#I really love how much hairier I’ve gotten :3

[butchbearbait]

Took this pic a few days back and forgot to post it here oops! (he/she/they)

[4lpha-w0lf69]

1. Last beverage: canada dry?

2. Last phone call: my mama :]]

3. Last song you listened to: Fat lip - sum41

4. Last time you cried: I’m not a wuss :/

5. Have you dated someone twice: No...

6. Have you ever been cheated on: Uh, no?

7. Kissed someone & regretted it: That fucking cat...

8. Have you lost someone special: My cat Mr.Whiskers :[

9. What are your three favorite colors: Red, Brown, Black

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month: Deon!

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list: >_> 

12. How many kids do you want: A pack!!

13. Do you want any pets: Wish I had a dog

14. Do you want to change your name: Hunter is the best name and Bacon is the best nickname! How could u emprove?

15. What did you do for your last birthday: Spent it at mom&dad’s with Nora!! I also had some of the guys from the team hangin’ out.

16. What time did you wake up today: 5:45 am, bright eyed and bushy tailed :]

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for: School to fucking end.

18. Last time you saw your mother: Over the weekend-

19. Most visited webpage: This one

20. Nicknames: Bacon, Coolest dude around ;]

21. Relationship status: Single.

22. Zodiac sign: Aries

23. Male or female: Alpha Male!

24. Height: 6′3 and growing.

25. Do you have a crush on someone: :’]]]]

26. Piercings: 2 per ear, my nose, my tongue. Plan on getting .... :] 

27. Tattoos: None yet!

28. Strong or Weak: The strongest around!

FIRSTS 29. First surgery: Eh, I’ve never had a surgery

30. First best friend: Eggs! He still is, but also Deon is too now :]

31. First sport you joined: Football.

32. First vacation: The family cabin up north!

33. First school: Clarence-Rockwell Elementary,

34. First pair of trainers: Converse

WHICH IS BETTER 35. Lips or eyes: Eyes. I have a thing for pretty n cool eyes :]]

36. Hugs or kisses: Cuddles??? 

37. Shorter or taller: Not taller than me!

38. Older or younger: Older

39. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic? But I’m p spontaneous :]

40. Sensitive or loud: wtf does this even mean lol?

41. Hook-up or relationship: Hookin’ up is fun, but i’d be down for somethin’ more :]

42. Shy or outgoing: Outgoing

HAVE YOU EVER 43. Kissed a stranger: No.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket: On the highway once-

45. Lost glasses/contacts: Don’t need em.

46. Sex on first date: hahahahaha

47. Broken someone's heart: I dunno?

48. Been arrested: No

49. Have you turned someone down: Yes

50. Fallen for a friend: I am not 100% sure yet. :{

51. Moved out of town: Not out of town, but into a forest :]

BELIEVE IN 52. Miracles: No that shit bogus.

53. Love at first sight: I do :]

54. Heaven: No

55. Santa Claus: No. How the fuck would he fit in a chimney? And that is a LOT of cookies for one man to consume in one night. He’d be too heavy for the sleigh even w the reindeer pushing it. Plus I know for a fact that santa has the same hand writing as my mom. >:/

56. Kiss on the first date: Yes

57. Angels: Like the team? 58. Yourself: I’m the best footbal player & alpha in town!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY 59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No I’m loyal like a woooolf

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?: damn.

61. Ever cheated on somebody: No

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Oh to be a little guy runnin’ around without having to worry about shit like paying for his car, wifi, and when the next full moon is gonna come....

63. Are you afraid of falling in love: Nahw

64. Was your last relationship a mistake? I think that people do things for a reason, and even if you move on... It isn’t a mistake. It happened that way for a reason, and you probably learnt something from it.

65. Do you miss your last relationship? No

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to? Nora

67. Have you ever been depressed? Haha nights at the cabin is rough :’]

68. Are you insecure? I think i’m pretty confident?

69. How do you want to die? Something really epic like a brawl to the death protecting someone I care about. 

70. Do you bite your nails? No 71. When was your last physical fight? Oh! At school the other day I got into a fight w someone in the change room for saying i’m hairier than big foot. FIrst off i’m only a size 13, and secondly IM NOT THAT BAD-

72. Do you have an attitude? The school counselor, principal and coach all seem to think so.

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti? SUCK IT ALL UP IN ONE BIG BITE

74. Do you tan a lot? I naturally have one.

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving? Yeah, I hit up mcdicks or BK and grab a bite and eat it on the road all the time. Maybe i should clean out the back of ol’ sandy-

76. Ever made out in a bathroom? hhahaha :]

77. Would you take any of your exes back? Why?

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I don’t feel any actual need to.

