#I say only get mad if she doesn't redeem herself and we don't get happy gays later lol

[kakiwrites]

disclaimer: this is my personal analysis and in no way am i saying this is canon!!

octavia isn't mad at her father.

i know a lot of people interpret octavia hating her dad because of his choices but i see differently.

she might've said that her father "ruined" her happy home was because she wasn't exposed to the truth. we can tell that Octavia tries to detach herself from the fights and topics she isn't really involved in. she doesn't know that her mom and dad might be married for political power, she doesn't know that her idea of a happy home is nothing more than a facade. her father didn't ruin the family per say, he ruined octavia's image of a happy family.

like stella, i feel like Octavia isn't mad that her father cheated. maybe she was starting to see that her parents' marriage isn't for love anyways and that it was on the rocks from the start. but unlike her mother, i don't think she cares about her father's fling being an imp.

no, she's only scared of one thing.

what she's afraid of is losing him. of Stolas throwing her to the side for blitz. she feels resentment towards blitz because it seems like blitz doesn't even care about her dad which scares her more. she thinks her dad is going to leave her for a demon that doesn't even care about him.

but still, octavia still loves and cherishes her dad and i don't think his relationships would get in the way of that. hell, i feel like in time, octavia would start to accept blitz with her dad.

if stolas truly loves blitz, then i can see octavia giving blitz another chance to redeem himself in her eyes.

[errmeeipotato]

Why Rika and V deserve nothing. Rant/analysis

Spoilers for Saeran AE, Saeyoung secret endings and every route.

There is a lot to unpack here and I don't know if all of this is how Cheritz handle these two or it was for the story sake, but they did a terrible job and let me tell you why.

We are forced to forgive these two at least in three routes, and have literally no redeemable qualities whatsoever. We just have to look past all the crap they did and brush it off by saying it's ok, it's bad situations not bad people (I'm looking at you Zen). And the worst thing is that we are villanized for not wanting to forgive them (V's after ending, Seven AE, Saeran AE) but let's get more in depth.

Rika

We know she was abused when she was a child I get that, but that doesn't justify anything she has ever done.

She abused V

We see it pretty much in Saeran route and AE, Seven Secret Endings, V's route and AE. Since the beginning she was manipulative towards him and even assaulted him physically.

Blinded V

She hit V and cause corneal damage so he can prove how much he loves her. And we see she takes as a joke (Saeran AE) and has little to no remorse (Seven AE).

Killed Saeyong and Saeran's mother.

It was an accident, sure, but she did everything to hide what she did and make it look like the mother killed herself.

Lied to Saeyoung

She told him Saeran was safe and happy, when in fact she was abusing him in Mint Eye.

Abused Saeran

She verbally abused Saeran into believing he was worthless and he couldn't exist without her, split his personality in two, brainwash him into believe Saeyoung didn't love him, drugged him with the elixir, tortured him into fear and submission, chained and hit him (Saeran AE)

Kidnapped MC

She tricked MC and got her in Mint Eye, torture and brainwash her to the point she can't even talk (Ray bad relationship ending), locking her up in the basement dungeon (Seven after ending), getting MC into her apartment with a bomb (every other route), separate Saeran/Saeyoung from her.

Making a deal with Saeran/Saeyoung father and agency

Rika is gonna "save them" by having them prisoner in V's house, and if one of them calls the deal off the other is going to report everything to the media/law, however by the end of Saeran AE the agency is down and Saejoong turns him in and she gets away with everything she did. EVERYTHING.

Cult leader

She made a whole ass cult and abused/tortured hundreds of people not only that she had the audacity of trying to drug an entire concert hall of people with the elixir mixed in the wine.

Almost got Saeran killed

Either Saejoong beats him to death or he dies in the Mint Eye's explotion.

Stabbed V

She got SO mad because V wanted to rescue MC from Mint Eye so she just stab him, luckly Seven and Vanderwood took him to the hospital.

Lied to Yoosung and the rest of the RFA

We know how heartbroken was Yoosung, and probably in their routes they'll never know she's alive and doing all of this crap.

And yet with all of this we have to forgive and forget everything she has done, god forbid you have a little sense of justice and want her to pay for everything because you are pushed to believe you're the bad guy for wanting justice for everyone she damage. Even her parents knew her suicide has a hoax. But V has a lot to do with all of this.

