#I saw it on FB and had to track it down here

[whatisshelties]

Some jumping + conditioning resources for @wyrddogs

The Truth About Jumping by Carolyn McIntyre

This one doesn't get specific, but the last paragraph does explain the concepts behind conditioning for jumping and why it's important. She does mention that you need to target the front limbs, rear limbs, and core. That message I got there was conditioning all over will help, lol. From what I grasp, strengthening the front end helps with the forces from landing, while strengthening the rear will help add power to the take off. The core holds everything together.

Canine Conditioning Coach Video Library

You can sort the videos by using the tags. There are videos behind a paywall, but you can sort to find the free videos only. I think a lot of the beginner/foundation exercises are free. You can also sort by the body region the exercise targets as well. I feel like I need to make an obligatory mention of the FB group Canine Conditioning and Body Awareness. CCC owner is also an admin on this group and sometimes will review videos. You could also search the group for discussion about jumping related exercises. What I think is really cool about her site is that if another program has an exercise your dog is struggling with, you can see if there's a foundation level video available on CCC that might help you build up to that other exercise.

Movement Puzzles

Not specifically jump related, but I do think Mud had a lot of fun with this concept and I did notice his coordination improved while working on them. I need to get back into it. I think there are videos on her FB page that can give you ideas. The foundation 2 Bowl Game is free. I paid for the class (after she changed it to lifetime access, lol) and never worked through it it as written. I just sort of got the concept and ran with it.

Focus on Jumping by Bobbie Lyons on Clean Run

This appears to be a purely conditioning based self study course on Clean Run. Just the list of skills the class says it will address gives you an areas and movements you can work on. I think I actually had this class bookmarked at one point for Mud when it was only on Bobbie's website. I believe that was a working class with no audit option, so it cost more and I didn't see myself following along when I didn't know if Mud was sound. Now it's on my radar again.

I follow a good chunk of canine fitness or rehab pros on FB and other dog sport people sometimes share stuff. I saw this two part webinar series shared a couple weeks ago. Like I said in my comment, I was having a hard time thinking of things that weren't behind a paywall. There seem to be plenty of those. I'm going to guess that's partially the fitness trainers protecting themselves. They don't want people saying they found this exercise plan on the internet and then it injured their dog. Most of them will only work with sound dogs. I think some of the conditioning pros might have a video or post here and there that get a little more specific on their FB, but trying to track them down would be challenging.

Edit: I also feel like I should mentioned that you shouldn't feel like you need to buy all kinds of inflatable equipment. I honestly use board like items the most. I actually picked up a couple of these things (not this exact brand, but same item) after someone posted about them and they get used the most. They happen to be wide enough for Mud to sit on, but not really long enough, so I really should make boards, but we've been making due with what I've got. Any exercise is better than nothing.

[weneverlearn]

From The Distillery to Eternity: A Tale of Lost Recording Tapes, Found on eBay

Red Aunts / Two Tears guitarist/singer Kerry Smith was just putzing around eBay when she saw a tape she made 20+ years ago which was being sold by some rando -- along with lots of tapes by other regional L.A. trash rock acts. A facebook post about it, copious comments, and a surprise good samaritan followed.

KERRY SMITH rockin' with the Red Aunts at a club near The Distillery studio, sometime in 1993.

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As we all regularly ponder what the hell social media is good for, a major piece of proof for the answer of “Nothing” are the comments sections on Facebook. The vitriol and vague “arguments” that can ensue (should you actually still use Facebook) get stupid and depressing very quickly.

But for every 100 like that, there are posts that actually conjure up a stable discussion, interesting connections, and maybe even some useful info.

Case in point, a recent post from Kerry Smith – Red Aunts and Two Tears guitarist/singer and all-around hilarious, life-affirming gal.

Essentially, she came across an eBay listing that was selling off a studio reel tape of an original master recording she made in 2000. After Kerry’s FB post, a number of people clicked on the link and a few realized their own tapes or someone they knew were also listed for sale.

I contacted Kerry about the situation:

“I recorded a bunch of songs there hoping to put them out as the first Two Tears record," said Kerry. "Lesley (Ishino, Red Aunts) and Danny Hole (Necessary Evils) played some drums, and I played everything else. I forgot about this all until this post was brought to my attention, and I feel sad, angry, violated, ripped off. I demo’d them all on my 4-track and worked hard in that studio. I paid for it all myself, no label help. Lots of people offered to buy them for me, and someone thought they were doing a good deed and bought it, though I had the post taken down. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, until Gar wrote from SD saying it’s an intimate and personal experience, and he said do you feel like you’ve been audio art raped? And I do."

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One of the commenters on Kerry’s post was Larry Hardy – head of In The Red Records, the legendary garage rock indie label from L.A. He added a few shocked comments, which led to a comment thread discussion of legality, ownership, old stories, etc.

Given how many bands Hardy has worked with and albums he's released, I thought he’d be one to dig into this strange, ephemeral side of life as a recording musician…

Here's a Two Tears song from that era, though not recorded at The Distillery:

So how did you first hear about this? I assume you saw Kerry's post…

LH: Yes, that’s when I first heard about this. I recognized the writing on the PQ sheets and could tell the tape originated from a recording studio called The Distillery in Costa Mesa, which is where a lot of In The Red records were recorded. I checked the eBay seller’s other auctions and discovered a number of my reels were being sold too. 

When you first saw Kerry's post, what was your first kind of emotional response?

LH: My first response was I knew exactly where the tapes came from. A few years ago another person posted a photo of some master tapes he had saying he was trying to find the bands. One of the bands was the Strange Boys, and they contacted me and said the guy had a bunch of ITR masters. I got a hold of the guy and told him my connection to the tapes, and he said he’d gotten the them from Mike McHugh and had been holding them for him, but Mike had gone AWOL. I never did get the tapes back from this guy.

Can you tell me about Mike McHugh and The Distillery, and how tapes from there might’ve ended up in this eBay seller’s possession?

LH: Yeah, [the studio] was owned and operated by Mike McHugh. He was a brilliant engineer with really good gear – the mixing board came from Muscle Shoals! And he was really down to do weird, unconventional things in the studio. He also actually liked the music. He was my go-to guy for many years. Unfortunately a combination of mental illness and substance abuse got the best of him, and he went downhill really fast and REALLY bad. One of the last sessions I had there was for the band Cheap Time, and he flipped out in the middle of the session and pulled a gun on them!

Anyway, he wound up losing his studio, and we had all the tapes still in there. Lots of other bands kept their tapes there too. I know a number of people tried to help him and tried to save all his gear but, sadly, he was beyond help. I guess a bunch of the stuff from the studio wound up in a storage locker and the bill didn’t get paid – so it all went up for auction. That’s how the guy who is selling them on eBay came into possession of them.

Are the things he's posting for sale original sessions or mastered reels?

LH: The reels being sold are the two-inch master reels. The bands would track on two-inch tape and then mix down to half-inch tape and the record would be mastered from that. Many times we would only take the mixed tape with us as that was what we’d master the record from. The studio had a room where they stored tapes, so we figured we’d leave the two-inch reels there for safe keeping.

In a way, the fact that these are original master tapes, pre-mixed/mastered tapes is even worse. These are unmixed tracks, right? 

LH: Correct. These tapes being sold are the basic tracks on two-inch tape. You could take these to a studio and remix the record with them. We would mix down to half-inch tape so the versions on those are what you hear on the record. Mastering is a separate step done in a mastering lab. This is why once the mixing was done you kind of felt like the two-inch tapes were done too. They already served their purpose.

Yeah, we all sort of leave things in the rearview mirror once the album comes out, as far as where recordings and master tapes end up.

LH: Yeah, some bands are really good about keeping track of their tapes, and some don’t really care. I know the Cramps kept all of their master tapes, but I don’t think most bands do that. I do still have a bunch of master tapes here at my house. I imagine a lot of people took their tapes with them when their session was done. They’re expensive. I did sometimes, but I was at this studio so often I just figured they were fine where they were… until they weren’t. I didn’t have any place to store them at my house anyway. Two-inch tapes take up a lot of room.

Beyond that particular story, when bands record in studios there is a kind of “gentleman's agreement” – especially amongst indie labels and smaller studios – to at least let the bands or labels know they've got their tapes before just selling them off or tossing them, right? My understanding is, if you paid the studio their fee and paid for the actual tapes, they are your's. Though I suppose if they've been sitting in a studio’s closet for 20 years, maybe there's an argument for ownership on the studio's end?

LH: We did have a general understanding when we left the tapes behind that they’d be looked after by Mike. There was also a window of time when I could’ve gone down there and gotten them all; and I didn’t want to deal with him so I just kind of let it go. The only use they would be is if you wanted to remix the record, which I guess is something that could come up.

After leaving them behind that long ago it makes sense they could end up almost anywhere. Now you have a guy selling them on eBay who doesn’t even know who the bands are.

Under Kerry's post, a person commented: "No judgement! But you own the IP [intellectual property] on these tapes as they are independent recordings. You should reach out to the seller!" Is he right?

LH: That’s true. The eBay seller rightfully owns those tapes, but neither he or anyone else who buys them can do anything with the music without the artist’s permission…. Unfortunately this guy did buy them fair and square. I’m sure Kerry paid for that tape and the recording session, but the tapes were left behind all those years ago, and they’ve been passed around a bunch since. These tapes weren’t stolen, they were left behind. It should’ve been on us to get them back if they were important to us. Of course no one could’ve predicted Mike was going to go off the rails as badly as he did. The eBay seller did nothing wrong or illegal.

Lisa Pallow, Haunted George’s wife, contacted him explaining that two of the tapes were her deceased husband’s music, and that she would like to buy them. And the way he responded to her tells me the guy is an asshole. Really the person at fault for all of this is Mike McHugh.

I'm assuming if Rocket from the Crypt tapes are involved here – there were some for sale in that listing – someone's going to take some shit for this, because they were on a major at one point, though I've no idea which RFTC recordings are on those tapes in that eBay post.

