#I should have recorded that because my reaction would have been funny in hindsight

[strawberry-cowmilk]

imagine the universe feels so bad for you because you got attached to a character who literally was the first to go (in one of those 90% of the cast dies games) your package arrives a whole week early

[watchathon]

Stitch Day Special: Lilo & Stitch

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watch-a-Thon, a blog where I’m hoping to watch an episode of a show every one-to-two days, with a short blog post where I give my thoughts on what I’ve just seen. Each new point starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so. 

But today? Well, today I’ve got an extra-special post in the wings about a movie, one of my favorite Disney movies, starring my absolute favorite Disney character: Lilo & Stitch!

- I like the variation on the Disney logo. That is the kind of stuff that they just couldn’t do with their new big fancy CGI logo. 

- No clue why Jumba tried to deny that he created an experiment. I don’t much mind since it led to a funny joke, but c’mon, evil genius, you should be smart enough to plead guilty.

- “I would never, ever... make more than one.” *glances meaningfully in the direction of the series*

- “What is that monstrosity...?” He’s a cute widdle fluffball, that’s what he is!

- “Meega nala kweesta!” Canonically, this translates to “I want to destroy”, but that seems a little lukewarm for the reaction he got. Maybe a looser translation is in order...

There could be an entire aristocrats joke in those three words. The whole script to Batman v Superman. The opening notes to “Never Gonna Give You Up”...

Or maybe just “bitch”.

- Blood work is a lot different in space...

- Weird to imagine given the rest of the franchise, but Gantu was once a respected captain of the galactic federation.

- It’s easy to perceive Stitch as a dumb brute, but he’s pretty smart. He connected the dots all on his own, within minutes of his imprisonment, that if the guns are locked onto his DNA, he can use his saliva to trick them. Jumba wasn’t kidding when he boasted of his experiment’s intelligence.

- And not only was Gantu a captain, Pleakley was an expert on the planet Earth. Weird, innit...?

- “Are [humans] intelligent?” “No.” An exchange that only hurts more with every year.

- Love the implication that Pleakley was just suggesting several different relatives to assist with the capture of Stitch from when they were on the deck up until they got to the prison where Jumba was held.

- Now this is what we (or rather TVTropes) call an establishing character moment. A fish floats by holding a sandwich in its mouth, implying (soon confirming) that Lilo was the one to give it the sandwich, before rushing to the hula practice that she was late for, stopping to take a picture of a tourist along the way.

- And then after she arrives at hula practice, she explains that she had to give Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich because he controls the weather.

- No clue why the other girls are disgusted by Scrump. I always wanted a Scrump when I was a little lass.

- “Did you ever kill anyone?” Lilo asks the right questions.

- Nani, y’could’ve avoided this if you’d given a thumbs up instead...

- I don’t get the glare Cobra gives Nani after Lilo says that her friends need to be punished. Voodoo isn’t a failure of parenting. In many cases, at least...

- Licking Nani, growling after her capture, Lilo already has a lot in common with Stitch.

- Lucky that Lilo is such a quirky kid. The scene (semi-)explaining why she takes pictures of tourists was deleted, but it doesn’t feel like anything is missing because she already has a few habits that just plain inexplicable, like feeding Pudge, practicing voodoo with a pickle jar...

- Lilo wishing for an angel because of how lonely she is, that’s a sad moment. But also kinda funny in hindsight after she sarcastically names Stitch’s love interest Angel in the series.

- Lord give me the undisturbed...ness, of that frog who watched Stitch get run over by several trucks and only tilted its head.

- If they thought Stitch was dead, why did they keep it in the shelter? I mean, Lilo would probably adopt a dead dog, but she’s the outlier.

- I like how Jumba programmed, as part of Stitch’s destructive tendencies, an urge to steal everybody’s left shoe.

- You can just about pinpoint the moment where Stitch’s heart drops at learning that he’s on an island with no major cities.

- Just occurred to me that the badness level is red, and Stitch’s evil counterparts in the series (627 and Leroy) are both red.

- Ah, David. One of the best Disney love interests, mostly because he isn’t entirely a love interest. There is a mutual attraction, but Nani just isn’t ready for that with everything going on in her life, and David respects that and is happy to be a friend.

- I like how everyone except Lilo heavily suspects that Stitch isn’t a dog. 

- Ohhh, the thought of Stitch having drank coffee. I mean, I’d love to see it, but it’d be Hell for Nani.

- Stitch looks just plain adorable with a lei.

- Well, Lilo, you did tell Stitch he should create something. And he did, he just destroyed his creation afterward.

- Pleakley is a gender-nonconforming icon.

- The first time we see Stitch doing something without even the intention of destroying anything is when he finds the book about the Ugly Duckling. It’s clear that he’s fascinated just by looking at it. And when Lilo explains the story? It resonates with him. Or, well, perhaps he wants it to resonate with him.

- I wish I had an evil koala dog that played records.

- Are we sure that “Meega nala kweesta” means “I want to destroy”? Maybe it means “I was born to dance”, ‘cause Stitch learns about dancing and in less than a minute he’s already an expert.

- I imagine this montage, or slightly earlier, would be when that deleted scene of Lilo trolling the obnoxious racist tourists originally came into play. And I like this scene, but, I do wish that scene hadn’t gotten cut. And I wish that they fully animated it and inserted it into the movie like Warner Bros did with The Iron Giant.

- Nothing cheers me up more than this scene of Stitch and his newfound family going surfing. And especially since Stitch is aquaphobic. He’s very much aware that he cannot swim, and likely wouldn’t survive if he fell off the board into the ocean. But even he eventually gets into the spirit of it, asks Lilo himself to go surfing, and enjoys a nice bonding moment with his family. And David.

- Of course Jumba and Pleakley had to ruin a perfectly sweet moment.

- And so we transition from a heartwarming wholesome moment, to a heartbreaking tearful moment. You can just see Nani holding back tears as she says that she needs to take Lilo home. 

As for Stitch, David probably didn’t even realize that Stitch could understand him when he said that Lilo and Nani had a chance until Stitch came along. But Stitch did understand, and he’s visibly hurt by the idea. He always wanted to destroy, but in this moment, he’s ashamed of how he might have destroyed Lilo’s family.

- And the Ugly Ducking metaphor comes back, when in this moment, as Stitch is coming back to a family that he fears he may have ruined, he sees a lone duck... before that duck is followed by a big family of ducklings.

- Lilo says that Stitch cries at night. So, it would seem that even before he completely learned how to be nice, Stitch wasn’t entirely emotionless.

- This whole act of the film is heart-wrenching. First Nani gets confirmation that she and Lilo will be separated, then Stitch starts to fear that he may have caused it. Then because of that? Stitch leaves, taking only the Ugly Duckling book with him. And he can only see in himself the page of the Duckling, lost and crying.

- Then Jumba tells Stitch, who’s already in a bad place emotionally, that he was made to destroy, has no family, and could never have one.

- I don’t want to think about what happened to that chainsaw.

- There’s a certain feeling that comes up in the middle of this fight scene, where you realize that a house is being destroyed, a house belonging to a family that was very much at risk of separation. And you realize that this will only hurt their case beyond any repair.

- If the past day hadn’t been bad enough, Stitch is told by his best friend Lilo that he ruined everything, and to get away.

- And so Nani really does have her sister taken away. Now, taken away by aliens is a lot different than taken away by social services. It’s worse. This way Nani knows that Lilo definitely won’t get a loving family, and Nani will definitely never see her again.

- The confusion is visible on Jumba and Pleakley when Stitch goes and comforts Nani with a quote about family. All they know about Stitch is that he was made to destroy. And then, once he’s captured, he does just about the opposite.

- “Ih.” To this day I sometimes say Ih on reflex when asked a yes-or-no question. Guess I watched this movie way too many times as a kid, huh? ...I regret nothing.

- Originally, the big red plane-looking thing was supposed to just be a plane, and it would’ve flown through a city. And it was changed because it was too soon after 9/11. But me personally, I think the big red thing is real cool, and I like it flying through the valleys.

- “Stitch is unconscious.” I like that Jumba calls Stitch by his name here. In the series, he always calls Stitch “626″ but his name is Stitch. And I like the rare occasion when that’s respected by the mad genius who created him.

- I want to believe that Stitch dodged that laser for the sake of the frog he was holding more than for his own sake. Stitch is strong enough that a few moments later, he survives an explosion of a whole truck that he’s lying on top of.

- Stitch proudly calling himself “cute and fluffy” is another thing I just love. Might be reading too much into it, but I like that he can call himself by those descriptors and still have total confidence in his ability to kick Gantu’s patookie.

- My favorite scene in the movie, and the scene I took the picture from.

Stitch corrects the Grand Councilwoman about his name. And when he’s told that he needs to go in the ship (the implication being that he’ll be punished like he was meant to be at the beginning), he doesn’t rebel or try to escape. He only politely asks that he be allowed to say goodbye.

He explains that his family is “little and broken, but still good”, both explaining it to the councilwoman and reassuring Lilo and Nani.

This is the ultimate display of how Stitch has grown. And he grew because, despite what Jumba said, Stitch could find, and did find, the one true place he belonged: With a good, loving family.

- The Grand Councilwoman is clearly remorseful that they’ll have to separate Stitch from his family, but she can’t bend the law for this one case. And she doesn’t, but it just so happens that, legally speaking, Lilo owns Stitch. And, well, what self-respecting Grand Councilwoman would steal a child’s property?

- A lot of people (including middle-school me) say that the stuff with Stitch and the aliens get in the way of the story of Lilo and Nani. I disagree. These two stories are intertwined, both about people wanting to stay with the family where they know they belong. I just couldn’t, at all, imagine one without the other.

- Now this is the kind of ending I love. It’s become common for animated movies, sequels in particular, to end on the two main characters getting separated. But here? Stitch is now a definitive part of the family, and won’t be separated from them anytime soon. Anime? What anime?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I guess I’ll be doing this on the rare occasion I cover movies...?

Anyway, this is a great movie. A modern classic. And one of very few things that doesn’t just hold up from when I was a kid, it gets better. When I was a tiny kid, I was only interested in the space aliens. When I was in my early teens, I thought the aliens were kiddy stuff. 

But nowadays, I can truly appreciate it. I can appreciate how both aspects are vital to the movie. Lilo and Stitch are both equally important. You can’t have one without the other.

And most of all, I can appreciate the story of Stitch (as well as Jumba and Pleakley) finding a family, and Lilo (as well as Nani) saving theirs from being torn apart.

Lilo & Stitch brings me to tears of both joy and sadness every time I watch it. And I guarantee I’ll be watching it many more times in the future.

...Does it still count as a Stitch Day special if I’m posting after midnight? No, probably not. I thought I’d only take two hours, then I took four and a half. Guess that means I had more thoughts than I thought I did!

[bloominghope]

FOR TONIGHT ( x )

Inside a Mercedes GLC Coupé, late night — or, potentially, early hours of the morning —, late September: the slow exhalations falling through parted lips. Lips that had been permanently curled upwards all Sunday long; soft smiles when eyes met and the recollections of hazy days, filled with elation, with the utmost joy, were silently shared. Crinkly-eyed grins, displaying tenderness for what once was. Slight, fleeting smirks, accompanied by the silent nudge to a leg underneath the table, so casually that it almost felt normal. 

Lips that now taste the salt, the wetness that he would have mistaken by a droplet of rain, hadn’t he been cozied up under the glimmering stars of the SUV’s roof. Refusing to acknowledge the single, oval-shaped tear making its path down his cheek, leaving a trail ( of the remnants of the past, of a heartache, of what could have been ) as it descends, won’t do anything for him. It won’t ease the heavy feeling on his head or erase how his heart plummeted down to his stomach as soon as he signaled to the right and brought the car to a halt on a, frankly appalling manner, parking spot. 

