#I say we call lion/goat babies Coats

[donutfloats]

Goat and Lion! Nari boutta make some… Coats? Gubs?

[my2phetaliaheadcanons]

Pet Owners Part 1

Owning pets is rare for nations because a true nation’s pet has a bond with their owners as much as they do the land. Many of their pets don’t really have something they represent inexactness, it's just they were there when the nation was born, and they bonded. No one can really explain how they come to find their owners, both parties just know.

Some nations don’t have the nation pet, but instead either found a mythical creature or own regular pets that will eventually die.

America – A big black shaggy dog. Allen has owned Makwa since he was a small child. No matter where he went Makwa would follow. This mini mammoth is very protective of Allen and has bitten Oliver many times. This dog has even followed Allen into war zones. Their bond is as deep as man and dog can go.

He is Allen’s best friend and more often than not the wall he bounces off of. Whether he is venting, planning, or just sleepy mumbling, Allen takes the time to talk to Makwa.

England – Flying Chocolate Bunny (FCB) and Flying Strawberry Bunny (FSB). These mythical evil bunnies are downright monsters. Unlike his 1p that has only one, Oliver has two. Both nations discovered their bunny allies together, but instead of taking just one. Oliver decided to take two. They were found when the nations were about 150 yrs old.

Since mythical creatures have longer lifespans, they aren’t nation pets and die much later than an average pet.

FCB has red beady eyes and is the color of dark chocolate. His wings are shaped more like raptor’s wings and have a white chocolate underside to his wings. FCB often twitches and drools and looks like he is about to eat the nearest piece of flesh. He is known for being wilder and more chaotic, he does some of the dirty work for Oliver by getting physically involved. Scratching and biting Oliver’s victims, slowly driving them mad by wounds made from an unseen force.

FSB on the other hand is much sweeter. She is a light red with small yellow spots. Her wings look like a swan's, and have a light green underwing. Her eyes are small beady and green. FSB looks like a toy rabbit, small and fluffy. She is Oliver’s eyes and ears. She spies on whomever Oliver asks her to and takes the time to ensure that Oliver has whatever information that he needs. When Oliver had many colonies she was the one sent to spy on them. She is quick and knows how to use magic to shorten her fly time.

Oliver loves his bunnies and feeds them a lot of cupcakes and meat. He spoils them with fancy beds and toys. Though he does expect them to earn their keep with various tasks given by him.

Canada – A big white polar bear. Kuma is Canada’s oldest frenemy, over the years they have traded blows and saved each other. The amount of trust these two have is unrivaled by any other nation and their pets. Kuma has been with Canada since he was about a week old. Kuma is a typical adult polar bear with a scar across his left shoulder and it splits his fur.

Canada’s scars on his chest come from Kuma. They got really intense in a fight one day and came at each other for blood. That same fight gave Kuma his scar. Both winded up extremely wounded and ignored each other for a week before making up.

Over the years Kuma mostly follows Matt’s orders. But occasionally Kuma acts like a brat and ignores Canada. Kuma has his own little house outside that Canada built, but he also has a huge mat on the floor inside Matt’s cabin.

Japan – Koi. Like it’s been said before, Japan likes koi. They are beautiful and he owns many. He has been keeping them since he was physically about 12 years old. He has a pond that connects to a tank within his home. It is a huge tank that has all the proper fixings that allow for a comfortable space for his fish.

He invests heavily in the industry and always checks the farms himself when he has the time. Many family farms know of Kurai, at least a fake name he puts out, and newer farms hope to receive his blessings. His name carries a lot of respect and honor for the koi industry and those that don’t meet his standards close shop quickly.

Every so often he will enter his koi in contests. He loves to know that his are the best and has many ribbons from the past ones he has either won or come close to winning.

Germany – A small brown tabby. Luther loves his tiny kitty and spends many a nap with this little baby on his lap. His little tabby is called Winzig and her name is literally her size. Winzig was found by Luther one night after making his way home after a night of drinking about a year ago. She was small and hiding under a box by his apartment. In his drunken stupor, he picked up the kitten without thinking and brought her home. She is actually his third cat.

There were two others he had owned in the past. His first was a calico that was named Schnurrhaare (Whisker). She was very aloof, but they too napped together often. She sadly died in the year 1901. His second cat Axel came to him about 1950 and was a gift from his boss. Axel was a big Mainecoon that looked like a burnt cookie. He acted more like a dog than a cat and Luther loved him. They played fetch together.

None of Luther’s cats have been a true nation pet. So, each one has passed, Winzig is still young and very lively so she has a while still with Luther. Though the other two, Luther has kept their collars and buried them behind his father’s house. He leaves little bits of string on their graves for them.

Rome – This old man had a lion. Not just any lion, the extinct European lion. Mars was the name of this old boy and Rome had him from the time he was a child. At first, Mars was unsure about Rome and chased him. Over time the two became close. Mars didn’t have a huge mane it was more of a gentle fluff around his head and down his chest. His body and head were covered in scars. Mars was known to have a light pale coated rather than the deep dusty color of many of his brethren. He had a regal air about him and Rome cherished his lion a lot.

When Rome passed Mars lived on, but not much longer than Rome. He lived about 5 years while being taken care of by Luciano. Mars being old then, didn’t do much and seemed to enjoy the calm final years that Luciano offered him. He got a bigger and cooler grave than his master did.

Prussia – Alvin is an old destrier and looks like a Percheron. Lightly colored with dark grey boots and muzzle. Alvin has been with Wil since he was born, this stocky little foal just showed up outside and has been with him ever since. Alvin has been Wil’s first pick of steed into every battle that used horses and Alvin like his owner is brave and loyal.

Both master and pet love spending nights together riding through the woods. Prussia gives Alvin lots of training and treats. They are so close that more often than not spend many afternoons together. Alvin is also trained for various horse competitions.

Spain – So we all know this man owns a bull. Idiota is special to Armando even though he won't admit it. When Armando is tending to his fields Idiota is there giving a presentation of an old friend. Many believe that Idiota is a nation pet because of how long he has lived and Spain agrees. As much as he gets angry at his bull being stupid he could never bring himself to part with the bull.

The centuries of being petty with each other make it interesting to both parties. Though in times of danger both have each other's backs. Once during a siege when Spain was young, Idiota was all that stood between him and Rome. Though despite losing, it took Rome impaling the bull and beheading it to keep it from defending a young Spaniard.

Netherland – He has a snake. It’s a simple grass snake that often hangs out with him at home. He loves his little snake and named him Hazel. He says his snake looks like a Hazel. Baas and Hazel go on many adventures when the weather is ok for Hazel. He takes him to the store, to meetings with his boss, and other places. They spend lots of time gathering info on people and just pulling pranks. Baas believes that Hazel enjoys it as much as his master.

 Hazel has a huge terrarium with plenty of space, heating lights, and pools of water. It takes up a whole wall in Baas’ home. It also contains fish and other small creatures that make the tank self-sustaining. 

Baas relates to his danger noodle; in that, he sees himself almost the same as his snake. Both are hidden predators that take care of nasty rats. Which happens to relate to his favorite thing to do with Hazel, feed him.

Austria – A Greater Mouse-Eared Bat, I mean what could be better for him. Austria found Krampus around Christmas time when he heard some noises coming from his attic. Krampus had found his way into the attic and freaked out trying to get out. This caused a tear in his wing, and Austria being surprised by this tiny nightmare.

Austria feeling the spirit of Christmas was compassionate and took care of the bat. First, he forced his way into a vet clinic and had his little Krampus looked at. Krampus's huge tear would heal, but it makes it difficult for him to fly again. That was the vet’s opinion and then went off to call a sanctuary to come and collect the bat. Well, Jon didn’t like that and ran off with Krampus.

Since then Jon has done a lot to ensure his little friend was becoming better. Eventually, the wing healed, but not well enough for flying. So Jon has a little bat that can glide short distances and has a little cave in his home. Krampus gets all the proper nutrition and cleanings.

Though shortly after bringing Krampus home, Jon did call Matt. Matt had some words for Jon when he found out what he did.

Switzerland – This man loves goat cheese, so obviously he wanted goats. He and his 1p own a small herd together that they both manage. Vash does most of the physical labor while Hans makes them look good for competition and takes care of their papers. 

They are all Swiss breeds and earn their keep by giving milk. They have a great life with all the latest things for goat care. Hans even personally watches the new items get installed to ensure that it is done right and that his goats are given something nice. 

Hans pets them often and coos to them as he does. He keeps plenty of treats on hand, to the point all the herd runs toward him wanting treats.

Iceland – Mr. Puffin or Puff as Iceland calls him. This is puffin is nothing like his gangster 1p. He wears a small top hat and monocle. He is much more gentlemanly and often speaks about how Iceland could be better behaved. He often says things like stand straight, address the lady with respect, and so on. Unlike most nations and their pets growing up at the same rate, Puff was an adult when he met baby Iceland. Which concerned 2p Norway, because he could have been some kind of monster trying to destroy his new colony. One of the few times Norway showed concern for Iceland.

Though being the typical expectation for nation pets, Iceland loves Puff. They spend time together going about and causing havoc and attempting to win Norway’s attention. Though Puff still tells Iceland that there are better things to do than pursue Norway, but Iceland wants his brother’s love and acceptance.

Puff does his best to keep Iceland under control and professional, but he fails often. Though he refuses to give up and rather would keep on taking care of his young ward.