LH: Yeah, that was the one tape I saw in there that I thought would probably go for the most money and also could turn into a hassle for the seller if he hears from [RFTC leader] John Reis or an attorney. I don’t think there would be any legal recourse against this guy though.

John Sellers from ‘90s trash-punk band, the Countdowns, commented on Kerry's post, concerning The Distillery: "It was the original board from Muscle Shoals.....Mike told me that [the Rolling Stones’] Sticky Fingers was recorded through it... it had these red and green square buttons to push... totally sixties mod... he LOVED that board!!! Chris... maybe? And I forget his last name but, he had a studio in the same complex as The Distillery and would tour with JSBX selling merch back in the '90's... he told me the whole story about Mike buying that board... how he flew out and it was sent by train upon purchase and how he accompanied it from start to finish... and how Chris would walk in and Mike would be passed out... not by drugs but by obsessive inspiration and no sleep.... with a clove cigarette in his mouth... under that board... working to make it work.

I THINK that The Countdowns were one of the first to record through that board at The Distillery but... well... memories and remembering shit these days... I always referred to Mike as 'The Mad Scientist. He was an absolute thrill of an experience to work with AND... did you ever hear him play drums? FUCK ME!!!”

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LH: We did have some great times in that studio and before it all went bad. We hailed Mike McHugh as a genius. He was! It’s all very sad to me now. I have some great memories of that place. Andre Williams recorded with the Blues Explosion and Steve Mackay of the Stooges there! Good times.

Any other recording sessions at The Distillery that you remember?

LH: The wildest sessions I remember at that studio involved Andre Williams. He would get pretty drunk over the course of the session, so you had to get him on tape before he was too drunk. He had amazing stories and he was hilarious. He was also brilliant when he was lucid. He had produced records for Motown, and now he’s in Orange County with miscreants like us! 

I watched the Hunches vacuum up nails and screws off the floor while Mike recorded it so the obnoxious noise could be included on the band’s cover of the electric eels’ “Accident.” Not many engineers encourage this sort of thing. 

I went down to the Distillery for the final night of mixing the Black Lips’ Let It Bloom. The band had booked a show that night at a club directly across the street from the studio. The band left for their show, but I stayed behind with Mike while he continued mixing. I finally went over to the show and went up front. Cole Alexander had urinated into his own mouth, as he was wont to do back then, and spat the mouthful at the audience. I walked in late and went up just in time to get a face full of urine. I was now in business with the Black Lips.

My fondest memory of that studio is probably when the Necessary Evils recorded their second album. I know we were in there on New Year’s Eve. Those guys were all good friends of mine, as was Mike McHugh. The band didn’t have enough material to fill a full length album and were scrambling to cobble stuff together on the spot. It was a wonder to behold. Every one of those guys was hilarious. R.I.P. Steve Pallow.

I have tons of great memories from this studio. It’s really painful for me to think of Mike ending up like he did. Truly heartbreaking. 

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Like any Facebook thread, the mass of names and rushed, emotionally punched-out comments can make for an intriguing read. Hell, a good pal of mine and Kerry’s posted that he put in a bid and would give the tape to her if he won it. He did get a couple of the tapes in the listing, but as Kerry stated earlier here, her tape was taken down after she reported it; and my friend got a cancellation message from eBay.

For Kerry though all this is definitely not legal chit-chat, but a loss of something dear, intense, and loved. It’s the kind of mini-nightmare anyone who’s recorded in a studio and then left it for “safe keeping” always has lurking in the back of their mind.

“I feel like crying all day today because of this,” said Kerry. “I don’t know why. Mike is so talented and I really want these tapes back. I used to hang out there a lot with Ronnie when I lived in Long Beach still. So many happy memories there – grateful for the scene ! Le sigh.”

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After having wrapped up this piece, I heard from Kerry again with a possible happy ending to this story:

“I reported it as stolen, and it was pulled, and some punker dude in Costa Mesa went to get it for me," she explained, "but I didn’t ask him to. I don’t want the [eBay] guy to get the money. So the Good Samaritan kinda fucked it all up, and is supposed to mail it to me. And he paid $150 for it, so now I feel obligated to pay him back. Lots of people offered to buy it for me. And he bought RFTC and Haunted George."

Kerry asked said Samaritan (who shall remain annonymous) how he was able to get the tapes. He responded:

"Hi, thanks for getting back to me. I purchased the tapes directly from the guy... who bids on storage units. I bought a bunch of friends bands tapes and got them back to them. I knew going in that I'd lose money and I'm ok with that. Please let me gift you your tape back. Years ago I lost all of my... master reels in a storage unit that went unpaid while I was in rehab. I hate seeing strangers getting these tapes. Mike McHugh is the one to blame here. Although it’s hard to blame him with all of his mental health and addiction problems. I got my Distillery reels back from him several years ago after he lost the studio.... Anyway... I can get the tape to you or whoever you’d like me to. Larry Hardy maybe. No charge for the tape. Big Red Aunts fan by the way."

[tyedyeinherveins]

My thoughts on the new Linkin Park...which are JUST MY OPINIONS.

As a teen I remember my first favorite BAND(I was a pop girl before this) being Linkin Park, I had their posters on my wall, I had shirts and bought all the magazines they were featured in. I had all the albums and in my depressed moments(which were a lot at times) I replayed "My December" and "Somewhere I Belong" probably a bazillion times. I was a mega fan for years and their lyrics helped me endure tough times.

Eventually as time went on I discovered Good Charlotte and thus began my emo phase and I listened to LP less and less but the love never died.

Fast forward to the day I heard the news...I remember exactly where I was.

My Mom,Daughter and myself were at the doctors office with my Grandpa who was starting to have health issues(he was in his 90s) My daughter and i were in the waiting room while they went in with the doctor.

I got a text, I cant remember from who(maybe my ex?) I'm not sure,but the text read " did you hear about Chester?" At this point I hadn't but as soon as I go onto FB im bombarded with posts like Rip Chester Bennington & Linkin Park front man dead from suicide. I audibly gasp which makes a few heads turn in the waiting room. I can feel the tears burning my eyes but I can't cry around all these people so I held it in But to say my heart was broken was an understatement. The rest of the day I felt numb.

Someone who helped so many of us with our demons couldn't outrun his own in the end. Utterly tragic and such a horrible loss for the music world. And I still feel this way and still struggle deeply myself with depression and my own mind. Sometimes I picture Chester in those final moments because sometimes I feel so low that I wonder what it would be like in those moments but I have kids I have to care for and if I'm gone there is no one else here responsible enough to take care of them. So I live for them, even when I wish so badly that I wouldn't wake up some days. (The song Heavy could could been legit been written about me) I wish Chester could have found some peace in his life, I truly hope he has it now.

I still mourn his death,I probably will forever. Will there be a day I can watch his last performance(I also have thoughts on this, the look in his eyes) and not cry? Doubtful.

Fast forward to last week when LP announced a new lead singer.

*I audibly sigh* I have such mixed emotions I don't know where to begin.

Even before they announced I always said I wish they could do what the band Apocalyptica does and just have guest singers on new tracks OR have Mike be the new main vocalist. I still stand by this.

I have absolutely nothing against Emily because frankly I know nothing about her. Her voice is fine and I may even check out HER band in the future but why does this feel like a punch in the gut?!

I never got to see LP live and if I remember correctly they were touring or getting ready to with MGK before Chester died. I remember saying I wanted to get tickets if they were near me...unfortunately that never happened. I see that LP plans a tour soon with Emily, and I don't think I could bring myself to go. If it were just the original guys i would absolutely, it's just not the same not to mention we are down 2 original members as well?! No I don't think my heart could handle finally seeing them live but like this. I'll pass.

Why not just start a new band with a new name at this point? I'd support that. Don't sing old LP songs with Emily.

Recently I saw Chester's son had lots to say about it(nothing good) while I understand I don't think I agree with it to the extreme he does but then again Chester wasn't my dad so maybe he knows more than we do? I don't know.

I don't doubt Mike and the guys love and miss Chester too but there's no LP without Chester in my opinion. I don't even doubt that Chester would give this his blessing but I'm sorry I can't get behind it.

Also,tell me what band that replaced their lead singer has ever done well after doing so? I can't think of any.

Anyways....big sigh. I wanted to get my thoughts out there.

I do plan at some point to get a tattoo of Chester,once I find the right photograph and a artist that will do it justice.

Gonna go listen to some old LP now.

Much love.

National Hotlines

* 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988

* Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

* Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Online Resources

* National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/

* The Jed Foundation: https://jedfoundation.org/

* MentalHealth.gov: https://youth.gov/federal-links/mentalhealthgov

[captainknell]

*random story that does not relate to Napoleon other than a resemblance to this particular depiction of him*

So idk if that's a weird little mustache or just supposed to be shadows on his upper lip, but my husband was teasing me that the real reason I like Napoleon is that he looks like a guy who had a crush on me who happened to have a weird little mustache. If you're bored, feel free to read my silly story. I should be sleeping or doing something useful I suppose but here we are...

