#I started feeling really nauseus RIGHT in the middle of writing and I have no idea why

[fromthebushess]

@pinkycheese

"MOTHER*CHIRP*ERS!!!! LET!!! GO!!!!"

It seems it finally happened. Someone who saw her got actually interested and wanted to find out what this weird, flying bird-shaped plant ACTUALLY was.

Unfortunately, it required catching her and bringing her to the lab. Against her will, but that's what some people are willing to do in the name of science.

The metallic cage made a loud noise as she was tossed in. "Ow!!"

"If had my magic plant growing stuff with me, would get BIG beating from me!!!!"

But alas, she did not have it. It was somewhere outside, and she was inside, locked in a cage. It was late when she was brought in, so the people agreed they wouldn't do anything with this new creature until the lab would open again in the morning. So, the lights turned off and the people left, leaving the poor little berry thing in her cage. (Probably not how labs work at ALL but I dont want anything to happen to my babygirl okay ;-;)

[marvelous-insanity]

Hey y'all. I'm going to share some specifically gruesome stress dreams with y'all. They're gruesome in a specific way with violence with cats, not done by me but like as a way for my brain to torture me which is frustrating.

Don't have a read more link so here this is.

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So basically.... The first instance is worse to recount than the second, amd there was one before that just before I went to bed as an intrusive thought? And this is the first time that I had other ppl like co-workers that I'm stressing about be in the dream. Hopefully I can talk about it with a friend.

I was driving in the car with my coworker mahedi. The landscape feels leafy, greeny, east coast. Likely new Hampshire. We're coming up on a stop sign, and one of my worst waking fears is realized. There's an animal in the middle of the road, still moving, but obviously injured. I immediately get Mahedi to stop so I can jump out of the car to check on the animal. What's fucked up is even before that, in the dream, on the approach, I was thinking about things that people said to me and money: put a creature out of their misery, for one, with great tension from within me that animals are resiliant and we should try at all costs to save this fucking innocent, inherently worthy life. But then also, money. Vera you don't have the money to get this animal the life saving emergency surgery they need, you would end up just bringing this animal to the clinic only to have to pay for their euthinasia. It makes me sick. Like physically I'll to think about that. Esp with the thought that they could have been saved, they could have survived.

So we stop the car, it's very moment by moment at this point. It felt very indistinguishable from a memory, it was very vivid. I go to the kitten, they are kindof beige. I can't help but hope that they are okay, no outward blood yet. But parts of their body are slightly mishapened and distended. As I'm looking at the cat, I'm also looking around at this corner stop at the foliage on the side of the road, and I start to see and realize that there was a whole litter of kittens, already dead in the bushes, likely also hit by cars. I'm thinking about cost and worrying about Mahedi at this point, telling her not to look because it might affect her negatively. I'm also thinking about how I can't bring this cat to the hospital immediately because it might negatively affect Mahedi. I want to save this cat if possible, but can't subject Mahedi to this. As I'm thinking this, I'm moving the cat to the bushes on the side of the road. I look down to see blood in my hands, likely leaking out of their rectum. In my mind I'm deciding there's nothing I can do. I lay them down in the bushes, go to move slightly away, then lean forward again. Some sign of life? The kitten is purring.

The in-between one was this moment with the train on the side of the street, a boat and a tank, and also me running into parked cars?? Lol. With the train, there was this weird moment where we were all running inside, not talking about why, but wanting to get away from the liud train noise. I was indifferent, clinically emotionally removed//cut off in the dream, but moved because other ppl wanted to move. Just wild how explicate this comes through in my dream. The train noise, the crashing into parked cars after my recent very low impact accident. My dreams have never more clearly showed me and replayed my stress and anxieties.

The last one... Was fucked. The abridged version. Another moment that was so so slow, very vivid. I'm playing with this orange tabby kitten June, and as I brush them aside, I hear a gentle snap. As if you popped a knuckle. When I went to check on baby June, she was heavily slack jawed and her eyes were vacant. Then she started squirming, but at this point was shocked by pain. Pain that I caused? I did this? I feel these emotions now, but I didn't feel them in the moment. Clinical distance, uncontrollable blocking out of emotion. I turn June over in my hands and see that their jaw is somehow extremely broken.her right bottom tooth is smashed up and over her left top side of her gums. I have more details, but am exhausted at this point. I've been writing for almost 40 minutes. Next thing is I handed them off to Jacob, my roommates abusive boyfriend, and in his own way he reprimanded me basically and said that "you've done enough". I remember going around pleading for help, not being able to breath from my nose, and begging someone ANYONE to help with this cat that I didn't have the means or the money to get to the hospital to save. This anxious in-between time constraint moment, in the moment, knowing that every second action isn't taken, the more the animal suffers, the less likely that animal will be saved. And my inaction and inability to do anything in the moment makes me physically//vicerally I'll.

I told people that I could handle this. I just knew. But I couldn't possibly fathom the spot that I'm in now. Holy shit the amounts of specifics that have manifested under this specific stress?? This idea that I could be so fucking stressed that I get NAUSEUS when I eat and therefore don't eat?? Holy shit I could not have fathomed this. I mean, won't talk about it in detail cus my brain needs peace, but legit concerned that I'm on some sort of psycosis/psychotic spectrum? Because if I really wanna indulge in the ghost/demon part of my imagination, I really fuck myself up. And I see shit. Sorry to burst anyone's bubble but this isn't paranormal, this is mental illness.