#I spent 4 hours on this yes I’m insane

[crisisensues]

Guys am I insane

(Click for full image btw the cropping is horrible sorry 😭)

[friendship-ditch]

Portrait

Carol Aird x Fem!Reader ✼

Summary: Carol hires you as an artist to fulfill various requests, though not all of them involve art.

Warnings/Notes: Slight non-sexual nudity? Nothing really

Word Count: 3596

  It was hard to find work as an artist. 

  You often found yourself darting from contract to contract, visiting their houses and completing their jobs, but never getting called back. It was usually rich people that hired you so you did leave with a good sum of money, but it was only enough to last you a certain time. There were a few times money was hard and you’d pick up a side job to earn a solid income but just that was torture. 

  You were an artist, unchained and unbound. Tying yourself in with the restraints of a corporate job sounded like hell. You would go insane.

  But as the winter settled in and heating bills rose, you found yourself having to take a few more unfavorable jobs as well from the usual portraits and elaborate murals. That’s how you ended up repainting the women's bathroom in Frankenburg’s, the department store. You tried to get there early and work before customers came in but the walls were in desperate need of assistance and you spent half of the time peeled off the old shitty paint.

  Nearly every woman that entered the bathroom gave the strange girl on a ladder painting the upper walls an odd look; usually one of annoyance or confusion, but they rarely ever said anything. You eventually got so used to tuning them out, that when someone did speak to you, they had to try quite a few times.

  “Excuse me?” A voice asked, quite loud.

  Startled, you looked down the ladder. If you weren’t clinging on tight, you probably would’ve fallen over.

  She was beautiful.

  Golden hair curled just above her shoulders, body wrapped in a rich fur coat and hands hidden beneath leather gloves. She was staring up at you, a polite smile on her face.

  “I’m sorry, am I in your way?” You stuttered. Of course you weren’t. There was nothing here but a wall. You cleared your throat. “Or uh… do you need something?”

  The woman chuckled. “The latter. You don’t mind if I ask you something, do you? I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

  “No, no, not at all. I need a break.” You climbed down before taking a seat on one of the lower steps. “How can I help?”

  “Do you do home work?”

  “I do anything.”

  A little smirk spread across her lips, then was forced back into that polite smile, though the twinkle in her eyes didn’t fade.

  “I can hire you, then? I promise it’s a better job than a bathroom.”

  She was beautiful and funny? Was this a dream? If she wasn’t staring at you with those intent blue eyes, you would’ve slapped yourself just to check.

  “Yes. You can hire me.” You dug around in your pocket for a business card and pulled a rumpled one out. “Sorry… I’ve been here a while. Everythings a bit messy.”

  “I don’t blame you.” The woman took the card like a treasure. “When are you available?”

  “Anytime after today.”

  “Wonderful. My husband was supposed to paint the hallway but… he’s not around to do that anymore.” The woman huffed, then blinked at the look on your face. “Oh, no, he’s not dead. We’re just divorced, that’s all. It’s for the better he’s not around… though I’m not in the best headspace to spend hours on a ladder, if you understand where I’m coming from.” 

  Seeing as you’d just been on a ladder for the past 4 or so hours, you didn’t, but you smiled anyway. 

  “Completely. Just give me a call later and tell me what you need.”

  “I will.” The woman winked and turned towards the door, then she paused. “I’m Carol. Carol Aird.”

  “Y/n.” You replied, not missing the way her lips quirked up into a grin.

  She dipped her head and then left, though you could hear her voice hang behind for a moment: “I’ll see you soon, Y/n.”

  And you did see her soon. She called you the next day and you went to her house the day afterwards. She’d already gotten the paint and everything with the intention to redo the hallway herself, but after climbing the ladder and getting hit with a wave of vertigo she swore it off.

  Now you were pulling up in front of her house. It was a nice, large stone house way out into the country of New Jersey. The maid brought you inside and you met Carol in the hallway.

  The hall had long walls and tall ceilings, the old white paint peeling off around the edges from years of clinging on. Carol had done you a favor and moved what furniture and paintings she could. You negotiated a pay and then she left you to paint. 

  While you worked, you could hear her playing and talking to her younger daughter downstairs, Rindy. The little girl was the one to come up and very shyly ask you about lunch, which Carol had just called you down to. You’d never had a client serve you lunch before, much less invite you into their dining room but Carol would have it no other way.

  “I can’t thank you enough for this, truly. You’re a saint.��� Carol set the tray down on the table with your sandwich and glass of ice water. She brushed her fingers against your shoulder and then nudged the curtains aside to peer out the window. “I had been planning to hire a painter for a long time, but it kept slipping my mind. I suppose I’ve been rather busy recently.”

  “With the divorce?” The words slipped from your mouth before you could stop them. You’d found an overturned family photo upstairs that had fallen from the hallway table. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

  “No, no, it’s okay.” Carol assured you with a heavy sigh. “You’re right. The divorce has taken a lot out of me, I suppose. But it’s for the better. I’m tired… but happy.”

  You nodded quietly in understanding, about to drop the topic when she looked over at you.

  “We fell out of love, Harge and I.” The wistful tone in her voice led you to believe she hadn’t talked about this to anybody in a while. “I was first… I fell in love with someone else for a time. My best friend. She and I are long over but what little Harge and I had left was broken. I don’t blame him… but in all honesty he never treated me like a wife. Just an object.” Carol trailed off as she turned to face you. “I’m sorry. You don’t care about this.”

  You shook your head and stood to join her at the window, sandwich clutched in your hand. “It’s alright. I don’t mind. I like talking.”

  “Do you…” Carol smiled faintly. “You’re a dear.”

  Her words brought a bashful smile to your face and you just chuckled.

  It was later that day, as you were finishing up the hallway, that Carol came upstairs once more. “How packed is your schedule?”

  “Honestly? Not very.”

  “Can I hire you again?” Carol looked up at the newly painted walls, admiring your work. “Rindy’s room is a bit… the colors are rather faded. Harge promised her a mural above her bed long ago but that fell through, I was thinking about maybe a light pink.”

  “I can paint a mural.” You offered.

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” You grinned and nodded, eager to do something other than plain colors. “I’m actually… Well, usually I do more commissions and stuff like that. I’ve just been doing wall paintings to pay the bills.” 

  A look of curiosity flashed through Carol’s eyes and she nodded slowly. “And your commission schedule?”

  “Still empty.”

  “Would you be able to pump something out before Christmas?”

  “Yes.” You decided not to say the ‘for you’ that nearly slipped out. “I can do that.”

  You would say anything to see that big smile spread across her face. And it wasn’t just that. The second Carol found herself naturally close enough, she pressed a quick kiss to the side of your head and ruffled your hair affectionately. “You’re a lifesaver, Y/n.”

  The next few days you completed the mural in Rindy’s room, though you spent half of the time talking with Carol about various little Christmas presents she wanted to commission for various family members and friends. Before you knew it, you were spending a lot of time there at her home with her and Rindy. You got to know the both of them pretty well, doing a few little paintings for Rindy and being a friend you learned that Carol desperately needed.

  It was one late night after a little bit of wine that Carol asked you to paint her. The two of you gathered into the study and you sat her on a stool beside some flower vases. Then you propped your easel up in front of her and began to paint. It was a bit of a struggle since the two of you kept giggling but you eventually got into the groove, at least, for a little while.

  “You moved again.” You peered above your canvas at the elegant and poised woman, noting her torso was now tilted slightly towards the left. It had previously been straight. 

  “Did I?” Carol’s voice sounded from a few feet ahead where she sat. She tried to lean back to her previous position but her hand flew to her back with a grunt. “Shit…”

  “Is everything alright?” Not liking the sound of her in pain, you abandoned your paintbrush. The portrait was coming out well enough for a sketch, it could wait. You crossed the room and stood beside her with a frown.

  Carol took a shaky breath as her hand rubbed in tense circles over her side. She furrowed her brow when you replaced the motion with your own hand but didn’t protest. “Y-yes… I’m fine. Just a little stiff, I slept on my side badly and it sinches up.”

  “You poor old lady.” You cooed softly. Carol tried to bat your hand away but you moved it further down her side, immediately finding the sore spot by the way she flinched. “I guess I should’ve decided on a pose easier for your dinosaur bones.”

  “Cruel.” Carol huffed though there was no bite in her tone. She unfurled a little beneath your gentle ministrations but not much. “Treat your elders well or I’ll be the one laughing once you get unexplainable pain.”

  You chuckled, feeling her lean against you a little more. “Alright… tell me how to treat you well, then.”

  “Don’t force me to sit like this.”

  “I didn’t force–”

  “Help me up.” Carol paused, wincing again. “...please.”

  You slipped one arm around her middle, arm reaching behind her and hooking on the other side of her waist. She carefully draped her own arm over your shoulders. The aching side of her body faced the air so as to not stretch it further.

  The second she was on her feet you caught a faint mumble of ‘bed,’ sounding from her lips and began helping her out of the study and towards the staircase. It wasn’t easy. The hallway, decorated in rich wallpaper and wooden trims seemed so long. But you didn’t really have a choice.

  “I’m sorry, Carol.” You murmured after her third muffled grunt of pain. “Let me fix this somehow, please.”

  “Don’t pity me, y/n, I’ll manage.” Carol’s nimble fingers reached for the rail of the stairs. She appreciated your help of course but to have you practically drag her up there was slightly mortifying. The wood creaked beneath her tight grip and she took a deep breath.

  “Would a bath help?”

  “You want to bathe me?” Carol didn’t mean to sound so utterly flabbergasted at the idea but the tone slipped from her tongue. She couldn’t even remember the last time Harge did such a thing, if he ever did. Though she’d never admit it outloud, the idea was attractive.

  A slight blush tinted your cheeks and you nearly dropped her down the stairs. “Well… if you want…?”

  “I’m teasing.” Carol lied, locking herself back up after a few seconds of thought. She had no reason to lay herself bare for you. Even for you, that was much too vulnerable for her tastes. “But a bath would be,” her breath hitched at a long stretch, “pleasant, yes…”

  “I’ll draw one for you.”

  The walk to the lavish bathroom was more painful than usual. You’d always dreamed of a bathroom this large and extravagant… upon finding that out, Carol often offered it to you after a long day. She let you guide her over the cold tile and took a seat by the window as you began to fill the tub. 

  “How often does this happen?” You asked, fingers swirling around in the warm water to make sure you didn’t scald the poor woman. On the other side of the room, behind the privacy wall, Carol was struggling to slip out of her clothes and into a robe. There was a thump, then a response.

  “Not often… it’s picked up ever since things with Harge went down. The doctor told me it could be a stress response.” Carol gritted her teeth, fingers aimlessly scraping over her back in an attempt to unstick the zipper on the back of her blouse. When her attempts were futile, she peeked around the corner. “Help me, please.”

