle kiss on his collarbone.

Bird Song | Raven Cycle | Ronan/Adam, Gen | 1,445 words | On a dreary Sunday in early January, Ronan dreams himself a pair of wings.

kiss me hard until you're done | Star Wars | Reylo | 3,082 words | He looks up at her from under heavy lids, dark hair sweeping forward to frame his face. “May I have this dance?”

beauty in the dissonance | Marvel | Tony/Loki | 1,411 words |  When Tony dies, it isn’t for forever.

like real people do | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 2,808 words |  “I’ve got the sight, man,” he says with a small shrug. “And look, I feel for you. You’re dead and I’m not, and that sucks, but unless you’re planning on doing something about it, I’d really appreciate it if you could stop feeling me up and let me get back to sleep.”

i'd rather drown in your ocean | Naruto | Itachi/Shisui | 1,630 words |  The Uchihas are an odd sort. Everyone says so.

catch your breath | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien/Sam | 2,588 words | Mark had never assumed in a million years that he would ever see Damien again. He hadn’t factored in zombies.

Nightmare | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 1,424 words | “All right,” he says, taking Jon’s still outstretched hand. “Let’s give the dream what it wants.”

dreaming of the crash | Gravity Falls | Mabel & Dipper | 484 words | When the end of the world comes, they’re under the bed.

don't we love it now? | Kingdom Hearts | Sora/Riku/Kairi | 1,784 words |  When Kairi is eleven years old, she gets lost in the woods.

all this, and love too, will ruin us | Star Wars | Reylo | 1,102 words |  Rey is awake to watch the sunrise

November

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

August

N/A

September

N/A

October

Not October 8 | Wolf 359 | Hera & Jacobi | 652 words |  When they land on Earth, Hera spends a week in a box.

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

August

N/A

September

[margridarnauds]

Ship Meme: 7, 16, 30; Ronan/Laz or Bres/Sreng

Since apparently I’m in the mood for these two losers...

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

Even though Ireland will always be Bres’ main stronghold (out of sheer stubbornness if nothing else), he also has a bit more of an international reach than the rest of the Tuatha dé and is overall much, much happier just being around mortals. (He and Manannan will both STAUNCHLY deny having that in common, but. Well. Like uncle, like nephew.) Most of the Tuatha dé have a disdain for the mortals, still holding them responsible for them losing Ireland, perfectly content to stay beneath the earth in their Sidhe-mounds and keep to themselves as they’ve done for centuries, but does Bres REALLY care about that? No. He's actually FONDER of them for that reason. 

He’s perfectly happy in Paris, Boston (though the Dagda is oddly fond of that one, for reasons that Bres quite frankly can’t understand), or Las Vegas, where he’s one more face in the crowd. (As opposed to, say, Dublin, which, as much as he likes it for its Viking origins, there’s a not-inconsequential possibility that he’ll run into someone that he cares about or, God help him, Lugh, on the rare occasions Lugh bothers with mortals.) He also tends to avoid Scotland and Norway, because there’s a little too much Fomorian influence for him to be happy, and the LAST thing he wants is for his father to be there when he’s on a nice, happy date with his boyfriend.) 

Their nights out tend to be when both of them relax around one another. Both of them are a lot more animated than they tend to initially come off (post CMT, Bres has really sobered for the most part, ESPECIALLY after the little incident with the red liquid), going from one thing to another. Bres tends to look up everything beforehand that they could go to and drags Sreng from place to place, though sometimes he’s perfectly happy just to go for a walk, now that they’re both at a place where they can HAVE that kind of liberty. Back in the old days, there was such an emphasis on status and having a proper retinue that there were few enough times that they could actually have any time to themselves. Taking aside all the touristy options, arcades seem to be a particular favorite. Bres is a GENIUS at pinball. Meanwhile, he totally takes advantage of having a tall boyfriend to get a ton of tickets in the little basketball courts. They get VERY competitive when it comes to laser tag, to a frankly ridiculous extent. 

(Lugh is always constantly on the lookout, because he believes that it’s part of some diabolical scheme that Bres has to conquer Ireland. It’s been centuries now. He still has no idea.)

