#I should've said this in german rip

[siryyeet]

"the definition of bread is a linguistic difference. What non-german speaking parts of the world see as bread is simply because of language. Just because german is so strict with the definition and I go crazy seeing various non-bread baked goods (by german definition) get called bread, doesn't that mean it isn't bread by other languages definition." <- me talking to myself whenever I see a 'bread' poll

[mymissalicorne]

OKAY SO FIRST OFF

GILBERT IS MARSEILLAIS?????????

I don't know about canon due to the time period and his upbringing, but BBC Gilbert def as a little accent because I said so and imagining a character with l'accent marseillais is somehow hilarious

With Serge being from Paris it's even better, as these two towns hates each other. It wasn't intentional however, because this rivalry was created in the 90s by Paris and Marseille football clubs because it would make them even more money. So surprisingly lore deepening coïncidence

Now I can't stop imagining Gilbert suddenly saying « LA CON DE TES MORTS » in frustration with the heaviest accent ever and Serge looking at him like he grew a second head

Fuck Carl, I'd say he deserves every bad thing that happened to him. How dare he deceive every good people like that ? This monster

Now, I say that because I take @iiyarada's headcanons as canon, and can confidently say that Carl ending with an american guy instead of a french one in the BBC is his best ending. Hiding being part of a gang is nothing compared to the sin of hiding the fact he says « chocolatine » instead of pain au chocolat

Who cares if he's american ??? This bitch doesn't now how to correctly call this viennoiserie :

(seems like nothing but it's a big issue amongst french people)

Claude will feel like he took the good decision after learning this horrendous fact about his ex.

If Kazeki happens at the end of the 19th century, then Kurt should've been happy Gilbert was hated because it probably stopped him from facing so much racism with a name like that. From 1870 to a little after WWI, french people hated german people with a passion ! Because of the loss of the Alsace and the Moselle to Prussia during the 1870 french-prussian war, there was a lot of propaganda against german people. So people probably called him a « boche » which is an ancient insulte to call german people, insulted him and said he was a thief and such. Violence was also a german attribut at this time, so his personality probably made it even worst. Rip Kurt, you and Serge could've relate to each other in being a victim of racism. Was this the reason he had a thing for Serge ? Who knows...

Nowadays however, Stachler is actually a french name, from Alsace ! Because Alsace have a lot of german influences, a lot of people and towns there have at least german-sounding and even german names (Artzenheim for exemple is a french town) so it could be that Kurt is an alsacien

Necroix is one of the most french looking name I ever saw, and I'm french !

From now on, I decided with power I do not have that Jules is from Saint-Etienne and that Pascal don't like his vibe for reason hedo not know (I'm too afraid to read this manga so I have no idea if that make sense is canon) (also the reason he doesn't like his vibe is because deep down his inner lyonnais self felt like Jules was from Saint-Etienne and Lyon and Saint-Etienne hates each other) (YES, it's ALSO a football based rivalry)

Renault is such a french name it's crazy. It's even both a first and last name, as a guy with this last name created the car company Renault, and a guy named Renaud (prononced the same since the l, t and d are silent) is a super known french musician. In the BBC he probably got some Mistral Gagnant and Toujours Debout jokes (songs Renaud made) from the french guys

Anyway, I'll stop here because I still need to accept the fact that Gilbert is marseillais and Carl says chocolatine

[princess-earthquake-the-third]

Bloodborne bosses and how angry they are:

(before starting please note that I'm basing this solely on the limited amount of information I have on each boss, Bloodborne lore is confusing and I have forgotten a lot of it,also these are in the order of the wiki page,also I am aware some of these bosses may not even be able to feel human emotions but that's not gonna stop me)

The cleric beast:

MA'AM UH SIR OR MX WHATEVER YOU ARE PLEASE CALM DOWN AND STOP SCREAMING (VERY ANGRY, lovely screams tho)

Father Gascoigne:

He's angry but he's allowed to be angry cuz he's a dilf (very angry, thought I wasn't attracted to him then I heard the beastly howls)

Viscar Amelia:

I'll be honest I liked you more when you weren't a monster the size of a movable house with a shit ton of bandages? ribbons? whatever it is it's very hauntingly beautiful though (angry,she has a normal amount of angry but not a normal amount of beast unfortunately)

