#I started playing stardew for the first time for more than a day last year. And im. I like this guy i can't do anything about it

[jestroer]

I am normal about a chicken man

[hailtothepumpkinqueen]

This is my first time ever playing Stardew Valley, so it took me a bit to get the hang of it.

And it's funny how that works "in universe" as a new farmer who has no idea what she's doing. But slowly gets better and more confident over time.

Examples:

•Did not ask anyone to dance Year 1 because I didn't know you had to talk to them more than once. But, in universe, she didn't know anyone well enough yet to feel comfortable asking. Plus she was underdressed compared to the other ladies. On the upside, she didn't get flat out rejected like a lot of people seem to lmao

•A whole bunch of crops died Year 1 because I didn't know the seasons only last 28 days. Which seems like a mistake a first time farmer would make.

•Almost starved the baby chicks because I didn't realize their food had run out. Again, rookie mistake.

•Took me AGES to figure out the fishing because my only other reference is Animal Crossing. And, again, it makes sense for someone who's never fished to not be immediately good at it.

It made Shane's 2 Heart Event feel particularly fitting because, at that point, yeah. She DID feel like no matter what she did, she was gonna fail. Year 1 was fucking rough for her.

I think when I eventually start another save (probably when the update comes to the Switch), it's gonna have to be a new character. Because I kind of know what I'm doing now, the "story" won't be the same.

[keys-hellscape-1020]

Gaz Headcannons

Damn y’all, sorry for disappearing for six months. I’ve been in and out of the mental hospital like a yo-yo, so uh, have some headcannons to make up for it ig.

SFW

Tw: Cursing, brief mentions of violence, (very brief) sexual themes.

I picture him as a night owl, but that doesn’t mean he likes sleeping in super late. He likes some structure in his day (a side-effect of being in the military) and if he’s not out of bed by 9 he starts to feel guilty, like he’s wasting the day.

Despite me saying he’s a night owl, he’s not truly a night owl so much as he just gets so absorbed in what he’s doing he looses track of time and next thing he knows it’s 2am.

From an outside perspective it would be easy to assume he has more trauma than the rest of the 141- but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He probably has the same amount for the most part, he’s just the only one who handles it in a healthy way. He’ll reach out for help if he needs it, has a therapist he sees regularly, and takes a low-dose of anti-anxiety medication (I want to say Zoloft cause that’s what I’m on lol). All said, he’s the only one who actually acknowledges it and doesn’t pretend it’s not there.

This man definitely games. He might play a first person shooter here and there, but honestly I don’t think he’d like them, they remind him to much of work and in his free time that’s the last thing he wants to be reminded of. I can see him playing Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, and Graveyard Keeper (it’s not well known but it’s SO good). The grim themes while still managing to be a cozy game really appeal to him.

His perfect date is you two ordering take-out and eating it on the couch while you play games together. He just absolutely adores being in your presence.

Despite this, quality time is not his main love language (although it is a close second). His first is words of affirmation. He loves how you get flushed and turn away from him when he compliments you out of nowhere. Literally you could just be in the same room, not even interacting, and this man would out of nowhere be like “You’re so fucking gorgeous. It’s a miracle I don’t drop to my knees every time you enter a room.” And then just causally go back to what he was doing.

On that note! This man is so into body worship. Just let him kiss, and lick, and suck, on you to his heart’s content and you will have one happy Gaz.

Also he just adores showing you off. He likes staying home sure, but he also likes taking you out on date nights and flaunting you (respectfully). He’s just so very proud to be in a relationship with you.

On the theme of bars, if someone gets close to you or touches you without your permission, this man is watching. He won’t say or do anything, he’ll just silently watch the person’s behavior. His years in the military have made him very good at reading people.

If he sees that they’re getting closer than you want, or otherwise making you uncomfortable, he’ll suddenly get very close to you. He won’t outright say anything, he knows you can handle yourself, but he’ll rest a hand on your shoulder. Both telling you that he’s there if you need him, and the creep to watch themselves.

If they back off without him having to intervene, great, you both can go back to enjoying yourselves, if he does need to get involved gods help the person his aggression is aimed towards.

He’ll take a few steps towards them, subtly growling (you know that one scene with price? Yeah that). He’ll tell them to back off, that you’re obviously not enjoying the conversation. If words don’t work, he won’t hesitate to resort to a fist fight. He won’t land the first hit however, he knows better. He might not be as physically strong as Ghost or Price, but this man has technique, and his opponent is knocked out in an heartbeat.

After that he is all over you, asking you if you’re alright, if you want to go home, etc. Whatever you need or want will be provided. He isn’t feeling jealous in that moment, just concerned. He wants to make sure you’re okay more than anything. After the fact, when he thinks back on it, he may feel a spark of jealousy, but it’s nothing he can’t quickly and easily reason away. After all, he trusts you completely.

NSFW

Tw: Body worship, nipple play (but no mention of breasts), biting, mentions of BDSM (in general), choking, slapping, Praise kink, minor degradation, quickies, aftercare

As mentioned earlier this man is the king, of body worship. He’ll work you up slowly, sensually. Kissing, licking, and teasing every inch of you before he even thinks of touching in-between your legs.

Your nipples will be sore by the time this man is done with them. He’s just enthralled by them, watching them get hard at he pinches and bites.

Speaking of bites, it’s not just your nipples. Afterwards you’ll find plenty of dark bite marks on your chest, neck, waist, and inner thighs. The feeling of your flesh under his teeth is just… exquisite.

Yes this man may be a tad bit… nippy, but he isn’t into anything that would truly hurt you. The farthest he would go would be choking you (after a long conversation and plenty of research), or a quick slap or two to your ass.

He also mixes degradation and praise together beautifully. Things like “such a beautiful little slut for me.” And “Damn, you’re such a good little whore.” He’ll sprinkle in a healthy bit of praise to. His main priority is your pleasure after all. <3

While he isn’t opposed to aspects of BDSM, I can’t see him being interested in the strict dynamics side of it, at all. Yeah sure he enjoys doming and subbing but I can’t see him wanting to bring them outside of the bedroom. And even in the bedroom, there’s no strict rules. He just wants to have fun with it, and he wants you to as well.

He isn’t opposed to quickies. He doesn’t partake in them often as I see him having a sex drive that is average to low. But if you both need to be somewhere soon and you just have to have him? He’ll get on his knees and make sure that yours are wobbling as you walk out to the car. Don’t worry about him darling, you can make it up to him later. Like I said, your pleasure is his priority.

When all is said and done this man takes very good care of you. He’ll insist on a shower or bath together (depending on if you can stand or not). He seriously enjoys taking a bath with you afterwards though. He’ll run a bath that is steaming hot, “To relax your muscles” he says. He’ll also add some lavender and sandalwood oil to the water, to relax and ground you.

He’ll take such good care of you. If your hair needs washed he’ll give you the best scalp massage you’ve ever had. If it doesn’t (or you just don’t want him to) he’ll put it in a remarkably neat bun on the top of your head so it doesn’t get wet. And if you don’t have a lot of hair/no hair? You’ll still get a scalp massage. It doesn’t matter how little hair you have, this man is rubbing shampoo into your scalp claiming “It helps keep you clean!” Just let him take care of you please.

After he’s dealt with your hair he’ll lather up a rag with a generous amount of soap and take his time gently cleaning off every part of you. He won’t ask you to, but his heart will melt if you return the favor and wash his body clean.

After you both are clean he’ll take his time drying you off with the fluffiest towel he can find. This man knows your skincare routine by heart and WILL make sure every step gets done in the correct order. Once you’re all clean and dry he gives you some of his clothes to wear. And you know this man wears oversized clothes when he’s off duty for the sole purpose of making sure they fit you.

If you’re hungry he’ll order your favorite take-out, if your not he’ll still insist you eat a granola bar and drink some water. You burned a lot of calories and sweat a lot! You need fuel!

If you’re somehow still awake after all this he’ll gently pick you up and bring and you to bed. Falling asleep in this man’s arms is a dream come true. <3

A/N: I’ve never written any kind of smut before, so constructive criticism is very welcome. I got kinda out of control with the aftercare part. I had to stop myself. Plz let me know if you enjoyed!!

[spacesapphi]

"Moving Forward, Spiraling Downward Chapter 15- Spiraling Downward"

As I mentioned in previous chapter notes, this chapter is one where things start getting heavy. A different take on Shane's 4 heart event is in this chapter, and the next will be covering the 6 heart event. Those who have played his route already know what these events entail, but I will be adding a CW list as well.

CWs for this chapter include emetophobia, references and depictions of addiction, a very intense argument, a physical fight scene, blood, eye trauma and injuries, mentions of past deaths, and depictions and talks of suicidal ideation.

If you feel like reading these things in detail will be too much, I will not be offended if you don't feel up to reading it. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to give you a basic rundown of the chapter while sparing detail so the point of the story gets across. Stay safe, take care, and if you ever need help for anything, please let those around you know. You are cared for and loved!

Summary: It's been a few weeks since the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, the night where Shane made a complete fool out of himself. He's been avoiding a certain someone since then, but finds he can't avoid them much longer when the Stardew Valley fair rolls around. The festival goes well, near perfectly in fact… but that night, Shane will find himself doing something that will change the lives of himself and all who knew him, and he fears these changes can never be undone. The final threads of his life begin to unravel, and leave him freefalling into a true downward spiral.

AO3 Version Here

Tumblr Version Below the Cut

As the weeks rolled by, Shane found it harder and harder to talk to Möhle. Everytime the two saw each other they’d get flustered, quickly going in opposite directions of each other, never speaking a word. That night was so awkward, so embarrassing for the both of them. How was Shane supposed to confront them again? What would he even say? “I’m sorry for kissing you and then vomiting on your shirt?”  He felt like such a fool. 

Now that the Fall was underway, he feared he’d have to see them much, much more. Möhle was often at his aunt's shop for feed and supplies to winterize their animal houses now, and each time the two of them saw each other it was more awkward than the last. The tension only grew with each passing day, and Shane was afraid it was only a matter of time before it imploded on them. And now on top of all of that, the Stardew Valley Fair had approached, a day where they certainly would be in town, rendering an interaction inescapable. 

Ever since he could remember, the morning of the fair was entirely hectic. Marnie would have him awake by 5 AM to start transporting things to town for set-up, and it seemed like he was yet again on petting zoo duty. Normally he didn’t mind it. He actually remembered how excited and proud he was when Marnie first let him run it on his own when he was a teen. This year he had been reluctant to get up though. For one, withdrawal and his declining mental state were starting to kick his ass worse than ever. Getting up and out of bed was beginning to feel more and more like a chore, like a herculean task he could barely bother to do. It took all of his effort just to slip on the outfit Marnie had asked him to wear, an old blue-green gingham shirt and nice, sturdy jeans. As bad as Shane felt, he couldn’t deny the outfit was kind of nice. Made him feel just a bit better about himself. But even still, there was still that air of hopelessness about him. Everything felt so much worse now, and getting up this early didn’t help him.