  It took a little tugging but eventually the zipper came loose. The blouse practically melted off Carol’s shoulders, revealing her somehow both muscular and slim back, only obscured by her lace bra. Your fingers lingered a moment too long and Carol chuckled.

  “Unclip that too, please.” She added. You did as she asked and she turned to face you, an arm keeping the fabric over her chest. “Thank you. Is the bath ready?”

  “Yes.” You helped her over to the tub slowly. Once you reached it, you turned around so Carol could strip off the rest of her clothes in private. Her soft groan of contentment and the slosh of the water was enough of a sign for you to turn back around.

   Submerged beneath the soothing, bubbly water, Carol grinned at you through half lidded eyes. Her head lolled back against the wall and one hand hung lazily over the tub's wall. “This is divine.” She hummed. “How do you run such a wonderful bath?”

  You watched quietly as Carol lifted her hand above her head, her blue eyes studying the limb as though it was alien to her. “It’s not too hard. Just… fill the tub with water.” Carol flexed her fingers a few times as if waiting for more. When you said nothing else, she turned her head in your direction.

  “That's it? No secret bath salts or anything?”

  “No.”

  Carol burst out laughing, though the laugh was cut with a wheeze as pain flared up in her back. She sank further into the water so her nose was the only thing visible through the bubbles and giggled softly. “Strange. Perhaps you just have the touch. I’ve never felt so relaxed from a bath before.”

  You couldn’t help but chuckle at that as you sat down beside the tub. You drew circles in the suds atop the water. “That’s a new compliment, I’ve never heard that one before.”

  “Sell it with your business. Y/n: Art and Baths.”

  Both of you laughed. Your laugh turned into a yelp when a hand snaked up out of the water and grabbed yours tight.

  “What are you doing?” You shook off the sudden wave of shock, watching curiously as Carol’s fingers left soapy trails over your skin. The soft pads of her fingers brushed up and down your arm, turning it over until she was satisfied.

  “You’ve got paint here.” Carol tugged your arm closer, revealing a large splatter of green paint on your skin. Then she looked up at you, eyes taking in the multiple paint spots on your face. “You’ve got paint everywhere.”

  “That happens.”

  “Does it itch? Rindy spilled a whole container of paint on herself one evening. The poor thing cried for hours about the itch.” Carol began to scrub the paint off your arm before you even replied. Her nails dug gently at your skin, peeling the green off and watching it dissolve in the water.

  You chuckled as the touch began to tickle the closer it got to your elbow. “It doesn’t itch a lot. Sometimes it does, though.”

  “We can’t have an itchy artist.” Carol pursed her lips. Once the spot on your arm was gone, she lifted her hand and waved her fingers. “Come here.”

  When your face was in reach, she sat up a little. The bubbles just barely covered her chest, but you could care less about that. Her fingers were now gently scrubbing away at a streak of blue on your cheek. The corner of her bottom lip was bit tight between her teeth, concentration in her eyes as she worked.

  “This stuff is strong.” Carol muttered in displeasure. 

  “That’s how it lasts so long.”

  She only huffed and continued to scrub. When she noticed some paint by your ear, she flashed you the same look she probably gave Rindy when her painting incident happened, then got to work once more.

  “Is your back feeling better?” You tried to make smalltalk to ignore how close her head was to yours. You could feel her breath on your skin, droplets of water dripping down your neck from her fingers, only to meet their doom from her hand.

  “Much.” Carol murmured. “I don’t even feel it anymore. You’re a saint.”

  “Truly, all I did was fill the tub with water.”

  “Well, truly, I think it feels so good because you did it.” Carol whispered in an odd tone. When you turned to look at her, your faces gently bumped into each other.

  You pulled away in surprise but Carol didn’t. Her hand settled on your neck and she was watching you through deep eyes, contemplation clear in them. 

  “I feel drunk… is it late?” She asked.

  “It’s nearly 1 am.” You remembered the time from around half an hour ago. You didn’t want to risk looking now in case she’d tug your neck, or let go. “I think people start feeling loopy around this time.”

  “Or it’s your bath.” Carol teased, though her eyes were serious. When you didn’t break eye contact, she sat up fully and tucked her knees to her chest to hide what little of herself she could. The soap clung to her body like a blanket but you could still see the majority of it. “I think it’s the bath.”

  “It might be the bath.” You agreed breathlessly. Her hand ran up your neck to cup your cheek and you leaned into it. “I think I feel it too.”

  “That’s good.” She leaned a little closer, now directly in front of you. “I’m not scaring you, am I?” You shook your head immediately and a flirty smile broke out across her face. “Good.”

  Your eyes fell to her lips, then rose back to meet her piercing gaze. “...I think I’m going to need to paint you again.” You whispered.

  Carol was confused by the change in topic, brows furrowing. “Why’s that? Is this one not good?”

  “It’s beautiful.” You’d managed to capture her likeness almost to a T on the painting downstairs, even though it was just a sketch. “But I want one for myself.”

  Finally, you’d managed to fluster Carol. Her already pink cheeks darkened and she let out a nervous chuckle. “You artists… always so bold.”

  “I can be bolder.”

  Carol’s eyes flashed with challenge, but you didn’t get to see it before your lips met. And by the time you pulled away, it was replaced with need and adoration. Her mouth hung slightly open, her whole body flushed. “Y/n…”

  “Was that okay?” 

  “It was okay. But I’ve seen you do better.” Carol’s fingers found their way into your hair, twirling a lock around her pointer finger. “Kiss me again. I think I’ll like it a lot more.”

  You had no choice but to fulfill her request. She seemed a bit more pleased, but requested it again, and again.

  And by the time she’d finally upgraded your kiss to a ‘great’, half of your shirt was soaked from leaning over the tub. Carol ended up taking it off and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. She pulled away and glanced down at the tub.

  “Perhaps we’ll have to do this in the other bathroom.” Her voice was soft against your skin. “The tubs bigger. I’m afraid we both wouldn’t fit in this one.”

  You giggled. “That’s okay. I can wait.”

  “I can’t…” Carol huffed. “Grab my towel, will you? I think my back is feeling better.”

  That was a bit of a lie as she rose from the tub with a grunt, but ignored it. You helped her out and she dried herself off with the towel, though when you tried to leave the room, her fingers latched around her wrist.

  “Stay, won’t you?” Carol flashed you a flirty, playful look, then cleared her throat and forced her smile away, though it didn’t leave her eyes. “I don’t think I’ll be able to get dressed on my own.” She added, as if you’d need another reason to stay.

  You closed the bathroom door, made sure it was locked, then turned around as she dropped her towel.

[z0mbiekisses]

Another request QUEEN!! I loved loved loved the Josh fic it was amazing and has me coming back for more! First of all though, how are you? I realised we haven't talked much before lol. Anyways, my amazing spectacular request!!

RAB Tyler who is best friends/hiding his feelings with the reader. She's someone who works super hard, gets good grades and almost drives herself insane with all the extra curriculars she does yet still doesn't feel good enough. After having a stressful day she stops by his house feeling worthless and he comforts her, refusing to let her believe she's not amazing.

Thanks bestie!

AHHH THANK YOU BFF!!!🤗🤗 thank you so much for requesting more, you’re always welcomed i LOVE your ideas . i did kind of write this in a highschool setting 😣😣.

i’m okayy, very tiredd BUT we’ll push on through (hehe)💪 TYSM FOR ASKING, how are you??😁 it’s always nice to hear from you 🫶

thank you guys so much for ur recent support!! it means smmm, sorry this took so long and it’s short, i have some more things in the drafts that hopefully make up for it 🫶 requests are opened !!🩶

THIS IS ME TRYING !

i always did my best. in school, life, everything. i needed to get into college, i NEEDED to get out of my house. however, college isn’t cheap. and i don’t exactly have the best support system, so it’s up to me. i’m in film club, national honors society and student council. i spend whatever free time studying or at my best friend, tyler’s house. it’s overwhelming, but i didn’t have many options. if i wanted to get into a good school and start living my life the way I want to, this had to be done. but today was rough, i spent all of last night finishing my college essay just to go to school bright and early the next day. i was so exhausted, but what else was new. except i had a test in my first two classes, a presentation for national honors society. and i had to stay late for a student council meeting.

i was used to the stress, however today was just awful. every little thing that could go wrong went wrong. i was late to school because my car broke down, which meant i missed taking the test. i tried to beg my teacher to still let me take it but he only said he'll think about letting me make it up. i NEEDED to take this test, it was a huge part of my grade. it wasn't fair. i gave my presentation for NHS, which went fine. except everyone's presentations were WAY better than mine was. it was obvious the amount of effort and time they spent on it, sure i put effort into mines. i was just missing the time, since i stayed up all night wednesday putting it together. i felt like an idiot. i sat alone at lunch, i only shared my lunch period with one of my friends. but she was busy hanging with her boyfriend. i ended up skipping and just spending the time volunteering at the library. the more hours the better. the day seemed to drag on, especially since i had to stay later. like most if not all the other kids who did student council, we were only doing it for our college applications. i didn't get along well with the other kids. not in the way where we would fight or anything. they were all just so pretentious and snobby. they would always undermind me, as if i could never be an intellectual individual like them. i spent the whole 4 hours i had to stay there wanting to stick my face in a hot pan of oil. when it was all FINALLY over, i sat in my car for a minute. i felt so.. worthless. everything i did didn't feel like enough, maybe it wasn't enough. what's the point of doing all these things if i wasn't even good at any of it? it wasn't long before tears filled my eyes. but i watched as the other kids from student council walked over to their fancy cars. and i realized the last thing i needed was for them to see me crying in car that probably should've been in a junkyard AGES ago. i didn't want to go home, my parents would only make me feel worse. i called tyler and asked if i could come over. he said yes and with that i drove over to his house in silence. my thoughts racing through my head were the only things i could hear. i will never be good enough. for anyone, for anything. what is the point in even trying?

eventually i knocked on tyler's door. to which he answered with a smile. it was a struggle for me to return one back. i didn't say anything at first, tyler was telling me about some story about him and josh. i couldn't focus though, my head was spinning. tyler noticed, he reached out and touched my shoulder lightly. "what's going on y/n?", tyler spoke softly. i tried to shrug it off, but tyler was more stubborn than i was.

"i know you're not okay, what's up?", tyler looked over at me softly. i wanted to tell him not to worry about it. my problems were stupid anyways. but i knew tyler wasn't one to let these kind of things go.

"what is the point of trying if i'll never be good enough.."

"trying to do what?"

"everything.", i let out a sigh.

"all i do is try, try, try. and yet i always fall short every single time i mean- it's exhausting.", as much as i tried to fight it tears fell from my eyes.

"i'm not good enough i-"

"y/n please.", tyler reached out and held my hand.

"you are more than amazing. you are the most hard working, driven person i know."