Way back in the year 2012, I was 18, about to turn 19 👵 (I feel old now). My mom and I were in Florida for a concert and had met up with some of her internet friends. We went out for dinner at a restaurant on the beach. One friend of hers had a son, about my age. We had met them one other time and I was friends on FB with them so we weren't total strangers or anything. Anyways, the adults were talking after dinner and the boy asked if I would like to go for a walk along the beach. Sure, why not. I thought I was grown now and it sounded exciting to go somewhere without a parent! So we walked quite a ways and sat down to rest. He was getting increasingly weird and I was texting another guy that I was talking to at the time and saying how weird he was being. The boy started teasing me, asking if that was my boyfriend. It was not but I think I told him it was in hopes that he would leave me alone. He sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me and asked if he could kiss me on the cheek. I said no and stood up. I was not worried at all, as he was scrawny and I used to work out back then and I knew he was no match for me, if it came to it. I decided it was time to get back to the restaurant and find our mom's. I started walking back and he came running after me. It was now getting dark and I realized how far away we were. There had been a volleyball court with black lights near where we had started and I could not see it at all. It ends up that we had actually walked several miles! Eventually he tried again, by grabbing onto my hand. So we're walking along, awkwardly holding hands. I break into a run (former track runner) and he can barely keep up. I think he said something that annoyed me, but up ahead I saw some big sand dunes and pits that we had passed earlier. I'm not a beach geologist or anything so idk if they were man made or caused naturally by the waves or whatever but I saw the deepest one and ran for it. At the last minute I flung this poor boy into the hole and kept running. Finally I saw the black lights right as they were turned off for the night! It was almost pitch black at this point but I managed to find the restaurant and our angry mom's waiting in the parking lot. Apparently they had been calling us but we hadn't heard or felt our phones while we were running. We still had to spend the rest of the weekend awkwardly in each other's company. And then the next month, I was randomly in Chicago with my dad and they happened to be there too. It was a hot summer day but it got cold at night and we were riding the El and he offered to "be my blanket" and laid on my legs to keep me warm. My dad and I made it back to my Aunt and Uncle's and that's when I met my future husband lmao. He still teases me about it.

[raspberryconverse]

Being an adult means being real with yourself about your finances.

A huge pain point in my marriage has been money (which is totally common in relationships). We bought an old house and have had to replace literally everything except the dishwasher, dryer and most of the plumbing. We had to have half the house rewired before we moved in because it only had 1 owner and had cloth wiring. The plumbing is galvanized steel and some of it was connected to copper (big no no: there's a chemical reaction that happens and causes leaks). We recently had to have our entire kitchen drain replaced for this and the plumber wouldn't reinstall the dishwasher until we had it checked for mold, another $600 on top of the $4000+ we already paid for the drain. We had mold behind some wood paneling that obviously couldn't be seen on inspection. New roof, furnace, AC. Our drain tile system was put in backwards and had to be replaced. There was a huge flood last summer and we had 8" of water in our basement.

Needless to say, it's been stressful and we haven't even been here 2 years. And expensive.

I have always been terrible with money. I never saw good spending habits growing up, so I've always had the mindset of "I can buy it now with my credit card. It's fine." I know, that's not fine. But that's what I've always done. Some of it was definitely out of survival during my post graduating during a recession life, but I never really stopped when I started making decent money.

Anyway, during the pandemic, I found this bank called Simple that has the envelope budgeting system built right in. It was fantastic! I paid down my debts, I brought up my credit score. I was able to refinance my car loan to nearly a 10% lower rate. It was fantastic. Then, it shut down.

There was another bank that was similar to it called Envel. Basically the same concept. And it continued to work for me, but like Simple, they shut down.

I finally moved to Ally because they have these new "spending buckets." They sounded exactly like what I had with Simple and Envel. Except they weren't. Simple and Envel would distribute your money every time you got paid and put the right amount in each "envelope." Ally just puts the money in like a day or 2 before the due date you put on the bucket. This is not helpful. Yes, I could go through and distribute my money, but I don't always remember to do it. So... I didn't really do it.

Things got out of control again. I'm not saving anything. I buying shit that I don't need to be buying. We have things that are coming due with the house (the AC is the big one). It's not good. And my spouse is really stressed about it. And I'm just really embarrassed.

So I'm filling out a chart with my credit cards and their balances, interest rates and minimum payments in addition to a personal budget worksheet and meeting with my financial advisor soon. Yes, I have one of those. A friend sung his praises on Facebook, so I thought it might be helpful. And it was. I mean, he did get me to buy a bunch of life insurance, but I can meet with him whenever to look over things. I also love that he's about my age and while he's a straight cis white guy, he works with people and couples of all types (the friend who mentioned on FB him is a lesbian and married). We met with him before we decided to buy the house to see if we could swing it.

I did find a budgeting app made by a former Simple user which is basically the same as the bank, so I think that's going to work, but I really need to just sit down with someone who's not going to judge me and take a look at everything so I can get things back on track. It's really hard to admit defeat. It's really embarrassing to not be able to tell your spouse that your personal finances are in trouble and you don't know what to do. But I'm gonna talk to Brett and he's going to help me figure it out. And it's gonna be ok.

[godesssiri]

My dad's youngest brother, Shane, is 21 years younger than him. My Dad died when I was 16, 20-mumble years ago and that was the last time I saw most of his family, Dad was never close to them so I'd only ever really seen them at weddings and funerals so Dad's funeral was the last. Not long after Shane met an American woman online and moved from New Zealand to Ohio, they had their 20th wedding anniversary last year, they would come out to visit his family here in NZ once a year. During the first Covid lockdown he tracked me down on FB and we started talking and it was really nice. He never had a chance to be close to Dad because of the age difference, Dad was living in a different part of the country by the time Shane was old enough to hold a conversation. But they have similar personalities, both the still waters run deep type, not speaking much but when they do it's thoughtful.

Shane and his wife Laura are currently on their first NZ trip since Covid and they came to visit me yesterday. It was really lovely, nice to chat in person, nice to actually see his facial expressions while he spoke and to hear the same pauses that Dad would make while he considered what to say. He hugged me twice, once when he arrived and once when he left and, dear God, it felt like a hug from Dad. Shane is the same height, has the same lanky arms and the same large hands, he hugs with the same pressure and arm position. You don't think about these thing until a moment like this.

[nx-communicato]

* 1/24/23•21:45

Here I Go Again

Well, I’ve done it to myself once again. I don’t know why I can’t turn it off or resist it. After my meeting with the pastor, wherein he had blessed me with a healing prayer, I was feeling really good Physically as well as Spiritually, I stopped and picked up some groceries (fruit & poke), and then returned home in high spirits. Then my Momp texted my sister, brother, and I. It was something nondescript about lost/found government documents, but I unread it and it seemed to indicate that they would be all joining up to escape the coming apocalypse but would not be bringing me along for the ride. So I hastily tried to encode an SMS back asking if I could go too. I went walkabout and drifted into the social Interweb to see if there were more clues, and everything seemed to indicate that the end of days was indeed to be nigh, if not tonight. But, I was receiving encouraging words for a change, so I stopped to wish chef a happy birthday, and then once again hurried back home to get Tiger and pack so as to be ready to go. Checking in on noti’s, it seemed like the elusive rollya’ghostya gang was going to be out en force as well and were looking forward to a reunion. And so, once again, my ever trusting and hopefu heart had convinced myself that I was finally going to meet up with you and everyone and it was all going to work out. I stopped what I was doing (packing a suitcase to be prepared), showered and shaved (in pretty good time too), got dolled up this time so I would be presentable for meeting people (that’s how much I had convinced myself), and then…in typical fashion nothing but a slowly saturating realization of — nothing. I stumbled upon your 42517 5318 Fb and saw that you had completely severed ties with 356712 1257420 (maybe I’m projecting, but I took that as me) some 9 hours earlier. Then I watched the first two episodes of 7107 Future, knocked on another neighbors door to no avail, which leads me to… now where I am in the darkness with no direction, aimlessly walking down the only road I’ve ever known… like a drifter, I was born to walk alone {thank you, Whitesnake}. So for those keeping track, that’s three times today I deluded myself into a full top-off of confident hopefulness only to have it almost immediately leeched right out of me. F?<# demons, I can torment and torture myself way better than those candy-a$&es.

Oh well, with any luck maybe Ragnarok will happen soon (but we all know how lucky this ducky is) !?!

[ltleflrt]

Helllo 🙂

Alright so the whole ao3 tos violation drama is ongoing on twitter and since your name is somehow what these people are using to legitimise their arguments, I’ll super appreciate it if you could clear up a couple of things for me.

Do you also believe the person they’re calling out is behind this? There doesn’t seem to be much proof about it except for the “everyone knows” and the google doc and some unknown insider. I’ll basically take your word as proof because I trust you.

And second, were any of your fics ever in trouble with ao3 because of this thing? It’s very hard for me to accept ao3 deletes fics because someone in the comments mentions getting a physical copy. The whole spin these people have put on this is just *shakes hands*

Thank you and I’m sorry the trolls try to stop you from making physical copies of your work. Their “well someone’s making profit” sucks!!!

I'm going to preface this with a reminder that I'm not active on Twitter, so I do not know everything that's going on there.

Do I believe the person they're calling out is behind it? Well, I believe she started it. Or at the very least was extremely vocal about her opposition to printed fics in a forum where she whipped up people who respect her opinion into having the same opinions.

I don't have proof. It has been several years since I was targeted, and I did not save receipts. I'm bad enough about doing that with things I buy in the store, so I certainly don't keep track of shit like that for fandom drama. Everyone who attacked me was on anon, and at the time I was naive enough to think it was okay to share my links publicly, so I have no idea who decided to impersonate CW/WB and report me for copyright. (I seriously doubt it was actually someone at CW/WB doing the reporting.) Someone came to me privately at the time and explained that she saw the drama go down in this person's FB group and showed me some screenshots. Here's the first anon message I got about it, and as you can see that was 5 years ago. If you check the comments you can see that someone mentions thinking they knew who it was.

I have also seen a recent screenshot where someone posted pictures of printed fics that they purchased on FB, and she responded negatively to it and said that she didn't think that the author getting zero profit was good enough since Lulu makes a profit. That's basically the same thing she and her groupies were talking about 5 years ago when they were bitching about me, so the tune has not changed in all this time. And during the conversation that followed they were patting themselves on the back for just printing their favorite fics on their home printers instead. That's what set me off on this rant. That screenshot was shared in a private discord server, and I don't intend to make it public. There are people in that FB group who don't share that person's views, and they'd like to remain anonymous.

