#I romanced d*vein and before that part we had this whole talk about the future

[behaemoth]

My list of blocked blogs has to have doubled since d*4 came out lmao why are fans of this series so god dang dumb and annoying. Literally being like ummmm I know th*das better than bi*ware I know s*las better than them like girl……….. you don’t lmao

[antivancoffeelover]

2018 fics, a year in review

i’m a madman, but even my crazy ass probably won’t finish and post another fic in the last 6 hours of 2018, so here are all the fics i posted on ao3 this year, plus some thoughts on each!

Hemlock Honey and Silver

this was my last ever supernatural fandom fic. literally the end of an era for me since i was in the spn fandom for so damn long and wrote so much fic, about two-thirds of which has been orphaned on the archive at this point because i didn’t like the stories anymore lol. 

i do like that one, though, and i’m actually alright with it being my last ever spn/destiel fic

Fire In Your Veins

this was my first time posting thorki fic! i was so, so nervous about it, but everyone in this fandom is so chill and lovely. i still like this one, and i don’t think i write enough 69ing lmao. also this fic was obvs the start of something bigger bc. i mean. i’ve written so much damn fic now lol since i only started posting in june. i was worried that i wasn’t going to be writing anymore, or that i’d never be posting on ao3 again because it had been literally 2 full years between hemlock honey and silver and the fic that preceded it. then i fell into thorki and i started writing fic and it’s just been such a huge, huge thing. bc i’m also writing original stuff again for the first time in forever.

Underdressed and All Out of Time

a direct sequel to fire in your veins, i really like it. i felt like i was able to characterize loki fairly well in this one bc i was very insecure about the way i wrote loki when i started out

A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them

who doesn’t love a fic title from a hozier song? i remember writing this fic and wondering if it was any good and if my characterization was okay and still being nervous and insecure in my writing, but it’s been very well received so i kinda got my inner critic to stfu which is nice lol. i also really enjoyed doing this vignette style story

To Always Face the Sun

what if :) loki was happy :) and thor had his brother back :) lol i really liked writing this and having loki being such a little shit tbh. can we tell that i like a happy ending in fic?

Blue On Gold

so i wrote an arranged marriage fic where they never actually get married and it’s still 15.8k lmfao. also the return of the vignette style, which was fun bc i got to do short, impactful scenes and build the narrative with them. i remember sitting at my desk at work, on my phone, writing this fic, then coming home and editing on a damn tablet bc my laptop bricked earlier this year

the warmth of your doorway

i meant to capitalize the title but at this point i’ve decided to leave it lol. i really loved writing this bc i felt very confident in the way i was building the scenes and the detail i was able to incorporate. i feel like this is where i really kinda go my voice back and i start to come into my own, if that makes sense? one of my fave fics i’ve ever written tbh. there’s a longer ‘verse for this, but after i finished this fic i got too distracted by new projects to try and continue it lol

Tell Me

this was my first trans!loki fic and he’s a trans man, and god i love it. i’ve got another ftm loki story as a WIP in my gdocs bc this story showed me how much i fucking love writing trans characters, and i really enjoyed the dynamic i put into this fic. there’s a sequel planned lol it’s gonna be dirty

Interwoven

i still haven’t managed to ever find the post that inspired this damn fic and if you wonder whether that drives me up the wall the answer is yes (: and fun fact! i intentionally never describe loki’s genitals in this fic, bc i was picturing him as a trans guy since i’d just written tell me and now i have a massive obsession with writing trans romance and erotica

Tie Breaker

in this house we love and appreciate bottom thor!!! also i loved writing the sparring at the beginning. it makes me wanna write more fics w/ brutal fight scenes lol. thor’s slutty drunk cape outfit is iconic and i’m gonna read that comic just for that outfit honestly

Pretense of Subjugation

i became drunkenly obsessed with loki manspreading on the throne of asgard and this was the result. this was the first thorki fic of mine that i’d had beta’d and it was vastly, vastly improved by it. the tips @ktspree13 gave me when she helped with this fic have affected literally every single fic i’ve written since

