#I remember thinking that was an extreme statement from Laura

[hatchetation]

Thinking about Laura Peterson saying “we are our actions” and the implications of that for the immense betrayal she feels from Bradley 😭😱

[julictcapulet]

👀💗😶(these are my 3 favorite emojis rn the book rec doesn't necessarily need to match)

send me an emoji and i’ll give you a book rec! i've been giving a fiction and nonfiction rec per emoji so congratulations you get 6 book recs bestie!

fiction: east of eden by john steinbeck. heartbreaking news: the world-renowned author who wrote several 'great american novels' in his lifetime is actually a good writer and this 600-page multigenerational tale loosely based off the story of cain and abel is a straight fucking banger. by coincidence, i happened to be watching season 4 of succession while reading this book and the combination was dangerous to my mental health, i highly recommend. cathy ames, you will always be famous to me.

fiction: the bluest eye by toni morrison. trigger warning for child molestation. this book is devastating, following the life of a young black child growing up after the great depression who begins to develop internalized racism and an inferiority complex. i'm never really ever going to forgive my 11th grade english teacher for assigning this book in class but also i'm eternally grateful to him and i think it's a book that everyone needs to read at least once in their life.

fiction: act your age, eve brown by talia hibbert. this is a cute little romance book that sets a lighter tone to the rest of the books in this rec list <3 technically, this is the third book in the brown sisters trilogy but it's the only one i really enjoyed and you can read it as a standalone. it follows eve, a flighty rich girl who gets cut off and has to find a job quick. enter jacob, dealing with an understaffed bed & breakfast, who doesn't really have other available options but to hire her. cue opposites attract.

nonfiction: men who hate women: from incels to pickup artists, the truth about extreme misogyny and how it affects us all by laura bates. lol this book made me so miserable it took me a month to read it, i don't know how she did it. essentially, this is half laura bates going undercover (when possible) in misogynistic communities and offering her experiences and half a comprehensive view of the hellscape that is the manosphere with each chapter dedicated to a specific subcategory of, well...men who hate women.

nonfiction: everything i know about love by dolly alderton. this collection of essays/short stories/vignettes of alderton's life is the equivalent of a warm hug. read it if you want to be reminded of how deeply you love and appreciate your friends, and also if you want to laugh about someone else's mistakes during their 20s instead of reminiscing on your own.

nonfiction: know my name by chanel miller. does everyone remember emily doe, the anonymous woman from the stanford assault case? great, because this was her memoir and i think it should be required reading. i don't think anyone doubted this book would be popular, but chanel miller is an incredible writer and she did not leave a single thing out in telling her story. she lets you know that the trauma she's endured isn't just from that party, but also from the trial and media storm that followed, even when she still had her anonymity. it's not just a story of a woman detailing how she's begun healing, it's a statement towards the way the american justice system fails the majority of the people and the way people refused to let her reclaim her own story.

[olderthannetfic]

I get that there has been a lot of mostly young people harassing and such, but like... the amount of hate I see young people getting seems kind of hypocritical?? Like older fandom members are great, and yeah these kids probably don't know the half of it, but... I doubt the fandom moms were perfect as fandom kids. No one is. But there is zero empathy to be found, and all these people espousing downright hatred for kids on the internet. I *work* with kids for a living, if anyone were to dislike them it would be someone who is with them 24/7, but... they don't deserve this. Especially since some TERF or SWERF or some other conservative shit fuck got to them first, probably a parent. Idk. It's complicated.

--

“Fandom mom” is almost always a pejorative applied by somebody else, honestly. I’m middle aged and trying to get pregnant, and I would never use that dumbass term for myself. But yes, no generation of fandom is flawless. In the past, the m/m shippers tended to be more pro-kink simply by virtue of a homophobic world classing m/m with extreme shit, while the people yelling about ~problematique~ fiction tended to be overtly conservative homophobes. But my fellow m/m shippers were idiotic in plenty of other ways.

Having now spent several years hearing from more randos about the depressing shit that has happened to them, I find myself knowing a lot of 20-somethings who got ostracized by their entire friend group and threatened with all the material those “friends” knew because they had been friends. Even if they were shitty little bullies as part of that pack (and quite a few of them were), that’s no way to live! Nobody deserves to live in fear that all their friends will turn on them if they’re honest about themselves or that their tastes make them a future abuser or that it will be impossible to find another group of friends later.

The problems of ostracism by the other side are very real. It came up memorably after a bunch of the thanfiction stuff in the past and after Laura Hale fought with OTW supporters. I remember the conversations around how it’s important to give people space to back off from their more toxic friends without viewing them as Forever Suspect. All you do then is isolate them with that person you don’t think they should be listening to, whether that person is a full on abusive cult leader or just a persuasive jerk. (And the fact that those conversations were happening points more to the fact that being the bigger person isn’t the norm in these situations and never was.)

I’ve seen some of those conversations in recent years with that “support ex antis” stuff, but it’s pretty small compared to the volume of messages I see that are like “If I back off from my friends, they will hunt me, and nobody else will want me now either”.

I also pretty regularly run into 20-somethings who are much more ship-and-let-ship in the first place asking me where on earth they can go find some “pro ship” friends, and I never know where to send them. The fact is, all that “conservative Protestantism in a gay hat” stuff has its claws into their age group, no matter which labels people put on themselves.

I don’t think there’s zero empathy. I think when directly asked about it, a lot of older people who are actually paying attention to fandom drama will talk about the social forces in play and how it’s not every young person. But when it’s not the direct topic, people make sweeping cranky statements that are the age equivalent of “Ugh, men!” or “Ugh, the straights!”

I agree: objectively, young people don’t deserve all this blanket blame. OTOH, all the people bitching didn’t deserve all the harassment they’ve suffered, and overly general salty statements are a fact of life on social media. I’m not holding my breath for this pattern to improve any time soon.

I say 20-somethings because, in my experience, a lot of this is 20-somethings and not people younger than that. Tumblr discourse and a fair quantity of twitter discourse is a bunch of 25-year-olds fighting with a bunch of 35-year-olds. Or a bunch of 22-year-olds fighting with 27-year-olds. It’s old vs. young, but it’s not even all that old or all that young. I assume the actual kiddos are off fighting with each other on Amino or something.

People can be dumbasses, including about history, at any age. (Try asking your average person lecturing about strikethrough literally anything about anime fanworks fandom history...)

[johnnydeppfuckyeah]

Abuse a Man Unjustly, and You Will Make Friends for Him

“Tell the world Johnny, tell them, I Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence… And see how many people believe or side with you.”

A survivor of hellacious abuse, who was falsely accused of being the abuser, has gone above and beyond to prove his innocence. Despite the profuse amount of evidence in his favor he still is not being believed in the court of public opinion. He did everything and more that one would expect from an abused party. Detailed notes in the form of gruesome photographs, video footage, medical records, audio confessions from his abuser, fleeing the area when violence would erupt, sinking into the bowels of depression as those around watched and could do almost nothing to help or stop it.

This man begged for there to be no more violence. He pleaded with his abuser, “there can be no physical violence..” in the audio tape. “Don’t tell me what it feels like to be punched”, as she tried to redefine his words and experience for him. “I lost a finger man..” He reminds her as she chastises him wildly for insinuating he is a victim of anything at all. The first tape is the result of couples therapy according to the accompanying documentation. We also know he was seeking professional help for his addiction issues. He was trying to change and do better for her. Little did he know at the time it would never be enough. There is nothing he could have done that would ever satisfy her lust for violence, nothing that would have made her stop abusing him. In fact he’s lucky to have gotten out when he did because in all likelihood it would have only continued to get worse for him. Amber Heard is a sick individual who lacks self control and thrives on brutality and combativeness. She is only truly living when she is sucking the life out of someone.

She managed to insert her tortuous ways into his opioid detox by withholding medication from him that would send him into spasms. This is an act that easily could have killed him by triggering him to go into cardiac arrest, not that she likely would have cared much if it had. She sought vengeance on him at all times. Her jealousy and envy of him and everything that he’s accomplished, everything that he has, and everything that he is are unmatched. Certainly by anything I’ve ever encountered anyhow. She didn’t just want what he had but I believe she truly want to be him. Right down to the cheekbones. She dressed like him, she mimicked him, she pretended to be interested in his interests. She tried to turn herself into a female version of him and lured him into her villainous talons. A literal siren.

Johnny Depp has several very impactful witness statements but the one that stands out most to me is from Tara Roberts in the Bahamas. She is his property manager there and has known him and his family for over a decade. She talks about watching a man that she knew as jovial, active, and family oriented suddenly resort to sleeping all day and becoming more reclusive. She goes on to describe several events which took place with Amber on the island, one of which sees Johnny fleeing his home on his ATV just to get away from her monstrous behavior. It proves futile as she catches up with him anyhow, continuing to attack and berate him at length. This man was fleeing his own homes to escape her on a regular basis. His security guards attest to this, having to pick him up from the Eastern Building on multiple occasions after a Heard rampage and taking him back to his West Hollywood home. Heard wanted him to stay and take her abuse because it only made her more angry for him to leave. She became enraged because he refused to stay and be her personal punching bag. It’s vomitous that anyone holds this woman up as a pillar of justice for women when in truth she is the voice of abusers everywhere.

She and her supporters try to say his witnesses are unimportant because they’re his employees. Taking into account that there are over forty of them are we really to believe that all these people agreed to be bought off with not a single soul showing conscience? Beyond that not a single soul ratting the others out and turning on them all? To the contrary several of Amber Heard’s friends have pivoted on her. Her interior decorator and friend Laura Divenere submitted a declaration that Amber had never spoken of domestic violence nor did she ever appear injured in Laura’s presence. We have recntly learned that her own personal assistant will be testifying against her in The Sun trial as well. Not one person from Johnny Depp’s camp has flipped sides. Out of all the people he has spent significant time with in his life not one person has stepped up behind Amber’s claims to echo any sentiment of violence. I don’t mean the inaneness that will inevitibly be brought up if I don’t mention — The Mark Hotel incident, the paparazzi incident with Vanessa Paradis, the crew member on City of Lies who was already proven to be a liar multiple times. I’m talking about claims of true personal violence against someone he was romantically involved with. The time was more than ripe after Amber accused him and not one other woman came forward, in fact they all defended him. I find that astonishing in a marvelous way. Character profiles are extremely important here as abusers usually have a pattern over many years. There is one person in this relationship with a pattern of abuse and abusive behavior. Hint: it’s not Johnny Depp. There is also one person here on whom you can easily find distasteful comments about meeting, interacting, and working with. Hint again: it’s not Johnny Depp.

There’s so much here already and I know we, the public, have not even seen a drop in the ocean compared to what Johnny Depp has in his possession and evidence. People aren’t thinking about that though. They see everything that comes out as some kind of diabolical “leak” from his side, designed only to slander Heard in the media. They don’t realize where these leaks come from. In the United States we have the Freedom of Information Act. All of this documentation is available to the public for anyone who cares to go and look. In the UK I understand the laws are a bit different but a member of the press can go and request the records be released to them. Why would he deny it? He has everything to lose by not being 100% open during both of these proceedings. The antithesis to this is anything coming from Heard’s camp. Anything she (or her lawyers) releases is seen as the smoking gun and people seem to forget there are two recordings out where she professes her lunacy to him let alone two trials looming with an exorbitant amount of evidence yet to be revealed. To be clear, what’s come from her side has been feeble attampts at character assassination and pathetic bids to make him a sniveling, mustache twirling, villain more than anything of real value to her case -which she only states she’ll prove, “if necessary.”

Amber Heard has now requested in both the defamation lawsuit in Virginia and The Sun suit in the UK that her evidence be kept private. In the US that request has already been denied along with two attempts to have the case dismissed flat out. She has a third dismissal attempt still pending as of this writing. That just doesn’t sound like someone who wants to prove their claims beyond a reasonable doubt. It sounds like someone who wants to shut the whole thing down by any means necessary because they cannot substantiate what they say. The courts even agreed in 2016, she can never refile these domestic abuse claims against Johnny Depp and she had hired a criminal defense attorney at that time. Does that not sound suspect to anyone else? She’s been subpoenaing irrelevant people, productions, and companies left and right. She also avoided sitting for a deposition like it was the coronavirus. After multiple excuses and delays they finally got her into the room where she threw a nine hour temper tantrum and refused to be questioned under oath. It was ultimately completed and what has come out of it doesn’t look good for her either.

She has contradicted her own stories so many times I don’t even know where to begin. For starters she seems to not remember when she got married or when her honeymoon was. She stated she only ever hit Johnny one time in defense of her “baby sister” whom she suggests he was about to push down the stairs. We now know, thanks to her deposition and audio confessionals, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. She wholly admitted to multiple violent attacks against him along with the throwing of pots, pans, cans, and vases. She admitted to kicking a door into his head while he was hiding from her in a bathroom and proceeding to punch him in the jaw directly after. Other’s have declared they’ve seen her violently assault him, spit on him, throw purses, and heavy TV remotes to name a few. The list is frankly and sadly endless, and when all is said and done I can’t imagine that Amber Heard comes out smelling like anything less than a thousand year old egg. Johnny may never be fully redeemed by all, just look at the reaction to the absurd necromancer text, some genuinely believe a man must be without any fault to be a victim. He will have his day(s) in court and he will prove himself.

Please feel free to look up any of her declarations and filings to verify the information stated here. I don’t often use a ton of citations but that’s because I assume the base of my readers to be people who are intimately familiar with the case already.

Johnny Depp is a very powerful man, just not in the way the media wants you to believe. Although it may not always seem like it, Depp has made friends around the world throughout this ordeal. People who are victims of abuse have flocked to his side after seeing what, to them, seemed like extremely obvious proof that he was the victim. Men have begun speaking up for themselves about violence they have suffered at the hands of their significant others. They no longer feel ashamed or put down because a woman laid hands on them and inflicted injury, sometimes very seriously. If nothing else Johnny should be extremely proud of himself for speaking up. It may well have been the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life and people should take him seriously. He should take pride that he influenced a large number of people to speak out about their own experiences and find catharsis with him in finally letting it out. He should be proud for giving people hope and he should be proud that he survived and continues to thrive and fight for what’s right. I hope that even in his darkest moments, and when he might be feeling most alone, he can find that one little synapse in his mind that reminds him that we are all here for him, and that he has been there for us. Johnny Depp is innocent. Johnny Depp is a survivor. Johnny Depp will have justice and Johnny Depp has already begun to rise from the ashes of this hideous ordeal. May the film offers pour in and the musical fulfilment be never ending. The best is yet to come.

[heat0death0of0the0universe]

i gotta talk about Narrative Telephone

I. Fucking. Love. It.

when my extreme dislike of second-hand embarrassment takes a loud backseat i can fin so much that i love about it. 

but what i love most isn't the humor. or even the continued critical role content. no, i love the allegory and the metaphor of the whole concept. 

all my life i loved the concept of watching time move forward. seeing evolution, hearing language change, watching cultures rise and fall. but what i dont like is time and the fact that im along for the ride. id rather watch evolution, not be step 48801 of a process with no end. and sadly most media and general public doesn't like watching time change. no one wants too see how the English language evolves with a rise in Spanish speaking folks and pop culture creating new idioms and words. everyone would much rather watch something with the same animals with the same people walking the same cities speaking the same language, albeit maybe with a few more neon lights and holograms to make you feel like its in some vague ~future~. but narrative telephone gives me the change i like to see. i can finally feel like im watching a story going through the times and changes of a culture.

im gonna need to explain a little more. what better way than to show off all the current episodes.

episode one is simple, pumat and the big bad wolf. the sorry starts with pumat on a stroll through the woods. he finds a talking wolf and they fight. the story ends with the pumat eating a nice mushroom and wolf stew. but the changes to the story are what get to me. i love ashley, trust me i really do. but in this context, she’s basically the dark ages. everything crumbles and the story follows in the crash. this point is when the more brothers grimm tales and nonsense folklore are added in. people dont like the night, so the seen changes to match. suddenly the wolf not only speaks, but has a beak! the fighting through being somewhat vague in the original story now is lost to time and is none existent. taliesin builds off it, changing it ever so slightly from a garbled to a more of a warning story. a story that reflects a change in a cultures thoughts on the woods. when everything was all writings and giant building the woods where just a place to rule over and harvest, but after the fall now its returned to the unexplored. the place of fey and monsters that should never be explored at night. marisha adds winter and gives it just the smallest bit of added context. a man in the woods during night before might have been seen as mad or crazy, but a man scrounging for some mushrooms in a dead forest in winter isnt tempting fate, he’s struggling to live. a shift in view also makes it so that the beaked magic wolf is just as weakened by the winter, and is easily turned away by just a voice. sam is..something. if ashley is the dark ages than id say sam is like a renaissance. specifically a very drunk renaissance. the kingdom was risen and is filled with hubris and pride.its gained a very “man falls for his hubris” greek vibe to it.  pumat has gone from scavenging to walking unbothered by cold dead winter. the kingdom has lost its enjoyment of strange creatures, monsters are still around in legend, but most have been replaced with magical people, with a clear rise in “person in an animals skin” tropes. the original fight has been mostly lost, now the story is that of a magic hunter who eyes the mushrooms taken by pumat and gives a chuckle and permission to continue exploring the woods unimpeded. pumat eats just the mushrooms, which now have gained the lupine taste, and the vague description of “he became something more” giving the idea of some sort of curse for his nature. Laura has added back the wolfs anger, but removed the suspicion of pumat. the curse is still in the end of the story though. this could be a change into more of a forbidden fruit trope. because pumat still trusted strange mushrooms in a dead forest with a magic guardian, he paid the price. travis is a sort of close to modernization of the story. its the point in time when its nonsensical nature and magic was viewed as weird and convoluted.  similar to when we look at older myths with long intricate plans and think “nice story, but poor pacing”. liam goes for the “granddad telling stories by the fire” vibe. the tale has died down and is being co-opted for new use. now the rather dark tale has turned into more of a children's storybook with messages like not to trust strangers and to not do drugs being tagged on. 

ep. 2: jesters ability to say 1000 words a second. pickadors plume is a story in a story. a story about gaining a treasure through a complex and detailed series of events  with lots of loaded lore about the world with no clear description of what the treasure truly is. liam is the first few generations. the generation close enough to the original to try and remember, but not enough to keep every detail. the best example is of the ending, where the treasure should be. humans love rewards, so a story with a vague reward isnt enough for people. in liams generation transition to the griffon, travel, and fruit specifically being the treasure begins to lay its foundations. since this is already so long i will also mention that the transition from stone shaped like a heart ---to----> stone shaped like a hut could be an example of a changing dialect and language. sam, travis, and marisha are clear evidence of a shift in culture. jesters complete backstory wasnt introduced till now. and in it comes the cultures want to explain this event. humans love simplifying, but we also love to describe things. if we want to, we will add words just as much as we remove them. the dialect changes just as much. the new word of “schtupping." has either replaced or become a synonym of the word fucking, the name of the plum as even changed too. the treasure has gone from “lost to time” to “there is treasure, i just wont name it”. but fret not, for the mystery aspect is still in the story. for now everything will disappear like it never happened, or did it? though travis specifically specifies that you keep the treasure. humans love rewards, it was gonna come back eventually. matt is the sorta an enlightening moment in the society. at the very least its the point in time where people who know geography and history say “wait, that layout doesnt make any sense”. taelisan and ashley are the beginning of the end. the slow fall into the dark ages. the story becomes vague and small. slowly becoming more of a statement and less of a story. the society is forgetting large chunks and its bleeding out into other legends. there maybe a sort of thanksgiving/ christmas sort of event spawned from or because of the myth, but the story itself isnt going to live every far (hence why its ending in a dark age and not somewhen else)

Ep. 3: boy do humans enjoy rich’s, love, and drama. sam’s story comes from a society that warns against wanting what you wish for without expecting some strings attached and features a evil ruler to boot, just so they can date the legend. the story of a delivery boy who invents a pair of glasses to see through objects and uses them to win rewards and gives them all to a rich woman that only loves him for the money, and really loves the prince. matt changes the story so the two are already in love. but also changed it so that it was the greed of the prince and the wife that lead to the heartbreak rather than the delivery boys naivety. travis changes delivery boy from a clever inventor to just already owning the glasses. both matt and travis with there respective fictional cultures are showing how humans like to remember the stuff they liked in a story, so when they forget when something specifically came in, they just fill in the blank and assume its always been there. travis specificaly begins the stories slow march to a less heartbreaking story by adding a joke to help give the couple a more flushed out relationship. this is also the shift in cultural perspective. the antagonist began his life as a evil prince, but now is simply a rotten neighbor. this could mean the myth was co-opted to fit a better role, possibly after the removal of monarchy or just of a specific bloodline.the rich wife becomes just the wife, no money involved. this is also the beginning of what a full fledged re-write of the story. now the delivery man has gone from giving up to still being in love with the wife and now even standing up for himself. (possibly a mix of when the story was of a prince and used to promote the common folk to rise up against the kings, leading to the theory of a removal of the crown). ashely...oh ashely. this moment in history atleast solidifies the love between them, and even brings back delivery husbands inventor skills. liam is the slow clawing climb back up out of the collapse. he’s still very much in the collapse of the kingdom. but aleast its just before when begin to solidify into the new meta of the era. laura and taelisin’s era is a complete re-write after the collapse of the society. the focus has moved to more of a folk-hero style legend about rising above through theft and cheating (could mean that after the collapse the culture around theft changed from crime to fighting to survive. the antagonist has really changed from being the bad guy to just in the love triangle. the society seems to agree with every polyamourous person when we all say “this how drama triangle could have been avoided if you guys all just got together”. marisha’s only real change a more modernization from “specticals” to “goggles” and that the culture either wants to make half-orcs feel more inclusive or just really dont like goliaths and changed it. 

ep. 4: deargodfinallyigottheneedtowritethisoutofmysystemsoletsspeedrunthisshit. liams story is an analogy for the horrors, pointlessness, and sacrifics of war. but over time the story shifts from a “we did this to ourselves” narrative to a “an outside force did this to use”. this shifts the goal from a need for peace to a need to protect everyone for the sake of the many. ill write more later but dear god i my hand might fall off soon

[joon-ipersgirl]

O3 - “the eventful evening”

genre: mafia!au, angst, fluff, slow burn, mystery-thriller

pairing: namjoon x reader (f)

summary: charismatic. beautiful. fearless without question. the ambitious team of seven young men in charge of spiral, downtown district’s hottest new club, go above and beyond to provide 100% satisfaction to their clients. 

after an eventful night out, you have no choice but to join the team for property damages greater than your intern salary. challenging a series of events that can no longer be left to coincidence, secrets threaten to burst at the seams as your professional and private life collide, and another - more sinister - debt is added to your total.

how far are you willing to go to pay back your pound of flesh? remember, nothing is ever as it seems...

word count: 4k

warnings: cursing, mentions of guns (no shooting done here), small mentions of blood

a/n: we’re keeping on schedule! i’m proud of myself. this was a bit of a challenge to edit, but hopefully it makes sense. if it doesn’t shoot me a message and i’ll fix any errors. we’re getting into the set-up of the entire plot these next few parts and then it’ll really start picking up. if i missed any warnings, let me know too. i hope you guys will enjoy this part and as always, thank you vi for all your help with editing. enjoy!

full masterlist // series masterlist // previous // next

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Jin yells at you, holding you up in his arms. “Are you hurt?” he asks. You don’t have the strength to argue and only nod. Your first wave of adrenaline is wearing off and you’re starting to feel the pain of your injuries.