[william-nylander]

having a very rough day, do you have anymore top willy moments to gift us?

i am so sorry u are having a rough day pebble. i decided to go a bit rogue with this, in that it is instead a Top Willy Interviews On the Leafs Youtube Page listicle. i hope it makes ur day a teeny bit better.

idk if you’ve ever been to toronto BUT this look is very like. like this willy lives in the junction and hates the “noise” of the downtown and has waited 2 hours in line for bangbang ice cream in august. he likes to smoke weed in trinity bellwoods. he goes to poetry readings on bar roof tops and says shit about how everything north of dupont is “north york”. hes been known to sit at the piano in the common room at university college (uoft) and play scales. he can and has fucked ur boyfriend.

this willyum is your coworker at canadas wonderland one summer. he does not know what hes doing. he is either like :| or like :D depending on the moment. his nose gets sunburnt at the beginning of the summer but only ever in a charming way!!! u never see it peel. he works the stuffed animal stands and cannot understand why his has a line and none of the others do (hint: its bc every1 has a crush on him!!!!). before the park opens he wanders around with one of those velcro monkeys around his neck. he likes the mindbuster the best bc thats MY favourite ride and this is my listicle. 

also i miss willys gigantic front teeth gap. he used to have little tombstone teeth. what has he done to them. 

hey i love kyle dubas with my whole heart and all but there was something to be said about how when lou made them all be clean shaven and hair short it meant that willys hair was always kinda like a dragon ball z character and also his skin was all fleshy and elastic like a babys arm 

speaking of kyle dubas i found this choice shot of willy blinking while kyles prattling on about nothing and like has anything ever been more My Aesthetic 

god. has any1 ever been more iconic. this willy lives just north of bloor on dufferin and will tell anyone that the ossington strip is the “most underrated part of the city” (& hes right!!!!). they know his name at sugo. he takes all his out of town friends there and he gets tattoos at ink + water (thats at lansdowne right? now ive confused myself). he goes to the value village there and owns 29 pairs of sunglasses. he has his bed on the floor. he listens to a lot of better oblivion community centre. he long boards. he goes to bulk stores for groceries. he wants to start brewing his own kombucha. actually u know the more i typed this willy might just be me whoops.

this man is my next door neighbour for the summer in cottage country. he has a fishing boat but he doesnt fish because fish suck. i invite him over for bbq and telling stories around the campfire. we drink shitty beer. he is not interesting but he is hot. maybe we make out on the dock. willy looks weirdly good in green.

whenever someone has bracelets on their wrist my mind goes str8 to SUMMER CAMP. willyum is a camp counsellor at a camp maybe on like idk lake erie or some shit. he is a cabin leader and he loves his little sprouts/campers. frederik gauthier is the HEAD LIFEGUARD and willy thinks hes so funny and weird and sweet and cute and he doesnt realize!!! until the end of camp!!! that he has a big crush on freddie goat!!!! its the last night of camp and theres a big campfire and a camp dance and willy asks goat to sneak away with him. they go down to the beach and sit on the picnic table under the lifeguard tent and willy kisses goat and its very romantic. 

okay 1) love a man in a puffy coat & 2) there is something about “my father will hear about this” draco malfoy looking like He Was a Diplomats Son mp3 willy that just really gets my goat. he went to a boarding school in the swiss alps and fucked ur girlfriend. he has a closet for his shoes. he dated a member of the swedish royal family for a summer but broke up with him bc he was too clingy.

speaking of that bitch…..here he is again. this is after his tour after high school. he rented out an apartment in lisbon and would smoke cigarettes with beautiful people on the balcony. he spends a month in the south of france turning golden on the rocky beaches and buying dinner every night from the market on his way back to the hotel. this willy takes molly at a gay club in dresden and wakes up in an architect students bed and then he goes to the park to sweat off a hangover and pretend to read nietzsche  

this willy is absolutely the rapscallion son of the president. whats that movie with mandy moore (maybe???? oh no wait i just googled it its katie holmes) - that movie with katie holmes where the first daughter like falls in love or whatever?? this is willy. OOH IVE GOT IT. okay so this willy is absolutely a zoey barlett type from the west wing who is very cute and everyone loves him even though he is a spoiled brat sometimes/all the time. ENTER the assistant to the president - zach hyman - in a charlie young role. they fall in love over a pot of chilli. its the most beautiful thing u have ever s33n. 

okay so like willy is the new Legal Assistant at the office. kyle is a Partner in Law or whatever tf they’re called. willy and he are Working Late One Night and u know what that means…..they go to rol san bc its open until like 6am and they eat the FUCK out of some dumplings and then kyle drives willy back to his apartment (maybe in this one he lives in a shitty place at yonge & college???? like classic “roommate in the living room” toronto living??) and they KISS in the CAR and its ROMANTIC.

this willyumm is your date for thanksgiving dinner. he comes extremely bundled. my parents live north of toronto so i imagine this willy driving us north for the weekend. his scarf is very evan from skam and its sexi. he does not like the folk playlist that you have put on but its FALL and the TREES and OCTOBER MEANS HOZIER and hes like UGH FINE WHATEVER and is a bit grumpy but then u pass thru the holland marsh and he’s like “hm smells like onions” and its all fine again. his laugh confuses your extended family and he sucks at scrabble and is a pouty bitch about it but its a GOOD TIME.

god THIS WILLYAM is ur older brothers BEST FRIEND and he comes over to play video games ?? i guess ?? i never had a brother but i YEARNED to crush on a brothers best friend. he is very handsome like a lion. maybe you write some weird diary shit about it. every time he comes over ur SO WEIRD and he KNOWS ABOUT UR CRUSH and hes VERY NICE ABOUT IT.

also would a willy listicle be complete without me marvelling over his long straight nose??????????? look how straight it is!!!!!!

this will ham is in ur intro to gender studies class on friday mornings in sid smith. hes in one of ur projects and hes got no fucking clue whats going on. hes on the varsity blues hockey team and he thought that he clicked on “intro to geography”. despite the fact that he has no idea whats happening ever hes enthusiastic about listening. one time u go for coffee at mallo across from where honest eds used to be and he asks u what the male gaze is. 

okay. i hope u enjoyed this. it took me awhile and i enjoyed every second of it. to conclude, here is several screen shots from my favourite willy interview:

u ever see a man more beautiful

lil elastic face weirdo 

[peachyteabuck]

good for ‘em

summary: prompt was “thorkyrie x reader threesome + piss play + brat taming“

after you break some rules, a punishment must be given

pairing: thor odinson x valkyrie x reader

words: 3,042

trigger warnings: piss play, rope play, threesomes, oral, unprotected sex, d/s dynamics, pet names, dirty talk

notes/other: i have...officially written some thorkyrie. another 2019 goal finished!!

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

(cred, cred)

Crouched low on the ground with your knees digging into the modern grey carpeting, you’ve been tensing your thighs together and twisting your body every which way for the past twenty minutes. You’ve been doing yoga and Pilates for years, but nothing prepared your muscles and limbs for this day, for the aching in your legs and arms as you contort yourself into every position possible in a seemingly endless effort allow yourself alleviation.

Each new pose you frantically twist yourself into (each one made harder by the rope that locks your arms behind your back) grants you a few moments of beautiful, sacred relief before the anguish becomes ten times as worse as before.

The game never ceases, each Hellish cycle of excruciating pain and recovery on repeat.

It doesn’t take long for your deep, frequent groans of pain to become loud enough to be heard around the make-shift gag that stuffs your mouth; the salty-sweet slick from a pair of Val’s black lace panties from her previous antics with Thor pressing against your tongue coating your taste buds with every whine. As you beat your limbs at the floor hoping to catch said woman’s attention, you hear a deep laugh from the (literal) king-sized bed at the center of the room.

“I think our little girl is done, Val,” you hear Thor say, his voice thick from immense pleasure. At the acknowledgement of your torture, you whine again, back curving as you try to pull them within eyeshot.

The efforts sort of works; you can see one of Thor’s legs twitching and where his pelvis meets Valkyrie’s hips as she pulls forward and back again on his thick cock. Thor’s loud moans reverberate against the walls, and you can picture his head thrown back in ecstasy as a strong smirk crawls across Valkyrie’s face.

Even if you can’t see it now – view obstructed by the tall bed - the lines of her lips are easily drawn by memory as you know this contortion of her face, and you know it well. This face is the same one you saw yesterday when she fucked your face with a strap-on, the same one you saw the day before when you found her ramming into Thor doggy style with his face pressed into the mattress as if he wasn’t six inches taller and 150 pounds heavier than she is.

“How much longer do you think you can hold it, baby?” Valkyrie asks. You know she’s looking at Thor but talking to you, and as you try and scream, another jolt of displeasure courses through you. Not long, you want to say. Please, please let me go. Still, all that breaks through the gag is a childlike screech.

Luckily, Val seems to get the wordless message. With an annoyed huff, she climbs off Thor (ignoring his hearty protests) and pads over to you, still naked and dripping between her legs.

The first thing you feel is her presence, just the sheer fact she’s near you forces a whimper rise from your throat. Valkyrie’s always had this energy that surrounds her like a second skin, one that’s both imposing and comforting. It reminds you of a large wolf or one of the large Sequoias you visited as a child; one that intimidates and fascinates you as her brown eyes burn into your heated skin.

The second thing you feel is her foot nudging under your stomach as she tells you to flip over. You do, the ropes that bind you not making the task easy, and you can hear her laugh a little as you struggle. The movement alone makes another rush of pain flood your veins, causing you to writhe on the carpet even more than before.

The third thing you feel is the same foot pressing just so, her toes pressing directly onto your filled bladder. You’re full on crying now as the pressure increases, tears streaming down your face and nose running as you concentrate everything you have not to release everything right fucking there. If you did, you’d surely soak her foot and the towel under you, and she’d make you clean both. The mere thought makes you shiver.

Valkyrie tuts, crossing her arms across her bare chest.

“Thor says you have to go, little one,” your watery eyes obscure her face, but you’re sure the same smirk from before still paints her features. You can picture her almost too easily, talking down to you like an experienced pet owner would chastise a puppy who chewed the legs of her expensive couches and chairs. “If you have to go, then go.”

In some other dimensional plane, you can hear Thor get up, too. On one divergent from that one, you can feel him next to you; on another, he strokes your face and smooths your eyebrows with his thumb. The only thing that’s real to you is his deep voice, his lips close to your ear. “C’mon, sweetheart,” he coos. “It ain’t a trick, if you have to, just let go.”

You whimper, still not believing either of them.