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

Honestly, Bres and Sreng are SET for the zombie apocalypse. The two of them are, in their own time, two of the most competent men from their respective sides. (Bres is a bad KING, but look at his kill count in Cath Maige Tuired Conga. He’s a very, very pretty killing machine.) There would be NO problem as far as whether or not they could, like, drive a knife through someone’s brain. The answer is an obvious “Yes.” Personally, I see Bres becoming disgusted with the Tuatha dé fairly early on with things, since they would obviously leave those who don’t fit their Ideal to the zombies (which would include the Fir Bolg, the slaves, the ones who don’t fit into that artistic elite, etc), defecting to Sreng and the Fir Bolg. 

(”Oh no, Lugh’s a zombie, whatever shall we do?”)

I do think that Sreng would be tested to his extreme, because in-canon (I know, always a funny term to use with these texts), Sreng DID have to deal with a situation where their population was depleted that MASSIVELY. And, if we’re assuming this is taking place post-Cath Maige Tuired Conga, it would be CRUSHING to him because their population is so small that ANY Fir Bolg that’s killed would be someone he KNEW. He would have to make a lot of high pressure decisions really quickly, and I think it would haunt him. There would be all those thoughts of “What could I have done differently?” In which case Bres would really be the best person to deal with it, just as a source of stability. But, from what we see of Sreng, he’s level minded, he’s NOT stupid, and he’s not keen on taking huge risks. He’d honestly probably be the best guy the Fir Bolg could have on their side. 

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them? 

Bres and Sreng honestly have a LOT in common. One thing that I don’t think I really discuss as much with them is that BOTH of them start out at this place where they’re essentially outsiders in their own tribe. 

It’s not mentioned in-text, but Sreng’s father, Sengann, was one of the initial Fir Bolg kings who first landed on Ireland, and he would be killed fairly early on in things. It’s not mentioned how old Sreng was when that happened, but I tend to lean towards “YOUNG.” And then Sreng’s brother, Fodbgen became ruler after killing the man who killed their father, only to die shortly thereafter at the hands of Eochaid mac Erc, who was king of the Fir Bolg when Sreng fought Cath Maige Tuired Conga and who would die then. The homefront for Sreng at the beginning of things has GOT to be tense when they send him out to meet with Bres, he’s got to be in this very odd position as far as everyone EXPECTING him to one day kill Eochaid, because that’s been the pattern. 

And meanwhile, Bres isn’t REALLY in with the Tuatha dé either; his father’s a foreigner, his connection to the Tuatha dé comes from the maternal line. And, like with Sreng, it’s pretty easy to read between the lines with Bres and at least guess that he’s not exactly had a childhood as we’d know it (not that a lot of Irish heroes did, given the love that the texts have for the Prodigy Hero). Growing at twice the age of a normal kid, I think that his bonds with kids his own age would have been very stunted, I tend to think that he probably was subjected to taunting because of his status. (Judging from some bardic poetry where Lugh gets bullied for his Fomorian ancestry, along with the little moment in Tochmarc Etain where Aengus is given a difficult time for not knowing his father and mother.) Bres is probably married to Bríg at this point (though there’s such little info available on that one, you could HC it any number of ways), but she’s part of that literary elite that Bres doesn’t fit in with. 

So, when they meet up, they’re both really at this place where they’ve managed to work their way into the tribe, but they’re also not content there, and then they meet someone who GETS them on a fundamental level. Which is why I tend to HC that Bres goes downhill once the Fir Bolg leave. He had a chance at someone who UNDERSTOOD him and who loved him outside of his looks or what he could do for them, and suddenly that was ripped away. And that’s how I tend to see their dynamic going throughout the years afterwards, as the two of them really ARE the only stability that they’ve ever had. They’re really kind of an inversion of the later Cú Chulainn/Ferdiad dynamic, where they met young, got that attachment to one another, and then let their peoples tear them apart. Bres looked at that society that said “You have no choice but to choose us over him, if you’re lucky we might even forgive you for replacing Nuada” already exhausted and heart-sick and said “I have one option left: Break society.” Bres ISN’T the faithful dog to them that Cú Chulainn or even Lugh is but he’s a better man, because he still has a conscience, even if he buried it deep for Cath Maige Tuired, and so he ends up breaking, and suddenly him and Sreng are at this place where they’re free to start things, and Sreng’s stable enough and puts enough of a focus on family ties that he’s perfectly fine acting as another parent to Bres’ kids. And because of the way that things ended initially, Sreng totally didn’t think that there would ever be a chance that Bres could requite things. Like, he’ll still sometimes turn over in bed and go “WOW. How did that happen?”