Neither did the noise. The fair was in full swing, and tourists were arriving by the busload to come ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the quaint little town, enjoying all the games and events there were to get involved in. The zoo was always popular too, especially with families who had little kids. Jas was on the other side of the pens, showing some kids her age how to properly hold and hug some of the baby chicks, doing it just the way he taught her to. She loved having the chance to be a little helper, feeling that same pride Shane did as a child when he was helping Marnie. He held Charlie in his lap, sitting contentedly in a folding chair as he watched over the pens, mostly there to ensure no one pulled any pranks or tried to unlatch the gates. He’d seen it happen before, and he remembered exactly how stressful it was to chase a flock of hens through town back into their corral. It seemed all was well this year though, just plenty of well-meaning and kind families. But… there was something odd that he had noticed. 

Out of the corner of his eye he kept getting glimpses of a quartet of young men, all of whom had to be college aged. They stuck together whispering to themselves, giving looks and pointing towards Shane as they did so. It unnerved him, deeply. It made him feel like there was danger afoot, like maybe they were planning on doing something to the animals. He made sure to keep note of the group, keeping a good eye out for each and every one of them. 

He flinched when he felt a tap on his shoulder, a faint feeling flooding him when he saw who was at his side. Möhle stood there, dressed in an earthy green sweater and deep brown overalls, an oversized cardigan practically swallowing their upper body. They looked happy to see him, happy that he hadn’t run away already out of embarrassment. Shane just sat frozen in his seat, giving them an awkward, forced grin as he held on to Charlie.

“Hey…”

“.... Hey,” Möhle responded, folding their arms across their chest, “You… wanna talk?”

“Busy,” Shane blurted out an excuse, motioning towards the petting zoo, “You gotta be busy too, don’t you? Y'know… with the grange display and all,”

Möhle sighed and held up a pitiful green ribbon with the number 3 written on it, “Already got judged, your aunt and Pierre had me beat,” they looked back to the grange boxes, seeing the shopkeeper brag to all who would listen about his victory. The gloating annoyed them, “I don’t mind losing to her, but… All the produce Pierre showed off was stuff he bought from me… isn’t that… fishy?”

“He does that shit every year. Buys good stuff and passes it as his own,” Shane scoffed, “I don’t know why Lewis lets him compete… Marnie used to get first place every year until he started entering. It’s not fair…” 

Möhle   nodded slowly in understanding, clicking their tongue as they thought, “Listen, I just walked over here ‘cus I wanna rip the band-aid off... You wanna talk about what happened?”

“Here?”

“Why not?”

“So what, just wanna talk about how I made a damn fool out of myself?” Shane blushed in deep embarrassment, “Yoba, I’m sorry about it… I got so nervous and I just-... You didn’t do anythin’ wrong, that’s not why I… y’know,”

“Soooo you didn’t find me so repulsive that you vomited?” Möhle teased, a cheeky grin on their face. 

“No! No… of course not, I just…” Shane sighed, “I wasn’t expecting that to happen, I still don’t know how it did… I just got… scared?”

“Why?”

“Well, I was scared you didn’t like it,” that was half of the truth. Honestly, Shane was more scared about the fact that he did like it. He still didn’t know how to grapple with these feelings, or if he was even prepared for them… or if Möhle   felt them either. 

“Well… I did. I think,” they admitted, shrugging nonchalantly, “It was nice… I just. Didn’t expect it,”

“Yeah… me neither…” 

The conversation tapered off, Shane feeling his jaw wire shut once again. Möhle just gave him a pat on the shoulder, their touch firm, yet somehow so soft, “Listen… I gotta clean out my grange display. Do you maybe want to talk more about this later? Maybe when we’re not in town square?”

Shane felt a tint of blush on his face, swallowing deeply before nodding. He earned a smile from the farmer, who turned back towards the grange area to pack up. It seemed most of the vendors were doing so as well, tents slowly closing and coming down from their spots in the square. He looked up at the sky, seeing it already begin to turn orange. Even though it happened every year, Shane was always so shocked with how early the night would roll in around the Fall. The fair would be over soon, much to his relief, and he could finally kick back and relax, exactly as he needed. 

Once everything was back in its proper place, the petting zoo torn down, and the animals resting in their houses, Shane took his leave towards the saloon. A twinge of guilt hit his heart with each step. He promised Jas he wasn’t going to do this anymore, he promised. He’d been breaking it for some time now, and he felt bad about it each and every time. Shane would do his best, stop drinking for a few days and fight it back, but eventually the urge grew, and along with it that frustrated and nauseous feeling. It felt like a pot that was always on the verge of boiling over, and he was so tired of it. The urge had grown so strong now, and he just couldn’t take it anymore. He thought of a silent apology towards Jas, and opened the saloon door, making his way to the bar counter.

Taking that first sip after weeks made Shane feel like he had been pulled from drowning, even though all it did was push his head further beneath the waves. Leaning up against his typical spot by the fireplace he took slow swigs from his mug, doing his best to ignore everyone in the saloon. It was absolutely packed, with both villagers and guests from the fair who hadn’t taken their leave. At the other end of the bar a small crowd had formed. Möhle, Emily, Penny, and that new artist he didn’t remember the name of, despite the fact that they were basically neighbors. They all seemed happy, chattering away as they drank. Möhle seemed to catch Shane staring from across the counter, giving him a polite smile and raising their glass just slightly, a happy look on their face. He just nodded in acknowledgement, turning back to his own glass, going back to contentedly ignore everyone once more. Even though he was here, even though the urge was satiated, he still felt so unhappy, and he just didn’t want to get caught up in conversation. 

Gus and Emily sure seemed happy at least, the two of them both needing a boom in business like this. It was no secret that the saloon was struggling, and tourist seasons like this helped keep it afloat. It wasn’t very nice for him though. All the noise, how crowded it had become, Shane didn’t like that, not one bit. Especially since those weirdos from before were now drinking away in the saloon, still giving him weird glances and whispering amongst themselves. Who the hell were they? What was their problem? 

He internally groaned as he saw the trio approach him, the scrawny one in the red shirt getting a bit too close for comfort. His face was mere inches away from Shane’s, squinting intently as he scanned him up and down. It made him immediately feel defensive, ready to strike at any given moment if need be. 

"Ain't no damn way..." He muttered breathlessly, "Are you Shane Yoder?"

Shane felt himself tense. He took a good, long swig, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt "What's it to you?"

"Dude you were varsity for the ZCU Hawks! We go there!” He pointed back to his buddies, one of which Shane could see wearing a t-shirt with the college’s logo. “Holy shit man, what are you doing here?! Weren't you about to go pro?"

"I live here." He stated flatly, feeling his mood sour, "Life happened. I couldn't join the team."

"Aww, bummer,” The blond whined, "You were so cool, you’re still talked about by the coaches!" He pulled a pen and notepad from his pocket, holding it out to Shane, "Can I at least get your autograph?"

"I.... No." Shane stated flatly, looking back down at his mug. The last thing he wanted to do was be reminded of his failed glory days yet again. The man complained yet again, his whining tone sounding like that of a child.. 

"Come on, dude! It's just a quick autograph! Just one, please?"

"I said no."

"How about a picture then!" The man pulled out his phone, holding up his free hand with a 'peace' sign as he adjusted the camera’s angle. Shane could feel an unmistakable rage build on him, his face turning red. 

"I said NO-!" he barked, pushing him far back. The blond stumbled back and fell to the floor, looking up at him with the most shocked expression Shane had ever seen. The entire saloon went silent, tourists and villagers alike gawking at the sight. The man's brows furrowed, looking at Shane with such a deep anger in his eyes. He lunged back at him, pushing Shane up against the wall as he began to wail on him. 

“The hell is wrong with you, man! I thought you were cool!”

“Get out of my fuckin’ face!” Shane spat, throwing a punch of his own in an attempt to get the man to back off. 

The next few moments were a blur. Before he knew it, the two of them were wrestling on the ground, the man growing more and more agitated, slamming Shane against the ground, saloon counter, anything he could reach. Shane was just trying to get the man to back off, even if that meant throwing a few punches himself. He was never a violent man, but he wouldn’t just sit back and allow something like this to happen. The saloon burst into action yet again, people trying to get away from the brawlers, others calling out for help. Shane could swear he heard Gus tell Pam to get Marnie. The others just crowded around, treating the altercation like a spectacle. Very few people seemed to want to break this up. Why would they want to? Chances were they’d only get dragged down with them, caught in the fray.

Finally, the man's friends started trying to yank him away from Shane, yelling at him to quit it already, to give it up. The two men refused to let go though, and the group only succeeded in dragging the pair of brawlers across the floor, inch by inch. Shane felt a pair of hands grabbing at his shoulders as well, sending another wave of fury, and almost fear, through him. He thought it was another one of those men, maybe another friend to the obnoxious trio. The last thing he wanted was for another person to get involved. In a rage of self preservation, he finally let go, swiveling himself around to punch the person who grabbed him, launching a fist at full force.

He heard a howl from a very familiar voice, a searing pain shooting through his fist, an almost blinding pain. As he adjusted, he could see the person who had grabbed a hold of him in the first place crumpled to the ground, surrounded by patrons offering a helping hand. They were breathing heavily, hunched over and grasping a hand at their left eye, blood seeping through their fingers and staining the wood floor of the saloon. His vision was blurred from the beatdown he’d just taken, and his mind was hazed, but it was impossible not to recognize them. That red hair, the simple farmers clothing. It was Möhle. 

Their hand left their eye for just a moment when Emily rushed over with a little first aid kit, just long enough for Shane to see that the left lens of their glasses was shattered, and most of the missing pieces of glass were stuck firmly in his knuckles. The rest of the shards were nowhere to be seen, not even on the floor, confusingly enough. But as soon as Shane saw that sick, paling look on Emily’s face and that blood dripping to the floor, he knew exactly where they’d ended up.

Emily looked to him with a horrified, almost angry expression. She was in complete disbelief, slowly helping up Möhle as she caught glimpses of Shane, silently screaming at him “What have you done?”.... What had Shane done? He wanted to reach out, try to help, but he feared he’d make it worse. Watching the blood dribble down his hand and begin to stain his shirt, feeling the searing pain in his knuckles, the pain was almost blinding. He could only imagine how much worse it was for them. 

Möhle was trembling, hand still clasped firm over their eye. They surprisingly didn’t scream or cry, simply taking shaky, deep breaths as they tried to regain their bearings. The group of tourists that had confronted Shane were squabbling amongst themselves in another corner, the sheer sound and air about the room making his head swirl. What had he done? What had he done?

“Just breathe, take a seat…” Emily instructed, helping the farmer to a bar stool, “Relax…”

“I-I’m fine really, don’t sweat it,” Möhle warbled out, obviously in a state of shock. The pain had hardly registered with how much adrenaline was running through them. They just shook, holding their eye tight, “I think… I might,” 

Emily held them steady as it became clear they were about to pass out, “Is anyone going to get Harvey?!”

