#I really like the Frontman. I completely forgot i had a big crush on the actor.

[yourdearlovedoctor]

Just finished watching Squid Game season two and I'm both satisfied and frustrated. Satisfied by what I was given but frustrated because it ended on a cliffhanger and I want more.

[ollyarchive]

Olly Alexander Just Wants to Be Straight with You

BY

BRENNAN CARLEY

PHOTOGRAPHS BY

ALEX RESIDE

The Years & Years frontman is back with a new single, a new hair color, and a new outlook on straight men.

Olly Alexander walks into GQ's photo studio and removes his hat, revealing a shock of brightly dyed red hair. Whether that means something to you or not depends on how familiar you are with and fanatic about the British singer's incredibly popular band, Years & Years. The trio's already put out one incredible album (2015's Communion), picked up fans like Katy Perry, and are now gearing up for their sophomore project, coming this summer and anchored by the just-released "Sanctify", which chronicles Alexander's experience sleeping with and falling for a straight man. It's an effortless synth-pop song with vivid religious imagery, a sticky chorus, and cheeky lyrics like "You don't have to be straight with me / I see what's underneath your mask," which is sort of Years & Years' sweet spot: Just when you think you have them figured out, they take you to a deeper place than you thought pop music could go.

Alexander, who's 27, is also known both for his acting work (you may have seen him on Skins) and for his outspokenness as a member of the gay community (his 2017 BBC documentary, Growing Up Gay, is a phenomenal watch). Boyish in appearance but confident in presentation, Alexander lounges in a windowless green room in lower Manhattan, fielding our questions about self-care, new music, and—yes—straight men.

GQ: When did you start working on the album? Olly Alexander: It was September 2016. We had finished up the majority of our touring. We were gonna take a break, and I...didn't take a break. I just started working on the second album. I did take like three weeks where I just deliberately did nothing and read books and stuff at home. But I also went to Taiwan and Bali by myself. It was a really good trip. It was fun.

I love being alone. [A solo vacation's] not for everybody, but I just like how you can do your own thing at your own time. You don't have to give a shit about anyone else's preferences, what they want to do. And you make friends and stuff.

Have you always liked being alone? Solitude is very restorative for me, especially because I spend so much time around other people and performing to people. And when you're on tour, you're sharing a bus with 20 people.

How did you handle needing solitude on the road? It's tough because you're constantly traveling, and you're in this whirlwind with no stability. I definitely got better at creating my own personal alone time within the company of lots of other people. It would be like, "Don't talk to me. I'm reading my book. I'm inside my bunk on my tour bus, and it's like literally a coffin." No one can come in, and I can just close the curtain and be here and be alone. And then, also, I would do things. It's fun touring. In America, the drives are so long, and then you make a stop over in El Paso or Cleveland. In Cleveland, I remember we had a day off, and I just Googled "things to do in Cleveland," and number three was "the cemetery." So, I went! And it was a good cemetery. Spend more time in cemeteries.

Why'd you jump right back into writing after the first album cycle wrapped? In my mind, I was like, "I'll just get loads of songs out of the way because I know how this process works. It's gonna take a really, really long time to find anything good, and I just want to get a good chunk in right now. And then I'll take the rest of the year off and start again in the New Year."

Once I started doing it, I was like, "Oh, I actually really like writing music." When you're touring and promoting an album, I wasn't writing any music or necessarily being super creative at all, and I forgot how much that's very important to me. It was encouraging because there's always a part of you that thinks, "Maybe I just can't. I won't be able to do it again. I won't be able to write another song."

Where did "Sanctify" come in the process? It came pretty early. I've been having a lot of encounters with straight guys that were not being straight with me and were struggling, to put it lightly, with their sexuality. I was very fascinated by that dynamic because for starters, it's a very common experience, I think, for gay men to fall for a straight guy.

I mean, I've done it. I think for a lot of gay guys, you're at school and fall in love with your straight friends. That happened to me, and I think that's really super common. But also, now that I'm an out gay man���very out—I've noticed how some straight guys gravitate...it's weird because I've almost found myself having these encounters with straight guys and find myself playing this saint and sinner role, or like this angel and devil, because I'm leading them down the path of "sinful gayness," but also I'm helping them satisfy the sexual desire that they feel they can't get anywhere else. It's strange to have that dichotomy, and so I was like, "I'm gonna write a song about it!"

Most of my straight crushes happened when I was younger, where it's like, "Oh, I feel like I can lust after this person because it's likely never going to amount to anything because they're straight, so it's not gonna hurt me in the end." I relate to that 100 percent. That's something that I felt when I was younger. But then it happened to me recently where I was like, "Am I having feelings for this straight guy? What is that about?"