“We need to get you somewhere safe,” he tells you.

“No shit,” you respond and he narrows his eyes at you. Maybe you did have a little strength left in you.

“You can hide in the ladies’ room until one of us -”

“No!” you interrupt him, grabbing his arm. “Bad guy in there.”

“A bad guy?”

“That’s what I said. He should still be unconscious though,” you answer. Jin glances back at the door.

“Alright, let’s go,” he says. He pulls you to your feet and towards the main floor.

“We’re going out there?” you can still hear screaming and the sounds of shots firing.

“That’s what I said,” and he chuckles. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” It’s then that you notice the gun in his hand. You nod and lean on him for support as he tucks you under his arm. Hopefully he can shoot better than you.

“Do you think you can make it to the bar?” He pokes his head around the wall, checking the surroundings. More shots are fired. You swallow.

“Possibly?” you say, unsure.

“Well, you’re going to have to. Suga’s right there. Run behind him and stay low. I’ll cover you,” he checks his gun as he gives you instructions. You stare at him in disbelief.

“Come on, we’re running out of time. You have to go!” he yells. You swallow again, biting your lip; it was now or never.

“On my mark, okay? Go!” He steps out into the open, firing shots quickly. You inhale deeply before you sprint past him, dodging the stairs, and diving for the safety of the bar. Bullets whizz past your head as you cross the short distance. Glancing back, you realize Jin has disappeared back behind the wall and you pray he hasn’t gotten hit by any of the bullets.

“Boss! Sirens! We gotta go!” you hear someone yell from your crouched-down position. Broken glass and spilled alcohol cover the floor.

The chaos seems to be calming down and you chance the possibility of being shot in the head by peering over the top of the bar. Small tables have been turned over as people tried to escape the danger. Glass glitters from the still flashing lights you hadn’t managed to shoot out. Spiral is mostly empty save for a few people still frozen in panic and those who were injured in the crossfire. The erratic man in the center had disappeared along with most of his henchmen except for the one that the DJ holds at gunpoint and the other that Honcho has restrained on the ground. Suga and Moon are by the corners of the bar, and Min is nowhere to be seen. It’s then that you can hear the distant blaring of sirens.

“Everyone freeze! Drop your weapons! Let us see your hands!” The cops. Always on time for when the action’s over.

Suga and Moon place their guns on top of the bar while the DJ places his on the ground. Surprisingly, they all seem unharmed as the police secure the area, the bouncer from outside enters after them and also places his gun on the ground.

From your position, you can’t see Laura nor Paul. In fact, all of your coworkers have disappeared. Those fuckers. More cops file in, guns drawn, through what you come to realize is the second emergency exit, a few paramedics following behind them.  

“Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. We’re going to secure the area and then ask you a few questions about the incident. Please stay where you are until an officer approaches you. If you need medical attention, a paramedic will be with you shortly,” an officer announces.

“You okay kid?” Suga asks me. You shake your head.

“Quite exhausted actually,” you sigh and lean onto the bar for support.

“Woah,” you hear the crunch of glass and then feel someone grip your elbow. “You don’t look too good.” It’s Moon.

“Yeah, I don’t feel too good,” you reply, leaning into him for support, forgetting your brief spat.

Moon scoops you up into his arms with ease and you’re grateful you don’t have to tiptoe your way through the shattered glass and alcohol barefooted.

“Excuse me?” he calls to the nearest paramedic. You groan.

“Too loud!” you whine. “Can’t you see I’m fucking concussed you dick?”

“You know, I’m going to need you to stop calling me a fucking dick whenever I try to help you,” he tells you. You ignore him and turn your face into his chest to shield your eyes from the lights as he carries you to a small medical station set up in the middle of the dance floor.

“Yes sir? Do you need help?” the paramedic asks.

“I’m fine, but she seems to be injured,” Moon tells him as he sits you down on the little bench. The paramedic nods.

“Okay. Miss, can you hear me? Can you tell me your name?” he asks, picking your head up slowly.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you reply.

“Do you know where you are?” He turns your face left and right. You nod.

“Spiral.”

“And your age?”

“22,” you tell him.

“Can you tell me where you’re hurt?”

“My head. I think I might have a concussion. I hit my head and there might be some glass and - fuck,” you whimper. “My arm. A bullet grazed me,” you finish. You bite your lip hard to stop the tears from spilling over.

The paramedic nods. “Alright. I’m going to clean your wound and then check your head to see if you need any stitches. After that, we’ll do some brief physical tests to see if you have a concussion, okay?”

“Sounds good to me, doc,” you say nodding and immediately regret it after a new wave of throbbing took over.

“Where’s Jin?” you ask Moon as the paramedic starts to clean your wounds. You need something to distract yourself from the stinging of the antiseptic. Just as he’s about to answer, a cop interrupts.

“Sir, do you need to receive medical care?” he asks Moon. Moon shakes his head no.

“Okay, I’m here to take your statement. If you could follow me.” He doesn’t wait for Moon to respond before he starts walking away. Moon glances over at you and then follows the officer.

You peer around the working paramedic to look for Jin. Honcho and the DJ are talking to an officer. The bouncer’s also receiving medical attention for a busted lip while another officer takes his statement. Moon is back over by the bar. You squint your eyes trying to see through the flashing lights. Someone really needed to turn them off. There. He’s standing by the stairs as Suga sits, the two of them deep in conversation.

“Was that your boyfriend?” Your eyes snap back to the paramedic.

“Excuse me?” you ask.

“The guy,” he jerks his head over to Moon. “Are you two together?” you blink up at him the way an owl would blink at the night sky before you laugh.

“No. Not at all,” you reply, still chuckling.

“So you’re single?” he asks while taping the gauze down firmly against your arm.

“Are you really trying what I think you’re trying right now?” you narrow your eyes at him. He blushes.

“I’m sorry. That was extremely unprofessional of me.” you hum in agreement. “You’re just really beautiful,” he continues as he double-checks the back of your head for any glass.

“Thanks,” you reply shortly. “Do you think you could tell me if I’m concussed or not now, please? I need to go talk to someone.” You glance back over at Suga and Jin who are also looking at you.

“Right. Yeah, of course,” he stutters.

As the paramedic asks you questions, you continue to watch Suga and Jin converse. Occasionally, one or both of them glance over at you and you’re curious as to what they’re discussing. Where had Jin disappeared to? Had he gone to look for Min and not found him? You glance back at the hallway to the restroom and realize that no one had brought out the man you’d shot. You may be concussed, but you weren’t blind. There was no way he could have made it out with the rest of his squad.

“Yep. You’re definitely concussed. You’re going to need someone to monitor you for the next 24 hours. If your headache gets worse, you experience loss of consciousness for longer than 30 seconds or your speech starts to slur, get to an emergency room immediately.” He discards the gloves he’s used on you and pulls on a fresh pair.

“Thanks, doc,” you say while hopping off the table, nearly stumbling.  

“You should also refrain from any quick movements,” he chides you and holds your arm as you find your footing.

“Got it! Thanks again!” You don’t wait for his response as you start to head over to Jin, Suga, and Moon. Before you can make it a few steps, an officer steps in your path blocking you.

“Yes, officer?” you huff.

“We need to get your statement please, Miss?” he trails off.

“Jung. And okay. Can we make it quick though? I have a concussion and the nice paramedic over there said I need to take it easy,” you say smiling up at him sweetly. He clears his throat and pulls out his notepad, not fazed by your antics.

“Can you tell me what happened tonight, Miss Jung?” you internally roll your eyes. Did he really need you to explain the entire scene when it was all still laid out in front of him?

“There was a shooting. I was in the restroom when it happened though. I heard the screaming and the shots, but I didn’t see any of the shooters,” you tell him.

“Were you alone in the restroom?” he asks and you narrow your eyes suspiciously.

“Yes,” you respond.

“Are you sure? There’s an awful lot of damage in there for it to just be caused by one person,” he explains. you cock your head to the side, staring up at him.

“Of course I didn’t cause the damage by myself Officer -” you look at his name tag, “ - Lee, but I couldn’t tell you the name of the man who did it.”

“And the blood? Where did all of that come from?” he continues as he looks up from his notes to stare at you. You look over his shoulder to the group of three men still sitting on the stairs watching you.

“I assume a human Mr. Officer. Some of it could be mine. I was thrown into the mirror during all the commotion and I don’t remember much else after that,” you tell him, feigning more confusion than you feel. You need answers and Officer Lee would not have them.

“Right,” he nods. “Well, if you remember anything else please give the station a call. We really want to catch the men who did this,” he says and hands you his card.

“I will, Officer Lee. Thank you for your service,” you call and slip past him as he thanks you for your time. Your cheeks hurt from keeping your fake smile plastered on your face as you speak.

Your eyes were firmly set on your target and you arrive at the same time as Honcho, the DJ and the bouncer do.

“How’d it -“

“We need to talk. Now,” you say, pointing your finger at Jin and cutting Moon off.

“About what?” Jin asks casually.

“The man in the bathroom,” you reply, crossing your arms.

“Oh, you mean the man you shot?” Suga asks me nonchalantly with a grin. You whip your head towards him.

“She shot a man?!” The DJ asks quite loudly. You turn towards him, eyes wide.

He’s fairly tall like the rest of them. Slightly broad shoulders and lean muscles with a small waist to match. His hair is a faint bubblegum pink that falls in soft waves against his forehead and large ears poke out from underneath. His jaw is quite square and strong, the kind that most girls - yourself included - like to drool over. Of course, like the other men who work here, he’s extremely attractive. You were honestly getting tired of it.

“Shut up!” you hiss at him, looking around to see if anyone else had heard.

“Jin, are you sure? Did you see her aim?” Honcho asks while laughing. It’s as loud as his burgundy-colored hair and hurts your ears.

“Could you guys be any louder?” you yell and throw your hands up.

“No, but you definitely seem to be able to,” Moon says with a low chuckle. You glare at him.

“You might want to keep your voice down, kid. You’re drawing attention to yourself,” he tells you as he points behind you. You glance over your shoulder and realize there are  a few people watching indeed.

You take a deep breath to calm down. There was no way you’re going to let them get under your skin. If they weren’t going to give you any answers, you’d find them yourself.

“I’m going to get my shoes,” you announce and stalk towards the restroom. Fuck them.

Glancing back over your shoulder to make sure no one’s paying attention to you, you slip down the hallway looking for any clues as to where that man could have disappeared to. Trailing your hand against the wall, you scan the shiny black tiles for any trails of blood from the wounds you’d given him. Nothing. You’re at the end of the hallway and the only other door is the one that led to the restroom. You groan. Maybe you’re crazy. For all you knew, he had made it out past Jin after you’d ducked behind the bar.

You push open the door to the restroom and try to avoid the snail line of blood on the ground. Wait. That definitely wasn’t here before. You turn around and really look at the floor. Streak marks. As if he was dragged. You breath catches in your throat as you look around for any signs of his disappearance. Nothing. You do notice, however, that someone has started to clean up. A small kit lays open next to the larger puddle of blood in the middle of the floor.

“Um, you can’t be in here Miss.” You whirl around and come face to face with a young woman close to your age. Her hair is pulled back into a high ponytail and emphasizes the narrowness of her eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“This is a crime scene. You can’t be in here,” she enounciates slowly as if you were dumb. You glower at her, biting the inside of your cheek. There was no reason to be rude. Yet.

“I came to look for my shoes,” you tell her matter-of-factly and turn the corner to look for them beneath the stalls, ignoring her mild protests. Definitely no body.

“You mean these?” she asks, holding your heels in her hands.

“Yes, thank you.” You grab them from her and drop them on the floor to slip them on. She stares at you expectantly and you raised your eyebrows at her silent question.

“Aren’t you going to leave?” she asks. “I have work to do,” she continues as she crosses her arms.

You stand almost toe to toe between the main space of the restroom and hallway between that and the main door. Neither of you are looking to back down; you can tell from the way the wrinkles on her forehead deepen as she scowls further. Her blue eyes contrast her deep black hair and make her expression fierce. Her forensic investigator uniform and overall appearance are clean-cut and you feel slightly annoyed that you no longer looked the same because of your torn skirt and bandages. You weren’t going to let her intimidate you.

“Miss Jung? Are you alright?” Both of you glance at the door while trying your best to maintain your stare-off. The bouncer pokes his head around the door carefully.

“Yes, just fine,” you respond, still not looking at him.

“Jeon, would you be so kind as to escort Miss Jung from the restroom? It seems she’s feeling a little dizzy,” your competitor tells him. You didn’t think you could have glared at her any harder, but you found a way.

“Yeah, of course.” He pushes open the door and gently takes your arm.

“And tell Moon we still need to talk!” she calls as the bouncer leads you back down the hallway.  

“John?” I asks.

“Hmm?”

“Your name is John right?” you clarify.

“Yeah, sure,” he responds, not looking at you. He finally lets go as you enter the main space again.

“Are you sure that’s your real name?” He only smiles.

Just like his coworkers, he’s attractive. Tall, shoulders almost as broad as Jin’s, and muscles any fitness junkie would die for. His black hair is long, almost to the point of needing a haircut and the ends curl slightly. His eyes are deep and brown and never linger over you for too long, though one is slightly swollen from the earlier incident. It doesn’t bother you as you could appreciate the way his cargo pants clings to his thighs as he walks back to the group.

“Miss Jung!” It’s the paramedic who had tended to you. You were getting tired of everyone screaming out your government name. “Are these items yours?” He holds up a small purse and coat. You nod and he jogs them over to you. You thank him.

“Again, I’m sorry for my behavior earlier, I hope you can forgive me,” he says, his head hanging in a bow of apology. Before you can accept, a cop interrupts you.  

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your cooperation. You’re free to go. If you remember anything or need anything from us, please don’t hesitate to give us a call. All units, roll out!”

“I guess that’s my cue to go. Sorry again,” the paramedic apologizes before he scurries away.

You shake your head. It was time to go home. You had no idea what time it was and the fatigue from the concussion was finally starting to set in. Between the fight and all your unanswered questions, your brain had gone to mush trying to make sense of everything. You watch as all the personnel pack up their equipment and the cops file out of the club. As you shoved your arms through your coat, you see the small forensic detective leave along with the rest of them, a small briefcase or whatever her little fucking toolkit was called in her hand.

“Hey kid!” Suga yells at you, still sitting on the stairs along with Honcho. “Just want you to know you owe me $3500 for those lights you shot out.”

A gaping goldfish had nothing on you as I stare at him with mour mouth open. “What?!”

“Yeah, just looking at the damages. It’s not looking real good. Look, we gotta get this place cleaned up so we’ll talk soon,” he says nonchalantly while standing and heading up the stairs.

You’re speechless as you stare at Jin who only shrugs his shoulders before following the smaller man along with Honcho. This is fucking ridiculous. After your fucking move is the one that saves these assholes lives by shooting those lights out, this is what you get. Why didn’t you mind your business?

“Y/N, I’m so sorry that I left you! I feel so horrible!” Laura sobs while standing at the corner of your desk. It was days like these you wish you had your own office.

“Laura, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” you tell her, setting your purse down on your desk and slipping your heels on.

“Of course I have to worry about it! We could have died!” she shrieks, hand over her heart. You roll your eyes and plop down in your desk chair. It’s only 9:15. Gods be with you.

“Laura, shut up. Some of us are trying to do work over here,” James chides from behind his partition. She mumbles an apology before sitting down at her own desk.

You sift through the documents neatly stacked on your desk. Though your concussion seems to have passed with no adverse effects, your head’s still sore and the burn on your arm is still extremely tender after four days. The cut on your palm was much better though you know it’ll leave a scar. If those weren’t a reminder of the past weekend, here’s Laura bringing it up out of guilt. You wonder if it’d make her feel better if you tell her you’d probably have left her too.

“I just didn’t want you to think I purposefully left you, that’s all. Everything happened so fast,” she mumbles behind her computer.

“No hard feelings, Laura,” you say absentmindedly, concentrating on the Xiao event. “Paul disappeared too.” She nods her head in agreeance.

“I just can’t believe I survived my first shootout robbery,” Laura continues. You look up, confused.

“A robbery?” You repeat. She nods again.

“That’s what the news report is saying.”

A robbery? That didn’t seem to make sense. Had you missed them taking money while you were in the restroom? None of the guys had looked too choked up about losing their night’s earnings and with the number of people who were there that night, it would have been quite a large haul. But if the news was reporting it, it had to be true right? You shake your head. The last thing you need is to get more involved after already being in debt to the club. You groan internally and rub your forehead. How were you going to pay that back?

“First? Does that mean you’d like to go back?” Paul chuckles as he walks in, coffee in hand. Laura’s head snaps up so fast she could have given herself whiplash.

“Absolutely not! You’d have to be crazy to go back there! In fact, the people who work there are crazier. You couldn’t pay me enough!” she huffs and slumps back into her chair. “Would you?”

“I doubt he would. The atmosphere might be a bit too much for him so Paul might run again,” you say before he could respond. He flashes you a sour smile before sitting down at his desk.

“Maybe if you ran, you wouldn’t be nursing so many wounds,” he counters. You glare at him over the folder you hold. Fuck Paul.

“Could you guys just focus on your work? Who cares about the stupid club? It’ll probably get closed down because of lack of business and a bad reputation,” James comments.

“Or it could boost revenue and Spiral’s reputation,” you think aloud, pen tapping on your desk. “People love the dark and dangerous.”

“Like Laura said, anyone who would actually go back there after last weekend is crazy and looking for trouble,” Paul adds. You grin.

“The perfect storm. You know what they say? Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice,” you say.

The smell of Paul’s coffee drags you from your desk to the breakroom to make your own. Maybe Paul, Laura, and James are right. It’s quite possible that Spiral would close down because of a lack of business. It’s very possible that everyone who worked at Spiral is indeed insane. It’s also probably true that you couldn’t pay any of them to go back there, but you’re not them. In fact, Friday and Saturday nights at Spiral could - quite literally - work. They didn’t call you “The Mini Maniac” in college for no reason. You sip your coffee and slip your phone out of your pants pocket.

“Yes, hi. Could I speak to Suga please?”

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© joon-ipersgirl, 2020

[vohalika]

hello, this is random but.. could u please tell me some of your fav things about vex? i don't often see people who Really Like Vex and we need more of that

Well, well, well, anon.

I have literally no idea how long it has been since you asked this of me, but rest assured I have not forgotten! Well, okay, I had for a while, then I saw it again and was like “oh, right, huh… And would you look at that, I’m about 100 posts away from 100,000… Wouldn’t that be a good one…”

So. Here we are! An unstructured rambling of all the reasons I really, really love Vex, somewhere between superficial and embarrasingly personal, to celebrate this arbitrary number of things I have spread around on this hell site.

Okay, first of all, the only thing Laura had to say to Kit Buss for the official art was “make her hot”. That is a Statement. And boy did Kit and also everyone deliver on that.

Like seriously. I didn’t use to be a fan of feathers in hair or white armor, but good god does she make it work.

Hey, I said this was going to be extremely superficial

Another thing I really didn’t use to like, twins. Overdone and usually poorly executed. But our girl made a Point out of being as different from her twin as she could be while at the same time being completely believable siblings.

I swear to god I’ll do my absolute best to mention Vax as little as possible. This is not about him.

Third thing I really couldn’t stand! The one, usually female, team member with a pet! Closely related to the one with the nature powers! I don’t know, these just always rubbed me the wrong way in media before, probably because I also never really cared for shows or movies about animals. Fight me.

And yet here she is, and she is not the “won’t somebody think of the children animals!” type of gal and Trinket is amazing and it still ties into her personality on a larger scale without being preachy.

I have a fourth thing. I also really don’t care for elves, ever. Everybody hates them. And then she turns around and makes me cry about the elf thing. Good god.

Yes, watching the first episode way back when was an uphill battle. There’s a reason I started with episode 69 and then watched the rest.

Nice.

