#I saw them as queerplatonic partners but this new episode made me go A-

[yaddoriart]

Episode 8 absolutely fucking killed me, I am NOT okay, so have something soft

[hamiltalian-creates]

Wine Mom Dadceit, Pt 1

Summary: Just the adventures of divorced wine mom Deceit trying to figure out how to deal with his feral son and emo teenager, especially when they decide to team up.

Pairings: Past Deceit x Patton, Queerplatonic Patton x Logan

Words: 2,043

Warnings: Slight spoilers for the new episode

Ah, the weekends of a divorced dad. Janus would never say that they were his favorite time of the week, but he would say that they were his most peaceful. No work, no kids, just him and his self care regimen. There was nothing quite like taking a hot, lavender scented bubble bath with a mimosa or five, though on this particular week, he did have to alter that plan the tiniest bit. Remus, his younger child, seemed to be getting more chaotic by the day and Virgil, his thirteen year old with a twelve year head start on his emo phase, was not helping. In the past, Virgil would help Janus keep his brother in check or would at least keep himself busy while Janus rounded him up, but more recently, Virgil was getting involved in Remus’s schemes, at least at home. In public, he still just preferred to keep to himself and let Remus draw all of the attention to himself.

So, instead of the usual champagne in his drink, Janus decided to go with vodka and did so with a heavier hand than usual. Originally, his plan was to go through the line of drinks that he’d made and see how long it would take before he passed out in the bathtub, but sometimes parenthood meant that he couldn’t enjoy even the simplest of pleasures.

Janus had just taken the first sip of his first drink when his phone began ringing all the way from where it was beside the sink.

“Someone had better be dying!” he said as he got out of the hot water. Every weekend, he set his phone to only ring for a call from Virgil, his ex husband, Patton, or his ex husband’s much more responsible queer platonic partner, Logan, but he also made it very clear that he was not to be bothered unless it was an issue of utmost importance.

On this weekend, it was Patton who either had to give Janus a good enough reason to be calling or risk his head. Janus rolled his eyes and answered the phone, the same reaction he would’ve had if it was anybody else.

“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound too annoyed.

“Hey, Janus, I know you asked for us not to bother you, but we can’t find Roman anywhere and I know that Remus and Virgil did it.”

Ah, yes, that was another issue that they had. Logan, had Roman, a kid about Remus’s age, from a previous relationship and, to put it simply, he didn’t get along with Remus or Virgil. Things never got as out of hand as they did between Remus and Virgil alone, but it did still worry Patton.

“Well, how do you know they did it?” Janus asked, partially because he really didn’t want to have to go anywhere and partially out of defense. To be clear, he wasn't defensive against Patton, he was sure there was a good basis for the accusation, but the stupid PTA moms made it instinctual.

“Because I asked where he was and Remus said ‘don’t worry, I’m sure he’s being fed and hydrated’ then Virgil gave him a look. They’re refusing to talk.”

“... Did you check the attic?”

“Janus!”

“Alright! You’re right, fine, I’ll be there in a bit,” Janus decided, putting his phone on speaker mode as he began moisturizing. “I hope you appreciate the fact that I’m saving my vodka for later over this.”

Patton paused for a second. “Were you drinking? I can go pick you up, if you want.”

Janus laughed and began getting dressed. “And leave Logan to deal with Remus and Virgil? No way, I like him too much for that. Don’t worry, I only got to take a sip before you called.”

“Alright... Thanks again.”

“No problem. You know I can barely handle them and I’m the one taking care of them most of the time.”

“I’ll see you when you get here.”

Janus heard his phone beep as Patton hung up and groaned. Why couldn’t they terrorize a kid that he didn’t care about?

As soon as he was ready, Janus drove over to Patton’s house, noticing that it was almost too quiet as he walked up to the front door. Were they sure that his kids were inside? He knocked on the front door and waited to find out.

Logan answered the door, visibly relieved as he saw Janus there. “Thank goodness.. Sorry to interrupt your self care day, but we seriously cannot find Roman anywhere.”

“I get it, it’s fine. I told Remus that Roman was off limits for his little torture sessions, but we both know he doesn’t like to listen.”

“The fact that you didn’t put any kind of air quotations around ‘torture sessions’ is really not going to sit right with me.”

Janus shrugged and walked in. “Just tell me where they are and we’ll be out of your hair.”

Logan closed the door behind him and lead him to where Patton was holding the two kids. “Oh, you don’t have to take them for the whole weekend, we can still watch them once this is done and over with.”

Janus almost laughed at that. “No, after I had to stop my self care weekend for this and Remus did what I explicitly told him not to, I’m taking them with me. No offense to either of you, but Patton’s method of just grounding them won’t work.”

Logan was too afraid to ask what would work on a kid like Remus. He was a good kid, he was just absolutely feral. “Well, they’re just waiting up in Remus’s room..” He showed him the rest of the way up and announced their arrival. “Patton, Janus is here.”

“No!” Remus cried out, running straight towards Janus to headbutt him, his father putting his hands in the way and catching him by his head.