V

Oh boii I've been reading how many people think Cheritz did him dirty in Saeyoung/Saeran and his own AE. But no, hear me out, he has no personality other than Rika, he's bland, and his route had no character development or any hint of romance with MC I don't think he needed a route. Also he is a big part of the problem.

Enables Rika's behavior

He knew about Mint Eye, Saeran and he didn't do anything until everything got out of his hands. He even agreed and planned the deal with Saejoong and not just that in the bad ending 1 (saeran ae) he uses the twins for his new collection, he lets Rika Chain Saeran (day 3) and guess what, he does nothing.

Got Saeyoung in danger

He was the one who took Saeyoung to the agency in hopes to "save him" however Saeyoung was in constant danger, and he never got a peaceful life, yet V would constantly exploit him. And almost gets killed by the agency

Worsen Rika's mental health

He just tried to solve everything with love, no just, no. Rika didn't need love like the sun she needed fucking therapy. He abuse her by neglecting her needs.

Hiding everything

He hide everything about Mint Eye and Saeran, he told everyone Rika comited suicide so no one ask about her, he knew why MC got in the RFA and he just brush it out and called a divine sign, he knew what happend with the twins mother and just swiped under the rug

Lied to the RFA

Not just with Rika's death, Saeran and Saeyoung situation, his wereabouts and his eye condition

Betrayed the RFA

He made Jumin and Mr. Han resign from the company, he put to sleep the rest of the RFA in the conference room so he can kidnap Saeran and made a deal with Saejoong and the agency.

-

Overall I don't think these two deserve a redemption arc and/or forgiveness yet Cheritz shove that into out throats. Thinking that forgiving the person that hurt you helps you heal, in some cases it does but not this one. They handle this whole story poorly by label the cruelty and lack of responsability with mental illness

Let me know what you think and do 't let this flop

[lie---ability]

for too many times in my life had i been wrong about people. so much that anyone who tries to have anything with me makes me anxious. i even get anxious about my upcoming job at Virus & Partners because new people = chances of any of them hurting me. i have been wrong about people so much that i think it's because i idealize them so much. i mean an example could be us hanging out everyday, do a lot of things together, stay out late together, ditch others for each other, chat each other right after being together the entire day, say i love you and get home safe — and i'd think we're best friends!!! only for her to say we never were. and that she never wanted to be close with someone like me. so it must be me, right? maybe i just fell in love with the thought that she's a great best friend. at the same time i think, no. she was a best friend, she did exist. that version of her existed. or at least did when it was convenient or beneficial to her, but when the time came where it wasn't, she threw me under the bus, become totally different from who i loved. who i proudly said was my best friend. all those months that built up my comfort, trust, attachment — ended up being told as a lie. and if it came from the person herself that they were lies, who am i to say she's just saying that for whatever reason? she said it herself. we weren't best friends even if she said it before. so what was the truth? was i just really stupid and idealistic? or are people just so awful now? it's like i'm this fish in a pond who's so easy to catch with just the right amount of treat. like i'd swim away when you approach but try a bit more and i'd fall for it. attachment issues suck, more so my abandonment issues.

but this post isn't about jodie. this is about my first boyfriend, rikko.