Vex has the best worst sense of humor. No, really. I’m not even talking about that time she made a comment about the boy with the shot off fingers not having much of a future as a musician. But I’m also talking about that. And that time Scanlan tried having a meaningful monologue about having a daughter now. “I’ve defined most of my life by the people I slept with, and now…” - “Well, technically, this is still kinda defined by that.”

(Shoutout to Percy “I was just thinking that”)

Also, “We don’t do anything with dignity”, “I only serve gods with big dicks”, “You might live forever, but you will still be fucking ugly”? Girl is iconic, even if her sense if humor is usually pretty inappropriate for the given situation, she just can’t help it. I relate.

On a related note, it is so easy to play a similar archetype and have her just be this always dignified and above the humor kind of stuck-up. It’s basically how most people would have written her (and a certain someone did). But not our girl, oh no.

Also, I recently made a post about this, but we really, really don’t talk enough about how she’s just the leader of the party. She is. No, really, lower your bitch sticks, y’all. She’s the one to talk to the most NPCs, she’s the one to usually say go, and everyone just naturally adheres to her. It’s never forced, it’s never an “I, as the leader” moment, and she doesn’t try to wrestle her way into the role. It’s just what happens naturally.

Which also means she’s good at stepping back and letting other people shine for a bit. But still, Vex is the reason they didn’t just flounder around like a chicken without its head after Scanlan left. Laura was late to two sessions in campaign one; the first one was already in an extended battle scene, and the other was literally spent in a bedroom in hell waitinig for Vex to tell them what to do.

This is why scholars are generally of the opinion that Vex is the only Top in VM. And also what intellectuals refer to as Big Dick Energy.

Let’s talk about what the assholes call Greed. Yes, Vex is, out of all of them, the most pre-occupied with gold and loot. But she NEVER hoards anything for herself, never spends any of her own gold on herself even until the timeskip, leave alone the party funds.

She looks out for the interests of the group, makes sure they get the best possible deals and are paid what they are owed. And she’s the only one to ever worry about money, too, whereas everyone else never bothers to think about it. Hence why her and Vax split the cost of paying their staff after the party spent all the funds early on.

Look, I find her worries very indicative of growing up in poverty with her mom, than surrounded by rich and important people but locked out of the loop, and then poor and on the road again with Vax. I find it very relatable, and everyone who claims that looking out for the financial well-being of the party is “greedy” is lucky enough to never have had to worry about eating next month while also making rent.

There’s Safety In A Fist Full Of Diamonds, okay?

No really I need y’all to read that and send it to the annoying bitches who complain.

Vex is literally never stingy when it comes to helping people with the money she made sure they have. Remember how she didn’t even flinch at spending a five digit number to free angel boy slaves?

WHICH LEADS ME TO ANOTHER POINT. Vex. Vex has a serious hoarding problem. But not when it comes to money of earthly possessions. No. When it comes to PICKING UP STRAYS.

It’s how she got Trinket.

It’s how she got the angel babies.

It’s what she tries to do with the grey render baby.

It’s what she suggested they do with the dragon eggs in the Raishan fight

(LET! VEX! HAVE! PET! DRAGONS!)

IT HOW SHE GOT HER OWN GODDAMN HUSBAND OKAY.

I have no idea how she hasn’t adopted her own zoo by the time VM forms. Though I can totally see her opening orphanages in Whitestone, both for people and animals and creatures of all kinds, really.

Remember when she was the only one to protest the punching of a spectral ghost cow?

The hardships of her youth made her, yes, very afraid of being out of money, but also made her compassionate as fuck. She’s always down with helping people even if there’s little to no coin in it, okay? Stop overlooking that, assholes.

SPEAKING OF COMPASSION. Remember what her original beef with the Vasselheim potion seller was? That he took advantage of Grog being intellectually challenged. Which is what he did! Blatantly so! And he wasn’t the least bit sorry about it!

I mean, I bet he is by now, but, you know. Karma.

When Laura says Vex just wanted justice and then everyone else escalated that scene she is goddamn right, rewatch your own footage Matthew.

Oh god do I have to talk about broomgate now. I don’t want to talk about broomgate.

OKAY

Broomgate is literally the only time in the entire series that Vex ever takes something for herself. Was it the morally right thing to do? Maybe not. Though to keep in mind that a) Hardwick is a piece of shit, b) they literally met Gern when he had the skeletons of Kiki’s dead civilization dancing for him; Vax shanked Nothics for less, c) and this was hot off the heels of fighting a necromancer in the last big arc, too, d) they were on a mission to kill dragons. That fly. With no method of flying for the majority of the party. Vex always intended to use the broom for that purpose, so you could make the legal argument of commandeering it instead of stealing, and, finally, e) SHE HAD JUST FUCKING DIED

Why do we never talk about that

Other characters get cut all the slack for what they do after just dying

Other characters get cut all the slack when they steal from other guests

Other characters get cut all the slack when they withhold loot for the party

Other characters DIDN’T GET AN ALIGNMENT DROP FOR DOING WORSE SHIT THAN THIS

WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT BROOMGATE

WHY WAS BROOMGATE EVER EVEN A THING

okay

okay

MOVING ON

Hey, while we’re at dying. Remember how Vex spent the day after she, literally, died, trying to make sure the person who was to blame for her death was okay? She did that. And Percy was uncomfortable with it, visibly so, but also too guilty to call her out here.

And no one. NO ONE. EVER. Bothered to check in on how she felt after dying.

Vax made it all about the sacrifice he made, Percy felt too guilty, NO ONE ELSE CARED.

And what does she do? Soldier on. Try and cheer Vax up and support him in any way she can.

Honestly, learning the Raven Queen book by heart and then telling him that being the champion of a god is really fucking cool? Relatable. Relatable as fuck. You go girl.

And TO THIS DAY. ACROSS TWO CAMPAIGNS. Vex has been the only one. THE ONLY ONE. To EVER check up on someone after they died. Jester might eventually be the second one, but, you know. I am a big advocate for post-death and just post-big-battle-in-general aftercare cuddle piles or whatever. Someone tell the cast to implement that immediately.

And while we’re at death, let’s talk about THE DARKNESS

There are dark facets to her character. Vex never makes her own issues everyone else’s problem and they go largely unadressed, but they’re there.

Saundor brought up the story about how she got Trinket and had to kill for the first time while doing so.

(Sidenote: Saundor doing more research into her character than an actual writer is extremely telling.)

That was definitely traumatic for a young girl and I don’t mean to dismiss that, but that’s also the part I can understand Vax dismissing when they talk about it later on. They do kill a lot of people after that and this was self-defense, so hey, okay. Fine.

HOWEVER

That short story was indicative of many other things that torment Vex. Mostly her low sense of self-worth.

Like, her entire inner monologue is centered around how stupid she was for getting into this situation in the first place (= for being taken advantage of by criminals at the tender age of probably like 15), and how this would never have happened to Vax, who was away in the city to take care of them.

And we see that low sense of self-worth bleeding into Vex’s character throughout the campaign. That’s part of the reason why she spends the day after her first death making sure everyone else is okay. That’s also part of the reason she blames herself for Scanlan leaving and acts like she’s completely fine when he returns just so he’ll stay.

Honestly that short story is so insightful and explains so much about her, I don’t know how anyone could claim to have any grasp on her character without reading it.

(Also, Laura should write more, she’s talented)

Now a significant part of her self-worth issues obviously also ties back into her time at Syngorn. I can just hear people getting out their tiny violins, oh, waaah, she wasn’t one of the rich, cool kids in elf school, poor her.

But that’s not entirely it?

Like, just that is already plenty to fuck a person up. I’ve been there, too.

But let’s just say the fact that her dad was also cold towards them and acted like they were unworthy is a BIG part of what fucked her up. Call it daddy issues if you feel like being dismissive about a genuinely traumatizing upbringing, but that’s how it is.

And don’t get me wrong, if this were the traumatic childhood olympics, it’s not exactly up there and relatively tame for the background of a character in a fantasy story, but it is very true to life and extremely relatable, and Laura just executes it so well. So, so well.

That’s part of what makes the entire stretch of Feywild episodes so great. From what we see of Vax’s reaction later on, Percy is the only person she ever talked to about this - or at least the only one who ever listened - and he immediately got it. And instead of yelling at her about how amazing she is, he did something to make her feel better about herself. Without making it about himself, by the way.

I enjoy a fake married plotline as much as the next gal, but Percy giving her a title she’d have to earn by her own merits is soooo much more meaningful than just putting a fake ring on her, okay?

Yes, at the end of the day, this is basically a Cinderella fantasy. So what? No, really. One of the best things about Vex and her arc is that it validates feeling upset about not measuring up in superficial, material ways. And it validates getting your come-uppance. These are, as mentioned above, experiences that can really mess with a person, but we’re usually supposed to be above it all because money and titles don’t make you happy.

Also something only people who never struggled financially can say/believe unironically and without specifying.

Hell, that’s about 70% of the reason I’m considering getting a Ph.D. if I happen to get the grades.

I’m also not a big fan of the term daddy issues, but I can’t deny that this is a thing here

not the thing they went into the Feywild for, buuuut

ahem

So. Remember when Laura said during the campaign wrap up that Vex thought of Scanlan as a father figure and everyone was like whaaaaat? And I was like ahahahaha, I knew it.

This is so tragic, really. Because she tried so hard so many times to help Scanlan and be nice to him and he just brushed her off. And then she’s the one who volunteers to spend the night all by herself in some dirty pub far, far away after opening up to his daughter about her own issues to bring him back alive, and then gets yelled at, and never apologized to.

And then he comes back and tries to erase her memory and not only is that never even brought up, she also just doesn’t even think she might be owed an apology because a) she still blames herself for him leaving because, you know, they never really talked out what happened there and b) she’s just too happy for at least that father figure returning to them to make much of a fuss about it, and Percy, bless his heart, TRIES, but it’ll take a few more years of marriage to talk through all of her issues

And like. I am not wild about anything that happens after episode 99. If I’m known for anything in this fandom on this platform it’s probably for that time I was really into the Ioun discourse, which I still stand by, btw. And I personally would have preferred for Vex to maybe get someone like Sehanine as her patron, as fitting as giving her yet another unworthy and disapproving father figure in her life might be

But there is also something somewhat gratifying about everyone talking about how great she is. And she had been sort of working for Pelor before that. Also, the headcanons about her having sun spots or starting to glow when she gets emotional after this are amazing.

So I made my peace with that. She deserves better, but hey, she always does.

She is so smart. So extremely smart. People roll their eyes at her battle plans and say it’s all Travis feeding Laura information, but Travis fed her nothing that time she schmoozed up to the Briarwoods while also making herself appear extremely superficial and unthreatening. Honestly. That dinner scene? Prime Vex. Amazing Vex.

Her battle plans are also so good. Pokeball-ing Grog out of the kill box? Using the Goristro against Vorugal to save the party a trip into the abyss? The only plan of Vox Machina that ever worked out basically perfectly? Amazing. And even IF Travis told Laura these ideas, that means literally nothing in relation to how smart Vex is.

And btw I don’t believe that for a second. People just aren’t good with acknowledging that sometimes, D&D playing women might actually have good ideas.

And she just is so street smart. With her skills, her battle plans, and just her way of handling people. There’s a reason she is the natural leader when it’s not someone’s turn in the spotlight at the time.

Like, the two things holding her back were that her class was extremely underwhelming, so much so that it got completely revamped in the Unearthed Arcana to make up for how bad it was in the PHB, and the fact that she just. Has, what. 1.5 episodes of her own storyline? Even Pike got 2. It’s amazing that I can even say this much about her with how little narrative focus she got throughout the series. And most of what she did was literally due to Percy using his plot clout and putting a foot in the door to force her into the spotlight.

Speaking of which. Percy’s best quality, next to being self-aware of how fucked up he is and actively trying to do better and be kept in check, is how he realizes Vex is the coolest, smartest, most amazing person around and treats her accordingly. The way she deserves to be treated.

Oh hey I mentioned to get this far without even mentioning the romance arc. And oh my god THE ROMANCE ARC. The pining. The slow burn. And the fact that we actually saw them together and later married for like 35 episodes. They were so good for each other.

And yes, PERCY WAS GOOD FOR HER. And Vex was not his therapist and manic pixie dream girl. None of that bullshit here. Percy was already firmly on the path to being better before he even considered that crush he has had on her for forever to turn into something more.

And by he was good for her I mean that he actually UNDERSTOOD her and where she was coming from. Refer again to the titling issue, where Vax is just confused and kind of pissed, Percy got it. And that’s important.

Something I have not made a post about so far, by the way, is also something people have called problematic and co-dependant is how Percy shares his darker impulses with Vex in hopes she’ll talk him out of it. Which she does, and it’s never hard, but that also means so much to her? Because he involves her and tells her exactly what is going on with him and values her opinion? And that is just exactly what she needs? And they’re so good? THEY’RE SO GOOD.

WHEN DOES YOUR OTP EVER

HE COULDN’T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER DREAM

This is more on Laura, admittedly, but also, it was just so great to see her unapologetically pursuing this romance? There’s a place at the table for a 72 episode slow burn, and she’s gonna go for it, and there’s nothing any of the dudebros who are just here for the fighting can do about it.

And also Vex is just so unapologetically sexual at the same time. From episode 1 onwards, really, and in general and just limited to Percy. And no one ever treats that as weird or bad or anything. It’s just who she is and that’s great.

And she fought. So hard. For that happy ending of hers. Kicking and screaming, against the world and against Taliesin’s determination that Percy is irredeemable and not capable of getting a happy ending. Defy that auctorial intent, my girl. You deserve it.

Seriously. Seeing her get that happy ending against all odds was unfathomably gratifying and validating and I’ve never connected to any single character or narrative at large for that matter this much and this intimately, and considering how I came across this story at one of the darkest times in my life, I probably never will feel so strongly connected to anything ever again.

Which is probably for the best, but hey. 

Aaaand there you go. An almost unstructured, epically long list of reasons I love Vex. Dammit, I talked about other characters way more than I intended, buuuut hey. That’s how it goes when you’ve got an ensemble piece, they’re all kinda interwoven.

Thank you this wonderful ask, anon, and reason to celebrate my 100,000th post on this site in style.

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @dearericbittle!

Merry Christmas and Happy whatever Holiday you may celebrate! Hugs!

Read on AO3

*****

Oh Shit!

Oh Shit. Stiles takes a moment to revel in the fact that this is his oh shit moment. Not, oh shit, a dead body in the woods. Not, oh shit, werewolves. Not, oh, shit, Derek wants me to cut off his arm. Not, oh shit, kanimas, or hunters, or any other of bevy of supernatural fuckery. No, Stiles’ oh shit moment is walking past an alleyway and having his Derek Hale spidey tingle go off. His oh shit moment is seeing Derek Freaking Hale crouched in an alley trying to coax a completely demonic looking cat with a massive gash across it’s forehead out from behind a dumpster. Stiles assumes so that Derek can help getting Demon!cat treated.

Stiles oh shit moment is oh shit, I’m in love with this asshole.

Stiles would like to think that he is fairly self-aware but this knocks the wind right out of him. His stomach does a full loop-the-loop and his heart does a quadruple staccato for long enough that Derek looks up from his save the cat mission to meet Stiles’ eyes.

Derek’s eyes widen in apparent surprise before a grin spreads across his face. This does not help Stiles’ heartbeat situation, especially when paired with his recent oh shit revelation. The warm welcome fades on Derek’s features, replaced with a look of concern. Derek reaches out his arm as if to steady Stiles, though the only stumbling that is going on right now is emotional. Stiles rallies himself, before Derek can touch him - who knows how his traitorous body would react to that!

He gesticulates just a little too wildly with his hands, and bumbles further into the alley a little too dramatically before managing to get some words out of his mouth.

“Whatcha doin’, Sourwolf? You gonna put that poor cat out it’s misery with your teeth?”

Stiles cringes. It’s been years since any “rip your throat out with my teeth” jokes have really been appropriate or funny.

Derek has yet to speak any words but his eyebrows scrunch together in question.

Stiles takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

“Nevermind, Sourwolf. Weird kind of day. You ever learn something that kind of shifts your whole world view? Did you know that squirrels are behind the majority of  power outages in United States, Derek? Because, let me tell you, I did not.”

Derek shakes his head with what Stiles would define as fond eyebrows and proceeds to ignore everything that has come out Stiles’ mouth since “Whatcha doing, Sourwolf?”

“I tracked this little critter from near that bakery over on Main St. She’s bleeding and smells afraid. I’m having trouble getting her to trust me.” Derek’s voice stays soft and even while hes’s talking with Stiles. He’s crouched near the ground again and while his eyes are locked on Stiles’, his hand is reaching out towards the injured cat with feigned nonchalance.

Mirroring Derek’s tone of voice, Stiles asks, “What were you doing at the bakery?”

“Picking up cupcakes for Laura’s birthday dinner tonight.” He pauses, “You didn’t forget about that did you?”

Yes, yes Stiles had forgotten about that. In his defense, he’s been working nights the last week and days of the week are a nebulous thing when one is working the night shift.

Derek interprets his pause accurately. “Don’t worry about it. If you’re back on days, come over around 6 and we’ll feed you. Don’t worry about a present.”

Stiles is about to respond when he sees that cat has finally made her way to Derek’s outstretched hand and has deigned to be picked up.

Stiles thought that he’d gotten the whole loop-the-loop, crazy heart beat, oh shit moment stuff out of the way, that he’d managed to get a handle on it during his brief stint in the alley. But, no, he was a self-deluded idiot.

Seeing Derek cuddling a dirty, possibly mangy, blood soaked cat while whispering sweet nothings into her ear like she was a small child, disabused Stiles of the notion that he had any control over his bodily functions when it came to Derek Hale.

Stiles lived with his internal crisis for a few more seconds, until Derek stood up.

“I’m going to take this little beauty to see Scott. Will I see you tonight?”

Stiles mumbled what must have been some sort of affirmative because Derek said goodbye and left the alley.

When he got back to his baby, he collapsed in the front seat and banged his head against the steering wheel a couple times. He did not need this kind of complication in his life right now.

*******

Stiles can’t remember the last time he found himself banging frantically on Scott’s door. Probably high school sometime. With the distinct lack of big bads of the supernatural variety in the last few years, there hasn’t been much need.

Now, however, he finds himself banging on the door to the apartment Scott shares with Isaac, hoping the curly-haired menace is currently elsewhere. Don’t get him wrong, he’s square with Isaac now, friends even. It’s just, he’d like to have his mental breakdown in the presence of Scotty and Scotty and Scotty alone.

Thankfully, it appears Scott is home alone when Stiles walks in and collapses in flail of limbs on the couch.

“Scotty, my brother, my friend, my bro, my wolfy companion, the world as we know it is over.”

Completely unfazed by Stiles’ declaration, Scott sits on the coffee table across from Stiles and puts his hands on Stiles’ knees before speaking. With a gentle squeeze, Scott says, “The squirrels?”

“Yes, Scotty the squirrels. There’s an acronym. TSql. You know how I get about acronyms Tee-squill or The Squirrel Index.”

Stiles makes a concerted effort not to be sucked into an ADD fueled rant about squirrels and power outages before he can backtrack to what he came here to talk about.

“I’m in love with Derek Hale.”

This statement is greeted with complete silence. He risks a glance at Scott to see if maybe his declaration had somehow caused him to die of shock.

Nope, Scott is just looking at him with confused puppy dog eyes.

Finally Scott speaks. It’s slow, like he’s talking to a toddler or scared dog. “Are you okay?”

A noise Stiles can’t even begin to describe or categorize emerges from deep within his being. The gist of the noise was, “How can you ask me that? I don’t know. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. And when the hell did this happen?

Scott, blessed, wonderful, fantastic Scott seems to read his mind or possibly his noises. Maybe his noises are to Scott like Derek’s eyebrows are to Stiles. Aaand, that is a thought for another day.

“Well, it’s not the most terrible thing. I mean, Derek is a really good guy, You guys have been working together a lot lately what with working on the remodel plans for the house. Maybe it just happened naturally.” Scott says.

“Hmph. Naturally, you say.” Stiles pauses. Now Scotty is not always the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to analytics or plans or anything GPA related but Scotty has heart. When it comes to relationships and emotions, he’s usually right.

He things back to the first time they had to hit the road to visit some lumber distributor 3 hours away. The silence had started out extremely awkward. Stiles had fiddled with the radio and half-heartedly tried to comment on the passing landscape.

But then he had flicked the radio station through some kids station and Let It Go started playing. Somehow in the fraction of a second before Stiles was able to change the station again, Derek starts singing along. It’s under his breath, Stiles isn’t even sure if he realized he was doing it.

The ended up bonding over Disney leading ladies (not just princesses, thank you very much) for the next 2 hours. It seems like maybe that was the beginning of it all now that Stiles thinks about in a more calm state of mind. He should have figured it out when they gave each other nicknames. Derek is Elsa, Stiles is Mulan. And yes they actually call each other those names, unironically on occasion.  

“…earth to Stiles….” He comes back to the present with Scott’s fingers snapping in his face.

“Sorry. You’re right.” Stiles feels himself smiling a little as his heart does a weird happy lurch in his chest. “Shoulda realized after our shared love of all things Disney.”

Scott nods, “And a relationship built over the years based on trust, respect, and a terrible sense of humor.”

“Okay, okay. So not a surprise and probably not as life altering and world changing as I may have first thought. But, still…” Stiles trails off. His oh shit moment blindsided him so much that he hadn’t actually thought about what came next. Does he declare his love? Or maybe just ask Derek out of a date? Or just pretend nothing has changed? Or die of embarrassment when Laura finds out that Derek said no? Or yes - he’s not sure which would cause Laura to dole out the worse punishment.