“Remus, listen to me, where did you put Roman?”

“I just want to point out that this was completely Remus’s idea,” Virgil said.

“Ah, yes, because an eight year old is capable of pulling this kind of heist off,” Janus remarked, picking Remus up and carrying him under his arm. People liked to remark that Remus was a little too old to be carried like that, but then Janus gave him permission to give that person hell for a few minutes and they were silenced.

“He called Virgil a raccoon! Only I can call him a raccoon!”

Logan cringed at that. “I told him to stop with the name calling..”

Janus waved it off. “Remus, Roman is like your step brother now. We talked about this, when you get mad at him, you do not hide him.”

Remus pouted and wiggled to get down, landing on his feet as Janus released him. “Fine, but if he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll hide his favorite prince costume.”

“If he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll allow it, but can you please tell us where he is?” Logan asked.

Remus nodded and walked over to Roman’s room, leading the adults to his closet.

“We already checked in here,” Logan muttered.

“Well, he’s in there,” Remus said.

“Again with the talking back?” Janus scolded. “Please just show us where he is.”

Remus opened the closet door and moved all of the clothes out of the way, showing them a Roman that had been duct taped to the wall.

“Oh my goodness!” Logan cried out, running to get something to help free his son.

“Where did you even get this much duct tape?!” Patton asked.

Janus rolled his eyes. “You’re in so much trouble... Patton, do you guys have any alcohol?”

“I don’t know if this is really the time for a drink..”

“Rubbing alcohol, Patton, for the tape on his face.”

“Oh! Right, sorry..” Patton laughed awkwardly and ran off to get that.

Janus smiled and turned back to Roman. “Sorry about Remus... He gets protective of Virgil sometimes.”

Roman just shrugged, apparently unbothered by the situation.

“I’m guessing the fear wore off a while ago. This is the part where I would usually tell you that I’ll do something next time you mess with my son, but I feel like he doesn’t need the extra protection.”

Roman shook his head.

Logan ran back into the room with a pair of scissors and a box cutter. “Alright, Roman, hold still..”

“Yeah, or else he’s going to cut off your fingers!” Remus said, laughing.

“I think we’ve heard enough out of you,” Janus scolded. “I’m going to need you to wait with Virgil while I figure out what to do with you when we get home.”

Remus pouted. “But I want to stay with papa this weekend!”

Janus shrugged and carried him over to Virgil’s room. “Then consider this part of your punishment.”

Remus groaned as Janus put him down on his brother’s bed. “Pack your shit, we’re going home early!”

“Remus! We’ve talked about the cursing! Save it for when we get home!”

“You never let me do anything!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed Remus’s arm. “I’ve got him, don’t worry.”

“Oh, yeah, don’t let me forget that you did have a part in this too.”

Virgil groaned as he realized he wasn’t getting out of this and grabbed his weekend bag, getting ready to leave with Remus.

Janus nodded and walked back to Roman’s room, watching as his two dads freed him.

The second Roman dropped to the ground, he marched right on over to Janus.

“You can tell Remus that I’m ready for a rematch at any time!”

Janus chuckled. “Oh, really? Let me get him right-”

“No! Take him away! Take him away! Take him away!”

Were it any other child, Janus would’ve taken offense and followed through on his threat of bringing Remus out. But, considering the fact that Roman was known to be dramatic and they just peeled him off the wall, he decided against it this time.

“I guess the three of us should get going, then. I’ll talk to you later, Patton. Logan, help your son stay off of walls.”

Roman stuck his tongue out at him.

Janus just laughed and left, dragging his sons to the car. “You two are in so much trouble,” he said as they got into the car.

“What are you going to do?” Remus asked. “Stick us in a dark closet? Wax our hair with duct tape? Hang us on a wall by a chain?”

“Stop listing weird things!” Virgil said, holding his head. “He’s not going to do that to us! ... Right?”

“No!” Janus insisted. “No, I’d never do that. I’m taking you to the park. Virgil, we all know how you feel about sunlight and Remus, if I see you anywhere you’re not supposed to be or if you bother another innocent child, I will bring out the leash and you’ll be on a boring walk with me and Virgil.”

“No!”

“You should've thought of that before you taped Roman to a wall!” How Remus usually ended up on the sun covers above the playgrounds or sitting on top of the swing sets, they'd never know, but it seemed to be at least half the fun of going to the park for him. At least this way, Remus would still be getting all of that energy out for a little bit.

“Do I have to go?” Virgil asked. “It’s so bright and it’s so hot out...”

“You do. You can walk with me under a parasol.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, hiding a small laugh. “You’re so gay..”

Janus swatted at him jokingly. “Uh, excuse you, I am bisexual. You, however, are gay. If you’re going to use labels as an insult, please use the correct ones.”

Virgil snickered. “I still don’t want to go out in the sun.”

“You should’ve thought of that before you helped your brother duct tape Roman to wall. It’s a two man job, minimum.”

Virgil tutted and stayed on his phone for the rest of the ride home.

Janus smiled and sighed, wondering if his five champagne flutes worth of screwdrivers would fit in his water bottle. For some reason, he had a feeling he’d need it.