Leah stepped into action, nodding quickly as she ran out, hoping to catch the doctor quickly. The saloon door burst open the moment after she ran out, Pam charging through with a frantic Marnie trailing close behind, looking for any sight of her nephew. Catching a glimpse of him on the floor, she ran over, lifting him by the arm and getting a good look of him. Shane looked terrible, beaten and bruised to the point he could hardly keep his head up. She tried speaking to him, but the man was so out of it her voice sounded like it was underwater, completely unintelligible. He could only make out a frantic, confused tone.

The next while was a blur, Shane could only remember bits and pieces. He could’ve sworn he saw Harvey and Elliott rush in together, the doctor tending to the farmer while Elliott was demanding to know what had happened, where the person who had done this was. Marnie was talking to the group of tourists involved, the conversation seemingly getting heated, though he could barely make out a word. Soon, Marnie was all but dragging him out of the saloon. He stumbled over his footing, trying his best to get one last good view of Möhle, to see if they were okay, to see what he had done. But he could barely see a thing over the crowd, merely watching the saloon door slam shut behind him, leaving him and Marnie alone in the dark on their walk back home. 

----------

The only lights on in the ranch were the ones overhead in the kitchen, shining down harshly on Shane and Marnie as she tended to his injuries. Shane hissed as the antiseptic burned at the wounds in his hand, his arm shaking from the pain that rippled through it. Marnie just shook her head as she wiped the blood away, holding his wrist tighter when he tried to yank away yet again, “Stop it, I’m almost done,”

He just scowled at the pain, biting his lip so hard Shane feared he’d break skin. Marnie reached for the gauze, huffing in a frustrated tone, “Anything you want to say? You've been quiet,”

“There’s nothing to say, Marnie,”

“How about ‘thank you’? How about ‘sorry for getting into a bar fight at the saloon’? Do you have any idea how hard it was to get those men to leave without pressing charges? Any idea at all?”

“They started it!” Shane barked, “I was just trying to get them away!”

“I understand that, but that's not all you did...” Marnie huffed, “Poor Möhle… Shane, how could you just-...”

“I didn’t know it was them…” Shane felt queasy thinking about them. He could only hope that they were okay, that those injuries weren’t half as bad as he expected they were. But realistically they were, and the guilt was crushing him.

Marnie set down the roll of gauze with a loud *thud*, “This isn’t like you, what happened there? Do you have anything to say for yourself?!”

Shane indeed had nothing to say in response, leaving her incredibly frustrated. She felt like she was the only one who understood the gravity of the situation, just how bad this was. Marnie stepped away and held her head in her hands, pacing around the kitchen nervously. She was practically shaking, running over the events of the night in her mind. She was just getting ready for bed, about to lock up before Pam burst inside, begging her to follow her back into town. Marnie was mortified and terrified all the same, and remained that way even still.

“Shane, they could lose their eye. Do you get that?!” her voice began to warble, a tone of frustration and absolute grief in it, “I just don't know what to do with you anymore… I don’t know how to help you.”

“.... I'm sorry,” Shane mumbled, his voice hoarse and broken.

Marnie didn't respond, simply staring at the floor with her arms crossed against her chest. She was so angry, so utterly and thoroughly ashamed over what happened tonight. Though the actions weren’t her own, she knew they reflected on her, on their family. She didn't know how she'd face the town, how she'd even try to make up for this. What was she even supposed to do?

“Shane… if you don't get yourself together, if you don't try to do better… I -” she pinched the bridge of her nose tight, mourning what she was going to say next, “Shane I don’t know how much longer I can take living like this,”

“Like what?”

It was quiet for a moment, Marnie choosing her words carefully, “Shane… honestly if it weren’t for Jas I don’t know how much longer you could stay here…”

Shane felt another wave of nausea run through him. He looked to his aunt, hurt and horrified, “Marnie… what are you-”

“You break every rule, simple ones, and you've been nothing but disrespectful as of late. Calling me by my first name, starting arguments, pushing your responsibilities aside… and now this?!” she threw up a hand for emphasis, “Shane you know I love you, you’re my nephew… but I can’t sit here and let you keep doing this. It’s not fair,”

Marnie's voice was calm, scarily so. She stared down Shane with a serious intent, letting him know under no uncertain terms that she wasn't joking, “You know I don't want to say this…. But what you’re doing now, your actions, are tearing this family apart, Shane,”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?!” Shane grew defensive, but  Marnie stood her ground, “You know what I mean… Shane, I’m watching you get worse by the day. And getting to the point of something like this… I can’t live like this,”

“So what? You don’t want me to be here anymore?” Shane felt his voice warble, the disbelief obvious in his tone, “I have been tryin’ so h-hard to get this under control, I-” he couldn’t stop himself from crying and stuttering anymore, his unharmed hand gripping at his hair tight, “I have been trying, I don’t know why I’m getting worse… I don’t want to be worse!”

He felt himself begin to spiral, his heart clenching in on itself. Marnie put a soft hand on his shoulder, “Shane, listen to me. What I’m saying is you need to get help. Actual professional help. You need to do better, for all of us… I’m not asking for perfection. These things take time, we both know that… But I am asking for effort,”

“Please…” he pleaded, his tone broken and desperate, “I can be better, I promise I can be better. You know I’m tryin’, please…”

“I need to see it, then. Jas needs to be able to see it. We all do,” she closed her eyes tight, feeling her heart break down and crumble, “Shane I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore…”

Shane sat hunched over in his chair, taking in deep, shuddery breaths. He felt ready to vomit, ready to just completely lose it. How did it get this bad? How did he get to this point? Marnie, who once begged him to come home and live at the ranch, the woman who once called him a treasure and a gift to their family, no longer wanted him here. And it was all because of his actions. He knew she was right, in a way at least. He was falling, he was spiraling, and he could no longer stop it on his own. But getting help scared him, being vulnerable about all of this was his worst nightmare. Getting help made him feel weak, made him feel like a failure. He spent his entire life watching his aunt push through and be the best person she could be for his sake. She was successful, strong, and kind all the same. And he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be like her, as much as he tried. It all felt so impossible. He could only imagine what things would be like if Marnie did tell him to leave. He thought back to the night a year ago today when he was out on the street, realizing he had nowhere to turn but here. But what would happen if even she wouldn’t take him? Where would it leave him?

Marnie felt so much guilt, so much anger at herself for the words she’d spoken. She would never make him leave, she knew she wouldn’t forgive herself if she did. But what else was she supposed to do? Sit by, watch him slowly kill himself, watch Jas grow more and more dejected by the day? Was she supposed to enable him, allow and encourage him to get worse? To hurt himself and others? She couldn’t do that, she wouldn’t do that. Not anymore. Marnie had been a pushover once. Once upon a time she’d have given in and retreated, let him continue down this path of destruction. But she found that holding the hand  of a loved one in their final moments, to say goodbye because they were too stubborn to get help until an untimely death… it changed you. It made you more resilient, made it easier to stand your ground, to say ‘no more’ when you watched another person you loved do the same. Marnie would do anything to avoid seeing Shane in that situation, even if it meant he wasn’t happy with her now. 

It wasn’t like Marnie didn’t understand the situation either. If anything, she understood it more than anyone else in this world possibly could. Every last detail she could relate to. Giving up your dreams, your life, for a child and the responsibility of raising them, the stress and turmoil it came with… the coping mechanisms it made you turn to just to quiet the thoughts that criticized your every move. She had never told most people about that part, understanding the judgment and stigma that came with it. It made it difficult for her to even admit to herself, but maybe now she could tell him. Maybe it would help him realize that what she said wasn’t out of judgment, but from a place of complete and total understanding. It was far too late to tell him, she knew. But late was better than never, and she knew he needed something now. Something to make this feel possible to move past.

She pulled a chair to sit in front of him, softening her voice and expression, “Shane… I think it’s time for me to be honest about something. Truly honest. I understand what you’re going through… more than I ever told you before.” she paused for a moment to try and find her words, “Shane, what I’m trying to say is-”

“What? That you ‘get it’? The same shit you tell me every fuckin’ time we argue about this?” Shane spat, the shock wearing off, replaced with anger, “Because honestly? I don’t think you do. You say this to me all the time, but you obviously don’t! I don’t know how to make you understand that! You don’t fucking get it!”

“I don’t get it…?” Marnie’s voice grew louder, her expression livid as she slowly rose from her chair, “I don’t get it?!”

“Fuck, sorry, that was-”

“Of all people, you should know that I understand what this is like! Do you think it was easy to raise you after your mother died? It’s an awful situation to be in, raising a child when you shouldn’t have to!” Marnie threw her hands up for emphasis, face flushed a deep red, “Do you think I wanted to give up my dream job and come back to the valley?! To leave everything I worked so hard for behind and-”

She quickly cut herself off and clapped a hand over her mouth, seeing her nephew's expression change into one of horror. She quickly realized what she had said, how she said it, and felt sick. She wanted nothing more than to take it back, to have reworded what was shouted in anger, but the damage was done. Those words were burned into his mind now. All Shane felt now was betrayal, anger, but most of all, guilt.

“Did I really make you that miserable?” Shane's voice was hardly a whisper, broken and defeated.

"Oh Shane, I didn't mean it like that-"

"Didn’t you?” Shane scoffed, fighting back the urge to cry, “You’ve made it clear that I’ve been nothing but a burden to you since I came back home.”

"I promise I didn't mean it like that!" Marnie sounded frantic, tripping over her words to try and make anything sound better. Shane threw up his hands in frustration, "Then how did you mean it, Marnie?! Tell me!"

 "I just meant that I understand how hard it is, how easy it is to fall into this hole! And I’m worried about you! You need to think about your future, Jas' future, what's your plan?!"

“A plan…? Hopefully I won't be around much longer to need a plan." Shane's voice was resolute, filled with such anger. Marnie felt her blood run cold, her mind trying to process the words that had just come out of his mouth. She shook her head slowly, “Shane, no-”

“It would do us all a favor, ‘specially since I ruined your life, right?” Shane interrupted, laughing bitterly,  “Made you give up on aaaaall your dreams just so you could raise this ungrateful piece of shit, right?!”

"Don't say that." Marnie warned, pointing at him accusatively, "You don't mean that."

"Yes! I do! I've wished I was dead every fuckin’ day since the accident!" Shane was practically screaming, voice booming and face growing red. Hot tears streaked down his face as he yelled, "I still have no fuckin’ clue what I'm doin’ and all it’s done is hurt everyone! How am I supposed to plan Jas' life when I can't even keep control of my own?!"

"Shane..."

"NO. I'm not interested in ANY-"

"SHANE."

Marnie had rarely yelled at him like that before. He could only think of one situation when he was a child, but he knew that tone of voice meant business. Shane immediately got quiet, hearing a soft sniffling sound from his side. 

Oh. Oh no.

He turned around slowly, finding Jas standing behind him, dressed in her pajamas, snuggling a plush tight to her chest. The commotion must’ve woken her, drawing her to the kitchen to see what had happened. She was doing her best to hold back from crying until he looked at her with the same horrified expression, one that made her shatter. The little girl immediately broke out into wails, throwing down her plush to the ground and running back to her room. Shane was stuck frozen, staring blankly as a sick feeling burned its way up his throat. He would've never said any of that if he thought she would be there, never in his life. 