Basically, unlike, say, Ferdiad/CC, which starts off as Friends-Lovers-Rivals, they go from Rivals-Friends-Lovers. And if Bres is away from Sreng for more than, like, a few days, he goes into full-blown pining mode. It’s pathetic. The TDD have accepted that The Fir Bolg has to be there, because NO ONE wants to put up with an irritable, pining half-Fomorian former king. Because Bres has more or less forgotten how to sleep on any other surface that isn’t Sreng’s chest throughout the years. Yet another advantage of the height difference.

[andorerso]

tag games

so i’m just gonna catch up on all the tag games I’ve been tagged in that I haven’t done yet (and there’s a few, some from months ago whoops) and just dump it into one big post because why not

thanks to everyone who tagged me <3

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to know better

tagged by @incognitajones and @cats-and-metersticks 

Nickname: Sissi

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Last Movie I saw: Venom

Favorite Musicians: I don’t really have favorites, only ones I really love, like Lana Del Rey, Marina & the Diamonds, Adele, Britney Spears, etc

Song stuck in my head: actually nothing right now

Other blogs: not ones I’m active on anymore

Do I get asks: not that often

Amount of sleep: around 8 hours I get

Lucky number: I don’t really have one

What I’m wearing: black sweats, a black shirt, and a black sweater

Dream Job: author

Dream Trip: France, Italy, England

Favorite food: FRIED CHEESE

Play any instruments: I used to play the flute in elementary school

Favorite song: I don’t know if I have one, it always changes, but right now I’m really into Supercut by Lorde and Shallow by Lady Gaga

Random fact: I love zombie movies even though I’m terrified of zombies

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: Purple candles, red lipstick, dark chocolate, a cup of coffee, book shelves, old castles, rainy weather

Name your top 10 favourite characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people!  

tagged by @lovethyblakes

in no particular order:

Cassian Andor - Rogue One

Wynonna Earp - Wynonna Earp

Yennefer of Vengerberg - The Witcher

Hürrem Sultan - Magnificent Century

Alice Cooper - Riverdale

Richard Gansey - The Raven Cycle

Rose Calloway - Addicted Series

Anne Boleyn - The Tudors

Katherine Pierce - The Vampire Diaries

Ron Weasley - Harry Potter

Fanfic questionnaire 

tagged by @thestarbirdfromtheashes

1. What was the first fandom you ever wrote fic for? Tragically enough, it was Twilight yikes

2. What was your very first ship? It was either Ron & Hermione or Piper & Leo from Charmed. I’m not sure because it was around the same time

3. What fandoms have you written for, and what were your ships in the fics? Twilight - Alice & Jasper (listen, at least I hated Edward & Bella a LOT) Supernatural - Dean & Ruby 1.0 (because the second Ruby sucked) The Vampire Diaries - Stefan & Katherine (and one Damon & Elena fic which I deny now), American Horror Story - Tate & Violet (this is one I regret now because yikes, they were problematic AF and I was a stupid teen) Reign - Mary & Francis and Kenna & Bash, Pretty Little Liars - Spencer & Toby, The Raven Cycle - Blue & Gansey (and one Ronan & Adam fic), Dishonored - Corvo & Jessamine, Magnificent Century - Nurbanu & Selim, Magnificent Century: Kösem - Kösem & Halime, The Witcher - Yennefer & Triss & Geralt, Game of Thrones - Arya & Gendry, and now Rogue One - Jyn & Cassian

I also wrote a fic for my friend’s OCs once

and wow, I wrote for a lot more fandoms than I would have thought

4. What ships do you tend to gravitate to? I definitely have a few tropes I’m weak for, like: partners in crime, power couple, forbidden love, tragic love, enemies to friends to lovers, couples who make a great team, couples who are opposites but also similar, couples who challenge each other, exes who still love each other

5. Current OTP(s)? Rebelcaptain is the biggest and most important <3 Other than them, Dean & Cas, FP & Alice, and Wynonna & Doc

6. Former OTP(s)? Blue & Gansey - The Raven Cycle, Mara & Noah - Mara Dyer, Spencer & Toby - Pretty Little Liars, Daisy & Ryke - Addicted Series, Violet & Tate - American Horror Story, Katherine & Stefan - The Vampire Diaries, Alice & Jasper - Twilight, Ron & Hermione - Harry Potter

7. What are the ships you will always love? Rebelcaptain, Triss & Yen & Geralt, Dean & Cas, Blue & Gansey, Roy & Riza, Bonnie & Damon 

8. What do you think have been some of your best fic ideas? I really like that one fic I wrote where Jyn and Cassian agree to get married if they survive the war, it would be cool to actually write a follow-up to that one day lmao. I’m sure there were others but I can’t remember right now, especially because my ideas tend to be not very huge or groundbreaking. I usually just want to focus on character and relationship exploration in fics, with no fancy plot.