Blood starved beast:

it's just hungry,I think if we give it enough blood it'll just become a puppy, unfortunately it's hungry and the only blood around is yours(Hangry,Less meat flaps please)

The witch(es) of hemwick:

I do not enjoy the clusterfuck of eyes you coat yourselves in, I think they may be slightly angry but they mostly just want eyes(Slightly angry, Please wear normal clothes grandmas)

Dark beast Paarl:

it's a puppy! Skeleton puppy! skeleton puppy with lightning magic!angry skeleton puppy with lightning magic! (Angry,love it's zap zaps,would make a wonderful pet if it wasn't murderous and electrifying,oh also being the size of a small building doesn't really help)

Shadow of Yharnam:

They might be a bit busy being snakes to be angry,also probably a fight that might cause me to go insane if I were to do it(angry snakes?maybe?)

Rom the vacuous spider:

she's not angry, she's just disappointed (HA mom joke) , She's too nice to be angry at you but throwing meteors and sicking her children on you is fair game(not angry,Love and hate your name)

The one reborn:

put it back in the moon please,the definition of creepy and wet, whatever birthed this monstrosity should've considered an abortion,has 4(I think?) Adoptive witch mothers and none of them make it less bad(it's a fucking moon baby it doesn't know what anger is)

Martyr Logarius:

Santa is not doing well,and he's going to make sure you know that by kicking your ass into next Friday (angry, please stop floating it looks weird)

Amygdala:

what kinda fucked up giant enemy spider are you,why did you rip out your arms , couldn't you just hit me with them without ripping them out?why are you named after a brain part?(angry,stomps a lot)

Celestial emissary:

what even are you supposed to be,you 're kind of blueish so that makes you less angry,but also you look like there is a huge egg where your brain should be,I don't like you (not angry, please stop existing)

Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos:

she's just lonely,she doesn't even attack you without you attacking her first, poor child (not angry,She looks like she has a giant clam for a head)

Micolash host of the nightmare:

who's crazy twink is this,he's way too crazy to feel anything other than utter chaos(not angry,needs a shower)

Mergo's wet nurse:

now I wouldn't say she's angry on account of the fact that she doesn't even have a body,or at least one we can see,she looks very calm but she's still gonna slice you like a lawn mower specifically made for hunters(not angry,very spooky,love the theme)

Gehrman the first hunter:

legit the first time I read your name I just said "is he German" ,grampa off the chair what will he do,he's not angry he just wants you to leave the dream (for some reason?) (Not angry,cool scythe)

Moon presence:

depending on which ending she can be very angry or not angry at all ,if you leave the hunter's dream she probably doesn't even aknowledge your existence after that,if you beat Grandpa G and you don't have enough umbilical cords in you she's not angry too,but if you want to turn into a slug you have to make the moon angry,very flowery, please don't bite my stomach that hurts (not angry/angry)

Ludwig the accursed holy blade:

is your name an oxymoron (I don't think I'm even using that correctly) starts out very angry but then calms down a little, unfortunately for you that means he's stronger (very angry then not angry, Horse man very cool,very cool sword)

Laurence ,the first viscar:

It's literally just the cleric beast but on fire , still very angry though(very angry, someone get a fire extinguisher,or don't idk)

Living failures:

if I see one of you fuckers make a "ha same" joke I'll send you to the shadow realm, they're not really angry,but they sure as hell want to ruin your day, pretty star magic though (not angry,what happened to your heads why are you deflated)

Lady Maria of the astral clock tower:

Probably my favorite boss,but she's not angry, she's way too tired to be angry,her anger has burned and burned and burned and left her empty,she needs some rest, although similarly to Ludwig,her being not angry just makes it worse for you (not angry,Badass lady with swords , wonderful, please don't stab yourself)

Orphan of kos:

ah yes Kos,or as some say kosm gr- *gets hit with a placenta*,You really should've listened to Lady Maria when she said "a corpse should be left well alone" because this baby knows only three things

1) Something killed it's mother

2)you are something

3)unending violence

The angriest thing in the game,how is your placenta so solid,not even therapy can make it not angry (VERY ANGRY, Stop screaming you butterfly looking MOTHERFUCKER,Very fair reason for being angry I would say tho)

And that's it,if you disagree with any of these please consider the following:

Suck my ass/j

[justin-hammers]

October/Early November Story 2 Prompt: Shower Time with some Praise Kink

Warning: A lot Degradation and Self-hatred with a slur. It's based on how I feel about myself. It's depressing, but there's a happy ending. Also some attempts of German language.