"you have to say that-"

"i mean it.", my cloudy eyes met tyler's brown ones.

"i think you're more than enough, you have such amazing things ahead of you. and that's all because of your dedication. i'm so proud of you.", i practically fell into tyler's arms. he rubbed my back as he spoke over my muffled sobs.

"you're so perfect to me y/n, i admire you.", those word silenced the negative thoughts pounding in my head. tyler's arms made me feel safe. i finally felt okay. i always knew tyler had a way with words thanks to his music. but this was so much better than that. i finally felt like i was enough.

“look at me y/n.”, i hesitated for a moment before i lifted my head up. this was the closest we’ve ever been, our inches only inches away from each other.

“i think you’re so lovely.”, my cheeks flushed a little bit. tyler’s compliment making my heart skip a beat.

“as long as you think so.”

[sillywillygrahamcracker]

I’m sorry for how long it’s taken me to do a Comic-con post, but I ended up spending my entire day yesterday on flights, and I only got back home at almost one in the morning, and I’ve spent today trying to catch up on sleep. I’m still super sleep deprived, so forgive me if I fuck up and say something wrong, but here’s my best retelling of the weekend:

I flew in on Friday and spent the day looking at all the stalls, and buying everything that was Hannibal-themed (which was only like 2 things; a poster, and some lovely artwork by samanthadoodles), before going to my hotel room. (But seriously, two floors for an entire building, and there was only like 3 Hannibal things, the other one being the $500 funko pop)

On Saturday, I made it to the second building for the Hannibal panel, and ending getting there way too early and sat for an hour, and it was totally worth it to get really close seats (like, 5 rows from VIP)

Hugh and Mads were amazing, it was clear how excited they were for this, and the crowd was very hyped up for this. They got asked a lot of the same questions as always, but my highlights were:

The interviewer asking what they like to collect, and Hugh immediately saying hands, and then spending the next 5+ minutes trying to not sound like an insane person, but as soon as he was done, Mads just said “feet” and nothing else

When the interviewer asked them what they did as a sort of catharsis after filming scenes, Hugh said they would go to this chicken wing shop, and Mads gave him a look and ask if he though it really was chicken (haha funny cannibal joke)

Mads saying that he (as in himself or as Hannibal, don’t quite remember) loves Will, and when the entire audience went “awww”, he said “not in [the awww] way”

Hugh’s facials expressions anytime a question was asked were pure gold

When asked about their ideal ending for the show, Mads said that there was none, and he wanted the show to keep on going forever

I don’t remember if it was a part of that question or a different one, but he also joked that he hoped there was a trampoline beyond the cliff, and talked a bit about what season 4 could be, not as a “if we get the chance to”, but almost like he was certain they would get to do it (crossing my fingers that this means it was already confirmed behind the scenes and I’m not being as nuts as always)

They also talked about working together on King Arthur, which was super sweet!

The panel was great to experience live, even if it ended way too quickly. After that, I was in second group to get photos, so I ended up eating a sandwich on the floor while I waiting. Then I spent a bit waiting in line, which moved ahead super fast, and before I knew it, me and my mom were hugging Hugh and Mads and smiling for the camera. It was really fast, probably less then 20 seconds before it was over, but they were both incredibly nice and when my mom mentioned it was my birthday, they both said happy birthday to me (and yes, I started bawling as soon as I left the room/curtain thingy). I also can confirm that Hugh Dancy is as small as they say, because I’M pretty damn short and he was just a touch taller than me.

We grabbed our copies of the picture, and while waiting in line to buy a protective case, I saw that we were right next to when the autographs were taking place, and Hugh and Mads’ were right next to us. Hugh’s was $110 for a photo and selfie, and I thinks Mads’ was closer to 200, give or take, and it could only be paid in cash. I didn’t think I had enough, until I looked in my wallet and saw I had EXACLTY 110 LEFT, so I ran over the where the line was forming for Hugh and sat there giggling like a little kid. I met two other guys there, who were both as insane about this as I was (and I would also like to mention one of them told Hugh he was the president of the prince Char fan club, which was the funniest thing I had heard)

I was at the front of the line, and when it was my turn, I grabbed one of the photos of him (because they had a table of photos of him in different movies/in Hannibal, and I just grabbed the first one I saw) and I honestly was just try not to cry in front of him and I just kept thanking him over and over made kinda made a fool of myself, but he even signed “Happy Birthday” on my autograph, and went around the table to give a hug for the selfie, and it was all just a blur for me. I didn’t even come back to my body until I had already left, and I just went back to my hotel to keep sobbing for the rest of the night.

I heard they did photos and autographs again on Sunday, but I didn’t get to see, though I was seen a clip online of someone handing Mads Hannigram fanart to sign and him just smiling and calling it kinky, which I think happened on Sunday

At 6:20, I made it to the building where Hannibal fans were meeting up, and honestly, everyone was just so nice there, people had made charms and friendship bracelets, people were giving out their artwork, pins, and some had even printed out photos from both Hannibal and from other works like Nigel and Adam, and someone was even giving out free salted caramel chocolates, people were showing off some really good cosplays, including one terrifyingly accurate Mason-when-he-got-his-face-cut-off and it was just so sweet and welcoming, and I was so sad to leave :(

Tomorrow, one jet lag finally stops trying to put me in a comatose state, I’ll post everything I got on the second day, but for now, I’m going to go back to sleep. Comic-con was fucking unforgettable, and I’m already planning on showing up again ❤️

[clangenrising]

Month 4 - Greenleaf

Prev | First | Next

Ospreymask and Branchbark had spent the day by the river gathering moss. It had been hard for her to stay focused - the days were starting to get hot and she wanted nothing more than to dunk Branchbark’s head into the water when he was looking for moss with his face all scrunched up with focus like an absolute nerd - but the thought of their purpose kept her on track. Oddstripe was certain her kits were coming any day now and the nursery needed to be ready. 

Ospreymask couldn’t wait! She was so excited to have kits in camp again, to entertain them and chase them around and squeeze their little faces and hear their little voices in the early hours. The excitement kept her working as if the sooner she returned with the moss, the sooner the kits would be born. Within a few hours, she and Branchbark had ferried several huge mouthfuls of moss back to camp and laid it in the empty nursery.

“I’m gonna try and collect some feathers from the prey pile,” Branchbark said, “Wanna help?” 

“Stars, if I have to do another repetitive task I’ll go insane,” she shook her head. “No, I’ll see how Oddstripe is doing. Good luck with your feather hunting.” He shrugged a bit and trotted off to handle his chosen task. Ospreymask looked around and, not seeing Oddstripe, headed to the healer’s den to look for her. 

“Oh, wow,” she heard the queen’s voice as she entered, “you herbs are so well stocked and organized! I always had to go out hunting for what I needed, but this is just- well, it’s just amazing!” Ospreymask chuckled. Oh, Sagetooth is going to love sharing a den with her, she thought to herself sarcastically. 

As if on cue, Sagetooth gave a grumble. “Glad you think so,” she said flatly, and as Ospreymask came around the corner, Sagetooth met her gaze and asked, “Can we help you Ospreymask?” 

Oddstripe turned around with a soft, “Oh!” and smiled her way.

“I was gonna show Oddstripe the nursery,” she told Sagetooth, then added to the cat in question, “You got a minute?” 

“Oh, absolutely,” Oddstripe smiled, “I’ve been itching to nest so badly!” 

“Good, yes. That sounds great,” Sagetooth said quickly. “Thank you, Ospreymask.” She swished her tail, ushering Oddstripe forward and the pregnant queen waddled forward on her lanky legs to follow Ospreymask out. 

“We got you plenty of moss,” Ospreymask said, “and Branchbark is gathering feathers as we speak.” 

“Oh, that is so kind of you,” Oddstripe purred loudly, the sound rumbling out through the air and into Ospreymask’s whiskers. 

“We were happy to help,” she insisted. “I’m so excited to see kits running around again.” 

Oddstripe laughed, a bit nervously Ospreymask thought. “I’m not very used to them, I’ll be honest. While I’ve delivered several litters, this will be the first of my own.” 

“That’s so exciting!” Ospreymask meowed. “Have you been thinking about names at all?” She led the way across the camp, tail waving proudly. It was early in the day and most cats were out and about, but Russetfrond and Songdust sat on top of the warrior’s den soaking up the sun. Off to the side, Branchbark sneezed, dispersing the pile of feathers he had made. Ospreymask stifled a laugh and tried to focus on Oddstripe who hummed with thought. 

“A little bit. I was thinking I’d probably just… see what came to mind once they were born, but… Barley is a sweet name, don’t you think?” 

“Ooh, I like it!” Ospreymask nodded and ducked into the nursery. “Why Barley? Any particular reason?” 

“I don’t know,” Oddstripe stopped, nearly hitting her head on the entryway to the tunnel. “I guess because the uh- their father was brown and white, I think.” 

“You… think?” Ospreymask couldn’t help but ask as she looked back. Oddstripe slunk into the den, glancing away bashfully. 

“Uh, yes. I didn’t really know him very well.” Her tail twitched. Ospreymask found herself unsure what to say for once, and when the silence hung a little too long, Oddstripe continued, tail starting to swish back and forth. 

“I, uh, I never really had much interest in… that sort of thing,” she laughed again and Ospreymask smiled encouragingly. “Never felt very comfortable thinking about myself in that sort of… situation, but then there was this tom who came through looking for help with a cough he’d been having and he really seemed to like me.” Her gaze was distant now, and Ospreymask simply sat and listened. Oddstripe probably hadn’t talked about this with anybody, probably hadn’t had the chance, and Ospreymask figured it was the least she could do to listen. 

“He was sweet enough I guess. And I thought, well, I might as well give the thing a try, you know?” She looked up, met Ospreymask’s eyes, and Ospreymask nodded sympathetically. “But I was still uncomfortable after, and I think he could tell. He left after too long. And it wasn’t until he was gone that I realized…” She licked her whiskers and glanced away. 

Ospreymask stepped forward and said, “That sounds really rough. I’m glad you decided to stay with us, though. You know, if you wanted, you could just leave them with us and go back to your life. We’d be happy to raise them for you.” 

“Oh,” Oddstripe blinked, “Oh, no. Thank you, but no. As much as I hate being pregnant, I am excited to have kittens. I’m just most excited to get them out of me.” She laughed a bit and Ospreymask joined in. 

“Okay,” she nodded. “I’ll be happy either way so long as I get to play with the little fuzzballs. I’ve missed having kittens around so much, you have no idea.” 

“Good to know I can call on you to kitten sit, then,” said Oddstripe, still looking a bit lost in her feelings. 

Ospreymask quickly pushed forward to bump up against her to look at the den side by side. “Absolutely. And here is the nursery in all of its glory! Well, not all its glory, but I’m sure you can imagine it with some kittens running around.” 

