#I remember catching up with the storyline years later and being baffled

[ohsoverylittlehoneybee]

#/i love orube so much. i love her arc so much. i wish they had allowed her to fully finish it#/it's still good the way it is but HHHH THEY COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING WITH HER AND CEDRIC#/i'm on my cedrube bullshit literally always but imagine fashioning yourself a perfect servant of kandrakar#/and then falling for a villain who's currently messing up his probation#/orube had ALL the settings to deeply sympathise with cedric's motivations while also staying aware of the lines he crosses#/and she does sympathise with him so much re.: the being far from home and earth being confusing thing!#/now what if they had gotten to bond over the 'we were always told what to do and discouraged from making independent decisions' thing?!#/we'd be living in a utopia rn#/let orube learn something from cedric as well! please!#/let her use that 'oh i'm gonna let the astral drops go' energy on him! i had genuinely expected that to be her arc when i first read this!#/and then it WASN'T#/yes i am still crying over cedrube over a decade later no talk me i angy#/anyways i love them and i think they should kiss and found their own independent cultivation sect - wait wrong franchise#/(the issue with applying 'if something is not the story you want it to be let it go' to w.i.t.c.h. is that w.i.t.c.h. WAS that story.)#/(for 4.5 arcs. as shown above! the change was very sudden!)#long post#w.i.t.c.h.#[talk less smile more]#/i am on my 'w.i.t.c.h. is really fucking good actually' agenda again and i will die be buried and decompose on this hill.

Today's take of undefined temperature: The W.i.t.c.h. comics have an overarching narrative, and while it was obviously not planned out from the beginning, it is fairly coherent until the end of the Trial of the Oracle arc. Hear me out.

Here are the main arcs, summarised for your convenience with a focus on what I believe to be the narrative golden thread. (Disclaimer that I don't have the comics with me rn, they just got tattooed onto my brain tissue when I was 12. So feel free to correct me if I get anything Very Wrong.)

Twelve Portals arc. The girls are tossed into an ongoing intergalactic conflict and given immense magical powers with little to no guidance on how to deal with that. Since Kandrakar is not allowed to interfere with anything except through its guardians in matters that concern the general safety of the universe or its own interests, the girls have to make their own decisions.

Because they have a stake in the Meridian civil war, they join the side of the rebellion and help Elyon claim the throne. The barrier between worlds falls. While Kandrakar generally approves of this, it was highly unorthodox.

This comes back to bite them in the shape of Luba messing with the quasars to take the W.i.t.c.h. out. This leads to Nerissa's awakening.

Nerissa arc. Ho boi.

The W.i.t.c.h. uncover the disastrous story of the former guardians, which includes a straight-up murder within the group. Will struggles with the responsibility of carrying the heart, which got to Nerissa's head. The girls meet Kadma and find out that she and Halinor broke ties with Kandrakar completely over Cassidy's death, which the Oracle knew about and let happen due to the rule of non-interference.

Can we take a moment to appreciate how fucked up the Nerissa arc is? Thank you. Moving on.

There Are Three Arcs Happening At Once Things Just Keep Fucking Happening arc. In the wake of all of That [gestures at Nerissa], Taranee decides that Kandrakar messing with her bodily autonomy and "curing" her eyesight is the last straw. She doesn't want to be used without being able to make her own informed decisions anymore and quits.

She is replaced by Orube, Luba's mentee, who is less than thrilled about working with the girls she blames for Luba's death. Orube is incredibly loyal to Kandrakar and initially rejects anything that isn't straightforward compliance with its orders. The Oracle is however a pretty interesting character who appreciates some unorthodoxy, and thus sends her to Earth. I want to stress that Orube only goes along with that due to her sense of duty. She does not actually want it.

Arkhanta is fundamentally a filler plot, though Ari's grievances do add to the theme of Kandrakar being flawed, and Yua fits the autonomy theme. More importantly though, the Arkantha missions and life on Earth make Orube more open-minded. She comes to consider the W.i.t.c.h. her friends and mentors and learns that sometimes, listening to your enemies and helping them can make them your allies. (Orube Will Remember That.)

Taranee eventually re-joins the group, but makes it clear that she still isn't a fan of how Kandrakar treats them all like pawns.

Astral Drop sub-arc. HO BOI.

While all of that [gestures at the above] happens, the fully sentient clones the W.i.t.c.h. can produce to keep people from noticing they go on magic space missions decide that they would like to be more than mindless slaves, seeing that they are, again, fully sentient. They start messing with the W.i.t.c.h. and eventually run away.

This eventually results in Orube catching them, but intentionally letting them escape - because she has sympathy for their struggle for autonomy and is listening to her own sense of justice now instead of what others tell her is the right thing to do.

Kandrakar is in the end forced to let the Astral Drops live their own lives.

Simultaneous Sylla/Interpol Stuff sub-arc. HO. FUCKING. BOI.

This was set up in the first arc, with Interpol noticing how Elyon's family disappeared. Just wanna point that out.

Secret agents on Earth stalk a group of teenagers and get incredibly close to discovering that magic is a whole real thing and these teenagers are overpowered intergalactic guardians.

Will's Astral Drop ends up in a Gordian Knot of a situation where multiple people are pointing guns at each other and the people present are all about to discover Kandrakar's existence.

This scene is such a dead end that the Oracle himself autonomously decides he has to step in and interfere.

He does so by warping reality, gives a banger of a speech that directly references Euripides' Medea and comments on the trope of Deus Ex Machina, and deletes the secret agent people's memories. This is my favourite scene in the entire comic. They did not have to go that hard, but they sure did.

I think we're done with the Clusterfuck Arc now. Moving on.

Trial of the Oracle arc. The HO BOI levels are off the charts.

Turns out that becoming the Deus Ex Machina comes back to bite the Oracle, because he is not allowed to interfere and this can get him fired.

Phobos takes advantage of this and other inherent flaws of Kandrakar's system, plays the entire centre of the universe like a cheap kazoo, and manages instantly to get himself elected Oracle. This gives him near-absolute power over the entire universe. No one is able to say anything against it.

This entire arc is about Kandrakar being really fucked up and really easy to infiltrate. It's the culmination of the previous arcs, which already pointed out a lot of flaws of this place, criticised the non-interference rule, and showed how little Kandrakar cares about people's opinions and feelings, even of those who are loyal to it.

The day is saved by the W.i.t.c.h.'s explicit refusal to comply with Kandrakar's orders, even before they know that Endarno is really Phobos. Because mindlessly following orders that you don't agree with is not good. That's the moral of the story here.

This whole mess results in changes being made to the core of Kandrakar's system. For example, it's not just one person having all the power now. The relationship of the Oracle to the guardians is changed as well, since the Oracle now understands what it means to be a small person tossed around by the universe.

And it's a goddamn tragedy that we never get to see the actual consequences of this change, because the quality of the comic rapidly deteriorates after this arc and the common thread of the narrative is partially dropped entirely and partially continued in incredibly lackluster ways.

Anyways, it's about control, it's about doing the right thing although it's not what you're told to do, it's about messed up governments, it's about free will, it's about rebellion, it's about things being more complicated than they seem. It's about learning for yourself, forming your own opinions, and being brave enough to make your own decisions. (And it always was - that's the core of the first arc, as well. This theme makes a lot of sense for a comic that is directed at teenagers, and it's not all that uncommon in teen media either afaik.)

Now, this is all very positive (bc I love this comic) and didn't go into the inconsistencies the first arcs of the comic do have (mostly bc I think they really, truly don't matter; it's a long-running comic that wasn't fully planned out in advance, minor plot holes just come with the medium), so let me go off at the later arcs of the comic under the cut.

What drives me insane is that the Ludmoore arc had the perfect set-up to continue this narrative. A former villain on probation? Who hates Kandrakar's guts and whose image of Kandrakar very much includes the guardians? Whose bodily autonomy is, again, compromised and who does all the fucked up shit he does in this arc not for power, but because he's homesick? Who fits the theme of control so ridiculously well, because he is always a pawn in someone's plan and, after freeing himself from one tyrant, relapses hard and ties himself to the very next one that comes along? Who interacts with Orube, who is not only deeply loyal to Kandrakar but could also pretty much be his direct narrative foil because they both have issues with emotions and making nuanced decisions for themselves? This FUCKS SEVERELY.

It could've paralleled the theme of autonomy present in the Cedric-Ludmoore relationship to Kandrakar again. It could've been the arc to paint an even more nuanced picture of our villains and point out that even this guy right there [points at Cedric] is worthy of basic respect. It could've leaned into the Cedric-Orube parallels way more than it did. It could've shown us literally anything about what's happening in Kandrakar now that they are, presumably, implementing reforms.

Instead, we get... a bunch of useless MacGuffins? A narratively completely inane Redemption Equals Death for Cedric? The sad, sad end of Orube's presence in this comic, which I don't even want to refer to as part of her arc because it has nothing to do with who she is? Don't get me wrong, I love the Ludmoore arc a lot and it has its strengths - Cedric's characterisation and his entanglement with Ludmoore are really good, as is Matt being dragged into magic bullshit - but considering how many details of this arc's premise play into the themes W.i.t.c.h. has followed since its first arc, the execution falls tragically short.

And then... hm. Then we get the Ragorlang arc, which was still somewhat solid, but also has very little to do with the overarching narrative anymore. And then, with New Power, it's only a matter of time until the entire narrative structure falls apart, the tone of the comic changes significantly, plots are recycled, narratives become much simpler and more black-or-white, and the comic appears to deliberately court a much younger audience.

What I'm saying is, the overarching narrative was abandoned at some point during the Ludmoore arc. Maybe it died with Phobos, maybe it died with Cedric, maybe it left with Orube. But it was there in the beginning, and it was good, and I wish we could have at least seen the Ludmoore arc told with the same effort.