His brown eyes are shut tight, hands disappearing into the sleeves of his favorite jumper like a child’s would and he’s unspeaking. Is he aware, in the intensity of the moment, that life scurries by in all its ordinariness and vulgarity, imposing itself all around him — in the dark corner of the street where a couple is far too enthralled by the kisses they share or the late workers, speeding by the empty, well-lit streets, caring little about traffic rules and regulations. Is he aware or is he unscathed, unaffected while he glances at something deeper… His own version of life in all its glorious ugliness or maybe… glancing at something concealed, hidden underneath the layers he spent years developing, creating with his own imagination and bringing to life with a lot of hard work. 

Soft strands of brown hair stand in an unruly fashion - one going left and the other right, one swiveling up and a few others resting idly on his forehead - as a consequence of all the tugging and combing, the numerous times he ran his long fingers through it in the previous hours. Simultaneously, his backs moves, ever so unhurriedly, to gently rest against the comfort of seat and a gentle sigh bubbles out, cutting through the silence established in the car. A second, two, three… a long minute, he remains motionless. Stagnant like his life seems to be, he thinks. And then… then he’s reaching for the phone, unlocking it, staring to a background that should have been changed a year and a half away when the future became the past and the plans became memories. 3.27, he whispers, but in an act of courage ( or desperation ), he dials a number. The number that remained engraved into his memory like it was ink to the skin. No answer. He did not expect one. The green icon of the messaging app calls for his attention and without any thought he clicks it, beginning a new chat but words fail. There’s a mess of thoughts, racing and clashing, spiraling in and out his brain, and he laughs. No use for this literature degree sometimes, rushes to the forefront of his mind. He touches and holds the recording button, instead.

“Rylee—“ his voice comes out huskier than he expected, carrying out the exhaustion he hadn’t felt until now, honeyed and low like anything would break if he would raise it an octave, like he would wake her up. It throws him off. He releases the button with a frown, groaning once he equates he also sent the audio message. No point turning back now, he reasons. You might be gone in the morning anyway, the remembrance sends a shiver down his spine and the frown grows deeper. Shaking off the thoughts, he begins again, thankful she hadn’t seen - or heard - the nonsensical first message. 

“I think we’ve been done long before everything begun between us — harsh, maybe. I just mean that… in hindsight, it’s as though it was always the destiny playing a twisted joke on us. Your father has always been your father— bless him— what I mean is, you were always predestinated to be in the spotlight, the public eye, one way or another and by the time we met, I already knew I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle the fame. I know you have always been honest with me— you never hid the fame was unwanted but that it would be there, regardless. Yet…” He laughs, humorlessly, the sound melodious but brimming with all the hurt, the emotion. When he proceeds, his voice grows softer. “Honesty is just a game, isn’t it? Life is just a game. I knew we were done before it all begun, yet I lead us on, I continue to let it happen, because I still can’t give it up. Yesterday I couldn’t sleep until some ungodly hour, and I had to fight myself not to go and lie with you… because I knew you’d leave in the morning - or later that day - and even though I know it’s what we both wanted, I know it’s wrong to lie with you. Even if it’s all I wanna do. Even if we’re safe behind close doors and the world can’t see us or touch us. Sometimes I want to shut down the rational part of my brain and throw away every single point that proves we shouldn’t be together, that it wouldn’t stay secret or private for long. But I know it’s a Russian roulette. Did we become insensitive to what is wrong, after we saw each other at that supermarket? My mind went empty, you know? All I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and mend everything. All I wanted to do was keep you in my arms for as long as I could. All I wanted, all I really wanted to do, was travel back in time and be so close to you that I could tell what scent you were wearing that day and it would forever be engraved in my memory, alongside every little detail of yours. Like how you relax whenever I draw my fingers up and down your arm or how you smile, no matter how pissed off you are, whenever you see me smile at you. Then, you spoke and I broke through the haze because if seeing you was enough to bring it all back, I didn’t want the rest. No longer wanted to hold you because I know the feelings would eat me up alive. Then there was this weekend and… shit…” A sniff ends the audio, the screen of the iphone lighting his face and collecting tears he hadn’t processed were falling. For now, he ignores them and holds the recording button one last time, “I love you. More than I ever realized, and to a point where the whole loving someone until it hurts quote is starting to make sense. I love you in the purest, most ridiculous of the ways, in a manner that doesn’t compare to anything else, to any other feeling. I love you to the point where just seeing you has my heart racing and hearing your name brings a smile to my lips. I love you to the point where I would happily lie with you and hold you in my arms, for the rest of my life. And I don’t think anyone or anything will ever compare. I don’t think I will ever get over you or us, I don’t think I will ever be able to take someone else to the places we used to go. Did I tell you a few months ago, I was entirely convinced I had gotten over our breakup and then, I was driving and our song— can I still call it that?— started playing and it was all it took to erase my beliefs. It’s all it takes to remind me you aren’t out of mind and to make me smile in the most stupid of the ways. I have no idea why I’m telling you this. I’ve been parked in the same spot for a while now and… just… nights are hard. Heartbreak is harder at night. And… And I’m evidently avoiding the fact there are two suitcases in the car’s boot and I have a flight to France in a few hours — and the imminent, looming issue that if I don’t take it, I’m about to be fired. Funny huh? Got a nice job overseas and I’m wallowing in self-pity over how much I love you. Is life ever this laughable? Is it always this comical… Anyway… I’ll go now, I hope I didn’t wake you up. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the job thing, I didn’t want to see your reaction because then I might just actually throw every fucking reservation away and stay with you. I know you… I know you told me you would never move on — and its rich of me to ask when I just said myself that I wouldn’t move on either — but I want you to try and be happy without me, okay? I’ll always be yours. The past eleven years of my life will always be yours. You’ll always be everything I want but I think I should really leave… I— yeah, I should leave now. I’m gonna miss my flight. I love you. Always, always, always.”

[inmyarmswrappedin]

DRUCK reactions - s4 ep1

Ages ago I said I wanted to write meta about Cris’ and Matteo’s seasons, so of course, when I finally sit down to write reactions to a Skam remake, it’s about Amira instead.

A few weeks back I was composing tumblr posts in bed before falling asleep (my number 1 hobby lol) when it struck me that the writing for Amira’s season was really… indefensibly bad. So let’s stroll down through memory lane and revisit Druck s4, or how to throw away your potential because you have to put out this season before summer is over!

CLIP 1: Dark clouds over Winterberg

Obviously I’m writing these with the benefit of hindsight, but I will try and incorporate what my initial reaction to a clip was whenever I can remember.

Sometime between the Abiball episode and episode 32, I argued (on twitter) that the Abiball special was the Abiball episode instead, the first episode of Amira’s season. It would thus introduce us to the conflicts and characters that would take place during Amira’s season. I thought that in addition to the obvious Amira/Mohammed, Carlos/Kiki/Essam would be important, Kiki’s family life would be important, Stefan would be important, and David/Matteo would probably not be important as they seemed to be doing just fine in their scenes.

I didn’t think Mia/Alex would be important because I didn’t actually watch their clip lol. The Winterberg stans on my twitter orbit thought the clip was cute and nothing to worry about. That should’ve been my first clue that the (twitter) stan habit of repeating the “we never lose” mantra doesn’t make for great viewing comprehension, because watching the clip, it’s so obvious that shit is gonna go down lol.

Mia moves from one of the flat share’s bathrooms to the other because they never really recreated Mia’s room in the s3 flat share.

I still haven’t watched Mia’s episode, so I don’t know how all this stuff is going to get resolved, but it seems like Mia doesn’t think they can handle a LDR, and Alex is picking up on those vibes hard. I guess I don’t really get why Mia is so pessimistic about it because at that age I kinda thought a few months break weren’t really an obstacle. (Not sure if it would help me to watch Mia’s season, because this seems like a wholly new conflict.)

Anyway, Alex acts sweet/reassuring (I really like how soft spoken everyone is in this episode), so Mia puts it out of her mind for now. But Idk, they haven’t really spoken about the elephant in the room.

CLIP 2: Don’t call them the chastest evak ever again

Tbh this clip comes across as a direct rebuttal to all the s3 commentary about David and Matteo seeming like they’re not into each other, or like they aren’t ~passionate~ like the other evaks.

It’s like, “these gremlins are horny on main, now shut up.”

But I like that they’re fully dressed, like yes, you can show physical intimacy without undressing your teen actors (shade fully intended).

I love Lukas von Horbatschewsky’s hair and I’m very jealous of Matteo in this sequence, lmao.

Luis Sepúlveda died of coronavirus this year, in Spain. You’re welcome for that bit of 2020 misery dripping onto this cute clip.

I do think David feels guilty that he may have caused Matteo to fail his Spanish exam because of David’s own issues, which I think is very on brand for David. Obviously it wasn’t his fault.

I really like how soft spoken everyone is in this episode, 2X.

And this has been said a million times by now, but David and Matteo are the one evak version where they’re the same age (Joana is in the same year as Cris, but is a year older, so she must’ve gotten held back at some point). So it’s funny, and possibly a reference to Isak and Even, to see David talking about what it’d be like if they had that age difference. Like, maybe David would be more like Even in behavior! And, going by Matteo’s reaction, he wouldn’t be into that.

This clip really feels like the ending to Matteo and David. They’ll go on a road trip, they’ll work on David’s movie, they’ll be around, but this clip is their conclusion. They both feel secure and content in their relationship, and ready for everything that’s to come.

Like I said on the post about Cris and Joana, I like that David and Matteo don’t have further issues. And while I have tons of issues with Druck s4, which I will be talking about forever in the following posts, I never had an issue with how they deployed Matteo or David. (Okay, self. Now say that again without crying about David’s season that should have been.)

Fucking David cutting their make out short only to then say such a highkey flirty, romantic thing to Matteo though. No wonder Matteo’s like, “STOP, I’M SUPPOSED TO STUDY.”

CLIP 3: A challenger appears!

I like the fanon that David is a healthy eater (or at least in comparison to Matteo), because all we ever see David eat of his own volition (i.e. not food that was made for him) is candy.

God, I love Kiki snatching David’s fruity gummies out of his hands. It makes me laugh every time, particularly how she demands to know if the candy is vegan.  

Hanna looks beautiful. ;_;

There’s a split second when Jonas is about to give Hanna that box where David looks alarmed in the background. In my mind he’s all, “Bro, no. Not a public proposal. Reel it back in, bro!”

And then, to the surprise of Jonas and all the viewers, we find out that not only are Jonas and Hanna not together, but Hanna is dating German Arthur. Again, in “fandom refuses to acknowledge storyline conflict until it’s staring right at them” news, Stefan had actually been introduced via an audio to Hanna the day before, but people were convinced it was Hanna’s dad. Whose actor they called just to record an audio. Clearly.

My belief at this point was that Stefan would be relevant to Amira’s storyline, but instead it was just a way to give Hanna her own episode. 🤡

Matteo’s transformation into Michi is complete by donning his grandpa hat.

He also makes to trip David for no real reason. Throwback to Unter Wasser.

Matteo saying Inshallalalah in a sing song voice is cute, but so annoying.

Matteo Florenzi: He’s a pain in the ass, but we love him.

CLIP 4: I guess Abdi and Axel picked up his grades at another point

I love the way Matteo grabs David’s head to pull him along. They’re so cute and I’m gonna enjoy every second.