first because rj doesn't count, the fuck? that shit was a joke lol i just got a dose of reality at an early age. no love there at all. who even falls in love at 13? that shit illegal. so yes, rikko is my first boyfriend ♥️ and even though i've dated guys before, he's the only one i ever loved so far. i love him so much. in fact, before i was already starting to think that maybe i'm not capable of love? i mean, i'm aware i'm a mean person. but i didn't think of myself as someone incapable of falling in love. but among the guys i met and dated, ALL OF THEM WERE JUST TO FEED MY EGO. ego ego ego. tell me i'm pretty. keep asking me to go out and let me reject you over and over again. show me how much you wanna take me out on a date again. over and over and all of them were unintended! when i do talk to someone, a part of me tries! maybe this could work? but it kept ending the same way. ego food. which led me to think fuckkk i'm incapable of loving too? what am i here for then tfuck? — until i met rikko! and everything he did and said, i wanted more of it. the more he laughed, the more he cried, i wanted to keep seeing them, even if he laughs/cries for the same reasons over and over. i wanted the things he wanted. i wanted to like the shit he liked, and i did! i hated touch but i love being held by him. he was expressive too! like the other boys! but for some reason, it wasn't ego food. they became credit scores for me. each time he gets a point, it adds up to my reasons why this is it! why this is worth a try! and i struggled and fought hard. the commitment and daddy issues, the anxiety, the fear of abandonment, blah blah and he did and said the right things at the right time he went at the right places, gave the right gifts, promised the right things — all for him to turn out to be just like everybody else. he died months into my life. he couldn't keep up with the character he played, and idk why people keep playing a character on me. jodie played the supportive bff but really wanted to be some sort of main character which i think is rather difficult hence the hurtful betrayal. and then there's rikko, who played the boy i could ever want, but never was that person. he never was that person to his parents and friends, and i thought he would suddenly change for me? that's some boss level pick me girl shit. i love rikko, even now as i type this. i met him january 2020, it's july 29, 2021 today, and i love him so much. but i'm not sure if i should be with him anymore. on principle, morals, self-care, common sense, logic, religion. why? because he died. he died last january 2021. he's no longer the same rikko i fell for. his hands aren't the ones i fought myself to hold. he's not the same person who went all the way from paranaque to cainta for me at 8pm because my dad told me he almost had another baby with someone ON MY BIRTHDAY. he's not the same person i looked at up at Sm Aura thinking he could be the one. and that i belong here, with him. that i love being with him, and he could be other things, but i want to be with him. he didn't know it, but looking at him as he talked about his friends, those things ran in my head. it was the same rikko who got teary eyed when he misunderstood me there at the Sm Aura rooftop, thinking i meant that i was just playing him. the rikko who gave me a necklace for no reason, wore it on me and even had it in a totally unsuspecting case (tea bag) which made the surprise funnier and cuter, is... yep... no longer here. the rikko who kept reminding me i'm redeemable, that i'm not my anxieties, i'm not my bad brain, i'm not my small voice, that rikko is long gone. and still i stayed waiting, making excuses, reasoning out with myself, trusting that he'd come back and funny enough, 7 months in and... he's still gone.

the saddest part is he doesn't want to be like that. or so i think. he tries. i see him trying. i see the efforts. he tries to ask me about my day, about my worries, why i'm anxious, why i'm sad or irritated. he asks me about work, applications and when i'm out with friends or family. he tries to make time for me even now that he prefers valorant over ml with me, i know he tries to play ml with me. he tries to take some time off work to talk to me. he tries to post on social media now, shares my ig stories, joins my tiktoks and get along with my jokes. he tries. i know he does. but that's the thing. he has to try. and maybe those things, he just isn't. and the difference between trying and develop is with development, there is direction. there is progress. with rikko... it's unstable. sometimes he can do this, but the next times not so sure. and as someone anxious with rejection and abandonment issues, inconsistencies are okay, but a lot of them? and major ones? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. so many things rikko doesn't know and still he has it in him to say or assume a lot of things about me. one of them is when he said i'm ALWAYS annoyed at him. does he know how many times i get annoyed at things he do? but i don't address all of them not because i don't want to but because i acknowledge that they're not worth the fight or i'm just being hotheaded or immature or maybe inconsiderate. i think first before i act on him because if i learned anything about rikko, emotions have to make sense! which is wrong in the first place but that's who i'm with! but at the times i can't help being tampo, annoyed, or upset, he finds it in him to tell me i'm a l w a y s annoyed? WHEN?!?! i even asked him when and i know he realized it but still he fell stubborn to his pride. does he also know that his gifts don't make me kilig anymore? they just relieve me at this point which is sad!!! fucking sad!!! why? for example, for my virtual college graduation i was getting anxious few days before because i'm worried he won't give me anything or do something for me which will surely trigger my ~neglected issues~ and if i do get triggered, instead of addressing and being there for me, instead of making it up to me, he'd get mad! he'd make me feel that i'm asking for so much, for the impossible, all while i see it happen to people. i see other dudes give their girlfriends things without occasion. i see them try to like the things their girlfriends like, even embarrassing ones that she posts on social media. i see men constantly expressing their love for their gfs, for the person they asked to commit to them. all while i have one who would call me demanding, needy and exhausting. imagine? lol i get anxious he won't fulfill me not because i'd get sad but because he'll get mad when i get upset. he'd make me feel awful and remind me of the reason why we should end. and i hate that. i'm fighting so hard to take it off my mind, i hate thinking that we're incompatible, unhappy and that we're just trying to revive this love we have for each other. that love really isn't enough, even for us. so when he got me this bouquet for graduation, i was 95% relieved and 5% kilig because awwwww but more importantly, I WON'T BE TAMPO WHICH MEANS I WON'T HAVE TO HIDE AND HE WON'T HAVE TO GET ANNOYED AT ME BEING UPSET! as i type this all the more i feel bad because it's so clear i shouldn't be with him anymore. it hurts each time it crosses my mind. i really see rikko as the love of my life. and idk why. because he shouldn't be. the love of your life should be someone who makes you laugh, makes you strong but can also let you cry. the love of your life is the one who holds you on your way out of dark times. the love of your life is the one who corrects you in ways that won't make you feel bad, but in ways that make you feel cared for. that he's telling you so out of concern, not because he thinks you're a difficult sick mental person who needs an on-call therapist and an attending nurse. the love of your life should be the person who makes you cry the least.