Scott, again with his uncanny ability to read Stiles’ mind, says, “You know you don’t have to decide what to do right away. The question to ask yourself is, what do you want?”

“I don’t know what I want. I hadn’t really thought beyond hoping Derek doesn’t think I’m dying of a heart condition every time he walks in the room.”

“I hear you, buddy. I’ve got to go to work. Think about it.”

Scott grabs his keys and his wallet and is about to head out the door before he turns back towards Stiles, “You coming tonight?”

Already lost in thought, Stiles replies distractedly, “Yeah. I’ll probably just crash here until then. Ride over together?”

“Yeah, see you then.”

Stiles barely notices the door slam behind Scott. What does he want? He’d always imagined himself in a marriage with kids like his parents. Then werewolves happened and it was hard to imagine past the next week, much less into a future with kids. He’d had a few brief relationships during nursing school but no one he could picture a future with. Now, since he’d come into his spark and they’d managed to bind the nemeton? Not to mention, Laura back from the dead and taking her place as Alpha? Beacon Hills was stable. Nothing had come rampaging through and killing people in almost 3 years.

He hadn’t realized it, but he’d sort of been cruising through on auto-pilot just waiting for another shoe to drop the past few years. Not doing noher, just not really having any intentionality about anything either.

This oh shit thing, this being in love with Derek, maybe that made him think about a future. Stiles isn’t ready to picture being married with 2.5 pups yet. But, walking down the street, holding Derek’s hand for all the world to see, that he could imagine. Sharing curly fries at the diner or going to see a movie, cuddling together under a blanket on the porch swing - those thoughts made him feel warm all the way to his core. Just thinking about made his lips twitch towards a smile and his heart race in anticipation.

Ok, he now knows what he wants. Now, what to do about it, that is the million dollar question.

*******

He ends up bailing on Scotty and going over to the newly-remodeled (with his help!) Hale house early, hoping to catch Laura before everyone started piling in for her birthday dinner.

Luck must be on his side today because for the second time in one day the person he wants to see is home and alone.

He finds Laura in the garden out back singing to the vegetables, She claims it makes them taste better - and veggies can use all the help they can get in the taste department, so she sings.

She waltzes over to him and takes his hands to lead him a rousing dance through the tomatoes as she sings highly altered versions of the VeggieTales songs. Stiles knows better than to try and escape the song and dance so he bears up manfully until Laura ends her song in a fit a giggles.

“What brings you to see your favorite Alpha, today?” she asks when she finally catches her breath. She folds her legs under her gracefully sits in the grass as she asks her question.

Stiles sits beside her and takes a deep breath for courage.

“I’m here to give you your birthday present.”

A grin spreads across Laura’s face as she does gimme hands towards Stiles.

He swats her hands away playfully, before speaking, “Alas, not that kind of gift.” He smiles, “What is your absolute favorite thing to do in all the world?”

Stiles pauses for a moment but before Laura can respond, he adds, with a pointed look, “You actually favorite thing, not some sentimental drivel cause it’s your birthday.”

Laura blows a raspberry at him, “Fine. But only because you’re my favorite.” She wiggles her hands like she’s a puppeteer and cackles before saying, “Meddling”

Stiles gives an exaggerated nod. “Thus my gift to you. First - information no one else but Scotty has”

Her eyes light up and her grin widens.

“Then, I’m going to ask for advice. Now, in the spirit of birthdays, I’m allowing you to meddle. I ask in return, good faith advice, not advice to make me do what you think would be funniest.’

Her grin doesn’t fade but a hint of seriousness comes into her eyes. Stiles can tell she understands even before she nods her head.

Stiles looks down at his hands. He had decided to come and talk to Laura but he hadn’t really figured out how he wanted to start. Well, he figured it worked for Scotty so he might as well just try ripping the bandaid off.

“I’m in love with your brother.”

Laura didn’t do anything so ungraceful as gape like a fish but the phrase, you could have knocked me over with a feather came to Stiles’ mind as he watched her reaction.

Stiles forges ahead before Laura has a chance to reply. “Our pack being what it is, we don’t stand on werework tradition very often. But I was wondering if there was a traditional way to court a werewolf? A wooing ritual or something?

Stiles can tell Laura is trying really hard not to laugh - not out of meanness but out of the sheer ridiculosity of what he is saying. Stiles waves her off.

“I know. I know. I’m the last person to care about tradition. But, you know, Derek has had the best track record. First Paige died, then Kate, and Jennifer. Braeden wasn’t so bad but it also wasn’t so serious. I want Derek to know I’m serious and that he has a choice. If there were a traditional way of doing that, then that is what I’m looking for. If not, I’ll figure something else out.”

Laura scoots around so they are facing each other and practically mirrors Scott from earlier when she puts her hands on his knees before speaking.

“I don’t know if Derek feels that way about you, I don’t know what his reaction to you will be. But I do know this. He could never confuse your intentions with any of those who came before.” She sat up and put her hands back in her lap before continuing. “There is not a wolfy-wooing ritual per se. At least, not one that I am aware. But there is this nursery rhyme or poem kind of thing that our mom used to say to use about the one we would eventually fall in love with. Let me think for a second and try to remember it.”

Her brow scrunched slightly and he eyes drifted to the left as she thought, Okay. It went something like this: Each wolf is whole in itself but there are those who are created to walk beside in perfect harmony. A mate to write their name on your heart will make you safe by watching your back, give you peace by travelling beside you, bring you joy by smiling back at you, and join hands with you so will never be alone on your life journey. You know Derek has the Triskelion tattoo on his back and that can mean a lot of things. But he also has a Triquetra tattoo on his hip. It comes from this verse. The three points are behind, beside and in front of, joined together in the center, together forever. It’s not a ritual or anything but it might help you figure out what you want to do.”

The whole time Laura had been talking, Stiles paid rapt attention. He wasn’t crying by the end but he was certainly moist in the region around his eyes. He had an idea.

But like all great ideas, life interrupted.

******

It was about halfway through Laura’s birthday dinner. Everyone had had one plate of food and most of the wolves had had a second plate but no one had even mentioned cake yet.

Stiles noticed the cat first. He nudged Derek. “You didn’t tell me you brought that cat home.”

Derek turned towards Stiles, confusion clear on his face, fork with potatoes stabbed through on it hanging in the air halfway to his mouth, “I didn’t”

Stiles chuckles slightly and nods in the direction of the cat which is now in the doorway to the dining room. “Then she followed you home.

By this time, the rest of the table has quieted and turned to see what Stiles and Derek are looking at. The cat continues walking towards but with each step, she gets larger and larger until when she reaches the table it is but a small step to climb up on the table and continue walking down it’s center.

The cat, now roughly the size of a miniature pony, walks past Lydia and Jackson, then Erica and Boyd, and Scott and Isaac, and completely ignoring Laura and Stiles before she stops in front of Derek. All of the sudden there is a naked lady instead of cat sitting in the middle of the dining room table.

“Kind one,” she hisses, “You have saved my life this day. You have shown your worth. In the name of Samaoth, High Priestess of the Sable Court of Fae, you are granted a boon.” She waved her arm in a graceful arc around her head somehow managing not to have any other part of her body move a single muscle. You’d think the naked part would be the most eye catching part of the naked fae sitting on the table but it was more like a statue that didn’t really know how a human body worked. It looked right - sort of. But the more you looked, the more wrong you felt on the inside.

When her arm was in front of Derek one, it held a plain manila folder in it’s hand. Derek was just staring.

With a slight hint of impatience, Samaoth hissed, “Take it now mortal. Do as it says and you will be granted your heart’s greatest desire.”

Derek reached out and took the folder. Before his fingers had even fully closed on the edges, Samaoth had vanished into thin air. He didn’t quite have hold of it yet and the folder dropped to the table, relieving itself of a single piece of paper.

It was a simple piece of printer paper. Across the top it read, “Booking Confirmation for Sable Court Representative to the Greater Northwest Region Supernatural Symposium: Derek Hale, plus one.”

After about 30 seconds of stunned silence, every single person at the table began speaking at once.

*******

An indeterminate amount of time later, Laura’s alpha roar breaks through the cacophony of shouts coming from the rest of the pack.

Once everyone is quiet, Laura turns to Derek, who is still sitting in silence and staring at the innocuous looking piece of paper on the table in front of him.

Laura asks him, with slightly forced calm, “Der-bear, what’s going on?”

Derek opens his mouth. Nothing comes out. Stiles doesn’t even recognize Derek’s current eyebrow configuration.

Derek swallows and tries again. “Well,” he pauses, “there was this cat and it was bleeding and I took it to Scott to get fixed up.” He looks helplessly around the table. “It was a normal cat.”

The focused attention of the whole pack swings around to Scott. He shrugs sheepishly. “It was a normal cat.  I gave her stitches and left her in the kennel overnight. Though, it seems like she got out.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “Yeah, okay. Normal cat. Got it. Except your normal cat is apparently the High Priestess of the Sable Court of the Fae. Derek, what does the paper say?”

Derek looks at Laura and startles like he hadn’t thought to read past the bold heading. His eyes rapidly scan the paper. “Apparently the Greater Northwest Regional Supernatural Symposium is being hosted in Seattle this year at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel, ummm, next weekend. Registration starts on Thursday afternoon at 4 PM. It has a confirmation number, address, phone number and whatnot and a link to app download and password to download the app for the symposium.”

Stiles decides that now is the time to speak up, “For those of us who are new to werewolfly culture, what exactly is the Greater Northwest Region Supernatural Symposium?

Laura sighs before she answers. “It’s going to be a shitshow, that’s what. Wolves aren’t usually invited. We’re too volatile or something. It is mainly run by the fae and other ‘more evolved’ supernatural beings. The get together to schmooze, make treaties and listen to presentations on things like ‘Kobolds and cleaning: an analysis of practices through the ages’ or ‘Pixies in the modern age: pesky or pragmatic?’ It’s pretty much a chance for the hoity toity of supernatural society to get together and bond over how superior they are to the rest of us. For a wolf to show up, and not even an alpha will be an insult to every single being there.”

Stiles feels the need to pipe in again, “Great. So this is the gist. Derek saves this cat’s life, he gets a boon - supposedly his greatest desire but only if he goes to this conference of supernatural one percenters. This is ridiculous!” Turning to Lydia, he continues, “Is this even possible? I thought we had a big do not touch sign over us after our last dealings with the fae.”

Lydia responds quickly, “You’re right. But, Samaoth didn’t seek us out. Derek sought her out - albeit unknowingly - so that may cancel the binding. Let me see if Illirial is available speak with us.

Lydia’s eyes turn milky white as she chants under her breath. The wolves can probably tell what she is saying but to Stiles it just seems like a low susurrus. After a few moments her eyes return to normal and she holds out her hand.

A moment after that a small hologram - Princess Leia style - appears in her hand. Stiles hates dealing with the fae. It makes his brain hurt. But they all owe Illirial and he seems to make an effort not to be purposefully obtuse when speaking with them.

His voice is slightly tinny when he speaks, “Greetings Hale Pack. It is a pleasure to be with you once more. For what reason have you requested my presence this day?”

As Lydia was the best at untangling the vagueries of fae speech, Lydia replied. “We call upon you as a friend, with no obligation attached, to ask of you some information. Under what circumstances might this be amenable to you?”

Illirial appeared to think about it for a moment. “As friends, it would be in my heart to give this information, if I am able. Perhaps one day I may come to you, with no obligation, for the same, until such time as we have shared information of equal value. If I am unable to share what you ask, we will speak of this no more and part again as friends.”

Lydia nodded and continued, “This is generous of you, Illirial. You confirm yourself as friend of the Hale Pack. What can you tell us of the Sable Court of the Fae? Specifically of the priestly order attached to it.”

“As you know, generally, the fae owe allegiance to either the Seelie or Unseelie court. This is balance, as it should be. You mortals may believe one to be good and one to be evil but we fae do not ascribe to that kind of moral judgment. Seelie and Unseelie merely are. WIthout the balance of the courts, the world would fall apart, in a most literal sense. But we fae, while bound to our courts, do have free will. In times when balance is threatened, the fae turn to the Sable Court. They are judge; they are arbiter; and if need be, they are executioner. The high priestess has final say in all decisions made by the Sable Court.”

When it was apparent the Illirial was done speaking, Lydia spoke again, “If the Sable Court High Priestess were to offer a boon, with an obligation attached, what should one take into consideration while deciding on a course of action?”

Illirial responded immediately, in almost a panic, “Only the recipient of the boon can make that choice. Only five times in our history has the Sable court been known to offer a boon. Each time the obligation was how the boon was revealed. While danger might abide within fulfilling the obligation, the Sable Fae are straightforward. There will be no hidden knives or truthful deceits as you might find with some of the other fae.”

Lydia nodded again and replied, “Illirial, the Hale Pack thanks you for the information you have shared so openly, which we acknowledge is beyond your natural state. That which we do not speak of will remain private and you may feel free to call upon the Hale Pack for an exchange of information equal in value to what you have offered us. Go with peace and the blessing of Mother Moon.”

Illirial bowed and vanished from Lydia’s hand.

Stiles turned back towards Laura to see how she would respond to this information and saw his Alpha was white as a sheet. All the blood had drained from her face and she looked like she was about to fall over.

“That’s who did it?” she asked.

Stiles startled. He didn’t know how but he’d forgotten that Laura had never met Illirial before.

Derek grabbed her hand. “Yes.” He looked like he wanted to fight the binding for a moment but then his features calmed. “You know we can’t even speak of how it happened. But yes, it was Illirial who brought you back from the dead.“

Stiles suddenly realized that it was probably the Sable Court that had dictated the binding of secrecy around that whole fiasco. Even now, it was hard to think back to that couple of months when the fae had descended on Beacon Hills. If he tried to pin down the memory too specifically, it would slide away like trying to hold fast to a thousand strings being pulled in all different directions.

Laura seemed to come back to herself. “I know Der-bear. I understand.

Derek stood up. “Well, I guess I better get packed to go to Seattle.”

Stiles made the decision in an instant and stood up as well. “Me too.”

“What?” Derek replied.

Stiles picked up the sheet of paper and waved in front of his face. “Plus one, Sourwolf. I’m going with you.”

He looked like he wanted to argue but was cut off when Laura said, “Good idea. I’ll book you both flights up for Thursday morning.”

*******

2 Days Later (aka Thursday)

Stiles settled into the first class seat Laura had sprung for with a wiggle of his hips. He turned towards Derek, still grinning, when he heard him groan under his breath.

“None of your groaning or sighing is going to ruin this for me, Derek. First class! I’m going to get a hot towel. And free snacks. This is awesome.”

“Sorry. I don’t mean to spoil your fun. It is pretty awesome.” Derek smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes - or his eyebrows.

Stiles turned serious for a moment, “Hey. Sourwolf, I know you don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen but your heart’s desire, that’s gotta be exciting to think about.”

Derek gave another half-hearted smile. “Yeah, I guess.”

“What do you think it will be?”

“I don’t know. I do kind of wonder about whether it’ll be something that I go, ‘oh, of course’ or if it will be something I didn’t even know I wanted. Or if Samaoth can somehow look into the future and know what domino to knock over now that will result in a chain reaction that will make me happy down the road.”

“Whoa there, Derek. That is a lot hamsters running around on their wheels inside your head.” Stiles pauses. “Seriously, though, would any of those options be a bad thing?”

Derek’s eyebrows morph into thinking position #2 and he is silent for a while.

This time, the smile on Derek’s face is genuine. “You’re right. We go to this conference. We come home and then I get my heart’s desire.”

Stiles heart does a little lurch at that. Right now, he knows what his heart’s desire would be: to build a life with Derek. He hopes that spending this weekend alone with Derek will help him think about what Laura said and decide how he wants to woo Derek.

Because Derek deserves ALL the wooing.

*******

Stiles flops on the bed as soon as they get to their hotel room. He blows out a frustrated breath and closes his eyes. Landing in Seattle had started off on the right foot. They had both fallen asleep on the flight and Stiles woke up with Derek’s head resting on his shoulder and their hands pressed together on the arm rest. However, it had all gone downhill from there.

Getting their luggage, getting out of the airport, and the ride to the hotel don’t bear mentioning beyond the word torture. But, then they had finally gotten to the check in desk and the finish line was in sight when Stiles tuned into what the customer service representative was saying:

“Mr. Hale and Mr. Stilinski, welcome to the Fairmont Olympic Hotel. I hope you enjoy your stay in Seattle. You have been booked in one of our honeymoon suites. This includes a complimentary bottle of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. Please, just let room service know when you would like them delivered. Here is your room key.”

Derek quickly responded, “We were booked in the what?”

“The honeymoon suite, sir.”

“We are just here for a conference, A room with 2 doubles or 2 queens will be sufficient.”

“Sir, we are completely booked. There are no other rooms available.”

Derek looks like he wants to argue with her but instead puts on his big boy pants and says, “Fine. But, you can keep the champagne. I don’t drink.”

The woman’s smile brightens. “Thank you, sir. And please accept this voucher for a free spa treatment instead of the champagne.”

Derek stares at the woman until Stiles reaches out and takes the voucher. “Thank you ma’am. Have a wonderful day.”

So, the bed Stiles has just collapsed on is the bed he is going to have sleep in tonight. With Derek.

Now, apart from the initial freak out, Stiles thinks he’s dealt with his oh shit  moment like a completely mature adult. He listened to his heart, decided what he really wanted from the situation and is setting about figuring out how to get there while respecting the other person involved. But none of that mature adult thinking included having to share a bed with Derek Hale.

Also, until now he had somehow managed to not really think about the physical ramifications of being in love with Derek Hale. He didn’t think that Derek was asexual so that meant that somewhere in the future, if his wooing was successful, their would be sex. Sex with Derek.

His face burns just thinking about it. But also, his pants parts are also thinking about getting excited as well. Pants parts… Stiles groans internally. He’s not twelve anymore. If he can’t say the words he’s not mature enough to do the deed.

His brain spirals a bit as it starts to list all the names of things he needs to be mature enough to say. Penis. DIck. Cock. Asshole. Balls.

He is interrupted in his reverie by Derek clearing his throat. “I don’t know what you are thinking about right now but could you please not smell up the bed we both have to sleep in tonight with those thoughts?”

Stiles almost chokes on his own tongue. “Ye…YEa..yes. Sure thing. Sorry.”

He stands up and wipes his hands on his jeans. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” He groans. “That just made it worse, didn’t it.”

Derek chuckles. “Yes, it did. Don’t worry about it. I’m just teasing. I am not sure that there is any smell you could make that could be worse than the airplane.”

Stiles felt his face heat up for a different reason. He knows Derek is just trying to make him feel better, but he thinks he maybe just gave Stiles a compliment or said that he doesn’t mind what Stiles smells like when he is aroused.

Stiles shuts down that train of thought immediately and goes to throw some water on his face in the bathroom. When he comes out Derek is sitting on the bed like he was waiting for Stiles.

Stiles jitters nervously around the room, touching everything and generally berating himself for not being able to act normal.

FInally, Derek speaks. “So, I know we don’t spend a lot of time with supernatural beings outside of our pack. There are some rules of politeness that it would probably be good for you to know.”

Derek talks for awhile and Stiles tries to remember all the protocol that Derek is telling him.

“Finally, with me not being the Alpha and you being a human spark, we will need to ramp up the appearance of our pack bond.”

“What exactly does that mean, Sourwolf?”

Derek stands up and walks towards Stiles. He stops just inside a normal human’s comfort zone for being a near another person. Derek looks Stiles in the eyes. They stand there for about 5 seconds that felt like 5 years before Derek reaches out and cups Stiles face, rubbing his thumbs over the apples of Stiles’ cheeks. He raises his eyebrows like he’s asking permission.

Stiles has no idea what is going on here but he really doesn’t care. Derek can do what the hell he wants to right now. Stiles nods.

Derek steps closer and leans towards Stiles, coming even closer.

Stiles closes his eyes. His heart is rabbiting out of his chest. He opens his mouth to gulp in air as he thinks he might be drowning. Surely Derek can tells what kind of effect he’s having.

Just when Stiles thought he might die of anticipation, Derek ducks his head and rubs his cheek on Stiles’ neck and shoulder.

Stiles lets out a high pitched squeaking noise. He realizes that Derek meant pack scenting. They needed to touch each other so the pack bond was more apparent in how they smelled.

Derek is still rubbing his face on Stiles’ neck when Stiles breaks. He lets out a almost hysterical sounding burst of laughter and sways backwards away from Derek.

“Stiles, are you okay?”

Stiles wheezes. “Yeah, of course. Scent marking. Pack bonds. Got it. That’s all.”

He knows he’s not making any sense but oh shit Stiles wants to climb Derek like a tree. I mean, he always know Derek was attractive but this kind of visceral physical reaction is a whole new thing.

Derek takes a step forward, confused eyebrows returning, and asks again. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Stiles begins to nod like a bobble head dolls, preparing to reassure Derek that he is indeed fine. Instead, he says. “No, nowhere near fine.”

Concern painting Derek’s features, he starts to talk but Stiles cuts him off.

“Scent marking makes sense now that you say it outloud. But seriously, before you saying it, it felt like you were going to do something completely different. I mean I know it makes no sense but I’ve been kissed a few times and I know what it feels like coming on. I mean I know that doesn’t make any sense but I don’t think my heart could take thinking you were going to kiss me and then you don’t but you’re still rubbing all up on me.”

Stiles knows he’s rambling. It’s the ADD and the stress but he can’t seem to stop himself. Finally Derek just slaps a hand over his mouth, forcing Stiels to stop.

Derek looks almost bewildered. “Is kissing me something you want?”