So back to the original question. Do I think she's behind it? Yes. I've seen her name on things. And I've also seen how she has a little group of super-fans who take her opinions to heart without actually thinking about it very hard.

After the anons jumped all over me several years ago and reported my Lulu account, I just created a new account and moved on with my life after that, and am more careful about letting people buy prints than I was in the beginning. (I also stopped doing free giveaway drawings, because I didn't want to risk an unknown hater getting a free copy. Fuck them.) I didn't call anyone out, and just kept things to myself. However, when another author friend of mine had a similar experience a few years later, we compared notes and found that it was the same person whipping up outrage. My friend happens to be active in the FB group, where I am not, so she sees more of the drama there. Based on the fact that she told me the name, and I was like "oooh that person", I'm inclined to believe my friend about what she witnessed.

Any time I see another author deciding to make their prints available, I make sure to warn them about keeping their info secure, and that's the extent to which I generally get involved. Unless someone asks me about it privately, then I'll name names.

On to your second question. I have not been reported for anything on AO3 (yet, *crosses fingers*, cuz the trolls try really really really hard to punish those they disagree with). I don't think I've mentioned my printed fics in any comments. I had it in my profile for a while, with all in caps ZERO PROFIT to cover my bases, but eventually took it out to be better safe than sorry.

I'm speculating, but I suspect the AO3 reporting might have gained traction because one author got sick of having their Lulu account get stealth reported (because the trolls will pretend to be your friend and will pay actual dollars to access the links in order to report them), so they made their own website. They order the books in bulk, and then take orders through their direct website. Due to this, it's nearly impossible for them to avoid some kind of profit, due to being unable to accurately determine how much everything is going to cost to the penny, so they round up a little to make sure everything is covered. It's possible (again, SPECULATION), AO3 went ah that's the Forbidden Profit, and slammed the ban-hammer down.

Another author eventually rewrote one of their fics as an original and is selling it. I don't know if their AO3 got reported too, but that might be a potential connection to profit as well. I do know that when I first started getting angry anons 5 years ago, a few of them didn't like the idea of filing off the serial numbers of an AU and selling it as original fiction either. So it wouldn't surprise me if the Reporting Trolls still conflate Fic For Profit and Fic Rewritten As Original For Profit and went on an AO3 reporting spree for that author too, even though the situation is slightly different.

I don't work for AO3, I don't know what they're specifically looking for. But I do believe they'll delete a fic if they find something against their TOS. But I also think they're not going through it with a fine tooth comb until Reporting Trolls do it for them and find the teensiest scraps of evidence to supply them.

My take on all of that is that I hate everyone who disagrees with zero-profit fic prints, and I hope they all develop a nasty, incurable toe fungus. And until I see that one person who I believe is the ringleader of the anti campaign go "y'know what I changed my mind, here's my fic printed on Lulu too!" I'm going to think she's sus based on the screenshots I've seen and the conversations I've had with people in her FB group.

Also, why do you need proof? What's your stake in all of this? Are you planning on printing your fics and want to avoid drama? If yes, just keep it off FB. If no, then why does it matter? Continue reading that person's fic if you enjoy it, and ignore the drama. Don't report your fellow fans for zero-profit fic prints.

Anyway, I hope this answers your questions. Feel free to come off anon and message me privately about it, and I'll be a little less vague. I still don't have any proof if you want it, but I'm happy to talk about it with people.

Edit: the "you" in the proof paragraph isn't necessarily You, Nonny. I'm sorry, my brain got pissy at hypothetical requests for proof and I got carried away lol...

[journeyindminor]

My cousin died of COVID this morning.

We were close in age, health, and spirit. We had the same infertility, same issues, same outlook on life. She was my counterpart, the seat next to me at the kids table, the "thank God you're here I can't stand these people" at the family reunion.

She went out to eat for a date night with her husband. The restaurants had reopened after all. And that was it. And now she's gone. She was on the ventilator for just short of 4 weeks. We spent that time waiting for her to either get better for get worse- there's no miracle stem cell treatment for people like us.

I watched a FB live press conference of our governor talking about vaccine rollout and saw people in the comments calling a vaccine the mark of the beast, that the government was going to track them, that the entire virus was a hoax.

Then I gave $100 to the GoFundMe for my cousin's funeral and medical bills. Because that's what we do now. Nobody expects to die when they're this young. But there won't be much of a funeral, because while that restaurant was open, and that ultimately killed her, we can't have real funerals, so she died alone and will be buried with her family mourning apart. We can't hug her son, just 10 years old.

And that's it. Despite this and millions of other stories like it, people won't wear masks. They won't shut things down. They won't do anything until it affects them, too.

[jeongvision]

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH HAPPY 1K FOLLOWERS EMILY! my smol bean, my favourite virgo, my es to my paña, may i request a museum!au with jaehyun and "it was a honest mistake" LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK UWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWU

pairing. frat boy! jeong jaehyun ✗ fem! reader

genre. fluff, humor, enemies to lovers au, college au, museum au, non idol au

warnings. cursing, maybe some bickering, mentions of violence, all the good stuff we see in e2l! au’s ohoho (also not proofread bc i’m knocked up on meds rn but wbk)

author’s note. THE ES TO MY PAÑA I CAN’T WITH YOU ASJFKGJA BUT I LOVE YOU BBY!! this request has been inspired from a post i saw in a fb group hehe hope you like it bc it’s a DREAM to have

School trips are always a hit or miss: you either find it the best thing to happen in your school year or find it the most boring trip you’ve ever been. For your art history class, the professor made it an effort to allow all the students enrolled in the course to visit a nearby museum for an graded assignment.

Requirements to get full marks on this said assignment are as follows:

You must attend to the museum with your assigned partner at the same time to receive credit. Dates on your admission ticket with be used as proof.

You must act at least TWO scenes from any artwork mediums (canvas, sculpture, video, etc.) and take picture for submission as proof that you have done so.

Just adding in a partner was just a sprinkle on top of your dessert, but it can’t be that bad, right? Wrong, because your partner is none other than Jung Jaehyun, the annoying frat kid that always arrives ten minutes later into lecture with either a hoodie draped over his head or a black baseball cap, sometimes without any books or a backpack in possession.

It’s wonder how the professor manages to tolerate him and his unruly behavior, because you certainly can’t stand the fact you’re standing within a few feet away from him for this stupid assignment.

If there weren’t any bystanders nearby and cameras pointing at you from all angles in the museum, you would’ve sucker punched him in his throat the moment you saw him walk through the entrance with his black shirt and tan cargo pants with his hair tucked in his black baseball cap. But you’re a good person and you would like to pass the class very much, so you hold yourself back from doing so.

You’ll think about it later when you’re outside of the museum premises, you know?

It’s been over an hour since you have arrived at the museum, and you can feel your patience running thin. As you two continue to circulate inside the museum, all you can hear from Jaehyun’s mouth are groans and sighs. It ticked you off to know that yes, it’s a pain of an ass to go out of your way for an assignment, but he is not willing to participate in the matter any time soon.

You abruptly stop in your tracks and turn to face him, stopping Jaehyun in his tracks too. You pointed a finger against his chest.

“Okay, look here, asshole,” you spat. “I’m so fucking sick of you not caring about anything in this world just because you think that you’re some hot shot that can get away with anything with your attractive looks.” Your patience has long been thinned out for this man, and you couldn’t stop your words from holding back, each words vehemently attacking the person before you. “I want to get this assignment done with just as much as you do, so can you for once use that fucking single brain cell of yours and just cooperate with me for once, or so god help me, the security is gonna be called on us after I push you over to that replica statue of David we passed earlier.”

You wasted no time in hearing his refutes or seeing his reaction and turned around in search for the nearest artwork that you could use for your assignment. Behind you, Jaehyun trails behind in silence, but instead of the bored expression he always spotted, there was an amused smirk on his face. Never once has he seen you so riled up before, so he was curious to see more sides of you than he’d see in his class when he wasn’t paying attention.

You turned around the corner and found a replica painting by Pierre-Auguste Renoir, an oil on canvas called Dance in the Country. You rolled your eyes. At this point, you could care less if the two re-enactments you had to do depicted any sorts of intimate relationship, you just wanted to go home and sleep. Grabbing your phone out of your pocket, you opened your camera app. After asking the nearest stranger to take a picture for you, you call out to Jaehyun.

“So are you just going to stand there or what?” you sarcastically remarked. You could see a smirk forming on his lips for whatever reason it may be, but shrugged it off. He maneuvers over to where you stood in front of the grand painting.

“Out of all the paintings, you chose this one?” he asked.

You sighed. “Not now, Jung. Let’s just finish this, please?”

He nods but the smirk on his face never wipes away, ticking you off a little more. Suppressing your annoyance for the latter, you went into position in placing one of your hands on his shoulder while he cautiously wraps one arm around your waist. With both of your free hands, you two interlocked fingers, just a shy away from reproducing the painting.

The only thing that set you two apart is the gap between both of your faces, showing an awkward distance that left everyone at unease.

The stranger that held your phone looks away from the camera app. “I think you two should move in a little closer to each other. It’ll look nice.”

Clearing his throat, he nears closer to your face, closing in on you. You start feeling yourself getting hotter, feverish almost, from the close intimacy you’re experiencing from someone you barely know about.

The stranger counts down.

“One..”

You could smell his minty breath and intoxicating cologne reeling you in, putting you in a daze-like trance as you look into his eyes.

“Two..”

No longer does he have his infamous smirk on his face, but is instead replaced with one of his sweet smiles you rarely see in the halls, one that you only see whenever he is with his group of friends.

“Three!”

A different stranger walks behind Jaehyun, bumping their shoulders into Jaehyun’s figure that sends him stumbling over you. It all happened in a blur, from the sound of the click of your camera to the ‘woah’ of Jaehyun’s lips to the sudden contact of his lips against your own.

Yes, you have indeed read that correctly — you just fucking kissed Jaehyun, the last person you would last see yourself kissing.