He looked back to Marnie, seeing a similar terrified expression plastered on her face. She looked back and forth, between Shane and the direction of Jas’ room. Part of her wanted to run to comfort Jas, and the other wanted to comfort her nephew. Both of them needed her right now, but she couldn’t help both of them at once. Oh how she hated being in these situations, hated making these choices. Why was it always on her to be the strong one in this house?

Reluctantly, she made her decision. She took a deep breath, and spoke in a warbling tone, "Stay here…."

The older woman stormed off, making her way to Jas’ room. The girl's cries echoed through the house, each second that passed making Shane feel worse and worse. Jas had already lost so much, and now she had to hear him yell about wishing he was dead? She had to watch him break yet another promise? It wasn't fair, and he couldn't shake the guilt. Maybe he should try and talk to her, to try and tell her he didn't mean it. It was the least he could do.

Anxiously, he shuffled out towards her room, peeking in to see the 6 year old curled up on her bed, face planted in her pillow, sobbing wildly as Marnie tried her best to comfort her. 

"Jas, honey, I'm so sorry..." He started, voice getting warbly, "I didn't mean that-"

"GO AWAY!" Jas screeched, lifting her head from the pillow, "I HATE YOU!"

"Jasmyne!" Marnie scolded. 

Jas threw her head into her pillow again, balling her little fists together. How could things have gotten like this? Ever since they moved here, a gradual downward spiral had started. Shane rarely smiled anymore, he always reeked of alcohol, he was always so sad. And now, he was yelling about how he wished he was dead. He was a husk of the man he was just a year ago, completely unrecognizable. He had promised her this would change, that he’d stop drinking and stop fighting with Marnie. But what was he doing just moments ago? Standing in the kitchen, smelling of alcohol as he and Marnie screeched at each other. It made her so angry. Jas didn't hate him, just the poor facsimile of him that stood in his place. Whoever this was, he wasn’t Shane. She just wanted the man she considered her father back. She wanted her family to be whole.

"Go away..." She repeated, her sobs and voice growing quiet. Marnie gave Shane a knowing look, encouraging him to leave. It seemed being here wasn’t making things much better. He got the hint, nodding and closing the bedroom door. He could only hear Jas’ muffled cries through its solid frame, his heart tearing apart at the sound. How could he have hurt her like this? What the hell was wrong with him? Slowly, he turned away from the two of them, and made towards his bedroom door, locking himself in the dark and dismal space. Everything was lost. Marnie’s life was ruined by his hands, Jas hated him, and it was all his fault. The last family ties he had were severed, and for the first time, Shane truly had nothing and no one. Emily likely wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore, not after that display. His friendship with Sam ended almost as soon as it started, and Möhle… He wouldn’t blame them if they never looked in his direction again. Oh how he wished he could turn back time already, fix what had been broken. But he couldn’t. What was done, was done.

Over the hours, Jas’ eventually stopped crying and Marnie had gone to bed. The only one awake in the household was Shane, still sitting against his door, blankly staring at the wall in front of him. Everything was ruined, lost. What was he supposed to do from here? Who was he supposed to turn to? There was absolutely no one, not a single person who could or wanted to be there for him, and it broke his heart. 

Marnie’s words rang in his head, getting louder and louder. He couldn’t blame her for wanting him to leave. He’d been hurting so many people, broke all the rules she set… and he’d apparently ruined her life. Shane had heard plenty of stories about what she was like when she was young. Marnie was talented, she was going places. But right when success was so close, she gave it all up to be his caretaker. Pam had often told him that she was an artist, the best she’d ever seen. But Shane could barely remember a time when he saw her making anything. Most of her life was spent running the ranch and raising him, swapping her crafting tools for those of a rancher’s, taking up a position that by her own words she didn’t want. 

He couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault. Honestly, he believed many things were his fault simply by existing. If he didn’t exist, Marnie wouldn't've had to come home to the ranch after his mothers passing... Maybe she wouldn’t have even passed. Marnie always kept the details vague, telling him that stress had taken her in the end. Shane knew he wasn’t an easy child to raise. Many adults in town had jokingly called him a ‘handful’ when he was young. He couldn’t help but feel like he was to blame for the misfortune that befell his family. Marnie had always called him a gift and a treasure, but Shane felt like he was a curse. Everyone close to him either ended up hurt or dead. He was a walking bad omen at this point. He felt like it wouldn’t stop either. As long as he was alive, those he loved would be miserable.

He would change that; one way or another.

--------------

“Oh Marn, that’s bad…”

“I know… Yoba, I wish I could take it back,” Marnie held her head in her hands, the weight of shame on her shoulders. 

Pam had come to visit her in the early hours of the morning, finding the household to be in complete turmoil. Marnie had run over the events of the previous night, sparing no detail, and Pam was understandably horrified. All she could do was just place a hand on her back, a silent, grounding gesture to let her know she was there for Marnie. Rain beat down on the windows of the ranch, the heaviest storm the valley had seen in some time. It seemed to fit the mood of the house perfectly, as grim as it was.

“He still hasn’t gotten up, right?” she looked over to his bedroom door, shut tight, no sound coming from behind the solid wood. Marnie shook her head, huffing and wiping her eyes, “No. You know how he holes up like this… He locked it too, won’t open up for anything,”

Pam drummed her fingers on the table, “Well… Maybe I could talk to him. I don’t think he cares for me much, but it might help seein’ as we both got the same vice now,”

“I guess it’s worth a try,” Marnie agreed. It wasn’t like much else could get worse from here. Pam gave her a soft pat on the back as she stood up, approaching Shane’s door carefully, knocking twice, “You awake, boy?”

There was no answer, as expected. Pam shook her head and knocked harder on the door, surprised to find it popping open just an inch from the gesture, “Marn… didn’t you say this was locked?”

“I thought it was…” she muttered, her face riddled with confusion, “I mean, it has gotten stuck before, but I just assumed…”

Pam stuck her head into the room, panning her view around its interior.

“... Hey, Marn?”

“Yes?”

“He’s not in here,”

[glazedsnail]

Ok I'm so excited to share this!!

This work is part of the Week of the Winter Star Feast 2024 organised by the Stardew Valley Fanfiction Writers Guild

@stardewfanficwriters

Day 1: Snowed In

The Ao3 Link right there:

The work under the cut. A conversation between Shane and Evelyn while snowed in, stuck in the old farm.

I want to thank @annetastic1981a SO MUCH for letting me bring her idea to life. Thank you thank you thank you ♥

It happened so fast, I am still trying to gather myself.

I wanted some holly, to make a Winterfest Wreath. Strangely, the forest was bare, and as I walked up through the farm to reach the backwoods, the storm hit.

Thankfully, the new ranch addition was there, apparently trying to find a lost chicken. It is still a little blurry, but he quickly grabbed me, a chicken in his other arm, and shoved me in the old abandoned farm. Just in time before the snow started falling in heavy layers.

The wind is howling through the decrepit wooden walls and down the chimney. He wanted to start a fire, but complained that the fireplace surely hadn't been swept in so many years it would just suffocate us.

I'm grateful, I would have lit that fire.

He is breaking kindle into a rusty metal drum that was resting in the kitchen, softly speaking to the chicken, explaining to it how he needs newspaper or alike. But has not said a single word to me.

I remember when he moved to Marnie's ranch. She introduced this gruff looking frowning man as her nephew, and the little girl's godfather. Jas. Jas' godfather.

He had nothing of the two ever smiling ranch residents, and he soon earned the reputation of being, well, rather unfriendly.

I know frowning. My husband being stuck in his forever scrunched and sour face. And it always hides much more than what is shown.

I'm glad I'm all wrapped up in my shawl, but to say I'm impatient for the wood to finally burn would be an understatement.

'Ah shit.'

He groans, fighting with his matches to get torn up pages off a book to burn, the chicken clucking away at him as if to encourage him.

The snow is really falling. Easily reaching the windows now. I hope George won't be too worried.

'Can I be of any help, dear?'

'Nah, gettin' there. Fucking matches.' He lifts his head to me, at last. 'Oh f… I mean, sorry. Didn't mean to swear.'

'Ha, don't worry. This is barely the moment for uptightness.'

I walk up to them, him and the chicken. Finally, some flames perk up the tumbler. He shouts victory and grabs the chicken in his arms, smiling.

I believe this is the first time I see him smiling. I chuckle, placing my hands over the soothing fire.

'Thank you…hum?'

'Shane.' He answers, letting the chicken settle nicely in his hoodie. It blushes, lets out a rather content "bock" and closes its eyes. Now that's one warm and happy chicken.

'Thank you, Shane.' I repeat. 'That chicken seems to like you a lot.'

He blushes in turn, slowly petting the sleepy animal.

'Yeah I…I guess so.'

'What's her name?'

'Oh, it's Charlie.' He smiles again 'Say "Hi" Charlie…' But the hen is fast asleep.

'It must have been a hard day for her. Lost on this abandonned farm. She is probably very grateful that you found her.' He blushes again, looking away. I have a hard time recognising the ever frowning man we have seen those past few weeks. 'I am grateful you found me too.' I chuckle, and look at the window. The light of the day is gone along with the view.

I don't know how long it's been now. Shane brought a chair to the fire to let me sit down. Charlie still asleep in his hoodie. We've not exchanged much, apart from a few pleasantry. I was surprised he knew my name, as well as that I am Alex's grandmother. It seems the two of them got to talk gridball at some point.

'Alex would probably like to have someone he could play with.'

'Mmh, I don't do this stuff 'nymore… Can barely stand on my knees at it is. Constantly crouching at Jojamart too.'

His expression rebecome sombre.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume'

'Nah you're fine. I'm just…falling to pieces here.' He chuckles, awkwardly. The shadows cast by the fire on his face show more sadness than the contempt everyone thought at first. And still think, actually. But it's no mere disdain. He sighs, in the flick of the flames I could swear I saw tears gathering, disappearing in a blink.

'I can't hear the wind down the chimney anymore, maybe the snow has stopped too.' I venture.

'I hope so.'

'Once it's safe to do so, I'm sure they will find us soon. We don't want to make Jas worried now do we?' I laugh. He gives me a heartless half-smile. 'How is she doing, anyway?'

Shane tenses up, enough to wake Charlie up who jumps down his chest and lands clumsily on the dirty floor. We both look at her walk around the drum, and plops down with a satisfied smile.

'She's fine.' He eventually says. He opens his mouth, but closes it immediately.

'Is there something wrong?'

He groans, looking down to the slowly receding flames. His eyes lit up by the fire dart left and right, quivering. I recognize fear, and doubt. I've seen them before. The terror of inadequacy befalling on one's spirit like an unstoppable landslide. Knowing that you cannot let it engulf you. You have to stand, tall, and strong, until it comes to a standstill and surrounds you with rocks, mud, and debris.

Survive a landslide. On his own.

We survived, but we had each other.

'Shane? Dear, I'm afraid the fire is dying down.' He lifts his head in a "ho", and grabs a chair he instantly breaks on his thigh in a grunt. 'Oh, don't go hurting yourself!' He only laughs, chucking the broken wood in the drum.

