#I started this with far too many expectations
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jaypelt · 3 days ago
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Normally I'm the sorta person that puts things in the tags, but it's difficult to deliver the thoughts I want without it just running on too long. I'm personally not in the position to make sweeping judgements of how *audiences* prefer shows, as I've kinda tapped out of that whole thing and pay less attention to takes on media. Although expecting instant trauma and emotion sounds ridiculous. - In the Fullmetal Alchemist manga they don't even show the big Human Transmutation Moment until like... 23 chapters in. It's just dripfed up to that point. - You don't understand all of the specifics as to why Mr. Harrier Du Bois drunk himself into amnesia until you piece it all together from experience throughout the whole game. Culminating in Dolores Dei on the last day. - Kurapika's ice cold demeanor is as disturbing as it is because you've seen how much kinder he can be, and how far he's fallen since earlier in the story. It's not simply the things that happen to him either, but the actions he DECIDES to take. All of these examples present characters who clearly wear some kind of Big Shit on their sleeves, yet it isn't all given to you immediately. And with proper leadup to their emotional moments. Granted, they come from media outside of strictly western TV shows, but I think the lack of patience from both writers and the audience can represent themselves in any media. The goal is to make you *feel bad*, or feel at least feel *something*. And the idea is that this makes a story or character more compelling. How do you hook an audience? You hit em where it hurts. And sometimes it feels as if there's a certain gut punch feeling they're looking for. But there needs to be something of substance to actually CARE about. You need to build up your characters, your world, your story, before you start making people feel something. Especially in the case of characters, you need to establish who they actually ARE and what they care about. It doesn't always have to be the trauma. And trauma can take many, many forms. Negligence, despondence, listlessness, etc. The way they respond to it is often informed by the kind of person they are, even if that part of them may irrevocably change afterwards. Some may not even realize they've experienced it to begin with and are unaware of how it has shaped them. Characters are the beating heart of any story. Any good one is more than just all the trauma you can load them up with. Your plot can be mid as fuck, yet people cherish it anyway because the characters are good. Which, by god, can take form in more ways placing them in cold drop dramatic moments or delving into their backstory from the get-go. And every story needs a little time to breathe. Space out the big moments, build up to them when appropriate. Too much is emotionally exhausting at best, and feels insulting or manipulative at worst.
Man is it just me or are a lot of TV shows nowadays are written to have big emotional episodes in scenes with very little build up.
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spicybutterfly · 1 day ago
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Please Don't Eat Me!
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What do you do when your longtime boyfriend turns into a werewolf right in front of you? Take off running of course!
❥ Pairing: werewolf!Jungkook x girlfriend!Reader ❥ Genre: fluff, angst, smut ❥ AUs: werewolf!au, college!au, established relationship!au ❥ Rating: M (18+)  ❥ Word Count: 12.3k  ❥ Warning/Tags: heavy angst, explicit language, explicit smut (way more than I intended), bratty reader, soft dom Jungkook, whiny Jungkook, oral sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), (female receiving), fingering, missionary, riding, creampie, multiple orgasms, overstimulation  ❥ A/N: This was supposed to be posted on Halloween…oops. ;)
*Disclaimer all characters and events portrayed in my works are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.*
Copyright © 2024 Spicybutterfly
All Rights Reserved.
Thank you for reading!♡ 
The unexpected shrill chiming of your doorbell made you jump where you stood. Startled, you dropped the tube of a pretty pink lip gloss you’d just finished applying. It hit the tile floor beneath you with a firm smack before rolling away underneath the counter. 
“Shit,” you muttered to yourself, bending down as far as you could to feel the floor for your lipgloss tube. Your black, skin-tight shorts didn’t allow for much movement. Neither did your long-sleeve, baby-blue top. 
“A-ha!” You cheered victoriously as your fingers grazed the plastic tube. Thankfully the cap was already twisted closed, so there wasn’t a sticky mess everywhere. Swiftly, you grabbed the lipgloss. 
Just as you were standing back up into your previous position you felt two large hands work their way into the waistband of your shorts pulling you flush against a solid, muscled chest. You shrieked, jumping again, this time in excitement. Instantly, you recognized that firm chest anywhere.
You watched through the mirror as Jungkook began to stamp feather-light kisses along the side of your neck, nosing at your skin in between. Goosebumps bloomed all over your body from the ticklish gesture. He finished off his task with a big wet kiss on the apple of your cheek. 
No one would expect such soft gestures from your boyish boyfriend. Standing at nearly six feet tall, routinely dressed in all black, with a sleeve of tattoos and both ears adorned in piercings; Jungkook was the epitome of hardcore. That is on the outside at least.
No one was a bigger softie than your boyfriend. Your favorite nickname for him was ‘Koo’ for a reason. He was your big sensitive baby. 
You loved how he was never ashamed to show how much he loved you. He wasn’t the type to shy away from affection no matter where you were or who was around. There was no such thing as personal space when you were with Jungkook. 
“Koo,” you whined, doing your best to not mess up your makeup as you wiped away the wetness on your cheek. 
A mock gasp left your boyfriend's lips. He frowned, pulling his hands from your shorts to wrap his arms around your middle. “I thought you loved my kisses.” 
After putting down the tissue in your hands, you turned to face him. Leaning up on your tiptoes, you pecked away the pout on his lips. “I do love your kisses,” you grinned at his dissatisfied face. “Just not when they’re gross and wet.” 
His big doe eyes stared at you with a gaze so intense it had your body radiating with warmth. You remember when you first started dating you could barely even look at him. But not anymore. Gone were the days when you shied away from him, too timid and inexperienced to return his gaze. Instead, you peered right back at him, hoping he could feel the same love and yearning you had for him as he did you. 
“Hey,” he breathed, his big brown eyes drinking you in. “I missed you.” 
“I missed you too.” 
It has been a few days since the last time you’ve seen your boyfriend. To many that would seem like nothing, but to you, it felt like an eternity.
 Since you two had started dating, being away from each other was an uncommon occurrence. 
You two had met through extraordinary circumstances. To make a long story short, he hit you in the face with a volleyball during gym class. You’d sustained a nasty nosebleed as a result. 
He was nearly in tears as he babbled out a flurry of apologies to you, but all you could focus on was how his muscles flexed underneath his gym shirt. You’d promised to forgive him if he’d carry you to the nurse’s office, and take you out for bubble tea after school. You’ve been inseparable since. 
With your nails, you scratched lightly at the nape of his neck - his favorite spot. Jungkook hummed in response, relishing in the feeling. You felt his arms unravel from around your middle, his hands making their way towards your hips. Effortlessly he lifted you from the ground, placing you on the bathroom counter behind you. You yelped as your skin made contact with the cold granite. Jungkook didn’t even give you a second to react before he fit his body between your legs, leaning down and slotting his lips together with yours. Your eyes fluttered shut, as you let yourself sink into the feeling. 
Before Jungkook, kissing was always a subpar experience for you. You wouldn’t say you hated it, but it was certainly not your favorite. You don’t miss the icky feeling of having a wet tongue unexpectedly shoved down your throat, your breasts roughly fondled (you’ve always had sensitive nipples), or your lips bitten to the point where blood was drawn. Like during a game of Spin the Bottle in seventh grade when your neighbor, Tony bit your bottom lip so hard it was bruised for the next two weeks. No one wanted to sit next to you at lunch. Damn you, Tony.
The buildup that came from kissing Jungkook was your favorite. There was just something so intimate about the way he always took his time with you. Like a dessert that needed to be savored because you just couldn’t get enough of it. 
Today though was different. Today he was fervent. 
Your hand traveled from his neck to his hair, your fingers gently tugging at the dark brown locks. Jungkook moaned into the kiss, pulling you closer so that your fronts were pressed together. Wrapping your legs around his hips, you pulled him in closer until you could feel the thickness of his bulge against your core. Your slick panties stuck uncomfortably to your sensitive skin. 
Your mouth opened in a sigh at the feeling of his thick bulge nestled against your heat. Jungkook used this opportunity to slip his tongue between your lips. You welcomed him instantly as the wet muscle caressed your own, begging for any sort of attention. Playing along with him, they embraced each other, dancing together in a routine that was all too familiar to the both of you. 
Pulling away with a gasp, you gulped down a few deep breaths of air. Gently you pushed your needy boyfriend away by his chest as he tried to chase your lips. His eyes were focused but somehow also dazed. As if in a trance, he attached his lips to your sweet spot between your ear and shoulder. 
“Koo,” you whined, your hands gripping the front of his button-down shirt. The cotton fabric bunched in your palms. You jerked as he began to mouth at the smooth skin. Your breath quickened as his teeth raked over the sensitive area. God how you wanted him to just pull his dick out and have his way with you right here. Unfortunately though, you already made a commitment to be somewhere and you’d be damned if the world didn't get to see how good you looked in this costume. 
“Baby we can't,” you gasped. “We’re already late.” You doubt Jungkook heard a single word you said. Instead, he took the time to languidly suck your skin into his mouth. With your eyes rolling back, your mouth gaped open around a silent moan. The thumping between your legs was too insistent to ignore. You squeezed your thighs together in an attempt to ease some of the pressure. 
After a minute Jungkook pulled away, finally satisfied with his work. His lips were slightly swollen from his ministrations. Out of breath, you slumped against the mirror behind you with a thump. The new bruise forming on your neck was tender in the best way. 
“There,” he whispered breathlessly. “Now we’re ready to leave.”
──•◦❥•◦──
Why the hell hadn’t you worn a jacket? Or even a cardigan at least. The thin material of your top did nothing to shield you from the nippy October weather. You cursed yourself for not grabbing something to put on your arms. 
 After being dropped off by your Uber, you and Jungkook decided to wait outside for your friends to arrive. They were supposed to only be a few minutes behind you, but obviously, that wasn’t the case because you’d been standing out in the cold for nearly fifteen minutes. God only knows what the hell they were getting into.
Gripping Jungkook's arm, you shivered as another gush of wind rushed through. Your boyfriend leaned down to kiss the top of your forehead. “Cold?”
You nodded, nestling up into his warm body. He gladly accepted you, wrapping his arms around your body. Instantly, you melted into his warmth. “Freezing,” you corrected, the chattering of your teeth subsiding. “Baby, let's just wait for them inside. Who knows how long it’s gonna take for them to get here.”
“Hobi just texted, he said they’re about two minutes away.” 
You rolled your eyes. “I guess I’ll just suffer.” 
Jungkook’s body shook as he laughed above you. “It’s not so bad. At least you’ve got your own personal space heater.” You smiled, leaning your head down to rest against his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat eased your nerves. Honestly, if you were sitting down you could probably fall asleep, which was a cherished rarity these days. After taking a gap year, you forgot about how taxing the school workload could be. A healthy work, home, and school life balance was nonexistent to you.
Frowning, something dawned on you. You peered up at Jungkook. He stood unaffected to the cold, watching as his fellow peers stumbled out of their cars towards the house. You flinched at the presence of another chilly breeze. Jungkook didn’t move an inch.  
“How are you not cold?”
 Looking down at his phone, Jungkook typed something out before pocketing the device. He shrugged. “I’m wearing pants.” 
“But you’re wearing short sleeves.” Jungkook watched as an orange maple tree leaf fell gracefully before you. It joined a pile of fallen leaves undisturbed on the ground. “I’m also wearing socks.” 
You sputtered. “Wha- Jungkook, that doesn't even make any sen-.” Just then a loud beep of a car horn interrupted you. You let out a shriek as you jumped, snapping your head towards the obnoxious sound. You were ready to flip them off before you saw the driver behind the wheel. 
Your annoyance melted away at the sight of  Hoseok’s impish grin. In the passenger’s seat was Lila, your best friend, and Hoseok’s girlfriends. She had her arm sticking out of the window, beaming as she waved at you. As soon as they parked you both made your way towards them.
“Hii,” Lila squealed, trotting towards you. With your arms wide open, you captured her in a hug, both of you squeezing tight. 
“What took you so long”, you pouted, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I was dying out here.” 