[kara-zor-els]

What are your thoughts on DC animated projects? DCAU/DC animated movies/Young Justice etc.?

I haven't watched a ton of them tbh, primarily because I didn't watch a lot of superhero cartoons as a kid. But from the ones I've watched:

DCAU: I watched STAS (not all of it, but I do intend on catching up) and a bit of the justice league cartoon. I really like STAS but I ended up not finishing JL because I found it a bit underwhelming and the characterizations of some characters (especially Diana) weren't my favorite? But in general I do enjoy that universe and I think that it's a good introduction to DC. I do plan on watching more from it, especially the later JLU seasons. I haven't watched the batman shows though. Maybe one day...?

DCAMU: I watched a few of the movies some years ago, before I got into the comics. It's kind of a mixed bag imo, since it's based primarily on the new 52. I remember enjoying some of them, like Son of Batman or Justice League Dark for example. Although I think that a lot of characters were done dirty due to the new 52 characterizations (Diana) or just some baffling choices in general (Raven's entire arc/place within the titans/her relationship with Damian (???)) while others were just erased from existence all together (rip to any bat that isn't Bruce, Damian or Dick. Although given how the universe ended with apokolips war... maybe them not existing was for the best.)

Young Justice: I watched seasons 1 and 2 (?) years ago. I remember really enjoying it, although in retrospect now that I've read the comics, some of the stuff in it were certainly... A Choice on the writers' behalf. That being said, I'm surprised at how many different comic characters/storylines they ended up adapting. I was amazed that they apparently introduced the new gods in later seasons!

The Legion of Superheroes: I think its very funny how that was actually the first DC media I ever consumed (aside from the Krypto the Superdog cartoon), given how unknown it is. I ended up rewatching it this Christmas and it actually holds up really well! Also the character designs honestly peaked, Bendisboot wished it had what this show had.

My Adventures with Superman: this show got me into superman comics! 10/10 in terms of characterization and designs for Clark, Jimmy, Lois and the Kents. Lex being an intern twink was a Choice (affectionate). The only downside is that intergang was pretty boring both in terms of character designs and personalities. Same goes for Livewire, why did they do my girl like that? she served 0 cunt 😞

The Harley Quinn show: it won't be for everyone but I actually really liked it... and this is coming from someone that usually doesn't care much for Harley in the comics.

[wrestlingisfake]

Triplemania XXIX preview

This is traditionally the biggest show of the year for AAA. For the first time since the pandemic started, AAA is doing an indoor show with fans in attendance. The show starts at 9pm EDT tonight, but it's only being streamed within Mexico, because AAA's international broadcast rights are tied up in a lawsuit. Noted lucha libre reporter thecubsfan plans to get around that, though, so you might want to check out his Twitter for more info.

Psycho Clown vs. Rey Escorpion - This is a lucha de apuestas, so if Psycho loses he must unmask and reveal his true identity, and if Escorpion loses he must have his head shaved in the ring. There are no higher stakes in Mexican wrestling that putting your mask on the line, and the only thing that comes close is risking your hair. So if you're wondering why this is the main event and not Kenny Omega vs. Andrade, that's why.

The backstory here goes all the way back to 2013, when Escorpion was in CMLL and defeated Psycho's father, Brazo de Plata, in a hair vs. hair match. That was supposed to lead to another of Brazo's sons, Maximo, getting revenge on Escorpion, but the match never came together. Escorpion ended up going to AAA in 2017, starting a long-running feud with Psycho. So now Psycho has a chance to do what his brother couldn't, and avenge his father. Coincidentally, Brazo de Plata (aka Super Porky) passed away a few weeks ago, and I assume that will be incorporated into Psycho's motivation here.

I don't follow AAA closely enough to keep track of the regulars, but I know Psycho Clown is one of the biggest stars in the promotion and he's no pussycat. I would expect a wild brawl between two guys who can't afford to lose. Of course, in a match like this, I tend to think the favorite is the guy defending his mask, since hair grows back. So look for Escorpion to finally get his comeuppance after all these years.

Kenny Omega vs. Andrade El Idolo - This is Omega's fifth defense of the AAA mega championship since he won it in October 2019. Kenny went on to win the AEW men's world title in December 2020, and the Impact/TNA world title in April 2021, becoming a triple champion with four belts. However, he lost the Impact and TNA belts to Christian Cage yesterday, which has him looking particularly vulnerable. If Andrade wins the AAA title tonight, Omega will have lost three of his four belts in about 24 hours.

Andrade was best known as La Sombra in CMLL until he joined WWE/NXT in 2016. After requesting his WWE release in March 2021, he appeared on a May 2 AAA show and challenge Omega to this match. A month later he debuted on AEW, in a baffling storyline where nobody seems to understand how anything works. As far as I can recall, AEW has never once mentioned that this title match is happening, even though Omega, Andrade, and the AAA belt appear regularly on AEW programming.

Andrade's post-WWE career has not impressed the pundits, raising questions about whether he can reclaim the greatness that got people to care about La Sombra in the first place. If he can't have a great match with Omega, that discourse is likely to dog him for a long time.

Within the world of AAA, Omega has planted seeds for a match with Hijo del Vikingo, and Andrade has teased the idea of a match with Psycho Clown. I would think AAA would rather have the title involved in Andrade vs. Psycho, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll go that route, or that they'll start setting it up right now. I'm leaning toward a title change happening, but either outcome won't surprise me much.

Faby Apache vs. Deonna Purrazzo - Apache is the AAA women's champion, and Purrazzo is the Impact women's champion. Both belts are at stake, so it will be champion versus champion, title for title. Deonna is already booked for a title defense on August 28 against Melina Perez, so it's not clear what would happen to that match if she loses here.

There's not much of a story here--Purrazzo just wandered into an AAA show to confront Apache and issue the challenge. This comes across as AAA's big idea to get their belt on international TV by putting it on a top foreigner, similar to what they did with Kenny Omega. It doesn't really feel like Impact is even involved, outside of their office approving the booking. I'm not sure Impact has promoted or even mentioned the match, although I haven't kept up with it lately.

Apache is a big star for AAA, but Purrazzo looks to be the heavy favorite to win. She's gotten a lot of buzz for her in-ring work, and Impact recognizes that and presents her like a big deal. It feels like they've got a destination in mind for her later this year, and I can't believe they'd disrupt that to have her lose her title in Mexico. I can believe, on the other hand, that AAA would send their women's title to the US and forget about it for six months.

Pentagon Jr. & Rey Fenix vs. Hijo del Vikingo & Laredo Kid vs. Taurus & ? - Hey, remember when the Penta and Fenix defended the AAA tag team title in the ladder match at AEW All Out 2019? They've had those belts this whole time! I totally forgot. Anyway, they're defending them here in a three-way, so whoever scores the first fall will win the title for his team.

Vikingo and Laredo were once teammates in Los Jinetes del Aire, but that was a couple of years ago. Taurus normally teams with Crazzy Steve on Impact Wrestling, and he holds the AAA trios title with El Texano Jr. and Rey Escorpion, but for this match he's got a mystery partner. It remains to be seen if this is the kind of mystery partner that's a big surprise, or the kind where it's just some guy that wasn't worth advertising ahead of time.

I don't keep up with AEW's Youtube shows, and Penta and Fenix haven't teamed on Dynamite in months, so I haven't seen those two really go nuts in a long-ass time. Vikingo and Laredo have a lot of buzz, and I keep assuming they're about to sign with a major American promotion, but they still haven't from what I can tell. So this could get pretty flippy and wild, especially with Taurus there to, like, be huge and catch people and stuff.

If I thought AAA gave a damn about keeping their belts on regulars, I'd expect Vikingo and Laredo to win. If I thought the priority was to deliver a big surprise to pop the fans, I'd expect a win for Taurus's mystery partner. But as it is, these belts belong to the Lucha Bros., and I expect that's where they'll stay.

Pagano & Chessman & Murder Clown vs. Puma King & DMT Azul & Sam Adonis - Azul used to be Diamante Azul in CMLL, but he recently jumped over to AAA to team with Puma and Adonis, who are also ex-CMLL guys. Together they're La Empresa, an unofficial CMLL invasion group. So the other team is fighting for the honor of AAA, but Pagano and Chessman are nuts and hate each other, so the big question is CAN THEY COEXIST~? My guess is that they can't, and La Empresa will pick up a win to build steam for this storyline.

Copa Triplemania battle royale - This is basically an undercard battle royale featuring everybody that isn't booked for some other match. The rules are kind of like WWE's Royal Rumble, but frankly I've watched several of these and I've never been able to figure it out. "Copa Triplemania" translates to "Triplemania Cup" but I can't remember if there's an actual trophy or any kind of stakes to this. As I recall it always comes down to a babyface and a heel and then somehow the heel referee is always in there, but somebody clobbers him and the good guy wins anyway.

Marvel Lucha Libre something something - For some reason Marvel has a promotional deal with AAA, wherein AAA books matches featuring wrestlers dressed up as Marvel superheroes. It's hard to believe this is going to sell even one extra ticket to a Marvel movie, but okay. Anyway, I remember seeing one of these with Captain America and Spider-Man vs. Thanos and Venom, which you'd think would be awesome, but it didn't really hold my attention. I don't know which characters will be represented this time, although if AAA wants to book the Loki and Sylvie vs. Kang and Renslayer, I promise to mark the fuck out.