Jonas also grabs Hanna along, because fans needed to be further confused as to what was happening with Hanna and Stefan and Jonas.

Thank you, Druck, for telling me Kiki’s and Amira’s grades, but as you can understand, that’s nowhere near enough to satisfy my curiosity and I will be needing to know everyone’s GPA because that is the kind of thing that’s important to me. What about it!!!

I think, going by how impressed Mia is, that Mia’s grade isn’t as good as Amira’s. Which I think is a neat detail, since the Nooras are kind of supposed to be the perfect girls. I like that Amira is even better than Mia at school.

I thought the concept of Carlos failing his final exam and maybe realizing school wasn’t his thing would’ve been an interesting storyline to explore, but I’m not mad that it didn’t happen. Hopefully Druck will touch on it with the next kids.

And we’re now treated to three reveals about Kiki. Kiki has a sister (now she has two), she likes the idea of moving out and living with Carlos, and her mom isn’t doing well.

The remakes trying to develop their Vildes past s4 make sense to me. By the end of Skam, Vilde clearly was the character who’d been the most robbed of a season, there were several potential storylines to do with her. Financial instability, alcoholic mom, eating disorders, plus it seemed obvious that any season taking place during the girls’ russetide should go to her. And that’s without getting into Vilde’s strong denial that she was a lesbian.

So the remakes are sitting on all these potential storylines, but as we now know, they can’t make their own Vilde season.

And from a European TV exec’s point of view, Vilde (who in every version is a white, skinny, ostensibly straight girl) is a very safe main after the gay and Muslim seasons.

Cue the LITTLE SISTER.  

I get why people are fed up with the Vildes’ prominence in the remakes that are in their latter stages, but at the same time we got 8 versions of Noora’s season, most of which are a limpdicked enemies to lovers story with a misguided sexual assault storyline tacked at the end. (And I say misguided because after a strong start, it’s mostly about what William will think, how William will react, I can’t tell William about this, etc.) So in my case, I’ve had quite enough Noora to last me a lifetime, but my Vilde thirst has only begun to be quenched.

Tangent over, Kiki lies that she’s not going to the lake because she’s going to check on Carlos. Bad form, Kiki.

CLIP 5: Graduation (Friends Forever).mp3

In clown news, I predicted there’d be a clip between the Kiki stuff and the actual dance (maybe a Sam clip), as it seemed to me there wasn’t much of a connection between Kiki looking sad on that ping pong table and PARTY TIME. Lol at me.

And speaking of clowning, while I thought the Abiball episode was part of s4, I also thought that was fine because it was just doing the multi POV episode in the beginning of the season rather than at the end, right? Wrong.

As much as it would’ve been great if Sam and Abdi had storylines pertaining to racism and islamophobia (whether Abdi is or isn’t a Muslim, people would probably assume he is), I also have to admit… This conversation is hilarious.

“I want to have intercourse with you.” [glass breaks in the background]

Abdi closing his speech with a wide smile gvvhvh.

The first hundred times I watched this scene, I thought Alex seemed a bit alarmed at the conversation taking place, but really… We’re back to stone-faced Alex lol.

Don’t kill me, but I feel a little bad for Abdi in this moment. He really put himself out there and Sam just leaves without giving him an answer, yikes. I actually got tired of Abdi’s sad sackiness during the season, but right now I feel for him. L

There’s this smile Jonas sometimes directs at dudes (like Alex here) that makes me think… Bi. He also directs it at Matteo in s3.

Ugh.

There’s a parallel universe where Stefan was the villain of Amira’s season, and it would’ve been a much more interesting season than the one we got.

Because Stefan is a bit of a Darth Jonas. He works for Greenpeace, but, at least in this scene, seems a bit full of himself, and like… twisting the knife in a way that feels like it has to be intentional. And it would’ve been so interesting if Druck had tackled the white dudes who seem like they’re not going to be assholes about Muslims, but then turn around and say some shocking garbage. I’m sure we’ve all met a guy like that before.

In my mind, Stefan would’ve driven a wedge between Hanna and Amira, which would’ve been way more compelling than what we got, but on the other hand, it probably would’ve made fandom people hate Hanna, and people outside of fandom hate Amira.

Anyway, tag teaming gays! I love how David and Matteo share a look and immediately take care of both Jonas and Stefan.

I also love it when David looks murderous. It looks good on him.

But I feel like this didn’t go anywhere? Like, Matteo always hated Stefan and continued hating Stefan until the finale. In this scene, David seems to dislike Stefan just as much, but it’s not a thread they bother following. It’s too bad because I think Matteo and David together sabotaging Stefan is a lot funnier than just Matteo doing it.

I love how soft spoken Amira is when telling Essam not to show up at her graduation party. I would’ve been a lot less polite lmao.

You know, I actually thought Kiki was genuine here when she said she wasn’t a fan of competitions. Obviously that’s not the Kiki we’ve known until this point, but like, I thought it was meant to show character development on her part, But we’ll talk about THAT more in the following episodes.

Matteo fully blames their win on David being so hot, mysterious and new, and it’s hilarious because that’s also what initially drew him to David. Like, “fuck you for being so hot!”

I thought it was such a nice detail that they brought back the girl from the refugee classes in s1. We’re saying goodbye to all these school people who are going on their own post high school journeys without us!

In my mind, Abdi and Alex are talking about something completely serious, like, I don’t know, Abdi’s dad wanting him to study business and Alex advising Abdi on the best business schools in Berlin or something.

I feel like Hanna is the one girl in the squad who really doesn’t feel ready for post high school life and I HATE the writers so much for how they wrapped her character up, but we’ll save that for later.

I could watch Matteo passing the tiara (=the main) to Amira forever. The way he tips his hat and looks like even he’s a little surprised that he (a character like him!) was ever the lead on a teen show, David’s voice asking Matteo if he’s coming, Matteo leaving with David to live happily ever after, the initial notes of Just Got Paid as Amira looks at nighttime Berlin. This meme is overdone by now, but THE POETIC CINEMA.

Jonas glaring at romantic rivals at end of year dances is iconic at this point.

Amira being tagteamed by an annoying little brother AND a well-meaning, embarrasing older brother. Choose your own nightmare.

I really love the set up for the Essam/Kiki/Carlos conflict. The emotional potential is SO good because on one hand you have Kiki, who wants to have a good time for once instead of parenting her own parent, then Carlos whose self-esteem is on the floor after having failed his final exam, and Essam, whose own sense of self-worth hinges upon whether white German girls find him attractive. Like, obviously Essam is never going to come between Kiki and Carlos who have been through some shit together, but with Carlos out of commission and Essam eager to please, you can see how the situation could so easily turn into a mess.

Amira and Mohammed have the most sexual tension out of any Yousana pair, period. They literally just said hi to each other and I already feel like I’m intruding gvhvhv.      

Social media

David saying of Matteo: “Er bekommt Auslauf.” (Something like, “he gets walkies” because he’s been good with revising) is the cutest shit ever.

Remember when Stefan sent Jonas a whole ass message and signed it “with sunny greetings”? Stefan was much more fun when we were supposed to find him unbearable.

Kiki creating a new Whatsapp group for every single thing is so true to life.

I’d forgotten that Amira also hated Stefan almost right away. The season that could’ve been, I tell you.

All the Abi Chaker Clan content reminds me of how I thought Jonas looked like, well, such a child, compared to Stefan, and I thought that was intentional. Like, here is Stefan with a Greenpeace job whereas Jonas doesn’t know what to do with his life, and he’s like, spray-painting abi chaker clan onto walls and posting pics to the abi chaker clan account. It’s not that I thought Jonas should’ve acted like a whole ass adult, of course he’s having fun with his high school friends, but I thought Jonas might feel inadequate in comparison to where Stefan is at this point of his life.

I can’t remember who revealed it, but Sara was supposed to end up with Toilet Sam and that was supposed to come out during the s3 finale (on that week, Sara posted a story with a guy whose face was obscured iirc). Since that was part of the clip where Hanna and Jonas also got back together, which they cut to make way for Hanna/Jonas/Stefan drama, Sara takes some other dude to the Abiball. And I think we’re supposed to think that’s the same dude she went on that date with.

[ft-dads-au]

Once Upon a Nightmare - Chapter 2

Shadowlight Week 2020 Prompt: Duality Pairing: Sting x Rogue

A Collaboration by @mdelpin and @oryu404

AO3 | Prev: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Next: Ch 3

Summary: After learning what happened to Rogue in his absence, all Sting wants is to talk about it and support him as much as he can. Rogue, however, just wants  to pretend it never happened, like he's done all along, leaving them on opposite sides.

Chapter 2: Duality

Rogue didn’t want to be by himself, but the alternative was even worse. He couldn’t bear to see the look on Sting’s face when he found out what had happened. Had never wanted him to find out in the first place.

In hindsight, Rogue wondered what he’d been thinking all this time, offering half-truths and distractions just so he could keep running from his nightmare, knowing god damn well he had nowhere to run. Now his nightmare had finally caught up to him, swept his legs out from beneath him, and caused him to inadvertently hurt Sting in the process. That was something he’d never considered during all those moments when he’d had the chance to be honest. One by one, he’d let them slip away, and now shit was going to hit the fan, and he’d have no one to blame but himself.

What would Sting think of him now? Would he believe him when he said he hadn’t wanted it? That he’d fought Maru off as best he could. Or would he see those as excuses?

Rogue's hands shook as he reached for his pack of cigarettes, desperate for something to do to help take his mind off what was happening in the bedroom. He felt caged, like an animal with nowhere to go but with too much energy to stay where he was. And as much as he’d love to step outside, he knew he’d only feel even more vulnerable. That left him only one choice - the basement.

Rogue descended the stairs to the basement his father and Gildarts had finished years ago, flicking on a single light and walking over to the large bar to examine its contents. He settled on a bottle of the whiskey Gildarts preferred, poured himself a drink, and lit a cigarette as he sat down to wait.

0-0

Sting felt sick to his stomach all over again, and yet he’d read every word twice to make sure that he wasn’t imagining things, letting the sentences they formed sink in one by one. Once he was done, he was still staring blankly at the page, defeated and numb from learning the truth he’d been so eager to learn.

He hadn’t really had any idea what to expect, but a violent sexual assault had never entered his mind. A part of him understood why Rogue hadn’t been willing to talk about it. Another wondered how he’d been able to carry it around for- he quickly did the math- almost 7 months. And all this time, he’d had no clue.

If only he’d been more observant, maybe then he would’ve caught on to the fact that there was something more disturbing going on in Rogue’s life than just the issues regarding his family.

If only he’d taken that little voice in the back of his head more seriously when it had been expressing concerns during the time they’d spent together around Christmas.

If only he’d known sooner so Rogue wouldn’t have been dealing with this alone for so long.

Screw that. If only he’d never left, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

Sting dropped the notebook on the bed as he hid his face in his hands. All the why’s and if only’s were going through his head, repeating themselves like a broken record as he picked at his memory and felt the guilt weigh him down until they led him back to the events of that day. Specifically that morning, when he’d found Totomaru on their doorstep.

“I didn’t know you were back.”

“I was hoping to speak to Rogue?”

Speak to Rogue? What the hell was this sick fucker getting at? Sting tried but failed to stop himself from imagining what could’ve happened if he hadn’t been there. If Totomaru had shown up a week or even a few minutes earlier. He should consider himself lucky that Sting didn't know then what he knew now, because if he did, not even his own mother would have been able to recognize him. The towel around his waist would have done nothing to stop him.

Sting knew he couldn’t stay in this room for much longer, Rogue was bound to be waiting for his reaction, and it wouldn't do him any good if he'd let his emotions prevail, but he couldn’t seem to make himself move. He didn’t know what to do or what to say, and within him, there grew a great fear that somehow he’d only manage to make things worse. Do or say the wrong thing.

