#I started this list on December 16th if you'll believe that lol

[multi-fandomdisaster]

Happy new year, everyone! As a gift to start up 2025, I give you all something I promised you all a good while ago!!!

✨BEHOLD✨, my favorite (alive) Ted details from TGWDLM (acquired during a soundless/no-audio rewatch I did of the musical to study his body language) (except as I go on, it gets more and more uncoordinated and chaotic):

(Heads up: this is gonna be really long, and as such, I'm gonna put the list under a cut as to not take up as much space. We're covering EVERY scene he's in [alive] within an ENTIRE musical. Buckle up, fellas!)

His shoulder shimmies during and after he says the "cute little barista" line

Honestly during that whole segment, the stark difference between Paul's near-complete lack of motion while Ted never STOPS moving

Actually, I don't think there's a moment in the whole musical where he's completely still and I love that

Also Ted seems so happy to be there talking to Paul lol

His little tippy taps on his mug while Bill speaks

He looks over to see the pot of coffee in Charlotte's hands when Bill makes the "coffee in the sugar joke"

His little lip twitch after the "I heard, I wasn't there" line

His facial expressions in the back while Charlotte's talking about Sam singing that morning

How fluffy his hair is during the alley scene in comparison to how it was slicked back the last time we saw him

"Paul," *tap tap* "get in a trash can!"

His apologetic grin to Emma after Paul says "Latte Hottay" and the way it IMMEDIATELY falls as soon as he looks back at Paul

BONUS: the way Paul flinches when Ted touches his shoulder

"My ID's in my back pocket-"

His incredibly confused expression when the cop grabs his arm and starts fake-driving with it

The "look at this guy" point at the dancing cop during the bridge of Show Me Your Hands

The way he starts vibing to the song during the bridge of Show Me Your Hands (this will return)

The way he plugs his ears as soon as the one cop starts imitating a siren (Bill and Emma also do this)

The double take he does when Sam pulls a gun on Charlotte

He uses the trash can lid as a shield

His visual "you're going great" as Emma's talking about Hidgens

The confidence and the smile as he says "A king"

He puts a hand through his hair as he looks down at Sam

He's very touchy with all of his friends. First the shoulder pats with Paul (which Paul seemed very uncomfortable with), and now the shoulder hold and back pats with Charlotte

He slightly extends his pinky when pointing

He often stands with his hands in his pockets and gently sways, shifting his weight thoughtlessly back and forth from one foot to the other. Bro literally CANNOT stand still

Okay, scratch the slightly extending his pinky. Bro just full-on points like this ->🤘sometimes (except with his left hand. Is Joey Richter a lefty? I ask because Ted primarily gestures with his left hand)

The little flourish (and/or fumble) with the handcuff keys as he puts them in his pocket

He rubs his hands together and cracks his knuckles as Hidgens is talking about the blue shit

His crossed arms and general bored body language as Alexa dims the lights

As soon as everyone else leaves, his body language immediately opens a little bit as he (and this is truly the only way I can describe this) swaggers over to Charlotte and IMMEDIATELY touches her shoulders, rubbing them soothingly before full-on holding her to him. Touch is this man's love language, platonic or otherwise, and nobody can convince me otherwise

I love the way he looks at Charlotte. You can tell he genuinely cares about what she me saying, and he looks confused and maybe a little hurt when she pushes him away. You can also see the exact moment the confusion weans as he determines the next words he's going to say.

HE DOES STOP MOVING AT ONE POINT! TO LISTEN TO CHARLOTTE!!! HE STOPS ALL MOTION TO FOCUS ON WHAT SHE'S SAYING!

His smirk on "always will be"

Okay, but like- Charlotte moves so much in this scene in comparison to Ted. Her shoulders, her face, her head; my girl's practically squirming the whole time. And I know it's mostly to drive in the joke with dramatized...flirting? I think? General horniness? Is that what's happening here? (I'm aroace; I don't pick up on/understand this kind of stuff lmao), but it's still a bit jarring to see a character deliberately moving their body so much that it makes Ted look practically still in comparison lmao

He doesn't look genuinely mad during the "I'm not your therapist!" line. He looks mildly annoyed if anything. Maybe a bit frustrated?

I genuinely feel like Ted doesn't like Sam. The two have technically never been seen interacting before, and yet the way Ted points at and states his opinions of Sam is done with so much...idk, "rigid matter-of-fact"-ness. He just...flat out does not like the guy

I have SO MANY EMOTIONS about the "This guy is a scumbag. You could upgrade to a sleazeball" line-

There's a lot of emotion in his arm gestures when he says that Sam's a scumbag. To me, it again looks like he genuinely doesn't like Sam, and he's trying to convince Charlotte that he's bad.

Then he calls himself a sleazeball, and he states it like it's a fact. It hurts even more to me how there's a slight smirk on his face when he says "you could upgrade" and then his face goes completely serious when he finishes the sentence with "to a sleazeball" and points to himself.