Val rolls her eyes before bending down and slapping at your sensitive pussy. You welp, entrapping her hand with your trembling thighs. “Baby girl, I’m gonna keep slappin’ ya until you let go, understand? If Thor says you’re done, you can be done.”

It doesn’t take much after that to break, your entire lower half (including the rope) soaked in your own urine. As you finish, your once-labored breathing turns into quick, deep bursts - each pant into the fabric in your mouth is returned with another flood of the heady taste of ValValValValVal. With the hefty relief comes an undeniable pleasure, your eyes rolling to back of your head as your brain short-circuits and your legs try to twitch in their binds.

It takes what feels like hours for your muscles to relax, but even as you fall limp on the ground your chest continues to heave as your lungs crave sweet, pure air.

“You done?” Val asks, tone flat and empty. To others she sounds biting, annoyed, on the brink of punishment. You know better, though, you know she’s genuine as anything as she stares down at your shaking body.

You gasp as best you can, nodding. The ropes still dig into your skin as you lay on the ground.

“Good.”

Immediately she unties the intricate knots as Thor fishes the spit-coated underwear from your mouth.

“You need any water?” He asks, noticing your dry mouth. You viciously shake your head, mind flashing to just a few hours earlier.

You got to sit at Thor’s lap, at least, while Valkyrie tied you up and made you drink exactly 500 milliliters of water on a mostly-empty stomach. With the first few sips everything was fine, perfect even as Thor rubbed soothingly at your hips. The cramping didn’t hit until the second glass of water, an agonizing knot tying in your lower belly. After that subsided a residing stomach ache crawled up your abdomen, which quickly gave way to the overwhelming feeling that you needed to piss…now.

Once you began to complain, she stripped and stuffed your mouth as she and Thor crawled onto the bed six feet from you and started to fuck. Their moans and the sound of skin slapping skin echoing off the walls didn’t allow you to think of anything else besides how much you wanted them.

He smiles softly as he looks you up and down, a visual check to make sure you’re alright. “Alright princess, c’mere, let’s get you on the bed and we can- “

“Um, put her down.” Valkyrie stops him. Just when you thought you had gotten away with it. “You do remember that she’s being punished, right?”

Thor clears his throat but doesn’t say anything. Looks like he isn’t coming to your rescue this time.

She continues. “You do remember that she flirted with that bartender last night? And wore that slutty dress? And disobeyed direct orders not to touch herself that day? She came twice without permission, Thor. Twice.”

Thor shrugs, still silent. Traitor, you want to sneer at him. Instead, you pout and try to make your eyes wide and innocent – I’m a good girl, you try and wordlessly convince her. Don’t punish me, I’m too sweet for that.

It doesn’t work.

Valkyrie looks down at you, eyes burning holes in your now-quivering bottom lip and tone condescending as ever. “You can’t get away with that sort of behavior with me, princess. You got that?”

You nod, quiet as the sky at midnight.

 “Excellent. Now get up on the bed, in position.”

You follow orders without retort, climbing onto the large bed that smells of sex and sweat and the cherry blossom candles Thor loves to burn all the time. Your arms are still sore from the carpet and rope, and as you move face down, ass up there’s an occasional sharp inhale of pain. Behind you, you can hear multiple drawers opening and closing at once, the two sets of footsteps meaning Thor had gotten over his pity for little ole you. This punishment isn’t what you wanted, isn’t what you hoped for when you misbehaved, especially since now even Thor – sweet, gentle, (normally) soft dominant Thor – wasn’t even on your side. Normally he keeps the retribution to your benefactor, but it appears even a God can’t overpower Valkyrie.

You can feel Val’s warm hands rubbing your ass, a surefire sign of trouble. The bruises from the last time you misbehaved hadn’t even healed yet, and they’d sure be joined by more by the end of the night.

You tense under her calloused palms as she spreads you apart, gripping the sheets in hope for some relief.

“Do it,” Thor mumbles, voice thick with lust. You’ve seen him like this before, his mouth watering like a starved lion watching an injured goat limp across an empty field. This seems to be his favorite part, which has always surprised you. Maybe he loves feeling the drag of his thick cock move in and out of your dripping cunt and calling you a slit and fucking your throat and making you play with yourself with a vibrator on high until you’re crying from overstimulation.

But nothing, nothing is better than watching Valkyrie beat you until you’re begging her for mercy.

A few months ago, as an early birthday present, you let Tony jerk off while Valkyrie tied you up and used you like a toy for a couple hours. Thor, too, joined your audience, offering his counterpart some scotch as they sat next to each other a few feet from the bed.

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” Tony asked as he palmed himself through his jeans. The playboy let out a particularly deep moan as you cried out – Valkyrie’s crop landing in an exceptionally tender spot on your body.

Thor smirked as he took a sip of mead. “You don’t even know, Stark.”

You don’t relax when Val removes her hands, and you jump at the next feeling.

Whatever is touching you is soft, long. It’s dragged lazily across your tense muscles, and each time it stops and picks back up again you gasp in fear.

“Aw, is the little baby scared?” She mocks close to your ear. All you can do inhale sharply and nod as Val laughs before starting again.

You’re not sure how long this goes on, this game of cat and mouse that feels more like torture and less like punishment every second. At one point you feel Thor’s fingers running along your spine – another too-sweet feeling that makes you shiver. What are they planning? Why are they doing this to you?

You’re shaking violently when Valkyrie steps away from you, your body slumping and posture curving a little at the complete loss of contact. When your mound hits the sheets, you feel something much heavier and solid than whatever was touching you before at the back of your thighs.

“Did I say you could leave position?” Thor hisses. He sounds like Valkyrie with his aggressive tone and tint of growl; it makes another river of slick run down your shaking legs.

“N-no sir,” you stutter out, pushing yourself up again. You don’t dare look back, terrified to even glimpse at the pair behind you without permission.

A few beats of silence pass before one of them speaks again. “Here’s the plan for tonight, princess,” Valkyrie hisses in your ear. “You’re going to get both Thor and I off, and then – and only if you’re good – we’ll let you cum. Understood?”

You swallow the spit that trailed down your bottom lip before you respond. “Yes, daddy.”

“Good,” She grins. “Now come and eat me out.”

You’re pulled to Val’s pussy by your messy hair, your knees soon hitting the floor as she leans back on the bed. Loud, deep moans tinted with laughter fill your ears as you wrap your lips around her sensitive nub. The fist wrapped in your hair only tightens as she speaks, grinding her pussy into your face. “Who’s my little clit hungry slut, huh princess? You my little pussy-eater?”

You mmm into her folds and she falls back against the messy sheets, each inhale a sigh and exhale a groan. With your narrow field of vision, you can see Thor kneel close to Val’s head - kissing at her temples and cradling her face.

“Watching our baby eating you out is making me so hard, Val,” he coos. You can barely hear him now, her thighs wrapped tightly around your ears. You easily slip two fingers into her heat and as you curl them she clenches around you, signaling her impending orgasm. Her screams only push you to suck and bite harder, to press more fingers into her as you tongue traces her burning cunt. Thor pushes one of his large hands through your hair next to Val’s, pushing you even further into her dripping center.

“Faster baby,” he murmurs, voice heavy and dark. “Suck that clit.”

Val comes with a shout, the only thing releasing you from her clenched thighs being Thor’s hands pushing them apart. When your mouth finally leaves her core, you’re panting harder than you have all night, breathe taken as you stumble back. Your face is covered in her juices as Thor pulls you to him, kissing you before pushing you down to the floor and guiding you towards his crotch.

“Suck it nice and slow, baby,” he grunts. “Wanna cum in that pretty little mouth of yours.”

You take him down easy, your throat accustomed to his large size from years of experience. But even if your jaw is used to the stretch, you still choke as he thrusts into you. You can’t get him off as fast as Valkyrie, even as you wrap one hand around his shaft and the other plays with his balls.

You gag and spit and suckle at his head, but it’s obviously not enough as Valkyrie looms behind you. She’s grabbed a chair (probably the same one Thor sat in all those months ago) and tsks. “I think you need a little help there, princess,” she tells you, voice low and sultry. You can feel something at the back of your head, forcing you down on Thor’s cock so far that you start to tear up.

“Oh gods,” Thor hisses. “Fuck, keep pressing with your foot like that.”

“Sometimes an eager little whore needs some assistance,” Val mumbles, watching you both with awe.

Thor comes down your throat with tears streaming feely down your face and Val keeping you with as much of Thor’s cock in your mouth as possible. By the time she lets you go, you fall to the ground and choke in air, desperate to breathe freely again. “I think we overdid her, love,” Thor says as he watches you, eyes wide with concern.

Val rolls her eyes. “I think she’ll be okay.”

Once your breathing returns to normal and the tears become few and far between, Val speaks again.

“Well, I think she’s been good, hasn’t she?” Val asks, looking down at your spent form.

Thor hmms and pulls you onto him, guiding your hips down onto his cock, already hard from his last orgasm. “She should get her reward.”

He flips your bodies so that he’s looming over you, your body pliant under his. Thor slips into easily, your pussy aching from lack of contact. You’d tell them how good it feels if you could, but your throat hurts so bad all you can do now is whimper.

It feels so fucking good as Thor begins to fuck into you at a bruising pace, going balls deep with every thrust. Val only encourages his antics as she lays next to you two. “Isn't our princess so pretty Thor? Look our pretty girl taking your cock. ‘S the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…”

Thor huffs as you let out a particularly animalistic moan, your face turned and pressed into the bed, so the sheets muffle your screams. “You like that, angel?” Val purrs. “Like Thor fucking you nice and hard?”

All you can do is nod, brain fried as you feel Thor’s thumb circle your neglected clit.

“Then come on his cock, baby, soak his fucking dick.”

And you do. Embarrassingly quickly. Twice. He tries to go for a third, but Val stops him.

“Oh, my little baby girl,” she coos. Her fingers smell like she’s been touching herself, getting herself off as you and Thor fuck in front of her. “Are you done?”