'Glad there's spare stuff 'round there. Ah shit.' He grabs his hand and his fingers. 'Splinters.' He only says, trying to prick it out with his teeth.

'Oh, be careful, you will get that infected!' I reach for my purse. 'Come here. I won't bite you!' Puzzled, he slowly walks toward me, holding his hand. 'Don't squirm, you're worse than my husband.' I grab his hand and pour some whiskey from my flask.

'The hell is that?!'

'Simply disinfecting, dear. Now, this might hurt.' I warn, getting my old faithful tweezers ready. He scoffs, probably about to say something about how he won't feel a thing. I laugh as he conceals a grunt. But the splinter is out. 'That was quite the big one!'

'Good whiskey though.' He laughs, sucking on his "injured" finger. 'D'you just walk around with it?'

'Why, yes. Especially in winter.' I'm about to put the flask back in my purse. 'We can share a nip, to keep us warm.' I laugh.

'Heh, I'm sure you know it's all bollocks.' Shane smiles, still accepting the flask, hovering it above his lips. 'Yeah, damn good whiskey.' He laughs with a wince, handing it back to me.

Hopefully, that'll get him to relax a bit. In a very selfish way, I just can't bear another hour in silence and idle chitchat. But it also seems he could use the Dutch courage and loosen up a little.

'How are you finding the ranch life?' I try again.

He sits down to Charlie who is cosy close to the burning drum. As he starts slowly petting her I can hear the hen softly humming? Purring? I don't really know what sounds chicken make. But it certainly is a happy noise.

'It's…Well it's better than the city.' He sighs, his hands reaching his face to get through his hair. 'I'm…'

'Yes?'

'I'm happy to be with Jas, again. But she deserves better.'

'Better than living on a dairy farm?' I laugh. 'She is a very bright little girl. She was quite excited to tell us her godfather was coming to live with her.'

He scoffs, loudly, his face falling in his open hands.

'What a fuckin' godfather I make.' He mumbles, looking down his bent legs. 'Sure the excitement wore off the second she actually saw me.'

Shane isn't exactly the most gentle looking person ever, that's for sure. Very gruff. But the way I saw him take care of that hen just now can't be a polite act. Seems to me like it's the other way around entirely.

I never probed Marnie on Jas' "provenance". It was clear the little baby she ended up with all those years ago wasn't a present from a random stork. Shane stayed for a while at the time if I recall correctly, but mostly kept to the ranch. When he left again for the city we were all none the wiser. And Jas stayed, and grew up. I do not wish to intrude either, I know the cultural impact and duties of a godfather.

Shane must have been very close to Jas' parents. And to lose them when she was so young. It never occured to me that something this…wounding was what actually had happened. Shane dealt with losing two tremendously close friends, a heartbreaking decision, and whatever happened in the city.

I'm starting to understand his gruff act. Why would anyone want to risk going through losing people again.

'You know, George and I had to take care of Alex when he was still a young boy.' I say, wanting my voice to be comforting. 'Our daughter, Clara, sadly passed.'

'I'm sorry.'

'I had George. We had each other.' I recall the loss we weren't allowed to grieve. The denial thrust upon ourselves, for the sake of Alex, and having to wear a parent's hat all over again after all these years.

We've been parents from the second Clara was born, of course. But close to doing it all over again, at our age? After losing our only daughter?

It was daunting. Seemed unfeasible. We allowed ourselves to grieve, taking turn, looking after each other.

I cannot fathom how it would have been like on my own.

'It was still…Very hard. It sometimes continues to be. The worries never cease. And, well, the pain has never left us.' I hear Shane groans, shuffling on himself. Looking down but listening to my every word. 'I will always ask myself if what we did, are doing, is good enough for Alex. Moreover, I will forever seek approval from Clara, wonder if I'm raising him like she wants us to. If I am worthy of her son.' This time it is not a shadow illusion, I can clearly see tears slowly running down Shane's cheeks as he plops his forehead in his hand. 'I'm not trying to upset you.' My voice breaks. I do wish I could ask my daughter if we are doing a great job. If she would be proud of her son. 'I'm merely…Well.' I stand up, the chair creaks under my effort and my joints are stiff from the cold, but I manage to reach Shane whose back now slightly tremble. 'I just want to say that I understand.'

My hand on Shane's shoulder shakes with his quiet sobs. Sadly, I do not have any comforting words. But I understand, painfully so.

Charlie stands up too, slowly bobbing her head to Shane. I never knew chickens could have a worried look but… There it is. She lifts her small head, and Shane welcomes her in his arms, softly whispering to her that he's ok.

I silently chuckle watching the tender scene unfold.

The rescue party reaches the door and I thank Yoba, seeing Alex reaching the threshold first, coming to me in a hurry.

Quite quickly, the little girl, covered in tears, rush to her godfather who receives her in an audible 'oof'. I look at them both, and smile. Shane is crouching down to Jas, showing her how Charlie was keeping warm, repeating, again, how he is ok, asking her to stop crying, he is ok. And he will be fine.

Shane looks up at me, as Alex walks me through the freed door, and I see his smile.

He will be fine.

[differentcoloredcontacts]

Class 1-b and random videogames they like <3

Awase - mario cart, something about hitting his friends with red shells and stealing first place last second really makes his day <3

Sen - he doesn't play video games by himself a lot but him and the rest of the common sense kings have game nights where he is either so good that its scary or so bad that its laughable... worse part is no one knows which it will be that day.

Kamakiri - any fps game really. Halo, cod, fortnite, as long as he gets to cuss out 12 year olds in the lobby hes happy.

Kuroiro - gothic horror games that dont rely on jump scares to scare you, so like Little Nightmares and games like that.

Kendo - she likes a mixture of different types but mostly open world and cozy games. She mostly lets game osts run in the background while she does other stuff.

Kodai - splatoon. Specifically the story mode and salmon run. She used to play ranked and turf wars but she got too good at it so she stopped lmao. Seriously though she is scary good at this game and this game only.

Komori - farming sims. Specifically ones like stardew valley or sunhaven. She will stay up til ungodly hours and just be like "i need these fucking turnips to grow damnit.."

Shiozaki - simple moble games like flappy bird or crossy road, other than that she doesn't really play video games

Shishida - grandpa mindset so he doesn't know what a video game is, loves playing board games with his friends though

Shoda - i dont think he plays a lot of videogames but he is strangely good at multi-player games, shoda wins the class mario cart tournaments every time and he doesn't even know how to drift

Pony - Tomadachi pet games (idk if thats what they are called lol) where its just a little pocket pet that you have to keep alive, she will get stressed if she forgets to feed it and its actually adorable <3

Tsubaraba - LOZ:Tears Of The Kingdom

Nothing more needs to he said...

Tetsutetsu - save the princess type games because its manly to help those in need of saving. (He also has over 5000 hours in hello kitty island adventure)

Tokage - idk why but I feel like she has hundreds of games no one has ever heard of. She only has like 5 or 6 hours in most of them but theres one shitty as game she lets rot in the corner thats her favorite. How tf do you have 20000 hours in 'block game HD'

Manga - Genshin Impact. He downloaded it as a meme at first but then he got invested in the storyline and characters backstorys. Definitely found himself crying at 3am because of the inazumas mushrooms backstory (they do be dead kids tho)

Honenuki - I dont think he plays a lot of videogames but when he does, he sucks. Idc how many hours he has in whatever game he will find a way to lose every time. Its kinda sad to watch honestly. T-T

Bondo - those games where you start off with boxes full of shit and you have to organize it in the room or you have to organize the water by color. Stuff like that

Monoma - classic save the princess type games. Mario, Loz, ect. He needs to feed his savior/ superiority complex and these games do it quickly

Reiko - horror games that dont look like horror games. Like they start off all pastel and cute then over time it gets darker and darker. Like omori.

Rin - he only plays videogames with people. (So the common sense kings game nights and class mario cart tournaments) but he does play solitair and sun haven rarely. Also if pony for some reason cant take care of her virtual pets today she gives them to rin because hes the best virtual pet sitter. <3

Idk why but for some of the class on this I struggled so badly </3 I still like how most of it came out tho.

[vertigoed]

Midnight runner || Gamer!Megumi Fushiguro

Summary:

Megumi's days were usually consumed with exorcising curses, but when he wasn't fighting demons, he retreated to his room, spending hours on end gaming. For him, there was no greater thrill than killing randoms online and watching his ranking go up. But just when he thought he had seen it all, he met you - the most maddening and infuriating troll he had ever come across in a game. Little did he know that your unlikely encounter would change the course of his life forever.

MASTERLIST

Megumi popped open a can of beer and leaned over his desk to start up his monitor. As the LED lights flickered and the gears started to buzz, he closed all his curtains to make his room pitch black except for the blinding monitor screen.

An impatient sigh escaped his lips. He wished he were paid more so he could upgrade his setup. He had only bought this computer a couple of years ago, but it was already starting to lag.

He sat himself down, tapping his long fingers on the desk while waiting for the screen to load. He opened up Discord to see if any of his online friends were logged on.

Much to his dismay, none of his three friends was online that day.

He was contemplating which game to play, stuck between Rust, Call of Duty, or Stardew Valley. He ultimately decided to play Rust, a multiplayer survival game that involved hunting for resources, building up bases, and killing and raiding other players.

After what felt like an eternity, the server finally loaded and his character appeared on the screen. He quickly began running to his base to gear up before he gets killed.

"Hellooooo, FushiMegu!"

His eyebrow perked up at the female's voice calling his username and turned his character around to see who it was.

It was a naked player with the username Honeymommy98. She had nothing on her except for a wooden stick which meant he didn't have to worry about being killed as she was probably a newbie.

He decided to ignore her and continued to run to his base, soon noticing that the female player was still following him.

"Hey, wait up Fushi! Do you want to hear me sing?

Is she a troll? he thinks to himself, disgruntled at the fact that he was already getting harassed in his first game in months. He had just recovered from a brutal head injury after battling a first-grade curse, and this was the last thing he needed.

Couldn't he just play in peace? Life was already difficult enough dealing with Yuji and Gojo on a daily basis, he didn't need another troll annoying him in his downtime.

He pressed down on the volume button so that he could speak, "Fuck off," he said into his mic.

"Please, I've been killed eight times already! I just want to team up with someone-"

"I'm happy to make this your ninth time getting killed then," he replied stoically.

"That hurt my feelings!"

He didn't answer and kept going, a string of curses leaving his mouth when he realised that she was still following him. "I told you to stop following me you weirdo," this time his character throws several punches at the girl, causing her to bleed.

"You're going to make me cry, pleasee Fushimegu, you seem angry today, let me do a little performanc-"

Megumi grabbed a rock from the ground and smashed it against the player's head, causing her to die instantly in the process. He smirked at the dead character on the ground and continued his journey to his base which was located in the furthest corner of the map.

Once he entered his base which took him months to build, he began gearing his character up with a bulletproof vest and an M4 gun. His eyes drifted to the game chat screen that was popping up in the corner.

Honeymommy98: @ Fushimegu I'm coming for you, how dare you kill me like that when I'm talking to you!