Words: 1,132

Ship: Erik Heller/Second Person POV F!Reader

The story is also down below 👇🏽

I closed the bathroom door behind me, and began to undress.

I was enjoying a lazy Sunday morning solo although I found it hard to enjoy anything this morning as something was bugging me.

Erik was still out of the country for yet another mission. I personally wish he didn’t go, but I knew it was for the best. It's what he likes to do I guess.

Trying to do a long distance relationship is rough, and he hardly calls or messages, especially at night before bed.

I'm worried about whether our relationship will still be what it used to be when he gets back.

I've been sleeping during much of the day and I hadn’t done anything even remotely fun other than masturbating. Plus, I got in a really stupid shouting fight yesterday on the phone. I realized that he was probably just tired and cranky since he was still on his mission.

We hadn’t had sex for a while too. While he was away, I thought the first thing we’d do when he returned was rip our clothes off and do it until we passed out, but those chances are just as low as the relationship itself.

I checked to see if the water was warm enough, and I stepped into the shower.

Does he not find me attractive anymore? Am I too ugly for him?

When we first met, he used to call me "ein schön frau." I was very flattered with his comment, and we just hit it off with our relationship. I have to admit that it was pretty fast, but he loved me regardless, but my self-esteem was lower than the deep end of the sea.

I always see myself ugly and unattractive as sin. People say my body looks so small, but I always think I look fat like my stomach needs toning and my thighs are so wide. My face looks man-ish and shitty looking, and I always have unnecessary body hair in other areas of the body. I still have scars on my wrist from the constant self-harming I have done when I have really bad days. I look so stubby and short that I could be mistaken as a middle schooler. Been exercising, cleaning myself up like always, and doing my best at trying to eat healthy and do less stressful stuff, but I feel like it's not enough to make me feel better, look good and attractive.

'Maybe he only likes girls who are fine with how they look regardless? Fucking doubt it. He ain't gonna want a Monkey Hyena hybrid looking girlfriend with stupid scars on her wrist and in need to be put down,' I thought to myself as I let the warm water wash over me.

I soaped up my top half of my body as I looked at my puny breasts. Maybe I really do look like a child.

Erik probably fell for some super smart sexy foreign model cunt or some hot prostitute with nice curves. Hell, maybe he likes hot fat chicks with a pin-up look. Maybe they all talk really fucking sexy too. I just don't fucking know! How can I compete against such good looking women?! I'm just a hideous midget from Texas!

I always felt like Erik was out of my league. A cute down to earth guy from Germany who was also an Operative? I failed to understand why he was ever interested in me.

"Maybe I was right. I should've killed myself," I admitted to myself as I started to burst into tears.

I kept on crying as I failed to hear the bathroom door open. The shower curtain slid open, but I didn't turn around. I suddenly felt some tapping on my shoulder.

“Is there room for two?”

I turned around to see who it was.

It was Erik, standing in the nude.

He still had that beautiful big grin on his face. I didn't know what to say as I was so surprised by the spontaneity of the moment.

“Oh-uh, y-yeah okay,” I finally responded, backing closer to the end of the shower.

The shower in their apartment was pretty old and small, but at least it's pretty roomy for the both of us.

“Excuse me,” he said as he went in.

My head was pressed between his abdomen and chest.

“I thought you were still on your mission,” I asked.

“Not all my missions were going to be long and complicated. The only thing I don’t want to leave is you,” Erik answered as he leaned over and began kissing my neck.

It was corny as shit, but his response made me smile. My cheeks turned rosy red and another “shower” had begun in between my legs.

“Oh Erik, I was so worried. I was beginning to think that you weren’t attracted to me anymore, and that you were meeting other girls that are probably so much cooler than me and I…”

He suddenly interrupted me by locking their lips together in a passionate kiss.

They continued to makeout in the shower as Erik's hand traveled the surface of my puny wet body. Eventually, he massages my small breasts as he breaks away from the kiss for a moment.

"You know you are such a schön frau. Your body is like a wonderland for me to explore. Your smallness makes me wanna eat you, and carry you everywhere. Your eyebrows are very natural like nature itself. Your Beige skin reminds me of my favorite season being Fall. My god, baby, you are phänomenal!"