It’s Stiles turn to feel bewildered. “How do you just ask that? That’s a crazy kind of a question.”

Derek raises one eyebrow and says, “Stiles, answer the question. I’m not going to make fun of you.”

Stiles takes a deep breath and looks up at Derek, feeling shy for the first time in a very long time. His voice comes out like a whisper. “Yes. I think I do. I mean it’s a pretty recent development and I had planned on wooing you before i told you, but since you ask, yes, kissing you is something that I want.”

Derek is silent for awhile before Stiles eventually begs, “Come on, Sourwolf, put me out of my misery here, one way or the other.”

Derek looks up again, his face vulnerable in a way that Stiles isn’t sure he’s ever seen. “I’ll be honest, I’ve never thought of you in that way before. But now that you bring it up, it seems like maybe it could be worth thinking about. I don’t want to kiss you on an experient, with us wanting different things out of it. Maybe we could talk more about it when we get home and give me a little while to think it over.”

Stiles isn’t really sure how to process what Derek just said beyond it wasn’t no. Stiles smiles, a little hope seeping into his own thoughts on the matter.

“Yeah, Derek. That sounds good.” He looks helplessly around, not really sure how to start a different conversation and not really having any thing else to do in the hotel room.

Derek saves the day. “Look, they have registrations times in the morning as well as tonight. What do you say we go and see a movie tonight instead of sticking around the hotel? We can grab some dinner too.”

“Yeah. That sounds great.” This is not a date, Stiles repeats to himself in his mind over and over again. But at the same time, he can’t keep the goofy smile off his face..

*******

The not-a-date was amazing. Somehow, they had both been able to just have fun together and not get stuck dwelling on to kiss or not to kiss question. Stiles was floating on cloud 9 until they got back to the hotel room. More specifically, the bed.

Stiles and Derek have both changed into sweatpants and t-shirts and are standing on opposite sides of the bed, just staring at it and not getting in.

Finally, Stiles looks up and tries to school his face into a serious demeanor. “Now look here. I have already admitted to where I stand on the whole kissing question. I am a virile young specimen of a human being. This” he says pointing a finger around the bed, “is a no judgment zone. You ignore any bodily functions that may happen in this bed, because of how I feel about you.”

By the end of his speech, Stiles’ cheeks are burning and he doesn’t know why but he is having trouble catching his breath.

Derek blinks like an owl. “Feelings?” He’s sounding a little breathless himself.

Stiles shakes his head in frustration. “Yes, Derek. Feelings! I thought we already had this conversation.”

Derek shakes his head. “No. We had a conversation about kissing. Not a conversation about feelings.’

“Yeah, well, for me there the same damn conversation. The feelings came first. Then the wanting to kiss you.”

“Oh.”

“What, oh?” Stiles bites out, beginning to feel annoyed. And embarrassed.

“In my experience, that’s not always the case. Not with Kate or Jennifer or Braeden.” Derek replies in a very small voice.

Stiles annoyance falls away and his heart breaks, just a little. Stiles walks around the bed so he can at least be near to Derek.

“I know we haven’t worked the whole feelings/kissing thing out but can I give you a hug?”

Derek doesn’t even reply. He just reaches for Stiles and wraps his arms around his entire torso. Derek practically collapses into the hug and Stiles does his best to channel everything he learned about hugs from his Mom and Mama McCall into this hug.

Stiles thinks this might be the longest he’s ever hugged anyone for and he doesn’t ever want to let Derek go. But eventually their arms naturally drop. Stiles puts his hands on Derek’s cheeks, and looks him in the eyes.

“Listen to me, Derek. I love being your friend. I love being your packmate. I love getting to spend time with you. Me being in love with you won’t change any of that if you don’t want it to. It’s like an A and an A+. Both are awesome. One is just a slight improvement over the other. I don’t want the A+ unless it is going to make you happy too. I’m here for the A no matter what you decide about kissing and feelings.”

Derek closed his eyes before he started speaking. Stiles can feel each movement of his jaw as he chokes out a response. “The last time I tried kissing and feelings together, I ended up having to kill her. I don’t know how to do this like a normal person.”

“Derek, look at me. Do you think that I know how to do this like a normal person either? There is no normal. There is just whatever we decide we want.”

In a barely audible whisper, Derek says, “I think I’d like to try this with you. But slowly. Definitely feelings, but maybe no more than kissing for awhile.?”

Stiles can’t imagine what the sheer joy that sweeps through him must smell like to Derek but Derek sniffs the air and a grin breaks out across his whole face, eyebrows and all.

Stiles is practically vibrating in place. “Can I kiss you now?””

Instead of answering, Derek leans forward and gently presses their lips together. Despite how chaste the kiss is, Stiles feels it to the very core of him. His heart is doing things he couldn’t eve describe and his knees are about to buckle.

Without thought, his arms wrap around Derek’s neck and his hips press forward. He stops himself short of grinding because that would not be taking it slow. But, as it is, he and Derek are touch from head to toe, wrapped in each other’s arms and more deliriously happy than Stiles knew was possible.

Derek ran his fingers through Stiles’ hair as he pulled away from their kiss. Stiles didn’t have scent to go by but he thought that Derek was just as happy as he was.

“Alright, lover boy or lover wolf? Is that a thing. It should be. Lover-wolf, let’s go to bed.”

“Not a thing. Don’t make it a thing.”

“Too late, lover-wolf, its a thing.”

They both climb into bed and Stiles stalls out for a minute but then he reaches out and takes Derek’s hand. By the time they fell asleep, Stiles had claimed the position of big spoon and had Derek wrapped in his arms.

*******

The first thing Stiles notices when he wakes up is that he is wrapped around a furnace. Then he realizes that furnace is Derek and his brain shorts out in pure bliss for a moment. But as soon as the warm fuzzy endorphins finish blazing through his system, he begins to take note of other things.

The muscles of Derek’s arm under his head. The roughness of the hair on Derek’s chest, where Stiles’ arm is rested. The tangle their legs have made. The insistent pressure of Derek’s hip bone against his rapidly hardening cock.

Stiles moans almost unconsciously as his hips jerk forward a few times, chasing that beautiful, wonderful pressure. It takes more willpower than he knew he possessed to stop and cant his hips away from Derek. Rubbing off on Derek after sharing one chaste kiss was not taking it slow.

Instead, Stiles scritched his fingers over Derek’s chest where they lay and was about to wake Derek up. Before he can get ‘good morning’ out of his mouth, Derek is on the other side of the room, wolfed out and panting like he just ran a marathon. His eyes are wide and wild - almost like he is somewhere else and not here in a hotel room with Stiles.

Stiles sits up in bed, not sure what just happened. “Derek, what’s wrong?” he asks, voice taut with false calm. He has to stay calm.

Derek hunches further into the corner of the room when Stiles speaks and doesn’t respond.

“Ok, Sourwolf. I’m going to get out of bed slowly. I’m not going to hurt you. You are safe.” Stiles keeps talking, low and calm, while he slowly walks towards Derek with his hands out.

Stiles stops just inside arm’s reach of Derek. He curses himself for his stupidity in what he is about to do. He takes one step closer to the frightened, wolfed out werewolf, not really sure what his next step will be. But when Stiles gets closer to Derek, Derek sniffs the air and that seems to break through whatever Derek had been experiencing.

He manages to pull back the shift and lurches forward into Stiles’ arms, pulling him into a desperate hug and burying his nose in Stiles’ neck. He is pulling in deep breaths of Stiles’ scent and trembling in his arms.

Stiles is at a loss but does his best to hold the man he loves through whatever’s happening right now. He ends up sliding to the floor so he hold Derek better as he is rocking back and forth.

He seems to be inhaling huge breaths of Stiles scent. When Stiles focuses enough to tell what Derek is muttering, he hears, “It’s Stiles. Stiles not Kate. Stiles is safe” over and over again.

Once he picks up what Derek is saying, Stiles heart breaks even more. He leans back a bit and tries to get Derek to look at him, “Sourwolf, your’re safe. I promise.”

Derek won’t be moved. “Need to smell you. Eyes can lie. Need to smell you.”

“Okay, Okay. At least come to the be…couch with me. We can be more comfortable.”

Derek shook the whole way to the couch and immediately curled back into Stiles’ space when they sat down.

It was almost an hour before Derek calmed himself down enough to unwind from Stiles. Stiles arms and legs were so cramped and he had to pee so bad he thought he might actually wet himself. He’d kind of thought they might have gotten through a few dates and make-outs before he was hit over the head with the ‘worse’ part of ‘for better or worse’. Not that he was thinking about marriage already. Oh shit! He might be thinking of marriage already.

“You gonna be okay if I go pee real fast?”

A ghost of a smile flashed across Derek’s face. “Yeah, I think so.” He paused, “But hurry, please”

Stiles peed the fasted he’d ever peed and went back to sit beside Derek.

He gets a good look for the first time since they moved to the couch. Derek’s face is pale and drawn with tear tracks streaking his cheeks. His eyes look hollowed out and exhausted. His whole body is hunched over like he is ashamed.

Stiles gently lifts Derek’s chin so he can look him in the face. “What happened?”

Derek opens his mouth like he was going to talk but instead ends up shaking his head. “I don’t know. I’m so sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you deal with that. You didn’t sign up for that. Just sorry.”

“Hey, hey. No. Before anything else, I am your friend and packmate. Which means I absolutely signed up for keeping you safe when you are terrified. I absolutely signed up for being there when you need me. The kissing and feelings has nothing to do with that. And I did sign up for that.”

Stiles thinks he must look strange because the way Derek is looking at him is like he’s never seen Stiles before. It almost makes Stiles embarrassed for how fierce he just was. But then Derek whispers, “Thank you.” And, that’s it. Stiles knows he said the right thing.

“Anytime. Though I do hope not all the time.” Stiles takes a moment to choose his next words very carefully. “If you don’t quite know what happened or don’t feel ready to talk about it yet, that’s okay. I’m not going to press. But I think you should consider talking about it. I mean, maybe with a professional. I’m always happy to listen but that was a really big reaction to I don’t know what. I am here for you and I will always be here for you. However, a professional might make it so you get better instead of just having support when it’s bad. I don’t know if I said that right or not.”

Derek’s voice is back up to normal volume. “You said it just fine. Maybe. I’d have to find someone supernatural. Maybe Laura knows of someone.”

Stiles is full to bursting with pride when Derek says that. The pink on Derek’s cheeks tells Stiles, he can probably smell that on him. He replies to Derek’s cheeks instead of his eyebrows like usual, “Yes, I’m proud of you. Get used to it, Sourwolf.”

*******

It takes awhile for them to finally get around to taking showers and getting dressed. By the time they are ready to leave the room, there is only about 15 minutes left of registration. Stiles is about to open the door when Derek grabs his hand and stops him.

He fumbles for his words for a moment before his eyebrows become determined and he looks up at Stiles. “So you know rank and protocol can be very important to supernatural beings.”

Stiles nods.

“As an unmated wolf representing a pretty powerful group, I will be considered fair game.”

“Fair game for what?”

“Wolves have a lot of behaviors surrounding smell because that sense is enhanced for us. For the fae, touch is very powerful. They can read auras, map bindings and relationships, heal or harm based on intention, enact treaties, and so much more. They understand enough about wolves to know not to touch a mated wolf without permission but an unmated wolf is fair game.”

“What are you saying? Cause it almost feels like you want me to be your mate so you don’t get touched too much while we’re here. And that feels like you are manipulating me because you know about my feelings. I don’t think you would do that so please tell me what you are saying.”

Derek looks horrified as he talks again, “No. Nonono. I just meant, maybe we could pretend to be mated. Maybe engaged to be mated or something. We wouldn’t smell right to other wolves but for the fae, they might believe if we were convincing enough.”

“I’m not sure that would be much better, Sourwolf. I don’t want you kissing me and touching me if you don’t mean it. That would be too heartbreaking for me.”

“What if we just didn’t say anything but did some of the stuff we’ve already done, just in public - holding hands, hugging, ummm, small kisses.”

Stiles thought about it for a moment. “Just make a promise. Don’t do anything with or to me that you don’t have feelings behind. I mean maybe you wouldn’t have thought to do it at just that moment except us being here but in general, it would make you happy to do it with me…”

Stiles huffs out a breath. That didn’t even make sense to him and he said it.

Derek takes a step closer. “I’d be happy to hold your hand all the time. Being surrounded by your scent is amazing. It’s like no matter what else is going on, no matter how crazy or dangerous things are, I can find peace if you are nearby.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yean, okay.”

Stiles turns to the door of their hotel room again, about to open it. And, again, Derek stops him. “Umm, before we go down there, can we do one more thing?”

Stiles tilts his head in inquiry.

“Can I kiss you again?”

Stiles’ breath whooshes out of him and his heart beats in that quadruple staccato as he nods his head.

Derek crowds him against the wall, boxing Stiles in with his whole body before he leans in and presses their lips together.

Stiles doesn’t know and really doesn’t care what to do with his hands. They flail up and land somewhere on Derek’s back as his legs give a wobble under him. Oh God. This is like a perfect moment.

Then, Derek opens his mouth just a bit and lets his tongue lick at Stiles’ lips. That sends a shock right to Stiles’ heart and feels warm through his whole body. Another lick and shock lands a bit lower. There’s nowhere for him to move that doesn’t involve rubbing against Derek.

This time, Derek rubs back and Stiles thinks he might die of sheer pleasure. He opens his mouth, letting his tongue meet Derek’s. At Stiles’ acquiescence, Derek growls, eyes flashing blue, and grabs Stiles’ hands. He slams them against the wall above their heads and presses hard into Stiles’ whole body.

Stiles whines and tries to reciprocate as much as possible but Derek has complete control over him. And, oh shit, does that work for him. HIs brain is rapidly dribbling out his ears, being replaced entirely by the pleasure of Derek pinning him to a wall.

All of the sudden Derek lets out a frustrated groan and Stiles’ front is freezing. Derek takes a step back, chest heaving and eyes blown wide. Stiles is sure he looks about the same. Maybe with a touch more confusion.

“Wha…why did you stop?”

Derek practically growls out his answer and his eyes flash blue again, “The first time I make you come, it won’t be pinned against the wall in a hotel room that smells like about 10 other people.”

Stiles thinks if he were five years younger, hearing Derek say that might have made him come untouched, standing against a wall in a hotel room. As is, he presses a hand against the base of his cock and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before grunting, “If you don’t want me to come, then you should probably stop talking about it.”

Derek is flushed and beautiful and his eyebrows have gone a bit sheepish. “Yeah, for me too.”

Stiles puts his full weight back on his own feet (and not the wall, or Derek) and looks at the clock on the bedside table. “Aannd, we now have 5 minutes left to register.”

“Then we better hurry.” Derek smirks at Stiles and grabs his hand to drag him to the elevator.

*******

The rest of the weekend was amazing. It turns out being the Sable Court representative meant they had to show up at a few seminars, make sure everyone knew they were there to represent the Sable Court, and attend the Banquet on Saturday night. No one made treaties with the Sable Court so there was very little politicking to be done. Every so often folks with grievances would try to get Derek to settle it between. Derek made a point of never giving a direct answer but he did keep note of a few situations that had the potential to blow up and made sure to pass that information on to whatever being was the equivalent of their Alpha.

Mostly, Stiles and Derek got to wander around a beautiful hotel, holding hands and reveling in just being together. The banquet had been the highlight of the weekend. Derek grumbled the whole time that he didn’t want to dance. But Stiles eventually convinced him, leading Derek onto the dance floor with a mischievous grin on his face.

Stiles proceeded to do the Macarena to every song that the string quartet played. Derek’s sour face barely lasted one song, by the end of the second song, he was laughing, By the end of the third song, he even had some of the other attendees who were around his age trying to get the pace of the Macarena right to match Liszt’s Angelus.

Derek pulled him close, laughter still in his voice, “You are ridiculous. Now you’ve got the whole place doing it, can we go?”

Stiles felt a pang of disappointment. He’d thought they were having fun. He quirks a half-smile at Derek. “Not having fun?”

Derek pressed a hard, quick kiss to Stiles’ lips. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? When you laugh, the joy in your scent is all I can focus on. I just want to slam you against some vertical surface and kiss you until it is as much a part of my scent as it is yours..”

Stiles’ eyes widened and yep, his whole body was on board with that idea. His voice cracked when tried to talk. Finally, he got out, “Yeah, that sounds like more fun than this. Let’s go do that.”

Later that night, after a good amount of very awesome making out, followed by two long, separate showers that would have taken all the hot water had they not been in a hotel, Stiles and Derek found themselves lying in bed together again. The heat from earlier in the evening has been banked and they are cuddled together, completely boneless.

Stiles is almost afraid to break the perfect atmosphere by speaking but he does. “You know I went and talked to Laura before her birthday dinner? I asked her whether there were specific werewolfy mating rituals. Or a specific way I should woo you.”

Derek looks at him, slightly horrified. “You didn’t!”

Stiles grins. “I did. I told it was her birthday present - that I was voluntarily letting her meddle.”

Now Derek looks worried for Stiles’ sanity. “What did she say?”

“I made her promise she would take the piss or get me to do something stupid before I asked her. She seemed to get that I was serious. She told me about this quote about mates that your Mom used to tell you.”

This time Derek smiled and recited from memory, “Each wolf is whole in itself but there are those who are created to walk beside in perfect harmony. A mate to write their name on your heart will make you safe by watching your back, give you peace by travelling beside you, bring you joy by smiling back at you, and join hands with you so will never be alone on your life journey,”

“Yeah, that. I started out thinking I was going to try to take that quote and prove to you that I am your mate, through wooing. But I realized there is no way that I would be able to convince you I am your mate, if I am not. Instead, I’ve realized that I want to tell you how you are my mate. From there, it is up to you where we go.”

Stiles swallows. “Derek Hale, I know that I am always safe with you. If we are in danger, I know you will be there, making sure that we both get out alive. You also make me feel safe sharing who I am with you. You’ve never made me feel bad about myself or how I was feeling. They say peace isn’t the lack of conflict but rather it is an inner quality that allows you to maintain equilibrium even in the midst of conflict. Now, equilibrium is not something I am much talented at. But with you by my side, I can find that calm. I can find my way out of calamitous thinking. You make me feel grounded. You’ve got a wicked sense of humor when you choose to let it out and you are the most fun to be goofy around because you’ll pretend to be annoyed but I know you really love it.”

Stiles stops for a moment, and takes Derek’s hand before he continues. “I know this isn’t really taking it slow when it comes to the feelings side of kissing and feelings but I want you to know, I think you are my mate. I hope one day you will decide that I am yours”

All of the sudden, there is a cat on their bed. It begins to grow and then transforms into a naked lady, just as it had at Laura’s birthday party.

Samaoth greets this with a hissed murmur, “Kind one, your obligation is fulfilled and your boon is granted.”

Stiles feels sick. Derek looks like he is about puke. Derek rasps out, “Not like this. I don’t want it like this. You can’t make him feel like this and then expect it to be okay.”

Samaoth arches one eyebrow. “Make him? I did not make him. This was a boon of revelation not a boon of creation. Maybe a slight nudge so that you were in a situation that would encourage you to share your feelings with each other. But the feelings themselves, they are yours, and yours alone.”

The pit in his stomach closed up and he was able to breathe again. But before Stiles could speak, Samaoth continued, “You know, not having to attend this thing was wonderful. Would you be willing to attend as my representative every year, Kind one?”

Derek appears to still be reeling, so Stiles answers. “Perhaps we leave it open for you invite us each year, while we retain the right to accept or refuse as we are able.”

Samaoth nods, “This is acceptable. Enjoy your mate, Kind one.” Samaoth then disappeared into thin air between one breath and the next.

Stiles and Derek look at each other. Derek finally speaks, “That was exhausting. Can we just go to sleep and talk about it tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Stiles kisses Derek’s forehead gently and then whispers, “Sweet dreams, Lover-wolf.”

*******

Traveling home was almost as exhausting as traveling to Seattle in the first place. But at least Roscoe was waiting for them instead of a taxi.

When they had both climbed in, Stiles tapped on the steering wheel a couple of times to relieve the nervous tension.

“We haven’t really talked much about what Samaoth said. I thought we might at least talk about what we wanted to tell the pack when we get home.”

Derek nods. “That’s a good idea.” He pauses. “I think I should go first.”

“Okay.”

Stiles is confused when Derek starts how he does but listens without interrupting. “Kate liked to play sexual games. She was always pushing me further than I wanted to go. I think Friday morning happened because you used your fingernails to wake me up. She used to scratch me, until I would bleed. She would start soft, almost tickling and gradually get harder and harder until I would beg her to stop. She would only stop if I did something for her, like go down on her or play with her nipples.”

Derek takes a deep breath in and out through his nose. “I thought I loved her. I thought she loved me. I thought that was just how sex was. I didn’t know how bad she was until it was too late. You know the rest of the story. But I think she really messed up how I think about feelings and kissing as we’ve been calling it. I think you’re right. I probably need to talk to a professional to get it all sorted out in my own head.”

Stiles nods and makes an encouraging noise because it seems like Derek isn’t done talking yet.

“I want that with you. I want the whole thing: mates, married, growing old together, everything. The feelings are there. But I think I also need time to work out my own head before we go any further than the kissing.”

When Derek looks up at Stiles, his eyes are pleading with Stiles, like there was anything other than yes that Stiles would say to all that. “Derek, I am here for you, however you need. As long as we can talk to each other, it will be okay. I can’t promise to always do or say the right thing but I want this too. I want this in a way that is healthy for you. And in the mean time, kissing you is no hardship.”

To demonstrate, and because he wanted to, Stiles leans forward and kisses Derek, once on the lips, once on the forehead, and then once on each cheek.