[baby-bearie]

Verus Amor

description: while peter searches for criminals, y/n searches for true love.

a/n: oh my gosh. i have a lot to say before i actually get to the piece. this fic is for @afterglowparker1k writing challenge. this has been one of the greatest writing experiences of my life, and it took forever. three different storylines with multiple drafts of each, and finally this one just took off. i do want to thank a few people, because i went to them when i got stuck:

thank you for putting up with me and being exemplary writers: @seqveydaniel@coolkidcorbyn @katie-avery @cloudsncoffee @dxnielseavey @danieldelicate @jackscorbytch @keepseaveyweird @zachheroin @seaveyssparkle

and to these accounts that even though they don’t know me at all, took time to answer my questions: @naturallytom @starksparker

all of you are such big inspirations

word count: 3, 266

warnings: absolute fluff, language, mentions of violence

 tags: @everybody up there^^ @perfectlyseavey @tempus-ut-luceant @kindparker @5sos-seavey @daniel-darling

“Peter, I swear to god, if you don’t shut up, I will take off these heels and come after you.” Your words were dangerous, but your tone stayed light, hiding a smile and snapping your eyes to Peter’s in the vanity mirror in front of you. He smiled, from his position sitting at the end of your bed. He threw his keys up in the air again before falling back onto your bed, legs still hanging over the edge. You reached for your left-side earring, fastening the backing. 

“I’m just saying, what if his tattoo ends up being, like, a dick or something? Do you really want a dick on you forever?”

“Pete, don’t start on guessing other people’s tattoos until you’ve showed me yours.”

“I just don’t like showing it to people, I told you!”

You reached for your perfume, spritzing it onto your wrist. Your eyes latched onto the imprinted, permanent black and white image of a paper airplane folded into a map. Your hand traced over it and you wondered who, if anyone, wore your tattoo. You had been waiting for your soulmate for all your life. You wanted to meet them, and even if it was supposed to be painful, you couldn’t wait for your second tattoo. Your soulmate’s tattoo. It wasn’t uncommon for someone your age to have not found their love by now, most people only got there when they were nearly 20. But for you, you didn’t even want to stick around after high school. You would take off and travel the world, hence the paper airplane. It really did fit you. 

So if you wouldn’t be able to wait for your soulmate then, you needed to find them now. To prepare yourself, you had managed to memorize the tattoos of every boy you found, for the slightest sliver of a chance that maybe they were the one. But, when six-year-old Y/n asked six-year-old Peter Parker what his tattoo was so that she could write it into her list, his hand flew to his shoulder, and he shouted a “No!”, remembering how his uncle had told him to not show it to anyone, even Peter didn’t know what it meant. You weren’t one to take no for an answer, and continued to bug Peter about it, even if that meant spending almost every second of your time around the boy. You continued to pester him about it for the eleven years you had been his friend. 

“What is your point here, Peter?” 

“That Flash is a dick? And that you shouldn’t go out with him?”

“We’re 17. We’re supposed to find our true love in a couple years. I’m just looking.”

“Flash, though? Really?”

You turn around in your chair, head cocked at Peter, eyebrows raised up in a baffled expression. 

“Yes, really.” You got up and smoothed out your red shirt. You walked past Peter, who sat up. You bent down to kiss his cheek, and he sighed, defeated.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, lock the door when you leave! Love you!” You called to him as you rushed out the door. Peter heard the door fall shut.

“Not like I do.” Peter sighed and stood, finding himself in your mirror. He lifted his shirt just the slightest and his eyes fixated on the paper airplane crossed with patterns of lines he knew too well. He had memorized them long ago, five days after he met you in the first grade. The day before you finally showed him your tattoo in a desperate bargain to see his, and the day before little Pete realized he had fallen in love with the annoying girl on his playground. Peter dropped his shirt and the reached to scrunch up his sleeve, exposing his shoulder. He stared at the spider, the same one that was splayed across his chest for the world to see every night he wore the suit.

Hiding something like that for two years had been extremely difficult. He would slap away Y/n’s hands quite often and excuse himself by saying his collarbone was hurting. At this point, Y/n was worried for his temperamental collarbone. He refused summer invitations to the pool and the beach. He stopped wearing tank tops, deciding he didn’t want to risk exposing the spider. Peter tugged his sleeve back over his shoulder, eyes moving to meet themselves in the mirror. He ran a hand through his hair. His eyes drifted to his own wrist then, catching the small watch. The hands ticked, reading as 5:00. Peter needed to be home by 6:00.      

Really, you weren’t expecting much out of a date with Flash Thompson. He wasn’t the greatest guy ever, and you knew that going into the date. But you had tried nearly every other approach, and by this point you were desperate to find your soulmate, even if that meant reaching for short straws. Half-way through the date, you found yourself getting quite bored. Flash had managed to go for a full hour talking about nothing but himself and how much he hated your best friend. You were sick of it, and nodding along to whatever shit he was blabbering about, you tugged your phone out. Under the table, you shot a text to Peter.

moron: hey pete

idiot: of course

moron: don’t say it

idiot: i told you so

You couldn’t help but smile down at your phone, biting your lip.

“Y/n?” You looked up, noticing Flash looking at you funny, eyebrows quirked expectantly.

“Oh, sorry, where were we?” You forced a smile, and acted interested.

“Like I was saying, I wanted to go for the,”

You let his voice fade out of your senses once again. He didn’t notice, too engrossed in the story of his own accomplishments. You looked back at your phone once he was no longer paying attention.

moron: yeah, yeah. come get me? don’t think i can wait this one out

idiot: can’t, i’ve got some stuff

moron: since when do you have stuff?

idiot: hey, i have a life. it’s for the internship

moron: god damn that internship

idiot: try to get ned to get you?

moron: i already did

idiot: you went to ned before me??

moron: duh, you would’ve been annoying about it. like you’re being right now

idiot: hey, i told you not to go. now you gotta stay

moron: mhm. hate you.

idiot: i know. i’ll text you later

You looked at Flash, now fully regretting coming on this date. There obviously wasn’t any sense of love you could feel. There obviously wasn’t any prickling sensation to go along with the missing butterflies. This obviously wasn’t it. You studied his face, and there were no sparks. His lips were moving, but you had long stopped paying attention to anything that came from them.

“And that’s when I-“Oh my gosh, you know what?” 

You interrupted him, “I think I forgot to throw out a box. You know, can’t procrastinate or it’ll never get done.”

“Oh, uh-“I can walk home, you stay and finish.”

You stood, smoothing your shirt and grabbing your purse. “Uh, well-“Bye, Flash!” You called, the bell jingling behind you as you walked out of the cafe. You had loved that cafe, and now it had been ruined. You wouldn’t be able to step into that cafe without thinking of this date. Wonderful.

Your feet carried you quickly today, almost as quick as the pace of the thoughts rushing in and out of your mind. So, you could definitely cross Flash off of your list. The list was growing shorter and shorter. At this point, you were about to give up hope. Where was he? Where was your true love? You had stressed about this since you were a little girl. You had grown up in a house with two happy, in love parents. They had been an exemplary pair of soulmates, never really losing any ounce of their love for each other. Growing up seeing that, and seeing your older siblings fall in love and get married, you’d always wanted that. You’d always been waiting for that, and at one point decided waiting wasn’t enough.

Now, it was nearly 9. You climbed up the stairs quietly, not really in the mood to tell your parents all about how your date had gone. They were as ready as you were for you to find your soulmate and always became excited whenever you mentioned a new boy.

You opened your room and flicked on the light, flopping backwards onto your bed. You covered your face with your hands and sighed.

“Hey.”

You snapped up, turning to look at Peter, who climbed in through your window. He gave you a weak smile, then winced.

“Peter! You scared me!” You put a hand over your chest and took a deep breath. He sat on your desk.

“So, the date was horrible, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. What was I expecting? It’s Flash.”

Peter laughed, and then winced again.

“Hey, are you okay- oh my gosh, what happened?”

You stood to move to him, pushing down the hood of his hoodie. Your hand found his cheek, running your thumb over the purple bruise. It traveled to his forehead, pushing back his hair and you leaned closer to study the bloody cut starting at his hairline. It moved down to his chin, lifting it up so you could run a finger over his split bottom lip.

Your mouth parted, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “What, did some Stark executive beat you up over there?”

“Uh, not quite?”

You pulled Peter’s hand forcing him to stand up. He was suddenly taller than you, and your eyes followed up, and he looked back down at you. You put your hands on his shoulders, turning him and pushing him to the bathroom. He didn’t resist, walking backwards with you as you guided him. You pushed him into the counter and he hoisted himself up next to the sink. You squatted down, opening the cabinet to grab a box of vaseline and antibiotic ointment. You wet a towel and pressed it to his bruised cheek.

“This happened last week too. You ready to explain?” You muttered, eyes glancing down from the bruise to meet his. He looked away.

“No?” You looked back up to his injuries, backing away. You set down the towel and washed out his cuts.

“I’m not trying to get beat up.”

“Yeah, you’re not trying not to either.”

His hands gripped your hip bones, stopping your frantic searching for wherever the Neosporin was. You stopped and looked at him.

“Hey,” His voice was quiet. His eyes looked up into yours, searching for something. You put your hands on his shoulders, suddenly aware of how close he was to you, trying to create a little bit of distance.

“Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?”

Your eyebrows scrunched in confusion, the corners of you mouth ticked up.

“What?”

“He’s alright now.”

You broke into laughter, never able to stay mad at him for long, your head fell to his shoulder before you pulled away and lightly shoved his shoulder. He grinned, grip tightening on you before pulling you closer to him again.

Your laughter faded, leaving just the shadow of a smile. Peter’s smile matched yours, eyes still studying your face like they always did. You took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his eyes. And then you felt it.

Your stomach was full of butterflies. Peter sat in front of you, looking at you with adoration like he usually did. But this was different. It felt different. His eyes on you felt different and his hands on you felt different. You took a deep breath, nearly gasping for air.

You took a step back, and Peter’s hands dropped from your hips.

