#I still havent decided if my Tav is a durge or not

[mmuschi]

Taunts and Threats

Pairing: Rolan/named Tav Word Count: 3,176 AO3 Pt. 1: Drowning in Blood and Booze

Summary: While putting their plan in action to help their friend, Gale and Rolan accidently bring up a buried past.

TW: Suicidal ideations, depression, and spoilers

By the time Bethany woke up, Rolan was back in the room. He was sitting in a chair in the corner, his nose in a book. His yellow gaze flicked up as she started to stir. She had been concerningly still the entire time she was asleep, so the noise of her rolling over seemed to startle him. Bethany slowly opened her eyes to see him stare at her from the corner. She blinked several times before closing again as if to ignore his very presence. She stretched out her legs before rolling onto her belly and nuzzling her face into the pillow as if she was a feline. She was fighting drowsiness and the headache from her few too many drinks the night before. Rolan did not dare say a word as she woke up.. While Bethany inhaled a long breath, nuzzling her nose deeper into the pillow. A small smile tugged at her lips as she took in his scent, a smile only her and the pillow would have knowledge of. Everything in her urged her to snuggle into the pillow, to chase that sense of safety she did not realize he provided. She let her mind wander to his face as he concentrated on his books as the lingering scent of old ink invaded her senses. The warmth of it made her but the inside of her cheek to keep herself from grinning like an idiot. Bethany instead forced herself to sit up, though her entire body protested at the action. He simply watched as she stretched her arms above her head and let out a teary eyed yawn.

"Finally deciding to wake up?" Rolan finally spoke up as he watched her rub the sleep from her eyes. Bethany merely rolled her eyes at him, but elected not to respond. She stretched for a few more minutes before sliding herself off the bed. He watched her, his head tilting to the side slightly. She made no attempts to elaborate on what she was doing, and he was not inclined to ask. She looked around until she noticed the hilt of her rapier under the bed. She strapped it to her hip, letting out another yawn as she did so.

"Well, thank you for whatever last night was. I'm going to go find somewhere to get food or something. I'll see ya later, I guess." Bethany sounded indifferent towards him, but the way she was avoiding his gaze said otherwise. There was a faint tint of red dusting her cheek, and her jaw was tense. He slowly put the book down on the table next to him. 

"Just like that? This isn’t the annoying, selfless, hero I remember." Rolan replied, his tone taunting. She glared at him for just a moment before lifting her chin in spite of his taunting. Not bothering to grace him with a response, she just walked to the door of the room. He rolled his eyes at her attitude before pushing himself to his feat. He took a step over to block her path to the door.  “As much as I’d love you out of my hair, however, Gale requested I make sure you get food. He doesn’t trust you not to resume yesterday’s activities. So where are we going?” Rolan stated plainly, though there was a small smirk on his lips. He could detect her irritation. She gritted her teeth as she watched him speak. Despite wanting to deny him, they both knew Gale was right. 

“Elfsong tavern. I haven’t closed my room there yet. Hopefully that means you won't have to watch me sleep anymore like a creep.” Bethany crossed her arms as she replied. The response she got was a slightly amused eye roll. He stepped to the side and opened the door for her. 

“After you, your highness.” Rolan replied, giving her an over-emphasised bow. He seemed to be enjoying the way she stiffened with frustration. She shook her head and stormed out of his room. 

Bethany’s hands clenched into fists at her side as she pushed the image of his smirking face from her mind. She looked over her shoulder as she darted down the stairs only to stick her tongue out at him. She could almost hear him softly cursing in the background as she made her break for the exit. She got to the entrance of Sorcerous Sundries before he did, expertly weaving through the very few people who were shopping at this hour. As she left the building, the sunlight momentarily blinded her. She froze and immediately went to cover her eyes. Rolan managed to catch up with the help of the sun for the distraction. He grabbed her upper arm with a surprisingly strong grip she did not expect. Bethany shot him a glare over her shoulder, but did not resist him. 

“How long have I been asleep for? It only looks to be midday?” Bethany finally moved her hand from her eyes to glance at the sky. Her face was tense due to the brightness of the sun. She must have fallen asleep just after dawn, a few hours at most.

“A little over a day. It seems even someone as heroic as you needs to sleep sometimes.” Rolan replied, watching her out of the corner of his eye. The glare she cast at him only forced that smirk she hated back to his lips. Without another word she started onto the road.

Bethany took the path she knew he could follow, rolling her eyes as he did not release his grip. Despite not sharing any words, she got the hint that he was not going to let her go. She wound her way through the crowd towards the inn she had a room at, and where she thought she might find Gale. While she moved quicker than Rolan had anticipated, he still managed to keep his grip on her arm. The walk was only a few minutes before they arrived at Elfsong Tavern. She finally tried to shrug off his grip, but he only pulled her closer instead.