I was blushing really hard now as I was slightly confused by his statement. I broke away from the kissing to respond.

“Ugh, I just feel so yucky everywhere," I confessed as I desperately wondered what Erik would say.

“Oh liebling,” he answered as he leaned in for another quick peck. “You’re never ugly. Not at all you are. You're as beautiful as the landscape of my country. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, meine geliebte. Don't ever push yourself to be perfect for me."

He then cups my face as his thumbs wipes my tears away.

"I'll always love you, liebling. Always."

He then leaned in for more shower kissing.

I was feeling so much relief and joy to know that my boyfriend liked me for who I am.

He put his arms around me, and pressed his muscle tits and abdomen into me. I shivered at the pleasurable feeling of my boyfriend’s slick body. I felt Erik’s member rise and poke my vagina. He began to giggle as I did too. We looked right into each other’s eyes with wide grins on our faces.

That Sunday we finally had sex for the first (and for the second) time since he was gone.

[ja-baby]

There's worry. A sprout of doubt that rips at his belly. It doesn't even have time to fully plant itself, torn from it's soil when Apollo pulls him back down. There's arms around his neck, a shivering body against his own as a sob is muffled by his chest. 

Klavier's heart aches for him.

His arms settle more firmly around the shorter, rubbing comforting circles into Apollo's skin. It's a bit uncomfortable, his back aching once more from compensating for the height difference. But that pain dulls in comparison to the empathy he feels. He's sure this whole situation must've reawakened the pain from Kristoph's first sentence. To have it resurface in the form of the Misham case must've been a step back in terms of mental health.

However, Klavier knew progress was not linear. He just wished that it wasn't constantly hindered by Kristoph. 

The grip around him tightens, as if attempting to pull Gavin closer than they already were. He tries to answer that desire as much as he can, his already firm hold wrapping further to the point of impossibility. Klavier whispers words of solace all the while, hoarse voice switching from English to German and back. 

"Ich bin hier, Schatz" 

( "I'm here, sweetheart" )

He'd wait for as long as Apollo wanted. Apollo was always offering a pillar of support. It was time Klavier did the same. At the concert, with his brother, with investigations. Even when Klavier was at his best in the courtroom, the defense attorney was still showing him the way to the true path of justice. Klavier would be annoyed with his debt if it were anyone else. But this wasn't anyone else, now was it?

He didn't think he'd ever mind being bound to someone like Apollo Justice.  

After some time, he feels the other's trembles start to fade. All that's left is the occasional sigh against his collar that makes him shiver. He wonders if Apollo can feel it -- if he can hear the erratic pace of his heartbeat. How that rhythm only picks up when Apollo's hand returns to his hair. 

They should've left this bathroom ages ago. Shouldn't even have been in here in the first place unless they actually needed to use it. The waitress was probably wondering where the hell they went, or if they were even still in the establishment at all. Not to mention it was an actual blessing that no one had managed to interrupt them during this whole mess. It was difficult to care about these worries though. Hard to focus on them when he was slotted against Apollo like they were each other's only lifeline. Perhaps they were. 

His haze of thoughts is cleared by words of gratitude. It makes Klavier happy that he was able to provide some kind of reassurance for Apollo. The new title made him even more so. He chuckled against Apollo's shoulder, laugh a gentle rumble against the smaller's cheek. He was feeling a little lighter now. The sharing of emotions, while it could suck the life out of you, also left a sense of warmth. Like everything was going to be okay. Despite being tired, he could feel the nudge to tease at his throat.

Partners? In crime? I thought we were supposed to be lawyers. 

The joke dies on his tongue though, 'cause when he adjusts and looks down he's met with an incredible sight. Apollo's looking up at him. His eyes are puffy, but his smile is warm, blinking sleepily like a spent kitten. He looks pretty much ready to knock out right there, content to stay buried against Klavier's chest. His heart stutters. He hopes Apollo doesn't notice. 

Mein gott...

Whatever Apollo said next had gone right over his head, lost to his inner panic. That vault in his mind with Apollo's name on it is creaking open. He forces it shut. He's not ready to deal with that just yet. He knows what this small collection could mean. He's not stupid. He's dealt with the start of crushes enough to know the symptoms. But he's also not ready. Not when he's still trying to come to terms with all that's happened. His mind was at capacity and he just didn't know if he could deal with anything else right now.