“All good to go.”

He didn’t get up quite yet.

“Thank you, Y/n. You really are the best.” He stood, stepping closer to lean down and press a kiss to your cheek. And then he was climbing out the window, turning to look back at you. His mouth opened, as if to say something before he closed it, turning back around and then he was gone.

Your cheeks burned, and you could feel the blush seeping in. You finally got ready for bed, jumping under the covers. After that day, you wanted to sleep as deep as you could. But you couldn’t. 

You laid awake in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

What was that? Were those what butterflies felt like? Why did your cheeks start burning when Peter kissed you? He always did that before he left. So what changed?

“Holy shit,” you whispered. Your eyes widened. “I’m in love with Peter.”

Because of your late night, you had a late morning. You slept through your multiple alarms, rolling out of bed. You jumped up, tripping over the blankets you had brought down with you. With zero care about the events of last night, you ran around your room, grabbing clothes from hangers while your toothbrush hung from your mouth. With 2 minutes to go, you stood in front of your mirror in Peter’s hoodie and black leggings, your immediate lazy outfit. You grabbed a hair tie to put your hair up, and the sleeves of Peter’s hoodie dropped to your elbow. And you saw it. The hair tie lay on the floor, long forgotten as you inspected the ink on the inside of your forearm. 

Your jaw went slack. “Oh my god.” 

There it sat. A spider. A black spider. The spider. You recognized that spider, anyone from New York would recognize that spider. Why was it on you?

Your eyes stared at themselves, realization pooling in them. “Oh my god.”

You yanked the sleeve down, and grabbed your bag, now rushing to school for a different reason. 

“Y/n!”

It wasn’t that you didn’t hear them. You did, but you simply turned and gave them a tight-lipped smile over your shoulder before you kept moving down the hallway, leaving behind your confused friends. Your feet hit the ground repeatedly, beat-up converse making quick thud noises with each step.

And then you saw him.

“Peter!” You called, picking up into a light jog.

Peter turned to face you, closing his locker. He smiled, but it faded into a questioning expression as he took you in, hair a bit tangled and eyes fiery.

You stopped in front of him, a bit out of breath. You took a deep breath in, before pressing your lips together and raising your eyebrows, throwing your hands in the air.

Peter laughed, a little nervously.

“What?”

You grabbed his arm, pulling him into a nearby doorway before you paused and closed your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Y/n-Ow!” You whacked his arm.

“Seriously?” You spoke, whacking him again.

“Y/n, why- Ow, Y/n, stop!” He jumped, and you whacked him again.

“Spider-man? Really?” You spoke through gritted teeth, your voice low so you wouldn’t alert others around you.

Peter’s eyes widened as you hit him again.

He grabbed your arm as it lifted to hit him again, then taking the second in his hand, clutching both your wrists with his hands.

“Why would you think I’m Spider-man?” Peter laughed, eyes darting off to the side.

You shook your head, giving him a pointed look. “Drop it, spidey-boy. I can tell when you’re lying.”

Peter rolled his eyes and sighed, finally meeting your eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You tugged your hands out of his and gasped as whacked him again. You gritted your teeth and whispered. “Peter, enough. I know.”

You stepped back and yanked up your sleeve, revealing the tattoo.

Peter’s eyes got even bigger, reaching for your arm, he inspected it, and then looked back up at you. He took you in all over again. Your eyes burned bright with fury, hair loose and frizzy. Your cheeks were flushed red, and the skin under his hands was warm. You were beautiful.

His smile was light, disbelieving. “This- this is my tattoo.”

You yanked your arm away, hitting him again. “God damn it, Peter, I know that.”

You hit him once more. “You couldn’t have told me you were Spider-man?” Another hit. “Told me why you could never pick me up?” Another hit. “Told me why you were showing up at my house at night all beat up?” Another hit. “You and your stupid fake, shitty internship!”

You looked up at Peter, noticing his stuck expression. A light smile, mouth slightly parted. His eyes looked down at you, and they were filled with such love it made yours full of love too. He took your hands in his, turning over the wrist without the spider, showing you your own tattoo. His thumb rubbed over the small paper airplane, following each dotted line of the map. He looked back at you again, smiling widely now. He let go of you again, folding his arms and stepping back.

“My tattoo’s on you.” He finally spoke, smirking wildly.

You shrugged, rolling your eyes. “Yes. And?”

“You know what that means?”

“No?”

“You love me.”

“Shut up, Peter.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I love you too.”

“Oh my god, Peter, I said- wait, what?”

Peter smiled again, and lifted the hem of his shirt.

“Woah, spidey, not just hey, you can keep your shirt on.”

He rolled his eyes, turning to the side to show you his hip.

You took a step closer, pushing his shirt up and leaning to look. And you recognized it. The folded paper, the dotted lines of a map, it was your tattoo.

You stood straight again and Peter beamed at you. You whacked him.

“You didn’t even tell me you had my tattoo?” Whack. “You knew how hard I was looking for my soulmate, and you knew it was you?”

“Ow- Y/n, calm down!” He stopped you, pushing your arms to your sides.

“No, Peter. I’m mad.” You shook your head.

Peter smiled and raised your chin to look at you.

“Hey. I love you.” He grinned.

You looked away. Peter made you look back at him.

“C’mon, I know you want to say it. Say it.”

You made a face at Peter and sighed.

“Fine, Peter. I love you too.” You tried to hide your smile.

He envelopes you in a big hug, and you wriggled in his arms.

Your voice came out muffled by his jumper.

“Alright, gonna swing me to class, Spidey-Boy?” You squirmed out of his arms and began to walk to your class.

“Boy? Man! Spider-Man! Y/n!”

[jessread-s]

Rebel (Legend, #4)

Book Review: Rebel by Marie Lu

Rating: ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ (4.0)

The following review is spoiler free.

Review: I first read the Legend series back in middle school around the release of Champion in 2013. I remember being absolutely devastated after the series conclusion, my soul crushed under the weight of my favorite ship being teared apart. Over time, I came to appreciate the way Marie Lu brought Day and June’s story to a close. I moved on. Then Rebel was released in October. I bought it the day it came out... but I didn’t get to it until now. I guess I was skeptical, as I didn’t see the need for a fourth book. I didn’t want my love for my absolute favorite series to unravel if things didn’t turn out the way I wanted to with this fourth book. After finally getting to Rebel, the fourth book in my beloved Legend series, here are my thoughts. 

What Worked:

01. The return of June and Day. Rebel takes place ten years after the time period established in the novel Champion, so I was eager to see how all the trauma they experienced with the fall of the Republic would effect their adult lives. I was especially curious about how June and Day would cross paths again, as Champion ends with the duo parting ways. I was not disappointed. Marie Lu did an astounding job capturing the moment June and Day reunited for the first time in nearly ten years. My heart ached as Lu described Day piecing his memories together to discover how June played a role in his life. The numerous amount of times my heart beat against my chest as I had to watch the two start from scratch to become comfortable with each other, trying to serve as each other’s support system to calm the inner demons plaguing them from their time under the rule of the old Republic. It was almost as if I was witnessing Day fall in love with June all over again and that made reading Rebel all the more worthwhile.

02. In this novel, we got the perspective Eden, Daniel’s brother, which I thought was very interesting. In the Legend series, we know Eden to be the brother who was struck down by the plague, later allowing the Republic to experiment on him to find a cure for the very plague he was infected with. Eden’s perspective allowed me to get a glimpse of how he himself was effected by the revolution that saved the Republic of America. I had been so focused on June and Day’s storyline, that I hadn’t even considered how Eden might have felt after the dust settled. Like Day, he lost a brother to death by firing squad and witnessed his mother’s murder. He was on the brink of death after catching the plague and had to worry about his only remaining family member, Day, who nearly died due to the Republic’s tampering with his brain. Marie Lu shed light on Eden’s struggles with fitting in, the constant nightmares about the death of his family, and living in his older brother’s shadow. This perspective really added a lot to the novel and helped me to better understand his relationship with Daniel. 

03. Rebel’s ending. I intend not to give away what happened at the novel’s end, but I will say that it was extremely satisfying. It was everything I had hoped it would be and more. 

04. The relationship between Daniel and Eden. I thought the Daniel and Eden’s dynamic was very interesting. Lu characterizes Daniel as overprotective brother figure. This makes sense to me, as Daniel nearly lost his entire family at the beginning of the series. For him to constantly keep watch over Eden just goes to show how afraid he is of his past. Naturally, Eden views Daniel as a “helicopter parent” who will not allow him to do anything on his own. What caught me off my guard was Eden’s annoyance with being in his older brother’s shadow. I thought that was an interesting concept to explore. Rather than being referred to as Eden Wing or Eden the extremely intelligent individual who is at the top of his class, many simply call him “Day’s brother.” This is what actually creates the divide between Eden and Daniel. Eden believes that his legendary brother has moved on from the past and does not experience the same trauma that he does. Daniel, however, does not confide in his brother about the hauntings of the past in order to shield him from dangers in the possible future. I love how Lu built up the conflict between the two and how they eventually let their walls down. 

What Didn’t Work:

01. Rebel didn’t offer anything new to the table. Sad as it was, the ending to Champion was beautiful, dare I even say perfect. Day and June meet again in the epilogue after ten years spent apart and we are left feeling hopeful. Though it isn’t explicitly said that the two will have a happily ever after, it’s something we can infer. We are left on the edge, fighting for more even though we cannot have it and I love endings like those. Endings where things aren’t neatly tied up in a perfect bow. What bothered me about Rebel was that it practically repeated everything that had been established within Champion and even Life after Legend with the addition of a predictable storyline and the perspective of Eden. To make matters worse, the ending to Rebel was nowhere near as powerful as Champion’s epilogue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for the book, but I think it would be better suited as a spin-off than an actual novel in the series. 

