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chocoholicannanymous · 7 years ago

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...As Stupid Does 16/? (Teen Wolf)

Yeah, so. This fic fell of the face of the earth for the last year and a half, and I have no excuses except “I didn’t feel like I could write for most of that time”.

Not at all the chapter I’d outlined - more like 1/3 of that, so forget chapter count - but it’s an update. And I swear I’m going to finish this, okay, because otherwise the 3k of selfindulgent, very me, finale would be wasted writing and no one wants that, right?

Anyway: UPDATE!

Part 15, Part 14, Part 13, Part 12, Part 11, Part 10, Interlude, Part 9, Part 8d, Part 8c, Part 8b, Part 8a, Part 7, Part 6, Part 5,Part 4,Part 3, Part 2, Part 1,Not Stupid, Stupid Is… and pre-verse ficlet I’m Stupid (Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me)

...As Stupid Does

part 3 of the Stupid ‘verse

16/?

Just about everyone around him has an opinion on Stiles giving Derek a second chance. Almost no one is optimistic. Leah goes the furthest though. She tells him – repeatedly – that he's being stupid. It hits him harder than he lets on, with her being so much of a role model for him. At the same time...

Leah's healing now, yeah, but for so long she wasn't and Stiles doesn't want that for himself – years of letting bitterness and pain rule him. Stiles tells her that, or tries to. Says that he's working on how to be stronger. Braver. She screams at him for two minutes straight, and then storms out.

Who knows, maybe she's right. Maybe bravery is just another word for stupidity. Maybe this is the stupidest thing he's ever done. He just knows he needs to. Because it also has the potential to be the best thing ever.

And Stiles is willing to be more than a little stupid in order to win that.

He's in love with Derek, none of the bad shit has changed that, and he's giving the two of them a chance. If Derek hurts him again, this time without outside influences, then Stiles will cut all ties. Will allow his pack to take whatever vengeance is deemed suitable. But. Derek – not the Alpha, no, because Stiles isn't accepting an Alpha in this, not ever again – feels deeply for him. That means something.

Maybe it means everything.

The only person who doesn't call him some version or other of idiot is Embry. As grateful as he is, Stiles doesn't really get it, and it keeps bugging him. When he finally breaks down and asks the answer is so simple he's ashamed to have missed it.

“You're my imprint. That means giving you what you need. And if what you need is to give Derek a second chance? I'm going to back you up. It doesn't mean I'm not worried, it just means that I'll support you.

“But, Stiles? Since we're apparently talking about it, I have a question for you. Remember back when we first met, how you reacted when Sam told you I wasn't into guys?”

Yeah. Stiles remembers. He remembers all too well exactly how scared that statement and its implications had made him.

“And remember when you told me about how Derek had acted in pretty much the way you were terrified I would? Now, can you understand how that makes me more than a little worried? Because it really, really does. And the fact that the guy who would never take that from me is apparently willing to let it slide now...”

“Em. Just, no. Look, there's a pretty huge difference in what I might be willing to let slide between the guy I'm choosing to date, and the guy I've supposedly been chosen for, where I get no say at all. The situation's nothing alike, okay?

“Derek did have all those issues with internalized homophobia, and he did take it out on me, and that was so not okay. But. He's over it. He's worked through it, with a professional, and being attracted to a guy isn't an issue any longer. Also, as weird as it sounds, if there were any lingering issues? Not really a problem in the same way, because magic isn't pushing him in that direction any longer.”

And wow, having to use “because magic” as an argument for anything never stopped feeling strange.

“But in the end? If Derek fucks up again, I can – and will – walk away. That's an option I have with him that didn't really exist with you. Because if I dump Derek? What's he going to do? Growl at me? That'll help, not. He knows I can hurt him, and that I'm protected now, and me giving him a second chance is miracle enough for him. But you? You had the whole 'gift from the spirits' thing, and not just one but two werewolf packs backing you up. What basically equals religious fanatic with muscle back-up against a scrawny kid with no real support at all? Yeah. Walking away wouldn't have been an option for me had you been that guy, would it?”

It's not a happy conversation, and they're both flinching more than not, but maybe it's good that they're doing this. Getting it out into the air.

Plus. Stiles really does want to give the whole dating Derek thing an honest try. Having his 'wolf on his side will make that so more painless.