“Oh, wow!” Oddstripe breathed, coming back to the present moment. “It’s so roomy!” 

“It’s got to be,” Ospreymask grinned, glancing around. “Kits don’t leave until they’re six moons old and it can get pretty cramped in here when you have two or three big litters running around.” 

“I suppose you’re right,” mused Oddstripe. “I do wish it was a bit smaller, but I’ll make do.” 

Ospreymask said, “If there’s anything you need, just let me know, yeah?” 

“I will,” Oddstripe nodded. “Thank you. And… Thank you for listening.”

“Don’t mention it,” Ospreymask purred. She hoped she had made a friend, but at the least, she hoped Oddstripe felt a little bit better about everything. And, Stars, most of all, she hoped those kits came soon!

[webanglikethat]

My 2024 Creative Top 10

I was tagged by the lovely (and so talented!!!) @malbontesmrs and the idea behind this is to just show which pieces of art (be it drawings, writing or anything else!) we are most proud of !! now, as everyone knows, I struggle ranking stuff so this is all going to be in no particular order 😭

The dialect of the moon’s love for the sun — a dnf web weave

no thoughts just them

2. On the journey of platonic heartbreak — a web weave

this is my longest web weave (and I had a lot of issues even uploading it cause I had more than 40 sources) and it was really healing. this year was the first I spent without my former best friend and the whole no-contact thing drove me a liiiittle insane (tho, good riddance tbh) and earlier this year my other former best friend betrayed me in a way I didn’t expect. ANYWAY TRAUMA DUMP OVER! making this truly just healed something in me. at the very end I have the five stages of grief, showcased by different pieces of media. if you squint close enough, you can just say this is a my little pony web weave veiled as something else kkkk. overall, I’m truly proud of this.

3. On religious guilt, Nova — a web weave

this was made after I finished playing WTC (a romance club story for my non rc moots) and I related just a liiiittle too much to nova’s struggles!

4. On Lucifer and Vicky — a web weave

this one is hella biased because I love them and miss them a lot okay 😞

5. On C!Tommy and healing — a web weave

cried so much making this, c!tommy getting his happy ending means the WORLD to me. seeing an abused and traumatized character whom I have related to so deeply for YEARS finally getting his soft, peaceful and quiet ending just .. yeah it just undid me

6. On Jaynie and Carter — a web weave

oldest sister of an immigrant household struggling with family members having an addiction and also having imposter syndrome and also growing up poor? Langley when I catch you — (I had to stop reading 7b a lot at the beginning cause I kept crying)

7. Luke castellan edit!

look at my profile. I’m literally THE Luke castellan lawyer of course I was gonna make something for him and as soon as I learned how to make wallpaper edits I knew he was going to be my test subject

8. Luke castellan — a web weave

so proud of this one but also very insane about this one — Luke castellan they don’t deserve you nor do they understand you and —

9. An aftermath of episode 8 — a devram fic

of course I couldn’t forget to include my first fic ever. I don’t even have words to describe how much this means to me. I’ve never written fanfiction before but devi and ram just CONSUME my thoughts EVERY HOUR 😭 so I had to somehow write it all down. while I do struggle with writing and I don’t think it’s that good, it’s my first gateway to a new world which allowed me to make new friends 💙

10. Exsanguination and rebirth.

okay wow, this is a really personal piece of writing and tbh idk if I should even add it. I might delete it later but yeah. started writing it when I was sobbing on the floor, clawing at my shirt cause I thought I was going to die from heartbreak and when I finished it, I was finally healing. it’s definitely Something. if anyone wants to read it, just listen to “So Long, London” and “Loml” by Taylor Swift. and shoutout to blondie for writing songs so ACCURATE that I couldn’t listen to them after this for a LOOOONG while

so yeah !! this is it 🫶🏽 didn’t realize how creative I was this year ngl 🗣️ I also have made a lot of wallpaper edits that I’m really proud of but haven’t posted. I’ve written more RC fics, I’ve written half fics that are just headcanon with a lot of dialogue, I’ve made moodboards and a ton of web weaves (you can find them all in either my bio (just click on the words) or my intro post) and I’ve made video edits and gifs !!

-> okay WOW this just made me feel better about myself hehe <33 still got a lot I need to get better at (working on a fic rn for a friend and it’s simply killing me) and I hope in 2025 my account is a museum of everything I have ever created. I hope I find the courage to share my writing more 🫶🏽

[cafeaulately]

☕️ 11/09/2024 | LIFE LATELY ☕️

— I’ve been thinking about starting a work blog. Maybe if I romanticize my job a little, it’ll help ease the anxiety before I start each day. Yes, I'm that corporate slave who freaks out over the insane workload, but still gives it my all in the end.

— I’ve been on a healthy living journey for a month now. Despite crazy work hours, I try to squeeze in 30 to 45 minutes of exercise every other day, and Saturdays are for walking and running.

— I’m also in a calorie deficit. I’m surprised—especially in the first week—how I quickly feel full. I think it’s because I’ve been loading up on veggies at every meal.

— By the second week, I was craving sweets, so I treated myself to BLK. I skipped the sauce and just went for granola and sugar-free chocolate chips. I realized yogurt tastes good even without the chocolate sauce!

— I’m not expecting dramatic weight loss because of my PCOS, but so far I’ve lost 4 kgs. My former manager, who’s been helping me with this, says it’s great progress, and that really keeps me motivated. I’m just happy I finally took the leap.

— On Nov 2, we visited our departed loved ones and managed to stop by three memorial parks. We spent the most time with my lolo. We sat on a picnic mat, enjoying good food and conversation. After eating, we checked out some food stalls. I bought kapeng rice (lasang tutong, ang sarap!).

— On Nov 3, we went to ATC for a pre-birthday dinner. We ate at Luk Yuen, followed by dessert at Mary Grace and Pink Berry. I allowed myself to just enjoy the food without weighing or counting calories, but I still practiced mindful eating.

There’s so much more to share, but I’m getting sleepy. I’m grateful for another year (cheers to 31!), for surviving the work week, and for the fact that it’s finally the weekend. Hope you have a restful one too! ☕️

[freakshowtwopointoh]

Papers - All I've Ever Known Part 4

But I only buy what others choose to sell...

She signed the deal herself... and now she belongs to me

< prev | next >

I went there early, praying Jordan would wait the full two hours before showing up here. I still couldn’t believe that they wouldn’t let this go, but I couldn’t deny the small part of me that wanted them to know the truth. I also couldn’t believe I was actually about to tell them anything, despite the trouble it could get me into. 

I paced the grimy concrete room, trying to focus on the parts of the story that matter and the parts I can skip past. I have to stay on topic, and despite everything, I’d rather Jordan not get in trouble for knowing too much. I thumbed the worn pages of my notebook - the last remaining evidence of my dreams. I had turned off all my devices before I got here, so I was just listening carefully for Jordan or other intruders.

Jordan arrived a few minutes after the agreed upon time, rolling their eyes at the cliche of it all.

“An abandoned warehouse? Really? Are we in a fucking Marvel movie?” They said dryly.

“Turn off all your devices if you haven’t already.” I said coolly, needing to stay focused. They did so without a word before tucking their phone back into their pocket. “I turned mine off back on campus.” I added. They made a small gesture with their head, wanting me to begin. 

"Are you sure you still want to be involved? If they find out it could cause problems for both of us. Brink wasn't bluffing.“

"How'd you -” They stammered.

"I know what all the faculty were briefed to say. I know what Brink told you, I know what Park told you, I even know what Jeffries told you. If you had spoken to Shetty, I know what she would have told you. You don't think I spent the whole summer just fighting, do you?” I said dryly. They paused, considering that.

“That checks out, actually.” They admitted.

“The point being - I can’t unsay what I’m going to say. This is your last chance to back out.”

“I didn't come here to fuck around.” Alright, well, they had their chance. 

"There's a lot even I don't know. But the short version is Vought made me a deal for some technology I'd been working on. I don't know how they knew about it. I didn't want to give it up. But... things happened and it made me change my mind. My dad's lawyer Robert works with my contact at Vought to sort everything out.”

“That's Grace, right? The one who called you earlier?” I refrained from rolling my eyes. Of course they were eavesdropping on my calls.

“Yes. It takes a lot of paperwork to rewrite 2 years of history. For instance, today, Grace needed me to sign a statement for my old peers reminding them that they can’t discuss me or our work.”

“And this technology... were they weapons??” I stared at them for a few seconds, trying to see if they were joking.

“Are you insane?” They raised an eyebrow skeptically. “No, it wasn’t fucking weapons. It was a fancy heart monitor.” I said, exasperated. “I was 19 attending a technical school in fucking Rochester, NY. Of course I wasn’t designing weapons.” It was their turn to be shocked.

“A... heart monitor?” They asked.

“I was in freshman statistics when I found a database of heart problems in supes. It seemed random - but after talking to Luke and a few other friends of mine, we realized that we might be able to catch the problems before it’s deadly.” Jordan just sort of blinked at me. 

“Why does Vought give one flying fuck about your pet project if it isn’t dangerous?”

“That is one of the many things I don’t know. I mean I have theories. I have theories about all of this. But I don’t even know how they found out about it. One day, some suit showed up offering me money to finish my education at GodU and then work for Vought’s R&D department upon graduation. Just as long as I gave them the rights to anything I produced. I said no at first, but after Sammy, and... well, after a year of Vought hounding me to take the deal, I finally did. Because of my previous work, they figured Park would be a good mentor for me. They erased everything I’d ever done, and rewrote the last 2+ years of my life. From what I understand, they don’t really care about my ranking as long as I’m in the top 50 - they just want to show how good GodU is at ‘recognizing potential’ or whatever the fuck.” I explained.

This was maybe half the story, but I’m not about to tell fucking Jordan Li all of my secrets. Just enough to get them to back off before they get hurt. And to prove to them I’m not cheating my way to the top.

I took another breath, eyeing Jordan warily. “The way I look at it, you have two options: tell someone about this meeting and I will go away - because Vought will either kill me or put me away somewhere far, far away or leave this alone, and pretend this never happened. I’ll go back to trying to survive and you can go back to climbing the ranks and kissing Brink’s ass.” I said. I still couldn’t read anything on Jordan’s face. They looked like they were still sizing me up, calculating. 

“What’s in your pocket?” Jordan asked suddenly, and I blinked at them in confusion before realizing I had been fiddling with my notebook again.

“All I have left of my work.” I said, pulling it out slightly to show it wasn’t a weapon. Then, I chuckled in spite of myself. “That would be a real Marvel move - give you my backstory and then pull some kind of weapon on you.” I muttered, mostly to myself. But I caught the smallest smile playing on Jordan’s lips and I remembered that under all the bravado, and serious exterior, they’re still just another college student trying to get by. I sat on the concrete, feeling most of the adrenaline pumping through my system sizzling out. “This was probably a bit overkill, you’re right.” I laughed awkwardly. “But now you know.” 