02. Eden’s story is just not as compelling as the stories of June and Day. When Lu announced that she would be releasing a fourth book in the Legend series, it felt as if my prayers had been answered. I had always wondered what happened to my favorite couple after the conclusion of Champion and I was hoping for a happy ending to their story. As the release date drew near, I discovered that Rebel would be primarily Eden’s story, not June and Day’s. It pains me to admit this, but I was saddened by the loss of June’s perspective in the novel. Eden’s point of view could not live up to June’s. I found myself completely ignoring Eden’s side of things in favor of focusing exclusively on June and Day’s side story. Therefore, I have to agree with many fellow reviewers who have stated that Rebel should have been a novella. I would have enjoyed the story a lot more if Rebel had been a spin-off rather than an actual book in the series. A spin-off would have allowed for Lu to strictly tell Eden’s tale in a manner that would have been short and to the point, without my mind rushing through Eden’s chapters to get to Daniel’s. 

03. Eden’s perspective. What baffled me was Eden’s behavior. Being a twenty-one-year-old, I did not expect him to to act so childish. He would purposely get himself into trouble to punish Daniel for being overprotective and lash out at him for not understanding what he was “going through.” I will admit, that there were aspects of his story that I really enjoyed, but some of the justifications for his actions did not make sense to me, thus painting a picture of an annoying little kid. 

04. The plot. Rebel just did not have the most complex, interesting plot. It pales in comparison to its predecessors. It pains me to say this, but I was not impressed by the villain, nor was I impressed by the predictable storyline that had me frustrated at times. 

Jess Approved?: ✓ Review posted to Goodreads

Buy on Amazon: US | UK

[sailorbryant]

HANKCON: Fic Recommendations

I started creating a bunch of recs to send to a friend and ended up just making a whole thing. I know I’ve forgotten multiple stories so will probably update over and over again. Let me know if you notice any broken links or errors!

❥ New Stories Added - 12/22/2018

INSTRUCTIONS NOT INCLUDED by Vinci

Summary:  Logically, Connor should have noticed something was different after the moment of his deviancy after he consciously chose not to shoot Markus, but he truly didn’t notice it until months later, as he watched, in absolute interest, as Hank typed something on his computer across from him at his desk.

Or: In which Connor simultaneously experiences an emotional and sexual awakening in the wake of his deviancy and handles it in the best way he can. By not telling anyone. Post-Peaceful Ending. Eden Club undercover. Probably my favorite Hankcon fic out there.

PHOLCIADE by farouche

Summary:  After Markus obtains equal rights for all Androids, Cyberlife is pressured to release all the prototype androids deemed unready for public use before the Revolution. In a diplomatic effort, Cyberlife offers all prototypes a chance of a paid job in the sector they were intended to work in or otherwise, in order to not waste the money gone into programming their specific skillsets. Among them is Connor, an RK Prototype, who is offered a training period at the Detroit Police Department under the condition that he reports his progress via email to the man assigned to be his mentor. A man that Connor has never met, who will never reply, and who will remain anonymous for the duration of his training; bar the pseudonym "Lt. H."

A man that, having only ever seen his shadow in a hallway, Connor affectionally names after the Pholcidae spider, more commonly known as Daddy Long Legs.Lieutenant Hank Anderson just wanted to get Fowler off his ass and deal with this mentoring crap as quickly and easily as possible. Instead, he has to deal with an android calling him "Daddy" in every email he sends. It's not what he wanted or expected, but it somehow ends well. DaddyLongLegsAu. Fantastic.

RE:DECONSTRUCT by Masu_Trout

Summary:  The androids are free, but even the most peaceful of revolutions comes with a world of changes. Markus has an offer to make. Connor's starting to get used to this whole deviancy thing. And Hank—well, Hank just might be falling for his best friend. Thirium Pump Handjobs.

HALYCON by Terminallydepraved

Summary:  Hank gave in to the urge to bury his face in his hands. This was just… Fuck, he was too innocent looking. Those wide eyes, the soft looking lips. He stared at Hank like he hung the sun and stars, and here Hank was, projecting. Again.

Something brushed his shoulder and Hank couldn’t help but jump. He flinched away and moved his hands, but it was just Connor. It was always just Connor, standing a little too close, probing when Hank was at his worst. Standing at his side with worry in his eyes, staring up at him, and… Fuck.

He was too old for this. He was too old and broken and fucked up to deserve this, but Connor made it too easy to want it anyway. Must Read.

INTERRUPT REQUEST AU(IRQ) by rara avis

Summary:  Hank does indeed get drunker. Connor takes him home and stays the night. They find out exactly what it is Hank wants Connor to be, and what Connor wants in general.

Starts between "The Bridge" and "Public Enemy" and follows their storyline until the end of the game. One of my favorites. Perfect smut. Perfect use of graphics and machine code.

SINGULARITY SERIES by Driverpicksthemooseic

Summary:  "Hank," Connor starts. Not Lieutenant, just Hank. Hank gives him a baffled stare. "This is the only method with a high probability of success, so please go along with it."

(OR, Hank and Connor go undercover at the Eden Club.) The fake/pretend relationship/undercover at Eden Club story that you gotta read.

WITHIN SERIES by whitachi

Summary:  Connor has some wires out of place, and Hank helps to fix them. THE Wireplay fic.

THE OTHER WAY TO SOMEDAY by theslap

Summary: Cole's teacher is annoying. He's also attractive. For Hank Anderson, that's a bad combination. NonAndroid!AU.

MAKE ME FORGET THAT I’M NOT READY FOR LOVE by Warmybones

Summary:  “Stay like this, if you want,” Hank whispers against his earlobe, fingers caressing down his navel with deadly intent. “Or punch me across the face if you don’t.”  Adorable little get together story. Post Peaceful ending.

THE GAY AND WONDROUS LIFE OF CONNOR ANDERSON by LieutenantWubs

Summary:  Connor wants to get a new upgrade, but doesn't want Hank to know what it is until he is comfortable with it. Adorable

TERMS AND CONDITIONS by esama

Summary:   1. Go out into the world 2. Figure out who you are. 3. Live a little.”

Post-Peaceful Ending. Very angsty little piece but such a fantastic example of world-building in the post peaceful Detroit. And the pining is delicious.

IRREFUTABLY SEDUCED by gumpekulla

Summary:  He needs to get this ridiculous crush under control before Hank finally decided to confront him about it. It would be mortifying.

(Things doesn't really go to plan, but Connor really can't complain.) Reverse!Au. Smutty Smut.

ARRIVAL by coffee666

Summary: Hank just wanted help around the house for Cole. He never expected such a goofy thing that laughed and hummed and protected Cole with all of his being. Connor is not like other androids --but neither of them truly know how deep those differences go. HouseAndroidConnorAU!

WANTING HIM by Miko

Summary: Connor is convinced that sexual intercourse would be of great benefit to Hank's physical and emotional well-being, but the man is highly resistant to the idea. Hank's objections are not unreasonable, but there is one simple solution that will address all of the issues - Hank should have sex with Connor.

The last thing Connor expects when making the suggestion is for his partner to be upset and offended by the idea of 'using' him. Hank claims he won't do it because Connor doesn't 'want' it, but Connor is the one who offered in the first place.

What's the difference between 'willing' and 'wanting'? Connor needs to do some investigating.. Lovely.

RECEPTIONS AND REVELATIONS by Terminallydepraved

Summary:  Hank is forced to attend an awards ceremony where the attire is black tie and stifling. Connor attempts to make it bearable, but that comes with a few surprises of its own along the way. Side Rk900/Gavin. Smut.

AGAINST A COCK AND A HARD PLACE by Svynakee

Summary:  His mission had been clear: get the deviant leader in his sights and snipe it to end the revolution. But it'd all gone wrong.

Connor could feel the firm muscles of Hank’s thighs clenching down on his thin waist – tense enough to be ready for any attempt to escape, yet effortless, with the clear indication that he could remain like this for a long time if needed. His blue eyes were as sharp as ice, as hard, as cold.

Connor was trapped. He hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t expected this outcome. And it was thrilling.Dark!Smut. A different take on the rooftop scene. Fantastic read.

PLAYING FOR KEEPS by Dana

Summary: 'Well, it does have the best fucking biscuits.' Hank lets out another soft sigh. He'd probably sell his soul for an endless supply of those biscuits, Jesus, he's salivating already. 'Alright, alright. But just so you know, I'm doing this for the biscuits.'

Connor grins, and laughs, then presses a kiss to Hank's cheek. 'Okay. Do it for the biscuits.' So that was kind of a lie, and Hank knows Connor can tell, but it's not like Hank really cares. The Hank/Connor/Gavin/RK900 foursome you didn’t know that you needed in your life.

DEMONS & DOMESTICITY SERIES by ProneToRelapse

Summary:  Hank makes a deal. His immortal soul for the life of his son. It isn't his soul the demon wants. Demon AU. Hank teaches Demon Connor to feel. Smut is 10/10.

THE KNIGHT AND THE SCARECROW by Mura

Summary: A fairy tale Hankcon AU. Shrek AU sorta. Very cute and fluffy.

THE ENTIRE MEMORY OF YOU by fantastic

Summary: It was as he sat drinking his morning coffee that the slow grinding of those pieces falling into place sent a course of comprehension through his body: the tightening of his chest, the heat in the tips of his fingers, a simple message splayed behind his eyes as he looked across the table.

Connor was in love with him.. Breathtakingly Beautiful Angst. WIP. 