“I’m sorry,” she winced, pulling down her purple mini-dress. “I swear we were on the way, but then Hobi lost the ascot for his costume so we had to improvise. Speaking of,” she smiled as she did a 360 spin. She stopped with one hand on her hip and the other flinging a chunk of orange hair over her shoulder. 
“What do you think? Do I look like Daphne?”
 Your best friend was already gorgeous, but she looked stunning in her getup. Her usual long jet-black hair was now a muted orange. You assumed it to be a wig because it wasn’t that color when you two were on Facetime a couple of hours ago. There was a purple headband tucked neatly at the top of her head. The mini dress she was sporting did wonders for her modelesque physique. You always told her she could be a Victoria Secret’s angel. 
“You look so hot!” 
Smiling, she struck a pose, pointing the toe of her purple platform heel. “Thank you! You don’t look too bad yourself Officer Judy Hoops,” she smirked. 
You waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, this old thing?” Turning around, you wiggled your hips from side to side, making the cute little bunny tail shake behind you. “Found it in my closet.”
“Those too?” Smiling, she bit her bottom lip pointing towards Jungkook. He stood a few feet away conversing with Hobi. You assumed she was talking about the fox ears perched on his head. His costume was simple yet so effective. Who knew a green button-down shirt and a pair of khaki pants would make you want to drop your panties at any moment? You didn’t have a furry kink (that you were aware of) but damn he was the hottest Nick Wilde you’d ever seen.
“We borrowed those from my mom.”
 Laughing, your friend shook her head. “How the hell did you get them to wear those? It took until today for Hobi to agree to Fred.” She pouted, “Your boyfriend is better than mine.” 
You would never say this out loud but you agree. Not that you have anything against Hobi. He was one of your closest friends and you loved him dearly but your boyfriend was just better (this was completely unbiased of course).  
You rubbed your hands up and down your chilled arms. “It took a lot of convincing for him to dress up with me,” you lied through your teeth.
“Oh please,” your friend waved a dismissive hand. You have that boy wrapped around your finger. He’d do anything you asked.”
“Good,” you smirked. “That’s how I like 'em.” You were only joking though. The whole town knew you were just as whipped for Jungkook as he was for you.
You shivered at the feeling of a swift passing breeze. “Please let’s go inside, I'm freezing.” 
“Agreed,” she asserted. “Plus I can’t wait to see what their kitchen looks like. I heard they have marble countertops!” With your eyebrows raised you nodded, unable to contain the corners of your mouth curving upwards. You didn’t really care about the kitchen, you just needed to get out of this cold and into some heat.
You both made your way over to where the boys were standing. Lila greeted her boyfriend with a kiss on the cheek. Her pink lipgloss left a shiny stain on his skin. He smiled down at her, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.
“Hobi, why don’t you love me as much as Jungkook loves _____,” she pouted.  His eyes widened as his mouth dropped open. 
“Huh?!”
You slipped yourself underneath your boyfriend’s arms, instantly engulfed once again by his warmth. “Ready,” he asked, his warm breath tickling the apple of your cheek. 
You hummed, “If we’re out here any longer I think my nipples are gonna turn into ice cubes.” 
Jungkook smirked. “We can’t have that now can we?”  His thumb traced soft circles onto the exposed skin between your shirt and shorts. Languidly, you shook your head, peeking up at him. “Maybe you could find a way to warm them up?” 
You blamed your horniness on Jungkook, he just had that effect on you.
He licked his lip. “I’m sure I could find a way.”
“Alright people,” Hobi called, breaking you out of your little moment. “ Let’s get fucked up!!” 
──•◦❥•◦──
“Not so fast, baby.” Your boyfriend gently pried the purple-tinted shot glass away from your eager lips.
“You're going to make yourself sick,” he chided, bringing a delicate thumb to wipe away the ticklish trail of vodka dribbling down the side of your chin. 
You swallowed down the rest of the clear liquid, accepting the familiar burn that followed. Immediately your face scrunched up in distaste. Though vodka was your drink of choice you’d never get used to that burning taste. 
Jungkook placed the glass on a nearby table. He chuckled at your grimace, leaning down to brush a kiss on the tip of your nose. “That’s what you get,” he grinned. “Where’d you even get that from?”
“Lila,” you sang, licking away any remnants of alcohol on your lips. 
“Figures.”
Sticking your tongue out at him, you lightly pushed at his shoulder. “Whatever,” you muttered, swinging your body to the beat of the song. The floors beneath you vibrated with how hard the bass blared through the speakers. The playlist they had going wasn’t really your cup of tea. It reminded you of something they’d play in at a Renaissance Fair. You hadn’t recognized a single song in the couple hours you’d been here. But that didn’t bother you,  you were raised in a household that could get down to anything. 
Swaying your hips from side to side, you gripped the tie around your boyfriend’s neck. Your vision was slightly fuzzy around the edges, no doubt from the several shots and one full drink you’d inhaled once you’d arrived.
“Dance with me?” You purred before taking a step towards your boyfriend. You stumbled, seemingly tripping over an imaginary object, nearly falling face-first to the ground.
“Woah,” Jungkook grasped your hips, steadying your involuntarily swaying body. Your fingers grasped his arms tightly. In your chest, your heart thumped as they made contact with the veins in his arm. God, he was so hot. 
“I think that’s enough for you for tonight.” 
Your eyes widened, slightly glassy. “But m’ not even drunk!” 
He hummed unconvinced. “Yeah, but it won’t take you long to get there.” Jungkook pulled his phone from his pocket, checking the notification on the screen. “We have to leave soon anyway. I’ve got somewhere to be.”
A frown adorned your features before your tipsy mind could even think of stopping it. “You do?” This was news to you. “Where are you going?”
He avoided your eyes, opting to stare at the bunny ears perched on top of your head. He shrugged. “Somewhere. It’s no biggie.”
“Can I come too?” You hated how needy you sounded. You weren’t a clingy girlfriend at all. If anything, Jungkook was the clingy one. It's just for the past few weeks you’ve barely spent any time together and whatever time you did spend as a couple you were the one to initiate it. Just like tonight. Getting him to wear matching costumes might not have taken a lot of convincing sure, but getting him to come to this party did. He really put up a fight to not come here with you, only finally agreeing when you mentioned you would come with one of your guy friends. Possessive little shit. 
Jungkook reached out a hand to caress your chin. “Not this time, baby. I’m sorry.” 
You shook your head. “No, it's fine,” you assured, fingering the blue tie resting against his chest. You didn’t dare look him in the eyes. “We can leave now if you're ready. I think I’ve had enough for tonight.” Your gaze remained downcast as you swallowed away the lump in your throat. You didn’t need to see his face to know he was frowning. 
“You sure, baby? We can stay a little longer. I know you really wanted t-.” Before he could finish you shook your head once more, pushing his hand away from your face. 
“I’m kinda tired anyway.” 
You knew you didn't believe you. He damn near knows you better than you know yourself. You just weren’t in the mood for another argument. Lately, it seems as if that’s all you two ever did. Flirt, argue, fuck, argue some more, fuck again, and then right back to flirting.
You pulled your hands away from him. “Let me just say bye to Lila.” You didn’t wait for him to respond, instead, you left him standing there in search of your friend.
 Begrudgingly, you made your way through the sea of sweaty bodies, scanning the crowd for anyone sporting a purple mini-dress. Smoke emerging from the hidden fog machine made it difficult to see clearly. The tipsy crowd surrounding you cheered, as the intro of a familiar song began to play. ‘Listen to this track bitch!’ Of course they’d play the good music when you’re about to leave. 
Your journey was halted by a tall, burly body dressed in a football uniform stepping in front of you. You jerked, taking a step back to allow space between you two. The urge to roll your eyes consumed your whole being as soon as you recognized who it was. 
Elijah stood before you, with a cold beer clasped in his right hand. The arrogant asshole didn’t even bother to put on a proper costume.
 He yelled your name, grinning widely. You didn’t have time to react before he was wrapping himself around you in a one-sided hug. You cringed at the feeling of his sweaty body pressed against yours. His left hand rested dangerously low on your lower back. You pushed him away with a hand on his chest, separating yourself from him. 
“Hey, I didn’t know you would be here!” That was a lie. He’d heard you and Lila talking about attending this party earlier today in class. He’d even expressed how he’d be coming too, even though no one asked.
“I could’ve sworn you heard me say I was coming earlier.” Your mind wasn’t sober enough to care about sparing his feelings especially since he just wouldn’t take a hint. I mean, how many times do you have to reject someone for them to understand? 
“Oh, right,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I forgot.” You nodded, unamused. “Anyway, I’m glad to see you.” 
You couldn’t say the same.
“Like my costume?” He flexed his biceps, the muscle jumping at the action. There wasn’t a stirring in your belly like your boyfriend did it. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect. “Your football uniform doesn’t count as a costume.”
“Ehh, the ladies love it, so who cares.” What ladies was he referring to? You would never know.
 He tilted his head towards a group of people dancing, or as your grandmother would say, gyrating in the living room. “Wanna dance with me?” He shimmed from side to side, biting his bottom lip. You couldn’t decide if he was in pain or if he was trying to be sexy. You’d had enough of this conversation.
“Elijah, I have a boyfriend. You do know that, right?” 
He nodded, shrugging his shoulders. “What, your boyfriend doesn’t let you have friends?” You scuffed. What a played-out line. 
“I have to go,” you deadpanned, moving around him. “So, I’ll see you later,” you heard him call behind you.
You didn’t bother to turn around. “You won’t!”
 If you were in a bad mood before, you were certainly in an even worse one now. The audacity of him! When would he get it through his thick skull that you did not like him?! He better be thankful that you wouldn’t allow your boyfriend to beat him up. He’s been itching to do that ever since he found out about Elijah’s persistent crush on you. 
You weren’t surprised to find your bestfriend in the kitchen. The culinary student always seemed to wind up there whenever you were at some sort of event hosted at a house.
She stood at the counter, swaying he hips to the beat of the song as she made another biter-tasting drink. Because her back was facing the doorway she didn’t see you come in.
“Lila.”
“Hey,” she chirped, turning around. “You ready for an-,”. At the first sight of your facial expression she frowned, putting down the red solo cup and a bottle of Tequila. “What’s wrong?” 
“We’re leaving,” you rubbed your lips against each other. The motion was a bit dull as most of your lipgloss has either dried up or been licked away. “Apparently Jungkook  has somewhere to be.” 
Lila frowned, her eyebrows nearly touching. She tapped her phone awake. “At 2:30 in the morning?” You didn’t respond. “ _____, that’s sketchy.” 
“I know.” Your voice shook as you tried to explain. Maybe you were more drunk than you thought.
 “And he won’t even,” you took in a deep quivering breath. “He won’t even tell me where he’s going.” You blinked up at the ceiling, attempting to keep your tears at bay. “He always does this to me. Everything will be good and then out of nowhere, he gets distant. Then I don’t hear from him for days.”
 Your fingers picked at a stray hair on your sweater. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh honey,” your friend engulfed you in her arms. “How long has he been doing this?”
You pulled away, wiping away the tears you didn’t realize were now flowing from the corners of your eyes. “Since we’ve been dating.” 
Your friend gasped at your admission. “_____, it’s been three years!” 
“I know!” Bringing both hands up to cover your face you groaned aloud. Certainly, no one could hear you with how loud the music was. 
How ridiculous this whole situation must seem- crying over your boyfriend in a stranger’s kitchen dressed as a police officer bunny with Kendrick Lamar blaring over the speakers all while barely sober enough to stand. Gotta love being in your early twenties. 
“So then he needs to fucking explain himself! Or at least tell you where he’s going.” 
“I-,” Before you could finish your phone vibrated from your back pocket. Pulling it out you down at the device. You couldn’t refrain from rolling your eyes at the contact name on the screen. “I should probably go.” You turned the phone around, showing your friend the screen of Jungkook calling you. 
She scuffed as you shoved your phone back into your pocket. Lila pulled you into another hug. “Please keep me updated. Don’t let him walk all over you like this. You need to stand up for yourself.” 
Oh trust, this was definitely going to be addressed and it would most likely lead to another stupid argument. 