It's like you said: Putting away your emotions and investing in someone that ostensibly is never gonna give you that back. It's kind of heartbreaking. Why would anybody put themselves in that position? I think when you're a gay guy, navigating the dating world and romance, it's hard enough. If you're just stepping outside of all of that bullshit and just putting it on a straight guy, you're right: "Oh, that will never happen. My feelings aren't gonna get hurt." Even though they always kind of do. You're lying to yourself.

Have you felt from straight men—or men that present as straight, I suppose—that they've projected those angel and devil roles back on you? Yes. It's funny because it's like you feel the sense of responsibility to not fuck up this guy that's clearly struggling with his sexuality, but then resenting the fact that I had to tread on eggshells.

Is it especially hard for you to date because you're you? Yeah. It's funny because I downloaded Grindr. I was newly single toward the end of 2016, and I've been in relationships all throughout my 20s, and I was like, "I really want to be single, and I need to be alone." I think it's the right decision, but I'm literally like...I haven't seen Call Me by Your Name, and now I just cannot watch it because I'm just like, "Why would I watch depictions of two men being in love when I know I'll die alone?" I just can't handle that right now.

Anyway, when I was newly single, I downloaded Grindr because I'd been in relationships or I'd been in the band. I couldn't have Grindr, but then I was like, "Wait, but why the fuck can't I have Grindr? I want to have this experience." You know? So I downloaded it and I was on it, and then it was just weird because people would think I was catfishing myself, which was kind of a head fuck.

Grindr has some great things about it, but it also has a lot of negatives, and it's just very hard to trust anybody. It just feels like this meat market of dick pics and sex positions. "Are you a top or bottom?" It does kind of depress me a bit, even though I love to hook up as much as the next guy. It's good for that, but people would think I was catfishing myself, or they'd be like, "Oh, I'm such a big fan," and that's kind of a turnoff, so it didn't go super well for me.

You know how some people have dreams of moving to Florence or living in Seoul? You can still do all of those things, but I always think for queer people, "Well, I kind of need to live somewhere where I'm not gonna face abuse." A queer-friendly place. I think a lot of straight people forget that sometimes. They're surprised when I say that to them.

I think the assumption with straight people is that it's 2018 and even though things are better for gay people, it's not entirely true. I went to a wedding in San Antonio with my partner a couple of weeks ago, and I remember thinking, "Oh! This is the first time in a long time that I have not felt comfortable!" Yeah, I totally agree with you. Back when I had a boyfriend, if we were getting a cab together, I would a be a little uncomfortable kissing in the back of a cab. A lot of that has to do with my own issues around internalized homophobia that I grew up with, but at the same time, I do live in a really gay-friendly city. But if you leave London, half an hour away, you feel like it's a completely different landscape, and, you know, it does feel very threatening to just hold your boyfriend's hand or be yourself.

That is the reality for most queer people. I think we have made amazing strides in so many ways and we can be super happy about that, but it would be delusional to think that everything's fine. It's also because the LGBT community is so diverse, so intersectional, and I think people outside of the community forget that. But people within the community forget it, too. We don't actually reach equality unless everybody has equality, but if you're used to privilege, true equality feels like oppression. Unfortunately, we're white gay dudes, and we are a minority, and we have our own systems of oppression, but we're also at the top of the privilege tree. I think there's a lot of imbalance there.

I'm always gonna support my siblings in the community, but it does make me really sad to see how much racism, sexism, and transphobia that exists from within, and I think there are lots and lots of reasons for that, but we just can't really lose sight of the fact that we're all fighting similar battles.

You use the word "queer." A lot of people are still uncomfortable with that. Yes.

Have you had a moment where you've said to yourself, "I am comfortable using this and here's the reason why"? Yeah. Whenever I have these kind of conversations, I try and say I personally like "queer," but I understand that it's really painful for many people, and I've had a few people get offended with my use of the word, which I do completely understand. I'd like to think I have enough humility to be able to engage with that person that has the problem with that word, and I would listen and I would try and learn something from that experience.

I suppose for me, I like it because it feels very inclusive. "LGBT" is also good, and both feel separate but also similar. I don't know. I would be interested to hear what you think about the word and the use of the word.

I feel the same way. I think it's a generation who grew up knowing that word as an insult and a slur, that's hesitant to let a younger generation reclaim it. I think in 20 years, the gay twentysomethings at that time will be using "fag" as slang, but I was called it when I was younger, and I'm not comfortable yet letting that word be reclaimed. Yeah, I feel the same way about that [word], too.