Honeymommy98: fr im going to raid ur base watch ur back mf

Megumi scoffed at the ridiculousness of this person, wondering if she was like this with anyone who killed her. Seriously, it was as if she was playing just to solely pick fights with people.

Sugugu666: This monkey bitch still trolling the game? Thought you would give up after I killed you for the fifth time lol.

Your eyes widen in anger as you read the chat, watching the Sugugu666 guy trash talk you when you weren't even talking to him in the first place.

"See this is exactly why I stopped playing shit like this and only play Stardew Valley," you narrowed your eyes, murmuring under your breath while furiously typing, "Sugugu666... shut the fuck up. WHY the FUCK are you calling random people monkeys, sounds kinda fucking RACIST YOU FUCKER!"

Suddenly, you notice a group of players running towards you with knives in their hands. You decide to start running away. This is your ninth death, which means one more death, and the game will lock you out for 24 hours as your character has to recover.

You reached a secluded area and noticed a player in the distance. You start climbing a tree so you were hidden out of sight. With a smirk, you cracked your fingers and cleared your throat before pressing down the volume button to start singing.

"I guess I am a troll," you admit to yourself with a giggle. You put on your best Whitney Housten voice and began belting out I will always love you.

To be honest, you were only playing this game to annoy other players as it was hilarious to see men get triggered so easily. You had no interest in the main objective of the game and found it quite boring.

Megumi eyes twitch at the familiar voice he was hearing in the background.

"And I will always love youuuuu, ooohhhh, ohhh."

"Is she seriously singing right now?" he said to himself but continued to chop down the trees to build another item box, hoping that she'll eventually stop.

He can't bear listening to her terrible singing any longer, but no matter where he goes, he can hear her annoying voice in the background. "Where the fuck is she?" he mutters, spinning his screen around to see where the player was so that he could kill her again.

"I eeee I will always love youuu, Fushimeguuuuu."

Megumi looks up at the tree above him to see the player sitting on one of the branches. She waved and jump down. He points the gun at you, but before he can shoot, his own character starts bleeding out of nowhere.

"What the fuck?" he said under his breath, looking around to see who was shooting at him. He couldn't hear or see anyone else, other than that annoying girl.

But within a blink of an eye, four players start sprinting towards him, all of them geared with guns and wearing stealth boots that are incredibly hard to obtain unless you're at max level

"Oh fuck it's pro players," he swore and began shooting at them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, give me a gun, you can't do 4V1!"

Megumi knew she was right- even though she probably didn't know how to aim- any support would be better than none. He reluctantly dropped one of his guns, "You better fucking know how to shoot or I'm going to kill you after I kill them," he told the girl.

The player picked up the gun and surprisingly managed to shoot one of the opposition players.

"Good one," he mumbled, fingers flying across the keyboard with lightning speed as he focused on healing himself while taking cover, "Quick, stand behind this rock!"

The girl listened and ducked behind a boulder, merely dodging a bullet that would've been a sure kill.

"Wait can you give me some health? Kinda on a brink of death!"

Megumi's mouse hovered over the few health potions he had left. He let out an exasperated sigh and dropped the potion so she could take it.

"Thanks love, for this, I'll do a little solo performance for you later. Now watch me fuck these motherfuckers up!"

"Please don't," he answered, but before he could tell her what to do next, she was already in action.

Megumi watched in disbelief as the player sprang back up from the boulder, shooting with impeccable accuracy and executing maneuvers he had only seen with proper gamers. He was shocked to see how good she was as he was under the impression that she was a newbie.

"Damn," he spoke into his mic, looking down at the dead players. He bent down to take their guns and their boots, "You played this before?"

"No, I downloaded this for the first time, I'm amazing right? Tell me how good I am!"

He rolled his eyes. The arrogance of the player reminded him of a particular teacher he knew. "Hurry up and take your share," he said dismissively.

"This game's kinda ass," the player begun putting on the dead character's armour and gun, "It's so easy too."

"How are you so good at this game? Are you hacking?"

"Pfft! Don't accuse me of such sin! I use to be like super good at Call of duty and then I stopped playing because too many trolls, incels and hackers."

"You're a troll yourself," Megumi retorted with a snort.

"I know right?" the girl laughed, "Now that you know how overpowered I am, are you going to let me team up with you?"

"I'm going to have to ask my team first, they're not online today but I guess if I ever see you on this game again, I suppose you would be useful," he answered truthfully. As much as he hated to admit it, the girl was more skilled than him.

"Okay, well let me add you on discord then!"

"Why not just be friends on this game?" Megumi asked, he wasn't too keen on the idea as he had a feeling she'd be constantly spamming him on there.

"I don't know, I just wanna add you on there, is that okay? Or do you think you're too good for me after I saved your ass?"

"Well, you're kinda annoying."

"I see how it is, don't blame me when I raid your base later on then," she sighed dramatically.

His eyes flickered with annoyance, running his fingers through his dark hair.

"Is that a threat?"

"It's only a threat if you keep being an absolute cunt to me."

And so, just like that, Megumi was left with no other choice but to begrudgingly add her to the app.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

im so obsessed with my love for yamada lvl 999 and megumi just reminds me of the male MC. This might be my fave series so i hope it doesn't flop

like for part 2 :)

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Positivity post, 22nd January - 11th February

Cooking new things and them turning out fairly well (most notable is the enoki and udon stir fry I made, absolutely delicious)

Soup leftovers

Submitting an exam I'm fairly proud of with plenty of time to spare

I got access to my phonology class on Blackboard!!! So unbelievably hyped for this semester

Calls with my uni bestie, at the time of first writing she isn't back yet but she will be soon <3

Getting more comfortable watching Instagram reels in French (ik ik but it's a start!!)

Green spaces on campus are very emotionally supportive

I've started playing geography games which is pretty fun - matching countries and capitals, naming countries on every continent, click where this country is etc. I'm not very good yet but it's fun to learn new things :)

One of my flatmates came back today, it's nice not having the flat be eerily quiet all the time

Countdown to fun events happening very soon!!

Waking up cosy and more rested day by day, classes are gonna hit me like a bus next week so I'm taking it while I can lol

Talking lots with a class friend about our exams (no collusion here dw) and bonding over our dislike of our history and culture modules, I'm hoping we can go for coffee after a seminar some day :)

Update my class friend said yes to going out for coffee and I can't wait!!!!

The sheer relief of submitting all my exams :D

I visited my friend for their birthday and we played loads of stardew valley

My uni bestie came back!! :D

Spoons and giggles with friends

A new class routine to get started with, my modules this semester are already looking to be much more interesting than last semester :D

The tumble dryer in uni actually dried my clothes for once!!!

Restful nights' sleep

Finalising accommodation for the Squad Holiday in summer and it looks so good considering the price we paid :D

Endless late nights chatting and laughing until we cry

The crocuses are in bloom at the local park and it's gorgeous!!!!

Visiting 2 friends in Scotland over the weekend, so much love <333

Podcast episodes my beloved

Seeing a different side to my uni friends over a game of Catan in a fun way (so much yelling 💀💀💀💀💀 but the insults were incredibly creative)

Clean sheets and clean room

Spoons cookie crunch with strawberries my beloved

Orange juice is absolutely delicious and I should really buy it more often

Getting back into reading and discussing books with friends <3

As an extension to the above: reading a book given to you by a friend and their annotations are all there <333

I recorded half a podcast episode on a night I felt really anxious and it calmed me down and sparked some creativity in me

The joy of learning new things, I'm loving my phonology class atm

Slowly developing a stronger sense of self, in the words of Marina and the Diamonds "I know exactly what I want and who I want to be" well not with that amount of certainty but still

Every year or so I reread Anne of Green Gables and every year I'm reminded of why it's my favourite book ever

[stardewspellshed]

Jk I have an actual ask now: how do you go about actually making your spells in stardew? With it not being entirely up to the player where you can place things and what you can pick up and what not, how do you come up with ideas as to what you can do? (My uncertainty is probably to do with the fact that I haven’t the slightest clue what the mechanics actually are save from what I hear from my friends feral rants about the supermarket and eels)

So this ended up being a suuuper long post and I am so sorry lmao. Tried to break it up into sections to make it a little easier to read!

GET TO KNOW THE GAME

The first step to coming up with spells was to learn my medium, to put it in art terms. I played the game purely for the sake of playing the game for a while, and more or less completed several files before I decided to figure out spellcasting. By then I'd had the mechanics memorized enough that everything is second nature now, which means I actually don't really know how to explain it very well in a way that makes sense to other people!

In a nutshell, I'd sorted out how decorating the farm works, what crops I like/don't like growing (which helps for associations!), etc., but also the negative mechanics like "leaving Jack o Lanterns outside on the last night of fall means they'll turn into rotten glurge on the first day of winter" and "villagers walking through your stuff can break or uproot it so be careful where you put stuff if you're sticking things in town".

GET TO KNOW YOUR SPELL ITEMS

So the first solid step I took when I decided to start branching out into using the game for tech magic was to start sorting out my associations/correspondences for villagers and items. This is a massive work in progress because of how much stuff there is in the game and I'm nowhere close to done with actually transcribing it all, but for items I generally use a combination of traditional correspondences and what feels Correct to me.

(This is probably where I'd suggest anyone looking to get into Stardew as a method of casting start—like, at least sort out a few things you think you're going to use a lot— because your process for forming associations is inherently going to be different than mine!)

HOW THE SPELLCRAFTING PROCESS GENERALLY GOES DOWN FOR ME

(Heads up that my practice frequently relies on sympathetic magic and energy work and has since the early days of starting to work with magic. That was five years ago now, so at this point I'm by no means an expert but I have enough practice that I have a comparatively easy time using things that aren't physically there in spellcraft— this may be something that requires a fair bit of practice for other peeps. Adding this warning because I don't want to assume everybody shares my background!)

So when I craft a spell I work backwards. I figure out my goal, what timing (real world and/or in game), villagers, or items would assist in my goal if necessary, draw up a rough plan for what I want to happen in the spell itself then I just... fuck around with each step independently before casting.

I do test runs for each step I want in a spell without actually casting it to make sure it's something I can pull off, sort of like a series of miniature dress rehearsals. If I don't like how it feels or if the mechanics won't let me pull it off, I rework that step on the spot. I will do this as many times as I need to with as many steps as I need to until I have a spell that I feel flows smoothly. This is why I recommend a rough guide, because sometimes things just won't work the way you want them to and you have to rework.

On a final note I do most of my spellwork on my farm because you're pretty free of restrictions and don't run into nonsense like the villager pathing issue I mentioned earlier as often lmao.

I feel like this was incredibly rambly and didn't answer your question but it's the best explanation I've got, I'm so sorry if this wasn't helpful!

[heleizition]

Hi! OC anon here! The ones from your two most recent reblogs, sorry I don't know their names but I'd like to know about them! ☺️

their names are vik (ginger, white, heterochromia, the one in the whumpy rb whos being kissed in the second rb) and nell (blue hair, darker skin, yellow eyes, the one who is KISSING)

ive had these two for 5 years ! the first setting i had them in was . unvolontary world travellers : the story would follow them in different universes, hows they'd meet, fall in love over and over again, until one of them would start to remember their past lives but one of them would DIE (im dramatic)

It was an excuse for many aus lol which i'm still......... sort of doing lol

i have three main stories for them atm !