79. What are your plans for this weekend? Hopfully a party with lots of liquor!

80. Do you type fast? I have big hands so that is kinda hard.....

81. Can you spell well? yeah of caurse i can!

82: What are you craving right now? Deer steak

83. Have you ever been on a horse? No

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them? Yeah why not???

85. What’s irritating you right now? A white haired little bitch-

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? yah. :{

87. Does somebody love you? My family does. Especially my lil sis Nora!!

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car? I’ve had to-

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate? Milk chocolate all the way

90. Do you have trust issues? Nope!

91. Longest relationship? Haha;;;;

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? :]

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs? By accident yeah. Good thing I live in a forest alone. Cause my PJs are often just me being naked.

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yeah kinda?

95. Did you have dream last night? Yeah! I sometimes have really epic ones

96. Have you ever been out of state? Sure

97. Do you play the Wii? I have a DS for pokemon and animal crossing. 

98. Do you like Chinese food? Yeah it’s p good. Who gave em the right?

99. Are you afraid of the dark? That’s when I thrive! 100. Is cheating ever okay? No.

101. What year has been your best? I’m hoping 2006 cause I want this to be the best : ]

102. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

103. Favorite weather? Fall, nice and brisk.

104. Do you like the snow? Yes

105. Do you like the outside? I LIVE TO BE OUTDOORS!

106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Uh, Maybe :L

107. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Nope.

108. What makes you happy? Sports, Nora, My friends :] being active.....

109. Ever been to Alaska? No

110. Ever been to Hawaii? N0

111. Do you watch the news? Sometimes, but like they say all kinds of fucked up shit. Not easy to take lightly when u live alone.

112. Do you love MTV? I like MTV cribs-

113. Do you like subway? like the trains or the sandwich? Because yes.

114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? eh, no.

115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I don’t know that I have one of those.

116. Why did you decide to do this quiz? I’m bored!!!! This cabin is lonely at night :[

117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? Yeah. Charlie &Piper....

118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Just my little sis. or my cousin Cass!

119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? I texted Cass-

120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Deon.

121. Ever bought condoms? LMao yeah.

122. Ever gotten pregnant? I’m a guy?????

123. Have you ever slipped on ice? Yeah, but we don’t talk about that. For most people it’s called a ‘tail-bone’ that gets cracked. For me it’s more like a whole tail cracking.

124 Have you ever missed the bus? No, I drive.

125. Have you left the house without money? I always have whatever is in my account from workin at the shop.

126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Nope! I like healthy lungs-

127. Have you ever smoked a cigar? NO.

128. Did you ever drink alcohol? Yeah, I’m always the one who has to go buying it. 129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”? The one where the dude gets the girl and fist pumps the air on the football field??? Yeah thats my fuckin’ goals!

130. Have you ever been overweight? No i”m just heavy cause muscle weighs more than fat! :[ 131. Ever been to a wedding? Yeh

132. Ever been in a wedding?  don’t think so.

133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Naw, not unless I’m in a intense convo w someone.

134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight? That’s TOO LONG!

135. Ever kissed in the rain? I want to....

136. Did you ever shower with someone else? Nope.

137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test? No, I’m basically a car expert

138. Ever been outside your home country? No

139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? Yes with my family going up to the family cabin.

140. Ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, who do u think ur talking to!?

141. Have you ever broken a bone? When I was younger I broke my arm a few times.

142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life? HELL YAH!

143. Ever get engaged? Noooo.

144. Have you ever been on a diet? I don’t need one!

145. Have you ever been on TV? When the team goes into finals-

146. Ever ridden in a taxi? Who needs to when u have a car.

147. Ever been to prom? Not yet!

148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more? Yeah, full moons can be rough on the bod.....

149 Have you ever been to a concert? Yes

150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work? Ew on the old man at the shop? No thanks....

151. Have you ever been in a car accident? Kinda, I wound up in the ditch-

152. Ever had braces? No

153. Did you ever learn another language? hablo español e ingles

154. Do you wear make-up? NO???

155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out? Nope! My strong teeth all stay put!

156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself? Yes

157. Ever dyed your hair? No, but my hair did start turning grey recently...

158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes? They wouldn’t fit lmao.

159. Ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, and I  got to ride first class on the gurney! : ] 

160. Ever ridden in a helicopter? Nope!

161. Ever caught the stove on fire? Yes, almost burnt the cabin down! Don’t tell mom!

162. Ever meet someone famous? NO :[ 

163. Ever been on an airplane? Yes

164. Ever been on a boat? Ye

165. Ever broken something expensive? My mom would get mad if I reminded her of this-

166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14? No.