“Mhm,” you mumble in a small voice. With each second your eyelids get heavier and your chest rises higher, sleep overcoming you as Thor pulls out and pushes you into Val’s arms. “M tired,” you croak.

They both huff out small laughs. “I know, baby,” Thor says. “Go to sleep, we’ll clean up in the morning.”

Val nods her head in agreement, her and Thor working together to get all three of you under the warm (but dirty) comforter. The laundry they’ll need to do in the morning is insane, but for now, they rest and enjoy the post-sex haze with you cuddled between them.  

[cdg174]

Interdimensional Twisted Fates: Part Two

IN COLLABORATION WITH @cyanpintglass <---Mistakes are hers but we’re both too tired to care.

Part One Here

Words: 4k+ (sooooooooooooooooo maaaaaaannnnnnyyyyy)

Pg 505 [Latest edition of Supernatural]

[Chuck] Author Note: I cannot take all the credit for this creative change; I did have help.

“Cass!?” Dean repeated looking down at a 6 month old baby in a mini tan-coloured trench coat. Baby Cass stopped crying, looked up at Dean and held is arms out to be picked up. Dean looked at Sam who was trying not to laugh, then kneeled down and gently picked up Cass holding him out.

“Can you talk, Cass?” Sam asked amused.

Baby Cass tried to form a sentence but it came as baby babble. Cass pouted and babbled under his breathe.

“Do you think he’s old enough to walk?” Sam asked

“I don’t think so” Dean said still holding baby Cass like Rafiki held little Simba in the Lion King, excep Cass was facing Dean. Dean furrowed his eyebrows and sighed cradling baby Cass in his arms and looked around “where’d Bobby go?”

“Uh, I think he went that way” Sam said pointing down a wide path

They start to walk down the path. Sam looked up at the sky which was a swirling magenta-purple colour with a weird moon that looked like a wheel of swiss cheese. “What type of trees do you think these are?” he asked as he put his hand on one. It was rough and slightly sticky.

“No friggin way” Dean said as he hands Cass to Sam hastily.

“where are you going” says Sam as he carried Cass and hurried after him.

“Jelly beans, dude” dean cuts a hole into the jelly bean “weird they’re hollow. As he took the piece out  the Jelly bean screamed, making Cass cry and dean drop the piece and run towards Sam “son of a-!?”

Sam tries to sooth baby Cass’ crying and hands him back to Dean who continues to rock Cass. Sam then goes to pick up the piece and when he straightens he sees what screamed. It wasn’t the jelly bean itself, it was a grey, scruffy looking sloth about four and a half feet tall who looked more concerned than pissed.

“Oh, no. No, No, No, it’s okay” the sloth said hastily making his way out to jelly bean bungalow and over to baby Cass. Dean tried to move away but he reached over Dean and took baby Cass and started whistling to him, making him laugh. Cass made a weird face, then reached out and played with the sloth’s scruffy face.

Sam and Dean shared a what-the-hell stare then Sam piped up “Um? Can we have Cass back”

“Oh, ha yes. Where are my manners. I’m Zazzle, but everyone calls be Z” the sloth said gently giving Cass to Sam “He’s such an angel”

“you have no idea" Sam chuckles

“You can talk” Dean said

“Yeah, so can you. most of your kind don’t talk out loud if you know what I mean” the sloth said making faces at Cass

“Uh, no. what do you mean?” Dean said

“Oh, you unfortunate souls you’re ungifted? That’s so sad” Z said picking up the jelly bean piece “I’ll have to patch you on”

“What do you mean, ungifted?” Sam asked

“Oh, Your people are telepathic” Z said matter-of-factly,  positioning the piece back into place “You must not be from around here, hey?”

“No, could you take us to our people?” Sam asked

“Yeah, no worries just got to patch my house first” Z said going into the jelly bean and bringing out a jar of a thick dark amber liquid and a paintbrush. They watch as Z put the paintbrush in the liquid and smear it around the jelly bean piece. The liquid quickly change colour and seeped into to cracks. Other than the liquid still being wet you could barely tell that Dean had cut a piece of his house.

“Sorry about that by the way” Dean said rubbing the back of this neck.

“Oh, no worries, not the first time” Z laughed “Come on it’s almost breakfast.”

They continued down the path at a steady fast pace and Cass starts to squirm and fuss.

“Man, Cass. you are not a light baby” Sam laughed readjusting Cass for the umpteenth time.

“I can carry him if you’d like” Z offered

Sam looks at Dean then to Z “You sure?”

“Yeah, I got away with the little angels” Z smiled

Dean shrugged, Sam looked at baby Cass, his bright blue eyes were full of wonder and a hint of something else, something warning, dangerous. Sam smiled and cradles him into the sloth’s long, soft fuzzy arms. The sloth starts humming and Cass is babbling quietly. There was a break in the trees up ahead.

“Your people live just up ahead. I’ll take you to their protector. She is a Satyr” Z Warned “and she has a temper- really impatient”

As they reached the break in the trees Dean came to a complete stop and Sam ran into him “Dude”

Dean hit Sam and pointed “Look”. Sam looked toward where Dean was pointing and say gawked. There was a town, the houses were made of HUGE candies. Most houses were made of Candy corns about two stories high, but some were made of Jolly Ranchers, Humbugs, and even Ribbon Candies standing on end all about two stories tall. Sam wasn’t sure if it was the food that Dean was drooling over or the women. Everywhere you looked there were women, but not men.

Some of the women wore flowing long dresses and some of the women were dressed like warriors but they barred no weapons. As they approached the town limits Sam could see these women were not all human some of these women were wood nymphs (who were dressed like warriors). As they walked past, the wood nymphs would shield the human women and give death glares to both Dean and Sam but soften their expressions when they saw Cass.

A tall wood nymph approached them and she and Z seemed to be having a telepathic conversation “Z, who are these people?”

“Hello Everwood, these are new comers. I was just taking them to Ma’am Ruby. They’re ‘ungifted’” replied Z rocking Cass.

Everwood narrowed her eye at Dean and Sam then baby Cass made a hiccup noise and see looked at him surprised “Oh! A little angel!” she spoke and clasp her together.

“He’s ours” Dean said matter-of-factly

Everwood gave Sam and Dean a weird sideways glance “But you look like brothers"

Dean turned 150 shades of pink and Sam laughed “We are. What Dean meant is he-we look out for each other”

“Oh, that is extraordinary" she smiled “But you really must be on your way. Ruby probably already knows you're here.”

“RUBY!?” both brothers exclaimed but Z and Everwood had already started walking away; Cass in hand.

They approached a Fort made out many ribbon candies with a door made out of licorice strings woven together. They walked inside and realized it was a great hall. At the far end of a huge marble table was Jackalope Bobby and Ruby but not Ruby her top half was definitely Ruby but her legs were goat legs- SATYR. There was a decanter full of a swirling blues liquor on the table and two short glasses Her lady bits only covered with a short tight leather skirt which made Sam raise and eyebrow.

“See, see" Bobby pointed at them. “You're late Idjits"

“Yeah, you never told us what we’re late for Bobby" Sam said.

“Interesting. You talk to him as if he is an old friend” Said Ruby

“Maybe because we know him, and you, Ruby” Dean said through his teeth

“Maybe in another life” Ruby sneered.. “why are you here?”

“Because Bobby said we were late" Sam said

Ruby turned as Bobby ducked under the table “Bobby!”

“She said get them here, you know how she is.”

“then where is  she?”

“She’s coming to supper" Bobby muttered.

“What!?” shrieked Ruby “wah, we don't have time to prepare! Bobby why didn't you tell me? Everwood take some of your ladies and harvest please"

“of course, Ruby" Everwood bowed out.

There was awkward silence for couple of minutes “So, how do you life another life?”

“Um” Sam gulped

“You helped out Sam before you betrayed us” Dean said with a stern  jaw and narrowed eyes.

“Hmm. that doesn’t sound like me” Satyr Ruby said walking to the far side of the table and poured a drink. “Bobby, Can you bring me Misty and Aura.”

Bobby nodded and hopped away.

“Well you’re welcome to stay the night I’ll have Wispa and Aura make you up bed” She glances and Cass who was stirring up a fuss. “And we’ll make up a bed for your little Angel”

“Why do you all keep calling him that?” Asked Sam

Ruby looked up at Sam and smirked “Because, he is an angel. Is he not? Drink?”

Sam and Dean look at each other then Dean spoke step up to her “How do you know that?”

She looked up at Dean holding out a glass of swirling liquor “Same way I know you two are not from Here”

Dean cautiously took the glass and Sam joined them and took the glass that Ruby offered lightly brushing fingers. She looked at him quickly turned away, biting her bottom lip “Yes, well there is only one other person that we’ve met that’s not from Here, and well he’s stuck here. Which will happen to you too if you don’t pass her tests”

“Who?” Asked Sam

“What tests?”

“She can read you like an open book, then you uses your greatest struggles or obstacles and twists them.” Ruby spoke softly but with warning in her voice.

A wood sprite and a human woman entered. Satyr Ruby smiled “Ah, Wispa and Aura can you make these men beds and make a bed for this little Angel too, please”

The ladies nodded and beckoned Dean and Sam to follow.

“Dean" Z said holding out baby Cass. Dean cradled Cass and followed Sam and the ladies.

“Dean is it?” the nymph asked

“yeah"

“You and the Angel follow me. Sam?” the nymph tested out Sam’s name “you go with Aura”

The brothers look at eachother then comply.

Wispa lead dean to a candy corn house and Aura lead sam to a Humbug house. Inside they looked the same they had closets and beds. The beds fascinated the brothers as they were giant peeps [marshmallow chicks] with soft plush quilts laid across it.

Wispa walked over to the closet in Dean’s room and pulled out a mini peep that had been hollowed out a little. She put it beside Dean’s bed and places an afghan across it. She gave an approving nod and looked at Dean.