9. What kind of fic do you most love to write? I love to write heavy angst with a sweet happy ending lmao. I also tend to gravitate towards “taboo” or “dark and fucked up” topics. Even though that’s something I haven’t yet explored with Rebelcaptain

10. What do you dread writing? Definitely action and descriptions lmao. I’m so bad at those. Also fluff, sometimes. That depends.

11. What is a fic you would love to write one day? Ugh so many. For example, I’d love to write a follow up to the marriage pact, and I have a soulmate au in mind but with a twist.

12. What’s a fic you wish someone else would write? I actually don’t know lmao

Get to know me better

tagged by @thestarbirdfromtheashes​

Relationship status: single

Favorite colors: purple, red, black

Three favorite foods: FRIED CHEESE, tiramisu, carbanara

Song stuck in my head: nothing right now lmao

Last song I listened to: Halsey - Devil In Me

Last movie I watched: Venom

Time: 17:33

Top three shows: Wynonna Earp, Magnificent Century, The Good Place

Books that I’m currently reading: none right now, rip

Last thing I googled: bobcats

How many blankets do you sleep with: one

Dream trip: France, England, Italy

Anything you really want: to publish a book

rules: 15 questions, 15 mutuals ~

tagged by @incognitajones

are you named after anyone? nope

when was the last time you cried? I think last night at a fic lmao

do you have kids? no, and I don’t want any

do you use sarcasm a lot? too much

what’s the first thing you notice about people? I have no idea, their hair I guess

what’s your eye color? dark brown

scary movies or happy endings? can’t I have both? (though I don’t particularly like happy endings for scary movies lmao)

any special talents? idk what counts as that

where were you born? Serbia

what are your hobbies? writing, reading, video games

have you any pets? a cat <3

what sports do you / have you played? I hateeeee sports, I used to dance but I was terrible, and I used to go to the gym but we moved and now it’s far away. I do pilates though which is just enough for me

how tall are you? 169 cm

favorite subject in school? history and english (as a foreign language)

what’s your dream job? author

[moreenchiladasplease]

tagged by the lovely @kizunah ! thank you! i love tag games!

1. who’s one of your favorite characters and why?

currently, since i’m reading the raven cycle, it’s gansey. honestly i love all the characters bcuz maggie is so fucking good at writing them. even the villians. and the gray man! fuck don’t even get me started on morally gray characters. going into the books i thought i would like ronan or adam the best just bcuz you raved about them a lot and usually those are the character i tend to love and i still very much love them but gansey man. he took me by surprise. 

he just has so much of my aesthetics. like he has a fucking mint plant bcuz he likes mint and somehow always unlimited mint leaves in his pockets for whenever feels like minty freshness. he was wire frame glasses. he lives in an old factory. he adds to his miniature model town when he can’t sleep. he has journals. and likes the fucking beatles!! he drives a broken down piece of garbage that’s probably held together by duck tape and he knows it and loves it. he is an old soul! he is an Intellectual™. but also Clueless™. he is such a fucking dad friend. always going “lynch” “parrish” jane”. and he’s so wholesome and such a good and caring friend and it kills him inside when he can’t help his friends and oh god oh god please help me i love him

2. last book you read – what did you think of it?

I finished the hate u give by angie thomas a couple of days ago and I absolutely loved it. it focuses on police brutality and racism also touches on various different topics like drug abuse, gangs, abuse, different views on interracial couples, etc. It was an incredibly powerful and impactful book. It was kind of hard for me to read bcuz generally, I read books to get away from the world we live in and this was very much the reality of the world we live in. the injustice of it. and angie writes it in a way that it is unapologetically honest. but it is so so important. I wrote a full review here on my book blog but it’s a spoiler-y so beware.

also I’m so excited to see amandla stenberg play starr. I’m gonna have to wait a few months to watch it (bcuz there are no frickin theatres here) but still... I know it’s gonna be great.

3. do you consider yourself a good decision maker?

these three words do not belong together   i really can’t say... maybe 72% of the time i am? yup that seems pretty accurate

4. preferred studying method?

pfffffftttt method? what method? i tend to study at my desk to avoid falling asleep. and i listen to lofi hip hop or jazz. and i usually study in 3 hour intervals bcuz i have trouble focusing for longer periods of time and have to take breaks. is that what you meant?