1 - the first one is an angel/demon story where the main characters (most of my ocs) come together to form a third party who basically . wants to fight god . nell is a demon who summons knives and vik is an angel who uses a bow :] (cupid hehehhehehe) he also turns out to be a secret spy for one of the antagonist. in this au they have lives from before they died as humans,,,, i've been very into the "past lives" things for someone who hates reincarnation aus LMAO

in this au they jumpstart the third party accidentally by cooperating, and die in each other's arms <3 i think they would have kissed just before the last battle........ my little meow meows

2 - the second one is basically a spooky stardew valley au aka the Farm Au (i played a lot of stardew for a few months AND i like horror so). It follows mainly nell, vik, belly (nell's twin sister), and jasper (the sweetheart of all sweethearts and belly's future husband) with belly being a farmer in a little village after she escaped her and nell's past, nell needs help and reaches out to her, ends up living with her and disocvering that there is more in life than living in ur past trauma.... except ofc the valley the village is is NOT an ordinary valley, with fantastical horror :3 some people melt. vik is once again sort of a "traitor" in this. its a running theme for him but like he's always an unwilling participant in it lol groomed into the situation ...

3 - third au is a naruto au bc after binge listening/watching the anime openings like 3 times in a day i realised i rly enjoyed the universe even if i did not care much abt the story lol. it's basically just . ninja au without the naruto characters, with backstory and fighting style and roles for most of my ocs,,,, yes vik is ROOT in this (groomed into being a bad guy)

ANYWAY i rly enjoy them and put them in the brain rotisserie oven with the flavor of the month wehehhe

[timelessxmemories]

UPDATE. ★

Friends that I consider family who might want to see this: @ghostlyplacetobe , @lyrical-lilies , @mxtallmadge , @lauraroleplayss (mom) , @miss-midnightt

My wonderful partners who also may wish to see this: @loveletter-sys , @g-man-half-life , @funeralprlrrss

I've been gone a really long time without any explanation whatsoever except for the sort of explanation I did a few days ago. Which, y'know, is fine and all, but sometimes I feel the urge to go on here and at least let you all know where the Hell I've been and what I've been doing properly, so here I am, ready to give an explanation regarding this whole situation.

So first of all, as I've mentioned in the last post, I've been having relapsing issues and eating problems, not only that but I've also just started my year 12 of school to add onto the already growing stress. Not only that but I've also been having a lot of family issues mainly with my mom and I'm on the verge of running away, but that's not super important as of right now.

As for my activity here on Tumblr. I won't neccesarily be here as much as I'd like to be, which happens, yes, but I seriously wanted to apologize for completely ghosting you all without any notice at all. I'm finally learning that my mental health comes before helping out others, which also in a sense of things means social media for me is no longer a getaway, but rather a stressful place that causes my mental health to decline more than it already is. I'm sure you understand that.

To all my partners that are here on Tumblr, @loveletter-sys & @funeralprlrrss & @g-man-half-life, I'm so sorry for not being here as much as I'd like to, I love you all so very much, however, as I've stated earlier, mental health is important. I don't mean to ghost you all, but sometimes things happen and life goes downhill.

But as for personal updates, I'd say I'm getting a lot better, I'm no longer super stressed out about constantly being online and providing for people, I'm no longer as depressed and stressed out as I once was although it's still very there of course, and most importantly, I'm happier, and I'm regaining my motivation once more. I've also ended up playing Stardew Valley once more and although it doesn't do much for my mental health, it makes me feel happy and allows me to properly express myself in ways that other things would normally limit me from doing. I'm actually really enjoying school due to me being in classes I actually love and know people in, as for me being social, I'd say that's getting a lot better and I'm slowly breaking out of my shell. I'm still not super stable or in the best mindset, but I'd say I'm getting a lot better. It's going to take some time for me to be able to actually get on here, but for now, my hiatus is still semi. Once in a while I may come on here and post an OC of mine, and then I will probably end up disappearing once again.

[sunnysafezone]

tue. 7th of may

Hello stranger on the internet!

Its been a long time, but I have a valid reason to keep you waiting.

I guess.

I am going to make it really quick, I fell into the Stardew Valley rabbbit hole.

So what can I say, it might me the best thing I´ve done so far. I think I have played around 20 hours by now and I am obsessed. And it is getting worse and worse the longer I am playing.

And believe me, dear stranger on the internet, I thought hogwarts leagacy was bad.

So to just get the first impression out of my head, I wand to list a few things about the game, I really really enjoy.

The Graphics - this game is so colorful, so cute, so detailed, its everything a pixel lover could ever wish for. The different seasons gave me literal chills because they look so individual but each time just as beautiful as the last one.

The characters - please excuse me but you can ROMANCE different NPCs ?! As soon as I learned about that, I was SOLD. But apart from the marrying and romancing part. I am truly amazed by how lovingly every character is written and designed. There is someone for every player! On my part, its going to be my girl Leah. I mean, I´ve been already courting her all year. She is gorgeous, artsy and so charming. There was no question at all.

The game mechanics - as funny as this might sound but I was more than surprised about the fact that the game is as complex as it is. The farming alone is so much fun and requires so much thought and time. The fact that you can plant and harvest a rediculous amount of different crops each season, that you can choose what you personally want to plant and wich animals you want to have in your farm. It´s so much fun. Additionally, you can chop wood in the big forest and harvest stones, ores and other minerals in the mine. How cool is that? Dear stranger, i did´nt even mention the seasonal events, the friendships and in game storylines. There are countless things to discover.

The mysterious mysteries of the valley - until now, I´ve just talked about a very nice, enjoyable RPG collecting and harvesting game. Because I bought it as such. I never would have guessed that there are so many whimsical secrets to be discovered in the valley. I never would have imagined a group of charming little entities, living from the earth and hoping around in the community center. I am also very keen on finding out whats up with the grandpa shrine and the little totems wich are scattered all over the map. And I cannot believe I didnt mention that ffirst, there are literal FAIRIES flying around your farm at night. I mean, case closed!

The customization!!!! - obviously, we have to talk about the fact, that you can decorate, customize and change everything around you to you own liking. It starts with yourself, the character you want to play as. Then you can choose your farm layout, wich is so cool. For the beginning I chose the forest farm, but i honestly want to restart on the river farm or the beach farm, because they look just so cute. You can choose your pet, your friends and even your spouse as I already mentioned earlier). You can customize your farm and farmhouse and even some parts of the remaining map.

All in all, I am just enthusiastic about the game and its facets. I might be a little bit addicted already, because I already want to go back to Pelican town.

But why is it so good? For me, its a relatively easy question to answer. Stardew Valley makes it possible for me to feel like I am living the magical slow live I damn dream of every day before I wake up. The thought of getting away, living of the land and just forge your own reality just makes me incredibly happy. And again, as funny as it sounds, this game gives me enough to escape into that daydream.

So to end my little entry today, I want to come back to the prompts I tried to set for myself. So lets get into it.

my current read: "Does it hurt?" - H.D. Carlton (not even half as good as Haunting Adeline - i guess i have to get back to the second book and write about it)

my current favorite song: Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey - Paul and Linda McCartney

my motivations: I quit my corporate job and start to work in a small cafe. Thats my own version of escape i guess.

Thats all for today.

Thank you for reading!

Sunny

[almostjollyprince]

100ish Days of Productivity: The Second Week

Day 5/100 - Jan 6 2024 I ran my D&D campaign. First session in months (we took a break for the holidays around October). Went pretty well. I had planned for that part that they were getting into to take 2 sessions, but I've got a pretty clever group so we managed to wrap it up in 1 session. Spookiness awaits. After the session I started finalizing the details for the Wednesday campaign because that's also starting up again in a few days. Rewrote some ideas as a means of hopefully jump-starting character development for some PCs. We'll see how it turns out.

Rest Day - Jan 7 2024 I took it easy and played games all day. I was hoping to be a little more productive yesterday, but I'm already feeling a bit of the burnout from this 100 Days of Productivity thing. On a side note, I'm almost done with Year 1 of Coral Island, so that's kind of cool I guess. I still haven't decided who I want to romance but it could also be that 1) none of the bachelors/bachelorettes really stand out to me as husband/wife material or 2) I don't care about the romance aspect of the slice-of-life farm game genre. It was like that with Stardew Valley, it was like that with Rune Factory, and it was like that with Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons.

Day 6 - Jan 8 2024 Weather was pretty bad, so I worked from home and provided support for the other developers. I'm trying to study for the certification exam, but the body doesn't want to do what the mind wants it to do. Like there's some sort of disconnect between wants and needs. I hate this feeling. Part of me wonders if I ever fully recovered from the severe burnout I had from one of my previous jobs that ruined my physical and mental health. I finished wrapping up the stuff I needed for the Wednesday campaign, so that was the evening/night.

Day 7 - Jan 9 2024 Roads were clear so I went into the office. Work work work. My buddy for the day and I built a modal that appears for one of the buttons, but after looking at how the original handles that part, it turns out that it should be a page of its own instead of a modal. That's fine, the heavy lifting is done and it shouldn't take more than a day to rewire it as a page instead of a modal. After work, I double-checked my notes for the Wednesday campaign and then just played games. Oh, and swap out the filters for the HVAC. It's supposed to get really cold over the weekend and it's around the time to swap them out anyway, so might as well do it while I don't have anything major going on.

Day 8 - Jan 10 2024 I'm in charge of deciding pairs every week, but it's really hard to follow the whole 'paired programming' thing when we're working with such a small team for the rotation, I can't pair certain roles together (orders from higher up), and the mid/senior devs keep getting pulled away to handle responsibilities that aren't even theirs to begin with. Someone confided in me that they were considering looking elsewhere because the whole reason they joined was for this pairing system and it wasn't happening. I get it, I really do. We should be getting some new blood in the office in less than 2 weeks so hopefully that can help shake up this feeling of drudgery. Rewiring the modal to the page didn't take longer than a half a day. We haven't coded any functionality into it yet because it sounded like we might be getting some new guidance for the project that might make everything we've done not matter. After doing some research, it looked like we could still connect what we have with the original framework after overhauling the older version of .NET we have for it to a newer version. Cool. That information will probably be presented at the meeting on Friday with the customer, so that'll be resolved. After some last minute prepping (once I got home from work), I ran the Wednesday session for my players. Like the Saturday group, they haven't played since October. Session went pretty well, but I did get some complaints about some stuff that went on during the session so I'll have to address them (again). It's the first session in months so I get that some of the rules we established were broken. Just gotta... remind them of said rules.