Double and More

so this is not the first thorki fic i ever posted, of course, however it is the first i ever started writing. i got to the point where loki’s in thor’s lap and then i kinda blanked out and let the fic sit for like... 2 or 3 months? then i opened it back up and i was like “oh i like this i should finish this” which is why i don’t delete anything anymore bc there’s always a chance i’ll come back to it

Ringback Tone

y’all owe @thotki for the wondrous idea they presented in discord that ended up creating this fic. i think i wrote this fic in like 3 days bc of how much fun i was having with it. the dirty talk was my favorite thing to write in this and i remember distinctly having this [:< moment when i was daydreaming about it

Seldom All They Seem

there was an impromptu bottom thor day back on 20 oct and this fic was my contribution. we can never have enough time travel, can we? i remember i think i took like a four day weekend from work and part of my motivation was literally wanting to finish this fic in time to post it lmfao

Fluffy Thorki Sunday Ficlets

i started doing fluffy thorki sunday back when i was on bourbonbucky and i continued it here, and i’m proud that i’ve written at least 1 piece for fluffy thorki sunday every sunday since i started. i love doing fluff and smut, and honestly even when my mood has been shit, i’ve always felt motivated to try and improve it at least enough to write some nice fluff. i put all of these on ao3 once i moved blogs

Let Love Disrupt

this is another fic we owe to discord lmao. i remember posting this when i was either very drunk or very tired and having to keep going onto ao3 on my damn phone browser to correct minor shit, and some not so minor shit like a typo in the title bc at first it said “distrupt” and that’s why i only post when i’m awake and sober now lmfao

Without Fear

i love werewolves (: a whole bunch (: and this fic is something dirty and wonderful that i’m proud of and THERE’S ART bc @nekokat42 is a blessing and takes commissions. kot i love u :3

On the Other Side Like Always

i have a lot of feelings about this fic. there’s an entire future in this ‘verse that i would so love to write, but i’m stuck on where to go with it. as it stands i am satisfied with this as a story of thor and loki coming together, and a story about how loki does something out of desperation but is finally given something genuine and comforting in his life like he’s always deserved. THERE’S ART from the wondrous @boltplumart / @mrhiddles bc allie is perfect :]

Runaway

when i tell y’all i’m a trash gremlin king. i do have a thing for writing underage characters with adults (probs due to messy personal history lmfao ain’t gonna look at that too closely) and so writing this one was a fun little bit of self indulgence. also it’s dirty and really plays into codependency, which i always like writing bc it’s a fun thing to explore in fiction

Sunset Rhapsody

this fic. was supposed to be. two thousand words. at most. then thor smiled at me, as the writer, and was like “i want to own him” and we ended up with 11k of thor’s obsessive bs and loki being brutal. joking aside, i love this fic, i love what i did with it, i have an original story i wanna write for my size kink anthology that will follow a similar thread to this one. also that torture scene. i don’t recall if i ever properly wrote torture before, but this did kinda make me squirm a bit when i was writing it and if you’ve read it you know precisely which scene i’m talking about lmfao

Right to Guard

this fic was honestly very emotionally satisfying for me in a pretty visceral way. writing thor just surrendering to love and spoiling the fuck out of loki was pretty damn cathartic. 

A Bite of Lamb

me making sure i never lose my title as a trash gremlin king. honestly writing thor’s POV in this fic was like >.> at myself a couple times bc it felt distinctly dark in a way i’d never written another character. a very, very unhealthy kind of obsession and this twisted logic where he’s trying to make it all okay. i really fucking love this damn fic tho and i’m happy with how it came out. 

Seamless

i was so, so frustrated and pissed off at work that i needed to let that shit out, so that was channeled into this very guilt-ridden turned tender fic, and i really enjoyed writing it. loved writing thor taking care of his baby sister. also! KOT IS FUCKING AMAZING and drew this bc they’re such a good fucking person ;A; like they sent me a message and just said “really liked this scene” and i was D Y I N G and i still am. thank you again, kot!

The Way A Rose Blooms

this was written for the thorki secret santa exchange! i drew @chickcheney and honestly the list of prompts was so, so good. bottom thor, arranged marriage, semi-public sex and trying not to be caught, body worship. i was like “damn did i draw myself wtf” bc that is all up my alley. 