Dean realized that she was trying to talk to him “um, my brother and I can’t- we're ungifted"

“oh, sorry. Supper will be in 15mins.” she smiled

“wasn't it just breakfast?” Dean asked

“our days are quite short. Come on" she walked outside.

Dean smirked “Don't worry Cass I'm sure you can eat real food”

Cass made a noise between a cry and a groan.

Dean, carrying Cass, followed Wispa back to the hall where he finds Sam sitting, signing to Aura.

“hey Sam.” Dean said

“Hey" sam said extending his arms as Dean passes him Cass and takes a seat opposite Sam. Aura signs something and Sam chuckles and nods

“dude, didn't know you know sign language?” Dean said

“ah, yeah. Learned a bit in college.”

Sam said “They do not speak out loud but they sign.”

Dean Nods and the room fills with women and female nymphs but it was dead silent except giggles here and there. Satyr Rudy entered with Jackalope Bobby and sat at the far side of the table.

“Never in a million years did I think those two would work together” Dean whispered

“Yeah” Sam replied.

Suddenly everyone rose and faced the door as it blue open and in walked a very elegant Sphynx and Sam and Dean’s chins hit the floor.

“Rowena?” the breathed

She looked over and grinned “Well, well, the Winchesters. How did you stumble upon my labyrinth?”

“Labyrinth?” Sam said then stopped sharply “oh.”

“That’s right, dearies, if you play my game you may make it out.” She purred sitting beside Sam wiggling her fingers at Cass “Hello Castiel”

“Son of a bitch!” dean yelled.

The whole room gasped “now, now Dean no need for foul language here. I have set up 3 challenges, complete all three successfully and you go home”

“And if we don’t?” Dean hissed

“I guess you’ll find out” Rowena said pouring herself a drink of blue liquor.

She looks at Ruby “Dinner is served Ma’am” Ruby chimed as a few nymphs but plates of unsual food in front of  the boys. On their plates were Creme Eggs the size of an ostrich egg (one tasted like a creme egg where the other was a  huge deviled egg), Tree bark (which tasted like beef jerky), and a full glass each of  blue liquor. Dean took a sip of the blue liquor and realized it was blue beer. They ate in silence Sam asking Cass if he was hungry twice, Cass shaking his head “no” each time.

Then Sam felt something paw at his leg which made him jump a little. Dean looked under the table and picked up a house hippo “Hey Sammy, you always wanted a pet why not- whatever this is?”

To deans horror the tiny animal replies  “I’m a fucking house hippo now put me down before I bite you”

Dean nearly drops the little guy trying to set him down gently. Everyone giggle and even Sam is chuckling “I’m good dean”

When the meal is over the Brother head back to their rooms. Dean places Cass in the little peep and sits on the big peep “A labyrinth hey?”

Meanwhile…

Sam sits on the peep and takes off his shirt, letting out a sigh.

“You seem tense” Sam hears Ruby behind him “I could help you loosen up”

Sam swivels to face her and she is standing exceptionally close, eyeing him up and down “Um, I, ah, I’m okay but thanks”

“Come on a massage won’t hurt you” she persists

“Really Ruby I’m-” Sam was interrupted by Ruby somewhat forcefully trying to kiss him. She pulled away slightly looking up at Sam’s eyes. Sam then begins to kiss her, caressing her back.

“DAMN IT CASS LAY STILL” Dean yells from his room.

Sam immediately pulls away from Ruby; both with confused expressions “I, un, should go check on them” he said darting away from Ruby and out the door.

He makes it to Dean’s room and tries to muffle his laughter “Dean  the diaper goes the other way.”

Cass is crying at the top of his lungs in protest and Wispa  knocks on the door beside Sam “Um, do you two need help?”

Dean turns “Uh, yeah.”

Wispa walks over and grabs a Diaper humming away and Cass soon quiets down.

“Thanks” Dean says turning the darkest shade of pink.

“No problem” Wispa smiles as she walks away.

“We should get some rest Dean” Sam says

“Yeah, good idea”

Dean tucked in Cass and Sam went back to his room, which was now empty. Has his head hit the peep pillow he instantly fell asleep.

-

Morning came early and Cass and the brother were on their way, with Z as their guide. He said he had guided a few people before, but would not go into detail.

The walked through the Jerky trees for a bit until they came to a clearing that was like Heaven to Dean. it was a field of pies that seemed to grow like flowers. Dean went to grab a pie but was hit in the head with a hand; NOT a human hand though. “Get away from my pies!”  

“Who said that?” Demanded Dean as sam picked up the brass hand of a grandfather clock.

“I did” a old wall mounted grandfather clock- with wings- flew towards them “And I’d like my hand back please” it said as it flew at Sam snatching it out of his hand and landing gracefully. Cass started babbling and the clock stared at him. “You are not his dimension Castiel” the clock said and Cass babbled again “I see. You and these boys were tricked by  the sphynx were you? Well i wish you the best of luck”

The Clock was about to take of when Z intervened “Gabe?”

“What not my fight”

“Gabe. as in Gabriel?” Sam said

“Yeah, the one and only- so to speak” he gave a wink

Sam and Dean looked at each over and “Armageddon?”

“Woah! What about Armageddon?” Gabriel said backing up.

All of a sudden the sky was filled with a terrifying roar and the earth rumbled from it.

“Oh no, Oh no!” Gabriel said shaking in fear

They saw a chimera emerge from the far end of the field. It had a magnificent mane on it’s lion head, golden ram horns, and a cobra for a tail. It charged forward and tripped tumbling a few feet away from the group. “Serious Luci, You just couldn’t stay out of the way, could you?” Said the lion half

“You could watch where you are stepping!” said the snake part

“I was charging them”

“So Michael, you not as graceful as you think”

“Well, at least my head isn’t near my ass!”

Dean nudges Sam as they try to sneak around the chimera

“Hey! I do not think so!” Said Michael jumping around to block the path

“We have nothing to do with you petty argument” Sam said

“I don’t care this is our territory and  no one gets through.” Michael stated

“Let them through Michael, they got places to go” Luci stated

“Lucifer, Michael, Brother’s couldn’t we just-” Gabriel tried to talk but was shot down

“No” yelled Michael

“Stay out of it!” snapped Lucifer

“Hey what are you doing!?” Exclaimed Gabriel as Dean Picked him up

“You three need to work out your problems” Dean said throwing Gabriel at Michael/ Lucifer as they make a run for it; Z following close behind- Cass in hand.

They make it to the other side of the field and find a stream. Z leads them down stream, which opens up into a nice flowing river.

“Wow this river is really...blue” Dean says recognizing the blue swirling liquid. “Is this what we were drinking at supper?”

“Looks like” Says Sam.

“The bridge is up ahead.” Z says “We can rest there”

The make it to the bridge and sit down. “Wow is the sun setting already?” Sam asks

“Yeah, out days are really short” Z says resting Cass in his lap.

Dean ponders for a minute “Sam! This bridge is a poptart!”

“Dean Don’t” Sam tries but it is too late, once again Dean tries to eat the architecture btu this time instead of it screaming at him, it starts to crumble. Z gets up and run for the faar side of the bridge with Cass and Sam, but dean falls in.

“Quick this way” Z says As the sun sets and dusk falls.

Dean gets caught in an under current and cannot catch his breath, he only surfaces every5 seconds for only a second then gets swept under again. He feels the current subside and something drag him to the surface. He opens his eyes and sees three beautiful young mermaids- tails and all-  swimming around him keeping him afloat. One had a green tail and red hair, one had a purple tail and blonde hair, and one had a white tail and brunette hair. They did not speak but seemed to enchant Dean “Th-thank you” he sputtered.

The brunette smiled to deans horror, because the moonlight peeked out from behind the clouds and her face seemed to melt away only leaving skeletons all the way to the ends of their tails.

They scattered after a few seconds and Sam grabbed his shoulder “Dean” Sam said grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the boat they found. Well, not boat. It was a drunken gummybear floating on his back. They sit in silence for a while and the river turns into a lake. |Dean lets his hunger get the better of him again and takes out his knife

“Really? Sam says “Have you learned nothing?”

Dean shrugs and goes for it anyways but the bear slaps him into the water and sam laughs

“We’re here” says the gummy bear as he hits the shoreline.

They get off the bear and thank him and turn to face away from the water to find a hazy field full of oversized broken jaw breakers and poprocks and an angry hydra.

“We’ll just stay back here” Z says cradling Cass

On the shore line there was battle armor Dean and Sam both find sword. “Do you remember how hercules defeated the hydra, nerd?”

“No” Sam said looking at Dean. They look around and Sam sees that the water/ beer was supposed to flow through the wasteland Sam darts toward the build up of broken jawbreakers “Dean distract it.”

Okay dean thinks “Hey you!” Dean Yells running at it it turns around and dean cuts it’s head off.

“Alrigh-” Dean stops mid sentence ad he sees the hydra straighten and two heads emerge from where one once was. Dean runs“Oh shit! Sam”

“Need more time Dean!” Sam Hollers from the jawbreaker dam. He had managed to move 2 broken pieces. Sam takes his sword and uses it as a jimmy to loosen up the jawbreakers, and he sees water start to seep through. And the ground start to pop “Just a little longer Dean. Try to get it closer to me!”

“Okay” Dean hollers running counterclockwise around it, chopping off its third hydra head and watching two more grow back “Now Sammy!”

With that Sam released the water and the pop rocks went off which seemed to burn the hydra’s leathery skin.

Z hurries them along as night had fallen and they needed shelter. Sam tripped and nearly fell “woah”

“Owww” Sam heard from a tiny animal, he looks down to see a chihuahua sized unicorn laying a couple feet away.

“Hey, why don’t you pick on someone your own size!?” yelled another chihuahua sized unicorn attacking Sam’s shin.

“Hey, oww, I’m sorry, I didn’t see them okay!” Sam said hopping from one foot to the other

:Oh and that makes it okay!?” yelled the same unicorn

“Calm down Clyde, Gigantor here probably can’t see his own feet very well, let alone you or me, why don’t you cut him some slack? Hmmm?” Asked an Elephant the size of a huskey.

the unicorn huffed at Sam and walked away “Sorry about him. Unicorns are so temperamental” Said the Husky Elephant.