“How much does Luke know?”

“Just a little less than you. He doesn't know Vought hounded me as much as they did, it's not like we were super close before...” 

“Before Sam disappeared?“

“Yeah. But he does anything our dad wants, so the cover-up became a family affair. I hate all the lying and I fucking despise that I have to throw away all my -” I stopped myself. “ Anyways there you have it.” 

“This shit is insane. I’m staying as far away from this as I can get.” Jordan said finally. 

“Good choice.” I said coolly. “You leave here first, and turn on your devices at a convenient location. Just say you got lost and your phone was dead or whatever. Obviously, just repeat the stories you’ve been told by the faculty if anyone else asks. I’ll leave in an hour. See you around.” I said, keeping my voice even and devoid of emotion. I wasn’t sure what to expect next, but I was in the same position I was when I got here: alone. At least now Jordan might hate me less. I turned to look out the broken window, expecting Jordan to leave. But they paused.

“Do you really think Sam is still alive?” They asked. I froze - that was the last thing I expected them to say.

“Yes.” I said honestly. And without any further questions, Jordan left.

When I made it back to the townhouse, the sun was almost set, making everything glow warmly. This is my favorite time of day - especially this time of year. My parents have this cabin out in Syracuse and we used to go out there over long weekends and Sammy and I would go out on the docks. He’d strum his guitar (badly) and I’d sing along with the stupidest made up words until we were covered in bug bites and sore from laughing so hard. During the day, he and Luke could spend hours running and jumping into the lake, seeing who could make the biggest splash. It was like... this small portion of heaven tucked away in the forest.

My parents sold that cabin a year or two ago. Something about ‘better investments’. We didn’t even get to go for one last sunset. 

“Care for a drag?” Jordan’s femme voice broke me out of my reverie, offering me the filter end of a cigarette. I shook my head, and for the first time, sitting in silence with Jordan felt less like I was being observed and more like I was just... being me. I stood up to stand next to them as they smoked, leaning on the porch railing. 

“On nights like tonight, you almost forget we’re stuck in suburban hell.” I said casually. “I still miss the stars though.”  Jordan paused for a moment, inhaling a long drag and watching the smoke rise into the fading sunlight.

“You want to know something stupid?” They asked, turning to look me in the eyes. “I could only be an astronaut in this form. Space suits don’t go tall enough.” I chuckled.

"Honestly that's kind of badass. Would you want to go to space?” I asked, looking back at them.

"As a kid, I did. But now, that kind of sounds like hell.” They conceded, exhaling another cloud of smoke into the night. I nodded in agreement, smiling at them. 

"Right? No drugs, no ice cream, trapped in a small space... No thanks, I’ll appreciate the stars from down here.” I said.

They chuckled at that. “You get it.” We continued to sit in silence as Jordan finished their cigarette, and I pretended not to notice when they lit a second one. Usually I hated the smell of cigarettes, but tonight it was ok.

< prev | next >

edits by @barbieprincesshilton

[softservesoymilk]

Boss fights in RPGs that give me war flashbacks

Dolphin made a really insightful and meaningful post on her side blog that was really telling and vulnerable of her :) I’m going to do the same thing but in a completely different fashion :P

Ansem, Seeker of Darkness (KH1) Back in the day (2019), I didn’t own the PS4. I played the entirety of the Kingdom Hearts series in the living room after school before my dad came home, right on the big screen. Or sometimes I got a couple of hours on the weekend. This gave me limited time and not very much privacy (but awesome sound which probably contributed to my audiophile tendencies 😅). Anyways this was problematic when I became stuck at certain sections,, namely this bitch. Because I do NOT want to be made fun of for struggling, or berated for the repetitive soundtrack. I woke up at ✨ 4 am ✨ to have time to myself to beat this motherfucker. 4 am. That was the lengths I was willing to go. Obviously it meant the sound was really quiet (if non-existent) but I still finished the game like 6:15 😅

Roxas (KH2) It took a solid nine attempts here. Yup. Nine tries. This is still the record number of attempts on a single boss fight. I was so flooded with dopamine that I had to go laugh it out in the kitchen so I could feel sad for the following cutscene 😂😂😂 This was when I was in my era of feeling bad that I couldn’t cry/empathise with a lot of media (thanks dad), so I tried to force myself to feel sad for a lot of things. I thought if I made enough of a :( face, I could trick myself into feeling things 😂 Anyways Roxas is an iconic example of my infamous awfulness at 1 vs 1 fights.

[Redacted] (Xenoblade Chronicles 1) Censored for spoilers but it’s the final boss. Another one I got up at 4 am for, to do it on a docked switch on the big screen <3 Didn’t take nearly as many attempts as Ansem, but I was still punished for being underleveled <3

Heldalf (Tales of Zestiria) Speaking of being punished for being underleveled, here’s a great example! :D First phase was simply impossible to survive with my tragically low skill level (and level in general, I start skipping fights a lot at the end of games because I get bored 😐 My intentions for YHNN are to make an endgame where this doesn’t happen) I didn’t fight a SINGLE ENEMY outside of those four minibosses in the final area :P Holy potions are mistake for people like me. Here’s a secret: I actually lowered the difficulty to beat him

Tiamat (Tales of Zestiria) War flashbacks but in a good way. I’m still impressed I was able to concentrate on whittling its health down FOR 40 MINUTES STRAIGHT. Thank god Rising Up is a great song or I would’ve died from insanity 😂😅. I think the only time I spent more than 40 minutes on a single round of a boss fight was when I attempted Kuni-no-sagiri in Persona 4 for the first time. That took an hour. Yes, in both cases, that is the degree of underleveled we are talking about. I have a serious problem with motivating myself to fight, games where you can modify exp yield without sacrificing difficulty are such a boon to me 😭

Shadow Okumura (Persona 5 Royal) You know your game design is fucked when making the difficulty MERCILESS makes the fight easier. I was actually called in to beat this one by my dad. I spent 2 hours grinding up his levels first to attempt this even 😭 And then I went to the velvet room to fix his atrocious persona situation (he BARELY fused and it showed). Relying on the DLC personas felt bad but I did what needed to be done 🫡 (I REALLY needed that maeigaon) I actually scrawled all the weaknesses of each phase on my hand to make it easier on each subsequent attempt 😭 Fuck the arbitrary time limit fr

[umichenginabroad]

Week 9: CEA CAPA Weekend Trip - Seville

¡Hola amigos!

This past week has been pretty chill but also full of fun. I met a ton of new people, experienced some new nightlife in Madrid, and took a quick trip to Seville in the south of Spain. 

Roomies Night Out

Wednesday was my roommate’s 21st and we had so much fun celebrating! We have 11 roommates in our apartment so we don’t end up doing many activities all together, but we always come together for birthdays. We met up with some mutual friends from class who live in a 13 person apartment (yes these apartments are literally huge) and were able to meet other CEA CAPA students from all over the US! Even in Madrid the world is still super small, and everyone is somehow still connected. 

Afterwards, we went to O’Connells and Dubliners, two very popular Irish pubs among international students. They’re known for 1€ drinks, so definitely a deal to take advantage of. We then tried out a new club called Rubicon, which mostly consisted of reggaeton and commercial music. It was definitely one of the best clubs I’ve been to in Madrid, and I'll definitely be returning. 

Seville

Included with your program fee is a few CEA CAPA weekend/day trips. This past weekend we went to Seville, and I honestly think it’s my favorite city that I’ve visited so far. The weather was amazing except for when it rained, and the architecture was just stunning. 

CEA CAPA arranged our train, buses, and hotel expenses, so in a way it kind of felt like a “free trip”. We did have to cover food on our own, but it still made budgeting a lot easier. The style of the trip definitely felt like an overnight high school trip. We had to check in with the CEA CAPA reps, had to sign some hotel agreements, etc. Only two excursions were “required”, and the rest of our time was free time. The hotel itself however was SUPER nice. It was 2 per room, and we got our own beds. It’s also a 4-star hotel, so it was just super nice. It came with breakfast also, and I did steal quite a few pastries on the way back…

Because everyone on this trip was in the same program, I was able to meet a lot of new people, some of which are actually in my classes. It was super fun just randomly meeting up with people, exploring the city, and making plans at night. We explored a few bars and were also able to meet some students studying abroad around Andalusia, so overall a very social weekend. 

In terms of sightseeing, CEA CAPA arranged a historic walking tour of the city and the Royal Alcazar. Game of Thrones was actually filmed in this palace, so it was super cool to compare the real thing to the show. The architecture was so colorful and intricate, and the gardens were beautiful. We made a pit stop at the cafe, where many ducks and birds were getting super up close looking for food. Personally I’m a little terrified of large birds, so I wasn’t too excited when a peacock was within a foot of me. 

We also went to Catedral de Seville, which took about an hour in itself. This cathedral actually houses Christopher Columbus’s remains, which was pretty insane. It also had a ton of artifacts, and a tower with great views of the city. This wasn’t included, but it was only 7€ to enter with the student discount. 

My favorite part of Seville was definitely Plaza de España. This is by far the prettiest plaza I’ve seen in Europe, with mosaic tiles on pretty much everything. This plaza was actually Naboo in Star Wars, so another iconic film sight. I spent so much time just looking around and taking pictures, so highly recommend. It’s also located in the center of Parque de Maria Luisa, which also has some nice sights. 

I’m definitely being repetitive, but clearly a very beautiful city. I don’t think I would’ve gone if it weren’t for CEA CAPA, so I’m very glad they included more travel within Spain. Unfortunately I’m not going on the day trips to Toledo and Segovia because I planned full weekend trips instead, but I’ll definitely try to go on a weekday if I have time. Travelling out of the country every weekend while studying abroad is definitely tempting, but Spain genuinely just has so much to see and no two cities within it are alike.

That’s pretty much it for this week. I’m trying really hard to lock in because midterms round 2 is coming up, but we’ll see how that goes.

Hasta luego,

Nitya Chellury

Industrial and Operations Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

[hoebagbasicbitch]

So, it started with this girl.

Well, kind of. It started with a trip to Italy for a class. A workshop, where a group of 10 of us went out in to the boonies of Tuscany and worked on restoring some art in a small museum. So, at this workshop, I met the girl.

We spent three weeks in this small little town, living in a hotel owned by the diocese. There were lace curtains on the windows and a crucifix with a little plastic glow-in-the-dark Jesus hanging above all the beds. It was hot as all hell, and we were all getting attacked by invisible gnats which bit us rashy to the point of near insanity. Needless to say, we were broken down and got close with each other quick.

How to describe this girl? I’m not sure when we started to talk or what we started with talking about. I love a good story, and so I love the idea of a summer fling. Originally, I was sharing a bedroom with one of my classmates, but she had a family emergency and had to leave about 4 days into things, leaving me with a room to myself. It seemed like a perfect storm, and then this girl and I started to get close.