"For the love of the gods, would you stop trying to run off." Rolan leaned down as he hissed out the words, though he kept his grip tight and held her close. She glanced up at him with ever so slightly wide eyes before her gaze darted away.. 

"Only when you stop being an ass." Bethany hissed back, keeping her head turned away. Her cheeks had a light dusting of pink. Despite her poor mood, she still allowed him to guide her into the tavern. Now, she let her free hand rest on the rapier at her side. Her body stiffened with paranoia as she entered the noisy tavern. He glanced back at her, feeling her stiffen in his grip. His only response to her discomfort was to pull her closer. She winced as the noise hit her, almost entirely overstimulating her. While the streets were loud and chaotic, she knew the best ways to avoid and tune out most of it. Being in a loud building would only give her a headache. The two made their way to the back where the stairs were, but a familiar voice stopped them both.

"Bethany! Rolan! It is a pleasure to see you both here. I never actually thought Rolan here would leave his tower." A purple haired tiefling woman exclaimed as she approached them. She had a tray in one hand that looked just emptied. Bethany heard Rolan make a noise of annoyance next to her. A small smirk tugged at her lips as she turned her attention to Lakrissa.

"It took everything in me to drag him out of his seclusion. I was getting a little worried only talking to Lia and Cal might drive him insane!" Bethany lied with concerning ease. She plastered an all too fake smile on her face as she elbowed Rolan teasingly in the ribs. This earned her an annoyed look.

"Oh and you think being coerced into spending time with you is any better? I'd say I have mere minutes before I start losing brain cells." Rolan replied, rolling his eyes. He knew better than to point out her lies. Even if her jovial attitude was fake, it was better than her sulking. 

"Don't be so hard on her Rolan. I am sure your siblings would agree with her." Lakrissa let out a laugh at the two. While Rolan, Lia, and Cal were not siblings by blood, they certainly acted like it. 

"Yeah, Rolan, go easy on me." Bethany finally turned to him and looked up at him through her eyelashes, her lips formed in the smallest of smirks. He stared down at her for a moment, a scowl on his face. He jerked his head away and turned his attention to Lakrissa instead of Bethany. His grip on her arm only seemed to tighten.

"Doing so would only be doing you a disservice, Hero." Rolan hissed out. Bethany wasn't sure what a tiefling looked like when blushing, but he certainly looked like he could be. 

"Alright, let's leave the all powerful wizard alone. What can I do for you, Bethany." Lakrissa said through a few giggles. Bethany took a moment before replying, her attention was fixed intently on Rolan next to her. She had to tear her gaze away from Rolan before she got too distracted. There looked to be a look on her face that only Lakrissa noticed, though she smartly kept her mouth shut about it.

"We just came to find Gale." Bethany finally said after clearing her throat. The knowing look on Lakrissa's face after Bethany finally looked away from Rolan causing a faint blush to dust over her cheeks. 

"That's a shame. Gale left a few hours ago. I think he went into the upper city." Lakrissa responded. Bethany felt her body deflate with disappointment. Seeing him now would have cheered her up, even just a little bit.

"Any idea why he went there?" Bethany's voice betrayed her disappointment. Next to her, Rolan clenched his jaw.

"He unfortunately didn't say. He just let me know in case you came looking for him. He seemed very sure that you’d come by. I think I saw someone go up and talk to him, but they didn’t look like a magic caster or anything. More like a guard." Lakrissa responded, giving Rolan a confused look. Bethany had turned her gaze to the floor, not noticing the exchange of looks between the two. He gave Lakrissa a look,  silently begging for her to not say anything else. She had only been told a few details of their plan, but nothing more. “We haven’t seen you here in a day or so. Need anything to eat? I’m sure I could get you something special made?”

“It’s fine. I’m not really that hungry. Anything unique about the guard’s uniform?” Bethany didn’t look up yet. Her hand on her rapier tightened. Now both of them were giving her a confused look.

“Not particularly, why?” Lakrissa asked, a hint of suspicion sneaking into her voice.

“Nope, not at all. I’m just gonna go check on him.” Bethany’s voice was strained as she forced out her lie. She slipped out of Rolan’s grasp and hurried out, giving no reason for her hurry. 

Rolan and Lakrissa gave each other looks of confusion before he took up a brisk pace as he hurried after Bethany. He cut between a few people before he caught up to her. When he grabbed her, he gave her no time to fight back before dragging her out of the street and into a side path. He guided her up against the wall so her back was pressed against it.