Sugar Cookie

i honestly could not think of a better fic to finish off 2018 for me than sugar cookie. porn and emotions that’s all this is, but it features loki as a trans woman being loved and appreciated as she is with nothing extra expected of her and it was so satisfying to write. it makes me want to write original romance with trans women, which i’ll definitely do bc i loved writing this hungry and tender story and i’m very happy with how i ended it. 

so that was 2018 for me! 

[emma-nation]

In My Veins - KamilahXMC Fanfiction (Chapter 10)

Summary: Inspired by Lovestruck’s “Havenfall is For Lovers” (Antonio). Amy is a regular, small-town girl looking for her first job in New York City. When she gets kidnapped by the powerful CEO, Kamilah Sayeed, she’ll have to discover her true goals… before it’s too late.

Genre: Romance

Rating: T

Tag List: @begging-for-kamilah, @ilovekamilahsayeed, @lulu-the-cat

Notes:

- English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes - This fanfic is slightly inspired by Lovestruck’s story Havenfall Is For Lovers - Antonio, but I intend to make it more interesting and steamier too :P

- I hope you enjoy it, your likes and reviews are always appreciated.

- Warning: Angst alert for the flashback and first part of Kamilah’s POV. The flashback contains minor violence, gore and abuse. You can skip if you want as it don’t affect the understanding of the chapter.

- Please don’t hate me for the flashback.

Flashback - Italy, 16th Century

Kamilah’s eyes widened in a mix of shock and anger. In front of her, life quickly escaped her lover’s body through the two puncture wounds in her neck. If she was fast enough there was still a chance she could save her, or at least Turn her. She attempted to take one step in her direction, when Gaius prevented her.

“Were you going to run away from me, my queen?” He asked, with blood still dripping from his mouth.

The expression of sadness on his face could almost convince her he was truly hurt, if she didn’t know him so well. She wondered how he had discovered about her plans. This time, she had planned everything carefully.

She gulped, unable to answer his question.

He approached her, touching her chin and lifting up her face so she’d look straight in his eyes.

“Answer.”

She took a deep breath, trying to appear calm and confident.

“Y-Yes,” she finally said.

“Kamilah, my queen…” he shook his head in disappointment. “Were you in love with this foolish mortal?”

“N-no,” Kamilah lied, although she knew it was useless. “I thought I was! She… She seduced me. Everything she desired was to get rid of her husband, the Duke.“

"You’ve disappointed me, Kamilah. You exist because of my blood. My blood turned into the queen you are,” he brushed a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “What am I going to do with you, my queen?”

His cold gaze penetrated directly at her soul. She knew that look, for centuries. Knowing what came next, a shiver went down her spine.

“A-Anything you want… my love.”

“Kamilah…” He let out a laugh. A sadistic laugh. “Kneel down. Beside her.”

Kamilah obeyed, kneeling down next to her lover. She observed as she still struggled to breath. Caterina was fighting to keep herself alive. Her sweet and pure Duchess Caterina.

“Feed. Until the last ounce of blood.”

Kamilah gently traced her jugular, feeling her weak pulsation. She remembered the day they met, at a masquerade ball and the adrenaline of their secret encounters in the middle of the night. She was looking for only an adventure, but the feeling between them was growing into something else.

“No,” Kamilah lowered her head and shouted.

“What did you say?!” Gaius’ eyes turned red in anger.

“I said ‘no’!" She stood up to confront him.

For a second he didn’t show any reaction, then a blue flame erupted from the palm of his hand. Kamilah felt her body was being held by invisible strings.

"Gaius, I’m sorry…” she cried. “Please, I’m begging you.”

As the clenched his fist, the strings became tighter and tighter, smashing every single bone inside Kamilah’s body. She fell on the floor squirming in pain. At that moment, she wished for the same fate as any mortal. Death.

“If you’re going to kill me, just do it!”

The pain stopped. Gaius came to her, helping her to sit down.

“Not today, my queen,” his cold hand touched her face. “Let’s go home, then I’ll decide what your punishment is going to be.”