You pushed him off of him, your face flushed with shock and embarrassment. “W-What the hell was that, Jung!?” you stammered.

He held his hands out in front of him. “I swear, y/n, it was a honest mistake!”

You roll your eyes to mask your growing embarrassment. “Yeah, okay then. Accident, my ass.”

The stranger that took your photo walks back to the two of you and smiled, handing back your phone. “Other than that person that walked into your boyfriend just now, the photo came out great!” He examines both of your expressions, Jaehyun’s ears and neck turning red like no tomorrow with you refusing to make eye contact with him, too perplexed of what just occurred now. The stranger raises an eyebrow. “Do... Do you guys want me to take another picture or anything?”

Both you and Jaehyun are quick to answer.

“No, we’re good!”

jeongvision’s milestone event!

[libraryofloveletters]

What Could Have Been

Derek Morgan x Penelope Garica 

Warnings: mentions of getting shot, church and Morgan’s favourite line “son of a bitch” 

Category: Angst, so much fricking angst. Fluff at the end.

Word Count: 3.7k 

Author’s Note: For the purpose of this, Derek never married savannah but still left the BAU after the kidnapping and garvez didn’t happen :) also I used the scenes from the episodes below, most of them are quoted but not exactly word for word. (shout out to haley and to whoever she got this gif from <3) 

Song: The Night We Met

Italics are flashbacks. 

FB 1= 8x09 “Magnificent Light”

FB 2= 3x09 “Penelope”

FB 3= 3x09 “Penelope”, 4x01 ‘”Mayhem” & 5x21 “Exit Wounds” 

----- 

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

The clock just struck 12, everyone had arrived back at the BAU after a case in Delaware. The team sat in the bullpen, their heads perked up when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. 

Derek. 

He stepped off the elevator with a smile on his face, the glass doors ruined his image of a surprise but what the hell, he missed them too much to even care. Derek pulled the door open, the familiar smell of coffee and paper files filled his nose. 

“Derek ?” Spencer stood up from his chair. 

“Pretty boy” Derek smiled making his way over to give him a hug. Spencer smiled as his face was pulled into Derek’s shoulder. 

Derek turned to Emily next, “princess” he grinned, “hey you” she hugged him. 

JJ was next, her arms wrapped around his neck as she stood on her tiptoes to give him a proper hug. 

He went on to hug Tara and Rossi, and greeted Luke and Matt as they made their way into the BAU. 

Derek chatted with the team, they told him about the kidnapping case they had just worked but he couldn't seem to focus on their conversations as his mind kept wandering back to her. 

Where is she? 

One by one, the office cleared out. Matt and JJ being the firsts as they wanted to get home to their kids, Luke was next one and on his way to pick up Roxy. Tara and Rossi left shortly after the first 3, leaving Derek, Emily and Spencer sitting in the bullpen, just like old times. 

“Okay, I've been here for..” Derek glances at the clock, “27 minutes and I’ve yet to see my baby girl. Did she leave early?” Derek asked them, Emily and Spencer glanced at each other before turning back to Derek. 

“Derek, she-” Emily started but Derek cut her off. “I think I'll go surprise her” He headed out of the bullpen before either of them could say anything to him. 

“Did she really not tell him ?” Spencer looks at her,

“She didn’t want him to come and beg her to stay” Emily says quietly. Spencer gets up and walks out to find Derek, he sees Derek just as he opens the second door to her office.

“Baby gir-” Derek stops in his tracks. The office only had the lights on but all the monitors were off and all her stuff was gone. The chair was pushed in, there was dust starting to settle on the desk and monitors. 

Where is she? Where’s all her stuff ? God, did something happen to her? I should have never left. 

Spencer’s voice broke through Derek’s thoughts. “She left” Spencer whispered, leaning against the door frame. Derek didn't say anything, he stood there quietly, in the middle of her office, an empty office, trying to make sense of what was happening. 

“When ?” Derek’s fingers dragged across the desk where her key board should be. 

“February” Spencer told him. 

“She didn’t tell me” Derek mumbled. 

Derek didn't know how to feel. 

His heart pounding in his chest. 

“Can I have a minute alone ?” Derek glances at Spencer before turning back to the turned off monitor. 

“Of course. Emily and I will be in the bullpen if you need us” Spencer pulled the door shut as he left Derek in the office. 

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

There’s no way she left. This had to be some practical joke. Maybe Penelope hacked the flight records, saw he was coming to Virginia and wanted to mess with him. 

Derek pulled the chair out and sat down. His heart sunk in his chest, his hand ran across the desk again, his fingers making marks in the dust. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that she had left. 

Sure, he knew she would have eventually moved on, she’s talented and smart and beautiful. 

My god, how she was beautiful. 

But never did he ever think the day would come where she would actually leave the BAU. 

This was her home, they were her family. 

Derek had never seen the office this empty. There were always trinkets, sparkly fluffy pens and mugs, so many mugs, more than you could count. 

The room felt heavy though it was empty. 

His hand reached into the desk drawer to his left, it was empty. Not like he was expecting anything to be there but he thought it wouldn’t hurt to check. Derek leaned back in the chair as his foot tapped against the desk, something rattled.

His eyes flickered down to the other drawer as his foot tapped the desk again. Derek pulled the drawer open, there was some paper in it. He picked them up and flipped through them, it was mostly computer manuals and old case files. Under all of that, there was a picture frame. 

It was a simple black picture frame, which was a bit plain for Penelope’s taste but the photo brought a smile to his face. It was a picture from the night of the police gala, they were already running late but she insisted that they take a picture before heading inside. 

“Derek! Don’t be difficult, we’re already late. It doesn't make a difference” she tried to reason with him. “Baby girl, they're waiting on me” Derek looked at her, already on his way to the door. Derek was stubborn but if he had a soft spot, and one she knew he had for sure, it was her. 

“Derek Morgan if you don't get your butt over here right now, so help me god because I will leave you here all by yourself” she mustered up the most stern look she could manage and looked at him. Derek chuckled and shook his head, jogging back down the stairs to his beloved Penelope. 

He’d go to the ends of the earth and back for this woman. 

“Excuse me!” Penelope turned to the man at the valet, “could you take a picture for us?” she fished the camera out of her wristlet, Derek smiled at her. 

“Mama, why don't you use your phone? you’re always carrying around this camera” 

“I like my camera, it holds pictures from forever ago. When we were all young and happy” she wrapped her arm around his waist, Derek put his arm around her shoulder and her other hand came up to reach his, their fingers interlocking. 

“Are we not happy now?” he looked down at her. 

Even with heels on, Derek still towered over Penelope. She looked up at her chocolate thunder and smiled, 

“I'm always happy when I'm with you.” 

The two of them stood there, smiling at each other, they had forgotten all about the picture until the camera flashed. The man from the valet spoke up “would you like one more? maybe looking at the camera this time ?” They turned towards the camera with the brightest smiles on their face. 

Derek’s finger ran across the glass of the frame. She didn’t use the picture of them looking at the camera, but the one of them looking at each other. Her words flooding his mind once again, 

“I’m always happy when I'm with you.”

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Derek was tempted to call her, to ask her why she hadn’t told him that she was leaving the BAU. He would have come and helped her pack, made sure she had a proper goodbye, most importantly, he would have gotten to tell her what he had come back to tell her. 

He had missed a call from her last month and he didn't return her call simply because he had forgotten. 

To say he felt guilty, was an understatement. 

What if she had been calling to tell him that she was leaving ? Or if something had happened to her? or JJ or Emily or Spencer ? Or even Rossi (because, let’s be real, he’s old) 

The thought of Penelope calling Derek to tell him Rossi busted a hip running after an unsub bought a smile back to his face. His mind wandered back to all the times he had called her and they spent hours talking and laughing and telling each other how much they loved one another. 

Those were just words, it didn't truly mean anything unless he showed her that it did. The feeling of his heart sinking in his chest returned, he thought back to ten years ago, he had missed a call from Spencer. 

The cold air hit his face as he stepped out of the church, Derek took his phone out of his pocket. 

Missed Call from Pretty Boy (2) 

The missed call notifications flashed across the screen in bold letters. Derek assumed that Penelope had Spencer call to find out why he hadn't returned to the BAU with everyone else so he called Spencer back.  

“Hey, sorry I missed your call” Derek said to Spencer as he hopped in the SUV. 

“Derek where the hell are you ?” Spencer sounded upset, Derek chuckled. 

“Woah, calm down pretty boy. What’s wrong?” 

“Garcia’s been shot” Spencer cut straight to the point. 

Derek’s heart dropped and a flood of questions left his mouth. “What ? Where is she? Is she okay ? Where's Hotch ? Did he find the person ? How did this even happen?” 

“Morgan, we’re at the hospital. Penelope’s in surgery and Hotch is here. He’s got other officers at her apartment, he wanted everyone here when she got ou- oh wait, Hotch and Rossi are on their way to her apartment now” 

“Her apartment ? she got shot at home ?” 

“Derek.. please just come to the hospital.” 

Derek hung up on Spencer, all the emotions hitting him at once. He could feel the tears in his eyes but he didn't have time to cry. His only focus was getting to the hospital right now. 

The only thing that came to mind was lights. 

Derek did just that, he turned on the lights and sped down the road to the hospital. His thoughts took over. 

How did this happen? and the one night he just happened to be in church, Penelope got shot. 

His Penelope got shot. 

Derek didn’t believe in miracles but he hoped they were real that night. He glanced up at the sky as he sped down the road. 

“Tonight out of all nights huh? That’s messed up but let her pull through.. please. I can’t lose her” Derek said out loud. He wasn't sure if he was admitting it to himself or if he was talking to someone else, someone out there that could help Penelope but he said it anyways. 

It was true, he couldn’t lose her, he’d feel like lost himself if he did. 

When he arrived at the hospital, he found Spencer sitting with Emily and JJ. Hotch and Rossi stood by the doors. “Where are you still here ? I thought you were at the apartment” Derek walked over to them, Hotch turned his attention to Derek. 