"Do you think you are subtle? What was that about?" Rolan asked, his irritation coating his words. The accusation made her visibly bristle with frustration.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Have you maybe considered that I don't like being separated from my friends?" Bethany hissed out at him, leaning up so she was closer to his face. While there was truth to her words, he also knew she was hiding something. He seemed taken aback by her ferocity in her tone. He had never seen her this mad, nor had he heard of it. Perhaps the last time was when she came storming into Sorcerous Sundries demanding for spells after Halsin had been taken by the Absolute Orin. That experience helped him learn how protective she was over her friends. 

“I suppose… There is nothing else I should know before I follow you into the Upper City, correct?" Rolan replied, carefully curating the words so he could catch if she was lying. The way she averted her gaze to the side to avoid his gaze told him exactly what he needed to know. He let out a soft sigh, even when she did not verbalize a response. “Alright, fine. If you don’t think its necessary for me to know, I get it.”

“It’s fucking complicated, alright? But, I can promise you it wont be an issue." Bethany murmured like a child being scolded. She let her gaze slowly shift back to him, her face twisting into a look of guilt. He held his gaze for a few moments before nodding.

"After everything I’ve seen you do, I trust you. There cant be anything you cant face now, Hero." While his belief in her should have made her feel better, she seemed to wince at his words. He wasn’t sure if it was the tone or that she didn’t believe in herself, but she left no time for questions.

“Let’s go find Gale. I don't trust this city enough for him to be alone. Or you for that matter.” Bethany ducked away from his grasp. She was already making her way back to the streets, not waiting for him to follow. He, of course, followed. 

"I’m touched. Lead the way, Hero." Rolan taunted as he followed her 

"Shut up." Was the only response Bethany could manage before leading him back to the main streets. She kept her head down, and her hand on her rapier at her side. Rolan fell into step with her rather quickly. They both walked in silence, minus the bustling streets around them. She walked the streets with not only purpose, but a recognition not even he had yet. She had mentioned before she was from Baldur’s Gate, but she only ever seemed uncomfortable and stressed out while in what should be her home. She had never mentioned family, at least not in front of him. She had not gone to see anyone. Nobody seemed to know her, which was odd if this was her birthplace. His mind drifted, almost losing track of where they were in the city. He wasn’t sure how long they had been walking before a voice snapped him out of his swirling mind.  

“Name and purpose.” The deep, bored voice stated. It was a guard they almost walked past on their way into the Upper City. Despite almost ignoring the man, he barely seemed agitated. He merely looked annoyed and bored.

"Bethany Byron. Considering how I just saved the city, do I need a purpose?" Bethany replied. Normally, she would be much more patient, but her worry for Gale seemed to overrule any patience she once had. She put her hand on her hip and looked up at the guard with a glare on her face.

"Ah, the runaway Grausamkeit kid. Run along.” The guard replied, curiosity now sparkling in his eye. It almost looked like her mere presence was enough to brighten his day. Though, the name he called her made her bristle with agitation. She looked as if she might lunge on the man. 

"Any other stupid questions? Or should I cut out your fucking tongue?" Bethany hissed out, her anger coming out of seemingly nowhere. She stared at him as the much larger man shrunk back away from him. He audibly swallowed as he motioned for her to go right on ahead. The longer Bethany glared at the man, the more he seemed to sweat and squirm. Just before Rolan was about to start pulling her away, she turned on her heel and marched past the checkpoint.

"What in the hells was that?" Rolan whispered as he caught up to her. That anger came from a place he had not seen before.

"Mind your own fucking business." Bethany looked over her shoulder at him as she hissed out the whisper. She gave him a glare that made him shut up and not question her any further. Deep, pushed down memories were fighting their way to the surface as she stalked her way deeper into the upper city. Her hand flexed repeatedly around her rapier. She knew the streets well enough to only have to be partially paying attention to find her way through.

“Yeah, sure… Hero…” There was a tone in Rolan’s voice that she recognized as fear. It only made her body stiffen. The anger in her body was so hot it was painful. It took all her self control to not let it boil to the surface. She let her subconscious map lead her to where she assumed Gale had gone. 

Rolan followed Bethany through the Upper City, he kept a watchful eye on her. While he was told she had bouts of anger, sometimes even bloodshed, this was not what he was expecting. He had even doubted the warning with what he had seen of her thus far. He followed her in silence, his discomfort all but said. Bethany could feel it, but she couldn’t be certain if it was just his discomfort, or fear. Giving Gale the benefit of the doubt that he was not seeking out his wretched goddess, Bethany led them to the largest library in Baldur’s Gate. She only stopped right outside the doors. She let her head tilt back, and she took a deep breath. She exhaled at the sky very slowly. When she finally turned to look at Rolan, who looked less uncomfortable by that point, she managed to give him an apologetic smile. 