5. favorite word from your native language?

I don’t necessarily have a favorite word... but when I learned my Spanish alphabet I would like to say the letter ‘y’ over and over again because it was fun to pronounce. It’s pronounced  ~ i griega ~ which is really fun to say. I just really love Spanish and rollng my ‘r’s. 

6. do you have a problematic character you’d die for?

let me take a deep breath first will herondale (tid)! ronan lynch (trc)! the gray man (trc)! loki laufeyson (marvel). tony stark (marvel)! matt murdock (marvel)! jessica jones (marvel). magneto (marvel)! jason todd/red hood (dc)! sherlock holmes (sherlock). charlotte holmes!  todoroki shouto (bnha)! bakuboy (bnha)! itachi uchiha (naruto)! hohenhiem (fmab). greed (fmab)! i could go on forever but imma stop here

7. is there something you felt like you’d never be good at, but are somewhat decent at doing now?

I feel like my social skills have improved a shit ton. I used to not be able to speak to people without stuttering a lot or while holding eye contact for longer than 5 seconds. I used to not be able to order food for myself. And now I can interact with people better and I pick up on social cues better. And I smile at people I don’t know when I’m happy bcuz I feel like it and I like to spread positivity. things like this may seem small to other people but it’s not small for me. I think I’ve come a long way and I’m incredibly proud of myself for all of it.  

8. what’s your general temperament like?

i’m either mellow and chill or wild and weird. there is no in-between.

9. something you want to get better at?

my mentality. in general really. but something i’ve been struggling with a lot recently is not being able to not do anything. i love having lazy days i do. they allow me to relax and take a break from things that have been stressing me out. but the next day when I get back into it and start to get things done... I put myself down about taking a day off. about wasting time when i could’ve gotten so much done. this mentality is such a toxic one and I hate that I have it. I hate that I always have to be productive to consider myself useful. I hate that I can’t relax and enjoy myself anymore without my brain going into overdrive to tell me how much of a fucking waste of oxygen I am. I was very near to tears a couple of days ago because I took a few hours off of schoolwork bcuz I had a migraine and the whole time my brain wouldn’t shut up you’re wasting time you could be done with so many assignments by now you could be doing useful things right now you don’t know how to do jack shit why the fuck are you even in school if you’re not going to study why is mom spending valuable money on your education when you can’t fucking stick to your fucking schedule fuck

i hate that i have that mentality. and i would just like it to kindly fuck off.

10. something popular everyone else likes but you don’t?

fuck... ummmmmmm... i think it’d be easier for me to tell you something i like that is underrated or unknown... 

oh! um ferris beuller? that john hughes movie with matthew broderick. i mean, i like the movie, i just don’t love it like everyone seems to. it’s a nice light movie about teenagers skipping school and having fun. but i don’t like ferris bcuz he comes off as a sort of douche. escpecially towards his friend cameron, who very clearly has mental health issues that ferris tends to brush off quite a lot. so i don’t really understand why people rave about it so much.

11. before consuming books/movies, do you read reviews, or do you like going in blind?

I, for the most part, go in blind. I have a tendency to put things on my list, to eventually watch/read, because I hear good things about them or I myself just would like to consume the content, but a never get to it immediately. I get to it months later, sometimes a year or two later, when I’ve more often than not forgotten all about anything I’ve heard about it. but even then, I don’t generally read reviews because I don’t really care what other people think of it. The only people’s opinions I care about are my friends and family because I like to discuss the content I consume with people close to me. Especially if I feel strongly about said content. so, no, i don’t seek out reviews. it’s usually that i happen upon reviews and them i’m like ‘good to know i guess?’ i don’t rely on critics cuz critics sometimes don’t know what Good Content is

tagging @mllebabushkat @sengad-apollo @hannahdearr and also @kizunah if you wanna do it again and also @demfeeeels if you can dig out of your grave for a bit  : ) and here are my questions for you:

what is an unknown/underrated piece of media that you love?

what are five things you love about yourself?

do you read comics/graphic novels? any favorites?

what’s top 5 on your playlist right now?

what is something/someone that never fails to make you laugh?

recommend me some of your favorite tv shows/movies/books/music.

an unpopular opinion you have?

favorite disney soundtrack?

favorite word from your native language? (i’m stealing one of mariam’s question bcuz i love)

what makes your heart go mushy?

top 5 tropes you live for?