“But you, all of you, you're a huge part of why I can do this, why I feel safe doing this. You know that, right? I know my pack will be there for me if I need them, and in fact, the can of mace that'll make sure Derek backs off if I want him to? That's because of you guys too.

“So I'm grateful that you're worried, but honestly, I'm fine. I will be fine. And the second I'm not I'll dump his grumpy ass and come straight to you. That good enough for you, big brother?”

He says the last two words in a teasing lilt, hoping for levity, and smiles in relief when Embry relaxes.

“Fine. And as I said, I'll back you up. I support you completely, you know that, right? As long as you're safe and happy. But Stiles? If he hurts you again, I'm going to show him exactly why I'm a superior breed of werewolf and rip him to pieces. Unless that happens though? I'll be behind you 200%.”

Hearing Embry's words, knowing he has that kind of support... It makes Stiles's heart grow at least two sizes in his chest, and everything feels so warm. It's unconditional, and amazing, and everything he could ever have asked for. And it's just what he needs.

The resulting hug lasts longer than Stiles would be comfortable with, had it been anyone else, but. It's Embry. It's his soulmate. The platonic part changes nothing about how important that is. And that's why Embry is the only one to get an answer that has no defenses.

“It's not about giving Derek a second chance. Or well, it is, but it also isn't. It's not just him that needs it. I need one too. I've been make shit judgment calls for years, and that's the reason behind so much of all this. I'm doing better now, I think, but I need to see if my judgment can be trusted. That's what I need to give a second chance.

“That Derek, and me and Derek, also gets one? That's kind of just a bonus.”

Because it is. He wants this relationship to work. He really, really does. But if, in the end, it doesn't? As long as it's not because Derek turned out to not be worthy of the trust Stiles has decided to show him, then a breakup would be hard, but doable.

Stiles just needs to have a life where he can have faith that things will work.

As much as telling the pack is difficult, and leads to some less than comfortable discussions – and arguments – it's still preferable to telling his dad. Because unlike with the pack his dad has a ton of background details to fill out whatever story Stiles gives him, and all the chances of putting it all into a clear picture that Stiles doesn't want him to see.

He even considers not telling his dad, and that's a first since the move, and a warning. If he can't tell his dad about dating Derek, Stiles knows, then he really can't go through with it. No more secrets, that was the point, right?

Only, they've dialed back some on that. Not lying is good, not having secrets is too, to a degree. Just, everyone should be entitled to their secrets according to John Stilinski, as long as those secrets doesn't hurt others. And Stiles, well, Stiles has to agree. He does, after all, still have two major secrets, even after swearing to himself he was done with that; Derek and Aiden.

Those are not the kind of secrets you share with someone who works law-enforcement, after all, not something you burden them with. His dad is keeping quiet about the Alpha pack's murders, yes, but that's because they were a bunch of vicious killers, and killing them was just a form of self-defense. Extreme, but still.

Telling him about more crimes though... No thanks. That's asking too much.

One of the last things Stiles wants to do is tell his dad he killed someone. Oh, John Stilinski would let it go, would never investigate or charge Stiles. Not when, again, it's self-defense. Because it truly was – it was Stiles or Aiden, and John would never fault Stiles for making the choice of being the one to walk away alive.

Plus, it's not like they could prove that Stiles acted in the only manner he could, not without bringing up werewolves – and landing at least one of them in a mental hospital.

Anyway, having to keep that secret is not something Stiles wants to burden his father with.

As for Derek... Well. Stiles can't see telling his dad about that ever ending well. There's no reason for John to not charge Derek with statutory rape – and possibly more – and every reason for that to end in disaster. So yeah. When push comes to shove Stiles would rather tell his dad he killed someone than that he used to have sex with Derek before leaving Beacon Hills.

John asks, of course, and it's obvious he's suspicious, but Stiles manages to talk himself out of that. He thinks. He tells a few lies, as much as he doesn't want to, and pretties up the truths as much as he can, and generally tries to make Derek look like the date-able guy of now instead of the power-tripping Alpha-asshole of then.

Of course, life being what it is, being with Derek isn't as easy as Stiles had hoped. Oh, it had been a very small hope, since nothing with Derek has been easy since that very first day in the preserve, years ago, but still. He'd held on to that tiny glimmer of hope. Of course, it's not as bad as he'd feared either, but. It's too close.