“They don't want us working the case” 

“What ? That’s bullshit. Some son of a bitch shot her and we can’t even work the case? You can’t tell me that you’re actually listening to that shit” Derek practically shouted at Hotch. 

“I’m trying to figure something out Morgan. I understand you're upset, we all are.” Hotch told him. 

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Derek almost told Penelope that he loved her. He tells her all the time to be truthful, but like he thought, it didn’t mean anything unless he showed her that it did. He first told her the night she was released from the hospital. 

The two of them stood in her apartment after he brought her home. She was a bit on edge, even if she didn’t say it, he could see it. 

She had assured him it was okay for him to leave but he refused to leave her side until he knew she’d be safe and the son of a bitch that did that to her was either dead or in jail. 

Her back was turned to him, he called for her. 

“Hey, I love you, you know that right ?” he asked her, she smiled at him. 

“I love you too.” 

The second time was during a case in New York. Derek didn’t say he loved her out right but he assumed it was implied. 

“Why is it always you ? Why do you always do this?” she asked him, Derek navigated the ambulance through the traffic. 

“Garica, talk to me. Where do I turn?” he ignored her question. 

“Left, turn left. 30 seconds, get the hell out.” 

“Garcia there’s something I want you to know” 

“You can tell me afterwards, just get the hell out of there” 

“No, hold on let me just tell you” 

“Morgan” she warned him, the woman beside her counting down from ten. 

“Do you know what you are Garica ?” 

The line went silent for a second and the server connected. 

“Derek ?” Penelope called out to him, her voice ringing in his ear. The sound of something exploding was the only thing coming through the line.

“Garcia.. I'll tell you what you are to me” Derek’s voice came through. A wave of relief flooded her body but she couldn't help but roll her eyes. 

Was this man serious ? Here she was thinking something had happened to him and he’s fine. 

“You’re my god given solace” 

Penelope sighed, she loved him and it was clear he loved her too but she was mad at him so that would have to wait until another time. 

The third time was when he came the closest to really telling her the truth. They were in Alaska and the case was taking a toll on her. 

Her red hair caught his eye as he walked down the pathway. He walked up to her, his heart pounding in his chest. Derek wondered if she felt the same way he did. 

“I’m proud of you Penelope.” That was one of the rare days that he called her something other than a nickname or Garcia. His hand rested on her shoulder as she talked, admitting to him that she was scared, she didn't want to lose who she was because she had changed for the job.

“It's who you are baby girl, you see the beauty in everyone and everything no matter where you go. That part is never going to change and I won’t let you forget that.” 

“I don’t need you to protect me” 

“Tough, I think I'll stay on the job a little while longer” 

“Yeah ?” she smiled at him, he smiled back as a hum left his mouth. 

“How much longer ?” Penelope questions him, “every day of my life” 

The two of them were now leaning towards each other. She playfully punched his chest as she leaned forwards and his arm wrapped around her shoulder. 

“I kinda love you Derek Morgan�� 

“I kinda love you Penelope Garcia”

Derek couldn't tell her now, she's probably in a relationship and happy. He wouldn't ruin her happiness because he finally figured out his feelings, he couldn't do that to her. 

It didn't lessen the pain nor the heartbreak he felt. 

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

Emily sat in the bullpen with Spencer. It had been close to two hours since Spencer left Derek in Penelope’s old office. “I’m calling her” Emily states as she pulls out her phone. 

“Emily..” 

“Reid, shut up. I know you can see it too.” 

Everyone could see it, even Matt and Luke who were the last two to join the BAU. 

Derek Morgan was in love with Penelope Garica. 

He was in love with her right now and he always had been. 

Spencer listened as Emily told Penelope what was happening. A ‘see you soon’ left Emily’s lips before she hung up. Spencer looked over at her from his chair, Emily just nodded. 

-- 

Derek mentally groaned as someone knocked on the door, “I'm fine, Reid” Derek called out with his back still turned to the door, assuming it was Spencer. 

“I’m offended that you would mistake my beautiful body for boy wonder. Not that anything's wrong with him but- oh you get what I mean” a feminine voice spoke to him. 

Derek turned the chair around to see the one and only Penelope Garcia standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. She looked just as beautiful as she did the day he met her. 

Her white dress with the baby blue pattern on it, her sparkly blue heels and of course, matching jewellery. 

She looked like an angel on earth to him. 

“Hey handsome, miss me?” she asked, Derek got up and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug which made her laugh. “I’ll take that as a yes” she mumbled with her face buried in his chest.

“You have no idea” Derek replied, kissing the top of her head. 

She stepped back from him, their arms still wrapped around each other. 

“what are you doing here?” she looked up at him. 

“I came to see you, how’d you know I was here?” 

“Emily called me” 

Derek nodded, Prentiss always had his back in one way or another. 

Derek tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, she smiled at him. There was a baby blue streak in her hair, the same colour as the pattern on her dress. The frame of her glasses was slightly darker than the blue on her dress but it looked beautiful on her. Penelope’s eyes shifted from Derek to the picture frame on the desk. 

“Where did you find that ?” she picked up the frame. 

“Desk drawer” 

“I remember this night” she smiled looking down at the picture. 

“Me too” 

Penelope turned back to Derek, he reached forward and held one of her hands. 

“Penelope” 

“Derek” 

“There’s something I need to tell you. I’ve been meaning to tell you and honestly, I have told you but I- I just need you to know” 

“Is everything okay ?” 

“I love you” he says 

“I love you too” she smiles. 

“Penelope, I'm in love with you.” Derek's eyes met Penelope's. Her mouth hung out slightly, she blinked a few times, her eyes focusing on Derek. 

“What ?” 

“I’m in love with you, I always have been. I’ve been trying to tell you that for years. I never realized that I was until you got shot to tell you the truth. It never occurred to me that I could lose you, you work from the office in your little room of wonders and you’re safe. You had always been safe.” 

“Derek I-” 

“Baby, let me finish, please” 

She nodded and waited for him to go on.

“You were the only consistent thing when I worked here, did you know that ? Every time I left this building, there was a chance I wouldn't come back, you were the reason I wanted to come back. You were the reason I pushed so hard to come back. Penelope Garica, you are my angel, the light of my life, my god given solace, you are my baby girl.” Derek let out a sigh. Penelope looked up at him, “are you done?” and he nodded. 

She pulled him into a hug, “it took you long enough” she whispered to him. “I love you too, more than words can explain.” 

Derek’s hand cradled her face, “can I kiss you ?” he leaned towards her, his lips inches from hers. “Yes” she mumbled as his lips touched her. Penelope’s heart pounded in her chest, she could only focus on how Derek’s lips felt against hers. Truthfully, she had been dreaming of the day Derek would finally kiss her for years. It was better than she could have ever imagined. It felt as if time stopped and it was only the two of them while the world melted away. 

Derek’s eyes open slightly, taking in the woman he had been in love with for so long. The way her eyelashes flutter against her skin and the way her pink blush complemented her pale skin. 15 years of friendship and love had led them to this moment, the moment that would change their lives from this day forward. 

After what felt like an eternity, they pulled away from each other. Penelope’s hands clung onto Derek’s shirt like he would vanish if she let go. Her red lipstick smudge and surely there was lipstick on Derek too. Derek smiled at her and she smiled back at him, the two began laughing like school children sharing secrets. 

“I think I'll keep my job” Derek mumbled against her lips as he pulled her in for another kiss. Her mind flickering back to their case in Alaska and what he had said to her before they left. 

“How much longer are you planning on doing that ?” 

“Every single day of my life babygirl.” 

------ 

Dedicated to my darling @haleymalaffey <3 

Taglist: @aaronhotchnerr​ @mac99martin​ @aaron-hotchner187​ @tclaerh​ @luke-alvez​ @iconicc​ @lieberhers​ @pumpkin-reads​ @katexrichardson​ @sluttytears​ @thelukealvez​ @scandinavian-punk​ @rosesonmyheart​ @shotarosleftpinky​ @mrs-dr-reid​ @ssaemxlyprentxss​ @summerygubler​ @savannahhayes @moreid187 @lovelyladiess

[mings]

Some context...

...in relation to that last post. This is a lo-o-o-o-ong read, so feel free to skip right by if catharsis bores you.

This starts way before I joined tumblr; in fact, long before tumblr was even a thing.

Twenty years ago, we lived in a huge house backing onto the English Channel. We moved there from Scotland, which turned out to be (probably) the biggest mistake of my life. 

Within nine months of buying the place, the company I’d moved to work for nearly folded. I and most of the workforce were made redundant. That set in motion an existential battle with our mortgage insurer, which refused to pay out because I “must have known” when taking out the insurance. (I didn’t, and they eventually caved in after destroying my credit record, but that’s another story.)

Work wasn’t immediately available; none that would at least cover the bills. We got inventive, wrote a business plan, obtained finance & bought a franchise. It went pretty well for the first three years, but we had to bust a gut to make the required income. It wasn’t easy. Eventually, the franchise operator messed up relations with several key players in our insurance market. Within three months, we lost 75% of our revenue. I had to close the workshop & find part time work to make ends meet. Ultimately, we decided to close the business, sell the house and downsize to something more manageable.

What’s the relevance of this? We tried hard to keep our precarious financial state form the kids. Maybe we didn’t do as well as we thought. Our son had already become withdrawn. He’d fallen in with a group of local lads about whom we had grave misgivings. Of course, there was no discussing it. We were “over-reacting” and unreasonable. It was around that time that he decided to jack in his education. I couldn’t criticise; I’d done the same. I pulled some strings and got him a job at our local Royal Mail delivery office.