But doing nothing at all would be the worst thing he could possibly do. So with no clear idea or plan, he forced himself to calm down and get up from the bed, returning the journal to the drawer from which Rogue had grabbed it, knowing intuitively that his boyfriend wouldn’t want to see it when he returned.

He left the refuge the bedroom afforded him, and when he didn’t find Rogue in the living area or the backyard, he made his way down the basement stairs.

0-0

Time had ceased to have any meaning for Rogue as he sat on a barstool in the near dark, its passage only marked by the number of cigarette butts that littered the ashtray and the ounces of whiskey he’d downed as he waited. Its smooth taste bitterly reminding him of better times he’d spent in this room and the people that had been part of them. People that had left him behind or that he had sent away.

The sound of Sting’s approaching footsteps sounded loud in the otherwise silent house, and Rogue could feel his heart begin to race in apprehension. What was he going to say?

His hands, which had finally settled, began to shake once again. In the time he’d sat there, he’d managed to run many scenarios through his head, but he still didn’t know what to expect.

He moved towards the wall where they kept the cue sticks for their pool table, realizing he didn’t want to be found wallowing in alcohol. He grabbed a stick and approached the table, not bothering to set up a game, merely going after whatever ball was closest.

He could see Sting's silhouette appear out of the corners of his eyes, casting a striking figure behind the wisps of smoke that curled in the air, but Rogue didn't stop to look up from his game. Sting hesitated for a few seconds, there wasn't a sound but the click of the cue stick hitting a ball and the dull thuds that followed when it bounced back against the felt-covered sides of the pool table.

"It's been a while," Sting finally pointed out as he made his way over to the bar, grabbing a glass and pouring a drink from the same bottle of whiskey, and it wasn’t until he’d taken a sip and continued that Rogue realized that he was referring to the last time he'd played a game of pool. "Can I join you?"

Rogue nodded and put his cue down so he could gather the balls and rack them for a standard game of eight ball. They played in awkward silence for a couple of turns, all the while he was wondering if Sting was waiting for him to address the obvious or if he’d decided not to speak about it at all, and Rogue wasn’t sure how to feel about either option. Hoping to find the answer hidden in his expression, he forced himself to look.

Maybe Sting had been awaiting that or perhaps it was just a coincidence. Either way, he came closer, extending his arms for a hug but stopping at the last second.

“I’m sorry-” he sat down on the edge of the pool table, “I- I don’t really know what to say... what he did to you was despicable. I get that it was hard for you to talk about, and I wish I hadn’t pressed the way I did.”

Rogue slowly released the breath he’d been holding in, resting the end of the pool cue on the floor and gripping it firmly with both hands as if it was his only tether to reality. Once again he nodded, to indicate that he understood and harbored no hard feelings towards it. At this point, he was just glad that his story wasn’t being called into question, and even though he wished it had gone differently, he knew that he hadn’t really made any other outcome feasible.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you really needed me,” Sting continued, “if I had been, it wouldn’t have happened.”

“It isn’t your fault,” Rogue shrugged, focusing his attention back on the game, pretending that that thought hadn’t crossed his mind at least once during his deepest lows. “And we’ll never know that for sure anyway.”

“Are they always that bad?” Sting asked, and for a moment Rogue was confused, until he remembered the nightmare that had brought all this about.

“No,” he was quick to assure him, “This one was the worst I’ve had in a while.”

His thoughts inadvertently went back to the nightmare, which used to be a repetitive reconstruction of the attack but had taken a different course that night.

Instead of the alley, the scene had taken place in their home this time. Starting at the front door and ending in the bedroom. Rogue guessed that his panic at seeing Maru through the peephole that morning had a role in that, but unlike what he’d done then, he was stupid enough to open the door in his dream, with all its terrible consequences.

And dream-him had known exactly what those consequences would be, but still, his body had moved, ignoring his mind even as it had screamed no.

It had only gotten worse when Sting had tried to wake him up from it, giving the original ending a twist on top of that, but Rogue decided to leave all of that out. There was enough guilt to go around between them as it was, the last thing he wanted was to keep piling it up. He drank what remained inside his glass in one sip, swallowing hard at the burn in his throat.

“Can I- uhm, can I take a look at your scratches?”

Rogue stared at Sting blankly, not entirely sure how he felt about it.

“I swear I can hear my dad yelling at me for not doing it already, especially with the smoke.”

Rogue managed a wry chuckle, knowing Sting wasn’t just trying to be funny. And maybe it was the relief talking or his need for things to return to some sort of normalcy, no matter how slight, but he found himself nodding in silent agreement.

“Okay,” Sting said softly, putting his cue stick back up on the wall and waiting for Rogue to do the same before leading him back upstairs to their bathroom, where they kept all the first aid supplies.

0-0

After washing his hands with antibacterial soap, Sting busied himself searching for the supplies he would need to patch Rogue up. He ran the list through his mind, cotton swabs, hydrogen peroxide, antibacterial ointment, gauze, medical tape. Once he found each item, he placed it on the counter, feeling the weight of Rogue’s gaze as he did so.

Even though he remained outwardly calm, Sting was still reeling from the shock he’d felt at reading the diary. His every move was marked with apprehension, his thoughts carefully filtered and examined before he let them spill out of his mouth, and it was entirely outside the realm of his experience. He’d always been one to just blurt out whatever he was thinking without much thought to the consequences.

Knowing that could prove disastrous on this occasion, he willed himself to focus only on the angry red marks on Rogue’s neck, hoping that in doing so, he’d manage to keep himself under control. Sting opened the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and grabbed a cotton swab before turning to find Rogue was indeed watching him, eyes slightly hooded, nose wrinkled in distaste as the smell of the chemical filled the room.

“Do you have to use that stuff?” Rogue frowned, his features settling into a pout. “It always stings.”

Any other time Sting would have been amused by the childish attitude but faced with the seriousness of the scratches in front of him, he could barely muster a reassuring smile.

“It only hurts for a second,” he soothed, “Besides, it needs to be done. Lots of nasty stuff hides underneath your fingernails,” he reminded him, beginning to wet the swab with the hydrogen peroxide, “You don’t want them to get infected.”

As he leaned closer to get a better view of what he’d be working on, he found himself shuddering at the sight of an injury for the first time in years. He’d seen plenty of them, his parents had taken him along to the clinic since he’d been deemed old and responsible enough, and this certainly wasn’t the worst he’d ever laid his eyes on. But it was different when it was someone you loved rather than a random patient, and what unsettled him the most was knowing that Rogue had caused them himself.

Pressing down the swab as gently as he could manage on the worst of the scratches, he heard the bubbling sound of the chemical as it cleaned out the area and flinched at the accompanying hiss from Rogue. It made him wonder just how badly he had looked after the attack and if he had even bothered to get himself looked at. Sting had a feeling he knew the answer.

Once again, he was consumed by rage, and he stepped back for a moment, masking his anger under the pretense of wetting another swab. How could anyone do that to another person? He tried his best to shake it off and regain his focus so he could finish the job, but when he approached Rogue again, he noticed him startling and ducking away in reflex, all tensed up.

It had little to do with the peroxide, it was the touch itself that he was having trouble enduring.

“Would you rather do it yourself?” Sting asked, keeping his tone as neutral as he could manage, offering him the swab after he tried again and noticed the discomfort oozing from Rogue’s features.

Rogue shook his head, and Sting could have kicked himself for being so insensitive. Rogue had written in his journal that he was no longer comfortable looking in the mirror, which he would need to do given the location of the scratches.

“I’ll hurry,” Sting promised, and with trembling hands, he did just that, using up two more swabs before he was done. Nothing in his life had prepared him for dealing with something like this, and to his frustration, the more he tried to be careful, the more mistakes he seemed to make.

What could he possibly say to make Rogue feel better? He racked his brain, trying to think of anything but came up empty.

It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong!

Sting screamed the words so loudly in his head he was sure Rogue must be able to hear them. He threw the bits of bloody cotton in the trash, closing the bottle and reaching for the antibiotic cream.

He hesitated briefly, knowing this part would be tricky as he’d have to touch Rogue’s skin directly. Hadn’t he done that before? During the past week, during Rogue’s visit to Edolas? More than likely, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t remember getting a reaction that hinted at something being wrong. Whether he’d been too caught up in the moment or Rogue had just kept it hidden really well, he disliked both answers.

“I’m almost done,” he informed Rogue, offering a small smile.

“It’s fine,” Rogue assured him with eyes full of a trust that tore at Sting’s heartstrings. Had he looked at Totomaru like that once?

Sting made himself a promise right then and there that he would strive to always be worthy of that trust. Squeezing a glob of the cream onto his fingers, he moved closer, and although he attempted to appear confident, the shakiness of his hand gave him away. Before he had a chance to say something to lighten the moment, Rogue surprised him by grabbing his wrist and slowly guiding it to his neck. It was a simple gesture, but it broke him all the same.

He felt the tears he’d been holding back stream down his cheeks, and there was nothing he could do to hide them, not when Rogue was so close to him.

“I’m sorry, it’s just-,” Sting wiped away at his tears with his other hand.

“That you’re a big crybaby?” Rogue teased him, a reference to all the times Sting had cried during movies.

“Yeah, that too,” he managed to chuckle through his sniffles, “but I’m...I guess just so overwhelmed. I’m really glad you’re sharing all this with me, but at the same time I’m also angry because this shouldn’t have happened to you, and it wasn’t your fault, and I want to be there for you, but I just don’t know what to do.”

He paused his acute word-vomit to take a breath, but before he could say anything else, Rogue stopped him cold.

“I get that you want to talk about this, and I do appreciate it, but I’m not ready to do that yet,” Rogue refused to meet his eyes, “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s how I feel at the moment.”

Wasn’t ready to talk about it, not ready? What did he mean? It had been seven months already! Sting couldn’t even begin to understand those words. He tried to put himself in Rogue’s place, but he just couldn’t imagine letting something fester for that long.

Still, he felt like he should respect his wishes, even if only for tonight. It had been a long emotional night for both of them, and if that was what Rogue needed to feel better, then he would honor it.

For now.

“Okay,” he replied simply and began to wash the cream off his hand and put the supplies away, not even bothering with the gauze, already knowing Rogue would balk at the suggestion.

0-0

Rogue retreated to the bedroom the moment Sting was done with the cleanup, wanting to get out of the bathroom and away from that mirror. He didn't want to be there for longer than necessary either. One look at the bed had him seeing flashes of the nightmare all over again. So he grabbed his pillow and resigned himself to another night of sleeping on the couch. If he was able to get back to sleep at all, that was.

Sting had followed him up to the bed but remained there, awkwardly looking back and forth between his sleeping spot and Rogue without a clue of what to do.

"I'm going to the living room," Rogue announced, clutching the pillow under his arm, "do you want to come with me?" He cringed at the way that sounded because he usually wouldn't even have to ask, let alone wonder what the answer would be.

"Do you want me to?"

He forced what he hoped would look like a reassuring smile and nodded. The last thing he wanted right now was to be alone, knowing that it would only cause his thoughts to go rampant again. He doubted that it would be any different for Sting, who returned his smile with an equally weak one and grabbed his pillow off the bed before following him into the living room.

The scratches on his throat were still stinging from the peroxide, causing them to itch and irritate, and Rogue had to keep himself from making all the time and energy they'd just spent in the bathroom become in vain by scratching at them all over again. He hated the constant reminder, although he knew Sting had been right, and it was better than risking the chance of getting an infection, so he turned on the TV, hoping for some distraction.