They don't see each other as often as Stiles (or Derek for that matter) would like, but in the bigger picture that's a small detail. The huge issue is their fighting, and how it's basically always brought on by Derek being an Alpha-asshole.

He brushes it away the first time. (Or rather, he pushes it away, onto a mental shelf marked “for later”, or maybe “just in case”.) The second time he sits down afterwards and goes over everything.

It's not that bad. Not yet. But the truth is, as much as Stiles would like to pretend otherwise, that Derek is displaying much of the same behavior that led to Stiles fleeing Beacon Hills. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's just Derek having a really bad day (okay, two). Or maybe it's Derek sliding back into his old behavior.

Maybe he really hasn't gotten better after all. Maybe it was all just a sham, and now that he's gotten what he wanted (Stiles back? Scott calmed? Something else?) Derek feels safe to drop the act.

Whatever it is, Stiles knows he can't ignore the warning signs. He's done that once before, and never again. He won't be that guy. He's stronger than that now, is healthier than that.

So. What to do? In the end, Stiles decides to go with the tried and true “three strikes” rule. That means Derek gets one more chance, and if he fucks up, then that's it. Out the door it is. Stiles might be in love with Derek, but that doesn't make him a doormat.

Besides. Maybe it really has been just bad days, and Derek won't fuck up again.

Derek fucks up again.

Stiles doesn't throw him out.

Oh, he's seconds from it; he's got his hand on the handle, about to throw the door open, and his panic button in the other hand, finally grateful that his pack insisted on one. But then he hears Derek. Really hears him, instead of just letting the angry ranting flow over him.

“What did you say?”

“I said, I can't believe you would do this,” Derek bites out between his teeth.

“Not that, before. Derek, did you come straight here? Like, did you come straight to my place, without stopping at the rez or Dr Bianchi's office first? You did, didn't you?

“And it's not the first time either.”

It's not a question, because suddenly it's all so very clear. As much as they'd both like to think differently, Derek still isn't free from what the Darach and Deaton did to him. He's still not impervious to the negative effects of the packbonds. He still needs healing – and if he's been skipping out on that, well. That would explain more than a few things.

He sees Derek hesitate, and knows the wolf is debating how to answer. Whether or not to tell the truth.

“Please. Just tell me the truth. I won't be mad, even if you screwed up. Not as long as you're honest. We can't fix this if you lie to me.”

Because if that’s what’s the problem here, then it’s something that can be fixed, and that Stiles wants to fix. And Derek seems to pick up on that, because he deflates and nods.

“Okay, yeah, I did that. You're far enough away that I can't see you nearly as often as I want – as you want. As you deserve. So I take every opportunity, regardless of how short a period of time. Sometimes... Spending maybe half of that to go up to LaPush and Quil, when I can stop here and actually spend that time with you? In what scenario wouldn't I chose you instead?

“Besides, the pack's stabilized so much, I can feel it, and Dr Bianchi told me that'd carry over.

“And we've been fine, haven't we?”

Stiles swallows, because as much as Derek probably intended for that last statement to sound decisive, and authoritative, it just comes out as vulnerable. In need of reassurance. He... He wants to say he's stronger than that, but. He can feel himself melting.

At the same time he's going over Derek's visits, and his behavior, and if Derek really has been neglecting his “therapy”, both actual and magical, whenever he's pulled one of his surprise visits to Stiles in Seattle then it all makes sense.

Every single fight they've had has occurred in Seattle. Every single flash of temperament from Derek has happened here. And they've gotten worse.

Which is why, even though Stiles is touched, he has to put his foot down. Before everything completely derails. Again.

Besides, as much as Derek is (probably) right about the pack being more stable – having Cora there, and Scott back, and Danny gone has helped a lot, from what Stiles can tell – it's not enough. Not when Derek have so many more issues.

Not when Peter is still part of the pack. Because while Stiles won't say it, he truly believes the only way for the Hale pack to be truly healthy is to get rid of Peter. (Preferably by killing him. Again.) But that's another conversation. One they’ll probably never have.