“No, I should have been watching my footing”

“I’m Sorry GiGi but we must get going, we’re losing time” Z said

“Of course” Gigi the husky elephant said “A  quest is a quest is a quest, yes? The maze is to the right of the fork in the road”

They continue walking, Sam looking down quite often and they come to a literal fork in the road.

“Which way did he say”Asked Z

“Right” The brothers said

“Right” said Z

“Right”Said Dean

“Right” repeated Z

“Go Right!” Sam groaned

“Okie Dokie” Z said going down the right path.

The get to the corn maze and are greed by an astronaut “Hello, fellow humans!”

“Wow dude, how long you been here?” Dean Asked admiring the astronaut’s suit

“Been her since Neil Armstrong took off for the moon” The astronaut said “Did we make it?”

“Yeah, we made it and more”

“Tell me about it if you do not choose correctly” The astronaut said though his mask “In you go”

Z tapped Dean on the shoulder handing Cass over “This is as far as I go”

“Well, thanks for the help” Dean said and Sam shook Z’ paw

“Best of luck” Z said standing off to the side with the astronaut.

Sam, Dean, and Cass proceed into the corn maze. The corn was rainbow corn about three stories high. They took two lefts, a right, a left, then went straight through two intersections, then took a left, two rights and another left and came face to face with their reflections. There were two mirrors.

“Choose carefully one leads them home, the other leads them back to the beginning. If you return to the beginning the tasks will not only be more difficult they will be different.” Boomed Sphynx Rowena from some unforeseen place.

“Great” muttered Dean as Cass babbled under his breath

Sam studied to two mirrors looking for differences. One mirror showed their reflection but not Cass’ while the other only showed Cass’ reflection.

Sam smiles and goes through the mirror on the left leaving Dean no choice but to follow. “Dammit Sammy!”

[Chuck] Authors note: they needed come clarity in a weird and obscure way and I believe they found it.

Special mentions (tags open) :

@arazialotis

@cyanpintglass

@goldenolaf25

@when-innocence-is-gone

@fallen-castielx

@anothertimeinspace

@klleexy

@flare-chan003

@isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for

@imnotalosechester

@mary-meee

@yascalum

@jsamstar

@driadgoch

@vvinch3st3r

@kayarisa

@misguidedconqueress

@heeeeeether

@messy-buns-and-shotguns

@breathexxinxxthexxflames

@ryantherandomhero

@simirachel

@supernatural-fangirl13

@lilypalmer1987

@beatlesobsessionlove

@ultracleverthing

@possesstiel

@anamarieswift2194

@mlechercat

@elyraelyn

@louiselamb12

@caratala

@theotherlostgirl

@ryantherandomhero

@dandycandy75

@msrylf  

@palominojacoby

@the-imaginarium-of-life

@trilloku-blog  

@fandomking221b

@nerdyalienhybrid1987

@stephisapotatoe

@chibofrefo-blog

@5sos-wdw

@jadepc

@spngeronimo

@eemeile

@super-who-lock---trash

@imjustabloger

@dixonsunicorn

@mcdaring

@bipolarchaos

@silvermisthunter

@historynerd95

@roco-m-pie

[animalsoffarmsanctuary]

This Week at Farm Sanctuary: Pig Celebrations, Wacky Weather, Caregiver Appreciation, and Snuggle Sessions

They say March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb — but for the past few days at least, it’s been quite the opposite! We started the week at our New York Shelter with temperatures reaching the 60’s and 70’s — but just as soon as this unseasonable taste of spring arrived, it seems we’ve once again returned to a regular New York winter.

Expect the Unexpected

With such unpredictability, our rescued residents aren’t quite sure how to react! Our friends at Explore.org, for example, observed that we kept the fans on in the sheep barn earlier this week to help our wooly friends combat the heat. Since we expect winter to stay around a little longer, it’s still much too early to shear them — that time will come in April, once the weather is consistently warmer. For the time being, however, the extra heat can pose health hazards as their thick wool — intended to protect them from the cold weather we should be having — can cause them to overheat and over-respirate. Farm Sanctuary’s expert caregivers and shelter staff monitor the animals each day to pay attention to any changes in their overall well-being; and we’re thankful to all of you for also keeping an eye out, to ensure our friends stay as comfortable and well as possible!

Wool is a great barrier against the cold, but it’s hard to maintain body temperature when the weather keeps changing! Since it’s still too early in the season to shear, we put the fans on to keep the animals as cool and well as possible. And they also stayed cool by staying in place and napping the days away! Photo by SHNZERMOM, courtesy of Explore.org.

Another thing our caregivers are monitoring? Unfortunately, we’re also dealing with a ringworm outbreak among the cattle. Ringworm is a highly contagious fungal infection that is easily transmissible between individuals — and even species. Fortunately, cattle develop immunity against ringworm easily, and if they do happen to get it, it’s usually just once over the course of their lifetime.

In the meantime, ringworm is here to stay in both our main and special needs cattle herds. And unfortunately, the cold weather doesn’t help very much. With ringworm, there isn’t much we can do to treat it except to let it run its course; and while exposure to sunshine can help with that immensely, we’re only experiencing those really sunny days here and there.

Thankfully, our friends are healing well. And while the ringworm isn’t very pretty to look at, the reality is that sanctuary life is not always pretty. Most of our rescued residents come from extreme cruelty and neglect. Many endure health issues over the course of their lives. But here, they have the freedom to heal and thrive, and to experience life at their own pace. And just as the ringworm will clear up on its own time, our rescued residents may also recover and blossom when the time is right for them — and with your support, the sun may shine through and brighten all of our hearts and lives for the better!

No, that’s not eye makeup that Westley’s donning! Thankfully, his condition looks worse than it feels, and he and his friends are recuperating nicely.

Ringworm makes us all sad, but thankfully, Carlton is also healing well.

 Farm Sanctuary Celebrates National Pig Day!

At Farm Sanctuary, we see each individual as someone, not something — and we support each being we encounter according to their unique needs, preferences, and personalities. In this way, they receive the individualized care they need to thrive as the remarkable individuals we know them to be!

While every day is cause for celebration, it’s always exciting to honor these incredible ambassadors for their species whenever it’s their time to shine. Earlier this week, we celebrated National Pig Day as well as National Peanut Butter Lovers’ Day! As it turns out, the pigs at Farm Sanctuary love peanut butter — a tasty treat with a surprise dual-purpose. Since pigs are bred to reach 250 pounds by the time they’re just six months old — and are not intended to live beyond this point according to industry standards — this excessive growth wreaks havoc on their growing bodies and paves the way for health problems down the road (if they are given the chance at life they deserve). At Farm Sanctuary, we medicate the animals according to their specific healthcare needs — and for the pigs, a spoonful of peanut butter makes the medicine go down! This keeps them health and happy as long as possible — allowing us to celebrate these incredible ambassadors for their species on Pig Day and every day!

National Shelter Director Susie Coston talks peanut butter with some of her friends in the pig barn!

As you can see, all of the festivities left our pig friends a little tired the next day! As the cold front moved in, they welcomed the opportunity to snuggle with their loved ones and savor the blissful lives they are finally free to enjoy.

Perhaps no one embodies this more than Honey — a pig who’s endured unspeakable loss throughout her life, but has learned to love again. Sadly, Honey was born for one purpose: to become a breeding sow, forced to produce babies who were then taken away and slaughtered for pork. But all Honey wanted was to be a mother. It was in her blood — and thankfully, at Farm Sanctuary, she has achieved just that.

In 2008, the Iowa River overflowed and floods ravaged the region. Pig farmers abandoned their farms, forcing these innocent, frightened beings to fend for themselves. Thankfully, Honey broke free, and we welcomed her to Farm Sanctuary. Here, she met Nikki — another girl from the rescue — and she helped Nikki raise her family until Nikki’s passing last year.

Sadly, Nikki’s death left the family in disarray, and Honey once again found herself without a family to call her own. And once again, this sweet girl endured more heartbreak than she could bear. But then, something amazing happened: we introduced her to two piglets, Cameron and Ben David, who desperately needed a mother. And with that, the trio became a family.

Side by side: as though their hearts and bodies were meant to fit together, like perfect pieces of a puzzle. Honey, Cameron, and Ben David savor the peace and warmth they were born to have!

*Yawn!* “I need my beauty sleep before I’m ready for my close-up, thank you!”

Honey and babies all tucked away in their nest — a beloved ritual that mother pigs perform for their children each night!

Nearby, Nikki’s son Chuck prepared a nest of his own in his bachelor pad. Chuck responded poorly to Nikki’s death, growing aggressive towards his family in order to assert his dominance — so we needed to separate him from others for the time being. But just as Honey found her perfect fit, so will Chuck. It’s important that we pay just as much attention to an animal’s emotional well-being as their physical health, and we’re excited to find a good match for Chuck — an individual or group who will help him feel valued as the magnificent being he truly is.

Chuck proudly makes his bed!

Searching for that sweet spot.

Aah! Sweet dreams, Chuck!

Nothing Stirs Things Up Like a Little Wind!

Of course, not everyone responds to cold in the same way: just as each being has his or her own unique personality, different individuals approach life in their own unique ways!

For the goats, especially, windy days are exciting opportunities to show off their silly side! Sometimes, we’re just blown away by how invigorated they feel — and we’re honored that here, they can be the carefree, spunky individuals we know them to be!

Benedict, for example, inspires us to find the good in every day — and to express gratitude for the little things in life that bring us the most joy! When we met Benedict, this sweet boy was ill, weak, and terrified after facing unspeakable cruelty. Sadly, Benedict and his friends were only valued as commodities, and were not offered the individualized care they needed to thrive. Benedict developed neurological issues that went untreated, and as a result, he sustained irreparable damage to his rear legs. But of course, he doesn’t let that stop him! We fit Benedict with a special wheeled cart that allows him to run, frolic, and play to his heart’s delight! And while he spends some time outside of the cart to rest, he still has some pep in his step — enjoying every opportunity he can to live life to the fullest.