"Wanna Netflix?" he asked, dumping his pillow in the corner of their large L-shaped couch and tucking himself underneath one of the blankets that were lying around.

"Yeah, sure," Sting replied. He sat down at the other end of the couch, and the sensible part of Rogue told him that it was probably just to give him some space, but the currently more dominant voice of anxiety suggested something else.

He browsed through the selection of available movies and series until he found something that countered his dark thoughts, a cutesy anime he thought would be right up Sting's alley. The intro started, filling the room with low volume cheerful tunes, but the distance between them set this moment apart from any other they'd spent watching TV together.

This was precisely what Rogue had feared would happen. The revelation was driving a wedge between them, even if, despite everything, Sting had responded to it better than he could've hoped. He didn't want this, he'd lost and locked out so many people he cared about already, and for once, he was yearning for someone to just hold him and tell him that everything would be okay, without wasting any words on it.

"Could you sit with me?" he pleaded softly, the idea of asking this from usually touchy-feely Sting so alien it made his gut wrench. He knew that he only had himself to blame for it because of his withdrawn behavior, so now it was up to him to fix it, and thankfully Sting moved closer without any objections.

Not close enough, so Rogue draped the other end of the blanket over him and curled up against his side. "I'm sorry," he spilled, hoping to get some conversation going and needing to get at least this off his chest, "for uh…kneeing you."

"It's fine," Sting assured him, "I know you didn't do it on purpose. I guess I was in the wrong place at the wrong time." He hesitated for a few seconds, tentatively wrapping an arm around him, "You know…If you do feel like you're ready to talk about it, I'll always be there. I'm not going anywhere."

It was everything Rogue needed to hear right now, and he didn't even bother to hold back the tears caused by the sudden rush of emotion that came over him. It would've been like carrying sand to the beach anyway because the “I love you” that followed would've shattered any resistance Rogue might have had.

He somehow managed to get out an “I love you too” and closed his eyes, all of his tension melting away into something as simple as a warm embrace. Mind now at ease, his body was quick to shut itself down, and telling himself that as long as Sting was there, he'd be alright, Rogue had no trouble falling asleep after a nightmare for the first time.

0-0

The opening theme of episode 6 -or maybe it was 5- was playing joyfully in the background, but even though Sting's eyes had been glued to the tv for god knows how long by now, he still had no idea what the show was about. The light of dawn was creeping in through the dining room’s sliding door, and yet he hadn't slept a wink since he'd woken up from his dream.

Snippets of phrases he’d read in the journal kept replaying in his head as he looked down at Rogue’s face, finally at peace in his slumber, and he was gripped with an intense desire to protect him from the world. To search out the person who had dared to put him through this hell and teach him a lesson he’d never forget.

He allowed himself a minute to fantasize about it, but it felt empty. Even though it would be satisfying in the short term, it wouldn’t do anything to change what had already happened, and quite likely might put him on a plane back to Edolas.

No, as frustrating as it was, the only one who could help Rogue out of this situation was Rogue himself. All Sting could really do was to offer him as much support as he was able to ride out this new awkwardness they were experiencing and not let it drive a wedge between them.

And as much as he respected that Rogue didn’t want to talk about it, he did. He needed to talk about what had happened and to work out his own role, if any. To know how to help his boyfriend without being always worried he was making things worse, and that left him in a very uncomfortable place. But how was he supposed to process this without betraying Rogue’s trust, and how could he coax him towards a point where he would consider getting help? It wasn’t hard to see, now that he knew what to look for, that Rogue was going to need it to find himself again.

More than anything, Sting wanted their relationship to work out, he’d moved to Magnolia with lots of ideas and dreams of a shared future after all, and he’d be damned to see it all collapse a week in. He’d find a way, of that he was certain. He was a fighter, and he had no intention of giving up on Rogue without a fight, but he could only hope that that fight wouldn’t accomplish the very opposite of what he wanted.

One thing was for sure: they were in for a rough ride. Some of the worst was yet to come, and as he held on to Rogue as tightly as he dared, Sting tried to catch some sleep, hoping it would give him the energy needed to walk through the emotional minefield again when he’d wake up in a few hours.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 186: Lunch and Then Some Light Noumu Battling

Previously on BnHA: The New JP Hero Billboard Chart Top 10 rankings were announced and the heroes each gave a short little speech. My new adult bird son Can You Smell What The Hawk Is Cooking stole the spotlight by basically saying, “y’all need to stop being such bummers, we’re the best that the world’s got now so let’s fucking act like it.” We learned that Hawks is basically a hero prodigy, having started his own hero agency at the tender young age of 18, and now having risen all the way to #2 at age 22. Anyway, he then handed the mic over to Endeavor who went with the short and sweet “just watch me” route, for better or worse. Afterwards Endeav throttled Hawks a little bit in the privacy of his dressing room, and Hawks apologized and then said he actually needed Endeavor’s help for something. “Do you remember the Noumus?” I then proceeded to lose my shit, as we transitioned to some unknown location where an unknown figure was talking to an unknown Noumu with a Kurogiri face (!) who could TALK BACK (!!!!). Then I really lost my shit omg.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks go for a stroll on their lunch break. Hawks casually saves like 15 random people and attracts a crowd of fans seeking autographs and selfies. Meanwhile Endeavor attracts one (1) fan, and tries to offer an autograph of his own only to send the kid running off in tears because Endeavor’s aloof attitude is apparently what makes him cool lol. So as Endeav tries to sort all of that out, he sits down with Hawks in some fancy high-rise restaurant. Hawks tells him about some rumored Noumu sightings that he’s been investigating all across the country. He says he flew out to the locations, but couldn’t find any evidence. He theorizes that someone might be purposely spreading rumors in order to sow fear among the general populace. And he says he wants Endeavor, the newly crowned number one here, to be the one to put the people at ease. Meanwhile he himself just wants to chill out, and he would like nothing better than an ideal world so peaceful that heroes can just relax. Anyway, so then that Talking Noumu from the last chapter comes flying at them from out of nowhere and smashes through the glass and is all “WHICH ONE OF YOU IS STRONGEST.” So Endeavor goes to fight him.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 208 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

omg

I think this might be my favorite SJ cover like, ever?? is that a huge overreaction? but like, Deku looks so cool. and I fucking love the colors so much. and don’t think I didn’t notice the distinct BakuDeku theme of this green and orange aesthetic, Horikoshi. because I did! notice! gosh these colors look so good together don’t y’all agree. okay fine I’ll shut the fuck up

lmao

this was such a badass cover and then it’s just. completely ruined by the text in the background being all “TOAST ‘EM”

(ETA: that text was so distracting that I honestly didn’t even notice the Noumu in the background. completely missed that. so observant lol. I probably would have noticed in Mangastream’s version, which says “seething!” but that’s pretty funny too tbh)

jesus Endeavor calm the fuck down and put yourself out already. why are you always so fucking angry

holy shit

well now, that’s one hell of an opening hook

the text is all “ever since I could remember, I’ve lived at the whim of others.” and apparently this dude found it suffocating

so here we have a disgruntled office worker about to shoot the place up, presumably? or like, the quirk equivalent of that. how fucking creepy

oh my GOD

IS HE STRIPPING NAKED TO GAIN MORE EMBARRASSMENT POWER

what the fucking fuck oh my lord. every so often Horikoshi is just like “lol I thought of a really weird thing. let’s just roll with it and see where it takes us”

so this man with his weird humiliation kink thinks he’s all that, but!

did Hawks just shoot fucking feathers to cover this man’s R-rated parts

also if Endeavor is even 1% like his youngest son, his favorite food will be soba. moment of truth!

goddammit, Endeavor’s just completely ignoring the question, and he’s actually focusing on stopping the flasher guy while Hawks continues to talk about food

lmao now this stupid fucking dog is running out into traffic

don’t worry kids, Hawks fired off more wings to spirit sweet, stupid Schwartz away to safety

you had me until “chicken liver” Hawks but I guess I could keep an open mind

does Hawks ever actually make eye contact with anyone

I’m starting to feel like he’s the type who would deliberately turn around if he ever did happen to be facing the same direction as whoever he was rescuing. he only does casual rescues

oddly enough I’m liking him less than I did before. Too Cool For That Shit is just not my type. I prefer Too Grumpy For That Shit and/or Actually Fully Enthusiastic And Earnest And Will Do The Uncool Thing Without Hesitation

but I have a feeling that what we see might not be what we get here, so let’s just wait a bit. idk just a feeling about him. because he sure as heck didn’t have that meteoric rise by not giving a damn

(ETA: okay so! needless to say my fears were unfounded as it turns out Hawks’s thing is not Too Cool For That Shit, but actually Too Tired For That Shit, which is actually one of my favorite types. Too Cool is just the persona he puts on because it’s what’s expected of him. but in actuality the reason he seems so nonchalant is because his heart isn’t really in it. this was never something he wanted to do; it was something he was more or less forced into because he was so talented and With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, and so it didn’t really matter what he personally wanted or didn’t want. in other words, Hawks is the very first Reluctant Hero I think we’ve had in this series. he’s someone who is more or less trapped in his role, and by now he’s become very, very good at what he does, but more than anything he would like to one day not have to do it anymore.

but of course not only does he not have that option, he’s somehow managed to get himself in way deeper than most of his peers will ever have to worry about. not only does he have to contend with the everyday stresses of hero life, but he also has a fun undercover double agent mission to worry about! so add in the fear of being caught and the stress of having to play both sides, while all the while trying his best to make sure no innocents get hurt! and having to think about all of this constantly!

basically, up until now I wouldn’t have thought that anyone could come along and actually contend with Aizawa for the title of Most Exhausted Character in the series. but not only does Hawks contend, I think it’s actually no contest. and yet he does it anyway. without complaint. well with a little bit of complaining, but under the guise of being a lackadaisical young twenty-something who isn’t particularly concerned about anything. 

he actually ends up confessing more to Endeavor than I would have expected, given all this. like he was straight up confiding in him. that all turned out to be completely true. but because he says it with that carefree smile, you don’t realize at first how much he’s just kind of quietly suffering underneath it all. like that dog in the house on fire saying this is fine. like, no it fucking isn’t, but he puts on such a good act of being completely unconcerned. it’s astounding in hindsight.

my god I have so many fucking feelings about Hawks apparently. I didn’t mean to essay this much and there are probably more essays on the way too lol. I love my tired bird son too damn much and I hope to god he doesn’t get himself killed fffff.)

anyways he’s signing autographs and giving interviews and shit, and meanwhile Endeavor is just completely being ignored

okay now they’re acknowledging him, but it’s the usual “man, he’s scary!”