but he doesn't deserve it also. maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship just yet. and there was no harm in trying. in fact i'm happy he tried because if he hadn't added me on facebook and hit up on instagram, i would have never known what love was like. i would also have never known how fun and exciting it is to be in love. it's so nice actually! to lie down with someone and just know they'll be there when you wake up and even if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you're safe with them. and no matter what you look like in the morning or how loud you snore or how stretched you are in bed, you are loved by this person next to you. and they chose to sleep with you too. to be as vulnerable as you are. and i loved that with rikko. we sleep together, we wake up in between sleep just to look for each other's cheeks, we shower together, we do weird shower dances, we have secret baby things, and a lot more things that you would think from here on meant forever. because these things, how could you ever try them again with someone else? because from where i am right now I HATE THE THOUGHT OF THOSE WITH ANYONE WHO'S NOT RIKKO. but stay with him for what? for what at this point? i'm not God. i'm just an anxious person with daddy issues who has enough money hunger and dreams plus a mom, aunts and 1 friend who loves rikko so much. i can't change him. and i shouldn't.

[fujosh1dreamer]

Alright it's time for more of my controversial opinions on the she Ra finally, as some might know I didn't like it too much. To clarify I thought it started out really well at first and I was really excited to see where it would go, but by like episode 5 or whatever I just knew. It was sort of anticlimatic if I'm honest, and I have a few honest criticisms. Now I'm not gonna go through all these now, I'm actually just gonna focus on what I considered to be the biggest problem of season 5 and honestly the whole show.

Before I get into it this is just my honest opinions and if I hated the show I wouldn't have kept up with all the season and been a fan. I love she Ra and I really wanted to love season 5 I just couldn't. That's not to say it was bad, there was a lot of good stuff.

Also, also I am going to be talking about Catra and adora and their relationship. I'm not an anti or anything it's just a few comments about the execution. This is about Catra as a whole not just this one ship.

Let's begin: Catra has always been a well liked but controversial character back in seasons 1 and 2 her actions were fine, while harsh she was at least understandable to an extent. Most people who liked her wanted to she her growth and redemption. Me on the other hand I've never been a fan personally but I didn't mind her too much early on. Later, however is where the problems come into play.

In order for season 5 to have worked Catra needed to be properly redeemed because she's done some awful crap. And to make my case I'll list off a few things she's done: actively attacked adora and her friends on multiple occasions, took enjoyment out of hurting others and seeing the horde take over, stabbed entrapta in the back literally, threatened scorpia, and opened the portal.

Now I know what you're thinking, yes we know this, so what she's better now in season 5 she's redeemed herself. Yes at the end of season 5 Catra is redeemed but the question is how? And why?

Catra and her redemption story has been compared to zuko and his story. Which I think is a little unfair because it's just not on the same level. Don't get me wrong compared to other redemption attempts it's definitely a win. I don't wanna compare these two it's not necessary people learn and grow in different ways.

I didn't like Catra's redemption because it felt too easy. It didn't hurt and because it wasn't painful it didn't feel earned. However people who talked about Catra and season 5 talked about it making them cry and honesty it only made me tear up one and it wasn't ever in a scene about Catra or adora, or even glimmer. It was when entrapta was talking to mermista and she realized that everyone was mad at her. So maybe my emotions are just shot, or something.

Despite not like season 5 all that much I did however like Catra this season. I've never liked Catra, I liked her momentarily in season 3 before she started making horrible decision, but other than that I didn't like her. So in season 5 Catra was well written. And it's because of character interaction.