————————————————————————————————-

“Kamilah, are you alright?”

Adrian’s voice, along with his hand gripping on her shoulder, brought Kamilah back to reality.

“My apologies,” she looked down, noticing her hands were shaking. “I spaced out for a moment. How’s Lily going?”

“So far, nothing.”

Kamilah went back to Adrian’s car, where Lily worked on cracking the new password to give them access to the library.

“We don’t have the whole night, you know,” she complained.

“Kamilah, it takes time. I still need to figure out the last two digits.”

The vampire rolled her eyes and rested her head on the car’s seat.

“I know you’re worried too,” Lily broke the silence. “But Amy isn’t any girl. She’s brave, she’s strong… She’ll figure out a way to protect herself. I know it. I know she’s alive.”

“She has to be.”

Kamilah left the car again, worried about what, or who, awaited for them behind that door.

“Prove it. Prove me your loyalty!”

As she felt she was being pulled back into those memories again, she returned to Adrian’s side.

“It’s impressive how after all this time he still has power over our thoughts,” he vented.

Kamilah looked at him, replying with a supportive nod. There wasn’t much she could said at the moment.

————————————————————————————————-

The Shadow Den was a strange place, but Amy couldn’t help feeling protected. Jax, the vampire who rescued her, revealed himself to be the leader of the Clanless and that was their secret hideaway.

He was doing everything to keep her safe. He placed her on a comfortable room, then called a doctor, who had knowledge about the vampire world, to see her. She’d need a small blood transfusion, what was provided inside the Shadow Den, going out right now was too risky.

Amy felt bad for him and his people, knowing that without a brand they couldn’t turn into Ferals at any moment. They talked briefly, but she learned all of them were turned without their consent and now they needed to live hidden.

“So, what’s the deal with your blood?” Jax asked after the doctor left. “Why they were after it?”

“It can bring people back from the dead,” Amy explained. “That’s what I’ve been told. Now, what about you? What were you doing in that library?”

Jax pulled a chair, sitting next to the bed.

“Jameson has been recruiting Clanless Vampires for a while now, with the promise they’d be given a brand and better life conditions. I infiltrated myself among them, to know what he was planning.”

He silenced.

“And?” Amy looked at him intrigued to know the rest.

“He’s working for Gaius Augustine. They planned to resurect someone using your blood… a woman.”

“I heard them talking before you saved me. Jameson called her ‘Our Majesty’?”

Jax felt silent again, as if he was trying to find sense in what Amy just told him.

Amy looked at her watch, it had passed midnight. Kamilah should be after her.

“Jax?” She called. “Would borrow me your phone? I need to warn Kamilah about what is going on.”

“Kamilah Sayeed?!” His expression changed. “D-Do you work for her or something?”

“It’s uh… a long and complicated story.”

“She can’t know you’re here. The Council members are not allowed at the Shadow Den. If they find out about this place, our entire population is in danger.”

“She’s different. She’s not like Vega or Priya, okay? She has promised me she’d do something about the Clanless in the future.

He let out a laugh.

"Really? You really believe that…” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Amy. You should rest now. When you recover, you can go after her, without involving my people.”

————————————————————————————————-

As Lily typed the last digit, the door opened with a metallic hiss. Kamilah tightened the grip around her daggers. Her advanced senses couldn’t detect any presence coming from inside Musea Sangris.

“Lily, you should have this," Adrian handed Lily a crossbow as they walked inside.

"This is so…” she was interrupted by Kamilah, who asked her to be quiet.

“Jameson?” Adrian called. “I’m here to talk.”

Nobody answered. At this point, Jameson must knew they’d be coming after Amy.

Kamilah headed to a specific direction. An aisle she was very familiar with. The aisle where the sarcophagus was at. Almost a century ago, she declared her freedom by helping the other members of the Council to defeat Gaius. She knew, now he was back, he’d get a revenge against her. And he’d find the most painful way to do it.

She stopped breathing, her heart was racing inside her chest and in a impulse, she opened it. Empty, as she and Adrian suspected all this time.