“No, we haven't. Not really, Derek, not if we're honest. Now, you're going to go sit down, and I'm going to make a call to see how we can fix this. No,” he holds up a hand – not the one holding the panic button – to both silence Derek and stop him in his tracks, “you are going to do as I say or leave. Those are your only options, Derek. And if you leave, don't come back. Not ever.”

Derek sits down.

Old Quil is obviously upset when Stiles reaches him – Dr Bianchi is out of town, her messaging service informs – and very worried. He's also, thankfully, able to both stay calm and suggest a solution.

They're lucky – Stiles has everything his mentor tells him he needs on hand. Or well, it's not as much luck as it is lingering paranoia (though, does it still count as paranoia when it's been repeatedly proven that a/ monsters do exist and b/ they really are out to get him?) but still.

The chest under his bed is fully stocked with everything they need – and more. (Stiles's blades, for instance, are probably not necessary at the moment. Not if he does this right. So, like, no pressure.)

With the list in one hand Stiles pulls out herbs and candles, rocks and crystals and a totem old Quil's made for him, and then he adds a few things just in case. He mixes what he can only think of as a potion, watches Derek like a hawk while the man downs it with an extra grumpy face, and then steels himself for the ritual.

It feels like trying to wrestle an uncooperative wolf, like channeling the forces from a nuclear power plant to light a desk lamp – all while blindfolded and with one hand tied behind his back. It leaves him drained, feeling like a wet rag, but it works. Stiles can feel it work, and even if he couldn't, it's obvious as hell on Derek's face.

Once they've recovered enough to do anything except pant for breath – and it's very telling that that takes just as long for Derek as it does for Stiles – Stiles decides to address the elephant in the room.

“Derek? We need to talk.

“What you did today, coming here to see me, even when it meant more hours on the road than together... It means a lot to me that you'd be willing to do that. It tells me that this, us, means a lot to you.

“That said? You can't do this again. I'm serious. You skipped seeing either Dr Bianchi or old Quil before coming here, because you didn't feel you had the time, and that showed.

“I don't want you to come here if that's the Derek I'm getting. I left my home to get away from that behavior – I'm not having it in my new home. I know you don't have to be like that, I've seen you change, become better. I've seen you healthier. And that's who I agreed to date. The healthy” sane “Derek. The one that isn't being twisted by the pack bonds, or magic.”

The one that doesn't scare me, he thinks but doesn't say.

“We both know you need the help you've getting to connect to your anchor. You're doing so much better, yes, but you're not ready to do it on your own yet. So please, even if it takes away from the time we get together, you need to do it. I'd rather have one hour with the real you than a day with...this.”

Of course, that assumes that the Derek that isn't an Alpha-asshole is the real Derek, but Stiles refuses to believe otherwise. For now.

“I need you to do that, or I can't do this. I'm giving you one last chance, because I truly don't think you realized how badly you were fucking up, but if you do this again? That's it.”

Stiles knows Derek hears the truth in his words, in his heartbeat. Now all he can do is hope that the wolf will listen.

“But you fixed it. Fixed me. Why can't I just come straight to you, and you do it every time? At least when time's short?”

The desire to either slam his head into a wall or his fist into Derek's face is almost overwhelming. That Derek can be so, so stupid after what just happened is, well, infuriating. Of course, Stiles realizes, he probably doesn't understand exactly how bad things really were.

“Derek, what I did? So an emergency fix-it. It's... It's the magical equivalent of using duct-tape to put you back together, dammit. So yeah, sure, I managed to fix it this time, but I can't, no, I won't do it again.

“Do you realize that what you're asking me to do is to fucking McGuyver your emotional stability, your soul, your safety? And mine, while we're at it, all things considered. I'm really not going to do that. Not unless it actually is an emergency.” Because as much as Stiles wants to say he'll never subject himself to that again, he's self-aware enough to know he won't stand aside in case of an emergency, and he's realistic enough to know that with their lives there will be emergencies.

Just wanting to see each other sooner, or more often, though? That doesn't count.

“I want to see you, and spend time with you. I really do. All the time I can get – I'm greedy like that. But we have to be smart about it. Be safe. Because I don't want to spend that time being afraid that you're going to lose it because you didn't want to take an hour to have a professional make sure you're okay. Which I'm not. I'm an amateur, an apprentice at best!

“I can't take that risk. Not with you – and not with me.”