(ETA: CAN’T YOU SEE-KUNNNNN)

this kid knows what’s what. Inasa was fucked up for years because of his I Asked Endeavor For An Autograph trauma

now Endeavor is silently and intimidatingly turning his head toward the kids and walking over

by the way these children are fucking adorable and I want take them all home and give them sandwiches and juice boxes

(ETA: I’m so glad Can’t You See-kun is even acknowledged in-universe as the most adorable child on the face of the earth. if anyone ever deserved to become a beloved meme it’s him)

oh shit Endeavor’s making an effort!!

he’s really trying to fix that image omg

but it’s not working!

oh snap. it’s just like All Might said, huh. remember he told you not to try to copy him and to do your own thing, Endeavor

the kid is having a meltdown now and saying that Endeavor doesn’t need fanservice and that the lone wolf attitude is what makes him cool

okay but you can be a lone wolf and still be Not A Dick, though

now the kid is running away crying. jesus christ. well so much for those juice boxes then. maybe I’ll just give them to your shark-looking friend

Endeav’s just staring in confusion and wondering where he went wrong

where you went wrong is being a dick for 40 years. change isn’t just going to come overnight. but you need to keep at it! if you want to be nicer just be nicer, and eventually either your fans will warm up to the change, or you’ll get new fans

(ETA: I stand by this, for the record. I know this arc is doing a whole thing of showing how Endeavor can be a different type of hero than All Might and still be someone that people rely on. but in addition to this I think that if he genuinely wants to be more approachable than he should just keep working at it even if people are naturally going to be really confused by it at first)

anyways so now we’re cutting to some fancy high-rise restaurant and Endeav and Hawks are eating in what seems to be a private room

or more accurately, Hawks is eating, and Endeavor is just sitting there with his arms crossed same as always

are you sure Shouto isn’t adopted? that kid loves stuffing his face during serious discussions

(ETA: lmao and he even does it yet again at the end of this arc. I don’t know why I’m always so tickled by this but I just love it)

anyway, so Hawks is replying that when he wants something he just goes for it. “it’s just my nature”

he apparently tried to draft Shouto after the sports festival! interesting

but he says he’s glad that he ended up with Tokoyami in the end

wow but kind of a dick reason -- “Shouto-kun’s brand took a hit after he failed his provisional license exam”

is he just trying to rile up Endeavor here? interesting

Endeavor says Hawks knows a lot for someone who never went to U.A.

which we kind of already knew (that he’s not a U.A. alum), because otherwise he would have been involved in the Kamino mission. but I wonder where he did graduate from. is he a Shiketsu alum?

how mysterious

(ETA: in the Mangastream version he says “I’ve always been a good observer, you see,” which is something that gets called back to later)

anyway, now Endeavor’s getting impatient and demanding to get to the point

ahasfhkhlkj

yesssss more info about them omgggg. how are there even Noumus anymore with AFO locked up??

okay so Hawks is reiterating the stuff we already know, that “scores” of Noumus were captured along with All for One at Kamino. and that since then, even though the League has been active, they haven’t been able to confirm any new appearances of Noumus

hmm, I see, so it’s going to turn out that it was B

(ETA: actually now I’m wondering if there might be a C and this is purposely trying to mislead us! because everyone always assumed that AFO was the only one capable of producing Noumus, but what if that isn’t the case though?)

Endeavor says that since Hawks wants to team up, that must mean he’s actually found proof of this so-called “rumor”

oh my god Endeavor. why couldn’t we have had you during the last arc. you would have had us out of that bullshit basement in no time flat

(ETA: for real, this arc is only what, nine chapters? the man knows how to move things along)

okay now Hawks is saying that this isn’t the only place where Noumus have been sighted, and that there are rumors all around the country -- though not in the news -- and people have been gossiping

oh for fuck’s sake could you get to the point already Hawks. stop dramatically building up to it

blah blah he heard it from locals when he went on a business trip, and he did a secret investigation at that time but wasn’t able to turn anything up

so he says he got interested after that, and flew around the country to investigate further

so apparently there were similar rumors cropping up in completely unrelated parts of the country, with slight variations

but in the end he wasn’t able to validate any of the rumors

so then if this is all true, how many of these Noumu 2.0s are there??

(ETA: and is any of it actually true? it’s hard to say at this point. I’m learning toward “yes”, or else why bring it up in the first place. there’s gonna be a Noumu arc coming up in the future at some point I think. Noumu Wars)

so Hawks is continuing to munch on his yakitori and he says that ever since the incidents at U.A., Hosu, and Kamino, everyone knows about the Noumus now, and he wonders if it’s just “some asshole with a motive to spread unease” who’s spreading rumors throughout the country

okay but we the readers know for a fact it’s not! and you wouldn’t have called Endeavor to team up if you really thought it was just rumors. so when are you going to get to your point

...no way he’s talking about All for One, is he? "a criminal from a long time ago.” someone who wanted ability users to be free. was AFO the Magneto of his day once upon a time?

(ETA: actually, thinking about this more I think maybe it was the mysterious Destro who was mentioned by Gentle not too long ago and who I’m still hoping to learn more about. he was the leader of the Quirk Liberation Army or something along those lines wasn’t he? definitely sounds like a Magneto type)

he says that the more fear a society has, the more these kind of delusions sell and spread

Endeavor is again telling him to stop being a dramatic fuck and to just get to the point

wha

seriously?? you invited him to lunch just to ask him that?

Endeavor’s asking him what his angle is

did fucking Hawks just admit he wants to 420 blaze it. in my good Christian manga. which takes place and is published in Japan where weed will get you thrown in fucking prison for the better part of a decade. something tells me this is Jaimini’s Box taking certain liberties lol

(ETA: yeah, in Mangastream’s version he says “sit back with a nice cold one” which is much more in line with Japanese culture lol. still, Hawks does give off that stoner vibe a bit, can’t deny)

aww, but this part is sweet

though you do know you’ll end up putting a lot of heroes out of a job lol. safer world = no need for heroes. I’m sure most heroes would take that trade-off any day though

so now Endeavor is being all quiet and seemingly thoughtful

and he’s looking out the window

and... whaaaat is this

...do not fucking tell me this is a Noumu

holy fuck it’s a Noumu

um, what? can we back up just a sec? we just had a whole long discussion all about how there have been no verified Noumu sightings since AFO was locked up, and now one just happens to show up the instant the #1 and #2 heroes are done having their little talk?

lmao and now the hostess is coming with the check

maybe this Noumu’s uncannily good timing was cancelled out by this lady who has the worst timing that any human person has ever had in the history of existence

holy shit look how dramatic this is!?

“HELLO MY NAME IS TALKING NOUMU. WHICH IS THE STRONGEST ONE. RARRRR”

Endeavor is telling Hawks to lead the evacuation

Hawks is asking “what about you?” as if that part wasn’t obvious

RIGHT? suspiciously good timing if you ask me. I don’t have any real clue what’s going on yet, but damned if this is a coincidence

anyways now Endeavor is showing us just why he’s the current number one!

TAKE THAT, SUSPICIOUS TALKING NOUMU

and next chapter we’ll apparently get a whole Endeavor battle. well I hope it’s interesting! this arc is off to a bit of a weird start for me, but I think it’s because several of the pieces have yet to fall into place completely. there are a lot of weird coincidences and things that seem Just A Little Bit Off, and I feel like once we learn why, I’m going to be like, “ohhhhhhh!!”

(ETA: yeah, needless to say there were a lot of “ohhhhhh!!” moments and this arc is incredibly dense on a reread. so much going on here omg. this is good stuff)

no bonus today! I almost ran out of time to even put tags. anyways, toast ‘em Endeavor

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

You know what time it is? Time for me to carry on re-reading that clusterheck known as The Misadventures of Prince Kim, on an epic journey to correct typos and question my entire life!

K we’re up to chapter 11 let’s gooooo

This is pretty much the only time in the whole thing where Max proper has a go at Kim, and honestly he deserves it!! yes nerd boy, go off!!

how to deal with the guy you’re unknowingly crushing on being your parents’ deadly enemy -- just CHALLENGE HIM TO A SWORD DUEL apparently, Kim what the actual hell

srsly though where did Kim get that sword

Adrien is so good and blessed... and also everything in his lil speech is gonna be a plot point in the sequel

Kim thAT’S SO GAY OMG YOU’RE SUCH A DISASTER BI

Everything about Max and Kim’s friendship is just so good ugh that’s one thing at least I’m proud of in this fic, the epic slowburn Kimax, it’s good and I’m happy with it

Max saying “I realize that may have been short-sighted of me” is a pun by the way (because he wears glasses), pls appreciate it

“Seasons are a social construct, Max. Time is an illusion.” I will NEVER be able to outdo the genius of this line

Chapter 12 here we go

Max’s entire reason for being in this fic is being the love interest, I swear... like in the first half of the fic he just suffers internal gay heartbreak over and over, and in the second half he’s perfectly happy with his bae and doesn’t rly have any stakes in the plot aside from wanting to keep the people he cares about safe... he’s the Love Interest(TM)

More geography lessons now, mixed in with science and history too... I know I call Max a nerd but maybe I’M the nerd

the world of the fic is so messed up, I mean Chloe’s walking around in rococo clothing and her citizens are peasant farmers wanting to guillotine her, and then there’s kingdoms like Max’s and Alix’s, who have cars and planes and phones and stuff?? this really is a game of Civ, dang

hmm... I think it’s implied that later on in the fic satellites are already in space, but here Max says they’re still being built... eh whatever I can just pretend they launched inbetween at some point or that Max’s research is a bit out of date

his speech really did have a global impact okay, I swear it was plot relevant and not just filler because I think Max is really cool and super underrated or anything

the entire Animan episode is happening on the side as a B-plot just because why not

CHAPTER 13 NOW, HELL YES BRING ON THE GAY

Nath is me omg, that social anxiety amirite

Myvan is canon!!! Myvan is canon!!! I’d forgotten about that whoops

this is LITERALLY just Animan except at a ball

Adrien making puns and calling Marinette “princess”... I was not that subtle was I

yes the hot Italian noble is Lila, I wasn’t particularly subtle about that either

...I’ve just realized, the next time I’m around mistletoe I’ll just pretend to have a cold and then everyone will stay away from me lmao (Alix wasn’t pretending tho, she really did have a cold here)

YES HERE COMES THE ADRIKIM MISTLETOE KISS

it’s funny because Adrien partially decides to do it because he thinks his dad would be mad about him having a crush on Kim, but later in the fic when Gabe finds out he doesn’t really care lol

for the record the reason I skipped writing the actual kiss is because I had NO idea how to write kisses (the chapter 24 one is pretty much glossed over too!), I only started bothering later on when Kimax, because, yknow, KIMAX

Kim and Max talking about their boy crushes together is so adorable hhhhhhhh can I skip like 30 chapters already

“I can’t believe I had my first kiss, and I can never tell anyone about it because it was with a guy.” this is actually the funniest thing in hindsight because in exactly a year’s time, Kim just straight-up brags to people about how he’s so hot that even a boy kissed him last year

okay now chapter aeroplanes (that’s 14, btw)

Kim trying to stay away from home for as long as possible to avoid getting told off is the biggest mood and I hate it

the journey to Max’s kingdom took two days?? hmm... later on in the fic it seems to take less time... ahhh idk let’s just say they took the scenic route okay

now you readers get to learn some science stuff

can the show please give us Max’s canon family? I brushed over it entirely in this fic but idk how the hell I’d do that in the sequel

oh yeah so in this fic, most of the time they’re talking in French. however, they all know English too as a lingua franca thing, so that way all the stupid puns can still work because you can pretend they switched into English for those bits

KIM GEEKING OUT OVER AEROPLANES IS SO PRECIOUS OMG HOW DID I DO THAT

So if Alix took her pet snake on the plane... then I guess you could say there were... Snakes on a Plane AYYYYYY

Also, like... she doesn’t even talk to Kim and Max in the actual show, her being best friends with them is a fanon thing and that being said, I totally went for it lol I wanted her to be relevant okay

Jalil is so sarcastic in this fic (mostly because you see him from Kim’s point of view and he hates Kim lmao) I don’t even know why I did that, I just did, he’s basically just me

I swear this reads so... ugh what’s the phrase I’m thinking of? double nintendo-ey? IT FEELS MORE SHIPPY THAN IT IS, THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY

oh dear I’m having an allergic reaction again

Alix is so violent I s2g, this is like the second time already she’s implied she really wants to beat someone up and it won’t be the last time

oh and she’s not 100% oblivious that Kim’s into her. (I know she tells him later on that she was, she’s lying to make him feel better.) she’s just very much in denial and decides to not notice bc she doesn’t want it to be true, which is like, a decent aro mood tbh

okay chapter food fight (15!)

you know what, the awkwardness between Kim and Adrien now is also giving me an allergic reaction, just TALK to each other you idiots oh my god

Kim and Marinette treat each other like cousins in this fic, idk how else to describe it really, I was going for “childhood friends” but they really have a cousin kinda dynamic

IVAN IS AN ABSOLUTE LEGEND FOR INDULGING IN THE ACCIDENTAL FOOD FIGHT and so is Chloe actually, huh

Alix just. slam dunks Nath into a vat of milk. I can’t with this fic

Typo-correcting-time!! It’s not Mr Damocles, it’s DUKE Damocles jeez Aish get it right

also whomst the heck snitched on poor Kim and got him into trouble??