You found Jungkook standing exactly where you left him. His jaw was clenched, both hands resting in his pockets. With the way they bulged, you could tell they were clenched into fists. What was his problem?
His eyes were fixed on you the entire time, never looking away. Jungkook exhaled before speaking. “Why do you smell just like him?”
“Huh? Like who?”
“Elijah,” he asserted.
“How do you even know what he smells like?” 
“Doesn’t matter. Is that what took you so long?” Wait was he seriously mad at you right now? “Why are you being so rude to me?” 
Jungkook didn’t respond. He stuck his hand out for you to take. “We should go. Our Uber is outside.” You didn’t spare him a single glance as you walked right past him towards the front door, him hot on your heels.
──•◦❥•◦──
Thank god this Uber had a functioning heater. You swear you were starting to feel the beginnings of hypothermia biting at your toes.  You’d never take a jacket for granted again.
The atmosphere inside of the car was awkward and stuffy. Though not because of the heater or the Uber driver’s questionable taste in podcasts. Without a doubt, he was certainly an attendee of those anti-women’s rights rallies that are always held downtown. A major downside of living in a small, religious town. He wasn’t getting rated five stars. 
Neither Jungkook nor you have spoken a word to each other since you left the party. There was nothing left for you to say to him. Jungkook remained firm on not giving you any details about his plans. No matter how much you probed for the answers he remained vague. 
So you gave him the silent treatment. 
You knew it was juvenile but you couldn't help but feel that maybe he deserved it. After all, why should you respond to anything if he can’t even answer a simple question? Maybe now he would know how it feels to be ignored. 
Beside you Jungkook sighed deeply, breaking the awkward momentary silence in the car. You heard him shifting in his seat, his knee brushed against yours as he turned his body towards you. You could feel him staring at the side of your face but you were still too pissed off to even acknowledge him.
 He placed his hand on your knee, caressing the exposed skin. “I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you earlier. I was wrong and you didn’t deserve that. I’m also sorry we had to leave early, I promise I’ll make it up to you, baby.”
Whatever. You huffed, rolling your eyes as you continued scrolling through reels on Instagram. You stopped on a video tutorial of how to wax your brows at home. You were long overdue for a maintenance day. 
“Are you seriously not going to talk to me?” Silently, you skimmed through the comments. 
From the front seat, your driver cleared his throat. You would feel bad for making him uncomfortable in his own car if it wasn’t for the bullshit, misogynistic podcast playing in the background. Just because the volume was low doesn't mean you couldn’t hear it.  
You ignored your boyfriend as he called your name. Jungkook scuffed, shaking his head. “Unfuckingbelievable,” he growled. 
Your neck nearly snapped with how fast you turned towards him. If Jungkook was a stranger, the look on his face would have scared you. His eyebrows were pulled together into something furious, and the way his lips were downturned almost appeared…painful. You’ve never seen him look so angry before. But you knew your boyfriend and you knew he wouldn’t dare lay a finger on you. So your attitude remained. 
“Is there something you need to get off your chest?” 
The tension in his brows loosened. Restlessly his tongue probed the inside of his cheek, replacing the frown. The anger in his features was still present, just not as intense as before. 
Subconsciously your eyes followed the indentation. Something stirred inside you. You might be furious but you weren’t blind. He looked sexy as hell when he did that. 
“You are such a fucking child sometimes,” he hissed. Reaching up, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, snatching off the fox ears in the process. 
You frowned, scuffing. “Excuse me?” 
“You know, I am so sick of your shit!” Jungkook's voice rang out within the car. Stunned you gasped. You’ve had arguments before but Jungkook has never talked to you like that. He’s never even raised his voice at you. Where was all of this coming from?
“Throwing a fucking tantrum because I didn’t tell you where I’m going. What, do you need an alert for when I’m taking a shit now too? Would that satisfy you? Newsflash _____, I don’t need to tell you everything about my life. You’re not my fucking mother.” 
A heavy silence hung in the air.
The car halted at a red light. The tires screeched loudly at the sudden stop. The both of you jerked forward in the backseat. Instinctively you reached your hand out to prevent your face from smacking into the passenger’s seat in front of you. At the same time, Jungkook's arm shot out across your frame, halting you from moving any further. Your eyes burned with unshed tears. With your phone gripped in your hand, you gnawed at your bottom lip to keep it from wobbling or any unwanted sounds from escaping. 
A quick look through the car windows showed you were a short distance away from your house. To your right, you recognized the trail that led into a small densely packed forest. You’d taken this trial countless times before as a shortcut from your house, to the inner city, and back. Only that was in the daytime when it was bright and sunny and there were people out. Now it was ten minutes till three in the morning. You’d seen not one single person out on the streets since you made it back to the outskirts of your town. You were for damn sure there was no one in the forest either. 
At least you hoped. 
Against your better judgment, you pulled the lock back on the car door before throwing it open. 
“Um, ma’am?!” You heard your Uber driver yell as Jungkook called after you right before you slammed the car door shut. Your body was instantly overtaken by the cold again. Why the fuck didn’t you wear a jacket?! 
The sound of your shoes smacking against the pavement as you trudged across the quiet street, was booming. You approached the eerie trail with a quickness, hoping Jungkook wouldn’t follow behind you. That hope was quickly diminished however when the slamming of a door and a car speeding off came from behind you. You marched further into the thick forest, following the worn dirt trail. The dull street light at the start of the trail only offered a few meters of illumination. During the day you didn’t need to worry about how you would see as the sun was always out. Now replaced by the moon, darkness loomed over the tall trees and thick shrubbery that bordered the trail. 
 Crunching leaves filled the silence around you as Jungkook finally caught up with you. “Are you insane? That was so ridiculous?!” 
“Hey, I’m talking to you!” Jungkook gripped your hand, turning your body to face him. That nasty glare was present on his face again. Your heart skipped a beat. 
You snatched your hand away, “Don’t fucking touch me!” 
You turned to complete your walk back, but you weren’t done. Your anger was back in full force and you demanded answers. Facing him fully again, you pointed an accusatory finger at him. “How dare you? How dare you fucking speak to me that way, Jungkook?! All because I asked you a question? A question that I as your girlfriend deserve an answer to.”
He chuckled bitterly, rolling his eyes. “Cut the theatrics, _____. I’m over it.” He checked the time on his phone again. “Let’s go. It’s getting late.”
You scuffed, shaking your head. “No, I’m not going anywhere with you.” Was he insane? With the way he was acting, he was lucky you didn’t dump his sorry ass right there. 
His jaw flexed as he clenched his teeth. Bringing both hands up, he gripped his brown locks so hard you thought he would tear his hair out. 
“Why do you have to make things so difficult?” He groaned out bent over at the waist. Jungkook stood up straight again, staring you dead in the eyes. A cold chill ran down your spine. “Let’s. Go. I have somewhere to be.” 
“Where?” You were standing toe to toe with him.
“It doesn't matter, we need to go. Now.”
“No!”
“I’m serious, _____ we-.”
“Fuck you Jungkook, I’m not going!” Too focused on being stubborn, you missed the way Jungkook’s body twitched involuntarily. With his eyes closed he sucked in a deep breath. “Baby, you have to g-.” Another twitch. “No! I’m not going until you tell me.”
He called your name again. “Baby, please you need to- you have to-” 
“I’m not! Where are y-”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” You jumped, and your eyes widened in shock. The distant squawk of crows flying away echoed in the background. Stunned, you watched silently as Jungkook collapsed to his knees, panting. Both of his hands gripped the ground in front of him, his knuckles white with how tight he was holding on. You flinch as what sounded like bones snapping filled the chilly air. Piercing groans and gasps of pain escape Jungkook's open mouth. His body twitched and jerked in various directions. 
The feeling of your heart hammering in your chest made you feel nauseous. What the fuck was going on?!
With one final gasp of air, he stopped, and you were once more surrounded by that haunting stillness. You wrapped your arms around yourself again. You didn’t even notice the cold anymore. 
You took a cautious step towards your panting boyfriend. “Koo,” you called, your voice trembling. You took a few more crunching steps until you were right in front of him. “Baby? Are you okay?”
Slowly he lifted his head, revealing himself to you. You gasped, your breath hitching in your throat. With eyes as wide as saucers, you brought both of your hands up to cover your mouth.
Long, sharp fangs replaced the canine teeth in his upper and lower jaws. His beautiful, brown boba eyes - one of your favorite parts about him- were gone, in its place were piercing deep golden eyes that were locked on you. Thick dark brown fur began penetrating through his skin, covering the rest of his blemish-free face to the rest of his body. Gone was your boyfriend as you knew him, in his place was something inhuman!
In a steady voice, a cross between human and ferocious, he whispered out  a gravely, “Run.”
You didn’t have time to think or to even scream in terror. Before your mind could even register you were fleeing down the dirt path towards your house. Your feet pounded the uneven ground beneath you. The light from the streetlight has now completely faded. The only illumination came from above you, the brilliant face of the moon exposed. Jungkook screamed out once more, a thundering shout before it ended in what sounded to you like a wolf’s howl. 
The heavy thumping of footsteps picked up from behind you. What sounded like two eerily turned into four, running at a speed that was inexplicably fast. You heard the beast growl right behind you. It was so hot on your tail that you felt like it could reach out and grab you at any moment. Just up ahead you could see the end of the trail. You could cry in relief.
Your comfort was only short-lived. Before you could take another step forward, the front of your right shoe got caught on a sizable rock. It felt like your world was moving in slow motion as you were totally knocked off balance. Reaching both arms out in front of you, you braced yourself for your inevitable fall. Your body hit the solid ground with a hard smack, your right ankle twisting painfully in the process. You were so close. You were almost free.
Only then did you scream. 
Clutching your right ankle, you gasped down deep breaths of air. Sharp pain traveled hotly throughout your body. “Fuck,” you wailed, your vision blurry with tears. The blood rushing in your ears made it hard to hear anything, the world around you almost wholly muffled. The presence of a wolf was unknown to you until you heard it huff out an exhale. The horrifying creature stood at least eight feet tall on all fours. It was covered entirely in thick burnt umber fur. Drool leaked from its opened mouth, like gooey honey oozing off of a honey dipper. Its piercing golden eyes were trained solely on you. The creature slowly made its way towards you. 
You gasped, scooting backward on your feet and hands until the pain in your ankle was unbearable. The burning in your lungs was incessant with each breath you sucked down. Before you, the wolf huffed another exhale. He was so close now you could feel its warm breath tickling your face. Its teeth were bared like it was ready to bite. Leaning its head down, his long snout nosed its way between your neck and shoulder. Pushing your head up, it sniffed harshly at your skin. You closed your eyes, just waiting for the moment it decided to attack. 
“Plea-se,” you begged, your voice cracking at the end. You heaved as your entire body trembled in fear. “Please don’t- don’t hurt me.”
The wolf leaned away from you. There seemed to be a glint of recognition in his eyes. You had to be losing your mind. 
He huffed again, sitting back on his hind legs. You wanted to scream as it released another deafening howl. Then, just like magic, it was gone as if it was never there in the first place. 
Your boyfriend sat naked in its place. A look of horror was written all over his face. He brought both hands up to cradle your face. You jumped at the sudden action. For a split second, he looked slightly wounded but then the concern was back. 
 “Baby! Are you okay?!” Gently his thumbs whipped away the tears staining your cheeks. Each of your hands wrapped around his wrists. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out.
“I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?!” He checked you frantically, looking for any signs of injuries. You were speechless, the only thing you could do was heave breathlessly into the cool open air. 
“Baby please,” he pleaded. “Say something, breath!” There was a steady ringing in your ears. Jungkook’s mouth was closing and opening as if he was speaking to you, but you couldn’t hear anything. Everything was silent. The corners of your vision were obscured by an approaching darkness. You blinked rapidly to try and keep yourself alert until it consumed you completely.
──•◦❥•◦──
Drowsily, your eyes blinked open. Your vision was still fuzzy around the edges as you took in your surroundings. The room was dark but familiar. It didn’t take you long to realize that you were inside your bedroom. Somehow you must have made it home. You looked down at yourself. And changed clothes? Except your bra was still on. It was uncomfortably snug on your skin. There was a reason you never slept with a bra on. With ease you unhooked the clasp, placing it on the bed beside you.