He doesn't look proud. He looks resigned to the title

And then he HOLDS THAT POSE, his hands/arms bouncing a little to drive in the point

I feel from that through the "but you refuse to be happy" line, we see a little bit of the caring inner side of Ted before he re-defaults back to his usual more asshole persona

UGHHH I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH-

"I'm gonna go hit on that crabby barista" ✌️

Off topic, but we need a left hand emoji equivalent for every hand gesture emoji in my opinion lol

Ted is MANSPLITTING in that chair. His posture is so bad (and looks so comfy lol)

And also he's fidgeting with the bottle, looking relatively spaced out until he looks at Bill speak

Ted is 100% at his most asshole when he's drunk

Why does bro look like he has a headache at the beginning of this scene?

This goes for the whole show, but my man SERIOUSLY talks with his hands

Is that a bottle of Jack Daniel's? I feel like I should have noticed this earlier, but I never bothered to look lmao

He taps on the bottle every once in a while

"Oh" *nods with unimpressed frown* "My head" *nods with unimpressed frown*

He also stops moving between reactions. Like he's processing the stupidity of the threat in real time lmao

And then he stands up and sets the bottle down so he can go right back to his usual dramatic full-body movements as he makes fun of Bill

Okay, but it looks like he's genuinely having a lot of fun as he's making fun of Bill, and then gets pissed off again once he remembers he's supposed to be pissed off lol

I feel like there's not many details I can go into with this scene that people haven't already picked up on just by watching because Ted's a focal point in the scene

"That's what sense Bill taught me" *bows with the bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hands*

Wait, when did he pick the bottle back up? Is this a case of the "they put multiple shows together for the YouTube video?" Probably. Alternatively, Ted can canonically summon bottles of booze whenever he wants /silly

Bro is SO ANIMATED. He will NOT let this joke die on his watch lmao

I'm sorry, but his reaction to the light smack on the back of his hand gets me every time. Why don't we talk about this more often???

He looks SO OFFENDED (and a bit confused) when Paul takes the bottle away from him

The force in that "WHATEVER!" I stg I could feel that through the screen lol

Apparently he could feel the force of that "WHATEVER!" too because it lowkey looks like he's catching his breath after he says it

Man, I wish we could see Ted during the whole conversation between Paul and Emma. I wanna know what he's doing. I wanna know if he's listening along, or if he's spaced out and doesn't give a shit

UGHHHH I WISH THIS WAS AN AUDIO WATCH BC THE WAY TED SAYS CHARLOTTE'S NAME WHEN HE SEES HER BEFORE JOIN US (AND DIE) HURTS ME IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLEEEEE

*sigh* I'm gonna need to do another watch through at some point that's just me listening for his dialogue during songs, aren't I?

Also I wanna listen to Jamie sing because GIRL CAN SINGGGG

Bro's just standing there watching Charlotte and Sam approach like🧍‍♂️, except slightly crouched, like he's ready to run, but he has no idea what the hell is going on

From a different angle, it looks like he moves to the dino pose™️

HE RUNS A HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR AGAIN!!! I am FULLY convinced he does that when he's nervous now lol

He readjusts his shirt and fidgets with his hands as he tries to think of what to do, and then he goes to approach Charlotte. Then they hit the chorus and he stops. Or rather, it looks like Bill held him back

He does a double take of Charlotte at the chorus

WHEN DID HE PICK UP THE BOTTLE AGAIN??? (Ted's booze summoning powers strike AGAIN!)

Bro is so frazzled by Charlotte walking toward him with her arms extended that he does ANOTHER double take

TED STOP PICKING UP THE BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL, IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU-

HIM SETTING THE BOTTLE DOWN AGAIN AND PICKING UP THE CHAIR-

Did...did Ted try to use Bill as a human shield? You had a chair! Why did you put the chair down???

Legit though, he is cowering behind Bill lol

Sam and Charlotte are NOT letting Ted have a good day lmao

The way he looks around confusedly during "ride it" like "what the hell are these guys doing to me???"

DID HE CRAWL TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE AFTER HIDGENS SHOT SAM???

At this point in the show, Ted's the only one in the main group who isn't wearing primarily white. I just thought that was interesting

Ted is STILL on his hands and knees with his jaw hanging open right up until the "musical doppelgänger" line

I love how he looks at Paul for help when Hidgens makes them sing Moana, like Paul of all people would know the words. I love even more that Paul is the ONLY ONE who knows the words

Ted's just trying to follow Paul's lead lol

Also BONUS: Paul tells TED that he didn't like that movie lol

The look of pure annoyance he gives to Bill as he sings a completely different song

The way he meanders around the back of the stage, looking down at (presumably) Charlotte

THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME HE'S GRABBED THAT BOTTLE OF JACK DANIEL'S (including him starting the scene with it)

He looks so done with everything when he's talking to Bill about him getting his daughter. He looks so exhausted. So...emotionally drained and angry and, dare I say, grieving

I think the bottle switches hands between shots

YES! WE FINALLY SEE HIM DRINKING FROM IT! I don't know why I'm excited about that lol

He momentarily stops moving to process before "Oh, I'm a fucking creep?"

The way his eyes widen during "...people who are FUCKING DEAD!"