We just spent a lot of time talking. She was the only other person in the class who cared about restoration in the same way that I do. She had spent all of June doing another restoration workshop at the same school, and was back in July because she loved it so much. Our only real difference was that she didn’t know she wanted to pursue the career before this summer, and I’ve been on the crazy train for three years. Not that it makes a huge difference, honestly.

So we talked a lot. Yes, about our class and the work we were doing and conservation in general. We did all the basic getting-to-know-you stuff too, like how many siblings do you have and where are you from and what’s your favorite color. It was strange because we were always, always, always in a bigger group. Lots of us in the class hung out together. I mean, it was a town of 2,000 people in which there was one bar. All we had to do was talk.

Oh, and we played cards.

This was the only time that this girl and I were ever alone. Gin rummy. I was god awful at it, but I played hand after hand after hand just to be in a one-on-one conversation with her.

But we played lots of cards as a group, too.

I don’t know what made me realize that I liked her. I know that it was July 18th when I felt something stronger than friendship for the first time because I wrote it down in my journal, but I didn’t specify a cause.

My journal entries from this trip are fascinating. They oscillate between two different crises I was having, the first being my falling in love with this girl, which is something that had never happened to me before, and the second being my falling in love with art conservation. I’m not sure which of those is the stupider crisis, but they were both making me feel equally insane. Between those and the bug bites, I was not at my most sound of mind.

Dealing with the girl was easier and more fun than the career crisis. I got to flirt and make up inside jokes and find excuses to spend time with her. That was entertaining. The career crisis was silly. I mean, it didn’t feel silly, but putting it in words to me makes it sound trivial. But every night I would barely sleep, and I would pop out of bed in the morning early, eat breakfast (talk to the girl at breakfast, for an hour every day), and rush off to the museum as soon as I could. Even when the restoration work was hard (and believe me, it definitely had its moments), it still felt like the most fulfilling thing I had ever done. They made us take all kinds of breaks during work, and then an hour and a half lunch, and then they would wrap up a few minutes early at the end of the day. And me and this girl were impossible to get rid of. The professor and the TA would literally have to force us out so they could continue their work without having to keep track of students.

I always wanted to be working. Which is funny, because working was the only time I was not talking to this girl. I was working on murals in one room, she was on a painting on canvas in the other. And here is where things got to be really strange. While I was working on the restoration, I felt the same way that I did when the girl and I would talk. Except I didn’t want to kiss the wall, I guess, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach was the same. Thank god when I wasn’t with her, I was working, and when I wasn’t working, I was with her.

The two of us had a conversation about this, actually.

I mean, not about being in love with each other. That was one sided-I think. But about how we had both fallen in love with the restoration work.

The thing about getting into conservation is it is a crazy investment. There is so much education required, the education is expensive, and probably most significantly, you have to move around constantly wherever you can find education, and internship, or a job because opportunities are so few and far between. But to actually touch art was gives me such a high that I’m willing to do it. I don’t need a family or a girlfriend or a pet, I just need to be in a lab with my hands on history.

This girl was the only person I’ve ever met who felt just as insane about it as me, which is probably why I started to feel crazy over her.

So, my feelings began to get pretty tangled. Did I really love her, or was I just falling in love with conservation? I don’t think it’s worth separating the feelings, though. They’re too closely tied to each other.

There are a few conversations of ours that I remember most distinctly. There was the night we drank an entire bottle of vermouth straight while playing cards. That was the only time we ever hung out in my room. We talked about growing up a lot, I think. The vermouth made it hard to remember specifics. Another night we sat outside after going to the bar and watched stars for hours. There was a meteor shower happening, and I made a lot of wishes on shooting stars that still haven’t come true yet. Of course, one of our classmates who could not take a hint was with us the whole time. But we talked about the golden record and the size of the universe and the constellations above us. We put our faces right next to each other so we could point out constellations accurately.

I shared a lot of nectarines with her. The food situation wasn’t ideal. I ate a lot of fruit as meals. I would take the dull hotel butter knife and saw a nectarine in half around the pit, and then pull It apart and give her whichever side was less mangled. Whenever I did this to eat alone, the fruit would fall off the pit, but when she was watching, the thing would seem to fight back, trying to embarrass me. She still always took the fruit, though, with a smile.

 We talked about what we were going to do to touch art again after the workshop was over. We also laughed about how similar we were, and in one humiliating conversation, we decided that we would fuck our clones but not each other.

Oh god. I forgot to mention the shirts.

We spent a great deal of our time coming up with stupid t-shirt designs featuring images of saints and nonsensical phrases very loosely based on those saints. It was maybe the strangest possible reaction to falling in love, making these idiotic t-shirt designs. But it was really, really fun.

There was more. I’m certain that there was more. Breakfast was it’s own thing. I don’t know what else to say. It was a very odd summer full of big feelings, and it’s going to be difficult for me to split up my feelings for conservation and this girl. I must stay in love with conservation, but I also have to get this girl out of my head because I am never going to go to San Angelo, Texas ever in my life (God willing). All I can hope for is that we run into each other at some conservation conference in the future and hook up there. Even though my crush was unrequited, I still think I can make it work.

[pagesnotebook]

I need everyone to know just how insane I am about the Horizon games.

1) I bought a PS4 just so I could play Zero Dawn and Forbidden West. Nothing else. No other games. I’m good, thanks.

2) I spent over an hour geeking out over the world building in Horizon- specifically, the tribes and how fascinating and unique they each are, the way their cultures and clothing is informed by where they live (and then that took me onto a tangent about the Picts, who are very cool and work as great inspiration for Number 3).

3) Thinking up ideas about new tribes- what is there religion (if any) like? What relationship do they have with the Old Ones? Where do they live and how has that informed their culture? (I am a big fan of world building, y’all).

4) Even before I started playing Horizon: Zero Dawn, I was brainstorming ideas about how a ttrpg based on Horizon would work. There are some people who are also investigating this idea, and I honestly think that’s awesome. Also…

5) Purchased all of Modiphius’ Dreams and Machines ttrpg books because

a) It looks cool as fuck (although I will agree with other reviewers in that it is strangely aimed at quite young people and a little childish in some of its presentation (specifically, the “characters within the world annotating the book” sections)).

b) I like the easy style of the Starter Set (literally open the box and just start playing. I also like the use of cards to create your character).

c) Just from loose skimming, it looks like it would be pretty easy to re-skin as Horizon (although it is practically guaranteed that I’m going to mess about and Frankenstein the system a bit).

6) I am planning on running a Horizon mini-campaign for my parents using the Dreams and Machines system (they do not know much of Horizon except that the graphics are exceptional, I am madly in love with the games and anything I have gushed about to them. Unfortunately, I live with them currently, so they are my Guinea pigs. Alas).

7) So many AUs in my head. So many. Will I write them? Who knows. Least of all me.

If I could, I would spend my whole day playing these games. As it is, I manage about an average 2 hours a day (note: I am not a gamer. Horizon is literally the first non-Pokemon Nintendo game I have ever played).

Am I playing on Easy Mode? Yes. I want to explore and not frustrate myself and burn out my excitement of these games. Also, hand tremors and a processing disorder suck.

Have I only just started Forbidden West? Yes, and I am having the time of my life running around the Daunt ignoring the main plot for now. Although I am excited to go see Erend again soon. (Also, I am crying inside at not getting to spend more time in Meridian).

Will I be posting a lot of random things about Horizon? Probably. But I am notorious for not posting original stuff, so at least a lot of reblogs.

[rokurookajima]

thank you so much for the tag kat!!! also to you AND nightmare - i am so honored and grateful to make the favorites list!! i can die happy if metalbanders and ratatouille style are my LEGACY (and thank god for the ratatouille style emojis 🫡)

Words Written:

ok so i actually calculated a ton of variations on my annual words written yesterday JUST because …idk i have OCD? so i have several answers for this i was unexpectedly prepared

so as far as what’s made it to ao3 - 30,768 (39311 counting the fic i finished NEW YEAR’S EVE but didn’t get the chance to final proofread and post)

published + wips that may or may not eventually make it to ao3 (including the rest of claw machine plus a bunch of other stuff and yes it’s all waava): 66,092

work on my original novel (bitter tooth): something around 58,000 (i couldn’t quite remember all the scenes i wrote specifically in 2024, plus i’m constantly adding or subtracting from older scenes so that’s the best estimate i got)

TOTAL: 127,436 (which is.. insanely.. a bit longer than where everything i’ve ever written officially in the bitter tooth canon including actual canon timeline + post canon i b writing for fun)

Smut Scenes:

this is honestly impossible for me to count LMAO let’s assume like .. maybe half of that total word count look i’m not right in the head okay!!!

New Things I Tried:

canon waava!! i mean still “canon” since human form raava and all, but stillll ! back in the day i only ever wrote a couple scenes that never went anywhere taking place during/post beginnings, everything that saw the light of day was metalbanders! writing any type of fantasy or non-modern anything is not rlly my wheelhouse, so i’m excited to finally feel like i cracked writing CANON waava, there’s always been ideas i’ve wanted to do (and y’know…. not naming names but one of them came to fruition in a big way… let’s say it has something to do with a certain rat…..)