We moved to our new place. It was a stressful move. Trying to fit into a house that was literally half the size was never going to be an easy task. One afternoon, our son came home from work and soon after announced he was going out. “See you later.” Only we didn’t. He didn’t come home that night. Nor did he turn up for work the next day. Nor the day after. And nor the day after that. Within a week he was written up for unauthorised absence. We had no way of contacting him. His case was heard in the following weeks. I could offer no mitigation. He was sacked for abandonment of duty. That tag that means he’ll never work for them again. 

We still had no idea where he was. We only knew he was alive because we met a couple of his friends who couldn’t believe he’d not been in touch. Still no word. My wife was in shreds; I suspect any of you who are parents can identify with that. I was alternating between trying to prop her up and stay on top of my job, all the while under a constant barrage of barracking (Oh, we don’t mean anything by it, it’s just banter....)

About three months in I’d had enough. Sleep was a scarce resource so I rose at the crack of dawn and started on a trip, rousting one after another of the friends and acquaintances that I knew, following leads until finally I tracked him down to a sordid bedsit several towns and 40 miles away. At least he answered the door and looked sheepish. He offered no explanation or apology, and has never done so to date. He refused to come back home, but promised to keep in touch. 

We know he bounced from one sofa to another in the next few months. He spent time in some of the worst areas in the county for drug abuse. He fell into a relationship with a girl that looked promising initially and subsequently fell apart. Later, he surfaced in another town with another girl whom he subsequently married. She often spoke of his irascible temperament and moods. Ultimately the marriage was doomed; she was younger than him, found a new interest and moved out. One wonders now how much of that was her and how much she’d put up with before voting with her feet.

He’s stumbled from one financial crisis to another. Money just evaporates. It’s as though adulting is a mystery beyond his reach. I’ve lost count of the times that we’ve thrown money at him and I don’t want to even think about how much. It’s literally thousands, always a loan, yet he never, ever pays back.

He left his job. That was inevitable too; he worked for his ex-father-in-law’s company. Heaven only knows how long the writing was on the wall; it was pretty swift once she left. He drifted again. He chose to live in a squalid flat with no heating rather than move back with us. Absolutely his choice, not ours. 

We moved to Scotland. That meant all his stuff had to go into storage. Quick rewind - he moved all his stuff to ours when he gave up the house he & his ex lived in, but refused to move back home. I had to rent a storage unit to make space for all his gear & when we moved I shifted all his gear into the store, gave him the key & told him I’d paid three months up front; after that it was his to deal with. Apparently, he surrendered the store and moved all his gear into the flat...

Fast forward to a couple of months back. He’d run out of options at the flat. His flatmate was “really difficult” to live with. His ex had moved away, taking their son with her. He had nothing left to stay for and, surprise, he’d lost his job again so he couldn’t afford the rent. 

My wife convinced me we should give him one last shot, citing his fragile mental health. I agreed on the strict understanding that we are simply no longer in a position to support him. He assured us he’d be applying for work as soon as he got here. We rarely see him before midday...

We agreed the end of the first week in March. We knew he’d arrive with a ton of stuff so we had (again) to create space. That’s infinitely more difficult now we’re running a B&B, but we set to the task. Suddenly, two weeks sooner than we’d agreed, he rented a van and was on his way. No discussion, no warning. We only found out because he put something on FB. 

Finally, after trying to reach him most of the day, he phoned. Whilst we should have been relieved, instead we were treated to a barrage of abuse because all the petrol stations were shut. Of course they were. It was in a national lockdown and why would they stay open when there was no one on the roads? JFC, who embarks on a journey in sub-zero temperatures across some of the most inhospitable country in the UK without enough fuel? With a six year old child. Yes, not only did he forget to tell us about his change of plans, he forgot to tell us he was bringing his son too.

We drove south through the night for two hours to find him somewhere in the Cairngorms where he’d run out of fuel. No fuel meant no heaters at 1500 feet in deep snow. The ambient temperature was -5ºC/23ºF & with wind chill that was probably around -10ºC/14ºF. We found him & refuelled his van. No thanks, just another barrage of abuse, because he was tired. We took his son into our car & drove the two hours back in near silence. I think we knew then that it was an awful predictor of what was to come.

We’ve had row after row. He accused me of being passive-aggressive in the last. He actually ticks all the boxes for passive-aggressive behaviour. I’ve never been tagged with that before; if anything I’m too forthright, blunt even. That’s a failing to which I will admit. If by that he meant that I don’t talk about the elephant in the room, it’s only because we fear it’ll lead to another explosion.

He never saw the damage that we sustained during our fostering years. He was never there. Yet here we are, experiencing flashbacks to those traumatic incidents; the parallels are exact. We have the benefit of years of training. We recognise manipulative behaviour when we see it - we were trained by some of the nations best exponents - and we know divisive tactics implicitly.  What he doesn’t know is that he will succeed only in pushing us closer together and alienating himself even further.

There are clear and well-documented links between cannabis and mental health issues. He is allowing the drug to determine his life choices. Although I may be wrong, I think he’s cultivating skunk, which is nothing like the weed that circulated in my youth. The smell that pervades our hallway is instantly evocative of high strength Afghan resin. It’s also going to be acutely difficult to eradicate before we’re due to open.

We’ve endured 20 years of this treatment. I know that even if we have a ritual burning, it will only be a matter of time before we’re back here again. We’re old. We’re tired. And we’ve worked our socks off (and still do) to achieve what we have. Maybe somewhere along the way we missed something. But I’m at a stage where I’m so far beyond this I just want it to stop.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

I posted 4,616 times in 2021

420 posts created (9%)

4196 posts reblogged (91%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 10.0 posts.

I added 146 tags in 2021

#uzumaki rebellion - 37 posts

#black panther fanfiction - 24 posts

#killmonger fanfiction - 19 posts

#killmonger - 11 posts

#black panther - 11 posts

#black boys bloom thorns first volume 3 - 10 posts

#t'challa - 10 posts

#pantherverse - 9 posts

#t'challa fanfiction - 8 posts

#black boys bloom thorns first - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#be letting themselves get black wall streeted willingly and without bombs and guns this go round. honestly shameful

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Don’t ever forget...

Was she wearing this crown? Or was she wearing this crown? Queen Aretha would’ve been proud that Cicely showed out at her homegoing.

I feel like when Black people lose a legend, it hurts even more because we know what these people mean to the culture and the transmission of our history. Ms. Tyson knew so many of our heroes personally and told so many of their stories in her long career. Ninety-six years. Almost a century of being our living Black library. She will rest easy knowing her work here is done but will live on through us.

420 notes • Posted 2021-01-29 01:26:02 GMT

#4

People are Stealing Fanfics and selling them on Amazon for profit.

Saw this over on Twitter. The Wales-based “writer” Romilly King was caught stealing another writers fanfic and plagiarizing it for profit. The Mary Sue did a write up. Check it out here:

https://www.themarysue.com/erotic-romance-author-accused-plagiarizing-fanfiction/

Be aware. Thank goodness a fan of the original writer (yay readers) reached out to confirm if they published their work for sale and they had not. The book was taken down from Amazon, but there could be others that this writer has used to profit from someone else’s labor.

535 notes • Posted 2021-08-06 06:09:39 GMT

#3

Wayment...

Oop, they made “The Harder They Fall” characters based on real-life Black historic figures in the west, and cast Zazie as Stage Coach Mary. Welp...

“When outlaw Nat Love (Majors) discovers that his enemy Rufus Buck (Elba) is being released from prison he rounds up his gang to track Rufus down and seek revenge. Those riding with him in this assured, righteously new school Western include his former love Stagecoach Mary (Beetz), his right and left hand men — hot-tempered Bill Pickett (Gathegi) and fast drawing Jim Beckwourth (Cyler) — and a surprising adversary-turned-ally.  Rufus Buck has his own fearsome crew, including “Treacherous” Trudy Smith (King) and Cherokee Bill (Stanfield), and they are not a group that knows how to lose.” (Variety)

Dark-skinned and larger body erasure is too much. I mean, you know who would’ve been perfect in this?

See the full post

564 notes • Posted 2021-06-26 02:10:21 GMT

#2

Ebonee Davis...

See the full post

624 notes • Posted 2021-03-30 02:22:04 GMT

#1

Look At This Chunky Cowboy Baby!

Tommy Walters Photography FB : Jasmine Chewe (His Mama)

See the full post

1040 notes • Posted 2021-09-13 03:26:15 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[rjhpandapaws]

(Not) What I Want in a Second Chance

Ch 1: The Devil is in the Details

//Tw: Emotional manipulation. Death, grieving, alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation; anti-android sentiments, and anti-android language. CyberLife is an unsettling mix of FB, Amazon and Google. Be prepared

Hank had his fair share of regrets, it came with the amount of time he had been on the force. His family fell apart. There were lives he could have saved if he had only been faster. The consequences that came with hitting a patch of ice; just to name a few. There were days he debated putting in for retirement, but he knew where that would lead. One more added to a growing statistic. Another retired detective that chose to suck on a bullet; and that was assuming anyone cared enough to come check on him. So he drank instead. On the days he woke up in time, he went to work. On the days he didn’t he woke up only to start drinking again. Another hopeless, tired man on the fast track to a whiskey filled grave. He wasn’t as bothered by that as he probably should have been. He wasn’t bothered by much anymore. If he could think clearly that meant he needed a drink. There was one thing that always bothered him though, and that was androids. He found them creepy over all, they had no reason to look that human. Then one had killed Cole; or rather, stood there and did nothing while he died. That had been when Hank had drawn the line. In that moment they had gone from something mildly off putting to something he actively despised.