He also stops moving while waiting for & listening to Paul's response

There's so much emotion from him during this scene, but I can't think of the words to describe it

He's just so...frustrated and sad :(

He keeps sitting back down in the same chair whenever nobody's speaking to him

AND HE TAKES ANOTHER DRINK!

YES!!! SHOW STOPPIN' NUMBER!!! I LOVE HIS VIBES IN THIS SCENE!!!

I love how he's effectively asleep on top of Emma

HIS DOUBLE-CHIN I CAN'T-

"What? Wha...? What...? The fuck...?"

The way he's facing the complete opposite direction from Hidgens and has no idea what's going on lmao

His slow tired processing about how the heck he can turn/lean around to see

He like- looks around, then tries to look over his right shoulder, then looks around again, rinse and repeat

'What's going on over there?' *scoot scoot*

His expressions range from "what tf is this guy on about?" to "this guys a fucking dumbass"

He's taking in everything occasionally nodding along

Man, I wish I had the dialogue in this scene memorized like to do for basically the rest of the show. It would make analysis of the scene a bit easier lol

The way it looks like it takes Hidgens chucking his Alexa across the room for Ted to realize he's in danger

*GASP* The first time we see Ted visibly uncomfortable with someone touching him!!! Like- a full on flinch and cringe reaction! Now, the real question is if it's because he didn't know Hidgens was gonna put his hand on his shoulder, because Hidgens is actively insane, or because he doesn't overall know Hidgens? Maybe a mixture?

He's breathing SO HEAVILY after Hidgens lets go and walks away. He was NOT okay with that touch

His slack-jawed expression when Hidgens reveals the keyboard. He's so shocked he stops moving again beyond blinking lol

"Don't you fucking do it!" *scoot scoot* "DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT!"

He looks almost jittery at the beginning of Show Stoppin' Number. He's full-on looking around for an exit

He also leans away when Hidgens walks toward them

HOLD ON, DOES HE LOOK HIDGENS UP AND DOWN WHEN HE TAKES OFF THE JACKET??? I THINK HE DOES A DOUBLE TAKE, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE HE ALSO QUICKLY DOES A FULL-BODY SCAN OF HIDGENS AND THAT'S SO FUNNY TO ME-

He's OFFICIALLY VIBING TO THE SONG!!! And all Hidgens had to do was take off his jacket lmao

*scoot scoot* "Fuckin' go for it!" *bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce*

He is FULLY invested

AND NOW HE'S COMFORTABLE WITH HIDGENS TOUCHING HIS SHOULDER!

He is SO EXCITED about Workin' Boys! The Ted vibes are unmatched in this scene

And his investment during the phone call??? Hello???

"...and Chad..."

And then he's RIGHT back to the vibes lmao

As soon as the Workin' Boys come in, the vibes cease IMMEDIATELY and he's back to being terrified for his life

His very fast head shake

The gag where he starts praying to be saved and then Paul shows up will never not be funny to me

"I'LL GET THE PIANO!"

And mark another one down for him touching Paul's shoulder

And now he's also grabbing Emma's shoulder. And Paul's again.

Both of them are SO uncomfortable with him holding their hands. Emma gets OUT of that SO FAST when he lets go and both her and Paul's body languages are so tense. He notably DOESN'T try to slip out of his grip like Emma does though. He's just so used to it at this point lol

Another Paul shoulder touch. I should have made a counter for this.

I NEVER NOTICED TED FLAT OUT SNATCHES THE GUN FROM PAUL WHEN JEFF'S WORKIN BOY APPEARS THAT IS SO FUNNY-

AND THEN HE JUST DIPS

I LOVE TED

And another nervous hand through the hair!

Teddy...no...those soldiers aren't gonna help you...

Ted please stop waving that firearm around so recklessly, you're gonna hurt someone

He's so excited to see the military that he literally jumps for joy

The way his motion stops so suddenly when he gets shot. And the confusion in his eyes

Orgh the way he tries to resist-

His little head shake no, the way he tries to hold MacNamara's hand back with his free hand, and then when that doesn't work, with the gun hand, the way his eyes are wide with fear...until they're not

The shift from regular Ted to infected Ted is so jarring, especially after hyper-analyzing his body language and all of his small little character motions for so long. He's so blank. His gaze is suddenly so serious and empty. He's dead. In a singular swift motion, they've taken this lively, constantly in motion, utter mess of a man and turned him into another mindless slave. You can pinpoint the exact moment Ted is gone and the Hive has replaced him. It's terrifying. It's heartbreaking. I love it.

And LUCKILY FOR ME THAT MEANS MY OBSERVATION LIST OF ALIVE TED IS OVER!!! FINALLY!!! I'M FREE!!! /silly

I hope you've all enjoyed my insane ramblings about one Theodore Spankoffski! If y'all would like me to turn this into an actually coherent rant (or perhaps would want me to do this with another character, although note that would likely take me a good while just like this one did lol), let me know! The time it took aside, this was actually SUPER fun to do, and it's given me a new perspective and appreciation for the character! Hope y'all have a wonderful day/night/year!!!