Fic I spent the most time on:

definitely claw machine 🙏🏻 which is the longest multi chapter fic i’ve ever written, i’m much more a one shot fanfic guy usually. also insane and worth noting.. i wrote the first 4 chapters and a good maybe 3rd of the 5th in the span of one (1) single week which ive REALLY never cranked out anything that fast. but ive stalled on that mainly bc of getting distracted by other ideas, but also it’s a natural part of the process innit

Fic I spent the least time on:

NO IDEA HOW but i literally wrote and although i was burning in like… an hour? 2 hours tops? i for real feel like i opened google docs, blacked out, and when i came to i had written that whole thing

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

much like kat’s answer, i really am so happy with everything i’ve written this year and tho it is hard to choose favorites…

in reguards to fanfiction, it’s definitely claw machine. metalbanders au is my BABY and i’m sooooo so happy to finally be writing the Big Fic i really wanted to give it 10 years ago but didn’t quite have the skills or drive yet. i’m glad it sat on the back burner til now bc it wouldn’t at all have been what i’ve been able to make it today

as far as bitter tooth (which ik i can only give a super vague answer bc no one even knows what it’s about here lmao), i wrote a lot more for the second half that i’m especially happy with. a scene that sticks out to me is a conversation the main boy (his name is simon he’s very unwell bc unfortunately i gave all my worst qualities to him hehe) has with a girl he meets in the psych ward .. while i was writing that, i the author felt like i was finally putting together some plot points i’d never quite answered for myself to the point it felt like i was actually HAVING this conversation with him and not the one writing it out

Favorite thing I read:

i actually didn’t read much fanfiction until this fall when i deep dived straight back into waava hell so i only have a few but!!

bonded by @katkastrofa - what an absolute masterpiece… i said so much already in a long ass review that lead to me and kat becoming friends which i mean what a blessing first of all. but a fic hasn’t left me in shambles like this in SO long, it made me fully cry in the bathtub while reading it, and just hit so so many things i want in a fic

the darkest sun and the brightest star by @shadelorde - i’m so excited to see where this goes!! it’s off to such an interesting start with a fun mix of serious and humor (vaatu is just such a delightful trip), and it’s the first sunstar i’ve ever read (idk if you invented sunstar fr nightmare but to me, you did) ! and likewise, i’m so happy we met! even if technically it was before i read this, even stillll

nothing lasts forever by queenpersephoneofhades - this was from waava week 2014 which was the first waava week and also the only one i participated in before this year!! i remember reading a few chapters from it back then, but re-found it and reading it start to finish is…. 😮‍💨 oof. a doozy, an absolute gut punch ending. SO good

all of alice’s (@ebonynightwriter) waava week drabbles!! i always enjoy her submissions every year, they’re such good little glimpses into their relationship during & post canon, and sometimes AU

ok also i haven’t read yet but i am VERY excited to deep dive into all of kat & nia’s multiverse fics in the future 🙏🏻

Writing goals for next year:

number 1 .. probably obvious. finish claw machine - there are 3 chapters to go & the next one is just barely shy of being done.

but also i have been spinning so many ideas with kat for various canon waava shenanigans that i’ve already written so many little snippets of, i really would love to turn all of those into something complete. it’s far away, but also i hope to participate in waava week 2025 again! whether writing or drawing. i’m also very very tempted to rewrite my two original metalbanders fics from 2013/2014 (because again.. the ocd…..) - i love them for what they were but ykno ofc my 17/18 year old writing is uhhh pretty different from 28, and especially since they contain a lot of important lore to the au / a lot of references to them in claw machine, there are somethings that don’t quite fit what i’ve decided is officially canon now (and some tones that are off, just y’know they’re 10 years old……)

and ofc…. i wanna keep working on bitter tooth. that is my truest baby, those characters are my literal children, and if i could get it to a point where it can be read from tentative start to tentative finish (i write out of order, so i have scenes written from every plot point through the whole narrative, but as it stands, i don’t think someone else could remotely read through what exists … MAYBE they could follow the plot from what there is, but i don’t think there would be enough gradual build in between to make anyone INVESTED enough y’know). that said… i write bitter tooth all for me babe, i genuinely don’t know if i’d ever publish it if i were to finish it, and idk if i’d ever even let anyone read it all?? BUT FOR ME. and inevitably i’m sure i’ll let friends read it. i want it to be readable which feels potentially feasible for 2025. i’d love to see it COMPLETE but…..i think that’s a 2026 issue. at least

the whole 🗑️🔥 gang is all here, so anyone reading that wants to do this, pls tell ‘em sydney sent you! but also my girly pop… @fenharel-is-so-swell if you wanna talk about your novel!!!!

Year-End Writer's Roundup: 2024 Edition!

thanks so much for the tag @sweetorangepoptart!! i had to wait to actually do this until i finished the last fic i wanted to post for the year, so now it's time for the roundup!

i'm honestly not sure who to tag, so if you see this and you wrote anything this year, feel free to do it and say i tagged you!!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!!):

let's not even get into my WIPs there's so many lol. going by just published works, i wrote 73,234 words!! honestly crazy to think about!

Smut scenes:

three! all in their own standalone works. doing the math, that means my smut fics alone take up about 1/3 of my words written this year haha

New things I tried:

i've written for lots of ships for the first time this year! in fact, i believe all the ships i wrote for are the first-time ships for me, which is always very exciting

as well, i tried a slightly different writing style than usual in my fic i'm glad i get forever to see where you went. i really enjoyed writing like this, and i can definitely see myself doing it again in the future!

Fic I spent the most time on:

i think that title has to go to my fic Likewise, as it sat half-finished in my drafts for... honestly most of this year i think

Fic I spent the least time on:

i can't say 100% for sure, but i think my fic Something Nice. it was written for yangvik week, and it was quite literally written the same day it was published. i did that several times during the week, but as this one's word count is a bit lower than the others, i think it's most likely the one i spent the least time on

Favorite thing I wrote:

ughhhhh this is like asking me to pick my favorite child. i love them all!! but if i had to choose, i think i need to go with The Push. i am honestly so proud of this fic, and i actually go back and reread it quite frequently. it also became popular beyond my wildest belief, and was sort of my jumpstart into the yangvik ship/fandom. the response to it helped give me the confidence to write seven (and counting!) more yangvik fics!!

Favorite thing I read:

actually this is like having to pick a favorite child. how can i possibly choose when i read not only lots of fic, but lots of good fic?? i've gotta choose multiple lol

anything by my lovely mutual @katkastrofa, i legitimately can't choose any specific one to focus on because they're all so incredibly written! Ruby by KingWuko; i love all your wuko fics but this one in particular gets me every time! and outside of the atla fandom, i've been really enjoying this owl house fic on ao3!

Writing goals for next year:

honestly? just keep writing! writing fanfiction has honestly been incredibly helpful for me while i'm in college. seriously, my mental health is always so much worse when i'm not writing. even if i don't publish it, writing is so good for my brain. so i want to keep up with it as i go into the new year!

i've also worked on a loose writing schedule for the upcoming year - i'm not holding myself to it super strongly but i really am going to try and follow it! it's just a way to help me focus more on individual fics and know when i want to try and finish them. that way i can do things like publishing fics for friends' birthdays and participating in more fandom events!

and last but not least, a semi-writing goal that i have is to host another wonderful yangvik week! the 2024 event was amazing, and since it ended even more people have found it and expressed interest, so i 100% would like to do it again. and if i do it again, this time i'm going to try and write for all seven days! considering i wrote for six last time, it seems pretty manageable lol

----

thanks again for the tag! this has been a great writing year for me, and i can't wait to see what 2025 holds!

[thegeminisage]

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean's weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean's dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference ("you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you're roma downey?")

references to real life phenomenon ("i don't wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice" "try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla")

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude ("easy there, van damme" "so i’m girl interrupted" furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of "chucklehead" "asshat" and on the nicer/endearments end "buddy" "pal" "sunshine" etc)

an idiom ("a snowball's chance" "if it smells like a duck...")

slang ("drinking the koolaid" "jonesing for some hooch" not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor ("power up your batteries" "fly me back to my page on the calendar")

a euphemism ("cloud seeding" "i'd have given you an hour alone with her first")

sarcasm (his habit of replying "peachy" or "super" when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire "vampirate" and "werepire" debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: "it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?")

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there's an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean's pop culture references, because the average viewer won't have seen everything he's talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don't understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that's because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going "what the fuck is WRONG with them?"

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn't help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean's mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he's talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester's way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental "dean winchester dictionary" and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he's telling dean that he can't understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean's tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean's jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says "it was a witch, not the tet offensive." since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: "you wanna just walk right into the death star?" cas: "what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?"). whenever he asks dean to clarify it's always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he's too annoyed to care. (dean: "i don't know who's on first, what's on second!" cas: "what IS second???") i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it's season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don't remember what season he started using "yeah" instead of "yes" but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don't think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that's something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what's true romance, fellas? it's falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he's ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[spn masterpost]

[steelycunt]

hello oh my god HELLO!! insane ask prompt .. there's no coming out of this alive. but 2 or 4!! whichever choose your fav xx

HI YOU. god. well a million years later, i am here xx i'm so so so sorry xx literally nothing happens in this one either they're just smug and obsessed with each other but i don't let them be smug often enough so it felt fair xx went for two in the end xx

There’s this faint white scar, on his chin—it cleaves through his bottom lip, just slightly, and curls downwards. It’s the shape of Norway. Sirius is twelve when he first notices it, over breakfast: orange juice and fried mushrooms and his best friend’s mouth. He’s nineteen, now, when he kisses it, and that’s only in lieu of swallowing it whole.

“I need to show you—” Remus pauses, twists to spit a cherry pit into the souvenir mug they’ve balanced precariously on the chair’s arm, “I need to show you how to use the washing machine.”

Sirius stretches one arm across Remus’ waist; they’re crushed into the bile-yellow armchair they got from a second-hand furniture shop last week—a bargain, even if it took them the best part of the day to drag it, with James’ help, from the shop to their flat—and it’s all a lazy knot of hands and hipbones and dry knees, rucked up shirts and boxer shorts.

Tangle in an old shoelace. They’ve been sitting here, just like this, for hours—dust has settled, most likely. Moss has grown. My heart is like a wheel, drawls the record player.

“Not right now, you don’t.” His nose is digging into Remus’ cheek. He wants to kiss him, wants to kiss his lips and his neck and his eyelids and that lovely curl of hair, just there—which isn’t new—and so, without a second thought, he does—which is.

“Do it later,” he urges. “Won’t take long. I’d like to think I’ve acquired skills in my life thus far that will prove transferable to putting dirty clothes in a big barrel.”

“Well, I’d like to think so too, but then—I also thought you’d acquired skills that would prove transferable to using a hoover, up until last night. And my blind faith ended up making fools of us both, didn’t it?”

Sirius dismisses him with a gesture, plastic palette from the Co-op in hand; the little fruits roll like eyeballs. “You know, I’m starting think you don’t really care all that much about household chores, Moony. You just like seeing what a shite muggle I make, so that you get to be smug about it. It probably helps you cope with the reality that I make such an exceptionally talented wizard.”

“Wow.” Remus chuckles, draws his head back to look at him properly, to present him with this awful little grin—this boyish, tilting, fruit-stained grin. Everything is funny. Even the things that aren't. Days passing like the beats in a knock-knock joke. “You’re exceptionally bloody insufferable, is what you are.”

And, sat here, there’s this thing in Sirius that swells so fiercely; it bucks around inside his chest, which is the drum of a marching band, which is a pinball machine for the cherry pit he accidentally swallowed earlier. Except the cherry pit is his own heart. Except the cherry pit is the entire fucking sun. All orange.

He’s thinking about all that time spent locking themselves in broom cupboards. Co-conspirators, holding hands under the table. Notes passed on balled-up corners of parchment during class, hello, hello I like you do you like me, hello I want to see you lets skive off after lunch, we can snog behind the greenhouses yes/no? (say yes please.)

Today, standing in their very own flat. Putting their hands on each other’s faces. Not once—not fucking once, did Sirius have to check over his shoulder before they did it.

“I don’t think that’s true,” he argues, with a click of his tongue. “You seem to suffer me rather well. Look—you’re wearing my shirt.”