Stiles leans back, and asks, “What do you want to tell the pack?”

“The truth.”

*******

Everyone is gathered at the Hale house when they walk inside, hand in hand. Laura squeals and jumps up to hug them both as soon as she notices. Scott grins and gives Stiles a thumbs up while everyone else takes a moment to catch up.

They sit down together in one of the love seats, Derek on Stiles’ lap.

Lydia starts of the friendly interrogation. “I’d ask how it went but it appears to have gone very well.”

Stiles is grinning and Derek has a soft happy smile on his face. They look each other in the eyes and both say, “Yeah,” at the same time.

Laura throws and throw pillow at their heads. “Stop being so sappy and tell us all about it.”

Derek throws it back at his sister and Stiles starts to talk. “The conference was a conference. Nothing exciting there except, we kind of both decided that we are mates.”

The whole room erupts in shouts and wolf whistles.

Once they settle down, Stiles continues, “Samaoth doesn’t like to go so she used this as an excuse to get out of it and give Derek his boon. Apparently, we have always been each other’s mates and might have figured that out on our own eventually but Samaoth’s boon was one of revelation. The time alone together, along with a small nudge from her, helped us to be able realize our feelings for each other.”

“Congratulations, guys,” Boyd says when Stiles stops speaking. The rest of the pack echoes the sentiment.

Derek nudges Stiles, “Can you tell them the rest too?” Stiles startles slightly. “You want to share that part?

“Yeah. I don’t know that I can say it again but they’re pack. It’s safe.”

Stiles smiles, pride and happiness leaking out everywhere. “Part of us deciding what it means for us to be mates is that we decided to take it really slow. Derek shared some things about what Kate did to him that have messed up how he sees the physical aspect of relationships. He’s decided to talk to a professional about to get things straight in his own head. We’re still mates, we’re just taking it really slow.”

Derek stared at his shoes the whole time Stiles was talking. His embarrassment is bright on his cheeks and the rest of the pack must be able to smell it.

Laura stands up from her seat and kneels on the ground in front of Derek so she can look him in the eyes. “I am so proud of  you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. We all love you and want you to be happy.”

Erica yells from across the room. “What she said.”

Lydia replies, “I might have said it with more tact, but I agree too.”

Isaac, Boyd, Scott, and Jackson are quick to follow with their own reassurances.

There is a bit of awkward tension in the room like no one really knows what comes next, until Stiles declares, “It’s time for Frozen and a puppy pile.”

Derek smiles and says, “Yeah, that would be great.”

Three disney movies later, Stiles falls asleep with Derek sitting between his legs, back resting against Stiles’ chest. He’s never been so happy in all his life. Maybe he should be looking forward to his next oh shit moment.

The end.

[lixxiecorn]

Totally Normal - Natasha and Clint

I can totally see this part happening tbh. Like Clint and Natasha taking his kids to the zoo seems like something Clint would just like do. For those of you who don’t know what Totally Normal is it’s a multichaptered fic on ao3 in which each chapter can stand alone. Basically the just of it is that Peter makes it his purpose to make the Avengers feel super normal for a change.

Read the full story on ao3!

…

“According to this informational packet there’s even a 4D theater!” Peter exclaimed, holding the pamphlet out to Clint. Clint took one of his hands off the steering wheel to swat at Peter’s hand, hitting the packet into Natasha’s lap.

“Clint, you just passed the parking lot entrance.” Nat pointed out, picking up the pamphlet and fingering through it.

“I know that.” Clint gritted, finding a U-turn and going back to the parking lot. He found a spot and parked. Everyone climbed out of the car and gathered near the trunk.

“Does everyone have everything they need?” Clint asked, looking around then staring pointedly at Peter. “Because I’m not coming back to the car.”

Peter put his hands up in mock surrender. “I’ve got everything.” He answered, pointing to his backpack.

“We’re going to the zoo!” Cooper exclaimed, pumping a fist and taking off towards the entrance.

“We’re already at the zoo.” Lila corrected, shaking her head at her brother’s antics, then running after him.

“If you get run over by a car, you’re explaining that to your mother yourself.” Clint warned, calling after him. The kids slowed down immediately, that statement apparently more of a threat then Peter took it to be.

“Hey Clint, there’s a monkey exhibit here. I bet you’d fit right in.” Natasha commented, still thumbing through the packet as she walked.

“Ha-ha very funny- Cooper, Lila, get back here!” Clint called, his children running just a bit too far for his liking. They turned around and grinned at him mischievously before continuing on, walking at a fast pace and nudging each other. “God, why did I agree to this? This is a terrible idea.

“Because I suggested this amazing idea.” Peter replied, almost skipping with excitement. He hadn’t been to a zoo since he was really little with his mom and dad and he didn’t really remember the experience. It wasn’t that Ben and May hadn’t ever wanted to take him, but money was tight. Then with Ben’s death and then May’s a couple years later, Peter just never had the chance to go again.

That is until Peter had come across an ad for the Central Park Zoo on the internet while watching vine compilations. He immediately had gone to Tony with the idea, who had suggested bringing it up to Clint. Clint took advantage of the idea to give Laura a day off to relax. He’d talked Wanda and Bucky into babysitting Nathaniel (Bucky hadn’t been necessarily opposed to babysitting duty, but he had gone and hidden every magnet in the common room), then had gotten Natasha to go along with Peter, him, and the kids to the zoo.

Clint, Nat, and Peter walked up to the two Barton children who were grinning by a fountain.

“From now on we’re sticking together. Does everyone understand?” Clint ordered, taking on what Peter dubbed his ‘dad voice’. The kids nodded and at Clint’s glance in his direction, Peter nodded as well.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The attendant at ticket sales asked as they walked up. Peter noticed her nametag read Marsha.

“Hi, can I get 3 adult tickets and 2 child tickets please?” Clint asked, giving her a smile.

“That will be $89.75, and I will need to see an id.” Marsha replied. Clint showed her his drivers license and passed over his Stark Industries credit card, funded by Tony because contrary to popular belief, he could be nice sometimes.

Marsha checked Clint’s id and inserted the credit card into her machine, which printed out 5 tickets. She held them out to Clint. “Here you go, have a nice day!”

“You too.” Clint shooed his kids and Peter away from the ticket booth and to the entrance, Nat following closely behind, amused.

They made it through the entrance, turning in their tickets, and got their bags checked. Peter was surprised that they didn’t search Nat’s body because he knew for a fact, she at least had four knives on her, all of which were against the rules.

“Where to first?” Clint asked, looking around the group.

“Sea lions!” Cooper shouted.

“Sea lions are boring. I want to see red pandas!” Lila exclaimed, shooting a glare at her brother.

“I think that we should go see Alex, the king of New York City.” Peter inputted, grinning.

“Who’s Alex?” Cooper asked, glancing at Peter quizzically. Lila matched her brother’s look of confusion.

“Have you guys really never seen Madagascar? It’s like a classic.” Peter asked in disbelief. The two kids shook their heads. “That is extremely sad and needs to get fixed. We’re having a movie night sometime and watching Madagascar.”

“We’re going to birds first, then insects.” Nat announced, bringing the conversation back to the task at hand. Lila and Cooper pouted but knew that Nat was like their mom; once her mind was made up, it wasn’t going to change. However, they got over themselves pretty quickly and bounced towards the bird enclosures.

“So, what birds are we looking for specifically?” Peter inquired. He had a hunch but wanted to be sure.

“Hawks.” Nat said, grinning. Clint rolled his eyes and his kids burst out in laughter.

“Macaws, crows, who keeps crows in a zoo? Oh, here they are, hawks.” Peter listed, stopping in front of the hawk enclosure.

“Oooo they’re so pretty.” Lila cooed. The hawks’ brown patterned feathers glinted in the sunlight. They flew gracefully around until one hit the window, stumbled a bit, then flew swiftly the other direction.

“Heh, that one’s like you dad!” Cooped yelled, pointing at the bird who had just hit the window. Peter bust out laughing and Clint rolled his eyes.

“Don’t think that I don’t know you wanted this to happen.” Clint said, looking at Nat while the others laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nat replied sweetly. Clint rolled his eyes and ushered the group to the spider exhibit.

In the spider exhibit were all different types of spiders, but Peter headed straight for one specific type.

“мама-паук, I found your friends.” Peter called, pointing to one of the glass tanks. Nat came over and looked at the spiders over his shoulder.

“Black widow.” Nat read.

“Yeah, they’re pretty cool, but they’re not the coolest.” Peter said, waving his hand.

“And what is the coolest?” Nat asked amusedly.

“The black widow standing behind me.” Peter replied grinning.

Nat engulfed the teenager in a hug. “I love you ребенок-паук.”

“Love you too мама-паук.”

[the-lichemaster]

all the even numbers

Ok then.

2. Outgoing or ShyShy. I making hate eye contact so much I’m eligible for disability benefits.

4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so, as long as your willing to do all the heavy lifting in the conversation department

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Aggressive brunette women. Or more generally, I like people who have nerdy and weird interests but who aren’t annoying about it and aren’t squares.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Judge Judy

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

A homeless guy I met while waiting for the pharmacy to fill my order (he was waiting too). I forget his name, but we talked about waste in capitalism and what our ideal societies would be.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Answered this one earlier

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

No

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No. I imagine she has forgotten all about me.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I don’t talk to them, but they seem fine.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Answered this one already

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Getting drunk

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Curse the day I was born, check email and news on my phone

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

I guess my mum, but really it’s a 7 billion way tie with everyone on earth making me uncomfortable

30. Do you ever want to get married? 

Maybe, although I think if I did it would just to make someone else happy.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

No. I used to be really into basketball as a kid.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Oh yeah. Never told any of my crushes really.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Funny, patient, pushes me out of my comfort zone, like horror movies and metal music (or at least is tolerant of them), dark hair, fangs, horns, bat wings

40. What do you want to do after high school? 

I graduated from high school over a decade ago. I wanted to go into Graphic Design, but that didn’t work out (turns out I hated sitting in front of computer all day).

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? 

I have nothing to say. I am comfortable in silence.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Ocean. No critters to look at in space.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People secretly not liking me. Getting locked out of my apartment (When leaving I’ll check my pockets for my keys like six times).

48. Have you ever been drunk?

I’m drunk right now

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? 

Pretty much everything except my taste in things. Also bigger dick, obviously.

54. Favourite store?

I like used book stores, but I probably go to the liquor store the most.

56. Favourite colour?

Purple

58. Last thing you ate? 

KFC

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Not that I can recall, no.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope. Too sneaky.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I was in I THINK 6th grade (maybe 7th). Our class was out camping by a lake (the school I went to would send the 5th, 6th, and 7th grades out to a camp for the last week of school). Her name was Laura, and I don’t really remember the context (it might have just been her goofing around). All I remember is it what by an archery range.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Don’t have any real friends, so you guys win by default I guess

68. Twitter or Tumblr? 

I prefer Tumblr but I do have a Twitter, which I mostly use for more political stuff (@jeremyehm if you’re curious). I find Twitter to be really toxic, everyone’s always arguing with each other and being assholes. Plus it’s just an endless cavalcade of bad news.

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Carling Black Label Supreme and Crown Royal

72. What colour are your towels?

Dark grey. This allows spiders to hide in them easily when they are hanging.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Zero.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Blue. The pattern is of a polar bear drinking bear.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? 

Strawberry

80. What colour pants? 

Dark blue

82. Favourite movie? 

Alien

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 

Haven’t seen Mean Girls, so 21 Jump Street I guess.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? 

The barracuda who eats Nemo’s mom at the beginning. I don’t watch Pixar movies, I think FInding Nemo was actually the last one I saw.

88. Last person you talked to today? 

The cashier at KFC

90. Name a person you love? 

My mum and dad, I guess

92. In a fight with someone? 

No, and if I got into one I would lose (unless my opponent was like a baby or on crutches or something).

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 

One hoody that I never wear. Should probably give it away to a homeless shelter now that I think about it.

96. Favourite actress?

Edwige Fenech, or Meiko Kaji

98. Do you tan a lot?

I’m part Irish, Danish and English, so I tend to burst into flames when in direct sunlight rather than tan.

100. How are you feeling? 

Not too bad. A bit gassy.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? 

Mostly everything, yeah.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Not really.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? 

I don’t think so. I remember towards the end of my senior year there was a girl in my grade who, in retrospect, was hitting on me/trying to hang out with me all the time. I was totally clueless and left her hanging, but I imagine I’m easy to get over.

108. What should you be doing? 

Fuck off, it’s my birthday. I’ll do it tomorrow

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? 

Not really no. Crushes are always a little uncomfortable, but since it’s impossible for someone to like me back I can usually just push it to the back of my mind.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Therapist

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

I’ve been down to Seattle and Los Angeles before. Never been to another province of Canada though!

116. Are you listening to music right now? 

Yes (listening to the Misfits). Unless I’m watching a movie or sleeping I’m listening to music.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Love it

120. Are you afraid of the dark? 

No.

122. Is cheating ever okay? 

No

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

No.

126. Are you currently bored? 

A little

128. Would you change your name? 

I think I like my current name fine. Unusual without being weird.

130. Do you like subway? 

The sandwich chain? No, it sucks ass.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

Hey this is a duplicate question. Nice job, whoever originally posted this.

134. Can you count to one million? 

Yes. I won’t though.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 

Closed.

138. Curly or Straight hair? 

Straight, but I don’t really care.

140. Summer or Winter? 

They kinda suck equally, but I guess there isn’t any snow in Summer, so I’ll go with that.

142. Favourite month? 

I’m going to say April or May. Warm and breezy.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? 

Milk, although I don’t really like sweets.

146. Was today a good day? 

It was pretty good, went to the dispensary, bought a pipe that’s shaped like a wizard.

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

Like this statement from the IRA following a botched assassination attempt on Margaret Thatcher and her cabinet: “Today we were unlucky, but remember we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always”

I also like a quote from a Maoist responding to Kruschev’s comment that while he was the son of a peasant while the Maoist was from the aristocracy: “We have something in common: we are both traitors to our class.”

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

From “The Best Short Stories of J.G. Ballard”: “I’m beginning to realize it was a mistake to put them in there-all those lights blazing down, the huge floors, high walls.”

Whew, that took awhile. Thanks for asking.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights: Critical Role Episode 111

Guests are Liam O’Brien and Matt Mercer. Full video on Project Alpha!

Brian: “Hello, welcome to Talks Machina. I am... dressed for success.” Liam: “You are very cute today.” Matt: “I call this look Saturday Darin De Paul.”

Matt is doing much better than he was on Thursday.

Digital copy of the Critical Role comic is out!

There’s now a Talks Machina shirt in the store.

Episode 111 is tied for the most natural ones in an episode.

The show has now surpassed 10,000 d20 rolls. Brian suggests buying @critrolestats​ a yacht for keeping track of all this.

The comic takes place before the game. At the first session, because it was meant to be a one-shot, Matt just had everyone assume they all knew each other and were used to working together as a party. The comic explores how they actually met and started working together as an adventuring party.

Moments they’d like to see from the pre-stream game if the comic continues: meeting Gilmore, finding Percy in Jorenn Village, going after Grog’s dad, the birth of Burt Reynolds, early interactions with the Clasp, the one time Pike and Vax had a solo adventure together. Brian: “Do you think we would have to get rights from Burt Reynolds’ estate to... oh, wait, he’s still alive.”

The pacing of this arc was always going to be different, since it’s epic-level stuff and many of the character-centric arcs have been closed; it’s a lot harder to draw in character backstory the way the previous arcs could. The time-crunch aspect of this particular plot (the villain is actively moving through his to-do list whether or not Vox Machina intervenes) is a careful balance to make sure the players don’t feel too rushed but can still maintain that sense of urgency. Liam: “I am consistently surprised and shocked by everything that’s happened, so no complaints from me.”

If it were just Liam’s decision, he’d want everyone to take a long rest before facing Vecna. He thinks losing Vasselheim might be the cost of actually having a slim chance of defeating Vecna.

Matt’s been slowly been building this last dungeon over the last six months. It’s right up there with Opash’s necromantic lair as his favorite dungeon he’s made. Liam wants to see the dungeon mapped out and described in PDF format at some point, and Matt mentions that, depending on what state it’s in at the end of this campaign, it might be a location in a future Issylra campaign guide.

Matt and Liam talk about how early adventuring in D&D is generally a selfish endeavor, and then later on there are considerably higher stakes. Matt mentions that even in high-level D&D, you want to include obstacles in a dungeon that characters can bypass easily as a reward for quick thinking or just being awesome at high levels. The dungeon is also fundamentally a power-sink where you have to prioritize where you put your resources before the final battle you know is coming.

GIF of the week. Matt: “It’s funny the effect painkillers have on running a D&D game...”

Once the oven had closed, once a round, everyone in the room would’ve taken 1d6 fire damage, then 2d6, then 3d6, and so on. Solving it was meant to be a little more high-stakes, but the party avoided getting trapped in the room themselves.

Matt had half a page of information, a voice, and a name prepared for the nothic that Vax just annihilated. Could’ve ended up being a small encounter or a temporary alliance with a Gollum-type character or an uneasy alliance that could’ve gone wrong. Matt: “What you did was quintessential D&D, and I loved it.”

Liam recently ran a D&D game for his whole family in which his son rolled a d20 on opening a door he wasn’t supposed to go through, forcing him to improvise.

Matt’s been working with Travis to build his next character, and he keeps having to remind him that most characters only have a movement speed of 25 or 30 feet.

Brian: “Like Matt and I, you too can be not in terrible debt and situationally famous without going to college!” Matt: “I cannot support any of these statements at all.”

Vax would be willing to sacrifice even Emon or Whitestone if it meant stopping Vecna, because the alternative is Vecna reigning supreme over the Material Plane... or the Divine Gate coming down and armageddon ensuing.

Fanart of the week.

In-universe flashbulb memory of the campaign: Chroma Conclave attack. Liam: “The goldfish dive will be remembered for millennia.” Matt: “Young druids will be taught from a very young age...”

Matt gave the party the ring to give them a level of comfort in a near-impossible situation, but the risk of fucking it up is what makes it fun.

Liam: “Matthew Mercer is one of the sweetest men I’ve met in my life, but I know within the boundaries of this game that you have this really devilish streak, like an inclination to fuck with us... fucking rakshasa.”

Vax has made peace with everything, but he thinks about the Tomb all the time, especially since the Raven Queen is the goddess of fate. Liam: “As Liam, I loved every dumbfuck thing that I chose to do in this game, ‘cause I’m sitting with my best friends making each other laugh every week, we love each other, we get a fucking kick out of each other every week, and the mistakes are some of the greatest memories of all time.”

Liam’s top priority even way back in the home game has always been that Vax will do whatever it takes to keep Vex alive; Vax still thinks that the Raven Queen will only keep her side of the deal if he does as well. It’s made things extremely complicated, but that’s the fundamental backbone of his character and he isn’t going to mess with that.

Matt has never had players embrace the sibling aspect of their characters to the extent that Laura and Liam have. Matt: “It’s been a gift from a storyteller’s standpoint to play in that space.”

Matt thinks Sam did a fantastic job on his one-shot, and encourages other new DMs to just commit and jump in and see how well it turns out. Liam: “It’s not a religion and it’s not appellate court, it’s just the world’s best game. Just fuckin’ have fun with it.”

Matt was expecting the undead titan reveal to happen in early or mid-July, but it just worked out to happen at Gen Con. Stressful as it was, Matt was excited that he could have such a big reveal at the live show.

Liam wasn’t worried about Simon because he knew it would take more than fire to destroy a magical item.

If the game had continued as a home game, Matt probably would’ve truncated elements of the narrative because they got to play so seldom. Both he and Liam agree that getting to play weekly was the best part of starting to stream the game.

Vax’s "this could be the last time” moments this week had less to do with his imminent death and more to do with Liam processing that in the next few weeks they’re going to be ending this game that they’ve been playing together for four years.

Brian is very sad about the end of the game as a fan of the show; he remembers Ashley coming home after the home game and giving him multi-hour summaries of everything that had happened. The game started around the same time as he and Ashley started their relationship, and he’s really delighted by how close they’ve all gotten since then. Brian: “I mean, we’re practically... I plan on sleeping with both of you on After Dark.” Liam: “I’m open to it.”

Talks Machina After Dark: Liam hosts for the first time!

Liam: “The only reason I agreed to do this Dungeons and Dragons show is so I could sit here, now, and I have you both right where I want you. Undress.”

If Matt could forget everything he knew and join VM as one of his NPCs for the final fight, from a personality standpoint, he’d want to play as Allura or Gilmore, but from a functionally helpful standpoint, probably Kima.

Matt once LARPed World of Darkness and had a very stressful experience where he was thrown into the midst of an extremely political game with no knowledge of what was going on.

Matt’s never had to ban particular items or spells, but there are aspects of the game that require discussion. In a primarily good/neutral campaign, he won’t ban evil characters per se, but he’ll require a discussion to figure out how not to ruin the experience for the rest of the characters. Liam points out that Jayne (an evil character) could easily have killed Clothesline in Sam’s oneshot, but he decided against it because it’d make Ashly’s game less fun and would mess with Sam’s having established that they all survived. It turned out to be more fun having to come up with a reason for that.

Worst possible person for Vax to face as part of Vecna’s undead army: his mother. Liam: “That would fuck his shit up.” Or Vex, if she were killed and then immediately brought back by Vecna.

On the theoretical possibility of a new campaign starting in a post-apocalyptic Tal’Dorei if Vecna wins, Brian: “It would be hard to Transport via Plants.” Matt thinks it’s an exciting prospect, and he has things in his mind if it goes that direction, but he thinks it would be really sad to culminate a five-year campaign with a loss, although planting seeds for the next story could make it retroactively pretty hopeful. 