OKAY SO. later on in the fic, I often mention that one monopoly match that ended up in a brawl, but I never bothered to write the match itself because I forgot it was supposed to be a plot point in the timelines thing. here in this chapter is the first time it’s mentioned. should I... go back and write it in properly? idk help

awwwww this is the first point that actually feels proper Kimax-y, they’re having a moment together at the fountain and omg it’s so cute

lol this bit where spider-destroyer Alix has to threaten Kim to put her back down is like the exact opposite of way later on when they’re playing the floor is lava and she cheats by sitting on his shoulder and he tries to annoy her into going away

also KIM I’M KINKSHAMING, YES, THE SCALIE MERMAID HASN’T EVEN SHOWN UP YET AND I’M STILL KINKSHAMING, HAVING A CUTE GIRL PLUCK OUT YOUR EYEBALLS IS NOT HOT

phew that’s enough I’m dying

[cwdcshows]

Legends of Tomorrow - S5 E1 - Meet the Legends

(Sigh)... Yeah, I'm so bored, I'm going to watch Legends.......(sigh) Wait, the Legends saved the world and warmed up everyone to demons and metas and whatever; so why was the Time Bureau shut down?  And why the fuck would the Wave Rider be at risk of being impounded?  What, did Sara take out a mortgage on their time machine or some bullshit?   Why the fuck does congress from the 21st century have any authority over a time machine from the future patrolling time? Also, if they want oversight, why the fuck would you shut down the Time Bureau??? Why have they managed to annoy me this much less than a minute into the first fucking episode of the season?

Wait, Nate was raised from the dead....?  I guess that's something that sounds vaguely familiar; I'm completely out of fucks for this show to keep track of that shit.... Augh, because they had to make Super-Bro Nate more obnoxious for some reason... Cool, so Charlie's going to get the universe's first TTUI?  This is where we find out that she crashes the jumpship, which causes the extinction of the dinosaurs, right? Is Mickey being the author of these romance novels a secret at this point?  He's gone to book signings.  He was at one during fucking Crisis! (Sigh) Fucking Gary..... So they're just going to gloss over there being two Supermen?  I mean, I kind of get not going into so much detail as to bring up the fact that one of them looked like Ray, which only leads to more questions, but still... It took me a minute, but I take it the guy yelling, "I'm still outside, I'm still outside, don't leave me!" was the camera man shooting the exterior of the ship?  Yeah, I guess that was reasonably funny. Jeez Gideon, this is why you never log onto the internet with protection; you know where that networks been.  Are you at least using a firewall? But seriously, where the fuck does a sentient AI from the future pick up a computer virus that actually manages to cripple its systems?  Is this a byproduct of Zari's timeline changing? Remember back in the day when doing a time jump everyone aboard had to get buckled in; and upon arrival almost everyone felt queasy or disoriented?  No?  Yeah, neither do the writers. I get that we wouldn't get to see what Constantine and Gary were doing otherwise, on account of the documentary conceit, but seriously, why the fuck would the camera crew be following these guys who are not presently involved with whatever the Wave Rider crew are doing? Also, so does being a Fairy God Mother mean you can negate free will?  Because how did Gary wish for something that required Constantine's consent and Nora just grant it without John having a say?  Good thing Gary didn't wish to have sex with John, so far as we know... (Sigh) Fucking Ava..... This just further supports my theory that Gideon is actually a super villain who's been getting in the heads of all the heroes and personnel who come aboard the Wave Rider and makes them stupid, in order to carry out some grand scheme.  Who the fuck would be the oblivious as to write a condolence card like that? (Sigh).... Fucking Atom-cam..... seriously? And yeah, at least this instance Ava has it right; if you're a time traveling superhero and some creep in the past who supposed to be dead is suddenly not dead, you don't dick around, you put him in the ground.  Is it too much to hope for the other morons to get caught in the crossfire?  Nothing fatal, per se, but just like, "oh no, Nate accidentally caught a bullet in the leg and he forgot to list all the medicines he's allergic to, so the sedative they gave him at the hospital caused a bad reaction and he's lapsed into a coma for the next 50 years...." The real question that Ava should be asking is, will a bullet even do the trick if Rasputin managed to come back from everything else; especially if his return was supernatural? Seriously, how is Nate and the camera crew not dead?  Also, why the fuck aren't the camera crew disguised and concealing their method of recording? This shit is why I didn't want to watch this fucking episode.  I didn't know exactly what was coming, but I'm not surprised... How the fuck is Nate in Ava's shot, when he's easily 4'-5' away from Rasputin and she's even further back and like 15' up above them?  I have a hard time believing she doesn't have a clear line of sight. Come on Ava, would it really be so bad to fire, even if Ray and Nate were in between you and the target?  History is on the line after all..... Wait, what did happen to Ray?  How did she fire while he was still in the barrel only for his to still be in the barrel....? God damn this series... Ray: "Nate, I'm coming for you buddy!"

How can a fucking sentient time machine AI not be able to process two conflicting timelines?  Wouldn't that be, I don't know, a design flaw?  Particularly considering that it was designed to travel through time and correct these sort of problems and has been used by the fucking "legends" for years?  They've broken time so much worse than this before.  In season 1 they started getting erased from history. Are we sure the writers haven't gotten into whats-his-name's stash? They left the director behind.... 🤦‍♂️ It's convenient that Not-Zari, while being mind controlled by Rasputin, doesn't have the level of self-awareness to use his powers against Sara; she'd probably be pretty fucked against a guy who can control the air. Wait, they went to the trouble of having Mick shove a camera out of the way and the lens of the camera; then cut to a camera that isn't shattered - how many cameras are on the scene exactly?  Seems like they left more than just the director behind. I mean, why not just use that infinite shrinking thing they used on the Anti-Monitor on Rasputin?  Even if he can't die, he's got to be less powerful than the fucking Anti-Monitor.  You probably don't even need him to be perpetually shrinking, just shrink him to a size where he can't effect anything anymore; he'd be essentially dead at that point. Or, you know, blow him up from the inside out.... God, Sara and Ava are fucking boring. You know, I know they had Jim Carey's character in The Truman Show do the whole thing of reconstructing the face of a woman using cut-outs from a magazine, but when Nate does it it's creepy as fuck. Although to be honest, in hindsight, it was kind of weird and creepy when Truman did it too.... How exactly does this documentary or screening it to an audience who gives them a standing ovation address any of the very legitimate concerns congress had about the time ship Lolipop and its crew? I mean....how does an audience that large go into a screening of a movie, a purported documentary about fucking time travel and sit through it with such absolute certainty that it's all real that they all lose their collective shit like this when the so-called stars tell them it's not?   Don't get me wrong, the premise of them taking the piss out of some of the things, like Rasputin speaking English, was kind of funny; up to Mona talking about the effects looking bad, because then it just seemed obvious they were trying to pick it apart and discredit it.  The whole thing would have made a lot more sense had they played it straight, like they were really just actors in this sci-fi time travel mockumentary; and they wouldn't just start ripping on it during a Q&A panel. How does this affect Hayeworld though and the positive impact it had on demon/human relationship and whatever other bullshit they said it did?  If they're not walking back the idea that this lot travels through time, doesn't also undermine all the other wild things they claimed as fact recently? Oh, and now Ava says that Hayworld was fake - so fuck that change to history, apparently, right?  All that good will, etc., down the drain? Yet again, how does a team aboard a self-suficient, advanced time machine that has the resources the provide anything the crew needs or wants, have money problems??

[sohmariku]

JAPAN EXPO - MUSICAL TOUKEN RANBU

As I’m writing this, I’m still on the train, somewhere near the border of Belgium and the Netherlands. Since I don’t have much to do, or much I can do, I decided to use the last bit of my laptop battery too just write down some more of my impression of the last two days, specifically the Toumyu performances.

Obviously, I’m home right now (despite what some mid-report sentences will suggest) and I did some editing to the original text I wrote on the train. The second half of the report was completely written after I came home... btw. excuse me for the possible but-load of spelling mistakes. (or even any memory mistakes) It’s midnight, and I just want to sleep by now!

FRIDAY

While the show only started at 17:00, I think we entered the hall somewhere around 15:30 with a whole group of fans. Searching for nice places to sit, we realized the whole front section of the room was still crowded with people. So, we just stood around, wondering what to do. Until someone (I don’t know who anymore) realized we were completely blocking the view of the people watching the fashion show that was on stage at that time. Oops! We quickly scurried away! While some people tried for some good spots right away after that, a lot of just sat down somewhere and relocated after the fashion show ended and a lot of people left.

I ended up on the right side of the stage, just in front of the main stage. Which meant I had a great view of everything going on there. As soon as they headed up on the runway and substage though, it was mostly their backs and butts I got to look at. xD Thankfully a lot of the show happened on the main stage, so I had nothing to complain about.

The show started with the announcement that taking video and photos wasn’t allowed… Although this was only stated in French and if not for my friend, who knows French, I wouldn’t have known. (I could’ve guessed it though.) But seriously, who even planned to record the show. No one, right!? That was a huge disappointment. The good girl I am, I obviously obeyed that rule I couldn’t understand, and didn’t record anything? I mean, WHO WOULD EVEN CONSIDER GOING AGAINST THE RULES!? ^^;;

The show started with a little video introducing the game and the musical (all in French), and after about 6 minutes of video footage the guys actually entered the stage. Let’s say, they got a lot of cheers. Really, there were so much more fans in the room than I had thought. The funny thing though, people from all over Europe had gathered, but none of them seemed to be from France. (Excuse me if I’m wrong. It really just seemed that way. Anyway, it was really lovely to meet all these wonderful fans!)

The boys launched themselves straight into the first song: “Touken Ranbu”. Which made it immediately clear that Ryo’s mic was faulty. (Poor him.) And Daichi had some trouble to follow up with his line because of that, but he recovered really fast. The fact that Mikazuki was missing was solved by having Ryuji take over Mario’s first solo line. While the second solo line was taken by Tsubasa. Although instead of singing the Atsukashiyama Ibun line, he actually sang his own Mihotose no Komori-uta line. Then Ryuji just continued with his from Atsukashiyama Ibun.

For their introductions, to me it felt like they completely forget the interpreter was there. So, they just wanted to blabber on. It took them a moment to adjust to the fact everything needed to be translated. Not that it meant anything to the existing pool of fans in the audience. We answered/cheered straight through the translation. (My honest apologies to anyone who wanted to hear that interpretation and couldn’t because of us.) But I think it was really nice for the boys to get instant replies, instead of delayed replies.  

(Oh yay, I’m actually back in the Netherlands now, crossed the border. Only 2 hours to go until I’m home…)  

After that came a talk segment, where they answered some self-imposed questions.  

What place in Paris would you like to visit? 