“That’s exactly my point, you fucking twat. All of my shirts are in the laundry,” Remus shoots back, and then—he kisses Sirius, quickly, on the mouth. Once, twice. Smiles, afterwards, as though he’s stolen something from him, and is now holding it out of Sirius’ reach. His stomach, perhaps. His spinal cord.

“What are you smiling about?” Sirius demands, regardless of the fact that he’s doing it to. It’s hard not to. They keep waking up in the same bed. His boyfriend is wearing his shirt. Later, they’re going to do laundry. He pushes his forehead against Remus’. “Stop it.”

“Nothing. I’m not, it’s only—we really live together, properly,” Remus says. He speaks quietly, as though their flat is a beast he is trying not to wake. “We don’t have to pretend anymore. Or sneak around. I just get to—suffer you, all the time.”

It catches Sirius off-guard, makes his face ache. Someone begs, let me roll it!

“Mm, lucky you,” he tries to tease, but it doesn’t land right, it’s all soft in the belly—lacks the snarky, whip-crack delivery he intended. He clears his throat, to punctuate it. Eats another cherry. Red flesh beneath his teeth.

Remus, watching him. His fine brown eyelashes. Sirius’ arm, draped across him. “Yes,” he agrees. “I think so too.”

[eyecide]

OKAY, here’s the whole story. Like I said it’s very long, but I tried to keep it as short as I could! I obviously couldn’t include Everything for multiple reasons, and a lot of this stuff I’ve posted about multiple times anyways

Ok so my ex fiancé and I broke up multiple times through the course of our nearly 2 year relationship, with the final time being May 8th. I definitely wasn’t ready or willing to be engaged that soon but I agreed to it with the understanding that we would wait 5 years MINIMUM to actually get married. Every day since we broke up I remind myself how eternally grateful I am to myself for sticking to my guns on that one, but it’s a story for another day

But anyway like I said this is a very very long story with a lot of important context that explains what lead to the end. It might be little rambley depending on wether or not I am in the mood to proofread this before posting, but anyways. Our relationship was honestly not something that was realistically ever going to last. I’m a very hard working person and committed person, I put a lot of effort into what I do, and I’ve always been the worker that goes the extra mile. I put a lot of pride into my hygiene and keeping my things and surroundings in clean and good order. Des on the other hand, is an insanely insecure honest to god pornbrain, who viewed me not as a partner but as living jerk off material. He struggles to work more than 20 hours a week and quits jobs with no backup plan bc they’re too hard or he just doesn’t like them. He cannot do anything challenging or commit to anything, he dropped out of 3 different schools during our relationship and spent well over half of it unemployed while I payed for him to eat fast food 3 meals a day. You can imagine the frustration and resentment I started to feel when I would be at work for nearly 4 hours by the time he managed to roll his ass out of bed. Not to mention his lack of hygiene was… indescribable. Literally all of his things were on the floor. Dirty and clean laundry were always just piled up wherever he happened to throw it. Food trash would sit in there for WEEKS until it got rancid and moldy, it’s genuinely an honest to god miracle that he never fucking got roaches. It was disgusting, I hated being in there, and I hated that every time I got sick of it and cleaned it all for him (and yes i cleaned his room for him more than he ever did) it would go right back to the was it was before in a week. And I tried so hard to be sympathetic and understand to his mental health, I really did. But being in his room so much was horrible for my mental health too. I was having severe cleanliness anxiety, and panic attacks about things being too dirty. He would drop me off at the end of the day and I would feel filthy. I wasn’t trying to fix him, but I loved him and I had always held onto the hope that he would’ve loved me enough to put in any kind of effort but that never happened

Fast forward to August of 2022, Des left for college in Arizona and things were fine… until they weren’t and he started telling me shit like he didn’t feel any connection to me anymore, wasn’t even sure if he still loved me, and kept thinking about having an open relationship. He always said that he knew an open relationship was a bad idea but I also kind of suspect he was bringing it up just to gauge my reaction to it, and I can’t prove it but I have a little suspicion he wanted us to have an open relationship at the time and would’ve done it if I didn’t say no immediately. But anyway, looking back on it, this was the first time I started to catch on to him really only valuing me for sex and not as a person or a partner. That and something else I’ve posted about before on here, where he called me after I got off work one day and went on and on about how “deprived” of sex he was in Arizona and then asked me if he could do sexual roleplays with other people online. Which obviously I was extremely uncomfortable with and said no to. He has a huge fit about it with sighing and groaning and passive aggressive comments for several minutes until I just give in and told him fine but I don’t want to hear or see anything about it ever. He did later tell me that bc it made me so uncomfortable he actually decided to never do those roleplays, which like I’ve said a few times on here before I don’t believe at all. I also believe he was doing it well before asking me but again, I can’t prove any of that.

I was supposed to move up there with him as soon as I graduated cosmetology school, and that was the plan until he told me that he actually had no intentions of even living with me when I did move up there. Which obviously really bothered me bc I was planning on leaving my entire life behind to be closer to him and he would rather kick it in the dorms on campus than share a living space with me before graduation. So I told him if he wants to stay on campus all 4 years then I wouldn’t be moving at all until he graduates, and his response is to break up with me bc he only wanted me for sex and if I didn’t plan on following him around like a dog he didn’t see the point in us being together. But we did get back together the next day

November is Really where things started to fall apart, in my opinion. I started cosmetology school in October that year, was working 40+ hours a week, dealing with workplace harassment from a new manager, and on top of 21 hours of classes I didn’t have a single day off of anything until thanksgiving break. I was absolutely exhausted, the reality of what this relationship really was was getting harder and harder to deny and on top of that I was feeling insanely lonely. I had no friends at all besides Des and had absolutely nobody to turn to when things were hard, and the reality of that was starting to weigh on me heavily

Then in November out of absolutely nowhere Justice, my ex situationship from the year before and former friend from middle school, added me on Snapchat. (I’m not going to explain the whole story between me and him bc I’ve done that Many times on here already, but if you were following me 2 years ago you might be at least vaguely aware of this anyway). He acknowledged and understood that I was in a relationship, but he wanted us to be friends again which I agreed to. We had a very productive conversation where we both agreed that our past was the past and we weren’t going to do stuff like that anymore, and at the time I very genuinely stood by that. I told Des about this immediately and he wasn’t comfortable with it, but I told him that I wasn’t asking him for permission but rather informing him. At this point Justice and I snapped back and forth infrequently but I wouldn’t actually see him in person for the first time until March

December comes, and Des drops out of college and moves back to california. This I’m not going to really go into a lot of detail about but during this time it becomes very very apparent to me that he barely tolerated being around me if I said I didn’t wanna fuck that day. And keep in mind I was working two jobs essentially, starting at 5am and ending at 10:30 pm, and dealing with a recently diagnosed health issue. Meanwhile he had no job and hadn’t worked in well over 6 months. So yeah 90% of the time I was not feeling it, especially after I would turn him down and he’d pout for hours and/or keep making advances until I gave up. It was a huge turn off, especially when it didn’t stop after I brought up how it was making me feel

February comes, we get engaged. But nearly every other week we’re fighting about something, and it becomes way too much for me. I couldn’t cope with it anymore on top of everything else in my life, and asked for a few weeks of space. I was very very clear that it was not a breakup, that was I calling off our engagement, that neither of us would be seeing other people, and that I still wanted to see him on my birthday which was in about a week from then. He decided to go ahead and check himself into the psych ward that same night to prevent that from happening. March is when I see Justice again for the first time in over a year, we just walked around at a park for a while to catch up which Des was aware of. He was very vocally upset about it and begged me to block Justice and not see him again but honestly? I didn’t care. There was no sympathy or understanding for the things that were making me uncomfortable. And I was desperate for friendship and Justice was right there asking me for it. But after that, I’m not even kidding in the slightest when I say Des was picking fights with me about him multiple times a week, sometimes every other day. I only saw Justice one more time before the breakup (he met up with me and Des at a bar), we weren’t talking more than once every 2ish weeks, and I agreed to let Des see any text he sent me, so there were no secrets and I had nothing to hide. Any time a fight happened it was almost always because Des brought it up, or he told me to block him and i refused. More than once he tried to force me to pick between them but I also refused every time. Was this toxic of me? Probably. I’ll accept that if it was, but like I said. At the time I didn’t care

The final week we were together, on the night of Saturday, May 6th, I let Des look through my phone and he found out that back in December Justice had sent me a snap where he didn’t have a shirt on. It wasn’t sexual, and I’d seen him shirtless multiple times before but he was not wearing one. Des decided this was proof that Justice wanted to get me to cheat on Des, called him to confront him about it, which lead to me finally agreeing to block him. Monday night, May 8th, Des decided he was actually Not okay that this selfie was sent to me and he didn’t know about it, so we argued about it for several hours. Ending with him breaking up with me for the final time. The next day, Tuesday, I unblocked Justice and told him everything that happened. He offered himself as a shoulder to cry on, and that night we took a walk and talked for several hours, including how we were cool just being friends now and despite both being single weren’t going to do anything like we did 2 years ago. Then anyways Friday night that same week I see him again, we sleep together (and I’ve been seeing him pretty much every weekend since then) and I make the mistake of vague posting about on here. Des saw it and had a massive meltdown that resulted in him moving back to Arizona, and after that I have pretty much no idea what he’s been up to nor do I care

He’s reached out to me a few times since this happened but I haven’t really been interested in hearing him out, and I probably never will. Why did I stay for so long though? I don’t know. He wasn’t like that in the beginning, I loved him, and I thought he loved me too. And honestly I really didn’t want to admit to myself how fucked our relationship was. I didn’t want to believe he saw me like that even though I knew it deep down. And like I said, I’m a committed person, and I’m loyal to something I love even if it’s at my own detriment.

My ex may or may not see this, and I don’t particularly care if he does. I fully stand by everything I said here. But anyway, that’s pretty much the story, or at least as much of it as I could include without getting Too personal. I hope this didn’t sound too venty so, if anyone read this far thank you for that I really appreciate it 🖤🖤

we've been mutuals for ages and i think youre very neat (: i love how your appearance / presentation has changed over time. your music posting helped broaden my taste in music. im kinda nosy and sometimes want to ask you avout like whay happened with your previous relationship purely out of curiosity but it is So Deeply not my business so i would never. but mostly i think youre really cool and i hope you like your job (i cant remember if youre still in school for it, im also not totally sure how hairdressing stuff works) and am rooting for you (:

Hi 🖤🖤

I am still in school for hairstyling, but I’m sooooo close to being done I should graduate no later than February and will hopefully be able to take my state board exam by May!

Also I don’t mind talking about what happened with my ex, if I have time today I’ll make a post about it! I’ve been hesitant to say too much on the topic bc he was checking my tumblr for a while (he might still be, but I don’t particularly care at this point either), and would try and contact me when I posted about him. It is a very very long story but it’s not anything secret I’m open to questions abt it :-)