Liam: “Story-wise, I know that everything’s gonna hurt and everything’s gonna be amazing, and I also trust you to flip my expectations somehow. We just love discovering the story together.”

[talabib]

How To Live A More Relaxed And Productive Life

Many of us feel overwhelmed with busyness. Whether it’s our smartphone and the eternal ping of urgent emails or our domestic life and all its attendant demands, there’s always something vying for our attention. What we sorely lack is time to relax and do what we want with our days. But, even when we do have time to ourselves, we often spend it worrying that we’re not accomplishing as much as we should, or wondering what the next item on our agenda is.

So how can we create a life that’s both productive and enjoyable? To find out, we’ll need to explore why some people feel as though they have all the time in the world while others never seem to have enough.

In this post, you’ll learn why most modern workplaces have developed cultures of busyness, and why it’s now normal to have much of your free time monopolized by meaningless meetings. Furthermore, you’ll learn how you can change your attitude toward time, so that you can become more relaxed and make time in your busy life for the people that matter to you. You’ll also learn what you can do right now to feel less busy and get more done.

Learn exactly what you’re doing with your time, even if it scares you, by keeping a log.

We may not readily admit it, but most of us have an obsession. Laura, for instance, is obsessed with time, and the ways in which we pass it. She’s so obsessed, in fact, that she’s spent years logging how much time she spends on different activities. Her logbook is extremely precise. For example, she could tell you that, on Friday, July 14th, 2017 she got up at precisely 6:45 a.m., spent exactly 45 minutes on paperwork from her child’s school and later, for 30 minutes, dealt with her mail.

Prior to logging her time, Laura thought she had a pretty good handle on how she spent her days. Her logbook, however, quickly showed her that she had had no clue.

For instance, despite often telling people she worked 50 hours a week, she was shocked to discover that she was actually averaging only 40 hours. And she’s not the only one prone to this overestimation. In 2011, a study by the Bureau of Labour Statistics found that people claiming to work more than 75 hours a week were typically overestimating by around 25 hours.

This raises an important question: If we’re not working as much as we think we are, where is our time really going?

Surprisingly, many people don’t want to know the answer to this question. Although rigorous time tracking provides a deeper understanding of how you’re actually spending each week, many of us are resistant to the idea.

For starters, we may worry that tracking time will show us just how many hours we’re wasting on things that aren’t meaningful or beneficial to us or our loved ones. Second, we may fear that tracking our time will constantly remind us of our finite time on earth, which will lead to anxiety about misspending each minute.

Despite these potential downsides, it is found that time tracking allows us to recalibrate our lives. Armed with greater knowledge, we can make positive changes in how we spent our time.

For instance, Jane discovered she was spending almost 327 hours per year on reading trashy magazines, she became motivated to carve out time to plan her reading habits more carefully. After making lists of good books and scheduling time to buy them, she replaced her consumption of celebrity gossip with a more nourishing diet of quality titles.

Make your hours memorable by filling them with exciting moments.

We all have memories, good and bad, which shape who we are today. Interestingly, our memories also play an important role in how we perceive time.

In general, the more memories we make, the more time we’ll feel we’ve had. The reason comes down to how the human brain processes its environment and archives what happens in it.

As we move through daily life, much of what happens to us is quickly archived in the depths of our brain, or thrown out completely. For instance, can you recall what you were doing on today’s date three years ago? Perhaps you can if something particularly noteworthy happened, but if it was a routine day like any other, you probably can’t. Why? Because we don’t think about our established routines. In fact, this lack of thought is why our routines feel so comfortable.

Unfortunately, the result of this lack of thought is that our brains don’t catalogue our routine time. For instance, if you take the same work commute 235 days of the year for around four years, then your brain will typically decide to store all these commutes – approximately one thousand of them – as a single trip! And just like that, one thousand of your precious hours have been whittled down to one. Worryingly, if your brain receives too much sameness such as this, entire years can vanish into memory black holes.

So how can you stretch your perception of time and avoid losing the hours to your routine? The key is to create memories that are intense or novel in some way. Taking vacations, for instance, is a surefire way to generate such memories. Our brains make memories out of novel experiences because they can’t be sure what they’ll need to remember in the future. As a result, they store everything that’s new.

Therefore, if you want to stretch time, have an adventure. For example, in our everyday lives, we may well remember just a handful of interesting occurrences in the course of a fortnight. But by vacationing in an exotic place, you’ll probably obtain that number of novel experiences before you’ve sat down to breakfast.

Our own insecurities keep us constantly busy, so learn to free up your calendar.

Most of us feel so busy all the time that we naturally assume every other hardworking professional must feel the same way. When scheduling a meeting with Jeff Heath, a senior director in a technology company, Laura was shocked when, after asking him when he would be available for an interview, he breezily replied that he was free all week, so when was good for her? How did a senior professional have so much free time?

When pressed on how he managed to keep blank spaces in his schedule, despite working in corporate America, Jeff replied that it was all thanks to his mind-set.

Crucially, he avoids the mental trap that so many other professionals get caught up in. Jeff thinks that despite their lamentations about not having enough free time, most professionals actually don’t like having white space on their calendar. Why? Because having a jammed schedule gives people mental reassurance that they’re doing something productive with their time. For instance, we spend so much time in meetings because they make us feel busy and useful.

According to this busy-is-good attitude, if something is scheduled at a particular time, with particular people, it’s automatically more important than unscheduled events.

Imagine that a couple has arranged for a plumber to deal with a leak in their apartment. The partner who has nothing in his calendar at work that day is much more likely to stay home and let the plumber in than the partner who has several scheduled meetings. But let’s think a little deeper. Are those meetings really more important than the uninterrupted time the other partner might have spent thinking about his biggest work dilemmas? Possibly not.

Avoid this detrimental mind-set by ignoring the temptation to fill all your spare time. You don’t have to value busyness just because the world does. Don’t say yes to meetings simply because you’re theoretically available. And if you’re feeling guilty for declining them, remember that the dirty secret about meetings is that, more often than not, they take up more time than is justified by the issue they’re addressing.

Don’t believe it? Just look at the meetings on your agenda and you’ll probably see that they’re all 30 minutes or an hour long, regardless of how much they need to accomplish. So say no, unless they’re genuinely important.

Spending time with loved ones can stretch our perception of time, and may even increase our lifespan.

Friends enrich our lives, make life feel less lonely and give it more meaning. But what does the time-management literature have to say about lingering with our treasured companions? A strict time-management schedule is incompatible with spending long afternoons and leisurely evenings with friends, right?

It’s a common misconception that time management is incompatible with leisure time with friends. In fact, a smart way to manage your time is to make friendships your priority. Why? Because devoting more time to your important relationships not only makes you happier; it can actually create a perception of having more time.

For example, in a survey of how people spent one particular day, those who spent the most time with family and friends on this day were also most likely to report feeling that they had the most amount of time in general. Conversely, those who felt they had the least amount of time in general were also the most likely to report spending less time with family and friends during this day.

Importantly, it was not the case that those with the lowest time-perception scores actually had less time than any other respondents; rather, it’s that spending time with friends and family is usually a relaxing, feel-good experience, and it therefore makes you feel as though you have all the time in the world. Time spent on, say, Twitter, won’t produce this feeling.

Furthermore, in another survey, those who strongly agreed with the statement “Yesterday, I made time for my loved ones” were 15 percent more likely to also say that, generally, they had enough time in their lives for everything they wanted to do.

Importantly, making time for those you care about may not only stretch your perception of time, but may also, in the long run, literally stretch your time. How? Well, research has shown that people with stronger social connections tend to have a longer life expectancy than those without such social connections.

This is likely the case, because good friends and close family encourage you to look after yourself, as well as care for you when you get ill. These healthy upsides to friendships mean that, when it comes to longevity, maintaining tight relationships is approximately equivalent to stopping smoking.

Accept the constraints on your time and lower your expectations.

Like many of us, Laura has a big family and a hectic life. During a recent and particularly chaotic week, she found herself thinking of those authors who seem to spend months away from their families in secluded garrets, with oodles of time to write. Why wasn’t she able to spend her time like that? Many of us have experienced this uncomfortable disconnect between our expectations and reality, but what can we do to overcome it?

The best thing to do is to alter our expectations of how we should be spending our time.

Importantly, once Laura made a conscious effort to lower her expectations about how much she should accomplish, she seemed magically able to achieve more in the little time she did have. For instance, she found she was suddenly able to write a first draft of a magazine article in a few hours, and could edit that draft in 90-minute windows of time between other domestic commitments.

How did this miracle happen? Well, when we lower our expectations of how much we can achieve, we no longer waste time worrying that we should be doing more. We often cause ourselves pain when our expectations become bigger than reality. This self-imposed suffering then leads to hours of worry about our unproductivity, which, in turn, prevents us from savoring the time we actually have.

Therefore, rather than holding big expectations about all the time you should be spending on your work, the key to long-term success is to consistently set and meet low expectations.

Consider the advances that a small child makes in learning language. Their development is not a matter of long hours of strict language lessons and harsh punishments for gradual progress. Rather, children advance slowly, and are praised for every new word acquired and for each minor linguistic breakthrough. To make a similar amount of progress toward our own goals, we adults should also adopt expectations of slow and gradual advancement.

Spend your money on enlarging pleasant experiences and minimizing bad ones.

We each have an equal amount of time allotted to us – 168 hours a week to be exact. However, while our weeks contain the same number of hours, our bank accounts don’t contain equal funds. But where does our bank balance figure in our quest for happiness? Does money make us happy, or is it simply the case that the more money we have, the more problems we can expect?

Interestingly, when it comes to money and happiness, it’s how you use your money – not how much money you have – that matters.

Money can boost happiness if you use it to buy things that facilitate pleasant experiences. These experiences later become fond memories – continuous wells of pleasure from which we can draw mental sustenance. Importantly, cherished memories aren’t subject to the diminishing returns of happiness that physical objects usually are. For instance, a child given a new toy will initially be excited to play with it. After a while, though, she will likely grow bored and stop using it. In other words, it will stop bringing her joy. In contrast, if you buy a tent and then use it to go camping, that tent may bring you lasting happiness. Why? Because you will forever remember the starry nights and campfires of that trip.

Additionally, if money is used to boost our happiness, we must rethink how we measure such happiness.

When we consider how happy we are, we often think only of life satisfaction, which refers to how well we think our life is going in general.

So, if you have a great job and a good house, you may consider yourself happy. However, this life satisfaction may not be the best measure of your happiness. Indeed, your moods are often much more driven by your hour-to-hour experiences than by your overall life satisfaction. For instance, your mood may often be depressed if you have a grueling daily commute to that dream job.

With this reality in mind, we can begin to assess which of our daily activities bring us happiness, and which make us miserable. We can then strategically use our money to either enlarge or minimize these activities. For instance, research has shown that commuting to work is often the unhappiest time of a person’s day. If this is true for you, too, then you could use your money to move closer to the office, thus reducing that commute and boosting your mood. Though this may cost a significant amount of money, it would be an important investment in your happiness.

Have time for adventures.

Ever feel like time just slips from one end of the hourglass to the other? No one can make more time, but a few simple strategies can make the time we have feel richer and fuller. Here are five tips on how to feel less busy while getting more done.

1. Figure out where the time really goes. People tell themselves plenty of stories about where the time goes (“I’m so busy! I have no free time at all!”) but why not find out for sure? Try tracking your time for a week. You can use an app, a spreadsheet, a notebook – whatever works. Most people discover that they have some pockets of time that can be redeployed for meaningful activities if they wish.

2. Plan in little adventures. When time isn’t memorable, we don’t remember it. That’s how whole years can disappear into memory sinkholes. Try planning in little adventures to make the days stand out from each other. These adventures don’t have to be elaborate. Grab colleagues for a picnic lunch. Take the kids to a playground after dinner. Just do something to switch up the routine.

3. Be careful with “yes.” If you want to have time for adventures, you can’t pack your schedule with things you don’t want to do. One strategy? When asked to do something in the future, ask yourself if you’d do it tomorrow. That makes the opportunity costs clearer. If the answer is that you’d move things around or cancel things to fit in this new obligation, then by all means say yes. But if the answer is absolutely no for tomorrow, probably that should be your answer for the future, too.

4. Slow down. Rushing just makes you feel rushed. Try noticing a moment when all is calm. Consciously call your attention to sights, sounds, details. Take deep breaths. Savoring good moments makes them seem longer – and that can stretch the experience of time.

5.Put friends on your calendar. People who spend lots of time with family and friends actually feel like they have more time than people who spend equivalent quantities of time watching TV or perusing social media. A dinner party takes effort, but it’s more rewarding than looking at photos on Instagram of other people’s dinner parties. Aim to schedule in relaxed time with friends this week. You’ll look forward to it – and feel like you’re the kind of person who has the time to get together with friends. That will make you feel less busy right there.

We all have the same amount of time each week, but our mind-set can greatly influence our perception of that time. Spending time with family and friends, and making fond memories, makes us feel as if we have more time. In contrast, worrying about our productivity and going through the motions of a boring routine can make us feel like we have less. In order to make the most of our time, it’s important to stop worrying, ditch the routine and start having adventures with those we love.

[reprisedpiece]

Happy Trails

Pairing: Mike Faist x Reader

Warning: Mentions of some swear words and sex-related stuff, a bit fluffly at first but steamy towards the end ;-)

Prompt: After a year being the understudy for Zoe Murphy, you finally got the role of Veronica Sawyer in Heathers as it debuts in Broadway. The entire gang is happy for you (((until Mike finds about the choreography for Dead Girl Walking))).

Requested: Nope. (but someone should have)

Word Count: 1918

Note: OKAY I KNOW that heathers only had an off-broadway production but lets pretend that it makes a broadway debut here. Hope y’all enjoy this. ((also, if i made a part 2 for this it would me smut smut smut so hmu if u want that to happen)) 

MASTERLIST

————-

“You have to answer it.”

“Ben’s right, Y/N. This could be it. You could be a real star.”

“Dude, we won best musical this year. She’s already a star.”

“I know but she could be a lead star this time, not an understudy star.”

“Way to help in calming down those nerves, Will.” 

“Alright, everybody just shut the fuck up!” You exclaimed, silencing everyone in the room. 

Your eyes dart back towards the vibrating phone sitting on the table, chewing your lip as you continue to grow anxious. 

Everyone in the room stared at you with wide eyes. They didn’t know how to help you in a time like this. A few months ago you auditioned for the role of Veronica Sawyer for ‘Heathers: The Musical” as it makes its Broadway debut for the first time. You remembered watching a show from its off-Broadway production a few years back and you instantly fell in love with it, especially with the way Barrett hit those notes in every single song. Since then, you worked your way into getting the role of Veronica. That included hours of voice, dance, and theatre training. 

Then you got a job. You became the understudy for Zoe Murphy in Dear Evan Hansen and you couldn’t be happier. You met Mike Faist and to say that the two of you weren’t close would be a lie.

It started off with innocent flirtation, which lead to dirty innuendoes, and ended with plain admiration from one another. You liked him, you liked having him around you. He’s always there to make you feel confident with your abilities and he never fails to show you just how talented you are. He truly brings out the best in you.

You liked your job. You got the chance to spend time with an amazing team and an even more amazing cast. But when the announcement on the search for Heathers: The Musical cast members was made, you knew you had a shot at making your dream a reality.

Now here you are, sitting in a circle with all your cast members. Mike was sitting beside you, rubbing your back softly as you contemplated on answering the call.

“Okay, but what if I don’t get it?”

Everyone groaned. Will stood up and made his way towards the table. “You will never know unless you take the call.”

You quickly stood up, running towards the table and shielding the phone from Will. “Back to where you were! No one’s touching that phone but me.”

“You better answer it now! Before they hang up, Y/N.” Ben said loudly.

You kneeled in front of the table, still hesitant. “I might not even get the role. Bad news is only bad news if you answer the phone.” You say, chuckling nervously.

You hear Mike shuffle behind you. “For the love of God,” Before you can even turn around, Mike put a hand on your waist and reached for the phone with the other. You shriek in surprise as you grab a hold of his wrist. 

He raised his eyebrows towards your grip and then to you, signalling for you to let go. When he doesn’t feel even the slightest bit of falterer in your hold, he uses his other hand to grip your hand and peel it off his wrist.

“I got it.” He mouths to you, smiling. You nodded slowly as you chew your lip. 

It’s a bad habit of yours; to chew your lip whenever you get nervous. Mike’s eyes take a glance of your swollen lip, momentarily thinking how it would feel against his own before pressing the green button on your phone.

You watched in horror as he takes the call. “Hello? Yeah, Y/N isn’t around but i can pass your message along.” He spoke into the phone.

You tried standing up as you possibly could not sit still in a moment like this when you realized Mike still has not let go of your hand. He gave a light tug towards his direction, motioning for you to sit back down.

You shook your head and proceeded to stand up, dragging him with you as you started pacing across the room.

You mumbled a series of oh no’s and oh god’s while the rest watches the two of you.

“They are dating, right?” Kristolyn points out.

Laura shakes her head. “They’re both too blind to even admit that they like each other.

“But it’s right there. Mike is literally being the supportive boyfriend right now.” Will says, watching as you nearly tripped on a pillow.

Mike suddenly pulls you to his side to keep you from falling over.  

“You okay?” He mouthed at you. You nodded, feeling your entire face heating up as he kept his hand on your lower back, still talking to the man on the phone. 

“And just look at that. They’re so oblivious, it’s not even funny anymore.” Will continues. Everyone hums in agreement when Mike ended the phone call.

All eyes were on Mike as he took a deep breath.

“Y/N…”

“I didn’t get it. It’s okay. I still hav-” You started to walk away, head down as you tried to stay optimistic.

His next words made you stop in your tracks. 

“You got it.”

Your head snaps towards the long-haired man who held your phone in his hand.

“What?” You spoke softly, tears welling up. 

He smiled at you, handing you your phone. “You are now Broadway’s very first Veronica Sawyer.”

It took five seconds for his words to sink in and everyone started cheering. The room filled with cheers of “Congratulations!” and “Happy trails!”.

You felt your heart was going to explode. Words could not express the joy you were feeling. You did it. All your hardwork has paid off. 

The tears finally fell and Mike opened his arms, a huge grin plastered on his face.

You immediately ran up to him as he held you. His lips move to your ear to whisper. “I am extremely proud of you.”

You smiled as you nuzzled your face against his chest. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“No, Y/N. This was all you.”

The cheering still hasn’t died down. Everyone was happy for you.

“My fake daughter’s leaving!” Michael exclaimed, looking at you with a pout.

You pulled away from Mike’s embrace as you giggled at Michael’s comment.

“Technically, I’m your back-up fake daughter.”

“Still my fake daughter.” 

Laura and Kristolyn threw their arms around you.

“Congratulations on your first lead role, Y/N!” Laura said.

You reciprocated their hug. “Thank you.” You say, your cheeks starting to hurt a little from smiling.

Ben quickly made a beeline towards you and hugged you really tight as he spun you around. You giggled loudly when he continued shouting congratulations. He put you down, pressing a kiss on your cheek.

“You’ll be great out there. It was the easiest job I had, falling in love you every performance.” He said, smiling at how cheesy his statement was.

You thanked Ben with with a smile. Suddenly, you felt arms wrapping around you from behind. You turned your head around to see Mike smiling down at you.

“Jealous?” You said jokingly, chuckling at his actions. He tightened his grip around you. 

“Maybe.” You felt him press a kiss on your temple, leaving a tingling feeling on your skin.

That alone made your entire face red. You tried hiding it but it was too late.

“Look! She’s already red from a kiss on the cheek. Imagine how red she’s gonna be during the choreography for Dead Girl Walking.” Will spoke, laughing loudly with the rest of the cast.

“What’s with the choreography?” Mike asked innocently.

Kristolyn giggled. “You seriously don’t know?”

Mike shook his head. “I know the songs but I haven’t seen the choreography.”

Ben sighed, pulling out his phone. “C’mere, I’ll show you a bootleg of-”

“No!” You shrieked, pushing Ben’s hand away from the two of you. At this point, your face was already red like a tomato.

Mike shrugged. “I’ve danced all my life. I’m sure I can help Y/N with that if it’s that hard, right?” He said, looking down at you with an innocent smile.

Everyone started laughing as you felt your face heat up even more, imagining Mike playing as JD. It would be a lie if you said you weren’t turned on with that. That idea had you unconsciously rub your thighs together. 

That sudden movement had Mike clearing his throat, adjusting his position. “Are you alright?” He whispered.

You nodded quickly, not able to form words at the moment.

“Mike, it’s a sex ballad.” Laura chuckled.

Mike’s eyes widened as his grip around you tightened even more, fingers digging into your hip. “What?”

“Listen to the lyrics. It’s about Veronica having sex with JD. The choreography is pretty much making out and humping in front of everyone else.” She continued.

Mike’s eyes widened, pulling you ever so slightly away from his chest so your behind wouldn’t feel the tent forming in his jeans. His mind couldn’t stop picturing Y/N rehearsing that song with him. 

“Oh.”

You couldn’t feel your face anymore. The redness has already creeped down to your neck while everyone else talks about Heathers.

“How do the actors keep it down during that song? Because if it were me, it would be too hard.” Will stated, laughing at the double meaning of what he just said.

You cleared your throat. “I guess the actor uses a cup? or maybe the actor isn’t into girls?” You say, voice faltering a bit.

“Oh. Well if that were Mike, doing that would be a bit difficult. Right?” Will said, tilting his head towards Mike.

Before he could answer, you pulled way from him. “I’ll just splash some water on my face alright? I’m not feeling too well.” You said quickly, making your way towards the bathroom.

