#I see the rpc is on fire again RIP

[queencvbra]

good morning my loves

[p0publur]

mink makes a very good point (on their multi) that I have been mentioning for months now to my friends, but also something jackie pointed out, too! that the sonic rpc has an abuser problem. 

It was a dumpster fire before Tycho showed up, I promise you that--he just came by to warm his hands on the already burning wreck and threw some gasoline on it to make it brighter. 

I’m not an expert on how to fix this mess, but I really believe that setting better boundaries is one of the biggest keys. And not to turn that into a “policing content” thing, because no, the only one who is responsible for your boundaries is YOU, not anybody else. You decide when it’s time to say “no”, etc. 

Also, I think we could all benefit from not being passive aggressive and vague posting on the dash! I get it, it’s sometimes scary to be direct with people, but why we gotta fight? There are some people I’ve seen who’ve straight up just fuckin misspoke, or spoke in ignorance, and we’re jumping down their throats?

I feel like it’s very obvious when something is like, ignorance and when something is malice. I would hope that if I said something stupid, my friends would pull me aside in private and talk to me about it, rather than making a bloodbath on the dash. 

We tried to talk to Tycho in private, all of us, and you saw what happened. We wanted to sort it out peacefully, but he wouldn’t let that be a thing. He was really dangerous one on one, as you’ve likely seen in the documents.

Now, what to do about this?  I think discussion is extremely important. I think we should communicate better, and work to deescalate situations instead of blowing them up more. If you can see a misunderstanding happening, maybe you can reach out to either party and find some way to talk things out. Not everyone is good with that, and it’s not your responsibility to do it, but the amount of outright vitriol in this rpc is at RIDICULOUS levels. Like, it was at the drop of a HAT that somebody could come in and turn us all against each other.

Asking for proof that isn’t just “random clips” of things. Tycho took one thing I said (”I’ve been really unfair to you”) and started flashing that around as proof that i was abusive, and everybody ate it up. AGH! But when Jackie asked to see proof, what did he do? He LASHED OUT, he got MAD and ACCUSATORY. All Jackie wanted was proof of Hebby (me) being abusive. 

Bullies hate it when you ask for proof. Bullies hate it when you can’t be controlled, when you won’t let them control you. Bullies hate it when you have standards and boundaries that you won’t lower for them. I promise you that, it’s true. 

And it’s right, like Mink said, (and it’s a hard pill to swallow but) if someone who wasn’t so big in the rpc had brought this up, it would have either been demonized or ignored! And that’s not great, either. I don’t really know what to do about that, because I personally do not have the time or energy to get to know everyone, but I do think it’s totally possible for all of us to exist in our parts in the sonic rpc without ripping into one another.

But even if we don’t all interact, I think a solid gold rule is “if you see something, say something”. If it feels bad, speak up. If it looks bad, speak up. Don’t go along with someone being toxic, even if they’re your friend. Stand up to bullies or bullying behavior. Having a friend who stands up to you when you’re being a jerk is invaluable. 

BE KIND, BUT TAKE NO SHIT.

so... here’s my ideas! and there’s no deadline either so, take your time.

1. establish healthy boundaries. there’s so many resources on this. it is okay to say “No” and you don’t even have to explain yourself. You are not responsible for other peoples’ emotions. 2. cultivate environments where people are not intent on misunderstanding you! friends who may not NEED you in their life but want you around is so so SO valuable 3. Discuss rather than point and give passive aggressive commentary. If I don’t have to ready “ummm okay sweaty ;)” ever again on my dash it wouldn’t be SOON ENOUGH! 4. Deescalate, NOT elevate!  5. ASK FOR PROOF. IT IS NOT BAD OR EVIL TO ASK FOR PROOF. A healthy level of skepticism does not make you bad. 

I can’t promise that these will be a CURE ALL, but god damn, they gotta mean something.