It feels good to be at the top! Benedict plays “King of the Mountain” on his hay bale — and your support helps farm animals just like him feel on top of the world each day!

Benedict’s best friend Chucky is also feeling a little silly. Seems like he’s celebrating “Tongue-Out Tuesday” a little early!

Across the farm, Olive — whom we rescued from the same cruelty case as Benedict and Chucky — showed how playful, strong, and proud goats can be, when given the opportunity to simply be themselves! Some of the goats in Olive’s barn came from the same cruelty case in New York’s Hudson Valley; others lived on a “humane” farm-to-table operation, yet had never even stepped outdoors before coming to Farm Sanctuary. But here, we value these incredible beings as someone, not something — and they demonstrate how rich our lives become when we put compassion first.

These days, Olive, the leader of our main goat herd, loves being the center of attention — and she relishes each opportunity to remind her friends who’s boss! Returning to seasonably-appropriate weather was a welcome change for our goat friends, who won’t shed their winter coats until the weather is consistently warmer. Olive and Ian released their pent-up energy through gentle play, reminding us how glorious it feels to “take charge” of our lives and savor the beautiful opportunities we all deserve.

Ian, the challenger, prepares to take on Olive, the reigning barn champion! Olive���s friend Archie “manages” from the sidelines.

Olive rears up for the charge!

Ian became less impressed with her signature move as time went on. Don’t worry Olive, we’re always a fan!

No “butting heads” for long; at the end of the day, they remain the best of friends.

 Of course, when the weather gets a little too nippy, our rescued residents are free to head back to the barn to snuggle with their loved ones and call it a day. At Farm Sanctuary, the animals have access to everything they need to live their greatest lives possible — and we’re so thankful to have you with us every step of the way.

Good night, Chucky! Getting ready to turn in for the day.

With your support, we can protect farm animals from cruelty, inspire change in the society promotes and treats farm animals, and promote compassionate vegan living. A compassionate world begins with you — and we are so thankful to have you by our side, no matter what the season brings.

[readbookywooks]