It might say more about me than it says about them. Maybe I should be thrilled that they're so comfortable to take that word, especially when we're having the conversation about "queer." I'm comfortable using "queer," but it's also because the kids who were bullying me when I was 12 and 13 weren't using that as an insult. Exactly, yeah. I have not grown up with being victimized by that word. That is a super important distinction. But some gay guys feel like it diminishes a gay identity, and I love being a gay man. I identify as a gay man all the time, but I also like to identify as queer. I suppose it feels like it encompasses my gay identity, but it also encompasses some other stuff—a more fluid approach to my gender. And I feel like when I spend time with my friends who identify as genderqueer or non-binary, queer feels like the best word for us all as group. Language is so multifaceted, and these are words that we can employ in different situations, and they don't have to be fixed. If we're just carrying on these conversations, then I think we're fine.

You talked about the people that you have surrounded yourself with. Have you built up a support system within the community? Oh yeah, 100 percent. I moved away from home when I was 18 to London, and what I did was just try to find my family and people that I felt could understand the experience that I was going through. I've met amazing people. I've also lost amazing people along the way, and unfortunately that's normal.

I'm not saying that being straight is easy, but when you're gay, you don't really have a familial network or support system. You have to find that. Also, I think there's a whole erasure of queer people who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and so there's this collective anxiety about aging and who's gonna love us and who's gonna take care of us and what if we don't have kids because we don't have any rulebooks for that or any guidebooks for that. It feels completely terrifying, and I know that I'm not alone in thinking that.

Do you worry at all about getting older? For sure. Now I feel a little bit more comfortable with it and I think, "Oh my God, I'm so happy that I'm not gonna have to worry." I don't want to have kids, and that's just a personal choice. It's nothing to do with being gay or not, but I used to worry that "Oh, I'm gay, and that means I can't have a longterm relationship or get married or have kids." That was just the thing that you were supposed to have, that everybody was supposed to have. Now, of course, we do live in a world where it's totally normal for gay guys to get married and have kids.

Now I kind of feel like, "Oh well, I feel like I can just be empowered enough to make the choice to not have those things. I don't want them," and still live a full, happy life and get old and be a mad gay guy living by the sea like Grace and Frankie. That's literally all I'm aiming toward, is living like Grace and Frankie.

You just mentioned how we're meant to assume that we won't have long relationships. I've been in a relationship for almost four years, but the way that straight people talk about the length of their relationship, as if it's like...you know how when you have a dog, and it's like, "Well, he's 8 in dog years, but he's 64 in human years." People seem shocked that we're able to carry out longterm monogamy. I know. On the one hand, I think one of the great things about being gay, I find, is it's not a given that you're gonna immediately enter a monogamous relationship with somebody that just has to last as long as possible, and it fails when it ends. It's like one rule, and it's not to cheat. I love that it feels like there are more possibilities. For myself as a gay guy, I feel like, "Oh, maybe I could have a different kind of relationship," which is great but...

The rulebook is different. Exactly. But at the same time, it does show the double standard that gay people are viewed as less likely to be able to commit. I think there are lots of reasons for that, and I don't want to jump to, like, "Oh, well, straight people just think that gay guys are deviant and promiscuous," you know? There's a seed of truth to that, still, that it is kind of a surprise to see a longterm relationship.

It's crazy how we have one relationship model. I think even five years ago, people weren't super aware of what polyamory meant or being in a throuple. And I was like, "Maybe I wanna be in a throuple?" And I was like, "Actually, that seems like the best relationship ever." I just wanna be the unicorn in the throuple, and I can live in the next house to the couple. Wait, this sounds so fun. How can I arrange this?

I'm sure you can arrange that. I know. In my mind, I'm working toward the Grace and Frankie throuple situation. I'm just gonna get high by the beach all day. Maybe see my husbands or whoever they are a couple times a week.

Styling by Nick Royal

[shxdowoforre]

((I made a banner! A basic one for my basic ass self but it helps organize things still! Now then, today’s headcanons are--))

TEAM SNAGEM HEADCANONS

(and how Snagem affected Wes)

A thank you to @tenderpoison for making me think of doing this. Because, honestly, I completely forgot that I had barely made any hc’s for Snagem! So it let me think a lot about how stuff worked there.

Snagem was founded by Gonzap and they were independent at first. Essentially just a bunch of bums from Pyrite, The Under, and any other asscrack in Orre were what comprised the members.

It was founded because, as stated on my base list of Orre hc’s, Orre’s government is a shithole and so was the economy, and Gonzap and co. wanted some damn money.