Apparently, he would have to face it whether he wanted to or not. 

The hand at his cheek makes his breath hitch. It's louder now -- his heartbeat. He can feel his senses close, shutting down his hearing to only the throb of the organ in his inner ears. It focuses solely on that and Apollo. Honing in to every inhale, every look, every touch. Then there's lips pressed against his jaw. A kiss against his skin that leaves him in shambles. 

His throat is suddenly too dry -- his pace too fast. 

He shuts down. 

And then starts back up, skull overflowing with questions and sensory overload. 

Why would Apollo do that? Was it another form of comfort? Another way to reassure him and coddle? Or was it something else? Something more? He didn't know what to think, and yet still he was thinking too much. Just that one gesture had sent him on a tangent, breaking open that vault as if the lock didn't even exist. His cheeks feel much too hot, and his mind melts from the overwhelming heat of it all. 

He's vaguely aware that Apollo is speaking. He must've been quiet for too long, 'cause he can feel the shift of Apollo in his hold. The shorter is pulling back, expression a twist of nerves. Eventually Klavier figures out that he's searching for a reaction. He doesn't think he could keep the shock and inner turmoil off his face even if he tried. 

“Don’t shut me out anymore, Klavier” 

His hold weakens, too loose. His energy is sapped from him with every syllable. 

“...Because I… care about you. A lot.”

And then his arms go completely lifeless. If he thought his pulse was quick before, it was absolutely life threatening now. It felt like his heart had lurched into his throat, cutting off any hope he had of speaking. That's the answer, isn't it? The response to the millions of questions running through Klavier's mind. Whatever...connection they had formed, hadn't been just wishful thinking on Klavier's part. Throughout all these cases and conversations, something had grown between them, and it wasn't one-sided. However, that something wasn't vague anymore, was it? It was too obvious now to ignore. Too prominent to overlook. He takes in the blush on Apollo's cheeks and knows it to be true. 

This was...

Klavier's reaction must not have been what Apollo had been hoping for, 'cause he can feel him start to distance himself. He's so stupid. So fucking stupid. Of course Apollo would take his demeanor as rejection. He'd been silent this whole time, but he's sure his face spoke a thousand words. He quickly returns his grip to the other's waist. Pulls him back in so he can't leave before Gavin can explain himself. 

"No, I...!"

Before he can think it through, he's grabbing Apollo's hand. He laces their fingers together, pressing the attorney's palm against his chest with urgency. The pulse underneath is chaotic. Too much, too loud. Just like his music. His look gives the impression of desperation. After all they've shown each other today, he didn't want this to be the thing that makes all that for naught. 

"I care about you, too...I do, Apollo....I just..."

He seems to lose his alertness as he comes to realize Apollo isn't going anywhere. Still, the furrow in his brow stays. His head shakes. At himself? At the situation? It's all head shake worthy. Then he heaves a sigh, giving Apollo's hand a small squeeze. 

"...I'm not ready...not yet...not when I still need to...adjust to everything..."

He figures his current urge is fine. That it should be okay to indulge just once when Apollo did the same. So he lifts the hand in his hold to his lips, pressing a kiss against light fingers. His thumb rubs circles onto the soft skin, hoping to ease both of their stress. 

"I know it's selfish of me to ask you to wait...and you don't even have to. You shouldn't stop yourself from chasing an opportunity because of me. But if I didn't tell you that then I wouldn't be keeping my word..."

He knows their time is running short. That they can't stay in their own world forever. Soon they'll have to go. To return to work, and private life and the constant suffocation of darkness. Even now Vongole is waiting for him, an ever present reminder of her tainted owner. Despite that, he wants to cling to this. To grip at the sand of the hourglass even though he knows it'll only run through his fingers.

It's futile. 

Nevertheless, as always he tries. 

That's what he always needs to do.

Try so there isn't more regret that plagues his mind at night.

(( Cont. from x || @ja-baby ))

He waits patiently, even as Klavier grips the back of his vest and buries himself in Apollo’s embrace. Something in his chest is beginning to ease, his heart rate eventually steadying itself, as the dam breaks and Klavier starts to sob against his chest. 

It likely only takes a few minutes, but in his head, it feels like an eternity– they both sink to the floor, Apollo stubborn in keeping his arms wrapped tightly around the prosecutor.

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