You threw the thick blankets and duvet completely off of you, body all too warm now. There was an incessant pounding in your head. Groaning, you brought your hand up to clutch at the aching spot. There was a dull ache in your right ankle.
“Baby,” a delicate voice called from the corner of your room. It was Jungkook. “Are you awake?” Suddenly, the memories of what happened came rushing back to you. 
Your boyfriend turned into a fucking werewolf right in front of you and nearly attacked you. 
With a hammering heart, you scooted backward until your back came in contact with your headboard. He approached the side of the bed you were on cautiously, sitting down gently in the open space in front of you. His big brown orbs were back but were now swimming with sadness at the sight of you drawing your knees into yourself. 
He nibbled at his bottom lip. “There’s some pain reliever and a glass of water on your nightstand.”
 A moment passed before you reached for the pill bottle and water. You didn’t take your eyes off of Jungkook the entire time. He looked disheveled. His previously neat hair was a mess like he’d been running his fingers through it constantly. His eyes were glossy and red-rimmed. You doubt he’d gotten any sleep. Gone was his Nick Wilde costume. You assumed it was destroyed during the transformation. He was now sporting a plain black tee and matching sweats. 
You didn’t realize how parched you were until you were gulping down the rest of the room-temperature water. A few dribbles of water escaped your lips, trailing down your chin. With the back of your hand, you wiped your mouth, catching your breath. Jungkook took the empty glass from you, placing it back on the nightstand. For a while, the room was still. Neither of you decided to break the silence first. To be honest, you didn’t know what to say.
“Are you afraid of me?” 
The immediate short answer was no. There wasn’t anything in this world that could make you afraid of your boyfriend. He was the absolute love of your life. You knew he would never do anything to hurt you intentionally.
You were however afraid of what he was capable of. He was a literal werewolf! If he wanted to he could tear you into pieces. What if he didn’t recognize it was you? What would have happened then? You couldn’t help those questions swimming through your mind. “I don’t know.” His head dropped down as his eyes closed. 
It was silent for another moment. “Since when?” 
Jungkook shook his head confused. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. 
You continued. “Since when don’t we tell each other everything?” You swallowed thickly, referring to earlier in the night. You couldn’t help the emotion that trembled through your voice. “Why would you keep this from me, Jungkook? For so long.” 
He looked away from you. His eyes danced around the room before he responded. “I don’t know, I just-. I wanted to keep you safe.”
You couldn’t help the fury building inside of you. “You call that keeping me safe! You almost killed me!” Using both of your arms you gestured towards your bedroom window. 
“What!” 
Jungkook shook his head frantically. “I wasn’t going to hurt you. Baby, I would never! I knew it was you. Please believe me I would never hurt.” His eyes pleaded with yours, begging for you to believe him. And you wanted to so badly, but he’d already hurt you just not physically.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” He shook his head. “I was trying to leave. I was- I was going to drop you home and then I-I was…” he trailed off looking everywhere except at you.
“You were going to shift,” you finished for him. Wordlessly he nodded. 
The room was silent again with the occasional squeak from your ceiling fan. In front of you, Jungkook sighed.
 “You know,” you started, your boyfriend looking up at you. “This whole time I thought that I did something wrong.” You scrunched a chunk of your duvet beneath your fingertips. “I just couldn't understand what was wrong. I mean you were so hot and cold with me, it was jarring.” You shrugged your shoulders. “I thought that maybe you were getting tired of me or something…maybe even seeing someone else.” Sighing, you slowly released a breath you weren’t even aware you were holding. 
It felt amazing to finally get that off your chest, to finally express how you were truly feeling, and to have him listen. 
Your gaze was trained downward. You weren’t looking at anything specifically, you just wanted to avoid his eyes - something you hadn’t done in years. 
Jungkook gasped quietly. “_____, I would never,” he pleaded, his eyes borrowing into yours. 
Rapidly you nodded your head. “I know,” you sniffled. “I just…I didn’t know what to think. You left me in the dark Jungkook.”
 Firmly, he grasped both of your hands in his. “Baby, look at me.” Your gaze remained downcast. He gently squeezed your hands in his, urging you to look at him. “Please.” When your eyes met his, your breath nearly hitched. He was looking at you with a soft longing. The pure adoration for you swimming in his eyes was undeniable. Gone was the anger and frustration. This was your Jungkook.
“I would never-,” he shook his head. “I could never. Baby, you mean everything to me. You are my entire world.” Gently with his thumbs, he wiped away your salty tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I scared you and I’m so sorry if you ever felt I didn’t love you because that is the furthest thing from the truth. You are the love of my life; the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so infatuated with you that I don’t know how to live without you.” 
The tears blurring your vision threatened to spill as you listened to the words of your boyfriend. “Please understand that none of this is your fault. This is all because of me. I failed to communicate with you properly and I’m sorry. _____, I’m sorry.” Jungkook stared at you, desperately waiting for you to respond with something, anything. 
You said nothing. Instead, you cradled his face in your hands, bringing his lips to meet yours. You believed him—of course you did—and hoped he could feel everything you wanted to say. 
 You pulled away with a faint smack. “Is this okay?” you whispered, desperately searching his eyes for an answer. Taking a page from your book, he remained silent, swifty reattaching his lips to yours. His usually pillowy-soft lips were slightly chapped but still felt like heaven against yours. Immediately, all the stress and worries began to wash away.
He responded eagerly to the kiss, scooting closer to you and wrapping his arms around your middle. Effortlessly, he pulled you into his firm lap. Your hands curled into his cotton shirt instinctively. 
You pulled your hands from his shirt to tangle one in his hair, the other scratching gently at the nape of his neck. Jungkook sighed against your mouth, his breath tickling your chin. His mouth moved against yours tenderly, 
For a moment, you two savored the kiss, basking in each other's warmth and presence. Content sighs and soft moans escaped the both of you filling the air around you. 
Your mind was blank and fuzzy; filled with nothing but Jungkook. The way he smelled- clean with a slight hint of cologne, how gently he was kissing you, how much he loved you, the way his body fit perfectly against your own. 
The kiss was so innocent, soft, and gentle, yet your panties grew slicker with each second that passed. Beneath you, you could feel that your boyfriend was just as affected. He had been grinding his semi against you for several minutes now, pressing your damp panties into your sensitive, eager bud. It was so delicate, you were sure he had to be doing it subconsciously. 
Slowly you pulled away, opening your eyes. As he gazed at you, the dreamy look in his eyes sent pleasant tingles throughout your body. How this boy still managed to give you butterflies after years of being together is beyond you. 
“Koo,” you whispered, finger curling around a lock of his luscious hair. You couldn’t take your eyes off of his kiss-swollen lips. Slowly you ran a thumb over his bottom lip as you bit your own. 
“Hmm?” His hands continued their journey up and down your sides. Mind still clouded with all things Jungkook, it took a moment for your brain to formulate your thoughts into a coherent sentence.
 “I want you.”
His breath hitched as his hands stopped momentarily. You could see his features darken right before you. A glint of mischievousness shone in his eyes. With an arched brow, his hands continued their journey. “Yeah? Are you sure that’s what you want, pretty?” 
You shuttered at the nickname. “Please,” you begged, all shame and self-respect now completely thrown out the window. “I want you to fuck me.”
You took his hands into yours, guiding them to your supple breasts. He wasted no time, instantly fondling the squishy mounds in his large palms. You sighed as his thumbs deliberately brushed against your hardened nipples, begging to be released from the confines of your cotton shirt.
 You purred, “I need you, baby. Don’t you want me too?” 
The look in his eyes was damn near feral. “Always,” he rasped, pinching the stiffened peaks between his thumb and pointer fingers. You gasped, your brows pinching together in pleasure. “I always want you. Fuck, I can never get enough of you.” He pressed his mouth upon yours, pulling you into a searing kiss. Teasingly, he pulled away leaving you to chase after his lips.
 “Koo,” you whined, gripping his shirt to reconnect your lips. He tsked, capturing both of your wrists into his grasp.
 “Don’t be greedy,” he tutted, leaning down to kiss away the pout on your lips. “I always give you what you need.” He let go of your wrists, and with his other hand, you felt him tug at the bottom of your t-shirt. “Take this off.” 
Without a second wasted you peeled the fabric from your body, casually tossing it somewhere beyond your line of sight. With your bare chest now exposed to the cool temperature in your bedroom, goosebumps blossomed all over your skin. 
Jungkook leaned down to nose between the valley of your breasts. You giggled as he sniffed at your skin, brushing his hair away from his face “You’re such a weirdo.” 
You felt him smile against you. “Can’t help it, literally,” he chuckled inhaling deeply. “Plus you always smell so fucking good.” You hummed, fingers raking through his hair. It must be a part of his wolfie instincts.
 Your eyes fluttered shut as he began to pepper kisses all around your breasts, always just missing where you needed him the most. Once he was satisfied with his work, Jungkook finally wrapped his lips around your awaiting nipple. Your mouth dropped open around a moan as your head lulled back. He groaned at the feeling of your hand tightening in his hair. His skilled fingers tweaked your other nipple, ensuring it received the same amount of attention.
“Fuck, Koo,” you shivered, your free hand reaching down to grip his length. He always took such good care of you, you wanted to make him feel good too. Now completely erect, it stood at its full potential, tenting his sweatpants. He was rock hard and so damn thick you couldn’t wrap your hand around him completely. Even through the material of his sweatpants, you could feel the prominent veins running along his shaft. He certainly wasn’t wearing any underwear. Your mouth watered. 
Jungkook scowled, just as if he had eaten something delicious, groaning around a mouth full of your breast. He released your nipple with a wet pop. “Feels good baby,” he rasped. 
Within the next second your back collided with the plushness of your mattress. You shrieked, hands shooting out to steady yourself. 
“Can’t wait to be inside you,” Jungkook smirked from above you. He then pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him. Slowly, your eyes raked over your boyfriend, taking a moment to fully appreciate the view before you. You never thought you had a type, but god Jungkook was everything you never knew you needed in a man. 
Tiny sporadic beads of sweat gathered along his skin. They looked like diamonds dancing in the moonlight that peeked through your curtains. His body always ran warmer and after the events of tonight, you understand why. His sleeve of tattoos decorated his skin beautifully, a far better accessory than any piece of jewelry could ever be. Concealing a moan behind a bitten lip, you watched as the muscles in his beefy arms jumped as he pulled down his sweatpants, freeing his length. Your pussy fluttered at the sight; it was just as beautiful as the rest of him. 
The first time you and Jungkook had sex you were afraid he wouldn’t fit inside of you. He was so long and thick it almost seemed unreal. Though with the proper prep, you were able to take him, and let's just say no one had ever made you cum from just penetration before.
His dick rested on his tummy, standing tall and flushed. He was so hard it almost looked painful. His mushroom tip glistened with pre-cum. You desperately wanted to swallow it all up.
 You sat up on your elbows, your own eyes clouded with lust. “May I have a taste?”  
You almost moaned aloud as Jungkook gripped his dick in his hand, giving himself two long strokes making sure to flick his wrist at the tip. You caught a glimpse of his beautiful scowl before his head dropped forward, his abs flexing in pleasure. 
“Fuck,” you heard him chuckle breathly giving himself one final squeeze. He shook his head. Slowly he lifted his head, his wavy bangs falling over his eyes. Your heart lurched in your chest. He pulled you to the edge of the bed, settling in front of your open legs.
“Me first,” he smirked and you knew you were fucked. 
No one in the world could eat pussy like your boyfriend. He was the definition of an eater, always so eager to deliver the most pleasure possible. Sometimes you thought he enjoyed it more than you did. 
After delivering one successful orgasm to you with his mouth, he had you teetering on the edge of another. 
The echos of his efforts bounced off of the walls around you. He worked his fingers diligently inside of you, alternating between thrusting and scissoring them apart. The soppy sounds flowing from your cunt had you flushed all over. But you were far too close to cumming to be embarrassed. Languidly he swirled his tongue around your clit whilst both of his digits massaged your inner walls thoroughly. Your walls fluttered around his fingers, sending another gush of your arousal to coat his hand. Unshed tears began to gather along your lash line. 