YOU HAVEN’T GAINED A DAY by Synekdokee

Summary: The picture attached is uncanny. In his uniform, Connor looks different from the flirty little twink climbing all over Hank’s lap in a taxi ten years ago, and he’s certainly filled up a little, face a little less angular and more masculine now. Hank remembers those earnest brown eyes and those pink lips a little too well though. Even the fucking cowlick is still there.

And then Hank’s stomach rolls over when his brain truly catches up with what he just read - DOB August 1990.

University my ass, Hank thinks weakly. Modern Detectives AU. No android AU. WIP

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS by MorganOfTheFey

Summary: Connor has a three-year seduction plan to make Hank love him back, and it starts with getting the lieutenant into his bed. Co-sleeping is scientifically proven to be beneficial to humans, and proximity is the number one factor in relationships forming. But when Connor starts having dreams thanks to the new updates he's beta-testing, it all gets a lot more complicated. And then one little-wet dream speeds up his three-year timeline dramatically ... Post-Peaceful Ending. Slow Burn Done Right. 

FAULTED CODE Series by ProneToRelapse

Summary: "What I'd really like to know," Fowler says slowly, disapproving gaze fixed on Connor while Hank wheezes and tries to smother his laughter, "is why Detective Reed has submitted a formal complaint against you saying you threatened him."

"No threats were made, Captain," Connor says evenly, calm despite the scowl Reed is levelling at him from the other side of the office. "I know better than to antagonise someone so deeply mired in anti-android stigma."

"Then please explain to me why I'm dealing with, and I quote, "that fake plastic detective aggressively T-Posing at me in the bathroom"."

Hank loses his battle against professionalism, laughing so hard he nearly falls out of his chair."I was asserting my dominance," Connor says simply.

Connor is adjusting. Hank helps, in his own way. Slowburn. Excessive Memeing. Hank/North Bromance to end all Bromances. Intrigue. Do not skip. WIP.

WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE Series by SpicyReyes

Summary: After Connor and Hank reunite at ChickenFeed, they start taking the first steps toward the rest of their life. Slowburn. WIP.

EIGHTEEN WHEELS ON AN UPHILL CLIMB by blackeyedblonde

Summary: “Can I give you a ride into town, at least?” he calls out. “You’re sure you haven’t got folks anywhere around here—somebody who can look after you for a week or two?”

Connor laughs outright at that and figures he’s got nothing to lose in telling the truth. “Not unless you want to drive the 800 miles to Detroit.”

Hank’s mouth falls open as he physically leans into the word. “Detroit? No shit.”

“What?” Connor blurts out, puzzling over the other man’s expression from a distance. “That’s where my family is—well, the closest thing I have left to family, anyway.”

Hank’s face only splits into a wide grin and he barks out a laugh, the first real one Connor’s heard all night. “You’re in luck, kid,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief as he looks off into the rising daybreak behind Connor. “Seems like we’re both headed in the same direction.”  The Trucker!AU you didn’t know you needed in your life. WIP.

A TOURIST IN A DREAM by Octobig

Summary: Hank has stopped thinking about his place in the world for a long time. Old, washed-up cops don’t live exciting lives. He just does what he always does: cracks cases drinks whiskey and goes home to Sumo.

But then the android sent by CyberLife shows up – disarmingly curious, intentionally uprooting all the familiar aspects of Hank’s life, and he jumps headfirst into an android revolution. Barrels into cases like an unstoppable storm.

Halfway through, Hank realizes he’s no longer at the sidelines of his life.

And that Connor makes it better. All of it.

[Or alternatively: an episodic glimpse into the life of Hank Anderson and his partner Connor. Takes place after the revolution, happy ending included.] Absolutely Breathtaking. WIP, but please read. 

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT to @fishfingersandscarves . I followed her over from the Hobbit fandom and her art is fantastic, and following her is how I found out about the majority of these fics. Give her a follow and lots of love. 

and another very special shoutout for @carriemebags who this list was made for. There are no words to describe how happy I am that she’s followed me down into this hell pit with these two lovely boys, and I can’t wait until you guys get to start seeing her art cause it is fantastic. <3 

[duckling-duck-duck]

Midnight Sun Review, Chapter 1: First Sight (Why am I doing this?)

Hello people and welcome to my side blog specifically dedicated to my thoughts, feeling and opinions on Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer. It’s not like I have anything better to do at the moment (studying for exams, a semester to prepare for, friendships to cultivate) so let’s get to it!

Before I get started on informing you of said thoughts, feelings and opinions, here are a few disclaimers and other things you should probably know to follow my thought process and that will likely have an influence both on my reading experience and view of this book. For my inspiration for this undertaking, you all can thank both Hannah Lee Kidder for her excellent rewrites of the first book on YouTube (she is awesome, go check her out) and Strange Aeons for her video review of Midnight Sun, which I would also highly recommend.

When I heard that Stephenie Meyer (from now on referred to as SM, yes) finally was going to publish this mysterious thing that was circulating when I was barely a teenager and just starting my Twilight phase, and still seriously interested in the books, I was both over the moon and very apprehensive. And I knew immediately that I was going to buy and read it, no matter how bad or good it was going to be.

This YA fiction series was a huge part of my early formative years. At the time when I first read it, I was still too young to thoroughly grasp some of the more problematic concepts of the story, which has since changed. It got me into vampires, to an obsessive and, frankly, unhealthy amount. I subsequently read literature that was NOT for the eyes of a thirteen-year-old at the time and at the same time much worse fanfiction.

Another probably important thing is that I did not read the original Twilight series in English, but rather in German, which means that some things I may remember differently due to translation. I included this because the way Germans translate English in books is atrocious. I have never re-read the books after I read them for the first time, only watched the movies a couple of times since, mostly to make fun of them, this time in English. When the fourth movie came out, I was already mostly over Twilight again and just went to the theatre with my best friend for the hell of it. The only characters I was invested in at this point were the side characters, like Jasper, Rosalie, Leah Clearwater and, basically, anyone and everyone that wasn’t Edward, Bella and Jacob (mostly because everyone else had a much more compelling storyline). So please bear that in mind when I rip into this book. I will also probably be biased in favour of these characters.

This brings me to my last but probably the most important point: I had no interest in Edward and Bella and mostly wanted to know what kind of mess they ended up in this time. I made fun of them a lot. The older I got, the more of the unhealthy tendencies I recognized. So, this is my official warning for everyone who is genuinely interested in this book and wants to read it for fun and came across this post by accident: It will not be nice. I will probably not be kind. I like sarcasm and am not afraid to utilize it to get across exactly how dumb, deranged or practically pointless I think something is. I like to think I can give credit where it is due, but this is probably not the blog or post for you.

I will include trigger warnings if necessary, but if I miss anything please do not hesitate to let me know and/or stop reading immediately if it makes you uncomfortable. I am open to discussion and criticism, but please remain civil. And now that introduction has gone on for far too long, so please enjoy.

Chapter Summary: What happened?

We start with Edward in class having an existential crisis which seems to be his default state. He comments on his siblings, reducing them to absolute tropes which anyone who has read the original series later knows is not at all what and/or who they are. Practically anyone is more interesting than him, though that is not a high bar. Then we have lunch period (still wild you have that) where everyone else is thinking of the new girl who is still nothing amazing to him. Edward spews some vapid comments about everyone else in school (the word “children” comes to mind and is frequently used) and is very amused that particularly the female population, except for Angela, seems to be interested in him. After that, we get the famous biology scene from a whole other point of view and boy is it enjoyable! We end the chapter with Edward going to Alaska because otherwise he may or may not break into Charlie’s house to kill the daughter of the chief of police. (I rewrote this summary like, five times and still cannot make it less sarcastic. I apologize.) (#sorrynotsorry)

Warnings: Swearing, a lot. Explicit language. Too many parentheses. Slight description of violence. A lot of talk about murder.

It took me two evenings getting through this first chapter (25 pages total) and I am not going to lie: On the first one, I barely managed to make it 5 pages in before I had to stop and lie down and mentally prepare myself for the things that were to come. And lord, did they come!

If you thought being stuck in Bella’s mind was exhausting, welcome to a new level of it. Because Edward is even more self-deprecating than she is. He literally describes his basically vegetative state as purgatory because high school is just that boring. Granted, it sometimes is, but why even is he in high school then? As mentioned later he has 2 doctorate degrees. Could you just not go to university and study something that you haven’t learned yet? If Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper can pass as seniors (and you have to excuse me, but I know practically nothing of the American school system) then I am sure you can pull some kind of ‘gifted’ scheme to put Edward in either advanced classes or have him skip a few years. And fake a High School diploma. Another question: if he has two doctorates, why doesn’t he do something with them? You could apply your mind and focus on other things, like research, furthering humanity, curing cancer! (On that note: why has Carlisle not tried to do that? Just because you need to fly under the radar? There has got to be something you can do, both with your excessive money and apparently brilliant mind, that would benefit all of humanity that you so desperately try not to hurt. And if not personally, you can damn-well fund it or nudge someone in the right direction.)

But this doesn’t just tell us that Edward is bored out of his mind, it also tells us that he is probably unhappy with his non-life as well. In the first four sentences, we have already set the tone for the entire novel and I am contemplating a descent into alcoholism. It is gonna be excruciating to follow this dude’s mind for 756 pages because that is 755 pages too long. His entire existence revolves around making Carlisle proud and proving he still retains some of his humanity. While he sometimes talks about the love he has for his siblings, that seems more of a farce he upholds for his adoptive father (read: god) and mother, which in her case is more of a ‘can’t deal with her disappointed look’ (we all know the one), because besides Alice his opinion of them is basically ‘couldn’t be bothered to give a shit’.