“Listen, I’m sorry you had to see that. I’d rather use their fear of that name than try to convince them what I’m not.” Bethany made an attempt to apologize and explain, but without the full truth, the look she got was slightly distrustful. If she could, she would curl into herself and never come out. Her embarrassment was almost too heavy.

“No apologies are needed. Is this where you think Gale is?” Rolan brushed past the apology, skipping straight to the point of their travels. He looked up and down the large building before looking back to her.

“It’s the only place I can think of. If he went to a temple for Mystra, I will kill everyone there.” Bethany replied with a shrug. She did not wait for a response before she entered the building.

[crossdressingdeath]

#everything to do with ketheric kind of makes me insane actually#act 2 like. DOES something to me. bc of him but also a little bit bc of the thorms and isobel and aylin#i havent played durge yet but even as a tav this convo with ketheric is so delicious because like#you really can get SO close#i definitely got the sense in my pt that ketheric in some sense wanted to believe there was a path to retribution for him#but ultimately (as he says here) decides that its just. too late for him.#that its 'foolish' to believe that he could repent now#his list of crimes is impossibly long#and its so much easier for him to stay the course and die for what hes done#than try to work towards righting any of those wrongs--and frankly he CANT right a lot of those wrongs#so many of the people he has harmed are gone and have been for years#and the ones that are left are people like aylin and isobel who will (understandably) never forgive him#it is easier and evidently preferable to ketheric for him to keep digging than to try to climb out at this point#and THATS compelling to me (tags via @veilkeeper)

It's so good because the theme with the Chosen really is that they've gone "too far". They're not so different from the companions, but they've crossed some line in the sand and it's decided they've gone Too Far. But it's also interesting to me because I think part of the theme that the game never quite gets into is... who has the right to make that call? In this scene you almost, almost get through to Ketheric until Aylin shows up all righteous fury and insists that he'd never really surrender, at which point he gets up and decides that there's no way back and he has to press forward and either defeat the party or die trying. To be clear, Aylin is fully in the right in her anger! But to me it raises the question of... is it impossible to convince him to stand down because he's truly irredeemable, or because we're friends with his victims? It really does feel like if Aylin didn't show up it might actually have been possible to get through to him, and even with Aylin interrupting he still chooses to kill himself and let Myrkul take over rather than keep fighting! By showing compassion you get so close; if the party was working with him rather than Aylin would they have been able to convince him to stop and give it up, or was it truly impossible? Would it have been worth it? Did he deserve that chance? So many of our companions have done awful things, and what they did can't be undone either (Astarion especially kind of wrecks the balance of morality in this story, seven thousand victims is a lot of people), so what makes them so different? Is it that they're better than the Chosen, or just that we get the chance to bond with them before the bad things they did come up? I think one of the reasons that act three is such a disappointment to me is that Ketheric sets up this fantastic theme of redemption and second chances and what makes someone deserving of them and then you hit act three and it's just "Nah, the Chosen are bad and you gotta kill them".

Dame Aylin: Rise, you dog! Retribution has come, and her sword is my sword! Kyvir: Wait - Ketheric has surrendered. Dame Aylin: Ha! Ketheric Thorm would sooner die than lay down his rank cause. Isn't that right, General? Ketheric Thorm: I was a fool to hesitate. Power like mine cannot be hidden, cannot be cowed. But power like mine has a price. A price I am destined to pay. You have one last chance to bow. Once it's gone, I'll have no choice but to destroy you both. Do you hear?! BOW!

There's something in how you can almost, almost get through to Ketheric only for Aylin (a very real reminder of his past misdeeds) to come in to fight him and him to decide that hesitation was futile because he has to pay the price for his power that really gets me. It feels like there's something in there that's almost in conversation with the general themes of redemption and second chances that show up in most of the origin companions' stories; Ketheric has hurt a lot of people, so does that mean he doesn't deserve another chance? If he doesn't deserve a second chance, what makes the companions deserving? There's something so good in there that the game almost touches on but doesn't quite, because BG3 sets up this very fun theme of how the Chosen really aren't so different from the companions with the main difference being that the Chosen weren't lucky enough to have someone or something pull them out of their spiral before they hit rock bottom but never really seems to want to engage with it? That's most notable with Durge (you never get the chance to say "Hey, the only thing making me different from these people is that I don't remember what I did, why do I deserve a chance to be good and they don't" and that will bother me forever), but you can see it a bit here too.