Day 9 - Jan 11 2024 Got some mediocre news in the morning. The paperwork I submitted over a year ago still hadn't been processed, and I'm still the only person on the team lacking those permissions the paperwork is supposed to give me. I can't really do my job as a team lead on my own without those permissions, but there's nothing either of us can do about it. The ball's not in our court. Did a team building event with the team in the form of a group lunch. The distraction was nice. The project manager asked me to submit an overview of the work I did for one of the projects I lead so that he could send that to the customer of a particular project, even though all that information is on that project's Trello. It's late enough in the workday that I'll just make a note of it for tomorrow, but I get how the other leads feel about all this work that isn't our responsibility being passed on to us. I had to start putting some events in motion for the Wednesday campaign, so I started sharing some information of what's to come with select individuals. I also do this with the Saturday campaign for their stuff. Speaking of the Saturday campaign... since they're about to wrap up an arc I need to finish finalizing the next arc. They're free to go to any of the other regions, but the only one that makes any logical sense is the Republic. So for that I'll need...

Day 10 - Jan 12 2024 I made sure to let the project lead know that there's some merge requests for the Develop branch. We'll need to lock down the code so that we're not introducing potentially new issues in the stuff that's being demo'd today. The project lead was having some issues getting one of the branches to work on his machine, so after verifying that it worked on mine he just recloned the project and got it to work for him after doing that. I also took care of the overview I put off yesterday while he was getting set up for the demo. After demo, the team played some Jackbox. The team's small enough that everyone gets to play. I didn't win, but I'm just here to have a good time. After work I reached out to an acquaintance about a design for the Saturday campaign. I'm lucky and thankful that I know a bunch of different artists. This particular artist designed some eldritch horror concepts for a different campaign that I'm in, and since I'll be needing one soon they were the perfect pick. We brainstormed some ideas and they got to work, but it was only after they had gone to bed that I came up with an even better idea, and for that, they'll need my notes... I'll make sure to compensate them for their efforts. Treat your artists well, and they'll treat you well in return. Kind of applies to all relationships in life, really. I don't know why some people struggle with that philosophy, but it is what is it.

Day 11 - Jan 13 2024 Oh hey the weekend. Unfortunately there's one hellova cold snap hitting the region and other places so whatever plans I had of going out is... just not gonna happen. I'm just gonna buckle down and stay warm. The wife finally got Monster Hunter World working again on her computer, so we hunted some monsters. My file of Monster Hunter World that we have on the Playstation 4 is much further than where I'm at on PC, but we can't skip cutscenes so it was a bit of a slog getting through more of story. On the Playstation I think I left off around the Alatreon encounter (big dragon fight right before the final big dragon fight), but on the PC version I still hadn't made it to the Elder's Recess (one of the later zones of baseline story). The wife and I are both seasoned veteran hunters so the fights were pretty easy. It was just... the unskippable cutscenes. And before I get any flak for skipping cutscenes, I just wanna say that I've already seen all the cutscenes on the Playstation version. Also, when the fights take less time than the cutscene itself (and you gotta watch the cutscene before other hunters can join you on the fight), there's an issue. Maybe that's just me. I enjoyed Tri, 3U, 4U, and Generations from the old gen, and Rise from the new gen. Maybe it's just the story pacing from World that's making it unenjoyable to sit through a second time. Hopefully Monster Hunter Wilds has a good story (not that Monster Hunter is winning in the story category anytime soon), or at least an option to skip certain cutscenes. Aside from Mon Hun, I sent over my notes to the artist and wrapped up Year 1 of Coral Island. The artist liked what they were seeing in the notes so I've got high hopes they'll design something exceptional. I was also asked by a different artist to conceptualize my character's late wife in a different campaign, and they did an amazing job drawing her.

Rest Day - Jan 14 2024 It took a bit of effort to motivate myself to write this new update for the 100ish Days of Productivity. It definitely ties back to that disconnect I briefly wrote about earlier in the week. I need to get better about it. Otherwise it defeats the entire purpose of this journey of self-improvement. It's still really cold out (yesterday it was in the negatives, today wasn't much better). Bundled up and played some Final Fantasy 14. There's a new patch for the game coming up, so I wanted to spend some time and deal with some of the Challenge Log items, which are basically weekly goals that earn you some extra coin for completing a certain number of them. It was also a good time to decorate the inside of the medium house I won back in December. While I wasn't able to decorate the entirety of it, I did make some good progress on the upper and main levels. I've got vendors set up inside the house that have housing items I can buy, and what I can't buy from them I go out and gather myself. I think I've got some great lighting on the upper floor, but I'll need to add more light sources to the main floor. It's too dark on the eastern side pretty much any time it isn't between the in-game hours of 6am - 12pm. Same thing with the western side but anytime that isn't between 12pm - 6pm. I wonder if the ceiling light is just no good for how I have the marble walls set up? I have tomorrow off, so I'm hoping I can overcome the disconnect and get some studying done.

[caelwynn]

So, about my Stardew Valley longfic, Choices....

(Kvetching about writing, trying to weave together Stardew Valley Expanded, Ridgeside Village, and East Scarp, and very mild spoilers for Choices under the read more.)

One of the things that happened as I was working on Choices was that I had too many characters/plot points; about halfway through I had to cut things out and rearrange things. I consoled myself with the promise that I would bring those characters and plots in when I did the sequel and then moved on with life.

I'm plotting out said sequel. I have some big overarching plots involving Gabriella and the war with the Gotoro Empire as well as some political stuff within the Ferngill Republic, and then there's all the character arcs/plot lines that fall underneath that umbrella. I came to the (un)fortunate realization that one of the things I'd cut from Choices and moved to Changes really, really needs to be in Choices. It supports the themes of Choices better, for one, and from a logical standpoint, the characters in question wouldn't move to Stardew Valley in Year 2 with the other plots going on.

So, on the one hand, yay! I get to explore the relationships between Jeric, Bryle, Josephine, Oliver, and the Gov sooner rather than later! That whole thing was one of the primary reasons I even wanted to try and interweave SVE, Ridgeside, and East Scarp. But dammit, I also want to be done with Choices so I can focus on Mateo, Tristan, and the Spirit Realm up in Ridgeside.

Still plan to start uploading Choices on New Year's Day as it'll be *checks her posting schedule* April before we reach even the first hints of the new plot line.

I swear by all that is good and holy in this universe that Choices will not end up 600k. New plot line will probably add in 20k-30k, based on what happened when I added in June at the last minute to Fall and Winter. (I needed someone who knew Sterling when he was fucked up all the time to come in and shake things up, and hey, Sterling tended bar in Zuzu City, and June played in jazz clubs there. *cue light bulb*)

[nagipeko]

i dont know if its really my place to say anything?? but just in case it helps. idk.

my ex and i were together for a year and a half and best friends for four, and its been a good 4-5 years now since then. to this day they're one of the only people i've been actually, genuinely vulnerable with in ways that feel almost impossible around others. once in a blue moon i still have dreams where we start talking again and become best friends again and that trust and care and love is back no matter what we choose to call it.

the first probably almost half a year? was really hard. but i kept close with other friends and reminded myself over and over to stay anchored in the present and sooner than i realized it felt less like an open wound and more like an empty garden. and the life around it crept it and grew and grew and the memory and the grief is still there but it is so, SO much easier to remember what i do have, and to focus on that instead of what ive lost. i cant promise it'll ever truly hurt less but i can promise it gets better, and easier, even when better feels impossible to reach.

hope youre doing okay :((

sorry for keeping this so long in my inbox.. ive been rereading it over and over because it makes comfort seep into my mind. thank u aly it really means a lot :’-) to have such a heartfelt message and genuine care from you is something i really appreciate

for me, me and my ex were friends for about half a year before we got together. we were together for two years. they broke up with me just after the two year mark had passed. they broke up with me almost 5 months ago now. ive never loved someone like that before to be honest. they were my first everything. sometimes i have nightmares where they kiss my forehead and brush my hair back from my eyes. we have a stardew valley save file with something like 90 hours on it… i still remember how their cheeks puff out when they smile and i still remember what their voice sounds like when theyve just gotten out of bed. i feel like their ghost still lives in parts of my life. hehe, did you know i accidentally pulled 2 copies of childe on his recent rerun? i was pulling for freminet and the reason i didnt pull on zhonglis banner instead was because it makes me think of when we would play genshin together. theyd use xiao and zhongli, and id use venti and barbara. i always spoke to them about how i wanted to get elegy for my venti one day. i finally have it for him, but i never got to show them

these days i think im doing better. i dont know… sometimes it feels just as bad as it did when they broke up with me at night, and i sobbed and begged them to sleep on call with me one last time. its really embarrassing.

i dont love them romantically anymore. but i love them, still, as my best friend. and i will for a long time

[imagine-knb]

Welcome back Neon! I’ve actually come back to Tumblr semi-recently as well for about the same period of time. I’m getting back into fandom content and it’s been really fun reclaiming a part of my life back! I hope you have fun returning back here like me :)

Other than KnB, has there been any other series you’ve gotten into while you’ve been away? ☺️

Thank you! I'm really glad to be back! ヾ(☆▽☆) I've been having a lot of fun rediscovering old and new fandoms to follow on Tumblr. Like you said, I feel like I'm reclaiming a part of myself that I had shelved for years.

As for what I've currently been into, I'll post that under the cut! I kind of went overboard again and typed a lot.

Here are some fandoms that I've recently entered! You can basically thank these fandoms for me returning to Tumblr. σ(*´∀｀*)

My Hero Academia

This isn't a new anime in the slightest, considering its multiple seasons, but it's new to me. I watched it years ago with my ex, but only got halfway through season 2. Now I'm rewatching it with my bestie and my current partner, having a blast with it! I forgot how funny season 1 was! Favorite Character(s): Kirishima Eijiro, Bakugo Katsuki

Sk8 the Infinity

I once saw an ad for Sk8 on YouTube and ever since then, I have been hooked! I really hope season 2 will come out, because I need more Reki in my life. Please someone talk to me about Sk8 because I love those boys so much. I need it like I need air. Favorite Character: Kyan Reki Fun Fact: I'm currently working on a multi-chapter fic that's Reki x OC and it's gunna be so sweet and fluffy because that boy deserves the world. (˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

Food Wars

I literally just finished watching the final season not to long ago! I hated the animation, but the story was so good! I felt like the last season was just a little silly, but it wrapped up the story quite nicely. Favorite Character(s): Yukihira Souma, Hayama Akira, Tadokoro Megumi

Welcome Home

This was the first fandom I entered when I came back to Tumblr! I thought the concept was so spooky and interesting, so I just fell into the hole that is Welcome Home. I find all the AUs people are making for it so creative too, but I really can't wait to figure out the real story behind it. Favorite Character: Wally Darling Favorite AU: Killer!AU

Stardew Valley

Okay, so I owned this game for literal years, but I never played it because it was gifted to me by my ex (never let an ex ruin your fun, kids). Then one day my friends asked me to play a multiplayer savefile and. I. Got. Hooked. Now I'm already planning on starting my third, personal modded save and with Update 1.6 sneak-previewed, I can not wait to play again! Favorite Character(s): Shane, Sebastian Fun Fact: It's thanks to Stardew that I started writing again. I'm going to shamelessly self-promote, so here (or here) is where you can find the fics I've been writing recently.

And that's really about it. Other than that, I've been slowly easing my way back into old fandoms I was a part of like Kuroko no Basket and Haikyuu!!.

- Admin Neon