167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground? I found a dead pigeon once. I often find cool animal carcasses

[vixen-vangogh]

polyvore was being a pain in the ass no matter how many words i tried to censor so here’s the life update i meant to put in that set

- have been living in a somewhat stable housing environment for almost a year and four-ish months now which is WILD and a huge record break for me.

- kind of have a partner? we're def QPPs and have been nomadic vagabond companions since like 2015 and have been sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, making life plans together hardcore since then. when i try to explain our relationship to others i explain that we are like Bert and Ernie from sesame street. it's not romantic but it's definitely a very serious thing and there is nothing i could forsee that would face our future that would not be faced together as companions. i was kind of chatting with a buddy the other day who was asking abt stuff and i was mentioning how an aphobe asked, 'how is this different from a best friendship, why do you need to call it a queerplatonic relationship?' and my instinct was to be all, 'well idk i mean i think most best friends don't stick their tongues in each others mouths' but like that said, some best friends do that and its totally legit but the main difference is we call it this because it is more accurate to the intricacies of our relationship.

a best friendship implies different things and a QPR is what we have been calling ourselves for some time.

- have come across the term alterous attraction many many moons ago and have concluded that more or less, this has been the basis for all the experiences of 'attraction' i have thought i felt in other categories. turns out i just love being pro/miscuous and cuddly and affectionate with people and it doesn't necessarily have to have any of the other attractions present. it's just an expression of my alterous attraction. and idk it just seems to make way more sense. someone said it was a commonplace for pre-questioning lesbians to make up to themselves crushes on boys with calculations involved about why this person is attractive.

i think maybe i do experience other forms of attraction but they're seldom enough that it's more anecdotal. and i'm going to call them crushes anyway bc it doesn't matter what i say or do - people are going to be confused by me and who i am and i shouldn't have to sacrifice the nuances involved in who i am and how i live my life to try and get smaller minds to understand it.

and nobody has to understand either. i don't even understand. that's heckin ok bro

- i've been on them 'ro/ids (testosterone) on and off for three months in spring/summer 2016 (androderm) and then the injections for some amount of time this year and there's been a lot of body changes. but mainly i'm looking at nu/des of other people on hormones and realizing like... what if I'm actually inters/ex? it makes no sense for my di/ck to be bigger than people a year on hormones in half the time, does it? like what's up there? and my body is signif hairier in a way that is noticeable to me and my QPP.

last week when I got the inje/ctio/n the nurse (who is a really nice lady? like smiley very friendly maternal type) asked me "how did you know?" without other context or anything.

I didn't really know how to begin because honestly no one had ever asked me that before and it's the one question I needed somebody else to answer back when I was like, 15/recently 16 and needed help finding myself. I wished future me could visit past me and tell me like, "hey jsyk this is what you concluded, here's the answers, and here's all the stuff I've realized about our past experiences that were actually Signs that you're #genderqueer"

and I think, another thing, I wish I could have told the past me, that the laws were going to rapidly change in my lifetime, and also to avoid any cis person who suggests therapy "for hormone starts" because that's what led me to like, 2 years of rather unhelpful talk therapy that turned into lowkey conversion therapy.

No one should ever make you write a sob story about your past before they allow you the autonomy to make decisions about your body.

I gave a little backstory of timeline and told her how my mom kept saying things like, "why are you so offended at the idea of being a woman?" etc and how we don't speak anymore, how I came out in 2011 and every day for the longest time I had to explain to other trans people who the heck I was. how my nonbinaryness was seen more as a delusion despite the fact that I found the wikipedia pages and message boards and I knew there were other people like me out there. I didn't know of another #nonbinary person until 2013 and even then I only met them in passing at a panel they hosted. (we ended up roommates for a bit around 2016 but that's another story)

I stopped having to give #genderqueer 101s to the LGBT+ community around 2014.

And I feel like after that Laverne Cox paved a lot of way for us, and Facebook started putting other genders on there (which I'd signed petitions for years before and considered to be a hoop dream)

and there's been corrective r/a/pe I've gone through and so many tears I've cried and sui/cide attempted and hospital visits

and things are definitely still horrific and I can never afford groceries. I don't eat enough to sustain myself and live on welfare and am too medicated and disabled to work and have tachycardia and PTSD and other complications of my own forced resilience

but I'm on testosterone or whatever and I look at the changes that have gone on and I know that I was a part of that

but I'm never going to get credit for it and it pains me how much I'm suffering because I started advocating earlier than the majority of trans people out today.

if I had come out to my mom years later, would we be speaking?

it doesn't ultimately matter, because if we kept speaking I still would have ended up d/ead. coming out and having her react like that, topped with her steal/ing from me when I was homeless, years of sui/cide baiting, physical + emotional + etc a/buse my whole life, it's miraculous I ever made it out alive

it's so painful but I just have never had the privilege of choice.