“Jungkook,” you mewled wetly, eyes slamming shut as your back arched off of your bed. You licked at your lips, now dry from how hard you breathed through your open mouth. “Koo, baby I’m so close!” Jungkook moaned around you, sending a delicious stream of vibrations through your pussy. 
A steady smacking rhythm from below you caught your attention. It sounded wet and sloppy. Was he…? You gasped looking down to confirm your wicked thoughts. Through your blurry vision, you were rewarded with the sight of Jungkook fisting his veiny cock to the same rhythm he was fingering you. With each upward stroke, a trail of pre-cum dribbled from his tip onto his fingers. Oh how bad you wanted them in your mouth.
His tongue laved up slowly through your folds, the wet muscle flicking at your clit gently in the end. “So fucking good,” he muttered against you, almost to himself. Just as he reached down to fondle his balls, he sucked your clit wholly into his mouth.
Your hips canted up, pushing yourself further into the pleasure. Firmly holding you down, he croaked his fingers up, directly massaging the spongy area that had you seeing stars. Still attached to you, Jungkook groaned as your fingers tangled tighter in his hair. He pulled away from your pussy, his reddened lips and chin glistened with your arousal. “That feels good, pretty?” 
You nodded rapidly, as your breath hiccuped. “Uh-huhh~! Gonna make me come, baby.”
“Yeah?” His wrist was now snapping against you, fingers curling with precision to repeatedly stroke against your g-spot. “Make a mess for me baby. Show me how beautiful you are when you come.”
There was an incessant pressure building and building in the pit of your stomach. Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan as your face scrunched in pleasure. Your back bowed as Jungkook delivered one last stroke against that spot, so good that it sent you right over the edge.  Your walls fluttered around him, sucking his fingers in with a vice grip.
You came with a strangled shout, a slurred mess of what was supposed to be his name as your toes curled in the bedsheets. “Fuck! Koo-uhn!”
But he wasn’t done with you yet. His insatiable hunger couldn’t be sated until you were writhing, gasping for breath underneath him. He wanted you to be so dizzy with pleasure that you couldn’t remember your own name. He wanted to ruin you. He wanted it- no he needed it. He needed it so fucking bad. 
Somehow, he sucked at you harder, pushing your hips into the bed. Your body trembled, completely helpless to the overstimulation you were receiving. Inside, his fingers didn’t slow their pace, still plunging into your sopping cunt. His tongue, soaked with his saliva and your essence, rubbed figure eights into your aching clit. You hiccuped out moan after babbled moan, no longer able to properly articulate a single word.
 “One more pretty, give me one more. Please? Can you do that for me?” This man was trying to kill you. You were literally being eaten alive by your boyfriend, the irony. 
Like ferocious waves crashing onto a sandy beach, your orgasm wracked through you. The air was completely knocked out of your lungs. You were unable to make a single sound, as your mouth fell open. You thought you must’ve looked like a mad woman with your eyes rolled back and your back arched completely off of your bed. Though to Jungkook, you couldn't look more beautiful. With your hair fanned out around, heavy breasts jiggling as you gasped for breath, your skin glimmering from a thin sheen of sweat, the blissed-out expression on your face - you were a sight to be marveled at.
 Jungkook didn’t pull away until you were whimpering, pushing at his head, as you feebly scooted away from him. Gulping breaths of air, you slumped onto your mattress, now slightly damp with sweat. Tears leaked from the corner of your eyes as you stared up in a daze at your bedroom ceiling. 
Gently, he pulled his fingers from your thumping core, slowly dragging them up through your folds in the process. He popped his fingers into his mouth, his tongue licking away your arousal coated on his digits. With a lewd smacking sound he pulled them from his mouth. He positioned his body over you, fitting himself in between your open legs. You shivered as the head of his dick nudged your pussy.
“Good girl,” he whispered, caressing your thighs down to your butt. “Was that okay? It wasn’t too much was it?” You hummed, still sated from your three succeeding orgasms. “M’ good baby,” you exhaled, your breath starting to even out. “That was amazing.” 
Jungkook smiled and your heart fluttered. “Yeah?” He squeezed a handful of your right cheek. Without warning, his hand collided with the fatty meat of your ass, a loud smack resounding in the room. “Love this ass.” You yelped, flinching at the sudden brisk pain. His hand stroked over the sore spot. “You should let me eat that too.” Your eyes widened. You weren’t completely opposed to that idea. 
“Mmm, you’re a munch.” Jungkook snorted, leaning over to peck your lips twice. “Only for you though.” 
“Damn right.”
You opened your eyes to gaze up at him. He looked at peace. There was a faint trace of a smile on his lips. His orbs were scanning you, drinking you in. 
“Still want this dick?” 
You nodded, caressing over his chest and neck. Your hand fell as he stood on his knees hovering over your body. You bit your bottom lip as he reached down to squeeze the base of his dick. He huffed, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before reopening. 
“Yes, please. I need it, baby. Can’t wait any longer.” You were not too proud to beg. If your boyfriend didn’t get inside of you soon you were going to lose your mind. Future you will certainly cringe at how needy you were being though. 
He guided his tip through your dripping core, slowly dragging up and down and then back up again to circle your achy clit. 
You hissed as your legs fell open wider. “Are you sure?” with a free hand he pushed away the hair falling over his face. “I would think three orgasms is enough, no?” There was a pleased smirk on his face. He was enjoying this little game of teasing you. 
“Koo,” you whined, hooking your legs over his hips to draw him in closer. Your breath hitched as his tip caught on your entrance.
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “How can I deny you when you beg so nicely?”
 Smoothly he slid into you inch after gratifying inch. He filled you to the brim, the stretch was so good you could come on the spot. Your walls avidly accepted him, sucking him in without much resistance at all. You could feel every thick, prominent vein running along his cock. Your brows pinched together as your head fell back onto your pillow.
“Fuck,” Jungkook drawled out as your warm pussy gripped him tight. “How do you always feel so fucking good, hmm?” Sinful moans rolled freely from his tongue, the heat and wetness of your cunt had his head reeling. He was teetering on the edge of an orgasm without even getting to properly fuck you yet. 
You squirmed underneath him, before canting your hips up to grind on his dick. “Jungkook,” you huffed, frustration clear in your voice. He raised his eyebrow, letting you work yourself on his cock for a moment. Without a single word, he slid out of you almost completely, tip barely still snug in your walls. You almost complained at the absence of him until he slid back into your pussy filling you deeper than before. You could cry in relief.
“Fuck,” you yelped, hands scrambling to find something to hold on to before they settled on his shoulders. 
“My greedy baby,” he purred, voice dripping with lust. He gave you two more long strokes. You gasped into the open air. “You just needed to be fucked right? All you needed was this dick?” You nodded, bottom lip tucked between your teeth. “I need it, baby please.”
 “Don’t worry pretty,” his smirk was sinful, almost devilish. “I’ll give you what you want.” The two of you fell into a heated, frantic rhythm, incredibly desperate to feel one another. The wet smacking sounds of your bodies colliding could only be described as sonorous. Above you, you watched as Jungkook worked his hips into you expertly, never failing to hit every sensitive spot you didn’t even know existed inside you. You were so worked up, that you knew it wouldn’t take long for you to reach your peak again.
 Tiny beads of sweat were beginning to run down the sides of his face from his excursion. His scowl was present again, mouth wide open to allow unabashed moans to fall freely from his lips. He always moaned so sweetly. 
He hit you at an angle so deep, that you both moaned in response. “Uhn, Koo! Love the way you fuck me, baby,” you trembled in his hold. 
“I love it more baby,” he grunted, grinding his hips into yours.
Grabbing your hand into his, he brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of it. Halting his movements for a brief second, he leaned down to capture your lips between his, drawing you into a filthy kiss. His hips picked up again as your lips slid against each other, panting into each other’s mouths rather than kissing. When he pulled away there was a string of saliva connecting you both. 
He gasped, closing his eyes at the feeling of your cunt squeezing around him. “I love you so much, baby. God, I can’t get enough of you.” Your heart swelled in your chest. How could he still be so sweet while pounding you into oblivion? 
“I love you too baby,” you gasped. “Love you so fucking much!” 
“M’ not gonna last,” Jungkook whined, fingers digging into your hips. You weren’t surprised, while you were three orgasms in Jungkook hadn’t relieved himself once.
He positioned your legs over his shoulders being careful of your ankle, driving his cock into you deeper. His heavy balls slapped lewdly against your ass. You yelped, your breath hitching as the thick head brushed over your g-spot. “Fu-Koo! Right there!”
He swiveled his hips, his cock rubbing over the spongy area, that had shivers running down your spine. You could feel your arousal leaking from where you were connected, trailing down your ass. It gathered into a filthy pool of sweat and arousal beneath you. There was no saving these bedsheets. 
“Want you to come again, pretty. Need to see you come again.” You were so sensitive- too sensitive, you weren’t sure you could even come again. But you wanted to so badly, you wanted to be good for Jungkook.
Jungkook licked the pad of his thumb, and brought it down between your bodies, rubbing figure eight into your bundle of nerves. You were so wet it slipped a couple of times before he could get into a perfect rhythm. He was now snapping into at a pace so maddening you could barely breathe. That heavy tension in the pit of your tummy returned building and building as he fucked you quicker and deeper. Your eyes began to burn with unshed tears. 
“Baby, m’ so close! Gon-ah! Gonna come,” your words slurred together. 
Jungkook chuckled huskily above you, his breath hitting your face at the same pace he was fucking you. “So damn pretty. Come for me again baby.” He turned his neck to peck kisses into your sweaty calf. “Cream all over this dick.” 
It didn’t take much for you to come again, just a gentle brush of fingertips across your nipples had you reeling. Your back arched as you froze, your vision blurring. There was a loud ringing in your ears. A gush of release rushed out of you once, twice, and then a third time. It felt euphoric. 
You screamed, your spent walls spasming around your boyfriend. “Fuck Jungkook, fuck!” You collapsed onto your bed; your bones feeling like jell-o. You laid there motionless as the ringing subsided in your ears.
Jungkook groaned from above you. “Look at that, baby.” You could hear the smile in his voice. Still blissed out, you struggled to open your eyes. Finally looking down at what your boyfriend was referring to you gasped. There was a sizeable wet stain on your mattress, right under your ass. Your thighs and Jungkook's groin were also wet. Too wet to be sweat. 
He smirked, “You made a mess.” 
You felt yourself flush, unable to respond. Your mouth opened and closed, and then opened again in search of a response. 
 Jungkook chuckled above you, snatching you up in his arms. “You’re so damn hot,” he growled, sitting you on his cock. You winced slightly, overstimulation running through you. Sensitive but still good.
Fervently, he thrusted up into you, trapping you within his hold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning your head down onto his shoulder. The damp skin was salty as you scraped your teeth across the area, your fingers tangled in his hair. Jungkook shivered as he grounded his hips into yours. He panted wetly beside your ear, airy moans and whines trembling out of his mouth. He was so, so close. 
You were too exhausted to say anything, instead stamping wet kisses across his neck to his throat, letting him have his way with you.
Still sensitive from your intense orgasm, your pussy clenched tight. “Ah!” He cried out, bouncing you harder on his dick to meet his thrusts. 
“Are you close, Koo,” you purred, biting his earlobe while your nails grazed his neck.
He cried out as his eyes shut. “Pussy’s too fucking good.” 
“Cum for me baby. Want it inside me.” You clenched your hand in his hair, pulling his locks, forcing his head back.
He gripped you tighter, thrusting deep. A broken wail of your name tumbles from his lips as he cums. You swear you could feel him swell inside you. He whines high in your ear as thick ropes of his semi-transparent seed paint your walls. You hum detaching yourself from his throat. He now sported a mark matching your own. Leaning down, you slotted your lips together with his, kissing him slow and deep. 
──•◦❥•◦──
Encased in your boyfriend’s arms, you felt warm in all the best ways. After fucking the daylights out of you, you cleaned off together, washing away all the vulgarity of your previous activities. Though Jungkook did most of the work as you were so drained you could barely stand up.