Something spop has always done well is showing us how characters interact and what their dynamic is which makes scenes more interesting and how Catra talked with everyone was great it felt natural, almost too natural. I get that our heroes are supposed to be forgiving they're heroes but it's one thing to forgive and another thing to forget completely. There are only two times Catra really gets called out for her previous actions. The first is when frosta bless her heart, punches Catra right on the face and this scene is played off for laughs because Catra brushes off the punch and also frosta apologizes because she didn't realize Catra is on their side now. They all just too adora's word about Catra being good now. Then she's confronted again by perfuma who's just upset about how she treated scorpia. Which was bad we'll talk about that later but she's done so many other things to get mad over. Like anyone remember when mermista's home got taken over Catra pratically led that siege, mermista was heartbroken she lost her home.

So that's issue one how she integrates easily into being friends with everyone else.

Next is...

Oof, let's talk about Glimmer and Catra. Them being stuck together was interesting because their situation helped them both grow and tested their resolve which is great. Their relationship is really well written. We just have one small, tiny problem... Catra killed glimmers mom!!!

Are we just never gonna talk about that I mean the opening of the portal in season 3 and the death of Angella are two really big issue because they're the point of no return for Catra and Glimmer.

Catra actively opening the portal to spite adora and potentially destroy the planet turned Catra from a simple kid making mistakes because of her circumstances to someone who genuinely doesn't care about the suffering and potential death of others as long as she can prove a point. It made her a real threat and a potential villain.

Angellas death made glimmer queen and it also made her cold and willing to seek vengeance despite them being the good guys. She was willing to take matters into her own hands even if it meant going a little too far. Both of these characters changed in season 3 and those continued into season 4.

So if these events had such a great impact why aren't they brought up??? Simple because we need a happy ending and that can't happen if we're talking about dead parents.

Out of all the people that Catra apologised to shouldn't glimmer be first on that list. Doesn't she deserve at least that much.

My next point and the one I'm probably most bitter about is Catra and scorpia.

It's safe to say their relationship has always been a little weird. In the very beginning of seems very one sided with Scorpia hanging onto catra's every word. Then with time we see that Catra does actually care about scorpia she just doesn't like to show it. Which is fine until you guessed it season 3 where Catra's character really falls down to the point of no return.

So let's recap throughout season 3 while Catra and scorpia were together you could see the beginning of something and honesty it was pretty cute. Then the ending happened and Catra attacks entrapta and threatened to do the same to scorpia and suddenly everything was broken. All throughout season 4 we see nothing but hurtful words from Catra towards everyone but especially scorpia who's just being loyal. Finally scorpia gets tired and she basically puts Catra through one more test involving Emily before deciding to leave.

This relationship was the one I was really looking forward to seeing in season 5, but all we get is one small apology in the last episode and that's it.

Throughout this season they pratically had scorpia and Catra forget about each other completely.

When scorpia left the horde she did it because she felt she had to in order to both save entrapta and Emily. She wasn't fully okay with her decision until she met the other princesses and realized they're nothing like the horde. Still she never forgot about Catra because scorpia's whole thing is loyalty so how did she just get over her feelings for Catra especially when doesn't know where she is and hasn't heard anything about her. I know the situation was dangerous but still.

It was all pretty upsetting. Moving on...

In my final moments I wanna talk about catradora and also a little about shadoweaver.

Shadoweaver died and well... I expected that you really can't redeem her. It's not impossible but no one would ever accept it because people can't really change and nothing can ever make up for the mistakes she made in the past and the way she manipulated people. It's weird how I can't tell of I'm talking about shadoweaver or Catra anymore. They did a lot of the same things and yet... Catra is never really blamed for anything. Same with Hordak the fandom blames him for crap all the time but when Catra hurts people it's okay. Shadoweaver and Hordak are different cases they're older than her, well let's compare glimmer in season 4 grieving over her mother and making mistakes and everyone getting mad and expecting her to be held accountable, why is there such a double standard for Catra???

Anywho Catra and Adora's relationship is apparently the only thing everyone cared about will they be together??? After season 3 the chances were very small, but guess what they ended up together. Honestly when I say I get a little annoyed around episode 5 it's because they made it really obvious they're gonna end up together happily ever after style. Honestly I don't have the energy after this long post to criticize it. I just wish it was a little more tactful in the beginning and less blatantly obvious. But whatever!!!