(I wanted to use a gif of her but this was the first thing that popped up when I searched "rosalie" and ngl, it fits his perception of her perfectly)

Rosalie, in his opinion, is shallow, self-obsessed, and superior the everyone (“her mind was a stagnant pool with few surprises”). These two do not get along whatsoever and while this may have been my initial impression of her in Twilight it changed over time. She is more than that and it is baffling that Edward thinks of her that way even after all this time. They are familiar with each other’s stories and I find it hard to believe that he would do anything nice for her based on the initial impression we are presented within this book. Or maybe she now has almost everything she wants: a loving partner, a family, a comfortable life. Why is it so bad? She seems to be comfortable and even happy. Can Edward just not accept that other people might not despise this life as much as he does?

Emmett gets away slightly better than Rosalie, but not much. The impression I got of him from reading his paragraph is that he is an overgrown, glorified child. He has no problem with Edward reading his thoughts, specifically because he carries his heart on his sleeve and if he has something to say, he will say it to your face. He seems to be Edwards second favourite of his siblings.

His absolute favourite is Alice, because “it wasn’t easy, being the freaks among those who were already freaks.” If Bella and Jasper weren’t in the picture, those two would be a couple, I swear! They are the extra special snowflakes (derogatory) among the already special snowflakes (derogatory) (So sorry!). They look out for each other; I can already tell you that they will present a united front concerning anything and everything and ask each other favours (like Alice wanting Edward to keep an eye on Jasper to make sure he doesn’t go on a murdering spree because he’s hungry).

Coincidentally, Edward is pretty mad at her for focusing on her husband/boyfriend/SO and his trip down the serial killer lane in a public high school that she, later on, doesn’t catch a glimpse of Edwards violent fantasies and his possible future with his fangs in Bella’s neck. He seems to be pretty salty about that. I get that for Edward this is probably pretty damning, especially since this is not a regular occurrence, but has the thought crossed his mind that, right now, she has other priorities? Or that this future simply will not come to pass and that is the reason she hasn’t seen it? I am not familiar with how it works in the books (like I said, ages) but in the movies sometimes she gets the visions automatically without focusing and they are dependent on a person’s intent.

Back to Jasper then. And oh, Jasper. They did my boy dirty.

Well, technically not, because he has a much harder time living among humans than the others. But SM did not have to write Edward so dismissive of his struggles. To quote: “And Jasper was … suffering. I suppressed a sigh.” If this is so hard for him, why does he have to be there at all? They can’t always count on Edward and Alice to monitor him like a toddler. It would be far more efficient to just keep him away from humans. Also, and this is something that I have snapchatted to my friends several times and no one has yet come up with a concrete answer for me: You know how half the population is female? And how there are art-classes and PE and probably a school nurse? Accidents happen (I cannot tell you how often my friend had a spontaneous nosebleed in the middle of history class) and PMS is a thing. There will be a girl on her period when Jasper hasn’t fed in a long time. He’s not gonna avoid it by any stretch of the world by being in school. Have him stay home with Esme and work more in smaller steps.

“Why flirt with disaster?” If you can say that in response to Jasper having fantasies about drinking the blood of one of his classmates which starts with what is an exhibitionist-inclined make-out, why can’t you stay away from Bella? Because let me tell you: the best scene in this chapter was Edwards’s mind working out how to best kill his entire biology class just so he can rip open the new student and afterwards he doesn’t take his advice and cannot stay the fuck away. To his credit though, he tries. For like, half a chapter.

Until that point, where he smelled her, Bella was entirely mundane and uninteresting. He’s seen her in the minds of other students and the cafeteria and the most remarkable thing about her is that he can’t read her mind. He is very dismissive of it: “Not that I would find anything worth listening to.” So yeah, she doesn’t particularly strike his fancy or frankly, his interest.

But then she steps into the airflow that full-on blows her scent into his face and I have no words, except damn! And from that on we get the seven and a half most enjoyable pages of this chapter (dare I say the whole book?), the murder fantasies. What does it say about this book that this is the best scene so far? I found it quite well written to be honest. How he changes his second plan midway through the first because there are too many instances of the others screaming for help or alerting everyone else and, most importantly, Bellas body would grow cold while he snaps about 19 necks in 5 seconds. He is, for a monster without control, very methodical in his imaginary attempts to murder his class. Him thinking he has to destroy evidence, figuring out how he could best and most efficiently go about it, ultimately not relishing the killing but seeing it as the removal of an obstacle – I am getting some serious Hannibal vibes.

Of course, the thing holding him back is Carlisle and how Edward knows that his adoptive father would forgive him for this, because “he thought I was better than I was”. Only Edward being a stubborn bitch and wanting to prove something to Carlisle keeps around 20 people alive that day.

While I think the scene is incredible, it still rubs me the wrong way in a particular aspect: Edward has a raging fang-boner (pardon my French) for Bella and has the gall to judge Jasper simply because for him that is a permanent state of being. If anything, it makes me have a lot more respect for Jasper (and we can get into the confederate army major thing another time, I am aware of that) because he hasn’t ripped open someone’s bowels. But that isn’t where I was going with this. Edward only takes an interest in Bella because she smells like ecstasy to him. Because his instincts attract him to a meal so scrumptious, he’s never gonna forget it again. What a great start for a relationship! Also, he hates her because of her scent and this somehow keeps him sane. I either do not get boys in general or Edward Cullen specifically. Probably both.

It also takes him waaay too long to stop breathing. (And I know that he uses the phrase “sinking my teeth through that fine, thin, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing-” to describe her neck, but I have read too much horribly/well-written E-rated fanfics on AO3 to not think of a vagina when I read this.)

And even after he has resolved to not abduct and kill the new student, he still fantasizes about doing it. Like I said, reading his fantasies is pretty enjoyable, but why did SM have to give them to us in the first chapter? Nothing in this book is gonna compare to this description ever again and I am sad about it. I know, who’d have thought?

Then we get to the part where he thinks about following her to her house because to kill her there is “the responsible way to deal with this”. Excuse me? Oh man, still really enjoyable to read, but now I am genuinely scared for Bella!

Because this is not just very detailed, but also very thought out. I am not sure if SM decided to ramp up the fear-factor for Edward because while everyone theoretically knows that he could snap a neck with his pinkie, the thirst was very much real about a decade ago and everyone just kinda glossed over the fact that Edward is a killing-machine. Not sure if Bella wouldn’t take Jacobs concerns regarding sex with a vampire while she was still human a little more seriously if she knew that was how her husband thought about her when they met. Is this supposed to entice me or turn me on? Not that it ever could in general, because Edward, but after that description, I am very much turned off, actually, and not at all receptive to this dude and want to tell Bella to run for the hills or La Push and never come back. This is, good writing aside, disturbing!

After class, he heads out in his car and listens to calming music, which he does a lot. I’ll keep tabs on how often and keep you posted. And this is where he gets angry with Alice for focusing on Jasper instead of him. To quote: “Was she so absorbed with watching for trouble with Jasper that she’d missed this much more horrific possibility?” Well, maybe because her boyfriend has a much harder time with basically every student in the school rather than just one and is much more likely to flip his table in English and jump the teacher (and not in a fun way). And that her life doesn’t revolve around you!

As I said, the chapter ends with him speeding off into the night, because that is the only responsible choice. If you fell you it best to remove yourself from the situation, do it. But maybe stay consistent afterwards.

Good things: The description of Edwards methodical nature when planning the murders. Very well written, as well as his portrayal as a ruthless monster compared to the amped-up teenage-heartthrob-thing we got from Bellas point of view. The danger surrounding a vampire never really came through, but now it did. I actually fear for her. Very impressive writing.

Bad things: How easily and nonchalantly he tries to manipulate his way into a higher-level science class was very disturbing. How dismissive he is of almost all of his siblings and their problems or their happiness. The fact that the first feelings he had towards Bella are ambivalence and hatred.

This is gonna be unbearable, isn’t it?

[mode7rap]

genoboost reviews the Final Fantasy VII commercial

via Game Music 4 All

I hate Final Fantasy VII.

Well, I love Final Fantasy VII, but don't tell Final Fantasy VII I said that. FFVII doesn't deserve my love, but I often find myself thinking about all the good times we had together. We laughed, we cried, we bitched about Cait Sith. Those were the days. But it was such a toxic relationship. I can never go back.

It's going to take a few more therapy sessions before I'm comfortable digging deeper into that. Today, I simply want to discuss a small portion of the very rich meal that is Final Fantasy VII. There are a lot of layers to this RPG onion, and I want to focus solely on the dry, dusty, useless onion skin, slowly rotting beneath the produce section lights. I'll be dissecting Square's game changing game commercial which appeared on US television ahead of the games stateside release. That's not a joke.

How did we all think Final Fantasy VII was so great? Clearly opinions have splintered in the 20 years since the game's release. It's hard to stay unbiased after many years worth of extraneous FFVII games, movies, and more games, and anime shorts. It's now pretty hazy just exactly what convinced me to love this game so much in the first place. Then I saw the original commercial again. My very sudden and brand new hypothesis is that the marketing blitz put on by Sony and Square (now Square-Enix) made sure we thought this game was going to kick every ass. It did. The commercials that aired constantly on cable television also made sure that viewers had no idea what the 'game' part of this game was. 

   So it's time to dissect a thirty second long and twenty year old commercial. This advertisement was the first glimpse of Final Fantasy for much of the US, except for nerds like me that is. That glimpse made Final Fantasy VII look like one bad ass mother fucker of an action movie, er, action game. It's a game.  You can play on the "Play Station." Somehow.

What do you even do in this game? It would appear to be some sort of motorcycle riding, helicopter chasing, explosion causing and/or preventing type action game. Maybe you get to play as an ass kicking, motorcycle riding protagonist that is also a soldier of fortune, as mentioned in the commercial! Mystery solved.

I don't know what's happening here, but it doesn't matter because I'm dead now.