When you finally tumbled into bed, all clean and comfortable, Jungkook entertained any questions you had about his ability. No matter how ridiculous or nonsensical they seemed.
You'd found out that he was born a werewolf - the first time he'd shifted was his thirteenth birthday. He would be considered an alpha in the werewolf hierarchy, though he wasn't the pack leader, that was his father. Unlike what is commonly believed, werewolf mates weren't predestined, they were able to choose their mates themselves. That one made your heart beat a little faster.
From behind, Jungkook kissed your naked shoulder. You hummed, still gazing at your hand clasped together with his. You could barely keep your eyes open, the urge to sleep overtaking your body by the minute. You had another question though.
“When you shifted in front of me it seemed…” You searched for a word. “Involuntary. How come?” 
“Usually when I shift it is voluntarily, completely up to me.” You nodded still listening. “The only time it’s not voluntary is when there’s a full moon. Like tonight. Heightened emotions also make it more difficult to suppress it.” 
“Ohh,” you muttered. That made sense. “That’s why it seemed painful? You were trying to avoid it?” 
“Mhmm.”
 It was silent for a moment. There was one more question burning in your mind.
“Koo?” 
He hummed in acknowledgment. “I have another question.”
“Sure baby.”
“When you um,” you cleared your throat. You felt Jungkook move behind you, sitting up to gaze at your face. “When you uh, came. How come it wasn’t…,” you trailed off, too embarrassed to finish. 
“How come it wasn’t what, sweetheart?” You could hear the smile in his voice. 
“How come it wasn’t you know, a lot. Like it the stories.” You’d always read that whenever werewolves ejaculated it was a substantial amount, but when your boyfriend did, it was average. Granted, those were fanfictions and this was real life. 
It was silent. When you turned to face him, you were greeted with his smug grin. “What stories might that be?”
“St~op,” you whined, swatting at his chest. He chuckled capturing his hand in yours, kissing it twice.  
“Well, if you must know, you little minx,” you playfully rolled your eyes. “That only happens when I’m in my rut and I’m assuming you know what that means since you’ve read the stories.”
You hummed. “So I’m guessing that whole knot thing is to amp up the stories too right?” You tried to hide the relief in your voice. Jungkook settled back against your pillows making himself comfortable. “Oh no. That part’s very real.”
Your eyes widened. “What?!” 
──•◦❥•◦──
Thank you for reading!♡ 
Copyright © 2024 Spicybutterfly
All rights reserved.
Distribution, copying, reposting, or translating of any kind is not permitted. I will take legal action against those who attempt to steal my work.
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xxknockoutxx · 2 days ago
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The beginning
𝙎𝙮𝙣: 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙜𝙪𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙡𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙮.
𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: 𝘿𝙖𝙗𝙞(𝙏𝙤𝙪𝙮𝙖 𝙏𝙤𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙞) 𝙭 !𝙑𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙛𝙚𝙢 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧.
𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: cursing, screeching nomus and yeah
𝘼/𝙣: this fic is really old and I just never finished it. Lol.
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Moments like these are meant to be cherished. Sitting in your boyfriend's lap as he starts fights with all the League members for no reason. Still sitting there with a smirk on his face and a proud hand over your thigh.
Eventually the topic transitions from arguments about whatever into Beginnings rather how everybody met each other. Now the topic comes up.
"How did you guys meet?" Toga asks, looking at dabi with curious and intrusive eyes.
"Uhhhh..." He cocks his head and rubs his chin in a thinking position. The amount of time he put in was a little too long for your liking.
You were shooting mad glares at dabi because why the fuck is it taking so long for him to respond? It shouldn't be that hard to remember something so important.
"Go on, tell her, we're allllll awaiting your response" you say while shooting his sarcastic look.
"I'm getting to it, doll" He says while desperately searching through his mental library for that distinct 'One day' he could feel those glares burning holes in his face and he can see toga's smirk in the corner of his eyes. The things he would do to smack the hell out of that girl.
"Wowww, how are you even lower than my lowest expectations" you cross your arms and move off his lap and find solace in Twice's and Compress' comfort.
"But that was like 2 years ago! My bad that I've had too many near death experiences to remember when I met one person!"
The whole fucking league: Wowwwww....
"The fuck are y'all wowing about!?"
You take a deep breath before looking at Toga.
"I'll tell you. It was kinda weird because I was different a long time ago..."
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"This is all your fucking fault Dabi"
"How the fuck is this my fault!?"
"I'm not the one who left their spot to get a beer and look at some women!"
"Ohhh...."
Wonderful when a mission goes WRONG right? Being tied up and gun point in front of a whole bunch of facility members.
"Can you pretty please tie me up away from them.. They're hurting my ears!" Toga shouted at the guard that stood before her, clearly unfazed by her begging.
A loud crash in the next room got all of the guards attention and they basically forgot about the league.
"Oh thank the heavens above, maybe compress used his Spidey Sense and figured up that we're fucking held captive!" Shigaraki was still throwing daggers at dabi not even caring for toga at this point.
"Shiggy, if I hear another word out of your dry ass mouth I swear I will make sure I'm not the only piece of burnt b-!"
A huge wave of blood splashed them, even making Toga flustered. A cloaked figure walked past them so briefly that it looked like they were fazing in and out of reality. Were they really just here to steal? Not even concerned that they have Japan's greatest villains in the palm of their hand?
The figure disappeared and the rope cut by itself or rather by a dagger that ended up in the rope somehow...
After they got back to the base dabi got chewed out pretty good by the league and was sent on his own on a solo mission as maybe apology or to earn the leagues trust but truthfully it was just to get him as far away from shiggy as possible.
"So annoying... Send me on a fuckin' mission like I'm your little minion n' shit"
He mocked shiggy and his scratchy voice. "Look for supercharged Nomu, blah blah blah" The audacity of him to kick ME out. I'm fucking Dabi I don't care if he thinks he's my boss, I swear I'm gonna slap the shit out of him when I see him again...
His thoughts raced, so caught up in his chanting he didn't notice the approaching thundering stomps. Oh shit... That's a...— NOMU!
"Yeah get the fuck out of here, now..." *He runs off the building he was on and through the woods trying to find a short cut to a place he could have more battleground.
Turns out that super charged nomu are faster than a dude who runs in heeled boots and smokes 20 cigarettes a day. So yeah... He got stuck. But don't worry because that same mysterious figure from earlier jumps in and saves his ass again!
Before he could even notice himself slightly above the ground he's launched into a tree, facing the nightmarish monster that was just following him.
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm gonna drop you from this tree and let it demolish your body"
"Understandable, have a nice day, do as you wish."
A group of trees collapsed on the Nomu causing it to scream and bleed. Dabi looked almost starstruck as he admired the sight before. The gust of air knocked off the figures hood revealing that they were in fact female.
Damnnnn mama was the only thing he was thinking in that empty head. Right as he was about to run his way back home he was being held up.
"So you're with the league of losers?"
"Eh close enough" He shrugged
In a matter of seconds dabi had a burning hot blade pressed against his throat. Wow kinky much? He thought. But nevertheless and he complied out of his own boredom
"Take me to your base now!"
"Okay" He didn't mind, he'll just lure you back to the base, to his specific room, and thennnnn after an extended 'talking' session he'll kill you and return the league in a great mood!
Well, that didn't happen and that's how you guys met.
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pyroisamaniac · 1 day ago
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I went on a small The Magnus Archives binge today, and I've watched episodes 160-167.
(Big spoilers ahead)
I am incredibly happy with the direction season 5 is going with so far. It's a lot more beautifully calm than I was expecting. The story still does an amazing job describing what the victims of the fear entities are experiencing through Jon's statements, but the way the fears are unable to hurt Jon and Martin, and how vivid and creative the writing is, I can't help but appreciate each "statement" as if it was a beautiful form of horrific poetry. I'm sure that I will certainly be scared again down the line, but it's been really fun seeing this feel almost like some cosmic horror road trip.
And I am incredibly happy with the amount of importance Martin's role in the story has been given. There were so many things about Martin I wasn't expecting while watching the show, but now that I am here, I can really appreciate how his character arc built up to this. I was expecting a side role, or tragedy to claim his life, but I'm so, so happy I was wrong.
And Jon and Martin's relationship is incredibly, amazingly sweet. I was uncertain if a relationship between them both could ever even work or start! They were both constantly being confronted by the fears, I imagined the stress would be too much for them to properly connect, or that one of them would end up tragically dead or transformed beyond recognition, but against everything, they managed to come together in a really beautiful way. I feel like it's really narrativly relevant, too. Jon rescued Martin from the lonely, and let him know he was there, and now Martin is the one supporting and working alongside Jon in the apocalyptic hellscape, and Jon himself says that Martin is the reason he is able to persist despite the terror. How loneliness can be incredibly hard to deal with if you don't have connections to help ground you.
And Jon saying "I love you" is sweet. 💕 Helen coming by and saying they're an adorable couple is sweet. 💕 It's insane and incredible that they started and are maintaining a really sweet relationship in the middle of an apocalypse.
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sleepyparalysisdmon · 2 days ago
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2 Minus 1 - Epilogue
Seungcheol is doing good without you. Really good, in fact! He’s got a great job, has his own apartment, and has many friends surrounding him. He’s even done some dating in the three years that you’ve been gone. On some blissful days, you don’t even cross his mind. But when you reappear in his life, he has to come to terms with the fact that he might not be doing as good as he thought he was. 
Genres: ANGST with a little bit of fluff here and there. One suggestive scene (minors, use caution). 
Word count: 530
Requested? Yes!
You can find the series masterlist here.
The man is rather close to you, crowding you at the bar. You look up at him curiously over your beer. He gives you a sly grin. “So, you come here often?”
You resist a snort at the predictability of the question. “Occasionally.”
“Hmm. I’ve never seen you here before.” The man starts, stepping a little closer. A hand hovers at your side, like he might touch your waist. You raise your eyebrow, almost like a dare. “So, are you single?”
“What’s it to you?” You ask lightly. 
“Just want to understand my competition,” the man says smartly.
You can't keep up the act anymore, bursting into a giggle. “Yoon Jeonghan, I am not responsible for what your competition is about to do to you.”
Jeonghan grins widely. “And you don’t think that was the entire point? Man, I love riling him up. It takes so little effort."
“It’s your funeral. One day you’ll push it too far. Don’t worry, I’ll read a nice eulogy for you,” you smart back. 
Jeonghan chortles. He puts his hand down, stuffing it in his pocket, but doesn’t step away. He picks up another topic but you catch him peeking over your head across the bar occasionally, presumably to see if said competition is taking the bait. 
Jeonghan moved back recently, just a couple years after you. As luck would have it, you’d just moved out of your apartment and Jeonghan had taken over the lease right away. The extra surprise was that Joshua had come with him. You hadn’t expected that, but Joshua said he wanted to explore the world a little bit more, so he started looking for a job here when Jeonghan announced that he was planning to move back. 
An arm wraps around your waist and a kiss is pressed to your temple. “I can never get rid of you, can I?” The rough words aren’t directed at you, but rather Jeonghan and it makes both of you chuckle. Seungcheol isn’t chuckling, but he does have a slight lift at the corner of his lips. Still, his fingers hold onto your hip firmly.
“No, you both will never be rid of me now,” Jeonghan promises good-naturedly. 
“Isn’t that a shame?” Seungcheol laments, turning to you. “What do you think about moving? I don’t want him as a neighbor anymore.” He's giving you big eyes to soften you up.
You giggle. “Baby, we just renewed the lease. We’re stuck there for at least a year. Besides, don’t you think Jeonghan’s pretty cute to have around?” You tease, reaching up to pinch Jeonghan’s cheek. Jeonghan groans, swatting you away.
“No, he’s not cute to have around. He’s a nightmare,” Seungcheol bites, lips falling into a pout. 
Jeonghan exits the bar, mumbling something that resembles ‘big baby’, leaving you to it. You turn to Seungcheol, hand landing lightly on his cheek. He's recently cut his hair and you think you'd like him to keep it this way. It makes him look more mature in some ways, but it makes his cheeks stand out more. “We talked about this, baby. You said you’d try to be nice. Besides, he’s just trying to get under your skin. It’s worse if he knows it’s working.”