You closed the door behind you with a bang and leaned towards the sink, splashing water on your face. You were getting too turned on with all the comments they were giving. Right now, you had to take your mind off the gutter before it gets too much. 

With your hands still covering your face, you heard the door open. You lift your head, only to see Mike standing a few meters away from you.

“Mike, this is the women’s bathr-”

“I can help you rehearse.” He said, cutting you off.

The tension in the room was thick. You tightened your grip on the sink as you felt your knees weaken.

“What?”

He moved closer towards you until he had you pinned against the sink. He placed his hands on your hips, pushing your shirt up just enough for him to brush his thumb against your skin. He brushed your hair to the side of your neck and you felt his lips against your neck.

You inhaled sharply. He pressed a tender kiss behind your ear.

“I can help you rehearse, ” He whispered. You felt him take your earlobe between his teeth, sucking on the skin softly.

You whimper as he tightens his grip on your hips, his foot pushing your legs apart. You pressed your center against his thigh, rutting your hips against his denim jeans. All his attention is still on your neck as he leaves hickeys, sucking and nibbling on the exposed skin. 

Your breathing quickens. 

“…You just have to tell me how it goes.”

| part 2 here |

[shydaydreamer28]

Redemption

Just a very short fan statement + observation. I have seen many comments from fans who HATE the Inversion for Sabretooth because he’s too evil to be redeemed.

I disagree, because other character who were just as bad still manage to be accepted as heroes or least have positive influences. Some Marvel examples would be Deadpool & Daken. These two seem to have MANY fans who love them as "heroes." Both of them are pieces of crap. lol 

Deadpool has said he gets pleasure in killing, and the editor of his comics -Jordan D. White, outright says he's a bad person -numerous times! And Deadpool’s goodness isn’t exactly genuine, since he has to make extreme effort to be so. And even then, the effort is purely selfish. He’s not trying to change because he knows he should. He’s trying to change because he wants friends & validation. I believe Spider-Man called him out on it -saying that he doesn’t wanna be a hero, he wants the attention that comes with being seen as one. Daken has emotionally manipulated people with no problem. He drove one lover to suicide with mind-games so there'd be no loose ends in his plans. And he has sex with people strictly as a form of manipulation. Word of God even states he doesn’t care for sex, it’s just a tool he uses. He’s arguably a rapist. He’s tried to kill his father, and is an overall sadist. So I think if these guys can seen as heroes, then people's standards can't be too high. lol Sabretooth should fit right in. When Bunncanny X-Men came on the scene, many were automatically disgusted at the idea of Sabretooth & Monet as a pairing. Why? Because Creed's a rapist and too old. Mystique is also a rapist & genocidal -she had sex with Sabretooth in euphoria after a mass murdering. But many love her relationship with Destiny. Deadpool is a cold-blooded killer and sadist. He got Siryn’s affection and people still shipping them to this day. Daken is FAR from a good person -and arguably a rapist, but everyone loves his bond with Laura and ships him with other characters. Wolverine is a murderer and scumbag who goes after other men's wives. Why is Sabretooth beyond a positive relationship, but these others aren't? NONE of them are good people. 

A non-Marvel example of a character who was just as evil, but is now a very beloved hero.

Here he is

And this is who Inverted Sabretooth was modeled after. I think Remember was the one who stated that Sabretooth was intended as am Angelus - Angel story.

I made a separate post that covered the similarities, so i’ll provide a link

http://recipemaker.tumblr.com/post/167220345861/all-boxes-check-out-except-the-last-one-to-a

I’m seeing a lot of parallel here. Angelus was the exact same type of villain as Sabretooth, and done all the same evil -except much more since he's been around 100+ years longer than Creed. Both fell for women who are hundreds of years their junior. But they're basically immortal -so MOST women are gonna be hundreds of years their junior. I don't think age should be a factor when a character is immortal -long as they're not going after children. 

I think Inuyasha & Kagome have a higher creepy-factor...

Inuyasha has looked like a teen for 200 years, and Kagome is human teenager when they got  "married." She's gonna age faster than he is, so she'll grow up and look like an adult, while he's still a teenager. Good thing they live in the Feudal era where that’s acceptable. lol

Also, in addition to Angel, Spike is absolutely horrible. Not to say Buffy was great. But people love them together. Spike tried to manipulate Buffy into sex at one point, then tried to rape her when she called it off. They have a mutually abusive relationship. But he's Buffy's man, and part of a very beloved HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL pairing. I don't see Creed + Monet being worse than this -they seemto be in the Angel x Buffy category.

Sabretooth is NOT the only villain of his caliber to change. Now he’s in Weapon X, and Greg Pak hasn’t done well with him, to say the least. But prior to Weapon X, Creed was Angel. I don’t see how he’s beyond redemption given some of the other terrible characters who have gotten it. Deadpool repeatedly gets it, and repeatedly betrays everyone.

[headingnobowhiteblazes]

Looking Back On 2,200 Miles

It has been over five months since I have finished my thru hike of the Appalachian Trail. I bring it up every opportunity I have and love sharing my stories, memories, and experiences. I started my journey to find the breaking point of my body and mind. The average thru hike takes 6 to 8 months, and I completed my hike in 3 months 29 days. When I speak of my trek to others, I feel that I have earned the right to be cocky, to have a little swagger. During my entire hike I remained humble. I always said was attempting to thru hike, and stayed humble to the trail. But now that I look back on my journey, I have joined the exclusive group that call themselves thru hikers. Since 1937, only 15,000 people on the planet have done what I have done. I am now Guac, Appalachian Trail Thru Hiker, GA to ME - NOBO 2017.

Did the AT break me? Did I find the mental and physical breaking point of my body?

This one is hard to answer… I do not think it broke me, and the only reason I say that is because I finished. If it had broken me I do not think I would have made it to the end. But how can I truly say the trail did not break me? It did break me down physically, emotionally, and mentally on a regular basis. It brought me to tears countless times and I had to dig deep to continue to walk. My trail families said “Guac is having a bad day” too many times for me to say I was not broken. When I speak of the trail, I say: “It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life”. I mean every word of that statement. The AT was the hardest, most grueling, difficult thing I have done up to this point in my life. But I do not regret it. I honestly believe that we grow as people when we break out of our comfort zones. When we force ourselves to do something new and out of the ordinary. “Guac” may no longer be hiking but there will always be a part of Guac in me forever.

Did I gain that independence I was looking for?

NOT AT ALL!  There isn’t one part of me that is upset about this. I had this perception of the trail that I would be alone all the time. That I would be walking alone, eating alone, and sleeping alone. That was not the case. Laura best described it by saying it was “one big continuous sleepover”. There were moments I would walk alone. In some cases there was no around around and others I choose to be alone. But the trail was extremely social and I loved it. It is what I kept falling back to on the long days. After a miserable day of walking, it was my trail families that kept me smiling, enjoying, and loving the journey. When I look back on the trip, I miss it a lot. I think about it all the time. I can’t help but smile when I think of what I did. But do I really miss the endless walking, countless miles, blisters, sore feet, lost toe nails, wet socks and shoes? No, not at all. I miss the smiles, laughter and bonds that I made with my trail families. I miss Scrip, Pacer, Cyrilia, Pete’s Dragon, Downwind, Tree Walker, Lone Ranger, Uncle Heather, Sprout, and Root.

There is a bond that grows and develops on the trail that you cannot replicate. It is more than a friendship. The best way I can describe is, it is just “surviving”. I will never forget the moments when I would run out of water and we would all stop for a water break and Scrip, Tree Walker, or Pacer would give me some of their water. Why!? They did not have to do that. I was the one that ran out of water and didn’t have any left. They were the ones that carried it all those miles for me to just take it from them.

There were countless times when we would be at camp and I would get water for the entire group while they all set up. Or it was me that would relax while Scrip or Downwind got the water. We were all fighting for the same goal, an outrageous goal of 2,200 miles. We all helped each other along the way and made sure we all made it. You truly love those you hike with. You laugh, cry, bleed, and hurt with each other. You become emotionally attached to those you are around. They truly become your family.

I miss “supper time”. We made sure none of us ever ate alone. It still makes me smile thinking of when I first started to hike with Pacer and Downwind and I yelled at them to wait until we all got to camp for “family supper”. Whenever Scrip and I reunited after being apart for a few days, he always told me that the thing he missed most was dinner. We would all set up camp, gather around, and share treats and food if anyone of us was ever running low. I still remember our potluck dinners of hot dogs, Knorr Sides, Mountain Houses, tortillas, salad, crackers, and anything else we could pull out of our food bags. We would eat like kings and every day we all knew no matter how miserable and terrible the day was, there would always be a warm meal at the end of the day with your trail family.

I did inspire, but you all inspired me.

I want all of you that are reading this to know that I was, and still am truly moved by how many of you followed along. It is still amazing to run into people and have them mention that they read every single one of my posts. People that I haven’t seen in years reading my blog. I am shocked and honored that you all followed along. There are plenty of other things to read or watch on the internet but you chose to read this blog. I was an honor to know so many were following. It was a huge motivating factor during my hike. If I failed, I wouldn’t just be letting myself down, I would be letting every single one of you down. I hope one of you, just one, is moved and inspired by my blog and journey and do something with it. Take that jump off the deep end and see what happens, see where life takes you.

I have been contacted by a few people about my thru hike and they have mentioned that they would like to start their own journey on the Appalachian Trail. It makes me emotional thinking about it. When this idea about thru hiking first crossed my mind, I was reading countless blogs and articles online. I was reading about previous hikers like Rabbit and Biz. They were a major inspiration for me and I hope that one of you out there decides to pack what you think it takes in a backpack and start following those white blazes. Trust me, you will not regret it.

I can’t help but smile and cry at the same time when I think about what I did. I actually did the entire thing. I made it from Georgia to Maine, on foot, hiking 2,200 miles. It is still remarkable to me and doesn’t feel real. I am asked all the time what the trail was like, and would I do it again.

The trail was everything…

The trail was hard, difficult, brutal, sucked, terrible, wet, cold, muddy, buggy, and just plain horrible at times. But at the same time it was AMAZING, beautiful, rewarding, unforgettable and truly life changing. I thought about the yo-yo hiker, Skippyjon Jones, that turned right around at Katahdin and headed back to Springer. I can see why. I miss it, and yes I would do it all again. I do not regret being out there. Even as I sit here writing this post still letting my feet and body recover, I can’t help but smile and cry thinking about being back on trail with the Savages, Just the Boys, and The Deli Boys. I have been out on the trail every chance I’ve had since being back. I have told everyone I can that I am a thru hiker. I loved my journey.

Am I different?

Yes, I think I have changed. I feel that my relationship with Laura is a lot stronger now. I learned how much I needed her and loved her while being apart from her.

I learned that I can walk anywhere. There is no where that is not within walking distance to me now.

I am more confident in myself. I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. Nothing is impossible to me. I am stronger mentally and physically.

Dream big, dream even bigger, and swing for the fences. Guac on! I have learned to never stop dreaming. Dream crazy, stupid, and ridiculous. Have dreams and go after them. Chase them down and fulfill those big dreams.

Thank you.

I want to thank my wife, Laura. I wouldn’t have made it without her. She may not have walked the miles but she was there every step of the way. She let me go, she supported me along the way, she mailed me the food that kept me going. Since my hike, I have been getting all the congratulations. Laura has only been told three times that her journey was just as amazing and received congratulations. She sacrificed a lot so that I could walk. She is a remarkable person for letting me take on the AT.

I want to thank my family for all the love and support along the way. The support from family and friends was empowering and amazing. All the cards, care packages, text messages. Thank you, all of you!

I want to give a big and special thank you to Nicko Nagel. I called you multiple times while I was on trail and every call I was tears. I was broken down and didn’t want to continue when I called. No matter what you were doing or what meeting you were in, you dropped everything to talk to me. Nicko, thank you for listening to me. Thank you for telling me exactly what I needed to hear at those moments. You kept me going and for that I love you and will never forget what you did.

Scrip… Do I even need to say anything? I have been fortunate enough to see you since we have both finished. We walked a long time together brother and it was amazing. Thank you for everything.

Happy Trails,

Guac - GA to ME 2017 - NOBO '17

[sudanhelp53-blog]

What We Read in 2018

It’s the end of the year and we’re going to round up all the books Team LCK and beyond read in 2018! If you are looking for an eclectic list of new and old books to add to your reading list, scroll down!

2018 Reading List

I am excited to round up our 2018 reading list filled with the books we’ve read, and loved, in 2018! We’ve rounded up an eclectic list of books by including reading list from myself, Kelli (a member of the LCK team), my husband Mike and my brother Adam. Everybody has such different books lists! It’s safe to say there is a bit of something for everyone here!

P.S. Did you know we have a virtual book club? We started it this year in 2018, and basically we read a book and chat in the Facebook group on a specific date about it! Interested? Join the Facebook group here.

Lexi’s Top Book Picks of 2018:

So many of these books were real page-turners that I couldn’t put down. I highly recommend them all! They are largely fiction books.

The Light We Lost: I could not put this book down! “Lucy is faced with a life-altering choice. But before she can make her decision, she must start her story—their story—at the very beginning.” This book keeping me up wanting to read more and more of it. A really unique, beautiful story.

The Silent Wife: Another quick, suspenseful read.

The Perfect Stranger: I LOVED this book. It has twist and turns, makes you second guess characters, and was a quick, great read.

The Marsh Kings Daughter: Totally suspenseful. “Helena has a secret: she is the product of an abduction. Her mother was kidnapped as a teenager by her father and kept in a remote cabin in the marshlands of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. Helena, born two years after the abduction, loved her home in nature–fishing, tracking, hunting. And despite her father’s odd temperament and sometimes brutal behavior, she loved him, too … until she learned precisely how savage a person he could be.” I couldn’t put this one down.

The Great Alone: A must read. Takes place in Alaska and really is a unique book that shows you life in a totally different way. I really loved this book!

The Last Mrs. Parrish: It took me a bit to get into this book because I really didn’t like one of the characters, but once I got into it, I couldn’t put it down.

The Woman In The Window: I was deep into this story from the beginning. What you assume is totally not the case, and worth the read.

The Wife Between Us: The title is not what you think! Twist and turns that will keep you guessing the whole time. I loved this book. A total page turner.

Still Me: If you’ve read Me Before You and After You, read this last sequel. I really enjoyed it to tie together the story.

Behind Closed Doors: Dark! Totally suspenseful. I read this in two days flat. If you love a good dark page-turner, grab this book!

Little Fires Everywhere: I really liked this book, but it took me a bit to get into. It’s not in my top 5, but I think it’s worth a read!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F—: A great book for some life perspective!

The Power of Vulnerability (Audiobook): A great listen. If you love Brene Brown, you’ll love this listen.

Currently reading (on the beach):

Kelli’s top picks that she read this year:

These are largely non-fiction books, with a bend toward women in the work place and parenting.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown: All of Brene Brown’s books are really fantastic if you are interested in understanding yourself and other humans a bit more empathetically and honestly, and this one is no different. Daring Greatly means leaning in to the hard and heavy stuff in your life to live more whole-heartedly. I found the section on raising kids also really game changing and self-affirming as well. Pick this one up if you’d like to be a better human.

How to Get Sh*t Done by Erin Falconer: This book isn’t about adding more items to your t0-do list, it’s actually about how to reduce what is on your to do list so you can truly get more (and meaningful) stuff done in your life. It is geared towards woman in the working world but also is just a great manifesto for woman living in this current day and age.

Know Your Value by Mike Brzezinski: If you are a woman living in 2018, you should read this book. This book talks about everyday struggles that woman living now face, especially in the working world, and how to know your value and overcome them. This is a large statement but I would say this book was probably the most pivotal book I’ve read in my adult life.

Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids by Laura Markham: This book I’ve slowly been reading for about a year and during the rough cycles of parenting two toddlers I reread old chapters to remind myself of what is important. It’s a nice handbook to have to help have peaceful interactions in your home, without being preachy. And it offers great advice on how to truly connect with your children and empathize with them in a meaningful way.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: This book should be given out to all parents when their children are born. It offers extremely practically advice on how to respect your children as whole beings that really creates a positive meaningful relationship with your children. If you are struggling with how to talk with your kids, or  are in need of some behavioral changes at home this is definitely a must read for all ages of kids. We all want to do better as parents and this is such a practical book to help you get there.

Currently Reading:

Adam’s top picks that he read this year:

My brother Adam Kornblum is one of the most interesting, creative, intellectual, hard-working guys I know! I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother! Learn more about him through his LinkedIn here! His books reflect him so perfectly with a mix of history, education, psychology and more.

The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene: This author (famous for The 48 Laws of Power, 33 Strategies of War and more) offers real insight into human behavior, and provides interesting historical stories to show you how he derived at the insight, and then provides action steps to utilize each law. You can read the book in a linear fashion or through individual chapters. Both are utterly rewarding.

Principles by Ray Dalio: Ray Dalio is the founder of Bridgewater, one of the largest financial hedgefunds in the world. He shares the principles that helped him succeed both personally and professionally.  One of the differentiators of his business principles is his “radical transparency” environment. In short, everything is recorded and feedback is swift and brutally honest. It’s not for everyone but it certainly is an interesting concept. You can also follow Ray on social media—he provides the key points of each of his Principles.

A Treatise of Human Nature by David Hume: If you ever had thoughts on why people behave the way they do but feel you just can’t articulate how to say it, read David Hume. He’s an 18th century philosopher and truly deciphers human nature in an easy-to-digest way. Hume defines laws of human nature, specially analyzing what governs human behavior—concluding that passion trumps reason. It has been said that Hume is responsible for cognitive science and is one of the most influential figures in the history of philosophy.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a must-read for me every year! Some of what Carnegie shares are things which you know but truly need to be reminded of. For example, simply remembering someone’s name or legitimately caring about what others care about makes the difference. In the end, you’ll realize influencing people happens when you care. And, when you care, you find yourself winning friends which builds prosperous relationships. When both parties win in a relationship, it’s less about influencing by itself.

Ogilvy on Advertising in the Digital Age by Miles Young: Ogilvy is one of the largest advertising agencies in the world and I’m proud to have worked there for six and half years. Miles Young, Ogilvy’s former Chairman & CEO, and now the Warden of New College, picks up where the great David Ogilvy left off [in his book Ogilvy on Advertising]. Young shares key marketing principles in the digital age highlighting some of the best marketing and communications work in the last decade. He explains digital marketing easily and very clearly.

Re-reading Influence by Robert Cialdini: In college I read Philosophical Explanation by Robert Nozick, that breaks down the difference between coercion and influence. It read as if he viewed the world in black and white. You are either influencing to convince people or coercing (or failing at both, of course). Coercing someone is as bad as it sounds which led me on a quest to understand what influencing behavior actually means. Robert Cialdini’s Influence doesn’t solely tell you why people react like they do,  but he advises you to look out for the tricks so you don’t fall for them yourself. I also recommend Cialdini’s sequel Pre-Suasion, too. When I started my career, I created a game and was able to sell it to Hasbro. Having no knowledge of the business world, I relied heavily on this book, as well as others,  to help me avoid a few traps. I re-read Influence every year.

Walt Disney by Neil Gabler: Walt Disney had a lot of struggles from when he started his career as an animator to the early days of The Walt Disney Company. Disney proves that with intense focus, a strive for pure excellence, and to act with the utmost conviction whether you’re right or wrong are keys to success and purpose in life.

Republic by Plato: What I love about philosophy is despite reading this book at least 20 times, I discover something new each time. As another Greek philosopher once closely remarked, No person ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he/she not the same person. If you only read one excerpt, you should read The Allegory of the Cave (VII). The movie The Matrix’s illustrates the meaning. Both the passage and the movie ask the same metaphysical question around ‘what is real?’

And lastly my husband Mike’s top picks he read this year:

Mike’s list, much like Adam, reflects a varied range of non-fiction, spirituality and history!

Sapiens and Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari: Unbelievable perspectives of understanding out history as a human species and where we may be going in the future. Sapiens should is a must read for anyone.

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins: A no-nonsense book about cutting through the bullshit of your mind that says you can’t do something. Also an incredibly moving memoir of someone who has experience incredibly deep struggle in their life.

A Theory of Everything by Ken Wilbur: An introduction to Integral theory, which is an incredible way of understanding the world. If you often listen to opposing perspectives and think they are both right, this book is for you.

Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa: Embarking on a spiritual path can always lead to you thinking that you are a “spiritual person” This ends up being a massive pitfall. This book is the best antidote to that.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi: An incredibly emotional and eyeopening memoir about the medical system.

Atomic Habits by James Clear: The best and most complete advice for creating habits and properly sticking to them.

Lexi’s Reading List for 2019:

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark

Then She Was Gone

YOU

The Kind Worth Killing

Into the Water

The Perfect Nanny

Tempting Fate

Ghosted

Educated, A Memoir

Into the Darkest Corner

The Good Girl

Everything We Left Behind

A Stranger in the House

One Day in December

All We Ever Wanted

Our Kind 0f Cruelty

Before We Were Yours

Recommended by you (via Instagram!):

The Four Agreements

Michelle Obama’s Becoming

The Dinner List

Calypso

Verity

When Life Gives you Lululemons

Girl’s Night Out

The Story Ends with Us

Crazy Rich Asians

The Simple Favor

Homegoing

Eight Hundred Grapes

The Perfect Couple

The Nightingale (read this)

The Help (read this)

P.S. This post may contain affiliate links. By shopping through these links, we make a (very small) percentage of your sale. You don’t pay any more! This helps support the growth of LCK and our team, so thank you in advance! All our love!

What books did you read this year that you loved?

Source: https://lexiscleankitchen.com/2018-books/