#I really wish normies were tested on their bigotries and ability to care before having babies

[firespirited]

My parents were told they could have a seriously disabled child at one of the early ultrasounds - if they chose to continue, they could have further tests to find out more.

They took a week to think about if they had the personal bandwidth, family, community and resources to handle a disabled child (including adulthood) and decided yes. The two main options they considered were Down's syndrome or spina bifida.

They misjudged their families' empathy for disability and resources, Dad misjudged his ability to stay stable... but not their community, I grew up alongside disabled kids and adults who were loved and supported but some of them were adopted/fostered because their parents didn't get that choice.

It takes an awful lot of work to repair the damage of your parents not being well enough for you and conversely, to repair the damage of feeling you failed as a parent.

Everyone deserves the right to choose what they can handle as a parent AND have support and safety nets.

People often have this idea of "designer babies" when we talk about prenatal screening and that's just 1% of the problem, the bulk is abandoned kids and struggling parents pushed to their breaking point because community and resources just aren't available. Both is good. Some people aren't fit to parent.

As a disabled person who only became *heavily* disabled during my teens, I do sometimes feel that a genetic screening is also a litmus test for whether you're fit to parent full stop. Because life happens, and your kids aren't going to match your dreams, if you can't handle disability that's a good test for all the other differences... but that's a rather radical opinion.

Not to be That Person but isn't being concerned about birth defects ableist?

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No.