That was why he liked places like Jimmy’s. It was one of the few places left that wasn’t overrun by androids, and the other patrons left him alone. Everyone was nursing a different sorrow so conversation wasn’t a priority. He could treat his grief with whiskey until he was face down against the bar and no one would judge him for it. Tonight was shaping up to be one of the rougher ones. He couldn’t drown his regrets no matter how much he drank. The thoughts refused to blur. It wasn’t Cole tonight. For a change, he was thinking about someone else he had lost. Connor Paldeki was one of his earlier partners, and his favorite even still. He had belonged to the Deerborn Police Department originally and they had met on a particularly bad homicide case. They worked well enough that they were paired for joint cases pretty often after that. So when Connor was transferred to Detroit it only seemed natural that they were made partners since they had previous work history. Even as a rookie Connor had been bright. He could pick a scene a part and put it back together with ease and accuracy that was almost scary. Hank had been certain that he was on the fast track to making rank. Then the Red Ice bust had happened and Connor’s glowing career came to a sudden and bloody end. Hank had wound up promoted, but it felt hollow somehow. Like it was a consolation of sorts.

He felt like it was written in Connor’s blood. Hank had been told that he hadn’t felt it, that he had been dead before he hit the ground. They hadn’t seen him though with the fear of death frozen on his face. None of the them had the haloing pool of blood seared into their memory. For all the consolation they tried to give him, they hadn’t been so powerless as to see the life leave the eyes of a dear friend. The papers had praised the whole raiding group as heroes, painted the thing like it had been a success. In a way it had been; they’d gotten what they were after, but they had lost three officers in the process. Connor, and two officers he hadn’t known from the SWAT team that had accompanied them. No one talked about it, and Hank wanted to scream. He went through the motions; his mandatory grief counseling, being a pall bearer for Connor’s casket; and then he took some time off to try and process all of it. When he got back he took the small bonsai tree from Connor’s desk and pretended things were alright. He had to be. He was Lieutenant now, he couldn’t just break. He took care of the tree like Connor was coming back and would be upset to find it dead. He continued to try and love Ezra even though things were falling apart slowly, and he did his job. If he just kept going something would have to got right eventually. He hoped so anyway; because if it didn’t then what the fuck was all of this for. When Cole was born Hank had thought that was the start of his better days, and it had been for a while.

It was some level of pathetic that the most put together his life had ever seemed to be was when he was drinking himself into an early grave. He was pulled away from that train of thought by the feeling of being watched. That sense of awareness wasn’t something he could turn off even when he was drinking away what was left of his coherency. He looked up from the bar, and there was Connor, but something was off. Aside from the fact that he was dead, had been for over ten years at this point. He was here in the flesh, and Hank was almost willing to write it off as a drunken hallucination. There was just something about this Not-Connor that was bothering him. It took longer than it should of for his eyes to land on the blue LED at his temple. He’d had to tear his eyes away from the face that had haunted more than it’s fair share of his nightmares for the better part of a decade. CyberLife had accounted for every little detail. Down to that stupid curl that had always refused to stay put no matter how much gel Connor put in his hair. He could hazard a guess at how they had gotten that information. They had files on everyone it seemed, whether or not someone owned an android didn’t seem to matter. Or, since it had been over a decade they could have pulled it through FOI, but Hank sincerely doubted that.

“Lieutenant Anderson?” He - It asked. Hank couldn’t place it, but there was something wrong about the voice. It was almost exactly Connor’s, but there was something wrong about it. He was tempted not to respond, but he had the feeling this Not - Connor would wait there all night even if Hank ignored it. “Yeah,” He huffed, “What do you want?” “My name is Connor.” It started, and Hank wanted to scream, this was not his Connor. Not the right one, “I am the android sent by CyberLife. There has been a homicide and I was told to find you; which I was lucky enough to do after the fifth bar.” “Fuck off.” Hank groused. “My instructions were -” It started, but Hank cut it off. “I’ll show you where you can stick your instructions.” He muttered. That seemed to give it pause. Where is Connor would have laughed and made a remark of his own, this convincing fake just looked pathetically confused. Hank almost pitied the thing, but it wore the face of a dead friend and that wasn’t something he could forgive. “What if I buy you a drink?” It pressed, “Would you come with me then?” Hank gave an annoyed sigh of defeat and relented. The sooner he got this over with, the less time he would have to spend facing this walking lie, “Fine.”

In the most put upon way the thing that was not Connor flagged for another whiskey and even paid for it. As annoyed as he was, Hank had to admit he was almost impressed. The real Connor would have never set foot in a bar unless it was for a case. It made it easier to distance one from the other. He nursed his new whiskey for longer than was strictly necessary. If they were going to do this, they were going to do it his way. He drove to the scene with his music loud enough that talking would be a pain in the ass, and the thing had still tried to make conversation. Hank would have turned into oncoming traffic if he was certain this thing wouldn’t have tried to stop him. It certainly seemed to have a purpose other than torturing him. “Stay in the car.” He said firmly when they arrived at the scene. “Got it.” It said in a way not too unlike the actual Connor and it made Hank’s stomach twist in disgust. It didn’t actually stay in the car of course, and Hank hadn’t really expected it to. It had it’s orders after all, and so did Hank unfortunately.

Hank took a bitter sort of satisfaction in Ben’s obvious discomfort when he saw it. Whatever comment he had been about to make died and he let them by with a tense nod. Every person on scene that had known the real Connor looked distinctly troubled by the fake; and that had been before it had licked any evidence. Hank passively observed the scene, he wanted to see what this thing was made of.  Was his computer brain anything like how the real Connor’s had been? Better? As much as he hated the thing, he was curious how it would stack up against the real thing. The other android self destructed in the end, even with Not-Connor’s unsettling attempt at compassion. Or perhaps because of it. It was something Hank hoped he would never have to see again. By the time they were done for the night, Hank had one question that was weighing on him. “Why do you look this way?” He asked as he gathered his things. “To ensure your cooperation.” Came the flat reply. That was when Hank realized what was wrong; the voice held no emotion to it. The next thing it said was what chilled Hank to the bone, “They figured you wouldn’t want to the cause of your partner’s death for a second time, and it was too soon to use the image of your son.”

Hank wasn’t sure what hurt him more; the blatant manipulation, or that fact that if seeing his dead friend again didn’t hurt him enough CyberLife wouldn’t be above using his son against him. When he made it the parking lot he threw up in a near by trash been. He didn’t remember the drive home, but when he got to the house he made sure to feed Sumo before he grabbed the Black Lamb and his revolver. When darkness finally came for him he didn’t know if it was because he had drank himself into unconsciousness again, or if he had finally won at Russian Roulette. He just hoped he never came out of it. He couldn’t do this.

[frankierosbackbends]

(Some of these are gonna be based around the ocs you and I have created/found 🙃)

Cherri’s very shy when you first meet him. He’s never really been a people person, especially after watching his mother and sister get murdered right in front of him.

Sandman’s always been...chaotic. Not only is it in his blood and his personality, it’s also a coping mechanism for him whenever someone close to him dies, such as Benzedrine, Horsey, Crystal Butterfly (his girlfriend), and his brother and sister.

Mike is from a different world than the Fab Four. Between the time of getting to New Mexico and finding Kara, he finds a machine that takes him to a completely different world, which is the Fab Four’s. And not too long after getting into the world, he finds Poison and Kobra, who are orphans. He takes them in, and over a period of time, they eventually become his sons.

Poison’s never been a fan of Kobra’s love for racing. He always worries when Kobra goes out to the track and races. He absolutely flipped out and panicked when Kobra got his first injury, which was a concussion.

Kobra’s always been a bit uneasy and nervous, ever since his and Poison’s biological parents were murdered when they were very young children. His uneasiness and nervousness settled down once Mike came into his and Poison’s life.

Ghost has always liked tattoos. He always saw them in the magazines he’s managed to snag while living in Battery City. He somehow managed to get his first tattoo, two butterflies behind his ear, when he was 13. He’s lucky that he had a good tattoo artist.

Tango is actually pretty good at video games. He always celebrates his victories by taking a shot of whiskey. But whenever he’s playing with Poison or the Girl, he’ll always let them win.

Blackie never experienced being a child as her mother was brainwashed and forced to become the Director when she was just 2 years old. Her mother was the predecessor to the Director that we all know. But during her years under her mother’s administration, she’s attempted to kill herself twice. And she had a journal to write many, many things down. But luckily, she managed to escape with Ghoul after she killed her mother and start a life as an outlaw in the desert.

Glitter is a city boy through and through. He’s only heard about the desert through the many stories that his mother has told him. When it came to the time where he was actually going to the desert, he wasn’t prepared at all. Thankfully, he had Ghost and Dr. D to reach him how to use a ray gun and all after he and Ghost had escaped Battery City.

Most people are surprised when they hear Val Velocity is the son of BL/IND’s head exterminator, Korse. It enrages Val that he’s related to that asshole. The only thing that keep him calm is his group, The Ultra V’s. And more specifically, Vinyl. He would be the one to calm Val down when he gets pissed off. Vinyl would always be the one to talk to Val for no reason at all and to comfort him when he needed it. And much to Val’s surprise, he let himself fall in love and start dating Vinyl. Their first kiss was during sunset.

FB was the runt of his family. He was the weakest and was always told he’d never make it in life. He proved them all wrong when he found his group, the second most famous killjoy group there is- The Suitehearts, which consisted of him, Mr. Sandman, Horseshoe Crab and Mr. Benzedrine. He rejected his family when they contacted him again, after he and the other Suitehearts took down a group of Dracs. He rejected them, as he had found his new family.

Jet always loved kids. He always had a great time looking out for his brother until he got ghosted. When he and the others took in the the Girl, he did everything with her. He spoiled her, he did her hair, he dressed her up for the day and many more things. One of his favorite things to do is to take care of the Girl.

Ghoul loves annoying the others by turning his hearing aids off. He lost hearing when one of his bombs went off unexpectedly. He won an argument with Jet once by turning his hearing aids off and pretending to fall asleep.

Kara absolutely loves riding her bike. And Mike hated it, but she could honestly care less about what he thinks. It was the one thing here and Kobra, one she had met him, would do together. She enjoyed riding with him, as she’s never really had anyone else to do it with.

Fuck yeah, our OCs are awesome!

And Ghoul’s petty ass I fucking love him