She barely had any time to recompose herself, Lily screamed from the other side of the library indicating she was in danger. Kamilah streaked to her direction, where a female vampire was holding her by the neck. Swinging her arms in a scissor-chop move, Kamilah cut her head off before she could even be aware of her presence.

“Whoa,” Lily said, regaining her breath. “How long is it going to take for me to become a badass vampire like you?”

“A few centuries and a lot of practice.”

“Ah,” Lily gave her a disappointed look.

A few meters ahead, Adrian fought alone with a group with three vampires. With his bare hand, he was able to rip off the heart of one of them, but the other two wouldn’t give him a rest. After a strong blow, he fell on the floor, where one of the remaining vampires held a blade against his throat.

“This is your end, Raines,” he mocked. “Your money will be a great help for the Clanless.”

His hysterical laugh was stopped when a glistening dagger flew through the air, decapitating him.

“Nice shot,” Lily congratulated Kamilah.

“Nah, I can do better than that.”

Noticing their presence, the last Clanless vampire came to their direction.

“Would you like to do the honors?” Kamilah asked.

Lily nodded, positioning the crossbow. She waited for the right moment, aimed and shot, with her eyes closed.

“You…” Kamilah opened her mouth in shock, as the enemy converted into ashes. “Straight at the heart.”

“I did?!” Lily could not believe herself. “Well, it always worked when I’m playing video games.”

Kamilah rolled her eyes at her. Then, she went checking on Adrian. He revealed a piece of paper he stole from one of his opponents.

“The Dragons Of The Five Kingdoms,” she read. “Sounds like the name of a book.”

“And this number could be the aisle and shelf.”

Adrian recomposed himself and followed to a indicated coordinates, finding the book. As he pulled it out from the shelf, a secret passage was revealed.

Kamilah felt a shiver running through her entire body.

“Lily, stay behind us. We don’t know what or who we’re going to meet down there.”

Downstairs, not a single sound could be heard. The long corridor was poorly illuminated. Without knowing what direction to go, Kamilah decided to trust her instincts and they detected a familar smell. Blood… Human blood.

“Amy.”

She ran through corridor, entering a chamber in the left. Inside, she found a bed and a machine, that had been used recently to drain blood.

“No, she can’t be…"

"Kamilah, look,” Adrian pointed to the bed and the cut restraints. “It seems like she was able to escape.”

“Then where is she? She must be here… somewhere”

She ran in advanced speed, searching for Amy in every corner in the recently discovered location. She wasn’t anywhere. And neither was Gaius.

She clenched her fists in rage. A sensation she hadn’t felt for a long time started to burn into her chest. A pain that she had been protecting herself for centuries. The pain of losing someone she had strong feelings for. In deep sadness, she quickly passed through Lily and Adrian, returning to the library.

“Kamilah?” Jameson came in her direction. “What brings you here?”

“Your…” She lunged in his direction, grabbing him by the neck. “What did you do to her?! Where’s Amy?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about… Who’s Amy?”

“Oh… don’t pretend you don’t know,” she tightened even more the grip, nearly crushing his throat. “What about Gaius? When did he become such a coward? Where did he go?”

Unable to speak or even breath, Jameson made some incomprehensible noises. Kamilah’s eyes glowed in pure rage. With her free hand, she reached for one her daggers. Pointing it straight at Jameson’s heart.

“Kamilah, wait,” Adrian interrupted.

“Adrian, don’t. He killed her! He killed Amy.”

“But,” he placed his hand on top of hers. “He certainly knows more than he’s telling. We should capture and take him to The Council first, maybe we can obtain some information.”

Hesitantly, Kamilah let Jameson go. As Adrian and Lily restrained him, she went outside. Amy was dead. Because of her. The sun was almost rising and the last thing she wanted was to return home, where memories of the last few weeks would be haunting her forever.

“You make me want to be better. So I can be half of the woman you deserve,” Amy’s voice resounded inside her mind.  

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the woman you deserved, Amy.”

Inside her pocket, her cellphone started to ring. A number she didn’t recognize.

“Oh please,” Kamilah sighed, “give me a break.”

She declined the call, convinced it was work-related. The number insisted once more.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t speak right now,” she answered.

“Kamilah, it’s me. Amy.”