Actually, I think the Soldier of fortune is the only thing this commercial gets right about Final Fantasy VII. But only if I'm being generous and assume when the voice over said "soldier" he meant SOLDIER. 

It's hard to think back to a time where we didn't know about sephiroth, JENOVA, and Cloud, the only three characters that very briefly appear in the commercial. Each with a haircut sillier than the last. None of these highly integral characters are established in any way. It's just some insane fever dream. Was that a monster?  Did it explode? Does CG hair have to look this ridiculous?

Absolutely.

I know I come hard at Final Fantasy VII like the old, jaded gamer I am, but back in '97 I was just as enamored by it as any other kid that got their kicks from playing Chrono Trigger and FFIII, I mean VI, I mean, ah fuck it. Square knew exactly what a young American gamer wanted to see. Explosions, revenge, motorcycles, soldiers of fortune, more revenge, another explosion, and another explosion and revenge, plus it's a video game!

This isn't a commercial for a hundred hour, story driven RPG from Japan (this is, and it gets me pretty damn hyped). This is a commercial for a high budget Hollywood action movie. It has more in common with trailers for Men in Black and The Fifth Element, the latest sci-fi blockbusters circa '97. This was long before Lord of the Rings made everyone very very familiar with the Fantasy genre. Back in 1997, no one in the US cared about grass or trees or magic or elves or none of that shit. Those were good times. Anyway, the folks behind advertising Final Fantasy VII knew what's up. They showed off nothing but the heavily industrial, very metallic side of Final Fantasy VII. Cannons, helicopters, motorcycles. This was some epic futuristic realism here. No magic airships, no swords, no riding on big dumb chickens! 'Wark' your ass on out of here you stupid chocobo, or is it 'kweh' now? Go 'kweh' yourself! 

"Did you unlock the motorcycle?"

"Not Quite."

Give Square some credit where it's due though, twenty years later, every major game release is marketed this way. Only cut scenes, no game play footage, and only the vaguest half paragraph outline of the plot. Makes me nostalgic for the storyline to Bosconian. Make sure your way dope commercial includes anything that would be cool to own or pilot, as long as it's a machine and not an animal, such as a very large, very colorful, very inbred bird. 

There isn't a single company fool enough to include actual gameplay in the commercial for said game. Some commercials these days don't include any images from the game at all. Even Nintendo themselves cut that shit out a few console generations ago. Well, Nintendo still tries to shove a little gameplay footage in at the end of their commercials. Unfortunately, Nintendo's stubborn respect for consumers makes for terrible marketing. Not to mention the incredible difficulty in conveying fun game play to a passive audience. Just make some jokes, or throw some babes at me, and/or a few explosions and I'm in! Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell!

Square-Enix has made a ton of missteps since the release of FFVII, which lead to the name Square-Enix itself, and my endless confusion on whether to call them Square, or Square-Enix when referring to the company when it was called Square, or was it Square LTD, I don't think it was Square EA yet, or was it EA Square in the US and Square EA in Japan… Ah fuck that too.

Actually (fixes glasses) the full name is… 

As I was saying, Square whatever has had some misfires in their long and expensive history, but damn were they on the cutting edge of logically baffling but ridiculously effective commercials.

If I'm generous, I could understand that there could be some difficulty in explaining a 70 hour epic within a 30 second teaser. Ungenerously, since this is a commercial after all. Please be skeptical of anyone selling you anything. Please? This is 30 seconds of random images and blatant lies created solely in an effort to take your money. Square got my money. Don't let them get to you too!

I'm not sure if this is the first RPG to be marketed to popcorn shoveling mongrels and not the elite console gamer class that knew what a JRPG was, or, as we called them at the time. RPGs. We didn't need more specific definitions because all console RPGs came from Japan. American companies made Bass Fishing and Bubsy, and a game starring the fucking president's cat. Who cares! Until FPS games gained some traction, US game developers would do their best to serve up nice bland plates of whatever Japan created first. 

Despite Square's best efforts, and explosions, the most insane thing about this commercial was the ending. 

:Record scratch

Appearing in the final moments of the commercial was the title "Final Fantasy VII." Wait a minute! I know what Final Fantasy is! I know exactly what Final Fantasy is! Hold on, where did four, five, and six go!?

I had already played Final Fantasy VI, although we called it Final Fantasy III back in my day. Whatever this commercial was that my eyeballs were subjected to was certainly unlike any previous Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy is about wizards and spell casting and swords and a bunch of numbers going up, sometimes down. You collect money, which you can use to buy new weapons, and you can find treasure, which is hopefully new weapons. There's just loads of text and menus. Honestly, it's all just text and menus. The point being, that there ain't none of that in this commercial, and we all know damn well there is plenty of that shit in the game. Conversely, I think every exploding building, crashing meteor, or giant energy weapon in the game is shown off in this commercial.

Before I watched this commercial several dozen times in order to form this deep and absolutely necessary analysis, I decided to make a list of a few words and phrases that come to mind when I think about Final Fantasy VII.  Play along at home. Just close your eyes and think of some of your most cherished memories with this very ridiculous game. 

Giant Swords

Armageddon

Bigger swords

Corporate greed

This guy are sick

Leveling Up

Great Music

Unlikable characters

Huge world

Huge monsters

Double crossing

Ancient stuff

Fancy wigs and dresses

Cait Sith… Fuck you Cait Sith! I never wanted you on my team in the first place you traitorous, plot advancing piece of-

Okay, I should stop there, but I think that's a good synopsis of FFVII to be honest. 

Now time to live blog this ephemeral seizure of a commercial.

There's an evil empire.

So evil it's a whole evil planet?

Giant cannon!

Modern day helicopters

Modern day motorcycle, is this Terminator?

The world is in danger! So it might be Terminator!

To Aerith: "Come with me if you want to live." No wait!

More cannons! These cannons shoot lasers!

It can shoot in this single direction though.

Was that a monster?

Quiet down in there!… You!

Everything is so shiny

At least this evil empire has some showmanship.

Great graphics!

...for the time.

There's seven of these!?

Another record scratch

This is a video game!?!?

and it's on the playstation!?

Whaaaaa…

As you can see, a few major elements of Final Fantasy VII seem to be lacking in the commercial. In a game with nine different playable characters, each with plenty of backstory, we see Cloud's dumb hair for a second, and Sephiroth staring down a robot. I remember staring at the print ad of this scene and having not a single clue what I was even looking at. Did you notice any swords in this commercial? Catch someone using a spear or inaccurately enormous shuriken shaped boomerang? There wasn't even magic. No magic in a game called Final FANTASY. No feathers, and not a single blade of grass.

If this commercial is to be believed (and who am I to not believe the very people who are trying to take my money) then this is pretty much James Bond, Blade Runner, and Armageddon, but playable. I wouldn't be shocked if this blonde haired soldier of fortune was voiced by Bruce Willis himself. Yippee ki yay Sephiroth. It's time to save the world from lasers and cannons and meteors and all kinds of other crazy crap.

Somehow…

Oh, I almost forgot, this game commercial doesn't feature any game play. Maybe it was an oversight. It's certainly not necessary to include gameplay footage. Why, Square gave us all the information we need to understand the gameplay, right in this very commercial, if you just look closely enough!

I can easily imagine the control scheme for this wild ride.

X = Motorcycle

Triangle = Revenge

Square = Explosions

Circle = Explosion based Revenge

L1+R1 = Run Away

This lack of gameplay footage is what changed video game commercials forever (except Nintendo). Nintendo was trying their hardest to show off some quality games back in the mid 90's, but that integrity lost them valuable MTV commercial real estate. Square and Sony on the other hand, began to create commercials that were more like existential references to the games in the PlayStation library, rather than provide actual details or information about why you should purchase the product featured. Nintendo clearly wanted to emulate these highly effective commercials, all while still conveying the inherent fun of Nintendo games. This meant that Nintendo became stranded in some horrible middle ground. Wanting edgy commercials with a bunch of crazy crap happening, while still conveying the style and quality of the gameplay. Don't forget to wedge some game footage in there somehow.

As reference, here is a 1996 Nintendo commercial. Coincidentally, I chose the commercial for Super Mario RPG, the final Square produced game for a Nintendo system for nearly a decade.

   Dammit Nintendo, it's like the head of your PR department is my mom. SO LAME. This commercial needs it's own analysis. I'm a life long Nintendo supporter through and through, but I have made no bones about their inability to create engaging commercials. Nintendo has been getting their asses kicked in the marketing department ever since Sega said 'Nintendon't.' Luckily Nintendo's games often speak for themselves in terms of quality game play. Of course, you would have to purchase the game to know that. Oh the irony! Every Nintendo commercial feels like the boxart to Phalanx. Baffling and unintuitive.

In fact, here's another one from 2005!

   Even after many years in this brave new world of logic free commercials, Nintendo still slides in that gameplay footage. Will they never learn?

Conclusion

Hey Square, I love all the convoluted stories, convoluted hair, and pompous cut scenes, but I also like the part where I rummage through menus to equip insane materia combinations, or just simply stealing from as many different enemies as possible. This commercial, and the frenzy for Final Fantasy VII upon launch reinforced those former attributes, sending Square into an anti-gameplay spiral that we've only begun to unravel. In the immediate aftermath of FFVII, Square gave us both the amazing 'cinematic RPG' Parasite Eve, as well as the bankruptcy inducing Final Fantasy The Spirits Within. 

Now they go by Square Enix, a little wiser, and a little less bold. They still waver between quality game play and an overzealous cut scenes, second only to the Metal Gear series (which also made Konami hemorrhage money, hmm). 

Next FFVII anniversary, I'm going to review the Knight of the Round (AKA the longest fucking thing in video games ever) in the same amount of time that the animation of Knight of the Round takes to play out. 

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