Tyrion

Chella daughter of Cheyk of the Black Ears had gone ahead to scout, and it was she who brought back word of the army at the crossroads. "By their fires I call them twenty thousand strong," she said. "Their banners are red, with a golden lion." "Your father?" Bronn asked. "Or my brother Jaime," Tyrion said. "We shall know soon enough." He surveyed his ragged band of brigands: near three hundred Stone Crows, Moon Brothers, Black Ears, and Burned Men, and those just the seed of the army he hoped to grow. Gunthor son of Gurn was raising the other clans even now. He wondered what his lord father would make of them in their skins and bits of stolen steel. If truth be told, he did not know what to make of them himself. Was he their commander or their captive? Most of the time, it seemed to be a little of both. "It might be best if I rode down alone," he suggested. "Best for Tyrion son of Tywin," said Ulf, who spoke for the Moon Brothers. Shagga glowered, a fearsome sight to see. "Shagga son of Dolf likes this not. Shagga will go with the boyman, and if the boyman lies, Shagga will chop off his manhood—" "—and feed it to the goats, yes," Tyrion said wearily. "Shagga, I give you my word as a Lannister, I will return." "Why should we trust your word?" Chella was a small hard woman, flat as a boy, and no fool. "Lowland lords have lied to the clans before." "You wound me, Chella," Tyrion said. "Here I thought we had become such friends. But as you will. You shall ride with me, and Shagga and Conn for the Stone Crows, Ulf for the Moon Brothers, and Timett son of Timett for the Burned Men." The clansmen exchanged wary looks as he named them. "The rest shall wait here until I send for you. Try not to kill and maim each other while I'm gone." He put his heels to his horse and trotted off, giving them no choice but to follow or be left behind. Either was fine with him, so long as they did not sit down to talk for a day and a night. That was the trouble with the clans; they had an absurd notion that every man's voice should be heard in council, so they argued about everything, endlessly. Even their women were allowed to speak. Small wonder that it had been hundreds of years since they last threatened the Vale with anything beyond an occasional raid. Tyrion meant to change that. Brorm rode with him. Behind them—after a quick bit of grumbling—the five clansmen followed on their undersize garrons, scrawny things that looked like ponies and scrambled up rock walls like goats. The Stone Crows rode together, and Chella and Ulf stayed close as well, as the Moon Brothers and Black Ears had strong bonds between them. Timett son of Timett rode alone. Every clan in the Mountains of the Moon feared the Burned Men, who mortified their flesh with fire to prove their courage and (the others said) roasted babies at their feasts. And even the other Burned Men feared Timett, who had put out his own left eye with a white-hot knife when he reached the age of manhood. Tyrion gathered that it was more customary for a boy to burn off a nipple, a finger, or (if he was truly brave, or truly mad) an ear. Timett's fellow Burned Men were so awed by his choice of an eye that they promptly named him a red hand, which seemed to be some sort of a war chief. "I wonder what their king burned off," Tyrion said to Bronn when he heard the tale. Grinning, the sellsword had tugged at his crotch . . . but even Bronn kept a respectful tongue around Timett. If a man was mad enough to put out his own eye, he was unlikely to be gentle to his enemies. Distant watchers peered down from towers of unmortared stone as the party descended through the foothills, and once Tyrion saw a raven take wing. Where the high road twisted between two rocky outcrops, they came to the first strong point. A low earthen wall four feet high closed off the road, and a dozen crossbowmen manned the heights. Tyrion halted his followers out of range and rode to the wall alone. "Who commands here?" he shouted up. The captain was quick to appear, and even quicker to give them an escort when he recognized his lord's son. They trotted past blackened fields and burned holdfasts, down to the riverlands and the Green Fork of the Trident. Tyrion saw no bodies, but the air was full of ravens and carrion crows; there had been fighting here, and recently. Half a league from the crossroads, a barricade of sharpened stakes had been erected, manned by pikemen and archers. Behind the line, the camp spread out to the far distance. Thin fingers of smoke rose from hundreds of cookfires, mailed men sat under trees and honed their blades, and familiar banners fluttered from staffs thrust into the muddy ground. A party of mounted horsemen rode forward to challenge them as they approached the stakes. The knight who led them wore silver armor inlaid with amethysts and a striped purple-and-silver cloak. His shield bore a unicorn sigil, and a spiral horn two feet long jutted up from the brow of his horsehead helm. Tyrion reined up to greet him. "Ser Flement." Ser Flement Brax lifted his visor. "Tyrion," he said in astonishment. "My lord, we all feared you dead, or . . . " He looked at the clansmen uncertainly. "These . . . companions of yours . . . " "Bosom friends and loyal retainers," Tyrion said. "Where will I find my lord father?" "He has taken the inn at the crossroads for his quarters." Tyrion laughed. The inn at the crossroads! Perhaps the gods were just after all. "I will see him at once." "As you say, my lord." Ser Flement wheeled his horse about and shouted commands. Three rows of stakes were pulled from the ground to make a hole in the line. Tyrion led his party through. Lord Tywin's camp spread over leagues. Chella's estimate of twenty thousand men could not be far wrong. The common men camped out in the open, but the knights had thrown up tents, and some of the high lords had erected pavilions as large as houses. Tyrion spied the red ox of the Presters, Lord Crakehall's brindled boar, the burning tree of Marbrand, the badger of Lydden. Knights called out to him as he cantered past, and men-at-arms gaped at the clansmen in open astonishment. Shagga was gaping back; beyond a certainty, he had never seen so many men, horses, and weapons in all his days. The rest of the mountain brigands did a better job of guarding their faces, but Tyrion had no doubts that they were full as much in awe. Better and better. The more impressed they were with the power of the Lannisters, the easier they would be to command. The inn and its stables were much as he remembered, though little more than tumbled stones and blackened foundations remained where the rest of the village had stood. A gibbet had been erected in the yard, and the body that swung there was covered with ravens. At Tyrion's approach they took to the air, squawking and flapping their black wings. He dismounted and glanced up at what remained of the corpse. The birds had eaten her lips and eyes and most of her cheeks, baring her stained red teeth in a hideous smile. "A room, a meal, and a flagon of wine, that was all I asked," he reminded her with a sigh of reproach. Boys emerged hesitantly from the stables to see to their horses. Shagga did not want to give his up. "The lad won't steal your mare," Tyrion assured him. "He only wants to give her some oats and water and brush out her coat." Shagga's coat could have used a good brushing too, but it would have been less than tactful to mention it. "You have my word, the horse will not be harmed." Glaring, Shagga let go his grip on the reins. "This is the horse of Shagga son of Dolf," he roared at the stableboy. "If he doesn't give her back, chop off his manhood and feed it to the goats," Tyrion promised. "Provided you can find some." A pair of house guards in crimson cloaks and lion-crested helms stood under the inn's sign, on either side of the door. Tyrion recognized their captain. "My father?" "In the common room, m'lord." "My men will want meat and mead," Tyrion told him. "See that they get it." He entered the inn, and there was Father. Tywin Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West, was in his middle fifties, yet hard as a man of twenty. Even seated, he was tall, with long legs, broad shoulders, a flat stomach. His thin arms were corded with muscle. When his once-thick golden hair had begun to recede, he had commanded his barber to shave his head; Lord Tywin did not believe in half measures. He razored his lip and chin as well, but kept his side-whiskers, two great thickets of wiry golden hair that covered most of his cheeks from ear to jaw. His eyes were a pale green, flecked with gold. A fool more foolish than most had once jested that even Lord Tywin's shit was flecked with gold. Some said the man was still alive, deep in the bowels of Casterly Rock. Ser Kevan Lannister, his father's only surviving brother, was sharing a flagon of ale with Lord Tywin when Tyrion entered the common room. His uncle was portly and balding, with a close-cropped yellow beard that followed the line of his massive jaw. Ser Kevan saw him first. "Tyrion," he said in surprise. "Uncle," Tyrion said, bowing. "And my lord father. What a pleasure to find you here." Lord Tywin did not stir from his chair, but he did give his dwarf son a long, searching look. "I see that the rumors of your demise were unfounded." "Sorry to disappoint you, Father," Tyrion said. "No need to leap up and embrace me, I wouldn't want you to strain yourself." He crossed the room to their table, acutely conscious of the way his stunted legs made him waddle with every step. Whenever his father's eyes were on him, he became uncomfortably aware of all his deformities and shortcomings. "Kind of you to go to war for me," he said as he climbed into a chair and helped himself to a cup of his father's ale. "By my lights, it was you who started this," Lord Tywin replied. "Your brother Jaime would never have meekly submitted to capture at the hands of a woman." "That's one way we differ, Jaime and I. He's taller as well, you may have noticed." His father ignored the sally. "The honor of our House was at stake. I had no choice but to ride. No man sheds Lannister blood with impunity." "Hear Me Roar," Tyrion said, grinning. The Lannister words. "Truth be told, none of my blood was actually shed, although it was a close thing once or twice. Morrec and Jyck were killed." "I suppose you will be wanting some new men." "Don't trouble yourself, Father, I've acquired a few of my own." He tried a swallow of the ale. It was brown and yeasty, so thick you could almost chew it. Very fine, in truth. A pity his father had hanged the innkeep. "How is your war going?" His uncle answered. "Well enough, for the nonce. Ser Edmure had scattered small troops of men along his borders to stop our raiding, and your lord father and I were able to destroy most of them piecemeal before they could regroup." "Your brother has been covering himself with glory," his father said. "He smashed the Lords Vance and Piper at the Golden Tooth, and met the massed power of the Tullys under the walls of Riverrun. The lords of the Trident have been put to rout. Ser Edmure Tully was taken captive, with many of his knights and bannermen. Lord Blackwood led a few survivors back to Riverrun, where Jaime has them under siege. The rest fled to their own strongholds." "Your father and I have been marching on each in turn," Ser Kevan said. "With Lord Blackwood gone, Raventree fell at once, and Lady Whent yielded Harrenhal for want of men to defend it. Ser Gregor burnt out the Pipers and the Brackens . . . " "Leaving you unopposed?" Tyrion said. "Not wholly," Ser Kevan said. "The Mallisters still hold Seagard and Walder Frey is marshaling his levies at the Twins." "No matter," Lord Tywin said. "Frey only takes the field when the scent of victory is in the air, and all he smells now is ruin. And Jason Mallister lacks the strength to fight alone. Once Jaime takes Riverrun, they will both be quick enough to bend the knee. Unless the Starks and the Arryns come forth to oppose us, this war is good as won." "I would not fret overmuch about the Arryns if I were you," Tyrion said. "The Starks are another matter. Lord Eddard—" "—is our hostage," his father said. "He will lead no armies while he rots in a dungeon under the Red Keep." "No," Ser Kevan agreed, "but his son has called the banners and sits at Moat Cailin with a strong host around him." "No sword is strong until it's been tempered," Lord Tywin declared. "The Stark boy is a child. No doubt he likes the sound of warhorns well enough, and the sight of his banners fluttering in the wind, but in the end it comes down to butcher's work. I doubt he has the stomach for it." Things had gotten interesting while he'd been away, Tyrion reflected. "And what is our fearless monarch doing whilst all this ‘butcher's work' is being done?" he wondered. "How has my lovely and persuasive sister gotten Robert to agree to the imprisonment of his dear friend Ned?" "Robert Baratheon is dead," his father told him. "Your nephew reigns in King's Landing." That did take Tyrion aback. "My sister, you mean." He took another gulp of ale. The realm would be a much different place with Cersei ruling in place of her husband. "If you have a mind to make yourself of use, I will give you a command," his father said. "Marq Piper and Karyl Vance are loose in our rear, raiding our lands across the Red Fork." Tyrion made a tsking sound. "The gall of them, fighting back. Ordinarily I'd be glad to punish such rudeness, Father, but the truth is, I have pressing business elsewhere." "Do you?" Lord Tywin did not seem awed. "We also have a pair of Ned Stark's afterthoughts making a nuisance of themselves by harassing my foraging parties. Beric Dondarrion, some young lordling with delusions of valor. He has that fat jape of a priest with him, the one who likes to set his sword on fire. Do you think you might be able to deal with them as you scamper off? Without making too much a botch of it?" Tyrion wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled. "Father, it warms my heart to think that you might entrust me with . . . what, twenty men? Fifty? Are you sure you can spare so many? Well, no matter. If I should come across Thoros and Lord Beric, I shall spank them both." He climbed down from his chair and waddled to the sideboard, where a wheel of veined white cheese sat surrounded by fruit. "First, though, I have some promises of my own to keep," he said as he sliced off a wedge. "I shall require three thousand helms and as many hauberks, plus swords, pikes, steel spearheads, maces, battleaxes, gauntlets, gorgets, greaves, breastplates, wagons to carry all this—" The door behind him opened with a crash, so violently that Tyrion almost dropped his cheese. Ser Kevan leapt up swearing as the captain of the guard went flying across the room to smash against the hearth. As he tumbled down into the cold ashes, his lion helm askew, Shagga snapped the man's sword in two over a knee thick as a tree trunk, threw down the pieces, and lumbered into the common room. He was preceded by his stench, riper than the cheese and overpowering in the closed space. "Little redcape," he snarled, "when next you bare steel on Shagga son of Dolf, I will chop off your manhood and roast it in the fire." "What, no goats?" Tyrion said, taking a bite of cheese. The other clansmen followed Shagga into the common room, Bronn with them. The sellsword gave Tyrion a rueful shrug. "Who might you be?" Lord Tywin asked, cool as snow. "They followed me home, Father," Tyrion explained. "May I keep them? They don't eat much." No one was smiling. "By what right do you savages intrude on our councils?" demanded Ser Kevan. "Savages, lowlander?" Conn might have been handsome if you washed him. "We are free men, and free men by rights sit on all war councils." "Which one is the lion lord?" Chella asked. "They are both old men," announced Timett son of Timett, who had yet to see his twentieth year. Ser Kevan's hand went to his sword hilt, but his brother placed two fingers on his wrist and held him fast. Lord Tywin seemed unperturbed. "Tyrion, have you forgotten your courtesies? Kindly acquaint us with our . . . honored guests." Tyrion licked his fingers. "With pleasure," he said. "The fair maid is Chella daughter of Cheyk of the Black Ears." "I'm no maid," Chella protested. "My sons have taken fifty ears among them." "May they take fifty more." Tyrion waddled away from her. "This is Conn son of Coratt. Shagga son of Dolf is the one who looks like Casterly Rock with hair. They are Stone Crows. Here is Ulf son of Umar of the Moon Brothers, and here Timett son of Timett, a red hand of the Burned Men. And this is Bronn, a sellsword of no particular allegiance. He has already changed sides twice in the short time I've known him, you and he ought to get on famously, Father." To Bronn and the clansmen he said, "May I present my lord father, Tywin son of Tytos of House Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Warden of the West, Shield of Lannisport, and once and future Hand of the King." Lord Tywin rose, dignified and correct. "Even in the west, we know the prowess of the warrior clans of the Mountains of the Moon. What brings you down from your strongholds, my lords?" "Horses," said Shagga. "A promise of silk and steel," said Timett son of Timett. Tyrion was about to tell his lord father how he proposed to reduce the Vale of Arryn to a smoking wasteland, but he was never given the chance. The door banged open again. The messenger gave Tyrion's clansmen a quick, queer look as he dropped to one knee before Lord Tywin. "My lord," he said, "Ser Addam bid me tell you that the Stark host is moving down the causeway." Lord Tywin Lannister did not smile. Lord Tywin never smiled, but Tyrion had learned to read his father's pleasure all the same, and it was there on his face. "So the wolfling is leaving his den to play among the lions," he said in a voice of quiet satisfaction. "Splendid. Return to Ser Addam and tell him to fall back. He is not to engage the northerners until we arrive, but I want him to harass their flanks and draw them farther south." "It will be as you command." The rider took his leave. "We are well situated here," Ser Kevan pointed out. "Close to the ford and ringed by pits and spikes. If they are coming south, I say let them come, and break themselves against us." "The boy may hang back or lose his courage when he sees our numbers," Lord Tywin replied. "The sooner the Starks are broken, the sooner I shall be free to deal with Stannis Baratheon. Tell the drummers to beat assembly, and send word to Jaime that I am marching against Robb Stark." "As you will," Ser Kevan said. Tyrion watched with a grim fascination as his lord father turned next to the half-wild clansmen. "It is said that the men of the mountain clans are warriors without fear." "It is said truly," Conn of the Stone Crows answered. "And the women," Chella added. "Ride with me against my enemies, and you shall have all my son promised you, and more," Lord Tywin told them. "Would you pay us with our own coin?" Ulf son of Umar said. "Why should we need the father's promise, when we have the son's?" "I said nothing of need," Lord Tywin replied. "My words were courtesy, nothing more. You need not join us. The men of the winterlands are made of iron and ice, and even my boldest knights fear to face them." Oh, deftly done, Tyrion thought, smiling crookedly. "The Burned Men fear nothing. Timett son of Timett will ride with the lions." "Wherever the Burned Men go, the Stone Crows have been there first," Conn declared hotly. "We ride as well." "Shagga son of Dolf will chop off their manhoods and feed them to the crows." "We will ride with you, lion lord," Chella daughter of Cheyk agreed, "but only if your halfman son goes with us. He has bought his breath with promises. Until we hold the steel he has pledged us, his life is ours." Lord Tywin turned his gold-flecked eyes on his son. "Joy," Tyrion said with a resigned smile.

[angstandhappiness]

LMAO cute

Goat and Lion! Nari boutta make some… Coats? Gubs?