#I promise y’all I’m not averse to surprise hugs when I’m going through a bad time. thats not gonna be a bad thing.

[samuraisharkie]

man is it too much to want to get a hug without being the one to initiate or having to ask. like just getting a hug bc someone you’re close to knows you and knows you’re feeling bad and just wants to give you a hug?? why is that so rare

[cybercowboykidexpert]

My ex boyfriend of six years cheated on me and I developed a puzzle addiction

Dedicated to Joshua Timity and Anna Wonsley

I’m just saying, I didn’t get cheated on when Obama was president…

Today is January 17th, 2019. 27 days have passed in the government shutdown so as you can imagine I’ve had an incredible amount of free time on my hand. And how dare President Trump let me sit idle with these thoughts for this long? Doesn’t he care that if I don’t have constant stimulation 24/7 I will slowly dwindle and become my own personal hell? So inconsiderate.

What?

He doesn’t care about us?

Anyways, Here’s the story:

On July 1st, 2018 my beloved high school sweetheart Josh cheated on me. On that day, I was watching a Nats game with my beloved coworkers. Can I tell you all that he had the audacity on that day to get mad at me for the lack of invite? Talk about ironic.

Since July some things have happened. We stopped having sex. He stopped being present. In September, Josh and I took a break because he wasn’t sure I was the one. I received empty promises of love.

What does it feel like when your partner is distancing themselves? Heart-wrenching metaphor time! You’re essentially a cow and your partner is the farmer. I mean- you’re a cow how the hell are you supposed to know that murder is your eminent fate?

Today, is slaughter day. The farmer grabs you by the rope and starts stroking your head to make you feel as comfortable as possible. And in that moment, you’re like- damn this rocks! But as you make your way to this new building you’ve never seen in the back of your mind- you know this can’t be good. You think to yourself…hmm... I’ve never ever seen any of my cow friends return from this mysterious house alive- but maybe just maybe I could be the exception.

Surprise! You’re not.

I think majority of us have experienced the sensation of being let go. I could use a thesaurus on this one but the best word to describe this is, well, it sucks.

Let’s fast-forward to October. The break is now over, and Josh tells me he wants more time. I tell him we need to break up. I cry a bit. I give him my world-famous bread pudding recipe. We exchange hugs. I delete all the photos off my phone, Instagram and Facebook. We have a true millennial breakup.

I begin my healing process. I don’t eat for 4-5 days. I watch an ungodly amount of the office on Netflix because if anyone is going to fix the broken heart it’s Michael Scott. And 8 days into my sulking, October 29th, I get the infamous text from my ex:

“Hey, I know you need space and time… but I’d really like to talk to you about something”

And in my naivety- I genuinely believed my ex-boyfriend wanted to get back together. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

We sat in his Subaru. To clarify- no my ex is not a 45-year-old soccer mom looking for safety and security in a vehicle, he’s just a 23-year-old man with terrible taste.

He turns to me with tears in his eyes and mutters- “I cheated on you”.

A thousand questions and emotions overtook my body.

“When?”

“July”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Who?”

“One of my coworkers.”

“Does she have a boyfriend?”

“She has a husband… and a kid.”

“Oh so you’re an actual motherf**ker?”

(He set up that joke himself.)

I took 2 lessons away from my college psychology 100 class. First, my psychology professor has a learned taste aversion to peppermint schnapps. Second, our body has an innate instinct to fight or flight when danger is presented.

So, I did what any rational 23-year-old girl would do- I got out of the car and began to run. Josh follows my pursuit and catches up to me. A lot more crying ensues, and he falls to his knees and begins to cry as well. I’d give my performance a solid Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada. His performance was riveting 10/10. Leonardo Dicaprio in The Revenant.

October 29th was the worst day of my life.

I begin my healing process...again. I don’t eat for 1-2 weeks. I watch an ungodly amount of the office on Netflix and realize Michael Scott can’t even fix this. At this point, my friends are sick of hearing me snot cry on the phone. I needed a new vice, a new distraction that could make me not think about anything. Something equally numbing and time consuming. Something that could never cheat on me with a 35-year-old mom.

Puzzles.

Everyday for a month I come home from work and I start solving jigsaw puzzles. And for a couple hours a day- I didn’t have to think about anything.

When you think about it- puzzles are a lot like break ups. It’s a thousand little pieces that you have no idea where they go or how they fit- but you’re determined to make it work. Sometimes it’s not that the piece doesn’t fit- you just have to view it from a different angle.

I no longer have a puzzle addiction.

I gave up midway through a 1000-piece puzzle of the Grand Canyon.

I don’t find the need to solve and figure out anything anymore. I know that there’s nothing I could’ve done to change the outcome of my situation. I was an incredible girlfriend. I never made him feel unloved or unattractive. I was his number #1 fan. But I never asked myself- am I being a good friend to myself? Do I make myself feel loved and beautiful? Am I my number 1 fan?

I relied so heavily on having my existence validated by someone who didn’t love me enough to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

This story doesn’t really have a beautiful redeeming entity. I’m still angry. I signed his coworker up for a newsletter for Christian women with sex addictions. Oh, and counseling group for Mormon women. She might also be getting spammed by a cat lovers email list. Sorry Anna.

I don’t want you to feel bad for me- I know that I’ll be okay. The world has a funny way of delivering us grief and then granting us joy. And on the brightside- I have 15 puzzles I can now sell.

Let me know if you’re interested.

(Quick update to this: Joshua Timity and Anna Wonsley (or Grushi remember she’s married y’all) are currently in a relationship. Shoutout to Andrew Gause Martial Arts for hooking them up. Tae kwan do power couple! Now I know what we’re thinking- how is a married mom in a relationship? Girl I have no idea. Despite him telling me that she’s ugly, less than nothing and unsuccessful- I guess they were perfect for each other. And by perfect I mean they deserve each other. Two miserable people. And if you’re her husband and you find this, maybe talk to your wife idk?)