Both their tempers are about to flare up, and Stiles makes a conscious effort to stop that from happening.

“I'm going to go make some tea, and once that's done we can talk more, okay? Just, sit here. Relax. Make sure you're actually fine and I didn't miss anything.”

Making tea gives Stiles time to calm down properly, and sort through his thoughts and feelings. Once they're both seated with a cup he starts over, tries to be more rational.

“What old Quil uses on you, what he helps you with, it's tribal magic. That's what gives him the strength to combat what's been done to you, to strengthen your anchor.

“And that magic? It's not mine, it's not for me to use.

“My bond with Embry makes me pack, yes, and technically that makes me a member of the Quileute tribe as well. But it really is only technically. When push comes to shove, I'm not part of the tribe.”

And Stiles is more than fine with that. Deep down he doesn’t want to belong to the tribe, because that would be to give up just one piece too many of himself. But. It’s not about that now.

“That in turns means the magic won't respond to me – or maybe that it doesn't want to. Sure, what I did earlier, that used the tribal magic, but only because I had permission. I couldn't have done it otherwise. And without that, I, I'm just not strong enough. I don't have the power to be anything except your last resort, so please, please Derek, let the people who actually have the power to help you do it. Even if you don't think us being together is a good enough reason, you should do it for you. For your pack, and your sister.”

He reaches for Derek’s hand and squeezes it a little.

“You need this. And I, I don't think you want to risk either one of us any more than I do.”

Stiles looks into Derek’s eyes and tries to project his sincerity, tries to convey how much he really does care.

Derek's face still has that stubborn twist, but Stiles’ words makes it practically melt away, leaving dejected exhaustion behind.

“I just want to spend time with you. I wanted to give you a nice evening, take you out on a real date. Only I completely fucked that up, didn't I?” He snorts. “Pretty sure the restaurant's given our table away by now. Not that either of us is in shape to go out, I guess.”

Stiles appreciates the thought, he really does, but. He'd have appreciated a heads-up and an anchored Derek a lot more. He doesn't say anything about that though. Chances are Derek will have realized that himself by now, and if he hasn't, well, Stiles has had enough drama for one night.

They still do “dinner and a movie”, except instead of the restaurant and an actual movie theater Derek had planned for they order in food and watch Mulan on Stiles's laptop. Comfort movie – don't knock it. (Once it would have been the Lion King. Stiles kind of thinks Peter needs to die extra much for ruining that movie for him.)

Stiles doesn't even make it halfway through the movie. He blames the magic, though admittedly the fight before and the outpouring of feelings after didn't help. He's drained. So's Derek, apparently, because when Stiles wakes up a couple of hours later (slumped against Derek's shoulder) the wolf is out like a light.

So much for not being able to stay for long.

For a minute Stiles debates letting Derek sleep, but in the end pragmatism wins out. With how eager Derek was to see him, if he doesn't feel secure enough to stay for more than a couple of hours, then he's got to have a really good reason. Well. A pack of them probably.

And if in the end Derek does think staying is an option? He'll rest better laying down – even if it'll be on the floor, on the spare mattress. As nice as it felt just now, waking up with Derek's smell in his nose, and Derek's body heat close, the truth is that they're not at the bed-sharing stage yet.

Stiles isn't ready.

Somehow, he thinks that might be true for Derek too.

Less than a minute after Stiles closes the door behind Derek – he hasn't even made it into bed yet – his phone buzzes. “Let me in” the message reads. It's from Embry. Stiles...isn't surprised. He fully expected old Quil to let at least Jake and Sam know what's happened, and to be honest he's kind of impressed that it's taken this long for a wolf to show up. He's also impressed that it's just the one wolf, not the whole pack.

They do tend to see him as fragile, after all.

Regardless, it's always good to have his wolf with him. And if a part of him thinks it'd be even better with another wolf... Yeah, well. It is what it is. Also, one of the things it is is probably better this way.

For now.

The next morning Stiles intends to sneak out before Embry notices – it's called having an early class, okay? – but that's a bust. For one, Embry's awake before him, and besides, it turns out that Stiles is not fit for sneaking that morning. His head's a bit foggy, and he sways when trying to stand up. It's possible he could make it through class, but getting there might be a problem. It's not one he has to bother about though, because Embry takes one look at him, and pushes him back into bed.