- I've been thinking to go back to school maybe and that I need to actually go at it full force with passion because I think I have gotten way too down on myself for the results that have come from my own halfa/ssery of it all. And my own procrastination etc.

I wish I had access to medical care as a child or counselling or something more than I ever did have because maybe I would have excelled in school instead of suffered to try and keep my head above water. I mean, I graduated honours (equivalent).

there's too much about my life to be angsty about.

- also idk if i mentioned this but i got ar/rested for protecting indigenous folks at a thing and it was in the news and im not going to talk much more on it bc of privacy but i'm happy to dig up the video of the pol/ice dragging me away and the crowd shouting (and gendering me right ;u;) "LET THEM GO, LET THEM GO" and i was a pathetic mess thru the whole thing and just had the wrong emotions the whole time and like 3+ reporters tried to get a hold of me for interview but I forwarded them to the indigenous leaders of the ceremony instead

we prayed inside the arre/st tent and put down tobacc/o and held ceremony and the c/ops were horrible and took so much personal offence to everything we were and every reality that happened that they wanted to deny. they banned us from the public land we were arrested on and it was horrible.

it was in the news and justin tr*deau showed up for a photo op and the organizers weren't allowed in their own tipi. he wasn't invited.

those with the land claim to the area made an official statement welcoming us and condemning the go/vernme/nt for arrestin/g us.

nothing was ever done about that bit other than them releasing us and i went to the hospital the next day to get my wrist checked because i couldn't really use it and the handcuf/f bruises and the bruise on my knee was massive. it's been two months and it's only now faded.

twitter blocked the image of us in the a/rrest tent holding hands in prayer with the hand/cuffs on our wrists. they said it contained "sensitive content"

tumblr did the same, calling it "NSFW" (weird bc literally photographs of my actual na/ked body with links to where u can buy videos of me jerkin is not labelled NS/FW automatically lol?????)

i asked tumblr to review that and they still labelled it as such.

it's just so blatantly a genuine broach of free speech and freedom of religion. it was a crimi/nalized religious ceremony and i got between the co/ps and a woman praying.

- i saw Against Me! in march and the mosh pit was extreme and I fell down at some point and like seven people pulled me up and that and the getting arre/sted thing has really hecked up my knees ! i feel like they're mostly healed since but i've not even been kneeling on my mattress for even a second to make sure of this. otherwise it's just been sudden pain for months but as i said, i think they're a lot better now.

- i came forward abt a pr/edatory ex and a few others of their victims came to me to say that they had gone through the same and that they were even more pre/datory than had been with me. i lost quite a lot of friends in the matter bc what i accused them of was extremely serious and came across as vicious on my part.

i'm going to take it as alright though, because i know that i've put what i said out there, and if they have read it at all, they can at least have these ideas in their mind going forward and take precautions. this ex was confronted publically and directly on social media about it and there were several witnesses and screenshots i had to things they did and said. i'm hoping that serves as some kind of warning for them, about their actions that they have confessed to with several people, and how these things will come back for them. that they cannot evade accountability, that i am a force of nature and if you wrong me or do a wrong in my witness with no remorse on your part or apology, i'm not going to let you live it down.

i care and i am tired of hearing horrible stories about them from others. others who came to me saying that i had been painted as an abus/er. because i know ! people see me standing up for myself as threatening all the time. they worry they aren't allowed to make mistakes around me.

no matter how many times i say it or prove it, there's always those people who are too cowardly to admit when they do make mistakes and who go to great lengths to protect their pride and entitlement.

i know we are all growing. i seek environments of mutual support and growth. i am now in a phase of life where i am not giving the time to people who have no interest in these environments. anyone can be my friend, if they are ready for it. but i don't owe it to anybody and anything wrong i have done i am at a point where i feel like i am in touch with my own humility.

and if someone tries to milk it because they think my vulnerability isn't also strength and something that comes with at least some ferocity... well, that's not my problem.

- my rabbit Snicklefritz is doing fine. he's shedding like the dickens this season and mischievous as usual but hopefully one day I can afford to make him an enclosure again and I can let him out only when I can keep track of him.

he's ruined a lot of sketchbooks and a lapdesk my QPP got me for the winter holidays that we are both heartbroken about.