[katiecomma]

Book Review - One Last Stop

I would like to start this review by saying this: these words are entirely my opinion. This is a review of a piece of writing that is based on my opinions and experiences and feelings. That being said, if this book made you feel represented, if you related to the characters, if you loved this book my opinions do not invalidate any of that. We are looking at this from different minds and different perspectives and different life experiences. Which is one of the most wonderful things about art: the interpretation. So, you are still represented and relatable and loved no matter how I feel or what I have to say.

On to the review. I'm going to put it below the cut, because it is CHOCK FULL of spoilers. So if you don't want to be spoiled do not continue.

I will also say, this is not a super positive review. I didn't love this book. I didn't even really like it very much.

I'm going to divide this into talking points.

1. The New York Trope

I hate hate HATE the New York Trope. Again, this is a personal thing that's specific to me. It's not to say it's a bad trope, it's just one that I'm SO SO SOOOOO tired of. I hate the idea of someone who could never find a place ANYWHERE else no matter where they've tried to go, making their way to New York where they believe they will finally belong. And then magically, even though they're a loser or an outcast or whatever... they do! They awkwardly stumble into the perfect little found family of weird people that so perfectly suits them it's like where they were made to be. I hate it. Again, this is personal. And it may just be lingering bitterness, but I moved from a small town to the big city and found it almost IMPOSSIBLE to make friends. Those cool people that you wish you were friends with, already have their own groups of friends and they don't often just adopt random new people that they don't really know and make them "part of the family." Yes, I know... I'm bitter. It's fine. See? This is the personal experience swaying my opinions that I was talking about. In addition to having that personal opinion of the trope, I'm just kind of tired of it. I feel like the New York Trope has been very overdone.

2. Forced Trans Rep

I was excited for the trans rep in this book. Afterall, it starts at the very beginning of the very first chapter when August answers a roommate ad that states: "Must be queer & trans friendly." I was like: awesome! I am so on board for this! LET'S GO!

I feel the need to break here to say that I love Niko. He is amazing. And I love his character.

Ok... so, the ad specifically states trans friendly. It breaks trans out from queer, which suggests that someone within the apartment is trans. We meet the three roommates: Niko, Myla and Wes... and nobody mentions the trans thing again. Which is awesome. I'm still on board this rep train. We are led to believe one of the roommates is trans. And we don't need to know which one. Why do we need to know? It doesn't matter. The representation is there, in my opinion.

And then the awkward scene I didn't like. There are baby/kids pictures of all the roommates all over the fridge. August recognizes everyone except a little girl who only looks a little familiar, wearing a princess dress at Disneyland and making a grumpy face. August asks who it is. Niko, very casually goes: "Oh, that's me." At which point August has some internal dialogue that felt very much to me like: Ok, I thought there was something off about him, he's not really a normal guy. That's a paraphrase... but that was the vibe I got. I sent it to a few other people who confirmed that I'm not crazy, it vibes that way. So... in addition to this scene feeling forced to "out" the trans person in the apartment (which felt SOOO unnecessary since the ad let us know there was a trans person in residence), August's reaction came across as accepting, but not feeling like Niko was a normal guy. Which... I really didn't like. It made me not like August at ALL, who is the main character.

The whole thing just felt really unnecessary to me. Especially when there's a scene later on that does it better! There's a scene later where August is asking Niko about his psychic abilities and she goes: when did you know?... and Niko replies: "That I was trans?"... and August waves it off and goes: "No, that you were psychic." That in my opinion would have been a way better reveal moment. It doesn't seem forced, and August waves it off like it's no big deal.

I may be crazy... but that drove me a little nuts. And really made me dislike August. I understand it's important to point out that everyone could have a little bias buried in them still, and it's important to overcome that... but I really didn't need anything to make me dislike August more... which leads into my next point.

3. August Is An Asshole

Yes, I understand there are assholes in the world.

Yes, I understand that they are redeemable.

But I did not like August for most of this book.

I understand that part of it is supposed to be her defensiveness... and her want to be a loner.

But August is an unapologetic asshole and says dickhead things to the people who are trying to help her or care about her. And I just didn't like that.

Again, I understand she's had a shitty life... but there just wasn't a lot in this book to redeem August for me and make me like her. I spent a lot of the book being like: I hope this nice girl doesn't fall for her because she's a bit of a dickhead.