They literally stole anything and everything at first. Anything they needed for survival, or once they became stronger, anything they wanted. They stole shit. That’s just about their whole deal.

When they discovered the black market for Pokemon was hot in Orre because of its competitive battle scene is when they decided to focus on stealing mainly Pokemon. Stealing anything became kinda risky business when they tried stealing from a Trainer with ridiculous Pokemon because he battled the Colosseums all the time. ‘Cause at first there weren’t many of these types, but as the competitive battle scene picked up they were everywhere. And everyone wanted to win, and they’d pay top dollar for fighting machines.

Now, Snagem’s members had pretty decent Pokemon themselves, but they were nothing like the Orre Trainers’. They had trouble stealing any until Gonzap had to personally step up and crush some dudes to get the ball rolling. Because Gonzap is the only one who actually trained up his own Pokemon when he saw the Trainers getting tougher.

Even after this, the Snagem members Pokemon didn’t get much stronger, and they often borrowed some stolen Pokemon on loan from Gonzap to get stuff done or, more commonly, they instead taught their Pokemon moves to turn them into trolls. Status moves like Sleep Powder, Smokescreen, Swagger, etc. They began relying on these moves to KO the Trainer and just take their Poke Balls rather than deal with a tough battle. Quicker, easier, why not?

Plenty of Snagems members didn’t even steal though, because they're lazy asses. These guys would hang round the base and just laze on the couch or be general mechanics/contractors.

Snagem’s HQ is a janky hovel, but it’s tough to breach. The canyon helps a lot with providing defense, but the stolen pieces that comprise the whole place are still pretty sturdy. Orre tech in general can be as advanced as Aether’s, so with that stolen stuff they can still have a pretty tough fortress.

If you get through the front door, you then have to deal with all the crowds of Snagem dudes that will rush your ass when they discover an intruder. See: Pokemon Colosseum opening. No matter how tough your Pokemon are, Horde Battles are a bitch, and Snagem does not follow standard battle rules.

In addition to the HQ, Snagem had several points of territory across Orre that they enforced and kept other smaller gangs off their turf. There were no other set bases besides maybe the abandoned house of the day.

For the internal hierarchy of Snagem members, it started a little like this.

1. Courier/Frontman: You’re not so much a member of Snagem as you are just somebody they hire on as a mule or pretty face to advertise. Couriers just run packages to people Snagem is dealing with or other Snagem members who need it. You compete with Pokemon for the Courier position too. Wanna know why Wes is a fast runner? Wanna know why Wes has such a speed machine and can drive so well? There’s some reasons. He started in this position, and he damn sure wasn’t gonna lose it. Now, as a kid, of course, he could only handle small hover bikes, but he learned how to mod them fast.

2. Base member/Lazyass: Base members of Snagem don’t do much besides just do basic errands and stuff. Anything other members can’t do basically gets shoved onto these guys. Including the grosser stuff like cleaning up ‘the messes’. They never elaborated on what. They’d just say to go clean up this mess or that mess. And Base members gotta do it. Or they can be lazy. A lot do. The HQ doesn’t smell nice. Especially since Orre is hotter than Groudon’s Drought.

2.1 Mechanic/Contractor: These guys are still technically Base members but they can actually, like, do stuff. So they’re treated a little better, and they don’t have to clean gross stuff up! They fiddle with all the machines and make sure the HQ is in good condition.

3. Thieves/Snaggers: Aka when Gonzap actually starts to give a fuck about you. If you meet your quota. This is arguably the most valuable tier members can be, even more than Admins. Anyone in this tier is part of the group of people that are assigned to go out and steal what is needed. Don’t care how, don’t give excuses, steal it. Steal everything you’re told to, or it’s back to Base member for you. Even some Snaggers were just those types that used Sleep Powder, but if you could steal, and steal all on your quota, you could be in this tier. Snaggers are regularly in contact with Couriers to pass off the goods to, and this is where Wes first met a Snagger. Immediately, it sowed the seeds in his head that would eventually lead to him wanting to pursue a higher position in Snagem. Snaggers are often the ones who get busted out of prison. Mechanics and Contractors, maybe. Admins, yeah. Snaggers, absolutely. Base members/Couriers/Frontmen? Lol they’ll send you a postcard.

4. Admins: Usually Gonzap’s close and trusted advisors and enforcers. Strong, yes, but they don’t have to be a Snagger. If you are, you may as well be a unicorn. Wes was on his way to being that rare combo before he stabbed everyone in the back.

5. Boss: Gonzap. Duh. The toughest dude, leads only the most important missions. Pretty standard stuff. A lot of day-to-day stuff gets left to the Admins but if he gets involved, you probably fucked up big time.