- I am trying to become less attached to material belongings and it has helped me a lot when it comes to coping with all the sentimental items left with my mother or in the various times I've been homeless or left exes etc over the years.

My memories are in my heart and not something that needs to be placed externally, in an item.

Have also trying to go zero waste (like, becoming someone who produces no garbage, just recycling and compost) and it's really been noticeable all these small differences. I buy way more bananas, lettuce, etc. And I've been making bread and spaghetti and whatnot and having windowsill gardens.

- I'm not cured of anything or whatever and I'm angsty 24/7 and broke as heckaroo but there's enough of The Little Things In Life (gardening, youtube videos, kisses, etc) to help me get by in the meantime.

- three days ago a friend (who I consider(ed) chosen family) I had purposefully cut out of my life a year ago showed up on my doorstep to tell me I was right about everything and to apologize for all the wrongs. That they reread conversations we had around then and that they have grown and grown into a better place. They were 18 then and 19 now. We were from the same hometown and they're still there but moving to my city in December. I missed them so much and they stayed with me a few days. I feel a bigger sense of home in this city knowing they're going to live here soon too.

- I've been Really Intensely looking thru my DNA and geneology stuff since last winter. For some reason Indian (like, South Asia) shows up in my DNA and some southern Europe/Northern Africa/Middle East kind of region. My father was adopted via a stepdad and I figure this comes from his bio dad. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't really know. My maternal haplotype is supposed to be one that's generally found in African populations which throws that whole theory. My mom and me also had to use hair picks (afro picks) when I was growing up because our hair was so naturally thick and the waves really tangled up. Every time we went to get my hair cut in that white rural town the hairdressers would comment how they'd never seen such thick hair before etc. I'm still struggling greatly to find answers because everybody's last name is phoenetically weird except for my dad's mom's line which has an extremely Cornwall last name and anyone with that name is definitely part of that family.

Doing research to find what I was told growing up (that I was Kanien'keha:ka via my maternal grandmother's grandmother) has been very difficult because I'm not sure which grandmother of hers it was, and one of them seemed to remarry several times and I cannot be sure of any of the surnames being a maiden name. It's also really hard to know what the spelling was supposed to be because it was written phoenetically. But I think that one's likely English anyway. The other one I haven't reached yet but my grandmother's father's father seemed to be from a Metis community outside a reserve where I remember being told we had ancestors. It seems we're descendants of some really famous anglo Metis folk. I've not figured out the specific links to lock the names all into place properly in my family tree but it's the surname and the small community that are an exact match and on the message boards.

It's a lot to think about. I've been struggling with my racial identity for a long time and regardless of nuances and ethnic identity I feel like I'm just doing this research to seem special or more interesting or to branch out my activism. DNA is not ever going to tell me who my ancestors were, just the locations a small handful of random specific ancestors lived. Family trees are going to help, but they're not going to help me too much as someone who doesn't actually have blood family I'm in contact with really.

I might see if I can get in touch with an older cousin I have on Pinterest because she seemed to be the only one (besides my younger cousin) who really ever sent me vaguely kind gestures after I came out. She was the only one who seemed to be supportive when I did my grandma's eulogy. (Aside from my sibling who went up with me. But I don't speak to my sibling for other reasons.)

I have a paternal cousin as well but we're more half-cousins as my dad's mom had a few different men in her life and I don't actually know if he does have full bio-siblings. I don't really know if it's worth it to reach out to her because with all the technicalities and separations and adoptions and half-relatives I don't know whether I can ask her to ask around, or if I can just ask her, or what.

Anyway whatever it's just easiest to explain my ethnicity as being Metis because talking with others and stuff it seems like maybe this is the best way to label myself, to explain my complicated history and acknowledge that my blood ties are not what makes me me, but rather my ethnic ties. I have traditions and beliefs and ancestors I'm reconnecting with and trying to find.

Not all my ancestors were great people. But it is interesting as heck to learn about them. (Especially seeing pictures and some of the weirder resemblances from like, 5th great grandparents.)

Also one of my greats of grandparents crossed the US-Canada border several times in his life and near the end of them the border agent wrote "seems odd" on the thing and I haven't found any explanation for why he was crossing the border either lol which is pretty dang interesting imo.

- anyway idk I think I'm good ?? have been getting a lot of new interests and hobbies lately which feels good, feels right

i'm getting muscles because of them hormones and probably eating healthier or whatever and drinking more water and just livin life as best i can

could use some more dollars however but what can u do when welfare doesn't go up to match minimum costs of living haha :)