4. August's Self Hate

In addition to being a bit of a dick... August has so much self-hate I found this book hard to read at times. Every time there is a description of her doing ANYTHING it is tinged with self-hatred to the point that the book was frustrating to read. There is a scene where she's been out in the rain and she's wearing sneakers. She gets on the train and her "sneakers squelched unattractively." So even when things are out of her control she projects self-hate onto them. And I HATED IT SO MUCH. It was infuriating. Even after Jane starts to like her and tells her that she's attractive and that her body is attractive the narrative is still very much "why does she like me though?"

I've had this conversation/rant with a few other people... and I understand that self-hate is very engrained in our society. I understand that girls, especially chubby girls, have this on their mind a lot of the time. One friend said that it would be unrealistic to have a book where the chubby girl doesn't hate herself, the suspension of disbelief of that would not be possible. (I feel I should point out this friend is chubby also).

But as a fat girl I need to say: I'M FUCKING TIRED OF THIS. I HATE IT SO MUCH. I want a main character like Lizzo, walking around with her skin on display and being confidant. I know that's a leap, honestly, but I would even go for someone acknowledging their body but not in a hateful way. Or having a little bit of a confidence issue but nothing like what was in this book. August hates herself so much that honestly... I was kind of mad about it.

One of the best fictional fat girls of all time is Suki from Gilmore Girls. You know why I loved her? Growing up and now? Because her weight is NEVER brought up. It's never the point of any of her jokes. It's never suggested she should lose weight. She never has any plotlines around dieting for her wedding or trying to fit into an old dress. Her weight is NEVER AN ISSUE. THIS IS WHAT I WANT IN FAT GIRL REP!!!!

Sorry... this point in particular is very close to home for me. As someone who's recently found her confidence it was very hard for me to read an entire book where everyone around the chubby girl is being nice to her but she's rude to them and self hating to herself.

Do girls like this exist? Of course! I was one of these girls! But it's frustrating to read sometimes.

5. Jane's Promiscuity

I found this was a sloppy way of getting them to kiss. And I'm not a HUGE fan of the slut and virgin trope. I don't mind someone having experience. But it seemed like Jane slept with half the women in the US before she was 24. And the only reason there was for her to have SO many partners was for August to kiss her more.

Quick explanation if you haven't read the book: Jane starts getting her memories back via sensory experiences. So they decide she'll remember her partners better if August kisses her to help her remember kissing other girls.

So in the end it just felt like a REALLY lame excuse for them to kiss.

At this point, I feel you being like: did you like ANYTHING about the book at all?

I did!

6. Wes and Isiah and Maya and Niko

I loved pretty much every character BUT August.

Wes and Isiah's love story was much more interesting to me than August and Jane's. Wes had the self-hate going on too... but Wes' was related to being a disappointment to everyone in his past and not feeling like he could be anything else. And he didn't want to burden Isiah with a disappointment. But they were cute as HELL and I loved the development of their relationship.

Maya and Niko are just perfect, and wacky and wonderful and were adorable from the start.

7. Jane

I loved Jane's character (other than the previously mentioned promiscuity). She was fun and happy-go-lucky and had an interesting problem and an interesting history (again, aside from the promiscuity).

8. Queer History

It was only touched on briefly in the book, but I loved the idea that Jane was front and centre for a lot of events in queer history. I liked what it brought up. I liked the way it made August want to learn more about her community. I honestly wish there had been a little more. Especially since Jane lived through it all.

I loved loved LOVED Red White and Royal Blue.

One of the things I loved most about that book was the way she broke down walls and stereotypes. The way that Pez is so effeminate, but only shows interest in women throughout the book, and NEVER labels himself. Having queer rep throughout politics. Having a divorced woman as president. There was so much representation in that book, but it didn't feel forced the way it did in this one. One Last Stop seemed very centred around these tropes and stereotypes... and that drove me a little crazy. I expected more from Casey McQuiston after reading Red White and Royal Blue.

In conclusion. I will not be keeping this book. I will not be rereading it. I did not care for it much at all.

Ok. Rant over.

I WILL SAY IT AGAIN: if you disagree with me. If you felt something because of this book. If this book spoke to you and made you feel seen and represented. None of my bullshit opinion changes that. FEEL THOSE THINGS! Take the art that means something to you and keep it close.