“You're staying home today. No, I don't care how important this class is. Your health is more important. Right now? You'd just as likely break your neck stumbling on a cobblestone as make it to class in one piece.”

And well, he's not wrong. Stiles has stumbled over nothing more than once before, and today feels like just the kind of day when he could do that and end up seriously hurting himself while at it. Plus, the idea of spending the day in bed sounds lovely.

“Old Quil told me you'd probably be a wreck today. So, you are going to call school, then you're going to eat the breakfast I'm making you, and after that you're taking a nap. Okay?”

Stiles agrees, because yeah, he could do that. Also, nowhere did Embry mention talking about yesterday's train-wreck, so Stiles is just going to nod along and try to fall asleep before he can remember that.

Of course it's not quite that easy. He gets to nap in peace, and have lunch and a shower, and then a second nap, but that's it. Embry is patient, and smart, and waits until a ravenous Stiles is occupied with dinner before starting the interrogation. And Stiles is still fuzzy enough to not see it coming, or to come up with a good deflection for that matter.

“So. This is where you try and convince me I shouldn’t plan for me and Paul to take a trip to Beacon Hills.”

Stiles knows he must have that deer-in-the-headlights look. It’s not pretty - he’s seen pictures. Embry is patient though, waits him out until Stiles has managed to both find words and make his tongue cooperate.

“Because I’d be very unhappy with you both?” Okay, no, not a good reason. Not good enough anyway, not for anyone who cares about him.

He would be very unhappy, really, just… Embry’s going to need more convincing than that. Paul is definitely going to need more. They’ve seen him break. They have both made it very clear they don’t intend to let it happen again.

“Look, he fucked up. Not denying that. And he’s on his last chance, for real. Just, if I’m going to cut everyone who fucks up out of my life? I’m going to be very lonely. I’d also have to start with my dad, which obviously, not happening. Ever.

“What Derek did was idiotic, but also… I get it. I do. First of all, he warned me. Not that he’d do something like this,” Stiles hastens to add, because Embry’s beginning to really look murderous at that comment, “just, that he wouldn’t take only getting a small part of me well. Which, fair. I wouldn’t have given him a chance if I thought he would be happy with that. And you know, maybe I should have taken that as more of a warning than I did.

“But Derek, he… He’s been doing so much better, and it’s… Okay. It’s like when my dad was drinking too much after my mom, and then he cut down, only he couldn’t make himself admit that he was enough of an alcoholic by then that maybe what he needed to do wasn’t cut down but stop.”

By now John’s at a point where he can have a beer without a single warning bell going off in Stiles’s head. That’s only just now though, and well, John rarely does drink these days.

“And it’s kind of the same with Derek. He didn’t want to admit he wasn’t strong enough to do this without help. Just like I didn’t want to admit I couldn’t.”

Because honestly? There are so many instances where Stiles should have asked for help, should have asked anyone, and maybe things wouldn’t have gone to shit. Besides… He can understand why Derek would try and avoid getting help, regardless of his promises. Because underneath everything? There’s still the fact that Deaton was supposed to help him, and chose to cast spells on him instead. And Derek sure as hell should have been able to expect help from Peter, which… Yeah.

“I was so dead set on being able to do it myself I didn’t even think about getting help until after I flipped and tried to slit Paul’s throat. At least Derek didn’t almost kill someone.”

And wow, now Stiles really feels like crap. Plus Embry looks like he’s been kicked in the nads. Yup, this day is a clear contender for shitshow of the year.

“Maybe he didn’t. But I’m not sure I want to take that risk, not knowing what he could do to you. It’s not my show though, so I guess what matters is are you sure?”

“Sure enough to give him one more shot.” And then, because honesty is important here. “Unsure enough that I’m going to check that he gets his magic detox from now on. After today, he’s not getting within touching distance of me without clearance from either Dr Bianchi or old Quil, or both.”

Embry looks like that’s not good enough, and maybe it’s not. Stiles is going to let it be though. Or no. He’s going to believe that it will be good enough, and if it’s one thing he’s learned it’s that his belief? Can be pretty damned powerful.

~ TBC ~

#chocoholic fics #fanfiction #sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #teen wolf #twilight crossover #...asd #stupid 'verse #...as stupid does #embry call

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