Seungcheol looks down at you with wide eyes and it makes you so soft for him. “I know. I’m trying. But maybe only call me cute, okay? And act more annoyed at his presence.”
You giggle. “I can do that.” 
He presses a little kiss to your lips. “I love you.”
You grin against his lips when he leans down for one more. “I love you too.”
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winters-on-the-wing · 2 days ago
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my impression of the marauders as somebody who is extremely new to the fandom
this will probably make people mad. i am ready for that.
remus lupin -> he seems cool. his lore is fascinating. imagine being bitten by a werewolf and having your entire life ruined just because somebody has beef with your dad. that's some tea. i think his personality is cool, he seems very rough-and-tumble while also being quiet and plaintive, and i love how he has more street-smarts than book-smarts. the chocolate jokes are already getting old, though, i fear. besides aren't dogs allergic to chocolate?
sirius black -> this guy also seems cool. i like his natural swagger he's got going on. i hate how people are framing him as some "puppy dog" character when he's clearly got such a suave and effortless cool factor that clearly differentiates him from the others. i also think his lore is interesting. i love when the older sibling is the scapegoat, i feel like so often, the younger sibling is victimized in fandoms and i like the little reverse of expectations with that.
james potter -> THIS GUY IS MY FAVORITE HE IS LITERALLY ME. i think jegulus is stupid (to me, it just seems like a bunch of walking talking tropes, no real substance, and i hate how it frames james as some overly-masculinized knight-in-shining-armor archetype with no real personality of his own besides being regulus' savior), and i love how he defends lily from the others' teasing. i adore how his lore and personality set him up for such an interesting character development. it is so interesting to follow an uncorrupted child who has never known pain, to see him throw himself into harm's way because he feels like he has to. i also LOVE that he is a deer because i've always seen myself a deer-like sort of person. and oh did i mention that james is literally me? also his personality seems like such a nice mix of mr. popular and a fantastical, elvish presence.
peter pettigrew -> idk how to feel about him. he kinda pisses me off but i also feel like too many people are writing him off when he has the potential to be just as interesting a character as all the others. i kind of resent the idea that he was a "traitor" type from the start because the idea of him being a traitor is supposed to be a huge surprise that nobody saw coming. i love the idea of him being like a well-meaning jokester sort of person who sometimes goes too far, but just wants to be liked and wants to belong very badly.
regulus black -> okay so this is probably very unpopular but i think regulus is such an interesting antagonist. i don't want to redeem him. i don't want to ship him with any of the marauders. i think he best serves the universe as an antagonist role, somebody who holds so much bitterness and fear in his soul, to the point where he is destroying himself and everything around him to try and get what he wants - but the problem is that he does not know what he wants. i previously mentioned that i think the ship between him and james is dumb, and i stand by that. i think it would be cooler if regulus and james were sort of like enemies, though not overtly. regulus feels like james is taking away sirius and further corrupting him, destroying who sirius was. james feels like regulus is preventing sirius from growing and escaping his life of misery. but the thing is, they both love sirius. just in very complex ways. i love the idea of regulus being a tortured villain, his situation does not excuse his awful actions, but they explain them in a way that makes your heart ache for him, and then makes you feel like a weird asshole for feeling bad for him. that just seems so cool to me.
lily evans -> this is MY GIRLLL. i think she is so cool, so sweet and smart. the only thing with her that i find a bit annoying is that she's close with snape, who i find super annoying. but i love her attitude and her vibe. she's a strong woman without being one of those obnoxious "i'm a strong female character" archetypes. her strength lies in her actions, not her words. i also do think that her relationship with james is adorable and i hesitate to throw it away for the sake of gay ships, but i do think canon deviance with the marauders ships offers so much creative freedom, so james is not the only person i could potentially see her with. i think she could offer such an amazing platonic role in any story, and i hate the notion that the only storyline she offers is a romantic connection with james.
marlene mckinnon -> again, i am obsessed with her. i do not know much about her compared to the other characters, but what i do know about her, i love. i think she is so fun, and her personality is a great mix of strength and integrity. she sort of reminds me of a happier version of katniss from the hunger games. willing to fight for what she believes in, but she uses her power to support her values. i also feel like she and katniss have a similar dry humor that is so funny without even trying. i also love the idea that out of all the marauders, she is among the ones with the least emotional intelligence, in the sense that she isn't a "voice of reason" character like lily is. i hate when all of the woman characters are magically emotional geniuses.
severus snape -> i think he is incredibly annoying and i hate the narrative that he's just a poor baby who was bullied by the marauders. i just feel like he has such a victim complex about everything, and a lot of jealousy when it comes to his relationship with lily. i get that he did not have as much social power as the marauders, but if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt. i don't view him as completely unsympathetic per se, but i much prefer to view him from an antagonistic lens. he just seems like such a whiner. like if you don't want people to make fun of you, then don't be an asshole to them? maybe i am being overly harsh, but as somebody who was bullied, i think it is ridiculous to frame snape's situation as bullying because he is literally such an instigator. the whole point of bullying is that it is unprompted. like come on he is NOT a little wet cat of a victim.
and the other characters, i do not know enough about to form a coherent opinion. i do know of dorcus, alice, preston, and emmaline, but not nearly enough. i would love some advice on who they are and what they contribute to the story!
also i have not read all of "all the young dudes", i made it to chapter nine and then got overwhelmed by all the names, so i got the quick cliffsnotes of the lore from my best friend. i don't care about spoilers, i would actually love them!
also please don't get mad about my opinions, this is all lighthearted and again, i don't know shit about this fandom so i am pulling most of this out of my ass.
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maythedreadwolftakeyou · 2 days ago
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Here's mine!
Rook: Juniper Aldwir, a dalish elf mage, I mostly went for the direct/aggressive dialogue options with a few of the more positive/nicer or joke-y options in companion convos. I went with the spellblade specialization and ended up loving it after a rough mage start. I also played arcane warrior/knight enchanter my first DAO and DAI runs though so. lmao. i have a type.
Faction: Veil jumpers! How could I not go with the scientific study of weird magic group... I've decided she's more on the geography and cartography side of the profession rather than mechanics/tinkering like Bellara, which is why she's not the one fixing the broken objects you encounter herself. I imagine she's the one drawing maps of all the places you go, making notes of interesting landmarks/items, etc. the crossroads drives her insane (bc it drives ME insane) because of the weird half reality half fade logic to the locations, travel, etc.
Companions/NPCs: My go to companion squad was Lucanis and Davrin or Taash for the best combos/fighting, and Emmrich because I enjoyed his comments/character a lot too. NPC wise, of course finally seeing FELASSAN!!! was great and he got so much more content and dialogue than I expected. was cheering every time i found another codex entry from him, and the Betrayal fight ruled. otherwise, like most everyone else i LOOOOVEEEE Teai & Viagos Divorced Energy... i'm obsessed. And then Antoine & Evka for actually wholesome, and Vorgoth bc idk wtf is up there but its sexy. but also THE CARETAKER what IS it... i have so many questions... that i will be filling in with weird headcanons probably. I also liked listening in on the two fledgling crows on the balcony who have a ton of unique banters, and a couple other npc banter points idk how to describe lmao. Some of the spirit ones in the crossroads I wish we got more of.
Romance: Lucanis my BELOVED obviously i am doing... an insane amount of lucanisposting lately... yeah I've got the full brainworms. even though the game itself was lacking in content my neurons are instead working overtime to try to fill in everything the game left out
Major decisions: I saved Treviso because Minrathous JUST had its turn being saved, shouldn't they like??? be mobilizing the ARMY they actually have over there by now??? they should have been better prepared idk what else to say. insane it got hit a 3rd time at the end anyway so i stand by my choice in picking Antiva. As for the companion endings, I felt most didn't really make a difference to me, with the exception of Emmrich. I kept manfred on this run becuase I was NOT ready to say goodbye to my gentle skeleton son 😭 next game i will romance Emmrich and make him a lich tho. As for the ending... I sent Harding to lead the second squad and Neve was the one who got mirror-kidnapped. Whcih did leave for an absolutely devastating post-Nightmare-In-Dreamland fade sequence where Rook suddenly had NONE of the companions she started the game with. Getting hit with losing Harding, losing Neve, and then the realization that Varric had been dead the whole time definitely makes for some angsty roleplay opportunity, though I do wanna replay it with Bellara in the final position just so I can watch her stand up to the gods, because i think that'd be pretty great. Ending-wise: I'm a Solavellan fool who's been pining for a real life decade now almost so I of course went for that lmao. I will play through all the other options just for the drama of it all, and probably come up with some adjusted exact sequence for how things go as a headcanon, but yeah.
again pls feel free to reblog & add yours, i've really liked reading about the couple who've answered so far :))))
ok i know ive been doing a lot of bitching about the game etc but putting that aside for a moment. Now that more people have finished Veilguard, I'm curious about people's first playthroughs!
What kind of Rook did you make (lineage, class, dialogue personality options, etc)?
What faction did you play as?
Fave companions and npc's?
Who did you romance?
The major choices--what'd you do? (which city, saved, notable companion routes you strongly prefer, what went down in act 3 and endgame...)
Any particular missions/lore you were excited about?
you don't have to be a mutual to reply to/reblog this! im just curious what we all veered to for the first run. i'm doing a second one now making different choices but it's interesting to compare people's first instincts.
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spyres · 2 months ago
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isat: explores the concept of found family outside of the expected nuclear family dynamic. goes even further by being explicitly against the idea of a found family always being nuclear, and shows this by having the characters cringe and express discomfort at the idea of being assigned specific roles. wants you to accept its found family being an amorphous blob
isat fans who don't understand themes outside of fandomized incorrect quote blogs: okay but what if odile was the mom friend and the rest of the group are her kids
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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waterfallofspace · 1 year ago
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Welp- I have done my first (incredibly rough/awful) digital drawing/animation and despite the uh, rough quality, to be kind, I'm dropping it under the cut~~
(set your expectations LOW please haha <33)
Tadaaa~ my first awful attempt at digital art/animation!
Why am I posting something I fully know isn't good? Well, to be honest, I always see AMAZING artists on here, and personally I love when you can see that when someone started, they weren't nearly as good as they are now! So if one day I ever get better, I like the idea that my starting point is on here~
Orrrr maybe I just haven't slept in over 24 hours and I'm out of my mind. Either could be the case <3333
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dova-kiin-got-bored · 2 days ago
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(Originally put this as a comment but it got too long, whoops. Suppose that's what happens when you Enjoy the technical, math based side of worldbuilding :b)
About the screaming death - if we're looking at this from like, a percentage chance out of X population and give a rough life expectancy and clutch size:
(Please note I'm not trying to be rude or anything, you've just got me curious and I'm thinking about it now. This is just a lot of fun guess work lol.)
Let's say out of the 170 islands in the franchise(according to the wiki, which I'm assuming includes the comics) there's probably whisperingdeaths on 10-20 of them since they seem to be less common than nadders, gronkles, etc.
So we go middle and say theirs a decent population on 15 islands.
Given there's probably a Max to how many live on one island, because if not then they'd start collapsing like in Appetite For Destruction, we'd need to figure out what the max is.
Since there's competition between other dragons and the islands we see in RTTE(the best ref I've got) seem to be around 20km² let's estimate 3 whisperingdeaths per km² so 60 per island.
The outlier here would be Whisperingdeath island which seems to be around the same size but only have whisperingdeaths - so probably something like 6 whisperingdeaths per km² which gives us 120. 60 × 14 for the other islands is 840 so 960 adult whisperingdeaths in this snapshot for the purpose of this speculation.