[sunshinenotdick]

Fair warning, this gets pretty personal.

So a big oof on my part. I may have fucked up (again) by talking to my ex qpp (again) and it made me sad but I'm gonna post about it here because this is like screaming into the void except like ten people hear me.

So my ex qpp (let's call them V but I think I mentioned them before and they were X. Let's call them X here too because continuity) is someone I've known for a few years now. Last year (two years ago?) one of my older sisters (B) told me that the relationship was toxic. I, being a stupid kid, decided I didn't need to leave the relationship or anything, even though B told me I really should leave. Anyway, the anxiety attacks and depressive episodes kept happening but I kept ignoring it. When X told me I couldn't be in a relationship because I was ace, I ignored it. This all came to a T last month.

We had finally actually put a label on what we were (queerplatonic partners), because we were planning on moving in together in the near-ish future. A few days into the relationship, we had a heart to heart and they told me that it would take months for them to be relatively okay with any form of romantic relationship. I said that was absolutely fine and I would stand by them until they were okay. Sounds like we were doing okay, right?

Well a week into this relationship, they decided to use one of my worst fears against me (the people I love fearing me because I'm pretty buff and I'm tall and everyone is at least cautious around me until they get to know me because I'm physically mildly terrifying) because they were mad at me. This was too much for me, I couldn't be around someone who would say something like that for the sole purpose of shutting me up. So I stopped talking to them and then they texted me a week and a half later sounding like they were the real victim here because I definitely didn't go into a huge depressive spiral over it, not at all. They acted like I was the only one really in the wrong and that they were so so sorry they were "a little bit harsh" but I still deserved it for being so scary.

Anyway I tried so hard to fix us but every time I spoke to them I got really depressed and it would take a few days before I could be online with them again. This went on for a little bit before another friend (R) told me that I should probably just block them.

So I did, and after the first shitty few days, I felt better. I didn't have to be afraid of X messaging me and me getting really sad again. I went to the farm and spent some time there and I felt incredible and I stupidly messaged one of X's friends (D). D and I had been friends, but I always knew he favored X. Anyway, D told me that X was probably really upset I had blocked them with no explanation and that I really should unblock them and I felt like such an awful person so I agreed to unblock X.

X and I messaged each other the next day, and my anxiety got so bad I spent about half of the conversation mostly disassociating. We spoke about a mental illness we shared and it was okay and I thought we could be just superficial friends or act like we met online in a support group or something.

It was okay. Not anywhere near what we had before which I had thought was nice but realistically wouldn't have been a healthy relationship anyway, but okay. And then we were talking again yesterday. And they told me that, in the three or four weeks between us having the conversation I mentioned earlier they had gotten a new partner (romantic). I blocked them again, with reassurance from R that it was okay to block them.

I had to go through my email yesterday (whole other anxiety problem because reasons I won't get into) and saw that they had emailed me while they were still blocked. I know X knows I've been avoiding that email address like the plague because I went through a really traumatic experience and was then spammed through that address and it was too much at the time. They also texted me directly several times because I hadn't blocked their number because I was scared of cutting them completely off because I've always been in a position with them where I've been certain if left them I'd be responsible for the bad things they did to themself because I would have been the cause. I couldn't leave because I was scared they'd hurt themself and it would be all my fault and I'd have to explain to their parents what I'd done and how they lost their child because I was selfish. I was prepared to stay in an incredibly dark place so they would be okay. Because they would drop hints about it.

Anyway all the messages they had sent me had been about something they had left with me because a case of soda had exploded on it and I washed it but hadn't seen them since then so I hadn't been able to return it. They kept guilt tripping me (something that's made that much worse for me because my parents - especially my father - had used that tactic my entire life) about it even though they knew I had no way to respond.

I have other things of theirs I need to give back because this was a situation I want to forget about but I know I have to remember so it doesn't happen again.

If you read this far, I want you to know I didn't write this for your pity. I wrote this so you'll know toxic relationships are real, they do happen, and it's not always in romantic relationships. Sometimes there are people who you want so badly to keep in your life, but if they jeopardize your health, mental or physical, you have to leave.

It takes a lot of strength to leave, I know, God do I know. Sometimes you have to leave people. And you have to remember, it's not your fault. What they are doing to you is not your fault. It's their fault for doing it to you.

If you ever need someone to talk to about this sort of thing, my DMs and inbox are always open. I want to help as many people as I can avoid these situations. Because I've been there. I know how much strength it takes to leave. And please, if you can, leave before you get to where I got. I was so close to the end of my rope, my mental health was in the shitter, I could barely interact with my friends because if I did something wrong I was scared of the repercussions in a relationship that I was the only one really working for.

You can escape before you get as far as I did, but it takes a lot of strength and it takes support. I will support you. Your true friends will support you.

TL;DR I talked about a really shitty experience and a toxic relationship for a while. I'm here to talk if you're in a toxic relationship because I know it takes a lot of strength to leave them. It's not your fault, remember that

It's not your fault.

This is okay to reblog.