What places should you visit in Japan? 

What’s your character’s “focus point”? 

I’m not going to go into all the answers for now. (I’ll get to that some other day.) I’m just going to mention a couple highlights. Like Imanotsurugi doing an adorable impression of the Eiffel Tower by raising his arms above his head and making a triangle. (his answer to the first question) And Iwatoshi coming back on that later in his answer to question two, when mentioned he’d recommend the Tokyo Sky Tree, which was so “beautifully envisioned by Imanotsurugi earlier”. Kashu recommended Kyoto, because yeah, Shinsengumi. For the question three answers the highlight probably goes to Kogitsunemaru, for commenting how the off-the-shoulder look of his (yellow) 'kimono' is sexy. And Iwatoshi “focus point” being his too-long naginata, and… his cute hood. ^^;;

Along the talk segment, we got more proof Ryo’s mic wasn’t behaving properly. As he tried to answer the second question screechy sounds were sent thought the hall. He waved it away like he was bothered by a buzzing fly and tried to move on. And then it happened again, but a lot worse! I think Daichi was the only one keeping some sort of straight face. Tsubasa gave a mild reaction. Ryuji showed obvious discomfort getting a screechy beep sent straight into his ears and Shunya just pretended to fall backward. And Ryo, he just smiled, silently apologized to the guys and tried to make the best of it.  

With all questions answered the boys were cut off in their talk by a horn announcing it was time to move out into the field (unfortunately, no actually enemies appeared. For a moment I thought they would) and we launched into the next song: “Shouri no Hata”. Holy shit, this song had some beautiful fighting choreography, which was unfortunately for me mostly performed on the runway and substage, so  while I could see it, I couldn’t really see it. Yes, yes, this was the moment I realized I should relocate to a seat further back (in a different block) the next day. Aside from the fighting we got an adorable dance of Imanotsurugi and Kashu.  

Straight after, we moved on to “Kimi no Uta”, where Ryo’s mic finally gave out. You could clearly hear his microphone wasn’t responding well as the song progressed. It was like all guys were singing at volume level 10, and his was at volume level 2 at some point. Just before his last solo line the mic gave out completely. You could see him desperately trying to make himself heard, but we were like deaf people doing lipreading. Despite all his efforts, he wasn’t a match against the loud music. Because he was standing quite close to the place I was sitting, I do think I heard him, very faintly, but I’m sure most of the people couldn’t. Props to him thought for trying and keeping up the show!

After that the show ended, the guys said their thanks. (Ryo’s was a silent one. Although he did speak, you still couldn’t hear him.) Then they left the stage and that was it. Since I’d been up since pretty early in the morning, I just went straight back to my hotel after that… Unfortunately the station was so damn crowded, I think it took us at least 30 minutes to actually get on the platform, because they only allowed a limited amount of new people in, after a train had left. Meanwhile, we were all melting in the station and being a perfect target for a terrorist attack.  

SATURDAY

Holy shit, Saturday was crazy! I wrote a bit about it already, but let’s go over it again. Pretty much immediately after entering Japan Expo, people started gathering near the entrance of the Ichigo stage. This was at 8:30, while the performance wasn’t to start until 12:45! With nothing better to do, me and my friend joined the little group of fans we met the other day. (Sorry, I have no clue who exactly all of you are. I just know a lot of you are precious followers of mine!) Slowly more people started lining up, and it was quite peaceful. It stayed that way until it was time the doors would open and we stood up, getting ready to enter. (way too early) It suddenly felt like a war had started between the “foreign” fans and the “Japanese” fans. Holy shit, those girls behind us where trying to push themselves past us! Don’t do that! It’s only on hindsight I think that maybe we started the war. After all, we were sitting at the front of the line with maybe 8 people at the start, but more and more foreign people just started “skipping” the line to join our little gathering. Maybe, just maybe, we pissed off the Japanese fans doing that. And the result... 

As soon as the door opened it became a full out war! People were running, very, very fast! Inside the building the war was temporarily put on hold, because we were stuck behind another fence, but once they opened that one… The staff tried really hard, by yelling, to make people stop running, but it was all in vain. I heard various Japanese girls actually tripped over their own feet and skirts. Although I didn't notice that happening myself.

I personally didn’t run much at first, but eventually it looked like all goods seats were going to disappear, so I decided to jog after everyone after all. Until the moment I noticed everyone was going for the middle block, right in front of the sub stage, while I wanted to sit on the side block, which was fortunately still nearly completely free.  

Good, with all of that done, we first had to sit through a Sailor Moon cosplay skit (of about 15 minutes)  before the actual show started. I also think they had to tell a lot of people they weren’t allowed to shoot videos and take videos the previous day, because suddenly we had staff walking around with English signs saying it wasn’t allowed to take videos or photos. So obviously, I obeyed again. ^^;;

Like yesterday the show started with the 6 minute introduction video. The guys came on stage and launched into “Touken Ranbu”. First thing I noticed, they fixed Ryo’s mic! No screechy noised, just pure amazing vocals!

(and this is where my laptop died on the train as I was typing)

Something else that took my attention was the background video they used. I couldn't remember it being so flashy the day before. No, it wasn't just me. They actually changed it! (I like this one better.)

After the song went on to the introductions and talk segment. And they did the best they could do! Whereas Friday they stayed on main stage for the duration of the talk segment, they actually ran up to the sub stage this time. Which meant that even though I moved further back into the hall, they were actually closer than they’d been the day before! Lucky! Not so lucky for the people in the front section, because they couldn’t see any of it anymore.

So, introductions were the same, let's move on to the talk segment. Fortunately they changed their questions, so today we had:

1) When you think of France you think of...? 2) What Japanese dish would you recommend everyone tries?

Highlight for the first question: Ryuij (or rather, Kashu) telling how the boys and girls in France are really beautiful. Then after the interpreter is done: "But not as beautiful as I am." xD Guess I can't disagree with that.

Second question I probably liked Shunya's best, who seemed really intent on poisoning us foreigners by recommending Natto and Umeboshi (fermented soy beans & pickled, sour plums) to try as breakfast. Although I suppose Ryuji's answer was pretty cute too. Telling how all Touken Danshi love Dango, and thus recommending we all try them.  

And that was the end for this talk section. So, we moved on to "Shouri no Hata" and "Kimi no Uta." Still loved the choreography! They danced well, sang well, it was just perfectness ^^ I don't think I have much more to say about it. There are no words to describe it!

With the song over, they thanked the audience and said goodbye. And that was the end of one of the most amazing experiences I've had in my life.

AFTERTHOUGHTS

If you’d ask me what I enjoyed more, watching a full musical in Japan or these two concerts. Honestly, I couldn't give you an answer, because I don't think it something I can compare. Both were an absolutely amazing experience! I have absolutely no regrets I went to Paris. They were absolutely awesome in anything they did! They were adorable! (And in truth, in the end I think Ryo's failing mic incident on the first day was pretty funny. He probably doesn't agree with me though.) I could keep going on forever like this, but I guess I'd better shut up by now. I can only hope the boys enjoyed doing these performances in France as much as we enjoyed watching them. Because we did! And the shows were way too short!

IMPORTANT!! PLEASE READ!!

At the very end of this very long talk, there is one more thing I need to say. I would like to implore everyone who did record the show (or parts of it) to NOT upload any of the material to any kind of streaming service, or make any download links publicly available. Also, please don't share any photos you took yourself publicly or scream around you have those recordings. If those videos you shot (or the existence of them) are going to leak onto the net, chances are the boys will never come to Europe again! Actually, chances are they'll never perform on a stage outside Japan again in a non-musical setting! Not because they don't want to, but because of the management. If you were there, I'm sure you could tell that Japan Expo had had to step up their game on the second day, because the first day they found too many people recording the show. (Possibly because they only announced in French that it wasn't allowed.) If the videos leak on the net, Japan Expo's management will receive a bad reputation and it's unlike these boys (or any other 2.5D groups) ever come again! Please remember that when you share your recordings around! Please be discrete about it! (And if you already uploaded them onto a streaming services, please take them down as soon as possible!) Thank you. ^o^//

[artofabeginner]

Memory Bank

Recording of Jamie Scott, Year 2054.

Regarding COVID 19, Date of memory: 2019-2020.

Extraction begins in 3...2...1:

The virus had begun to take its shape in December. A disease that gripped the nation of China, with no clear source. By January they were calling it the Coronavirus, by February the first death in the US was reported, and by March real testing had begun. A disease no one understood, or realized, until too late. Until China decided it was, maybe, perhaps, important to divulge the information. After, what? How many people do you think were sick? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll never know. I don’t really care to.

You used to hear about how China had been “2 weeks late.” People were quick to blame China, quick to blame governments, quick to blame races. Quick to blame everyone and anyone, but themselves of course. That would be too much responsibility, besides how can a human be responsible for a virus? As if they don’t see the hypocrisy in their statement.

The thing is, it was our fault. They won’t teach you that though, or maybe they will, I don't know. Here’s the thing, the virus had started in one of the wet markets. A place filled with filth and fear and stress. But not of humans, of animals. See, the theory was that an anteater had gotten so afraid that it transferred the virus to its handler. Funny, isn’t it? We caused the virus, and I do mean we. The world had always been complacent in the mishandling of these creatures, it wasn't like the wet market was only in Asia, it wasn't like the animals only came from other Asian countries. The reality is people were smuggling animals from all over the world, and people knew this. The government knew this. Scientists warned us, but I suppose all of this is hindsight isn't it?

It’s ironic in many ways, that the very thing humans had been destroying, was retaliating. Wouldn’t it have been poetically beautiful if that virus had caused the end of the human race? Wouldn’t it have been so poetically tragic to have died at the hands of something we caused. Not to say, I wanted to die, nor to say that it wasn’t sad. Just that, maybe we should have seen it coming. Maybe, a little bit of poetic justice was needed.

I know what your after though, philosophical thought is not that. You want data, you want to know what the average Joe did during these times. Sorry to break it to you. I did nothing. Literally. Life was different, but the reality is, I was never a social person. Confined to one place had been an easy transition. School was moved online, people talked over the phone, and life went on. There were some people that didn't take the threat seriously, didn’t take the warnings seriously. They were more concerned with their social life. That ended quickly though, when the state governments decided to go into lock down. And that was it, months rolled around, it died down a bit, it came back. Until finally they found a vaccine. And that was the whole ordeal.

Life afterwards had been weird though, paranoia gripped the people, there was less trust for governments. There was a surge of germophobia, and people were afraid of the slightest sniffs. The stock market crashed for a bit too, I think. All I remember were crazy high prices. The biggest change however, was on a federal level. I think people were realizing how dangerous globalization could be, if left unchecked. The reaction didn’t work well, it’s not like one could reverse centuries of work in a decade, but still they certainly tried.

I'll tell you what, the only important thing you should take away from this is that, we caused it, we deserved it, and nature got justice. Still, kinda sad. My only word of advice is prepare. We haven’t changed as people, and I don't think we ever really will. So, I'm expecting a big one to come, another virus, or plague, or something that we caused to ourselves, something we are going to blame on a small group of people because responsibility is too far beyond our ability as humans. 

Is that all you wanted?

Extraction ended.

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File saved.

Annotations:

Jamie Scott, died age 17, year 2020. Subject seems unable to recall its own death, and unable to realize the situation. No problem in communication with, however the subject seemed to believe itself still alive. No problem in recollection of the past, disregard any references to events after 2020. Subject seems to be in a philosophical mindset, linking it to others who have died during this time. Must look into why this is so. 

This was an English assignment from 10th grade! Hope you enjoy, she never graded it.