They probably don't live quite as long as humans, so average life expectancy of 60. The screamingdeath was full grown in 3 years so they probably have a clutch every 3 years - 57 years of reproduction gives us 19 clutches per mama whisperingdeath(960÷2=480, but I imagine not every one has clutches every 3 years so let's go with 300) and they seem to have pretty decent sized clutches based off how many eggs the Outcasts put under Berk(I'm not using the hatched whisperingdeaths as a measurement here because they would've only animated so many due to funding and time) so roughly 8 eggs per clutch. But not every egg will hatch so let's say 6. 6× 19 is 144, multiply by 300 is 34,200 whisperingdeaths are hatched every 60ish years. Of course not every one makes it to adulthood(predation, illness, injuries etc.) So let's give them a 50% survival rate to adulthood(or at least like, to sub-adult territory) which gives us: 17,100.
If screamingdeaths are a 1-1000 chance that means roughly 17 screamingdeaths make it to adulthood each 60ish years. So they're very few and far between, but it's not impossible that they've met one another - especially since there seems to be very few natural predators once they're fully grown.
everyone’s all like “oh no poor toothless he’s the only one of his kind” and don’t get me wrong that is super sad but also don’t forget
-the buffalord
-the screaming death
-the skrill (i think)
-the eruptodon
were all the only one of their kinds too :c
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catboii · 1 year ago
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← Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 → Full Thread
[Day ####]
It’s been several days since there were any markable concerns. No breaches, no alerts, no deaths on the clock... Everything has been running smoothly. As it should. 
The Overseer of the current area leads their Agents through the corridors, writing up directives for the daily observations and handing them to the respective Agent.
The Anomalies here are usually very quiet, although sometimes, one of them will just sort of- change… Wake up… And then they completely flip. You can’t trust them. Sometimes Agents have underestimated what seemed like a normal inanimate object, like the hairbrush that hypnotises people, pulling them with psychic tendrils into its room, so that they'll brush their hair with it, then two weeks later they'll wake up from a coma; or a small animal, like the mouse that turned out to eat concrete and burrowed out by nibbling around the steel reinforcements before anyone noticed. There was so much paperwork...
Most of the chambers look the same, bland, metallic grey inside and out, the only difference being the cautionary and instructional stickers of varying sizes, shapes and colours, on the corridor-side of their doors. Some have more than others, and some seem to tell a story. 'No eye contact', 'No turning your back', 'No auditory interaction', 'Unconfirmed: Inanimate', etc; the list could be endless as more instructions are being discovered and printed every day, although it's not a fast process as the braille needs to be sized and punched correctly. Whenever something is Suspected, they use a medium sized Yellow sticker, with a dashed border for the colourblind. If something is confirmed, then it’s a larger sized Red sticker with a bold border. There are the occasional smaller, Green stickers, with a wavy line as a border; this makes them look more whimsical and friendly, although doesn’t mean that whatever is being contained is safe, just that the action is ‘safe’, such as 'Safe: Eye contact', 'Safe: Slow movement', 'Safe: Liquid exposure'. As it’s quite difficult to confirm that something truly is ‘safe’, there aren’t as many Green stickers as the others, and they’re easy to peel off, in case something turns out to not actually be safe... There are alot of Yellow stickers through the halls, as it’s all too easy to have an unconfirmed suspicion, rather than to prove that something is safe or not. 
After a few Agents are sent on their assignments, the Overseer leads the remaining toward another bland silver door, with the usual square viewing window and several Yellow stickers: the expected, and potentially obvious instructions when approaching any wild animal, ‘maybe don’t touch or feed this thing, it might bite, but we’re not sure’. There are also some White and, some rarer, Black stickers though. The White stickers are confirmed guidelines, Agents normally call the neat little sections of White stickers Biogs, as they’re a bit like summaries, and you need a better name than ‘what do their Whites say?’ when discussing cases with your peers. The Black stickers, however, are important notes to keep in mind if you have to go into the room. These are always very specific, but usually a little cryptic, as if their info is on a need to know basis. Which it sort of is, as they only get explained to you if you’re the one going in. 
Most Anomalies in this section have the White 'Does not eat' sticker, as they’re inanimate objects (less of an instruction, just an observation that it doesn’t need to be fed, although someone must have tried, to be able to confirm it, which summons amusing images of Agents trying to coax mysterious Diaries or amulets to nibble on some fruit or a raw steak), but this one also has this sticker, and it appears to be some kind of small animal. Trying to peer through the door window, Agent 23 thinks it looks like a crow sitting in the middle of the floor, although there are too many layers of thick, toughened glass to get a clear view from this distance. There also appears to be a large, Red, octagonal sticker ,right beside the White one that looks like the 'Do not approach' instruction, based on the size and shape, but it’s covered by a Black sticker frantically scribbled over with what looks like black sharpie? As if someone was trying to take it back, but didn’t have the right sticker to hand. The white text is still easily readable, and says 'Caution level C-3'. The Caution level 'C' stickers are reserved for the Anomalies that have shown cannibalistic traits, which is a rabbit hole of a definition when you consider that these Anomalies aren’t human, and eating other animals is a perfectly normal carnivore activity… for animals. 
But why would a creature that doesn’t eat, according to that White sticker, show interest in eating other creatures..? 
Moreover, the level is a scale, like 1:1 or 1:10 in scale models. 'C-1' is for creatures that will attack and/or eat other creatures the same size as them, 'C-0.5' would mean creatures half their size, etc. So 'C-3' means that it’s 'shown an interest' in attacking and eating something three times its own size. Which, based on how small it is, doesn’t sound too worrisome. And besides, this must have been observed before it was put into containment...
As the Overseer looks over the paperwork left hooked on the door, a couple of the Agents peer through to the chamber. There are three interlock doors, which seems excessive for such a small creature. Two is perfectly fine for most of the other, larger Anomalies. Besides, the extra door space takes away some of the chamber space, leaving it alot smaller, even if the creature inside isn’t very big itself. There aren’t any perches or furniture inside, nothing for enrichment. There are also two chairs outside the doors, one either side, when there are usually just two. Only one is the metal kind with the little document shelf under the seat though, the other doesn’t look like it belongs here, more like it’d been dragged from somewhere else, possibly a staff room on another floor, since the ones on this floor are cushioned. 
“Alright,” the Overseer starts confidently, “have any of you had any experience with this Anomaly?” Two of the six Agents raise their hands, one being Agent 23, a low level Agent who'd been working at the Facility for three years so far. “Perfect. Now please lower your hand if any of those experiences have been negative in any way, if you have verbally expressed any negative thoughts around this doorway, or if you may have been overheard disciplining another Anomaly or member of staff in this hallway, at all”, they slightly raise their voice at the end, as if to emphasise how important this was. Agent 23 keeps her hand raised, but she couldn’t see why any of the staff would do anything like that; however, the other Agent had already lowered his hand, but Agent 23 wasn’t sure at which point of the statement. The Overseer looks down at the clipboard, ‘uh-huh’s to themself a few times, then hangs it back on the designated hook. “Alright. You may lower your hand now. The rest of you, I trust you have jobs to do, you’re dismissed. Agent 23, I’ll instruct you on your tasks for the next…” they pause, as if thinking, “week. If all goes well”. 
The instructions sound like the usual, to observe the Anomaly through the cameras and the door windows, to record everything on the sheet every hour. Although there are also extra, lined sheets to fill in if the Anomaly tries to communicate. Any sign of intelligence should be recorded. It's been reported to react to the verbal greetings given by the Agents through the intercom, and if someone gets close to the glass, sometimes it seems to be looking toward the door. The Overseer has instructed 23 to actually try to get it to respond this time, however she can. If it looks like it’s reacting to the intercom, to continue talking, to see if it’s just the noise, or if it’s the actual speech it recognises. There are the odd notes in the ‘Guide’ that say that it has been observed to obey basic commands such as ‘step away from the door’, ‘stand still’ and such like. 
All of the initial pages in the observation log seem to have been crudely torn out, then the first intact pages have nothing written on them aside from the first boxes having mention of observations being difficult, due to the Anomaly being ‘outside’. 23 decides this must mean before it was put into containment, and was just being observed; because if it had breached containment, then there would be far more paperwork, and more Red stickers on the door. Breachers normally went to a far more secure floor several stories lower, and had their own guards stationed at every checkpoint. The pages documenting the last month or so are all basically uneventful, and nothing of note jumps out at her. 
As 23 turns on the intercom to read the obligatory greeting statement, there’s a slight electrical crackle-buzz as the speaker turns on, and a red LED indicator light at the bottom lights up. The small, crow-like creature turns its head toward the soft sound, its eyes dull and reflectionless, staring slightly off from the main door camera, as the intercom speaker is about a foot underneath. “Greetings. I’m Agent 23,” she begins, trying to sound casual, though professional, as if she doesn’t feel the least bit silly trying to talk to a bird, who probably doesn’t understand anything she’s saying, “I’ll be observing you today. I’ll be here for-” she briefly flicks her eyes down from the monitor to check her notes, quickly counting the start to finish times in her head, “Six hours. Please go about your business as normal.” She lets go of the intercom button, and it makes that same quiet crackle, then silence resumes. 
The creature keeps staring toward the speaker for a moment, then, as 23 observes as instructed, she thinks it glances up to the main camera, but it keeps turning, openly facing one of the side cameras, just staring toward it for what feels like the longest moment. 23 starts to wonder if it can somehow see her, and that its watching her, so she makes a little waving motion with her hand at the monitor to see if it'll react… But then it turns to face the back wall, away from the three cameras pointing toward it, and stays facing that direction.
The rest of the day is relatively uneventful, another Agent nearby makes a breakthrough when they say they got a recording of an inanimate object moving, and they furiously scribble in their observational notes. 23’s ward just sits there, once or twice taking a few slow steps toward one side of the room, a few hours later going to the other side. 
Once it’s time to finish up, she stands, stretching her arms above her head, making a little squeak noise through her nose as her spine pops, and when she turns toward the intercom, she notices the creature on the camera monitor, looking toward the door. Perhaps it could see her shadow move? She pauses briefly before pressing the intercom, there’s no movement at the buzz this time, not even a twitch. “This is Agent 23. I have concluded today’s observations. I will be returning tomorrow. Thankyou for your cooperation.”
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army-of-bee-assassins · 2 years ago
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i have just added a truly irresponsible amount of elementary gifsets to my drafts
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planetarytransformation · 5 months ago
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so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.
i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.
i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.
and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.
so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.
and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to
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insanechayne · 10 days ago
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~ ~ ~
#so that was it huh? my birthday is over. turned 30 and it’s basically just been another day#I wonder if it’s always going to hurt so much#and I mean in the sense of not being as included as others or treated like everyone else#so many other birthdays that happen in the ER are very well acknowledged and everyone says happy birthday and people order food or treats#hell even one of the housekeepers had dinner ordered for her from med surg despite not being super liked by most in the hospital#and I’ve just… gotten none of that really#like yeah some coworkers have said happy birthday and one has very pointedly avoided saying anything like that at all#but it’s not like I’m getting offered dinner or treats or whatever else#and it sounds so stupid and selfish because I don’t necessarily expect those things#it’s more like when you’re treated very differently than everyone else you start to wonder why that is#what’s wrong with me that I’m so left out of what’s given freely to everyone else?#I thought I had a lot of friends here but it’s more like people I can politely pass the time with most often it seems#everyone acts so nice and wants to talk to me but then now it’s my birthday and you’d never know it around here#I have to wear my own silly pins and headband to show off otherwise nobody would know or notice at all#I think it hurts more because we’re such a small town and small place of business and everyone acts so close and like family you know?#so I’m being outcasted again but it feels bigger and worse because it’s so much more obvious in this type of setting#in Cali I expected this sort of thing because big companies with lots of employees suck but here things are supposed to be different#or that’s how it feels anyway idk#that’s why I’m wondering if this is always going to hurt and I’m always going to be bothered by it#wish I could turn it off and just enjoy my own space and time but these things just always get to me#guess I also wish that my 30th birthday could have been more special and important too#it’s a big deal for me to get this far but it feels like no one cares but me#wish I could just crawl in bed and let this day be over with already#personal
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nostalgia-tblr · 3 months ago
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"Rodulfus was even less concerned than most of his contemporaries with what a modern mind conceives as 'the facts', and is therefore not a reliable recorder of them." - The Formation of a Persecuting Society: Power and Deviance in Western Europe, 950-1250, R I Moore
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