Now, Snagem also has a fun little ‘initiation’. It’s actually quite simple: Go to the HQ and report to Gonzap. Thing is, they have a messenger, usually another Courier, tell you this. No nice cushy ride for you. Go get there yourself. The most you may get told, if the member is nice enough to tell the Courier, is that it’s at Eclo Canyon. Normally people stop right there and go ‘Nah’ and back out. Plenty who try never show up. It’s safe to say, if you successfully find the HQ, you now know Eclo Canyon like the back of your hand. Which is important as all members need to know how. Wes cheated a little and stalked a Grunt there after being lost, but it worked!

New members are often treated roughly and used as a whipping boy a lot by other members. Aka they’d battle and fist fight a lot. Base members are the ones who really do this because they’re bored and it’s funny to punk a new guy.

They are nice to give you a uniform, but Wes didn’t like wearing it because they didn’t have a lot of different sizes and he was too small. He got a LOT of ‘attention’ for a while because of that.

Food in the earlier days of Snagem was a little scarce, and they didn’t ration. Get to your food first and take it before someone else does. Hiding it can work, but it normally gets found and it’s always nobody’s fault but your own if it does. That leaves eating it right there, but if another grunt is upset they didn’t get any they may just fight you until you puke it up to spite you. Wes had this happen several times himself.

Now, you don’t have to eat the food Snagem scrounges up. Nobody stops you from going out and getting your own. The HQ isn’t Snagem members’ house. It’s an HQ. You don’t pay rent for it, you work. Food is considered a luxury provided when they can give it. If you do go out to grab your own, don’t think other Snagem members won’t tail you. Just ‘cause you’re getting it from somewhere else doesn’t mean they won’t still try to take it or spite you.

Earning your respect in Snagem can take a while or it can happen really fast. Normally it involves asserting yourself enough to know that if anyone tries something, you’re gonna get thrashed. Contributing to Snagem a lot is another route. If you contribute a lot to Snagem but aren’t strong, you’re a ‘Daddy’s Boy’ and they fuck with you more than if you were just a new guy.

When you do earn your respect, everyone backs off, and you’re more or less finally seen as an equal, and people generally can get pretty friendly. You are ‘one of them’ sorta. It doesn’t mean any of the bullshit will stop, but they sorta feel like you can be trusted as far as Snagem is concerned. About as close to good friends and bros as can be. As long as you stayed with Snagem.

If you turn on Snagem, they will hunt you and utterly beat the hell out of you. Probably take all your stuff too. And they won’t stop. Not unless Gonzap calls them off.

So, overall, Snagem’s atmosphere is very much summed up as ‘a junkyard full of a pack of junkyard dogs’. Come on in if you can find em, but we ain’t gonna coddle anybody. Figure it out or leave.

All this was fine and dandy until Cipher came along. They gave one special thing to Snagem, and that was the Snag Machine.

Cipher completely took advantage of Snagem about it too. They knew Snagem would jump at the chance to use it, and so they used Snagem first as test subjects with their clunky Beta versions. The ones that were like vending machines.

These things were cumbersome and ridiculously hard to make use of. It wasn’t until Wes got the bright idea to actually disguise them as vending machines sitting on the back of a concealed truck did they actually steal any Pokemon with them. But Wes saw huge potential in this technology and was eager to see where it would go.

Eventually, to ‘thank’ Snagem for its help, Cipher ‘gifted’ them the only handheld Snag Machine. But it came at a steep price. They could have the Snag Machine, but Cipher demanded they go out and steal for Cipher as well as themselves.

Snagem, essentially, became Cipher’s bitch and stole at the snap of their fingers. Wes noticed this shift very quickly and he did not like getting put back into that tier after clawing his way out of it. He wasn’t gonna be nobody’s bitch, but if Snagem wanted to, Wes would treat them like one.

Snagem’s reaction was pretty basic when Wes betrayed Snagem, as seen in Colosseum, but Wes felt nothing when he betrayed them. Wes is a product of his environment, and Snagem undoubtedly created a monster by fostering his megalomania with their system. Several things, like the literal fighting for food, and the treatment of new members, contributed to the complexes Wes still has, such as never wanting to depend on anyone. The hyperaggressive environment, in turn, made Wes hyperaggressive when he felt threatened or wanted to assert dominance. He wouldn’t have even felt a need to assert any sort of dominance if Snagem hadn’t beat it into him that he had to, lest he be pushed around by everyone. Wes had his own bad traits, but Snagem basically took all of Wes’ bad personality traits and amplified them.